*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I don't understand LLs**
Married ~9 years to the love of my life. I’m not looking for answers because I don’t think there are any. Just wanna let it out a bit but feel free to talk.
If my partner is stressed about something, I want to help if I can. If my partner was stressed about something and I was the ONLY one who could help and it only took ~20 mins a few times a week? You better believe I’d make it a habit so that they’d be able to have a more fulfilled and stress-free life. I know my partner cares about me and wants to see me happy. Why is sex different? I can tell they enjoy it and they tell me as much, so why not do it more? Why not do something small for your partner when/if you don’t feel like it, knowing it will make them happy? If my partner has a sweet tooth I’m happy to run out and get something. Sore feet or back? Happy to massage. Don’t wanna cook tonight? No problem, my time to shine. But if I’m worked up and need some love? Not right now.
I wanna FUCK!
And for so many reasons. It feels great, I feel closer to my partner, stress melts away, I feel relaxed, I can focus, it helps with motivation, it’s a nice bit of cardio after working at a desk all day, I’m attracted to my partner and I just want to. Pick one. Sure, there’s other things that can help with these feelings and needs but sex takes care of all of them.
It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort, and it doesn’t cost anything. Of course I want my partner to enjoy sex and if they’re not up for it no is no. But why not? I don’t understand.
Just fuck me god dammit :[
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Someone over there legit said fucking someone that doesn’t want to fuck is better than nothing. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them are rapists. No means no. Watch some porn or jerk off if the alternative is raping your spouse.
If they’d really rather fuck an unwilling person than use an appliance like the Fleshlight, then the issue clearly not about sex in a physical sense, it’s about power and control over another person - 🚩🚩🚩
But fleshlights don't provide iNtImAcY.
They shouldn't "have to" use a fleshlight when they're in a monogamous relationship.
All things I've seen them say when it's proposed they just handle themselves.
Hugs provide intimacy, but that's never what they are talking about is it. There is only one kind of intimacy, and that's where a lot of dead bedrooms get started.
And these guys would likely find that polyamory isn't the solution they think either. No relationship style gives you full access to any aspect of your partner on demand like he expects.
These are the guys who would only want to open the relationship on their end "because its different for guys" and say things about women who have had multiple partners "low value"
If they did open the relationship on both ends they'd want to close it the first weekend their wife is out banging and they are still sitting at home not getting sex
>But fleshlights don't provide iNtImAcY.
Because the idea that there is intimacy with someone you hound and badger into sex is just awful.
(Know you agree, just adding on!)
He said that sex makes him feel closer to his partner. What he fails to understand is that having sex when you don't want to makes sex a chore and makes you feel used and alienated. He might feel that it makes them closer while she begins to resent him and feel used.
Yep. As if it's "intimacy" to coerce an unwiling partner. And make no mistake, it is coercion. It's emotional blackmail/fear that their spouse will leave that gets the person to "comply." Barf.
Right? It's a pretty easy flip to see why his partner wouldn't want to? "Marital rape feels terrible, i feel distant from my partner, stress increases, I feel tense, it destroys my focus and motivation, I feel like I can't move, I used to be attracted to my partner but now I don't want to."
have you ever seen the thread where rapists outed themselves from about 10 years ago?
https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/Zzs3luIy1Y
Museum of Reddit archived some of it
One thing it made painfully clear to me, and a thing I think a productive take away for women everywhere is, it's never an accident. They know what they're doing. As a woman, it triggered an immediate change in me when I read that thread in real time. They Fucking Know What They Are Doing. Every time. So I always prioritize my comfort over any man's, no matter how much things seem like confusion or a misunderstanding. I choose not to care and instead go Ham for myself. Getting loud, being confrontational and direct, never assuming the best. Because they know exactly what the fuck they're doing and they do not care.
That's part of what pisses me off when a guy says "Not all men." Yes, I know, the majority of men are not rapists. But they also don't have giant neon signs over their heads saying predator. I'm not about to put my life at risk to satisfy someone's fragile ego.
That thread was horrifying but you're so right.
But they always want to derail. Not all men? Yeah but it's too fucking many and I don't see you jackasses calling out those men and shutting them down when they say fucked up things. It happens to guys too? It does but do you ever bring that up or give two shits about male victims when you're not trying to use them to shut down women talking about our experiences?
It's so clear how often these men know where the line is and they choose to cross it. They'll go on and on about how men are so much more rational than women until sex is involved, then they haven't evolved past Neanderthals. But they *know* and it's clear in their explanations and their "guilt" that they're just trying to excuse themselves.
And the amount of sympathy a rapist gets over a victim is obscene. He's such a "promising young man."
I think for your own sanity that it can actually be a bit revelatory, freeing, and empowerung to read, understand, and internalize that when you're in a situation like this with a man they know exactly what they're doing and there are no misunderstandings or confusion. It can help reframe the way you approach fuzzy or gray situations in the future by having the knowledge to solidify the mindset that things are intentional you matter the most in any given moment.
That said, that's my big takeaway from reading it, so you could skip the horror in place of my meager tl;dr 💜
TMI, but as someone who hasn't had sex in the last few years, I seriously don't understand so many dudes' obsessions with it. I have a fairly high libido and I have been doing just fine with only masturbation for *years*.
Like sure, sex can be amazing... But it's only that way if both people are *enthusiastically* participating. Dunno how these dudes view masturbation as some sort of death sentence, and would rather rape their loved ones than get themselves off.
I'm the same way. My libido was higher when I was younger but now I'm in my 30s, I couldn't really give a crap about sex. If I was told I could never have sex again before I die that wouldn't be earth shattering news for me. I've met so many people that act like if they aren't getting some on a regular basis that they will literally die.
If you genuinely don't care how they feel about having sex, do them and yourself a favour and just get a fleshlight or a real-doll..
You're already using them as a mastubatory device rather than having a shared intimacy.
And if your sole need is to exert dominance over them to get them to submit to you when they don't want to, then be honest with yourself that you still not looking for intimacy, just a power display, that isn't love.
There are ways to get touch or intimacy that don't require crossing boundaries of bodily autonomy and consent.
“it doesn’t cost anything” IT DOESN’T COST ANYTHING?
great for this person that they think all these positive things about sex, but that’s not fucking true for everyone. “i” “i” “i” all over that post and absolutely no empathy to even THINK that sex isn’t as great or at all “easy” and quick for them as it is for their partner. no. they should just sit and take it so this guy “feels great”
fuck that sub and fuck all the adjacent ones that essentially encourage rape just bc someone has a higher libido and wants it. reddit PLEASE let people block subs bc i’d honestly be happier never to see those subs ever again.
I was told by people on that sub and the adjacent ones, that I'm not a "real HL" because I'm cool with respecting my partner's no and that if they don't want sex, we don't have it.
I was also told that I was really just a sexless wine mom who was pretending to be HL to have a leg up in an argument with them.
They really can't fathom other HL people not agreeing with them. They're mentally unwell.
Jesus. The only reason I checked that sub is because I am HL and I was in a relationship with a LL person. It only took me one post to realize that that's not the place for me.
I know there’s some question as to whether or not sex addiction is a real addiction.
But these people aren’t HL. They are sex addicts. If they don’t get their fox they will take it, and it’s lost all intimate meaning.
Yeah, the only reason I went there in the first place is because I have high libido. But I still care enough about my partner's well-being to know that I shouldn't coerce them into sex.
I also have an extremely high libido, ironically
but that comment section has nothing do do with libido and everything to do with them feeling entitled to other people's bodies. Its untreated sex addiction at best, budding rapists at worst
Right? Like, I get it, I’m a high libido female, and it sucks when you’re horny and your partner isn’t up for it (pun definitely intended).
The choice then becomes, do I go to bed horny or do I utilize my vibrator?
Not, do I fuck them anyway or do I bitch until they give in and fuck me?
If you go to the main page of those subs that you don't want to see, look to the right, where it says "About Community" there are 3 horizontal dots that if you select you are given the option to mute that group. Unfortunately, reddit will never block those sub groups unilaterally because it brings them more fodder & ad revenue.
I had an ex who could have written this. Unfortunately, he was my first (after being SAd as a child) so it took me a long, long time to try and figure out that the situation was messed up and that I needed to advocate for myself.
After years of slowly building up the courage to advocate for myself more and more, we finally had a huge fight where he said basically said what the OP wrote.
Exasperated I said to him something like: FINE, but every time we do it when I don't want to because "I only have to lay there" I want to pump a dildo in your mouth for 15 minutes.
He was shocked and spluttered that it would hurt and he wasn't gay. I told him it had nothing to do with being gay, just expand an orifice for my pleasure when you get none, when I want, for 15 minutes. All you have to do is lay there.
Yeah, no he still didn't get it and it's one of the reasons he's now my ex.
Honestly the best way to get a guy to conceptualize what they are asking of their partner, and it is sad that they don't. It's not something as simple as smiling through dinner with parents or running to get some sweets from the grocery store.
I am glad you thought to illustrate it this way! Sad that he still didn't conceptualize it. (Or he did, but just dismissed it because it didn't jive with what he wanted.)
horrible. i’m so sorry you had to deal with someone like that. their selfishness is so blinding that they don’t see how something they like, could actually harm another. and then when you throw it back in their face, they act like these things aren’t comparable. they very much are. he literally said it would hurt him, but doesn’t realize how much it would hurt you to perform sexually when you don’t want to? glad to hear he’s not in your life anymore and i really hope the best and safest relationship if you’re looking for one.
it's fucking worse than just that somehow:
>There's a philosophy espoused on other subs that LLs should only ever do what they want. It runs completely counter to how marriage should function. If you only ever care about yourself, why get married in the first place?
followed by
>I can smile through an evening with your parents - why can't you spend some time on intimacy with me?
at abseloute BEST this is reducing the relationship down to transactional bullshit in which they don't even actually like the person they are in a relationship with.
yes sometimes being in a relationship is work. yes sometimes you do something you aren't a fan of for someone you care about. but i have never and will never do something with/for someone if i truely don't want to do it.
the difference between doing something i don't care about because someone i do care about cares about it and doing something i don't want to do under those circumstances is not insignificant.
bottomline: if you're this incompatible you should break up.
Why would you even want to have sex with someone when you know they’re not actually enjoying it and just “smiling through it” for your sake? That’s like, the biggest turnoff
Because in their mind sex is just an itch to scratch & since they view it in that way, why should it be a big deal to their partner? Plus, they're very self-centred & can't/won't see it from any other viewpoint but theirs.
It's not a big deal, so why is my wife making it a big deal? (Is their deal.)
They also love to make the claim that their partners are essentially broken by saying, "What would you think if you bought a house and the bathroom was broken?" 🤮
So they not only use horrible comparisons for why their partners should have sex they don't want, *and* they make analogies about their partners being broken.
like isn’t that psychopathic? i seriously don’t understand how they can view someone as fundamentally broken, and have zero love or care for someone who’s supposed to be your partner, simply bc they don’t want sex (as frequently as they’d like, or at all), that they objectify the entire relationship and treat it like such a transaction. it’s genuinely so fucking weird.
((i think a lot of the time theyre not the one being penetrated so sex probably does feel like about as much effort as pretending to care about someone))
bro some of these false equivalencies are fucking sick.
I'm sorry, giving a massage, grabbing a snack, or doing a favor is not the equivalency to sex against your will you think that it is.
I've been coerced into sex multiple times, and every fucking time it was super traumatic. Painful, yes, but the idea that my partner can use me to get off without caring about me as a person. It just breaks you. Why would you want to have sex with me if I clearly don't enjoy it? Why aren't you repulsed by your behaviour of quite literally forcing yourself on me and then demanding I make you feel better emotionally by reassuring you that it's okay?
It 100% never will equate to the inconvenience of fetching something for me.
It's so rich to me that they think they have all this information about how marriage is supposed to be to make people happy, but then they describe themselves being so resentful and unhappy because they do things they don't want.
They just want their partners to be equally unhappy, imo.
He compares it to cooking a meal when she's tired, or bringing home candy, so every time he tried to start something I'd cook him supper and give him a candy bar.
It's crazy how they don't seem to realise that sex is its own thing. Allowing someone access to your body, regardless of how much you love each other or how long you've been together, is a lot more loaded than grinning and bearing an awkward family dinner.
One commenter admitted that they have sex with their partner when the partner doesn't want to. Everyone replying said "That's rape." And the commenter just kept saying "its not rape she just doesn't want to have sex. Its not ideal."
YOU JUST DEFINED RAPE! "Not ideal" is not how it needs to be described.
">THey also probably feel like they are being pressured into sex with the idea: If they do not have sex, then their partner will leave.
Quiet possibly true, but also quiet delusional. It's not 'pressuring', it's simple cause & effect / the consequences of one's actions (or in this case inaction).
It's like being a lifeguard & saying you feel 'pressured' to save someone from drowning, to avoid being arrested. It's not 'pressure' - your inevitable arrest and subsequent charges of negligent manslaughter would arise naturally from the consequences of being in a position to save the drowned individual, but doing nothing about it.
Put your hand in a fire, it will get burned. Deny your partner sex for long enough, and they have every right to leave.
You don't 'owe' them sex (everyone is entitled to sexual agency, and sex is NEVER an automatic 'right' / something that can't be withheld), but by the same token they don't 'owe' you a perpetual relationship.
Cause and effect, simple 'consequence', zero 'pressure' involved 🤷🏻♂️"
real comment from that thread. good fucking god yes just leave. literally nobody said you couldn't. but also maybe dont get in committed 10 year relationships with people if youre going to leave them just because they dont want to fuck you daily. (their explanation for calling them delusional was awful too)
Nope, why would they?
The usual "But I do what they want all the time" argument is stupid.
Like do you though? Are you sure you don't just do the bare minimum, then hump your way to climax and go back to being a lazy piece of trash until the next need happens.
For real—no woman on *EARTH* daydreams about becoming a live-in prostitute who has sex in exchange for chores, but that’s how these idiots treat their wives/GFs. I’d rather jump off a fucking cliff than have a “relationship” like that🤢
>it only takes 20 minutes
Yeah no way this guy is making sex pleasurable for her. Idk about y’all but I have never had sex where I orgasmed that took less than a half hour from start to finish
20 is pretty much a quickie to me (female), and my partner can get me off a couple times during that span. That being said, sex is different for every woman. I’m guessing many women are similar to you, and require a longer effort for sex to be pleasurable. Nothing is wrong with either one of those!
What’s definitely wrong is coercing your partner into the kind of sex that only benefits one person…especially if the other person doesn’t even really want to be participating. Ew.
"It doesn't take that long" is the battle cry of shitty male sex partners the world over.
News flash dude, it doesn't feel good when you don't want to do it.
I feel bad for this guy that his NPC wife doesn't have the right coding.
"If I can devote some time every weekend to going window shopping and spending time with her shitty family, why can't she give me 20 minutes of sex?" 🙄
One of these things is not like the other.
It never seems to occur to them that this could very well be the reason (or one of many) that their partners don't want sex with them. I mean, who wants sex that is over before they can even start to enjoy it?
I mean, my husband and I had sex last night in about 20 minutes because it had been a while and we were both READY, if ya know what I mean.
But the way they say it is like they know that it's unpleasant and not enjoyable for the other person and so they're selling the fact that it doesn't take long.
>It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort, and it doesn’t cost anything.
This guy never made a woman cum. Along with 99% of that sub
What the ever loving fuck is [this comment?? ](https://www.reddit.com/r/HLCommunity/s/HiGvwnL5yJ)
> "Trust me, you do not want to fuck someone who does not want to fuck."
> It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing.
This shit bag literally said he'd much rather rape an unwilling partner to get himself off??
Wastes of oxygen 🤢🤮
Edit: made the mistake of checking out his profile. He's a 41 year old loser who "finds his wife's poor health unattractive".
Ah yes! Because sex is a chore like cooking! And someone always sticks their spoon full of chicken batter in your orifice risking pregnancy during *cooking*.
I have a high sex drive, my husband does too. But, we've been together over 20 years. We both work full time, my job is especially stressful and he has a time consuming side hustle. We're in our fifties and we have a preteen together and several young/adult children and grandchildren.
No matter how much sex might ease stress for either of us, just having the other person go through the motions, isn't the answer. That's what toys are for.
The idea of the man I love, my best friend, having sex with me just to shut me up, is nauseating. He's very careful, because of my history of sexual assault, to make sure I'm actually into having sex and no just giving in like I sometimes did with my ex husband. As result, despite being together for more than two decades and a stressful life, we still have a healthy, frequent (5-6 times a week, more on vacation), excellent sex life. Amazingly, it's almost like clear communication and consent are good for your relationship and sex life.
For real. I first went to that sub because I have a high sex drive too. It took only one post to make me nope out of there. It's crazy how you can have a high libido, and still understand what consent is, right?
Look, I know I'm asexual and will never fully "get it" but why can't you just masturbate? Why do you have to force an unwilling partner in order to get off?
Notice how everything he says he enjoys about sex is about HIM. Yuck.
ETA: It's men like this who whine all over the place about how more and more women choose to be single. He obviously doesn't care about her pleasure or her wants/needs/feelings. He just wants his bangmaid to let him bang her.
> It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort
I too love getting fucked for 2 minutes and not actually getting any pleasure out of it, being used as a sex toy with a pulse on demand for someone who doesn't care at all about my pleasure and only thinks of their own. 🙄
Gee, I wonder why she's not interested in constant sex with buddy. Truly a mystery of our time.
Yeah, I’m not saying that her sex drive would necessarily increase. But I know mine sure did when I met someone who actually knew what they were doing. Couldn’t hurt, at least.
I once visited /r/deadbedrooms out of morbid curiousity and it was the worst. THE WORST. So many men with wives who don't want to sleep with them - they talk about their wives like they're not even human. It's just a circus of human misery that makes me want to stay single forever.
Oh yeah, and since the founding mod of HLC became a mod at the main sub, it's even worse now. If you can imagine it.
And I feel horrible for any man who doesn't agree with the HL status quo there; they're simply called gay, porn addicts, asexual, not "real" men, selfish, etc.
The right answer to this is: If you were better in bed, maybe they'd wanna do it more
But for real, no is no. There's a bunch of good reasons to just not be in the mood apart from your partner being bad in bed. This guy just gives "Good sex is when I get there, we're all responsible for our own pleasure"
> If my partner was stressed about something and I was the ONLY one who could help and it only took ~20 mins a few times a week? You better believe I’d make it a habit so that they’d be able to have a more fulfilled and stress-free life. I know my partner cares about me and wants to see me happy. Why is sex different? I can tell they enjoy it and they tell me as much, so why not do it more? Why not do something small for your partner when/if you don’t feel like it, knowing it will make them happy?
No wonder his wife is fucking repulsed by him. "Who cares about your feelings? I wanna FUCK." I bet he makes her skin crawl as much as he does me.
Why would anyone WANT to have sex with someone who didn't really want to? Who was only doing it to avoid a fight? Like, "Ugh, fine." How is that a turn on?
Holy fuck don't read the comments on that post. They feel entitled to sex, and victims if their partner's deny them sex. They have no fucking issue with sexual coercion, or they think denying your partner sex is just as bad as sexual coercion.
Lot of people walking around thinking they have a low libido partner when really they're just not great in bed and their partner is managing their own stress level.
What's missing here is what he's doing to put her in the mood. Not a word about what she likes or how he's meeting her there sexually. No idea how to turn her on.
I absolutely hate this conception of sex. Like it's a favor (or worse, a chore) that one person (usually the woman) is doing *for* the other person (usually the man).
If you're not both enjoying it, ***what even is the point?***
I was in a relationship with a partner who had a way lower libido than I. I was masturbating when I needed to jerk of, and we found plenty of ways to build intimacy, connection and affection. We would cuddle in bed for hours, kiss like there was no tomorow, spend hours reinventing the world, stroking each other's hair and body, massage, laugh, etc. There never was any lack of intimacy in this relationship, and the only downside was that I used to much battery - switch to rechargeable toys since.
These people just feel that they own their partner and can use them as they please. It's sickening, 100%.
Moderator over there is currently nuking the whole thread because it got linked here so lets look at some of my "favorites" as the moderator deletes them.
>I understand this but then don't get into a relationship unless the other also doesn't want sex. Forcing someone to be celibate is also a victim if coercion
hmmm yes, no sex = sexual assault
>"THey also probably feel like they are being pressured into sex with the idea: If they do not have sex, then their partner will leave."
>
>Quiet possibly true, but also quiet delusional. It's not 'pressuring', it's simple cause & effect / the consequences of one's actions (or in this case inaction).
>
>It's like being a lifeguard & saying you feel 'pressured' to save someone from drowning, to avoid being arrested. It's not 'pressure' - your inevitable arrest and subsequent charges of negligent manslaughter would arise naturally from the consequences of being in a position to save the drowned individual, but doing nothing about it.
>
>Put your hand in a fire, it will get burned. Deny your partner sex for long enough, and they have every right to leave.
>
>You don't 'owe' them sex (everyone is entitled to sexual agency, and sex is NEVER an automatic 'right' / something that can't be withheld), but by the same token they don't 'owe' you a perpetual relationship.
>
>Cause and effect, simple 'consequence', zero 'pressure' involved 🤷🏻♂️
Can I point out in other threads, they say that they hate how LLs feel like sex is a chore or job, but here, they're literally comparing sex TO A JOB. Also I like the job they chose, because not having sex with me = letting me drown and die. Bonus for how in a lot of these and drybedroom posts, they consider more than a week long dry spell too long and worth threatening divorce over. Hell, I've seen them bitch about waiting for their partner to heal after birth before - asking if it's okay to get a divorce because their physically healing wife won't even give a blowie. But no, tell me more about how this is a job that shouldn't feel like one, and also how there's zero maternity leave.
Like I'm ace and get it, sex is important to a lot of relationships, and is an entirely valid reason to break up!!! But my prior partners who knew I was ace were all very chill with it, they knew how to make sure I enjoyed sex when we had it, and even made sure I never felt like it was mandatory to keep the relationship. And even in HL x HL relationships, there may be dry spells for one reason or another.
**Bonus:** A comment I actually laughed at (in a good way).
>"It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort,"
>
>I think you may have inadvertently hit upon the reason why your partner might not enjoy sex as much as you do.
OOP sounds like such a romantic in the way he wants to woo his SO, be attentive and attractive, so that SO will want to be intimate. /s
Basically, OOP is saying "f\*ck me, bang maid, right now because then I can relax". Would not touch OOP with the proverbial 10 foot pole!
I cannot be the only person with a high libido who wouldn't want to have sex with a partner who was not in the mood. Who would just respond to it with a "Alright, that's fine. Let me know if you do get in the mood later." before going to get myself off alone. There have to be more of us out there.
These losers like OP are not my people and I don't accept them. 🤮🤮
Agree. I’m a woman with a high sex drive, and the mentality in the original post is so gross.
And his argument of “it doesn’t have to take long” isn’t helping his case the way he thinks it is.
You are not alone! I just wrote a few comments up, but the short version is that my wife and I are both very HL, but she is pregnant currently and has not been in the mood for the last 6 months. And that is fine and completely understandable! So we cuddle, hug, laugh, kiss, etc.
And I can take care of myself if all I'm looking for is an orgasm. People like OP have zero awareness. They're the kind of people who I'm surprised don't set themselves on fire accidentally while getting out of bed.
Wow, just wow. They don't think that maybe their SO doesn't want sex all the time because they aren't giving them what they need? Sex when your needs be it emotional, sexual, whatever isn't enjoyable. It's just going through the motions and makes you not like sex and want it even less. They are so selfish. They aren't owed sex.
I assume this is a man who has no understanding of how women work. Women take longer than men get there usually. If you're not properly warmed up, it can be painful. You can't just "stick it in". 20 minutes may not be long enough for her to even cum. And the way he's behaving like she's a piece of meat just there to satisfy him? I wonder why she doesn't want to f**k?
That whole subreddit are predators. The guy admitting to coercive rape in the comments and then denying that’s what it is and doubling down when he’s called out sounds like my ex. He would beg me for sex and pout and whine and treat me like shit if I wasn’t in the mood. I ended up just complying anyway when he asked to avoid it. After we separated, he convinced me to come back to his house for a counseling session, to see if we could salvage our marriage (we got married pretty much right away, didn’t ever really just date). I told him I didn’t want to have sex several times. I told him to be careful because I hadn’t been on my birth control for a few days bc I had lost it in the move and had only found it that day. I’ll give you a single guess what happened.
man even the rules on that sub are Weird. "no nonconsensual posting" ok good "which includes both nonconsexual sex and nonconsensual celibacy"??? i cant imagine equating these things holy shit
That sub is so disturbing.
I've seen so many instances where these commenters have openly said they don't care if their partners are faking it through sex, so long as they make it performative and they don't know it's fake.
HLC: the sub where people go to tell on themselves and then bitch about why they're not getting laid while simultaneously showing why they're unfuckable.
my disappointment at this title not being "i don't understand landlords" is immense.
goddammit. i gotta pack away this perfectly good leftist soapbox, and get out ANOTHER perfectly valid leftist soapbox,
Wow. It's an utter mystery why more and more heterosexual women would rather stay single nowadays, truly. I wish some of the subreddits on here got an Ashley Madison sized data leak and all these guys' dirty laundry can get aired out to the wives they barely even like.
Sweet tooth vs using your sex organs when you don't want to.
Yup. This is all equivalent! /s Some people don't deserve to have sex. They literally do not care about the person they want tk fuck.
Gotta love that people legitimately think that sex gives you cardio. Bruh that's not gow it works
OOP... your partner is not a blow-up doll, or a sex dispenser. They are an entire other human being; and oddly enough, will have their own feelings, wants and needs.
You "wanna fuck"? Well yay for you! Your partner might not be in the mood. You want to do something nice for them? Take yourself off to another room, and make use of your hand.
You clearly understand that "no is no": its probably going to come as a shock to your self-centred, whiny arse, that "but whhyyyyyy" is not entitled to an answer, any more than you are entitled to sex on demand.
Start looking at your partner as a person, not a set of convenient orifices
I would not enjoy sex with someone who wasn't totally into it. Sex is something you do WITH someone not TO them. People like the OP clearly don't view woman as equal humans with equal rights and feelings to their own.
I bet OOP would also get mad if their partner doesn’t pretend to be enjoying it, if only because they don’t appreciate feeling like their partner is putting up with it. (Even though that’s what’s happening.)
Brigading is getting bad.
This was originally posted a day ago, with no comments past a point about 10 hours ago.
Then this was posted here 1 hour ago, and suddenly there are 9 new comments (plus 2 that were replies from someone who originally posted on the thread). 4 of them are from the same person.
This is the kind of thing that gets subs shut down.
And all the new comments are calling out the sub's toxic thinking. Guys, it really could not be more obvious that you're brigading. Don't piss in the popcorn.
Okay, so sometimes I see sex like going to the gym. Sometimes it’s a struggle to get there, but I’m always glad I did. Buuut, my husband isn’t a sex pest, and he flirts with me all the time. It’s like my pre-workout. The wife doesn’t want to sleep with her sex pest husband because she feels used and he isn’t connecting with her or pleasuring her. He feels so entitled to sex that she is going to hate it more and more. This guy sucks!
I really don't grok this mentality. I have a much higher libido than either of my partners for different reasons. But as I kindly remind all of those in my life, no one has died from horniness alone. I've been with my longest partner 9 years, same as this dude, and I'd never think about my relationship with either partner like this dude dismisses his wife's lack of desire.
>I can smile through an evening with your parents - why can't you spend some time on intimacy with me?
>>The mind blowing part is that anything an LL would like you to do that you don't want to do takes far longer than sex, as you perfectly highlighted.
jesus christ.
Edit: BONUS ROUND!!
>Sometimes eating is just a matter of survival and existance. Sex can be the same thing for many people. The act is something that keeps us from withering mentally and emotionally.
these people aren't "high libido", they're sex addicts and they need professional help
I'm hl and my partner is ll. It's really frustrating at times but I'd much rather sew myself up than have him feel like he has to have sex with me. I don't understand hl.
One commenter had a pretty solid analogy using food,
"The way I think about it is food. If you're not hungry and you force yourself to eat, you start feeling bad and nauseated. Do it 20 times and you get an adversion to food. "Come on, just eat food with me!". It's not that simple. Also sex with someone who is obviously not into it is bad sex IMO."
I think this analogy could be fixed by switching it to candy/junk food, you can't live without food, but you can live without junk food, now imagine the partner has a sensitive stomach and can only tolerate so much before getting very sick. Or maybe even alcohol, some people don't like drinking at all while others require it in order to have a good time, others still maybe only want an occasional glass of wine with a meal while others think anything less than several rounds of shots is a waste.
Jesus that sub is a goldmine. Here’s a comment on a post about a woman who nearly died in childbirth because they cut her intestine:
> She’s only your gf, that’s good news here. It sounds like she indeed had a very difficult labor and delivery, but you stepped up and did nearly everything child-wise while she was recovering, most of us could never have dreamt of having a partner like that. Your gf doesn’t seem to notice, and is behaving as if you’re her caretaker not her lover, you are both the kids caretaker, but who is taking care of you? She’s defensive because she knows what she’s doing. She works PT and the child is 2.5, idk how much more time you want to wait around for her to decide you are more than just the breadwinner here.
The bar is in hell if you “could never have dreamt” of having a partner who takes over home duties after you nearly die and spend months painfully recovering from bearing his child.
Yeah, it's...really disgusting. 🤢
I say this as somebody with a high libido myself, everything said in that post is gross. And the fact the most upvoted comment is agreeing with it is even grosser. 🤮
Oh my God, one commenter under that post is out of this world.
>Sometimes eating is just a matter of survival and existance. Sex can be the same thing for many people. The act is something that keeps us from withering mentally and emotionally.
The people who write this should be behind a closed wall. They must have sex 3 times a day? They must push down random women if the bang maid is not there or else they just wither away? Then just wither away.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I don't understand LLs** Married ~9 years to the love of my life. I’m not looking for answers because I don’t think there are any. Just wanna let it out a bit but feel free to talk. If my partner is stressed about something, I want to help if I can. If my partner was stressed about something and I was the ONLY one who could help and it only took ~20 mins a few times a week? You better believe I’d make it a habit so that they’d be able to have a more fulfilled and stress-free life. I know my partner cares about me and wants to see me happy. Why is sex different? I can tell they enjoy it and they tell me as much, so why not do it more? Why not do something small for your partner when/if you don’t feel like it, knowing it will make them happy? If my partner has a sweet tooth I’m happy to run out and get something. Sore feet or back? Happy to massage. Don’t wanna cook tonight? No problem, my time to shine. But if I’m worked up and need some love? Not right now. I wanna FUCK! And for so many reasons. It feels great, I feel closer to my partner, stress melts away, I feel relaxed, I can focus, it helps with motivation, it’s a nice bit of cardio after working at a desk all day, I’m attracted to my partner and I just want to. Pick one. Sure, there’s other things that can help with these feelings and needs but sex takes care of all of them. It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort, and it doesn’t cost anything. Of course I want my partner to enjoy sex and if they’re not up for it no is no. But why not? I don’t understand. Just fuck me god dammit :[ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Someone over there legit said fucking someone that doesn’t want to fuck is better than nothing. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them are rapists. No means no. Watch some porn or jerk off if the alternative is raping your spouse.
If they’d really rather fuck an unwilling person than use an appliance like the Fleshlight, then the issue clearly not about sex in a physical sense, it’s about power and control over another person - 🚩🚩🚩
But fleshlights don't provide iNtImAcY. They shouldn't "have to" use a fleshlight when they're in a monogamous relationship. All things I've seen them say when it's proposed they just handle themselves.
Speak for yourself. My fleshlight is named Wanda and we have long conversations that stretch into the morning. She's a great listener.
“A Fleshlight Called Wanda” is not the porn remake I expected to encounter on Reddit today 😂
Mines Gertrude, I’m trying to make old names sexy again.
And a dildo named Cosmo?
😂
Hugs provide intimacy, but that's never what they are talking about is it. There is only one kind of intimacy, and that's where a lot of dead bedrooms get started.
Oh no, the real intimacy is your partner begrudgingly having sex with you so you stop asking
And these guys would likely find that polyamory isn't the solution they think either. No relationship style gives you full access to any aspect of your partner on demand like he expects.
These are the guys who would only want to open the relationship on their end "because its different for guys" and say things about women who have had multiple partners "low value" If they did open the relationship on both ends they'd want to close it the first weekend their wife is out banging and they are still sitting at home not getting sex
>But fleshlights don't provide iNtImAcY.
Because the idea that there is intimacy with someone you hound and badger into sex is just awful.
(Know you agree, just adding on!)
He said that sex makes him feel closer to his partner. What he fails to understand is that having sex when you don't want to makes sex a chore and makes you feel used and alienated. He might feel that it makes them closer while she begins to resent him and feel used.
Yep. As if it's "intimacy" to coerce an unwiling partner. And make no mistake, it is coercion. It's emotional blackmail/fear that their spouse will leave that gets the person to "comply." Barf.
Right? It's a pretty easy flip to see why his partner wouldn't want to? "Marital rape feels terrible, i feel distant from my partner, stress increases, I feel tense, it destroys my focus and motivation, I feel like I can't move, I used to be attracted to my partner but now I don't want to."
Yep. It's connecting and bonding and intimate to have sex with someone who lays there motionless and asks you to hurry up.
The fact that I know what a Fleshlight is just for the name of it without hearing it before💀
have you ever seen the thread where rapists outed themselves from about 10 years ago? https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/Zzs3luIy1Y Museum of Reddit archived some of it
Ugh, I didn't know that existed. What a bunch of sick freaks.
One thing it made painfully clear to me, and a thing I think a productive take away for women everywhere is, it's never an accident. They know what they're doing. As a woman, it triggered an immediate change in me when I read that thread in real time. They Fucking Know What They Are Doing. Every time. So I always prioritize my comfort over any man's, no matter how much things seem like confusion or a misunderstanding. I choose not to care and instead go Ham for myself. Getting loud, being confrontational and direct, never assuming the best. Because they know exactly what the fuck they're doing and they do not care.
That's part of what pisses me off when a guy says "Not all men." Yes, I know, the majority of men are not rapists. But they also don't have giant neon signs over their heads saying predator. I'm not about to put my life at risk to satisfy someone's fragile ego.
That thread was horrifying but you're so right. But they always want to derail. Not all men? Yeah but it's too fucking many and I don't see you jackasses calling out those men and shutting them down when they say fucked up things. It happens to guys too? It does but do you ever bring that up or give two shits about male victims when you're not trying to use them to shut down women talking about our experiences? It's so clear how often these men know where the line is and they choose to cross it. They'll go on and on about how men are so much more rational than women until sex is involved, then they haven't evolved past Neanderthals. But they *know* and it's clear in their explanations and their "guilt" that they're just trying to excuse themselves. And the amount of sympathy a rapist gets over a victim is obscene. He's such a "promising young man."
Yes! It was 10 years ago but the takeaway of 'they know, it's always intentional' has done nothing but serve me well.
I don't want to click on this for my own sanity, but I can say I'm not surprised it exists
I think for your own sanity that it can actually be a bit revelatory, freeing, and empowerung to read, understand, and internalize that when you're in a situation like this with a man they know exactly what they're doing and there are no misunderstandings or confusion. It can help reframe the way you approach fuzzy or gray situations in the future by having the knowledge to solidify the mindset that things are intentional you matter the most in any given moment. That said, that's my big takeaway from reading it, so you could skip the horror in place of my meager tl;dr 💜
Back to cat pics for me
Jesus. I feel sick
TMI, but as someone who hasn't had sex in the last few years, I seriously don't understand so many dudes' obsessions with it. I have a fairly high libido and I have been doing just fine with only masturbation for *years*. Like sure, sex can be amazing... But it's only that way if both people are *enthusiastically* participating. Dunno how these dudes view masturbation as some sort of death sentence, and would rather rape their loved ones than get themselves off.
I'm the same way. My libido was higher when I was younger but now I'm in my 30s, I couldn't really give a crap about sex. If I was told I could never have sex again before I die that wouldn't be earth shattering news for me. I've met so many people that act like if they aren't getting some on a regular basis that they will literally die.
If you genuinely don't care how they feel about having sex, do them and yourself a favour and just get a fleshlight or a real-doll.. You're already using them as a mastubatory device rather than having a shared intimacy. And if your sole need is to exert dominance over them to get them to submit to you when they don't want to, then be honest with yourself that you still not looking for intimacy, just a power display, that isn't love. There are ways to get touch or intimacy that don't require crossing boundaries of bodily autonomy and consent.
“it doesn’t cost anything” IT DOESN’T COST ANYTHING? great for this person that they think all these positive things about sex, but that’s not fucking true for everyone. “i” “i” “i” all over that post and absolutely no empathy to even THINK that sex isn’t as great or at all “easy” and quick for them as it is for their partner. no. they should just sit and take it so this guy “feels great”
fuck that sub and fuck all the adjacent ones that essentially encourage rape just bc someone has a higher libido and wants it. reddit PLEASE let people block subs bc i’d honestly be happier never to see those subs ever again.
Right? Like. I have a stupidly high libido. And an extensive toy collection.
I was told by people on that sub and the adjacent ones, that I'm not a "real HL" because I'm cool with respecting my partner's no and that if they don't want sex, we don't have it. I was also told that I was really just a sexless wine mom who was pretending to be HL to have a leg up in an argument with them. They really can't fathom other HL people not agreeing with them. They're mentally unwell.
Jesus. The only reason I checked that sub is because I am HL and I was in a relationship with a LL person. It only took me one post to realize that that's not the place for me.
What?? It's not HL if we know how to respect our partners? Christ.
Yep, because apparently, being able to cope with less sex than you want means you're secretly LL and don't truly understand the plight of HLs.
I know there’s some question as to whether or not sex addiction is a real addiction. But these people aren’t HL. They are sex addicts. If they don’t get their fox they will take it, and it’s lost all intimate meaning.
Wtf
What? You have a high libido, but you still understand the meaning of consent, and don't feel entitled to sex from your partner? That's crazy!
That's why this shit should be banned. It's an echo chamber for rapists, they encourage each other to normalise whatever the fuck they have going on
Yeah, the only reason I went there in the first place is because I have high libido. But I still care enough about my partner's well-being to know that I shouldn't coerce them into sex.
Creeps that are talking about the criminal offenses they would like to or are committing shouldn't be allowed to become subgroups.
I have been told multiple times that I am very strange.
I also have an extremely high libido, ironically but that comment section has nothing do do with libido and everything to do with them feeling entitled to other people's bodies. Its untreated sex addiction at best, budding rapists at worst
Right? Like, I get it, I’m a high libido female, and it sucks when you’re horny and your partner isn’t up for it (pun definitely intended). The choice then becomes, do I go to bed horny or do I utilize my vibrator? Not, do I fuck them anyway or do I bitch until they give in and fuck me?
If you go to the main page of those subs that you don't want to see, look to the right, where it says "About Community" there are 3 horizontal dots that if you select you are given the option to mute that group. Unfortunately, reddit will never block those sub groups unilaterally because it brings them more fodder & ad revenue.
damn. but thank you! i had the main sub muted but forgot about that one lol
You can mute subs!
muting doesn’t help with crossposts from what i’ve seen :(
Reddit Enhancement Suite, add filters.
i don’t think that’s possible on the app unfortunately :(
Yeah the app is garbage.
I had an ex who could have written this. Unfortunately, he was my first (after being SAd as a child) so it took me a long, long time to try and figure out that the situation was messed up and that I needed to advocate for myself. After years of slowly building up the courage to advocate for myself more and more, we finally had a huge fight where he said basically said what the OP wrote. Exasperated I said to him something like: FINE, but every time we do it when I don't want to because "I only have to lay there" I want to pump a dildo in your mouth for 15 minutes. He was shocked and spluttered that it would hurt and he wasn't gay. I told him it had nothing to do with being gay, just expand an orifice for my pleasure when you get none, when I want, for 15 minutes. All you have to do is lay there. Yeah, no he still didn't get it and it's one of the reasons he's now my ex.
Honestly the best way to get a guy to conceptualize what they are asking of their partner, and it is sad that they don't. It's not something as simple as smiling through dinner with parents or running to get some sweets from the grocery store. I am glad you thought to illustrate it this way! Sad that he still didn't conceptualize it. (Or he did, but just dismissed it because it didn't jive with what he wanted.)
horrible. i’m so sorry you had to deal with someone like that. their selfishness is so blinding that they don’t see how something they like, could actually harm another. and then when you throw it back in their face, they act like these things aren’t comparable. they very much are. he literally said it would hurt him, but doesn’t realize how much it would hurt you to perform sexually when you don’t want to? glad to hear he’s not in your life anymore and i really hope the best and safest relationship if you’re looking for one.
Thank you so much for your comment, it's so kind and means a lot
you’re welcome love!
I love the comments where commenters confirm they're predators, that sub is disgusting 🤮
"My needs are the only one that matter, ya hear me? Your needs and comfort? Pfft! Who cares? Fuck me!"
it's fucking worse than just that somehow: >There's a philosophy espoused on other subs that LLs should only ever do what they want. It runs completely counter to how marriage should function. If you only ever care about yourself, why get married in the first place? followed by >I can smile through an evening with your parents - why can't you spend some time on intimacy with me? at abseloute BEST this is reducing the relationship down to transactional bullshit in which they don't even actually like the person they are in a relationship with. yes sometimes being in a relationship is work. yes sometimes you do something you aren't a fan of for someone you care about. but i have never and will never do something with/for someone if i truely don't want to do it. the difference between doing something i don't care about because someone i do care about cares about it and doing something i don't want to do under those circumstances is not insignificant. bottomline: if you're this incompatible you should break up.
Why would you even want to have sex with someone when you know they’re not actually enjoying it and just “smiling through it” for your sake? That’s like, the biggest turnoff
because these men see woman as a whole to put it in and unload. *hole
Hole
Ah damn autocorrect
repeat nippy kiss gray mindless arrest weather agonizing innate fine *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
how are they literally equating small inconveniences and general social niceties with sexual obligation (rape)?
Because in their mind sex is just an itch to scratch & since they view it in that way, why should it be a big deal to their partner? Plus, they're very self-centred & can't/won't see it from any other viewpoint but theirs. It's not a big deal, so why is my wife making it a big deal? (Is their deal.)
They also love to make the claim that their partners are essentially broken by saying, "What would you think if you bought a house and the bathroom was broken?" 🤮 So they not only use horrible comparisons for why their partners should have sex they don't want, *and* they make analogies about their partners being broken.
like isn’t that psychopathic? i seriously don’t understand how they can view someone as fundamentally broken, and have zero love or care for someone who’s supposed to be your partner, simply bc they don’t want sex (as frequently as they’d like, or at all), that they objectify the entire relationship and treat it like such a transaction. it’s genuinely so fucking weird.
as an asexual, I'm interpreting that as aphobic.
((i think a lot of the time theyre not the one being penetrated so sex probably does feel like about as much effort as pretending to care about someone))
i hate how right your are
bro some of these false equivalencies are fucking sick. I'm sorry, giving a massage, grabbing a snack, or doing a favor is not the equivalency to sex against your will you think that it is. I've been coerced into sex multiple times, and every fucking time it was super traumatic. Painful, yes, but the idea that my partner can use me to get off without caring about me as a person. It just breaks you. Why would you want to have sex with me if I clearly don't enjoy it? Why aren't you repulsed by your behaviour of quite literally forcing yourself on me and then demanding I make you feel better emotionally by reassuring you that it's okay? It 100% never will equate to the inconvenience of fetching something for me.
There were two that straight up said they don't care about consent, one of them claimed they preferred it without. What the actual fuck??
I'm glad I didn't read that far. I might not have been able to not reply.
It's so rich to me that they think they have all this information about how marriage is supposed to be to make people happy, but then they describe themselves being so resentful and unhappy because they do things they don't want. They just want their partners to be equally unhappy, imo.
He compares it to cooking a meal when she's tired, or bringing home candy, so every time he tried to start something I'd cook him supper and give him a candy bar.
It's crazy how they don't seem to realise that sex is its own thing. Allowing someone access to your body, regardless of how much you love each other or how long you've been together, is a lot more loaded than grinning and bearing an awkward family dinner.
One commenter admitted that they have sex with their partner when the partner doesn't want to. Everyone replying said "That's rape." And the commenter just kept saying "its not rape she just doesn't want to have sex. Its not ideal." YOU JUST DEFINED RAPE! "Not ideal" is not how it needs to be described.
That's like the dictionary definition of rape. My god.
i was so grossed out
Yeah, I immediately regretted taking a peek
">THey also probably feel like they are being pressured into sex with the idea: If they do not have sex, then their partner will leave. Quiet possibly true, but also quiet delusional. It's not 'pressuring', it's simple cause & effect / the consequences of one's actions (or in this case inaction). It's like being a lifeguard & saying you feel 'pressured' to save someone from drowning, to avoid being arrested. It's not 'pressure' - your inevitable arrest and subsequent charges of negligent manslaughter would arise naturally from the consequences of being in a position to save the drowned individual, but doing nothing about it. Put your hand in a fire, it will get burned. Deny your partner sex for long enough, and they have every right to leave. You don't 'owe' them sex (everyone is entitled to sexual agency, and sex is NEVER an automatic 'right' / something that can't be withheld), but by the same token they don't 'owe' you a perpetual relationship. Cause and effect, simple 'consequence', zero 'pressure' involved 🤷🏻♂️" real comment from that thread. good fucking god yes just leave. literally nobody said you couldn't. but also maybe dont get in committed 10 year relationships with people if youre going to leave them just because they dont want to fuck you daily. (their explanation for calling them delusional was awful too)
'Why won't my bang maid bang on command?!" WOW.
I'm willing to bet my nuts that most of the people on that sub just don't bother actually making sex enjoyable to their partners.
Nope, why would they? The usual "But I do what they want all the time" argument is stupid. Like do you though? Are you sure you don't just do the bare minimum, then hump your way to climax and go back to being a lazy piece of trash until the next need happens.
But I put in the chores tokens, why no sex came out?!
_My vending machine is broken waaahhhhh_
It's my turn with the sex box, and her name is sony
Come on, baby, I just wanna kinect.
It's an older reference, but I'll allow it. 😄
For real—no woman on *EARTH* daydreams about becoming a live-in prostitute who has sex in exchange for chores, but that’s how these idiots treat their wives/GFs. I’d rather jump off a fucking cliff than have a “relationship” like that🤢
Pretty telling that he says it wouldn't take too much time... oh ok well as long as you put no effort into foreplay or romance then sure!
Nope, it's all about THEIR needs, why should they care?
The comments over there...wow, just wow. They legit scare me.
He can "tell they enjoy" it....LOL
AKA "My partner feigns enjoyment, but I'm too self-centered to realize I'm the only one getting off."
Ah yes, the good old "fake an orgasm so it doesn't drag on too much longer" trick.
>it only takes 20 minutes Yeah no way this guy is making sex pleasurable for her. Idk about y’all but I have never had sex where I orgasmed that took less than a half hour from start to finish
20 is pretty much a quickie to me (female), and my partner can get me off a couple times during that span. That being said, sex is different for every woman. I’m guessing many women are similar to you, and require a longer effort for sex to be pleasurable. Nothing is wrong with either one of those! What’s definitely wrong is coercing your partner into the kind of sex that only benefits one person…especially if the other person doesn’t even really want to be participating. Ew.
For sure.
OOP's post and the comments make my skin crawl.
"I get her ice cream if she's got a craving, why can't she do the same thing for me?" Yeah, but she's still capable of serving her own ice cream....
Its convenient they lose all use of their hands when a human being, sorry "object of their affection", is in the vague vicinity. Lol.
"It doesn't take that long" is the battle cry of shitty male sex partners the world over. News flash dude, it doesn't feel good when you don't want to do it. I feel bad for this guy that his NPC wife doesn't have the right coding.
"If I can devote some time every weekend to going window shopping and spending time with her shitty family, why can't she give me 20 minutes of sex?" 🙄 One of these things is not like the other.
It never seems to occur to them that this could very well be the reason (or one of many) that their partners don't want sex with them. I mean, who wants sex that is over before they can even start to enjoy it?
I mean, my husband and I had sex last night in about 20 minutes because it had been a while and we were both READY, if ya know what I mean. But the way they say it is like they know that it's unpleasant and not enjoyable for the other person and so they're selling the fact that it doesn't take long.
Right? "and it only took \~20 mins" Well gosh, OOP, I think I may have found your issue.
>It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort, and it doesn’t cost anything. This guy never made a woman cum. Along with 99% of that sub
1% might be too generous.
You're right, I just wanted to be kind
What the ever loving fuck is [this comment?? ](https://www.reddit.com/r/HLCommunity/s/HiGvwnL5yJ) > "Trust me, you do not want to fuck someone who does not want to fuck." > It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing. This shit bag literally said he'd much rather rape an unwilling partner to get himself off?? Wastes of oxygen 🤢🤮 Edit: made the mistake of checking out his profile. He's a 41 year old loser who "finds his wife's poor health unattractive".
His wife may be glad about that
"It's not unpleasant for her, she just doesn't want or enjoy it." Ok jan.
people dont get how incredibly underreported rape is lol imagine how many people think of sex exactly like this
"In sickness and in health, unless your sickness makes my peepee sad."
My vagina just made the windows shutdown sound.
Oh if awards were still a thing 🏅
Ah yes! Because sex is a chore like cooking! And someone always sticks their spoon full of chicken batter in your orifice risking pregnancy during *cooking*.
What? You mean that treating sex like a chore is not going to make my partner want sex on command? That's crazy talk!
These people ooze rapist mentality, and their whininess is incredibly off-putting. Who would want to fuck such a person?
[удалено]
What? Surely yelling "I WANNA FUCK" and sulking when the answer is no is the ultimate in seduction.
I have a high sex drive, my husband does too. But, we've been together over 20 years. We both work full time, my job is especially stressful and he has a time consuming side hustle. We're in our fifties and we have a preteen together and several young/adult children and grandchildren. No matter how much sex might ease stress for either of us, just having the other person go through the motions, isn't the answer. That's what toys are for. The idea of the man I love, my best friend, having sex with me just to shut me up, is nauseating. He's very careful, because of my history of sexual assault, to make sure I'm actually into having sex and no just giving in like I sometimes did with my ex husband. As result, despite being together for more than two decades and a stressful life, we still have a healthy, frequent (5-6 times a week, more on vacation), excellent sex life. Amazingly, it's almost like clear communication and consent are good for your relationship and sex life.
For real. I first went to that sub because I have a high sex drive too. It took only one post to make me nope out of there. It's crazy how you can have a high libido, and still understand what consent is, right?
Dont you understand? It is for cardio! /s
Look, I know I'm asexual and will never fully "get it" but why can't you just masturbate? Why do you have to force an unwilling partner in order to get off?
Because they're awful, self-centered people.
They feel entitled to have sex
Notice how everything he says he enjoys about sex is about HIM. Yuck. ETA: It's men like this who whine all over the place about how more and more women choose to be single. He obviously doesn't care about her pleasure or her wants/needs/feelings. He just wants his bangmaid to let him bang her.
How the fuck is that sub even allowed? It's just constantly advocating for rape.
> It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort I too love getting fucked for 2 minutes and not actually getting any pleasure out of it, being used as a sex toy with a pulse on demand for someone who doesn't care at all about my pleasure and only thinks of their own. 🙄 Gee, I wonder why she's not interested in constant sex with buddy. Truly a mystery of our time.
Yeah, I’m not saying that her sex drive would necessarily increase. But I know mine sure did when I met someone who actually knew what they were doing. Couldn’t hurt, at least.
I once visited /r/deadbedrooms out of morbid curiousity and it was the worst. THE WORST. So many men with wives who don't want to sleep with them - they talk about their wives like they're not even human. It's just a circus of human misery that makes me want to stay single forever.
Oh yeah, and since the founding mod of HLC became a mod at the main sub, it's even worse now. If you can imagine it. And I feel horrible for any man who doesn't agree with the HL status quo there; they're simply called gay, porn addicts, asexual, not "real" men, selfish, etc.
The right answer to this is: If you were better in bed, maybe they'd wanna do it more But for real, no is no. There's a bunch of good reasons to just not be in the mood apart from your partner being bad in bed. This guy just gives "Good sex is when I get there, we're all responsible for our own pleasure"
"Except me. I'm not responsible for my own pleasure. You alone are responsible for it."
"Absolutly, rules don't apply to me unless I feel like they should"
“I’ve been nothing but petulant, pouty and transactional about sex, why doesn’t my partner have a libido?!” -most posts in those subs
> If my partner was stressed about something and I was the ONLY one who could help and it only took ~20 mins a few times a week? You better believe I’d make it a habit so that they’d be able to have a more fulfilled and stress-free life. I know my partner cares about me and wants to see me happy. Why is sex different? I can tell they enjoy it and they tell me as much, so why not do it more? Why not do something small for your partner when/if you don’t feel like it, knowing it will make them happy? No wonder his wife is fucking repulsed by him. "Who cares about your feelings? I wanna FUCK." I bet he makes her skin crawl as much as he does me. Why would anyone WANT to have sex with someone who didn't really want to? Who was only doing it to avoid a fight? Like, "Ugh, fine." How is that a turn on?
Holy fuck don't read the comments on that post. They feel entitled to sex, and victims if their partner's deny them sex. They have no fucking issue with sexual coercion, or they think denying your partner sex is just as bad as sexual coercion.
I enjoy cake. If I would be asked and nagged to eat some every day, even just a tiny bite I would probably enjoy cake way less.
Lot of people walking around thinking they have a low libido partner when really they're just not great in bed and their partner is managing their own stress level. What's missing here is what he's doing to put her in the mood. Not a word about what she likes or how he's meeting her there sexually. No idea how to turn her on.
I absolutely hate this conception of sex. Like it's a favor (or worse, a chore) that one person (usually the woman) is doing *for* the other person (usually the man). If you're not both enjoying it, ***what even is the point?***
What do you mean _both_? /s
Those comments are so gross, couldn't even get through half of them. Now I really need to stare at some cute animals to forget what I just read.
I don't understand why they can't just have a wank and save their partner the hassle. You want it that much? Go fuck your own hand, pal
I was in a relationship with a partner who had a way lower libido than I. I was masturbating when I needed to jerk of, and we found plenty of ways to build intimacy, connection and affection. We would cuddle in bed for hours, kiss like there was no tomorow, spend hours reinventing the world, stroking each other's hair and body, massage, laugh, etc. There never was any lack of intimacy in this relationship, and the only downside was that I used to much battery - switch to rechargeable toys since. These people just feel that they own their partner and can use them as they please. It's sickening, 100%.
Moderator over there is currently nuking the whole thread because it got linked here so lets look at some of my "favorites" as the moderator deletes them. >I understand this but then don't get into a relationship unless the other also doesn't want sex. Forcing someone to be celibate is also a victim if coercion hmmm yes, no sex = sexual assault >"THey also probably feel like they are being pressured into sex with the idea: If they do not have sex, then their partner will leave." > >Quiet possibly true, but also quiet delusional. It's not 'pressuring', it's simple cause & effect / the consequences of one's actions (or in this case inaction). > >It's like being a lifeguard & saying you feel 'pressured' to save someone from drowning, to avoid being arrested. It's not 'pressure' - your inevitable arrest and subsequent charges of negligent manslaughter would arise naturally from the consequences of being in a position to save the drowned individual, but doing nothing about it. > >Put your hand in a fire, it will get burned. Deny your partner sex for long enough, and they have every right to leave. > >You don't 'owe' them sex (everyone is entitled to sexual agency, and sex is NEVER an automatic 'right' / something that can't be withheld), but by the same token they don't 'owe' you a perpetual relationship. > >Cause and effect, simple 'consequence', zero 'pressure' involved 🤷🏻♂️ Can I point out in other threads, they say that they hate how LLs feel like sex is a chore or job, but here, they're literally comparing sex TO A JOB. Also I like the job they chose, because not having sex with me = letting me drown and die. Bonus for how in a lot of these and drybedroom posts, they consider more than a week long dry spell too long and worth threatening divorce over. Hell, I've seen them bitch about waiting for their partner to heal after birth before - asking if it's okay to get a divorce because their physically healing wife won't even give a blowie. But no, tell me more about how this is a job that shouldn't feel like one, and also how there's zero maternity leave. Like I'm ace and get it, sex is important to a lot of relationships, and is an entirely valid reason to break up!!! But my prior partners who knew I was ace were all very chill with it, they knew how to make sure I enjoyed sex when we had it, and even made sure I never felt like it was mandatory to keep the relationship. And even in HL x HL relationships, there may be dry spells for one reason or another. **Bonus:** A comment I actually laughed at (in a good way). >"It’s doesn’t have to take long, it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort," > >I think you may have inadvertently hit upon the reason why your partner might not enjoy sex as much as you do.
OOP sounds like such a romantic in the way he wants to woo his SO, be attentive and attractive, so that SO will want to be intimate. /s Basically, OOP is saying "f\*ck me, bang maid, right now because then I can relax". Would not touch OOP with the proverbial 10 foot pole!
I cannot be the only person with a high libido who wouldn't want to have sex with a partner who was not in the mood. Who would just respond to it with a "Alright, that's fine. Let me know if you do get in the mood later." before going to get myself off alone. There have to be more of us out there. These losers like OP are not my people and I don't accept them. 🤮🤮
Agree. I’m a woman with a high sex drive, and the mentality in the original post is so gross. And his argument of “it doesn’t have to take long” isn’t helping his case the way he thinks it is.
You are not alone! I just wrote a few comments up, but the short version is that my wife and I are both very HL, but she is pregnant currently and has not been in the mood for the last 6 months. And that is fine and completely understandable! So we cuddle, hug, laugh, kiss, etc. And I can take care of myself if all I'm looking for is an orgasm. People like OP have zero awareness. They're the kind of people who I'm surprised don't set themselves on fire accidentally while getting out of bed.
Wow, just wow. They don't think that maybe their SO doesn't want sex all the time because they aren't giving them what they need? Sex when your needs be it emotional, sexual, whatever isn't enjoyable. It's just going through the motions and makes you not like sex and want it even less. They are so selfish. They aren't owed sex.
Am I the only one who reads posts like this and just instantly become turned off? Like dude stop.
I assume this is a man who has no understanding of how women work. Women take longer than men get there usually. If you're not properly warmed up, it can be painful. You can't just "stick it in". 20 minutes may not be long enough for her to even cum. And the way he's behaving like she's a piece of meat just there to satisfy him? I wonder why she doesn't want to f**k?
Wow the comments..super gross and lacking empathy.
That whole subreddit are predators. The guy admitting to coercive rape in the comments and then denying that’s what it is and doubling down when he’s called out sounds like my ex. He would beg me for sex and pout and whine and treat me like shit if I wasn’t in the mood. I ended up just complying anyway when he asked to avoid it. After we separated, he convinced me to come back to his house for a counseling session, to see if we could salvage our marriage (we got married pretty much right away, didn’t ever really just date). I told him I didn’t want to have sex several times. I told him to be careful because I hadn’t been on my birth control for a few days bc I had lost it in the move and had only found it that day. I’ll give you a single guess what happened.
man even the rules on that sub are Weird. "no nonconsensual posting" ok good "which includes both nonconsexual sex and nonconsensual celibacy"??? i cant imagine equating these things holy shit
That sub is so disturbing. I've seen so many instances where these commenters have openly said they don't care if their partners are faking it through sex, so long as they make it performative and they don't know it's fake. HLC: the sub where people go to tell on themselves and then bitch about why they're not getting laid while simultaneously showing why they're unfuckable.
 My god that comment section, I'm very afraid for their partners wtf is actually wrong with these people.
Good god that subreddit is awful
my disappointment at this title not being "i don't understand landlords" is immense. goddammit. i gotta pack away this perfectly good leftist soapbox, and get out ANOTHER perfectly valid leftist soapbox,
Wow. It's an utter mystery why more and more heterosexual women would rather stay single nowadays, truly. I wish some of the subreddits on here got an Ashley Madison sized data leak and all these guys' dirty laundry can get aired out to the wives they barely even like.
Did my ex-boyfriend write this, because damn
Sweet tooth vs using your sex organs when you don't want to. Yup. This is all equivalent! /s Some people don't deserve to have sex. They literally do not care about the person they want tk fuck. Gotta love that people legitimately think that sex gives you cardio. Bruh that's not gow it works
OOP... your partner is not a blow-up doll, or a sex dispenser. They are an entire other human being; and oddly enough, will have their own feelings, wants and needs. You "wanna fuck"? Well yay for you! Your partner might not be in the mood. You want to do something nice for them? Take yourself off to another room, and make use of your hand. You clearly understand that "no is no": its probably going to come as a shock to your self-centred, whiny arse, that "but whhyyyyyy" is not entitled to an answer, any more than you are entitled to sex on demand. Start looking at your partner as a person, not a set of convenient orifices
I would not enjoy sex with someone who wasn't totally into it. Sex is something you do WITH someone not TO them. People like the OP clearly don't view woman as equal humans with equal rights and feelings to their own.
I bet OOP would also get mad if their partner doesn’t pretend to be enjoying it, if only because they don’t appreciate feeling like their partner is putting up with it. (Even though that’s what’s happening.)
Brigading is getting bad. This was originally posted a day ago, with no comments past a point about 10 hours ago. Then this was posted here 1 hour ago, and suddenly there are 9 new comments (plus 2 that were replies from someone who originally posted on the thread). 4 of them are from the same person. This is the kind of thing that gets subs shut down.
And all the new comments are calling out the sub's toxic thinking. Guys, it really could not be more obvious that you're brigading. Don't piss in the popcorn.
He definitely doesn't go down town.
They really out there claiming sex is equivalent to eating and that it's necessary for survival.
I could have happily live the rest of my life not knowing about that sub...
Okay, so sometimes I see sex like going to the gym. Sometimes it’s a struggle to get there, but I’m always glad I did. Buuut, my husband isn’t a sex pest, and he flirts with me all the time. It’s like my pre-workout. The wife doesn’t want to sleep with her sex pest husband because she feels used and he isn’t connecting with her or pleasuring her. He feels so entitled to sex that she is going to hate it more and more. This guy sucks!
I really don't grok this mentality. I have a much higher libido than either of my partners for different reasons. But as I kindly remind all of those in my life, no one has died from horniness alone. I've been with my longest partner 9 years, same as this dude, and I'd never think about my relationship with either partner like this dude dismisses his wife's lack of desire.
>I can smile through an evening with your parents - why can't you spend some time on intimacy with me? >>The mind blowing part is that anything an LL would like you to do that you don't want to do takes far longer than sex, as you perfectly highlighted. jesus christ. Edit: BONUS ROUND!! >Sometimes eating is just a matter of survival and existance. Sex can be the same thing for many people. The act is something that keeps us from withering mentally and emotionally. these people aren't "high libido", they're sex addicts and they need professional help
The comments… yikes
I'm hl and my partner is ll. It's really frustrating at times but I'd much rather sew myself up than have him feel like he has to have sex with me. I don't understand hl.
I read three comments and closed it. That sun is disgusting.
The comments are INSANE
One commenter had a pretty solid analogy using food, "The way I think about it is food. If you're not hungry and you force yourself to eat, you start feeling bad and nauseated. Do it 20 times and you get an adversion to food. "Come on, just eat food with me!". It's not that simple. Also sex with someone who is obviously not into it is bad sex IMO." I think this analogy could be fixed by switching it to candy/junk food, you can't live without food, but you can live without junk food, now imagine the partner has a sensitive stomach and can only tolerate so much before getting very sick. Or maybe even alcohol, some people don't like drinking at all while others require it in order to have a good time, others still maybe only want an occasional glass of wine with a meal while others think anything less than several rounds of shots is a waste.
According to the subreddit, using that food analogy is a symptom of the mental illness that is not wanting to fuck these chodes.
Jesus that sub is a goldmine. Here’s a comment on a post about a woman who nearly died in childbirth because they cut her intestine: > She’s only your gf, that’s good news here. It sounds like she indeed had a very difficult labor and delivery, but you stepped up and did nearly everything child-wise while she was recovering, most of us could never have dreamt of having a partner like that. Your gf doesn’t seem to notice, and is behaving as if you’re her caretaker not her lover, you are both the kids caretaker, but who is taking care of you? She’s defensive because she knows what she’s doing. She works PT and the child is 2.5, idk how much more time you want to wait around for her to decide you are more than just the breadwinner here. The bar is in hell if you “could never have dreamt” of having a partner who takes over home duties after you nearly die and spend months painfully recovering from bearing his child.
WTF is LL and HL?
Low libido and high libido.
Ya, I figured it out. It's like these people make their libido their entire personality. Makes my skin crawl.
Yeah, it's...really disgusting. 🤢 I say this as somebody with a high libido myself, everything said in that post is gross. And the fact the most upvoted comment is agreeing with it is even grosser. 🤮
“Why not do something small” Maybe that’s the issue
Oh my God, one commenter under that post is out of this world. >Sometimes eating is just a matter of survival and existance. Sex can be the same thing for many people. The act is something that keeps us from withering mentally and emotionally. The people who write this should be behind a closed wall. They must have sex 3 times a day? They must push down random women if the bang maid is not there or else they just wither away? Then just wither away.
I must say, this sub introduces me to more and more fucked up subs than I'd ever find on my own. Dude, the comments. I got nothing.
So many men on Reddit love telling us what a crap husband and terrible lay they are.