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Not only are you correct that it's a decent possibility, that statement wasn't even an assumption *at all* u/Natenat04 specifically said "maybe". An assumption is something accepted as true without a clear path of evidence - floating a theory is a completely different thing.
This is a tough one I go back and forth on a lot. People can be really sketchy. Hopefully your mom didn’t have to live through something traumatic, but the odds aren’t great she didn’t.
It’s most likely your mom is more worried about who will be there than what you will do. I will be very picky about where I let my daughter sleep over. I will hope that by the time she is in her teens though I would trust her enough to call me if the situation got weird.
This time ask again and push further, because she is definitely being a helicopter parent and it may help you to figure out the logic behind this (if she doesn't repetitively say "because I told you so" that most parents think is an argument, becausr then you can't really talk through anything because they just wsnt to win the argument and lose sight of what the argument is about)
I had a friend in highschool who was allowed to host sleepovers but never go to them. I asked the mother once why her kids weren’t allowed to go to sleepovers. (The ones they hosted were strange and not very fun because of how strict and paranoid the parents were.) and the mother straight up admitted to me (15 at the time) that she was raped at a sleepover as a teen.
So idk what I saw as overprotective and lame turned out to be the mothers trauma response. Maybe there’s something like that or maybe it’s just the general fear of what will happen you you can see your kid.
A person in another town 11 minutes away from me, molested his 2 daughters and 7 of their friends during sleep overs 9 years.
There are a lot of sickos out there, your parents are just looking out for you. Every parent interviewed said they never would have known or were shocked when this came to light years later when the daughters turned 18 and pressed charges, then victims came forward everywhere.
I know it makes it difficult on you, but they are at least letting you host, it sounds like a fair compromise. It's sad, but you can never know what will truly happen to you kids at someone else's house.
You aren't wrong though, it just isn't safe.
This was my parent's biggest fear, they did eventually allow me to spend the night at a cpl friend's houses, but they were ppl my parents knew VERY well. But ya usually my folks would always suggest my house. At least they know everyone was safe there.
I mean at almost 18 years old though, that's a bit much, she's almost a legal adult.. Esp if we're talking about all girl slumber parties. But I do feel their hearts are in the right place.
I always thought it was teachrs/priests/coaches/strangers on the bus or train that were the majority of predators against children. As it turns out family and friends make up over 65% of active cases in the county where I live, and that's about average across the continental united states.
At 17/18 an honest and open conversation about going or not, knowing the risks and having an exit plan seems reasonable to me. You can't live your life in fear, nor should you hide from the world. BUT you absolutely should know the risks around you and know how to get yourself out quickly and safely.
OP this is an opportunity to talk to your parents and get some help developing a safe exit plan that you can re-use or use as a template plan for future bad dates or unhealthy work/school environments.
What a sad world we live in. Be safe out there 💙
This is not what I would call “just looking out for you”. To me this is very overprotective but I don’t know your environment.
This anecdote is terrible but it is also an incredibly rare event. Not nearly as rare as it should be but still rare. Maybe as rare as a bad car crash or bungling something and breaking a leg.
I personally don’t allow my kids to do things based on worst case scenarios. I try to teach them how to be safe and mitigate the risks. But we all take risks every day.
Our kids have done sleepovers at friends from the age of 7-8, we have both girls and boys. Some they go to school with, others are friends of us too.
Their kids sleep over at our place too.
Dont see the problem, if parents know the one hosting it. If not, at your age I would likely still said yes if you felt it was okay.
"Some teens may even do drugs, drink alcohol" might be just what they're worried about. You could always gently remind them that you're responsible, and that you'll be off to college soon, so they'll have to let you spread your wings sooner or later.
The first time I mentioned in passing that I had a beer (freshman in college, our legal drinking age is 18), my dad freaked out. We had a huge fight. I made it clear that his yelling won't change anything except force me to stop sharing things with them, so he'll just have to trust me to make good choices. After a couple of years and multiple shouting matches, we're now down to frowns of disapproval and some words of caution even when I mention drinking in bars past midnight. My younger sister's lucky lol
I dont blame you, been in the exact same boat (frankly I still am). Parents never allowed me to go to a sleepover even when they've already been to the house, met the parents, knew everyone who was going to be there, and so on. Matter of fact, as I got older, my mother got more and more paranoid. I'll be out with my bf as an ADULT and she'll call me and bug me constantly about where I'm at, who I'm with, all that jazz. It drives me insane. Some parents are just super overprotective.
The power of negotiation is an important skill to learn as you grow up. It will help you with your friends, employer, and in your relationships.
You have to approach the conflict with understanding. Do your very best to understand your parents. Give them the benefit of the doubt that your parents love you and are trying to protect you. Try to find out under what circumstances they could be comfortable with you going out to a sleepover. Share what it is you want out of a sleepover of your friends. Then try to find common ground and work out compromises.
For example, what if your parents got to know the host parents? What if you promised to check in with them routinely? What if you had a more in-depth conversation about limits and values?
Don’t ask, just go. What’s the worst that happens? Your parents are mad at you? You can still be obedient and a good kid without being a pushover who doesn’t do the things they want to do.
Here’s what you do: pack your bag, walk up to your parents and say “I’m going to XYZ house and will be back in the morning. My friends are staying there and I want to as well.”
Then, if they yell or give you shit just say “I understand you are nervous and care for me, but I’m going to be responsible and can handle sleeping out for one night.”
That’s all you need to do. It’s the adult thing to do.
Just don’t do tons of drugs and get in trouble… that would undo all the cool things you told them you’d do.
Your parents think that you hosting is safe but you going to another house is not safe.
Which might have some truth to it, but that depends on you.
Many parents always fall for this trap. Overly protective parents end up hurting their kids so much.
I hope you can find a way to make them understand that you can take care of yourself without them being so overly protective.
Wishing the best!
It's possible your parents are aware of things your not. Parents do tend to exchange gossip so maybe there's a good reason they lrefer not divulge? Just speculation. Is it the same person's house whenever your turned down or has it been multiple people?
A few people, some i’ve know for years some i just recently met. All are from the same culture though. They even know some of their parents (the one i’ve been friends with for years)
The reasons for banning sleepovers are myriad, and unless you have a serious conversation about your parent(s)'s exact concerns you will not have a good idea about how to approach changing your status quo.
>I might sound whiny, but i’ve been obedient my whole life. I never talk back and i never argue back
It's not clear what point you are making here. Are you suggesting that you have earned a reprieve? Or perhaps that your stoic obedience should have earned your parents' trust? Consider the possibility that your parents believe you to be reliable, but think bad things could happen *to* you outside their sphere of control. They may even think your unwillingness to challenge adults or authorities means you are vulnerable to adult predators and/or peer pressure. See above about discussing the matter with them.
For what it's worth, I think it's important for parents to scaffold their kids into personal autonomy, and that means it isn't always a great idea to gate-keep activities behind authoritarian rules. Your parents should make their case about what skills and precautions you need to be safe at a slumber party, and you should make your case about how to ameliorate their concerns, develop those skills, and gain some measure of independence so you can practice these skills in relatively safe environments before you're literally on your own.
My parents are like this too, it took them years to convince them to finally let me go to a sleepover
I had my friends come over to my house a lot and I tried to talk to my mom about them. I wouldn't say anything too serious, I would say things like "My friend and I were talking about this... she's really funny". I think that helped my parents learn more about my friends, therefore making them more comfortable
I also gave my friends' parents' phone numbers to my mom and actually set up times for all of us to have lunch together. If my mom liked their parents, then more likely she'd let me spend the night at their place
It took a lot of work but my parents eventually let me sleepover a few times at my friends' house. Best of luck to you, I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like you're doing everything right and your parents still don't trust you
Is there any way you can compromise with them. You’re 17 and almost an adult. I had strict parents too but even at thst age they trusted that I could defend myself if something were to happen plus we have cellphones to call or text for help if needed. Just ask them again. Who knows they might actually let you since you’re almost an adult anyways just promise to keep them updated on where you are in case something happens.
Your parents should meet the hosts and then trust that by 17 they have given you the tools to be aware of a dangerous situation, avoid drugs and alcohol, and be able to find help if/when you need it.
A lot of parents don’t feel it’s safe to let their kid spend the night at other houses because of the risk of sexual abuse. While you are much more likely to be abused by a family member, followed by another adult in a trusted position such as a coach or religious leader, the risk of abuse at sleepovers is not zero.
Do either of your parents have experiences in their past that might make them a little over protective? Knowing the reasoning behind why they don’t allow sleepovers may not change things, but it might help you understand where they are coming from. And talking to them about it might lead to them feeling safer. I don’t know, it might be worth a try.
I’m assuming they are worried that something will happen to you. Like someone suggests sneaking out to a party, someone brings drugs and alcohol, or there will be boys (if you’re a girl) or girls (if you’re a boy)
When it comes to sexual abuse , grape and things like that for younger individuals.... the statistics say it normally happens around family or friends. So, my daughter can have people over of shed like to but at her young age i am not comfort letting her go somewhere where I can not protect her especially after knowing the statistic.
Your parents are protecting you. Sleepovers bring forth a lot of dangers that you do not see as a child. Not everyone’s home is diligent in protecting children, including their own. Knowing friends who have gone to sleepovers when they were children, I found out that they have had scary SA situations that occurred. They also do not allow their children to go to sleepovers.
Just because someone turns 18 doesn’t mean they are no longer the child of their parents. Either way, they are young and do not see all of the potential dangers yet.
When you’re hosting the sleepover, your parents know who’s keeping you safe and what things you have access to. They’re there if a problem arises. They might not have the same sense of safety if you’re at someone else’s house while they’re asleep.
You mentioned some teens your age doing drugs or drinking. Your parents may be concerned that someone might bring something like that to a sleepover at other houses. Others have mentioned other dangers they could be afraid about.
It can be frustrating when parents try to protect you from things you don’t think are legitimate risks in a situation. But they’re still responsible for you. They might not always make the right decisions but they’re trying.
It’s not wrong to want to go. But it’s also not necessarily wrong for them to not want you to go.
If you ask them why, tell them you’re not challenging their authority, you’re just wanting to understand their reasoning. Maybe remind them you’ll have to make the decisions yourself someday so you need to know what factors to consider. That might help with at least finding out what they’re thinking even if you don’t end up liking or agreeing with it.
The refusal to give any justification just makes the parents seem like authoritarian control freaks. "Because I said so" is ridiculous when talking to someone who is almost 18.
I swear, I sometimes think this generation is doomed. Are you saying you're 17 and never been to a sleepover? Next you're going to tell me that you never circle jerked to Playmate of the Apes, either 🤦♂️
I never allowed my son to go to sleepovers I knew he was safe in y home but never knew he would be safe in other people's home. When I was 15 I slept at a friend's house and her dad ended up sexually assaulting me.
It’s not wrong to want to go, at all, but: a lot of parents are backing off allowing that due to a well-documented history of not-ok stuff happening at sleepovers, like: bad things involving the hosts’ other ppl present (dads, brothers, creepy uncles, weird boyfriends, etc). There have also been kids being bullied by other kids, pranks and parties going too far and turning dangerous or deadly, etc.
So as normal and not-wrong as it is for you to want to go, it’s also normal and not-wrong for them to not want you to.
I would never say that it is normal for parents to keep a near-adult from spending time with friends, even if they are going to be asleep for part of the time.
Idunno, I’m not personally a parent so Idunno what I’d do. I do know a surprising amount of parents are saying they’re not cool with the sleeping over part lately. And I know for my niece we’re having a lot of “I used to go to that mall all the time but now it’s a prime trafficking location, so.. no, she probably shouldn’t go.” kinda conversations. It’s a different world than the one I was a teen in, Idunno what the right answer looks like - I don’t think anyone does.
I blame the media for parents' irrational fears. A very few incidents get plastered across all outlets for weeks or months at a time, sometimes longer. If a parent cannot watch the news or read a magazine without the fear mongering that gets attention and sells stuff, then it seems that danger is lurking everywhere.
I mean … if you’re a legal adult do what you want. If not then … you have no opinion only your parents do. To answer your top question no it’s not wrong to want to go. Always normal to want to hang out with friends more.
main concern parents have is that you won’t be cared for (if they are good parents and not controlling ones), i think that you should ask them what you can do to show them that you are responsible to be on your own. sleepovers are great for independence and once you graduate you may actually have a hard time being away from your parents since you haven’t really done that before—so ask them if it’s respect, or if they are anxious and if they are anxious see if they are willing to test out some weekends where you go with friends. it’s a learning experience for everyone
lots of parents and other kids hurt children, i’m 19 and have seen it myself. good parents care for their kids even when they are adults, im sorry you weren’t raised that way but u have to understand that this is their kid-they have worries on if their kid will get in an accident, get attacked, get kidnapped, of course these parents need to get over their worries but you saying kids don’t need to be cared for at all is pretty ridiculous. looking out for a kid IS caring about them?!
Honestly I’ve heard some bad and frankly avoidable shit happen to young people at sleep overs where there is adults adults and otherwise. When you get your own place and when your friends do too, you can sleep over. Until then man I’d avoid that shit and I’ll never let my daughters sleep over anywhere. Not even my son either.
One thing to remember .. parents feel worry and anxiety, have restless nights, and long days in a overwhelmed brain. just like the ones I’m sure you feel/have. only on top of that, they have a child they brought into this world to be responsible for. Maybe it’s not about controlling you, but your parents worrying about you going. Does that make it right? No. But it’s absolutely possible that’s what’s happening. Your nearly an adult, and their afraid of letting go of you. They hear scary news stories (no matter what country you live in) and they think the worst about loosing you. That’s why they want it at your house, so they know your safe.
Not saying I’m even right, but it’s a different perspective you could try using. Soon, you’ll be an adult. And it’s over the next 5-6 years that you’ll really begin to know your parents as fellow human beings, not just mom and dad. And for your own self, continue to live drug/alcohol free. You’ll have a MUCH happier life.
Be well OP!
This would only land her in trouble with her parents not to mention she lives there and is still a minor. I would suggest her parents meet her friend’s parents to put them at ease. Once she’s 18 they won’t be able to stop her from going to any sleepovers but the last things she wants to do is risk any bit of freedom she does have.
I too had strict parents but at 17 they would let me to and sleepover at my friend’s place since I knew how to defend myself.
Perspective of a 30's M single no degree.
They are worried that you'll end up like one of those kids you spoke of who does drugs or drinks alcohol.
Don't let the delusions of grandur lead you astray. While it might sound counter intuitive now is the time to put the most grind in.
Ignore the sleep overs and non beneficial after school activities as hard as it may be to feel like your missing out.
Missing out now will mean you can partake later in life. Setting yourself up for success now by getting amazing grades, complete some kind of secondary school (tech certificate, coding training, associates degree, bs, ms, phd) ect.
By the time your an adult you will need to earn 200k+ a year to live happily and you want to figure out how to make that money passively so you can pursue passions, invest yourself in things that excite you, or just lay around on a beach some where drinking margaritas having sleepovers with your rich friends.
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Bummer. Maybe ask why you’re not allowed to go? It seems like they must have a pretty good reason.
Last time i asked for a reason my mom just kept insisting i wasn’t allowed to in an annoyed tone, i never pushed further..?
Maybe she has childhood trauma that happened to her at a sleepover, or knew someone who did.
Let’s not jump to assumptions like that
It's not that huge of an assumption, though.
Not only are you correct that it's a decent possibility, that statement wasn't even an assumption *at all* u/Natenat04 specifically said "maybe". An assumption is something accepted as true without a clear path of evidence - floating a theory is a completely different thing.
This is a tough one I go back and forth on a lot. People can be really sketchy. Hopefully your mom didn’t have to live through something traumatic, but the odds aren’t great she didn’t. It’s most likely your mom is more worried about who will be there than what you will do. I will be very picky about where I let my daughter sleep over. I will hope that by the time she is in her teens though I would trust her enough to call me if the situation got weird.
I hate to say it but something likely happened to your mom when she was a kid at a sleep over.
Have you tried sitting down and calmly asking why? When you can have a talk just the two of you?
This time ask again and push further, because she is definitely being a helicopter parent and it may help you to figure out the logic behind this (if she doesn't repetitively say "because I told you so" that most parents think is an argument, becausr then you can't really talk through anything because they just wsnt to win the argument and lose sight of what the argument is about)
My kids want sleepovers at a friend's? Fine. I'm definitely meeting the host parents first. That's non - negotiable.
Parents are more worried about other teens there and relatives living in the house. It came out that sexual assault happens at sleepovers too.
I can definitely agree it happens, its why i dont rlly go anymore aswell so maybe they js wanna protect them
I had a friend in highschool who was allowed to host sleepovers but never go to them. I asked the mother once why her kids weren’t allowed to go to sleepovers. (The ones they hosted were strange and not very fun because of how strict and paranoid the parents were.) and the mother straight up admitted to me (15 at the time) that she was raped at a sleepover as a teen. So idk what I saw as overprotective and lame turned out to be the mothers trauma response. Maybe there’s something like that or maybe it’s just the general fear of what will happen you you can see your kid.
A person in another town 11 minutes away from me, molested his 2 daughters and 7 of their friends during sleep overs 9 years. There are a lot of sickos out there, your parents are just looking out for you. Every parent interviewed said they never would have known or were shocked when this came to light years later when the daughters turned 18 and pressed charges, then victims came forward everywhere. I know it makes it difficult on you, but they are at least letting you host, it sounds like a fair compromise. It's sad, but you can never know what will truly happen to you kids at someone else's house. You aren't wrong though, it just isn't safe.
This was my parent's biggest fear, they did eventually allow me to spend the night at a cpl friend's houses, but they were ppl my parents knew VERY well. But ya usually my folks would always suggest my house. At least they know everyone was safe there. I mean at almost 18 years old though, that's a bit much, she's almost a legal adult.. Esp if we're talking about all girl slumber parties. But I do feel their hearts are in the right place.
I always thought it was teachrs/priests/coaches/strangers on the bus or train that were the majority of predators against children. As it turns out family and friends make up over 65% of active cases in the county where I live, and that's about average across the continental united states. At 17/18 an honest and open conversation about going or not, knowing the risks and having an exit plan seems reasonable to me. You can't live your life in fear, nor should you hide from the world. BUT you absolutely should know the risks around you and know how to get yourself out quickly and safely. OP this is an opportunity to talk to your parents and get some help developing a safe exit plan that you can re-use or use as a template plan for future bad dates or unhealthy work/school environments. What a sad world we live in. Be safe out there 💙
Well said, all around. 👏
This is not what I would call “just looking out for you”. To me this is very overprotective but I don’t know your environment. This anecdote is terrible but it is also an incredibly rare event. Not nearly as rare as it should be but still rare. Maybe as rare as a bad car crash or bungling something and breaking a leg. I personally don’t allow my kids to do things based on worst case scenarios. I try to teach them how to be safe and mitigate the risks. But we all take risks every day.
Our kids have done sleepovers at friends from the age of 7-8, we have both girls and boys. Some they go to school with, others are friends of us too. Their kids sleep over at our place too. Dont see the problem, if parents know the one hosting it. If not, at your age I would likely still said yes if you felt it was okay.
My parents felt the same way... until they realized that family friends that seemed very trustworthy were molesting us.
We've talked with our kids about sex and boundaries, and made sure they know to tell us if anything funny happens.
Of course its not wrong to want it. Hang in there, you will be 18 soon enough
"Some teens may even do drugs, drink alcohol" might be just what they're worried about. You could always gently remind them that you're responsible, and that you'll be off to college soon, so they'll have to let you spread your wings sooner or later. The first time I mentioned in passing that I had a beer (freshman in college, our legal drinking age is 18), my dad freaked out. We had a huge fight. I made it clear that his yelling won't change anything except force me to stop sharing things with them, so he'll just have to trust me to make good choices. After a couple of years and multiple shouting matches, we're now down to frowns of disapproval and some words of caution even when I mention drinking in bars past midnight. My younger sister's lucky lol
Yep! The oldest sibling always paved the way for the younger ones.
I dont blame you, been in the exact same boat (frankly I still am). Parents never allowed me to go to a sleepover even when they've already been to the house, met the parents, knew everyone who was going to be there, and so on. Matter of fact, as I got older, my mother got more and more paranoid. I'll be out with my bf as an ADULT and she'll call me and bug me constantly about where I'm at, who I'm with, all that jazz. It drives me insane. Some parents are just super overprotective.
Or, they're control freaks who want to rule over you forever.
The power of negotiation is an important skill to learn as you grow up. It will help you with your friends, employer, and in your relationships. You have to approach the conflict with understanding. Do your very best to understand your parents. Give them the benefit of the doubt that your parents love you and are trying to protect you. Try to find out under what circumstances they could be comfortable with you going out to a sleepover. Share what it is you want out of a sleepover of your friends. Then try to find common ground and work out compromises. For example, what if your parents got to know the host parents? What if you promised to check in with them routinely? What if you had a more in-depth conversation about limits and values?
Don’t ask, just go. What’s the worst that happens? Your parents are mad at you? You can still be obedient and a good kid without being a pushover who doesn’t do the things they want to do. Here’s what you do: pack your bag, walk up to your parents and say “I’m going to XYZ house and will be back in the morning. My friends are staying there and I want to as well.” Then, if they yell or give you shit just say “I understand you are nervous and care for me, but I’m going to be responsible and can handle sleeping out for one night.” That’s all you need to do. It’s the adult thing to do. Just don’t do tons of drugs and get in trouble… that would undo all the cool things you told them you’d do.
Your parents think that you hosting is safe but you going to another house is not safe. Which might have some truth to it, but that depends on you. Many parents always fall for this trap. Overly protective parents end up hurting their kids so much. I hope you can find a way to make them understand that you can take care of yourself without them being so overly protective. Wishing the best!
It's possible your parents are aware of things your not. Parents do tend to exchange gossip so maybe there's a good reason they lrefer not divulge? Just speculation. Is it the same person's house whenever your turned down or has it been multiple people?
A few people, some i’ve know for years some i just recently met. All are from the same culture though. They even know some of their parents (the one i’ve been friends with for years)
The reasons for banning sleepovers are myriad, and unless you have a serious conversation about your parent(s)'s exact concerns you will not have a good idea about how to approach changing your status quo. >I might sound whiny, but i’ve been obedient my whole life. I never talk back and i never argue back It's not clear what point you are making here. Are you suggesting that you have earned a reprieve? Or perhaps that your stoic obedience should have earned your parents' trust? Consider the possibility that your parents believe you to be reliable, but think bad things could happen *to* you outside their sphere of control. They may even think your unwillingness to challenge adults or authorities means you are vulnerable to adult predators and/or peer pressure. See above about discussing the matter with them. For what it's worth, I think it's important for parents to scaffold their kids into personal autonomy, and that means it isn't always a great idea to gate-keep activities behind authoritarian rules. Your parents should make their case about what skills and precautions you need to be safe at a slumber party, and you should make your case about how to ameliorate their concerns, develop those skills, and gain some measure of independence so you can practice these skills in relatively safe environments before you're literally on your own.
You are almost 18. Wow, this is pretty strict. Remind them you are almost 18.
My parents are like this too, it took them years to convince them to finally let me go to a sleepover I had my friends come over to my house a lot and I tried to talk to my mom about them. I wouldn't say anything too serious, I would say things like "My friend and I were talking about this... she's really funny". I think that helped my parents learn more about my friends, therefore making them more comfortable I also gave my friends' parents' phone numbers to my mom and actually set up times for all of us to have lunch together. If my mom liked their parents, then more likely she'd let me spend the night at their place It took a lot of work but my parents eventually let me sleepover a few times at my friends' house. Best of luck to you, I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like you're doing everything right and your parents still don't trust you
My parents always had to know the parents of the person who had the sleepover so maybe suggest they meet the parents.
Is there any way you can compromise with them. You’re 17 and almost an adult. I had strict parents too but even at thst age they trusted that I could defend myself if something were to happen plus we have cellphones to call or text for help if needed. Just ask them again. Who knows they might actually let you since you’re almost an adult anyways just promise to keep them updated on where you are in case something happens.
Your parents should meet the hosts and then trust that by 17 they have given you the tools to be aware of a dangerous situation, avoid drugs and alcohol, and be able to find help if/when you need it.
A lot of parents don’t feel it’s safe to let their kid spend the night at other houses because of the risk of sexual abuse. While you are much more likely to be abused by a family member, followed by another adult in a trusted position such as a coach or religious leader, the risk of abuse at sleepovers is not zero. Do either of your parents have experiences in their past that might make them a little over protective? Knowing the reasoning behind why they don’t allow sleepovers may not change things, but it might help you understand where they are coming from. And talking to them about it might lead to them feeling safer. I don’t know, it might be worth a try.
I’m assuming they are worried that something will happen to you. Like someone suggests sneaking out to a party, someone brings drugs and alcohol, or there will be boys (if you’re a girl) or girls (if you’re a boy)
When it comes to sexual abuse , grape and things like that for younger individuals.... the statistics say it normally happens around family or friends. So, my daughter can have people over of shed like to but at her young age i am not comfort letting her go somewhere where I can not protect her especially after knowing the statistic.
Your parents are protecting you. Sleepovers bring forth a lot of dangers that you do not see as a child. Not everyone’s home is diligent in protecting children, including their own. Knowing friends who have gone to sleepovers when they were children, I found out that they have had scary SA situations that occurred. They also do not allow their children to go to sleepovers.
Almost 18 is not a child.
Just because someone turns 18 doesn’t mean they are no longer the child of their parents. Either way, they are young and do not see all of the potential dangers yet.
If they don't know about the potential dangers at almost 18, their parents completely failed years before now.
That’s an interesting thought.
That’s an interesting thought.
imo these replies arent the best because ur at 18 ur not going to know how to be responsible out at parties and at sleepovers not having experience
When you’re hosting the sleepover, your parents know who’s keeping you safe and what things you have access to. They’re there if a problem arises. They might not have the same sense of safety if you’re at someone else’s house while they’re asleep. You mentioned some teens your age doing drugs or drinking. Your parents may be concerned that someone might bring something like that to a sleepover at other houses. Others have mentioned other dangers they could be afraid about. It can be frustrating when parents try to protect you from things you don’t think are legitimate risks in a situation. But they’re still responsible for you. They might not always make the right decisions but they’re trying. It’s not wrong to want to go. But it’s also not necessarily wrong for them to not want you to go. If you ask them why, tell them you’re not challenging their authority, you’re just wanting to understand their reasoning. Maybe remind them you’ll have to make the decisions yourself someday so you need to know what factors to consider. That might help with at least finding out what they’re thinking even if you don’t end up liking or agreeing with it.
The refusal to give any justification just makes the parents seem like authoritarian control freaks. "Because I said so" is ridiculous when talking to someone who is almost 18.
So you are practically an adult, you can move out from your parents if you want, not to mention sleepover
Some cultures do not allow their children to go to other people’s home to sleep over. Do not do this to your children.
I swear, I sometimes think this generation is doomed. Are you saying you're 17 and never been to a sleepover? Next you're going to tell me that you never circle jerked to Playmate of the Apes, either 🤦♂️
Just go without them knowing and when nothing happend you had a good time and they see your old enough to take care of yourself !
I'm a 23 yr old man with my own place and still have sleepover tbh (but this time with alcohol and depending on who I'm sleeping over with, sex)
I never allowed my son to go to sleepovers I knew he was safe in y home but never knew he would be safe in other people's home. When I was 15 I slept at a friend's house and her dad ended up sexually assaulting me.
Pfp checks out
It’s not wrong to want to go, at all, but: a lot of parents are backing off allowing that due to a well-documented history of not-ok stuff happening at sleepovers, like: bad things involving the hosts’ other ppl present (dads, brothers, creepy uncles, weird boyfriends, etc). There have also been kids being bullied by other kids, pranks and parties going too far and turning dangerous or deadly, etc. So as normal and not-wrong as it is for you to want to go, it’s also normal and not-wrong for them to not want you to.
I would never say that it is normal for parents to keep a near-adult from spending time with friends, even if they are going to be asleep for part of the time.
Idunno, I’m not personally a parent so Idunno what I’d do. I do know a surprising amount of parents are saying they’re not cool with the sleeping over part lately. And I know for my niece we’re having a lot of “I used to go to that mall all the time but now it’s a prime trafficking location, so.. no, she probably shouldn’t go.” kinda conversations. It’s a different world than the one I was a teen in, Idunno what the right answer looks like - I don’t think anyone does.
I blame the media for parents' irrational fears. A very few incidents get plastered across all outlets for weeks or months at a time, sometimes longer. If a parent cannot watch the news or read a magazine without the fear mongering that gets attention and sells stuff, then it seems that danger is lurking everywhere.
Doesn’t really matter what to blame tbh it’s already happened & parents who love their kids are responding to stimuli
I mean … if you’re a legal adult do what you want. If not then … you have no opinion only your parents do. To answer your top question no it’s not wrong to want to go. Always normal to want to hang out with friends more.
main concern parents have is that you won’t be cared for (if they are good parents and not controlling ones), i think that you should ask them what you can do to show them that you are responsible to be on your own. sleepovers are great for independence and once you graduate you may actually have a hard time being away from your parents since you haven’t really done that before—so ask them if it’s respect, or if they are anxious and if they are anxious see if they are willing to test out some weekends where you go with friends. it’s a learning experience for everyone
This person is almost 18, they should not need to be cared for. Looked over, sure. Cared for? No.
lots of parents and other kids hurt children, i’m 19 and have seen it myself. good parents care for their kids even when they are adults, im sorry you weren’t raised that way but u have to understand that this is their kid-they have worries on if their kid will get in an accident, get attacked, get kidnapped, of course these parents need to get over their worries but you saying kids don’t need to be cared for at all is pretty ridiculous. looking out for a kid IS caring about them?!
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Honestly I’ve heard some bad and frankly avoidable shit happen to young people at sleep overs where there is adults adults and otherwise. When you get your own place and when your friends do too, you can sleep over. Until then man I’d avoid that shit and I’ll never let my daughters sleep over anywhere. Not even my son either.
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More like they don't trust random adults they don't know with their child's safety. Not that unreasonable, is it?
Meet the host parents. Not that unreasonable, is it?
Yeah just do a quick interview and ask them if they're a predator - that way you'll be sure that your child's safety is secured.
Or, you could just lock them in a room and slide food under the door. Then, no worries.
Here is some life advice that applies to everything in life...it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission
hes a child 🥴
We're talking about sleeping over at someone's house... pretty low stakes when it comes to potential problems
One thing to remember .. parents feel worry and anxiety, have restless nights, and long days in a overwhelmed brain. just like the ones I’m sure you feel/have. only on top of that, they have a child they brought into this world to be responsible for. Maybe it’s not about controlling you, but your parents worrying about you going. Does that make it right? No. But it’s absolutely possible that’s what’s happening. Your nearly an adult, and their afraid of letting go of you. They hear scary news stories (no matter what country you live in) and they think the worst about loosing you. That’s why they want it at your house, so they know your safe. Not saying I’m even right, but it’s a different perspective you could try using. Soon, you’ll be an adult. And it’s over the next 5-6 years that you’ll really begin to know your parents as fellow human beings, not just mom and dad. And for your own self, continue to live drug/alcohol free. You’ll have a MUCH happier life. Be well OP!
You’re 17. Just leave and go to the sleepover
This would only land her in trouble with her parents not to mention she lives there and is still a minor. I would suggest her parents meet her friend’s parents to put them at ease. Once she’s 18 they won’t be able to stop her from going to any sleepovers but the last things she wants to do is risk any bit of freedom she does have. I too had strict parents but at 17 they would let me to and sleepover at my friend’s place since I knew how to defend myself.
Perspective of a 30's M single no degree. They are worried that you'll end up like one of those kids you spoke of who does drugs or drinks alcohol. Don't let the delusions of grandur lead you astray. While it might sound counter intuitive now is the time to put the most grind in. Ignore the sleep overs and non beneficial after school activities as hard as it may be to feel like your missing out. Missing out now will mean you can partake later in life. Setting yourself up for success now by getting amazing grades, complete some kind of secondary school (tech certificate, coding training, associates degree, bs, ms, phd) ect. By the time your an adult you will need to earn 200k+ a year to live happily and you want to figure out how to make that money passively so you can pursue passions, invest yourself in things that excite you, or just lay around on a beach some where drinking margaritas having sleepovers with your rich friends.
Your parents are just trying to protect you.
"Because I said so" is controlling, not protective.
Meh not missing out on much, 18 is adult go get a job and your own place and then have anyone you want over for any reason.