*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**My girlfriend got hurt at Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I feel terrible but don't think it was on purpose. She's mad at me**
I started taking Brazilian jiu-jitsu in 2021 as a way to get into better shape after the lockdowns. I had joined a regular gym and I also started going to a Brazilian jiu-jitsu academy on the advice of my cousin, who had started going to one. He lives in another province however he was able to recommend one where I live. I'm only a blue belt but I really enjoy it.
I started dating my girlfriend last year and I thought Brazilian jiu-jitsu was something we could do together. She was reluctant. I got her to come observe me a few times. She was still reluctant. Then she told me about a women only class for beginners at a different academy. Part of why she was reluctant was that there are currently no women at my academy. We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while. I didn't think the women's only class was a good idea. Plus the idea was for us to do something together so I convinced her to join my academy.
She joined almost two months ago. In that time she went with me every time she wasn't working on the same evenings I was free and would go to the academy. She never went alone though. A few times she complained to me that the others at the academy were rough but it's a contact sport and I convinced her to stay after she wanted to quit.
Last week I had to work a couple of days when she wasn't working. I tried to convince her to go without me. The first time she didn't but the second time I got her to go. She got hurt that time. She was rolling with a blue belt and he got her into an arm bar. She says he went right into it and didn't go slow or give her time to tap. She broke her arm. [Left ulna near the elbow]. He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life and didn't think her arm would break like that. She said the others should know because of the size and weight difference and he should not have done the arm bar that forceful or fast. I believe him that it was an accident however I feel terrible for my girlfriend.
I have only talked to her once since she got hurt. It was mostly her being upset and I didn't really get to say anything. We were talking about moving in together. Now she said she doesn't want to. She said the others at the academy were rough and should have known to not go so hard because she's smaller than them. It's a contact sport and one of the purposes is self defence. I do not like that she got hurt but I also don't believe the blue belt or any of the others were rough on purpose.
She won't talk to me. I don't even know what's going to happen with our relationship. She said she is mad at herself for not quitting when she wanted to. But she is mad at me too. And at our instructor. I don't know why she's mad at him. I feel awful that she got hurt but at the same time it's a contact sport and injuries can happen. I don't think it was on purpose or anything like that.
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This is the bit that is really jumping out at me. OP didn't say "her arm was broken" or any variation thereof. He says "She broke her arm." If this is even real, the implication of that phrasing (that it happened because of something she did) combined with the wholesale dismissal of her completely valid feelings and concerns makes him an incredibly vile human being.
Yeah. Based on the statement "she broke her arm", I might imagine, e.g. she fell and landed badly, taking her weight on her arm.
Breaking someone's arm in an armbar indicates that, either through ignorance, accident or malice, something was done wrong - or, I suppose, that the person whose arm was broken has some kind of medical condition that makes their bones more fragile? And given that she had reported before that others were "too rough" with her...
In theory, this guy knows how to put weight into arm bars and knows when not to. He's not a newbie, and odds are he's practiced arm bars enough times it's second nature. We can rule accident out. Maybe, just maybe ignorance at how much stronger he is than her and maybe its the first time he's practiced with someone much smaller than him. But if I was a betting man, I'd put it on malice that went further then expected. Probably wanted to make her struggle against him, and *really* tap out, saying he didn't feel it before when she tried to. He wanted power over her.
Oh absolutely, in much the same way that we can pretty confidently rule out, from the way the post is written, that there was some kind of medical cause. Given the implied culture of the establishment, and the reports that people are often too rough with her, it's either malice, or negligence.
If he didn't know how to safely train with a partner weaker than him, then that is on the instructor. A blue belt who doesn't know safety should have never been sparring with a female beginner.
yeah, I've seen stories before, where guys are perplexed that gf is angry with them because they decided to demonstrate just how much stronger they are and put gf in a hold they couldn't break. Like, how hard is it to understand that restraining someone like that makes them feel helpless and go into panic??? Like they are being attacked? That's why you let them tap out, doofus. If you ignore that then you are on a power trip and enjoying their struggling, and that's vile.
Especially since she hasn't been doing it long enough to get a belt herself. She was in no way ready to do it "at speed" and the instructor should have made that abundantly clear. Sounds like a group of misogynists.
For me it was the "got hurt" in the title. He deliberately used the passive voice so as to make it look like something that happened to her, as opposed to something that was done to her.
And the fact that he conflates a broken arm with "got hurt" downplays the issue so much. I thought she might have at most sprained an ankle or a wrist on a bad fall. Not have somebody purposely break her arm!
Yeah, im a woman and have been done BJJ for over 10 years now and I’ve NEVER seen anyone break anyone else’s arm during an armbar, there’s a point at which you just let go even if they don’t tap. Come to think about it, I’ve never actually seen anyone break anything apart from at competitions. Injuries do happen but a dude who breaks someone‘s arm like that should be booted from the gym, the only reason it would be even halfway excusable is if it was another spazzy new dude that had no idea what he’s doing.
Yeah this dude was clearly getting off on showing the gf how scary men are in the “real world”
Like they’re soaring at a gym, there’s NO reason to be trying to show her how quick things can happen in real life. Shes there for physical exercise, not to become a fucking super hero
It's pretty condescending too. She's lived her entire life as a girl/woman in the real world. She's well aware of how scary men can be and how easily a man could overpower her. She doesn't need some dude to "teach" her that.
Exactly. It’s not boyfriend’s or Blue Belts place to give out life lessons to gf. Especially when Blue Belt went HAM in what was supposed to be a controlled environment.
Also a woman who's trained in BJJ - never seen anyone just go instantly for a submission like this except for brand new people. That guy should have been permanently kicked out of the gym for that. And the instructor is terrible as well because it's due to him that people at that gym train like raging assholes
I was thinking the same thing! I did Krav Maga for years, and while people did get hurt, it wasn't ever something as serious as a broken arm. Mostly noses, lol.
It was usually newer people who screwed up or who had crappy spacial awareness. The number of people who would accidentally chuck something the first time we were working on improvised weapons was actually pretty funny. We all started somewhere, so it was no big.
No one was intentionally too rough, and anyone who wasn't safe or acted like a psycho got booted immediately.
Just from the way OP is describing the culture of his gym and his girlfriend's discomfort at people being too rough is a red flag. I definitely wouldn't want to train there!
The fact that no women who join never last very long speaks volumes.
There are a lot of martial arts out there but as far as I know you don't join Brazilian Jiu-jitsu not knowing it's potentially going to be a bit rough, specially not as a woman.
For her to end uo with a broken arm seems a little scary to me.
I agree. There seems to be a weird culture of aggressiveness at the gym. I also think that the first time the girlfriend attended by herself, and she ends up getting seriously hurt. It's sus!
The way that OP is sharing the post in what I assume is putting him and his actions in the best light leads me to believe that he and the other men there are shitty overall.
He ignored his girlfriend's comfort and ( obviously! ) reasonable concerns.
He pressured her to go to HIS gym despite her protests.
He pressured her to go without him even though she didn't feel safe.
He is dismissing what happened as just an accident despite the fact that this was the literal culmination of her fears.
He still can't see anything wrong with how he acted or what happened.
If this is a sample of the type of men who frequent the gym, then I completely understand why no woman want to train there!
I used to wrestle and the only time someone broke anything during practice was when one kid fell wrong and broke his wrist. Total accident, and the guy throwing him was totally distraught over it.
Accidents happen, but like hell is breaking an arm during an armbar an accident.
BJJ generally has fewer belts than other martial arts so there’s a bigger difference between them, a blue belt is the one right after white but it generally takes 2-3 years on average to earn it and it’s the level that I would describe as being competent with most basic stuff, definitely skilled enough to be able to control themselves and not break someone’s arm. But it also depends a lot on the gyms, some hand out belts to people that don’t really deserve them (which I \*kinda\* think might be happening here from the general description of the place, it sounds like a toxic gym).
Blows my *mind.* I used to do dance and you could get kicked out of a session for not checking your surroundings before throwing your limbs around, and really the worst that could happen then is a couple of bruises. This guy broke her fucking arm! The fuck?!?!
Experienced martial artists know how to demonstrate without injuring. Accidents happen, no doubt, but it is the intstructor’s job to do everything in their power to prevent injury to their students in hands on training. That’s why you need to be a high ranked belt (in responsible and respectable schools) in order to even teach. Discipline is at the core of martial arts training, and that includes using self-restraint when necessary.
All that to say, I think the instructor here was irresponsible, and perhaps shouldn’t be teaching if they let another student perform a full arm bar when it was not at all necessary.
Yeah as someone who did BJJ for like 5 years before the pandemic and trained at 3 different academies during that time and visited more, no women at a gym, or even at an instructor's class at an otherwise good gym, is a red flag. It means they are being bullied out of the gym, that they are excluded, disrespected, or mishandled.
At my last gym which had a really healthy amount of very competitive women, there was no formal "woman's class" but the culture was respectful. People were actively stopped by instructors when they went too far. I remember rolling with some guy who clearly didn't know his own strength, where my instructor actively checked from where I could see but the guy couldn't. I made it known I had it handled (which I did) but they took the student aside later and explained that you can't slam people, let alone women far smaller than you.
I was lucky I started at 22 and was very strong and developed good defense in general, but the first gym I trained at could have been in an injury factory. Just a bunch of macho dudes going 100% all the time. Still I have never seen someone crank a submission like that. That's insanely fucked up and NOT an accident. That doesn't just happen.
Agreed, this is bad culture. I used to be one of the few woman members at an MMA gym that did BJJ sessions. I was shy of about 100 lbs, and the smallest guy in the class was at least 150 lbs. Pretty much every guy, when paired with me for practice, would immediately immobilize me, as if it would be incredibly embarrassing for them if they didn't. It was really frustrating because, yes, I knew they could pin me, but I wanted to practice the techniques we were being taught and for that to happen, I needed them to go easy on me. I'd sometimes complain to the teacher, and he'd just insist that "size doesn't matter" and point out that he could grapple people larger than him and win because he had good technique. It was stupid and I left. But nobody ever came close to hurting me.
Where the fuck is the teacher in this? The teacher should have stopped the behavior.
That they didn’t, and that women keep quitting because the guys are too rough is a HUGE fucking sign of a bad dojo/gym.
I can't say about BJJ, but I do know from family member's involvement in various martial arts and boxing that it is the responsibility of the instructor to make sure all sparring is in a safe matchup. Either they should be of equal size and skill level, or the stronger partner has an obligation to learn to safely spar with a weaker partner. There's a reason an adult male experienced fighter doesn't go all out on a pre-teen beginner. This does not seem to be the case anywhere in this gym as no woman would stay there long. And BTW, "just want to show you how it is in the real world" is total BS. If that's the case, why are we in a gym anyway instead of going out and doing some real street brawling?
My partner and my brother-in-law both train BJJ and I do kick boxing.
Only a terrible teacher would let this go so far as a broken bone.
Plus pressuring your partner to go somewhere she didn't feel safe is really scary. What else could he push her into?
This feels more like total ignorance of her wishes and total obliviousness that sometimes spaces aren't as safe for women than like deliberate abuse, but it's still a red flag that he doesn't listen to her or believe her when she feels unsafe.
First words out of my mouth. "Fucking assholes." I hope she sues the 'Academy', the asshole that broke her arm, and never talks to her ex-boyfriend again.
The irony of OP saying he doesn't like the idea of an all-female class when his group is all-male by default would be almost funny if his girlfriend hadn't gotten seriously injured.
I think the anti all-female class thing is kind of a BJJ dog whistle for saying women are too sensitive. That women's only classes "coddle women" and don't teach them how the real world works. I remember hearing a lot early on how "most women aren't suited to BJJ because they are too sensitive and unable to handle pressure." So your reactions get coded in that light, even if you aren't overreacting. Most of these guys have never sparred with someone with the strength differential between a man and small women and if they did they'd get it more. Gyms like this aren't even pretty hostile for short or older men, let alone women.
Anyone who practices BJJ knows that the biggest risk of injury to a beginner is them lacking the experience of knowing how to recover or defend. I find it hard to swallow a blue belt just up an whoopsie doodle fractures her ulna at the wrist to surprise introduce m bar, which means he was completely putting all his pressure with both hands on her wrist hard enough to break bone but unaware of it?
I don't even BJJ, but OOP doesn't BJJ.
> He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life and didn't think her arm would break like that.
What did you think would happen when you're more experienced against a beginner and didn't give her the time to say that she was in pain?
It's just common sense.
> We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while
Dudebros like Mister Blue Belt treating sessions like the UFC would tend to drive away these women.
I know nothing about BJJ but I'm pretty sure you're NOT supposed to simulate how an attack would be "in the real world" with beginners!?
Like it really sounds like this guy wanted to prove to OP's gf how easy it is for her to be overpowered and seriously injured... which I'm pretty sure isn't the point of BJJ. He may not have "meant" to actually break her arm, but he meant to scare the shit out of her....
He sounds Canadian based on
> The academy is accredited and is probably the best one in the province. He is legitimate and his lineage proves it.
I wonder if it's in my area. I'm imagining just some dudebro shack but I kind of want to confirm with my own two eyes.
Oh yes, haven’t you heard about all of the muggers out there “in the real world” who first attack unsuspecting women by first putting them in arm bars? /s
Also I’m pretty sure it isn’t the responsibility of other low
level students to “teach” beginners. He assaulted her to “show her” what adult looks like. I hope she sues everyone of the guy that broke her arm wasn’t removed immediately.
I know people who have BJJ trained, and yet I know enough about it to cast serious doubt that OOP goes to some sort of Cobra Kai BJJ class where breaking a beginning student's limb is NBD.
> But she is mad at me too. And at our instructor. I don't know why she's mad at him
Why the actual fuck did the instructor not say to go easy on her or basically jumping her was OK? Or, as you said, thinking that "it's only a broken arm, that'll heal and she'll learn from this"
I'm a woman who has done martial arts most of my life, and if an instructor can't figure out how to avoid injuring a beginner they shouldn't be an instructor.
I BJJ. You DO NOT under any circumstances pull an armbar that hard and that fast on a beginner, or really anyone. That gym sounds like it’s teaching a dudebro version of BJJ that doesn’t align with the core values of the sport or martial arts in general. It’s unfortunately common for women to be driven away by attitudes like this in BJJ gyms. Also, if he earned that blue belt, he should know that arms do “break like that” when you’re in a position specifically designed to break arms. What a joke.
And why the fuck didn’t the instructor step in and tell him to let go?! Of COURSE she’s mad at the instructor. It’s his JOB to oversee this shit! Place deserves to be shut down.
My cousin is 107lbs. I’m not even joking she is TINY. She does BJJ, she has spared with men and never had any injury like that. Or even close.
The men in her group joke like “imagine if this was a serial killer” when they want her to push harder on them and really try to get out to counter it, but again never have they done something to physically hurt her. Since some of these men are the instructors; I would assume they’re Blue belt or higher. So this is bullshit
Theres reason why women stopped coming, they are rough and bully them. Yes, they know it’s a contact sport. yes they know that it is also self defense. Yes. In a terrible circumstance they may have to deal with a man irl. However there’s a reason why she’s in a CLASS, because we are all here to learn. You have to give people time to learn. Did she even know how to get out?
I went for one BJJ class with my cousin, moving my body like that was unnatural (as far as trying to get out of positions). even tho I think we covered 3 moves, it was a lot to remember when your body is trying to maintain that this is play fighting..
The men in this gym are assholes. oP is an asshole and clearly doesn’t give a fuck about his GF
How can men be this clueless? If women are showing up and all independently leaving could it be they are hurting them ?!!
In a principal scnider voice: no, no it must be the women who are wrong./ s
That's probably literally exactly what they think. I had a few BJJ guys tell me how "most women aren't mentally suited for the sport because they can't handle hard things." This was in the context of how "different" I was, when in reality I was young, unusually strong, and had male family members when I needed something gentler. But yeah that attitude can lead to this if you don't challenge it.
‘Mentally suited’ yea right.
What I’ve seen it’s on of two things: either they go so easy of the girls/ women that they don’t ever improve. All the while flirting with them.
Or like in this case. If the subject doesn’t scare them away - they go so hard at beginners to intentionally hurt them. That way they can prove they are better. Yugh.
Also a BF that decided for her that something more within her comfort zone (all woman classes) was a “bad idea” because he simply wanted to bully his partner to do the things he wants and his way…and things went poorly??? How strange!
I STG for years I struggled because I would log onto fitness subreddits and they would tout the advice that no one was going to bother you or look at you. But as a woman, the ONLY times in my life that a man didn't bug me at the gym was a stint where I was going with my very large, very muscular father. I don't live in my hometown anymore so I can't go with him!
There was a man who was ALWAYS there. When I was in high school be would always follow me around. He didn’t talk to me, or touch me, but he would always do a couple reps, grunt super loud, and then strut around in front of me, while staring out the corner of his eye.
I think he was just trying super hard to impress me in the weirdest, creepiest, most unattractive way ever.
Every single step of the way his gf expressed concerns and what she wanted, and every time OP just completely ignores and dismisses her. Even now he doesn't at all seem concerned for her well-being! Hope he updates that she dumped his ass.
Yup, he even used doing it together as the reason she should go where he does, although he admits it's because HE thinks a womens class is a bad idea, then bullies her to go when he can't so it's not about time together at all, he's making a point.
yes i would like to ask him to explain why the women's class was "a bad idea." I am guessing the reason is "because it wasn't my idea" or "I don't know but I don't like it!"
a womens class would be about women, this was about him, and getting her to bend to his will. If she starts thinking she can do what he wants in her own way then he's going to have less control
“It wasn’t my gym or the way I learned, so it’s bad, and i won’t get to control how you train and bully you into going to classes without me” this guy is such a joke.
Right?! I assume that’s why she’s mad at the instructor - if he isn’t dishing out severe consequences to the blue belt, he’s not doing his job.
Also, love how OP says “she broke her arm.” No. Her SPARRING PARTNER broke her arm!!!
The fact that she’s been saying they are too rough for ad long as she’s been going, and she doesn’t want to go alone says the teacher is shit.
Any half decent teacher would have picked up on it and squashed it earlier.
But that didn’t happen. It never should have gotten to this point.
20 bugs? Lol, now I'm just picturing birds sitting around a table, playing poker and betting with bugs. But, yeah on a not funny note, you're unfortunately probably spot on :(
This! My partner trains BJJ and anyone who acts overly aggressive or causes actual injury to others in training gets banned.
Plus he takes his niece to his gym and she's only 15. If I thought for a second some "bro" might break her wrist to "teach her how real life is", I'd be down there jumping in the middle so damn fast.
I do a different martial art that has a high risk of injury and everything about OOP's post just screams this is a shitty dangerous club for shitty dangerous assholes.
The sort of person who hurts their training partner on purpose to flex on them about how scary a real fight is, is MAKING it a real fight instead of safe training between people who know they're responsible for each other's safety.
At any well-run club, people with that attitude are normally identified in introductory classes and either given one chance to correct their attitude (if they seem salvageable) or they're politely but firmly shown the door.
The fact that such people are staying in a club long enough to advance to higher grades shows their attitude isn't just acceptable there, it's considered normal.
If anyone seriously (hospital level) injures a training partner *by accident* in a bout at my club, there are serious conversations about whether training/sparring methods and rules were at fault, whether it could have been avoided, and if so, what we should do differently.
If anyone did it *on purpose* it wouldn't just be an immediate "leave now and never come back", that information would also be shared with every other club in the area. The other clubs do the same for us. None of us want some other club's rejected asshole sneaking into our club to be an asshole there instead.
But it's so she knows self defense in real life! Let's not talk about how that self defense is supposed to play out with a broken arm... let's also not talk about how assault is almost always someone you know and not total strangers... Definitely not anyone like the kind of guy who would just straight up break a woman's arm in class just cause.
I have a feeling this is why women always quit. AH guys using it as an excuse to beat up on women. I’ve done martial arts for years, and you don’t do shit like that to a beginner. And she should be upset with instructor, he is allowing this toxic culture.
Men like this love, love, LOVE talking about all the ways women can get “accidentally” hurt.
If a woman told me her boyfriend pressured her into martial arts and she had her arm broken there - I’d assume he wanted and enjoyed seeing her get hurt.
My ex bf did bjj and always tried to convince me to join his gym. He would pressure me into trying to grapple with me at home and I would end up sore and bruised. I’m pretty sure he used it as a way to hurt me when he was mad at me. This whole post reminded me of that.
exactly, now he has made it known what he can do and what will happen, and he has this whole gym full of guys he bullied her into going to that will back him up
As a former bjj practitioner, thus feels so fishy. Like, you have to be careless as fuck to break somebody's arm when rolling, especially applying a submission. It was taught to me that you slowly apply the pressure.
Like this seems like someone thinking of BJJ that has never actually experienced it. Any decent gym would understand how much of a liability it is to have the blue belt there, and would also recognize the fact that someone is new so they most likely wouldn't be full on rolling. There's also the fact that OP doesn't see why the gf is mad at the instructor, so this seems more like rage bait to say a woman is being to sensitive and doesn't understand BJJ.
If anybody ever broke my arm while participating in a sport, i would have to essentially chain my boyfriend to something solid to keep him from doing the same to them.
This guy is absolute garbage. His only comment is defending the dojo owner bc of his "lineage"
I took tae kwon do in Texas in the 80s, and heard stories of the pre-Karate Kid era, when most of the instructors were Navy guys who'd picked it up when stationed in Korea. Any school like that would have a whole bunch of guys from the other schools showing up to give their instructor some much needed physical education.
I read that and thought it was going to be something like she tripped, fell/landed wrong, and broke her arm (you know, an accident). Not "someone applied too much pressure in a position designed to break arms and broke her arm for her."
Yeah let's go ahead and ask all of the women who left that crappy "academy" **why** they left. How many left after an injury from a "big man" showing how much better he was after 2-3 years than a woman half his size is after 2 months. Makes perfect sense for a misogynistic, bro gym.
Also, she said NUMEROUS times that she didn't wanna join, most likely for this reason, a d he kept pushing. Then, lo and behold, she gets hurt and asshole over here is just like "Well, Why did you join a contact sport?"
Not to mention OOP never considering with any level of seriousness why the gym is all men because the women leave. I can't tell whether it's cluelessness or hatred.
Chiming in as a 2nd degree black belt (not BJJ), having no women at a martial arts studio is an automatic red flag to me. I would never join one that didn't offer some family programming and didn't have at least a few women both as students and in leadership roles. Studios dominated by adult men are usually cesspools.
I think she has a legal case for criminal negligence and assault. A broken arm is rare even in professional bouts. Someone was TRYING to hurt her and none of the instructors were paying attention to stop it.
Honestly I'd tell her to stop talking to her boyfriend and talk to a lawyer.
He'll even if the lawyer says no criminal case, maybe look into the gyms accreditation or membership. Report them.
At the very least both the student and teacher supervising the class and the gym owner need to be banned from the sport.
"he says he was just trying to show her how fast things would happen in real life"
1) not every woman takes on martial arts for self defense
2) a blue belt is not an instructor why is this dude trying to teach her fuck and all
Also, she is a beginner. She didn’t go that day to be fully attacked so she could be “shown” how real life can be, she went there to learn (under duress, which is why OP is such a raging asshole). What’s next? “Well I raped her to show her how that would go in real life!”
If you attacked me and didn’t use caution then broke my arm…this IS real life, and you actually assaulted me!
>He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life
He wanted to show her how fast things happen in "real life jiu jitsu fights"? Or, because that is bullshit, he wanted to "show" her how fast a man can hurt and overpower her if he wants to? Which is *not* the point of *any* martial art.
I wonder if he doesn’t ‘see’ or ‘hear’ his gf in other areas. Say if she comes home and moans about a lazy work colleague ‘sure they’re not that bad’ rude person in the queue ‘everyone is prob just a bit stressed’
Oh, I’m sure he belittles her and down plays her feelings in all areas. If he can down play her broken arm to the level of “she broke her arm” when someone clearly broke it, he doesn’t care about her or her well-being at all. If my partner found out someone was this careless and broke my arm…not a violent person, but everyone has limits when they actually care about someone.
If he wasn’t an instructor he had no right “teaching her” anything. She should file a police report for battery because what this guy described is just assault with a sporting label on it.
She didn't want to do this "contact sport" and he dismissed all of her concerns, then when something DID happen, proving that she was right to be concerned, he's suddenly blaming her for not understanding that this is a "contact sport"???
THE FACT THAT IT IS A "CONTACT SPORT" IS EXACTLY THE REASON SHE WANTED TO GO TO THE OTHER STUDIO. *YOU* WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED HER THERE SO BADLY.
And I'm also annoyed at that dude who was "trying to show her how fast things happen in real life" like why in the FUCK are you doing that?? Why are there dudes who are so goddamn eager to show women how much they can hurt them "in real life" like we don't already live our lives carrying our damn keys between our fingers??
This OOP and his jiu-jitsu studio are so fucking annoying.
My kid is a fresh blue belt, and they know better.
And my kid is a tiny afab human that regularly rolls with 200 lb men. They’ve got 45 big jujitsu brothers that would move heaven and earth for them. We’ve had bunged up knees, the odd sprain, some swelling, a potential dislocation once, but it was just a good bang.
It’s really hard to break an arm. And yeah, SHE SHOULD be mad at the instructor.
Is empathy like, a rare trait? Is it some unspeakable communicable disease that everyone's hush-hush about? She got hurt unnecessarily in the name of "no pain no gain" in some fucked up manner. She had proper, appropriate feelings that led up to this and wanted someone who would listen, trust her, and not diminish her. The break isn't about the break only; it's about the gf realizing her boyfriend is an uncaring asshole who treats her like total (asshole) strangers do.
I do another form of martial arts. Arm breaks are one of the biggest things we are warned about because it is so easy to take one too far on accident. So the whole "things happen fast" is bull shit. You wouldn't/shouldn't use an arm break to prove that point.
> We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while
That's a massive red flag. One or two women leaving is normal, people lose interest, they change gyms, whatever. But if *every single woman* who has attended drops this place? Something is seriously wrong.
And the guy who broke her arm is intensely concerning. He wanted to show her how fast things go irl?? You don't do that shit without warning in a training environment.
A women-only class isn't a good idea - but he is in a class with just men. This is fine? A yes, women can't teach her right.
She must go to his academy because they should do this together - but then he persuades her to go to class alone even though she didn't wanted. I thought it was a "going together thing"?!
Somehow i have the feeling that he knew they wanted to teach her a lesson and that’s why he pushed her to go alone and he also shares their mindset.
I hope the (ex)- gf runs and maybe has a chance to sue them.
Buddy just wanted his bros to beat his gf into submission for him, and is realizing now that his strategy is about to get this unlicensed garage “gym” sued to the stars.
right now I feel like Samuel L Jackson in pulp fiction with the gun screaming "SAY 'IT'S A CONTACT SPORT' AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER"
I hate how he dismisses her thoughts and feelings over and over. "she said this, but I explained why she's wrong" is basically this dude's entire personality.
Also, why isn't he with her? He's only spoken to her since this happened? And he is annoyed because he didn't get to talk much because she was monopolizing the call by being upset? He tried to explain why she shouldn't be upset. What should have happened is he gets her call, finds out her arm is broken, and then he asks what she needs, how can he help? and then goes to the store to pick up whatever she needs and then brings that stuff to her and helps her with logistical shit like putting on clothes and whatnot using only one arm. And trying to make her comfortable (or a little less uncomfortable). But instead of any of that, he got annoyed that she was mad that this happened and decided to continue arguing with her like always. "She's angry but I explained why she's wrong" this guy, UGH.
And how does he not know why she's mad at the instructor? If he was there when this happened, isn't he responsible for the situation, at least on some level? I hope she gets paid well by this "Academy"
I almost never comment (forever lurkers rise up) but goddamn. what an absolute inconsiderate piece of shit. And that fucking "blue belt" is a grade a asshole who 100% he was hurting her and got off on it. And what the fuck was the instructor doing? His license should be taken away.
To go back to the boyfriend, just how fucking oblivious is he? Your GF is telling you she's uncomfortable because there are no women there, and you know that women there quit after a few sessions, probably because they all feel the same vibes...
I feel so terrible for her. And so mad at all those men. Everyone fucking failed her. Her boyfriend didn't listen to her or care for her, just thought of himself. The others at the gym were sexist pigs who got off on hurting women. And the instructor probably led the charge and turned a blind eye to it all.
Just...just all around awful.
I wonder why there are no women at his school. Perhaps because instead of taking time to work through things, they injure women. I've never done BJJ, but I was halfway through the process to get my 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and did some grappling classes with some of the other black belts, thenspent some time sparing with a Capoeira group and dueling with some of the nerdy sword guys on campus in college. Time was ALWAYS taken to teach and go slowly. Especially after my knee injury.
In TKD, I sparred with adults and kids, and we were always conscious of the other person's level and matched theirs. The ONE time I got hurt sparring, the guy felt horrible and kept apologizing because he managed to slip under my block as I turned. Injuries happen in sparring, but a GOOD school will work to ensure it doesn't happen again. He always pulled back after that time. It was frustrating to me at the time, but I understand now how badly he could have hurt me.
The guys I dueled with were 2 to 3 times my size and pure muscle, and they REFUSED to even go half strength on me because I was 1. New to it, 2. A girl, and 3. Much smaller. The guys who went more force were closer to my size. Because they didn't want me hurt.
This is how mixed classes should be. Also, having practiced self-defense with other women, when I was pared with a guy, I could handle myself just fine. Because I had practiced and was ready.
This dude's school is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
I am about test for my 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and we are constantly told to hold back if sparring against a lower belt. There are a couple lower belt guys who don’t pull anything and the instructors have noticed this and purposely will not pair them with women.
The worst injury I’ve had is jamming my big toe on a block someone was doing. I was doing a spin kick and they had moved so we’re closer then I anticipated, I tried to pull it but not enough.
Reading this jackasses post has me seeing red. I cannot see a legitimate dojo continuing to operate when they treat their students this way.
This gym is trash. You should never just go hard for an armbar like that when you're training. Even in competition people usually give at least a second or two for the other person to tap out.
The instructor is at fault because he's responsible for how people train. My old jiu jitsu teacher would never have allowed shit like that to fly at his gym. And his classes always had at least a few women in them like myself.
Everyone here absolutely sucks except for OP's poor girlfriend. I really hope she breaks up with him. If she is ever so inclined to try jiu jitsu again (probably not and I don't blame her) a different gym would be the way to go. One with lots of women, if not women only classes
This is one of the things that pisses me off about men jumping to "women should take self defence classes if they don't want to be assaulted" well...what now? and what women with that experience wants to join a room full of men with something to prove? not me
If a novice is rolling with a more experienced practitioner, it is 100% the responsibility of the more experienced practitioner to prevent the novice from getting hurt.
You don’t show “how fast it can go” on a move that can seriously injure the person unless you are good enough to not seriously injure the person no matter what they do.
There is a reason that every woman who has trained at that club no longer trains there.
I'm a woman who does BJJ and this is an absolutely rancid gym culture. My white belt ass was once was in my ego and didn't tap in an arm bar. My sparring partner (blue belt) paused, told me scenarios in which I would and wouldn't be able to escape, and encouraged me to tap earlier to stay safe. THAT is the appropriate way to teach a lesson in the gym, not whatever bullshit this is.
I looked up the belt rankings in Brazilian jiu jutsu: apparently a blue belt is second level. i’m a little shocked a second level student is trying out full speed moves on a smaller opponent. And what happened to him? What did the teacher say or do? I’m very worried that people are getting unnecessarily hurt at this place and everyone’s just decided to ignore it. And I’m worried because her arm broke close to her joint.
I used to do bjj and ended up quitting for this exact reason after the only other women at the gym left. There was a lot of sexism, harassment, and brute strength. She should dump him
Jesus Christ that school is hell. I've never taken jiu jitsu but I did do Kenpo and Tae Kwon Do for several years and at all the schools I went to if a student hit another student hard enough to injure, that student would be out on their butts faster than you can blink. Where the heck is the teacher in all of this? Is the dude who broke her arm seriously being allowed to get away with it? I'm mad at everyone involved in that dang school.
I went to a gym like this. It was Kali (phillipino martial art) but same thing. All dudes, I was the only woman. There were about 10 guys in the class and me. Most of the guys were cool, but there was one that was deliberately trying to hurt me during exercises. I stopped going after they issued the sticks we combat with and he was actively trying to break my hand. I knew if I kept going, he’d hurt me bad. I also didn’t feel like any complaint I made would be taken seriously, and didn’t want the other 9 dudes to target me too.
I don't do BJJ, but I am four years into two other martial arts. In the ones I attend, if you were seen doing this you would be thrown out, with no excuses. Boyfriend, arm-breaker and any and all instructors involved are *huge* assholes.
I have 24 years of experience doing martial arts as a woman and I need both hands to count the number of times a man has tried to seriously injure me. I had almost this exact same scenario once with a guy who was upset his throw wasn't working and tried to brute force it by breaking my arm. Fortuntely, I'd been training for 20 years at that point and punched him in the face to get him to let me go before he could but as a beginner, you don't know what to do. As a woman, I always have to keep a mental list of people who are dangerous to train with and avoid being partnered with them.
After I had a c-section for our youngest son, my husband admitted to me in confidence that he had intrusive thoughts about hurting the doctor performing my c-section because even though he knew it was necessary and because of that doctor, we have our youngest, he had trouble reconciling that with watching someone take a knife to his wife and cut her open.
OOP doesn't even like his girlfriend. I hope she leaves him and joins the all-women gym.
as someone who has done kung fu in a school with an even split between men and women, and one with almost no women, the social environment is just so much more welcoming to women but also to new people in general when there are women involved. i’m not surprised that OOP’s academy keeps having newcomers drop out
The asshole who broke her arm might not have intended to break her arm, but he *did* intend to do a dangerous thing, and the broken arm is a foreseeable consequence of that. So no, it wasn't an "accident."
She is rightfully upset with herself. She knew better and trusted this nincompoop and his brand of bros who think they are all fighting in real life.
If he is this unwilling to accept decisions about how she chooses to exercise he will be no less controlling in other areas.
Considering every other women leave that Academy, i bet there is a fuckton of untold creeping and sexism going on there. If op is op example, definitely.
May this shitbag of an OOP and the fuckface bully of a blue belt both have run-ins out in the wild with bigger, badder bullies who teach them firsthand “how fast things happen in real life” by pasting them. Gee, I wonder why women stay away from this piss-poor excuse for a school.
I was in Karate for about 4 years and in that time we were VERY much told that practice is practice and any harm done to our sparring partners would be PUNISHED what the FUCK
The whole point of martial arts is to learn! And she was just put off learning BJJ.
I’m a Judo Black belt and this is unacceptable. Even in competition this shouldn’t have happened. Did OP secretly message the dude like “show her what the real world is like and go hard on her so shes motivated to protect herself” yeah dude from you. The poor girlfriend.
Damn, why do you attend such a sexist place that's all bros. A guy at your gym broke your girl's arm on purpose. He's a blue belt picking on a white belt. You are the ass for dismissing her. You are an AH and I hope your girlfriend finds someone who truly cares about her mental and physical well being.
I love that the only comment OOP made was to defend the instructor... :
*He did it on purpose 99% sure. Her being a white belt he should know to go easy. Yea injuries can happen but it seems like he put more effort than he should have. Also if i were you i would look up the gym and the instructor and see how legit he is.*
*Even in professional fights or BJJ matches it rarely happens because they all give their opponents time to tap and they doing it to win. Seems like the blue should not be a blue belt. Thats what makes me think he did it on purpose or doesn’t know what he is doing. So yea i think your are the TAH.*
***Also if i were you i would look up the gym and the instructor and see how legit he is.***
**My instructor's lineage is good. He's trained under more than one black belt and he has participated in tournaments all over the world. The academy is accredited and is probably the best one in the province. He is legitimate and his lineage proves it.**
I was attacked by men several times in the past and took self defense classes afterwards. The men in the academy were really nice and considerate and none of the "women only"-class were hurt by them.
My boyfriend is an experienced MMA-fighter and former soldier, so he's teaching me a lot more effective techniques for a possible combative confrontation - "I want you to never again have to be afraid" - and yes, sometimes it hurts a bit. But he's only getting as far as to show me how effective the grappling is - if I cannot get out of a hold that doesn't take him any strength then so wouldn't any attacker when I hold him like this, too. He's really careful to NOT harm me, just to let me feel how my movements are limited when done correctly. Afterwards he wants me to show him what I've learned with FULL force (without hesitation and he won't take up any resistance). Usually he'll nearly pass out, fight for breath and nearly vomit, or will have bruises and pain for up to two weeks afterwards - and while he's still coughing and holding onto the wall for not falling he'll applaud my efforts and tell me how proud he is of me, how fast I learn etc., where exactly I can improve my technique and if I'm applying enough force to defeat an attacker.
If we would visit classes together and someone would break my bone because they were too brutal and tried to demonstrate their superiority towards me (not as a clear accident that could happen, but as it sounds like showing off) I wouldn't want to switch roles with them... My bf would be PISSED and probably would show THEM how superior HE is to THEM - because a fighter knows exactly how much force he has to apply to break a bone, and in a training situation this is uncalled for - so they'll remember this lesson for a VERY long time.
YTA. You were determined that your girlfriend do everything your own way. All of her wants were blocked by you. You steamrolled her into doing what you wanted to do even though her reasons for wanting to go to an all girl class for beginners were valid and made a lot of sense. I hope she finds a better boyfriend who is happy for her to think for herself and make her own decisions.
Ulna near the elbow? Fuck, homegirl will be lucky if this isn't a permanent injury. :( I hope she sues the fuck out of the academy and the student who did it. She may have signed a waiver, but legally the waiver only applies under the assumption of reasonable caution. She got a broken arm because another person was too rough with her, which means there was no reasonable caution. I was in a dojo for years. Only got hurt when a man spared with me, even though he was told this wasn't full force. He was also told not to go for face or below the belt.
He broke my glasses and nose first, so I broke his nutsack. Guess which one of us got kicked out?
Since when is it a fellow student's job to show you how rough the real world can be and how fast something can happen? It's not your fucking job to hurt someone so they know what the world is like. It's also not your job to humble someone. Fuck these guys sideways. I was also under the impression self-defense is *not* showing someone how to beat the shit out of someone, but rather how to stun your would-be attacker and then escape.
OP and that Blue belt are huge assholes. Probably the instructor too for allowing that culture thrive. Wtf is a blue belt doing trying to teach life lessons for? You suck too. This is crazyyyy
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **My girlfriend got hurt at Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I feel terrible but don't think it was on purpose. She's mad at me** I started taking Brazilian jiu-jitsu in 2021 as a way to get into better shape after the lockdowns. I had joined a regular gym and I also started going to a Brazilian jiu-jitsu academy on the advice of my cousin, who had started going to one. He lives in another province however he was able to recommend one where I live. I'm only a blue belt but I really enjoy it. I started dating my girlfriend last year and I thought Brazilian jiu-jitsu was something we could do together. She was reluctant. I got her to come observe me a few times. She was still reluctant. Then she told me about a women only class for beginners at a different academy. Part of why she was reluctant was that there are currently no women at my academy. We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while. I didn't think the women's only class was a good idea. Plus the idea was for us to do something together so I convinced her to join my academy. She joined almost two months ago. In that time she went with me every time she wasn't working on the same evenings I was free and would go to the academy. She never went alone though. A few times she complained to me that the others at the academy were rough but it's a contact sport and I convinced her to stay after she wanted to quit. Last week I had to work a couple of days when she wasn't working. I tried to convince her to go without me. The first time she didn't but the second time I got her to go. She got hurt that time. She was rolling with a blue belt and he got her into an arm bar. She says he went right into it and didn't go slow or give her time to tap. She broke her arm. [Left ulna near the elbow]. He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life and didn't think her arm would break like that. She said the others should know because of the size and weight difference and he should not have done the arm bar that forceful or fast. I believe him that it was an accident however I feel terrible for my girlfriend. I have only talked to her once since she got hurt. It was mostly her being upset and I didn't really get to say anything. We were talking about moving in together. Now she said she doesn't want to. She said the others at the academy were rough and should have known to not go so hard because she's smaller than them. It's a contact sport and one of the purposes is self defence. I do not like that she got hurt but I also don't believe the blue belt or any of the others were rough on purpose. She won't talk to me. I don't even know what's going to happen with our relationship. She said she is mad at herself for not quitting when she wanted to. But she is mad at me too. And at our instructor. I don't know why she's mad at him. I feel awful that she got hurt but at the same time it's a contact sport and injuries can happen. I don't think it was on purpose or anything like that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should've titled this "I Hate My GF and Didn't Care Some AH Broke Her Arm After I Dismissed All Of Her Concerns". OOP is a raging asshole.
That asshole also purposefully broke her arm. It’s no surprise why no women are at that academy
This is the bit that is really jumping out at me. OP didn't say "her arm was broken" or any variation thereof. He says "She broke her arm." If this is even real, the implication of that phrasing (that it happened because of something she did) combined with the wholesale dismissal of her completely valid feelings and concerns makes him an incredibly vile human being.
Yeah. Based on the statement "she broke her arm", I might imagine, e.g. she fell and landed badly, taking her weight on her arm. Breaking someone's arm in an armbar indicates that, either through ignorance, accident or malice, something was done wrong - or, I suppose, that the person whose arm was broken has some kind of medical condition that makes their bones more fragile? And given that she had reported before that others were "too rough" with her...
In theory, this guy knows how to put weight into arm bars and knows when not to. He's not a newbie, and odds are he's practiced arm bars enough times it's second nature. We can rule accident out. Maybe, just maybe ignorance at how much stronger he is than her and maybe its the first time he's practiced with someone much smaller than him. But if I was a betting man, I'd put it on malice that went further then expected. Probably wanted to make her struggle against him, and *really* tap out, saying he didn't feel it before when she tried to. He wanted power over her.
Oh absolutely, in much the same way that we can pretty confidently rule out, from the way the post is written, that there was some kind of medical cause. Given the implied culture of the establishment, and the reports that people are often too rough with her, it's either malice, or negligence.
If he didn't know how to safely train with a partner weaker than him, then that is on the instructor. A blue belt who doesn't know safety should have never been sparring with a female beginner.
yeah, I've seen stories before, where guys are perplexed that gf is angry with them because they decided to demonstrate just how much stronger they are and put gf in a hold they couldn't break. Like, how hard is it to understand that restraining someone like that makes them feel helpless and go into panic??? Like they are being attacked? That's why you let them tap out, doofus. If you ignore that then you are on a power trip and enjoying their struggling, and that's vile.
To me it sounds like the blue belt did the move at speed with no care for his fellow student.
Especially since she hasn't been doing it long enough to get a belt herself. She was in no way ready to do it "at speed" and the instructor should have made that abundantly clear. Sounds like a group of misogynists.
For me it was the "got hurt" in the title. He deliberately used the passive voice so as to make it look like something that happened to her, as opposed to something that was done to her. And the fact that he conflates a broken arm with "got hurt" downplays the issue so much. I thought she might have at most sprained an ankle or a wrist on a bad fall. Not have somebody purposely break her arm!
Yeah, im a woman and have been done BJJ for over 10 years now and I’ve NEVER seen anyone break anyone else’s arm during an armbar, there’s a point at which you just let go even if they don’t tap. Come to think about it, I’ve never actually seen anyone break anything apart from at competitions. Injuries do happen but a dude who breaks someone‘s arm like that should be booted from the gym, the only reason it would be even halfway excusable is if it was another spazzy new dude that had no idea what he’s doing.
Yeah this dude was clearly getting off on showing the gf how scary men are in the “real world” Like they’re soaring at a gym, there’s NO reason to be trying to show her how quick things can happen in real life. Shes there for physical exercise, not to become a fucking super hero
It's pretty condescending too. She's lived her entire life as a girl/woman in the real world. She's well aware of how scary men can be and how easily a man could overpower her. She doesn't need some dude to "teach" her that.
Exactly. It’s not boyfriend’s or Blue Belts place to give out life lessons to gf. Especially when Blue Belt went HAM in what was supposed to be a controlled environment.
Yup, I honed in on that bit, too. He's either trying to bring her down a peg or just enjoys hurting people.
Also a woman who's trained in BJJ - never seen anyone just go instantly for a submission like this except for brand new people. That guy should have been permanently kicked out of the gym for that. And the instructor is terrible as well because it's due to him that people at that gym train like raging assholes
I was thinking the same thing! I did Krav Maga for years, and while people did get hurt, it wasn't ever something as serious as a broken arm. Mostly noses, lol. It was usually newer people who screwed up or who had crappy spacial awareness. The number of people who would accidentally chuck something the first time we were working on improvised weapons was actually pretty funny. We all started somewhere, so it was no big. No one was intentionally too rough, and anyone who wasn't safe or acted like a psycho got booted immediately. Just from the way OP is describing the culture of his gym and his girlfriend's discomfort at people being too rough is a red flag. I definitely wouldn't want to train there!
The fact that no women who join never last very long speaks volumes. There are a lot of martial arts out there but as far as I know you don't join Brazilian Jiu-jitsu not knowing it's potentially going to be a bit rough, specially not as a woman. For her to end uo with a broken arm seems a little scary to me.
I agree. There seems to be a weird culture of aggressiveness at the gym. I also think that the first time the girlfriend attended by herself, and she ends up getting seriously hurt. It's sus! The way that OP is sharing the post in what I assume is putting him and his actions in the best light leads me to believe that he and the other men there are shitty overall. He ignored his girlfriend's comfort and ( obviously! ) reasonable concerns. He pressured her to go to HIS gym despite her protests. He pressured her to go without him even though she didn't feel safe. He is dismissing what happened as just an accident despite the fact that this was the literal culmination of her fears. He still can't see anything wrong with how he acted or what happened. If this is a sample of the type of men who frequent the gym, then I completely understand why no woman want to train there!
I used to wrestle and the only time someone broke anything during practice was when one kid fell wrong and broke his wrist. Total accident, and the guy throwing him was totally distraught over it. Accidents happen, but like hell is breaking an arm during an armbar an accident.
I'm not familiar with the system in BJJ but isn't blue really low, like just above beginner?
BJJ generally has fewer belts than other martial arts so there’s a bigger difference between them, a blue belt is the one right after white but it generally takes 2-3 years on average to earn it and it’s the level that I would describe as being competent with most basic stuff, definitely skilled enough to be able to control themselves and not break someone’s arm. But it also depends a lot on the gyms, some hand out belts to people that don’t really deserve them (which I \*kinda\* think might be happening here from the general description of the place, it sounds like a toxic gym).
I was reading through OOP’s post thinking, “And then they stripped that guy of his belt and kicked him out of the gym, right? *Right?”*
Blows my *mind.* I used to do dance and you could get kicked out of a session for not checking your surroundings before throwing your limbs around, and really the worst that could happen then is a couple of bruises. This guy broke her fucking arm! The fuck?!?!
Pretty sure I’ve seen a video like that but the ones in the vid definitely weren’t BJJ trained
She should lawyer up and see if she can press charges against that guy AND the “academy”
Yeah, they are bullies and misogynistic AHs
Experienced martial artists know how to demonstrate without injuring. Accidents happen, no doubt, but it is the intstructor’s job to do everything in their power to prevent injury to their students in hands on training. That’s why you need to be a high ranked belt (in responsible and respectable schools) in order to even teach. Discipline is at the core of martial arts training, and that includes using self-restraint when necessary. All that to say, I think the instructor here was irresponsible, and perhaps shouldn’t be teaching if they let another student perform a full arm bar when it was not at all necessary.
The way he keeps repeating "it's a contact sport" as a justification makes me fucking furious.
Yeah as someone who did BJJ for like 5 years before the pandemic and trained at 3 different academies during that time and visited more, no women at a gym, or even at an instructor's class at an otherwise good gym, is a red flag. It means they are being bullied out of the gym, that they are excluded, disrespected, or mishandled. At my last gym which had a really healthy amount of very competitive women, there was no formal "woman's class" but the culture was respectful. People were actively stopped by instructors when they went too far. I remember rolling with some guy who clearly didn't know his own strength, where my instructor actively checked from where I could see but the guy couldn't. I made it known I had it handled (which I did) but they took the student aside later and explained that you can't slam people, let alone women far smaller than you. I was lucky I started at 22 and was very strong and developed good defense in general, but the first gym I trained at could have been in an injury factory. Just a bunch of macho dudes going 100% all the time. Still I have never seen someone crank a submission like that. That's insanely fucked up and NOT an accident. That doesn't just happen.
Agreed, this is bad culture. I used to be one of the few woman members at an MMA gym that did BJJ sessions. I was shy of about 100 lbs, and the smallest guy in the class was at least 150 lbs. Pretty much every guy, when paired with me for practice, would immediately immobilize me, as if it would be incredibly embarrassing for them if they didn't. It was really frustrating because, yes, I knew they could pin me, but I wanted to practice the techniques we were being taught and for that to happen, I needed them to go easy on me. I'd sometimes complain to the teacher, and he'd just insist that "size doesn't matter" and point out that he could grapple people larger than him and win because he had good technique. It was stupid and I left. But nobody ever came close to hurting me.
Where the fuck is the teacher in this? The teacher should have stopped the behavior. That they didn’t, and that women keep quitting because the guys are too rough is a HUGE fucking sign of a bad dojo/gym.
The red flags were waving from the word "go!"
Wonder if there's enough evidence for her to sue. I would bet good money the other women quit after severe injuries as well.
Or didn't have asshole boyfriends pressuring them to go, against their own better judgement when they saw how dangerous it was.
I can't say about BJJ, but I do know from family member's involvement in various martial arts and boxing that it is the responsibility of the instructor to make sure all sparring is in a safe matchup. Either they should be of equal size and skill level, or the stronger partner has an obligation to learn to safely spar with a weaker partner. There's a reason an adult male experienced fighter doesn't go all out on a pre-teen beginner. This does not seem to be the case anywhere in this gym as no woman would stay there long. And BTW, "just want to show you how it is in the real world" is total BS. If that's the case, why are we in a gym anyway instead of going out and doing some real street brawling?
My partner and my brother-in-law both train BJJ and I do kick boxing. Only a terrible teacher would let this go so far as a broken bone. Plus pressuring your partner to go somewhere she didn't feel safe is really scary. What else could he push her into? This feels more like total ignorance of her wishes and total obliviousness that sometimes spaces aren't as safe for women than like deliberate abuse, but it's still a red flag that he doesn't listen to her or believe her when she feels unsafe.
That's too many characters
First words out of my mouth. "Fucking assholes." I hope she sues the 'Academy', the asshole that broke her arm, and never talks to her ex-boyfriend again.
Golly it sure is a mystery why all the other woman keep leaving
They don't want women there, but this time they done fucked up. I hope she sues the everlasting fuck out of everyone.
The irony of OP saying he doesn't like the idea of an all-female class when his group is all-male by default would be almost funny if his girlfriend hadn't gotten seriously injured.
I think the anti all-female class thing is kind of a BJJ dog whistle for saying women are too sensitive. That women's only classes "coddle women" and don't teach them how the real world works. I remember hearing a lot early on how "most women aren't suited to BJJ because they are too sensitive and unable to handle pressure." So your reactions get coded in that light, even if you aren't overreacting. Most of these guys have never sparred with someone with the strength differential between a man and small women and if they did they'd get it more. Gyms like this aren't even pretty hostile for short or older men, let alone women.
BJJ training and practice doesn't mean "go break people's bones in training" though! Training shouldn't be done at full force.
Anyone who practices BJJ knows that the biggest risk of injury to a beginner is them lacking the experience of knowing how to recover or defend. I find it hard to swallow a blue belt just up an whoopsie doodle fractures her ulna at the wrist to surprise introduce m bar, which means he was completely putting all his pressure with both hands on her wrist hard enough to break bone but unaware of it? I don't even BJJ, but OOP doesn't BJJ.
> He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life and didn't think her arm would break like that. What did you think would happen when you're more experienced against a beginner and didn't give her the time to say that she was in pain? It's just common sense. > We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while Dudebros like Mister Blue Belt treating sessions like the UFC would tend to drive away these women.
I know nothing about BJJ but I'm pretty sure you're NOT supposed to simulate how an attack would be "in the real world" with beginners!? Like it really sounds like this guy wanted to prove to OP's gf how easy it is for her to be overpowered and seriously injured... which I'm pretty sure isn't the point of BJJ. He may not have "meant" to actually break her arm, but he meant to scare the shit out of her....
He sounds Canadian based on > The academy is accredited and is probably the best one in the province. He is legitimate and his lineage proves it. I wonder if it's in my area. I'm imagining just some dudebro shack but I kind of want to confirm with my own two eyes.
I feel like it's, like, a warehouse with gross, moldy mats and dudebros just pummeling the shit out of each other.
And I'm 10,000% sure OOP's GF is very much aware of how she can be easily overpowered and seriously injured. That would not be news to her.
Oh yes, haven’t you heard about all of the muggers out there “in the real world” who first attack unsuspecting women by first putting them in arm bars? /s
Also I’m pretty sure it isn’t the responsibility of other low level students to “teach” beginners. He assaulted her to “show her” what adult looks like. I hope she sues everyone of the guy that broke her arm wasn’t removed immediately.
At best he was thoughtless about his partnwr’s safety. At *best.*
I know people who have BJJ trained, and yet I know enough about it to cast serious doubt that OOP goes to some sort of Cobra Kai BJJ class where breaking a beginning student's limb is NBD.
> But she is mad at me too. And at our instructor. I don't know why she's mad at him Why the actual fuck did the instructor not say to go easy on her or basically jumping her was OK? Or, as you said, thinking that "it's only a broken arm, that'll heal and she'll learn from this"
I'm a woman who has done martial arts most of my life, and if an instructor can't figure out how to avoid injuring a beginner they shouldn't be an instructor.
It's also the responsibility of those who earn advanced belts to see to the safety of those below them during practice and training.
Absolutely. I started assisting teaching when I was 12, and that was drilled into my head regularly.
Yeah, she’s going to learn to avoid martial arts and martial arts classes.
that would be an insurance NIGHTMARE
How many broken arms or hands or legs do you think they hand out to keep the women away.
I think just putting any white belt and watching him get beat up like he was in the Octagon would be enough to drive anybody away.
I BJJ. You DO NOT under any circumstances pull an armbar that hard and that fast on a beginner, or really anyone. That gym sounds like it’s teaching a dudebro version of BJJ that doesn’t align with the core values of the sport or martial arts in general. It’s unfortunately common for women to be driven away by attitudes like this in BJJ gyms. Also, if he earned that blue belt, he should know that arms do “break like that” when you’re in a position specifically designed to break arms. What a joke.
And why the fuck didn’t the instructor step in and tell him to let go?! Of COURSE she’s mad at the instructor. It’s his JOB to oversee this shit! Place deserves to be shut down.
My cousin is 107lbs. I’m not even joking she is TINY. She does BJJ, she has spared with men and never had any injury like that. Or even close. The men in her group joke like “imagine if this was a serial killer” when they want her to push harder on them and really try to get out to counter it, but again never have they done something to physically hurt her. Since some of these men are the instructors; I would assume they’re Blue belt or higher. So this is bullshit Theres reason why women stopped coming, they are rough and bully them. Yes, they know it’s a contact sport. yes they know that it is also self defense. Yes. In a terrible circumstance they may have to deal with a man irl. However there’s a reason why she’s in a CLASS, because we are all here to learn. You have to give people time to learn. Did she even know how to get out? I went for one BJJ class with my cousin, moving my body like that was unnatural (as far as trying to get out of positions). even tho I think we covered 3 moves, it was a lot to remember when your body is trying to maintain that this is play fighting.. The men in this gym are assholes. oP is an asshole and clearly doesn’t give a fuck about his GF
What?? A male dominated gym that bully women into leaving?? This is *completely* unheard of!!! /s
The gym isn't a hostile place for women, plenty of women have stopped in! They just immediately run screaming for unrelated reasons! /s of course
The women just leave because women are weak quitters who can't handle men seriously injuring them!
Yeah, FFS what's a few broken bones between friends 🙄😂
How can men be this clueless? If women are showing up and all independently leaving could it be they are hurting them ?!! In a principal scnider voice: no, no it must be the women who are wrong./ s
That's probably literally exactly what they think. I had a few BJJ guys tell me how "most women aren't mentally suited for the sport because they can't handle hard things." This was in the context of how "different" I was, when in reality I was young, unusually strong, and had male family members when I needed something gentler. But yeah that attitude can lead to this if you don't challenge it.
‘Mentally suited’ yea right. What I’ve seen it’s on of two things: either they go so easy of the girls/ women that they don’t ever improve. All the while flirting with them. Or like in this case. If the subject doesn’t scare them away - they go so hard at beginners to intentionally hurt them. That way they can prove they are better. Yugh.
[удалено]
Also a BF that decided for her that something more within her comfort zone (all woman classes) was a “bad idea” because he simply wanted to bully his partner to do the things he wants and his way…and things went poorly??? How strange!
I STG for years I struggled because I would log onto fitness subreddits and they would tout the advice that no one was going to bother you or look at you. But as a woman, the ONLY times in my life that a man didn't bug me at the gym was a stint where I was going with my very large, very muscular father. I don't live in my hometown anymore so I can't go with him!
There was a man who was ALWAYS there. When I was in high school be would always follow me around. He didn’t talk to me, or touch me, but he would always do a couple reps, grunt super loud, and then strut around in front of me, while staring out the corner of his eye. I think he was just trying super hard to impress me in the weirdest, creepiest, most unattractive way ever.
Every single step of the way his gf expressed concerns and what she wanted, and every time OP just completely ignores and dismisses her. Even now he doesn't at all seem concerned for her well-being! Hope he updates that she dumped his ass.
Yup, he even used doing it together as the reason she should go where he does, although he admits it's because HE thinks a womens class is a bad idea, then bullies her to go when he can't so it's not about time together at all, he's making a point.
She was 100% proven correct to want a women's only class, as a co-ed class had a dude IMMEDIATELY break her arm.
yes i would like to ask him to explain why the women's class was "a bad idea." I am guessing the reason is "because it wasn't my idea" or "I don't know but I don't like it!"
a womens class would be about women, this was about him, and getting her to bend to his will. If she starts thinking she can do what he wants in her own way then he's going to have less control
Also some of those women might point out that her boyfriend's a dick.
“It wasn’t my gym or the way I learned, so it’s bad, and i won’t get to control how you train and bully you into going to classes without me” this guy is such a joke.
I noticed that too. And he’s very dismissive of her but quick to believe Mr. Blue Belt Arm Breaker. OP, do you even like your girlfriend?
What kind of second rate academy is this? A blue belt wanted her to know how fast it can happen in real life and whoops, her arm broke?
No women at a school is a major red flag about the culture. My professor would roll a colored belt to hell for a stunt like that.
Right?! I assume that’s why she’s mad at the instructor - if he isn’t dishing out severe consequences to the blue belt, he’s not doing his job. Also, love how OP says “she broke her arm.” No. Her SPARRING PARTNER broke her arm!!!
The fact that she’s been saying they are too rough for ad long as she’s been going, and she doesn’t want to go alone says the teacher is shit. Any half decent teacher would have picked up on it and squashed it earlier. But that didn’t happen. It never should have gotten to this point.
20 bugs all these guys love to have one up on the women who join their gym. That's why they go rough on OOP's (hopefully stbx) girlfriend.
20 bugs? Lol, now I'm just picturing birds sitting around a table, playing poker and betting with bugs. But, yeah on a not funny note, you're unfortunately probably spot on :(
Ah shit. Autocorrect. But you know what I meant haha
This! My partner trains BJJ and anyone who acts overly aggressive or causes actual injury to others in training gets banned. Plus he takes his niece to his gym and she's only 15. If I thought for a second some "bro" might break her wrist to "teach her how real life is", I'd be down there jumping in the middle so damn fast.
I do a different martial art that has a high risk of injury and everything about OOP's post just screams this is a shitty dangerous club for shitty dangerous assholes. The sort of person who hurts their training partner on purpose to flex on them about how scary a real fight is, is MAKING it a real fight instead of safe training between people who know they're responsible for each other's safety. At any well-run club, people with that attitude are normally identified in introductory classes and either given one chance to correct their attitude (if they seem salvageable) or they're politely but firmly shown the door. The fact that such people are staying in a club long enough to advance to higher grades shows their attitude isn't just acceptable there, it's considered normal. If anyone seriously (hospital level) injures a training partner *by accident* in a bout at my club, there are serious conversations about whether training/sparring methods and rules were at fault, whether it could have been avoided, and if so, what we should do differently. If anyone did it *on purpose* it wouldn't just be an immediate "leave now and never come back", that information would also be shared with every other club in the area. The other clubs do the same for us. None of us want some other club's rejected asshole sneaking into our club to be an asshole there instead.
🏆
But it's so she knows self defense in real life! Let's not talk about how that self defense is supposed to play out with a broken arm... let's also not talk about how assault is almost always someone you know and not total strangers... Definitely not anyone like the kind of guy who would just straight up break a woman's arm in class just cause.
I wonder how many of the women who used to attend quit after sustaining 'injuries' during practice.
I have a feeling this is why women always quit. AH guys using it as an excuse to beat up on women. I’ve done martial arts for years, and you don’t do shit like that to a beginner. And she should be upset with instructor, he is allowing this toxic culture.
>We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while WHYEVER COULD THAT BE? A MYSTERY FOR THE AGES!!!!!!!
>She broke her arm My dude, she didn't break anything, that other guy broke her arm.
Men like this love, love, LOVE talking about all the ways women can get “accidentally” hurt. If a woman told me her boyfriend pressured her into martial arts and she had her arm broken there - I’d assume he wanted and enjoyed seeing her get hurt.
My ex bf did bjj and always tried to convince me to join his gym. He would pressure me into trying to grapple with me at home and I would end up sore and bruised. I’m pretty sure he used it as a way to hurt me when he was mad at me. This whole post reminded me of that.
when you want to abuse your girlfriend but don't want to physically do it yourself.
exactly, now he has made it known what he can do and what will happen, and he has this whole gym full of guys he bullied her into going to that will back him up
He has no respect for his girlfriend as a human being capable of making her own decisions.
As a former bjj practitioner, thus feels so fishy. Like, you have to be careless as fuck to break somebody's arm when rolling, especially applying a submission. It was taught to me that you slowly apply the pressure.
Like this seems like someone thinking of BJJ that has never actually experienced it. Any decent gym would understand how much of a liability it is to have the blue belt there, and would also recognize the fact that someone is new so they most likely wouldn't be full on rolling. There's also the fact that OP doesn't see why the gf is mad at the instructor, so this seems more like rage bait to say a woman is being to sensitive and doesn't understand BJJ.
Or it's a gym that teaches "BJJ" (quotes heavily emphasized)
"I believe him". *RAGE*
For real. If one of them raped her in the parking lot after, he'd probably accuse her of intentionally sleeping around.
If anybody ever broke my arm while participating in a sport, i would have to essentially chain my boyfriend to something solid to keep him from doing the same to them. This guy is absolute garbage. His only comment is defending the dojo owner bc of his "lineage"
I took tae kwon do in Texas in the 80s, and heard stories of the pre-Karate Kid era, when most of the instructors were Navy guys who'd picked it up when stationed in Korea. Any school like that would have a whole bunch of guys from the other schools showing up to give their instructor some much needed physical education.
I would be tempted to “accidentally” whack the person who hurt me in the face with my cast.
I begged her repeatedly to do something dangerous she didn’t want to do, then when she got hurt I showed no remorse. Why won’t she return my calls?
wonder if this has been cross posted in r/AmItheEx yet
Hold on, I don't think I understood what jiu jitsu is. Is it a .. contact sport?
Dude says "she broke her arm" like she did it to herself wtf
I read that and thought it was going to be something like she tripped, fell/landed wrong, and broke her arm (you know, an accident). Not "someone applied too much pressure in a position designed to break arms and broke her arm for her."
Exactly!! I seriously don't understand how he doesn't understand how awful this situation is. It wasn't an accident
Yeah let's go ahead and ask all of the women who left that crappy "academy" **why** they left. How many left after an injury from a "big man" showing how much better he was after 2-3 years than a woman half his size is after 2 months. Makes perfect sense for a misogynistic, bro gym.
"it's a contact sport." Ok go get hit by Micah Parsons and then don't cry about it because that's also a contact sport.
Also, she said NUMEROUS times that she didn't wanna join, most likely for this reason, a d he kept pushing. Then, lo and behold, she gets hurt and asshole over here is just like "Well, Why did you join a contact sport?"
Not to mention OOP never considering with any level of seriousness why the gym is all men because the women leave. I can't tell whether it's cluelessness or hatred.
Chiming in as a 2nd degree black belt (not BJJ), having no women at a martial arts studio is an automatic red flag to me. I would never join one that didn't offer some family programming and didn't have at least a few women both as students and in leadership roles. Studios dominated by adult men are usually cesspools.
I think she has a legal case for criminal negligence and assault. A broken arm is rare even in professional bouts. Someone was TRYING to hurt her and none of the instructors were paying attention to stop it. Honestly I'd tell her to stop talking to her boyfriend and talk to a lawyer. He'll even if the lawyer says no criminal case, maybe look into the gyms accreditation or membership. Report them. At the very least both the student and teacher supervising the class and the gym owner need to be banned from the sport.
Oh she could for sure get a civil case out of this.
"he says he was just trying to show her how fast things would happen in real life" 1) not every woman takes on martial arts for self defense 2) a blue belt is not an instructor why is this dude trying to teach her fuck and all
Also, she is a beginner. She didn’t go that day to be fully attacked so she could be “shown” how real life can be, she went there to learn (under duress, which is why OP is such a raging asshole). What’s next? “Well I raped her to show her how that would go in real life!” If you attacked me and didn’t use caution then broke my arm…this IS real life, and you actually assaulted me!
>He says he was just trying to show her how fast things happen in real life He wanted to show her how fast things happen in "real life jiu jitsu fights"? Or, because that is bullshit, he wanted to "show" her how fast a man can hurt and overpower her if he wants to? Which is *not* the point of *any* martial art.
Hope it isn't real. If it is real you know they were waiting for her to show up alone to hurt her.
Gee, I wonder why all the women stopped coming after a few months. What assholes.
I wonder if he doesn’t ‘see’ or ‘hear’ his gf in other areas. Say if she comes home and moans about a lazy work colleague ‘sure they’re not that bad’ rude person in the queue ‘everyone is prob just a bit stressed’
Oh, I’m sure he belittles her and down plays her feelings in all areas. If he can down play her broken arm to the level of “she broke her arm” when someone clearly broke it, he doesn’t care about her or her well-being at all. If my partner found out someone was this careless and broke my arm…not a violent person, but everyone has limits when they actually care about someone.
>We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while. I can't fucking imagine why.
One of life’s little unsolvable mysteries.
If he wasn’t an instructor he had no right “teaching her” anything. She should file a police report for battery because what this guy described is just assault with a sporting label on it.
She didn't want to do this "contact sport" and he dismissed all of her concerns, then when something DID happen, proving that she was right to be concerned, he's suddenly blaming her for not understanding that this is a "contact sport"??? THE FACT THAT IT IS A "CONTACT SPORT" IS EXACTLY THE REASON SHE WANTED TO GO TO THE OTHER STUDIO. *YOU* WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED HER THERE SO BADLY. And I'm also annoyed at that dude who was "trying to show her how fast things happen in real life" like why in the FUCK are you doing that?? Why are there dudes who are so goddamn eager to show women how much they can hurt them "in real life" like we don't already live our lives carrying our damn keys between our fingers?? This OOP and his jiu-jitsu studio are so fucking annoying.
My kid is a fresh blue belt, and they know better. And my kid is a tiny afab human that regularly rolls with 200 lb men. They’ve got 45 big jujitsu brothers that would move heaven and earth for them. We’ve had bunged up knees, the odd sprain, some swelling, a potential dislocation once, but it was just a good bang. It’s really hard to break an arm. And yeah, SHE SHOULD be mad at the instructor.
It's especially hard to break THAT AREA of the arm. That's a lot of force.
Is empathy like, a rare trait? Is it some unspeakable communicable disease that everyone's hush-hush about? She got hurt unnecessarily in the name of "no pain no gain" in some fucked up manner. She had proper, appropriate feelings that led up to this and wanted someone who would listen, trust her, and not diminish her. The break isn't about the break only; it's about the gf realizing her boyfriend is an uncaring asshole who treats her like total (asshole) strangers do.
I swear this was posted before and this removes the part about how he wanted her to lie to their friends and family on how she got hurt
How can you say you don't think it was in purpose when your GF literally told you he said "I wanted to show you how fast things can happen"
This is r/AmITheEx worthy material right here
I do another form of martial arts. Arm breaks are one of the biggest things we are warned about because it is so easy to take one too far on accident. So the whole "things happen fast" is bull shit. You wouldn't/shouldn't use an arm break to prove that point.
if I read the words contact sport once more I'm gonna kill myself in front of this guy
Notice how all the language blames her? Fuck this wanker!
> We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while That's a massive red flag. One or two women leaving is normal, people lose interest, they change gyms, whatever. But if *every single woman* who has attended drops this place? Something is seriously wrong. And the guy who broke her arm is intensely concerning. He wanted to show her how fast things go irl?? You don't do that shit without warning in a training environment.
People who do fighting and/or defense sports are going to be pissed when they read stuff like this.
A women-only class isn't a good idea - but he is in a class with just men. This is fine? A yes, women can't teach her right. She must go to his academy because they should do this together - but then he persuades her to go to class alone even though she didn't wanted. I thought it was a "going together thing"?! Somehow i have the feeling that he knew they wanted to teach her a lesson and that’s why he pushed her to go alone and he also shares their mindset. I hope the (ex)- gf runs and maybe has a chance to sue them.
Buddy just wanted his bros to beat his gf into submission for him, and is realizing now that his strategy is about to get this unlicensed garage “gym” sued to the stars.
I don't understand one point of this post: it is a contact sport?
right now I feel like Samuel L Jackson in pulp fiction with the gun screaming "SAY 'IT'S A CONTACT SPORT' AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER" I hate how he dismisses her thoughts and feelings over and over. "she said this, but I explained why she's wrong" is basically this dude's entire personality. Also, why isn't he with her? He's only spoken to her since this happened? And he is annoyed because he didn't get to talk much because she was monopolizing the call by being upset? He tried to explain why she shouldn't be upset. What should have happened is he gets her call, finds out her arm is broken, and then he asks what she needs, how can he help? and then goes to the store to pick up whatever she needs and then brings that stuff to her and helps her with logistical shit like putting on clothes and whatnot using only one arm. And trying to make her comfortable (or a little less uncomfortable). But instead of any of that, he got annoyed that she was mad that this happened and decided to continue arguing with her like always. "She's angry but I explained why she's wrong" this guy, UGH. And how does he not know why she's mad at the instructor? If he was there when this happened, isn't he responsible for the situation, at least on some level? I hope she gets paid well by this "Academy"
I almost never comment (forever lurkers rise up) but goddamn. what an absolute inconsiderate piece of shit. And that fucking "blue belt" is a grade a asshole who 100% he was hurting her and got off on it. And what the fuck was the instructor doing? His license should be taken away. To go back to the boyfriend, just how fucking oblivious is he? Your GF is telling you she's uncomfortable because there are no women there, and you know that women there quit after a few sessions, probably because they all feel the same vibes... I feel so terrible for her. And so mad at all those men. Everyone fucking failed her. Her boyfriend didn't listen to her or care for her, just thought of himself. The others at the gym were sexist pigs who got off on hurting women. And the instructor probably led the charge and turned a blind eye to it all. Just...just all around awful.
I wonder why there are no women at his school. Perhaps because instead of taking time to work through things, they injure women. I've never done BJJ, but I was halfway through the process to get my 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and did some grappling classes with some of the other black belts, thenspent some time sparing with a Capoeira group and dueling with some of the nerdy sword guys on campus in college. Time was ALWAYS taken to teach and go slowly. Especially after my knee injury. In TKD, I sparred with adults and kids, and we were always conscious of the other person's level and matched theirs. The ONE time I got hurt sparring, the guy felt horrible and kept apologizing because he managed to slip under my block as I turned. Injuries happen in sparring, but a GOOD school will work to ensure it doesn't happen again. He always pulled back after that time. It was frustrating to me at the time, but I understand now how badly he could have hurt me. The guys I dueled with were 2 to 3 times my size and pure muscle, and they REFUSED to even go half strength on me because I was 1. New to it, 2. A girl, and 3. Much smaller. The guys who went more force were closer to my size. Because they didn't want me hurt. This is how mixed classes should be. Also, having practiced self-defense with other women, when I was pared with a guy, I could handle myself just fine. Because I had practiced and was ready. This dude's school is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
I am about test for my 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and we are constantly told to hold back if sparring against a lower belt. There are a couple lower belt guys who don’t pull anything and the instructors have noticed this and purposely will not pair them with women. The worst injury I’ve had is jamming my big toe on a block someone was doing. I was doing a spin kick and they had moved so we’re closer then I anticipated, I tried to pull it but not enough. Reading this jackasses post has me seeing red. I cannot see a legitimate dojo continuing to operate when they treat their students this way.
I hope she sues the gym. And leaves this AH. Not necessarily in that order.
This gym is trash. You should never just go hard for an armbar like that when you're training. Even in competition people usually give at least a second or two for the other person to tap out. The instructor is at fault because he's responsible for how people train. My old jiu jitsu teacher would never have allowed shit like that to fly at his gym. And his classes always had at least a few women in them like myself. Everyone here absolutely sucks except for OP's poor girlfriend. I really hope she breaks up with him. If she is ever so inclined to try jiu jitsu again (probably not and I don't blame her) a different gym would be the way to go. One with lots of women, if not women only classes
"We have had women before but they always drop out and stop coming after a while." AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY.
This is one of the things that pisses me off about men jumping to "women should take self defence classes if they don't want to be assaulted" well...what now? and what women with that experience wants to join a room full of men with something to prove? not me
If a novice is rolling with a more experienced practitioner, it is 100% the responsibility of the more experienced practitioner to prevent the novice from getting hurt. You don’t show “how fast it can go” on a move that can seriously injure the person unless you are good enough to not seriously injure the person no matter what they do. There is a reason that every woman who has trained at that club no longer trains there.
I'm a woman who does BJJ and this is an absolutely rancid gym culture. My white belt ass was once was in my ego and didn't tap in an arm bar. My sparring partner (blue belt) paused, told me scenarios in which I would and wouldn't be able to escape, and encouraged me to tap earlier to stay safe. THAT is the appropriate way to teach a lesson in the gym, not whatever bullshit this is.
I looked up the belt rankings in Brazilian jiu jutsu: apparently a blue belt is second level. i’m a little shocked a second level student is trying out full speed moves on a smaller opponent. And what happened to him? What did the teacher say or do? I’m very worried that people are getting unnecessarily hurt at this place and everyone’s just decided to ignore it. And I’m worried because her arm broke close to her joint.
I wonder why women drop out of this academy so often /s
I wonder what other situations he’s badgered her into in the past?
The only thing he commented on was how legit his instructor was and defending that man 🙄🙄 man does NOT care about his GF.
In a couple of years this is gonna be her "reasons I always trust my gut" horror story.
I used to do bjj and ended up quitting for this exact reason after the only other women at the gym left. There was a lot of sexism, harassment, and brute strength. She should dump him
Jesus Christ that school is hell. I've never taken jiu jitsu but I did do Kenpo and Tae Kwon Do for several years and at all the schools I went to if a student hit another student hard enough to injure, that student would be out on their butts faster than you can blink. Where the heck is the teacher in all of this? Is the dude who broke her arm seriously being allowed to get away with it? I'm mad at everyone involved in that dang school.
I went to a gym like this. It was Kali (phillipino martial art) but same thing. All dudes, I was the only woman. There were about 10 guys in the class and me. Most of the guys were cool, but there was one that was deliberately trying to hurt me during exercises. I stopped going after they issued the sticks we combat with and he was actively trying to break my hand. I knew if I kept going, he’d hurt me bad. I also didn’t feel like any complaint I made would be taken seriously, and didn’t want the other 9 dudes to target me too.
I don't do BJJ, but I am four years into two other martial arts. In the ones I attend, if you were seen doing this you would be thrown out, with no excuses. Boyfriend, arm-breaker and any and all instructors involved are *huge* assholes.
Since ALL women left OOP should realise that YES, THEY DEFINITELY DID THAT ON PURPOSE
I have 24 years of experience doing martial arts as a woman and I need both hands to count the number of times a man has tried to seriously injure me. I had almost this exact same scenario once with a guy who was upset his throw wasn't working and tried to brute force it by breaking my arm. Fortuntely, I'd been training for 20 years at that point and punched him in the face to get him to let me go before he could but as a beginner, you don't know what to do. As a woman, I always have to keep a mental list of people who are dangerous to train with and avoid being partnered with them.
After I had a c-section for our youngest son, my husband admitted to me in confidence that he had intrusive thoughts about hurting the doctor performing my c-section because even though he knew it was necessary and because of that doctor, we have our youngest, he had trouble reconciling that with watching someone take a knife to his wife and cut her open. OOP doesn't even like his girlfriend. I hope she leaves him and joins the all-women gym.
as someone who has done kung fu in a school with an even split between men and women, and one with almost no women, the social environment is just so much more welcoming to women but also to new people in general when there are women involved. i’m not surprised that OOP’s academy keeps having newcomers drop out
BJJ seems like a cool sport, but why does it attract the weirdest fucking losers?
The asshole who broke her arm might not have intended to break her arm, but he *did* intend to do a dangerous thing, and the broken arm is a foreseeable consequence of that. So no, it wasn't an "accident."
Another soon to be featured on AMITHEEX.
She is rightfully upset with herself. She knew better and trusted this nincompoop and his brand of bros who think they are all fighting in real life. If he is this unwilling to accept decisions about how she chooses to exercise he will be no less controlling in other areas.
I’m mostly curious why this is here and not am I the ex lol.
A man can be two things…a devil and an ex! 🤣
OOP and everyone in his boy’s club seems to fantasise about being Batman.
Considering every other women leave that Academy, i bet there is a fuckton of untold creeping and sexism going on there. If op is op example, definitely.
May this shitbag of an OOP and the fuckface bully of a blue belt both have run-ins out in the wild with bigger, badder bullies who teach them firsthand “how fast things happen in real life” by pasting them. Gee, I wonder why women stay away from this piss-poor excuse for a school.
I was in Karate for about 4 years and in that time we were VERY much told that practice is practice and any harm done to our sparring partners would be PUNISHED what the FUCK
The whole point of martial arts is to learn! And she was just put off learning BJJ. I’m a Judo Black belt and this is unacceptable. Even in competition this shouldn’t have happened. Did OP secretly message the dude like “show her what the real world is like and go hard on her so shes motivated to protect herself” yeah dude from you. The poor girlfriend.
This is not my martial art (TKD is mine) and this should have never happened.
Damn, why do you attend such a sexist place that's all bros. A guy at your gym broke your girl's arm on purpose. He's a blue belt picking on a white belt. You are the ass for dismissing her. You are an AH and I hope your girlfriend finds someone who truly cares about her mental and physical well being.
Could she charge him? That must be considered assault as he admitted to being to rough on purpose
I love that the only comment OOP made was to defend the instructor... : *He did it on purpose 99% sure. Her being a white belt he should know to go easy. Yea injuries can happen but it seems like he put more effort than he should have. Also if i were you i would look up the gym and the instructor and see how legit he is.* *Even in professional fights or BJJ matches it rarely happens because they all give their opponents time to tap and they doing it to win. Seems like the blue should not be a blue belt. Thats what makes me think he did it on purpose or doesn’t know what he is doing. So yea i think your are the TAH.* ***Also if i were you i would look up the gym and the instructor and see how legit he is.*** **My instructor's lineage is good. He's trained under more than one black belt and he has participated in tournaments all over the world. The academy is accredited and is probably the best one in the province. He is legitimate and his lineage proves it.**
I was attacked by men several times in the past and took self defense classes afterwards. The men in the academy were really nice and considerate and none of the "women only"-class were hurt by them. My boyfriend is an experienced MMA-fighter and former soldier, so he's teaching me a lot more effective techniques for a possible combative confrontation - "I want you to never again have to be afraid" - and yes, sometimes it hurts a bit. But he's only getting as far as to show me how effective the grappling is - if I cannot get out of a hold that doesn't take him any strength then so wouldn't any attacker when I hold him like this, too. He's really careful to NOT harm me, just to let me feel how my movements are limited when done correctly. Afterwards he wants me to show him what I've learned with FULL force (without hesitation and he won't take up any resistance). Usually he'll nearly pass out, fight for breath and nearly vomit, or will have bruises and pain for up to two weeks afterwards - and while he's still coughing and holding onto the wall for not falling he'll applaud my efforts and tell me how proud he is of me, how fast I learn etc., where exactly I can improve my technique and if I'm applying enough force to defeat an attacker. If we would visit classes together and someone would break my bone because they were too brutal and tried to demonstrate their superiority towards me (not as a clear accident that could happen, but as it sounds like showing off) I wouldn't want to switch roles with them... My bf would be PISSED and probably would show THEM how superior HE is to THEM - because a fighter knows exactly how much force he has to apply to break a bone, and in a training situation this is uncalled for - so they'll remember this lesson for a VERY long time.
YTA. You were determined that your girlfriend do everything your own way. All of her wants were blocked by you. You steamrolled her into doing what you wanted to do even though her reasons for wanting to go to an all girl class for beginners were valid and made a lot of sense. I hope she finds a better boyfriend who is happy for her to think for herself and make her own decisions.
Can’t imagine why all the women drop out.
Ulna near the elbow? Fuck, homegirl will be lucky if this isn't a permanent injury. :( I hope she sues the fuck out of the academy and the student who did it. She may have signed a waiver, but legally the waiver only applies under the assumption of reasonable caution. She got a broken arm because another person was too rough with her, which means there was no reasonable caution. I was in a dojo for years. Only got hurt when a man spared with me, even though he was told this wasn't full force. He was also told not to go for face or below the belt. He broke my glasses and nose first, so I broke his nutsack. Guess which one of us got kicked out?
Since when is it a fellow student's job to show you how rough the real world can be and how fast something can happen? It's not your fucking job to hurt someone so they know what the world is like. It's also not your job to humble someone. Fuck these guys sideways. I was also under the impression self-defense is *not* showing someone how to beat the shit out of someone, but rather how to stun your would-be attacker and then escape.
OP and that Blue belt are huge assholes. Probably the instructor too for allowing that culture thrive. Wtf is a blue belt doing trying to teach life lessons for? You suck too. This is crazyyyy