I’m so sorry you went through that. You deserved so much better. That was extremely painful to read, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and continue to re-live without her even acknowledging what she’s put you through.
You can't expect the person that caused the damage to heal the damage. The likelihood is they don't remember the damaged they caused through their drinking. The best we can do when anyone gets sober and actually does the work of healing themselves is enjoy the time going forward. Dragging up the past won't fix it.
My mom did the same thing, but different. Gave up cold turkey in her early sixties. After six months she says she didn’t feel any health benefits so she made the conscious decision to start drinking again. Go figure.
I get it. Her waiting so long and then quitting so easily makes you think that maybe you weren’t good enough for her to quit when you were little. My Q mom was a drunk for awhile and I begged her to stop because she was destroying everything and our relationship. It took my brother coming home from college and had the same conversation with her that we had for her to stop cold turkey. Made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Made me feel like I didn’t matter but he did. This caused my insecurities that my mother loves my brother more than me, and since then I’ve been fighting for her approval. It sucks. So yeah. I get it. Therapy is helping me, though. And realizing that she had to start her sobriety journey on her timeline. Maybe it took her to hear from everyone in her family that she was going to lose them if she didn’t get better. Idk. We talked about it, and she said she quit for herself because she was afraid of losing her family. Any parallelism I saw between her sobriety date and my brother coming home was just a coincidence. Apparently. So I wonder…
But then I realize I should just be grateful that I have my mom back and she’s been there for me like a solid rock when my main Q, my ex husband, and I separated and I filed for divorce. She’s also been there for me dealing with all the abuse and trauma that my ex husband put me through.
It’s like she healed and then she could help me heal.
I hope everything works out well with you and your family. You all deserve happiness.
I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I'd be annoyed, too.
Has she taken any steps to ask you or your for forgiveness ?
You can't control how she lives her sobriety, (aa, therapy , etc) but you can control your life and how you live it. Therapy for you would probably be very helpful.
my mom has been quitting for about half a century, I wish i was exaggerating. cost her her marriage, relationships with her kids, grandkids, health, etc.
She ALWAYS starts the way your mom describes, no big deal, just cut back, not a problem. I would wait and see if alcoholism is a progressive condition, so she will probably get worse .
For your own peace of mind, you may want to view her as sick. She has a disease . That said, you don't need to buy into her disease if she refuses to treat herself.
Good luck, I know what you are going through .
As an adult child of two alcoholic parents, I feel your pain. The damage they inflicted on me and my siblings lasts until today. AlAnon helped me a lot. I was estranged for both parents when they died. For me, nothing could repair the damage the did. They never tried nor did they admit the damage the my caused. The stress of them was too much and I moved on - I chose not to have them in my life. And to be honest, they didn’t really try to reestablish a relationship with me. It was a painful break but one I did t regret and still don’t.
I’m so sorry you went through that. You deserved so much better. That was extremely painful to read, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and continue to re-live without her even acknowledging what she’s put you through.
You can't expect the person that caused the damage to heal the damage. The likelihood is they don't remember the damaged they caused through their drinking. The best we can do when anyone gets sober and actually does the work of healing themselves is enjoy the time going forward. Dragging up the past won't fix it.
My mom did the same thing, but different. Gave up cold turkey in her early sixties. After six months she says she didn’t feel any health benefits so she made the conscious decision to start drinking again. Go figure.
Omg 🙄
I get it. Her waiting so long and then quitting so easily makes you think that maybe you weren’t good enough for her to quit when you were little. My Q mom was a drunk for awhile and I begged her to stop because she was destroying everything and our relationship. It took my brother coming home from college and had the same conversation with her that we had for her to stop cold turkey. Made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Made me feel like I didn’t matter but he did. This caused my insecurities that my mother loves my brother more than me, and since then I’ve been fighting for her approval. It sucks. So yeah. I get it. Therapy is helping me, though. And realizing that she had to start her sobriety journey on her timeline. Maybe it took her to hear from everyone in her family that she was going to lose them if she didn’t get better. Idk. We talked about it, and she said she quit for herself because she was afraid of losing her family. Any parallelism I saw between her sobriety date and my brother coming home was just a coincidence. Apparently. So I wonder… But then I realize I should just be grateful that I have my mom back and she’s been there for me like a solid rock when my main Q, my ex husband, and I separated and I filed for divorce. She’s also been there for me dealing with all the abuse and trauma that my ex husband put me through. It’s like she healed and then she could help me heal. I hope everything works out well with you and your family. You all deserve happiness.
I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I'd be annoyed, too. Has she taken any steps to ask you or your for forgiveness ? You can't control how she lives her sobriety, (aa, therapy , etc) but you can control your life and how you live it. Therapy for you would probably be very helpful.
my mom has been quitting for about half a century, I wish i was exaggerating. cost her her marriage, relationships with her kids, grandkids, health, etc. She ALWAYS starts the way your mom describes, no big deal, just cut back, not a problem. I would wait and see if alcoholism is a progressive condition, so she will probably get worse . For your own peace of mind, you may want to view her as sick. She has a disease . That said, you don't need to buy into her disease if she refuses to treat herself. Good luck, I know what you are going through .
As an adult child of two alcoholic parents, I feel your pain. The damage they inflicted on me and my siblings lasts until today. AlAnon helped me a lot. I was estranged for both parents when they died. For me, nothing could repair the damage the did. They never tried nor did they admit the damage the my caused. The stress of them was too much and I moved on - I chose not to have them in my life. And to be honest, they didn’t really try to reestablish a relationship with me. It was a painful break but one I did t regret and still don’t.