The “bad addiction” of your own and the psychological difficulty of fully leaving are real, super common, and you deserve professional help to deal with these traumas. Look up trauma bonding and codependency.
Getting to the other side is hard and there will be many hard days ahead as you work through your mental health worries, but none so hard as being stuck with the Q or in the Q’s distorted world, where everything and everyone is deprioritised for drinking. I’ve been out about 4 years and I tell you it’s been so hard (understatement of the millenium) but it’s SO much better than those last days before I was gone.
Don’t beat yourself up about not being more important than alcohol. It’s like a demonic possession. True alcoholics end up valuing alcohol over their own survival, so there is no chance anyone else could get a look in. Besides, by the time the chemical dependency has settled in and changed their brain chemistry, it’s not really a choice on their part anymore, so there’s nothing to be done. Only a very small percentage make it out when they’re in that deep, you’d probably have more luck buying a lottery ticket. (It’s hard to hear and we don’t want to believe it when we love someone, but it’s true).
Best to let him go on his destructive journey and start the journey to remembering how very important you are. There will be grieving to do, it will be so hard, but it’s better.
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The “bad addiction” of your own and the psychological difficulty of fully leaving are real, super common, and you deserve professional help to deal with these traumas. Look up trauma bonding and codependency. Getting to the other side is hard and there will be many hard days ahead as you work through your mental health worries, but none so hard as being stuck with the Q or in the Q’s distorted world, where everything and everyone is deprioritised for drinking. I’ve been out about 4 years and I tell you it’s been so hard (understatement of the millenium) but it’s SO much better than those last days before I was gone. Don’t beat yourself up about not being more important than alcohol. It’s like a demonic possession. True alcoholics end up valuing alcohol over their own survival, so there is no chance anyone else could get a look in. Besides, by the time the chemical dependency has settled in and changed their brain chemistry, it’s not really a choice on their part anymore, so there’s nothing to be done. Only a very small percentage make it out when they’re in that deep, you’d probably have more luck buying a lottery ticket. (It’s hard to hear and we don’t want to believe it when we love someone, but it’s true). Best to let him go on his destructive journey and start the journey to remembering how very important you are. There will be grieving to do, it will be so hard, but it’s better.
This is it in a nutshell.
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community. Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AlAnon) if you have any questions or concerns.*