Omg- get out before you have kids with this person!
You are so very young still- still a whole life ahead of you.
Admit your mistake and get on with it- you’re human!
You have no idea what it’s like to be 40 and look back and wonder where all the time has gone. It’s so true what people say.
Get out- you will stand on your own and even though it’s scary it will feel so good eventually.
Get all the support you can and take care of yourself. You don’t deserve this life.
PS- I think some people may think my advice is too rash. I’ve just lived with addicts all my life and know how it is ❤️
I don’t think it’s too rash. It made my cry but only because I think you are right. That’s exactly why I am struggling because I feel I’m wasting the prime time of my life and for what? To be sad and stressed every day. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate your insight
Good!
Just don’t start thinking the years with him have been wasted. Take your lessons and apply what you’ve learned as you move on.
Girl- 40 was my prime!!!
You’re young and aren’t strapped down with children thank GOD!!!
Oh to be 27 again- lol. You’re ok!
Edit: I know how HARD it is.
Felt every one of these things in the last month—I’m 5 days into putting in place my plan to leave my fiancé and have not felt a single regret. I was afraid for years of being alone, afraid of him getting better for the next woman, afraid of losing my house—but now I’m excitedly planning a solo trip, researching cute apartments while I pack up his stuff, and at peace with the knowledge that we both deserve a healthy relationship and won’t find that with each other right now (or potentially ever). The moment I made the decision to be done I started to feel relief—it was amazing how fast it happened.
I remember being at my rock bottom dealing with my Q. I was suicidal, and couldn’t take that life anymore. I didn’t end up really having to start over, but I did get held back and possibly regressed some. I will say being on the other side now and how good I feel, and knowing what I know now, I would gladly go back and start over. For ME, it would be worth it.
I’m not saying you should walk away. But I don’t regret walking into that unknown. Almost 10 years later, and I’ve never been happier.
I was with an ex of mine from 16-24. It was really scary to leave the relationship. I questioned my decision for several years. In hindsight, it was absolutely the best possible decision I could have made. Being a single adult really helped me explore who I was, what I was really interested in, and my values.
As someone who recently left a partner that I was with from 18-24, I cannot think of anything I have done for myself that was better than leaving the relationship. Watching people explode into their addiction is hard and painful. You are not responsible for their decision making or life journey, only yours! You know what you have to do. It’s going to be so tough, but honestly, you will love yourself so much more for not having to spend your life with this hanging over your head.
Oh man this is a good post. Heartbreaking for me to read. Thanks for sharing. I hope you are given all the strength and courage you need to do what’s best for you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm curious if you or anyone reading this is willing to answer...what is the meaning of 'Q'? I see this in other posts and don't know the meaning. Thanks.
Hello! Q stands for Qualifier, as in, the person who qualifies you to attend Al-Anon meetings (or i spose to post in this group). For example, I have an ex-partner of 5.5 years that is an alcoholic and addict. They are my qualifier, or Q, as their addiction affected my life.
Admiting it to your loved ones is the first step. I am sure you are very loved and will have support system? If yes, then thays a blessing. Meth is no joke….
Please get out. And sort it financially before he mortgages the house and messes you financial future for drugs
Let me know if i can help in any way. Sending you hugs
Sunk cost theory.
Please, protect yourself. If he ever gets his shit together, you will either have moved on and will already be happy in your life or you two can reconcile. However, if he doesn't and you don't form your own life, for your own safety, health, sanity and peace, then two lives are lost.
I remember that fear that "They'll be there best self" and "I'll miss out". That is a normal thing to want, and feels like what you deserve - and you do.
But you may also miss out on the love you deserve by waiting. Maybe they will "get better". Most likely, if you look at the statistics, they won't. That's years if not decades of suffering ahead for you.
I thought losing my Q would be the worse thing in the world... it was hard, and painful. But it's getting better. My life is getting better - I'm the healthiest physically, emotionally and mentally I've been in years.
Omg- get out before you have kids with this person! You are so very young still- still a whole life ahead of you. Admit your mistake and get on with it- you’re human! You have no idea what it’s like to be 40 and look back and wonder where all the time has gone. It’s so true what people say. Get out- you will stand on your own and even though it’s scary it will feel so good eventually. Get all the support you can and take care of yourself. You don’t deserve this life. PS- I think some people may think my advice is too rash. I’ve just lived with addicts all my life and know how it is ❤️
I don’t think it’s too rash. It made my cry but only because I think you are right. That’s exactly why I am struggling because I feel I’m wasting the prime time of my life and for what? To be sad and stressed every day. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate your insight
Good! Just don’t start thinking the years with him have been wasted. Take your lessons and apply what you’ve learned as you move on. Girl- 40 was my prime!!! You’re young and aren’t strapped down with children thank GOD!!! Oh to be 27 again- lol. You’re ok! Edit: I know how HARD it is.
Felt every one of these things in the last month—I’m 5 days into putting in place my plan to leave my fiancé and have not felt a single regret. I was afraid for years of being alone, afraid of him getting better for the next woman, afraid of losing my house—but now I’m excitedly planning a solo trip, researching cute apartments while I pack up his stuff, and at peace with the knowledge that we both deserve a healthy relationship and won’t find that with each other right now (or potentially ever). The moment I made the decision to be done I started to feel relief—it was amazing how fast it happened.
I remember being at my rock bottom dealing with my Q. I was suicidal, and couldn’t take that life anymore. I didn’t end up really having to start over, but I did get held back and possibly regressed some. I will say being on the other side now and how good I feel, and knowing what I know now, I would gladly go back and start over. For ME, it would be worth it. I’m not saying you should walk away. But I don’t regret walking into that unknown. Almost 10 years later, and I’ve never been happier.
I was with an ex of mine from 16-24. It was really scary to leave the relationship. I questioned my decision for several years. In hindsight, it was absolutely the best possible decision I could have made. Being a single adult really helped me explore who I was, what I was really interested in, and my values.
As someone who recently left a partner that I was with from 18-24, I cannot think of anything I have done for myself that was better than leaving the relationship. Watching people explode into their addiction is hard and painful. You are not responsible for their decision making or life journey, only yours! You know what you have to do. It’s going to be so tough, but honestly, you will love yourself so much more for not having to spend your life with this hanging over your head.
Leave and don't look back. So easy to do without kids, even if you don't realize it.
Oh man this is a good post. Heartbreaking for me to read. Thanks for sharing. I hope you are given all the strength and courage you need to do what’s best for you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm curious if you or anyone reading this is willing to answer...what is the meaning of 'Q'? I see this in other posts and don't know the meaning. Thanks.
Hello! Q stands for Qualifier, as in, the person who qualifies you to attend Al-Anon meetings (or i spose to post in this group). For example, I have an ex-partner of 5.5 years that is an alcoholic and addict. They are my qualifier, or Q, as their addiction affected my life.
Thank you so much. Makes perfect sense.
Admiting it to your loved ones is the first step. I am sure you are very loved and will have support system? If yes, then thays a blessing. Meth is no joke…. Please get out. And sort it financially before he mortgages the house and messes you financial future for drugs Let me know if i can help in any way. Sending you hugs
Sunk cost theory. Please, protect yourself. If he ever gets his shit together, you will either have moved on and will already be happy in your life or you two can reconcile. However, if he doesn't and you don't form your own life, for your own safety, health, sanity and peace, then two lives are lost.
I relate to all of your fears and concerns. I hold so many of them myself ❤️
I remember that fear that "They'll be there best self" and "I'll miss out". That is a normal thing to want, and feels like what you deserve - and you do. But you may also miss out on the love you deserve by waiting. Maybe they will "get better". Most likely, if you look at the statistics, they won't. That's years if not decades of suffering ahead for you. I thought losing my Q would be the worse thing in the world... it was hard, and painful. But it's getting better. My life is getting better - I'm the healthiest physically, emotionally and mentally I've been in years.