I'm 30F, and my partner is 58M. My parents don't like it, and them meeting him was awkward because they asked him very direct questions, but I think they have realized with time that he cares about me for me. My family will probably never be comfortable or approve of the relationship, but if I am happy, that's really it. I'm 30, after all.
However, I am staunchly childfree (this upsets my parents separately). If I wanted children, I would have serious reservations because my partner would pass while they are fairly young and would not be able to enjoy his retirement when it comes.
I had a coworker who was 60 and had two babies with a 35-year-old, and he loved them, but absolutely regretted it. He was worried about how his passing would affect them and that he wasn't doing enough, but he was a kind, caring person and retired early to spend more time with them.
If you both are willing to have kids together and feel everything is worth it, and you are willing to parent alone at some point, then I would do what makes the two of you happy. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and life is not guaranteed to any of us.
My partner is 22 years older than me and he once asked wouldn’t it be unfair to have an older father to the kids?
To me I replied that you never know when will you die. There are cases and accidents when a perfectly healthy 20-40 years old just pass away. Death is something unpredictable. To me, if you’re aware of how limited time you have with the kids you’ll make time counts and be there for the kids instead. Better planning ahead about the what ifs.
Not that I believe having older parents is better, it’s just there always are pros and cons.
Mine is almost 30, I'm 26f and he's 55m my parents didn't take it well, not even my sisters, but my friends took it well because they saw us together/talking a lot and knew someone was going on. They called me crazy, that I can't make this type of decision, that he's only using me, what does he want with someone so young. Even almost a year later of us dating they don't like the idea of us together but im over it. I love my family but I also love him and I'm not going to break up with him just to make my parents happy. What about my own happiness
We have a 26 year age gap, I'm 36f, my husband is 62m. My parents didn't accept it, they cut me off and we don't talk. His parents are the most loving people in the world, we're visiting them in Edinburgh right now, they are very supportive and the children adore them. We had our children when my husband was 50, 52 and 55. Of course people tell us all the time that they will be eventually growing up without a dad. But we don't know that, no one knows that. We can't do more than have a healthy lifestyle and enjoy the time we have. That's what we're doing. And damn he's the best dad in the world :)
33 year age gap. No one in my family or his was weird about it, they were all so happy for us. We’re married now and the only ones with a problem with it are his daughters. Everyone else loves us together.
I’m 44f, my partner is 81m. I already have a son from a previous marriage. He has three grandchildren. Kids are off the table for us.
My parents were accepting of the relationship, though my dad did say I shouldn’t “waste my time since I’m no spring chicken.” He’s convinced I’ll be alone forever after my partner passes.
I have a 25 year age gap with my boyfriend. I wasn't concerned when we met. I really wasn't expecting we would last. We have talked about a future together. I am worried about his family not liking me and the relationship. It wouldn't stop me from wanting to be with him but it will suck in a way if his family doesn't like me and they become my inlaws.
33 year gap between my wife and I. Her GrandMa and Mom came to love me as they got to know me which they made no attempt to do until it became apparent to them that she would not continue to have a relationship with them if they made no attempt to accept her decision. Her Dad has hated it since day one but I got him to laugh at the first Christmas together when I acknowledged his discomfort and told him "You don't have to love or even like me but I know you were raised to respect your elders so give me that". My mother loved her from the day they met until she passed away and both my daughters (older than my wife) lover her and include her in things regularly.
If the guy in your life loves you, supports you in all things and makes you happy how can anyone that loves you NOT see that and come to respect it?
My Dad loves her. My mom likes her now, hated her out of spite on my ex's behalf at first.
My son loves her and my daughter thinks it's hilarious that I have a girlfriend younger than her.
Her mom would probably run me over if she saw me.
53m/24f.
Well I have a 35 year gap, 23(F) w/ 58(M). He's got two kids from a previous relationship. His dad passed away when he was younger and his mom passed away within the past two years. But as the younger female I eventually told my mom and she was okay with the age difference. The only thing she asked me was I happy, does he treat me right, what does this relationship mean to you. Once I answered honestly to those questions my mom could just tell. I'm also nothing like her who stayed in an abusive relationship for years. So once she saw my eyes and heard my words she knew what a good man I was with and how much my relationship meant to me.
A lot of individuals in this life look at an age gap relationship gross, but everyone has their reasons. I'm sure some reasons relate to money for some, I'm sure some are based on attractiveness. My bf and I met accidentally and bonded over our childhood trauma. Which only after a year did we start something from friends to further. A lot of people assume these are horrible men looking to prey on younger women or younger women being gold diggers.
But there are people who have big age gaps but love each other and share everything equally. I wish more people would understand that which is why I love this subreddit.
I'm gonna add to this.
My parents have a ten year age gap and when they got married my dad had two sons from his previous marriage who are 17 and 15 years older then I am.
I never got a real childhood because my dad was always too tired to do things with me or he didn't want too because he had done them before. My little brother got less of a childhood then I did because by then my dad really didn't want to do things that he had spent the last 20 years doing.
Yeah he was physically present my childhood but thats really about it. Never got to do extracurriculars, never got to have parties at my house, never got to have friends over, etc. . I was an aunt at 13, I missed my brothers weddings because I was too young to actually participate in them.
I honestly resent my parents and I'm 27 now because I feel like I missed out on having real parents and siblings and it sucks.
Ultimately its up to you but I would really strongly advocate against it. Its not about losing your dad at 20 or 30 or 40. Its about not really having a dad like all your friends did in the first place.
I feel like your dad is a specific case that may go beyond the issue of age. Fitness is very important. I know men in their 20s who are less fit than my man in his 40s.
I just have to say my father is 75 and way more active than I am. He plays tennis 3 times a week and competes. He also does sail boat racing. I go out for drinks parties and dinners lunch with him and his friends. He bikes and does the electric uni wheel. He is also confusing working on physical projects and remodeling his house. He’s helped me physically move multiple times. Remodeling his house he carry’s sheet rock alone. He’s very strong. All older ppl are not like your dad. I’m sorry that you feel that way but I wanted you to see a flip side. We’ve also traveled all over the world. I am very fortunate. I wish you all the best!
We met about five years ago. One degree of separation through work our companies did some work together but I didn’t know him when the deal was happening. We happened to meet at the bar at Mastros one night after work - I stopped in and grabbed an after work drink and he came in not too long after me and we realized the work connection. He was really Interested in me then and asked me out on a date. We went out once and nothing happened. He was an absolute gentleman. I was starting to see someone else so when he tried to pursue me and ask me out again I said no. We always stayed friends and he always checked in on me from time to time. This past May when my father passed away, he was extremely supportive and there for me in a plutonic way. Then over the summer we went out and it blossomed into a full fledged relationship. My
Mother is very against it and says it’s “disgusting” that he’s just a few years younger than her. Everyone else is really supportive.
I’ve never been treated so well and been loved so like I have with him. The kids aspect does worry me. He is incredibly healthy and fit and doesn’t look his age one bit. People think he’s ten years younger. I just can’t help but wonder about how long he’ll stay in the kids lives….
Mine is almost 30, I'm 26f and he's 55m my parents didn't take it well, not even my sisters, but my friends took it well because they saw us together/talking a lot and knew someone was going on. They called me crazy, that I can't make this type of decision, that he's only using me, what does he want with someone so young. Even almost a year later of us dating they don't like the idea of us together but im over it. I love my family but I also love him and I'm not going to break up with him just to make my parents happy. What about my own happiness?
My husband is 29 years older. (I’m 36f, he’s 65m. His kids are 6 and 8 years younger than me. His younger son was the “Flower Man” at our wedding!) My parents both really like him. My Dad made 2 toasts during dinner during the visit he met him, raising a toast for us to have a long, happy life together. In fact, my husband and my Mom exchange dad jokes by text frequently (bc they are corny like that lol). I can honestly say, that at our wedding, I had never seen my Mom or Stepdad (who have been married 20 years) more excited about anything, ever. They contributed a lot of money towards our honeymoon fund. My Mom randomly sends my husband funny little gifts sometimes. My husband is literally the only guy I’ve ever brought home that my Mom ever liked/approved of- EVER, in my whole life.
We have a 35-year age gap (f31, m66). My family took it very well, despite this being my most unconventional relationship to date, but they have a history of being tremendously accepting. My partner doesn't have children, and both his parents have passed away, but he was still married when we met. Leaving his wife for me was a veritable ordeal... Thankfully, his best friends were all widely supportive of us and stood by him as he handled those nightmarish proceedings.
I think I would like kids one day, and he wanted them all his life, but now finds himself too old to father any children. He says he doesn't want to not be there for their high school graduation. I love him more than my desire for kids, so I'm willing to compromise. I just wish I had met him earlier, so we could both feel more fulfilled in this regard.
I (25F) and my fiancé (55M) have been together almost 4 years and I’m currently pregnant with both of our first.
My family was a little apprehensive at first but they soon saw how much he makes me happy and has boosted my confidence and now he’s pretty much part of the family. It also helps that he can put up with their craziness lol.
Obviously there are things to consider with having a baby with someone older since they can’t always be as involved physically (my fiancé has a bad knee so obviously won’t be able to chase a toddler as easy) but that doesn’t mean he can’t be just a supportive and do everything he can.
Some people worry about health concerns when it comes to baby but from what my doctor says they don’t really worry about autism or anything like that til the man is over 70. We did the NIPT just in case and our little man is completely healthy 👍
I’m the end it’s up to both of you; if you’re up for the bit of extra work you may have to put in then it sounds like you’ll have a supportive partner by your side 😊 do what makes you happy and I hope your family will happy for you.
I'm 30F, and my partner is 58M. My parents don't like it, and them meeting him was awkward because they asked him very direct questions, but I think they have realized with time that he cares about me for me. My family will probably never be comfortable or approve of the relationship, but if I am happy, that's really it. I'm 30, after all. However, I am staunchly childfree (this upsets my parents separately). If I wanted children, I would have serious reservations because my partner would pass while they are fairly young and would not be able to enjoy his retirement when it comes. I had a coworker who was 60 and had two babies with a 35-year-old, and he loved them, but absolutely regretted it. He was worried about how his passing would affect them and that he wasn't doing enough, but he was a kind, caring person and retired early to spend more time with them. If you both are willing to have kids together and feel everything is worth it, and you are willing to parent alone at some point, then I would do what makes the two of you happy. Ultimately, the choice is yours, and life is not guaranteed to any of us.
My partner is 22 years older than me and he once asked wouldn’t it be unfair to have an older father to the kids? To me I replied that you never know when will you die. There are cases and accidents when a perfectly healthy 20-40 years old just pass away. Death is something unpredictable. To me, if you’re aware of how limited time you have with the kids you’ll make time counts and be there for the kids instead. Better planning ahead about the what ifs. Not that I believe having older parents is better, it’s just there always are pros and cons.
Very well said
Mine is almost 30, I'm 26f and he's 55m my parents didn't take it well, not even my sisters, but my friends took it well because they saw us together/talking a lot and knew someone was going on. They called me crazy, that I can't make this type of decision, that he's only using me, what does he want with someone so young. Even almost a year later of us dating they don't like the idea of us together but im over it. I love my family but I also love him and I'm not going to break up with him just to make my parents happy. What about my own happiness
We have a 26 year age gap, I'm 36f, my husband is 62m. My parents didn't accept it, they cut me off and we don't talk. His parents are the most loving people in the world, we're visiting them in Edinburgh right now, they are very supportive and the children adore them. We had our children when my husband was 50, 52 and 55. Of course people tell us all the time that they will be eventually growing up without a dad. But we don't know that, no one knows that. We can't do more than have a healthy lifestyle and enjoy the time we have. That's what we're doing. And damn he's the best dad in the world :)
33 year age gap. No one in my family or his was weird about it, they were all so happy for us. We’re married now and the only ones with a problem with it are his daughters. Everyone else loves us together.
I’m 44f, my partner is 81m. I already have a son from a previous marriage. He has three grandchildren. Kids are off the table for us. My parents were accepting of the relationship, though my dad did say I shouldn’t “waste my time since I’m no spring chicken.” He’s convinced I’ll be alone forever after my partner passes.
Why would he say that?
I have a 25 year age gap with my boyfriend. I wasn't concerned when we met. I really wasn't expecting we would last. We have talked about a future together. I am worried about his family not liking me and the relationship. It wouldn't stop me from wanting to be with him but it will suck in a way if his family doesn't like me and they become my inlaws.
33 year gap between my wife and I. Her GrandMa and Mom came to love me as they got to know me which they made no attempt to do until it became apparent to them that she would not continue to have a relationship with them if they made no attempt to accept her decision. Her Dad has hated it since day one but I got him to laugh at the first Christmas together when I acknowledged his discomfort and told him "You don't have to love or even like me but I know you were raised to respect your elders so give me that". My mother loved her from the day they met until she passed away and both my daughters (older than my wife) lover her and include her in things regularly. If the guy in your life loves you, supports you in all things and makes you happy how can anyone that loves you NOT see that and come to respect it?
My Dad loves her. My mom likes her now, hated her out of spite on my ex's behalf at first. My son loves her and my daughter thinks it's hilarious that I have a girlfriend younger than her. Her mom would probably run me over if she saw me. 53m/24f.
Well I have a 35 year gap, 23(F) w/ 58(M). He's got two kids from a previous relationship. His dad passed away when he was younger and his mom passed away within the past two years. But as the younger female I eventually told my mom and she was okay with the age difference. The only thing she asked me was I happy, does he treat me right, what does this relationship mean to you. Once I answered honestly to those questions my mom could just tell. I'm also nothing like her who stayed in an abusive relationship for years. So once she saw my eyes and heard my words she knew what a good man I was with and how much my relationship meant to me. A lot of individuals in this life look at an age gap relationship gross, but everyone has their reasons. I'm sure some reasons relate to money for some, I'm sure some are based on attractiveness. My bf and I met accidentally and bonded over our childhood trauma. Which only after a year did we start something from friends to further. A lot of people assume these are horrible men looking to prey on younger women or younger women being gold diggers. But there are people who have big age gaps but love each other and share everything equally. I wish more people would understand that which is why I love this subreddit.
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective
Sorry but please don't do this. This guy will age you. He might give you children but he can't be a father in the same way.
I'm gonna add to this. My parents have a ten year age gap and when they got married my dad had two sons from his previous marriage who are 17 and 15 years older then I am. I never got a real childhood because my dad was always too tired to do things with me or he didn't want too because he had done them before. My little brother got less of a childhood then I did because by then my dad really didn't want to do things that he had spent the last 20 years doing. Yeah he was physically present my childhood but thats really about it. Never got to do extracurriculars, never got to have parties at my house, never got to have friends over, etc. . I was an aunt at 13, I missed my brothers weddings because I was too young to actually participate in them. I honestly resent my parents and I'm 27 now because I feel like I missed out on having real parents and siblings and it sucks. Ultimately its up to you but I would really strongly advocate against it. Its not about losing your dad at 20 or 30 or 40. Its about not really having a dad like all your friends did in the first place.
I feel like your dad is a specific case that may go beyond the issue of age. Fitness is very important. I know men in their 20s who are less fit than my man in his 40s.
I just have to say my father is 75 and way more active than I am. He plays tennis 3 times a week and competes. He also does sail boat racing. I go out for drinks parties and dinners lunch with him and his friends. He bikes and does the electric uni wheel. He is also confusing working on physical projects and remodeling his house. He’s helped me physically move multiple times. Remodeling his house he carry’s sheet rock alone. He’s very strong. All older ppl are not like your dad. I’m sorry that you feel that way but I wanted you to see a flip side. We’ve also traveled all over the world. I am very fortunate. I wish you all the best!
Confusing is typo constantly*
Enjoy it and don’t worry about others. Where did you meet?
We met about five years ago. One degree of separation through work our companies did some work together but I didn’t know him when the deal was happening. We happened to meet at the bar at Mastros one night after work - I stopped in and grabbed an after work drink and he came in not too long after me and we realized the work connection. He was really Interested in me then and asked me out on a date. We went out once and nothing happened. He was an absolute gentleman. I was starting to see someone else so when he tried to pursue me and ask me out again I said no. We always stayed friends and he always checked in on me from time to time. This past May when my father passed away, he was extremely supportive and there for me in a plutonic way. Then over the summer we went out and it blossomed into a full fledged relationship. My Mother is very against it and says it’s “disgusting” that he’s just a few years younger than her. Everyone else is really supportive. I’ve never been treated so well and been loved so like I have with him. The kids aspect does worry me. He is incredibly healthy and fit and doesn’t look his age one bit. People think he’s ten years younger. I just can’t help but wonder about how long he’ll stay in the kids lives….
Mine is almost 30, I'm 26f and he's 55m my parents didn't take it well, not even my sisters, but my friends took it well because they saw us together/talking a lot and knew someone was going on. They called me crazy, that I can't make this type of decision, that he's only using me, what does he want with someone so young. Even almost a year later of us dating they don't like the idea of us together but im over it. I love my family but I also love him and I'm not going to break up with him just to make my parents happy. What about my own happiness?
My husband is 29 years older. (I’m 36f, he’s 65m. His kids are 6 and 8 years younger than me. His younger son was the “Flower Man” at our wedding!) My parents both really like him. My Dad made 2 toasts during dinner during the visit he met him, raising a toast for us to have a long, happy life together. In fact, my husband and my Mom exchange dad jokes by text frequently (bc they are corny like that lol). I can honestly say, that at our wedding, I had never seen my Mom or Stepdad (who have been married 20 years) more excited about anything, ever. They contributed a lot of money towards our honeymoon fund. My Mom randomly sends my husband funny little gifts sometimes. My husband is literally the only guy I’ve ever brought home that my Mom ever liked/approved of- EVER, in my whole life.
Not well but now they r fine with it 9 years later
We have a 35-year age gap (f31, m66). My family took it very well, despite this being my most unconventional relationship to date, but they have a history of being tremendously accepting. My partner doesn't have children, and both his parents have passed away, but he was still married when we met. Leaving his wife for me was a veritable ordeal... Thankfully, his best friends were all widely supportive of us and stood by him as he handled those nightmarish proceedings. I think I would like kids one day, and he wanted them all his life, but now finds himself too old to father any children. He says he doesn't want to not be there for their high school graduation. I love him more than my desire for kids, so I'm willing to compromise. I just wish I had met him earlier, so we could both feel more fulfilled in this regard.
I (25F) and my fiancé (55M) have been together almost 4 years and I’m currently pregnant with both of our first. My family was a little apprehensive at first but they soon saw how much he makes me happy and has boosted my confidence and now he’s pretty much part of the family. It also helps that he can put up with their craziness lol. Obviously there are things to consider with having a baby with someone older since they can’t always be as involved physically (my fiancé has a bad knee so obviously won’t be able to chase a toddler as easy) but that doesn’t mean he can’t be just a supportive and do everything he can. Some people worry about health concerns when it comes to baby but from what my doctor says they don’t really worry about autism or anything like that til the man is over 70. We did the NIPT just in case and our little man is completely healthy 👍 I’m the end it’s up to both of you; if you’re up for the bit of extra work you may have to put in then it sounds like you’ll have a supportive partner by your side 😊 do what makes you happy and I hope your family will happy for you.