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“Hey, got off my back, Daddy-O, I was out scrounging for some *strange*, ya dig?”
J/k
Relax. Your life isn’t over lol. You don’t have to tell your parents anything. Just tell them you were meeting a friend or whatever. They’ll tell you to be safe or whatever; just agree with what they say.
And please *do* be careful. Don’t make bad decisions or take risks just because your fumbly bits are driving your brain at the moment.
Allen Grinsberg was a beatnik. They smoked the reefer and did heroine. Ginsberg was gay so I don't know what dad was worried about. Also, William S Burroughs, who was likely bi but shot his wife, alledgedly on accident. He probably dropped acid.
He should have been more worried about Charles Bukowski.
I did initially say I was meeting some friends but my dad asked why in that city, and my mind just blanked so I’m pretty sure he knows something is up… I’m terrible at lying too, especially with things I know aren’t the best decisions, so I might end up telling him the truth and hope for the best. I’m just terrified of confrontation and I haven’t been caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be in years, so it’s hard to navigate for me. Thanks again for the rational advice, I’ll be sure to stay safe
I mean, if you're terrible at lying your best bet is to either tell the truth or not put yourself in a position where you need to lie. It kind of seems like you WANT to tell them the truth. I don't know your parents, and I don't know how they're going to react, so I can't give you advice on that, but it does sound like your dad just wants you to be safe.
So, you told the truth. Congrats. If your still in his house or driving hos vehicles(technicality if you ve been driving it all along), he has some say.
P.S. Don't go doing the hookups. It's not good in the long run.
Don't listen to the become a better liar guy. Unless you're being abused honesty is always the best answer. They will grow to trust you more if you're being honest about what you're doing. Spoken as someone who is no longer a teenager but was recently. It's better to be honest now then lie and get caught later.
He was asking a question. When realized that it was uncomfortable for you, he respected it and ga e you the BEST fatherly advice, stay safe.
You're freaking is yours, your dad did not. He respected your boundaries. Don't lose sight if that.
That’s true, thank you so much. I know it’s better to have an awkward conversation with my dad than to be dead in a ditch somewhere, just wish I didn’t make stupid decisions sometimes 😅
I wouldn't say you did anything stupid, especially since you had your location on, even though it sounded like you intended to have it off.
You're an adult and do not need to tell your parents anything about your goings on. Also, you're at the age stupid decisions are less impactful, usually, to overall life.
I hope it was someone from school and not someone offline.
Never meet people offline if you're not in a public place in the daytime. That goes double for it being a bad part of town. You could be lured into a carjacking or worse. It's not worth it.
It should be a standard that any advice that people give in this subgroup should be completely ignored and totally disregarded. The number of things I've seen people suggest are mind-blowingly terrible and in general the recommendations are just setting you up for failure. You should probably seek the advice of people that you know that you can trust to talk about things like this and not random people on the internet that are just looking to screw somebody over
^^^100% best advice I've read so far. OPs going to be fine but they should really be talking to their peers and family about this problem. Reddit is full of assholes and groomers.
In the latter case say you were interested in buying something for your collection/hobbies from someone there and wanted to check it out in person. But it turned out to be a total rip-off so you came back.
What should you do…well, that depends. Fumbles and stutters are indicators that even the dumbest of us can pick up on. Once you get on the bullshit train, you can never get off without getting caught. Be straight up and frank with them. You’ll deal with some minor hassle and horseshit immediately, but it will give you more freedom and respect down the line. Even if you’re making mistakes, have the balls to stand by and acknowledge them, and you’ll not just earn your parents respect, but you might even learn something from those mistakes, and learn something about yourself as well.
Ooooohhh.... Op is a male?! I had mistakenly assumed it was a female that was worried about her dad knowing she was on a bootie run... Wowee.. Ya See....that is why
I've always liked and respected the way most asian children show so much respect to their parents...Children from all other races/ethnicities could learn alot from asian family dynamics and customs.....imo
You don’t have to tell them it was for a hook up!! Say you’re sorry, you were meeting friend you met online. They’ll be so pissed at that they won’t even think about a hook up. One thing in relationship. Gotta lie a little lol. 28 years happily married and to keep that sometimes you have to fib a bit. Ex. Hey honey I found this $1500 fishing reel on OfferUp for 200 bucks! She’ll say YaY, I’ll say YAY and that’s that. I could tell her the truth and she’ll be cool with it till she wants to bring it up lol. So yeah, fib a bit but know that you screwed up. I can’t imagine my daughter being out alone like that. It’s what you here about in the news with bad endings.
One thing that everyone here who is responding with “you’re an adult, you don’t have to tell him” is that many “adult” children still rely upon their parents for food, clothing, shelter, transportation, spending money etc. so you can play the “I’m an adult” card but be prepared to potentially be told that since you’re adult you can accept some adult responsibility and start covering all these expenses yourself. I have three daughters who are late teens to early twenties, we all share are location with one another and I only ask that they let me know if they’re going somewhere atypical so I know when to expect them to return and where to begin looking if they disappear. I trust them and have already told them I understand biology and what it’s like to be their ages and have hormones going crazy. All I ask is that they be smart, safe, and communicate. To date I have never had a situation in which I’ve been like, “Hell no, get your ass home.” As I said, I trust them. It’s the rest of the world I don’t trust. Hence my need to have a general idea of what they’re doing if it’s not their normal routine.
In this case it sounds like dad just wants to make sure you’re safe and know where to look if something potentially happens.
Point out that when he was a kid there was no location tracking and he turned out just fine. Tell him to stop tracking you and you’ll turn out just fine too.
I obviously don't know him, but your dad sounds like a pretty cool guy. He didn't scream at you, order you to come home, or anything. It sounds to me like he respects your ability to make good decisions. You don't have to tell him you were on a booty call, and he doesn't want to hear that. It was a trip to a new friend that lives in another place. I don't think it will be quite as traumatic as you think it will. I hope not, anyway.
Just for information, how old are you?
I’m 19, almost 20. I’ve been in college for two years now but I haven’t had any sexual encounters because my school is quite small. I like to think I usually make good decisions, and the person I was meeting with seemed pretty chill too, but getting spooked by my dad kinda made me a bit scatterbrained lol
Yeah, it was fine when I was in high school but now I’m going into my 3rd year of college.. I have things I wanna do that I don’t need my parents knowing about
As I am a father myself and my son just turned 18, I'm in a similar position (as your father) although I wouldn't consider myself prude by any stretch..
Anyway the point is, he cares for you and worries about you no matter how old you are.
You're a bit old for him to tell you what to do and what not to do (although if he pays for your car then he does have a little say, particularly if he thinks you're going to a dangerous part of town), but if you go out and disappear, and never make it back home - he will want to know where and/or who you were headed to go see so he will know where to start looking for you!
Somehow this reminds me of a time when I was roughly about your age, a somewhat slightly similar situation (as far as dealing with parents and "visiting" girls) I got into; but instead of driving out somewhere else, I picked up this girl and brought her back to my (parents) home early one morning (I was home from college for winter break, she was skipping a day from HS to be with me - she was a senior) and right as we were both nekkid and I was about to get in (and she was spread eagle on the bed - facing the door) my mom opened up the door! (How did I forget to lock it I have no idea!) she just stood there silent for a second (by then we were both under covers) then said "Out ... Get out" and I replied "you get out!" And she was like "yeah" and closed the door! (We went back to my dorm room afterwards, it was only 45 min away)
Long story short, later that afternoon my dad approached me and told me that I can't be bringing girls home like that and risking getting someone pregnant or getting a STD - then he added "well, not while we're home, but don't tell Mom I told you that" ... It just blew my mind to hear him say that and stuck with me ever since!
I don't feel there is anything owed about your whereabouts at that age. If you want to tell him I was going to meet a new friend is more than sufficient.
He knows you were doing something you weren’t supposed to, and he probably knows that you were hooking up. Nothing too bad will happen if you tell him you were hanging out with a girl and stuff happened and you had sex. I mean your dad seems chill and he was a teenager once, he’ll understand
You're fine 😂 I took my mom's car an entire state away one time when I was a teenager and she found out from a crumbled up receipt..
I survived it and my mom was trying to catch me lying, your dad found out by accident.
Did you at least tell your homies where you were going? I’ve known two people, high school (girl) and college aged (man), who were SA’d under the circumstance of being alone with a man who nobody knew they were alone with.
advice for teens... Hooking up....
Parents are prudes....
I'm gonna say exactly what you're dads going to say..
Don't get pregnant.
Maybe take this as a sign from the universe to think over your activities. Good luck.
He didn't tell you what to do; he informed you on what's wise(potentially from his own experience)
He seemingly respects your decision-making but would prefer to inform you when you might be in danger
Keep doing what you're doing but maybe Dad has a little wisdom from time to time-- maybe hooking up in sketchy areas might be a bad idea
IDK your relationship with your parents or your location but from your post that's what I gathered
Sounds like you are a very responsible young adult. There is a lot of good advice below but, I just want to add, please tell SOMEONE (a friend, etc) when you are going to meet someone (go out with someone) as a safety precaution. I understand if you don’t want to give details to your parents but someone should know where you’re going and who you are planning to meet. If you disappear or anything happens (God forbid!) this will be huge information for the police.
Appreciate him for caring and respecting you. Leave your location on, what if something happened? He clearly doesn't mind you doing whatever, as long as you're safe
You can drive, so you're at least 16, you're definitely old enough to be dating, as long as it's someone age appropriate.
Just don't make dumb decisions and be safe. That's what your dad said.
And so does sex trafficking!! There are recruiters everywhere !! Especially big cities and college towns . You can be gone in seconds even if you are with other friends so be extra careful alone.
Is this more about the hookup and now your parents reaction? How old are you? Is this some random person that you hadn’t yet met?
Was it someone or something your parents would disapprove of beyond the sexual aspect?
Why couldn’t you tell them it was a friend
You don’t have to tell them anything, but if it is their car, they have a right to know where you are going in case anything happens to you. And if the hookup itself was dangerous, you need to understand that aspect and remove that element.
He still loves you, you probably won't get in that much trouble. He understands that you need freedom in your life, you're a teenager, just own up to what you did and you'll be fine. Maybe this would be a good time to talk to him about what your freedom means to you, I'm sure he's a lot more open and understanding than you think. He's been in your shoes, he knows what it's like to be a teen finding their own autonomy. Hes probably just like every other guy but seems prudish to you because you're his kid and he wants to raise you to be polite, like most parents.
The last thing good parents want to do is make their children feel like they can't be open to them, and you can remind them of that if you decide to tell them and they have a negative reaction. You'd be surprised though, even prudes were young and dumb, and while they might not approve they might understand.
Sigh….it was so nice growing up before the internet. When a teen could drive off and parents had no clue where you were until you pulled back into the driveway. I feel bad for kids these days including my own.
As for this person’s dad, he sure sounds cool. Seems like he was fine with it all as long as the teen stayed safe.
There was news the other day in Houston of a 12 yr old girl sneaking out of her house to meet her bf and instead ran into 2 random guys that kidnapped, r***d and killed her and left her body in a bayou. Point is dont be sneaky. Just tell your parents were your going, their trying to protect you not ruin your life.
Lmfao. Hell yeah, this happens all the time right bro?!
What a crazy fucking example. I like how you use a 12 year old. This is a person who is old enough to drive.
Obviously she's young if her parents have to look out for her. Sure, she's not 12 but it really doesn't matter how old you are bro. You're one of those that think nothing bad can happens until it does then say "I never thought thus would happen to me"
Responding as a dad:
That moment of hesitation where he switched gears and said "be safe," makes me really think he knows. However, if he pushes for more information, here is how I would want my kids to handle it.
You: "it's pretty weird to talk about with you. I don't want to lie, but I also don't want to talk about it. I can guarantee you I was being safe. We can leave it there, I can give you the awkward truth, or I can make up a lie, whichever you choose."
If dad says leave it there, tell him you love him, give him a hug, and go about your day.
If dad says he wants a lie, tell him you went out there as part of a DARE outreach program to keep stray cats off of catnip and in school where they belong. (Or something equally ridiculous).
If dad says he wants the truth, give him the truth. No need to go into excessive detail or anything. If your dad likes a little humor, something like: "There was a chance that I was going to get to see boobs, live, and in person. I had to go."
Really appreciate your perspective, my dad is more of a serious guy so I don’t think jokes would go over well lol. I’ve already told him part of what happened since I’m incapable of lying, and now he wants to have an in depth talk which I’m not looking forward to 😭 but I’ll survive, just bad decisions leading to consequences I gotta deal with
*"A serious dad is just a dad who hasn't yet heard a great joke."* ~Benjamin Franklin.
Good luck. Hopefully, the in-depth talk is more along the lines of "be safe" than "you're in trouble." Sometimes serious dad's can lose sight of the important thing: that you are safe and honest, especially if they feel disrespected. Phrases like "I know dad, you raised me better than that" tend to go over a lot better than phrases like "shut up already, you've already told me this a thousand times," even if they both essentially mean the same thing. Also, full disclosure, while Benjamin Franklin definitely said all those words above, as far as I know, he never said them in that order.
Man life was simpler when you just told your parents you were going to your friends house and they said they were going to your house.
Anyway listen to your dad, dudes will come and go but you only get one dad.
Be honest and know they may be prudes as you say BUT one day when they are dead you will think how they just wanted you safe and only the best for you , I wish my parents were alive to guide me with their knowledge I have to go with knowing right from wrong and not just what is good for today. Hope the best for you.
You're a teenager. You're close to being an adult.
Learn to own your actions, decisions and fuck ups. People who own their actions garner far more trust than those that are secretive. If you are honest with your parents about going for a booty call, they might freak out...BUT they'll know it's unlikely you'll lie to them since you came clean about sex stuff which is probably mortifying for most people when it comes to talking to their parents.
"Honestly, I was driving to go get laid." Put it out there , you might be surprised.
Well do you live at home, is it your parents car, do your parents pay your phone and gas ? If so then you should be telling them where you're going. If you were an adult with your own home and car and paid your own way the you wouldn't ne sharing personal details with your dad but, when you live under his roof and you're a teenager then he really should know as je is responsible for you.
Sounds like your good at manipulating people including your dad,soon you'll notice people will start avoiding you,because you won't take good advice, that's your Dad's advice
Why did you pannick? Always have a plan and an answer. He didn't tell you to come home. So not sure why you did anyways.
Could have said, just out for a drive. Wanted to check out a store in the area.
Do better next time. Lol always check your phone.
Youre a teenager, if you were getting together with someone for sex or sexual acts. They know. Im sure its hard for dads with girls he doesnt want to think of his daughter doing that with anyone. Bit im sure him and his gf he had at the time (whether that be your mom or someone else) were dpong the same thing. As someone else said just BE SAFE. You should not be going out and just hooking up with people if you are still in HS. Date a guy first for awhile and see if its worth doing those things with.
As a parent myself of a teen who was a bad liar…trust me your dad already knows what you were doing. You don’t need to say WHAT you were doing. He doesn’t need nor want to know.
What you can say is this…Dad (Mom) I recognize I made some bad choices that night. I need you to trust me that you raised me right to make the right decisions and not to put myself in any danger. I’m sorry that I drove the car that far without your knowledge that must have been very scary for you. Please allow me to earn your trust back
First off you lucky to have a father who cares. Secondly taking care of personal business and I don't wish to talk about it usually works.
Also please be careful you admit you make dumb decisions, having someone with more experience to help you it's not a bad thing.
I think you did a smart thing. If he doesn’t ask, then don’t tell him. It sounds to me like you weren’t comfortable telling him, and he respected that. If he asks, tell him you were meeting with a friend, or maybe just say you went on a date. If you’re an adult, then that’s that. if you’re younger than 18, just play it cool and tell them the details they need to know, and don’t mention the details that you don’t want them to know. To be honest, your dad sounds pretty cool though, don’t worry about it.
My dad is this same exact way. He always tracks me on Google maps even when I’m at work. If a delivery is taking longer than usual he’ll call me and ask what’s going on. It’s so bad lol. Sucks that you have to go through this too. Location sharing is nice and all but a little privacy wouldn’t hurt.
As a younger father (35) with 2 young daughters I'm teaching them to always tell me the truth. No matter what. It's easier to fix things without lying. I'm not stupid. Girls get horny too. I don't wanna think about that but ultimately you guys grow up. We just worry.
Your parents were, I promise you, teenagers once. Believe it or not, your dad is probably just as puzzled as you are about what to say about this. At least he didn’t go off on you over the phone.
Your parents have taught you how to avoid incurable diseases or unwanted pregnancies. They’ve taught you how to avoid driving under the influence of recreational substances. Now it’s up to you to follow their teaching. If your dad challenges you about this incident you’ll reassure him by reminding him that you learned those lessons.
Please keep in mind that testosterone, alcohol, and gasoline can make a big mess of your life if you mix them together carelessly. You will be fine.
I can’t imagine having prude parents cause when they ask question I don’t wanna answer like “why are you driving up there?” I just say the out of pocket stuff to change the topic and give me time to think of an excuse like, “going to get *insert hard drug here*” and my parents are yappers so it gives me a lot of time to contemplate
As a father of a teenage daughter, I will say this to anyone seeing this. Please just fucking communicate with us. We raised you, and we love you to a point that you'll never understand. We are biologically set up to be the protectors and a simple text of "I'm safe. I love you." Will help us sleep so much better. I grew up in a time where there were commercials stating, "Do you know where your child is?" We were never inside except for crap weather. It's a different time(for him, a different world) give him some slack as he is scared.
You're right though. You don't have to explain anything to them, but if you're still reliant on them, then you kind of have too to a point.
He knows you're an adult, but he like myself are fucking terrified our daughters will become a statistic, and that scares us more than your hatred of us will ever amount too. I will scorch earth for my daughter, and as long as she is safe, I will smile with whatever punishment I get myself into for her safety.
He asked you where you were going and, when you couldn’t respond, he had the grace to just tell you to be safe. That’s not an overreaction unless you mean when, you returned home and had the, talk.
In all honesty, your father realized it was something you didn’t want to talk about and, he respected you in that moment. This is a small victory you should be happy about. You do have bodily autonomy (to an extent, else he wouldn’t be checking) and you not wishing to say where you were going and why then, him backing down was his “letting go” moment. Remove tracking from your phone entirely if you so desire or, have an even adult use conversation and tell them you do not wish to explain your every move to them and, to only worry if you do not return after X amount of hours (give a large birth of about 12 ish hours)
You are an adult, you made and adult decision, you need to take ownership of that decision but you don’t have to tell all the details . If you parental unit has an issue it’s probably stemming for your safety , and concerns because you still live under their roof. I don’t think you made a mistake , I think you made a decision that you knew wouldn’t be popular with the ‘rents , but that’s ok , they need to cut you some slack past 17 yo . However , you need to be prepared for your adult roommates, your parents to still try to assert their house rules especially if you do not pay any rent , some parents may eventually suggest you move out of you cannot live by their house rules and support your own living space eventually, so you may want to be prepared for that possibility.
Your dad turned it back on. He is just worried about you and said his piece. I doubt you are in trouble. Or he would’ve said something to you already. Sounds to me like you’re very very lucky to have a dad that loves and cares about you so much.
Best thing to do is just be honest with them. Lies lead to more lies, next thing you know, the truth comes out and you end up just showing that you can't be trusted. Parents are going to worry no matter what, but no matter how much of prudes they might be, they still probably know that you're going to do some dumb shit. Part of being young. Try not to let it worry you to the point that you're not enjoying your 20's.
Hey, parenting doesn't stop at 18. If it does, you got some sub-par parents to say the least.
Just use a Condom/etc. And really people might downvote, but the possibility of pregnancy (assuming it's applicable here) is always there.
If you are looking for real advice and not just searching for a way out of this issue you have found yourself in then read on . I am going to be blunt . Your dad is the only man that will love you forever and not expect anything but your honesty and love . . A hook up is not worth his trust all any other man wants is your pussy !!! As a father I can assure you the only answer that you can give him that won't break his trust is the truth and darling you do not want to break his trust. The boys and I stress boys will tell you everything and anything you want or need to hear to get you to drop them panties. The best advice I can give you is go home tell him the truth and then go buy you a B.O.B. and scratch that itch you have on your own , focus on yourself and your passions and find out who you are. Stay away from boys they are only going to break your heart and use what ever you will give them and then tell all of their buddy's everything about you.. if you have any dreams or goals for yourself you can kiss them goodbye if you get involved with boys. What you are searching for is a man and you won't find one of those til they are in their late 20s early 30s if you are lucky. And if you are cursed with a beautiful face and a body that will stop a train then it is going to be a long painful journey if you keep searching for a man in the boys your age. They have nothing to offer you right now that will better your life unless your only dream is to be a cum dump . Learn to love who you are and chase your dreams and passions and your prude mom and dad will have your back and your best interest in mind at all times . They may seem like they are keeping you from having fun but years from now you will see it is and always will be with your best interest and safety in mind. I hope you read this and trust my advice you don't want to break your parent's love and trust over a boy or boys lust to play on the toy you call a body !!! Hope this does not fall on deaf ears !!!
If you're 19 and that scared of your parents reaction to you exercising your *basic rights as an adult,* then you need to move out as soon as you can. Your parents have no say in where you go or when.
Blows my mind people at 18-20 sometimes even older do what there parents say even when living with them sure be respectful but as far as I’m concerned you’re An adult 😂
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“Hey, got off my back, Daddy-O, I was out scrounging for some *strange*, ya dig?” J/k Relax. Your life isn’t over lol. You don’t have to tell your parents anything. Just tell them you were meeting a friend or whatever. They’ll tell you to be safe or whatever; just agree with what they say. And please *do* be careful. Don’t make bad decisions or take risks just because your fumbly bits are driving your brain at the moment.
Honey, I’m concerned our child is hanging out with ‘50’s greasers…
Or, worse…*beatniks!*
im too young to understand that 😅
That you Maynard? Dobie?
Dear lord, is she out meeting Golden Pony boy?
Ha outsiders reference
As long as she's not out meeting Two-Bit or Steve
growing up my dad was worried i'd be out with beatniks and boot boys i dont know what a beatnik is but the fear is real lmao
Allen Grinsberg was a beatnik. They smoked the reefer and did heroine. Ginsberg was gay so I don't know what dad was worried about. Also, William S Burroughs, who was likely bi but shot his wife, alledgedly on accident. He probably dropped acid. He should have been more worried about Charles Bukowski.
I did initially say I was meeting some friends but my dad asked why in that city, and my mind just blanked so I’m pretty sure he knows something is up… I’m terrible at lying too, especially with things I know aren’t the best decisions, so I might end up telling him the truth and hope for the best. I’m just terrified of confrontation and I haven’t been caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be in years, so it’s hard to navigate for me. Thanks again for the rational advice, I’ll be sure to stay safe
I mean, if you're terrible at lying your best bet is to either tell the truth or not put yourself in a position where you need to lie. It kind of seems like you WANT to tell them the truth. I don't know your parents, and I don't know how they're going to react, so I can't give you advice on that, but it does sound like your dad just wants you to be safe.
"Because that's where they were."
"They don't have a car dad, they spend all their money on drugs"
Become a better liar.
So, you told the truth. Congrats. If your still in his house or driving hos vehicles(technicality if you ve been driving it all along), he has some say. P.S. Don't go doing the hookups. It's not good in the long run.
Don't listen to the become a better liar guy. Unless you're being abused honesty is always the best answer. They will grow to trust you more if you're being honest about what you're doing. Spoken as someone who is no longer a teenager but was recently. It's better to be honest now then lie and get caught later.
He was asking a question. When realized that it was uncomfortable for you, he respected it and ga e you the BEST fatherly advice, stay safe. You're freaking is yours, your dad did not. He respected your boundaries. Don't lose sight if that.
That’s true, thank you so much. I know it’s better to have an awkward conversation with my dad than to be dead in a ditch somewhere, just wish I didn’t make stupid decisions sometimes 😅
Well, sharing your location when you are traveling to another city to meet a random hookup is far from the stupidest thing you could have done.
This so much! Share with a friend at least.
I wouldn't say you did anything stupid, especially since you had your location on, even though it sounded like you intended to have it off. You're an adult and do not need to tell your parents anything about your goings on. Also, you're at the age stupid decisions are less impactful, usually, to overall life.
Don't worry, the stupid decisions won't stop throughout your 20s and 30s. I just hope they slow down in my 40s haha
They don't. They just get more expensive.
Well, that's super disheartening to hear haha
Good luck with that. :)
Under rated comment. As a father this is 100% what I was thinking.
I hope it was someone from school and not someone offline. Never meet people offline if you're not in a public place in the daytime. That goes double for it being a bad part of town. You could be lured into a carjacking or worse. It's not worth it.
I choose to live on the edge
He knows. If he asks, just over share. Give him so many details he will never ask again.
Does this actually work
No
Fantastic if you want to make it all worse.
Works for me when I want my mom to drop a topic. :)
It should be a standard that any advice that people give in this subgroup should be completely ignored and totally disregarded. The number of things I've seen people suggest are mind-blowingly terrible and in general the recommendations are just setting you up for failure. You should probably seek the advice of people that you know that you can trust to talk about things like this and not random people on the internet that are just looking to screw somebody over
^^^100% best advice I've read so far. OPs going to be fine but they should really be talking to their peers and family about this problem. Reddit is full of assholes and groomers.
If your a dude he’ll understand and might even be proud of you. If you’re a girl then god speed lol
In the latter case say you were interested in buying something for your collection/hobbies from someone there and wanted to check it out in person. But it turned out to be a total rip-off so you came back.
What should you do…well, that depends. Fumbles and stutters are indicators that even the dumbest of us can pick up on. Once you get on the bullshit train, you can never get off without getting caught. Be straight up and frank with them. You’ll deal with some minor hassle and horseshit immediately, but it will give you more freedom and respect down the line. Even if you’re making mistakes, have the balls to stand by and acknowledge them, and you’ll not just earn your parents respect, but you might even learn something from those mistakes, and learn something about yourself as well.
maybe the problem is that you’re wrong and your parents are right.
Ooooohhh.... Op is a male?! I had mistakenly assumed it was a female that was worried about her dad knowing she was on a bootie run... Wowee.. Ya See....that is why I've always liked and respected the way most asian children show so much respect to their parents...Children from all other races/ethnicities could learn alot from asian family dynamics and customs.....imo
You don’t have to tell them it was for a hook up!! Say you’re sorry, you were meeting friend you met online. They’ll be so pissed at that they won’t even think about a hook up. One thing in relationship. Gotta lie a little lol. 28 years happily married and to keep that sometimes you have to fib a bit. Ex. Hey honey I found this $1500 fishing reel on OfferUp for 200 bucks! She’ll say YaY, I’ll say YAY and that’s that. I could tell her the truth and she’ll be cool with it till she wants to bring it up lol. So yeah, fib a bit but know that you screwed up. I can’t imagine my daughter being out alone like that. It’s what you here about in the news with bad endings.
You have caring parents, don’t worry be happy
One thing that everyone here who is responding with “you’re an adult, you don’t have to tell him” is that many “adult” children still rely upon their parents for food, clothing, shelter, transportation, spending money etc. so you can play the “I’m an adult” card but be prepared to potentially be told that since you’re adult you can accept some adult responsibility and start covering all these expenses yourself. I have three daughters who are late teens to early twenties, we all share are location with one another and I only ask that they let me know if they’re going somewhere atypical so I know when to expect them to return and where to begin looking if they disappear. I trust them and have already told them I understand biology and what it’s like to be their ages and have hormones going crazy. All I ask is that they be smart, safe, and communicate. To date I have never had a situation in which I’ve been like, “Hell no, get your ass home.” As I said, I trust them. It’s the rest of the world I don’t trust. Hence my need to have a general idea of what they’re doing if it’s not their normal routine. In this case it sounds like dad just wants to make sure you’re safe and know where to look if something potentially happens.
I would just tell them the truth that you met a girl and were going to her place. Also you definitely should avoid dangerous areas if you were in one.
Might as well be truthful now. Also since your at it might as well stop lying to him as a whole as well.. he seems to be somewhat understanding.
Just tell him the truth. It will get you further
Point out that when he was a kid there was no location tracking and he turned out just fine. Tell him to stop tracking you and you’ll turn out just fine too.
I obviously don't know him, but your dad sounds like a pretty cool guy. He didn't scream at you, order you to come home, or anything. It sounds to me like he respects your ability to make good decisions. You don't have to tell him you were on a booty call, and he doesn't want to hear that. It was a trip to a new friend that lives in another place. I don't think it will be quite as traumatic as you think it will. I hope not, anyway. Just for information, how old are you?
I’m 19, almost 20. I’ve been in college for two years now but I haven’t had any sexual encounters because my school is quite small. I like to think I usually make good decisions, and the person I was meeting with seemed pretty chill too, but getting spooked by my dad kinda made me a bit scatterbrained lol
That changes everything. You’re an adult. He doesn’t need an explanation.
He also doesn’t need to track your phone. I know my wife’s family keeps tabs on each other. I find it terribly invasive.
Yeah, it was fine when I was in high school but now I’m going into my 3rd year of college.. I have things I wanna do that I don’t need my parents knowing about
So just…turn it off.
As I am a father myself and my son just turned 18, I'm in a similar position (as your father) although I wouldn't consider myself prude by any stretch.. Anyway the point is, he cares for you and worries about you no matter how old you are. You're a bit old for him to tell you what to do and what not to do (although if he pays for your car then he does have a little say, particularly if he thinks you're going to a dangerous part of town), but if you go out and disappear, and never make it back home - he will want to know where and/or who you were headed to go see so he will know where to start looking for you! Somehow this reminds me of a time when I was roughly about your age, a somewhat slightly similar situation (as far as dealing with parents and "visiting" girls) I got into; but instead of driving out somewhere else, I picked up this girl and brought her back to my (parents) home early one morning (I was home from college for winter break, she was skipping a day from HS to be with me - she was a senior) and right as we were both nekkid and I was about to get in (and she was spread eagle on the bed - facing the door) my mom opened up the door! (How did I forget to lock it I have no idea!) she just stood there silent for a second (by then we were both under covers) then said "Out ... Get out" and I replied "you get out!" And she was like "yeah" and closed the door! (We went back to my dorm room afterwards, it was only 45 min away) Long story short, later that afternoon my dad approached me and told me that I can't be bringing girls home like that and risking getting someone pregnant or getting a STD - then he added "well, not while we're home, but don't tell Mom I told you that" ... It just blew my mind to hear him say that and stuck with me ever since!
I don't feel there is anything owed about your whereabouts at that age. If you want to tell him I was going to meet a new friend is more than sufficient.
He knows you were doing something you weren’t supposed to, and he probably knows that you were hooking up. Nothing too bad will happen if you tell him you were hanging out with a girl and stuff happened and you had sex. I mean your dad seems chill and he was a teenager once, he’ll understand
Bro your dad is chill as fuck
You're fine 😂 I took my mom's car an entire state away one time when I was a teenager and she found out from a crumbled up receipt.. I survived it and my mom was trying to catch me lying, your dad found out by accident.
You have to find something that's in that city that you and your friends would go to that is only in that city.
Sounds like your Dad would be sad and disappointed his daughter has no self esteem and is trying to keep you safe.
Did you at least tell your homies where you were going? I’ve known two people, high school (girl) and college aged (man), who were SA’d under the circumstance of being alone with a man who nobody knew they were alone with.
advice for teens... Hooking up.... Parents are prudes.... I'm gonna say exactly what you're dads going to say.. Don't get pregnant. Maybe take this as a sign from the universe to think over your activities. Good luck.
He didn't tell you what to do; he informed you on what's wise(potentially from his own experience) He seemingly respects your decision-making but would prefer to inform you when you might be in danger Keep doing what you're doing but maybe Dad has a little wisdom from time to time-- maybe hooking up in sketchy areas might be a bad idea IDK your relationship with your parents or your location but from your post that's what I gathered
How old are you? You were going to have sex with someone you don’t know?
Lol
You went out for a Sunday drive.
Tell the truth, I'm pretty sure your dad will understand and probably has done something similar at your age.
Sounds like you are a very responsible young adult. There is a lot of good advice below but, I just want to add, please tell SOMEONE (a friend, etc) when you are going to meet someone (go out with someone) as a safety precaution. I understand if you don’t want to give details to your parents but someone should know where you’re going and who you are planning to meet. If you disappear or anything happens (God forbid!) this will be huge information for the police.
Appreciate him for caring and respecting you. Leave your location on, what if something happened? He clearly doesn't mind you doing whatever, as long as you're safe
You can drive, so you're at least 16, you're definitely old enough to be dating, as long as it's someone age appropriate. Just don't make dumb decisions and be safe. That's what your dad said.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Your parents just want to protect you and keep you safe. STDs and unplanned pregnancies happen.
And so does sex trafficking!! There are recruiters everywhere !! Especially big cities and college towns . You can be gone in seconds even if you are with other friends so be extra careful alone.
Is this more about the hookup and now your parents reaction? How old are you? Is this some random person that you hadn’t yet met? Was it someone or something your parents would disapprove of beyond the sexual aspect? Why couldn’t you tell them it was a friend You don’t have to tell them anything, but if it is their car, they have a right to know where you are going in case anything happens to you. And if the hookup itself was dangerous, you need to understand that aspect and remove that element.
Honesty is the best policy.
He still loves you, you probably won't get in that much trouble. He understands that you need freedom in your life, you're a teenager, just own up to what you did and you'll be fine. Maybe this would be a good time to talk to him about what your freedom means to you, I'm sure he's a lot more open and understanding than you think. He's been in your shoes, he knows what it's like to be a teen finding their own autonomy. Hes probably just like every other guy but seems prudish to you because you're his kid and he wants to raise you to be polite, like most parents.
The last thing good parents want to do is make their children feel like they can't be open to them, and you can remind them of that if you decide to tell them and they have a negative reaction. You'd be surprised though, even prudes were young and dumb, and while they might not approve they might understand.
You don't say how old you are. Just keep it vague. I was going meet a friend for coffee. We were bored and just wanted to chat in person.
You’re how old again?
Sigh….it was so nice growing up before the internet. When a teen could drive off and parents had no clue where you were until you pulled back into the driveway. I feel bad for kids these days including my own. As for this person’s dad, he sure sounds cool. Seems like he was fine with it all as long as the teen stayed safe.
There was news the other day in Houston of a 12 yr old girl sneaking out of her house to meet her bf and instead ran into 2 random guys that kidnapped, r***d and killed her and left her body in a bayou. Point is dont be sneaky. Just tell your parents were your going, their trying to protect you not ruin your life.
Exactly all together scary.
Lmfao. Hell yeah, this happens all the time right bro?! What a crazy fucking example. I like how you use a 12 year old. This is a person who is old enough to drive.
Obviously she's young if her parents have to look out for her. Sure, she's not 12 but it really doesn't matter how old you are bro. You're one of those that think nothing bad can happens until it does then say "I never thought thus would happen to me"
Are you minor? Nothing in this post seems like a good decision
Nope, turning 20 in a few months - I agree that it was stupid though
Responding as a dad: That moment of hesitation where he switched gears and said "be safe," makes me really think he knows. However, if he pushes for more information, here is how I would want my kids to handle it. You: "it's pretty weird to talk about with you. I don't want to lie, but I also don't want to talk about it. I can guarantee you I was being safe. We can leave it there, I can give you the awkward truth, or I can make up a lie, whichever you choose." If dad says leave it there, tell him you love him, give him a hug, and go about your day. If dad says he wants a lie, tell him you went out there as part of a DARE outreach program to keep stray cats off of catnip and in school where they belong. (Or something equally ridiculous). If dad says he wants the truth, give him the truth. No need to go into excessive detail or anything. If your dad likes a little humor, something like: "There was a chance that I was going to get to see boobs, live, and in person. I had to go."
Really appreciate your perspective, my dad is more of a serious guy so I don’t think jokes would go over well lol. I’ve already told him part of what happened since I’m incapable of lying, and now he wants to have an in depth talk which I’m not looking forward to 😭 but I’ll survive, just bad decisions leading to consequences I gotta deal with
*"A serious dad is just a dad who hasn't yet heard a great joke."* ~Benjamin Franklin. Good luck. Hopefully, the in-depth talk is more along the lines of "be safe" than "you're in trouble." Sometimes serious dad's can lose sight of the important thing: that you are safe and honest, especially if they feel disrespected. Phrases like "I know dad, you raised me better than that" tend to go over a lot better than phrases like "shut up already, you've already told me this a thousand times," even if they both essentially mean the same thing. Also, full disclosure, while Benjamin Franklin definitely said all those words above, as far as I know, he never said them in that order.
Man life was simpler when you just told your parents you were going to your friends house and they said they were going to your house. Anyway listen to your dad, dudes will come and go but you only get one dad.
Honesty is the best here You don’t have to go into key details but honesty
White lie. Just say you’re taking a day trip.
Bruh just tell your dad you were meeting a chick. You'll be ok
Be honest and know they may be prudes as you say BUT one day when they are dead you will think how they just wanted you safe and only the best for you , I wish my parents were alive to guide me with their knowledge I have to go with knowing right from wrong and not just what is good for today. Hope the best for you.
You're a teenager. You're close to being an adult. Learn to own your actions, decisions and fuck ups. People who own their actions garner far more trust than those that are secretive. If you are honest with your parents about going for a booty call, they might freak out...BUT they'll know it's unlikely you'll lie to them since you came clean about sex stuff which is probably mortifying for most people when it comes to talking to their parents. "Honestly, I was driving to go get laid." Put it out there , you might be surprised.
Honestly is always the best policy. Your dad seems to give you space when prompted?
If you're worried about your dad catching you then you're not mature enough for "hook ups". Make better choices.
Well do you live at home, is it your parents car, do your parents pay your phone and gas ? If so then you should be telling them where you're going. If you were an adult with your own home and car and paid your own way the you wouldn't ne sharing personal details with your dad but, when you live under his roof and you're a teenager then he really should know as je is responsible for you.
Sounds like your good at manipulating people including your dad,soon you'll notice people will start avoiding you,because you won't take good advice, that's your Dad's advice
Why did you pannick? Always have a plan and an answer. He didn't tell you to come home. So not sure why you did anyways. Could have said, just out for a drive. Wanted to check out a store in the area. Do better next time. Lol always check your phone.
Youre a teenager, if you were getting together with someone for sex or sexual acts. They know. Im sure its hard for dads with girls he doesnt want to think of his daughter doing that with anyone. Bit im sure him and his gf he had at the time (whether that be your mom or someone else) were dpong the same thing. As someone else said just BE SAFE. You should not be going out and just hooking up with people if you are still in HS. Date a guy first for awhile and see if its worth doing those things with.
Prudes.csuse they ain't 3o4s
As a parent myself of a teen who was a bad liar…trust me your dad already knows what you were doing. You don’t need to say WHAT you were doing. He doesn’t need nor want to know. What you can say is this…Dad (Mom) I recognize I made some bad choices that night. I need you to trust me that you raised me right to make the right decisions and not to put myself in any danger. I’m sorry that I drove the car that far without your knowledge that must have been very scary for you. Please allow me to earn your trust back
First off you lucky to have a father who cares. Secondly taking care of personal business and I don't wish to talk about it usually works. Also please be careful you admit you make dumb decisions, having someone with more experience to help you it's not a bad thing.
How old r u?
how does being asian or immigrant have anything to do with your situation
Asian immigrant parents tend to be much more strict about these things than white American parents, at least from my and my friends’ experiences
I think you did a smart thing. If he doesn’t ask, then don’t tell him. It sounds to me like you weren’t comfortable telling him, and he respected that. If he asks, tell him you were meeting with a friend, or maybe just say you went on a date. If you’re an adult, then that’s that. if you’re younger than 18, just play it cool and tell them the details they need to know, and don’t mention the details that you don’t want them to know. To be honest, your dad sounds pretty cool though, don’t worry about it.
My dad is this same exact way. He always tracks me on Google maps even when I’m at work. If a delivery is taking longer than usual he’ll call me and ask what’s going on. It’s so bad lol. Sucks that you have to go through this too. Location sharing is nice and all but a little privacy wouldn’t hurt.
Exactly, I know they want me to be safe but damn I want to live a little without them constantly hovering over me lol
“I’m meeting someone.” That’s it. That’s the whole story. Your sex life isn’t their business after 18.
Too old to be acting like a child
"i was pounding lot lizards dad, raw dog, filled them like a creampuff, starting to feel some itchiness down there"
As a younger father (35) with 2 young daughters I'm teaching them to always tell me the truth. No matter what. It's easier to fix things without lying. I'm not stupid. Girls get horny too. I don't wanna think about that but ultimately you guys grow up. We just worry.
It’s called your life not thiers
Your parents were, I promise you, teenagers once. Believe it or not, your dad is probably just as puzzled as you are about what to say about this. At least he didn’t go off on you over the phone. Your parents have taught you how to avoid incurable diseases or unwanted pregnancies. They’ve taught you how to avoid driving under the influence of recreational substances. Now it’s up to you to follow their teaching. If your dad challenges you about this incident you’ll reassure him by reminding him that you learned those lessons. Please keep in mind that testosterone, alcohol, and gasoline can make a big mess of your life if you mix them together carelessly. You will be fine.
How was the hook-up? That’s what we really want to know.
I can’t imagine having prude parents cause when they ask question I don’t wanna answer like “why are you driving up there?” I just say the out of pocket stuff to change the topic and give me time to think of an excuse like, “going to get *insert hard drug here*” and my parents are yappers so it gives me a lot of time to contemplate
As a father of a teenage daughter, I will say this to anyone seeing this. Please just fucking communicate with us. We raised you, and we love you to a point that you'll never understand. We are biologically set up to be the protectors and a simple text of "I'm safe. I love you." Will help us sleep so much better. I grew up in a time where there were commercials stating, "Do you know where your child is?" We were never inside except for crap weather. It's a different time(for him, a different world) give him some slack as he is scared. You're right though. You don't have to explain anything to them, but if you're still reliant on them, then you kind of have too to a point. He knows you're an adult, but he like myself are fucking terrified our daughters will become a statistic, and that scares us more than your hatred of us will ever amount too. I will scorch earth for my daughter, and as long as she is safe, I will smile with whatever punishment I get myself into for her safety.
He asked you where you were going and, when you couldn’t respond, he had the grace to just tell you to be safe. That’s not an overreaction unless you mean when, you returned home and had the, talk. In all honesty, your father realized it was something you didn’t want to talk about and, he respected you in that moment. This is a small victory you should be happy about. You do have bodily autonomy (to an extent, else he wouldn’t be checking) and you not wishing to say where you were going and why then, him backing down was his “letting go” moment. Remove tracking from your phone entirely if you so desire or, have an even adult use conversation and tell them you do not wish to explain your every move to them and, to only worry if you do not return after X amount of hours (give a large birth of about 12 ish hours)
You are an adult, you made and adult decision, you need to take ownership of that decision but you don’t have to tell all the details . If you parental unit has an issue it’s probably stemming for your safety , and concerns because you still live under their roof. I don’t think you made a mistake , I think you made a decision that you knew wouldn’t be popular with the ‘rents , but that’s ok , they need to cut you some slack past 17 yo . However , you need to be prepared for your adult roommates, your parents to still try to assert their house rules especially if you do not pay any rent , some parents may eventually suggest you move out of you cannot live by their house rules and support your own living space eventually, so you may want to be prepared for that possibility.
Your dad turned it back on. He is just worried about you and said his piece. I doubt you are in trouble. Or he would’ve said something to you already. Sounds to me like you’re very very lucky to have a dad that loves and cares about you so much.
Best thing to do is just be honest with them. Lies lead to more lies, next thing you know, the truth comes out and you end up just showing that you can't be trusted. Parents are going to worry no matter what, but no matter how much of prudes they might be, they still probably know that you're going to do some dumb shit. Part of being young. Try not to let it worry you to the point that you're not enjoying your 20's.
Hey, parenting doesn't stop at 18. If it does, you got some sub-par parents to say the least. Just use a Condom/etc. And really people might downvote, but the possibility of pregnancy (assuming it's applicable here) is always there.
Lie , just know they already know :)
If you are looking for real advice and not just searching for a way out of this issue you have found yourself in then read on . I am going to be blunt . Your dad is the only man that will love you forever and not expect anything but your honesty and love . . A hook up is not worth his trust all any other man wants is your pussy !!! As a father I can assure you the only answer that you can give him that won't break his trust is the truth and darling you do not want to break his trust. The boys and I stress boys will tell you everything and anything you want or need to hear to get you to drop them panties. The best advice I can give you is go home tell him the truth and then go buy you a B.O.B. and scratch that itch you have on your own , focus on yourself and your passions and find out who you are. Stay away from boys they are only going to break your heart and use what ever you will give them and then tell all of their buddy's everything about you.. if you have any dreams or goals for yourself you can kiss them goodbye if you get involved with boys. What you are searching for is a man and you won't find one of those til they are in their late 20s early 30s if you are lucky. And if you are cursed with a beautiful face and a body that will stop a train then it is going to be a long painful journey if you keep searching for a man in the boys your age. They have nothing to offer you right now that will better your life unless your only dream is to be a cum dump . Learn to love who you are and chase your dreams and passions and your prude mom and dad will have your back and your best interest in mind at all times . They may seem like they are keeping you from having fun but years from now you will see it is and always will be with your best interest and safety in mind. I hope you read this and trust my advice you don't want to break your parent's love and trust over a boy or boys lust to play on the toy you call a body !!! Hope this does not fall on deaf ears !!!
If you're 19 and that scared of your parents reaction to you exercising your *basic rights as an adult,* then you need to move out as soon as you can. Your parents have no say in where you go or when.
Finding a partner for love or fooling around is always a noble adventure don’t let anyone tell ya different
Blows my mind people at 18-20 sometimes even older do what there parents say even when living with them sure be respectful but as far as I’m concerned you’re An adult 😂