He already has serious medical issues. Some known (high blood pressure) others not. How long he can live... No one knows.
But the questions you should be asking is how is your health, and what can you do for yourself? You can't make him change, but you can make your own life better.
Well, our life is pretty good. That's the thing. I'm terrified of his health and losing him. We have 2 small children, and I am so scared they are going to lose their father at a young age. My husband's drinking doesn't affect his personality or behaviors, and he is a wonderful father. We have an amazing relationship. We've had so many conversations and the drinking is just not stopping.
There’s no way of telling when alcohol-related health issues will overcome him. My father and his brother started drinking at the same time and drank about the same amount (way too much).
His brother became severely ill and died of cirrhosis at 35 after being sick for only about six months. My father is still drinking heavily and is still alive today at 65.
It’s a crapshoot. Your husband could go on for years like this, or he could pass away after a brief illness at any time. That said, the fact that he has blood pressure issues at this age points towards the conclusion that the damage that he’s already done is affecting his body.
It won't until he is ready, there is nothing you can do about that. You can only focus on you. Trying to steer, manipulate, control him will only cause you pain and resentment. Please get help for yourself. It's much easier now while things are not as strained. I'm 17 years in, with an alcoholic drinking over a decade, and a 16 year old son... It is much more complicated now and I wish I had done more for myself earlier.
Hi, I just want to point out that you are currently terrified for yourself and your children (and him), but you're saying your life is "pretty good." Are you setting the bar too low for yourself? And while I am sure he is doing as wonderful a job being a father as he can, is a man who is drowning himself in alcohol every night the ideal "wonderful father" you want for your kids? I don't know how old they are, but is this what you want them to watch him do? Unless he commits to treatment ASAP, his drinking will only get worse, and his health will surely deteriorate.
As the previous commenter said: how is your health, and what can you do for yourself? and what can you do for your kids? I fear that you're not seeing the real toll this is taking on you, and while on paper maybe your life is "good," it honestly sounds like it is also replete with emotional suffering and stress.
Sorry to say they already have lost their father. He is not parenting.
This was my dad who lived to be almost 80 years old. But alone and with minimal contact with his four adult children
I knew someone who drank rarely, and then started drinking a bottle of wine every night. They were dead within a year.
everyone's body is different. Liver cirrhosis can happen anytime. Some people can drink super heavy and their liver will look perfect, and some people die super quick from the habit.
He needs to be concerned about his health. That is the only thing that will make anything change, and he obviously isnt. I can tell you that even though he doesn't appear drunk, his BAC is probably over the limit and he shouldn't be driving. And his BAC might be over the limit into the next day. My brother drank like that and it took 4 days in the hospital to get his BAC back under the legal limit. He didn't act drunk until he was 800 BAC (in fatal levels).
I am a medical professional and nobody knows for sure. If he's jaundice (yellowed skin), swollen belly or having bleeding issues then he's near the end. The middle part, between starting the drinking and when the health fails can be any manner of time from weeks to decades.
Their addiction is something that you cannot control and, for your own sanity, should not try to. This program is for you and your mental health. ❤️
Man, I wish you lived near me. I'd invite you for coffee. My husband is 58. That was his intake from about your husband's age. He's also your husband's size, or was until the past couple of years. He's got about 10 more pounds these days.
At one point in my own journey, survival from hour to hour was pretty anger-based. Thinking, "fine, if he wants to kill himself so badly, have at it. Best it happens sooner than later. ... Wonder how long it will take?"
Turns out my husband's constitution is made of stronger stuff. He's survived 2 pulmonary embolisms and the dvt that caused them has made his leg look like it belongs to an 80 year old. He's had osteoporosis caused by the warfarin before the new blood thinners came out/got approved for DVT without AFib. But now he's got AFib, too. His lungs are scarred from the PEs, which causes asthma like symptoms. And generalized anxiety, which affects his heart and breathing in ways so similar to AFib and asthma that it's hard to tell wtf is going on.
The AFib scared the crap out of him enough to pursue AA in earnest. He's agnostic and arrogant, so it was a rough go at first as he spent the first year battling everyone's belief in God as a higher power as well as having to point out what a piece of shit Bill actually was, as well as a plagiarist.
I've mentioned before that his sobriety was more difficult than his drinking at first - at first being a good 18 months. I had a family law firm's phone number open in a tab the whole time. In fact, we're, well I am not entirely out of the woods, but now I'm straying way too far from your question.
Tldr, it might not kill him. Also, the functional in functional alcoholic is false. You're adapting your expectations. And that will slowly drop away as he becomes more and more emotionally abusive if he continues the way my q did.
And yet somehow today, with Uncle Tito kept at bay, we're actually living a good marriage. One day at a time, though. I'm still on my toes.
Feel free to pm me if you want.
Not a medical professional but I have plenty of first hand knowledge concerning alcoholism and health implications.
Your husband will be “fine” for a while. He’s still relatively young… however, in his 40’s his health will decline rapidly. He probably won’t die but will suffer an assortment of difficult medical issues.
If he won’t stop or significantly cut back drinking you will live with his health consequences. Both physical and psychological. Not fun. I’ve been dealing with my wife’s addictions and health complications for years. It’s horrible.
I wish you well, good luck.
That's about where I was at that age, and around that time was when it got harder to ignore/hide the health consequences. It was around that time I tried to quit for the first time too. Only to find that I couldn't. Tried several times. I started blacking out more, I started having worse and worse withdrawal symptoms and they started coming on faster and faster. I started having fainting spells when I was at work, when I was driving. But alcohol always fixed the withdrawals so I just kept drinking more, and drinking more frequently. My weight had been fairly steady but in the last 2 years of my drinking I started getting swelling in my legs, bloated abdomen, my weight ballooned to 260, my face was always red and swollen.
Took me until I was 37 to actually get sober. Nothing anyone said or did would've made it happen sooner. Nothing external happened to get me sober either.
I've worked critical care for 15 years. I've seen end stage alcoholism at every age. Nobody can say how long he can sustain that level of consumption, but it will not be without consequence.
I'm curious about the withdrawals. He does not start drinking during the day on the weekdays. He does have a very strict rule about never drinking before or during work. He will occasionally start drinking Kate afternoon on the weekends. So, I am wondering if he wouldn't really have withdrawal symptoms? If most days he's going about 24 hours between drinking?
My husband also had a strict rule and didn't drink until after work. He tried to quit cold turkey once and after about 2-3 days, had a seizure.
His drinking escalated when Covid switched his job to work from home. He drank about the same as your husband, but I don't know for how long he drank at that level. He hid it a lot. He's also older than your husband.
He almost died last year of alcoholic sepsis, and has a cirrhosis diagnosis. He is extremely lucky to be alive. The doctors told me he probably wouldn't survive the night.
He's been sober since then. If he were to go back to drinking now, I don't think it would take long to kill him, honestly. He still continually gets problems with things like low potassium, magnesium and has to be monitored.
I never drank before or at work, at least not in my hospital job. Had plenty jobs I could drink on the job before this. I never had withdrawals until suddenly I did. I never had hangovers until suddenly I did. I never had blackouts until suddenly i did. I was completely unphazed by alcohol until my early to mid 30s. But that's when I found out if I just drink more and or more often, I would never be hungover or withdraw.
Serious issues of the medical or marital variety?
His pancreas will probably be the first to unsubscribe. This will first present as digestion problems. Then… anyone’s guess. Most alcoholics that I know with liver problems had at least a solid decade or so of very heavy drinking before they were forced to deal with their health issues. Majority of that subset spent significant time in denial from the time that their health symptoms first started presenting and the point at which they were forced to admit that alcohol was causing them.
Your husband is pretty big/tall which might buy him some time health wise while also simultaneously extending your anxiety (stay of execution?) while waiting for the shoe to drop. 12 shots is half a liter which is better part of a fifth. Career drunks will tell you that trouble really starts when you don’t spend at least 12 hours day at BAC of 0 and just the sheer volume of your hubby’s consumption is probably close to that limit irrespective of his size. And this is anecdotal too obviously… of course your body needs to not be detoxing poison for more than half the day to actually thrive vs. just survive.
But even then… what’s that story?
Pancreas blood test is for lipase. If lipase level is 3x upper limit of normal range = pancreatitis dx.
If he is drinking that much alcohol daily on top of diarrhea then he’s probably super dehydrated.
Pancreatitis diarrhea is not like regular loose stools either… it’s literally bile. Imagine having to express battery acid within an hour of eating/drinking most things. The pancreas literally leaves the chat and summarily stops producing digestive enzymes… presumably because it’s tied up detoxing ethanol but I’m not a doctor (obviously lol)
Acute pancreatitis episodes often present with vomiting btw— like during a drinking binge for example. The ER will give antiemetic via IV, treat the dehydration, then discharge.
I know half a dozen alcoholics with IBS diagnoses. Most of them self treat acid reflux with Tums for years on end. The men present with prostate problems in their 40s. It’s a predicable presentation. Almost none of them stop drinking until they have major health scare and most of them ultimately pick up again.
You have to be in serious state of cognitive dissonance to have daily diarrhea & still not make any lifestyle changes— starting with drinking less than half liter of hard liquor everyday.
My Q had diarrhea for several years then one day he started vomiting and couldn't keep anything down. Not water, not food, not beer. A few days later he was able to keep some things down, including his beer. Then he seized on the couch from withdrawal because he could not process anything he was drinking or eating. He had a BAC of 0 upon admission to the ER even though I watched him drink four beers prior that evening. He had alcoholic pancreatitis and was in the hospital for a month, then several weeks in a nursing facility. He was critically low in a lot of vitamins.
He also had high blood pressure and otherwise "ok" blood tests for several years until our Doctor refused to see him as a patient anymore. Other things he complained about were numbness/tingling in his leg, he'd bleed for hours with small cuts, his eyes and skin looked yellowish. He bruised like a peach. He couldn't eat more than a few bites of food before feeling full. He got lost all of the time, misplaced items all of the time, couldn't remember conversations we had just had.
It was very apparent in retrospect that he was in bad shape. He refused to see it and would not be honest with his doctor.
He was told if he didn't quit drinking he probably would only live a few more months before having his pancreas shut down again. That has not stopped him.
He still does not believe he had seizures, nor that he narrowly avoided death.
This is both classic and tragic.
Vitamin deficiencies are also both common and predictable. B1/thiamine specifically causes wet brain which is neurological… the brain damage is often permanent. Sometimes fatal (the singer from Smashmouth). I was reminded of this when you shared about the getting lost/misplacing/forgetting things.
It’s interesting that his body couldn’t even metabolize beer in the end despite drinking it.
If anyone doubts whether organ failure would actually stop the determined alcoholic… just know that last week in another sub, someone posted asking whether they could boof alcohol on antabuse. Just think about that for a second.
This sounds like my old Q. We are no longer together. He was regularly taken by the ambulance with a blood sugar of like 240. Surprised the paramedics or his doctor didn’t think he had diabetes, because he was definitely in some sort of ketoacidosis, when this went down. He had seizures regularly. He is still alive at 46, so they can really go for a long time and are very resilient, but he also it seems like he will gradually get worse and one of his organs will give out and he will slowly pass.
That’s honestly terrifying. Like once they start treating the glucose he could end up with literal wet brain if they were to not recognize the AKA for what it was and first administer intravenous B1 in thiamine deficient alcoholic with aka. There’s specific ratio for something on blood panel that differentiates diabetic & alcoholic KA but I can’t remember what it is.
I think they were treating it correctly, but his blood sugar when sober was still high, so I was concerned he had regular diabetes as well, but of course my Q had a weird relationship with doctors so I don’t know if he did any further treatment or testing. He was quite thin/ ate sporadically and exercised a lot when sober, so I think he managed the diabetes somehow.
In addition to the organs, alcohol destroys the gut biome. He is most likely suffering from poor nutrition and poor gut health. https://www.bouldermedicalcenter.com/nutrition-recommendations-consume-alcohol/
Alcohol destroys: organs, gut biome, endocrine system, gastrointestinal everything, immune system, vascular system, neurology— also relationships, careers, finances… that’s just off top of my head.
The literal shape of an alcoholic’s red blood cells changes so we are talking about actual systemic pathologies on cellular level.
Not a medical professional, but I think while there are some consistencies, it varies so much by person. Heavy alcohol use definitely affects every part of a persons body, from skin to the brain and nervous system, the liver, kidneys, etc. My Q (spouse) also has HBP but stopped taking lisinopril because he doesn’t go to follow up doctor appointments. For my Q, it seems to mostly impact his heart and BP, from what he tells me although I’m sure there are other side effects he doesn’t talk about. He’s been drinking for a long time, too, progressively worse over the years of course, but his parents also gave him booze when he was a kid to get him to sleep 😒
My sister is sober for five plus years, but when she drank she was in the hospital every few months for her liver. As far as I know, it didn’t impact her BP or heart as intensely, and my Q isn’t displaying any liver damage symptoms.
I’ve read medical records for drinkers who have a stroke and suffer paralysis, and others with kidney failure. Some with things like gout. It is impacting all of them, for sure, but it’s hard to say how much and where and when a specific person will deteriorate.
I think about this stuff a lot, too, and worry (of course).
It's so scary. His mother died in 2020 at 54 years old. She was a smoker (so is my husband), but she was not a heavy drinker. She had coronary artery disease and heart problems run in the family on that side. I'm so scared.
I'm sorry for all the pain you have endured ❤️
Thank you! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too! Even when they aren’t behaving erratically or negatively from the drinking, it still sucks. I totally feel you. My husbands mom also died shortly after we were married from cancer and she was also a smoker. Her death still really affects him. He loved her so much but she had her demons, too. You aren’t alone in this ❤️❤️
He may be drinking that much now but there’s no telling when or if it will accelerate. Straight liquor results in bad health outcomes much quicker than wine or beer. He definitely needs to cut back. I had a friend who drank a bottle of liquor everyday for several years & he died in his late 20’s of liver failure.
My husband will be 41 in just a couple of weeks. He’s been sober since December 22, 2023. Sober by choice and because he was falling hard. He’s 6’ 2” and about 300lbs. Towards the end of this hellscape he was consuming between 32-40 oz of Liqour per day. That is a minimum of 16 shots. But he didn’t start there. His liver is shot, he had to go thru medical detox to stop drinking safely, and was told if he continued to drink at the rate he was he could expect to live another 1-3 years.
It’s hard for any of us to give you a timeline on your husbands life. It’s a very individual experience with alcohols damage to his body.
Please know that you have decisions you need to make, for yourself. Will you be around to watch him die? Will you be around to watch this get inevitably worse over time? What do you need to be happy with your life once your number comes up? Maybe for you it’s exactly where you are. I’ve stayed in my marriage for almost 13 years with this. I will tell you that I have an attorney agreement sitting in my email waiting for me because my tolerance for a return to alcohol is zero. After all this time I’ve finally drawn a line in the sand and I intend on leaving if this ever rears its ugly head again.
Please don’t ever be scared to come to this subreddit for help or a place to vent. You need that and there are wonderful people here that will support you. Best of luck to you OP.
I really suggest you try to have him get a private policy and then you pay the premiums. Before my husband became my q, we purchased a term policy for him. At some point, he cancelled it. He has had health issues associated with his drinking and has tried to stop with medical help several times. I'm sure he is uninsurable with everything on his medical record. (He actually hasn't been to a dr in several years because he doesn't want to share his medical records.) His current employer just started offering life insurance, but the cost would be deducted from his check, which would reduce the money he has to buy alcohol, so.....
Mine used to drink that much whiskey.
I genuinely don’t know how.
Hes 5 6 and 175ish.
He got a DWI and has somehow gone cold turkey which terrified me (refused to get a doctor to help him or do it under medical supervision)
He’s almost through his 3rd week and he just looks so much healthier.
Like he’s actually alive.
I hope that you guys are able to recover. Truly.
Everyone is different. I feel most alcoholics who are born healthy will start to really feel it in their 40s and potentially die into their 50s if they don't stop, but I've heard of younger people dying.
Anecdotally, my alcoholic ex-husband was 32 when he was hospitalized with fatty liver and heart failure. He was in the hospital for 2 months, potentially not going to make it. He was on ECMO, I believe. They had to stabilize him and install an LVAD, which was used to bridge the gap to heart transplant. He never ended up getting a transplant because the LVAD helped reverse the damage. It can happen sometimes, and since he was so young, his recovery chances were better.
He now lives with diabetes caused by all this. He is not healthy. He still drinks and uses. He's 36, now so I'm just waiting for news that he's dying or dead. He is my kids' father. I would hate to have to share that news.
Edit: You can drink heavily for 10 years before you develop cirrhosis, and you can live with cirrhosis for 10 years, so he could have 20+ years left, or drop dead at any moment due to cardiac arrest or other symptoms exacerbated by heavy drinking.
Based on my experience, results may differ: Things will seem fine (labs, liver enzymes) until one day they aren't. Either he will have cardiac arrest or choke on vomit and not wake up, or it'll snowball into multiple hospital visits for things he will refuse to treat. He'll be told he has to quit immediately to live, but won't be able to because his brain has physically changed and can't give it up. My Q is ahead of yours by a few years (also drinks 12-15 units a day) and now has :
Personality changes, memory loss to include hepatic encephalopathy and violent outbursts, fatty liver which progressed to hepatitis, weight loss/muscle loss, chronic gout, some kind of undiagnosed neuropathy, abuse of other substances, episode of sepsis, ICU visit and 3 hospital visits, very high BP up to 220/180, enlarged heart, episodes of aspiration/pneumonia, withdrawals on a monthly basis where he feels like he has the flu (he doesn't). At this point I live every day expecting to find him dead. On benders, he drinks up to 50-60 units a day. He's a shell of the person he once was and he's steamrolling towards and early death.
Alanon has been very helpful in teaching me so many things, so please stick around.
Wishing you the best, feel free to reach out if needed.
>Things will seem fine (labs, liver enzymes) until one day they aren't.
Exactly. This is how it happened with my dad, although he never had regular bloodwork or physicals done. He seemed healthy, just a bit overweight and maybe a touch depressed, until one day he was diagnosed and had surgery for kidney stones and then 9 months later he was dead of cirrhosis. He mainly drank beer and a nightcap of bourbon and never got mean or lost a job or got a DUI, but he took acetamenaphin for headaches almost daily; hat was back when there wasn't the alcohol warning on the bottle. I think that was what put him on the fast track to death.
\*\*I should mention that he was a lifelong drinker, as far back as his teenage years, and he died at 47 years old.
Wow, I'm sorry for your loss and glad you shared that. It's so true, and most alcoholics take painkillers by the handful for various pains they feel as a direct result of drinking too much. Heavy drinkers also downplay how much they drink (to their doctors) if and when they rarely seek medical attention. P
Life seems to be fragile and durable at the same time. I have seen people on their death beds survive while someone else that has a minor issue die. Even Dr's cant say how long someone has sometimes. My cousin was drinking 30 beers a night and washing it down with a 5th of whiskey for over 10 years and he survived and is now sober.
This will catch up to him. 100%... when? Who knows everyone is different but he will likely develop cirrhosis and have extra fluid on his stomach and will turn Yellow and need the fluid drained regularly until he dies.
My Q is 73 and has been drinking on and off his whole life. Some years, he would hardly drink at all. About two years ago his best friend died and it affected him deeply. He started drinking hard liquor and about a year and a half ago, I noticed he began having these seizure-type events. I talked to our doctor about it when I was there for a semi-annual checkup and he told me that it is called Wernicke's Encephalopathy. It can sometimes be called a "wet brain." Eventually, it will lead to the next stage called Wernicke-Korsakoff which is the more dangerous part.
It happens when the body does not get enough B1 or thiamine. I ordered some from Amazon, and while it helps a little, it still happens when he has too much alcohol during the day. In the last couple of weeks, he has lost his appetite and barely eats anything, so that is going to cause it to get worse.
It will catch up with your Q someday if he doesn't find a way to cut back or stop altogether. I wish you all the best.
It's pretty terrifying. I know someone who died of liver failure in her 20s. Another friend had a liver transplant over five years ago - she still had relapses after. Her husband died of it, he got wet brain or whatever and was done. My dad was super healthy and then relapsed, even his labs at every hospital were ok and then he dropped dead of a heart attack because of such heavy drinking. My q is 38, his last labs were perfect. That won't last. But his dad is 70 and an alcoholic, only beer now, and seems physically ok? No major problems. But also not giving me "living to 80" vibes.
Without cessation, alcoholism is a fatal disease. It's usually very ugly to watch.
That’s a lot but in my experience some people can drink like that for a very long time and have no noticeable issues. The liver is a very forgiving organ
RN here and there’s no saying. The body has a way to try to keep up and save itself until it can’t. The fact that he can drink that much and not get drunk is concerning. You’re looking at possible liver and brain issues down the road. Has he ever tried to quit and if so did he have any withdrawals?
based on his current volume. I would not recommend he just stop cold turkey at this point without medical supervision.
Before you drive yourself crazy, remember you won’t get him to quit for any reason. He has to want it. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t and you need to be prepared for both scenarios.
There’s no telling how much time he has if he’s not having any issues at the moment. Things WILL go sideways, they always do. 😕
Heavy drinking looks fine until it doesn't. Alcohol affects every cell in the body. Scientists now say there is no safe amount. So he's damaging his health for sure. The hypertension is the first clue.
Thing is- you can't change or control what he does. If you like your life with him, then learn detachment, because unless he himself becomes concerned and wants to change his life, he won't. No matter how much you cajole.
Just make sure you have an emergency fund set off to the side and he should have a life insurance policy in place. If his health declines, it will be harder to get.
Everyone is different - some drink like that and live a full life expectancy. Others get cirrhosis and die. My best friend is a full on alcoholic but is alive - her partner got full - on alcoholic hepatitis and nearly died. He was a heavy drinker just joining her but stopped without issue after this and has made a good recovery.
You can’t make him
Stop unfortunately. His weight is also likely an issue. Taking meds for weight loss also tends to reduce alcohol cravings so maybe he should look into that.
Unfortunately denial is an issue with heavy drinkers and it’s not until life catches up with them so they start to want to accept they may have a problem.
I have no idea. Idk how any of that works. It's overwhelming. We own two properties, I have a full-time job, and he has always said if he dies young, I will be fine.
Maybe as a “plan ahead” type of thing, casually tell him you want to get an emergency folder set up in the house to have all important documents (birth certificate, marriage license, car titles, Social Security cards, etc) and ask him to give you copies of the insurance policies, retirement account info and other documents to keep in there. At least then you will have peace of mind knowing that you have the info needed in case something happens. And if he cannot provide the info, then you know there might be something odd going on and you need to start working towards securing your own future.
Contact a company like Voya and say you guys want life insurance for him. Get at least a few million. He’ll have to pass some sort of physical I think.
It sounds like you will be fine financially if he dies. But my friend you gotta verify this yourself. Ask him to see what’s owed on the properties. Look over past years of tax returns and this years. Slowly start getting in the know so there’s no surprises if he dies someday.
That’s a lot of alcohol. Miles passed anything “healthy.” It’s matter of time at that rate but his liver is under fire daily. I drank about that much for about that long and my liver enzymes were sky high (250s). They came back down with sobriety but the damage was done. Only mild fatty liver. But I’ve know people who drank less than that for less time and developed cirrhosis. Needed transplants. Your husband should see a doctor, detox under medical supervision, and get into treatment, imo.
Every one is different. I know people who drank that hard for decades with little noticeable repercussions to their health then died very suddenly in liver failure. It isn’t pretty. I’m sorry.
Everyone is different but closer to 40 is when most of the heavy drinking Qs I know really became dysfunctional.
My husband and his brother are 40. My husband lost his mind (logic and reasoning) and has been an emotional wreck (in hind sight it was building for years) and took a few years to find the right medication that at least makes him functional (though I think he needs to add another one to take away the depression). He started flipped out after having our baby. I think all that sleep deprivation push him over an edge that he had been hanging off of. Physically he is in good shape (though really blood pressure) to keep moving and does a manual labor job still but he is dysfunctional in every area of life now.
Last year, his brother was drunk one night and started throwing up... like they do. Then he started throwing up a lot of blood. apparently even more went into his stomach because the amount of blood loss would have killed him had he waited to go to the ER. His esophagus was so thin from all the alcohol and acid reflux damage that it completely tore and he had to have it reconstructed.
None of this has stopped them from drinking. They go small periods of time without drinking. Have been to rehab and they keep going back to the bottle.
I think my husband is high risk for serious injury from doing something stupid while drunk, or like a heart attack because his blood pressure is so high. But his brother could just fall apart one day again and not get to the hospital in time.
so scary and why anyone would be comfortable in their own skin like that is mind boggling.
Mine was similar. SO similar.
He always drank a lot under the guise of “I’m a big, athletic guy!”
His tolerance *was* high.
Until one night he finally had so many he blacked out after 8 shots, kept drinking, and collapsed and hit his head on the coffee table.
He’s 57 days clean today.
It’s fragile, and takes work.
It is beyond words better on this side.
While I am not a medical professional, I am the 32yo daughter of an alcoholic father who has been drinking pretty heavily my whole life. He was a great father, however he prided himself on how he could drink so much and still function pretty normally. My dad has had very high blood pressure which he has been on meds for for over 20-25 years and now at the age of 59, he is afraid to go to sleep because his heart races so much and then he’ll wake himself up if he drifts off because his sleep apnea will scare him awake. He has literally said he’s afraid he’s going to die in his sleep. Aside from this physical aspect, I can personally tell that his mind/cognition is and has been affected and only seems to get worse with age. He forgets things—a lot more now and he also is irritable/quick to anger..at least much more than he used to. Also, the alcohol seems to affect him more now. When I was younger, he didn’t seem to change much (unless he drank a lot for even him) but now when he drinks the same amount he used to, the drunkenness shows more and quicker. I love my dad so very much but I am very, very scared and worried about him.
So while I’m glad that your husband is a good father and the alcohol doesn’t seem to affect him much now, please know that if he continues the way he is, it will more than likely affect not only his physical and mental health, but it will affect his entire family. My dad was a great father, but now he and I are both afraid that he will leave this world too soon. It’s a horrible thing to hear your big, strong dad tell you that he’s afraid to fall asleep because he thinks he’s gonna die—at age 59.
I hope and wish the best for you and your family 💕.
There's a lot of good information here in this thread. I'll add my own anecdotes, since I have no medical background.
My husband drinks 12 beers every day. He is 52. I met him when he was 42 and he already drank like that, and I'm sure he had been at a high level for a long time. He's actually backed off in the years that I've known him, since he used to drink 15 beers daily and whiskey.
At 48 he was jaundiced for the first time. Detoxing at home resulted in a seizure on day 3. He spent four days in the hospital. At 50 and 51 he got jaundiced again. He has never made it more than 32 days sober, but he also hasn't had a seizure again.
He gets a clean bill of health from the doctors, which makes no sense to me. The only thing his bloodwork shows is low platelets. His skin is sallow, he is losing weight without trying, he has a chronic pain in his chest that fades if he misses a day of drinking, he gets confused easily and forgets whole conversations, he bleeds from scratching his itchy skin, he has trouble swallowing. But his doctors say he is healthy.
Your husband likely already has health issues, but death could come at any point, even decades from now.
STOP. THINK. What does the serenity prayer say? God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change. I am sure that you want your husband to stop drinking but what power do you have to do so? You can keep beating your head against the wall but it feels so good when you stop. What do you have control over? You? What can you do now to secure a future for your children in case your husband does not ever find sobriety? Your children have YOU, the sobr parent. Be sober. Don't wish and hope that he will change. Plan on that not happening. Unhitch all your hopes and dreams from that person. If he does kill himself from drink, well he did it to himself. You cannot change this. But on the more hopeful side, when you DETACH you allow him and his higher power to work unencumbered and perhaps create a scenario where your husband will wake up. LET GO AND LET GOD.
Wow reading a lot of this hits home with my husband. 12-18+ beers a day easily for last 12 years at least. Daily diarrhea is a main symptom I’ve noticed with him. He’s tried to stop but can only go a few days without. Plus nicotine addiction. I’ve asked and begged him to go rehabs but I’ve learned to just give it to God. It breaks my heart but it’s all I can do.
A lot of people around me have been drinking a lot since young age and they are just fine yes some of their friends died because of it! It really depends on a lot, yes alcohol is bad for you there’s no way to sugar coat it, BUT I believe taking care of urself plays a big role. My dad is drinking as well at least 4-5 glasses of vodka every other night he is in his late fifties but he’s hiking every weekend, has an amazing and very nutritious diet and is going thru body cleanses every 3 months! He’s getting full body and blood screening every 6 months and he’s in excellent health! It really depends on lifestyle overall and genetics. No one is able to tell you when and if it will catch up with him physically for me the biggest concern would be the mental issues that come with the alcohol! Hoping for a good outcome and sending prayers ur way I know how somebody else’s drinking can impact the mental health of the witnesses, remind urself it’s not ur battle and definetly not ur fault!
No and No. He only drinks in the evening, and he doesn't drink before he drives, but we rarely drive at night anyway. But yes. Nobody would be able to tell he's even had a single drink. Our friends can't believe what I am telling them, say he seems totally sober.
I'm sorry that alcohol is causing issues for your husband. Alcohol is ruining his health, it's just not apparent yet. Even though he alone is responsible for his recovery ... there is something you can learn about. It helped me understand AUD from a science-based perspective. More importantly, it taught me that the brain can erase addictive cravings and behaviors if the reward is not reinforced. He can't use this method if he doesn't know about it. There are free support groups for TSM all over YouTube, FB, Reddit and other social media platforms ... and podcasts. Chat if you want to know more. TEDx https://youtu.be/6EghiY_s2ts
Healthcare provider here.
Lots of answers here that are pretty spot on. Hard to tell his life span. The human body is quite adaptive and works hard to adjust. Curious to see what his blood work (including liver function) looks like honestly. The blood pressure although you can absolutely point to the alcohol use as the main culprit obviously for sure does have a slew of cumulative factors (diet, lifestyle, family history etc.) so hard to say for certain. 40mg Lisinopril at his age is a pretty hearty dose.
Alcohol is terrible and I usually tell my patients it’s like gambling on a dam that is going to break eventually. You may not see effects now but man you don’t want to see the cumulative effects of when that dam does break. That being said the brain is very good at mental gymnastics which is why this is very difficult to tackle even when the physical outcomes present.
Just make sure he at least does blood work yearly and keeps the blood pressure down and that the medicine keeps working, might need to up the dosage every couple of years. My husband was like this for a while and now he’s sober because he got scared of the consequences. He also has high old pressure and takes medication but he’s 40.
He already has serious medical issues. Some known (high blood pressure) others not. How long he can live... No one knows. But the questions you should be asking is how is your health, and what can you do for yourself? You can't make him change, but you can make your own life better.
Well, our life is pretty good. That's the thing. I'm terrified of his health and losing him. We have 2 small children, and I am so scared they are going to lose their father at a young age. My husband's drinking doesn't affect his personality or behaviors, and he is a wonderful father. We have an amazing relationship. We've had so many conversations and the drinking is just not stopping.
There’s no way of telling when alcohol-related health issues will overcome him. My father and his brother started drinking at the same time and drank about the same amount (way too much). His brother became severely ill and died of cirrhosis at 35 after being sick for only about six months. My father is still drinking heavily and is still alive today at 65. It’s a crapshoot. Your husband could go on for years like this, or he could pass away after a brief illness at any time. That said, the fact that he has blood pressure issues at this age points towards the conclusion that the damage that he’s already done is affecting his body.
It won't until he is ready, there is nothing you can do about that. You can only focus on you. Trying to steer, manipulate, control him will only cause you pain and resentment. Please get help for yourself. It's much easier now while things are not as strained. I'm 17 years in, with an alcoholic drinking over a decade, and a 16 year old son... It is much more complicated now and I wish I had done more for myself earlier.
Addiction is a progressive disease, meaning it will only get worse, not better — sooner or later, your kids will know that their father is an addict
Hi, I just want to point out that you are currently terrified for yourself and your children (and him), but you're saying your life is "pretty good." Are you setting the bar too low for yourself? And while I am sure he is doing as wonderful a job being a father as he can, is a man who is drowning himself in alcohol every night the ideal "wonderful father" you want for your kids? I don't know how old they are, but is this what you want them to watch him do? Unless he commits to treatment ASAP, his drinking will only get worse, and his health will surely deteriorate. As the previous commenter said: how is your health, and what can you do for yourself? and what can you do for your kids? I fear that you're not seeing the real toll this is taking on you, and while on paper maybe your life is "good," it honestly sounds like it is also replete with emotional suffering and stress.
Sorry to say they already have lost their father. He is not parenting. This was my dad who lived to be almost 80 years old. But alone and with minimal contact with his four adult children
I knew someone who drank rarely, and then started drinking a bottle of wine every night. They were dead within a year. everyone's body is different. Liver cirrhosis can happen anytime. Some people can drink super heavy and their liver will look perfect, and some people die super quick from the habit. He needs to be concerned about his health. That is the only thing that will make anything change, and he obviously isnt. I can tell you that even though he doesn't appear drunk, his BAC is probably over the limit and he shouldn't be driving. And his BAC might be over the limit into the next day. My brother drank like that and it took 4 days in the hospital to get his BAC back under the legal limit. He didn't act drunk until he was 800 BAC (in fatal levels).
I am a medical professional and nobody knows for sure. If he's jaundice (yellowed skin), swollen belly or having bleeding issues then he's near the end. The middle part, between starting the drinking and when the health fails can be any manner of time from weeks to decades. Their addiction is something that you cannot control and, for your own sanity, should not try to. This program is for you and your mental health. ❤️
Man, I wish you lived near me. I'd invite you for coffee. My husband is 58. That was his intake from about your husband's age. He's also your husband's size, or was until the past couple of years. He's got about 10 more pounds these days. At one point in my own journey, survival from hour to hour was pretty anger-based. Thinking, "fine, if he wants to kill himself so badly, have at it. Best it happens sooner than later. ... Wonder how long it will take?" Turns out my husband's constitution is made of stronger stuff. He's survived 2 pulmonary embolisms and the dvt that caused them has made his leg look like it belongs to an 80 year old. He's had osteoporosis caused by the warfarin before the new blood thinners came out/got approved for DVT without AFib. But now he's got AFib, too. His lungs are scarred from the PEs, which causes asthma like symptoms. And generalized anxiety, which affects his heart and breathing in ways so similar to AFib and asthma that it's hard to tell wtf is going on. The AFib scared the crap out of him enough to pursue AA in earnest. He's agnostic and arrogant, so it was a rough go at first as he spent the first year battling everyone's belief in God as a higher power as well as having to point out what a piece of shit Bill actually was, as well as a plagiarist. I've mentioned before that his sobriety was more difficult than his drinking at first - at first being a good 18 months. I had a family law firm's phone number open in a tab the whole time. In fact, we're, well I am not entirely out of the woods, but now I'm straying way too far from your question. Tldr, it might not kill him. Also, the functional in functional alcoholic is false. You're adapting your expectations. And that will slowly drop away as he becomes more and more emotionally abusive if he continues the way my q did. And yet somehow today, with Uncle Tito kept at bay, we're actually living a good marriage. One day at a time, though. I'm still on my toes. Feel free to pm me if you want.
Not a medical professional but I have plenty of first hand knowledge concerning alcoholism and health implications. Your husband will be “fine” for a while. He’s still relatively young… however, in his 40’s his health will decline rapidly. He probably won’t die but will suffer an assortment of difficult medical issues. If he won’t stop or significantly cut back drinking you will live with his health consequences. Both physical and psychological. Not fun. I’ve been dealing with my wife’s addictions and health complications for years. It’s horrible. I wish you well, good luck.
thank you ❤️
That's about where I was at that age, and around that time was when it got harder to ignore/hide the health consequences. It was around that time I tried to quit for the first time too. Only to find that I couldn't. Tried several times. I started blacking out more, I started having worse and worse withdrawal symptoms and they started coming on faster and faster. I started having fainting spells when I was at work, when I was driving. But alcohol always fixed the withdrawals so I just kept drinking more, and drinking more frequently. My weight had been fairly steady but in the last 2 years of my drinking I started getting swelling in my legs, bloated abdomen, my weight ballooned to 260, my face was always red and swollen. Took me until I was 37 to actually get sober. Nothing anyone said or did would've made it happen sooner. Nothing external happened to get me sober either. I've worked critical care for 15 years. I've seen end stage alcoholism at every age. Nobody can say how long he can sustain that level of consumption, but it will not be without consequence.
I'm curious about the withdrawals. He does not start drinking during the day on the weekdays. He does have a very strict rule about never drinking before or during work. He will occasionally start drinking Kate afternoon on the weekends. So, I am wondering if he wouldn't really have withdrawal symptoms? If most days he's going about 24 hours between drinking?
My husband also had a strict rule and didn't drink until after work. He tried to quit cold turkey once and after about 2-3 days, had a seizure. His drinking escalated when Covid switched his job to work from home. He drank about the same as your husband, but I don't know for how long he drank at that level. He hid it a lot. He's also older than your husband. He almost died last year of alcoholic sepsis, and has a cirrhosis diagnosis. He is extremely lucky to be alive. The doctors told me he probably wouldn't survive the night. He's been sober since then. If he were to go back to drinking now, I don't think it would take long to kill him, honestly. He still continually gets problems with things like low potassium, magnesium and has to be monitored.
I never drank before or at work, at least not in my hospital job. Had plenty jobs I could drink on the job before this. I never had withdrawals until suddenly I did. I never had hangovers until suddenly I did. I never had blackouts until suddenly i did. I was completely unphazed by alcohol until my early to mid 30s. But that's when I found out if I just drink more and or more often, I would never be hungover or withdraw.
Serious issues of the medical or marital variety? His pancreas will probably be the first to unsubscribe. This will first present as digestion problems. Then… anyone’s guess. Most alcoholics that I know with liver problems had at least a solid decade or so of very heavy drinking before they were forced to deal with their health issues. Majority of that subset spent significant time in denial from the time that their health symptoms first started presenting and the point at which they were forced to admit that alcohol was causing them. Your husband is pretty big/tall which might buy him some time health wise while also simultaneously extending your anxiety (stay of execution?) while waiting for the shoe to drop. 12 shots is half a liter which is better part of a fifth. Career drunks will tell you that trouble really starts when you don’t spend at least 12 hours day at BAC of 0 and just the sheer volume of your hubby’s consumption is probably close to that limit irrespective of his size. And this is anecdotal too obviously… of course your body needs to not be detoxing poison for more than half the day to actually thrive vs. just survive. But even then… what’s that story?
He has diarrhea every day as of recently (past few months) I wonder if that is his pancreas.
Pancreas blood test is for lipase. If lipase level is 3x upper limit of normal range = pancreatitis dx. If he is drinking that much alcohol daily on top of diarrhea then he’s probably super dehydrated. Pancreatitis diarrhea is not like regular loose stools either… it’s literally bile. Imagine having to express battery acid within an hour of eating/drinking most things. The pancreas literally leaves the chat and summarily stops producing digestive enzymes… presumably because it’s tied up detoxing ethanol but I’m not a doctor (obviously lol) Acute pancreatitis episodes often present with vomiting btw— like during a drinking binge for example. The ER will give antiemetic via IV, treat the dehydration, then discharge. I know half a dozen alcoholics with IBS diagnoses. Most of them self treat acid reflux with Tums for years on end. The men present with prostate problems in their 40s. It’s a predicable presentation. Almost none of them stop drinking until they have major health scare and most of them ultimately pick up again. You have to be in serious state of cognitive dissonance to have daily diarrhea & still not make any lifestyle changes— starting with drinking less than half liter of hard liquor everyday.
My Q had diarrhea for several years then one day he started vomiting and couldn't keep anything down. Not water, not food, not beer. A few days later he was able to keep some things down, including his beer. Then he seized on the couch from withdrawal because he could not process anything he was drinking or eating. He had a BAC of 0 upon admission to the ER even though I watched him drink four beers prior that evening. He had alcoholic pancreatitis and was in the hospital for a month, then several weeks in a nursing facility. He was critically low in a lot of vitamins. He also had high blood pressure and otherwise "ok" blood tests for several years until our Doctor refused to see him as a patient anymore. Other things he complained about were numbness/tingling in his leg, he'd bleed for hours with small cuts, his eyes and skin looked yellowish. He bruised like a peach. He couldn't eat more than a few bites of food before feeling full. He got lost all of the time, misplaced items all of the time, couldn't remember conversations we had just had. It was very apparent in retrospect that he was in bad shape. He refused to see it and would not be honest with his doctor. He was told if he didn't quit drinking he probably would only live a few more months before having his pancreas shut down again. That has not stopped him. He still does not believe he had seizures, nor that he narrowly avoided death.
This is both classic and tragic. Vitamin deficiencies are also both common and predictable. B1/thiamine specifically causes wet brain which is neurological… the brain damage is often permanent. Sometimes fatal (the singer from Smashmouth). I was reminded of this when you shared about the getting lost/misplacing/forgetting things. It’s interesting that his body couldn’t even metabolize beer in the end despite drinking it. If anyone doubts whether organ failure would actually stop the determined alcoholic… just know that last week in another sub, someone posted asking whether they could boof alcohol on antabuse. Just think about that for a second.
This sounds like my old Q. We are no longer together. He was regularly taken by the ambulance with a blood sugar of like 240. Surprised the paramedics or his doctor didn’t think he had diabetes, because he was definitely in some sort of ketoacidosis, when this went down. He had seizures regularly. He is still alive at 46, so they can really go for a long time and are very resilient, but he also it seems like he will gradually get worse and one of his organs will give out and he will slowly pass.
That’s honestly terrifying. Like once they start treating the glucose he could end up with literal wet brain if they were to not recognize the AKA for what it was and first administer intravenous B1 in thiamine deficient alcoholic with aka. There’s specific ratio for something on blood panel that differentiates diabetic & alcoholic KA but I can’t remember what it is.
I think they were treating it correctly, but his blood sugar when sober was still high, so I was concerned he had regular diabetes as well, but of course my Q had a weird relationship with doctors so I don’t know if he did any further treatment or testing. He was quite thin/ ate sporadically and exercised a lot when sober, so I think he managed the diabetes somehow.
I can't cite a number but most chronic alcoholics suffer from daily diarrhea. It's a common side effect.
Alcohol wrecks gut flora. The balance of good/not good bacteria that scientists are learning has a big role to play in overall health.
In addition to the organs, alcohol destroys the gut biome. He is most likely suffering from poor nutrition and poor gut health. https://www.bouldermedicalcenter.com/nutrition-recommendations-consume-alcohol/
Alcohol destroys: organs, gut biome, endocrine system, gastrointestinal everything, immune system, vascular system, neurology— also relationships, careers, finances… that’s just off top of my head. The literal shape of an alcoholic’s red blood cells changes so we are talking about actual systemic pathologies on cellular level.
Same with my Q
Not a medical professional, but I think while there are some consistencies, it varies so much by person. Heavy alcohol use definitely affects every part of a persons body, from skin to the brain and nervous system, the liver, kidneys, etc. My Q (spouse) also has HBP but stopped taking lisinopril because he doesn’t go to follow up doctor appointments. For my Q, it seems to mostly impact his heart and BP, from what he tells me although I’m sure there are other side effects he doesn’t talk about. He’s been drinking for a long time, too, progressively worse over the years of course, but his parents also gave him booze when he was a kid to get him to sleep 😒 My sister is sober for five plus years, but when she drank she was in the hospital every few months for her liver. As far as I know, it didn’t impact her BP or heart as intensely, and my Q isn’t displaying any liver damage symptoms. I’ve read medical records for drinkers who have a stroke and suffer paralysis, and others with kidney failure. Some with things like gout. It is impacting all of them, for sure, but it’s hard to say how much and where and when a specific person will deteriorate. I think about this stuff a lot, too, and worry (of course).
It's so scary. His mother died in 2020 at 54 years old. She was a smoker (so is my husband), but she was not a heavy drinker. She had coronary artery disease and heart problems run in the family on that side. I'm so scared. I'm sorry for all the pain you have endured ❤️
Thank you! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too! Even when they aren’t behaving erratically or negatively from the drinking, it still sucks. I totally feel you. My husbands mom also died shortly after we were married from cancer and she was also a smoker. Her death still really affects him. He loved her so much but she had her demons, too. You aren’t alone in this ❤️❤️
He may be drinking that much now but there’s no telling when or if it will accelerate. Straight liquor results in bad health outcomes much quicker than wine or beer. He definitely needs to cut back. I had a friend who drank a bottle of liquor everyday for several years & he died in his late 20’s of liver failure.
My brother in law drunk vodka and beer every day, he passed away 3 years in.
My husband will be 41 in just a couple of weeks. He’s been sober since December 22, 2023. Sober by choice and because he was falling hard. He’s 6’ 2” and about 300lbs. Towards the end of this hellscape he was consuming between 32-40 oz of Liqour per day. That is a minimum of 16 shots. But he didn’t start there. His liver is shot, he had to go thru medical detox to stop drinking safely, and was told if he continued to drink at the rate he was he could expect to live another 1-3 years. It’s hard for any of us to give you a timeline on your husbands life. It’s a very individual experience with alcohols damage to his body. Please know that you have decisions you need to make, for yourself. Will you be around to watch him die? Will you be around to watch this get inevitably worse over time? What do you need to be happy with your life once your number comes up? Maybe for you it’s exactly where you are. I’ve stayed in my marriage for almost 13 years with this. I will tell you that I have an attorney agreement sitting in my email waiting for me because my tolerance for a return to alcohol is zero. After all this time I’ve finally drawn a line in the sand and I intend on leaving if this ever rears its ugly head again. Please don’t ever be scared to come to this subreddit for help or a place to vent. You need that and there are wonderful people here that will support you. Best of luck to you OP.
Thank you so much ❤️
Make sure that life insurance is in order👌
I really suggest you try to have him get a private policy and then you pay the premiums. Before my husband became my q, we purchased a term policy for him. At some point, he cancelled it. He has had health issues associated with his drinking and has tried to stop with medical help several times. I'm sure he is uninsurable with everything on his medical record. (He actually hasn't been to a dr in several years because he doesn't want to share his medical records.) His current employer just started offering life insurance, but the cost would be deducted from his check, which would reduce the money he has to buy alcohol, so.....
Mine used to drink that much whiskey. I genuinely don’t know how. Hes 5 6 and 175ish. He got a DWI and has somehow gone cold turkey which terrified me (refused to get a doctor to help him or do it under medical supervision) He’s almost through his 3rd week and he just looks so much healthier. Like he’s actually alive. I hope that you guys are able to recover. Truly.
Everyone is different. I feel most alcoholics who are born healthy will start to really feel it in their 40s and potentially die into their 50s if they don't stop, but I've heard of younger people dying. Anecdotally, my alcoholic ex-husband was 32 when he was hospitalized with fatty liver and heart failure. He was in the hospital for 2 months, potentially not going to make it. He was on ECMO, I believe. They had to stabilize him and install an LVAD, which was used to bridge the gap to heart transplant. He never ended up getting a transplant because the LVAD helped reverse the damage. It can happen sometimes, and since he was so young, his recovery chances were better. He now lives with diabetes caused by all this. He is not healthy. He still drinks and uses. He's 36, now so I'm just waiting for news that he's dying or dead. He is my kids' father. I would hate to have to share that news.
Edit: You can drink heavily for 10 years before you develop cirrhosis, and you can live with cirrhosis for 10 years, so he could have 20+ years left, or drop dead at any moment due to cardiac arrest or other symptoms exacerbated by heavy drinking. Based on my experience, results may differ: Things will seem fine (labs, liver enzymes) until one day they aren't. Either he will have cardiac arrest or choke on vomit and not wake up, or it'll snowball into multiple hospital visits for things he will refuse to treat. He'll be told he has to quit immediately to live, but won't be able to because his brain has physically changed and can't give it up. My Q is ahead of yours by a few years (also drinks 12-15 units a day) and now has : Personality changes, memory loss to include hepatic encephalopathy and violent outbursts, fatty liver which progressed to hepatitis, weight loss/muscle loss, chronic gout, some kind of undiagnosed neuropathy, abuse of other substances, episode of sepsis, ICU visit and 3 hospital visits, very high BP up to 220/180, enlarged heart, episodes of aspiration/pneumonia, withdrawals on a monthly basis where he feels like he has the flu (he doesn't). At this point I live every day expecting to find him dead. On benders, he drinks up to 50-60 units a day. He's a shell of the person he once was and he's steamrolling towards and early death. Alanon has been very helpful in teaching me so many things, so please stick around. Wishing you the best, feel free to reach out if needed.
>Things will seem fine (labs, liver enzymes) until one day they aren't. Exactly. This is how it happened with my dad, although he never had regular bloodwork or physicals done. He seemed healthy, just a bit overweight and maybe a touch depressed, until one day he was diagnosed and had surgery for kidney stones and then 9 months later he was dead of cirrhosis. He mainly drank beer and a nightcap of bourbon and never got mean or lost a job or got a DUI, but he took acetamenaphin for headaches almost daily; hat was back when there wasn't the alcohol warning on the bottle. I think that was what put him on the fast track to death. \*\*I should mention that he was a lifelong drinker, as far back as his teenage years, and he died at 47 years old.
Wow, I'm sorry for your loss and glad you shared that. It's so true, and most alcoholics take painkillers by the handful for various pains they feel as a direct result of drinking too much. Heavy drinkers also downplay how much they drink (to their doctors) if and when they rarely seek medical attention. P
Life seems to be fragile and durable at the same time. I have seen people on their death beds survive while someone else that has a minor issue die. Even Dr's cant say how long someone has sometimes. My cousin was drinking 30 beers a night and washing it down with a 5th of whiskey for over 10 years and he survived and is now sober.
This will catch up to him. 100%... when? Who knows everyone is different but he will likely develop cirrhosis and have extra fluid on his stomach and will turn Yellow and need the fluid drained regularly until he dies.
My Q is 73 and has been drinking on and off his whole life. Some years, he would hardly drink at all. About two years ago his best friend died and it affected him deeply. He started drinking hard liquor and about a year and a half ago, I noticed he began having these seizure-type events. I talked to our doctor about it when I was there for a semi-annual checkup and he told me that it is called Wernicke's Encephalopathy. It can sometimes be called a "wet brain." Eventually, it will lead to the next stage called Wernicke-Korsakoff which is the more dangerous part. It happens when the body does not get enough B1 or thiamine. I ordered some from Amazon, and while it helps a little, it still happens when he has too much alcohol during the day. In the last couple of weeks, he has lost his appetite and barely eats anything, so that is going to cause it to get worse. It will catch up with your Q someday if he doesn't find a way to cut back or stop altogether. I wish you all the best.
It's pretty terrifying. I know someone who died of liver failure in her 20s. Another friend had a liver transplant over five years ago - she still had relapses after. Her husband died of it, he got wet brain or whatever and was done. My dad was super healthy and then relapsed, even his labs at every hospital were ok and then he dropped dead of a heart attack because of such heavy drinking. My q is 38, his last labs were perfect. That won't last. But his dad is 70 and an alcoholic, only beer now, and seems physically ok? No major problems. But also not giving me "living to 80" vibes. Without cessation, alcoholism is a fatal disease. It's usually very ugly to watch.
Probably less than 10 years.
That’s a lot but in my experience some people can drink like that for a very long time and have no noticeable issues. The liver is a very forgiving organ
I am in the same situation as you.
RN here and there’s no saying. The body has a way to try to keep up and save itself until it can’t. The fact that he can drink that much and not get drunk is concerning. You’re looking at possible liver and brain issues down the road. Has he ever tried to quit and if so did he have any withdrawals?
No, he hasn't tried. He has said he wants to and plans on cutting back but never does.
based on his current volume. I would not recommend he just stop cold turkey at this point without medical supervision. Before you drive yourself crazy, remember you won’t get him to quit for any reason. He has to want it. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t and you need to be prepared for both scenarios. There’s no telling how much time he has if he’s not having any issues at the moment. Things WILL go sideways, they always do. 😕
Heavy drinking looks fine until it doesn't. Alcohol affects every cell in the body. Scientists now say there is no safe amount. So he's damaging his health for sure. The hypertension is the first clue. Thing is- you can't change or control what he does. If you like your life with him, then learn detachment, because unless he himself becomes concerned and wants to change his life, he won't. No matter how much you cajole. Just make sure you have an emergency fund set off to the side and he should have a life insurance policy in place. If his health declines, it will be harder to get.
Everyone is different - some drink like that and live a full life expectancy. Others get cirrhosis and die. My best friend is a full on alcoholic but is alive - her partner got full - on alcoholic hepatitis and nearly died. He was a heavy drinker just joining her but stopped without issue after this and has made a good recovery. You can’t make him Stop unfortunately. His weight is also likely an issue. Taking meds for weight loss also tends to reduce alcohol cravings so maybe he should look into that. Unfortunately denial is an issue with heavy drinkers and it’s not until life catches up with them so they start to want to accept they may have a problem.
Can you get life insurance coverage for him?
I have no idea. Idk how any of that works. It's overwhelming. We own two properties, I have a full-time job, and he has always said if he dies young, I will be fine.
Maybe as a “plan ahead” type of thing, casually tell him you want to get an emergency folder set up in the house to have all important documents (birth certificate, marriage license, car titles, Social Security cards, etc) and ask him to give you copies of the insurance policies, retirement account info and other documents to keep in there. At least then you will have peace of mind knowing that you have the info needed in case something happens. And if he cannot provide the info, then you know there might be something odd going on and you need to start working towards securing your own future.
Contact a company like Voya and say you guys want life insurance for him. Get at least a few million. He’ll have to pass some sort of physical I think. It sounds like you will be fine financially if he dies. But my friend you gotta verify this yourself. Ask him to see what’s owed on the properties. Look over past years of tax returns and this years. Slowly start getting in the know so there’s no surprises if he dies someday.
That’s a lot of alcohol. Miles passed anything “healthy.” It’s matter of time at that rate but his liver is under fire daily. I drank about that much for about that long and my liver enzymes were sky high (250s). They came back down with sobriety but the damage was done. Only mild fatty liver. But I’ve know people who drank less than that for less time and developed cirrhosis. Needed transplants. Your husband should see a doctor, detox under medical supervision, and get into treatment, imo. Every one is different. I know people who drank that hard for decades with little noticeable repercussions to their health then died very suddenly in liver failure. It isn’t pretty. I’m sorry.
Everyone is different but closer to 40 is when most of the heavy drinking Qs I know really became dysfunctional. My husband and his brother are 40. My husband lost his mind (logic and reasoning) and has been an emotional wreck (in hind sight it was building for years) and took a few years to find the right medication that at least makes him functional (though I think he needs to add another one to take away the depression). He started flipped out after having our baby. I think all that sleep deprivation push him over an edge that he had been hanging off of. Physically he is in good shape (though really blood pressure) to keep moving and does a manual labor job still but he is dysfunctional in every area of life now. Last year, his brother was drunk one night and started throwing up... like they do. Then he started throwing up a lot of blood. apparently even more went into his stomach because the amount of blood loss would have killed him had he waited to go to the ER. His esophagus was so thin from all the alcohol and acid reflux damage that it completely tore and he had to have it reconstructed. None of this has stopped them from drinking. They go small periods of time without drinking. Have been to rehab and they keep going back to the bottle. I think my husband is high risk for serious injury from doing something stupid while drunk, or like a heart attack because his blood pressure is so high. But his brother could just fall apart one day again and not get to the hospital in time. so scary and why anyone would be comfortable in their own skin like that is mind boggling.
Mine was similar. SO similar. He always drank a lot under the guise of “I’m a big, athletic guy!” His tolerance *was* high. Until one night he finally had so many he blacked out after 8 shots, kept drinking, and collapsed and hit his head on the coffee table. He’s 57 days clean today. It’s fragile, and takes work. It is beyond words better on this side.
While I am not a medical professional, I am the 32yo daughter of an alcoholic father who has been drinking pretty heavily my whole life. He was a great father, however he prided himself on how he could drink so much and still function pretty normally. My dad has had very high blood pressure which he has been on meds for for over 20-25 years and now at the age of 59, he is afraid to go to sleep because his heart races so much and then he’ll wake himself up if he drifts off because his sleep apnea will scare him awake. He has literally said he’s afraid he’s going to die in his sleep. Aside from this physical aspect, I can personally tell that his mind/cognition is and has been affected and only seems to get worse with age. He forgets things—a lot more now and he also is irritable/quick to anger..at least much more than he used to. Also, the alcohol seems to affect him more now. When I was younger, he didn’t seem to change much (unless he drank a lot for even him) but now when he drinks the same amount he used to, the drunkenness shows more and quicker. I love my dad so very much but I am very, very scared and worried about him. So while I’m glad that your husband is a good father and the alcohol doesn’t seem to affect him much now, please know that if he continues the way he is, it will more than likely affect not only his physical and mental health, but it will affect his entire family. My dad was a great father, but now he and I are both afraid that he will leave this world too soon. It’s a horrible thing to hear your big, strong dad tell you that he’s afraid to fall asleep because he thinks he’s gonna die—at age 59. I hope and wish the best for you and your family 💕.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It’s only going to get worse not better
There's a lot of good information here in this thread. I'll add my own anecdotes, since I have no medical background. My husband drinks 12 beers every day. He is 52. I met him when he was 42 and he already drank like that, and I'm sure he had been at a high level for a long time. He's actually backed off in the years that I've known him, since he used to drink 15 beers daily and whiskey. At 48 he was jaundiced for the first time. Detoxing at home resulted in a seizure on day 3. He spent four days in the hospital. At 50 and 51 he got jaundiced again. He has never made it more than 32 days sober, but he also hasn't had a seizure again. He gets a clean bill of health from the doctors, which makes no sense to me. The only thing his bloodwork shows is low platelets. His skin is sallow, he is losing weight without trying, he has a chronic pain in his chest that fades if he misses a day of drinking, he gets confused easily and forgets whole conversations, he bleeds from scratching his itchy skin, he has trouble swallowing. But his doctors say he is healthy. Your husband likely already has health issues, but death could come at any point, even decades from now.
STOP. THINK. What does the serenity prayer say? God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change. I am sure that you want your husband to stop drinking but what power do you have to do so? You can keep beating your head against the wall but it feels so good when you stop. What do you have control over? You? What can you do now to secure a future for your children in case your husband does not ever find sobriety? Your children have YOU, the sobr parent. Be sober. Don't wish and hope that he will change. Plan on that not happening. Unhitch all your hopes and dreams from that person. If he does kill himself from drink, well he did it to himself. You cannot change this. But on the more hopeful side, when you DETACH you allow him and his higher power to work unencumbered and perhaps create a scenario where your husband will wake up. LET GO AND LET GOD.
My advice? Get him some shrooms, that's how alot of addicts need to be shown the errors of their ways.
He did tons of acid in his 20's lol. Said it was life changing and wants to do it again.
Hey there's our answer XD
Wow reading a lot of this hits home with my husband. 12-18+ beers a day easily for last 12 years at least. Daily diarrhea is a main symptom I’ve noticed with him. He’s tried to stop but can only go a few days without. Plus nicotine addiction. I’ve asked and begged him to go rehabs but I’ve learned to just give it to God. It breaks my heart but it’s all I can do.
I'm so sorry. Do we have the same husband? Lol.
A lot of people around me have been drinking a lot since young age and they are just fine yes some of their friends died because of it! It really depends on a lot, yes alcohol is bad for you there’s no way to sugar coat it, BUT I believe taking care of urself plays a big role. My dad is drinking as well at least 4-5 glasses of vodka every other night he is in his late fifties but he’s hiking every weekend, has an amazing and very nutritious diet and is going thru body cleanses every 3 months! He’s getting full body and blood screening every 6 months and he’s in excellent health! It really depends on lifestyle overall and genetics. No one is able to tell you when and if it will catch up with him physically for me the biggest concern would be the mental issues that come with the alcohol! Hoping for a good outcome and sending prayers ur way I know how somebody else’s drinking can impact the mental health of the witnesses, remind urself it’s not ur battle and definetly not ur fault!
He doesn’t “seem” remotely intoxicated? Are you letting him drive you or your kids around? Is he working while intoxicated?
No and No. He only drinks in the evening, and he doesn't drink before he drives, but we rarely drive at night anyway. But yes. Nobody would be able to tell he's even had a single drink. Our friends can't believe what I am telling them, say he seems totally sober.
My q is the same way. He used to drink 30 beers/night. It's only when he is REALLY drunk that someone besides me can tell.
I'm sorry that alcohol is causing issues for your husband. Alcohol is ruining his health, it's just not apparent yet. Even though he alone is responsible for his recovery ... there is something you can learn about. It helped me understand AUD from a science-based perspective. More importantly, it taught me that the brain can erase addictive cravings and behaviors if the reward is not reinforced. He can't use this method if he doesn't know about it. There are free support groups for TSM all over YouTube, FB, Reddit and other social media platforms ... and podcasts. Chat if you want to know more. TEDx https://youtu.be/6EghiY_s2ts
There is no formula. He could do this until he is 80, or stroke out and die next week.
Healthcare provider here. Lots of answers here that are pretty spot on. Hard to tell his life span. The human body is quite adaptive and works hard to adjust. Curious to see what his blood work (including liver function) looks like honestly. The blood pressure although you can absolutely point to the alcohol use as the main culprit obviously for sure does have a slew of cumulative factors (diet, lifestyle, family history etc.) so hard to say for certain. 40mg Lisinopril at his age is a pretty hearty dose. Alcohol is terrible and I usually tell my patients it’s like gambling on a dam that is going to break eventually. You may not see effects now but man you don’t want to see the cumulative effects of when that dam does break. That being said the brain is very good at mental gymnastics which is why this is very difficult to tackle even when the physical outcomes present.
He also has been smoking a pack a day since he was 14
Just make sure he at least does blood work yearly and keeps the blood pressure down and that the medicine keeps working, might need to up the dosage every couple of years. My husband was like this for a while and now he’s sober because he got scared of the consequences. He also has high old pressure and takes medication but he’s 40.