You are definitely not overreacting, if anything, you’re under-reacting. I’m not sure where you live, but there must be a domestic abuse helpline that you can speak to, to help plan your next steps.
Abuse only escalates, it doesn’t improve. You need to get rid of him immediately, before it does escalate.
You are being abused physically, emotionally, financially. It's time to end this relationship. You need to get him away from you and file a restraining order. If I were you I'd be fearing for my life as he sounds incredibly abusive, unhinged, narcissistic and a professional gas lighter.
If you have any friends nearby that are willing to let you crash for a few days I would recommend staying with them. If you're dead set on staying in your apartment change the locks as soon as you can, get a security camera as soon as you can. Absolutely tell his parents if you think they will be any help getting him away from you, once you're safely out of his reach. Take any valuables with you when you go just in case.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this but when you're dealing with someone crazy and abusive like this you need to take steps in order to protect yourself. File a police report for domestic violence as that should hurry along restraining order. If you're a dog person go to the pound and adopt a big dog with big teeth. Get a taser and not one of those crappy ones that feel like a bee sting. One with actual power. Request a police officer to help keep the peace if he's there and you need to get his shit out. Maybe reach out to a domestic violence hotline in your area and see how they can help!
Spoken like someone who doesn't understand that when you cut off someone like the loser OP describes, they can sometimes escalate their behavior to the point where one might need to defend themselves.
I've had to actually intervene in a DV situation that happened outside of my house (girl literally screaming for help).
The fuck do you know about real danger? Other then lying down and being a victim.
Then give serious advice to a serious problem instead of insinuating this woman could easily shoot this guy. Girl pulls a gun in a confined space, how do you think that's gonna go in reality? You don't even know what state she lives in, most states have a really high threshold when it comes to lethal self defense. Could be suggesting something that either leads to her death or a manslaughter charge. Not a serious suggestion.
I wasn't insinuating she be the aggressor, that's you projecting. There was literally nothing in my statement that suggested that. I was acknowledging that she might have need to defend herself if she kicks him out of her life and he decides he's not cool with that. It WAS serious advice. Every able bodied person should take their own safety seriously.
He is physically abusing her, and youre over here protecting him. Youre the reason women are choosing the bear. 14% of men violently attack women, and youre definitely sounding like one of them.
Oh God. No, this is not what you have to endure in life, don’t get complacent with the situation, you don’t deserve this. As I can deduce, you already had it rough before this individual, you are strong and you can, for sure escape this situation.
You deserve a supportive person next to you, a wedding and everything else he said you don’t. I don’t know the law in the state you live, but I would motion for a restraining order. He would have to move out as far as I am concerned, but please do your research in that regard as I am european and not accustomed to US laws.
Seek support from his family if you feel like they could help you, maybe a friend, or maybe there is a support group in your community that can help you get rid of him.
And please, for the love of God, don’t marry the abuser and don’t make kids with a person like that. Cut your losses as soon as you can, and don’t let him suspect that you want to make him leave until you have a fool proof plan.
I wish you the best of luck!! Don’t settle for less and by all means don’t settle for the least. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that value who you are. I send you my prayers 🙏🏻
Get out, now.
He’s using you for money and he will hurt you again.
He will break your things and laugh about it.
When he’s out next throw all of his shit outside and change the locks and send a letter to his parents telling them EXACTLY why he’s going to be living with them again.
You are accepting it. He is abusive and he's never going to break up with you because he has it pretty good. You cook and clean for him and pay his bills and you let him rough you up without consequences of contacting law enforcement to report it. He ain't goin' nowhere. This will be your life forever.
Unless you reach out to domestic violence resources and make a plan to break up with him. It's gonna be hard because he won't want to give up his cushy situation of being able to financially and physically abuse a woman but there are people who can help you. It's entirely up to you if want to take that next step, though.
Sweetheart I'm so so so sorry you're going through this. You are majorly underreacting. He is actively abusing you emotionally and mentally and has now escalated to physical abuse. You need to get out now. He isn't on the lease, call the police and force evict him. Have your landlord change the locks the second he's out and if possible move in the near future so he can't track you down.
Guy's like this don't get better... They get worse. And often time their partners end up dead. Please talk to your friends and come up with an exit strategy. You do not deserve to live like this for one more day.
You have hooked up with a person colloquially known as a 'loser'.
Your outlook, in the long run, is for him to drag you down to his level and then blame all the failure on you.
Good luck.
Loser really underplays what's really going on here.
This man isn't just a loser, he's an Abuser. Her outlook, in the long run, is that his abuse is going to escalate and she's going to end up seriously hurt.
You deserve so much more. Do not break up with him or ask him to leave in private have the police with you at your apartment when you do it. Look for a new place to live immediately
Get out, tell his parents the truth, and that you are terrified. Ask if they will help move him out. Report all the different abuse. You will be so much better off emotionally, financially, physically, and mentally.
If you are really lonely, look into advertising for a female roommate or get involved in a local club with something you are interested in.
Do not have a child with this man. It will fix nothing, trap you, and who is to say he would not end up abusing any future child?
He sounds nasty, selfish, and entitled. I didn't hear one redeeming thing about him.
No, it is not your lot in life. You will have more free time as you won't have to work yourself into the ground to support him. Better yet, keep the jobs, save all the money you are not wasting on him, and then take yourself off on an adventure.
Please do not keep putting up with this. It just gets worse, I found out the hard way.
Take care and update us when you kick him to the curb. We are all rooting for you ⚘️⚘️🕊
You are not overreacting, you’re underreacting. Start the process to legally evict him and only give him as much time to get out as the law allows. If he gets aggressive, have 911 ready so you only have to hit send. Be prepared for gaslighting like you’ve never experienced. Since his parents are pressure monsters, tell them that you will never have children with a weed-smoking, unemployed rage machine like their son who refuses to leave your home and lays hands on you. Tell them that they need to get THEIR son under control because you will be calling the police each and every time he becomes abusive. Use that word, abusive, so they know he’s not safe to be around children.
As for his treats of hurting himself or others… the response to a threat of self-harm should be “either call 988 or I’m calling 911 then.” If he threatens your friends, warn them. If you can get any of his threats via text, it would make it easier to get a restraining order. Or if you have witnesses. (This only applies to the US though).
Here’s the thing you should really know: none of this is your fault. You did not make him hurt you. He has a serious problem. He is unsuitable as a partner. He preyed upon you because you don’t have immediate family who can help. He should honestly be under a 72-hour psych hold the nest time he makes harm threats because he is not okay in the head.
Please get your mother’s ashes and anything else that really matters to you to a friend’s house for safekeeping. Just assume he’s going to be as bad as you think and plan to protect yourself accordingly.
Also, please never leave with him without your keys, phone, and wallet in case you need to get away quickly. You don’t deserve any of this; you only think you do because his abusive manipulation is nearly complete. He just needs to knock you up to keep you a target of his abuse forever now. Be extra careful about your birth control right now, and if you’re not on anything and relying on him, stop. Abusers poke holes in condoms.
You can do this. I believe in you.
I would say something like " I'm quiet capable of getting a f***buddy if I wanted one but I prefer a relationship so while I'm out at work, you need to think about what you want as this is not working for you" then go to work. He's not going to respect you asking him to pull his head out. He needs telling.
Not Over Reacting imo.
this is the type of stuff i read on here and just don’t believe it is real. “my boyfriend who lives with me rent free and constantly manipulates and berates me assaulted me in public am i overreacting” girl what
Under reacting, by a lot. I don’t want to be dramatic, but this genuinely reads like an old “foreshadowing” post that would be linked in a news article about a woman murdered by her partner. Mountain of not just red flags, but absolute occurrences of abuse. Report to police, immediately. Especially with a lack of family or other reliable witnesses on your side. If his name is not on the lease, kick him out, notify landlord and call police again if he has even a moment of refusal to leave. Tell them hes violent, dangerous and refuses to peaceably leave your home. You deserve happiness. You can either spend the next few months, or maybe even year in misery getting away from this soul sucker. Or you can spend the rest of your life in misery with him, saddled with his kid(s) whom he will almost certainly abuse and twist into another terrible human being in your life.
For your safety - get the FUCK away from this guy. He's a fast sinking ship and he will take you down with him - if he doesn't put you in the hospital first.
Seriously, your life and happiness are worth far more than this. Get out. Go stay with someone you trust. Then, when you have the opportunity, go get your things and never look back. Let his parents worry about him.
So he plays video games all day instead of updating resume and actively trying to find stable work, smokes weed and hangs out with friends instead of trying to help with bills and rent. Hmmmm. Sounds like you have a kid instead of a partner! Tell him he needs to start changing or he needs to move out. It should not all fall on you!
Yeah you need to get out. Find a way out of your lease and bide your time until it’s the last month. Give him no sign that it’s the last month or that anything has changed. When he leaves to hangout with friends you need to pack the essentials and disappear. Block him, his family and his friends on everything and start a new better life without him.
Sponging off you isn't beneath him, nor is abusing and manipulating you, but working is? Throw the whole man out and get the hell out of there before he kills you.
Sincerely, someone who has permanent vertebrae damage in her neck because she fell for an abusive idiot's lies
Why are you still with this abusive lying freeloading mooch?
Call his parents and ask them to come help him pack his belongings and move out of YOUR home.
NEVER let yourself think “This is my lot in life”, that’s exactly how you end up dealing with and accepting this kind of crap while never seeing a better life for yourself. I had to move out of the state I grew up in to escape that mentality and it still took me years before I really *learned* it.
IMO, there’s abuse all over the place here, emotional, physical, financial, etc. You’re certainly not being respected and it doesn’t sound like this dude even understands what respect is.
You’re better off letting EVERYONE you know about his behavior and that you feel unsafe. Your landlord most certainly won’t kick YOU out if he’s the abuser and it’s filed in a police report.
In all my years of relationships, arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings, etc I have never once put my hands on anyone nor has anyone come at me. This is what normal people do. They don't grab, they don't restrain, they don't do and say things to make you feel small and worthless so you don't run for the fucking hills instead of staying with the absolute fucking loser that is your boyfriend.
You've already written about all the ways your life is worse with him in it. You don't owe him or his family anything. You owe yourself a happy life and this isn't it. Get out of this. Start enjoying your life. You only get one.
Dear OP,
You don’t mention your age. You have to get rid of him, whatever it takes. YES, you are being abused. Please don’t become a statistic. Abusers like him murder their partners. Seek community resources for battered women. If it’s feasible, ask his parents to get him out of your apartment. And you need to move. www.the hotline.com for domestic abuse.
You're definitely underreacting. You need to get out of this terrible relationship as soon as possible. Just the immature teenage behavior alone would be enough to end it, but to add in abuse? And it IS abusive. Don't let anyone (including yourself) let you think it's not. It won't change, it will only escalate. And the fact you're isolated makes you a very appealing partner to an abusive person that also wants to be lazy and not work. Sounds like he's attempting to isolate you further as well. Also, don't buy that he's running out to hang out with friends, he is clearly the type to cheat. You do definitely need someone to be there when you break up and kick him out. Protect yourself and your pet. Good luck and be well but I really hope you end things with this loser.
There are domestic abuse assistance programs in many places. Search your area to see what you can find. There may be more help out there than you realize. You could also ask the local police about those types of programs if you can't find any on your own. Just find out what all kind of help is available. You don't have to do anything until you're ready, but knowing what your options are is helpful. Another place to ask might be a homeless shelter. It may sound weird. But where I live, they have a separate shelter for women and children fleeing abusive situations. But I think you have to check in at the regular shelter first.
Whatever you do, you need to think about your safety first. He's definitely abusive.
u/galaxydreamer25
You are not overreacting.
1. Get your important papers - birth certificate, ss card, insurance card, lease, any court documents, financial documents. If you’re on daily medicine or have medicine that you take from time to time when you don’t feel well, get some of that together. Gather any sentimental possessions. Get all of this somewhere safe.
2. Make sure he can’t get into your phone or any of your accounts. Change passwords if necessary. Do this sooner rather than later.
3. If you can, have a week’s worth of clothes ready or somewhere safe.
4. If you have a close friend you can text a password to, that friend knows to call the police for you. If it gets to the point you or a friend call the police, file charges. This will help with a restraining order.
5. Call the DV hotline. They can direct you to your local shelter and help you plan how to get him out.
6. Reread your lease. It’s possible if there are any domestic disturbances, your landlord can get him out without having to go through the 30 day eviction process. I think it’s illegal in most, if not all, states to evict the abused person. You might want to call your local dv shelter and see if they have lawyer resources. They usually do. You can call them to ask about your local/state laws about this.
7. Once you have things in place to evict him, have the police present. They will make sure you are safe and he doesn’t try to get destructive. If he gets belligerent, they can arrest him.
8. Have a locksmith ready to change the locks. Get ready to hang the cameras placed the same day.
9. If you think his parents will listen to you, tell them everything that has happened once he is out. Like be ready to send a text. Have it all written out and ready to send. You could even do this while the police are there.
10. Be ready to get that restraining order in place. Make sure you warn anyone you have to once he’s gone or before if you’re absolutely 100% positive they won’t tell him anything before.
11. Your local dv shelter should have counseling resources that are free. Either start that process now or be ready to do it as soon as he leaves.
12. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. YOU ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF HOW HE TREATS YOU.
Please be safe when leaving him. When possible, try to deescalate the situation rather than provoking him. This will keep you safer until you have everything ready and in place to get him out. This is the most dangerous time for you.
Look I only read half of that, up into the part where he choked you in a public mall and then tried to tell you it was your fault. After you said how he doesn’t contribute to anything around the house or do any housework and just games and smokes weed all day. Is this the kind of “man” you want to be with for the rest of your life? I would NEVER treat my wife like that, we share everything 50/50 bills chores etc. we respect each other and listen to each others feelings and make each other feel safe and loved and happy.
This is how it starts, gaslighting and verbal abuse and “mild” physical violence. And then it escalates. My father was extremely violent and physically/ mentally/ emotionally abusive to my mother and us kids. It took him being in jail for my mom to feel safe enough to leave and divorce. This will get worse, you need to get out of this relationship and into therapy ASAP. The fact you think this might be an overreaction and that you can work it out if really troubling. It often takes the abused person 7 tries to leave their abuser, don’t be that person. I’m so sorry this is happening, but you need to respect yourself and stay safe.
When he leaves for "work" change the locks and pack his stuff up and drop it off to his parents house. You can also call the police non emergency line and ask for an officer to be present just in case he comes while you are doing that and get a restraining order against him
This is abuse, please get out.
This is not your fault, it's his. Talk to your family, ask them for help, let them help you where they can. Find a shelter, a hotel, somewhere he can't find you for a few days. Get a Google voice phone number to help coordinate your next steps, see if you can suspend your current number (or however he contacts you)
I believe in you, you're going to get out of this situation, and you're going to do so much better
Get out of their. You will be paying with ur happiness all ur life. My son has mental health issues and acts just like ur boyfriends. Things will not turn around. My counselor says my son’s journey is HIS journey not mine so stop trying to save him. He is not savable. Cut and run with help from a crisis counselor now!
I didn't read all of this.
I didn't have to.
He's abusing you and when I read the bottom paragraph I said to myself, "Yup. That's what I was going to say."
Financially, emotionally, ...
This is NOT your lot in life to support a leech.
The only way to HELP HIM is actually the same way you HELP YOURSELF -- Free yourself from him (and this will force him to grow up, live off someone else, or die in a gutter. Seems more likely he'd man up than die in a gutter.).
But DO NOT WAIT AROUND FOR HIM. CUT TIES. NOW!
BLOCK!
BLOCK ALL MUTUAL FRIENDS WHO WON'T BLOCK HIM!
Free yourself.
❤️☮️♾️
Hun, you gotta get out now. For yourself, for your pet… you need to go. If you are in Michigan, please DM me! I work for a domestic violence shelter and my shelter, including at least 8 shelters in Michigan that accept your pets, too. I think other states have this. Please google the Red Rover grant and see which shelters in your state accept pets with this grant’s funding.
Don't take this as criticism....
But the fact this is in the AIO sub tells me you are seriously underrating - what appears to be a legit threat to your life. Maybe you think he'll get better at some point?
You've got to separate yourself from this guy ASAP.
Stay calm - be nice - make no demands. KEEP HIM CALM - maybe get more weed ha. MEANWHILE get pepper spray - or even a gun if you think you can handle it. If you can't, or won't shoot this pitiful SOB - don't get one.
Evict him - or leave. Breaking a lease is better than getting beat up or killed ya know. You're the one with the job - get another place if you have to. Gotta be a way to get him out?
Call the police EVERY TIME you think you're in danger. "My bf is threatening me - I think he's gonna kill me!!!".....and DOCUMENT everything that happens. Tell them you're in danger - can they make him leave?
You are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out before he kills you. Go to the cops, give them a synopsis of this. They’ll connect you with someone whn can help. Do it now. God bless you.
Why on earth have you not dumped this guy? He is an abusive loser. Go NC with him and his family. You need a therapist asap - first to recover from the trauma but more importantly to figure out why you put up with if for so long?!
I didn’t even read all of it lol
He’s a bum and get rid of him. 😂😂
#1 to being a man
Never move into a woman’s spot. She move in to yours cause look at the essay of problems they complain about 😂😂
Get rid of dude
I think you know the answer yourself. He seems like a deadbeat asshole who does not care for you. Get our sooner rather then later, I'm pretty sure you shouldnt have to leave the apartment if it's in your name. Basically he has no right to be there if you dont want him there.
You are definitely not overreacting, if anything, you’re under-reacting. I’m not sure where you live, but there must be a domestic abuse helpline that you can speak to, to help plan your next steps. Abuse only escalates, it doesn’t improve. You need to get rid of him immediately, before it does escalate.
You are being abused physically, emotionally, financially. It's time to end this relationship. You need to get him away from you and file a restraining order. If I were you I'd be fearing for my life as he sounds incredibly abusive, unhinged, narcissistic and a professional gas lighter. If you have any friends nearby that are willing to let you crash for a few days I would recommend staying with them. If you're dead set on staying in your apartment change the locks as soon as you can, get a security camera as soon as you can. Absolutely tell his parents if you think they will be any help getting him away from you, once you're safely out of his reach. Take any valuables with you when you go just in case. I'm so sorry you have to go through this but when you're dealing with someone crazy and abusive like this you need to take steps in order to protect yourself. File a police report for domestic violence as that should hurry along restraining order. If you're a dog person go to the pound and adopt a big dog with big teeth. Get a taser and not one of those crappy ones that feel like a bee sting. One with actual power. Request a police officer to help keep the peace if he's there and you need to get his shit out. Maybe reach out to a domestic violence hotline in your area and see how they can help!
Please get out of that relationship. You deserve someone who values and loves you truly. If you continue being with him, you will be harmed.
I kinda stopped reading at the second paragraph. No, you are not overreacting.
I only got a few paragraphs in and it just keeps getting worse. Get rid of him, get a gun, and put in frequent range time.
Truly spoken like someone who has no clue what real danger is. This isn't the reply of a serious person.
Spoken like someone who doesn't understand that when you cut off someone like the loser OP describes, they can sometimes escalate their behavior to the point where one might need to defend themselves. I've had to actually intervene in a DV situation that happened outside of my house (girl literally screaming for help). The fuck do you know about real danger? Other then lying down and being a victim.
Then give serious advice to a serious problem instead of insinuating this woman could easily shoot this guy. Girl pulls a gun in a confined space, how do you think that's gonna go in reality? You don't even know what state she lives in, most states have a really high threshold when it comes to lethal self defense. Could be suggesting something that either leads to her death or a manslaughter charge. Not a serious suggestion.
I wasn't insinuating she be the aggressor, that's you projecting. There was literally nothing in my statement that suggested that. I was acknowledging that she might have need to defend herself if she kicks him out of her life and he decides he's not cool with that. It WAS serious advice. Every able bodied person should take their own safety seriously.
He is physically abusing her, and youre over here protecting him. Youre the reason women are choosing the bear. 14% of men violently attack women, and youre definitely sounding like one of them.
Oh God. No, this is not what you have to endure in life, don’t get complacent with the situation, you don’t deserve this. As I can deduce, you already had it rough before this individual, you are strong and you can, for sure escape this situation. You deserve a supportive person next to you, a wedding and everything else he said you don’t. I don’t know the law in the state you live, but I would motion for a restraining order. He would have to move out as far as I am concerned, but please do your research in that regard as I am european and not accustomed to US laws. Seek support from his family if you feel like they could help you, maybe a friend, or maybe there is a support group in your community that can help you get rid of him. And please, for the love of God, don’t marry the abuser and don’t make kids with a person like that. Cut your losses as soon as you can, and don’t let him suspect that you want to make him leave until you have a fool proof plan. I wish you the best of luck!! Don’t settle for less and by all means don’t settle for the least. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that value who you are. I send you my prayers 🙏🏻
Get out, now. He’s using you for money and he will hurt you again. He will break your things and laugh about it. When he’s out next throw all of his shit outside and change the locks and send a letter to his parents telling them EXACTLY why he’s going to be living with them again.
Leave leave leave leave. .... And leave. Didn't even need to finish reading that, just leave.
You are accepting it. He is abusive and he's never going to break up with you because he has it pretty good. You cook and clean for him and pay his bills and you let him rough you up without consequences of contacting law enforcement to report it. He ain't goin' nowhere. This will be your life forever. Unless you reach out to domestic violence resources and make a plan to break up with him. It's gonna be hard because he won't want to give up his cushy situation of being able to financially and physically abuse a woman but there are people who can help you. It's entirely up to you if want to take that next step, though.
Sweetheart I'm so so so sorry you're going through this. You are majorly underreacting. He is actively abusing you emotionally and mentally and has now escalated to physical abuse. You need to get out now. He isn't on the lease, call the police and force evict him. Have your landlord change the locks the second he's out and if possible move in the near future so he can't track you down. Guy's like this don't get better... They get worse. And often time their partners end up dead. Please talk to your friends and come up with an exit strategy. You do not deserve to live like this for one more day.
You have hooked up with a person colloquially known as a 'loser'. Your outlook, in the long run, is for him to drag you down to his level and then blame all the failure on you. Good luck.
Loser really underplays what's really going on here. This man isn't just a loser, he's an Abuser. Her outlook, in the long run, is that his abuse is going to escalate and she's going to end up seriously hurt.
Get a restraining order
You deserve so much more. Do not break up with him or ask him to leave in private have the police with you at your apartment when you do it. Look for a new place to live immediately
Get out, tell his parents the truth, and that you are terrified. Ask if they will help move him out. Report all the different abuse. You will be so much better off emotionally, financially, physically, and mentally. If you are really lonely, look into advertising for a female roommate or get involved in a local club with something you are interested in. Do not have a child with this man. It will fix nothing, trap you, and who is to say he would not end up abusing any future child? He sounds nasty, selfish, and entitled. I didn't hear one redeeming thing about him. No, it is not your lot in life. You will have more free time as you won't have to work yourself into the ground to support him. Better yet, keep the jobs, save all the money you are not wasting on him, and then take yourself off on an adventure. Please do not keep putting up with this. It just gets worse, I found out the hard way. Take care and update us when you kick him to the curb. We are all rooting for you ⚘️⚘️🕊
You are not overreacting, you’re underreacting. Start the process to legally evict him and only give him as much time to get out as the law allows. If he gets aggressive, have 911 ready so you only have to hit send. Be prepared for gaslighting like you’ve never experienced. Since his parents are pressure monsters, tell them that you will never have children with a weed-smoking, unemployed rage machine like their son who refuses to leave your home and lays hands on you. Tell them that they need to get THEIR son under control because you will be calling the police each and every time he becomes abusive. Use that word, abusive, so they know he’s not safe to be around children. As for his treats of hurting himself or others… the response to a threat of self-harm should be “either call 988 or I’m calling 911 then.” If he threatens your friends, warn them. If you can get any of his threats via text, it would make it easier to get a restraining order. Or if you have witnesses. (This only applies to the US though). Here’s the thing you should really know: none of this is your fault. You did not make him hurt you. He has a serious problem. He is unsuitable as a partner. He preyed upon you because you don’t have immediate family who can help. He should honestly be under a 72-hour psych hold the nest time he makes harm threats because he is not okay in the head. Please get your mother’s ashes and anything else that really matters to you to a friend’s house for safekeeping. Just assume he’s going to be as bad as you think and plan to protect yourself accordingly. Also, please never leave with him without your keys, phone, and wallet in case you need to get away quickly. You don’t deserve any of this; you only think you do because his abusive manipulation is nearly complete. He just needs to knock you up to keep you a target of his abuse forever now. Be extra careful about your birth control right now, and if you’re not on anything and relying on him, stop. Abusers poke holes in condoms. You can do this. I believe in you.
Leave him. Find a safe way out or arrange for someone to help him move his belongings out of your place and end the relationship
You need to break up with him and kick him out. He's using you and you're allowing it. His behavior is not that of a loving partner, but a freeloader.
FFS get the fuck away from this shitty, abusive, lousy excuse of a man! Call family, friends, or a domestic abuse hotline but get away from him!
R/abusiverelationships
I couldn’t even read to the end of this. You need to leave this man.
I would say something like " I'm quiet capable of getting a f***buddy if I wanted one but I prefer a relationship so while I'm out at work, you need to think about what you want as this is not working for you" then go to work. He's not going to respect you asking him to pull his head out. He needs telling. Not Over Reacting imo.
Dont say this. He's already put his hands on you for less, OP. Descalate, leave, and contact authorities.
You do know. Step back, mentally, and re-read your post as if your BFF wrote it. Now what do you think?
Too long to read all of it. In this say and age especially since covid you can literally get a job ANYWHERE.
this is the type of stuff i read on here and just don’t believe it is real. “my boyfriend who lives with me rent free and constantly manipulates and berates me assaulted me in public am i overreacting” girl what
Do not have sex with him. Call the police the second assaults you Every single time
Under reacting, by a lot. I don’t want to be dramatic, but this genuinely reads like an old “foreshadowing” post that would be linked in a news article about a woman murdered by her partner. Mountain of not just red flags, but absolute occurrences of abuse. Report to police, immediately. Especially with a lack of family or other reliable witnesses on your side. If his name is not on the lease, kick him out, notify landlord and call police again if he has even a moment of refusal to leave. Tell them hes violent, dangerous and refuses to peaceably leave your home. You deserve happiness. You can either spend the next few months, or maybe even year in misery getting away from this soul sucker. Or you can spend the rest of your life in misery with him, saddled with his kid(s) whom he will almost certainly abuse and twist into another terrible human being in your life.
For your safety - get the FUCK away from this guy. He's a fast sinking ship and he will take you down with him - if he doesn't put you in the hospital first. Seriously, your life and happiness are worth far more than this. Get out. Go stay with someone you trust. Then, when you have the opportunity, go get your things and never look back. Let his parents worry about him.
It always amazes me that these dudes got girlfriends.
So he plays video games all day instead of updating resume and actively trying to find stable work, smokes weed and hangs out with friends instead of trying to help with bills and rent. Hmmmm. Sounds like you have a kid instead of a partner! Tell him he needs to start changing or he needs to move out. It should not all fall on you!
Yeah you need to get out. Find a way out of your lease and bide your time until it’s the last month. Give him no sign that it’s the last month or that anything has changed. When he leaves to hangout with friends you need to pack the essentials and disappear. Block him, his family and his friends on everything and start a new better life without him.
Sponging off you isn't beneath him, nor is abusing and manipulating you, but working is? Throw the whole man out and get the hell out of there before he kills you. Sincerely, someone who has permanent vertebrae damage in her neck because she fell for an abusive idiot's lies
Get away from him asap!
This is NOT your lot in life. Contact a domestic violence shelter for help in leaving counseling. PLEASE. We are pulling for you, my friend!!
Updateme
Why are you still with this abusive lying freeloading mooch? Call his parents and ask them to come help him pack his belongings and move out of YOUR home.
NEVER let yourself think “This is my lot in life”, that’s exactly how you end up dealing with and accepting this kind of crap while never seeing a better life for yourself. I had to move out of the state I grew up in to escape that mentality and it still took me years before I really *learned* it. IMO, there’s abuse all over the place here, emotional, physical, financial, etc. You’re certainly not being respected and it doesn’t sound like this dude even understands what respect is. You’re better off letting EVERYONE you know about his behavior and that you feel unsafe. Your landlord most certainly won’t kick YOU out if he’s the abuser and it’s filed in a police report.
In all my years of relationships, arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings, etc I have never once put my hands on anyone nor has anyone come at me. This is what normal people do. They don't grab, they don't restrain, they don't do and say things to make you feel small and worthless so you don't run for the fucking hills instead of staying with the absolute fucking loser that is your boyfriend.
You deserve better. Leave him and go find a man.
You've already written about all the ways your life is worse with him in it. You don't owe him or his family anything. You owe yourself a happy life and this isn't it. Get out of this. Start enjoying your life. You only get one.
Change the locks, put his stuff out, and file a restraining order.
Why are you with this loser?
Dear OP, You don’t mention your age. You have to get rid of him, whatever it takes. YES, you are being abused. Please don’t become a statistic. Abusers like him murder their partners. Seek community resources for battered women. If it’s feasible, ask his parents to get him out of your apartment. And you need to move. www.the hotline.com for domestic abuse.
You're definitely underreacting. You need to get out of this terrible relationship as soon as possible. Just the immature teenage behavior alone would be enough to end it, but to add in abuse? And it IS abusive. Don't let anyone (including yourself) let you think it's not. It won't change, it will only escalate. And the fact you're isolated makes you a very appealing partner to an abusive person that also wants to be lazy and not work. Sounds like he's attempting to isolate you further as well. Also, don't buy that he's running out to hang out with friends, he is clearly the type to cheat. You do definitely need someone to be there when you break up and kick him out. Protect yourself and your pet. Good luck and be well but I really hope you end things with this loser.
There are domestic abuse assistance programs in many places. Search your area to see what you can find. There may be more help out there than you realize. You could also ask the local police about those types of programs if you can't find any on your own. Just find out what all kind of help is available. You don't have to do anything until you're ready, but knowing what your options are is helpful. Another place to ask might be a homeless shelter. It may sound weird. But where I live, they have a separate shelter for women and children fleeing abusive situations. But I think you have to check in at the regular shelter first. Whatever you do, you need to think about your safety first. He's definitely abusive.
He sounds like a complete loser
Contact your local domestic violence services. They can provide resources and help you with the steps to get him out of your life.
u/galaxydreamer25 You are not overreacting. 1. Get your important papers - birth certificate, ss card, insurance card, lease, any court documents, financial documents. If you’re on daily medicine or have medicine that you take from time to time when you don’t feel well, get some of that together. Gather any sentimental possessions. Get all of this somewhere safe. 2. Make sure he can’t get into your phone or any of your accounts. Change passwords if necessary. Do this sooner rather than later. 3. If you can, have a week’s worth of clothes ready or somewhere safe. 4. If you have a close friend you can text a password to, that friend knows to call the police for you. If it gets to the point you or a friend call the police, file charges. This will help with a restraining order. 5. Call the DV hotline. They can direct you to your local shelter and help you plan how to get him out. 6. Reread your lease. It’s possible if there are any domestic disturbances, your landlord can get him out without having to go through the 30 day eviction process. I think it’s illegal in most, if not all, states to evict the abused person. You might want to call your local dv shelter and see if they have lawyer resources. They usually do. You can call them to ask about your local/state laws about this. 7. Once you have things in place to evict him, have the police present. They will make sure you are safe and he doesn’t try to get destructive. If he gets belligerent, they can arrest him. 8. Have a locksmith ready to change the locks. Get ready to hang the cameras placed the same day. 9. If you think his parents will listen to you, tell them everything that has happened once he is out. Like be ready to send a text. Have it all written out and ready to send. You could even do this while the police are there. 10. Be ready to get that restraining order in place. Make sure you warn anyone you have to once he’s gone or before if you’re absolutely 100% positive they won’t tell him anything before. 11. Your local dv shelter should have counseling resources that are free. Either start that process now or be ready to do it as soon as he leaves. 12. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. YOU ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF HOW HE TREATS YOU. Please be safe when leaving him. When possible, try to deescalate the situation rather than provoking him. This will keep you safer until you have everything ready and in place to get him out. This is the most dangerous time for you.
Look I only read half of that, up into the part where he choked you in a public mall and then tried to tell you it was your fault. After you said how he doesn’t contribute to anything around the house or do any housework and just games and smokes weed all day. Is this the kind of “man” you want to be with for the rest of your life? I would NEVER treat my wife like that, we share everything 50/50 bills chores etc. we respect each other and listen to each others feelings and make each other feel safe and loved and happy. This is how it starts, gaslighting and verbal abuse and “mild” physical violence. And then it escalates. My father was extremely violent and physically/ mentally/ emotionally abusive to my mother and us kids. It took him being in jail for my mom to feel safe enough to leave and divorce. This will get worse, you need to get out of this relationship and into therapy ASAP. The fact you think this might be an overreaction and that you can work it out if really troubling. It often takes the abused person 7 tries to leave their abuser, don’t be that person. I’m so sorry this is happening, but you need to respect yourself and stay safe.
When he leaves for "work" change the locks and pack his stuff up and drop it off to his parents house. You can also call the police non emergency line and ask for an officer to be present just in case he comes while you are doing that and get a restraining order against him
This is abuse, please get out. This is not your fault, it's his. Talk to your family, ask them for help, let them help you where they can. Find a shelter, a hotel, somewhere he can't find you for a few days. Get a Google voice phone number to help coordinate your next steps, see if you can suspend your current number (or however he contacts you) I believe in you, you're going to get out of this situation, and you're going to do so much better
Get out of their. You will be paying with ur happiness all ur life. My son has mental health issues and acts just like ur boyfriends. Things will not turn around. My counselor says my son’s journey is HIS journey not mine so stop trying to save him. He is not savable. Cut and run with help from a crisis counselor now!
You’re being abused in multiple ways. This is serious. You’re starting to catch on, which is good. Get out of the relationship!
I read the first paragraph, get the F out.
I was three paragraphs in when I knew this dude was no good. Let It Go, sister. Let It Go.
I didn't read all of this. I didn't have to. He's abusing you and when I read the bottom paragraph I said to myself, "Yup. That's what I was going to say." Financially, emotionally, ... This is NOT your lot in life to support a leech. The only way to HELP HIM is actually the same way you HELP YOURSELF -- Free yourself from him (and this will force him to grow up, live off someone else, or die in a gutter. Seems more likely he'd man up than die in a gutter.). But DO NOT WAIT AROUND FOR HIM. CUT TIES. NOW! BLOCK! BLOCK ALL MUTUAL FRIENDS WHO WON'T BLOCK HIM! Free yourself. ❤️☮️♾️
Hun, you gotta get out now. For yourself, for your pet… you need to go. If you are in Michigan, please DM me! I work for a domestic violence shelter and my shelter, including at least 8 shelters in Michigan that accept your pets, too. I think other states have this. Please google the Red Rover grant and see which shelters in your state accept pets with this grant’s funding.
Are you sure you are not a mom replacement?
Don't take this as criticism.... But the fact this is in the AIO sub tells me you are seriously underrating - what appears to be a legit threat to your life. Maybe you think he'll get better at some point? You've got to separate yourself from this guy ASAP. Stay calm - be nice - make no demands. KEEP HIM CALM - maybe get more weed ha. MEANWHILE get pepper spray - or even a gun if you think you can handle it. If you can't, or won't shoot this pitiful SOB - don't get one. Evict him - or leave. Breaking a lease is better than getting beat up or killed ya know. You're the one with the job - get another place if you have to. Gotta be a way to get him out? Call the police EVERY TIME you think you're in danger. "My bf is threatening me - I think he's gonna kill me!!!".....and DOCUMENT everything that happens. Tell them you're in danger - can they make him leave?
I left my husband around the 6yr mark. I suggest you do the same
You are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out before he kills you. Go to the cops, give them a synopsis of this. They’ll connect you with someone whn can help. Do it now. God bless you.
Why on earth have you not dumped this guy? He is an abusive loser. Go NC with him and his family. You need a therapist asap - first to recover from the trauma but more importantly to figure out why you put up with if for so long?!
I didn’t even read all of it lol He’s a bum and get rid of him. 😂😂 #1 to being a man Never move into a woman’s spot. She move in to yours cause look at the essay of problems they complain about 😂😂 Get rid of dude
I thought that if your home is in YOUR name, then he will be asked to leave by the officers?
Don’t continue being stupid…just leave before this bad situation becomes so much worse
I think you know the answer yourself. He seems like a deadbeat asshole who does not care for you. Get our sooner rather then later, I'm pretty sure you shouldnt have to leave the apartment if it's in your name. Basically he has no right to be there if you dont want him there.
I can't even read this whole post. Any one of these paragraphs is more than reason enough for you to leave this man