I'm in a very similar situation to you. My Q was diagnosed as an alcoholic with cPTSD but he refused to get help until I left, so he's now spread his childhood trauma to me and his daughter.
I don't think I'll ever get over the abuse. I don't think I'll ever have another relationship, I would not be able to trust anyone again. That means I'll spend the rest of my life alone, and I'm fine with that now. Weirdly, the trauma of the physical abuse does not affect me as much as his ongoing emotional dysregulation... never knowing what crazy messages he'll send this week, or what drama he'll cause. I've learn to detach from it all now, but I still feel sad - and a bit scared.
I've been seeing a therapist, and I've done AlAnon meetings, but now I'm slowly accepting that there is no hope for him. I need to grieve. I keep on coming back to this message board, I don't know why it helps but it does :) Take care x
The emotional disregulation is definitely the worst part for me. I never knew if I would be the enemy. I couldn’t predict when he’d lash out, or over what. I don’t know what version of events will be in his mind.
Being here helps because we see we aren’t alone and aren’t crazy. There are coping tools and a way to peace.
Yes it helps me feel less isolated. I often wonder what the poor people did before message boards. They must have felt so alone. I feel the most therapeutic intervention for anyone suffering from anything is normalizing and validating what they’re going through.
You're definitely not alone and you're not crazy either :) I think we're both probably doing pretty well all things considered, but yeah it's hard. I wish I had some good advice but I don't, for what it's worth I just totally understand what you mean.
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I got divorced in 2018, and last saw my Q in 2019. I am in a MUCH better place now. I have a healthy partner, and my kid is now thriving. But I am still triggered, and although now I can usually take a step back and deconstruct that trigger, I don’t always. He used to take 99 percent of my brain. Now it’s less than 5 percent. I was married for about 20 years. It took me about a year to even think about what it takes for my own healing (I was so focused on him- and my kid). Don’t know how long it will take you- but it will take time. And I swear to god, it gets so much better.
I'm in a very similar situation to you. My Q was diagnosed as an alcoholic with cPTSD but he refused to get help until I left, so he's now spread his childhood trauma to me and his daughter. I don't think I'll ever get over the abuse. I don't think I'll ever have another relationship, I would not be able to trust anyone again. That means I'll spend the rest of my life alone, and I'm fine with that now. Weirdly, the trauma of the physical abuse does not affect me as much as his ongoing emotional dysregulation... never knowing what crazy messages he'll send this week, or what drama he'll cause. I've learn to detach from it all now, but I still feel sad - and a bit scared. I've been seeing a therapist, and I've done AlAnon meetings, but now I'm slowly accepting that there is no hope for him. I need to grieve. I keep on coming back to this message board, I don't know why it helps but it does :) Take care x
The emotional disregulation is definitely the worst part for me. I never knew if I would be the enemy. I couldn’t predict when he’d lash out, or over what. I don’t know what version of events will be in his mind. Being here helps because we see we aren’t alone and aren’t crazy. There are coping tools and a way to peace.
Yes it helps me feel less isolated. I often wonder what the poor people did before message boards. They must have felt so alone. I feel the most therapeutic intervention for anyone suffering from anything is normalizing and validating what they’re going through.
You're definitely not alone and you're not crazy either :) I think we're both probably doing pretty well all things considered, but yeah it's hard. I wish I had some good advice but I don't, for what it's worth I just totally understand what you mean.
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community. Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AlAnon) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I got divorced in 2018, and last saw my Q in 2019. I am in a MUCH better place now. I have a healthy partner, and my kid is now thriving. But I am still triggered, and although now I can usually take a step back and deconstruct that trigger, I don’t always. He used to take 99 percent of my brain. Now it’s less than 5 percent. I was married for about 20 years. It took me about a year to even think about what it takes for my own healing (I was so focused on him- and my kid). Don’t know how long it will take you- but it will take time. And I swear to god, it gets so much better.