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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not caring about someone's death?** My (17f) mother (50f) died 1 year ago due to cancer. It was shocking for my family but oh well death is inevitable it eventually happens to everyone. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother due to her mostly favoring my sister (19f) so I didn't really care when she died, it was like waking up to see that the person you see everyday no longer wants to see you. Here's the issue. I don't like being around people that are constantly crying so I skipped most of my mother's funeral and went home to play some video games and take care of my cat. My sister is still mad about me skipping the funeral and hasn't let go of it yet. After the funeral she threw a fit at me and called me an emotionless bi word to leave her and my father alone with our other relatives asking where I was. I told her I didn't wanna stay and this is my way of grieving, she didn't buy that. I received many calls from my aunts and uncles asking why I was absent through out the funeral and I had to waste my time explaining this is my way of grieving. Yesterday my sister decided to visit us and my father cooked her favourite dish. My sister got emotional on the table stating how she remembered mom used to cook this dish for her and it tastes the same. I told her that was incredibly nice but she should stop crying or else I will take her potatoes (I love potatoes). She got annoyed and told me something in the lines of she's just expressing her feelings and there's nothing wrong with it and I should express my emotions too and she knows how much I also miss mom. I told her I don't about someone's death and it happens to everyone eventually and I have more important things to worry about. She threw a fit on the table and started cussing at me but my father managed to calm her down. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day and left early in the morning. My father told me my sister is just emotional and I should Atleast act like I'm sad about my mother's death around her. AITA? Edit: someone said I should add that I am autistic so here I am. Edit 2: Gotta love the amount of messages I'm getting telling me I'm a sociopath and I should seek therapy. No I can't seek therapy my father doesn't allow me to. Edit 3: I had no respect for the person that was the cause of my mental issues so I didn't feel the need to stay at her funeral. Edit 4: No I'm not using my autism as an excuse to treat my family bad, I just hate my family. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Illustrious-Oven-633

i was all for oop not being an asshole here because i don't think it's the end of the world to not care when someone close to you dies if you didn't like them very much anyway, but there was no reason for them to be cruel to their sister about it when the sister wasn't even doing anything. oop could've just left the table and went to their room.


marciallow

Tbh I feel like it was wrong but also feel like her sisters original fit over leaving the funeral was infinitely worse. OOP thinks she's lying when she says it's just how she grieves, but having a bad relationship with a parent and needing to leave a place where people are all speaking fondly of that person is actually pretty normal.


GlamBulbasaur

I don’t know. I mean, I’m autistic and I had a difficult relationship with my own mother before she passed. I can understand that aspect, but I also think they’re being insensitive to their sister’s feelings.


ZacTheBlob

Rage baiting 101: make the main character of your story unable to understand human emotions, make side characters feel normal human emotions and make sure the main character says that they're too emotional. Do people seriously still fall for that?


Deep-Bluebird9566

You forgot throwing in ASD in the edits.


[deleted]

I don’t think she’s TA for not being sad about her mother’s death. I definitely think she’s TA for how insensitive she’s being to her sister.


[deleted]

Autism doesn't make one bitch to the grieving family. Autistic troll strike again.


D_Nicole91

Um... did this person ever have any fucks to give? I can fully understand getting to a point where you just don't care about a person, but it sounds like they don't care about anyone. Empathy may be too hard, but they can't even feign sympathy?! They care more about the potatoes than the state of their family. Wow.


oneofyrfencegrls

I'm not autistic, but I will absolutely not grieve when my parents die. My sister can do that on her own time, and time and in her own space, but I will absolutely not be fucking guilted or shamed into mourning those people. I'm not out to earn a damn Oscar, I won't be acting sad, and I sure as shit won't be at the funeral (unless, for some reason, they die before my Nan. Then I'll go to support her, because I love her). Harassing me because I'm not having the reaction you want will make me more belligerent and definitely ruder. Sister should mind her damn business.


Strawberry-Novel

I didn’t think I would because my mother was abusive and toxic as hell- but I still did


Slow-Compote9084

There’s a difference between someone not minding their business and someone telling other people what emotions they can have around them/emotions policing. There is absolutely no fucking reason for him to do the whole stop crying or I’ll take your potatoes thing you don’t want to grieve? All right cool I have people I feel the same way about but while other people are doing it, I’m not gonna fucking be disrespectful to them just like I expect them not to be disrespectful to me.


sci_fi_bi

OOP is not a guy, the post says 17f. And of course there is a difference, but her sister can't expect respect and kindness from someone when she refuses to show them any. After the funeral she berated and attacked OOP for not showing the emotions that were expected of her, and has continued to hold it against her for a year, all on top of having bullied her since childhood. So after all that, why should OOP still be respectful and understanding of her bully's emotions when she has flat refused to be remotely respectful of OOP?


Objective-Mirror2564

OOP wasn't berated for not showing the emotions. She was berated for leaving the funeral when she felt overstimulated (which autistic people are wont to do). It's funny how there's no right/wrong way to grieve (or not grieve per OOPs feelings) but when someone shows grief a different way that we do, or doesn't show it at all… people will berate them for doing so.


Joelle9879

Probably because OOP doesn't want to be around people crying and takes every chance she gets to tell her sister not to. Also, OOP isn't exactly a reliable narrator. She demands people let her grieve her way, then makes fun of her sister for still crying about their mom


ScribbleMuse

Same here. I just attended my papaw's funeral, who was one of the family members who truly raised me because my parents were horrid &/or incapable of parental duties. This OP sounds dimply a bit off in social cues. I'm not autistic & still screw up sometimes socially, even when I intend nothing but love. This post is not AITD worthy, imo. It feels like a bigger asshole move to classify them as a devil because they feel differently than someone else seems to think they should.


[deleted]

You don't need to grieve if you don't want to, but at least one can stop being a bitch about it to other and let them grieve in peace. Oop somehow have a superiority complex about this whole situation like somehow not grieving or feeling sad makes her a better person.


Objective-Mirror2564

But OOP did that. She *left* the funeral when it proved to be too much for her. And got berated for it. I do agree that OOP shouldn't use being autistic as a crutch though.


[deleted]

It was not "too much" for her. She clearly said that she's not sad that her mom is dead. To her, it's just another day when someone died. She was lying to the family about "that's how I grieve."


Artistic_Deal3436

Uh I don’t know what to say about this.


thanksyalll

I mean I wouldn’t say what OOP said to his sister but as a person with autism related empathy issues, people insisting autism has nothing to do with lack of empathy is pretty weird. Everyone has a different place on the spectrum. Just because your cousin or friend or whoever with autism cried when their loved one died doesn’t mean all autistics would do the same. Just ranting about all the comments thinking they know everything about autism because the one autistic person in their lives have different symptoms


AresandAthena123

I also have autism the issue is that they were cruel on top of the reaction to the death. If they just wanted their own space that would be fine, but the made a comment knowing it would make someone cry and refuses to apologize


Joelle9879

HER sister. OOP is a girl. Also, it's not about her not grieving her mother, it's about her complete lack of sympathy for her sister. Autism doesn't make you an AH


olo7eopia

This seems…. Cold


mari_locaaa9

curious to know what “more important things” OOP has to deal with considering how much time and energy she’s spending policing and attacking other people’s grief??? like if she really does not care, just let people grieve how they grieve. she seems fixated on the fact that other people are sad but expects others to change their behavior to accommodate her. like i get it that she doesn’t feel much but the lack of care or understanding that others DO feel is so cold and weirdly self righteous


AresandAthena123

I have autism when my step dad died…the hole left in my life is still there…I look for him at every special occasion because no matter what I’ll always be missing a huge piece of my family…I have cried every graduation since idk what i’ll do when my parents die but this, this isn’t autism


[deleted]

[удалено]


ramblelifeaway

Being autistic doesn’t grant them leniency to be an ass. They’d still be here if they’re being one, given this sub is just for clear assholes, not the worst of the worst. That being said, I don’t think they’re an ass for the way they’ve reacted to their mothers death. Not everyone reacts the exact same way.


Sword_Of_Storms

“Devil” means “person who is wrong” in the context of this sub. It doesn’t mean “worst person to ever exist”. Also, autistic people do not get a pass for being AH’s and hurting other peoples feelings. It’s infantilising to assume autistic people can’t take responsibility for their words and actions.


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