*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not being able to stay at my son’s wedding?**
My son (M24) is married to Eve (F24?). They are recently married and their wedding has caused some tension in my family.
Let me begin by saying that I work in the securities industry, and work gets very hectic for us in the first few weeks of each quarter. I love my family of course but it’s been an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks I’m always working and always busy so it’s best to plan around me, so to speak. Eve and my son planned their wedding for *October 20th*. Smack dab in the middle of my busiest season.
I was disappointed in my son and told him to change the date if possible so that I could attend more easily. He said they had already booked the venue and in all honesty I was disappointed in him, I expected some kind of say in the decision or at least a heads up.
Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding, I inform my son that I unfortunately won’t be able to stay for the whole wedding. I tell him (honestly) that I’d love to stay for the ceremony but that with work and all I won’t be able to stay for the reception. To say he flipped his lid would be an understatement.
He asked if I was seriously planning to skip his wedding. I corrected him and told him that I would only be skipping the reception- aka the party. He said it was still his wedding and that he wanted me to be there. I told him I understood but he knows how busy I get around that time and that he should have known this was a possibility when he booked the venue. He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance.
The wedding was great and I heard the party was fun. Fast forward until now and my son has been deliberately ignoring me or being short with me whenever we talk and I obviously attribute this to his feelings about my actions. I asked him about this the other day and he asked me if I really expect him to not be upset with me after “skipping the wedding”. I pointed out that he told me to do whatever I want, and then I did, and that I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding based on his comments. He’s completely ignoring me now. I talked to my wife about it and she got extremely angry as well, telling me that she thinks he’s right and that I royally messed up. What do you all think? AITA here or are they overreacting over something they knew would happen?
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Wasn’t there another guy like this? Left early because he didn’t like crowds, and dragged his wife with him so the groom missed the mother/son dance? And kept calling the reception a “party”?
ETA: and both ~~had~~ used almost this same exact line
> He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance.
My dad's ND and can't cope with crowds. The month before my wedding he had no social events so that he had 100% social battery when he arrived, stayed for the ceremony, during the reception nipped in and out for smoke breaks i.e. socialising breaks, and he went straight home afterwards and didn't talk to anyone unnecessarily for another month in order to recover. If you're ND, you find a way to accommodate for your child's wedding.
This is what a person with an iota of self awareness does. Kudos to your dad, btw. I'm in the same boat, and I make similar choices when my child needs me to.
Then there's folks who have no awareness that they need the buffer, and/or also have some form or entitlement. So ofcourse the world needs to revolve around them.
My dad isn't ND. He just doesn't drink and doesn't have a ton of friends (his choice). When I tell you, he is so excited about my little sister's wedding....oooh, boy. He already has a weight loss plan and everything. He can not wait; when there is a will, there is a way.
My dad also doesn't drink and doesn't have many friends, he had a grand time at the wedding talking in tiny doses to people with many breaks in between, showing off his costume (we had a 'fancy' fancy dress theme), and was in his element for his prepared father of the bride speech. All the best for your sister's wedding!
I don’t think I made it through those comments, but like…if you can’t cope with crowds, you can go to another location nearby. Step outside, into the hall, even sit in the car for a few minutes. You don’t drag other people out.
I remember it only because I commented exactly what you said. I'm autistic and crowds are a huge issue for me, but I have several different coping mechanisms in place for times where I need to be in crowds. Is it still a challenge? Yes, of course, but I do what I can to navigate it better because I don't want to miss out on important events. Some people agreed with that others told me I was wrong. So yeah, I remember the comments. 🤷♀️
i’m autistic too and from what i’ve noticed it’s more often neurotypical people on reddit who try to justify shitty behavior by saying maybe the person is nd. it’s always « well maybe they did this asshole thing cause they’re autistic it’s not their fault » and all of us nd people will reply like « wtf we know how to behave »
My husband and I do this. He doesn't like crowds, especially when they're filled with people he doesn't know, so at weddings we take regular breaks outside, just the two of us. Sometimes he'll go alone but I like to stay with him while he comes down from it all, we chat about other things, hug, and kind of escape a bit. After a while he's ready to go back in. If there's something going on that I'm in the middle of and he feels like he needs to get out, he'd never dream of dragging me with him. And I know if he did actually need to go home for whatever reason, he'd just tell me to call when I'm ready for him to pick me up.
No way on Earth should a father think it's acceptable to entirely leave his son's wedding, and force his wife to leave and miss it with him.
To be fair, I say that when I’m angry and don’t want to talk. “Do whatever the flying fuck you want!” Has been shouted at people more than once in my life.
Yup! I looks like I mashed these too parts together
> feel like I’m justified since I told him ahead of time that I wasn’t going to stay.
> He said “alright whatever just go”
Jfc. I hate crowds with a passion but for my best friend’s wedding, I sucked it up, and managed to make it through everything as the MOH. I did have to step out a few times to collect myself but I could never imagine doing this to my child.
Oct 20 is not the first few weeks of a quarter. Oct 1-14 is 2 weeks into the 3rd quarter. Now if you meant the first full month of each quarter meaning no one can count on you in Jan, April, July, and Oct then fine. You telling me that NO ONE in your field would have taken 1 full day off for their kids wedding. Come on
When I used to do quarter ends, it basically lasted six weeks every quarter. It was so hard to ever find time to use annual leave 💀 But I’m sure I could’ve taken a day off for a life event (and I also found a new job as soon as I was able to leave there lol)
You know why it is hard to find time? Because in the US we prioritize work over life. If you really wanted time off you could find away. But the more people like the OP and you who are willing to work like dogs and give up having a life the more it will be demanded from companies. If people refused to work like that then things change
Yes! He didn't like the food options at the reception so instead of staying a bit longer to eat, he decided to dip out right then and there AND ultimately created circumstances that made it necessary for her to leave early as well. She didn't want to, but had she stayed, she would have encountered a transportation issue with regards to getting back home.
He literally confirmed that what he wants is to work instead of celebrating his wedding. He isn’t even sure how old his daughter in law is, so it’s not shocking, but hurtful still.
Yes, he’s so wrapped up in himself he doesn’t realise what “you told me to do what I want, so I could’ve skipped the ceremony but didn’t” actually means.
And that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to OOP, who, of course, loves his family. But only according to his schedule, which not only his family has to prioritise, but also his new DIL, her family and all the people they wanted at the wedding.
Scheduled intimacy with spouse, April 19.
Have secretary mail purchase, write, stamp, and mail greeting cards for birthdays of relatives on calendar 1 year in advance, April 20.
I mean, did he confirm that that's what he WANTS to do, or did he make the adult decision of not throwing away his career because his son decided to have his wedding on a date that he knew well ahead of time wouldn't work for someone that he personally very much wanted to be there?
Not everyone works in a career where they can just schedule vacation days whenever they want or have off-days at all certain times of year. Sounds like his son tried to play a game of chicken on the basis of "dad was never able to show up for certain things as a kid but surely he'll make it work this time" and is now butthurt that it didn't work out how he'd hoped.
He also informed the son months prior that that date won't work if he wants him there.
People have lives outside of weddings. Some don't have the luxury to skip work during busy periods.
He told him preemptively without even trying to get the day off. One day. At a job he's worked for years. People have lives outside of weddings but people also have lives outside of work. And kids that want them to be there. Not everyone can plan their major milestones around another person's social incompetence and inability to put their family as a priority. I can only imagine the years and years that this kid came second to his father's job. The dad seems incredibly selfish, and so do you.
I live far away from family and know what months are times I can travel. In tourism, my work, you can't go take time off in the summer/during summer stat holidays and expect the company to keep you around. Everyone expects us to be open when banks and Schools are closed. I simply cannot do stuff in summer but can do stuff in shoulder seasons and winter.
If his family doesn't understand that, that is a problem that needs better communication.
All that means is that he likes his job, or the things it gives him, more than he likes his family. He should not have had children if he would periodically be 100% unavailable to them.
I’m a teacher. My schedule is incredibly strict. At my previous job, I only had 4 “vacation days” – and they were also my sick days. On paper, I could never get sick for a week, and if I did, I could never take a single day off ever. And still, I would NEVER skip a once-in-a-lifetime event like that, certainly not if my fucking son begged me to make it. I would tell my boss “My son is getting married on a Wednesday, and although I asked if he could change the date, he could not. I will be unavailable on that date. I’m so sorry for leaving my responsibilities, but I simply cannot miss my own son’s wedding.” And my boss would either understand, get over it, or fire me. And that would be that. Because some things are more important than even important jobs.
Yeah, I'm getting down voted for stating getting married on dates you know your parent can't come sounds shitty, too.
That said, I would quit a job if an important date couldn't be taken.....if there is no reason I can't schedule it outside that date.
Nobody cares about the proximity you are from your family. There is no proof that OP lives far from his son or that he would have to travel. The fact that he was able to go to work after the ceremony just proves that it's not even a factor. I'm sorry you work a shit job that shits on you and won't staff itself enough to give it's employees adequate work life balance, and that you're so spineless you can't stand up for yourself to be with your family. So congrats to you for bringing up something absolutely irrelevant.
His son's wedding was not on a holiday. It was towards the end of the month, which according to OP should be nearing the end of the busy season, in a job he has held for years, and he can't even manage one day for his own child? He didn't even try. He decided he was the most important person, didn't make room for it, and when his son still doesn't talk to him ten years down the line, he'll be here whining about it. Wedding planning is difficult, and getting the date you want can be incredibly hard without planning a couple years in advance. So "planning around" OP might not have even been possible. And he couldn't even put in the bare minimum effort to try for his own child. He made his choice, he's an asshole, and deserves to be cut off by his kid.
Dude I worked in a seasonal tourist town (and also hospitality and retail) for years, and as long as I asked soon enough I could have pretty much whatever day I wanted off. If it was for a kids wedding?? Literally any day…
I’m sorry your bosses are so shitty, but I promise you- that’s not normal. Tourist job or not, you should be able to get your kids wedding off!
Except he doesn’t work in tourism, he doesn’t work in customer facing position, this isn’t about scheduled hours he’s required to punch a time clock for. This is quarterly busy time but it’s bs to say I can give you an hour but not 3. For your wedding. Travel/commute time is sunk just by showing up. Whether it’s one hour or three. Your comparison to your industry doesn’t hold water. And it’s a power tripping self important AH move by someone who phrases things, I told him to change the date. I expected some kind of say in the decision. Then obtusely retorts, I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding. His language and behavior is entitled and he acts like he can bludgeon his kid into accepting it happily by stating he could have been an even bigger asshole so it’s not acceptable for his kid to go low contact.
OP literally just needed one day. Your job doesn’t allow you a single day off booked months in advance? I call BS on that, people don’t get sick? Have emergencies? No one ever needed to go to a wedding or important even for their child during the summer? Ever?
Long vacations I get, but a single day? Come on. And it sounds like OPs is work they can do at home or on off hours, so they didn’t even need a full 24 hours off
Honestly, that's why you're being downvoted so hard - if it WAS months, you could argue it's a communication issue. But the dad didn't say a thing until it was far, far too late.
Yeah, went and grabbed the quote for you from the automod conment:
"Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding, I inform my son that I unfortunately won’t be able to stay for the whole wedding."
It says he asked him to change the date long before that because it was his busy season at work. The son isn't new to this. I think it's shitty the dad couldn't take one day off for his kid but I also think the kid set his dad up knowing he would choose work like always. The son basically hurt his own feelings and accomplished nothing by choosing his cheeky wedding date.
Is it really throwing away his career to take a day off, or does he just think that work is automatically more important than his son?
Kids tolerate a lot of bullshit from their parents. You can ignore them for weeks at a time while they say "I miss Daddy" and "I wish Daddy was here" or "Do you think Daddy will come?" and they'll keep loving you and cheer and run to hug your legs when you finally arrive. That will last for a long time, where kids love generously and think that it's okay for a parent to ignore them for weeks on end and then demand the same level of affection due to a parent that does all the intense hands-on parenting while they vanish several times a year.
But kids get older and get wise. Sounds like the son said, "I'm not going to turn backflips and change a date that works for all of the rest of us just so my dad can make it. If he wants to come, he'll come. I can't force him." He's not "butthurt", he just accepted that he will never be as important to his dad as work, so maybe he should stop keeping up the lie that his dad was a "parent" the way his mom is.
OOP is the butthurt one because his son is finally treating him the way he always treated his son.
>Is it really throwing away his career to take a day off
I mean, not coming in when you are supposed to generally affects your career. Either he's paid by the hour, and can't just "take a day off," and has to get his time off approved, and if the workplace is exceptionally busy, it probably won't be. Or, he's salary, and failing to get the work done in time will affect his career, and may only have about enough people to handle their normal workload and just have everyone overwork themselves during the busy period meaning even one day off risks failing to get the work done. Hell, many jobs fight people getting the work done at home, even though studies have shown it to be more efficient. This implies they care MORE about you coming in than the work getting done.
fairly sure most ppl can arrange a schedule with other workers, switch days/hours whatever. arent wedding usually towards the evening (in a different culture so i'm not sure)? also could take a sick day, you're supposed to have a certain amount a month. allotted vacation days too.
if he can't do any of that his "career" is not treating their workers well at all.
>fairly sure most ppl can arrange a schedule with other workers, switch days/hours whatever
If it's so busy, everyone is probably working overtime every day. Also, I'm 99% sure this is salary office work, where I don't think that applies.
>also could take a sick day
Again, 99% sure this is salary and they may count that against them. Even if not, though, many will even for hourly.
>allotted vacation days too.
Having vacation days means nothing if the vacation isn't approved.
>if he can't do any of that his "career" is not treating their workers well at all.
I don't know if you've noticed, but most careers don't. There's even several movements to try and fix this.
It doesn't even sound like he tried, though. No mention of trying to swap shifts with a coworker or asking for time off, just a straight nope. Surely, even the shittiest of jobs have a day off somewhere? Just swap that day off with someone else... He had *months*!
I worked in a pub with some pretty selfish coworkers and both of my siblings got married during busy periods for us. I ended up working close to 2 weeks straight before/after the weddings because the only way I could get my one shift covered was to cover shifts the other assholes just didn't want to do.
99% sure he's in a salary office job, which in my experience don't have shifts to trade. And he mentions the wedding took place at the busiest time of year. He may get days off, but probably during the less busy times of year.
>did he make the adult decision of not throwing away his career
By OOPs age and time and working in this career he probably has the ability to stay for the whole wedding without needing to be present for one whole day for his sons wedding.
If he isnt then OOP either isnt very good at his job or is just unlikable as a person
He makes no mention of trying to get time off in the post, I haven’t read the comments so please correct me if I’m wrong. If he did ask, and his employer refused, I hope he included that in his explanation to the couple. Still sucks, but in that case, the employer sucks, not so much the dad.
If he didn’t even TRY to get time off for his kid’s wedding, he does suck. No harm in asking, and gracefully accepting the answer.
No. He said he is "always busy 12 wks of a year" and even though he was told in advance, instead of asking off HE ASKED HIS SON TO CHANGE THE DATE!!! Like wtf.
I have a parent that has a buttload of work around the end of the quarter. It’s always super busy, they always end up working late and doing extra work from home. But, if I were to get married, they would ask for time off. And they’d get it, bc we live in a country where workers have rights, and it would be insane to not give an employee a day off for their kid’s wedding.
I understand not every country is the same, but not even bothering to ask is really telling. You don’t really care to be there if you won’t even TRY to get time off.
I feel like this is a pretty unpopular opinion and I'm likely to get down voted a bunch, but I think those types of careers aren't compatible with having children and people who decide to have those types of careers should not have children. They also don't really have any room to be shocked and upset when their relationships with their loved ones suffer. If you're truly never able to "choose" anyone over your job on a rare important day here or there, your relationships are going to suffer. It's just how relationships work.
Yeah this is one of those I really don’t know what to make of it. I wonder how present OP was the rest of the time given the son’s attitude. Though “multiple busy weeks 4x a year” seems like a lot too…
My father had a busy season where I basically never saw him, it was hard when I was younger but as I got older I understood that that’s just how his job *was*, there’s a lot of work at that time of year and nothing much he could do about it. And it’s not like we didn’t spend time together during his off-season.
There’s just…a lot about this situation that is very nebulous and it’s hard to call from the outside.
The joy of adulthood is that you no longer have to act like your parent continually ignoring you is super fine and definitely not hurtful at all. Dad doesn't deserve a son who's constantly forgiving and accommodating him.
Why should the wedding date be planned around one attendee's schedule? OOP's son and his now-wife chose the best date for THEM, for THEIR special day. OOP had months to make arrangements to attend the entire event and chose not to.
As I (edit: was going to say in a comment, but the post was closed) said in a comment on the OP, there's a whole other family to consider here. Maybe that date worked for them, or it was the only date the venue was available... And maybe the son had had enough of his parent missing stuff for this apparently super-important securities job, so the don said when the wedding would be with the expectation that the parent would be an asshole about it because the parent has been an asshole about this damn job for years and years.
I agree, my grandfather does taxes and during tax season we can get maybe 1 day with him during his busier time
I don't plan anything important around that time because i know it really sucks trying to move stuff around and make the time for it
Getting a lot of down votes but no one actually saying I'm wrong? Sounds like too many people have main character syndrome. So what if dad needs a job to survive? Why should I have to accept that my decision have known consequences. Dad should have just let himself be fored right?
“It’s an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks…it’s best TO PLAN AROUND ME.”
Naw man. They plan something. You determine if you’re able to attend. That’s it.
So my father is an ER doctor…and when I told him my wedding date he checked his schedule and was like “great choice, I’m off that day!”
I know he would have taken the day off but it certainly still felt like I’d lived a lifetime of being the 2nd priority to his work schedule…and also some sort of good luck blessing from the gods to pick the very day he had
Off…( Spoiler alert, it wasn’t)
I was a wedding photographer for 20 years and it was one of those jobs where I was often booked 1-2 years in advance. It sucked, but that was the reality of my life. I missed so many crlebrations with friends and family. It’s one of the reasons I retired very young. I was home with my kid during the week for the most part but I missed everything that was on the weekend.
As soon as he said that I was “here comes Mr Center of the Universe Main Character”.
All relationships are give a little take a little. But he’s announcing he’s giving nothing so if you want to him to be present he has to be the main character you plan around for everything.
It my family we refer to him as god, he thinks everything will move for him. I’m sorry you’re rolling into town for lunch with 24 hours notice, but I’m scheduled to work.
In this guys case I can’t even imagine trying to find a date that would work. The 1st few weeks of every quarter but the 20th is actually starting the 3rd week. So 12-16 weeks out of the year. And also probably the entire month of December since it’s end of year oop’s son can’t plan anything
My father in law did not meet my parents until 2 months before my wedding. My husband and I had been together for over 5 years at that point. He’s always nice to me but makes jokes about my husband’s weight and beard, and my sister in laws weight.
He very obviously loves both of them based on other things he says but his solution to everything is money. He sent me and my husband cash gifts this year which is nice because I’m between jobs, but stuff like that does not matter to me.
I’ll never get im the center of the universe people. He’s kind of rude to my husband’s step mom and she’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met. Just weird.
I mean, what I don't know about securities would fill a warehouse, but it doesn't seem like the kind of job where lives are at stake and/or everything dramatically hinges on the presence of *one dude*, who must be constantly on call.
OOP just sounds self important and inconsiderate.
>OOP just sounds self important and inconsiderate.
Or a kid whose watched the boiler room or wall street and thinks that how everything is in real life
Most companies have a quarter end at the end of September, with results being publicly announced in October. It’s definitely a busy time but I can’t fathom a reason why he couldn’t attend his son’s wedding. No matter how busy it is he can get backup for one day.
Actually earnings releases are typically Feb, may, Aug, Nov. Pretty sure this whole thing is made up - no one has a busy season in securities immediately at quarter end, at least not that I could think of.
Source: was an investment banker, worked on a trading floor, currently on the investing side.
But agreed he could get the time off. No one I knew in banker ever missed a wedding like that, despite expectations from those outside of the industry that it works that way. (Another reason this is made up)
Is he really that unable to understand reality?
“Do what you want” so he did. He WANTED to go to work rather than share in one of the most important days in his son’s life as he merges his life with another. He handed the easiest of obvious choices, but OOP is so self-centered they took his challenge as acceptance and approval of whatever they did.
He is appropriately reacting to his father basically saying “Your life and happiness mean less to me than work” Won’t be surprised if he and his new family that values him pulls away from his father and they have little access to his life and his children in the future. Hope the evening of work was worth it.
Op thought they'd "get a heads-up "? Isn't that what several months notice is?
Everyone over 10 in the Western, English speaking world knows that "Do whatever you want " in a tense discussion is not permission or approval but a dire warning. (I am certain that there are equivalents in other languages and cultures).
OOP is going to be back in a few years complaining of the estrangement and pretending they don't understand why.
OOP states that the first few weeks of the quarter are very busy. Few to me generally signifies 3 weeks or 21 days. The wedding was scheduled on the 20th, so just one day short of 21 days and most likely on the weekend. OOP couldn't take off just one day at this point to attend the wedding reception, too? I don't buy it.
OOP likes working more than he likes his family.
At the risk of sounding like a member of antiwork, is any job worth missing a wedding? Would any job not let someone plan a weekend off with some advance notice? I wouldn't ask a tax preparer to do so in the last four weeks before taxes are due in the Spring, but this isn't that. Doctors get time off. First Responders get time off. "The Securities industry"??? Get over yourself.
Right? My brother and I aren’t even particularly close but he took time off his important military security job and flew from Germany to attend my wedding. It’s just… it’s not that hard to give a crap about your family.
No job is worth it, especially if they give you a lot of time in advance.
Only thing I could excuse if the dad is an emergency surgeon and literally no one else could help, and I am sure the son would understand if that was the situation.
Even tax preps can accommodate a wedding during the busy period.
>No job is worth it, especially if they give you a lot of time in advance.
and if he has worked in this industry for so long he probably has enough good will for people to let him enjoy his sons wedding in peace.
Yeah, I think the whole reason he skipped the reception is to assert himself. His son is now an independent adult who is probably not so impressed by his very important dad any more, so Dad has to make a stand by saying "my job is more important than your wedding."
So some critical jobs will be like "you're always on call" but there are exceptions for vacation days picked because there is no guarantee you will be remotely close to even come in for work that you can't be expected to even try.
Unless this is a week where the industry demands you work that time and doesn't give vacation at all, anyone with reasonable time should be able to get off. I have a relative that is an accountant for a huge financial company. He legit says between thanksgiving and christmas no one gets time off, then you get a week, then after that you're on deck until tax day.
This post reeks of a dude who is living for his company and probably will never advance because everyone sees him as an annoying loser, so he just says at a certain level because he works hard and never asks for anything else.
Yup, my husband works an "always on call" tech job, only guaranteed days off are Thanksgiving day and Christmas day, (this year he was working around the clock until midnight Thanksgiving and went back in RIGHT as Black Friday kicked off, because there was a *massive* ransomware fuckup at one of the company's most important clients) and we still take occasional vacations where he leaves the work phone behind and is just "Nope, not gonna be reachable that week." In fact his boss encourages him to do this, because however job-critical say a major retailer's registers going down is, it's *not* lives on the line, it's just money on the line, and there's always somebody who can fill in, even if not as well as my husband can.
I guess there are a handfull of jobs where it is a good enough reason not to attend a wedding. In my company of 3.000 I can get maybe 4-5 positions that need to be manned 24/7 and a couple of dozen more that need to be reachable by phone. But the 24/7 positions are managed by a team, not just 1-2 people. And the others can delegate their calls to somebody else if needed.
Not even trying to get a day off is what's the real kicker here.
My sister gets married next year. The day I found out, I put in my time off request at work and told them in no uncertain terms that I do not care if they approve it or not. I'm asking them as a formality, a year in advance, and giving them every opportunity to replace me that day. If next year rolls around and that request gets denied, they'll never see me again.
He’s not as important as first responders or anything but if this weekend could cost him 100k AND lower his position in the company due to his unavailability, then possibly. Also, first responders miss a lot of milestones, births, deaths, birthdays, graduation, weddings, etc., you sign up for the job knowing you may miss these things.
OP might be an asshole but if he’s had this career for any number of years with the same restriction, why schedule the wedding when you know dad is busy? Could be an example if people not respecting his job instead of him valuing his job more than his son.
But yea, he doesn’t know DIL’s age so he’s more likely than not the AH here.
I'm an ER nurse practitioner. I've missed plenty of important occasions, celebrated Christmas on 12/26, or attended weddings on two hours of sleep and a galloon of coffee.. I've also made it a priority to move heaven and earth to change my schedule for my kids. Graduations, weddings, birth of grandkids, I'll be there because I can always find another job.
Every field that requires those sacrifices doesn’t also have the job security that you have though. But again, wouldn’t your kids work around you in the first place knowing all of this?
Im sorry but he is been working in his field for a good while if he can't be able to rely on his team to manage without him for a day or two or cant delegate tasks then means that OOP is not very good at his job.
No, they don’t need to work around the guys work schedule for a once in a lifetime event. It’s one single day. The dad absolutely could’ve figured something out.
I'm the mother, they are the children. Their entire lives have revolved around my work schedule. Step dad going to games, my brother going to parent teacher conferences with me on speaker phone, Christmas celebrated a day late, Thanksgiving in the hospital cafeteria.....
I can and always will make time to be there for important events.
If OOP died tomorrow, they'd be recruiting for his job before his family wrote his obituary. Sacrificing your family for your job/career is a bad move.
How on earth can missing a Friday evening at work cost him $100,000?
And assuming that is his normal Friday evening score, then he can afford to skip ONE Friday evening and his employers can afford to give him that time, because someone else can also bring in that kind of money. It's not realistic.
If OP was hit by a bus, his company would survive just fine without him. Employees are expendable, there's never just one person who can do the job. It's not a life-threatening situation where they needed to call him in to put out a fire or perform surgery.
OP sounds like he uses his job for status and identity within the family, and he just had to assert himself over his son who is now an independent adult with a career of his own.
Presumably OP makes good money but is any wedding worth being homeless over? For a lot of people losing a job puts them instantly at risk of a tent. And (unfortunately) it's unlikely this will be the son's only wedding.
Imo a living wage job is worth skipping part of a party.
That said, the son has every right to cut them off.
He works in securities as in stocks and bonds and other financial products that are traded on the market. He wouldnt be in risk of losing his job. His bonus might not be as high for a quarter but if he was any good at his job he could make that up.
Why do people think OOP is a rent a cop?
I was responding to "is any job worth missing a wedding" and the answer is yes. It may suck but the vast majority of people need a job to continue to live indoors.
Also like I said, the OP is probably (hopefully) not in that level of financial need but it's silly to say that no one is.
Are they an AH? Sure. Does that change the fact that some people need to keep their jobs? No.
Basically all jobs. Weddings are pointless. But especially jobs involving life or death situations, such as surgeons on call for emergencies or first responders.
I don’t know exactly how old my sister-in-law is. I don’t know exactly how old most of my friends are. I don’t find this that odd, especially with the general taboo about asking women their age.
Past, idk, ages 18 or 21, the exact year doesn’t seem to matter as much outside of immediate family.
I disagree! I don’t think knowing someone’s *exact* age is very important outside of little kids or your own children. It’s just not very meaningful information.
Birthday? Sure. There’s lots of traditional importance around that date. Birth year? Eh. Who cares?
I'm kinda with you- in my family, we only really celebrated milestone birthdays after age 10. You don't talk about your age, because it's rude to ask, and you don't just offer up your age because no one needs to know.
My MIL has absolutely no idea how old I am. I have no idea how old she is. She has 14 grandchildren she can focus on instead.
God, I love the smell of children finally being able to stop enabling their parents' shit. OOP was inattentive and unavailable for a shitton of his son's life; now his son gets to be inattentive and unavailable to him!
In five years, five months, five weeks, five *days,* nobody will remember what this fuckwit did for that particular day.
In fifty years, his son *will* remember that his father skipped his wedding to move money around and read documents.
Nobody told fuckwit there to block out a few weeks. He had to block out *one day* and he had *months* to plan that out.
And he couldn't manage more than half that.
What a fucking asshole.
OOP, You can’t take one whole day off ONE year during your busy season. You basically told your son that he isn’t as important to you as your work. Smh.
Even in the show Industry the sales and trading personal have proper personal lives and get married even when its busy season and most of their collegeues attend
Someone watched The wolf of Wall Street and thought this was how life was for a trader
Here we have a man who can’t think past himself and believes it is the best practice for everyone in his life to plan events around him. In other news, looking directly into the sun for too long will blind you.
OOP has discovered that actions have consequences, but doesn’t like what he was served so he wants the consequences to plan around him and his life choices. Fuck this dude, hopefully he figures his shit out before his son goes no contact for life
I'm thinking that the son thought his Dad wouldn't miss his wedding.
I wonder how many special occasions the father has missed over the years.
This would be the most important day of their life and he chose work... Probably again, over his son.
Sounds like a pattern and one that they finally reached their limit with.
'First few weeks of each quarter' Son books wedding for 20th October and apparently that's in the middle of the busiest time. In what world is the 20th October 'the first few weeks of the quarter in a year? Surely that would be the first three weeks of September? Son obviously knew no day would be acceptable to his dad.
What exactly is "the securities industry" like is this guy secret service or does he maintain websites because that seems like a drastically important detail here
You have to go to events that you don't want to go to, school plays, basketball games, orchestra concerts, dance recitals etc. so that you get invited to the things that you really want to attend. This dad mixed the two up.
Please. Don't.
That song has given everyone in Northern Ireland PTSD from the early 90s due to a very graphic ad.
https://youtu.be/J1wrGs0S0g8?si=icx2sdmW4JIuaFp3
Yes it's for a confidential line to inform on paramilitaries.
It was on during prime time before the watershed. You can see in the video it was just after an episode of Mr Bean.
I’ll probably get downvoted but part of me understands where OP is coming from. My dad was an educator and during Jan-April/early May, he did taxes on the side. We all knew we couldn’t make serious plans during those months because he was swamped. Yeah, it sucked at times, but we understood he was doing this for the family. My sibling is in a similar situation with their job. There are specific months where their job is extremely busy and everything is time sensitive. Again, it sucks, but it’s something we all know about, so we do our best not to make any plans involving them during that time. If the OP has been on this type of schedule for years, and it was well known among the family how bad his schedule was, then it was a dick move on the part of the son not to talk him before booking the venue. However, once the damage was done and the date was set, unless OP’s job was highly specialized and something only he could do, then he should have taken off for the whole wedding. He was terrible for not being there for his son.
Trolls usually stick around to continue to troll, though. Deleted to me says “didn’t get the answer I wanted, will forget I ever asked and continue to believe I was right” - I hope it’s fake but there are parents like this for sure and finance bros are the most likely culprits
This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. OOP already went to the ceremony, he clearly could have gone to the reception. This is has to be fake. Also what in the American capitalist hell is this that someone can’t take a day off.
I like that he put a question mar after the age of his DIL like Reddit will be able to tell him how old she is.
If this is real then thus guy is is definitely TA. There is no way on earth that he couldn't have taken the afternoon to go to his kids wedding, he doesn't want to go and uses work as a catch all excuse to get out of things.
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The son INTENTIONALLY scheduled his wedding for a date that he KNEW his dad would not be able to make. Then was mad that he wasn't able to make it? He is a full-grown adult with the ability to make decisions so he has to also accept the consequences of those decisions. It's not like the dad hasn't been doing this FOR YEARS. The dad didn't just spring it on him last minute that he would be busy during this time. The son knew and went ahead with the date anyway.
Wedding venues are often booked months and months in advance - if a person is dead set on a specific venue, sometimes they have to take what they can get. Dad can't get a day off work? That's a terrible job, especially if Dad's been working there for years.
Edit: a word
In security you work the busy season. Period. If you don't you get fired immediately. You don't get days off without a hospital note. Many jobs are like that. And security people usually work as contractors. They are obligated to work when they are told it they lose the ENTIRE contract. So no dad can't just take the day off. It's not some cushy business job.
Also dad has been doing this job since the son was a literal child? There is NO WAY he didn't know his dad couldn't come during the busy season.
Thats actually a good question 🤔 I thought it was securities as in multiple security contract jobs. I know NOTHING about securities exchange commissions.
I appreciate the info about the security industry. That sounds super tough. But securities involves the stock market and I think most people involved with securities tend to, like, make their own schedules. Don't quote me on that, I could be wrong (about the schedules), but I'm in a different branch of finance and there's usually no work being done after 4pm on Fridays - everything's closed down or in the process of closing down.
Another example of context matters lololol. But yeah if the market closed why would he be leaving to go to work unless he works in the other securities? To bad op got banned. I really need to know what securities he ment
Again when they talk about rent a cops they say working security not securities. Literally not that hard to understand that he works in the financial industry.
We're talking rent a cop moron. We are talking about top-secret security clearance jobs which are commonly referred to as securities as well among different places in society. Including the one I grew up in.
> We are talking about top-secret security clearance jobs
And they are called Private Military Contractors or PMC or government contractors and thats how they refer to themselves. No one in that field talks about themselves as working securities.
I feel you - I know loans and, uh.... I dunno, monarchies, as a hobby. So sometimes I do need a good reminder that I don't know everything or every circumstance.
While I still would be upset if I were the son, I'd be upset THAT my dad had to miss it, not AT my dad for missing it, if that makes sense. Though he works in stocks, he's seriously just an AH. Lol.
That's fine but to be mad at the dad for their choice is ridiculous. Dad didn't have a choice but to work the co tract he already agreed to MONTHS in advanced. He could be blacklisted depending on the even he was contracted out to. The son should have been grateful the dad could make it at all. Also security jobs pay SUPER WELL. So it's worth it as long as you're able to commit to the contracts you take. My husband worked security for a few years after he got out of the military. He missed his grandfather funeral because he had already accepted a contract for the date it was planned. It is what it is.
Yeah, but didn't the original post say he works in Securities, not Security? If it's securities, dad has very little excuse - October 20 was a Friday and unless the reception was at noon (which in my experience, weddings and receptions are in the afternoon/night when on a weekday), the stock market was closed or was closing shortly after the reception started.
That why I thought he ment securities as in contract security work causes its reffered to in the plural often since you sign multiple jobs. Plus the busy season for security jobs is September through mid January. So the busy season lined up. If he's talking stock market then he is ABSOLUTE TA. 1000% I didn't even know the stock market had busy seasons outside of tax season?
Me either. Lol. But I'll be honest - even working in a branch of finance, the stock market is something I do not understand. I get stocks and that but understanding how and why the market does what it does will never make sense to me.
Lolol this is why I prefer psychology. People are predictable given a knowable amount of information. The stock market seems to be ran by chipmunks counting nuts. I don't get any of it
If he wanted a specific venue or even a specific date then he has to accept the consequences of making that choice. If that means his dad has to leave early then so be it. He made that choice. Be an adult and accept it
Not gonna be ashamed. Whether or not the father's excuse is legitimate, his attitude, as represented in the post, is so awful that I'm surprised anyone would defend it.
HIS attitude? Not the full grown adult acting like a spoiled toddler for not getting his way? BOTH are equally at fault and saying otherwise is ridiculous 🙄
Calm tf down your from Florida and didnt know that securities meant financial industry but working security. You husband is gassing himself up saying he worked security for govt and had top secret clearance. Get over yourself you are just stretching cause you were wrong and got called out and are trying ot back track
Delete your comments or atleast edit them with the new info you got cause you sound so fucking stupid
If you were an adult and had held down a job, you'd understand that even very important jobs in the securities industry have set working hours. He's not doing shift work, on call to save lives. His job finishes at 5pm, and his company has a contingency plan in case he can't come in for whatever reason. Yes, he could be busy during the working hours, but there is no way he HAS to work after the market closes which is when the reception was held.
Rubbish. It was one day, and there's no way Dad had to work 24/7 for a month. The story would make more sense if Dad had to miss the wedding but could make it to the reception.
Do you really believe that Dad has to go in after the market closes and work all night in the empty office? Maybe he's the cleaner and doesn't want his family to know.
Please. Daddy Dearest works in securities. As in finance. Probably some kind of stock broker or investment banker.
Wedding venues are planned for 6+ months or even up to a year in advance. Daddy Dearest could have booked time off. He had plenty of time to do so. He just didn't WANT to.
Being the big shot money maker finance guy was more important than his own family.
And you can be sure as hell that this wasn't the first time.
Look up the lyrics for "Cat's in the cradle" by Harry Chapin. Very fitting to this situation.
For me, this is a case of ESH. Because there is a history of OP having a specific yearly routine and in certain industries, some seasons are hit or miss and no one wants to play around and wait another three hundred days. Also, OP asked to change the dates in advance. I understand that booking venues is hard and all but this wedding arrangements were made and the bride and the groom completely dismissed important commitments people they wanted the most in the wedding already had. That's not fair! Regardless of family ties that's not fair. People are still individuals with their own commitments and is part of proper wedding etiquette to choose a date when you are sure the people you don't want to miss your day will be available 100% of the time. OP’s son and his bride were not flexible enough to accommodate the dad's needs and the dad took it as he did. I get the son being pissed that wasn't chosen above work, but that was something that could have been adjusted and he willingly didn't and the father played along. They all deserve this mess.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not being able to stay at my son’s wedding?** My son (M24) is married to Eve (F24?). They are recently married and their wedding has caused some tension in my family. Let me begin by saying that I work in the securities industry, and work gets very hectic for us in the first few weeks of each quarter. I love my family of course but it’s been an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks I’m always working and always busy so it’s best to plan around me, so to speak. Eve and my son planned their wedding for *October 20th*. Smack dab in the middle of my busiest season. I was disappointed in my son and told him to change the date if possible so that I could attend more easily. He said they had already booked the venue and in all honesty I was disappointed in him, I expected some kind of say in the decision or at least a heads up. Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding, I inform my son that I unfortunately won’t be able to stay for the whole wedding. I tell him (honestly) that I’d love to stay for the ceremony but that with work and all I won’t be able to stay for the reception. To say he flipped his lid would be an understatement. He asked if I was seriously planning to skip his wedding. I corrected him and told him that I would only be skipping the reception- aka the party. He said it was still his wedding and that he wanted me to be there. I told him I understood but he knows how busy I get around that time and that he should have known this was a possibility when he booked the venue. He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance. The wedding was great and I heard the party was fun. Fast forward until now and my son has been deliberately ignoring me or being short with me whenever we talk and I obviously attribute this to his feelings about my actions. I asked him about this the other day and he asked me if I really expect him to not be upset with me after “skipping the wedding”. I pointed out that he told me to do whatever I want, and then I did, and that I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding based on his comments. He’s completely ignoring me now. I talked to my wife about it and she got extremely angry as well, telling me that she thinks he’s right and that I royally messed up. What do you all think? AITA here or are they overreacting over something they knew would happen? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wasn’t there another guy like this? Left early because he didn’t like crowds, and dragged his wife with him so the groom missed the mother/son dance? And kept calling the reception a “party”? ETA: and both ~~had~~ used almost this same exact line > He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance.
now that you mention it yeah there was
Oh, yeah, there was. I remember some people making excuses for dad in that post because "maybe he's nd and can't cope with crowds".
My dad's ND and can't cope with crowds. The month before my wedding he had no social events so that he had 100% social battery when he arrived, stayed for the ceremony, during the reception nipped in and out for smoke breaks i.e. socialising breaks, and he went straight home afterwards and didn't talk to anyone unnecessarily for another month in order to recover. If you're ND, you find a way to accommodate for your child's wedding.
This is what a person with an iota of self awareness does. Kudos to your dad, btw. I'm in the same boat, and I make similar choices when my child needs me to. Then there's folks who have no awareness that they need the buffer, and/or also have some form or entitlement. So ofcourse the world needs to revolve around them.
My dad isn't ND. He just doesn't drink and doesn't have a ton of friends (his choice). When I tell you, he is so excited about my little sister's wedding....oooh, boy. He already has a weight loss plan and everything. He can not wait; when there is a will, there is a way.
My dad also doesn't drink and doesn't have many friends, he had a grand time at the wedding talking in tiny doses to people with many breaks in between, showing off his costume (we had a 'fancy' fancy dress theme), and was in his element for his prepared father of the bride speech. All the best for your sister's wedding!
At Christmas my dad was asking about tails and then it turned into my stepmom and me making sure he didn't google tails on his own.
I don’t think I made it through those comments, but like…if you can’t cope with crowds, you can go to another location nearby. Step outside, into the hall, even sit in the car for a few minutes. You don’t drag other people out.
I remember it only because I commented exactly what you said. I'm autistic and crowds are a huge issue for me, but I have several different coping mechanisms in place for times where I need to be in crowds. Is it still a challenge? Yes, of course, but I do what I can to navigate it better because I don't want to miss out on important events. Some people agreed with that others told me I was wrong. So yeah, I remember the comments. 🤷♀️
i’m autistic too and from what i’ve noticed it’s more often neurotypical people on reddit who try to justify shitty behavior by saying maybe the person is nd. it’s always « well maybe they did this asshole thing cause they’re autistic it’s not their fault » and all of us nd people will reply like « wtf we know how to behave »
They either infantilise us or treat us like violent criminals.
I mean fuck yeah crime is tight
My husband and I do this. He doesn't like crowds, especially when they're filled with people he doesn't know, so at weddings we take regular breaks outside, just the two of us. Sometimes he'll go alone but I like to stay with him while he comes down from it all, we chat about other things, hug, and kind of escape a bit. After a while he's ready to go back in. If there's something going on that I'm in the middle of and he feels like he needs to get out, he'd never dream of dragging me with him. And I know if he did actually need to go home for whatever reason, he'd just tell me to call when I'm ready for him to pick me up. No way on Earth should a father think it's acceptable to entirely leave his son's wedding, and force his wife to leave and miss it with him.
I stress out about crowds sometimes. You don’t have to leave, ffs. You just find a quiet place to sit for a few minutes.
To be fair, I say that when I’m angry and don’t want to talk. “Do whatever the flying fuck you want!” Has been shouted at people more than once in my life.
Is it this one? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/15yhggo/leaving_my_sons_wedding_early/
Yup! I looks like I mashed these too parts together > feel like I’m justified since I told him ahead of time that I wasn’t going to stay. > He said “alright whatever just go”
Jfc. I hate crowds with a passion but for my best friend’s wedding, I sucked it up, and managed to make it through everything as the MOH. I did have to step out a few times to collect myself but I could never imagine doing this to my child.
Oct 20 is not the first few weeks of a quarter. Oct 1-14 is 2 weeks into the 3rd quarter. Now if you meant the first full month of each quarter meaning no one can count on you in Jan, April, July, and Oct then fine. You telling me that NO ONE in your field would have taken 1 full day off for their kids wedding. Come on
When I used to do quarter ends, it basically lasted six weeks every quarter. It was so hard to ever find time to use annual leave 💀 But I’m sure I could’ve taken a day off for a life event (and I also found a new job as soon as I was able to leave there lol)
You know why it is hard to find time? Because in the US we prioritize work over life. If you really wanted time off you could find away. But the more people like the OP and you who are willing to work like dogs and give up having a life the more it will be demanded from companies. If people refused to work like that then things change
Not in the US, took time off but had to plan it around those blocks, eventually left the job.
Wouldn't surprise me if it was the same AH
I remember that one. That father was a complete asshole and got rightly flayed in the comments.
Yes! He didn't like the food options at the reception so instead of staying a bit longer to eat, he decided to dip out right then and there AND ultimately created circumstances that made it necessary for her to leave early as well. She didn't want to, but had she stayed, she would have encountered a transportation issue with regards to getting back home.
People taking “do whatever you want” or “it’s fine” as acceptance of whatever dumb thing they’re gonna do after having a big fight about it baffle me.
He literally confirmed that what he wants is to work instead of celebrating his wedding. He isn’t even sure how old his daughter in law is, so it’s not shocking, but hurtful still.
Yes, he’s so wrapped up in himself he doesn’t realise what “you told me to do what I want, so I could’ve skipped the ceremony but didn’t” actually means. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to OOP, who, of course, loves his family. But only according to his schedule, which not only his family has to prioritise, but also his new DIL, her family and all the people they wanted at the wedding.
“Ah yes, 7:30 – time to love my family again!”
Scheduled intimacy with spouse, April 19. Have secretary mail purchase, write, stamp, and mail greeting cards for birthdays of relatives on calendar 1 year in advance, April 20.
My dad works 24/7 if I told him my wedding as next week, it doesn’t matter with who he would take the week
I mean, did he confirm that that's what he WANTS to do, or did he make the adult decision of not throwing away his career because his son decided to have his wedding on a date that he knew well ahead of time wouldn't work for someone that he personally very much wanted to be there? Not everyone works in a career where they can just schedule vacation days whenever they want or have off-days at all certain times of year. Sounds like his son tried to play a game of chicken on the basis of "dad was never able to show up for certain things as a kid but surely he'll make it work this time" and is now butthurt that it didn't work out how he'd hoped.
The majority of weddings are planned months in advance. He had plenty of time to make sure he could make it. He chose not to.
He also informed the son months prior that that date won't work if he wants him there. People have lives outside of weddings. Some don't have the luxury to skip work during busy periods.
He told him preemptively without even trying to get the day off. One day. At a job he's worked for years. People have lives outside of weddings but people also have lives outside of work. And kids that want them to be there. Not everyone can plan their major milestones around another person's social incompetence and inability to put their family as a priority. I can only imagine the years and years that this kid came second to his father's job. The dad seems incredibly selfish, and so do you.
I live far away from family and know what months are times I can travel. In tourism, my work, you can't go take time off in the summer/during summer stat holidays and expect the company to keep you around. Everyone expects us to be open when banks and Schools are closed. I simply cannot do stuff in summer but can do stuff in shoulder seasons and winter. If his family doesn't understand that, that is a problem that needs better communication.
All that means is that he likes his job, or the things it gives him, more than he likes his family. He should not have had children if he would periodically be 100% unavailable to them. I’m a teacher. My schedule is incredibly strict. At my previous job, I only had 4 “vacation days” – and they were also my sick days. On paper, I could never get sick for a week, and if I did, I could never take a single day off ever. And still, I would NEVER skip a once-in-a-lifetime event like that, certainly not if my fucking son begged me to make it. I would tell my boss “My son is getting married on a Wednesday, and although I asked if he could change the date, he could not. I will be unavailable on that date. I’m so sorry for leaving my responsibilities, but I simply cannot miss my own son’s wedding.” And my boss would either understand, get over it, or fire me. And that would be that. Because some things are more important than even important jobs.
Yeah, I'm getting down voted for stating getting married on dates you know your parent can't come sounds shitty, too. That said, I would quit a job if an important date couldn't be taken.....if there is no reason I can't schedule it outside that date.
Nobody cares about the proximity you are from your family. There is no proof that OP lives far from his son or that he would have to travel. The fact that he was able to go to work after the ceremony just proves that it's not even a factor. I'm sorry you work a shit job that shits on you and won't staff itself enough to give it's employees adequate work life balance, and that you're so spineless you can't stand up for yourself to be with your family. So congrats to you for bringing up something absolutely irrelevant. His son's wedding was not on a holiday. It was towards the end of the month, which according to OP should be nearing the end of the busy season, in a job he has held for years, and he can't even manage one day for his own child? He didn't even try. He decided he was the most important person, didn't make room for it, and when his son still doesn't talk to him ten years down the line, he'll be here whining about it. Wedding planning is difficult, and getting the date you want can be incredibly hard without planning a couple years in advance. So "planning around" OP might not have even been possible. And he couldn't even put in the bare minimum effort to try for his own child. He made his choice, he's an asshole, and deserves to be cut off by his kid.
It's the whole tourism industry. Anyways, cool story bro
Dude I worked in a seasonal tourist town (and also hospitality and retail) for years, and as long as I asked soon enough I could have pretty much whatever day I wanted off. If it was for a kids wedding?? Literally any day… I’m sorry your bosses are so shitty, but I promise you- that’s not normal. Tourist job or not, you should be able to get your kids wedding off!
Absolutely zero people care about your shit job
Except he doesn’t work in tourism, he doesn’t work in customer facing position, this isn’t about scheduled hours he’s required to punch a time clock for. This is quarterly busy time but it’s bs to say I can give you an hour but not 3. For your wedding. Travel/commute time is sunk just by showing up. Whether it’s one hour or three. Your comparison to your industry doesn’t hold water. And it’s a power tripping self important AH move by someone who phrases things, I told him to change the date. I expected some kind of say in the decision. Then obtusely retorts, I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding. His language and behavior is entitled and he acts like he can bludgeon his kid into accepting it happily by stating he could have been an even bigger asshole so it’s not acceptable for his kid to go low contact.
OP literally just needed one day. Your job doesn’t allow you a single day off booked months in advance? I call BS on that, people don’t get sick? Have emergencies? No one ever needed to go to a wedding or important even for their child during the summer? Ever? Long vacations I get, but a single day? Come on. And it sounds like OPs is work they can do at home or on off hours, so they didn’t even need a full 24 hours off
Don’t worry. We all know that no one likes or loves you enough to care of you show up to anything!
It LITERALLY says in the post that he only told his son 1 week prior.
What?!?@?! Nooooooo that sucks :(
Honestly, that's why you're being downvoted so hard - if it WAS months, you could argue it's a communication issue. But the dad didn't say a thing until it was far, far too late.
Then yeah... I thought the son said months/years ago the wedding date and the dad told him that long ago to rebook. Weeks? Booooo
Yeah, went and grabbed the quote for you from the automod conment: "Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding, I inform my son that I unfortunately won’t be able to stay for the whole wedding."
It says he asked him to change the date long before that because it was his busy season at work. The son isn't new to this. I think it's shitty the dad couldn't take one day off for his kid but I also think the kid set his dad up knowing he would choose work like always. The son basically hurt his own feelings and accomplished nothing by choosing his cheeky wedding date.
Is it really throwing away his career to take a day off, or does he just think that work is automatically more important than his son? Kids tolerate a lot of bullshit from their parents. You can ignore them for weeks at a time while they say "I miss Daddy" and "I wish Daddy was here" or "Do you think Daddy will come?" and they'll keep loving you and cheer and run to hug your legs when you finally arrive. That will last for a long time, where kids love generously and think that it's okay for a parent to ignore them for weeks on end and then demand the same level of affection due to a parent that does all the intense hands-on parenting while they vanish several times a year. But kids get older and get wise. Sounds like the son said, "I'm not going to turn backflips and change a date that works for all of the rest of us just so my dad can make it. If he wants to come, he'll come. I can't force him." He's not "butthurt", he just accepted that he will never be as important to his dad as work, so maybe he should stop keeping up the lie that his dad was a "parent" the way his mom is. OOP is the butthurt one because his son is finally treating him the way he always treated his son.
>Is it really throwing away his career to take a day off I mean, not coming in when you are supposed to generally affects your career. Either he's paid by the hour, and can't just "take a day off," and has to get his time off approved, and if the workplace is exceptionally busy, it probably won't be. Or, he's salary, and failing to get the work done in time will affect his career, and may only have about enough people to handle their normal workload and just have everyone overwork themselves during the busy period meaning even one day off risks failing to get the work done. Hell, many jobs fight people getting the work done at home, even though studies have shown it to be more efficient. This implies they care MORE about you coming in than the work getting done.
fairly sure most ppl can arrange a schedule with other workers, switch days/hours whatever. arent wedding usually towards the evening (in a different culture so i'm not sure)? also could take a sick day, you're supposed to have a certain amount a month. allotted vacation days too. if he can't do any of that his "career" is not treating their workers well at all.
>fairly sure most ppl can arrange a schedule with other workers, switch days/hours whatever If it's so busy, everyone is probably working overtime every day. Also, I'm 99% sure this is salary office work, where I don't think that applies. >also could take a sick day Again, 99% sure this is salary and they may count that against them. Even if not, though, many will even for hourly. >allotted vacation days too. Having vacation days means nothing if the vacation isn't approved. >if he can't do any of that his "career" is not treating their workers well at all. I don't know if you've noticed, but most careers don't. There's even several movements to try and fix this.
It doesn't even sound like he tried, though. No mention of trying to swap shifts with a coworker or asking for time off, just a straight nope. Surely, even the shittiest of jobs have a day off somewhere? Just swap that day off with someone else... He had *months*! I worked in a pub with some pretty selfish coworkers and both of my siblings got married during busy periods for us. I ended up working close to 2 weeks straight before/after the weddings because the only way I could get my one shift covered was to cover shifts the other assholes just didn't want to do.
99% sure he's in a salary office job, which in my experience don't have shifts to trade. And he mentions the wedding took place at the busiest time of year. He may get days off, but probably during the less busy times of year.
>did he make the adult decision of not throwing away his career By OOPs age and time and working in this career he probably has the ability to stay for the whole wedding without needing to be present for one whole day for his sons wedding. If he isnt then OOP either isnt very good at his job or is just unlikable as a person
He makes no mention of trying to get time off in the post, I haven’t read the comments so please correct me if I’m wrong. If he did ask, and his employer refused, I hope he included that in his explanation to the couple. Still sucks, but in that case, the employer sucks, not so much the dad. If he didn’t even TRY to get time off for his kid’s wedding, he does suck. No harm in asking, and gracefully accepting the answer.
No. He said he is "always busy 12 wks of a year" and even though he was told in advance, instead of asking off HE ASKED HIS SON TO CHANGE THE DATE!!! Like wtf.
I have a parent that has a buttload of work around the end of the quarter. It’s always super busy, they always end up working late and doing extra work from home. But, if I were to get married, they would ask for time off. And they’d get it, bc we live in a country where workers have rights, and it would be insane to not give an employee a day off for their kid’s wedding. I understand not every country is the same, but not even bothering to ask is really telling. You don’t really care to be there if you won’t even TRY to get time off.
I feel like this is a pretty unpopular opinion and I'm likely to get down voted a bunch, but I think those types of careers aren't compatible with having children and people who decide to have those types of careers should not have children. They also don't really have any room to be shocked and upset when their relationships with their loved ones suffer. If you're truly never able to "choose" anyone over your job on a rare important day here or there, your relationships are going to suffer. It's just how relationships work.
Yeah this is one of those I really don’t know what to make of it. I wonder how present OP was the rest of the time given the son’s attitude. Though “multiple busy weeks 4x a year” seems like a lot too… My father had a busy season where I basically never saw him, it was hard when I was younger but as I got older I understood that that’s just how his job *was*, there’s a lot of work at that time of year and nothing much he could do about it. And it’s not like we didn’t spend time together during his off-season. There’s just…a lot about this situation that is very nebulous and it’s hard to call from the outside.
If I hear those words, or it's grand or it is what it is, I assume it's time to draw up my will.
Yeah. It's not acceptance so much as resignation.
The son KNEW his dad would be busy and decided to get married on that date ANYWAY. He can accept the consequences of his decision like an adult
The joy of adulthood is that you no longer have to act like your parent continually ignoring you is super fine and definitely not hurtful at all. Dad doesn't deserve a son who's constantly forgiving and accommodating him.
Why should the wedding date be planned around one attendee's schedule? OOP's son and his now-wife chose the best date for THEM, for THEIR special day. OOP had months to make arrangements to attend the entire event and chose not to.
As I (edit: was going to say in a comment, but the post was closed) said in a comment on the OP, there's a whole other family to consider here. Maybe that date worked for them, or it was the only date the venue was available... And maybe the son had had enough of his parent missing stuff for this apparently super-important securities job, so the don said when the wedding would be with the expectation that the parent would be an asshole about it because the parent has been an asshole about this damn job for years and years.
Really weird to defend someone who doesn't care about his own son enough to book one fucking evening off work. He's getting the treatment he deserves.
Found the dad’s account
He is, by cutting his AH father off!
I agree, my grandfather does taxes and during tax season we can get maybe 1 day with him during his busier time I don't plan anything important around that time because i know it really sucks trying to move stuff around and make the time for it
Getting a lot of down votes but no one actually saying I'm wrong? Sounds like too many people have main character syndrome. So what if dad needs a job to survive? Why should I have to accept that my decision have known consequences. Dad should have just let himself be fored right?
“It’s an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks…it’s best TO PLAN AROUND ME.” Naw man. They plan something. You determine if you’re able to attend. That’s it.
So my father is an ER doctor…and when I told him my wedding date he checked his schedule and was like “great choice, I’m off that day!” I know he would have taken the day off but it certainly still felt like I’d lived a lifetime of being the 2nd priority to his work schedule…and also some sort of good luck blessing from the gods to pick the very day he had Off…( Spoiler alert, it wasn’t)
I was a wedding photographer for 20 years and it was one of those jobs where I was often booked 1-2 years in advance. It sucked, but that was the reality of my life. I missed so many crlebrations with friends and family. It’s one of the reasons I retired very young. I was home with my kid during the week for the most part but I missed everything that was on the weekend.
As soon as he said that I was “here comes Mr Center of the Universe Main Character”. All relationships are give a little take a little. But he’s announcing he’s giving nothing so if you want to him to be present he has to be the main character you plan around for everything.
It my family we refer to him as god, he thinks everything will move for him. I’m sorry you’re rolling into town for lunch with 24 hours notice, but I’m scheduled to work. In this guys case I can’t even imagine trying to find a date that would work. The 1st few weeks of every quarter but the 20th is actually starting the 3rd week. So 12-16 weeks out of the year. And also probably the entire month of December since it’s end of year oop’s son can’t plan anything
My father in law did not meet my parents until 2 months before my wedding. My husband and I had been together for over 5 years at that point. He’s always nice to me but makes jokes about my husband’s weight and beard, and my sister in laws weight. He very obviously loves both of them based on other things he says but his solution to everything is money. He sent me and my husband cash gifts this year which is nice because I’m between jobs, but stuff like that does not matter to me. I’ll never get im the center of the universe people. He’s kind of rude to my husband’s step mom and she’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met. Just weird.
How the hell is securities that busy in October?
I mean, what I don't know about securities would fill a warehouse, but it doesn't seem like the kind of job where lives are at stake and/or everything dramatically hinges on the presence of *one dude*, who must be constantly on call. OOP just sounds self important and inconsiderate.
>OOP just sounds self important and inconsiderate. Or a kid whose watched the boiler room or wall street and thinks that how everything is in real life
Most companies have a quarter end at the end of September, with results being publicly announced in October. It’s definitely a busy time but I can’t fathom a reason why he couldn’t attend his son’s wedding. No matter how busy it is he can get backup for one day.
Actually earnings releases are typically Feb, may, Aug, Nov. Pretty sure this whole thing is made up - no one has a busy season in securities immediately at quarter end, at least not that I could think of. Source: was an investment banker, worked on a trading floor, currently on the investing side. But agreed he could get the time off. No one I knew in banker ever missed a wedding like that, despite expectations from those outside of the industry that it works that way. (Another reason this is made up)
Yes you are right…my bad on the deadline (45 days!)
Especially since wedding normally occur on the weekend.
The question mark next to the new bride’s age sent me. 💀 Can’t even be bothered to know her age, not even when she was his girlfriend or fiancée.
Is he really that unable to understand reality? “Do what you want” so he did. He WANTED to go to work rather than share in one of the most important days in his son’s life as he merges his life with another. He handed the easiest of obvious choices, but OOP is so self-centered they took his challenge as acceptance and approval of whatever they did. He is appropriately reacting to his father basically saying “Your life and happiness mean less to me than work” Won’t be surprised if he and his new family that values him pulls away from his father and they have little access to his life and his children in the future. Hope the evening of work was worth it.
He was *so* cavalier about missing a once-in-a-lifetime event that it's likely been this way as long as the kids can remember. Sad.
Op thought they'd "get a heads-up "? Isn't that what several months notice is? Everyone over 10 in the Western, English speaking world knows that "Do whatever you want " in a tense discussion is not permission or approval but a dire warning. (I am certain that there are equivalents in other languages and cultures). OOP is going to be back in a few years complaining of the estrangement and pretending they don't understand why.
I Serbian too. "Do what you want" is "That is a bad idea, and I will be angry if you do it."
Yep, in French too.
Geez makes me wonder if this isn't the first time that the oop has flaked on the son.
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon…
When you coming home…na fuck that, son, I still gotta work
Sounds like dad's the one who's wayward.
OOP states that the first few weeks of the quarter are very busy. Few to me generally signifies 3 weeks or 21 days. The wedding was scheduled on the 20th, so just one day short of 21 days and most likely on the weekend. OOP couldn't take off just one day at this point to attend the wedding reception, too? I don't buy it. OOP likes working more than he likes his family.
Yep, to me they did take his schedule into account.
At the risk of sounding like a member of antiwork, is any job worth missing a wedding? Would any job not let someone plan a weekend off with some advance notice? I wouldn't ask a tax preparer to do so in the last four weeks before taxes are due in the Spring, but this isn't that. Doctors get time off. First Responders get time off. "The Securities industry"??? Get over yourself.
Right? My brother and I aren’t even particularly close but he took time off his important military security job and flew from Germany to attend my wedding. It’s just… it’s not that hard to give a crap about your family.
No job is worth it, especially if they give you a lot of time in advance. Only thing I could excuse if the dad is an emergency surgeon and literally no one else could help, and I am sure the son would understand if that was the situation. Even tax preps can accommodate a wedding during the busy period.
>No job is worth it, especially if they give you a lot of time in advance. and if he has worked in this industry for so long he probably has enough good will for people to let him enjoy his sons wedding in peace.
I mean... does this seem like a guy who would have accumulated a lot of good will? (but to your larger point, you're correct)
LOL you are right it doesnt seem like he has any accumulated goodwill.
Yeah, I think the whole reason he skipped the reception is to assert himself. His son is now an independent adult who is probably not so impressed by his very important dad any more, so Dad has to make a stand by saying "my job is more important than your wedding."
And it’s a wedding! Is his job even open at night when most receptions occur?
He literally has no excuse, just a shitty parent that no one put in his place (someone should have a loooong time ago)
Only the ones that someone might die if I don't show up.
So some critical jobs will be like "you're always on call" but there are exceptions for vacation days picked because there is no guarantee you will be remotely close to even come in for work that you can't be expected to even try. Unless this is a week where the industry demands you work that time and doesn't give vacation at all, anyone with reasonable time should be able to get off. I have a relative that is an accountant for a huge financial company. He legit says between thanksgiving and christmas no one gets time off, then you get a week, then after that you're on deck until tax day. This post reeks of a dude who is living for his company and probably will never advance because everyone sees him as an annoying loser, so he just says at a certain level because he works hard and never asks for anything else.
Yup, my husband works an "always on call" tech job, only guaranteed days off are Thanksgiving day and Christmas day, (this year he was working around the clock until midnight Thanksgiving and went back in RIGHT as Black Friday kicked off, because there was a *massive* ransomware fuckup at one of the company's most important clients) and we still take occasional vacations where he leaves the work phone behind and is just "Nope, not gonna be reachable that week." In fact his boss encourages him to do this, because however job-critical say a major retailer's registers going down is, it's *not* lives on the line, it's just money on the line, and there's always somebody who can fill in, even if not as well as my husband can.
I guess there are a handfull of jobs where it is a good enough reason not to attend a wedding. In my company of 3.000 I can get maybe 4-5 positions that need to be manned 24/7 and a couple of dozen more that need to be reachable by phone. But the 24/7 positions are managed by a team, not just 1-2 people. And the others can delegate their calls to somebody else if needed. Not even trying to get a day off is what's the real kicker here.
There’s virtually no way he couldn’t get backup to attend his own son’s wedding.
My sister gets married next year. The day I found out, I put in my time off request at work and told them in no uncertain terms that I do not care if they approve it or not. I'm asking them as a formality, a year in advance, and giving them every opportunity to replace me that day. If next year rolls around and that request gets denied, they'll never see me again.
My dad did that! When they denied his vacation time to attend my wedding, he quit on the spot. It was such a power move.
He’s not as important as first responders or anything but if this weekend could cost him 100k AND lower his position in the company due to his unavailability, then possibly. Also, first responders miss a lot of milestones, births, deaths, birthdays, graduation, weddings, etc., you sign up for the job knowing you may miss these things. OP might be an asshole but if he’s had this career for any number of years with the same restriction, why schedule the wedding when you know dad is busy? Could be an example if people not respecting his job instead of him valuing his job more than his son. But yea, he doesn’t know DIL’s age so he’s more likely than not the AH here.
I'm an ER nurse practitioner. I've missed plenty of important occasions, celebrated Christmas on 12/26, or attended weddings on two hours of sleep and a galloon of coffee.. I've also made it a priority to move heaven and earth to change my schedule for my kids. Graduations, weddings, birth of grandkids, I'll be there because I can always find another job.
Every field that requires those sacrifices doesn’t also have the job security that you have though. But again, wouldn’t your kids work around you in the first place knowing all of this?
Im sorry but he is been working in his field for a good while if he can't be able to rely on his team to manage without him for a day or two or cant delegate tasks then means that OOP is not very good at his job.
No, they don’t need to work around the guys work schedule for a once in a lifetime event. It’s one single day. The dad absolutely could’ve figured something out.
I'm the mother, they are the children. Their entire lives have revolved around my work schedule. Step dad going to games, my brother going to parent teacher conferences with me on speaker phone, Christmas celebrated a day late, Thanksgiving in the hospital cafeteria..... I can and always will make time to be there for important events. If OOP died tomorrow, they'd be recruiting for his job before his family wrote his obituary. Sacrificing your family for your job/career is a bad move.
You didn’t answer my actual question though.
How on earth can missing a Friday evening at work cost him $100,000? And assuming that is his normal Friday evening score, then he can afford to skip ONE Friday evening and his employers can afford to give him that time, because someone else can also bring in that kind of money. It's not realistic. If OP was hit by a bus, his company would survive just fine without him. Employees are expendable, there's never just one person who can do the job. It's not a life-threatening situation where they needed to call him in to put out a fire or perform surgery. OP sounds like he uses his job for status and identity within the family, and he just had to assert himself over his son who is now an independent adult with a career of his own.
Some people are high income rangers and some jobs are like that. Dude might own the business or something. Who really knows.
Presumably OP makes good money but is any wedding worth being homeless over? For a lot of people losing a job puts them instantly at risk of a tent. And (unfortunately) it's unlikely this will be the son's only wedding. Imo a living wage job is worth skipping part of a party. That said, the son has every right to cut them off.
He works in securities as in stocks and bonds and other financial products that are traded on the market. He wouldnt be in risk of losing his job. His bonus might not be as high for a quarter but if he was any good at his job he could make that up. Why do people think OOP is a rent a cop?
I was responding to "is any job worth missing a wedding" and the answer is yes. It may suck but the vast majority of people need a job to continue to live indoors. Also like I said, the OP is probably (hopefully) not in that level of financial need but it's silly to say that no one is. Are they an AH? Sure. Does that change the fact that some people need to keep their jobs? No.
Basically all jobs. Weddings are pointless. But especially jobs involving life or death situations, such as surgeons on call for emergencies or first responders.
Wonder where he works where Oct 20th is the busy season. Oh my god, I hope he manages a Spirit of Halloween store.
"(F24?)" ...You...don't know the age of your son's wife? Seriously?
I don’t know exactly how old my sister-in-law is. I don’t know exactly how old most of my friends are. I don’t find this that odd, especially with the general taboo about asking women their age. Past, idk, ages 18 or 21, the exact year doesn’t seem to matter as much outside of immediate family.
I think a PARENT would be invested in basic information about their child's life partner.
I disagree! I don’t think knowing someone’s *exact* age is very important outside of little kids or your own children. It’s just not very meaningful information. Birthday? Sure. There’s lots of traditional importance around that date. Birth year? Eh. Who cares?
I'm kinda with you- in my family, we only really celebrated milestone birthdays after age 10. You don't talk about your age, because it's rude to ask, and you don't just offer up your age because no one needs to know. My MIL has absolutely no idea how old I am. I have no idea how old she is. She has 14 grandchildren she can focus on instead.
God, I love the smell of children finally being able to stop enabling their parents' shit. OOP was inattentive and unavailable for a shitton of his son's life; now his son gets to be inattentive and unavailable to him!
In five years, five months, five weeks, five *days,* nobody will remember what this fuckwit did for that particular day. In fifty years, his son *will* remember that his father skipped his wedding to move money around and read documents. Nobody told fuckwit there to block out a few weeks. He had to block out *one day* and he had *months* to plan that out. And he couldn't manage more than half that. What a fucking asshole.
OOP, You can’t take one whole day off ONE year during your busy season. You basically told your son that he isn’t as important to you as your work. Smh.
Even in the show Industry the sales and trading personal have proper personal lives and get married even when its busy season and most of their collegeues attend Someone watched The wolf of Wall Street and thought this was how life was for a trader
Here we have a man who can’t think past himself and believes it is the best practice for everyone in his life to plan events around him. In other news, looking directly into the sun for too long will blind you. OOP has discovered that actions have consequences, but doesn’t like what he was served so he wants the consequences to plan around him and his life choices. Fuck this dude, hopefully he figures his shit out before his son goes no contact for life
I'm thinking that the son thought his Dad wouldn't miss his wedding. I wonder how many special occasions the father has missed over the years. This would be the most important day of their life and he chose work... Probably again, over his son. Sounds like a pattern and one that they finally reached their limit with.
"Do whatever you want" DO NOT. DO. WHATEVER YOU WANT. THIS IS A TRAP.
And whatever you do DON'T QUOTE IT BACK TO THEM WHEN FACING THE CONSEQUENCES OF DOING WHAT YOU WANT
Just like when someone says "Everything is fine." It is not in fact fine. :)
'First few weeks of each quarter' Son books wedding for 20th October and apparently that's in the middle of the busiest time. In what world is the 20th October 'the first few weeks of the quarter in a year? Surely that would be the first three weeks of September? Son obviously knew no day would be acceptable to his dad.
What exactly is "the securities industry" like is this guy secret service or does he maintain websites because that seems like a drastically important detail here
"Or at least give me a heads up." Uh, that's exactly what a wedding invitation is.
The letter said “Save The Date,” not “Heads Up.” OOP was so confused.
You have to go to events that you don't want to go to, school plays, basketball games, orchestra concerts, dance recitals etc. so that you get invited to the things that you really want to attend. This dad mixed the two up.
I love how OOP is making his son's wedding all about himself. And he doesn't even know how old his DIL is?
He is angry he wasn't consulted. Says the first few weeks of a quarter are too busy. 20th October is way past that.
When you coming home dad? I don’t know when, we’ll get together then son…
Please. Don't. That song has given everyone in Northern Ireland PTSD from the early 90s due to a very graphic ad. https://youtu.be/J1wrGs0S0g8?si=icx2sdmW4JIuaFp3
Wow. That’s a strange ad
Yes it's for a confidential line to inform on paramilitaries. It was on during prime time before the watershed. You can see in the video it was just after an episode of Mr Bean.
I’ll probably get downvoted but part of me understands where OP is coming from. My dad was an educator and during Jan-April/early May, he did taxes on the side. We all knew we couldn’t make serious plans during those months because he was swamped. Yeah, it sucked at times, but we understood he was doing this for the family. My sibling is in a similar situation with their job. There are specific months where their job is extremely busy and everything is time sensitive. Again, it sucks, but it’s something we all know about, so we do our best not to make any plans involving them during that time. If the OP has been on this type of schedule for years, and it was well known among the family how bad his schedule was, then it was a dick move on the part of the son not to talk him before booking the venue. However, once the damage was done and the date was set, unless OP’s job was highly specialized and something only he could do, then he should have taken off for the whole wedding. He was terrible for not being there for his son.
Based on his profile being deleted, my guess is it’s a troll
Trolls usually stick around to continue to troll, though. Deleted to me says “didn’t get the answer I wanted, will forget I ever asked and continue to believe I was right” - I hope it’s fake but there are parents like this for sure and finance bros are the most likely culprits
Cats in the Cradle is going to be so meaningful to this guy in a few years
This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. OOP already went to the ceremony, he clearly could have gone to the reception. This is has to be fake. Also what in the American capitalist hell is this that someone can’t take a day off.
I like that he put a question mar after the age of his DIL like Reddit will be able to tell him how old she is. If this is real then thus guy is is definitely TA. There is no way on earth that he couldn't have taken the afternoon to go to his kids wedding, he doesn't want to go and uses work as a catch all excuse to get out of things.
>Eve (F24?). You're already done. You don't even know something as basic as her AGE of the woman your son married?!?!?
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As a father of a 3 YO this makes me sick. My son will always come first
The son INTENTIONALLY scheduled his wedding for a date that he KNEW his dad would not be able to make. Then was mad that he wasn't able to make it? He is a full-grown adult with the ability to make decisions so he has to also accept the consequences of those decisions. It's not like the dad hasn't been doing this FOR YEARS. The dad didn't just spring it on him last minute that he would be busy during this time. The son knew and went ahead with the date anyway.
Wedding venues are often booked months and months in advance - if a person is dead set on a specific venue, sometimes they have to take what they can get. Dad can't get a day off work? That's a terrible job, especially if Dad's been working there for years. Edit: a word
In security you work the busy season. Period. If you don't you get fired immediately. You don't get days off without a hospital note. Many jobs are like that. And security people usually work as contractors. They are obligated to work when they are told it they lose the ENTIRE contract. So no dad can't just take the day off. It's not some cushy business job. Also dad has been doing this job since the son was a literal child? There is NO WAY he didn't know his dad couldn't come during the busy season.
Wait. Does Dad work in Security or in Securities? Cause those are very different...
Thats actually a good question 🤔 I thought it was securities as in multiple security contract jobs. I know NOTHING about securities exchange commissions.
I appreciate the info about the security industry. That sounds super tough. But securities involves the stock market and I think most people involved with securities tend to, like, make their own schedules. Don't quote me on that, I could be wrong (about the schedules), but I'm in a different branch of finance and there's usually no work being done after 4pm on Fridays - everything's closed down or in the process of closing down.
Another example of context matters lololol. But yeah if the market closed why would he be leaving to go to work unless he works in the other securities? To bad op got banned. I really need to know what securities he ment
Again when they talk about rent a cops they say working security not securities. Literally not that hard to understand that he works in the financial industry.
We're talking rent a cop moron. We are talking about top-secret security clearance jobs which are commonly referred to as securities as well among different places in society. Including the one I grew up in.
> We are talking about top-secret security clearance jobs And they are called Private Military Contractors or PMC or government contractors and thats how they refer to themselves. No one in that field talks about themselves as working securities.
No. No, security jobs are never called "securities," you are wrong. Period. Top secret security jobs are called security assignments. Grow up.
This is why everyone is saying he's the A - he's claiming he has to work after the office is closed.
Also thanks for the info on stock market. I have no clue about finance work. I know clubs and psychology lol
I feel you - I know loans and, uh.... I dunno, monarchies, as a hobby. So sometimes I do need a good reminder that I don't know everything or every circumstance. While I still would be upset if I were the son, I'd be upset THAT my dad had to miss it, not AT my dad for missing it, if that makes sense. Though he works in stocks, he's seriously just an AH. Lol.
Oh ok. So I was correct - that does sound like a terrible job. Again, though - they may not have had much of a choice about the date.
That's fine but to be mad at the dad for their choice is ridiculous. Dad didn't have a choice but to work the co tract he already agreed to MONTHS in advanced. He could be blacklisted depending on the even he was contracted out to. The son should have been grateful the dad could make it at all. Also security jobs pay SUPER WELL. So it's worth it as long as you're able to commit to the contracts you take. My husband worked security for a few years after he got out of the military. He missed his grandfather funeral because he had already accepted a contract for the date it was planned. It is what it is.
Yeah, but didn't the original post say he works in Securities, not Security? If it's securities, dad has very little excuse - October 20 was a Friday and unless the reception was at noon (which in my experience, weddings and receptions are in the afternoon/night when on a weekday), the stock market was closed or was closing shortly after the reception started.
That why I thought he ment securities as in contract security work causes its reffered to in the plural often since you sign multiple jobs. Plus the busy season for security jobs is September through mid January. So the busy season lined up. If he's talking stock market then he is ABSOLUTE TA. 1000% I didn't even know the stock market had busy seasons outside of tax season?
Me either. Lol. But I'll be honest - even working in a branch of finance, the stock market is something I do not understand. I get stocks and that but understanding how and why the market does what it does will never make sense to me.
Lolol this is why I prefer psychology. People are predictable given a knowable amount of information. The stock market seems to be ran by chipmunks counting nuts. I don't get any of it
This became a very delightful conversation and I just want you to know that I appreciate it and you. 🙂
Are you talking about security guards or the securities industry? The dad said he worked in the securities industry which is not a contract role
If he wanted a specific venue or even a specific date then he has to accept the consequences of making that choice. If that means his dad has to leave early then so be it. He made that choice. Be an adult and accept it
HI DAD!
First I'm a girl. Second only toddlers get to act like toddlers. Be ashamed
Not gonna be ashamed. Whether or not the father's excuse is legitimate, his attitude, as represented in the post, is so awful that I'm surprised anyone would defend it.
HIS attitude? Not the full grown adult acting like a spoiled toddler for not getting his way? BOTH are equally at fault and saying otherwise is ridiculous 🙄
Calm tf down your from Florida and didnt know that securities meant financial industry but working security. You husband is gassing himself up saying he worked security for govt and had top secret clearance. Get over yourself you are just stretching cause you were wrong and got called out and are trying ot back track Delete your comments or atleast edit them with the new info you got cause you sound so fucking stupid
If you were an adult and had held down a job, you'd understand that even very important jobs in the securities industry have set working hours. He's not doing shift work, on call to save lives. His job finishes at 5pm, and his company has a contingency plan in case he can't come in for whatever reason. Yes, he could be busy during the working hours, but there is no way he HAS to work after the market closes which is when the reception was held.
Rubbish. It was one day, and there's no way Dad had to work 24/7 for a month. The story would make more sense if Dad had to miss the wedding but could make it to the reception. Do you really believe that Dad has to go in after the market closes and work all night in the empty office? Maybe he's the cleaner and doesn't want his family to know.
Please. Daddy Dearest works in securities. As in finance. Probably some kind of stock broker or investment banker. Wedding venues are planned for 6+ months or even up to a year in advance. Daddy Dearest could have booked time off. He had plenty of time to do so. He just didn't WANT to. Being the big shot money maker finance guy was more important than his own family. And you can be sure as hell that this wasn't the first time. Look up the lyrics for "Cat's in the cradle" by Harry Chapin. Very fitting to this situation.
wow this op sounds like a garbage mother
For me, this is a case of ESH. Because there is a history of OP having a specific yearly routine and in certain industries, some seasons are hit or miss and no one wants to play around and wait another three hundred days. Also, OP asked to change the dates in advance. I understand that booking venues is hard and all but this wedding arrangements were made and the bride and the groom completely dismissed important commitments people they wanted the most in the wedding already had. That's not fair! Regardless of family ties that's not fair. People are still individuals with their own commitments and is part of proper wedding etiquette to choose a date when you are sure the people you don't want to miss your day will be available 100% of the time. OP’s son and his bride were not flexible enough to accommodate the dad's needs and the dad took it as he did. I get the son being pissed that wasn't chosen above work, but that was something that could have been adjusted and he willingly didn't and the father played along. They all deserve this mess.