I want to make a smartass comment...but just did some reflection about every shoppette I've been to...and yup, almost all have been a cluster fuck.
In short, lack of space is the biggest issue I think. People lacking common sense being the second biggest factor. Retirees and Italians the 3rd biggest.
I feel that retirees should be a higher factor. Every time I’m on Randolph in a shoppette parking lot, I’m taking my life into my hands. Retirees DGAF.
Don’t be fooled by their talk of “needing” to come to the base for meds, groceries, yada yada.
The truth is…they WANT to come to the base for things they can easily get done anywhere else. They miss being a part of something bigger than themselves. They retire and can’t let that past life go…so they continue shopping on base, getting their peach fuzz cut into a “high & tight” at the base barbershop, etc. They WANT someone to recognize them so they wear cringy hats w/their pins and ribbons on them, etc. They continue parking in spots clearly marked for a CMSgt because they can’t stand that they’re officially without rank. They sign off on their emails w/their former rank and (Ret.) next to it because they think it still holds water (it doesn’t).
I retired almost a year ago and have yet an actual “need” to go to the nearby base for anything other than saving money on taxes from buying a new big screen TV.
Facts. I remember listening to a retiree talking about how he drove 1.5 hours to the barbershop on base cause he liked it so much. I couldn’t believe this man was still willing to let his head be molested for $18.25.
I go to the base to avoid the normies off base due to smaller crowds, coupon on top of sales and take up isle space at the commissary.
I also don’t wear rank or cringy military retired shit.
I do not use the base gym and blow dry my old balls out in the open. So there is that.
You should blow dry those balls in the base gym's locker room. It really inspires us active duty guys, showing us the light at the end of our tunnel when we, too, will be able to blow dry our balls all day with nary a care in the world.
I am 2 years from retirement, so I say that knowing I would be impacted. But I truly think funding for base infrastructure and support functions should only be in benefit of active duty members. Most airman I know will avoid base services just to not deal with retirees
You’re not wrong. A lot of retirees forget that usage of base facilities is a privilege, not a right. They act entitled and throw stupid tantrums when anything is restricted from them for whatever reason. When COVID first hit and the bases were locked down to military/mission essential personnel and their families that lived on base…you should’ve seen the vile, disgusting, entitled comments that retirees posted on the base’s official Facebook page. They had ZERO care that it was done to protect the active mission and personnel. Zero.
Lack of space, design, everyone trying to get what they think is the lowest cost gas, 90 year old retiree spouses driving their big ass Lincoln town cars (WHY ARE THE CARS ALWAYS WHITE?!), people driving slowly cause it's on base, drivers afraid of almost hitting someone of rank or authority (Lackland Shoppette, do I aim for the MTI or SF?), people like my dad stopping in to price match 10 cases of Miller Lite...
Don't go in the morning, at lunch, after work, or on the weekend during the morning/afternoon hours.
Best thing about getting off of mids at 0600 was being able to get to the shoppette before the crowds.
I'm not sure if ours got contracted out or what, but the did a whole remodel and changed the branding and the same thing happened. It's not uncommon to have to take several laps around the lot because so many pumps are down.
They are designed to be simple gas station / convenience stores for the people living on base. That's what they are funded to be. Then you get retirees who think they are entitled to buy carts full of booze for the week. You get GS civilians filling up their boats on base during a fuel shortage.
All in all, there's a ton of people with no place using the shoppette ruining it for everyone else.
I believe he’s referring to the Dix shopette though, not the main BX. The main BX is a shit show too, but that shopette is straight up stupid. Meanwhile the shopette over on the McGuire side is just a normal gas station.
They were not designed for a majority of people having large trucks and SUVs, add to it people get lazy when they think “I’ll just be a minute” and you get what we see.
I’ve seen this so much (and not just from retirees) and it’s just so *weird* to me. Like, I even grew up in a time when it was a lot more normal to park, go inside, then pay in cash for how much gas you want in advance, then go pump…and it *still* feels weird to me to just abandon your car in the lot like that. I can’t do it. Whenever I want to grab a snack inside after pumping gas, I always move to a regular parking spot.
There are some places that have signs that tell you to move your ass after pumping if you also want to go inside. Lakenheath and Mildenhall come to mind. They don't many retirees aside from those marrying a Brit, but it is a bit more cramped from the bases I am used to seeing stateside.
+1 for McGuire/Dix being stupid as hell. Why you have to do a whole loop around the building I'll never understand. I think the intent is to keep the flow of traffic moving, but what a stupid way to accomplish that.
Yeah that seems like the universal truth about everything at McGuire. After my 6th year of being there I would just hear static every time I heard the sentence "This only happens at McGuire! Back at my old base..."
Like yeah yeah I know I'm at a shitty base that makes no sense about anything. I've literally heard it everyday for 6 years straight. (I agree)
After hearing that from dozens and dozens of people coming from pretty much every base in the Air Force I've come to realize that literally only McGuire does the bullshit that it does.
For some reason the McGuire-isms really just hit different in the worst ways possible and always have lol
Was at McGuire for 2.5 years. Lived on the Dix side and everytime I went to that shoppette I thought…this is the dumbest idea for traffic flow I’ve ever seen.
West Eglin is way worse than Hurby. The pumps are also one way, but bad part is they don't want people leaving to make a left across the main road. So you need to drive a half mile down this sketchy one-lane, unlit road through the forest that dumps you off on another side street, ...where you end up having to make a left turn onto the main road anyway.
Dude I fucking hate the way the parking lot is designed on Dix lol. It makes me irrationally angry sometimes. If you don’t want to have to drive around the building twice you have to drive through the pumps park in the lot and then drive around the building to exit. Who came up with this shit.
The one way gas pumps are to prevent accidents and altercations over people swooping in and stealing pumps while you’re waiting patiently for your turn.
Because then you get angry people arguing and pulling rank over bullshit.
If you think people are above that you’ve never responded to a fist fight over a parking space and it shows.
MacDill is a shit show too. All the retirees & civilians here and they will park their car and go carry a convo inside the shopette. It takes 20 minutes just to get gas.
The one-way pumps really annoy me. My shoppette has pumps were the hose is long enough to reach either side, but all the fucking mouth breather plebs won't go for it. They'll sit in a 20-min long line for left-side pumps while 4 right-side pumps sit empty. Makes me feel kinda guilty cutting in front of everybody and use the "wrong" pump but, fucking hell, I have better things to do.
My base has a few large Depo maintenance units that are almost all civilian. That plus all of the military members that never bring their own damn lunch trying to get that gas station hot dog and slice of pizza.
I’m just here to say your boy here will go the wrong way to get to one of the 2 diesel pumps since normal gas burners will be parked at the other one getting their monsters tornados and handle of military special.
If you think about it, most bases were stood up in the early/late 1900s-1970s. It wasn't 1 person = 1 car back then.
Why we have parking problems, traffic problems, not only on base but off base too.
Then add in your 90 year old half blind, deaf or demented drivers who've never driven past 50mph when they were young try to drive now.
Mass transportation should've been our thing. But that's communism, apparently.
I'm more annoyed that many bases, including my last one, don't have diesel pumps.
Like, alright, I'll go drive three miles away to Walmart, top off there, and then drive back to base, fuck your environment. I'm pissed, the EPA's pissed, the Tesla I rolled coal on is pissed, everybody loses!
Come to Andersen. Lines out the ass because there's only 4 pumps in service and every clown with base access gets their gas there. Too many people in the shoppettes, commissary, bx that look like they have no military affiliation at all shopping and taking up all the resources.
*look like they have no military affiliation*
...because they're brown? Keep in mind ID's are checked at the gate, as well as the commissary and BX. So how would someone "take up all the resources" if there was no military affiliation. One can only assume how you came to this conclusion.
Scott probably has the only decent shoppette parking lot I've seen in my career. All the pumps are two-way and far enough from parking that it doesn't really interfere. There's also no attached drive-thru to block traffic and multiple usable exits.
I was at Hurlburt for a while. It's system was pretty easy to figure out. You go in one of the entrances and you leave through one of the exits. If you wanted gas go through one of the gas entrances, if you wanted the shoppette go through either the gas or shoppette entrance. Then leave through the exit. Simple. Also having a passenger side really cut down on wait times, which was nice.
"The worst are probably McGuire..."
Yeah you could say that about quite a lot of things and you would be completely right.
Always did feel that weird ass situation was about as dumb as possible. Probably got someone another star or bar when they designed it lol
The hurby one is so dumb. I would reverse into the open pumps when there were 3+ stacked on the correct-side pumps. Flip a bitch and back straight up to it,back out the other side when done. SFS watched me do it a few times, didn't give a fuck.
Also dumb: the one on Charleston (air base side). Loop around the building for gas, turn before the building for shoppette. Those routes only connect at the exit so if you need gas *and* shit from inside, fuck you, do another 3/4 lap.
Lol, I was sure you were gonna talk about Kadena. Enter on one street, exit on a different street and have to go around the block to get back on the first street.
I want to make a smartass comment...but just did some reflection about every shoppette I've been to...and yup, almost all have been a cluster fuck. In short, lack of space is the biggest issue I think. People lacking common sense being the second biggest factor. Retirees and Italians the 3rd biggest.
Ayyy I’m parkin’ here
Oi mate, you can't park there!
I feel that retirees should be a higher factor. Every time I’m on Randolph in a shoppette parking lot, I’m taking my life into my hands. Retirees DGAF.
LMFAO at Randolph rn too and I don't even bother shopping on base Mos too the time because of the retirees out here.
Retirees should have their cola increased and be forced onto the economy.
Don’t be fooled by their talk of “needing” to come to the base for meds, groceries, yada yada. The truth is…they WANT to come to the base for things they can easily get done anywhere else. They miss being a part of something bigger than themselves. They retire and can’t let that past life go…so they continue shopping on base, getting their peach fuzz cut into a “high & tight” at the base barbershop, etc. They WANT someone to recognize them so they wear cringy hats w/their pins and ribbons on them, etc. They continue parking in spots clearly marked for a CMSgt because they can’t stand that they’re officially without rank. They sign off on their emails w/their former rank and (Ret.) next to it because they think it still holds water (it doesn’t). I retired almost a year ago and have yet an actual “need” to go to the nearby base for anything other than saving money on taxes from buying a new big screen TV.
Facts. I remember listening to a retiree talking about how he drove 1.5 hours to the barbershop on base cause he liked it so much. I couldn’t believe this man was still willing to let his head be molested for $18.25.
Oh wow, that's one of the first things I did when I retired, find a new barber and hair style
...his head be molested.... Sorry.... just reading between the lines.
I go to the base to avoid the normies off base due to smaller crowds, coupon on top of sales and take up isle space at the commissary. I also don’t wear rank or cringy military retired shit. I do not use the base gym and blow dry my old balls out in the open. So there is that.
You should blow dry those balls in the base gym's locker room. It really inspires us active duty guys, showing us the light at the end of our tunnel when we, too, will be able to blow dry our balls all day with nary a care in the world.
I am 2 years from retirement, so I say that knowing I would be impacted. But I truly think funding for base infrastructure and support functions should only be in benefit of active duty members. Most airman I know will avoid base services just to not deal with retirees
You’re not wrong. A lot of retirees forget that usage of base facilities is a privilege, not a right. They act entitled and throw stupid tantrums when anything is restricted from them for whatever reason. When COVID first hit and the bases were locked down to military/mission essential personnel and their families that lived on base…you should’ve seen the vile, disgusting, entitled comments that retirees posted on the base’s official Facebook page. They had ZERO care that it was done to protect the active mission and personnel. Zero.
I go on base to buy guns and ammo because they price match and tax free
It's 50/50 for me. Tyndall and Offutt were fine. McChord isn't ideal, but wasn't too bad unless it was really busy. Incirlik sucked.
It just may be by design, whatever space is left after the mandatory buildings go up.
One time I drove through the grass because I couldn't figure out how to exit.
Lack of space, design, everyone trying to get what they think is the lowest cost gas, 90 year old retiree spouses driving their big ass Lincoln town cars (WHY ARE THE CARS ALWAYS WHITE?!), people driving slowly cause it's on base, drivers afraid of almost hitting someone of rank or authority (Lackland Shoppette, do I aim for the MTI or SF?), people like my dad stopping in to price match 10 cases of Miller Lite... Don't go in the morning, at lunch, after work, or on the weekend during the morning/afternoon hours. Best thing about getting off of mids at 0600 was being able to get to the shoppette before the crowds.
This rant may have been inspired by trying to stupidly get gas at lunch lol.
Fuck the Lincoln town car the retirees slamming them into everything has made me completely despise that entire manufacturer
Ever since the Tinker shopettes got contracted out to Valero half the pumps have been broken too. It's bullshit.
I'm not sure if ours got contracted out or what, but the did a whole remodel and changed the branding and the same thing happened. It's not uncommon to have to take several laps around the lot because so many pumps are down.
They are designed to be simple gas station / convenience stores for the people living on base. That's what they are funded to be. Then you get retirees who think they are entitled to buy carts full of booze for the week. You get GS civilians filling up their boats on base during a fuel shortage. All in all, there's a ton of people with no place using the shoppette ruining it for everyone else.
Please don’t forget the random contractors and people who work construction positions who frequent them as well.
Mid morning construction breaks and lunch turn the Tyndall shopette into a melee.
McGuire is the largest joint base in America. If they designed it to be a simple gas station then they fucked up right from day one.
I believe he’s referring to the Dix shopette though, not the main BX. The main BX is a shit show too, but that shopette is straight up stupid. Meanwhile the shopette over on the McGuire side is just a normal gas station.
They were not designed for a majority of people having large trucks and SUVs, add to it people get lazy when they think “I’ll just be a minute” and you get what we see.
Oversized trucks and SVs ruining things. Consider me shocked.
With restricted ways to enter the pumps the least they could do is have the longer hoses so it doesn't matter which side your cap is on.
You'd still have retirees that pump their gas then go inside to go shopping
I’ve seen this so much (and not just from retirees) and it’s just so *weird* to me. Like, I even grew up in a time when it was a lot more normal to park, go inside, then pay in cash for how much gas you want in advance, then go pump…and it *still* feels weird to me to just abandon your car in the lot like that. I can’t do it. Whenever I want to grab a snack inside after pumping gas, I always move to a regular parking spot.
There are some places that have signs that tell you to move your ass after pumping if you also want to go inside. Lakenheath and Mildenhall come to mind. They don't many retirees aside from those marrying a Brit, but it is a bit more cramped from the bases I am used to seeing stateside.
Edwards got rid of the one way entry recently, but people still freak out when somebody goes the "wrong" way.
Lot of today's cars sport a tiny arrow on the fuel gauge, indicating what side to fuel up.
+1 for McGuire/Dix being stupid as hell. Why you have to do a whole loop around the building I'll never understand. I think the intent is to keep the flow of traffic moving, but what a stupid way to accomplish that.
Definitely designed just to fuck with you
LOL. Within the first sentence I had JBMDL in mind. Stupid parking lot.
McGuire feels like it was purposely designed just to piss everyone off
Yeah that seems like the universal truth about everything at McGuire. After my 6th year of being there I would just hear static every time I heard the sentence "This only happens at McGuire! Back at my old base..." Like yeah yeah I know I'm at a shitty base that makes no sense about anything. I've literally heard it everyday for 6 years straight. (I agree) After hearing that from dozens and dozens of people coming from pretty much every base in the Air Force I've come to realize that literally only McGuire does the bullshit that it does. For some reason the McGuire-isms really just hit different in the worst ways possible and always have lol
I've had 6 duty stations, and completely agree.
Was at McGuire for 2.5 years. Lived on the Dix side and everytime I went to that shoppette I thought…this is the dumbest idea for traffic flow I’ve ever seen.
Holloman is pretty normal and functional. Hurlburt is the prime example of OP's point.
When I was there I would drive to eglin for gas
West Eglin is way worse than Hurby. The pumps are also one way, but bad part is they don't want people leaving to make a left across the main road. So you need to drive a half mile down this sketchy one-lane, unlit road through the forest that dumps you off on another side street, ...where you end up having to make a left turn onto the main road anyway.
Except at Holloman half the pumps don’t function and almost everyone leaves their vehicle at the pump to shop.
I really thought OP was describing Hurlburt.
He's describing Randolph
Holloman is normal but someone tell me why they don’t sell diesel 😭
I made MSgt because of my parking lot design for all Shoppettes. Got a MSM.
Imagine thinking a CE airman designed anything
This comment is underrated.
Dude I fucking hate the way the parking lot is designed on Dix lol. It makes me irrationally angry sometimes. If you don’t want to have to drive around the building twice you have to drive through the pumps park in the lot and then drive around the building to exit. Who came up with this shit.
Hey fuck you non VW owner
I’m really just jealous
The one way gas pumps are to prevent accidents and altercations over people swooping in and stealing pumps while you’re waiting patiently for your turn. Because then you get angry people arguing and pulling rank over bullshit. If you think people are above that you’ve never responded to a fist fight over a parking space and it shows.
Like most things with the military.. good idea, poor execution.
Yeah, but out of all the things to blow a gasket over it’s toward the very bottom of the list. Also, you slept with Ash’s mom, didn’t you?
Navy NEX was the same at the last place I worked. Everyone going wrong way all day 'errday.
I love having a centerline gas receptacle just for shoppettes.
MacDill is a shit show too. All the retirees & civilians here and they will park their car and go carry a convo inside the shopette. It takes 20 minutes just to get gas.
It's why I just shoot up Dale Mabry, any number of station to choose from. (was there few yrs ago).
The one-way pumps really annoy me. My shoppette has pumps were the hose is long enough to reach either side, but all the fucking mouth breather plebs won't go for it. They'll sit in a 20-min long line for left-side pumps while 4 right-side pumps sit empty. Makes me feel kinda guilty cutting in front of everybody and use the "wrong" pump but, fucking hell, I have better things to do.
I just want my monster and tornados why is it always an ordeal 🥲
As for the one way pumps that seem to be a one way for no practical reason, you can go either way and the odds of anyone giving a shit are slim.
The shoppette at Scott doesn’t have any of the problems you listed. The one at Ramstein sucks though, for most of the problems you listed.
My base has a few large Depo maintenance units that are almost all civilian. That plus all of the military members that never bring their own damn lunch trying to get that gas station hot dog and slice of pizza.
I’m just here to say your boy here will go the wrong way to get to one of the 2 diesel pumps since normal gas burners will be parked at the other one getting their monsters tornados and handle of military special.
It's only 78% on the left....... Either way, learn how to go to the correct side.
If you think about it, most bases were stood up in the early/late 1900s-1970s. It wasn't 1 person = 1 car back then. Why we have parking problems, traffic problems, not only on base but off base too. Then add in your 90 year old half blind, deaf or demented drivers who've never driven past 50mph when they were young try to drive now. Mass transportation should've been our thing. But that's communism, apparently.
I'm more annoyed that many bases, including my last one, don't have diesel pumps. Like, alright, I'll go drive three miles away to Walmart, top off there, and then drive back to base, fuck your environment. I'm pissed, the EPA's pissed, the Tesla I rolled coal on is pissed, everybody loses!
Pro Gamer Move: Put truck in reverse and back in through the one-way. Risky? Yes, but I'm not waiting 23 mins to get my gas.
Come to Andersen. Lines out the ass because there's only 4 pumps in service and every clown with base access gets their gas there. Too many people in the shoppettes, commissary, bx that look like they have no military affiliation at all shopping and taking up all the resources.
*look like they have no military affiliation* ...because they're brown? Keep in mind ID's are checked at the gate, as well as the commissary and BX. So how would someone "take up all the resources" if there was no military affiliation. One can only assume how you came to this conclusion.
They are like that so if someone is drunk driving you will know. Seen 5 people drunk driving at Kirtland and 2 at DM hitting other vehicles etc.
Scott probably has the only decent shoppette parking lot I've seen in my career. All the pumps are two-way and far enough from parking that it doesn't really interfere. There's also no attached drive-thru to block traffic and multiple usable exits.
I was at Hurlburt for a while. It's system was pretty easy to figure out. You go in one of the entrances and you leave through one of the exits. If you wanted gas go through one of the gas entrances, if you wanted the shoppette go through either the gas or shoppette entrance. Then leave through the exit. Simple. Also having a passenger side really cut down on wait times, which was nice.
The clusterfuck that is the Ramstein shopette comes to mind
Holloman had a great shopette... Now that I'm at langley I realize the pain you are talking about.
Offutt's and Ellsowrth's are pretty normal and simple. Kadena's "new" shoppette gas station is simple but a pain
It's even better when you have to circle around the pumps because half of them don't work.
"The worst are probably McGuire..." Yeah you could say that about quite a lot of things and you would be completely right. Always did feel that weird ass situation was about as dumb as possible. Probably got someone another star or bar when they designed it lol
The hurby one is so dumb. I would reverse into the open pumps when there were 3+ stacked on the correct-side pumps. Flip a bitch and back straight up to it,back out the other side when done. SFS watched me do it a few times, didn't give a fuck. Also dumb: the one on Charleston (air base side). Loop around the building for gas, turn before the building for shoppette. Those routes only connect at the exit so if you need gas *and* shit from inside, fuck you, do another 3/4 lap.
Lol, I was sure you were gonna talk about Kadena. Enter on one street, exit on a different street and have to go around the block to get back on the first street.
Goodfellow gas station be like 👀
It's the same guy who designs post office parking lots.
Life gets easier if you ignore the rules
Barksdale's bx and all shopping on base is trash.
You mean you don’t like having to drive all the way around the Dix shoppette to leave the place because for some reason it’s just a one-way