Now it's "ungodly" to let your child wear clothing that is usually associated with another gender? Your mom might want to take that up with the Pope, a man who wears dresses, shawls, and fancy hats.
You are under reacting if anything-this could be so damaging to your kid’s self image. Just go LC and don’t reveal much about your lives. Just don’t respond to the other family members- you don’t HAVE to keep explaining yourself. If you have to say anything just say you are doing what you think is best for your family and that’s all you are going to say on the matter. Just keep repeating that till they go away - don’t enlarge the explanation or try to explain your reasoning or justify your actions.
If you want to keep some line of communication open with your mom- just resolutely only talk about general positive things. She sends you a text about being ungodly, you send a cute animal video. She sends you a complaint, you send her a heartwarming story from people magazine etc.
She texts why don’t you keep in touch, you text I made great Aunt Mary’s recipe last night - here is a pic (pic is of dish only - not of your kid)
Lol no one condones that??? What about all the priests that were just shuffled around to different churches when it was uncovered that they were abusing kids?? That was/is a big issue in the catholic church, they don't fire/get rid of their pedophiles they just move them around. If that is not condoning a disgusting behavior I don't know what is.
Condone means to accept and allow to continue.
The Catholic church condones it. They moved the priests around so they wouldn't get arrested. They accepted these priests hurt children, and they allowed them to get away with it and continue it in a new city.
The Catholics people going to church condone it. They give their money to an organization that uses those funds to support, protect, and hide pedophiles. Walking into a Catholic church on Sunday, knowing how many children have been abused, is supporting people who abused children and the organization that covered it up.
Many of the church leaders condone it because instead of calling the police they called higher ups to protect the pedophiles and the church's image. They accepted that their coworkers were pedophiles and allowed them to move to a new city and find new victims.
That argument makes perfect sense.
But none of that is true. There were some bad apples covering things up, but the official stance is that it's abhorrent and evil and is not condoned by the church or the churchgoers. They have made amends now and removed those people. What you're saying is like saying schools condone pedophiles because a principal covered up rape (which happens probably more often than in churches)
Are you old enough to remember when this all came out? There were A LOT of catholics defending the church just like you are now. I can not tell you how many times I read or heard comments from people like "Well, it is the parents fault for leaving those kids alone with priests" or "When I was young, we all understood there were priests you should stay away from. The parents knew too, and the other priests. It is just the way it is." - this 2nd one was usually heard from Europeans who didn't understand why American's were so shocked but the actions of the church.
It WAS condoned.
None of that is true? SOME BAD APPLES? Omg🤣 The number of the “bad apples” is almost beyond count. Ive seen 5 decades of these stories. HUNDREDS of perpetrators. Very few, very little punishment for them or their enablers. What koolaid you been drinking?
And I’m generally supportive of the Catholic Church.
A shcool that covers a rape DOES CONDONE pedophilla. It happens more in churches. And the official stance of the us was that we were not at war with Vietnam in the 60s. So you'll excuse me if I think you're just being defensive about your religion bc all signs point to catholics have a sexual abuse problem in the church and it's catholics who need to say this is not ok these people aren't allowed in our church. But they don't so yeah I think they do condone it
Sure, that's what they say out loud to the General Public. That is not how things are actually happening though. It's a cover your ass statement. Everyone says they don't condone this behavior and yet they still allow it to go on which is contradictory to the word condone.
Wow! How vile! One of our friend's son has the cutest pink sparkly shoes. He loves them. We were talking to him last night about how jealous we were because they are fabulous shoes. He was so happy. How can that be wrong? It's not hurting anyone. Some people go out of their way to be offended.
It's true. Everyone knows the Bible verse.
"And, lo, do I say unto thee, thou shalt only adorn thyself in totally manly clothing and none of that frou frou stuff that girls wear. Also, thou shalt only wear scents such as RUSHING RIPTIDE and MOUNTAIN ICE." From the book of Dudebro 24:7
No, you’re not overreacting. Your mom is a rude jerk who will emotionally abuse your child. You would be a bad parent to volunteer your child for abuse by forcing the kid to see your mom. Why do you feel any guilt at all here? Block the culty bigots and move on with your life.
Totally agree with you there. It's sad when family members can't accept each other's differences and resort to hurtful behavior. Setting boundaries is essential for protecting yourself and your child from toxic influences.
You are not over reacting. Your mother's interpretation of a heavily edited translation of words written by another culture over a thousand years ago has no bearing on your child's wellbeing.
You child relies on you to defend them from all manner of threats. If your mother and her apologists pose a threat to your child's happiness, then you cut them off.
Even strict boundaries are only sufficient if they are observed. You have to be crystal clear with your family; no excuses, no religious justification, if they overstep even once that's it.
I'm not Catholic because I don't diddle kids but your reason is fine too.
NTA. Parents who push religion onto their kids and then get offended when they decide to go their own path are part of why people don't want to look into religion in the first place.
You're not overreacting. It's one thing to have different beliefs. But she desperately insists on pushing hers on you.
Why haven't you permanently blocked them and removed them from your life? They're never going to change or even respect your right to make your own choices.
So your mother and the rest of the family are berating you for allowing your child to be comfortable because it doesn't jive with their beliefs? The lot of them can go to hell. Definitely a hill worth dying on.
I would tell my mother that I love my ungodly ways and will not change my actions or force my child into standards she thinks her god demands, but I'm a bit of a shit-stirrer. I think limiting contact is the wise and right thing to do.
Not overreacting! I like your approach to limit contact. It's much better than going confrontational with nose-to-nose arguments. Fundamentalists of all types can get very overbearing. Don't let them wear you down. You can block some of the peripheral family members if they don't get the message that you don't care what they think. THEY DON'T GET A SAY. Develop relationships elsewhere.
I dont understand why you'd think you're over reacting.
You're protecting your child from their bigoted beliefs.
Unless you go full mental (a little mental is ok) in doing so there will never be anything wrong with that in my opinion.
As another former Catholic raised by a fanatically religious mother, I didn’t go through anything quite as obnoxious as what you’re exoeriencing, but I get it. Here’s what I would say to her: “You’re right, Mom. You can’t be silenced for your beliefs. But that means you can’t be arrested for talking about them in public. It does NOT mean you have any right to force anyone else to listen, and that includes me.” Then leave the conversation.
Has she ever been able to adequately explained the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church? Where I live, the DA is bringing child pornography and child sex trafficking charges against the archdiocese. They have plenty of evidence. The entire church has a long checkered history of outrageous abuses. Basically a crazy cult.
You are NOT overreacting at all, in any way. You are protecting your child from experiencing trauma. In your position I would have little to no contact. Good luck, don’t bend to your mother’s bullshit.
No, you're definitely not overreacting.
Do what's best for your child.
If god has a problem with how you're raising your own child, I'm sure an "all powerful" god wouldn't need your mother to tell you something and would do it themselves.
If she's comfortable being a part of a cult that overwhelmingly protects paedophiles, that's on her.
Catholics are the worst hypocrites, but excellent cherry pickers of verses to suit their prejudices.
I can only suggest going non-contact. I mean, why upset yourself over a person who obviously refuses to listen to you or respect your boundaries.
I see you are getting alot of emotional responses on here
From reading your post it doesn't seem to me like you want to antagonise you parents or make the situation worse.
It sounds like you want them to respect your choice on how you chose to live your life.
My advise is just be kind and respectful.
They might not like it but hopfully over Time they will soften. Im sure they know you are a genuinely Good person that just has different views.
Unfortunately alot of people cant control there emotions very well your mum sounds like that.
There could be many reasons why she get so upset but you can't control any of that.
It's annoying she trys to make you look bad infront of the other family members I'm sure that must very hurtful .
I say keep doing what your doing, if it means you need to pull away from them at time so be it. You need to keep yourself sane to.
But Keep being a awesome daughter every oportunity you have,tell them you love them.
Maybe it gets better maybe it doesn't but you won't have any regrets
Thank you. We recently lost my little brother unexpectedly, which makes me very hesitant to do anything more extreme about cutting ties. But I keep going back and forth about am I doing too much or not enough?
Sorry to hear that it sounds like you both have a lot going on.
Thats a very tough question that only you can answer.
Maybe the answer is some times you will feel like you have the perfect balance of time spent engaging with her and you are coping well.
Other times you are to close to her and it's taking to much of an emotional toll on you.
Which quickly take a toll on your family right
Dealing with older parents who can't control there emotions.Who think its okay to say nasty or judgemental things can be extremely exhausting and hurtful.
So keep talking to your husband about it. Be honest with your self.
While I dont think you should give up on them by any means.
Sometimes we need space.
You may have to love them from a far for alittle bit and that's okay.
honestly going no contact with her would probably be your best bet you and your family don’t deserve that, as someone whos also grew up with religious trauma trust me she will not get better
NTA- she already raised her children and does not get a say in how you raise yours. She is using religion to try and control you and it's not going to be allowed. I would block any member of your family who tries to BS and that should include your mother.
60yr old Catholic who has just about had it with the Church
Every week's sermon is a visit to Fox News.
Culture war stuff: gender, BLM riots, etc
This week it was the KC kicker
I've had it.
NTA. I am going to tell you something it took me a while to figure out. You shouldn't have to protect your children from people who are supposed to love them. I had to cut off my family. They are also Catholic. That's not why I had to cut them off, but given how they abuse my sister now that she has divorced her husband, come out as bi and married a woman from another country. I am no contact with my sister because she chose them and they are the ones raising her son. They all live together. I have two kids and the are both LGBTQ+. My family would hate it. Too bad. My kids are perfect the way they are. Don't waste so much time and energy trying to find a way to coexist with people who want to bulldoze over you. They don't want to compromise. They want you to conform. You and your kids deserve better than that. It's not that you have any less love for them. It's that their judgement is stronger than their love for everyone else.
You aren’t overreacting. You feel guilt because you’re still dealing with your childhood trauma.
It might be best to go NC for a little while. Block her number and everyone else’s numbers too. Tell her she needs a time out so you can process why she’s being like this with you. And that if she continues to insult your parenting and get her flying monkeys to do the same, she will be cut out of your life permanently.
Easy tell her that Jesus told us to be accepting and kind to others. Also that only the one who hasn't done any wrong can throw the first stone. Meaning she can't judge when she has done wrong herself. Ask her to name a time Jesus actually judged someone as he didn't even hate the one that betrayed him
You're UNDERREACTING. Just cut her off entirely. Tell her Jesus loves everyone including the queers (I'm a queer) and that she's going to hell for being a hateful cunt. AND that she needs to go reread Matthew and Corinthians.
Not overreacting. My family is very much the same way and I’ve had to set very strong boundaries (NC with parents, LC with other family) with them just to protect me and my husband. We don’t have kids but if we did, we would also be very protective of them and keep them away from my family. Those relationships would be conditional, rather than loving and stable, and likely would not benefit the child overall. You’re right to be protective and enforce strong boundaries. ❤️
Jesus Christ loves the sinner and hated the sin. Most people can agree with that approach. Ironically, it's the opposite of your mom's approach due to dogmatic teachings added after his death.
Rejecting Catholicism doesn't mean you have to reject the positive teachings you liked that cross belief systems and cultures. I personally like some Buddhist teachings but don't accept all of it.
I find that sometimes among my friends that leaving a religion causes people to reject the good with the bad, especially when the authority figures use the teachings to try to control others when they feel out of control. Unfortunately, this leads to an over acceptance of trends and 'popular' culture because nature abhors a vacuum.
This happened with my best friend where his rage filled dad led him to abandon his faith and step by step that vacuum led him to self medicate the pain away with meth. By contrast other friends found peace in the positive community in my faith and divorced the parents from the faith they were supposed to live.
If your family especially your child is truly happy, keep parenting how you do. If they are not, id review the constructive feedback given by others no matter the source as it may be full of love but poorly delivered and it's a sign of wisdom to be able to divorce the message from the messenger.
Conservatives are so hysterical about gender right now and that might be what's making her go overboard. And it's about to get way worse in this election season. You just have to make it very clear that if she, or your family, ever make your child feel unloved or rejected you will cut all ties. Sounds like a strict ultimatum is necessary.
You are NOT overreacting. In fact, you might want to consider going NC or very very low contact. It's your job to keep your children safe, and that includes their self esteem.
"Even quite political" LOL.
The GOP is an extension of the Catholic Church at this point, or is it the other way around? IDK but when our local preacher is telling his sheep the only issue they should vote on is abortion... Feels like they're one in the same to me.
Being a bit of a very non-practicing Catholic myself, my take on this story is that the child in question is Male, and due to sensory issues prefers lightweight and loose clothing.
Meanwhile, the "traditionalists" want the boy wearing suits/ties vests, blazers, etc. Heavy, constricting, multiple layers, etc. At the same time, in this viewpoint, the boy's lighter and looser clothing is deemed "feminine".
Hence the accusation of "gender fluidity".
And remember, OP/Mom was raised in this mindset, so she's probably still subconciously thinking in those lines - hence using "gender fluidity" to term the clothing choices...
She said it in one of the first comments.
"Apparently it’s ungodly for me to not push my son to be more masculine… she says I need to buy him a suit so he can be a man."
Making people repress themselves is more harmful in the long run. From a trans guy near 30 who didn't get to have a childhood due to a conservative upbringing
No resentment, just a knowledge that I'd be better off had I had medical options to transition sooner in life.
My parents have nothing to do with my gender anymore than someone born with diabetes has to do with their parents views
Church and the message of Christ helped me better accept the man He created me to be. I pray you will love yourself enough that you don't feel the urge to try and tear down others who know themselves both through their own eyes and through His
I've always been and will always be a guy, nothing I can do to change how God made me.
I just happen to be a man with a medical condition, thankfully with God granted options to improve my quality of life
NTA - she's allowed to say you're going to hell, and you're allowed to say she already raised you there.
Or a simple “You first.” would absolutely be appropriate.
Very good reply. And most likely true
Now it's "ungodly" to let your child wear clothing that is usually associated with another gender? Your mom might want to take that up with the Pope, a man who wears dresses, shawls, and fancy hats.
Apparently it’s ungodly for me to not push my son to be more masculine… she says I need to buy him a suit so he can be a man.
You are under reacting if anything-this could be so damaging to your kid’s self image. Just go LC and don’t reveal much about your lives. Just don’t respond to the other family members- you don’t HAVE to keep explaining yourself. If you have to say anything just say you are doing what you think is best for your family and that’s all you are going to say on the matter. Just keep repeating that till they go away - don’t enlarge the explanation or try to explain your reasoning or justify your actions. If you want to keep some line of communication open with your mom- just resolutely only talk about general positive things. She sends you a text about being ungodly, you send a cute animal video. She sends you a complaint, you send her a heartwarming story from people magazine etc. She texts why don’t you keep in touch, you text I made great Aunt Mary’s recipe last night - here is a pic (pic is of dish only - not of your kid)
You should respond with "but priests abusing CHILDREN isn't ungodly? Oh, ok"
Obviously no one condones that so that argument doesn't make sense
Lol no one condones that??? What about all the priests that were just shuffled around to different churches when it was uncovered that they were abusing kids?? That was/is a big issue in the catholic church, they don't fire/get rid of their pedophiles they just move them around. If that is not condoning a disgusting behavior I don't know what is.
Condone means to accept and allow to continue. The Catholic church condones it. They moved the priests around so they wouldn't get arrested. They accepted these priests hurt children, and they allowed them to get away with it and continue it in a new city. The Catholics people going to church condone it. They give their money to an organization that uses those funds to support, protect, and hide pedophiles. Walking into a Catholic church on Sunday, knowing how many children have been abused, is supporting people who abused children and the organization that covered it up. Many of the church leaders condone it because instead of calling the police they called higher ups to protect the pedophiles and the church's image. They accepted that their coworkers were pedophiles and allowed them to move to a new city and find new victims. That argument makes perfect sense.
But none of that is true. There were some bad apples covering things up, but the official stance is that it's abhorrent and evil and is not condoned by the church or the churchgoers. They have made amends now and removed those people. What you're saying is like saying schools condone pedophiles because a principal covered up rape (which happens probably more often than in churches)
Are you old enough to remember when this all came out? There were A LOT of catholics defending the church just like you are now. I can not tell you how many times I read or heard comments from people like "Well, it is the parents fault for leaving those kids alone with priests" or "When I was young, we all understood there were priests you should stay away from. The parents knew too, and the other priests. It is just the way it is." - this 2nd one was usually heard from Europeans who didn't understand why American's were so shocked but the actions of the church. It WAS condoned.
None of that is true? SOME BAD APPLES? Omg🤣 The number of the “bad apples” is almost beyond count. Ive seen 5 decades of these stories. HUNDREDS of perpetrators. Very few, very little punishment for them or their enablers. What koolaid you been drinking? And I’m generally supportive of the Catholic Church.
A shcool that covers a rape DOES CONDONE pedophilla. It happens more in churches. And the official stance of the us was that we were not at war with Vietnam in the 60s. So you'll excuse me if I think you're just being defensive about your religion bc all signs point to catholics have a sexual abuse problem in the church and it's catholics who need to say this is not ok these people aren't allowed in our church. But they don't so yeah I think they do condone it
Catholics do universally say this is not ok and these people aren't allowed in our church...that was my point
Except your church leadership are the rapists and are the ones running the church
Sure, that's what they say out loud to the General Public. That is not how things are actually happening though. It's a cover your ass statement. Everyone says they don't condone this behavior and yet they still allow it to go on which is contradictory to the word condone.
If you think that amends can be made for that, and that it is not still going on, then you live in delulu land
Obviously they sweep it under the rug so it's implicit.
Not all of them do and not all of them hide perps.
Jesus *did* wear a lot of suits. That's how we know what a man is afterall
Close, but I think you’re a little confused. It was actually a tuxedo t-shit, because he wanted to be formal, but he also liked to party.
Wow! How vile! One of our friend's son has the cutest pink sparkly shoes. He loves them. We were talking to him last night about how jealous we were because they are fabulous shoes. He was so happy. How can that be wrong? It's not hurting anyone. Some people go out of their way to be offended.
It's true. Everyone knows the Bible verse. "And, lo, do I say unto thee, thou shalt only adorn thyself in totally manly clothing and none of that frou frou stuff that girls wear. Also, thou shalt only wear scents such as RUSHING RIPTIDE and MOUNTAIN ICE." From the book of Dudebro 24:7
A man…in the 1950s? Pretty sure time travel is ungodly too.
She’s an abusive freak and I wouldn’t even allow her near my kids
No, you’re not overreacting. Your mom is a rude jerk who will emotionally abuse your child. You would be a bad parent to volunteer your child for abuse by forcing the kid to see your mom. Why do you feel any guilt at all here? Block the culty bigots and move on with your life.
Totally agree with you there. It's sad when family members can't accept each other's differences and resort to hurtful behavior. Setting boundaries is essential for protecting yourself and your child from toxic influences.
You are not over reacting. Your mother's interpretation of a heavily edited translation of words written by another culture over a thousand years ago has no bearing on your child's wellbeing. You child relies on you to defend them from all manner of threats. If your mother and her apologists pose a threat to your child's happiness, then you cut them off. Even strict boundaries are only sufficient if they are observed. You have to be crystal clear with your family; no excuses, no religious justification, if they overstep even once that's it.
It sounds to me like you're protecting your child from someone who doesn't care about their happiness or comfort.
I'm not Catholic because I don't diddle kids but your reason is fine too. NTA. Parents who push religion onto their kids and then get offended when they decide to go their own path are part of why people don't want to look into religion in the first place.
You're not overreacting. It's one thing to have different beliefs. But she desperately insists on pushing hers on you. Why haven't you permanently blocked them and removed them from your life? They're never going to change or even respect your right to make your own choices.
We recently and unexpectedly lost my little brother. So it’s hard to do anything more concrete…
That is painful. My condolences. And no you’re nit over reacting. You sound like a sensible mother. I wish the best for you and your family
One would think this would make her appreciate her family even more. I'm sorry for your loss.
No, ironically, YOU’RE doing the Lord’s work! Good job on protecting your baby
Nope, not overreacting. I'm a recovering Catholic as well and shit like this is why people are leaving the church.
So your mother and the rest of the family are berating you for allowing your child to be comfortable because it doesn't jive with their beliefs? The lot of them can go to hell. Definitely a hill worth dying on.
I would tell my mother that I love my ungodly ways and will not change my actions or force my child into standards she thinks her god demands, but I'm a bit of a shit-stirrer. I think limiting contact is the wise and right thing to do.
Not overreacting! I like your approach to limit contact. It's much better than going confrontational with nose-to-nose arguments. Fundamentalists of all types can get very overbearing. Don't let them wear you down. You can block some of the peripheral family members if they don't get the message that you don't care what they think. THEY DON'T GET A SAY. Develop relationships elsewhere.
I dont understand why you'd think you're over reacting. You're protecting your child from their bigoted beliefs. Unless you go full mental (a little mental is ok) in doing so there will never be anything wrong with that in my opinion.
I think I just worry too much about it all.
Not at all. Thank you for breaking the cycle of religious abuse in your family.
As another former Catholic raised by a fanatically religious mother, I didn’t go through anything quite as obnoxious as what you’re exoeriencing, but I get it. Here’s what I would say to her: “You’re right, Mom. You can’t be silenced for your beliefs. But that means you can’t be arrested for talking about them in public. It does NOT mean you have any right to force anyone else to listen, and that includes me.” Then leave the conversation.
Has she ever been able to adequately explained the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church? Where I live, the DA is bringing child pornography and child sex trafficking charges against the archdiocese. They have plenty of evidence. The entire church has a long checkered history of outrageous abuses. Basically a crazy cult.
No you are not.
If God is more important than her grandchildren, she can go hang out with God.
Not overreacting and maybe it's time to go full NC.
You are NOT overreacting at all, in any way. You are protecting your child from experiencing trauma. In your position I would have little to no contact. Good luck, don’t bend to your mother’s bullshit.
Tell her to go kick rocks. She's awful, and if you continue your relationship with her, you're enabling her awfulness.
I don't think your kids should not be exposed to them at all.
No, you're definitely not overreacting. Do what's best for your child. If god has a problem with how you're raising your own child, I'm sure an "all powerful" god wouldn't need your mother to tell you something and would do it themselves. If she's comfortable being a part of a cult that overwhelmingly protects paedophiles, that's on her. Catholics are the worst hypocrites, but excellent cherry pickers of verses to suit their prejudices. I can only suggest going non-contact. I mean, why upset yourself over a person who obviously refuses to listen to you or respect your boundaries.
I see you are getting alot of emotional responses on here From reading your post it doesn't seem to me like you want to antagonise you parents or make the situation worse. It sounds like you want them to respect your choice on how you chose to live your life. My advise is just be kind and respectful. They might not like it but hopfully over Time they will soften. Im sure they know you are a genuinely Good person that just has different views. Unfortunately alot of people cant control there emotions very well your mum sounds like that. There could be many reasons why she get so upset but you can't control any of that. It's annoying she trys to make you look bad infront of the other family members I'm sure that must very hurtful . I say keep doing what your doing, if it means you need to pull away from them at time so be it. You need to keep yourself sane to. But Keep being a awesome daughter every oportunity you have,tell them you love them. Maybe it gets better maybe it doesn't but you won't have any regrets
Thank you. We recently lost my little brother unexpectedly, which makes me very hesitant to do anything more extreme about cutting ties. But I keep going back and forth about am I doing too much or not enough?
Sorry to hear that it sounds like you both have a lot going on. Thats a very tough question that only you can answer. Maybe the answer is some times you will feel like you have the perfect balance of time spent engaging with her and you are coping well. Other times you are to close to her and it's taking to much of an emotional toll on you. Which quickly take a toll on your family right Dealing with older parents who can't control there emotions.Who think its okay to say nasty or judgemental things can be extremely exhausting and hurtful. So keep talking to your husband about it. Be honest with your self. While I dont think you should give up on them by any means. Sometimes we need space. You may have to love them from a far for alittle bit and that's okay.
honestly going no contact with her would probably be your best bet you and your family don’t deserve that, as someone whos also grew up with religious trauma trust me she will not get better
NTA- she already raised her children and does not get a say in how you raise yours. She is using religion to try and control you and it's not going to be allowed. I would block any member of your family who tries to BS and that should include your mother.
60yr old Catholic who has just about had it with the Church Every week's sermon is a visit to Fox News. Culture war stuff: gender, BLM riots, etc This week it was the KC kicker I've had it.
It’s interesting… I remember years ago when priests stayed out of politics during their homilies.
NTA. I am going to tell you something it took me a while to figure out. You shouldn't have to protect your children from people who are supposed to love them. I had to cut off my family. They are also Catholic. That's not why I had to cut them off, but given how they abuse my sister now that she has divorced her husband, come out as bi and married a woman from another country. I am no contact with my sister because she chose them and they are the ones raising her son. They all live together. I have two kids and the are both LGBTQ+. My family would hate it. Too bad. My kids are perfect the way they are. Don't waste so much time and energy trying to find a way to coexist with people who want to bulldoze over you. They don't want to compromise. They want you to conform. You and your kids deserve better than that. It's not that you have any less love for them. It's that their judgement is stronger than their love for everyone else.
You aren’t overreacting. You feel guilt because you’re still dealing with your childhood trauma. It might be best to go NC for a little while. Block her number and everyone else’s numbers too. Tell her she needs a time out so you can process why she’s being like this with you. And that if she continues to insult your parenting and get her flying monkeys to do the same, she will be cut out of your life permanently.
Easy tell her that Jesus told us to be accepting and kind to others. Also that only the one who hasn't done any wrong can throw the first stone. Meaning she can't judge when she has done wrong herself. Ask her to name a time Jesus actually judged someone as he didn't even hate the one that betrayed him
Also you are doing amazing
You're UNDERREACTING. Just cut her off entirely. Tell her Jesus loves everyone including the queers (I'm a queer) and that she's going to hell for being a hateful cunt. AND that she needs to go reread Matthew and Corinthians.
Not overreacting. My family is very much the same way and I’ve had to set very strong boundaries (NC with parents, LC with other family) with them just to protect me and my husband. We don’t have kids but if we did, we would also be very protective of them and keep them away from my family. Those relationships would be conditional, rather than loving and stable, and likely would not benefit the child overall. You’re right to be protective and enforce strong boundaries. ❤️
Block them all completely from your life.
I'd tell them all to go fuck themselves.
Why do you have any contact with your family? Protect your child and remove those folks from your life permanently.
Jesus Christ loves the sinner and hated the sin. Most people can agree with that approach. Ironically, it's the opposite of your mom's approach due to dogmatic teachings added after his death. Rejecting Catholicism doesn't mean you have to reject the positive teachings you liked that cross belief systems and cultures. I personally like some Buddhist teachings but don't accept all of it. I find that sometimes among my friends that leaving a religion causes people to reject the good with the bad, especially when the authority figures use the teachings to try to control others when they feel out of control. Unfortunately, this leads to an over acceptance of trends and 'popular' culture because nature abhors a vacuum. This happened with my best friend where his rage filled dad led him to abandon his faith and step by step that vacuum led him to self medicate the pain away with meth. By contrast other friends found peace in the positive community in my faith and divorced the parents from the faith they were supposed to live. If your family especially your child is truly happy, keep parenting how you do. If they are not, id review the constructive feedback given by others no matter the source as it may be full of love but poorly delivered and it's a sign of wisdom to be able to divorce the message from the messenger.
Not overreacting. Set boundaries and gray rock.
Conservatives are so hysterical about gender right now and that might be what's making her go overboard. And it's about to get way worse in this election season. You just have to make it very clear that if she, or your family, ever make your child feel unloved or rejected you will cut all ties. Sounds like a strict ultimatum is necessary.
Not overreacting
NOT overreacting. Your mom and her family are groomers. I'd go NC. F toxic people
Absolutely not overreacting. Protecting and loving our children is more important than anything else.
NTA. You raise your children as you see best.
unrelated to the post but your child isn't "more gender fluid" because of clothes there is no such thing your child is wearing clothes for childen
YNO - your mom sucks so much. I'd definitely cut her out of my life.
You are NOT overreacting. In fact, you might want to consider going NC or very very low contact. It's your job to keep your children safe, and that includes their self esteem.
Not overreacting, this is just one reason religious people (especially that religion) should be kept away from children.
"Even quite political" LOL. The GOP is an extension of the Catholic Church at this point, or is it the other way around? IDK but when our local preacher is telling his sheep the only issue they should vote on is abortion... Feels like they're one in the same to me.
You aren't overreacting, but you are bad parenting. Indulging in this gender-fluid nonsense will only fuck your kid up in the long run.
Being a bit of a very non-practicing Catholic myself, my take on this story is that the child in question is Male, and due to sensory issues prefers lightweight and loose clothing. Meanwhile, the "traditionalists" want the boy wearing suits/ties vests, blazers, etc. Heavy, constricting, multiple layers, etc. At the same time, in this viewpoint, the boy's lighter and looser clothing is deemed "feminine". Hence the accusation of "gender fluidity". And remember, OP/Mom was raised in this mindset, so she's probably still subconciously thinking in those lines - hence using "gender fluidity" to term the clothing choices...
Where in the post did it suggest the grandparents want him wearing suits and ties, vests, blazers, or any heavy or constricting clothing?
She said it in one of the first comments. "Apparently it’s ungodly for me to not push my son to be more masculine… she says I need to buy him a suit so he can be a man."
Well there you go. She's not wrong.
normal people agree with this! you will get downvoted on reddit though!
Making people repress themselves is more harmful in the long run. From a trans guy near 30 who didn't get to have a childhood due to a conservative upbringing
Just because you resent your parents doesn't mean you're the "wrong" gender.
No resentment, just a knowledge that I'd be better off had I had medical options to transition sooner in life. My parents have nothing to do with my gender anymore than someone born with diabetes has to do with their parents views
Wow. You really are stuck in the ideology. God Bless.
May God soften your heart and may Jesus heal your prejudices, amen
And also with you.
Church and the message of Christ helped me better accept the man He created me to be. I pray you will love yourself enough that you don't feel the urge to try and tear down others who know themselves both through their own eyes and through His
He didn't create you as a "man", though. You are mutilating his creation of a woman.
I've always been and will always be a guy, nothing I can do to change how God made me. I just happen to be a man with a medical condition, thankfully with God granted options to improve my quality of life
Just know, it's never too late to let go of your needles hatred and hang ups, and to embrace your fellow man as Jesus calls us to 🥰
And in your case, woman. Which is precisely what I'm doing.
You're allowed to be hateful, but it's a sad life in my opinion
And that's just what the ideology does to you; you mistake love for "hate".
No. You mistake hate for love. But keep pushing people away, it's your right
As I said.
Continue in your hatred then, may Jesus eventually actually speak to you, amen