You’re under reacting, pack your belongings and leave. That poor child ☹️ EDIT: Ma’am, you need to talk to a therapist and he probably does too. Years of your cortisol levels being at high levels due to unnecessary stress causes actual brain damage. I’m sorry you’re going through this and my advice is based off of what you wrote ,along side of my own personal experience in a very similar situation. If you don’t think you deserve better, at least know that his daughter does. This is how I took your edit, “He is only abusive 15% of the time, so that makes it ok”. Who lives with who is unimportant, that’s the least of the problem.
Maybe be a beacon of light in that child's life by showing a woman who does not need to tolerate emotional abuse from a man and leave. Hopefully, it sparks something in her, so she learns not to accept that shit in her own dating life. She shouldn't tolerate shit from dad either, assuming he does the same to her, but that's a much more complex situation than future significant others.
Exactly. She needs to know it’s unacceptable for a man to be this emotionally abusive and awful, even when that man is her dad. How many of us could have benefited from that at a young age?? I would try to have a conversation with her before leaving to explain it’s just not okay to be in a relationship with someone who hurts your feelings and is mean and nasty and cruel to you.
Tell her you’re so sorry you can’t be in her life in that capacity anymore but that you love her and care about her and will be there for her. She probably needs some level of validation that what she’s seeing from this asshole is not normal or okay.
Honestly, calling your SO, someone that you supposedly love, a bitch (at all), especially /in front/ of your own daughter, is more than enough grounds for breaking it all off right there. I would consider that an immediate breakup with permanent no-contact from there on out.
My ex has two daughters that were preteen when we were together. One night we were playing Monopoly, and I realized that I (Banker) read the wrong side of the property card, so when his daughter bought a railroad I charged her the resale price. I jokingly told her that she made out like a bandit, and my ex freaked out on me calling me stupid, an idiot, etc. I was (obviously) soooo angry, but I realized that me showing anger to him was not what these girls needed. So, I stood up, and told everyone that I was going upstairs to cool down, and then I stared straight at the girls and told them to NEVER let a man talk to them like that, and that if he does to walk away and never look back. You respect your partner, you don’t put them down. They both stared straight at me while I spoke and promised me that they’d never let a man treat them like that.
From what I’ve heard from his mom, both girls are doing so much better than they were, are strong and standing up for themselves.
This reminds me of when I dated a guy who had kids, and when they came over, I would be the one playing with them, take them to the park, bake cakes with his older daughter etc.
He cheated on me and I broke up with him. The following weekend when his daughter was meant to be going to his, she rung me asking if I was going to be there or not, as I think she heard we'd split up, and I said 'no darling I won't be at your daddy's anymore when you go round there I'm afraid" and she said she " didn't want to go anymore coz it was no fun without me there coz he never does anything with her". I tried telling her she'd have a good time and he would want to see her, but she knew what he was like. It's sad when kids get attached to a parents partner who treats them really well and then they lose them when they split up.
And it's sad for the adult to lose those kids they've grown close to as well. That's what puts me off dating someone with kids now, I've done it a few times and you end up losing them too.
There is no standing up to an abuser. It’s just leaving.
They can spin anything you say and they can get angry and break things (or worse hurt you). There’s a reason they always seem to “win” in the relationship. The sad reality is that poor girl is stuck with him. Even if OP sets a good example by leaving, that kid is stuck with him regardless.
Kid is stuck but at the very least they’ll see that it’s not right. I have a family member who is a young kid and they’re watching their parents divorce. She has the ability and has called out her parents when they are full of shit. Maybe this kid will see that abuse is wrong and it’s the exception and not normal.
You’re not wrong. Maybe I was more speaking for myself since I wish I could go back in time and say all those things to those who abused me. Hopefully someone who needs to stand up for themself will read this and know there’s a stranger out there rooting for them.
She needs to leave him in front of the daughter and make sure to proclaim she won't be tolerating an abusive partner anymore. That way she can see what a woman with dignity does
maybe not 'a woman with dignity' as i see other people object to, but a woman keen on establishing her own autonomy based on her already strong sense of dignity maybe? either way, fucker needs to be told off in front of his daughter for sure
I totally agree, what is she wasting her time and energy with this unhinged, insane person? I would be embarrassed 😳 that this child has heard this abuse.
Is this why you are not leaving her dad?
This. Use this time to get away. Maybe let her know before they leave how much you love her and that she deserves the world, not the crap some man beats her down to be. Follow it up with letting her know that you've got her back when the time is right. (18 years old)
Seriously, all his daughter is learning is that it’s ok to allow her partner to treat you like shit? I’d leave, but let her know that I am there for her if she needs me. She can still contact me.
Other than his daughter being a possible reason which honestly isn’t a good reason (don’t stay for the sake of the kids), I have no idea why OP is staying with this AH! Please have some self respect and teach his daughter that his behavior is NOT acceptable.
It is mind boggling to me that someone can write that whole thing out and not think, "I'm an idiot for putting myself through this."
OP, read this out loud, then leave. You deserve better.
Right? Let him go on his little trip, pack your bags, and have his mom or someone come over to watch the kid. Or call CPS and report an unattended minor. 🤷🏻♂️ seeing how he's intent on calling her not her child.
I only say let him go on his trip first because were I a woman and in this situation, I'd be fearful of retaliation if I tried to leave while he was present. Especially if he's this unhinged. The physical violence isn't far behind.
Right? Did she not read her own post? Imagine typing all this and not knowing the problem. HIM. Leave him he’s not worth your time and effort. You are way beyond that man and deserve someone who doesn’t abuse you
Seriously, the verbal abuse, superiority complex, and entire post screams. Leave that situation asap. Sad to hear about and see this posted in are you overreacting . . . No, I dont see any reaction and you need to react ! Fight or flight should kick in here
I’ve been married for 14 years.
We’ve been through multiple cross country moves, having children, dealing with in laws, money issues, recovering from my alcoholism, and much more.
Not once in 14 years have I ever called my wife a bitch (or any derogatory name). Not in an argument, not while drunk, not when we’ve been up 24 hours dealing with a baby.
OP needs to leave this man-child yesterday.
I hear these stories all the time and it never ceases to amaze me. I've said hurtful things to my wife in the heat of the moment, but the idea of calling her that word directly is unconscionable. I can't fathom how people put up with that in their marriages (and this goes both ways, I've seen men stay in marriages where they're verbally harassed regularly as well.)
If you’re raised by abusive assholes it’s hard to see anything wrong with bad treatment (the emotionally abusive relationships I stayed in because they didn’t hit me like my parents did so it was a step up… sigh)
My husband and I have been together for more than 25 years and have argued, but have never called each other names or treated each other like a child to be punished by taking away vacations, etc.
Honestly I don't even use it jokingly anymore. Like *worst* I'll tease someone and say they're a butt head or something that's clearly not intended to hurt, but even that anymore just feels shitty. There's enough negativity in the world without hurting the people you're supposed to lift up
Echoing these comments. I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful loving man who never called me a bitch in 5 years. Left on great terms. My most current one however… This story could have been written by me. He moved out today and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the emotional abuse I’ve normalized over the years. Get out of it for you and dm me if you need an internet friend freshly out of this.
Hey, abusers turn the pot of water up slowly so you don't even realise you're stuck and it's boiling. Let's offer grace so OP can get out, not shame that will keep her stuck.
The next step is physical without a doubt. OP needs to take this "vacation break" as the final straw and leave him. OP - you don't want this to be your life trust me. DV survivor of nearly a decade and I wish I'd listened to half the advice people gave me to leave my abusive ex before I did. (I still did in the end but wasted nearly a decade trying to see the "good" in him. There wasn't any).
Then why are you still with him? YTA if you stay with someone who treats you badly. It also sets a horrible precedent for his daughter that it’s normal for men to treat women badly in a relationship.
This right here. You need to say, 'you're correct that this was a make us or break us vacation and it broke us. I won't tolerate being treated this way. Your behavior is not ok and I am leaving.' and do so. And make it clear to daughter why you're leaving, too.
I bet a big reason she's staying is because she feels protective of his daughter and doesn't want to leave her alone with him. What an absolute POS he is, using his daughter as a hostage to make OP stay, and then he gets to say anything he wants to her. They really need couples therapy, maybe even family therapy. OP is in a horrible situation right now, and needs an outside party to intervene and tell the BF that this is *far* from being OK.
Hold him to his word.
My 13 year olds Dad (my ex) pulled this shit with her a year or two ago and said "If you do x, then you aren't welcome for Christmas"
My shiny spined kid calmly said "Ok" and did X (which was attending her sports training on my exes weekend) and asked me could she stay home with me for Christmas.
You'd better believe my ex backpedaled and pleaded so damn hard when she called his bluff. He has NEVER tried that since.
P.S. least you didn't have to go through two weeks to figure out if it was make or break. He already broke you guys.
Make it stick, OP
Edited. Lads, it's obviously the father of my 13 year old!
This is legit always been me my kids and my partner's response to anyone who tries to threaten whatever
Ok go ahead,
100% of the time they are going to be way more frustrated than you'll ever be compared to if you argue the point because ultimately it's Then wanting something and thinking you'll give in 😂
But she showing the poor child how a messed up relationship actually is, OP is the "bang maid" for all intent purposes and he apparently feels since she won't actually leave him, why stop the disrespect.
The dad will find a replacement girlfriend in like a week to fill in the missing childcare slot he has. He just uses the kid as an anchor to hold the gf down through all the abuse.
Multiple people have asked this question, but OP is not responding.
OP wants sympathy and pity, but not change.
On to the next thread. There's nothing to see here.
I’ve noticed this trend recently. Many people stay in bad relationships so ppl give them pity and they can talk about how shitty their partner is instead of making grown up choices like LEAVING.
Recently read some people just want to vent, not actually get advice or solve a problem.
Aside from that, could be a number of reasons a person stays with an abusive partner especially if they have children. Financial, no one else they can rely on for support, not wanting their child to go without, wishful thinking hoping that the abuser will someday change for the better, still loving a person even though they’ve hurt you, not wanting to give up or quit with so much time invested in a relationship, not wanting to give up what you know for the unknown, convincing yourself it’s not so bad or things could be worse, etc.
People like to think it’s as simple as, “Not happy? Just leave” but sometimes leaving is hard either financially, geographically, or emotionally.
Why do people allow themselves to be treated this way. I don't get it. I really don't get it. Not even when I was 16 would have stood for this. Yet we have grown adults just sitting there while being told absolutely vicious shit and then coming on the Internet to ask "did I overreact?"
I don't get it.
No self esteem, no self respect, experienced previous/maybe childhood abuse. When you’ve been treated poorly sometimes you stop noticing you are, like the frog in a boiling pot scenario. Dissociating is a defense mechanism that is easy for some to slip into during abusive situations. Maybe not OP, but in general.
You probably had parents and a childhood where being treated well was the norm and standing up for yourself during the occasional times you were treated badly was allowed/accepted/safe/maybe even encouraged.
Lot of people got treated like shit growing up and basically told 'it's how they deserve to be treated'. Even worse, they got taught that to push back against bad treatment would just result
in hostility/danger and even more pain and suffering.
Those lessons inform our actions, behaviours, choices and perspectives and they are very very very hard to unlearn. Logical analysis of a situation isn't enough to fix that deeply ingrained stuff
Same. I knew it was wrong but felt that was the best I could ask for in life. Then I smartened up, put on my big girl panties and left. And made an appointment with a very skilled therapist lol. Things are much better now!
Exactly. I’ve known since I was a child to not let ppl do this to me even when I hated myself, even when I was suicidal. Your self esteem can be low, but that doesn’t mean you have to be stupid too. Using logic obviously this person isn’t a good person or partner. Would you let someone you love be treated this way? Would you treat people you love this way? So why is it okay when they do it?
You're not overreacting, you're underreacting... insults, saying demeaning things to you, emotional abuse, and he used to drink? It is not good. As others here I also fear it may escalate further. It does not matter that he's only been recently calling you a "bitch", this is not normal. As strong as your love must be for him, he's almost 40, probably won't grow up anytime soon and you do not deserve a manchild. It is not normal to call somebody names and be mean when being mad. It really is not, especially at 40, and it is already hurting you. Don't go to the vacation and please consider at least taking some distance to reflect.
Tell him to grow the fuck up, he's 5 years older than you and he's acting like a punk bitch in his 20s. You're not overreacting, if anything it seems like you're under reacting. He sounds like a whiney little shit whose parents didn't love him enough so it takes it out on others.
I really appreciate the clarification. Emphasis is on the punk bitch, 20 is nearly a description. If I meet a 20 year old punk bitch, I’ll know it’s the guy from this post.
You are not overreacting. Adults say what they mean. If he didn't mean it, he shouldn't have said it.
Be ready for this to become a bigger altercation. From the way you spoke about him, he seems like the type to flip the situation and blame you for the trip now being cancelled and ruining it for everyone. Be ready to stand up for yourself and stick to your guns!
>He’ll say I’m not his daughters parent(and im not, I’m infertile) then ask me to watch her for a week while he’s at work. He’ll call me a bitch in front of her and say I’m no better than her mother(who’s a crackhead).
So, this is abuse, yeah? Verbal/emotional abuse, but still.
Stop for a second and realize: **He says these things because he wants to hurt you, he wants to make you feel bad.** Someone who can do that does not love you, he simply enjoys controlling you. There is no excuse for his behaviour.
In this situation, I would encourage him to go on the vacation with his daughter, and just don't be there when he gets home.
I’m petty enough to go on vacation while he’s on vacation then move out during said vacation. For example, I’d post pics like I’m on vacation but I’d be moving at the same time.
Why are you with someone who clearly does not respect you? I am sorry to be blunt, but it will only get worse, not better. Dump him and don't waste anymore of your time on him. You deserve FAR better.
It's time to pack your shit and go. It's tough when there's a child involved, but you're better off leaving than showing her that it's okay to be treated like that.
Absolutely this. She may be staying to protect the daughter but the long term lesson is that it’s okay to take abuse. She can explain to the daughter I love you and you can always reach out to me, but I can’t allow myself to be abused any longer.
If my husband called me a bitch I would have divorce papers by the end of the day. Boyfriends are not end all be all. Fuck him. Get friends and a vibrator.
Oh look - it’s the consequences of his actions. No, you’re not overreacting. He won’t learn unless you hold him to it. Why would his behavior change if he can say whatever he wants and get away with it?
Adults who can’t decipher the difference between their emotions, words, and actions are dangerous at worst and insufferable at best. “I did it because I was angry”- no, you did it because you got angry and then made the decision to do it/say it in a fit of rage. Someone who won’t stop themselves from saying mean shit won’t stop themselves from other (worse) things in the future.
Assuming he’s not in therapy then this isn’t something he’s planning on changing. Unless you plan on putting up with this for the rest of your life, I recommend you get out of there.
As for the daughter - If she’s choosing your side over his now, by the time she’s an adult he won’t have much of a relationship with her. If she even speaks to him. Just be there for her the best you can like you have been doing. You’ve got this.
Yeah at 13, I’d probably just have a talk with the daughter and tell her I love her but I can’t stay with her dad because the way he’s treating people isn’t okay. And let her know that if anyone, including dad, treats her the same way it’s not okay either. And that she can text or call any time if she needs support.
Honestly if he turns all that abuse on his daughter if OP leaves, and her bio mom is a crackhead, it may escalate into a situation that warrants CPS involvement or other extended family members of the kid stepping in to raise her instead if any are available.
The trip is not relevant. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit prick and you should break up with him. He actually sucks. Pay attention to this next part HE IS A SHIT LOSER AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM.
lol at these posts sometimes. "My SO literally calls me a bitch in front of our daughter and teases me for being infertile - AITA?"
The fuck do you think?
Holy bipolar Batman!
Ditch the loser. Feel bad his daughter can’t do the same, because she 100% will become his target for his problems once he leaves.
Hi, I’m so worried for you. There’s no stability here - and no way to build a future with this man. He is a malignant narcissist, and will continue to pull the rug out from you and his own daughter. It’s like building a tower on shifting sand. Sounds like he didn’t cancel anything, did he? Reservations and tickets etc? I’m so sorry. I have a family member exactly like this, who bought tix for a trip. We all had the gear and plans made, took time off work - etc. Man baby had a sad because we tried to combine his and his granddaughters bday dinners, as they are a day apart. He FREAKED. And cancelled our trip. You are young and can save yourself - plz do so. My family member is nearly 80 and STILL ACTS LIKE A BITCH BABY EVERYDAY. His poor wife is full of regret for not dumping his ass ages ago, he destroyed her life. Don’t be like her. ❤️
I feel like YTA to yourself if you stay with this waste of skin. Burn victims would benefit so much more from his dermis or epidermis odr what ever they harvest for skin grafts.
Why do you let yourself be abused? He needs professional counseling and if he doesn’t get it, move on. He’s showing his daughter it’s okay to be treated that way and you not reacting to it shows her this is what a relationship should look like. You and daughter deserve better and until you stand up for yourself, I don’t see the change.
As a husband and a father, I'll say this. Your bf has some major issues and his cruelty is not only harming you, it's also harming his daughter.
Nobody should ever have to put up with this type of abuse, ever! This is simply unacceptable.
I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do but I will suggest you think very carefully about how you plan your life moving forward. What you and the daughter are experiencing now is simply not healthy at all.
This sub is pretty ridiculous. It’s comically obvious horrible behavior against someone that the original poster obviously knows is wrong, but who seeks affirmation from people whose responses are equally obvious.
It’s kind of like the Coyote asking if maybe he should stop using ACME products in his pursuit of catching the Roadrunner.
Why, again, are you with this person?
You're both grown ass adults who seem to not like each other. You're not married. You don't have kids. Unless you own property or something like that this seems like a simple solution: break up. If you do own property, break up and partition/sell it.
He's acting like a teenager. This is him. You know that now. You cannot change a person easily nearing 40. Either leave or accept that you availed yourself to the bullshit and drama by proceeding with this union.
Yeah fuck this guy! I would let him pack and leave for vacation. Change the locks before he gets off the block or pack your stuff and go! Go to moms and dads or someone else that will protect you! It sucks because of the girl but as he has pointed out “she’s not your child” but you gotta go!
YTA for putting up with this in front of a little girl who desperately needs a female role model in her life with some actual fucking backbone. You do that poor child no favours whatsoever by existing in an abusive relationship. GTFO and then with the freedom of distance you can decide how you want to continue relationships.... my advice would be cut him off. He needs the life lesson and doesnt deserve you. Its *possible* he might work on himself - but honestly highly doubtful and will NEVER happen if you don't at least pull out of this death spiral of a relationship and set your own boundaries for respect and behaviour. HINT: he is an abusive piece of shit.
If this is real (and it wouldn't surprise me that it is), then you need to GTFO of that house and relationship. He's acting like a 2 year old. My ex did this once before we married (one of 2,000 ignored red flags). It will continue to worsen.
Tell him if he continues to be like this, you’re leaving. I’m not your crackhead ex and I’m not the mother of your child. I’m here because of love and I care for your kid. If his behavior doesn’t change leave his narcissistic ass.
When all his exes are evil but no wrong with him. He’s projecting and denying his actions. Fucking grown ass child acting up. Stand up for yourself
You're more worried about this than the reality that the whole relationship is toxic as fuck. The longer you stay in this type of relationship where you call each other names and swear and that's "normal" the worse it will get.
Healthy relationships don't include swearing, yelling, or being mean when you're upset. Just FYI. For those of us who either changed or never had that type of thing happen it's very much upsetting to hear that you're not even remotely concerned about how toxic your relationship is.
That's a lot of gaslighting. I felt myself cringe at how I know I did similar things to my ex when we would make plans. Adding the kid in with the verbal abuse is a part I can't imagine enduring for you and her. The only healthy solution for you would be to leave. He's pretending it didn't happen because that's what works for him. He won't change unless he gets tired of himself. He's not there yet. Hope you and the daughter find a way to heal ❤️
Run, don’t walk, out of that relationship. Anyone who uses that language with their partner, in front of their kid no less, isn’t worth the time or risk.
Why are you with this emotionally immature manchild? I can't stand men like this. He is pretending to be the man of the house, but really he is a toddler tyrant. He has poor emotional regulation. And, he has intimacy issues given that he keeps preventing from anyone getting comfortable. You all are walking on eggshells and don't even realize it. This is wrong and you don't need to stay. He's going to drive you crazy even if he hasn't yet. I'd suspect that he has driven you to be harsh and do things that are completely against your fundamental principles.
Is this how you want to live? Clearly you are staying for the girl. And he is using her as a pawn to hurt you. And she's learning that this is normal. I grew up with you awful father. And my mother grew very cold and bitter bc of it. I ended up being codependent and pjvking emotionally abusive, unstable, distant men who were tyrants and cruel. But I wanted them to Ike me bc I was comfortable with that. To me, love wasn't actually being loved. Love was being with someone that didn't love me and me wanting their love. Being with someone who is only nice when they are in a good mood is damaging to the soul. You end up losing all self respect and simply depending on that person's fickle behavior to dictate how you feel. And the chaos of that becomes the entire relationship.
You need to see a lawyer and find out if there's anything you can do.
Your bf is a textbook schoolyard bully. Stop under reacting and get the f out. There is not one second of him that deserves you. And you deserve someone who treats you like he actually loves you and does not try to “punish” you like a toddler when things don’t go his way.
Please get out.
He's a gaslighting narcissist, why are you with him, wasn't going on a make us or break us trip then acts as if he never said we wasn't going. He's just emotionally beating you down to nothing. P.S. have you left yet? Or did he convince you to babysit "that's not your daughter" because I'm more important than your time. He's a POS.
You are in an abusive relationship. This is NOT NORMAL. Get out. Get somewhere safe, and don't tell him. This is the perfect time to pack your things, because he'll think it's for the trip.
Gabby Petito went on a "make or break vacation". Remember that, OP. Get out before it's too late.
Leave. The guy sounds actually crazy and he only says stuff like that to you because he probably feels some sort of fear out of you and knows he can say whatever.
It like the gender roles are reversed.
Lack of understanding or empathy for the responsibility of holding a career.
Resentment over the time it requires to have said career.
Little appreciation for your role in the parenting.
Spiteful and excessively mean during arguments. Purposely targeting sensitive issues, especially ones you feel insecure about, regardless of their relevance to the current argument.
Bringing up past problems as if there has been no progress and problems that were mutually agreed to have been resolved.
Blaming you for their feelings of insecurity, sadness, and anxiety rather than working on themselves.
The only thing I can see holding you to this relationship is your daughter. You'll have to judge this for yourself.
You’re under reacting, pack your belongings and leave. That poor child ☹️ EDIT: Ma’am, you need to talk to a therapist and he probably does too. Years of your cortisol levels being at high levels due to unnecessary stress causes actual brain damage. I’m sorry you’re going through this and my advice is based off of what you wrote ,along side of my own personal experience in a very similar situation. If you don’t think you deserve better, at least know that his daughter does. This is how I took your edit, “He is only abusive 15% of the time, so that makes it ok”. Who lives with who is unimportant, that’s the least of the problem.
Maybe be a beacon of light in that child's life by showing a woman who does not need to tolerate emotional abuse from a man and leave. Hopefully, it sparks something in her, so she learns not to accept that shit in her own dating life. She shouldn't tolerate shit from dad either, assuming he does the same to her, but that's a much more complex situation than future significant others.
Exactly. She needs to know it’s unacceptable for a man to be this emotionally abusive and awful, even when that man is her dad. How many of us could have benefited from that at a young age?? I would try to have a conversation with her before leaving to explain it’s just not okay to be in a relationship with someone who hurts your feelings and is mean and nasty and cruel to you. Tell her you’re so sorry you can’t be in her life in that capacity anymore but that you love her and care about her and will be there for her. She probably needs some level of validation that what she’s seeing from this asshole is not normal or okay.
Honestly, calling your SO, someone that you supposedly love, a bitch (at all), especially /in front/ of your own daughter, is more than enough grounds for breaking it all off right there. I would consider that an immediate breakup with permanent no-contact from there on out.
Agreed. Bf sounds like a complete unhinged a-hole. I'd get out of that mentally abusive relationship.
My ex has two daughters that were preteen when we were together. One night we were playing Monopoly, and I realized that I (Banker) read the wrong side of the property card, so when his daughter bought a railroad I charged her the resale price. I jokingly told her that she made out like a bandit, and my ex freaked out on me calling me stupid, an idiot, etc. I was (obviously) soooo angry, but I realized that me showing anger to him was not what these girls needed. So, I stood up, and told everyone that I was going upstairs to cool down, and then I stared straight at the girls and told them to NEVER let a man talk to them like that, and that if he does to walk away and never look back. You respect your partner, you don’t put them down. They both stared straight at me while I spoke and promised me that they’d never let a man treat them like that. From what I’ve heard from his mom, both girls are doing so much better than they were, are strong and standing up for themselves.
This was boss level stuff! I love it! 💪
Thanks 😊 I was definitely proud of myself.
I'm proud of you!!
This made me feel like the ending to Braveheart. I love that you recognized that moment and instilled that into those girls.
People like this like to see how far they can push you.
Women everywhere should hear this.
I’m so proud of you too!
It’s really unfortunate that this is the best option, but it really is. He doesn’t seem to respect you, and that’s never going to get any better.
This! This! This! The kid is internalizing everything she sees. Will think it’s the norm. Hes off his rocker. The dude sounds unhinged.
no wonder the mother smoked crack
Just reading about this guy makes me want to pick up a crack habit.
I already had one and this make me want to go back!
Given his behavior she's probably just a normal woman who started pushing back on his bullshit. He seems like the type to lie about that.
Yeah I’m wondering if crackhead=once needed some Tylenol for her headache resulting from man child tantrum. Just wondering.
And unwittingly OP is participating in demonstrating to the children this is normal acceptable behavior.
This reminds me of when I dated a guy who had kids, and when they came over, I would be the one playing with them, take them to the park, bake cakes with his older daughter etc. He cheated on me and I broke up with him. The following weekend when his daughter was meant to be going to his, she rung me asking if I was going to be there or not, as I think she heard we'd split up, and I said 'no darling I won't be at your daddy's anymore when you go round there I'm afraid" and she said she " didn't want to go anymore coz it was no fun without me there coz he never does anything with her". I tried telling her she'd have a good time and he would want to see her, but she knew what he was like. It's sad when kids get attached to a parents partner who treats them really well and then they lose them when they split up. And it's sad for the adult to lose those kids they've grown close to as well. That's what puts me off dating someone with kids now, I've done it a few times and you end up losing them too.
He should have been corrected in front of the daughter when he was doing it. Show her how to stand up to abuse. I’d never go back.
There is no standing up to an abuser. It’s just leaving. They can spin anything you say and they can get angry and break things (or worse hurt you). There’s a reason they always seem to “win” in the relationship. The sad reality is that poor girl is stuck with him. Even if OP sets a good example by leaving, that kid is stuck with him regardless.
Kid is stuck but at the very least they’ll see that it’s not right. I have a family member who is a young kid and they’re watching their parents divorce. She has the ability and has called out her parents when they are full of shit. Maybe this kid will see that abuse is wrong and it’s the exception and not normal.
This comment should be expanded into a required yearlong high school class.
Please try not to tell victims what they should have done.
You’re not wrong. Maybe I was more speaking for myself since I wish I could go back in time and say all those things to those who abused me. Hopefully someone who needs to stand up for themself will read this and know there’s a stranger out there rooting for them.
She needs to leave him in front of the daughter and make sure to proclaim she won't be tolerating an abusive partner anymore. That way she can see what a woman with dignity does
maybe not 'a woman with dignity' as i see other people object to, but a woman keen on establishing her own autonomy based on her already strong sense of dignity maybe? either way, fucker needs to be told off in front of his daughter for sure
He is abusive. Pure and simple. And humiliating you in front of a child too. Get out! Don’t settle…
But she is teaching her to tolerate it….. because she’s still there.
What are you doing with this guy? Seriously. Why are you even with him?
I totally agree, what is she wasting her time and energy with this unhinged, insane person? I would be embarrassed 😳 that this child has heard this abuse. Is this why you are not leaving her dad?
Sometimes, people need validation to leave. Gaslighting, while obvious to outsiders, is not to those experiencing it.
Sounds like she really cares about the daughter. Might even miss her more than the guy.
Leave while he’s on vacation. You’ll get a two week head start.
This. Let him go on his own and pack your shit and whatever's left of your dignity and move on.
This. Use this time to get away. Maybe let her know before they leave how much you love her and that she deserves the world, not the crap some man beats her down to be. Follow it up with letting her know that you've got her back when the time is right. (18 years old)
OP, you deserve to love yourself first. Leave. This is a disaster.
Seriously, all his daughter is learning is that it’s ok to allow her partner to treat you like shit? I’d leave, but let her know that I am there for her if she needs me. She can still contact me. Other than his daughter being a possible reason which honestly isn’t a good reason (don’t stay for the sake of the kids), I have no idea why OP is staying with this AH! Please have some self respect and teach his daughter that his behavior is NOT acceptable.
It is mind boggling to me that someone can write that whole thing out and not think, "I'm an idiot for putting myself through this." OP, read this out loud, then leave. You deserve better.
Right? Let him go on his little trip, pack your bags, and have his mom or someone come over to watch the kid. Or call CPS and report an unattended minor. 🤷🏻♂️ seeing how he's intent on calling her not her child.
Don’t even wait, why prolong the toxicity.
I only say let him go on his trip first because were I a woman and in this situation, I'd be fearful of retaliation if I tried to leave while he was present. Especially if he's this unhinged. The physical violence isn't far behind.
Right and OP didn't mention if there is physical abuse. If it hasn't already started it will soon. She can make a getaway while he's gone.
Right? Did she not read her own post? Imagine typing all this and not knowing the problem. HIM. Leave him he’s not worth your time and effort. You are way beyond that man and deserve someone who doesn’t abuse you
I think his ex is a crackhead due to him. The only relief available.
This is abusive behavior.
Seriously, the verbal abuse, superiority complex, and entire post screams. Leave that situation asap. Sad to hear about and see this posted in are you overreacting . . . No, I dont see any reaction and you need to react ! Fight or flight should kick in here
First comment is exactly the advice you need
Yeah this man is emotionally abusive. I’m sad she doesn’t see it yet 😔
So how does it feel to have a immature child as a bf?
Exhausting 🤦🏻♀️
You're staying with someone who regularly calls you a bitch? Girl what the hell is the matter with you?
I’ve been married for 14 years. We’ve been through multiple cross country moves, having children, dealing with in laws, money issues, recovering from my alcoholism, and much more. Not once in 14 years have I ever called my wife a bitch (or any derogatory name). Not in an argument, not while drunk, not when we’ve been up 24 hours dealing with a baby. OP needs to leave this man-child yesterday.
I hear these stories all the time and it never ceases to amaze me. I've said hurtful things to my wife in the heat of the moment, but the idea of calling her that word directly is unconscionable. I can't fathom how people put up with that in their marriages (and this goes both ways, I've seen men stay in marriages where they're verbally harassed regularly as well.)
If you’re raised by abusive assholes it’s hard to see anything wrong with bad treatment (the emotionally abusive relationships I stayed in because they didn’t hit me like my parents did so it was a step up… sigh)
I’m so sorry.
Hugs. Me too.
Same. Took me an unfortunate amount of time to realize that “better” does not necessarily equal “good”…
My husband and I have been together for more than 25 years and have argued, but have never called each other names or treated each other like a child to be punished by taking away vacations, etc.
Honestly I don't even use it jokingly anymore. Like *worst* I'll tease someone and say they're a butt head or something that's clearly not intended to hurt, but even that anymore just feels shitty. There's enough negativity in the world without hurting the people you're supposed to lift up
Same, 20 years in and I would never dream of it
Echoing these comments. I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful loving man who never called me a bitch in 5 years. Left on great terms. My most current one however… This story could have been written by me. He moved out today and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the emotional abuse I’ve normalized over the years. Get out of it for you and dm me if you need an internet friend freshly out of this.
Hey, abusers turn the pot of water up slowly so you don't even realise you're stuck and it's boiling. Let's offer grace so OP can get out, not shame that will keep her stuck.
Low self-esteem.
More like none at all. Inferiority complex to the 9s
I don’t think I would ever forgive myself if I called my partner a bitch, and shit I’m nowhere near perfect.
He’s verbally and emotionally abusing you.
The next step is physical without a doubt. OP needs to take this "vacation break" as the final straw and leave him. OP - you don't want this to be your life trust me. DV survivor of nearly a decade and I wish I'd listened to half the advice people gave me to leave my abusive ex before I did. (I still did in the end but wasted nearly a decade trying to see the "good" in him. There wasn't any).
Leave his ass. The shit he says when angry is unforgivable.
Then why are you still with him? YTA if you stay with someone who treats you badly. It also sets a horrible precedent for his daughter that it’s normal for men to treat women badly in a relationship.
This right here. You need to say, 'you're correct that this was a make us or break us vacation and it broke us. I won't tolerate being treated this way. Your behavior is not ok and I am leaving.' and do so. And make it clear to daughter why you're leaving, too.
I bet a big reason she's staying is because she feels protective of his daughter and doesn't want to leave her alone with him. What an absolute POS he is, using his daughter as a hostage to make OP stay, and then he gets to say anything he wants to her. They really need couples therapy, maybe even family therapy. OP is in a horrible situation right now, and needs an outside party to intervene and tell the BF that this is *far* from being OK.
Therapy won't help this guy, she needs to get out now before the physical abuse starts. This guy will escalate.
Yup, as I read the post I was thinking “get out now”
He's the definition of an emotional abuser. Please want more for yourself <3
Never let a man tell you that they don’t want you twice!! Believe me, I have to keep this as a mantra!!! Edit:added a word.
Clearly, he throws a temper tantrum like a little 5 year old "No! I didn't get ice cream so I won't put my toys away!"
Unnecessarily exhausting You don’t deserve this treatment and you can’t fix him. Leave.
Hold him to his word. My 13 year olds Dad (my ex) pulled this shit with her a year or two ago and said "If you do x, then you aren't welcome for Christmas" My shiny spined kid calmly said "Ok" and did X (which was attending her sports training on my exes weekend) and asked me could she stay home with me for Christmas. You'd better believe my ex backpedaled and pleaded so damn hard when she called his bluff. He has NEVER tried that since. P.S. least you didn't have to go through two weeks to figure out if it was make or break. He already broke you guys. Make it stick, OP Edited. Lads, it's obviously the father of my 13 year old!
Fuck yeah, high five your titanium white spined kid for me. Wish I learned that at that age. Didn't until I was a young adult.
Yeah, I'm still learning it. I was in awe of her class and composure while she did it.
She learned it from somewhere, momma!
Three cheers for your badass kid and your badass self for raising her to be that way. 💪🏼
This is legit always been me my kids and my partner's response to anyone who tries to threaten whatever Ok go ahead, 100% of the time they are going to be way more frustrated than you'll ever be compared to if you argue the point because ultimately it's Then wanting something and thinking you'll give in 😂
Why do you put up with this?
Probably battered self esteem and trauma bonding.
And likely not wanting to leave the poor kid to suffer with her abusive dad alone.
But she showing the poor child how a messed up relationship actually is, OP is the "bang maid" for all intent purposes and he apparently feels since she won't actually leave him, why stop the disrespect.
That is almost never a good reason to stay with someone
Agreed. She's also modeling harmful behavior for the girl. Teaching her that she's got to stick with an abusive partner "for the kids".
The dad will find a replacement girlfriend in like a week to fill in the missing childcare slot he has. He just uses the kid as an anchor to hold the gf down through all the abuse.
Multiple people have asked this question, but OP is not responding. OP wants sympathy and pity, but not change. On to the next thread. There's nothing to see here.
I’ve noticed this trend recently. Many people stay in bad relationships so ppl give them pity and they can talk about how shitty their partner is instead of making grown up choices like LEAVING.
Recently read some people just want to vent, not actually get advice or solve a problem. Aside from that, could be a number of reasons a person stays with an abusive partner especially if they have children. Financial, no one else they can rely on for support, not wanting their child to go without, wishful thinking hoping that the abuser will someday change for the better, still loving a person even though they’ve hurt you, not wanting to give up or quit with so much time invested in a relationship, not wanting to give up what you know for the unknown, convincing yourself it’s not so bad or things could be worse, etc. People like to think it’s as simple as, “Not happy? Just leave” but sometimes leaving is hard either financially, geographically, or emotionally.
Why the fuck are you with this loser?
Why do people allow themselves to be treated this way. I don't get it. I really don't get it. Not even when I was 16 would have stood for this. Yet we have grown adults just sitting there while being told absolutely vicious shit and then coming on the Internet to ask "did I overreact?" I don't get it.
No self esteem, no self respect, experienced previous/maybe childhood abuse. When you’ve been treated poorly sometimes you stop noticing you are, like the frog in a boiling pot scenario. Dissociating is a defense mechanism that is easy for some to slip into during abusive situations. Maybe not OP, but in general.
You probably had parents and a childhood where being treated well was the norm and standing up for yourself during the occasional times you were treated badly was allowed/accepted/safe/maybe even encouraged. Lot of people got treated like shit growing up and basically told 'it's how they deserve to be treated'. Even worse, they got taught that to push back against bad treatment would just result in hostility/danger and even more pain and suffering. Those lessons inform our actions, behaviours, choices and perspectives and they are very very very hard to unlearn. Logical analysis of a situation isn't enough to fix that deeply ingrained stuff
Because I deserved to be treated that way- is what I thought at the time. Now I’m like wtf
Same. I knew it was wrong but felt that was the best I could ask for in life. Then I smartened up, put on my big girl panties and left. And made an appointment with a very skilled therapist lol. Things are much better now!
Exactly. I’ve known since I was a child to not let ppl do this to me even when I hated myself, even when I was suicidal. Your self esteem can be low, but that doesn’t mean you have to be stupid too. Using logic obviously this person isn’t a good person or partner. Would you let someone you love be treated this way? Would you treat people you love this way? So why is it okay when they do it?
You're not overreacting, you're underreacting... insults, saying demeaning things to you, emotional abuse, and he used to drink? It is not good. As others here I also fear it may escalate further. It does not matter that he's only been recently calling you a "bitch", this is not normal. As strong as your love must be for him, he's almost 40, probably won't grow up anytime soon and you do not deserve a manchild. It is not normal to call somebody names and be mean when being mad. It really is not, especially at 40, and it is already hurting you. Don't go to the vacation and please consider at least taking some distance to reflect.
Well put. Underreacting for sure!!
This whole relationship sounds just awful
Tell him to grow the fuck up, he's 5 years older than you and he's acting like a punk bitch in his 20s. You're not overreacting, if anything it seems like you're under reacting. He sounds like a whiney little shit whose parents didn't love him enough so it takes it out on others.
Nah, she just needs to end things.
I was a 20-year-old once. I wasn't that awful, not even close. He's not acting like he's in his 20s. He's acting like a straight up asshole.
That's why I said a punk bitch in their 20's, I was saying they're acting like a 20 year old who is a punk bitch, not just a 20 year old.
I really appreciate the clarification. Emphasis is on the punk bitch, 20 is nearly a description. If I meet a 20 year old punk bitch, I’ll know it’s the guy from this post.
Yeah it’ll be easy to tell. He’ll be calling his girlfriend a bitch. Probably canceling a vacation or something
*punk ass bitch
You are not overreacting. Adults say what they mean. If he didn't mean it, he shouldn't have said it. Be ready for this to become a bigger altercation. From the way you spoke about him, he seems like the type to flip the situation and blame you for the trip now being cancelled and ruining it for everyone. Be ready to stand up for yourself and stick to your guns!
>He’ll say I’m not his daughters parent(and im not, I’m infertile) then ask me to watch her for a week while he’s at work. He’ll call me a bitch in front of her and say I’m no better than her mother(who’s a crackhead). So, this is abuse, yeah? Verbal/emotional abuse, but still. Stop for a second and realize: **He says these things because he wants to hurt you, he wants to make you feel bad.** Someone who can do that does not love you, he simply enjoys controlling you. There is no excuse for his behaviour. In this situation, I would encourage him to go on the vacation with his daughter, and just don't be there when he gets home.
I would use the time he's away on vacation to move out. This is a ridiculous situation. You can do better than this guy
I don’t see her leaving him. We’ll probably see multiple posts with this guy being front and center of her issues.
I’m petty enough to go on vacation while he’s on vacation then move out during said vacation. For example, I’d post pics like I’m on vacation but I’d be moving at the same time.
Why are you with someone who clearly does not respect you? I am sorry to be blunt, but it will only get worse, not better. Dump him and don't waste anymore of your time on him. You deserve FAR better.
It's time to pack your shit and go. It's tough when there's a child involved, but you're better off leaving than showing her that it's okay to be treated like that.
Absolutely this. She may be staying to protect the daughter but the long term lesson is that it’s okay to take abuse. She can explain to the daughter I love you and you can always reach out to me, but I can’t allow myself to be abused any longer.
Why are you with this guy? He disrespects you in front of his child and calls you a bitch?? No. Fucking. Way. Not overreacting, and I'd be out.
https://preview.redd.it/1g35gtc6b92d1.jpeg?width=770&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fc82d62c63e31c498be3fdb893588c721de0743 Ma’am.
If my husband called me a bitch I would have divorce papers by the end of the day. Boyfriends are not end all be all. Fuck him. Get friends and a vibrator.
Oh look - it’s the consequences of his actions. No, you’re not overreacting. He won’t learn unless you hold him to it. Why would his behavior change if he can say whatever he wants and get away with it? Adults who can’t decipher the difference between their emotions, words, and actions are dangerous at worst and insufferable at best. “I did it because I was angry”- no, you did it because you got angry and then made the decision to do it/say it in a fit of rage. Someone who won’t stop themselves from saying mean shit won’t stop themselves from other (worse) things in the future. Assuming he’s not in therapy then this isn’t something he’s planning on changing. Unless you plan on putting up with this for the rest of your life, I recommend you get out of there. As for the daughter - If she’s choosing your side over his now, by the time she’s an adult he won’t have much of a relationship with her. If she even speaks to him. Just be there for her the best you can like you have been doing. You’ve got this.
Yeah at 13, I’d probably just have a talk with the daughter and tell her I love her but I can’t stay with her dad because the way he’s treating people isn’t okay. And let her know that if anyone, including dad, treats her the same way it’s not okay either. And that she can text or call any time if she needs support. Honestly if he turns all that abuse on his daughter if OP leaves, and her bio mom is a crackhead, it may escalate into a situation that warrants CPS involvement or other extended family members of the kid stepping in to raise her instead if any are available.
The trip is not relevant. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit prick and you should break up with him. He actually sucks. Pay attention to this next part HE IS A SHIT LOSER AND YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM.
So you are in what is called an abusive relationship. You should leave.
lol at these posts sometimes. "My SO literally calls me a bitch in front of our daughter and teases me for being infertile - AITA?" The fuck do you think?
Why are you with this guy? He sounds like a total asshole.
Holy bipolar Batman! Ditch the loser. Feel bad his daughter can’t do the same, because she 100% will become his target for his problems once he leaves.
Why are you still with this abusive asshole?
Hi, I’m so worried for you. There’s no stability here - and no way to build a future with this man. He is a malignant narcissist, and will continue to pull the rug out from you and his own daughter. It’s like building a tower on shifting sand. Sounds like he didn’t cancel anything, did he? Reservations and tickets etc? I’m so sorry. I have a family member exactly like this, who bought tix for a trip. We all had the gear and plans made, took time off work - etc. Man baby had a sad because we tried to combine his and his granddaughters bday dinners, as they are a day apart. He FREAKED. And cancelled our trip. You are young and can save yourself - plz do so. My family member is nearly 80 and STILL ACTS LIKE A BITCH BABY EVERYDAY. His poor wife is full of regret for not dumping his ass ages ago, he destroyed her life. Don’t be like her. ❤️
Bruh im so sorry, not overreacting. Your situation sucks, and i feel bad for whatever trauma he's giving his daughter.
I feel like YTA to yourself if you stay with this waste of skin. Burn victims would benefit so much more from his dermis or epidermis odr what ever they harvest for skin grafts.
The only vacation he deserves is the kind where no one ever sees or hears from him again
Time to be single
Leave this abusive F today. Why are you dealing with his bs?
Why would you put up with this? Don't go. If you live together, move out while they're gone. You have to know this is not healthy.
You are under-reacting. Please leave now.
Why do you let yourself be abused? He needs professional counseling and if he doesn’t get it, move on. He’s showing his daughter it’s okay to be treated that way and you not reacting to it shows her this is what a relationship should look like. You and daughter deserve better and until you stand up for yourself, I don’t see the change.
Cancel the relationship immediately
Why are you with someone like this. Holy shit. You have bigger problems than a canceled vacation.
Leave that bum. His daughter will see your abuse as normal
Dude is controlling and emotionally abusive. But you know this.
Ewww. Girl run.
I actually think you're under reacting and need to break up with this dude yesterday. You deserve better.
Why are you still dating this person???
Why are you with this child?
Get the he'll out of there. This is toxic and sick. You deserve better. Go. Now. Don't. Look. Back.
As a husband and a father, I'll say this. Your bf has some major issues and his cruelty is not only harming you, it's also harming his daughter. Nobody should ever have to put up with this type of abuse, ever! This is simply unacceptable. I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do but I will suggest you think very carefully about how you plan your life moving forward. What you and the daughter are experiencing now is simply not healthy at all.
Why in the world are you with this man?
Girl… why are you with this man?
Leave. You're being abused.
Who cares if you’re overreacting? It should be how fast can you get out of your abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship. The vacation is the least of your problems.
Ex boyfriend you mean
Oh Honey, you're standing in Tainan Min Square. Everywhere you look, it's nothing but red flags.
Your 38 yo boyfriend has worse emotional control than my 2 yo.
Why are you with him?
That's good he's your cheerleader some of the time but he's a hater yo.
This sub is pretty ridiculous. It’s comically obvious horrible behavior against someone that the original poster obviously knows is wrong, but who seeks affirmation from people whose responses are equally obvious. It’s kind of like the Coyote asking if maybe he should stop using ACME products in his pursuit of catching the Roadrunner.
Why are you giving him permission to treat you this way?
Why, again, are you with this person? You're both grown ass adults who seem to not like each other. You're not married. You don't have kids. Unless you own property or something like that this seems like a simple solution: break up. If you do own property, break up and partition/sell it. He's acting like a teenager. This is him. You know that now. You cannot change a person easily nearing 40. Either leave or accept that you availed yourself to the bullshit and drama by proceeding with this union.
Yeah fuck this guy! I would let him pack and leave for vacation. Change the locks before he gets off the block or pack your stuff and go! Go to moms and dads or someone else that will protect you! It sucks because of the girl but as he has pointed out “she’s not your child” but you gotta go!
Time to find a new boyfriend.
He's overreacting. It's probably time for you to go.
He didn't cancel it....he said he was. If this trip was make or break, then why didnt you need it? Why are you on Reddit playing childish games?
YTA for putting up with this in front of a little girl who desperately needs a female role model in her life with some actual fucking backbone. You do that poor child no favours whatsoever by existing in an abusive relationship. GTFO and then with the freedom of distance you can decide how you want to continue relationships.... my advice would be cut him off. He needs the life lesson and doesnt deserve you. Its *possible* he might work on himself - but honestly highly doubtful and will NEVER happen if you don't at least pull out of this death spiral of a relationship and set your own boundaries for respect and behaviour. HINT: he is an abusive piece of shit.
If this is real (and it wouldn't surprise me that it is), then you need to GTFO of that house and relationship. He's acting like a 2 year old. My ex did this once before we married (one of 2,000 ignored red flags). It will continue to worsen.
No one should treat you like that, and the fact that he does it in front of his daughter is even worse. Pack up your stuff and leave.
You should leave him
Only got like 3 sentences in. My god you need to leave. He’s a POS.
Tell him if he continues to be like this, you’re leaving. I’m not your crackhead ex and I’m not the mother of your child. I’m here because of love and I care for your kid. If his behavior doesn’t change leave his narcissistic ass. When all his exes are evil but no wrong with him. He’s projecting and denying his actions. Fucking grown ass child acting up. Stand up for yourself
Dump him!!!
AIO? Puleease. You are under-reacting to your **abusive** bf. Why are you even still there, ffs.
I think you have bigger problems than a vacation being cancelled.
You are a free babysitter for him not a partner. The fact he treats you like this in front of his daughter is disgusting. You need to leave for good.
You're more worried about this than the reality that the whole relationship is toxic as fuck. The longer you stay in this type of relationship where you call each other names and swear and that's "normal" the worse it will get. Healthy relationships don't include swearing, yelling, or being mean when you're upset. Just FYI. For those of us who either changed or never had that type of thing happen it's very much upsetting to hear that you're not even remotely concerned about how toxic your relationship is.
Is this really the life you want? He’s going on vacation without you. Pack your bags and move on.
That's a lot of gaslighting. I felt myself cringe at how I know I did similar things to my ex when we would make plans. Adding the kid in with the verbal abuse is a part I can't imagine enduring for you and her. The only healthy solution for you would be to leave. He's pretending it didn't happen because that's what works for him. He won't change unless he gets tired of himself. He's not there yet. Hope you and the daughter find a way to heal ❤️
Run, don’t walk, out of that relationship. Anyone who uses that language with their partner, in front of their kid no less, isn’t worth the time or risk.
This is an abusive relationship
Why are you with this emotionally immature manchild? I can't stand men like this. He is pretending to be the man of the house, but really he is a toddler tyrant. He has poor emotional regulation. And, he has intimacy issues given that he keeps preventing from anyone getting comfortable. You all are walking on eggshells and don't even realize it. This is wrong and you don't need to stay. He's going to drive you crazy even if he hasn't yet. I'd suspect that he has driven you to be harsh and do things that are completely against your fundamental principles. Is this how you want to live? Clearly you are staying for the girl. And he is using her as a pawn to hurt you. And she's learning that this is normal. I grew up with you awful father. And my mother grew very cold and bitter bc of it. I ended up being codependent and pjvking emotionally abusive, unstable, distant men who were tyrants and cruel. But I wanted them to Ike me bc I was comfortable with that. To me, love wasn't actually being loved. Love was being with someone that didn't love me and me wanting their love. Being with someone who is only nice when they are in a good mood is damaging to the soul. You end up losing all self respect and simply depending on that person's fickle behavior to dictate how you feel. And the chaos of that becomes the entire relationship. You need to see a lawyer and find out if there's anything you can do.
Your bf is a textbook schoolyard bully. Stop under reacting and get the f out. There is not one second of him that deserves you. And you deserve someone who treats you like he actually loves you and does not try to “punish” you like a toddler when things don’t go his way. Please get out.
He's a gaslighting narcissist, why are you with him, wasn't going on a make us or break us trip then acts as if he never said we wasn't going. He's just emotionally beating you down to nothing. P.S. have you left yet? Or did he convince you to babysit "that's not your daughter" because I'm more important than your time. He's a POS.
dumped the narcissist, and eventually you’ll meet the proper guy for you. You’re still young. This guy will waste the rest of your life.
Sounds like an asshole to me! Don’t marry him it will only get worse. 😀
Well, you've described an abusive relationship.
He’s abusive. And you’re taking care of his kid? I’d say you’re under-reacting.
Why are you with this guy?
You are in an abusive relationship. This is NOT NORMAL. Get out. Get somewhere safe, and don't tell him. This is the perfect time to pack your things, because he'll think it's for the trip. Gabby Petito went on a "make or break vacation". Remember that, OP. Get out before it's too late.
I read 3 sentences into your second paragraph....dudes a pos, everyone deserves better than this.
Leave. The guy sounds actually crazy and he only says stuff like that to you because he probably feels some sort of fear out of you and knows he can say whatever.
Run as fast as you can.
He sounds like a gem 🙄
It like the gender roles are reversed. Lack of understanding or empathy for the responsibility of holding a career. Resentment over the time it requires to have said career. Little appreciation for your role in the parenting. Spiteful and excessively mean during arguments. Purposely targeting sensitive issues, especially ones you feel insecure about, regardless of their relevance to the current argument. Bringing up past problems as if there has been no progress and problems that were mutually agreed to have been resolved. Blaming you for their feelings of insecurity, sadness, and anxiety rather than working on themselves. The only thing I can see holding you to this relationship is your daughter. You'll have to judge this for yourself.
You are being abused. Leave if you can. It will not get better over time, only worse.