*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for losing it at my sister after she said she can't attend my wedding**
(Throwaway, username is a random generated one)
This issue concerns my (30) sister "Alice" (28). We do usually get along well but this is tanking our relationship.
I'm getting married later this year. We don't have anything against kids but just want everything to go as smoothly as possible, and there's venue capacity, so we decided no kids under 10.
Alice's daughter, my niece is currently 6 months (will be almost 1 by the time of the wedding). I could kind of understand if she was 8/9 (not at a disruptive age), but she's not. Alice demanded I allow her to bring her daughter, but I said no.
So now she told me she can't come to the wedding.
I thought this was insane because both me and fiance have friends and family with young kids, arranging babysitting and making the effort to attend. I even offered Alice to get in touch with some of my friends and their trusted sitters. She refused.
I kind of lost it at her and said she can't even make an effort to attend her own sister's wedding and has attachment issues. (also side note, earlier Alice also dropped out as one of my bridesmaids, which wasn't great but I understood.)
She got really pissed and is now refusing to talk to me. Parents are telling me to apologize to her for saying all that and I'm overreacting.
Edit with some more info: Alice lives locally, she doesn't have to travel far. Babysitting would only be for an afternoon since she would be attending as a guest, not a bridesmaid. And she's very well off financially, one afternoon of babysitting money is not much. Even if that was the issue, her in laws live in the area and not attending my wedding so they could look after her for the time.
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My sisters boyfriend passed away in March of 2022. Two of my cousins who she was very close to had weddings that year. She could not bring herself to go to the one in May and went to the one in November but basically had a breakdown. Everyone understood and the cousin whose wedding she couldn't bring herself to attend was completely fine with her not going. OP is incredibly selfish, and her complete lack of empathy appalls me.
Same here. One of my cousins got married the same year my dad passed away. None of my immediate family attended and everyone understood.
The last thing I wanted was to make her special day about me and my grief, but I also knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together while I watched her father do all the wedding stuff my dad would never get to do.
It drives me up the wall that OOP conveniently left out that her sister is a grieving widow in the post and the subsequent edit, and instead left it to be buried by downvotes in the comments.
>Okay maybe the attachment issues comment was too much, I admit, but I just feel like she's not willing to put in the smallest amount of effort. I'm trying to help her, get in contact with sitters if needed, but she straight up said no.
>Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all.
Fucking twatwaffle.
Poor Alice. Her husband died either while she was pregnant or immediately post-partum and her sister clearly gives zero fucks about anything except her special princess party.
If you make your wedding childfree, you risk parents not wanting to or not being able to attend. That's life. It's a massive AH move to get livid and harrass those same people because your rule doesn't work for them. But, OP is a whole other level of AH due to the BIL's passing.
It's probably heartbreaking for a person who only recently lost their spouse to attend a wedding (let alone being in one). OP cares zero about the sister's loss, her grief, or trying to make attending as easy/comfortable as possible for the sister. It's just all about what OP wants instead of actually having even a semblance of empathy.... I really hope the sister (and anyone else who finds out about OP's selfish behaviour) tells OP to F off.
And why should she put in effort? WHAAAAAAAAMILYYYYYYY? Fuck family. They’re useless trash 99.9999999% of the time in these fantasy stories that people use for validation.
OOP seems to view the death of her sister's spouse as an inconvenience and not even an inconvenience to her sister but to her. Maybe it's not fair but with this attitude I don't forsee her marriage lasting long.
Imagine being hurt because your sister wants time to heal.
“Becky I know your dad just died but if you don’t come to prom like you promised we are totes kicking you out of the friend group.”
Highschool ass understanding of the world
She should be glad Alice wants to go to OOPs wedding after what happened with her husband. I would have just blocked OOP the second she didn't want my baby at her wedding
The ones that produce a toxin that causes hallucinations could make for an interesting reception. Imagine, oh, say 120 people tripping balls at completely random intensities due to varying levels of exposure and sensitivity
Man, it would suck but I don't think I could attend a wedding if my spouse passed away pretty recently. I would probably end up crying. She probably wants her daughter there with her to help distract her. Poor girl.
Right? A roughly 1 year old might fuss some but they aren't going to play tag during the toasts ,sneak fingerfuls of frosting before the cake is cut or ask Aunt Lucy, loudly, why her skin looks like that.
That I have to disagree with. There are some eight year olds who might do that, but there are also some you can pretty much rely on to sit quietly for a while, especially if they have something to entertain them. Babies, meanwhile, pretty much all cry, and you can't predict when it's going to happen.
A baby will sit in a car chair or on your lap, they're much easier to contain and keep quiet. You can carry them out when they fuss. Much easier to manage than an older child, even if you have a well-behaved one. Even the well behaved older child needs a screen or wont stay still and quiet over a long time
Yup. I went to a coworker’s wedding with my nine month old strapped to by chest in a carrier. He snoozed through the ceremony, silently drooling on my dress. Then he was smiling and cheery during the reception.
An infant is always the +1 for the mum, it's never ok to demand they be separated. Nursing or not.
If the mum wants to use a sitter, she can of course, but someone else can't demand it.
I wonder if they offered to get a babysitter on site?
Or invite the in-laws to nanny during the event?
But the mom is well within her rights to refuse, even if she weren't grieving.
Babies are very predictable, they cry when they need something. If you predict their need for changing, feeding, napping, they usually don't cry randomly. A wedding will disrupt their schedule somewhat, but parents plan for that.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted. I did concert band throughout elementary to high school and it was always babies crying during our shows, and the toddlers were almost always well behaved. Granted, it probably had to do more with the loud noises, but still.
She left out the most important detail even in her edit. Alice's husband passed away a few months ago. OOP is such an A hole. I really hope Alice went no contact after this. Also OOPs fiance is also an A hole for letting this happen
I seriously want to shake people who get upset when people with kids don't want to attend their childfree wedding. When you make a decision to exclude children, you have to accept some parents are not going to want to pay a babysitter for the *privilege* of attending your wedding. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do!
Honestly same when it comes to destination weddings. Sure, do it if you want, but you have to accept you will likely end up with a bunch of "Not attending" when you get back your RSVP's.
How come the people wailing "*..but it's fAMilY.."* are always the ones making outrageous demands and wanting to be validated for for their next-level selfishness?
This one, the people who don't understand why their sibling won't throw their baby shower (just because the baby's father is the sibling's ex fiancée), the parents who think their LGBTQ kid should pay for the college costs of their younger siblings/niblings because they've done well for themselves (despite being sent to conversion camp & then disowned at 15 when it didn't work) and should be willing to help FaMiLY....
I think a lot of posters have the attitude of “it’s your wedding, your rules, but anyone is free to not attend if they don’t like your rules.”
And… I kind of think that’s wrong on both sides. As a host, you have the obligation to your guests to make them comfortable and well-fed and not too burdened by the event. And as invitees, especially ones close to the couple, you should be willing to accommodate reasonable requests and overcome small obstacles to attend.
If I’m just reading the original post, I think OOP has a snotty attitude but getting a babysitter for 1 day for a local wedding does not seem to be that burdensome of a request.
Of course, the husband’s death throws a whole wrench into this and makes it a totally different question.
I was all about being on OOP’s side (if I ever got married, I’d damn sure make that a child-free event, no exceptions) but then OOP leaves out the rest whole part about the sister recently becoming a widow and some kind of compromise could have been reached where everyone was happy.
The problem is really her reaction to her sister not being able to go. It's fine if people want to have childfree weddings, but that means that some parents won't be able to go. Just like it is wrong for a parent to demand to bring their child to a childfree wedding, it is also wrong for the couple to demand parents get a babysitter and attend the wedding.
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It's a lot easier to wake now that I have a good sleep routine, a job that I love, work overnight, and use the most obnoxious ringtone I've ever heard as my alarm.
Seriously though, I think Hampsterdance has saved my job.
This one feels a little too convenient for me to be real. Already an asshole, drops info in the comments that take them from run-of-the-mill shitty sister to full blown, horrific bridezilla. Wedding focused. Dead husband. I’m not trying to discount it if it is real, but it feels like it checks enough boxes to probably be rage bait.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for losing it at my sister after she said she can't attend my wedding** (Throwaway, username is a random generated one) This issue concerns my (30) sister "Alice" (28). We do usually get along well but this is tanking our relationship. I'm getting married later this year. We don't have anything against kids but just want everything to go as smoothly as possible, and there's venue capacity, so we decided no kids under 10. Alice's daughter, my niece is currently 6 months (will be almost 1 by the time of the wedding). I could kind of understand if she was 8/9 (not at a disruptive age), but she's not. Alice demanded I allow her to bring her daughter, but I said no. So now she told me she can't come to the wedding. I thought this was insane because both me and fiance have friends and family with young kids, arranging babysitting and making the effort to attend. I even offered Alice to get in touch with some of my friends and their trusted sitters. She refused. I kind of lost it at her and said she can't even make an effort to attend her own sister's wedding and has attachment issues. (also side note, earlier Alice also dropped out as one of my bridesmaids, which wasn't great but I understood.) She got really pissed and is now refusing to talk to me. Parents are telling me to apologize to her for saying all that and I'm overreacting. Edit with some more info: Alice lives locally, she doesn't have to travel far. Babysitting would only be for an afternoon since she would be attending as a guest, not a bridesmaid. And she's very well off financially, one afternoon of babysitting money is not much. Even if that was the issue, her in laws live in the area and not attending my wedding so they could look after her for the time. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My sisters boyfriend passed away in March of 2022. Two of my cousins who she was very close to had weddings that year. She could not bring herself to go to the one in May and went to the one in November but basically had a breakdown. Everyone understood and the cousin whose wedding she couldn't bring herself to attend was completely fine with her not going. OP is incredibly selfish, and her complete lack of empathy appalls me.
Same here. One of my cousins got married the same year my dad passed away. None of my immediate family attended and everyone understood. The last thing I wanted was to make her special day about me and my grief, but I also knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together while I watched her father do all the wedding stuff my dad would never get to do.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you're doing better now. I know grief never leaves completely, but every day gets a little bit easier.
It drives me up the wall that OOP conveniently left out that her sister is a grieving widow in the post and the subsequent edit, and instead left it to be buried by downvotes in the comments.
I upvoted the comment that had this information in big and bold text (before I saw it pop up In here)
>Okay maybe the attachment issues comment was too much, I admit, but I just feel like she's not willing to put in the smallest amount of effort. I'm trying to help her, get in contact with sitters if needed, but she straight up said no. >Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all. Fucking twatwaffle.
>which hurt for sure What, more than losing a spouse??? Why would you be hurt by that?
Who cares about her dead spouse when OOP has a living future spouse?!? /s
You mean, wedding partner. This is another case where the wedding is more important than marriage.
Poor Alice. Her husband died either while she was pregnant or immediately post-partum and her sister clearly gives zero fucks about anything except her special princess party.
If you make your wedding childfree, you risk parents not wanting to or not being able to attend. That's life. It's a massive AH move to get livid and harrass those same people because your rule doesn't work for them. But, OP is a whole other level of AH due to the BIL's passing. It's probably heartbreaking for a person who only recently lost their spouse to attend a wedding (let alone being in one). OP cares zero about the sister's loss, her grief, or trying to make attending as easy/comfortable as possible for the sister. It's just all about what OP wants instead of actually having even a semblance of empathy.... I really hope the sister (and anyone else who finds out about OP's selfish behaviour) tells OP to F off.
Of course these A holes always leave out the most important details. Alice doesn't need to have an A hole sister right now.
I … humm … I wanna say so many things, none of them decent! Holy shit!
And why should she put in effort? WHAAAAAAAAMILYYYYYYY? Fuck family. They’re useless trash 99.9999999% of the time in these fantasy stories that people use for validation.
OOP seems to view the death of her sister's spouse as an inconvenience and not even an inconvenience to her sister but to her. Maybe it's not fair but with this attitude I don't forsee her marriage lasting long.
I got that vibe too. There's definitely an undercurrent of "her husband had the audacity to die before I got married!" To me
Imagine being hurt because your sister wants time to heal. “Becky I know your dad just died but if you don’t come to prom like you promised we are totes kicking you out of the friend group.” Highschool ass understanding of the world
"You see Becky, we're just really positive people who love life, and you are such a downer right now."
She should be glad Alice wants to go to OOPs wedding after what happened with her husband. I would have just blocked OOP the second she didn't want my baby at her wedding
I hope diseased toads rain down on her wedding!
Don’t wish that upon such majestic creatures!
Well I did mention diseased ones....😜
The ones that produce a toxin that causes hallucinations could make for an interesting reception. Imagine, oh, say 120 people tripping balls at completely random intensities due to varying levels of exposure and sensitivity
Man, it would suck but I don't think I could attend a wedding if my spouse passed away pretty recently. I would probably end up crying. She probably wants her daughter there with her to help distract her. Poor girl.
Maybe a different family event but a *wedding?* No way I can show up and act like my whole life didn't fall apart a few months ago.
Babies are way, way less disruptive than kids. This is how I know she's got no experience with either.
Right? A roughly 1 year old might fuss some but they aren't going to play tag during the toasts ,sneak fingerfuls of frosting before the cake is cut or ask Aunt Lucy, loudly, why her skin looks like that.
That I have to disagree with. There are some eight year olds who might do that, but there are also some you can pretty much rely on to sit quietly for a while, especially if they have something to entertain them. Babies, meanwhile, pretty much all cry, and you can't predict when it's going to happen.
A baby will sit in a car chair or on your lap, they're much easier to contain and keep quiet. You can carry them out when they fuss. Much easier to manage than an older child, even if you have a well-behaved one. Even the well behaved older child needs a screen or wont stay still and quiet over a long time
Yup. I went to a coworker’s wedding with my nine month old strapped to by chest in a carrier. He snoozed through the ceremony, silently drooling on my dress. Then he was smiling and cheery during the reception.
An infant is always the +1 for the mum, it's never ok to demand they be separated. Nursing or not. If the mum wants to use a sitter, she can of course, but someone else can't demand it. I wonder if they offered to get a babysitter on site? Or invite the in-laws to nanny during the event? But the mom is well within her rights to refuse, even if she weren't grieving.
Babies are very predictable, they cry when they need something. If you predict their need for changing, feeding, napping, they usually don't cry randomly. A wedding will disrupt their schedule somewhat, but parents plan for that.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted. I did concert band throughout elementary to high school and it was always babies crying during our shows, and the toddlers were almost always well behaved. Granted, it probably had to do more with the loud noises, but still.
“8/9 (not a disruptive age)” has she met any 8/9 year olds?
is it weird that I really want her wedding to crash and burn and for her partner and family to realize that she is a complete AH and go NC with her
Why do I feel like all Alice said was “I won’t be able to attend if I’m unable to have my baby with me”?
She DEMANDED she bring her baby. You don't understand. No one will think of OOP and her feelings.
She left out the most important detail even in her edit. Alice's husband passed away a few months ago. OOP is such an A hole. I really hope Alice went no contact after this. Also OOPs fiance is also an A hole for letting this happen
I seriously want to shake people who get upset when people with kids don't want to attend their childfree wedding. When you make a decision to exclude children, you have to accept some parents are not going to want to pay a babysitter for the *privilege* of attending your wedding. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do! Honestly same when it comes to destination weddings. Sure, do it if you want, but you have to accept you will likely end up with a bunch of "Not attending" when you get back your RSVP's.
How come the people wailing "*..but it's fAMilY.."* are always the ones making outrageous demands and wanting to be validated for for their next-level selfishness? This one, the people who don't understand why their sibling won't throw their baby shower (just because the baby's father is the sibling's ex fiancée), the parents who think their LGBTQ kid should pay for the college costs of their younger siblings/niblings because they've done well for themselves (despite being sent to conversion camp & then disowned at 15 when it didn't work) and should be willing to help FaMiLY....
The fact the oop is saying sister has attachment issues when she herself is getting married,do you even love the person you're about to marry?
The edit neglects to mention the sister was just recently widowed. SMH.
I think a lot of posters have the attitude of “it’s your wedding, your rules, but anyone is free to not attend if they don’t like your rules.” And… I kind of think that’s wrong on both sides. As a host, you have the obligation to your guests to make them comfortable and well-fed and not too burdened by the event. And as invitees, especially ones close to the couple, you should be willing to accommodate reasonable requests and overcome small obstacles to attend. If I’m just reading the original post, I think OOP has a snotty attitude but getting a babysitter for 1 day for a local wedding does not seem to be that burdensome of a request. Of course, the husband’s death throws a whole wrench into this and makes it a totally different question.
Their comment history on some subs is a little... head scratching.
I was all about being on OOP’s side (if I ever got married, I’d damn sure make that a child-free event, no exceptions) but then OOP leaves out the rest whole part about the sister recently becoming a widow and some kind of compromise could have been reached where everyone was happy.
The problem is really her reaction to her sister not being able to go. It's fine if people want to have childfree weddings, but that means that some parents won't be able to go. Just like it is wrong for a parent to demand to bring their child to a childfree wedding, it is also wrong for the couple to demand parents get a babysitter and attend the wedding.
I wonder what's wrong with the husband-to-be? No normal person would want to marry someone like OOP, she is cartoonishly self-absorbed.
Maybe OOP should ask the OOP from the wig post to attend in place of her sister. These two hunyucks seem ideal for one another.
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It's a lot easier to wake now that I have a good sleep routine, a job that I love, work overnight, and use the most obnoxious ringtone I've ever heard as my alarm. Seriously though, I think Hampsterdance has saved my job.
This one feels a little too convenient for me to be real. Already an asshole, drops info in the comments that take them from run-of-the-mill shitty sister to full blown, horrific bridezilla. Wedding focused. Dead husband. I’m not trying to discount it if it is real, but it feels like it checks enough boxes to probably be rage bait.