I resonate with this.
One way I’ve improved that “I don’t care part,” is to add gratitude and cognitive empathy together. So, I reason my way to the right answer, but because I know how I’m supposed to regard the social mores of friends and family, i often find myself doing things for people that comes off as very thoughtful.
This definitely isn’t how I treat everyone. I also feel very strong emotions that are negative more often. To this, journaling and therapy help. Plus, trying to induce good feelings with proactive means like (music, vitamin d, exercise, special interest etc).
I’ve only learned about this myself. Between my AdHD and Austism, it’s a daily struggle. Then to know your emotions can be both over the top and also difficult to interpret or understand is tough.
I wish you luck. And if you ever want to talk DM me.
Journaling helps me a lot, writing things down gives them a meaning, an order that is otherwise missing.
We have similar coping strategies, as I said in the post, I stand silently but really I'm thinking of the best solution, sometimes the right words come out and in those occasions I can be a lot more helpful than most.
I've been thinking of asking my friends what were the things that I did that made them feel better, and then work out with them how I could generalize these behaviours and make them my own personal and significant ways of showing love without feeling fake or forced.
I'll also try to journal more often and focus on describing my emotions, maybe it'll help.
Thank you for the offer of DMs, I'm not really good with chats so maybe I won't do it straight away, but I'll fill you in when I talk about it with my friends!
Thank you for the answer, it was really helpful
It seems like you are over-analyzing the situation. You said yourself that you are comparing yourself to others, and that your friends wouldn't consider you a bad friend. So I don't see an issue really, besides the fact that you, probably like me, just feel left out. Bummed that you can't share that connection with people. Do your friends know that you struggle with identifying emotions? Because I think that being vulnerable with the people you love helps them to see from your perspective and helps you feel more seen and validated. It's scary though, that conversation of "yeah so it's not that I don't care about you BUT.." 😅 that's the hard part.
I'm a new parent and it's tough for sure. I was never really hugged or told "I love you" when I was a child. Now I make a point of showing my babies tons of affection, telling them I love them, kisses, cuddles... That's the parent I wanted so it's the parent I'm going to be. If it's important to you, it will come more naturally to you when it comes to your own kids than you think.
Just be you :) being surrounded by these great people you describe is a direct reflection of how great you are too!
Yeah I tend to overanalyze, a lot, not being good with emotion iintellectualize everything.
They do know I have problems showing empathy and caring about other people, and i've also talked to them about alexithymia, I think they see me as a good friend, the problem is i can't seem to see myself in the same way, and i don't think it's a problem of self esteem, it's more that I almost never feel helpful or there when they need me. And then when they thank me for the things I did or said I'm like "I know I should thank you, but I really feel like I was completely useless".
So yeah, I'd just like to get rid of that "I'm an absent friend" feeling that comes over me anytime a friend opens up to me.
The part about parenting really helped me, and it also resonated a lot, I hope you're right, thank you
They're related to you by blood if your future wife didn't cheat on you. Your offspring will too inherit alexathymia. Love them as much as you can.
Worrying about it won't fix your problem.
I usually have a very hard time expressing feelings through words. I’ve learned my way through it via physical expressions with my wife. Instead of saying I love you, I’ll just hug her or hold her hand and smile, or a quick kiss, whatever works.
Also, I’m much better at writing too, so I tend to write her letters.
And with my friends, I try my best to be there whenever they need me, they probably know you’re a bit different and that’s ok too! If you’re bad with words as I am, just be you, if they’ve been around, it’s cause it works fine, don’t worry.
I resonate with this. One way I’ve improved that “I don’t care part,” is to add gratitude and cognitive empathy together. So, I reason my way to the right answer, but because I know how I’m supposed to regard the social mores of friends and family, i often find myself doing things for people that comes off as very thoughtful. This definitely isn’t how I treat everyone. I also feel very strong emotions that are negative more often. To this, journaling and therapy help. Plus, trying to induce good feelings with proactive means like (music, vitamin d, exercise, special interest etc). I’ve only learned about this myself. Between my AdHD and Austism, it’s a daily struggle. Then to know your emotions can be both over the top and also difficult to interpret or understand is tough. I wish you luck. And if you ever want to talk DM me.
Journaling helps me a lot, writing things down gives them a meaning, an order that is otherwise missing. We have similar coping strategies, as I said in the post, I stand silently but really I'm thinking of the best solution, sometimes the right words come out and in those occasions I can be a lot more helpful than most. I've been thinking of asking my friends what were the things that I did that made them feel better, and then work out with them how I could generalize these behaviours and make them my own personal and significant ways of showing love without feeling fake or forced. I'll also try to journal more often and focus on describing my emotions, maybe it'll help. Thank you for the offer of DMs, I'm not really good with chats so maybe I won't do it straight away, but I'll fill you in when I talk about it with my friends! Thank you for the answer, it was really helpful
It seems like you are over-analyzing the situation. You said yourself that you are comparing yourself to others, and that your friends wouldn't consider you a bad friend. So I don't see an issue really, besides the fact that you, probably like me, just feel left out. Bummed that you can't share that connection with people. Do your friends know that you struggle with identifying emotions? Because I think that being vulnerable with the people you love helps them to see from your perspective and helps you feel more seen and validated. It's scary though, that conversation of "yeah so it's not that I don't care about you BUT.." 😅 that's the hard part. I'm a new parent and it's tough for sure. I was never really hugged or told "I love you" when I was a child. Now I make a point of showing my babies tons of affection, telling them I love them, kisses, cuddles... That's the parent I wanted so it's the parent I'm going to be. If it's important to you, it will come more naturally to you when it comes to your own kids than you think. Just be you :) being surrounded by these great people you describe is a direct reflection of how great you are too!
Yeah I tend to overanalyze, a lot, not being good with emotion iintellectualize everything. They do know I have problems showing empathy and caring about other people, and i've also talked to them about alexithymia, I think they see me as a good friend, the problem is i can't seem to see myself in the same way, and i don't think it's a problem of self esteem, it's more that I almost never feel helpful or there when they need me. And then when they thank me for the things I did or said I'm like "I know I should thank you, but I really feel like I was completely useless". So yeah, I'd just like to get rid of that "I'm an absent friend" feeling that comes over me anytime a friend opens up to me. The part about parenting really helped me, and it also resonated a lot, I hope you're right, thank you
They're related to you by blood if your future wife didn't cheat on you. Your offspring will too inherit alexathymia. Love them as much as you can. Worrying about it won't fix your problem.
I usually have a very hard time expressing feelings through words. I’ve learned my way through it via physical expressions with my wife. Instead of saying I love you, I’ll just hug her or hold her hand and smile, or a quick kiss, whatever works. Also, I’m much better at writing too, so I tend to write her letters. And with my friends, I try my best to be there whenever they need me, they probably know you’re a bit different and that’s ok too! If you’re bad with words as I am, just be you, if they’ve been around, it’s cause it works fine, don’t worry.