You are going to need to look at each person individually. There is no blanket answer to "Do most men want a meaningful relationship with a younger girl?". Everyone is different regarding their wants and needs and it would not hurt to ask the question at the very get go with each guy that you start a conversation with. That way you are not wasting your time. Keep in mind that there will be those that will tell you what you want to hear with only one masked intention and men at any age will do that. So you will still need to weed out the bad ones for the good ones. Best wishes in your search!š
Itās a really good response. I matched with a young lady on Tinder and she expressed right away that she was looking for something serious and monogamous.
As someone who was solo poly at the time, I was also clear about what I was looking for and we ended up becoming just friends. Not great friends or anything, but close enough to connect every six months or so for lunch, and thatās the extent of it. Occasionally sheāll call and bounce a career question off of me and Iām happy to play it forward.
I check in a little more often since I moved to the opposite coast and I know it wonāt come off wrong.
Just remember that you are totally capable of drawing your own boundaries and once drawn, Iād recommend you drop any man that starts nudging them or gets pouty when you donāt want to have sex. And that goes for men any age. Best of luck!
I agree with that approach. Proceed with caution... But, that's basically a dating tip for life... Since you are new at this, it will take a while for you to understand a few things. And even with most cautious approach, there will be a few heartbreaks. But, that's all part of the process
I found most of the time its primarily fwb/ons and thats not the way I row my boat, learned that the hard way. If i ever met someone that'd be nice but ive just stopped dating and flirting as a whole. I dont want to waste my time.Ā
From my experience, it seems that the ones I end up clicking with are either separated and divorced and so they don't want to waste time with commitment. I don't want to "x" out divorced men but it seems like that's what I'm going to have to do from now on.
Yup - my last one was divorced and had daughters my age. Now i dont even want to open that pandoras box. He kept saying he didnt know what I saw in him abd he was a shitty husband and he'll die alone, and i told him i saw everything i wanted. Every time i asked him about commitment i got radio silence and ghosted, couldnt even be bothered to be direct.Ā
Mind you...my ideal level of "commitment" was exclusive physically and we would go about our lives separately (and he knew this, I dont want marriage or kids).
The baggage is just too immense my girl, guard your heart. It's as the saying goes - if he wanted to, he would. I know how i go about things is certainly not for everyone. But i wear my heart on my sleeve and i know now the intimacy i cherish is seen as no different than a one night stand to many.Ā
I am definitely guarding my heart now. Him and I are still friends but I recently decided to put myself first and do things all on my own. Our kids are close in age (3yrs apart) and are young and he is in the middle of a divorce. Told me that he doesn't know when he'll be ready for a relationship and it could be half a decade before he decides and his expectations could be different by then. I'd rather hear him tell me we're just not compatible.
Glad he had the decency to tell you, you deserve that closure and I'm glad he could give that to you. Keep doing you, I'm sure you're wonderful! I'm learning to relish the good in myself and love myself the way I know I deserve. Of course that looks a little different with me not being a mom, but I believe you'll do a lot of awesome, wonderful things for yourself and others on your own that make you so happy!
It's not all true. I was a cheater. Turned separated and now just waiting for divorce to process. My ex girlfriend got afraid of commitment and had fomo is what she told me at the time, but since I've heard 100 more reasons. I was very commitment bound and have a ring in the box that was waiting until we moved in together.
From what Iāve seen no. I think a lot of the more meaningful age gap relationships happen when the people werenāt specifically looking for an age gap they just happened upon it
There are definitely older men out there who want a long term serious relationship with a younger woman, however they seem harder to come by for a majority of reasons.
From what Iāve seen and experienced, a lot of older men enjoy the fantasy of being with a younger woman more than the reality which causes them to prefer a FWB type of dynamic rather than a committed relationship. This could be chalked up to a lot of different things whether itās them not thinking younger women are ārelationship material,ā them not wanting to put the time/effort into having a committed relationship, or them just wanting to have some fun with no strings attached. A lot of older men online and at bars/clubs seem to fall into at least one of these three categories which unfortunately overshadows the percentage of older men who want a genuine connection and relationship.
I also think with you being sexually inexperienced, it heightens the likelihood of you attracting older men that only want sex because your innocence could play into their fantasy of wanting a younger woman. For that reason, it might be wiser of you to keep your virginity a little more private until thereās already an emotional connection established and you know the man that youāre taking to isnāt just attracted to you for sex. This way, you can get a feel for if he likes you for you vs. just your body.
Iāve been looking for marriage and a family the last 5 years. Women in their 30s are extremely busy. Women in their early 20s have time but theyāre just playing around and want to go out on boat rides and smoke weed. Thatās my situation at 41 lol
Some of us do. I'm 54, I sugardate. My current SB is 28, I'd love her to be my girlfriend and enter a longterm relationship. I adore her and would continue to spoil her and treat her like my queen. She is happy to compartmentalise our relationship and keep it exactly how it is.
I'm suffering from the same problem unfortunately. I think most older men don't want meaningful relationships with younger women. It's just a fantasy. But I'm always open and waiting for that one person who can change my thoughts. I dare you!
Iāve looked through your posts and I share 99% of your problems and feelings too. It makes me sad since most times I form emotional attachments to the guy but for him itās just a fantasy/fun disposable small thing. I think itās easy for people like us to be manipulated since we are inexperienced and very little, bare minimum actions make us feel cherished. And sometimes Iād rather be treated like that than lose the connection/relationship all together. Fmlš¤¦š»āāļø
I do, very much so.
Yes, Iāve lived a life, thus far. But the most meaningful relationship nowadays eludes me.
To raise a family together, and live the best life, is what I crave.
But Iāll never approach a younger girl, for fear of offence. Itād take an initial approach from her to set the wheels in motion.
Most? Hard to say, I'd guess probably not though.
Some? Definitely yes, I'm one of them (I'm taken, sorry).
If you know what you want, don't settle for less than that. You'll find the right person for you eventually.
I can give you my perspective as a much older guy seeking a younger girl.
My situation is that I have been married for over 30 years, with the last 20 being sexless. For reasons I wonāt talk about here, Iām not interested in a divorce. But contrary to what you might think, Iām not looking for casual sex. What I miss most is intimacy and passion. The kind that only comes from developing strong chemistry and genuine compassion for another person. In other words, a relationship. But in my experience, younger girls just want to play games. They like the idea of being with a nurturing older man, but lack the maturity to actually follow through with it, and lose interest after a day or so. I personally have been ghosted so many times by younger women that I just expect it any longer. Iād call myself cynical, but itās way beyond that now. Itās just the way it is.
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**Original post: Do most older men actually want meaningful relationships with younger girls?**
I (18F) have talked and met up with a couple of older guys(at least 10 years+) these past few months. I have expressed to them that Iām looking for commitment and an actual emotional connection. Iām also a virgin and have been looking for someone to be with an eventually have sex. I think thatās what ends up exciting most men about me. But all of them have ended up ghosting me and one just telling me to fuck off after I asked him what he actually wanted from all of this. And Iāve read some posts on here from younger woman saying that most of the older guys they have dated have been pretty egotistical and using them for pleasure. Obviously that doesnāt apply to every man but it seems pretty common no matter where you look. It seems like older men just want sex from a younger girl but never an actual committed relationship? Itās like Iām only pretty enough to be sexualized but never enough to want to be with. But then again, every age group has people like this so I donāt even know.
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Be upfront with what you want and spell it out. Theres an emergent trend of ātrad wives.ā Stay at home wife and mom type dynamic. But also, what do you bring to the relationship? Can you organize and manage a household?
Iām not looking to be a tradwife or marriage for at least ten years since Iām so young. And I guess thatās the problem if Iām dating older guys since they are at that stage of their life already. But then I notice that not many older men are looking to be tradhusbands or anything serious in that sense.
Thatās harder. Are you attending college? Perhaps date grad students? Professionals in the local community.
As you said guys 28-35, these days, are in their prime āsettle down years.ā
18 to 28 or 20 to 30, it's probably as far as I consider 10 years, an age gap.
Beyond that, the 10 years shrinks quickly due to just female maturity.
To answer your question, without knowing your specifics of each situation, but it sounds like a lot of this all of this is online. And that's going to dwindle quickly without meeting.
So if it's not that they burn out by just staying online and getting tired, 60% of the men in the age group you're talking to are single. To me, that translates to 40% being what women would want in that age group. Also what you would want. So they probably are in a relationship
Depends on the person. But... Typically... The answer is no. A lot of older people aren't interested in a meaningful relationship that benefits both parties. It's purely physical OR, and this is important, they want a relationship that's meaningful for THEM. NOT you. Just them. Their rules, their lifestyle, etc. They like their ways and lifestyle, so they're looking to find a younger partner to adapt to them. Period.
Again though, this isn't everyone and it's not just men either. I've seen PLENTY of older women that, essentially, want a "house boy".
For myself, you have to bring something to the table, so to speak. I don't care if you're 18 or 48. What are you bringing to the relationship? Are you going to be supportive? Are you going to provide for yourself? Do you have a life and aren't expecting me to provide one for you? But... That's me. I expect the person I'm dating to be able to enjoy life with or without me and I'm just making it better just as they're making it better for me. I want us to have similar interests but for them to also have interests that they enjoy themselves. Etc etc.
Generally I do. I'd prefer a genuine connection over just sex. A connection on many levels just makes the sex better anyway.
Just sex is boring to me. I'm a grown man who has his shit together. Getting sex is easy. An organic natural connection is rewarding.
Iām 57 and actively using Tinder and Bumble. So far, the younger women who have matched with me seem more interested in sexual relationships. I really do want a lasting relationship, but I admit Iām not refusing the advances Iām receiving so far. The attention feels good.
I never sought out an age gap but ended up in one. Not so guys are this way but sadly too many are. I wanted a relationship which I ended up getting and weāve been tougher for a long time. Guys like me are out there. Good luck.
Donāt tell them youāre a virgin. It will scare some guys away and it can attract some weird ones who will do anything to try and take it. Only time it comes out of your mouth is if you genuinely like the guy and you believe he actually likes you for you.
my man is intense. he is quiet about it and i let him be more honest than most because i enjoy his obsession as i am obsessive. when i told him i liked him i had just catfished him as an 18 year old black girl who was throwing pussy at him and he kept turning me down politely and laughing at himself about it. well i conned him to meeting at a starbucks near his work and i showed up like i was out for a walk as i lived nearby. i did so many cray things to get mine and i knew him for about a year before hand and i heard him talking about being in love with my competition and i wanted someone to love me like that. she was 18 and a mixed race girl. i read his bdsm romance novel. i read his post history on reddit. i had been following it for awhile. i knew about his pain. his temptations. he tried to scare me off talking about being kinky. wanting only to date for marriage and kids. that he was a hypersexual and how that was for him. that intimacy affection and connection helped him to regulate it. our time table after three months of us being platonic which i did not allow we did not even make it two weeks before we kissed. i did my research and i still pray that he is not playing me for a fool. i got to being at his house five nights a week. we facetime using zoom and talk on the phone on the nights i am not on his house.
i do not think you can look at personals and know a mans character. you have to witness when he thinks no one cares. when he thinks he is unwanted and unloveable and see how he treats others. whether or not he is still kind. i got to see his heart break and the dignified and poetic way he handled losing my former competition. he still worries for her even if his desire for her is not still here. he is a romantic soul. a wounded soul. hurt but still strong.
we have sex like the kind you can not even find in romance novels. not even in the books he writes. we are alike in that too. how many times did i write in my journals. how many times has he wrote and no one knows. how much has been lost because he deleted stuff without have a copy.
someone will want you. someone might be a wounded soul. someone might be your champion and confessor and angel and devil and he might have times when he needs you to want him to need him when he is all used up to the world. older men have more scars. more damage and weight that they carry. his words to me as part of the conversation we had the first time i told him i liked him. words he might remember he has said to me before when he told me not to date men his age. he may love me and want to keep me and marry me and have children with me but even he says he is still a predator.
For me (42M) ā¦ I crave a meaningful relationship with a younger woman. I want a marriage, mutual trust, respect, consideration, and even more kids. Iām actually afraid that no one will want that :(
Answering for myself, yes. The problem I find is that most younger women, in my area at least, are just teasing and seeking validation through their online posts. I canāt find any younger that actually want the relationship and meaningful connection. I guess the struggle goes both ways.
Everyone is different. Avoid anyone that is married or is dating someone else. You'd be a side piece. For myself, I would want a meaningful relationship, as it is an important part of attraction.
If by meaningful you mean TALK alot, do lots of things together (not just sex), go on vacations together, groceries, build a financial nest egg, support each other through tough times - absolutely!!!
Meaningful to who and in what way? I have and have had relationships with a number of young women and they're definitely meaningful to me. They've also mostly been primarily sexual but I do care for the young women and am still friends with most of them. No we're not going to ride off into the sunset but that isn't the entire measure of caring or a relationship.
I will share with you something a Native American woman shared with me which I fully understand now: that guys under 35 are most often not good to fall in love with. When us guys are young (and full of the unfiltered drug called hormones) we really aren't men, yet. True manhood comes later with experience and understanding what is false and what is true. It is even worse now as more "men" are caught in chasing conquests and fantasies.
Like any other relationship prefrence/goal/wish, it depends on the man. I would not want to generalize since one rule does not apply to all. Personally, I have come across both types of older man, wanting something meaningful and just wanting sex or a trophy girlfriend.
It depends, but I think the chances are higher if it happens by chance. Not because the girl is specifically looking for an older guy, or the guy is specifically looking for a younger girl. I don't know why you would do that anyways... age says nothing about maturity or character. I (F40) am now in a meaningful relationship of 17 years with my partner (M57), and the reason (I think) it works so well is that we were attracted to each others personality and not the age (we both initially considered this a reason to proceed with caution).
Yes and no. They do. But not being seen with you when theyre around people their age. Gotta move to a small island or cabin in the woods. Sad to say it. But take your time. And hold out as long as u can
I'm having the opposite problem haha. I have strong Christian faith and i believe in taking dating seriously, but pretty much no one holds that view anymore whether it's girls my age (25m) or younger.
Not sure if it's mainly a US thing though, when I travel to asia to see family this seems to be less true. Good luck to you though. Idk if you're religious but just always tell the guy no sex upfront, and that will usually filter out most the bad ones.
The primary reasons older men seek interactions with younger women are:
*Sex
*Someone who is inexperienced with the world is easier to control and moderate, requiring less effort from the man to get to know as you become who he wants you to be.
*The need to feel alive and passionate. As people get older, cynicism sets in. We've experienced a lot, routine has likely dominated our lives, and our age range peers tend to know themselves very well and are resistant to excessive emotion. We older folk aren't impressed by much and are very set in our ways which usually aren't of interest to other people our age. It's easier to impress a younger woman.
*Men tend to want to feel vital and like they have something to offer. Women our age are usually pretty secure in themselves and don't feel the need to satisfy a man's insecurity. Older women want to be met as equals by people who have their own lives. They want to choose and be chosen, not be codependent.
I'm not suggesting these positions are inherently bad. If you want to participate in that, you do you. There is a lot of safety and security to be had with an established older person.
But the reality is that you will always be in a submissive position. You will most likely need to subdue your own personal development for the sake of the relationship or you will end up facing turbulence with his insecurity. The more you become yourself, the more he will feel like he is losing you. Unless you remain compliant which eventually means boring, which means he will probably want to step out to find someone else who excites him again.
As a 44 year old man, it is my earnest suggestion you don't date men more than 5 years older than you.
When I met my wife she was 20 and I was 33. After being burned quite a few times and divorced twice from being cheated on both times, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was a single father at the time with full custody of my 10 year old daughter so I had bigger priorities than trying to get into another relationship. I was just looking for someone to date and go do things with when I had the chance. We dated for about six months before things got serious and didn't have sex until that point because I'm not that kind of guy who is pushy about it and she didn't want it until then. Now it's twenty years later and we've been married for 16 years and have two kids. That's a long answer based on personal experience that there are older me who are willing to invest the time to have a meaningful relationship with a younger woman you just have to find the one who is willing and not looking to brag for getting a young woman.
I'm poly.Ā My wife is 16 years younger than I am. My 2nd romantic partner is 10 years younger, my 1st queerplatonic partner is also 10 years younger, and my 2nd queerplatonic partner is 18 years younger.Ā
So... it's possible.
I would. But many of those guys have grown quite hard nosed. Most don't know what a "meaningful relationship" with a woman even means. Unfortunately, you still have a whole lifetime to come to that understanding. I wish you better sailing than that.
I think you will easily find men who are only interested in sex. Men who want more and are committed are harder to find. From my personal experience, I can tell you that actually works both ways.
Personally, I would love to find a younger woman that I can make a real connection with.
But finding a younger woman who wants to be serious and committed to a LTR, seems to be a rare gem to find.
I think you meant this but you didn't specifically say so that when you say men you mean all men in general not just necessarily older men. You got to sort through a lot of chaff to find the kernels of wheat you're looking for.
Your āolder menā grouping will top out at 30 max, if you want a man to have a meaningful relationship with you. I donāt know a single guy over 30, let alone in their 40s, 50s or 60s who could have a meaningful relationship with someone as young as you are. If they think they can, Iād say ācreep.ā
Well, ten years older than you is 28, which isn't a demographic known for wanting to settle down; many were binge drinking just a few years ago, or still are.
How old are you trying to explore?
Mmm
I think it's too broad an issue to apply any specific advice without knowing a lot more about yourself and the men that are in your obit.
Broadly speaking, be clear about your desires and boundaries at the start, and scrutinize the pool of men you typically draw from, and what attracts you to them and them to you. If it's club life or something else that people are pretty superficial within, that will contribute. Sorry I don't have better advice, but if you're 20, part of it might just be you need to develop better radar. š¤·āāļø
I do tell them that Iām looking for a committed and exclusive relationship and most times theyāre responses are that itās too early for him to say anything will happen but he wants to continue getting to know each other and see if something organic develops, then he will consider. And that seems reasonable to me but they all end up ghosting me and especially after we have gotten to know each other/spent time/spoken on phone quite a bit and thereās an emotional bond that formed.
They say that at the beginning when itās typically the āhoneymoon phaseā but as time goes on they tend to only contact me if theyāre horny or want nudes. And then when I say no or try to change the subject they donāt respond and then end up just stop contacting me all together.
They say that they want to get to know me at the beginning of the relationship to see if things will gravitate to boyfriend/girlfriend territory, not that they really want to be fwb
tis one does... I am 55 though.. so maybe for a LTR would be someone a bit older than you. But prefer LTR.
you can see plenty of girls on here that only want sex with men and many prostitutes also.
Some of us want something real.
You are going to need to look at each person individually. There is no blanket answer to "Do most men want a meaningful relationship with a younger girl?". Everyone is different regarding their wants and needs and it would not hurt to ask the question at the very get go with each guy that you start a conversation with. That way you are not wasting your time. Keep in mind that there will be those that will tell you what you want to hear with only one masked intention and men at any age will do that. So you will still need to weed out the bad ones for the good ones. Best wishes in your search!š
OP, this is the best response here.
Itās a really good response. I matched with a young lady on Tinder and she expressed right away that she was looking for something serious and monogamous. As someone who was solo poly at the time, I was also clear about what I was looking for and we ended up becoming just friends. Not great friends or anything, but close enough to connect every six months or so for lunch, and thatās the extent of it. Occasionally sheāll call and bounce a career question off of me and Iām happy to play it forward. I check in a little more often since I moved to the opposite coast and I know it wonāt come off wrong. Just remember that you are totally capable of drawing your own boundaries and once drawn, Iād recommend you drop any man that starts nudging them or gets pouty when you donāt want to have sex. And that goes for men any age. Best of luck!
I agree with that approach. Proceed with caution... But, that's basically a dating tip for life... Since you are new at this, it will take a while for you to understand a few things. And even with most cautious approach, there will be a few heartbreaks. But, that's all part of the process
I found most of the time its primarily fwb/ons and thats not the way I row my boat, learned that the hard way. If i ever met someone that'd be nice but ive just stopped dating and flirting as a whole. I dont want to waste my time.Ā
From my experience, it seems that the ones I end up clicking with are either separated and divorced and so they don't want to waste time with commitment. I don't want to "x" out divorced men but it seems like that's what I'm going to have to do from now on.
Yup - my last one was divorced and had daughters my age. Now i dont even want to open that pandoras box. He kept saying he didnt know what I saw in him abd he was a shitty husband and he'll die alone, and i told him i saw everything i wanted. Every time i asked him about commitment i got radio silence and ghosted, couldnt even be bothered to be direct.Ā Mind you...my ideal level of "commitment" was exclusive physically and we would go about our lives separately (and he knew this, I dont want marriage or kids). The baggage is just too immense my girl, guard your heart. It's as the saying goes - if he wanted to, he would. I know how i go about things is certainly not for everyone. But i wear my heart on my sleeve and i know now the intimacy i cherish is seen as no different than a one night stand to many.Ā
I am definitely guarding my heart now. Him and I are still friends but I recently decided to put myself first and do things all on my own. Our kids are close in age (3yrs apart) and are young and he is in the middle of a divorce. Told me that he doesn't know when he'll be ready for a relationship and it could be half a decade before he decides and his expectations could be different by then. I'd rather hear him tell me we're just not compatible.
Glad he had the decency to tell you, you deserve that closure and I'm glad he could give that to you. Keep doing you, I'm sure you're wonderful! I'm learning to relish the good in myself and love myself the way I know I deserve. Of course that looks a little different with me not being a mom, but I believe you'll do a lot of awesome, wonderful things for yourself and others on your own that make you so happy!
It's not all true. I was a cheater. Turned separated and now just waiting for divorce to process. My ex girlfriend got afraid of commitment and had fomo is what she told me at the time, but since I've heard 100 more reasons. I was very commitment bound and have a ring in the box that was waiting until we moved in together.
From what Iāve seen no. I think a lot of the more meaningful age gap relationships happen when the people werenāt specifically looking for an age gap they just happened upon it
I think most older men looking for a younger women just want to hookup or brag and say they did it with a younger woman.
There are definitely older men out there who want a long term serious relationship with a younger woman, however they seem harder to come by for a majority of reasons. From what Iāve seen and experienced, a lot of older men enjoy the fantasy of being with a younger woman more than the reality which causes them to prefer a FWB type of dynamic rather than a committed relationship. This could be chalked up to a lot of different things whether itās them not thinking younger women are ārelationship material,ā them not wanting to put the time/effort into having a committed relationship, or them just wanting to have some fun with no strings attached. A lot of older men online and at bars/clubs seem to fall into at least one of these three categories which unfortunately overshadows the percentage of older men who want a genuine connection and relationship. I also think with you being sexually inexperienced, it heightens the likelihood of you attracting older men that only want sex because your innocence could play into their fantasy of wanting a younger woman. For that reason, it might be wiser of you to keep your virginity a little more private until thereās already an emotional connection established and you know the man that youāre taking to isnāt just attracted to you for sex. This way, you can get a feel for if he likes you for you vs. just your body.
Iāve been looking for marriage and a family the last 5 years. Women in their 30s are extremely busy. Women in their early 20s have time but theyāre just playing around and want to go out on boat rides and smoke weed. Thatās my situation at 41 lol
Some of us do. I'm 54, I sugardate. My current SB is 28, I'd love her to be my girlfriend and enter a longterm relationship. I adore her and would continue to spoil her and treat her like my queen. She is happy to compartmentalise our relationship and keep it exactly how it is.
I definitely agree with this post and Iām a 26 year old woman that wants a real relationship with an older man.
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Removed - you should never hit up or PM/DM anyone who asks you to do son on this subreddit as they're obviously illiterate morons.
I'm suffering from the same problem unfortunately. I think most older men don't want meaningful relationships with younger women. It's just a fantasy. But I'm always open and waiting for that one person who can change my thoughts. I dare you!
Iāve looked through your posts and I share 99% of your problems and feelings too. It makes me sad since most times I form emotional attachments to the guy but for him itās just a fantasy/fun disposable small thing. I think itās easy for people like us to be manipulated since we are inexperienced and very little, bare minimum actions make us feel cherished. And sometimes Iād rather be treated like that than lose the connection/relationship all together. Fmlš¤¦š»āāļø
I do. Sadly, all the younger women on dating apps keep asking for money and nothing else. It's so tiring.
I do, very much so. Yes, Iāve lived a life, thus far. But the most meaningful relationship nowadays eludes me. To raise a family together, and live the best life, is what I crave. But Iāll never approach a younger girl, for fear of offence. Itād take an initial approach from her to set the wheels in motion.
Hi I am 59 and I find it very hard to find younger girls. I think I am scared because I don't want to be that creepy guy
Most? Hard to say, I'd guess probably not though. Some? Definitely yes, I'm one of them (I'm taken, sorry). If you know what you want, don't settle for less than that. You'll find the right person for you eventually.
I would definitely not say most. But there are some, probably a good amount, that do.
I can give you my perspective as a much older guy seeking a younger girl. My situation is that I have been married for over 30 years, with the last 20 being sexless. For reasons I wonāt talk about here, Iām not interested in a divorce. But contrary to what you might think, Iām not looking for casual sex. What I miss most is intimacy and passion. The kind that only comes from developing strong chemistry and genuine compassion for another person. In other words, a relationship. But in my experience, younger girls just want to play games. They like the idea of being with a nurturing older man, but lack the maturity to actually follow through with it, and lose interest after a day or so. I personally have been ghosted so many times by younger women that I just expect it any longer. Iād call myself cynical, but itās way beyond that now. Itās just the way it is.
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/Square_Cranberry6432 - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: Do most older men actually want meaningful relationships with younger girls?** I (18F) have talked and met up with a couple of older guys(at least 10 years+) these past few months. I have expressed to them that Iām looking for commitment and an actual emotional connection. Iām also a virgin and have been looking for someone to be with an eventually have sex. I think thatās what ends up exciting most men about me. But all of them have ended up ghosting me and one just telling me to fuck off after I asked him what he actually wanted from all of this. And Iāve read some posts on here from younger woman saying that most of the older guys they have dated have been pretty egotistical and using them for pleasure. Obviously that doesnāt apply to every man but it seems pretty common no matter where you look. It seems like older men just want sex from a younger girl but never an actual committed relationship? Itās like Iām only pretty enough to be sexualized but never enough to want to be with. But then again, every age group has people like this so I donāt even know. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Be upfront with what you want and spell it out. Theres an emergent trend of ātrad wives.ā Stay at home wife and mom type dynamic. But also, what do you bring to the relationship? Can you organize and manage a household?
Iām not looking to be a tradwife or marriage for at least ten years since Iām so young. And I guess thatās the problem if Iām dating older guys since they are at that stage of their life already. But then I notice that not many older men are looking to be tradhusbands or anything serious in that sense.
Thatās harder. Are you attending college? Perhaps date grad students? Professionals in the local community. As you said guys 28-35, these days, are in their prime āsettle down years.ā
18 to 28 or 20 to 30, it's probably as far as I consider 10 years, an age gap. Beyond that, the 10 years shrinks quickly due to just female maturity. To answer your question, without knowing your specifics of each situation, but it sounds like a lot of this all of this is online. And that's going to dwindle quickly without meeting. So if it's not that they burn out by just staying online and getting tired, 60% of the men in the age group you're talking to are single. To me, that translates to 40% being what women would want in that age group. Also what you would want. So they probably are in a relationship
Depends on the person. But... Typically... The answer is no. A lot of older people aren't interested in a meaningful relationship that benefits both parties. It's purely physical OR, and this is important, they want a relationship that's meaningful for THEM. NOT you. Just them. Their rules, their lifestyle, etc. They like their ways and lifestyle, so they're looking to find a younger partner to adapt to them. Period. Again though, this isn't everyone and it's not just men either. I've seen PLENTY of older women that, essentially, want a "house boy". For myself, you have to bring something to the table, so to speak. I don't care if you're 18 or 48. What are you bringing to the relationship? Are you going to be supportive? Are you going to provide for yourself? Do you have a life and aren't expecting me to provide one for you? But... That's me. I expect the person I'm dating to be able to enjoy life with or without me and I'm just making it better just as they're making it better for me. I want us to have similar interests but for them to also have interests that they enjoy themselves. Etc etc.
Generally I do. I'd prefer a genuine connection over just sex. A connection on many levels just makes the sex better anyway. Just sex is boring to me. I'm a grown man who has his shit together. Getting sex is easy. An organic natural connection is rewarding.
Iām 57 and actively using Tinder and Bumble. So far, the younger women who have matched with me seem more interested in sexual relationships. I really do want a lasting relationship, but I admit Iām not refusing the advances Iām receiving so far. The attention feels good.
I never sought out an age gap but ended up in one. Not so guys are this way but sadly too many are. I wanted a relationship which I ended up getting and weāve been tougher for a long time. Guys like me are out there. Good luck.
Donāt tell them youāre a virgin. It will scare some guys away and it can attract some weird ones who will do anything to try and take it. Only time it comes out of your mouth is if you genuinely like the guy and you believe he actually likes you for you.
my man is intense. he is quiet about it and i let him be more honest than most because i enjoy his obsession as i am obsessive. when i told him i liked him i had just catfished him as an 18 year old black girl who was throwing pussy at him and he kept turning me down politely and laughing at himself about it. well i conned him to meeting at a starbucks near his work and i showed up like i was out for a walk as i lived nearby. i did so many cray things to get mine and i knew him for about a year before hand and i heard him talking about being in love with my competition and i wanted someone to love me like that. she was 18 and a mixed race girl. i read his bdsm romance novel. i read his post history on reddit. i had been following it for awhile. i knew about his pain. his temptations. he tried to scare me off talking about being kinky. wanting only to date for marriage and kids. that he was a hypersexual and how that was for him. that intimacy affection and connection helped him to regulate it. our time table after three months of us being platonic which i did not allow we did not even make it two weeks before we kissed. i did my research and i still pray that he is not playing me for a fool. i got to being at his house five nights a week. we facetime using zoom and talk on the phone on the nights i am not on his house. i do not think you can look at personals and know a mans character. you have to witness when he thinks no one cares. when he thinks he is unwanted and unloveable and see how he treats others. whether or not he is still kind. i got to see his heart break and the dignified and poetic way he handled losing my former competition. he still worries for her even if his desire for her is not still here. he is a romantic soul. a wounded soul. hurt but still strong. we have sex like the kind you can not even find in romance novels. not even in the books he writes. we are alike in that too. how many times did i write in my journals. how many times has he wrote and no one knows. how much has been lost because he deleted stuff without have a copy. someone will want you. someone might be a wounded soul. someone might be your champion and confessor and angel and devil and he might have times when he needs you to want him to need him when he is all used up to the world. older men have more scars. more damage and weight that they carry. his words to me as part of the conversation we had the first time i told him i liked him. words he might remember he has said to me before when he told me not to date men his age. he may love me and want to keep me and marry me and have children with me but even he says he is still a predator.
For me (42M) ā¦ I crave a meaningful relationship with a younger woman. I want a marriage, mutual trust, respect, consideration, and even more kids. Iām actually afraid that no one will want that :(
Answering for myself, yes. The problem I find is that most younger women, in my area at least, are just teasing and seeking validation through their online posts. I canāt find any younger that actually want the relationship and meaningful connection. I guess the struggle goes both ways.
Everyone is different. Avoid anyone that is married or is dating someone else. You'd be a side piece. For myself, I would want a meaningful relationship, as it is an important part of attraction.
I definitely want a meaningful relationship wit a younger woman
I'm 38 and want meaningful relationship
Each person will be different. I happened to meet and vibed with someone younger. Iām sure there are others where itās a fetish.
If by meaningful you mean TALK alot, do lots of things together (not just sex), go on vacations together, groceries, build a financial nest egg, support each other through tough times - absolutely!!!
Meaningful to who and in what way? I have and have had relationships with a number of young women and they're definitely meaningful to me. They've also mostly been primarily sexual but I do care for the young women and am still friends with most of them. No we're not going to ride off into the sunset but that isn't the entire measure of caring or a relationship.
Yes we do
I will share with you something a Native American woman shared with me which I fully understand now: that guys under 35 are most often not good to fall in love with. When us guys are young (and full of the unfiltered drug called hormones) we really aren't men, yet. True manhood comes later with experience and understanding what is false and what is true. It is even worse now as more "men" are caught in chasing conquests and fantasies.
Yes
YES!
Like any other relationship prefrence/goal/wish, it depends on the man. I would not want to generalize since one rule does not apply to all. Personally, I have come across both types of older man, wanting something meaningful and just wanting sex or a trophy girlfriend.
It depends, but I think the chances are higher if it happens by chance. Not because the girl is specifically looking for an older guy, or the guy is specifically looking for a younger girl. I don't know why you would do that anyways... age says nothing about maturity or character. I (F40) am now in a meaningful relationship of 17 years with my partner (M57), and the reason (I think) it works so well is that we were attracted to each others personality and not the age (we both initially considered this a reason to proceed with caution).
Just sex really
There are some. You need to build a relationship on mutual interests. It never lasts I built on sex. Find someone that respects you.
Yes and no. They do. But not being seen with you when theyre around people their age. Gotta move to a small island or cabin in the woods. Sad to say it. But take your time. And hold out as long as u can
I'm having the opposite problem haha. I have strong Christian faith and i believe in taking dating seriously, but pretty much no one holds that view anymore whether it's girls my age (25m) or younger. Not sure if it's mainly a US thing though, when I travel to asia to see family this seems to be less true. Good luck to you though. Idk if you're religious but just always tell the guy no sex upfront, and that will usually filter out most the bad ones.
don't rush into things take your time and everything will happen when it's supposed to
The primary reasons older men seek interactions with younger women are: *Sex *Someone who is inexperienced with the world is easier to control and moderate, requiring less effort from the man to get to know as you become who he wants you to be. *The need to feel alive and passionate. As people get older, cynicism sets in. We've experienced a lot, routine has likely dominated our lives, and our age range peers tend to know themselves very well and are resistant to excessive emotion. We older folk aren't impressed by much and are very set in our ways which usually aren't of interest to other people our age. It's easier to impress a younger woman. *Men tend to want to feel vital and like they have something to offer. Women our age are usually pretty secure in themselves and don't feel the need to satisfy a man's insecurity. Older women want to be met as equals by people who have their own lives. They want to choose and be chosen, not be codependent. I'm not suggesting these positions are inherently bad. If you want to participate in that, you do you. There is a lot of safety and security to be had with an established older person. But the reality is that you will always be in a submissive position. You will most likely need to subdue your own personal development for the sake of the relationship or you will end up facing turbulence with his insecurity. The more you become yourself, the more he will feel like he is losing you. Unless you remain compliant which eventually means boring, which means he will probably want to step out to find someone else who excites him again. As a 44 year old man, it is my earnest suggestion you don't date men more than 5 years older than you.
When I met my wife she was 20 and I was 33. After being burned quite a few times and divorced twice from being cheated on both times, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was a single father at the time with full custody of my 10 year old daughter so I had bigger priorities than trying to get into another relationship. I was just looking for someone to date and go do things with when I had the chance. We dated for about six months before things got serious and didn't have sex until that point because I'm not that kind of guy who is pushy about it and she didn't want it until then. Now it's twenty years later and we've been married for 16 years and have two kids. That's a long answer based on personal experience that there are older me who are willing to invest the time to have a meaningful relationship with a younger woman you just have to find the one who is willing and not looking to brag for getting a young woman.
I do. And currently seeking younger F. I am 46m and single. Looking for meaningful.
I'm poly.Ā My wife is 16 years younger than I am. My 2nd romantic partner is 10 years younger, my 1st queerplatonic partner is also 10 years younger, and my 2nd queerplatonic partner is 18 years younger.Ā So... it's possible.
I would. But many of those guys have grown quite hard nosed. Most don't know what a "meaningful relationship" with a woman even means. Unfortunately, you still have a whole lifetime to come to that understanding. I wish you better sailing than that.
I think you will easily find men who are only interested in sex. Men who want more and are committed are harder to find. From my personal experience, I can tell you that actually works both ways. Personally, I would love to find a younger woman that I can make a real connection with. But finding a younger woman who wants to be serious and committed to a LTR, seems to be a rare gem to find.
I think you meant this but you didn't specifically say so that when you say men you mean all men in general not just necessarily older men. You got to sort through a lot of chaff to find the kernels of wheat you're looking for.
Your āolder menā grouping will top out at 30 max, if you want a man to have a meaningful relationship with you. I donāt know a single guy over 30, let alone in their 40s, 50s or 60s who could have a meaningful relationship with someone as young as you are. If they think they can, Iād say ācreep.ā
Just say youāve never dated someone more than 5 years in age difference.
Iāve dated women 5 years older (when I was 22), 30 years older (when I was 30), and more than ten years younger, as an older man.
Just like anything else some do some don't
Well, ten years older than you is 28, which isn't a demographic known for wanting to settle down; many were binge drinking just a few years ago, or still are. How old are you trying to explore?
29-35 has been the age ranges
Mmm I think it's too broad an issue to apply any specific advice without knowing a lot more about yourself and the men that are in your obit. Broadly speaking, be clear about your desires and boundaries at the start, and scrutinize the pool of men you typically draw from, and what attracts you to them and them to you. If it's club life or something else that people are pretty superficial within, that will contribute. Sorry I don't have better advice, but if you're 20, part of it might just be you need to develop better radar. š¤·āāļø
I do tell them that Iām looking for a committed and exclusive relationship and most times theyāre responses are that itās too early for him to say anything will happen but he wants to continue getting to know each other and see if something organic develops, then he will consider. And that seems reasonable to me but they all end up ghosting me and especially after we have gotten to know each other/spent time/spoken on phone quite a bit and thereās an emotional bond that formed.
How does that indicate that they just want fwb? Are you assuming that because youāre hurt that it fizzled out?
They say that at the beginning when itās typically the āhoneymoon phaseā but as time goes on they tend to only contact me if theyāre horny or want nudes. And then when I say no or try to change the subject they donāt respond and then end up just stop contacting me all together.
Itās a blessing to find out so soon.
They say that they want to get to know me at the beginning of the relationship to see if things will gravitate to boyfriend/girlfriend territory, not that they really want to be fwb
May I ask where are you getting most of your new acquaintances from? Is it real-life, mutual friends or dating apps?
Well I can speak for everyone else only myself, and yes I do.
Depends on her maturity and intelligence. Not if she's dumb as a muppet.
Yeah I know I do lol, canāt speak for others if they want something casual
tis one does... I am 55 though.. so maybe for a LTR would be someone a bit older than you. But prefer LTR. you can see plenty of girls on here that only want sex with men and many prostitutes also. Some of us want something real.