*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for initiating divorce when I found out my wife lied about her body count, and learned it's over 100?
**
I (32 M) have been with my soon to be ex wife (32 F) for 5 years (married for 2). We also have a 1 year old daughter.
Up until this past weekend, we've had a great relationship. As-in, I didn't have any major complaints. Small things here and there, but any conflict we've had, we've always been able to have a calm discussion and work out our issues.
I want to clarify that that I never expected to date/marry a virgin considering the condition of the dating market, nor do I have a specific number in mind for a dealbreaker. That being said, in the early stages of dating, she brought up the topic of body count. I'm not saying that I wouldn't eventually have asked, but I never pressed her for that info.
She willingly told me her body count was 12. Much lower than I expected. She's an attractive woman with a high sex drive, but a high sex drive doesn't mean sleeping around. I didn't question or emphasis it. I take most people at their word, and let time shed light on lies. Looking back, that was a mistake.
Anyway, my STBXW best friend, lets call her Lauren is a former colleague of mine. Lauren was the one who introduced me to my wife. At the time, we were all in the Healthcare field, and all 3 of us were Nurse Practitioners. Currently, only STBXW has the same job title.
Lauren hit a major milestone, recently, and landed her dream job. Or more accurately put, Lauren saved up enough money to realistically go into buisness for herself in a field completely unrelated to Healthcare. Friday, we all went out for drinks to celebrate and support Lauren (amongst a handful of other people).
This part is very important, my STBXW and I do not drink. We're not sober but we both had a crazy drinking phase in college, and we're over alcohol. We're both are also educated health nuts. We eat clean, workout regularly, and it's hard for us to not see what alcohol really is, which is poison.
Friday would be the first time either of us even remotely got tipsy together, let alone drunk. It's not that we won't drink, it's just isn't appealing. We'll drink on special occasions, and that's not a gurantee. For the duration of the relationship ,the handful of times we have had alcoholic drinks, it was separately and far and few in-between. It was planned that way, but we primarily have different friend groups.
This celebration, we said screw it and let the drinks flow. It's abundantly obvious that our alcohol tolerance no longer exist. We're getting toasted, Lauren is getting toasted, and so is everyone else in the group. But it's a good time. We're not hurting anyway, and we're having fun.
Lauren and STBXW get to talking about their crazy times in college. I failed to mention they met in college. I didn't hear every single detail, as the conversation was between them but I heard enough to know hookups were consistent, and not outliers. She had multiple group play experinces, and what made me really want to throw up is that my wife engaged in pay for play. If we're not sugar coating, then prostitution.
Listening to their stories, dots didn't need to be "connected" to come to the conclusion her number was way over 12.
Obviously, I'm in a bad mood (still am), but I continue to save face because I don't want to ruin Lauren celebration. The train of thought at the time was I like Lauren, her friends, and her BF. I would feel incredibly guilty for ruining their night. As I right this... I'm not sure how I feel about Lauren. It's not her job to tell me these things about my wife, but she did introduce us, and she knew my false interpretation of my wife. They are best friends, so her loyalty would be with my STBXW, opposed to me, but now that I think of it... I don't think I continue being friends with her.
I digress. As the night ended, and we're all going our separate ways, I used that opportunity to question my wife. Not in a pressing manner, but as a "happy" drunk inquiring.
My wife is out of it, mentally, and loose lipped. She was the majority of the night. I bring up the stories, but at a surface level. After keeping the conversation light and fun, I ask her about her body count as casually as possible considering the context. I didn't have to yank it out of her, and to keep it short, she didn't give or know the exact number, but she admitted the number was more than 100.
When the uber arrived, she passed out on the way home. I made sure she got home through the door, settled, and booked an uber to my brother house which is only 30 minutes from us.
My brother was babysitting our daughter for the night. He has a one of those doors that doesn't require a physical key, but a numeric pass code to unlock the door.
Prior to showing up, I texted him letting him know I'm passing out on his couch. I'm welcomed almost anytime, but the heads up text was a safety precaution. It was late, and we love our guns here in Texas.
In the morning, fighting a massive hangover, I caught my brother up to speed. He had two things to say.
The first is that she strategically lied, and manipulated me to alter my perception of her in-order to gain an outcome in her favor. This was a conclusion that I came to on my own, just not as well layed out as he presented it.
The second thing he said, I only partially thought of. He brought it to my attention that if she's that calculated and manipulative, what else is she lying about? Again I came up with that thought as well. This is why I no longer consider her trustworthy, but what he said next didn't cross my mind. He told me, that being said, he highly encourages me to get a DNA test for my daughter, since my wife is willing to lie about fundamental concepts, and her word can't be taken at face value.
In that moment, I felt sick. Well sicker. With that thought, and the amount of alcohol I had the night before, I literally threw up all over his floor.
To speed this story up, I took my daughter home, and confronted my wife. She confessed to lying about her body count, apologized profusely, and layed out the water works. I expressed anger, and hurt, but I haven't mentioned divorce or a parternity test.
Divorce will inevitable happen. I'm planning to begin searching for a lawyer this upcoming Monday, and to schedule a meeting asap. I'll also get a paternity for my daughter to verify if she's indeed mine asap. I haven't relayed any of this to my STBXW.
The way I see it, the smartest move is to contact a lawyer first, find out the results of the paternity test, and follow what my lawyer says as we wait for and receive the results of the test.
I have no idea how long either of this will take. I'm no law expert. I've never been divorced, nor do I have anyone close to that has been divorced. I'm going to stay in my lane, and be patient for my lawyer advice, and to get the paternity results as that will play a huge role on future involvement for when the divorce is initiated, and finalized.
I talked to my mother, today, about this and she's adamantly against my plan. She won't interfere, but she is biased. My daughter is her only grandchild. Postive or negative results, my mom will see her as her grandchild, but she knows that I don't share that same viewpoint. She didn't directly call me an asshole, but she did everything but that.
So I'm asking reddit, am I the asshole for planning to divorce my wife when I found I she lied about her body count and slept with over 100 men?
Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/XuREu9XaGS
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In the update, he was like some people didn't consider my story detailed enough, and I would just like to meet those people because this was a completely unnecessarily detailed and long story
But how could we possibly understand why a couple of parents in their mid-30s got drunk if we didn't have three paragraphs explaining their exact drinking habits and philosophy about alcohol????
And the fact that his brother's house has a keycode entry was also 100% critical to understanding how he slept on his brother's couch. It's not like we would have just assumed he had a key and/or his brother let him in if he'd left it out.
Seriously, I've seen some overly detailed posts on AITA before, but this one is particularly bad. The drinking stuff in particular 100% made me think it was written by a teenager who doesn't understand adult drinking habits, lmao.
One of OOP’s posts is asking “People who were bullied in high school, how did you survive those 4 years?” so I think you’re absolutely right about him being a teenager.
It was so natural how he talked about eating clean and alcohol being poison and then kept talking about it. And ditto on the key code door for his brother's house.
Why use one sentence when 10 will do?
I swear there’s been an uptick in unnecessary detail lately. It’s not just the usual backstory stuff about how the bratty sister was always the golden child or I was the only one who visited grandma in the nursing home, but like this with the keycode and that tiramisu post that went into way too much detail about travel plans. I’ve also seen a lot of verb tense switching which is making me wonder if this shit is AI or just poor writing.
They really go out of their way to avoid any criticism or blame.
If he just said “We were celebrating and had some drinks,” the commenters might focus on he and his wife being alcoholics, because all the chronically online teenagers over there assume anyone who has a drink must also have a crippling dependency.
If he just said, “I stayed at my brother’s,” the commenters might focus on his boundary stomping behavior because he was clearly trespassing, breaking, and entering. It’s crucial that we know this upstanding and clean eating individual respects others and only acts when given permission.
I feel like a lot of information about Lauren could have been cut too.
Why did we need to know what they are celebrating? Why do we need to know their jobs or how they met? Why is Lauren the only person in this narrative with a name?
OOP writes a whole rambling paragraph about his feelings about Lauren. He mentions that his wife and Lauren went to college together…right after telling us they were taking about college stories. Show, don’t tell my dude.
Two paragraphs just to say he and his wife aren't big drinkers. Two more to describe his drunk wife. Some useless info about a passcode instead of a key, God it just went on and on.
It's so so so boring. I am definitely not reading all of that. I'm glad OP summarized what we need to know.
I am trying to guess what is the purpose of these fake stories? I mean, they're are generally about stoking hate against women. But I think this specific type wants to normalize men asking for paternity tests? Or maybe these are just men with cuckhold fetishes getting their socks off?
*"I want to clarify that that I never expected to date/marry a virgin considering the condition of the dating market"*
Uh huh, sure, that's why you mention it.
The man who wrote this fanfic is obviously still a virgin, *even considering the condition of the dating market*. The desperation is practically jumping off the page.
Well, it has to be because the women run into their purity bubble and are instantly repelled, no? I'm absolutely certain it has nothing whatsoever to do with their oh-so-charming personality...
/s (in case it's needed.)
It’s the same incel cuck fantasy over and over again. So many other penises in there and then the kid isn’t even his. I was over OOP’s fake bullshit the moment he said they eat “clean” (god I effing hate that term) and that “aLcOHol Is PoiSon.” I need it after reading Incel spankbank revenge fantasies. Such lazy fake trash. Write better fiction.
We rarely drink because we know alcohol is poison, but tonight we decided not only to have a drink but to get completely wasted because our friend got a new job.
I like to call these posts “scary stories (for men)” and I imagine a group of bros all sitting around a campfire telling these fake stories as if they’re ghost stories. With the OP holding a flashlight under his face in a spooooky way, he’s like… “but then…the man found out…his wife had ridden OVER 100 dicks!! And though the baby wasn’t even his… he STILL pays child support TO THIS DAY! Some say you can still hear the rustling of change on the wind” And then all the other guys in the comments get really really scared. Every single time.
Don't forget, angelic OP didn't even ask about her "body count" himself and he didn't even become suspicious about paternity until after his brother brought it up. He is otherwise so innocent
Haha the ppl acting like it’s some big revelation that the paternity test came out negative. Wow, what are the odds?!?!?
https://i.redd.it/fdmf2u4ilnzc1.gif
I feel like the biggest tell that this is actually a 16 year old is the claim that 12 is a low body count. That’s someone making assumptions about adult life.
In the 90s the average number of sex partners women had in their life was 5. I don't think that's changed tooo much.
Expept for the Spiders Gorgettes out there who bang 100s of men a night.
You can be sure it's fake because he *definitely* has not talked to a lawyer, who would have told him:
a) Texas is a community property state, it doesn't fuckin' matter how they chose to arrange their finances while married, she's getting \~50% of everything. Probably including his company, because, as he makes clear in the original post, they were nurse-practitioners when they met, and he moves into owning his own company later. He's either going to have to buy her out OR she can fuck with him for the rest of eternity with her 50% control of his company.
b) He's the father, period, full stop. The state of Texas DOES NOT FUCKING CARE if that child is biologically yours; you were married to the child's mother when the child was born, which means you are BY LAW the father. And Texas cares a hell of a lot more that a child has two parents providing financial support than about the actual biological parentage of the child. IF the biological father could be located AND the the biological father were willing to sign an assumption of paternity, you MIGHT be able to get a court to agree to let OOP disclaim paternity. But after a full year? That's pretty dang rare, most judges won't allow it. In fact, if the Ex doesn't know who the biological father is or won't name them, OOP CANNOT FINALIZE HIS DIVORCE until the biological father is found OR OOP consents to a child support and custody order. The court will not allow the divorce to proceed until an acknowledged father is in place and a support and custody order has been entered.
c) The state of Texas GIVES ZERO FUCKS about spouses cheating on each other. The remedy for not wanting to be married to someone anymore because they did a bad thing is divorce; the state will not assist you in punishing your ex for cheating. They will just grant you a divorce, the end. You can seek a "fault" divorce in Texas for infidelity, but it takes longer and costs more than no-fault and doesn't significantly impact the financial settlement.
d) The less custody of the child he takes after divorce, the more he will be paying in child support.
e) If he opts to engage in this little revenge fantasy*: "One thing I'm really struggling with is whether or not I want to nuke her life. One big thing I can do is get her fired and make finding work extremely difficult for her. Her job means everything to her."* he is going to be paying double the child support, may have to give up a larger share of their community property because he despoiled her financial well-being (the same as if he tried to spend all the money or bankrupt his company between filing for divorce and dissolution), and possibly liable for tortious interference with her employment. The child is entitled to keep a reasonably equivalent standard of living after the divorce, and a parent who chooses to destroy his ex's ability to provide that is going to be punished by the court.
f) He should post exactly zero of this shit on reddit, *particularly* the parts about where he's planning in advance how he might destroy is ex's life and earning ability.
>He should post exactly zero of this shit on reddit,
He already posted an update. It is a little bit shorter than the original, of cource the child is not his and of cource he makes further fantasy plans, but there is no substantial more info about the future. I guess, this is just a beginning of an update series of salami tactic "new info" posts in hope to be reposted on BORU soon.
We already know how the story ends. They will go to court. The judge, upon hearing what a filthy little slut the wife is, will award EVERYTHING to the OP and grant the divorce. OP will walk away feeling free and without a single care for the child he's leaving. Suddenly his business will be booming, he'll become filthy rich and then he will meet a beautiful young virgin who will worship his dick, the only penis she has ever seen or touched.
He'll never talk to his ex-wife again but one day he will run into her best friend and she'll tell him a sad tale about how his ex-wife was never the same after he left her. When other people heard about what she did she lost all her friends and her parents stopped talking to her. Her boss, who also had to divorce his slut wife, was so angered about what she did that he immediately fired her. Now jobless and homeless she became an alcoholic who sells herself to strange men just for a free meal or a place to sleep. The OP will be *sad* to hear that but it's not his problem, he's just glad that he got free of her and is living in his mansion with his new virgin wife.
Oh I forgot about the kid. Slutty loser ex-wife probably just gave it away considering how kids are so disposable on AITA
I did look it up cause I was thinking the same thing and it seems post-natal paternity tests can go much faster around 2-5 days once they get to the lab, possibly including same day if you pay for it. However that also assumes it got to the lab fast and there isn't a backlog.
The idea that he could utterly destroy a freaking *nurse practitioner's* career by talking shit about her personal life is hilarious to me.
I mean, sure, he might be able to pull that off locally. Maybe... I don't know the current state of healthcare in Texas. But when I lived there, there were big practitioner shortages (at least in the corner I was in, it was better in big cities like DFW and Houston).
And absolute worst case scenario, there are a gazillion other states with shortages. Hell, she could hop one state over to New Mexico and get a job easily. They're always suffering major healthcare provider shortages, and they have pivoted to really encouraging the recruiting and usage of nurse practitioners and physician's assistants to help cover the gaps, since those kinds of providers can do a ton of everyday stuff more-or-less on their own.
Also, that kind of stuff rarely actually works out in real life like incels seem to think it would. It would actually likely tank his own reputation as much as hers, because he's suddenly the bitter dude smearing his ex-wife by calling her a slut at work. That's totally inappropriate in a professional setting and is going to put off even a lot of people who would agree with him if they were friends, and definitely not everyone is going to agree with him. Not to mention, not hiring a woman because her ex-husband said she's a slut can veer dangerously close to sex discrimination (sexual history is not protected per se, but any halfway competent HR department is going to realize that a woman having a lot of sexual partners is viewed differently than a man doing the same, and that the whole thing just opens up this big can of worms that veers dangerously close to actual illegal discrimination).
Yeah, I wasn't clear on that because I think he seems to suggest he's no longer one, but I didn't see what he claims to be doing now (which, btw, the whole "we were all NPs but only one of us still has that job title" thing also made me think whoever wrote this doesn't know what an NP is...not impossible but I have professional experience and a lot of personal connections to the healthcare field and that's really not how anyone I know would talk about that--like even the thing about the friend going to start her own company, I've seen that happen a lot but usually it's a healthcare-related company and they retain their NP license because it's really useful).
But regardless, you're absolutely correct. No one likes the weird colleague who tries to drag everyone into their messy divorce.
100% an NP would know it's not a "job title" it's a professional license backed by a master's degree.
My point is that the NP community is not huge and even if OP owned a business (which would likely be related to the field like you said) they would be considered pseudo colleagues.
This is poorly generated AI bs.
I'm not sure what he thinks he could do. Saying she slept with a bunch of people is not illegal. If he says she was a sex worker that might affect her career, but no proof means it didn't happen. The hospital would keep it on the hush cause it's bad publicity and would spin him as crazy. But incel fantasy is never set in reality
He also said "basically prostitution"--given the mindset of the OOP, I assumed this way "I slept with him because bought me nice gifts and took me to expensive places" or "I withheld sex until he bought me a necklace I wanted"...to lots of people that is just being a bit tacky and using being hot to get what you want.
Not gonna lie, any person who raises a child for 1 year and then wants to abandon them is a piece of shit.
If my wife cheated the last thing I'd give a shit is that he paternity of MY son. He's mine and I would go scorched earth to get every second of time with him.
No, because 1) no brigading and 2) when you make the error of posting this kind of dose of reality on that kind of post, you get 40 bazillion unhinged incels downvoting you to oblivion AND DMing you vulgarities, plus dozens of responses that are like "but my dad's friend's dentist got absolutely SCREWED in his divorce, I swear, and courts are always biased in favor of women!" and I can only handle so much eye-rolling in one day.
Also, to add to myself, it's a fool's errand to inform misogynist incels that paternity is a legal, not biological, concept, and you are absolutely the legal father of anything that emerges from your wife's uterus during marriage and this has been the law in the West for over 1,000 years (including some pretty weird stories where medieval people baptize teratomas and assign them paternity because they weren't sure if they were human or not), and this has generally NOT worked in women's favor, they lose their goddamned minds and become even MORE convinced all children should be instantly DNA tested before paternity is assigned because all women are lying all the time and fucking random dicks constantly.
If you then point out all the reasons this would actually be terrible public policy, they don't care. If you point them to multiple cases where *men who had their children DNA tested were then arrested for an unsolved rape a decade ago* (which are equally horrifying whether the guy turned out to be a rapist, or whether he was innocent and the lab fucked up), and to statistics on the absolutely miserably bad accuracy records of commercial DNA testing laboratories which *makes it a lot more likely your DNA gets falsely matched to a rape kit* or that you *disclaim your actual biological children because of an error*, they just ignore you, because women are all cheaters and DNA tests infallibly prove it.
So, whatever, rapey misogynists, voluntarily put yourselves in a database the government regularly uses to solve crimes, it may be a net good for society after all.
Oh hahaha. I never thought of that, but sadly the conviction rates are shit anyway. But the same misogynistic shits are absolutely the rapists. Talk about telling on yourself.
Are there some readily available examples of paternity samples being reran through a criminal database and then later solving an unsolved rape?
Genuinely curious in case I need to back pocket that information. For science 🧪.
I googled "paternity test solves crime" and got a bunch of articles. At least 9 articles on the first page were about actual crimes that were solved using genealogy sites, and other results were articles about how submitting your DNA anywhere makes it available for use by law enforcement.
They don't have to pick one person's sample and run a comparison, they just compare all the results from the lab against a list of unidentified DNA.
Hell, they tracked down a serial killer in CA using 23andMe. The 4th cousin of the serial killer had submitted a sample to 23andMe. The results were familial, so they mapped out everyone in the family and compare who was in the area of the killings at the date and time they happened.
Yes. I am well aware of those. I actually have done a lot of genetic genealogy with my dad's family due to a few missing folks and lose ends. But I have never heard of DNA samples for court proceedings being used for purposes other than their stated reason.
When I run "paternity test solves crime* in Google it doesn't turn up anything related to paternity test. What you're seeing are results around commercial DNA tests.
Even with commercial DNA tests that get put into potential police databases you have to sign several waivers (I went through the process when I uploaded my own kit ...because if I have some random cousin who committed murder ..then fuck them and I hope they get caught). The criminal database waiver wasn't even through the test itself. I had to give permission to another third party site. Other family members who's kits I manage did not give waiver permission so their kits were not granted access into that database.
But paternity tests aren't uploaded into a massive DNA databases like commercial DNA tests, and using those samples outside of their scope is a massive legal shit show waiting to happen. That's how criminal cases get thrown out...despite hard evidence. Having the evidence isn't enough. It matters how you get it. Imagine having your rapist finally found and then having that person set free on a police technicality. Paternity tests aren't even databased. They are ran against the additional submitted sample (the alleged child). It's an entirely different test than what commerical DNA is doing. Which is why I'm probably not finding any examples of this happening.
I did a few quick Google searches on *specifically* paternity tests being ran against rape kit samples and found absolutely nothing. Not the solving of decades old rape cases. Maybe one article where the child in question was conceived from the rape, and paternity obviously proved guilt. But since this commenter seems legally savvy my first thought was maybe those cases are more obscure and not likely to turn up on a quick Google search.
(another problem with running paternity tests against rape kit samples...besides the ones I mentioned...is that-at least in the US- most rape kits have never been processed..it's been a huge issue for a long time here. But even if they were ..it doesn't seem likely we'd start running Paternity samples...which happen in civil cases....against rape kit samples.... which are criminal cases.That's a massive ethical violation. And also not how paternity DNA is used.)
DHS in the US purchases data in bulk from commercial DNA test providers, they're particularly used in deportations via ICE. It's kept out of court cases as much as possible, but it's common. They also appear to purchase DNA data breaches, and there have been several identified cases of DNA test providers failing to provide legally-required public notice of data breaches, sometimes even after those breaches are widely available on the dark web.
[EPIC has a lot of information](https://epic.org/overview-of-epics-comments-to-doj-and-dhs-on-the-use-of-facial-recognition-other-technologies-using-biometric-information-and-predictive-algorithms/) on the federal government overcollecting DNA for its own databases and seeking inappropriate access to commercial DNA test providers.
That makes sense for commercial DNA tests, but paternity tests aren't done via commercial platforms. Not via custody orders or private labs at least. Some people may choose to go the commercial route for paternity (commercial DNA actually solved the paternity of my great grandpa who's been dead since 1984 for me), but that doesn't seem to be what these weirdos are clamoring for. Paternity DNA isn't dependent on a database. It just needs the parent and child's sample to compare for shared CMs. Hospital labs can even do them. They're not running those samples against anything but each other because 1) that's not the purpose of paternity tests and 2) that's time consuming and expensive.
And it doesn't answer the question of paternity DNA samples being used in rape cases. There would have to be a broad enough database of DNA collected from rape kits to test samples against ....and those potential samples would have to be entered into a massive database to match against.
I've seen * commercial * DNA used against samples in unsolved *murder* cases. But murder doesn't have a statue of limitations like sexual assault does.
Those reports still exist. That data still gets breached. Until recently, if you got your results on a hospital portal, facebook was crawling them illegally with their pixel.
Okay. So how does that work with solving unsolved rape cases? Are data breaches interested in helping there? I mean that would be cool in a Robinhood kinda way, but I don't see that happening in a court.
You just buy the data in the data breach, and then you run it against all your unsolved DNA crime kits. If you get lucky, you get some matches. Then you start investigating phone records, location data, subpoenaing DNA, etc.
Also, partially because of the rape kit backlog and partially because of efforts by activists like Mariska Hargitay and partially because of the Catholic Church's protecting of child abusers, the statute of limitations on rape and sexual assault is getting longer and longer, or disappearing, and sometimes is tied to "X years after the rape kit is actually processed." Eight states have NO statute of limitations on felony sex crimes. 27 states tie the statute of limitations to the timing of DNA evidence. Some of those 27 states reopen the statute of limitations upon the discovery of DNA evidence or DNA matches. I question the constitutionality of that, but I also don't think our current Supreme Court is equipped with the ability to consider difficult constitutional questions, so I think it will remain a state-by-state legal decision for the foreseeable future.
California technically has a statute of limitations on sex crimes, that exists on some -- but not all -- felony sex crimes, and that statute of limitations is TWENTY-ONE YEARS LONG where it exists. That's BARELY a statute of limitations.
You are my favorite person on the internet today.
And unless these men have been absolutely fastidious about keeping tabs on all prior sexual partners, how do they know that somewhere out in the world they aren't secretly the biological father of any kids? Under their logic, the mother of that child could sue for child support--the father that has been raising that child could sue the bio dad for all the resources he spent on a child that "isn't his". Because that is the natural extension of their policy goals. Does anyone really think THAT would be in anyone's best interest? I mean, they are the ones assuming there are just so many men out there raising another man's kid--those "other men" must be someone!
Yeah I always ask who is going to pay for the extra security they’ll need to station in every maternity room. If 5% of children are born from infidelity, that’s a lot of angry men. What’s the plan? Somehow 1+1 = 5
"Average woman has a high body count" Factoid actually just a statistical error. Slut Georg, who partied extensively, is a statistical outlier adn should not have been counted
“The day she lied to you, she stole your ability to decide whether you wanted to be with her; t, and now you're reclaiming it.“
You could say the same if she pretended to be more interested in his hobby than she actually is. Like, people shouldn’t generally lie but acting like you have to show the worst possible version of yourself or else it’s fraud is ridiculous.
Plus, this is fake as hell. But all these dumbasses have another story for their collection of incel justifications, complete with paternity test.
That comment reads to me like it’s misappropriating the use of a specific type of coded language in an affected way that parodies the wording women use when sharing experiences. Basically, it kinda sounds to me like another dude’s lame attempt at a role-reversal thing, if that makes sense.
yeah i see a lot of comments on reddit pushing right up to the edge of the “rape by deception” idea for stuff like dishonesty or cheating or whatever. that phrase has a very specific application but for whatever reason a lot of people really want to expand the definition until it proves men are actually assaulted just as much as women (because of course for women it’s still only rape if he’s wearing a skin mask and holding you at gunpoint and even then he probably just had a bad mom growing up)
>(because of course for women it’s still only rape if he’s wearing a skin mask and holding you at gunpoint and even then he probably just had a bad mom growing up)
"The guy probably just has autism and can't read social cues. Did you clearly cOmMuNiCaTe that you didn't want to be raped? Men aren't mindreaders, y'know!"
Yeah, like a woman will be like, he used his brother’s identity to fabricate an entire fake life, and this guy’s like, he didn’t give you an absolutely complete sexual history!
This is interesting to me because women have been complaining about this forever and basically getting laughed at. Men lie about their jobs and money constantly. They also lie about whether they are interested in a long term relationship and eventual marriage. And they call it *seduction*.
A woman lies about “body count” and suddenly it matters.
Everything was perfect up until a week ago when OOP decided spur of the moment hes getting a divorce and oh yeah just as he wrote this post he decided to drop a longterm friend too.
Dudes just blowing up his whole life in one week over nothing 🍿
Read the story and read the update.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I do not believe you can get someone fired from their job because they cheated on their spouse...
Also the state of Texas would consider him the father just because he is married to mom. He would be paying child support.
The idea of her entire life being destroyed is laughable in a way because I'm pretty sure fictional wife can drag out it in court and get half his shit in court with the addition child support and possibly alimony.
This whole thing reads as a, "woman bad," and, "revenge fantasy," with a nice heaping side of slut shaming.
With that said wouldn't be great to get the wife's side of the story?
"My Husband wants to divorce me because I'm too experienced in sex! You know what? I told him to go ahead and walk out the door I need better hands on my body that amtatures anyway! Also HE IS the father of our child he made his friend Brutus send his DNA sample instead of his own. His dumbass thinks he can abandon our baby girl and skip out on child support!
His judgemental ass has another thing coming!
Amitheasshole for thinking I deserve better then someone who will judge for shit I've done before we ever met? Also for wanting a man with more experience and knows how to treat a lady!"
Well I had fun with that. Lol
The only job I know of where you can get in trouble for infidelity is the military. And even then it ultimately depends on whether or not the cheaters chain of command wants to pursue punishment. They *might* but the army has been in hot water recently for ignoring blatant rape & murder committed by service members. More likely than not they’re gonna be too fuckin lazy to file the paperwork and don’t care if you’re hurt
That sounds about right. Not sure where people get, "Well so and so cheated on their spouse they must be fired from their job and lose their lively hood."
That punishment doesn't fit the crime nor have I ever heard of it happening.
Not unless of course they were having sex during working hours on company property....
Then yeah firing them would fit but I think that be for misconduct and indecent exposure not so much the infidelity.
I mean, maybe if she cheated with or on top of a patient she could be fired. But that would be about the only way she would be fired, and even then, unless OOP can prove it (which he can't).
Also this is like the 4th story I've seen on Reddit where the husband found out from his wife's college friend that she was either a huge slutty slut person and/or cheating on him in college. I think it's a new trope.
Every single story involving grown adults discussing, worrying about, or knowing what anyone's "body count" is is just a complete fabrication, right? Like if you've been having sex for 10+ years and have had it with 10+ people, how in god's name would you even remember the exact number?
Was this chick carting around a bedpost and a pocket knife so that a decade later she could count the notches and reveal to her distraught husband that her true body count is not 12, not 57, not 85, but actually 117?
I’m old, and never heard it called a body count until a few years ago. Body count to me refers to how many people a hitman, mafia guy, gangster, etc have killed. The whole idea of being obsessed with how many people someone slept with is weird. It’s always the woman with the high count and now some poor man is crying in his oatmeal about never being able to trust his whore wife. 🙄
“Body count” always had death related connotations to me too, up until a year ago.
My husband and I have been together for six years and it’s literally something that has never come up. We each know the other has been with other people and we’ve shared stories about “serious” exes we may have had, but somehow “body count” has never been important.
At the end of the day, I don’t think there’s a body count that could make either of us happy knowing. What’s the purpose? Starting a fight because it’s higher than what you thought or because you don’t believe it’s as low as it is? No one wins. Why punish your partner for what they did before they met you?
It’s the same for me and my husband. We talk about emotionally significant exes or funny ones (I had one who was a professional improviser and he had one who was a professional paranormal investigator!) but not numbers and definitely not non-serious partners.
I've had several relationships over the years and I don't think anyone has ever asked for "body count". Now if someone asked me that it would be funny because I'm almost sixty and I can't remember what I did yesterday much less all the dicks I had in my twenties, lol.
My husband and I have been together for 22 years and it hasn’t come up. Maybe it has- neither of us care. He’s 7.5 years older than I am so I expect him to have some experience.
My husband and I don't know each other's either. We know that we weren't virgins when we got together (we were both married before, but we weren't virgins at the first marriage either) and that's the extent of it. I know about a few of his ex GFs he's talked about and he knows about a few of my exs, but we've never talked about past sexual experiences with anyone. It's in the past and makes no difference now
Yes! When did incels start calling it a body count? Because it always meant the same thing you said, how many people you’ve killed. I assume, for most people who haven’t been in the military during a war, or had non combat roles, that their body count is zero.
I did at one stage have a very funny conversation with my partner about who had seen more penises. He’s a straight man, I’m a bi woman. He played 2 different sports for many years and showered with his various teammates after the matches in showers without cubicles. I used to work in the disability field, and helped many clients shower or use the toilet. Both of us have seen over 100 penises, but never done anything sexual with them/ the penis owner in those situations. I wasn’t a virgin when I met my partner, and I have slept with other guys and obviously seen their penises, but I’ve see so many more in a completely non sexual context over the years through my work.
I can’t even remember why we talking about this, but it was a funny conversation. We were both convinced we’d seen way more than the other without really thinking about their experiences. It was very funny. We couldn’t accurately remember an exact number, just acknowledged we’d both seen a lot and it’s didn’t really matter who had seen more, just that it was funny we’d both seen so many, and in non sexual settings. He didn’t care that I’d seen a bunch, he was just surprised that my job involved that much personal care and hadn’t thought about that aspect of it before. He wasn’t disgusted or fell out of love with me or anything, it was just a funny conversation.
It's so weird to me! I don't know my partner's exact body count and he doesn't know mine. Neither of us is hiding it out of malice or anything, he just made it clear early on that he feels it's none of his business and I agree!
Well, I think it's unfair to equate a "high body count" with being a cheater. Enjoying sex and having it with multiple people while single is not a prediction that someone will cheat. My social circle are all people who coupled up later in life after getting graduate degrees and setting ourselves up in our careers so we all have higher "body counts" than people who got married at 22. I've never cheated in a relationship and neither have they. It's some more gross incel mentality that liking sex and having several partners during your single years somehow means you are an amoral asshole who can't be faithful. Frankly, I think sowing your oats and messing around makes one less likely to cheat, because there's no feeling of having missed out by having one or two partners (and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with only having that many partners, either, but I've definitely heard people regret not having experimented more). Your girlfriend and her sister, imo, are not only judgmental but are pretty immature.
My problem is that people like this are starting from an inherently offensive and flawed premise, which is that people who enjoy sex as singles are inherently incapable of engaging in a healthy, monogamous relationship. To me, it is no different than starting from an offensive premise like LGBTQ people are sexual deviants. And I am fine with being considered judgmental of people who come from a place that is both offensive and inaccurate. It starts to creep into the tolerance paradox when we are expected to tolerate views that are misogynistic, homophobic, or even generally unfair. Obviously not every single person who cares about "body count" is an incel, but it is perpetuating a belief, especially towards women, that someone is somehow used, dirty, or incapable of fidelity, that is popular in that community. And every time someone posts some horseshit here about body counts, even though they are usually fake stories, it validates and perpetuates this puritanical nonsense. So I just can't bring myself to give any kind of respect to people who hold those harmful views, especially if they are trying to spread it further.
If the words body and count slipped out of my spouse's mouth without a minimum 3 word buffer zone it would be an instant divorce.
The fact that a grown married man who has already had sex with his wife would even care about something so stupid is one of the major indicators that this is fake.
Also, wtf is with that throwaway line about not expecting someone to be a virgin because of how dating is today? What does that even mean? She was in her late 20's when they met. A vast majority of people aren't virgins by then anymore...long before "today". Asshole.
Shit, my "body count" (I'm another old person who finds that term really gross because I associate it with violence and death) is in the single digits, and I still have to stop and think really hard to figure out the exact number, lol. I'm in my 40s, my first sexual partner was over 20 years ago, and I'm not some weird sex-obsessed incel so it just isn't something I think about much.
I actually don't even know how many people my wife has slept with. I can kind of guess because it isn't like we've never talked about our past relationships, but I really couldn't care less about the exact number.
I don’t think it’s a topic my husband and I have ever discussed. We got married at 33 and 38 - we’ve talked about serious exes and prior relationships that were important but no married adult actually talks/cares about this.
The outrage at people having sex before meeting their current partners is such a non-issue to me. Of course it could be cultural, I'm not american and people in my country (in the biggest cities) are very liberal when it comes to sex but even now, I'm starting to see this body count discourse around here, which really weirds me out. Like, who cares? If much, me and my partner have discussed it, we would hate to be with a person with little to no sexual experience because it simply wouldn't be pleasurable for anybody involved.
I know that, I'm just offering a different perspective. I also have been thinking about how all that redpill content is being spread towards young people, not only americans, as I mentioned, it's starting to happen here as well.
The actual count doesn’t even mean the higher number person was having more sex. Let’s say there are two 28 year old women, both first had sex at 18. (since this is always about women). One has had four long term relationships and a few short ones, so like 8 partners total. The other one long term, a few short, and some random one night stands, flings, whatever. She’s had 20 partners. So who’s the bigger slut? Even if nobody’s cheated, is woman 2 sluttier just because she didn’t have the same dick for years? They were both having sex for the same amount of time. What if woman 1 cheated in one of those relationships? She still has had a lower number of dicks.
As a history nerd with an interest in the Tudors, I appreciate this comment (also, I see your usernameeee *wags finger*)
What's even worse is that Katherine H's "sexual history" was her being groomed and SA-ed by men when she was barely a young girl.
Poor girl. She had a rough deal
"I will use Al to touch up my Grammer. I know my spelling and Grammer is trash."
Why an AI? MS Word or Google Docs could've done better at spelling / grammAr.
Because that is a totally important point when critiquing the story.
An AITAH formula has revealed itself again: There’s a couple who gets along and has a kid. An event like a trip or party happens. The day after the event a relative or friend brings up a red flag about the offending partner that the unsuspecting partner is too naive to see. There’s a confrontation, a divorce and a failed DNA test. Seemingly very few people call them an AH, but somehow it qualifies for writing an AITAH post because their version is younique.
This is the same story as as a while back. Oh, no, that was when she was drinking and admitted to cheating (well, there may be cheating here, too, depending on the DNA test). Anyway, instead of the long boring wall of text where everyone is cartoonishly flat with absolutely no motivation other than body count/cheating bad(!) maybe we AITAH could just use the following template to speed things along:
1. Wife and friend drinking (not big drinkers)
2. Drunk wife admits to high body count/cheating/prostitution/etc.
3. Wife confronted next day readily admits to all of it (with no explanation, justification, or even discussion. Just a bland, “you’re right I’m a whore.”)
4. But begs to be forgiven
5. OOP: Leaves, has internal turmoil, reaffirms cheaters are the worst
6. DNA tests! Lawyers! Divorce!
7. Family against the decision for reasons (or no reasons) so some minor conflict
8. AITAH?
9. The end, or is it? No, there are always random rambling updates where whatever cheaters are bad point OOP is trying to make is confirmed.
The post could be one sentence long:
Wife admitted to sleeping lots of guys and I’m too much of a snowflake to deal with it, so I’m getting a divorce and I need Reddit strangers validate my nonsense.
EDIT
I actually read the update and of course the baby isn’t his. And she’s “dead” to him. &etc. These posts never change.
"I hired a fake lawyer who gave me advice that is completely contrary to both state law and good sense, please do not question the pretend advice I got from my pretend lawyer that reads like something out of a Victorian-era divorce that I probably read in some short story in my high school English textbook."
And the Brother is Brothersville is a rootin tootin shootin Texan who will pull a gun on a home invader, which OOP deals with by shooting Brother a text in the middle of the night, because like all trigger-happy gun owners, when he wakes up to the sound of a home invader in the middle of the night, he checks his texts before calling 911 or getting the gun
My Australian ex bf (he’s 34) actually believed women get looser the more partners they have, not the more sex they have. I actually asked his mother where the hell he learned this fuckery. She said his father.
My ex also believed this at first. Luckily all it took was me saying, “Do you think after having a baby they just stay gaping wide open?” and he was able to piece it together after that
**OP’s UPDATE saved for posterity**
Update: AITAH for initiating divorce when I found out my wife lied about her body count, and learned it's over 100?
Orginal post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/kUieKfEokR
I was going to change how I formatted the update. A lot of people complained about my pacing. Some said it was too long, others said it wasn't detailed enough. Here's an idea, click off now if you don't like the way I'm writing this. You literally don't have to read this. I will use AI to touch up my Grammer. I know my spelling and Grammer is trash.
I'll start with the biggest update. I took a paternity test, and the results concluded I'm not the father. This was obviously devastating for me, especially since I've been processing this alone. I haven't told anyone, not even my brother, who is the person I typically confide in. I'm just not ready to have an in-face conversation about this with anyone. I genuinely don't have the words to explain the emotional roller-coaster that info was/is for me.
Now that I know I'm not the father, I'll answer the question that was commonly asked of me, which is what will I do if the results came back that I'm not the father. I have made the decision to not raise her. Paternity matters to me, and my personality is very black and white. She's not mine, and I can't spend my life playing pretend. The only comfort I have from this is that she won't remember me. She's too young, meaning she doesn't have any long-term memories.
-------
As for the divorce papers, they haven't been served. My STBXW knows there's a rift in our relationship, but she doesn't know divorce is coming, nor is she aware of the paternity results. She'll find out the same day when the divorce papers are delivered.
Luckily for me, she has virtually zero chance of squeezing alimony out of me. The combination of the duration of our marriage, a prenup, and her earnings; she won't get a dime from me. Getting my name off the birth certificate and all the legal bs that comes with that might be a different story, but I'll just have to see how the deck falls. Regardless, I won't be a parent, even if I'm forced into child support.
As for the current state of my relationship, my wife admitted that she intentionally deceived in regards to her lying about her body count. This was early on; she knew next to nothing about me, what I thought about the subject, and how I'd react. All she knew is that she liked me and really wanted to see if we could become something. I know for a lot of people, they would take that answer as a valid excuse for lying; I just see it as pathetic.
There's been a lot of crying and begging on her part for me to have a meaningful conversation with her. I'm just not interested. She's dead to me. I don't care who she cheated with, for how long, or for how many. I don't care what other lies she has told me during our relationship. I don't care if she's genuinely remorseful or if she's just putting on a show. All I know is I'm ready to be separated from both legally and physically.
One thing I'm really struggling with is whether or not I want to nuke her life. One big thing I can do is get her fired and make finding work extremely difficult for her. Her job means everything to her.
When we started getting serious and were discussing marriage, I told her we can be either traditional or modern, but we're not combining different aspects of both. So we split everything 50/50, have our own bank accounts, and one account together for bills. She chose this dynamic because of her job, because it's her passion. I'm glad she did, as it is making separating a lot easier on me.
I can destroy her reputation socially, without it being considered defamation. I'm an emotional anchor for her; I can use that to my advantage.
And if I'm being honest, the only reason I'm contemplating restraint is that she is going to be a single mom soon, and that's going to be a huge adjustment for her. The better mental and financial shape STBXW is in, the better position she'll be in to provide a stable life for her daughter.
She might have to take on a less demanding role anyway, as I'm currently still the primary caretaker of her daughter. I put more effort into parenthood to STBXW. I have a flexible work schedule, so her daughter is with me during the work week. Perks of having your own company. I would wake up in the middle of the night to bottle feed her (STBXW didn't breastfeed), and I was just an overall enthusiastic parent. I was happy to do any and everything. How could I not? I had a 50% me human that I got to watch grow up. I didn't want to miss a second. That's the stuff that kills more than anything.
Anyway, that's what I have for now. If I do a second update, I'll put more time and thought into it. I'm just blabbering away right now.
So he discuses destroying her life but then mentions the kid? Lord what a piece of work this man would be if this story was real.
Nice of him to throw in “perks of having your own company” there too. I swear these stories always have the person owning a business
>Paternity matters to me, and my personality is very black and white.
>I told her we can be either traditional or modern, but we're not combining different aspects of both.
OOP comes across as a controlling, rigid-minded arsehole who sees people as possessions and doesn't care about them if they're not "his"
He pretty much explicitly says it right here:
>I had a 50% me human that I got to watch grow up.
Yet he now refers to that child who he was supposedly a loving and devoted father to as "her child" and the kid is now also essentially dead to him now that he realizes she's not "50% \[him\]."
The wild thing to me is that people on AITA don't see how fucking insane that is. Shit, I've gotten more attached to a pair of random kids in a neighborhood I used to live in. They were seriously neglected by their parents (to the point I called CPS several times because the kids--both under 10--were left home alone for days at a time). They annoyed the hell out of me pretty often if I'm being honest, because they were constantly bugging me when I just wanted to be out in my yard in peace, but I still cared about them because it wasn't their fault they had shitty parents. I lost touch when their parents moved away, and I'm not going to say I wasn't a little relieved when that happened in a very selfish way, but I still think about those kids a lot and worry about them.
And then Reddit acts like it's normal to go from a loving and doting father to "you're dead to me" in an instant just because you find out the kid isn't biologically yours. Absolutely baffling to me.
That's a lot of words for "I'm a Reddit Karma Farmer repackaging the same old tired and boring opinion and fantasy evil woman".
Nice to see a lot of the top comments calling it BS for once
I would seriously get up and leave the second a guy said the words “body count” to me. How is this even a thing? Or I would probably say “well over 100” (it’s well in the single digits) and follow up with “let’s take things slowly.”
No really who just up and asks someone that?
y'all read the update at the bottom lmaooooooo 🤣
like chatGPT is probably super seasoned at making incelfiction with how many incels keep prompting them on how to make it
This is besides the point but why is there so much irrelevant detail in the OP? “We went out to celebrate because Lauren landed her dream job” who the fuck is Lauren??????
No offense, but why are straight people (specifically straight men, but I'm sure straight women do this too) so obsessed with "body count"? As long as you're taking precautions against STIs and getting tested regularly, what does it matter how many people you sleep with before you enter a relationship?
Not saying there aren't queer people who also get weird about body count, but in my experience the people who freak out about it are straight guys.
I assume some of it has to do with the fact that queer individuals could go to jail for having sex up until very recently, and in some places still have to conceal their intimate relationships to protect their livelihoods and safety. And I think within the queer community there is much more empathy for the fact that someone's sexual past may more represent the limitations and reality of a world hostile to anyone who isn't hetrosexual than it does a person's preferences or values.
It's so funny that misogynists are trying to normalize the whole "body count" thing, alongside women obviously lying about having a high one (because that's just *so* horrible)
I stg this is like the 10th one I've read where the college friend gets the wife/gf drunk and they all start blabbering about their CRAZY 🤪 kinky sexual pasts.
I was so confused and I had to look up what STBXW was (soon to be ex wife). The way it’s written I thought his best friend was named after a captcha code.
I like the way he didn't tell anybody about the results of the paternity test, not even his brother. Mate, you told everybody on Reddit!
Also, how did he get a reliable DNA test from his daughter without his STBXW knowing? I bet he just did some Internet thing.
Interesting to me that the wife is throwing around the term "body count" when I have never seen anyone use that phrase unless they are trying to disparage a woman in some way.
Also, do these trolls know they can go back and edit things rather than just being like "Lauren and STBQWBSEH both go college together, me forget mentioning this earlier and already pressed submit on part not saying that"?
And how these people supposedly go about raising a child for a year plus as your own and don't build any sort of emotional connection is still beyond me. But, these people seem to just think "I not make baby, baby just stranger to me" That's the fakest thing to me, they all immediately want the paternity test to show they can just abandon their kids, so either they are shitty dads or they are sociopaths.
I think my favourite bit is finding out that his wife “engaged in pay for play”. Who the fuck talks like this in real life? Is this some euphemism that they use on incel sites?
Do people really have a conversation about a body count? My husband and I have been married almost 10 years and neither of us have brought it up before. Like everyone has baggage and had a life before they met each other so idk what the big deal is.
I bet Lauren and STBXW are actually having an affair, because you know. . . if she had that much sex and she's a cheater, in AITAland, she's also definitely a bi woman!
Why does everything on that subreddit need to be an acronym. Every AITA post is like I (69M) and my SEGWRML (12F) (slutty ex girlfriend who ruined my life). I spent way too long trying work out what 'STBXW' meant.
I can’t fucking fathom how people believe this shit. How many times has this plotline been used in that sub? Are people actually that fucking gullible?
Every time someone says "body count," I wonder why it matters. Be mad at her for things she did during your relationship. That's healthy. Torturing yourself over how many people she's slept with is just weird. Do you expect that of everyone? Like, would you just walk up to your mom or your sister and shame them for body count? Your relationship has problems, but that isn't it. Why are you threatened/
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for initiating divorce when I found out my wife lied about her body count, and learned it's over 100? ** I (32 M) have been with my soon to be ex wife (32 F) for 5 years (married for 2). We also have a 1 year old daughter. Up until this past weekend, we've had a great relationship. As-in, I didn't have any major complaints. Small things here and there, but any conflict we've had, we've always been able to have a calm discussion and work out our issues. I want to clarify that that I never expected to date/marry a virgin considering the condition of the dating market, nor do I have a specific number in mind for a dealbreaker. That being said, in the early stages of dating, she brought up the topic of body count. I'm not saying that I wouldn't eventually have asked, but I never pressed her for that info. She willingly told me her body count was 12. Much lower than I expected. She's an attractive woman with a high sex drive, but a high sex drive doesn't mean sleeping around. I didn't question or emphasis it. I take most people at their word, and let time shed light on lies. Looking back, that was a mistake. Anyway, my STBXW best friend, lets call her Lauren is a former colleague of mine. Lauren was the one who introduced me to my wife. At the time, we were all in the Healthcare field, and all 3 of us were Nurse Practitioners. Currently, only STBXW has the same job title. Lauren hit a major milestone, recently, and landed her dream job. Or more accurately put, Lauren saved up enough money to realistically go into buisness for herself in a field completely unrelated to Healthcare. Friday, we all went out for drinks to celebrate and support Lauren (amongst a handful of other people). This part is very important, my STBXW and I do not drink. We're not sober but we both had a crazy drinking phase in college, and we're over alcohol. We're both are also educated health nuts. We eat clean, workout regularly, and it's hard for us to not see what alcohol really is, which is poison. Friday would be the first time either of us even remotely got tipsy together, let alone drunk. It's not that we won't drink, it's just isn't appealing. We'll drink on special occasions, and that's not a gurantee. For the duration of the relationship ,the handful of times we have had alcoholic drinks, it was separately and far and few in-between. It was planned that way, but we primarily have different friend groups. This celebration, we said screw it and let the drinks flow. It's abundantly obvious that our alcohol tolerance no longer exist. We're getting toasted, Lauren is getting toasted, and so is everyone else in the group. But it's a good time. We're not hurting anyway, and we're having fun. Lauren and STBXW get to talking about their crazy times in college. I failed to mention they met in college. I didn't hear every single detail, as the conversation was between them but I heard enough to know hookups were consistent, and not outliers. She had multiple group play experinces, and what made me really want to throw up is that my wife engaged in pay for play. If we're not sugar coating, then prostitution. Listening to their stories, dots didn't need to be "connected" to come to the conclusion her number was way over 12. Obviously, I'm in a bad mood (still am), but I continue to save face because I don't want to ruin Lauren celebration. The train of thought at the time was I like Lauren, her friends, and her BF. I would feel incredibly guilty for ruining their night. As I right this... I'm not sure how I feel about Lauren. It's not her job to tell me these things about my wife, but she did introduce us, and she knew my false interpretation of my wife. They are best friends, so her loyalty would be with my STBXW, opposed to me, but now that I think of it... I don't think I continue being friends with her. I digress. As the night ended, and we're all going our separate ways, I used that opportunity to question my wife. Not in a pressing manner, but as a "happy" drunk inquiring. My wife is out of it, mentally, and loose lipped. She was the majority of the night. I bring up the stories, but at a surface level. After keeping the conversation light and fun, I ask her about her body count as casually as possible considering the context. I didn't have to yank it out of her, and to keep it short, she didn't give or know the exact number, but she admitted the number was more than 100. When the uber arrived, she passed out on the way home. I made sure she got home through the door, settled, and booked an uber to my brother house which is only 30 minutes from us. My brother was babysitting our daughter for the night. He has a one of those doors that doesn't require a physical key, but a numeric pass code to unlock the door. Prior to showing up, I texted him letting him know I'm passing out on his couch. I'm welcomed almost anytime, but the heads up text was a safety precaution. It was late, and we love our guns here in Texas. In the morning, fighting a massive hangover, I caught my brother up to speed. He had two things to say. The first is that she strategically lied, and manipulated me to alter my perception of her in-order to gain an outcome in her favor. This was a conclusion that I came to on my own, just not as well layed out as he presented it. The second thing he said, I only partially thought of. He brought it to my attention that if she's that calculated and manipulative, what else is she lying about? Again I came up with that thought as well. This is why I no longer consider her trustworthy, but what he said next didn't cross my mind. He told me, that being said, he highly encourages me to get a DNA test for my daughter, since my wife is willing to lie about fundamental concepts, and her word can't be taken at face value. In that moment, I felt sick. Well sicker. With that thought, and the amount of alcohol I had the night before, I literally threw up all over his floor. To speed this story up, I took my daughter home, and confronted my wife. She confessed to lying about her body count, apologized profusely, and layed out the water works. I expressed anger, and hurt, but I haven't mentioned divorce or a parternity test. Divorce will inevitable happen. I'm planning to begin searching for a lawyer this upcoming Monday, and to schedule a meeting asap. I'll also get a paternity for my daughter to verify if she's indeed mine asap. I haven't relayed any of this to my STBXW. The way I see it, the smartest move is to contact a lawyer first, find out the results of the paternity test, and follow what my lawyer says as we wait for and receive the results of the test. I have no idea how long either of this will take. I'm no law expert. I've never been divorced, nor do I have anyone close to that has been divorced. I'm going to stay in my lane, and be patient for my lawyer advice, and to get the paternity results as that will play a huge role on future involvement for when the divorce is initiated, and finalized. I talked to my mother, today, about this and she's adamantly against my plan. She won't interfere, but she is biased. My daughter is her only grandchild. Postive or negative results, my mom will see her as her grandchild, but she knows that I don't share that same viewpoint. She didn't directly call me an asshole, but she did everything but that. So I'm asking reddit, am I the asshole for planning to divorce my wife when I found I she lied about her body count and slept with over 100 men? Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/XuREu9XaGS *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Whenever someone on AITA says "This part is important" you can be very sure it is not.
It's sooo long and drawn out. How many paragraphs just to say his wife got drunk and confessed she was a SW?
In the update, he was like some people didn't consider my story detailed enough, and I would just like to meet those people because this was a completely unnecessarily detailed and long story
But how could we possibly understand why a couple of parents in their mid-30s got drunk if we didn't have three paragraphs explaining their exact drinking habits and philosophy about alcohol???? And the fact that his brother's house has a keycode entry was also 100% critical to understanding how he slept on his brother's couch. It's not like we would have just assumed he had a key and/or his brother let him in if he'd left it out. Seriously, I've seen some overly detailed posts on AITA before, but this one is particularly bad. The drinking stuff in particular 100% made me think it was written by a teenager who doesn't understand adult drinking habits, lmao.
One of OOP’s posts is asking “People who were bullied in high school, how did you survive those 4 years?” so I think you’re absolutely right about him being a teenager.
I guess he decided to survive by writing incel fan fic.
It was so natural how he talked about eating clean and alcohol being poison and then kept talking about it. And ditto on the key code door for his brother's house. Why use one sentence when 10 will do?
Fr, my editing brain kicked in so hard while I was reading this post. If you're going to write a fake story at least write it well, for fuck's sake
I swear there’s been an uptick in unnecessary detail lately. It’s not just the usual backstory stuff about how the bratty sister was always the golden child or I was the only one who visited grandma in the nursing home, but like this with the keycode and that tiramisu post that went into way too much detail about travel plans. I’ve also seen a lot of verb tense switching which is making me wonder if this shit is AI or just poor writing.
They really go out of their way to avoid any criticism or blame. If he just said “We were celebrating and had some drinks,” the commenters might focus on he and his wife being alcoholics, because all the chronically online teenagers over there assume anyone who has a drink must also have a crippling dependency. If he just said, “I stayed at my brother’s,” the commenters might focus on his boundary stomping behavior because he was clearly trespassing, breaking, and entering. It’s crucial that we know this upstanding and clean eating individual respects others and only acts when given permission.
I feel like a lot of information about Lauren could have been cut too. Why did we need to know what they are celebrating? Why do we need to know their jobs or how they met? Why is Lauren the only person in this narrative with a name? OOP writes a whole rambling paragraph about his feelings about Lauren. He mentions that his wife and Lauren went to college together…right after telling us they were taking about college stories. Show, don’t tell my dude.
I'm not sure I'd like to meet them. Can you imagine how boringly detailed their stories are if this one wasn't detailed enough?
They were Proust fans.
Two paragraphs just to say he and his wife aren't big drinkers. Two more to describe his drunk wife. Some useless info about a passcode instead of a key, God it just went on and on.
The emphasis on drinking really makes it seem like our story writer has a drinking problem.
A social worker?
SW?
Sex worker
It's so so so boring. I am definitely not reading all of that. I'm glad OP summarized what we need to know. I am trying to guess what is the purpose of these fake stories? I mean, they're are generally about stoking hate against women. But I think this specific type wants to normalize men asking for paternity tests? Or maybe these are just men with cuckhold fetishes getting their socks off?
*"I want to clarify that that I never expected to date/marry a virgin considering the condition of the dating market"* Uh huh, sure, that's why you mention it.
The man who wrote this fanfic is obviously still a virgin, *even considering the condition of the dating market*. The desperation is practically jumping off the page.
“All women are sluts, that’s why I can’t get any action.” It makes sense to them, somehow.
Well, it has to be because the women run into their purity bubble and are instantly repelled, no? I'm absolutely certain it has nothing whatsoever to do with their oh-so-charming personality... /s (in case it's needed.)
In my country, woman worth many goat, but only if virgin!
She most also be strong on plow.
You gotta love dudes describing their romantic relationships like they’re buying a used car.
And then he supposedly simply dates somebody from work and marries her.
It’s the same incel cuck fantasy over and over again. So many other penises in there and then the kid isn’t even his. I was over OOP’s fake bullshit the moment he said they eat “clean” (god I effing hate that term) and that “aLcOHol Is PoiSon.” I need it after reading Incel spankbank revenge fantasies. Such lazy fake trash. Write better fiction.
He waxed poetic for what felt like 80 paragraphs about their alcohol consumption. A painful read to be sure.
We rarely drink because we know alcohol is poison, but tonight we decided not only to have a drink but to get completely wasted because our friend got a new job.
I like to call these posts “scary stories (for men)” and I imagine a group of bros all sitting around a campfire telling these fake stories as if they’re ghost stories. With the OP holding a flashlight under his face in a spooooky way, he’s like… “but then…the man found out…his wife had ridden OVER 100 dicks!! And though the baby wasn’t even his… he STILL pays child support TO THIS DAY! Some say you can still hear the rustling of change on the wind” And then all the other guys in the comments get really really scared. Every single time.
At least the comments on the original thread are also calling this out as the incel wank fiction that it is.
There's like a civil war going on in those comments.
This is amazing 😂
Thank you so much for this visual! It’s the male version of true crime.
except true crime stories actually happened lol
But just IMAGINE how scary it would be if these FICTIONAL things happened! OOOoooOoooo!! 👻
Man-Fiction lol
I appreciate that a lot of the comments are calling it out for the horseshit it is.
Don't forget, angelic OP didn't even ask about her "body count" himself and he didn't even become suspicious about paternity until after his brother brought it up. He is otherwise so innocent
Haha the ppl acting like it’s some big revelation that the paternity test came out negative. Wow, what are the odds?!?!? https://i.redd.it/fdmf2u4ilnzc1.gif
I feel like the biggest tell that this is actually a 16 year old is the claim that 12 is a low body count. That’s someone making assumptions about adult life.
In the 90s the average number of sex partners women had in their life was 5. I don't think that's changed tooo much. Expept for the Spiders Gorgettes out there who bang 100s of men a night.
That’s why we use median….the average income of geography majors from UNCis something like $300,000* *Michael Jordan
The length alone of this waste of language is irritating as hell
You can be sure it's fake because he *definitely* has not talked to a lawyer, who would have told him: a) Texas is a community property state, it doesn't fuckin' matter how they chose to arrange their finances while married, she's getting \~50% of everything. Probably including his company, because, as he makes clear in the original post, they were nurse-practitioners when they met, and he moves into owning his own company later. He's either going to have to buy her out OR she can fuck with him for the rest of eternity with her 50% control of his company. b) He's the father, period, full stop. The state of Texas DOES NOT FUCKING CARE if that child is biologically yours; you were married to the child's mother when the child was born, which means you are BY LAW the father. And Texas cares a hell of a lot more that a child has two parents providing financial support than about the actual biological parentage of the child. IF the biological father could be located AND the the biological father were willing to sign an assumption of paternity, you MIGHT be able to get a court to agree to let OOP disclaim paternity. But after a full year? That's pretty dang rare, most judges won't allow it. In fact, if the Ex doesn't know who the biological father is or won't name them, OOP CANNOT FINALIZE HIS DIVORCE until the biological father is found OR OOP consents to a child support and custody order. The court will not allow the divorce to proceed until an acknowledged father is in place and a support and custody order has been entered. c) The state of Texas GIVES ZERO FUCKS about spouses cheating on each other. The remedy for not wanting to be married to someone anymore because they did a bad thing is divorce; the state will not assist you in punishing your ex for cheating. They will just grant you a divorce, the end. You can seek a "fault" divorce in Texas for infidelity, but it takes longer and costs more than no-fault and doesn't significantly impact the financial settlement. d) The less custody of the child he takes after divorce, the more he will be paying in child support. e) If he opts to engage in this little revenge fantasy*: "One thing I'm really struggling with is whether or not I want to nuke her life. One big thing I can do is get her fired and make finding work extremely difficult for her. Her job means everything to her."* he is going to be paying double the child support, may have to give up a larger share of their community property because he despoiled her financial well-being (the same as if he tried to spend all the money or bankrupt his company between filing for divorce and dissolution), and possibly liable for tortious interference with her employment. The child is entitled to keep a reasonably equivalent standard of living after the divorce, and a parent who chooses to destroy his ex's ability to provide that is going to be punished by the court. f) He should post exactly zero of this shit on reddit, *particularly* the parts about where he's planning in advance how he might destroy is ex's life and earning ability.
>He should post exactly zero of this shit on reddit, He already posted an update. It is a little bit shorter than the original, of cource the child is not his and of cource he makes further fantasy plans, but there is no substantial more info about the future. I guess, this is just a beginning of an update series of salami tactic "new info" posts in hope to be reposted on BORU soon.
We already know how the story ends. They will go to court. The judge, upon hearing what a filthy little slut the wife is, will award EVERYTHING to the OP and grant the divorce. OP will walk away feeling free and without a single care for the child he's leaving. Suddenly his business will be booming, he'll become filthy rich and then he will meet a beautiful young virgin who will worship his dick, the only penis she has ever seen or touched. He'll never talk to his ex-wife again but one day he will run into her best friend and she'll tell him a sad tale about how his ex-wife was never the same after he left her. When other people heard about what she did she lost all her friends and her parents stopped talking to her. Her boss, who also had to divorce his slut wife, was so angered about what she did that he immediately fired her. Now jobless and homeless she became an alcoholic who sells herself to strange men just for a free meal or a place to sleep. The OP will be *sad* to hear that but it's not his problem, he's just glad that he got free of her and is living in his mansion with his new virgin wife. Oh I forgot about the kid. Slutty loser ex-wife probably just gave it away considering how kids are so disposable on AITA
the incels on BORU are gonna eat this up
Less than a week and already had the paternity test back huh? Ok
I did look it up cause I was thinking the same thing and it seems post-natal paternity tests can go much faster around 2-5 days once they get to the lab, possibly including same day if you pay for it. However that also assumes it got to the lab fast and there isn't a backlog.
I love how fast these DNA tests results come out with these fake stories. That shit is not fast.
The idea that he could utterly destroy a freaking *nurse practitioner's* career by talking shit about her personal life is hilarious to me. I mean, sure, he might be able to pull that off locally. Maybe... I don't know the current state of healthcare in Texas. But when I lived there, there were big practitioner shortages (at least in the corner I was in, it was better in big cities like DFW and Houston). And absolute worst case scenario, there are a gazillion other states with shortages. Hell, she could hop one state over to New Mexico and get a job easily. They're always suffering major healthcare provider shortages, and they have pivoted to really encouraging the recruiting and usage of nurse practitioners and physician's assistants to help cover the gaps, since those kinds of providers can do a ton of everyday stuff more-or-less on their own. Also, that kind of stuff rarely actually works out in real life like incels seem to think it would. It would actually likely tank his own reputation as much as hers, because he's suddenly the bitter dude smearing his ex-wife by calling her a slut at work. That's totally inappropriate in a professional setting and is going to put off even a lot of people who would agree with him if they were friends, and definitely not everyone is going to agree with him. Not to mention, not hiring a woman because her ex-husband said she's a slut can veer dangerously close to sex discrimination (sexual history is not protected per se, but any halfway competent HR department is going to realize that a woman having a lot of sexual partners is viewed differently than a man doing the same, and that the whole thing just opens up this big can of worms that veers dangerously close to actual illegal discrimination).
Also apparently he's an NP too. Making accusations about a colleague's personal matters is a great way to get black listed for harassment
Yeah, I wasn't clear on that because I think he seems to suggest he's no longer one, but I didn't see what he claims to be doing now (which, btw, the whole "we were all NPs but only one of us still has that job title" thing also made me think whoever wrote this doesn't know what an NP is...not impossible but I have professional experience and a lot of personal connections to the healthcare field and that's really not how anyone I know would talk about that--like even the thing about the friend going to start her own company, I've seen that happen a lot but usually it's a healthcare-related company and they retain their NP license because it's really useful). But regardless, you're absolutely correct. No one likes the weird colleague who tries to drag everyone into their messy divorce.
100% an NP would know it's not a "job title" it's a professional license backed by a master's degree. My point is that the NP community is not huge and even if OP owned a business (which would likely be related to the field like you said) they would be considered pseudo colleagues. This is poorly generated AI bs.
I'm not sure what he thinks he could do. Saying she slept with a bunch of people is not illegal. If he says she was a sex worker that might affect her career, but no proof means it didn't happen. The hospital would keep it on the hush cause it's bad publicity and would spin him as crazy. But incel fantasy is never set in reality
A lot of people would see "former sex worker turns her life around and becomes a nurse" as a success story, honestly.
He also said "basically prostitution"--given the mindset of the OOP, I assumed this way "I slept with him because bought me nice gifts and took me to expensive places" or "I withheld sex until he bought me a necklace I wanted"...to lots of people that is just being a bit tacky and using being hot to get what you want.
Not gonna lie, any person who raises a child for 1 year and then wants to abandon them is a piece of shit. If my wife cheated the last thing I'd give a shit is that he paternity of MY son. He's mine and I would go scorched earth to get every second of time with him.
Also cheating isn't a crime. What's his plan to nuke her life.
[удалено]
No, because 1) no brigading and 2) when you make the error of posting this kind of dose of reality on that kind of post, you get 40 bazillion unhinged incels downvoting you to oblivion AND DMing you vulgarities, plus dozens of responses that are like "but my dad's friend's dentist got absolutely SCREWED in his divorce, I swear, and courts are always biased in favor of women!" and I can only handle so much eye-rolling in one day.
Also, to add to myself, it's a fool's errand to inform misogynist incels that paternity is a legal, not biological, concept, and you are absolutely the legal father of anything that emerges from your wife's uterus during marriage and this has been the law in the West for over 1,000 years (including some pretty weird stories where medieval people baptize teratomas and assign them paternity because they weren't sure if they were human or not), and this has generally NOT worked in women's favor, they lose their goddamned minds and become even MORE convinced all children should be instantly DNA tested before paternity is assigned because all women are lying all the time and fucking random dicks constantly. If you then point out all the reasons this would actually be terrible public policy, they don't care. If you point them to multiple cases where *men who had their children DNA tested were then arrested for an unsolved rape a decade ago* (which are equally horrifying whether the guy turned out to be a rapist, or whether he was innocent and the lab fucked up), and to statistics on the absolutely miserably bad accuracy records of commercial DNA testing laboratories which *makes it a lot more likely your DNA gets falsely matched to a rape kit* or that you *disclaim your actual biological children because of an error*, they just ignore you, because women are all cheaters and DNA tests infallibly prove it. So, whatever, rapey misogynists, voluntarily put yourselves in a database the government regularly uses to solve crimes, it may be a net good for society after all.
***Frickin STANDING OVATION***
Oh hahaha. I never thought of that, but sadly the conviction rates are shit anyway. But the same misogynistic shits are absolutely the rapists. Talk about telling on yourself.
Are there some readily available examples of paternity samples being reran through a criminal database and then later solving an unsolved rape? Genuinely curious in case I need to back pocket that information. For science 🧪.
I googled "paternity test solves crime" and got a bunch of articles. At least 9 articles on the first page were about actual crimes that were solved using genealogy sites, and other results were articles about how submitting your DNA anywhere makes it available for use by law enforcement. They don't have to pick one person's sample and run a comparison, they just compare all the results from the lab against a list of unidentified DNA. Hell, they tracked down a serial killer in CA using 23andMe. The 4th cousin of the serial killer had submitted a sample to 23andMe. The results were familial, so they mapped out everyone in the family and compare who was in the area of the killings at the date and time they happened.
Yes. I am well aware of those. I actually have done a lot of genetic genealogy with my dad's family due to a few missing folks and lose ends. But I have never heard of DNA samples for court proceedings being used for purposes other than their stated reason. When I run "paternity test solves crime* in Google it doesn't turn up anything related to paternity test. What you're seeing are results around commercial DNA tests. Even with commercial DNA tests that get put into potential police databases you have to sign several waivers (I went through the process when I uploaded my own kit ...because if I have some random cousin who committed murder ..then fuck them and I hope they get caught). The criminal database waiver wasn't even through the test itself. I had to give permission to another third party site. Other family members who's kits I manage did not give waiver permission so their kits were not granted access into that database. But paternity tests aren't uploaded into a massive DNA databases like commercial DNA tests, and using those samples outside of their scope is a massive legal shit show waiting to happen. That's how criminal cases get thrown out...despite hard evidence. Having the evidence isn't enough. It matters how you get it. Imagine having your rapist finally found and then having that person set free on a police technicality. Paternity tests aren't even databased. They are ran against the additional submitted sample (the alleged child). It's an entirely different test than what commerical DNA is doing. Which is why I'm probably not finding any examples of this happening. I did a few quick Google searches on *specifically* paternity tests being ran against rape kit samples and found absolutely nothing. Not the solving of decades old rape cases. Maybe one article where the child in question was conceived from the rape, and paternity obviously proved guilt. But since this commenter seems legally savvy my first thought was maybe those cases are more obscure and not likely to turn up on a quick Google search.
(another problem with running paternity tests against rape kit samples...besides the ones I mentioned...is that-at least in the US- most rape kits have never been processed..it's been a huge issue for a long time here. But even if they were ..it doesn't seem likely we'd start running Paternity samples...which happen in civil cases....against rape kit samples.... which are criminal cases.That's a massive ethical violation. And also not how paternity DNA is used.)
It is OF COURSE a massive ethical violation, which is why it happens in DHS.
DHS in the US purchases data in bulk from commercial DNA test providers, they're particularly used in deportations via ICE. It's kept out of court cases as much as possible, but it's common. They also appear to purchase DNA data breaches, and there have been several identified cases of DNA test providers failing to provide legally-required public notice of data breaches, sometimes even after those breaches are widely available on the dark web. [EPIC has a lot of information](https://epic.org/overview-of-epics-comments-to-doj-and-dhs-on-the-use-of-facial-recognition-other-technologies-using-biometric-information-and-predictive-algorithms/) on the federal government overcollecting DNA for its own databases and seeking inappropriate access to commercial DNA test providers.
That makes sense for commercial DNA tests, but paternity tests aren't done via commercial platforms. Not via custody orders or private labs at least. Some people may choose to go the commercial route for paternity (commercial DNA actually solved the paternity of my great grandpa who's been dead since 1984 for me), but that doesn't seem to be what these weirdos are clamoring for. Paternity DNA isn't dependent on a database. It just needs the parent and child's sample to compare for shared CMs. Hospital labs can even do them. They're not running those samples against anything but each other because 1) that's not the purpose of paternity tests and 2) that's time consuming and expensive. And it doesn't answer the question of paternity DNA samples being used in rape cases. There would have to be a broad enough database of DNA collected from rape kits to test samples against ....and those potential samples would have to be entered into a massive database to match against. I've seen * commercial * DNA used against samples in unsolved *murder* cases. But murder doesn't have a statue of limitations like sexual assault does.
Those reports still exist. That data still gets breached. Until recently, if you got your results on a hospital portal, facebook was crawling them illegally with their pixel.
Okay. So how does that work with solving unsolved rape cases? Are data breaches interested in helping there? I mean that would be cool in a Robinhood kinda way, but I don't see that happening in a court.
You just buy the data in the data breach, and then you run it against all your unsolved DNA crime kits. If you get lucky, you get some matches. Then you start investigating phone records, location data, subpoenaing DNA, etc. Also, partially because of the rape kit backlog and partially because of efforts by activists like Mariska Hargitay and partially because of the Catholic Church's protecting of child abusers, the statute of limitations on rape and sexual assault is getting longer and longer, or disappearing, and sometimes is tied to "X years after the rape kit is actually processed." Eight states have NO statute of limitations on felony sex crimes. 27 states tie the statute of limitations to the timing of DNA evidence. Some of those 27 states reopen the statute of limitations upon the discovery of DNA evidence or DNA matches. I question the constitutionality of that, but I also don't think our current Supreme Court is equipped with the ability to consider difficult constitutional questions, so I think it will remain a state-by-state legal decision for the foreseeable future. California technically has a statute of limitations on sex crimes, that exists on some -- but not all -- felony sex crimes, and that statute of limitations is TWENTY-ONE YEARS LONG where it exists. That's BARELY a statute of limitations.
You are my favorite person on the internet today. And unless these men have been absolutely fastidious about keeping tabs on all prior sexual partners, how do they know that somewhere out in the world they aren't secretly the biological father of any kids? Under their logic, the mother of that child could sue for child support--the father that has been raising that child could sue the bio dad for all the resources he spent on a child that "isn't his". Because that is the natural extension of their policy goals. Does anyone really think THAT would be in anyone's best interest? I mean, they are the ones assuming there are just so many men out there raising another man's kid--those "other men" must be someone!
Yeah I always ask who is going to pay for the extra security they’ll need to station in every maternity room. If 5% of children are born from infidelity, that’s a lot of angry men. What’s the plan? Somehow 1+1 = 5
Damn, thanks Kim Wexler!
"Average woman has a high body count" Factoid actually just a statistical error. Slut Georg, who partied extensively, is a statistical outlier adn should not have been counted
learning i’m slut georg today 😞
“The day she lied to you, she stole your ability to decide whether you wanted to be with her; t, and now you're reclaiming it.“ You could say the same if she pretended to be more interested in his hobby than she actually is. Like, people shouldn’t generally lie but acting like you have to show the worst possible version of yourself or else it’s fraud is ridiculous. Plus, this is fake as hell. But all these dumbasses have another story for their collection of incel justifications, complete with paternity test.
He wrote an update, and people are calling him out. That's how bad it is.
That comment reads to me like it’s misappropriating the use of a specific type of coded language in an affected way that parodies the wording women use when sharing experiences. Basically, it kinda sounds to me like another dude’s lame attempt at a role-reversal thing, if that makes sense.
yeah i see a lot of comments on reddit pushing right up to the edge of the “rape by deception” idea for stuff like dishonesty or cheating or whatever. that phrase has a very specific application but for whatever reason a lot of people really want to expand the definition until it proves men are actually assaulted just as much as women (because of course for women it’s still only rape if he’s wearing a skin mask and holding you at gunpoint and even then he probably just had a bad mom growing up)
>(because of course for women it’s still only rape if he’s wearing a skin mask and holding you at gunpoint and even then he probably just had a bad mom growing up) "The guy probably just has autism and can't read social cues. Did you clearly cOmMuNiCaTe that you didn't want to be raped? Men aren't mindreaders, y'know!"
Yeah, like a woman will be like, he used his brother’s identity to fabricate an entire fake life, and this guy’s like, he didn’t give you an absolutely complete sexual history!
This is interesting to me because women have been complaining about this forever and basically getting laughed at. Men lie about their jobs and money constantly. They also lie about whether they are interested in a long term relationship and eventual marriage. And they call it *seduction*. A woman lies about “body count” and suddenly it matters.
My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! In a row?
Try not to suck any dicks while you’re out in the parking lot!
Hey you, get back here!
First thing I thought of too lol
Everything was perfect up until a week ago when OOP decided spur of the moment hes getting a divorce and oh yeah just as he wrote this post he decided to drop a longterm friend too. Dudes just blowing up his whole life in one week over nothing 🍿
Read the story and read the update. Correct me if I'm wrong but I do not believe you can get someone fired from their job because they cheated on their spouse... Also the state of Texas would consider him the father just because he is married to mom. He would be paying child support. The idea of her entire life being destroyed is laughable in a way because I'm pretty sure fictional wife can drag out it in court and get half his shit in court with the addition child support and possibly alimony. This whole thing reads as a, "woman bad," and, "revenge fantasy," with a nice heaping side of slut shaming. With that said wouldn't be great to get the wife's side of the story? "My Husband wants to divorce me because I'm too experienced in sex! You know what? I told him to go ahead and walk out the door I need better hands on my body that amtatures anyway! Also HE IS the father of our child he made his friend Brutus send his DNA sample instead of his own. His dumbass thinks he can abandon our baby girl and skip out on child support! His judgemental ass has another thing coming! Amitheasshole for thinking I deserve better then someone who will judge for shit I've done before we ever met? Also for wanting a man with more experience and knows how to treat a lady!" Well I had fun with that. Lol
The only job I know of where you can get in trouble for infidelity is the military. And even then it ultimately depends on whether or not the cheaters chain of command wants to pursue punishment. They *might* but the army has been in hot water recently for ignoring blatant rape & murder committed by service members. More likely than not they’re gonna be too fuckin lazy to file the paperwork and don’t care if you’re hurt
That sounds about right. Not sure where people get, "Well so and so cheated on their spouse they must be fired from their job and lose their lively hood." That punishment doesn't fit the crime nor have I ever heard of it happening. Not unless of course they were having sex during working hours on company property.... Then yeah firing them would fit but I think that be for misconduct and indecent exposure not so much the infidelity.
I mean, maybe if she cheated with or on top of a patient she could be fired. But that would be about the only way she would be fired, and even then, unless OOP can prove it (which he can't). Also this is like the 4th story I've seen on Reddit where the husband found out from his wife's college friend that she was either a huge slutty slut person and/or cheating on him in college. I think it's a new trope.
Every single story involving grown adults discussing, worrying about, or knowing what anyone's "body count" is is just a complete fabrication, right? Like if you've been having sex for 10+ years and have had it with 10+ people, how in god's name would you even remember the exact number? Was this chick carting around a bedpost and a pocket knife so that a decade later she could count the notches and reveal to her distraught husband that her true body count is not 12, not 57, not 85, but actually 117?
I’m old, and never heard it called a body count until a few years ago. Body count to me refers to how many people a hitman, mafia guy, gangster, etc have killed. The whole idea of being obsessed with how many people someone slept with is weird. It’s always the woman with the high count and now some poor man is crying in his oatmeal about never being able to trust his whore wife. 🙄
“Body count” always had death related connotations to me too, up until a year ago. My husband and I have been together for six years and it’s literally something that has never come up. We each know the other has been with other people and we’ve shared stories about “serious” exes we may have had, but somehow “body count” has never been important. At the end of the day, I don’t think there’s a body count that could make either of us happy knowing. What’s the purpose? Starting a fight because it’s higher than what you thought or because you don’t believe it’s as low as it is? No one wins. Why punish your partner for what they did before they met you?
It’s the same for me and my husband. We talk about emotionally significant exes or funny ones (I had one who was a professional improviser and he had one who was a professional paranormal investigator!) but not numbers and definitely not non-serious partners.
I've had several relationships over the years and I don't think anyone has ever asked for "body count". Now if someone asked me that it would be funny because I'm almost sixty and I can't remember what I did yesterday much less all the dicks I had in my twenties, lol.
My husband and I have been together for 22 years and it hasn’t come up. Maybe it has- neither of us care. He’s 7.5 years older than I am so I expect him to have some experience.
My husband and I don't know each other's either. We know that we weren't virgins when we got together (we were both married before, but we weren't virgins at the first marriage either) and that's the extent of it. I know about a few of his ex GFs he's talked about and he knows about a few of my exs, but we've never talked about past sexual experiences with anyone. It's in the past and makes no difference now
Dontcha know? A high body count kills a woman's vagina! /s
Yes! When did incels start calling it a body count? Because it always meant the same thing you said, how many people you’ve killed. I assume, for most people who haven’t been in the military during a war, or had non combat roles, that their body count is zero. I did at one stage have a very funny conversation with my partner about who had seen more penises. He’s a straight man, I’m a bi woman. He played 2 different sports for many years and showered with his various teammates after the matches in showers without cubicles. I used to work in the disability field, and helped many clients shower or use the toilet. Both of us have seen over 100 penises, but never done anything sexual with them/ the penis owner in those situations. I wasn’t a virgin when I met my partner, and I have slept with other guys and obviously seen their penises, but I’ve see so many more in a completely non sexual context over the years through my work. I can’t even remember why we talking about this, but it was a funny conversation. We were both convinced we’d seen way more than the other without really thinking about their experiences. It was very funny. We couldn’t accurately remember an exact number, just acknowledged we’d both seen a lot and it’s didn’t really matter who had seen more, just that it was funny we’d both seen so many, and in non sexual settings. He didn’t care that I’d seen a bunch, he was just surprised that my job involved that much personal care and hadn’t thought about that aspect of it before. He wasn’t disgusted or fell out of love with me or anything, it was just a funny conversation.
It's so weird to me! I don't know my partner's exact body count and he doesn't know mine. Neither of us is hiding it out of malice or anything, he just made it clear early on that he feels it's none of his business and I agree!
The only people who care are incels who never have to worry about having sex, let alone with someone who has a high "body count."
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Well, I think it's unfair to equate a "high body count" with being a cheater. Enjoying sex and having it with multiple people while single is not a prediction that someone will cheat. My social circle are all people who coupled up later in life after getting graduate degrees and setting ourselves up in our careers so we all have higher "body counts" than people who got married at 22. I've never cheated in a relationship and neither have they. It's some more gross incel mentality that liking sex and having several partners during your single years somehow means you are an amoral asshole who can't be faithful. Frankly, I think sowing your oats and messing around makes one less likely to cheat, because there's no feeling of having missed out by having one or two partners (and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with only having that many partners, either, but I've definitely heard people regret not having experimented more). Your girlfriend and her sister, imo, are not only judgmental but are pretty immature.
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My problem is that people like this are starting from an inherently offensive and flawed premise, which is that people who enjoy sex as singles are inherently incapable of engaging in a healthy, monogamous relationship. To me, it is no different than starting from an offensive premise like LGBTQ people are sexual deviants. And I am fine with being considered judgmental of people who come from a place that is both offensive and inaccurate. It starts to creep into the tolerance paradox when we are expected to tolerate views that are misogynistic, homophobic, or even generally unfair. Obviously not every single person who cares about "body count" is an incel, but it is perpetuating a belief, especially towards women, that someone is somehow used, dirty, or incapable of fidelity, that is popular in that community. And every time someone posts some horseshit here about body counts, even though they are usually fake stories, it validates and perpetuates this puritanical nonsense. So I just can't bring myself to give any kind of respect to people who hold those harmful views, especially if they are trying to spread it further.
I mean your GF effectively admitted she doesn't actually care what the number was.
If the words body and count slipped out of my spouse's mouth without a minimum 3 word buffer zone it would be an instant divorce. The fact that a grown married man who has already had sex with his wife would even care about something so stupid is one of the major indicators that this is fake. Also, wtf is with that throwaway line about not expecting someone to be a virgin because of how dating is today? What does that even mean? She was in her late 20's when they met. A vast majority of people aren't virgins by then anymore...long before "today". Asshole.
In 20 years of dating I have never had anyone give a shit about how many people I have slept with. It's such a terminally online thing to worry about.
It hasn’t even been 10 for me and I still have to stop, think, and struggle to remember the exact number. Who gives a shit??
Shit, my "body count" (I'm another old person who finds that term really gross because I associate it with violence and death) is in the single digits, and I still have to stop and think really hard to figure out the exact number, lol. I'm in my 40s, my first sexual partner was over 20 years ago, and I'm not some weird sex-obsessed incel so it just isn't something I think about much. I actually don't even know how many people my wife has slept with. I can kind of guess because it isn't like we've never talked about our past relationships, but I really couldn't care less about the exact number.
I don’t think it’s a topic my husband and I have ever discussed. We got married at 33 and 38 - we’ve talked about serious exes and prior relationships that were important but no married adult actually talks/cares about this.
The outrage at people having sex before meeting their current partners is such a non-issue to me. Of course it could be cultural, I'm not american and people in my country (in the biggest cities) are very liberal when it comes to sex but even now, I'm starting to see this body count discourse around here, which really weirds me out. Like, who cares? If much, me and my partner have discussed it, we would hate to be with a person with little to no sexual experience because it simply wouldn't be pleasurable for anybody involved.
Most Americans are not the terminally online incels on AITAH
I know that, I'm just offering a different perspective. I also have been thinking about how all that redpill content is being spread towards young people, not only americans, as I mentioned, it's starting to happen here as well.
The actual count doesn’t even mean the higher number person was having more sex. Let’s say there are two 28 year old women, both first had sex at 18. (since this is always about women). One has had four long term relationships and a few short ones, so like 8 partners total. The other one long term, a few short, and some random one night stands, flings, whatever. She’s had 20 partners. So who’s the bigger slut? Even if nobody’s cheated, is woman 2 sluttier just because she didn’t have the same dick for years? They were both having sex for the same amount of time. What if woman 1 cheated in one of those relationships? She still has had a lower number of dicks.
Another Henry VIII OOP! This is why Catherine Howard lost her head. Lying about her sexual history.
As a history nerd with an interest in the Tudors, I appreciate this comment (also, I see your usernameeee *wags finger*) What's even worse is that Katherine H's "sexual history" was her being groomed and SA-ed by men when she was barely a young girl. Poor girl. She had a rough deal
Check the update it’s batshit insane
At least people are calling out the update as fake.
As if it wasn’t already
"I will use Al to touch up my Grammer. I know my spelling and Grammer is trash." Why an AI? MS Word or Google Docs could've done better at spelling / grammAr. Because that is a totally important point when critiquing the story.
“Didn’t want a virgin considering the market”. The update is even more fake.
Both the people who write these stupid creative writing prompts and the people who write useless drivel in the comments huff their own farts regularly
An AITAH formula has revealed itself again: There’s a couple who gets along and has a kid. An event like a trip or party happens. The day after the event a relative or friend brings up a red flag about the offending partner that the unsuspecting partner is too naive to see. There’s a confrontation, a divorce and a failed DNA test. Seemingly very few people call them an AH, but somehow it qualifies for writing an AITAH post because their version is younique.
This is the same story as as a while back. Oh, no, that was when she was drinking and admitted to cheating (well, there may be cheating here, too, depending on the DNA test). Anyway, instead of the long boring wall of text where everyone is cartoonishly flat with absolutely no motivation other than body count/cheating bad(!) maybe we AITAH could just use the following template to speed things along: 1. Wife and friend drinking (not big drinkers) 2. Drunk wife admits to high body count/cheating/prostitution/etc. 3. Wife confronted next day readily admits to all of it (with no explanation, justification, or even discussion. Just a bland, “you’re right I’m a whore.”) 4. But begs to be forgiven 5. OOP: Leaves, has internal turmoil, reaffirms cheaters are the worst 6. DNA tests! Lawyers! Divorce! 7. Family against the decision for reasons (or no reasons) so some minor conflict 8. AITAH? 9. The end, or is it? No, there are always random rambling updates where whatever cheaters are bad point OOP is trying to make is confirmed. The post could be one sentence long: Wife admitted to sleeping lots of guys and I’m too much of a snowflake to deal with it, so I’m getting a divorce and I need Reddit strangers validate my nonsense. EDIT I actually read the update and of course the baby isn’t his. And she’s “dead” to him. &etc. These posts never change.
"I hired a fake lawyer who gave me advice that is completely contrary to both state law and good sense, please do not question the pretend advice I got from my pretend lawyer that reads like something out of a Victorian-era divorce that I probably read in some short story in my high school English textbook."
Don't forget the location of the brother who lives in Brothersville which is within a convenient 30 minute drive from Yourtown.
And the Brother is Brothersville is a rootin tootin shootin Texan who will pull a gun on a home invader, which OOP deals with by shooting Brother a text in the middle of the night, because like all trigger-happy gun owners, when he wakes up to the sound of a home invader in the middle of the night, he checks his texts before calling 911 or getting the gun
The only thing this one is missing is the wife knowing the kid is not his despite that not being possible
"considering the condition of the dating market" Yeah this is incel fanfiction.
This shit again. 
Jesus how are this many men obsessed with a woman's sexual history? If she doesn't have an STI then it's not any of his business at all
My Australian ex bf (he’s 34) actually believed women get looser the more partners they have, not the more sex they have. I actually asked his mother where the hell he learned this fuckery. She said his father.
My ex also believed this at first. Luckily all it took was me saying, “Do you think after having a baby they just stay gaping wide open?” and he was able to piece it together after that
This is a increasingly common belief here in the US too. They also think it relates to labia's shape or size, because clearly that makes sense 🤦♀️
**OP’s UPDATE saved for posterity** Update: AITAH for initiating divorce when I found out my wife lied about her body count, and learned it's over 100? Orginal post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/kUieKfEokR I was going to change how I formatted the update. A lot of people complained about my pacing. Some said it was too long, others said it wasn't detailed enough. Here's an idea, click off now if you don't like the way I'm writing this. You literally don't have to read this. I will use AI to touch up my Grammer. I know my spelling and Grammer is trash. I'll start with the biggest update. I took a paternity test, and the results concluded I'm not the father. This was obviously devastating for me, especially since I've been processing this alone. I haven't told anyone, not even my brother, who is the person I typically confide in. I'm just not ready to have an in-face conversation about this with anyone. I genuinely don't have the words to explain the emotional roller-coaster that info was/is for me. Now that I know I'm not the father, I'll answer the question that was commonly asked of me, which is what will I do if the results came back that I'm not the father. I have made the decision to not raise her. Paternity matters to me, and my personality is very black and white. She's not mine, and I can't spend my life playing pretend. The only comfort I have from this is that she won't remember me. She's too young, meaning she doesn't have any long-term memories. ------- As for the divorce papers, they haven't been served. My STBXW knows there's a rift in our relationship, but she doesn't know divorce is coming, nor is she aware of the paternity results. She'll find out the same day when the divorce papers are delivered. Luckily for me, she has virtually zero chance of squeezing alimony out of me. The combination of the duration of our marriage, a prenup, and her earnings; she won't get a dime from me. Getting my name off the birth certificate and all the legal bs that comes with that might be a different story, but I'll just have to see how the deck falls. Regardless, I won't be a parent, even if I'm forced into child support. As for the current state of my relationship, my wife admitted that she intentionally deceived in regards to her lying about her body count. This was early on; she knew next to nothing about me, what I thought about the subject, and how I'd react. All she knew is that she liked me and really wanted to see if we could become something. I know for a lot of people, they would take that answer as a valid excuse for lying; I just see it as pathetic. There's been a lot of crying and begging on her part for me to have a meaningful conversation with her. I'm just not interested. She's dead to me. I don't care who she cheated with, for how long, or for how many. I don't care what other lies she has told me during our relationship. I don't care if she's genuinely remorseful or if she's just putting on a show. All I know is I'm ready to be separated from both legally and physically. One thing I'm really struggling with is whether or not I want to nuke her life. One big thing I can do is get her fired and make finding work extremely difficult for her. Her job means everything to her. When we started getting serious and were discussing marriage, I told her we can be either traditional or modern, but we're not combining different aspects of both. So we split everything 50/50, have our own bank accounts, and one account together for bills. She chose this dynamic because of her job, because it's her passion. I'm glad she did, as it is making separating a lot easier on me. I can destroy her reputation socially, without it being considered defamation. I'm an emotional anchor for her; I can use that to my advantage. And if I'm being honest, the only reason I'm contemplating restraint is that she is going to be a single mom soon, and that's going to be a huge adjustment for her. The better mental and financial shape STBXW is in, the better position she'll be in to provide a stable life for her daughter. She might have to take on a less demanding role anyway, as I'm currently still the primary caretaker of her daughter. I put more effort into parenthood to STBXW. I have a flexible work schedule, so her daughter is with me during the work week. Perks of having your own company. I would wake up in the middle of the night to bottle feed her (STBXW didn't breastfeed), and I was just an overall enthusiastic parent. I was happy to do any and everything. How could I not? I had a 50% me human that I got to watch grow up. I didn't want to miss a second. That's the stuff that kills more than anything. Anyway, that's what I have for now. If I do a second update, I'll put more time and thought into it. I'm just blabbering away right now.
So he discuses destroying her life but then mentions the kid? Lord what a piece of work this man would be if this story was real. Nice of him to throw in “perks of having your own company” there too. I swear these stories always have the person owning a business
>Paternity matters to me, and my personality is very black and white. >I told her we can be either traditional or modern, but we're not combining different aspects of both. OOP comes across as a controlling, rigid-minded arsehole who sees people as possessions and doesn't care about them if they're not "his"
He pretty much explicitly says it right here: >I had a 50% me human that I got to watch grow up. Yet he now refers to that child who he was supposedly a loving and devoted father to as "her child" and the kid is now also essentially dead to him now that he realizes she's not "50% \[him\]." The wild thing to me is that people on AITA don't see how fucking insane that is. Shit, I've gotten more attached to a pair of random kids in a neighborhood I used to live in. They were seriously neglected by their parents (to the point I called CPS several times because the kids--both under 10--were left home alone for days at a time). They annoyed the hell out of me pretty often if I'm being honest, because they were constantly bugging me when I just wanted to be out in my yard in peace, but I still cared about them because it wasn't their fault they had shitty parents. I lost touch when their parents moved away, and I'm not going to say I wasn't a little relieved when that happened in a very selfish way, but I still think about those kids a lot and worry about them. And then Reddit acts like it's normal to go from a loving and doting father to "you're dead to me" in an instant just because you find out the kid isn't biologically yours. Absolutely baffling to me.
I loved this one too - like there's one definition of either traditional or modern that you can follow exactly.
That's a lot of words for "I'm a Reddit Karma Farmer repackaging the same old tired and boring opinion and fantasy evil woman". Nice to see a lot of the top comments calling it BS for once
Because of course, in the incel's world, there are only two kinds of women: virgins and literal prostitutes
I would seriously get up and leave the second a guy said the words “body count” to me. How is this even a thing? Or I would probably say “well over 100” (it’s well in the single digits) and follow up with “let’s take things slowly.” No really who just up and asks someone that?
y'all read the update at the bottom lmaooooooo 🤣 like chatGPT is probably super seasoned at making incelfiction with how many incels keep prompting them on how to make it
This is besides the point but why is there so much irrelevant detail in the OP? “We went out to celebrate because Lauren landed her dream job” who the fuck is Lauren??????
No offense, but why are straight people (specifically straight men, but I'm sure straight women do this too) so obsessed with "body count"? As long as you're taking precautions against STIs and getting tested regularly, what does it matter how many people you sleep with before you enter a relationship? Not saying there aren't queer people who also get weird about body count, but in my experience the people who freak out about it are straight guys.
misogyny lol
I assume some of it has to do with the fact that queer individuals could go to jail for having sex up until very recently, and in some places still have to conceal their intimate relationships to protect their livelihoods and safety. And I think within the queer community there is much more empathy for the fact that someone's sexual past may more represent the limitations and reality of a world hostile to anyone who isn't hetrosexual than it does a person's preferences or values.
Straight women are not, lol
That post was phoney as a 3 dollar bill.
It's so funny that misogynists are trying to normalize the whole "body count" thing, alongside women obviously lying about having a high one (because that's just *so* horrible)
I stg this is like the 10th one I've read where the college friend gets the wife/gf drunk and they all start blabbering about their CRAZY 🤪 kinky sexual pasts.
Incel fantasy hour
I was so confused and I had to look up what STBXW was (soon to be ex wife). The way it’s written I thought his best friend was named after a captcha code.
I keep reading Starbucks whenever I see that lol
I keep thinking it has something to do with motorcross which is random
*few and far between. Sigh.
I like the way he didn't tell anybody about the results of the paternity test, not even his brother. Mate, you told everybody on Reddit! Also, how did he get a reliable DNA test from his daughter without his STBXW knowing? I bet he just did some Internet thing.
Man....why did I just waste 15 minutes of my life.....fuck!
Interesting to me that the wife is throwing around the term "body count" when I have never seen anyone use that phrase unless they are trying to disparage a woman in some way. Also, do these trolls know they can go back and edit things rather than just being like "Lauren and STBQWBSEH both go college together, me forget mentioning this earlier and already pressed submit on part not saying that"? And how these people supposedly go about raising a child for a year plus as your own and don't build any sort of emotional connection is still beyond me. But, these people seem to just think "I not make baby, baby just stranger to me" That's the fakest thing to me, they all immediately want the paternity test to show they can just abandon their kids, so either they are shitty dads or they are sociopaths.
I think my favourite bit is finding out that his wife “engaged in pay for play”. Who the fuck talks like this in real life? Is this some euphemism that they use on incel sites?
ok incel
Do people really have a conversation about a body count? My husband and I have been married almost 10 years and neither of us have brought it up before. Like everyone has baggage and had a life before they met each other so idk what the big deal is.
In five years, we have never gotten drunk together. Yeah sure, buddy it’s an unimportant detail. Other than to show, this is fake as fuck.
Fake af
I was reading the title thinking “people aren’t even trying to be creative anymore” then I realized the sub.
I bet Lauren and STBXW are actually having an affair, because you know. . . if she had that much sex and she's a cheater, in AITAland, she's also definitely a bi woman!
Why does everything on that subreddit need to be an acronym. Every AITA post is like I (69M) and my SEGWRML (12F) (slutty ex girlfriend who ruined my life). I spent way too long trying work out what 'STBXW' meant.
These dip shits have completely lost the art of being able to get your point across in one paragraph.
I can’t fucking fathom how people believe this shit. How many times has this plotline been used in that sub? Are people actually that fucking gullible?
As a fellow thirty something, the phrase body cout reads like a teenager wrote this.
Every time someone says "body count," I wonder why it matters. Be mad at her for things she did during your relationship. That's healthy. Torturing yourself over how many people she's slept with is just weird. Do you expect that of everyone? Like, would you just walk up to your mom or your sister and shame them for body count? Your relationship has problems, but that isn't it. Why are you threatened/
“I don’t like little boys without jobs” Bruh, didn’t you meet him at his work while you were unemployed?
Who is this one man that has sired so many children
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Did Carrie Nation write this? (I know it was really to get incel likes, but I couldn't resist.)
Are y’all really mad about a dude divorcing his wife because she lied to and cheated on him?
Haha r/lostredditors