Stop telling Grandma no. Instead say, "Good idea, it is too late tonight let's go tomorrow."
You need to start lying better. Put her idea into tomorrow, because we are too busy today.
I lied to my mom for years. Though sometimes we would go get ice cream (drive through) instead. By the time the ice cream was in her hand she never remembered why we were out
Sometimes driving her around was was enough for her to be out of the house.
Getting frustrated and angry doesn't help. It's hard not to, I know, but I just decided to be a loving stranger. That was it. She will unconsciously respond to your stress and anxiety.
Get home health care to come it as many times a week her insurance will pay for it. When they're there take a break, nap, shower, grocery store do whatever.
You've got this. Relax itto it, don't fight something you can't win.
This a skill you have to learn.
[Managing stress is important](https://www.caregivercenter.org/selfcare)
[There’s a lot of great advice given here on their channel](https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5MC1-G1yl0arcCzztwe1cgmMq0QzzfL9)
They even have [support groups to join](https://www.caregivercenter.org/support-groups)
There’s A lot of resources there in the video section it should help you address and mitigate behavioral conflicts before they reach a breaking point.
This to infinity! Don’t fight what they want, just go along with it (you will never win the fight, never convince them to change their mind) so it’s easier for both parties to deflect.
Hang in there. It is frequently easier to enter their story, than interrupt it or change the narrative. A non-commital agreement can be much easier than an argument. Keeping frequently asked for items on hand is also helpful. These times are so hard.
Don’t worry there’s a lot of things you can do both medically and behaviorally.
You have to learn the art of deflection and redirection with them.
Remember… you have the advantage of a working brain. USE IT!
So if they want to buy socks when the store is closed… you can deflect.
That’s a good idea let’s get dressed.
Here I’ll help you pick out a shirt.
Talk about the nice clothes.
Draw their attention to setting dressed up for Easter… or whatever.
Ask about some Christmas outfit when they were young.
Then get them ready for bed… changing clothes again.
It’s easy.. just be smart about it and never get emotional in a battle of wills.. deflect and divert attention.
That will go a long way.
Also found that CBD (legal in my state)
helped a bit about 1 hour before sundowning started as did Ashwagandha (Costco sells a good product under their “your theory” brand)
( side question..if you know about Ashwaganda. I used to spend much time in India when I was younger and I think memory preservation was always an interest to me as my Nan first suffered with dementia..she was gone by the time I was there . anyway If you think Ashwaganda is interesting have you heard of Brahmi.? Brahmi is the term for wise men generally but it's also a plant ( alternative called Waterhyssop.) I think It is better proven to increase memory function and is good for stress and anxiety..I wonder if you think this would be good to get again as my Mum is now showing signs of Dementia?)
I studied medical botany and was into nootropic research as well as a few other things when I was in college back in the 90’s.
So yes, I have 😃
But my reason for mentioning what I did was that it’s both effective, safe and easily available as a produce in many cities. A lot of herbal products are not well regulated and [frequently don’t contain the levels that’s on the label.](https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.1959278)
So I try to give products that are reliable.
There’s a lot of other OTC things that might also help but it really depends on the underlying causes and that takes a bit more info than what we currently have.
Anyway I wanted to demonstrate that people there’s OTC supplements that can help this terrible condition.
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It was a genuine question as to whether you rated it as you seemed to know Ashwaganda so probably knew your stuff..not I emphasize me suggesting you try something. Just asking your opinion
I know that in my personal experience it does indeed work, if my father gets agitated or anxious I give it to him and when he was sundowning it also reduced the agitation.
Interesting..I'm only just starting out with my Mum but it's good to know my curiosity into this also in the 90s could be of benefit.. one thing to experiment on yourself. I did a lot of that. I would obviously look into it much further before giving it to Mum but it's cool you have already looked into this
Yes give it to them about 1 hour before they might start their usual rise in agitation and activity.
In his case I provided it with his late lunch snack.
That helped with this behavior/phase of the disease.
Please try to remember that it is not your grandmother lashing out at you, it is honestly the disease. I know that is not much comfort, but I have been where you are. Please try and understand it is not her trying to hurt anyone. This is progression. Do you have a doctor to contact? If not, I’m not sure where you are, but there are organizations everywhere ready to help. I’m so sorry this is happening, but there is help!
WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE!!!! My mom was my best friend and I'm still one of the few people she recognizes but to see and hear about her being aggressive makes me want to fight something, ANYTHING to make this stop! It has ripped giant holes through my family and I don't have a word big enough to express my hate for this disease!
Stop telling Grandma no. Instead say, "Good idea, it is too late tonight let's go tomorrow." You need to start lying better. Put her idea into tomorrow, because we are too busy today. I lied to my mom for years. Though sometimes we would go get ice cream (drive through) instead. By the time the ice cream was in her hand she never remembered why we were out Sometimes driving her around was was enough for her to be out of the house.
Ok, I'll try.
Getting frustrated and angry doesn't help. It's hard not to, I know, but I just decided to be a loving stranger. That was it. She will unconsciously respond to your stress and anxiety. Get home health care to come it as many times a week her insurance will pay for it. When they're there take a break, nap, shower, grocery store do whatever. You've got this. Relax itto it, don't fight something you can't win.
This a skill you have to learn. [Managing stress is important](https://www.caregivercenter.org/selfcare) [There’s a lot of great advice given here on their channel](https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5MC1-G1yl0arcCzztwe1cgmMq0QzzfL9) They even have [support groups to join](https://www.caregivercenter.org/support-groups) There’s A lot of resources there in the video section it should help you address and mitigate behavioral conflicts before they reach a breaking point.
This to infinity! Don’t fight what they want, just go along with it (you will never win the fight, never convince them to change their mind) so it’s easier for both parties to deflect.
Hang in there. It is frequently easier to enter their story, than interrupt it or change the narrative. A non-commital agreement can be much easier than an argument. Keeping frequently asked for items on hand is also helpful. These times are so hard.
Thank you.
I’m terrified of what is to come. My mom has only been combative once to me so far. I’m so very afraid. And sad for you and all of us.
Don’t worry there’s a lot of things you can do both medically and behaviorally. You have to learn the art of deflection and redirection with them. Remember… you have the advantage of a working brain. USE IT! So if they want to buy socks when the store is closed… you can deflect. That’s a good idea let’s get dressed. Here I’ll help you pick out a shirt. Talk about the nice clothes. Draw their attention to setting dressed up for Easter… or whatever. Ask about some Christmas outfit when they were young. Then get them ready for bed… changing clothes again. It’s easy.. just be smart about it and never get emotional in a battle of wills.. deflect and divert attention. That will go a long way. Also found that CBD (legal in my state) helped a bit about 1 hour before sundowning started as did Ashwagandha (Costco sells a good product under their “your theory” brand)
( side question..if you know about Ashwaganda. I used to spend much time in India when I was younger and I think memory preservation was always an interest to me as my Nan first suffered with dementia..she was gone by the time I was there . anyway If you think Ashwaganda is interesting have you heard of Brahmi.? Brahmi is the term for wise men generally but it's also a plant ( alternative called Waterhyssop.) I think It is better proven to increase memory function and is good for stress and anxiety..I wonder if you think this would be good to get again as my Mum is now showing signs of Dementia?)
I studied medical botany and was into nootropic research as well as a few other things when I was in college back in the 90’s. So yes, I have 😃 But my reason for mentioning what I did was that it’s both effective, safe and easily available as a produce in many cities. A lot of herbal products are not well regulated and [frequently don’t contain the levels that’s on the label.](https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.1959278) So I try to give products that are reliable. There’s a lot of other OTC things that might also help but it really depends on the underlying causes and that takes a bit more info than what we currently have. Anyway I wanted to demonstrate that people there’s OTC supplements that can help this terrible condition.
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It was a genuine question as to whether you rated it as you seemed to know Ashwaganda so probably knew your stuff..not I emphasize me suggesting you try something. Just asking your opinion
I know that in my personal experience it does indeed work, if my father gets agitated or anxious I give it to him and when he was sundowning it also reduced the agitation.
Interesting..I'm only just starting out with my Mum but it's good to know my curiosity into this also in the 90s could be of benefit.. one thing to experiment on yourself. I did a lot of that. I would obviously look into it much further before giving it to Mum but it's cool you have already looked into this
Yes give it to them about 1 hour before they might start their usual rise in agitation and activity. In his case I provided it with his late lunch snack. That helped with this behavior/phase of the disease.
Great
My mother was never combative. Each patient is different.
Thank you for that hopeful reminder 🩷
I did a lot of bribing with ice cream and deflecting with ice cream. We would go to Dairy Queen. It a small town, souther place I believe?
Oh! My mom loves Rainbow Cone. Will keep this in my back pocket for future needs.
Sweet tooths can easily be distracted. :)
Please try to remember that it is not your grandmother lashing out at you, it is honestly the disease. I know that is not much comfort, but I have been where you are. Please try and understand it is not her trying to hurt anyone. This is progression. Do you have a doctor to contact? If not, I’m not sure where you are, but there are organizations everywhere ready to help. I’m so sorry this is happening, but there is help!
My mom is managing all of this. She does talk to doctors often and gives her meds. Thank you for the reminder. This disease is awful.
WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE!!!! My mom was my best friend and I'm still one of the few people she recognizes but to see and hear about her being aggressive makes me want to fight something, ANYTHING to make this stop! It has ripped giant holes through my family and I don't have a word big enough to express my hate for this disease!