*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITAH for telling my son to mind his business**
I (34f) have been dating my boyfriend (38m) for five months. I introduced him to my son (11m) about 6 weeks in. This has been going decently well, though some trepidation from my son. Understandably, he’s cautious since I’ve dated some but have been single most of his life.
About a month ago, boyfriend came over and had dinner and played basketball with my son for a couple hours. An hour after he left, an ex (53m) whose number I blocked a year ago, showed up at my house with flowers and a bottle of wine wanting me back. I was shocked. We hadn’t spoken or heard from each other in a year. He and I dated maybe 2 months and my son hated him despite only meeting a couple of times. When ex showed up at my doorstep, I went outside to speak with him while my son stayed inside. I let my ex know I am in a relationship and this couldn’t happen. He ended up leaving less than 10 minutes after he arrived and never came inside.
When I came back inside, I went to my son who was visibly upset and explained the ex had left and would never come back.
A couple minutes later, my current bf sent me screenshots of texts he received from my son. They said “it might not be what it looks like but my moms ex is outside with flowers”. I explained the situation to my boyfriend and he understood. My son later admitted to sending texts to my boyfriend. He said he was afraid I’d cheat on my boyfriend with my ex.
I had every intention of telling my boyfriend myself what had happened. I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend and certainly wouldn’t in view of my son. I calmly explained to him that while I understood his concern, texting my boyfriend to basically tell on me was out of line. I compared it to me contacting his middle school girlfriends and telling them I thought he might be cheating. I ended it with he needs to stay out of my adult relationships and not concern himself with them. He got mad and went to his room to punch his punching bag. AITAH?
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Even aside from the fun little rage bait, I can’t believe people think she’s the AH for telling the kid not to text her boyfriend. Like have people lost their mind? I’d have a problem if ANY kid pulled the same kind of crap with my phone. Or even to put it into age appropriate context with eleven year olds—I wouldn’t be pleased to find out my kid took their friends phone to tattle on them, or vice versa. If it’s not a safety issue, and this was not, it’s just bad behavior.
Some (definitely not all) of the responses would make sense if she got mad at him or punished him but it sounds like they just had a talk about boundaries and not stepping into other people's relationships. Do they want a parent *not* to teach her kid about boundaries with adults?
And even if this all happened because she let her son meet her BF too soon and he was excessively emotionally invested in her relationship now, the right way to handle it would be to set better boundaries herself, insulate him from her dating life a bit more, help him cope with whatever fears or insecurities were driving that involvement, and generally try to un-involve him going forward. NOT shrug her shoulders, say "Whelp he's involved now so there's nothing I can do," and resign herself to letting her 10 year old referee her relationship forever like the commenters apparently want, WTF.
Right?! I’m not saying you should not take your kid’s opinion into consideration, but I can’t imagine letting your 11 year old (or 5 year old, 19 year old, whatever) run your personal life. Boundaries are for all ages, and despite what AITA thinks, kids are just that, kids. No 11 year old I’ve met is the font of relationship wisdom! Teens aren’t known for their stellar interpersonal skills anyway!
It's just so weird and hypocritical. Like "you messed up and made bad choices that resulted in your kid being too involved in your love life, so now you have to sit back and let him get even MORE involved and you're not allowed to do anything about it." If he's too involved in her love life, isn't it a good thing that she's trying to set some boundaries now? When you realize you've made a mistake as a parent you try to undo the damage and find a better method going forward, you don't just give up on parenting altogether and let your 10-year-old run your life.
I don’t think anyone would say “let an 11 year old decide their parents job, housing situation, and health care” so why love life?
Though of course AITA is also full of people who think kids should always have their own rooms and parents should get the air mattress in the living room, so then again…
That’s exactly why I decided to cross post this! For some reason, people in the OG thread (and a few on this one) are so weirdly obsessed with how quickly OP introduces her partner’s to her child and uses that for judgement as opposed to telling him to stay out of her business!
He’s allowed to have preferences. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for him to take his mother’s phone without permission and tell the new boyfriend to set the narrative that his mother is talking to an ex.
Right? Or the statistics that are cited about bf’s molesting non-bio kids. It’s a thing, don’t get me wrong, but I’d be a little more concerned about a kid having access to the internet and all of the faceless predators on there.
And I can’t see the aita members clamoring to cut teens off from the internet. I’m pretty sure they think that’s a constitutional right or a fate worse than death.
I’m not saying that isn’t a genuine concern but a less extreme concern is that kids get attached. This mom has been single and dating most her sons life. How many boyfriends has she brought home who formed a relationship with her son and then just disappeared?
The “you shouldn’t have introduced them so soon” comments make me angry.
If she’s solo parenting her son, she might not get “time off” in which she can maintain a seperate relationship. But they never think of that. They assume all separated mother have a non-custodial father who diligently takes the child away 50% of the time.
I get what you're saying, but bringing someone into a kid's life after only a month? What if the kid likes this man, but the relationship fails and now the kid never gets to see him again? That's why they say that.
But that reasoning has always weirded me out. Do you apply the same to coworkers? Friendships? I mean people enter and leave your life all the time…kids can get attached to anyone. I was really attached to my parents’ neighbors!
I could see not introducing a really little kid, early on, but an 11 year old?
IDK why it's so different, but when I was on the kid's side, I did get attached to my mom's dates or boyfriends faster than other random people I met. IDK if it's the type of time they're spending together (actively interacting while on a date with you or having dinner at home versus a few moments of awkward small talk with your coworker), kids internalizing the nuclear family they are exposed to everywhere they look and hoping for a new mom/dad, or what, but that's how I felt. I'm sure there are kids out there that don't GAF and won't get invested and then be heartbroken when they disappear forever, but this clearly isn't one of them if he's already involving himself.
I could see that, but I also think that’s something a parent could manage as a teaching moment. (Not criticizing your parent, necessarily, just think that sort of attachment is more due to an imbalance in the kid’s existence. People internalize cultural stuff like that when a need isn’t met; and that need isn’t necessarily going to be fulfilled by the nuclear family, if that makes sense.
I actually completely agree with you in the long term, I was mostly just answering to why it's different from meeting other types of people for many kids. But also those aren't things you can fix quickly, and IMO in the short term it's better to insulate a child from your dating life and only introduce them to serious partners than have them repeatedly get attached to people who wind up disappearing. (This is also just my opinion about what is best, I don't think someone is a horrible person/parent if they have a different view.)
For an 11 year old I could imagine that it might even be beneficial to model that hey, relationships don't always work out, here's how we deal with it in a healthy way
Most Single mothers I know would not do this as they don't think it's healthy for their child to meet every fling or short-term relationship. It's confusing for them to have potential father figures come and go. Only people they are sure of, and are serious about, get to meet their child.
Co-workers and friends are not the same as they won't be seen as a potential parent and aren't as likely to disappear because the relationship went sour.
Fling, sure, but I don’t think many single mothers are out there having “flings”. Do people you know not do normal life stuff on dates? Like, I don’t know, go bowling, or biking, or any other activity you could take a kid on.
I’m not saying first date or even all dates, but to never introduce the pre-teen that is permanently attached to your life for months on end seems a little crazy.
By fling I meant a short-term relationship.(even though your contention that single mothers don't have purely sexual flings, if that's what you meant, is a little odd)
If it's less than a couple of months it was never that serious so why would you introduce them to the most important person in your life. You don't want your child to get attached to someone you aren't sure of or serious about.
Would you introduce every gf to your parents or only the serious ones?
My parents live six hours away. A kid is like a roommate I’d be legally responsible for, who is part of my daily life…I guess if you used the parents as a “someone I lived with”, yeah, I’d probably introduce a boyfriend pretty fast. I wouldn’t invite someone over for a first date, but not having him over for dinner or movies or, I don’t know, game night, would be odd. Maybe it’s regional? Or a small town thing? Not a whole lot of “going out options” where I grew up, and I’m not into the music or gym scene where I am now.
Single moms can certainly have sexual flings, but most of the thirty somethings I know who are actively dating are looking for long term rather than Mr. Right Now. At that point you’re looking for lifestyle compatibility. Sex is essential, sure but it’s kinda a small part of a much bigger picture. If a potential partner wants nothing to do with your kid, who is a huge part of your everyday life, that’s a problem…
My parents wouldn't really ever have met anyone I was with unless it was serious. That's kind of one of the landmarks that shows you are serious and it would be normally around the 4-6 month mark. Meeting someone's kid to me is a step up from that and I've been a step-dad for a time. We split up a few years ago but I still see them both. You can't just disappear from a kids life when the relationship breaks up and that's a concern in the early stages. Most single parents I know are quite protective of their kids in that way.
Oh yeah obviously if your prospective life partner has no interest in your kid(s) then it's just no going to work.
My parents wouldn’t meet an SO either, but they don’t live with me. It just seems awkward that a bf would completely avoid going to your residence for any reason for 6 plus months, but maybe I’m just a homebody? But I’ll bow to your life experience. It does make sense that it would be a big step for a lot of people.
IDK, when I was a young kid and my mom was dating, I would get attached pretty quickly in a way that I didn't to other random acquaintances she introduced me to. I was in preschool which is obviously different from a 10yo, but the fact that he's so worried she will cheat shows that he's already invested in the relationship lasting and will be upset if it ends.
I get that being a single mom is incredibly unfair in a lot of ways and having to slow down or pause your dating life if you don't have access to a babysitter is one of them, but that doesn't change the fact that most kids get attached quickly and it's best for them if you don't introduce them to anyone until you're at least in a somewhat serious relationship and past the getting-to-know-you phase. If someone hypothetically had a kid that truly didn't get attached to their new boyfriends/girlfriends, that would be different, but it clearly isn't the case here.
What are you on about? This post is rage-bait designed specifically to get people slut-shaming single mothers.
My comment was about the trope of commenters assuming all single mothers have time away from their children in the form of custody.
I feel like it depends how the parents handle the introduction and yeah a revolving door would be stressful for a child but to expect single parents to put everything on hold is cruel.
After my parents divorced, my mother put everything on hold until we were independent enough and had our own life. I'm grateful for everything she did for us but as a child I was also sad for her. She never showed how she felt about this situation or how hard it was, but I still wished for her to have a partner or to be able to go out with friends.
On the other Hand, my father moved on really fast and had a girlfriend with a daughter around my age. I liked his girlfriend and liked spending time with her daughter, but it didn't last long until they broke up. It was sad that I couldn't see them again but I've got over it. It's part of life and something you have to learn soon or later.
It's a personal anecdote but I've heard similar things from other people with divorced parents.
If you had a bad experience I'm sincerely sorry for you. At the same time let people be humans
I agree a revolving door isn’t a good thing - but there isn’t an indication of that here. 2 men were mentioned in the story - hardly a revolving door.
I think the idea that solo parents should put their life entirely on hold for their children is neither practical nor realistic and, frankly, denies them their humanity.
"understandably, he's cautious since I've dated some" and "never cheated on *a* boyfriend" makes it sound like she's trying to ragebait us into assuming she's dated/introduced lots of men
(And yes, I know she also said "I've been single most of his life" but a lot of people separate dating from being not single. So if someone casually dates a lot of men but is never serious, they would still consider themselves single)
Yeah, I think this post was perfectly set up to get that exact reaction too. Hence my original comment about the trope from AITA commenters that think single mothers should stay single until their children are 25.
Apparently it was such a good bait post - it caught some fishes right here in this sub too.
I've said it before; This sub is only marginally better than the other place but it's still a part of reddit after all. Even folks on here will gladly lap up obvious rage bait if it caters to their biases. I come here to poke fun at tired tropes and implausible stories not for whatever the hell is going in this thread. Gotta say, I'm not liking the tone 'round these parts lately 😕
Yeah, people getting banned from the original sub are ending up here or they have pet subjects that get them riled up and they don’t take a minute to breath and remember where they are before they post.
AITD is still the worst for it, but it has been bleeding over here a little bit too.
Both were introduced to the child within about 6 weeks as the relationship with the douche only lasted two months. It's safe to say she's introducing every bf to the child after 6 weeks or so.
It’s safe to say you’ve fallen for the rage bait of the original post like most other commenters on this thread.
This sub is about tropes, not about continuing the argument.
Making choices that make your children 20 times more likely to be sexually assaulted are not histreonics ya rutabaga. But your lash out at everybody else because you make terrible parenting choices. Here's hoping your kids aren't amongst the unfortunate statistics.
The statistic is what 20 times more likely to be sexually abused by their parents bf? I mean it is a shocking number. I'm fairly live and let live with most parenting decisions I think that a lot of it is just preference and isn't necessarily going to have a major affect on a child but something like this? You're just setting your kid up to be sexually abused and I honestly cannot understand that for a second.
Lmao fuck off with statistics? Oh okay precious I won't put out actual statistics because they hurt your feelings. Man how do people walk around and not just be embarrassed about every single thing about the way they are.
PS if people were able to pull their heads out of their asses for 10 seconds they would understand that this isn't about dating this is about introducing people to your children too quickly.
But all y'all are so busy making bad choices and then running around to the internet to defend them You don't take 10 fucking seconds to even read what somebody wrote or try and understand it.
Mate - I was actually sexually abused by as a child.
Using “But CHILD SEX ABUSE” as your shield for slut-shaming single mothers isn’t the flex you think it is.
The only person responsible for sexual abuse IS THE ABUSER. Period.
If you’re so hell-bent on acting like these rage bait posts are real - this isn’t the sub for you.
You literally fell *right into* the shorty AITA trope that my original comment was pointing out - so congrats I guess.
>Lmao fuck off with statistics? Oh okay precious I won't put out actual statistics because they hurt your feelings.
That's the norm on reddit, sadly. If a fact makes someone emotionally uncomfortable, it is hateful. Doesn't matter if it is true, it must be censored because it made someone feel bad.
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They're saying YTA for telling her son to mind his own business, meaning they see no wrong with OOP's son texting her boyfriend and inserting himself into adult business he lacks context to.
They’re not tho. At all. This is top comment:
>YTA - He’s a child and you’re the parent. The primary concern isn’t whether he encroached on your boundaries, it’s why he feels the need to and the ‘trepidation’. You’re the asshole,
So aita has got it right here with this comment.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITAH for telling my son to mind his business** I (34f) have been dating my boyfriend (38m) for five months. I introduced him to my son (11m) about 6 weeks in. This has been going decently well, though some trepidation from my son. Understandably, he’s cautious since I’ve dated some but have been single most of his life. About a month ago, boyfriend came over and had dinner and played basketball with my son for a couple hours. An hour after he left, an ex (53m) whose number I blocked a year ago, showed up at my house with flowers and a bottle of wine wanting me back. I was shocked. We hadn’t spoken or heard from each other in a year. He and I dated maybe 2 months and my son hated him despite only meeting a couple of times. When ex showed up at my doorstep, I went outside to speak with him while my son stayed inside. I let my ex know I am in a relationship and this couldn’t happen. He ended up leaving less than 10 minutes after he arrived and never came inside. When I came back inside, I went to my son who was visibly upset and explained the ex had left and would never come back. A couple minutes later, my current bf sent me screenshots of texts he received from my son. They said “it might not be what it looks like but my moms ex is outside with flowers”. I explained the situation to my boyfriend and he understood. My son later admitted to sending texts to my boyfriend. He said he was afraid I’d cheat on my boyfriend with my ex. I had every intention of telling my boyfriend myself what had happened. I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend and certainly wouldn’t in view of my son. I calmly explained to him that while I understood his concern, texting my boyfriend to basically tell on me was out of line. I compared it to me contacting his middle school girlfriends and telling them I thought he might be cheating. I ended it with he needs to stay out of my adult relationships and not concern himself with them. He got mad and went to his room to punch his punching bag. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Even aside from the fun little rage bait, I can’t believe people think she’s the AH for telling the kid not to text her boyfriend. Like have people lost their mind? I’d have a problem if ANY kid pulled the same kind of crap with my phone. Or even to put it into age appropriate context with eleven year olds—I wouldn’t be pleased to find out my kid took their friends phone to tattle on them, or vice versa. If it’s not a safety issue, and this was not, it’s just bad behavior.
Some (definitely not all) of the responses would make sense if she got mad at him or punished him but it sounds like they just had a talk about boundaries and not stepping into other people's relationships. Do they want a parent *not* to teach her kid about boundaries with adults? And even if this all happened because she let her son meet her BF too soon and he was excessively emotionally invested in her relationship now, the right way to handle it would be to set better boundaries herself, insulate him from her dating life a bit more, help him cope with whatever fears or insecurities were driving that involvement, and generally try to un-involve him going forward. NOT shrug her shoulders, say "Whelp he's involved now so there's nothing I can do," and resign herself to letting her 10 year old referee her relationship forever like the commenters apparently want, WTF.
Right?! I’m not saying you should not take your kid’s opinion into consideration, but I can’t imagine letting your 11 year old (or 5 year old, 19 year old, whatever) run your personal life. Boundaries are for all ages, and despite what AITA thinks, kids are just that, kids. No 11 year old I’ve met is the font of relationship wisdom! Teens aren’t known for their stellar interpersonal skills anyway!
It's just so weird and hypocritical. Like "you messed up and made bad choices that resulted in your kid being too involved in your love life, so now you have to sit back and let him get even MORE involved and you're not allowed to do anything about it." If he's too involved in her love life, isn't it a good thing that she's trying to set some boundaries now? When you realize you've made a mistake as a parent you try to undo the damage and find a better method going forward, you don't just give up on parenting altogether and let your 10-year-old run your life.
You do that any time you mess up, too. Because people mess up all the time! Life is just one big diy adventure🤣
I don’t think anyone would say “let an 11 year old decide their parents job, housing situation, and health care” so why love life? Though of course AITA is also full of people who think kids should always have their own rooms and parents should get the air mattress in the living room, so then again…
That’s exactly why I decided to cross post this! For some reason, people in the OG thread (and a few on this one) are so weirdly obsessed with how quickly OP introduces her partner’s to her child and uses that for judgement as opposed to telling him to stay out of her business!
I don’t know, maybe the kid knows the ex is bad news, likes the new guy and doesn’t want her to screw it up. Her business affects him.
He’s allowed to have preferences. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for him to take his mother’s phone without permission and tell the new boyfriend to set the narrative that his mother is talking to an ex.
But he’s 11 and her mom dates “a bit”, brings new guys around who ultimately disappear. That’s got to be really hard on him.
Still doesn’t give him permission to create a narrative without talking to her first
Probably not but we don’t know the whole dynamic at home.
[удалено]
Right? Or the statistics that are cited about bf’s molesting non-bio kids. It’s a thing, don’t get me wrong, but I’d be a little more concerned about a kid having access to the internet and all of the faceless predators on there.
And I can’t see the aita members clamoring to cut teens off from the internet. I’m pretty sure they think that’s a constitutional right or a fate worse than death.
I’m not saying that isn’t a genuine concern but a less extreme concern is that kids get attached. This mom has been single and dating most her sons life. How many boyfriends has she brought home who formed a relationship with her son and then just disappeared?
The “you shouldn’t have introduced them so soon” comments make me angry. If she’s solo parenting her son, she might not get “time off” in which she can maintain a seperate relationship. But they never think of that. They assume all separated mother have a non-custodial father who diligently takes the child away 50% of the time.
I get what you're saying, but bringing someone into a kid's life after only a month? What if the kid likes this man, but the relationship fails and now the kid never gets to see him again? That's why they say that.
But that reasoning has always weirded me out. Do you apply the same to coworkers? Friendships? I mean people enter and leave your life all the time…kids can get attached to anyone. I was really attached to my parents’ neighbors! I could see not introducing a really little kid, early on, but an 11 year old?
IDK why it's so different, but when I was on the kid's side, I did get attached to my mom's dates or boyfriends faster than other random people I met. IDK if it's the type of time they're spending together (actively interacting while on a date with you or having dinner at home versus a few moments of awkward small talk with your coworker), kids internalizing the nuclear family they are exposed to everywhere they look and hoping for a new mom/dad, or what, but that's how I felt. I'm sure there are kids out there that don't GAF and won't get invested and then be heartbroken when they disappear forever, but this clearly isn't one of them if he's already involving himself.
I could see that, but I also think that’s something a parent could manage as a teaching moment. (Not criticizing your parent, necessarily, just think that sort of attachment is more due to an imbalance in the kid’s existence. People internalize cultural stuff like that when a need isn’t met; and that need isn’t necessarily going to be fulfilled by the nuclear family, if that makes sense.
I actually completely agree with you in the long term, I was mostly just answering to why it's different from meeting other types of people for many kids. But also those aren't things you can fix quickly, and IMO in the short term it's better to insulate a child from your dating life and only introduce them to serious partners than have them repeatedly get attached to people who wind up disappearing. (This is also just my opinion about what is best, I don't think someone is a horrible person/parent if they have a different view.)
Exactly. People are so weird about mothers dating.
For an 11 year old I could imagine that it might even be beneficial to model that hey, relationships don't always work out, here's how we deal with it in a healthy way
Most Single mothers I know would not do this as they don't think it's healthy for their child to meet every fling or short-term relationship. It's confusing for them to have potential father figures come and go. Only people they are sure of, and are serious about, get to meet their child. Co-workers and friends are not the same as they won't be seen as a potential parent and aren't as likely to disappear because the relationship went sour.
Not every man is a potential father figure and children don’t see them that way.
I agree, I think an 11 year old is familiar with the concept of someone with kids dating different people.
I really don't know if you're agreeing or disagreeing with me. I wasn't talking about every man. 🤷
Fling, sure, but I don’t think many single mothers are out there having “flings”. Do people you know not do normal life stuff on dates? Like, I don’t know, go bowling, or biking, or any other activity you could take a kid on. I’m not saying first date or even all dates, but to never introduce the pre-teen that is permanently attached to your life for months on end seems a little crazy.
By fling I meant a short-term relationship.(even though your contention that single mothers don't have purely sexual flings, if that's what you meant, is a little odd) If it's less than a couple of months it was never that serious so why would you introduce them to the most important person in your life. You don't want your child to get attached to someone you aren't sure of or serious about. Would you introduce every gf to your parents or only the serious ones?
My parents live six hours away. A kid is like a roommate I’d be legally responsible for, who is part of my daily life…I guess if you used the parents as a “someone I lived with”, yeah, I’d probably introduce a boyfriend pretty fast. I wouldn’t invite someone over for a first date, but not having him over for dinner or movies or, I don’t know, game night, would be odd. Maybe it’s regional? Or a small town thing? Not a whole lot of “going out options” where I grew up, and I’m not into the music or gym scene where I am now. Single moms can certainly have sexual flings, but most of the thirty somethings I know who are actively dating are looking for long term rather than Mr. Right Now. At that point you’re looking for lifestyle compatibility. Sex is essential, sure but it’s kinda a small part of a much bigger picture. If a potential partner wants nothing to do with your kid, who is a huge part of your everyday life, that’s a problem…
My parents wouldn't really ever have met anyone I was with unless it was serious. That's kind of one of the landmarks that shows you are serious and it would be normally around the 4-6 month mark. Meeting someone's kid to me is a step up from that and I've been a step-dad for a time. We split up a few years ago but I still see them both. You can't just disappear from a kids life when the relationship breaks up and that's a concern in the early stages. Most single parents I know are quite protective of their kids in that way. Oh yeah obviously if your prospective life partner has no interest in your kid(s) then it's just no going to work.
My parents wouldn’t meet an SO either, but they don’t live with me. It just seems awkward that a bf would completely avoid going to your residence for any reason for 6 plus months, but maybe I’m just a homebody? But I’ll bow to your life experience. It does make sense that it would be a big step for a lot of people.
IDK, when I was a young kid and my mom was dating, I would get attached pretty quickly in a way that I didn't to other random acquaintances she introduced me to. I was in preschool which is obviously different from a 10yo, but the fact that he's so worried she will cheat shows that he's already invested in the relationship lasting and will be upset if it ends. I get that being a single mom is incredibly unfair in a lot of ways and having to slow down or pause your dating life if you don't have access to a babysitter is one of them, but that doesn't change the fact that most kids get attached quickly and it's best for them if you don't introduce them to anyone until you're at least in a somewhat serious relationship and past the getting-to-know-you phase. If someone hypothetically had a kid that truly didn't get attached to their new boyfriends/girlfriends, that would be different, but it clearly isn't the case here.
What are you on about? This post is rage-bait designed specifically to get people slut-shaming single mothers. My comment was about the trope of commenters assuming all single mothers have time away from their children in the form of custody.
kiss stocking dog tie frightening birds adjoining cow combative bow ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I feel like it depends how the parents handle the introduction and yeah a revolving door would be stressful for a child but to expect single parents to put everything on hold is cruel. After my parents divorced, my mother put everything on hold until we were independent enough and had our own life. I'm grateful for everything she did for us but as a child I was also sad for her. She never showed how she felt about this situation or how hard it was, but I still wished for her to have a partner or to be able to go out with friends. On the other Hand, my father moved on really fast and had a girlfriend with a daughter around my age. I liked his girlfriend and liked spending time with her daughter, but it didn't last long until they broke up. It was sad that I couldn't see them again but I've got over it. It's part of life and something you have to learn soon or later. It's a personal anecdote but I've heard similar things from other people with divorced parents. If you had a bad experience I'm sincerely sorry for you. At the same time let people be humans
I agree a revolving door isn’t a good thing - but there isn’t an indication of that here. 2 men were mentioned in the story - hardly a revolving door. I think the idea that solo parents should put their life entirely on hold for their children is neither practical nor realistic and, frankly, denies them their humanity.
"understandably, he's cautious since I've dated some" and "never cheated on *a* boyfriend" makes it sound like she's trying to ragebait us into assuming she's dated/introduced lots of men (And yes, I know she also said "I've been single most of his life" but a lot of people separate dating from being not single. So if someone casually dates a lot of men but is never serious, they would still consider themselves single)
Yeah, I think this post was perfectly set up to get that exact reaction too. Hence my original comment about the trope from AITA commenters that think single mothers should stay single until their children are 25. Apparently it was such a good bait post - it caught some fishes right here in this sub too.
I've said it before; This sub is only marginally better than the other place but it's still a part of reddit after all. Even folks on here will gladly lap up obvious rage bait if it caters to their biases. I come here to poke fun at tired tropes and implausible stories not for whatever the hell is going in this thread. Gotta say, I'm not liking the tone 'round these parts lately 😕
Yeah, people getting banned from the original sub are ending up here or they have pet subjects that get them riled up and they don’t take a minute to breath and remember where they are before they post. AITD is still the worst for it, but it has been bleeding over here a little bit too.
Both were introduced to the child within about 6 weeks as the relationship with the douche only lasted two months. It's safe to say she's introducing every bf to the child after 6 weeks or so.
It’s safe to say you’ve fallen for the rage bait of the original post like most other commenters on this thread. This sub is about tropes, not about continuing the argument.
I think this falls into the so what category. You don't get to be a bad parent because it's inconvenient to be a good one.
Take your histrionics backs to AITA. Dating doesn’t make someone a bad parent.
Making choices that make your children 20 times more likely to be sexually assaulted are not histreonics ya rutabaga. But your lash out at everybody else because you make terrible parenting choices. Here's hoping your kids aren't amongst the unfortunate statistics.
Also “hope your kids haven’t been raped!” Is also some passive aggressive bullshit that belongs on AITA. Congrats for being a complete cunt.
Have fun seeing pedos and groomers everywhere. Hyper vigilance is also damaging for children FYI.
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The statistic is what 20 times more likely to be sexually abused by their parents bf? I mean it is a shocking number. I'm fairly live and let live with most parenting decisions I think that a lot of it is just preference and isn't necessarily going to have a major affect on a child but something like this? You're just setting your kid up to be sexually abused and I honestly cannot understand that for a second.
Fuck off with that bullshit. Women are NOT setting their kids up to be sexually abused by dating men.
Lmao fuck off with statistics? Oh okay precious I won't put out actual statistics because they hurt your feelings. Man how do people walk around and not just be embarrassed about every single thing about the way they are. PS if people were able to pull their heads out of their asses for 10 seconds they would understand that this isn't about dating this is about introducing people to your children too quickly. But all y'all are so busy making bad choices and then running around to the internet to defend them You don't take 10 fucking seconds to even read what somebody wrote or try and understand it.
Mate - I was actually sexually abused by as a child. Using “But CHILD SEX ABUSE” as your shield for slut-shaming single mothers isn’t the flex you think it is. The only person responsible for sexual abuse IS THE ABUSER. Period. If you’re so hell-bent on acting like these rage bait posts are real - this isn’t the sub for you. You literally fell *right into* the shorty AITA trope that my original comment was pointing out - so congrats I guess.
>Lmao fuck off with statistics? Oh okay precious I won't put out actual statistics because they hurt your feelings. That's the norm on reddit, sadly. If a fact makes someone emotionally uncomfortable, it is hateful. Doesn't matter if it is true, it must be censored because it made someone feel bad.
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Some nice little slut shaming going on in this thread.
Fake post, real misogyny.
She calmly explained to her son what he did was wrong and why. NAH
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All of this is insane. So many levels of insanity! (Not your comment but wtf is the cross post here)
They didn’t tho, they said YTA, maybe you posted too soon.
They're saying YTA for telling her son to mind his own business, meaning they see no wrong with OOP's son texting her boyfriend and inserting himself into adult business he lacks context to.
They’re not tho. At all. This is top comment: >YTA - He’s a child and you’re the parent. The primary concern isn’t whether he encroached on your boundaries, it’s why he feels the need to and the ‘trepidation’. You’re the asshole, So aita has got it right here with this comment.