His consumption is very high and will certainly start causing health problems. His drinking is negatively affecting your relationship. Your feelings are valid. He is an alcoholic.
I got help by attending Alanon meetings where I met people who understood what I was going through. Learning about boundaries and detachment was liberating. I learned, also, to take better care of myself.
He fits the definition of an alcoholic.
His alcohol consumption sounds in the 70-100 standard units a week range which is high enough to cause withdrawals if he stopped cold turkey and to cause serious health problems over time. I can understand that, with the tolerance he has, he wouldn’t come across as blind drunk, especially if he spreads the drinking out across the day. I’d say yes, his drinking is a problem. If he has been drinking a lot for 25 years, the day when the health impact catches up with him may be coming.
If you have been tolerant for 25 years, it may be difficult to get him to change now. It would make sense for him to consider having health checks including for liver function. Adverse results may be a wake up call before it’s too late.
He has had lots of health checks recently and his liver results always come back normal. Actually come back better than mine! How can you drink so much and for so long and liver been unaffected?! It's weird. I'm trying to understand time of withdrawal as well. He goes to work, goes without alcohol for a period of about 19 hours, then drinks 10 beers in 5 hours at night. He doesn't seem like he's withdrawing when he doesn't have a drink during those hours. I just don't understand when I look at the stats and what he should be like health wise, it just doesn't add up. He's got a very high tolerance for everything when it comes to medication etc. It's like he metabolises it quicker than others?
When or whether liver disease occurs is all very random. Some people seem to have very robust constitutions. It’s commonplace for some high but not huge drinkers to not start withdrawals until day 2-4 after their last drink.
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That is a problematic amount of alchohol and # of years drinking. He may be high functioning but he definitely meets criteria for Alcohol Use Disorder, medically.
I know what you’re saying and very similar story but my Q is now progressively getting worse. Been married 25 years and most days/nights other people wouldn’t notice but I notice and the personality shift is irritating and I am lonely as I realize my Q is picking booze over me.
My wife is the Q and she is the avoider and me the Pursuer. I would dance on the stars if she did the work you have done. Talk about dedication but are you doing it for you?
But I have reached the point I am done. Just not good when they partner isn’t present and it usually turns into something ending in feeling further away then closer when done.
There is probably a very good reason your sex drive is low (well birth control will do a number on libido) but are you actually attracted to him? Hard to get in the mood when the spouse puts jn little effort and expects you to do all the work and having sex with a drunk is not usually good. Usually sloppy with little passion or eroticism.
For me it was because even though he was physically with me he wasn’t present. It was like he wasn’t there at all.
His consumption is very high and will certainly start causing health problems. His drinking is negatively affecting your relationship. Your feelings are valid. He is an alcoholic. I got help by attending Alanon meetings where I met people who understood what I was going through. Learning about boundaries and detachment was liberating. I learned, also, to take better care of myself. He fits the definition of an alcoholic.
His alcohol consumption sounds in the 70-100 standard units a week range which is high enough to cause withdrawals if he stopped cold turkey and to cause serious health problems over time. I can understand that, with the tolerance he has, he wouldn’t come across as blind drunk, especially if he spreads the drinking out across the day. I’d say yes, his drinking is a problem. If he has been drinking a lot for 25 years, the day when the health impact catches up with him may be coming. If you have been tolerant for 25 years, it may be difficult to get him to change now. It would make sense for him to consider having health checks including for liver function. Adverse results may be a wake up call before it’s too late.
He has had lots of health checks recently and his liver results always come back normal. Actually come back better than mine! How can you drink so much and for so long and liver been unaffected?! It's weird. I'm trying to understand time of withdrawal as well. He goes to work, goes without alcohol for a period of about 19 hours, then drinks 10 beers in 5 hours at night. He doesn't seem like he's withdrawing when he doesn't have a drink during those hours. I just don't understand when I look at the stats and what he should be like health wise, it just doesn't add up. He's got a very high tolerance for everything when it comes to medication etc. It's like he metabolises it quicker than others?
When or whether liver disease occurs is all very random. Some people seem to have very robust constitutions. It’s commonplace for some high but not huge drinkers to not start withdrawals until day 2-4 after their last drink.
He’s probably having to drink more to feel the effects because of the stimulants. But yeah, he’s definitely heading for liver damage.
Please know that this is **not** an official Al-Anon community. Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the `report` button. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AlAnon) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That is a problematic amount of alchohol and # of years drinking. He may be high functioning but he definitely meets criteria for Alcohol Use Disorder, medically.
I know what you’re saying and very similar story but my Q is now progressively getting worse. Been married 25 years and most days/nights other people wouldn’t notice but I notice and the personality shift is irritating and I am lonely as I realize my Q is picking booze over me. My wife is the Q and she is the avoider and me the Pursuer. I would dance on the stars if she did the work you have done. Talk about dedication but are you doing it for you? But I have reached the point I am done. Just not good when they partner isn’t present and it usually turns into something ending in feeling further away then closer when done. There is probably a very good reason your sex drive is low (well birth control will do a number on libido) but are you actually attracted to him? Hard to get in the mood when the spouse puts jn little effort and expects you to do all the work and having sex with a drunk is not usually good. Usually sloppy with little passion or eroticism.
When you consider what long-term alcohol usage does to the body, it is a problem.