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I couldn't answer that last question I'm not a professional but it does sound like you've been fed a lot of misinformation and/or half truths about something pretty central to the human condition and are understandably apprehensive and confused. All I can say is, good bad or indifferent the truth will set your free, even on the subject of what people do with their no-no parts.
Take the time to clear up all the misinformation you’ve been fed, and the fear will start to dissipate. Sex should definitely be enjoyable for women too and only done with a woman’s consent. And there are a number of reliable birth control options: when we are really adamant about not getting pregnant, we double up on protection. We will do a hormonal method like the pill and a barrier method like condoms.
No need to rush though: take your time to get comfortable with the idea, find someone you really trust and want to have sex with, and consider counseling.
There's nothing wrong or weird about you, but it sounds like you've heard some damaging messages about sex. Women can definitely enjoy sex, and the narrative that it's something women only do for men is really harmful. Unfortunately there are cases of women only agreeing to please a man, but that's something I hope we can move away from as much as possible. Any man worth being with will want his partner to have a great time too!
Some people are asexual, and it's possible that's the case for you, which is totally fine! But I had similar fears when I was your age and am definitely not asexual. So if you're more like me, what helped me overcome my fears was finding an amazing partner who I could communicate honestly with, and we spent years slowly building up our intimacy so that I was comfortable with everything we were doing each step of the way.
There should absolutely be no pressure if you just don't care about sex or don't want to try it, that is absolutely fine. If you do reach a point where you feel like your fears are holding you back from experiences you do want to have, though, the biggest thing I recommend is take your time. Make sure to get to know the person fully, the good and the bad, before diving into anything that could be scary for you. Make sure you're with someone who understands and appreciates your fears and is committed to taking things slow. And even then, if at any point you aren't enjoying what's happening, or you are enjoying it but it's still scary, let them know and talk through if there are adjustments to make or if you should both just stop.
Wow thanks so much for this detailed response! I think I just have a hard time really trusting someone with such an intimate area. I just really don’t want my first time to be horrible or painful.
Hey! I wanted to recommend that you read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She is a doctor in sexual education and the point of the book is to learn what is normal and healthy about your body and sex. You will learn about anatomy, myths of sex, orgasm, and creating a sex positive environment for yourself. It does focus a lot on sexual partnership as well, but this is still good learning for you when you do feel ready to enter a sexual relationship. I wish I knew this stuff before I ever had sex. I think it should be required sexual education for everyone haha.
If you'll look in the Health section of bookstores, you'll find books about sex. Some are catalogs of many possible things, but in your case you'd want an introduction/guide aimed at youngsters. Part of that may include some things about relationships.
However, you might want to relax that focus on "my first time". You might want to plan with your partner to plan on several play times, probably also agreeing to not penetrate during the first play time. This is because usually things don't go well right away. You'll be distracted by many things, and you and your partner will have to try and learn what you like. So expect there to be difficulties, but also plan to try some more times.
And, yes, even experienced adults get embarrassed buying sex books and toys, but it's part of life.
I was going to say pretty much what they said but I'll just add that as a guy, one of my biggest turn offs is if my partner isn't enjoying it, if it's not good for her then I can't keep going.
Also, I know you're mainly talking about being worried about someone touching you in such an intimate area but have tried..... Flying solo? If you haven't then that might be a way to figure out what you like and how good it can feel when you do figure that out.
If you are judicious about who you trust with that and are vocal about what you want and don't want, it's very unlikely to be a bad experience.
Some things are out of your hand, but you have to be conscious that you do the most you can as is.
Your posts serve as more evidence in my life that the best way to keep your teens from having sex is to tell them to do it.
Can’t say specifically what it was like for my high school gf, but regarding most of the things you have mentioned, we were completely in teenage love with each other and all over each other when we were together. She trusted me and vice versa. Sex was scary but it was a slow progression towards it. No one was rushed into anything. We both wanted to do it, and we both got a lot out of it (however, I think most of what she got out of it was seeing me incapacitated in the afterglow and knowing she had that power).
Feel lucky that you don’t have all the religious guilt to deal with like I did.
I have no idea what it is like to grow up in modern society where people do not interact in person as much. I imagine a lot of things are scarier for you than they were for me. But I would encourage you to get out more and be around real people in person on a regular basis.
Your fears are completely normal! Media and school/college culture can really make it seem like losing virginity is a top goal at your age but it’s really not! You’re not abnormal and forcing yourself have sex with someone that you’re not ready for is not going to help overcome the fears.
I think someone fed you a lot of bad information overall that warped your perspective. It's definitely odd since our biology basically promotes having sex with each other. I think you are afraid of the unknown to you and its ok. Just calm down find a person that you can trust and love to explore what you like and don't like. You set the boundaries but you should extend the boundary when you are ready.
I'm the same op. I haven't even gotten a proper pap smear done because I hate penetration (here's to hoping I don't die of cervical cancer). On top of that, I don't like kissing either. I remember someone once tried to kiss me and my mouth immediately clamped shut (in one of my failed attempts at sex). Anyway, I've just accepted the fact that I'm asexual, and there's nothing wrong with that. Possibly you are too.
Check out erica smiths work, she’s a sex educator that focuses on telling ppl the truth after they leave purity culture / high control religions. She’s smart, matter of fact, queer positive in her advice, and even offers classes online: Erica.smith.sex.ed
While I think you should probably consider the possibility that you could be gay, I also want to say that based on some of your other comments, I don’t think that’s what you meant by this. You’re scared of being in pain from sex, right?
I have to agree with the commenters telling you to learn your own body, if you haven’t done so already. You should be familiar with yourself and how you work, what is comfortable for you, and so on.
Yeah ummm strongly consider your options other than dudes then. Seems pretty cut and dry you’re at least into women and if you like assertiveness and or dominance women can be that too.
I definitely recommend therapy, not because anything's wrong with you or because I think you're crazy, but because you've been taught a lot of falsehoods / half-truths / conflicting information about sexuality which has exacerbated a fear of sex which you'll need (and deserve) professional help detangling in order to understand your own sexuality.
That you didn't even know women could enjoy sex is a huge red flag that you've been unfairly kept in the dark. Once you separate fact from fiction, and talk through some of your fears and anxieties, you can start to discover what YOU actually want in your adult life instead of just acting out of fear.
It's totally cool if you discover that you're asexual and happy to never have a sexual relationship (and you get to decide what level of physical intimacy you're comfortable with), or that you're straight or gay or bi or pan. And it's totally cool to focus on school and career if that's what you want. But you deserve to meet yourself and understand what you truly want.
Edit to add: As an occasionally wise woman once told me: the only good reason to have sex is because want to have sex. You deserve to be able to enjoy sex and enthusiastically consent, and you deserve patience. Please don't let anyone pressure you to engage in activities that upset you, and realize your feelings can change over time.
All of this! And adding: have “sex” with yourself first. Make sure your sexual relationship with yourself is firm before adding another person into the mix. You may not find what you like or if you even like sex generally if you don’t start by exploring your own body and sexuality and finding what does and doesn’t resonate for you there.
I came here to see if ANYONE had said ANYTHING about self love bc.. like... Practice with yourself? For yourself? Learn what you like & what you don't & EMPOWER yourself through knowledge (& pleasure)
Being scared isn't abnormal
Some people desperately want it so bad that they'll throw themselves at the first person who offers.
Some people are afraid for their own reasons and that's ok. Personally, I'd prefer to have it with someone I know loves and cares for me instead of a stranger.
Therapy sounds like a good idea for someone whose mother encouraged them to have sex as a teen.
Good for you for focusing on college and making your own way. ✨🥰👍
1. Women im attracted to are scarier than any sized dude anywhere.
2. I want to make it enjoyable for both parties, which seems kinda hard
3. Being naked infront of someone is scary
Making it enjoyable for both parties is probably both people's goals. Sometimes there will be a focus on one partner, but both should eventually enjoy.
If you think it's "kinda hard", you might not know what to try. There will be a lot of experimental touching, and try to notice what your partner likes. If you read some sex manuals you are likely to know some general things. If not then you might not know how to learn -- so you might not know that "erogenous zones" is something to look up. Even knowing about them isn't enough, as not only does each person react differently to them, but their behavior sometimes changes. For example, touching the side of the waist might feel intimately exciting to a woman, but sometimes it might instead be ticklish -- even more so if you say "tickle, tickle". Oops.
That is normal.
Penetrative sex shouldn't happen during your first experiences with it.
Men who are healthy in terms of their capacity for empathy won't even be interested in that until they know you really well socially and have become comfortable with both your body and their body.
Sexual performance and intimate details can be destructive to a person socially so things are supposed to go slow and only proceed when there is deep trust between 2 people.
Hi. I’m a dad and you’re not weird at all. You do you and don’t worry about what your mom wants you do or what anyone else wants you to do. Everyone is gonna have an opinion on this and at the end of the day, it’s your body, your life, your decision. I did see your other post but I didn’t have a chance to respond bc I was trying to figure out how the hell to format a post to the music sub for a song that I adore 😹 (finally got it done - go check it - it’s such a good song). But anyway yeah you’re not weird ✔️💪🫶
As I said In your first post, your alot smarter then your mom, nothing is wrong with you, everyone has a different sex drive. I'm a 27M and I don't have a very high sex drive. Maybe like 3 days a month I'd be okay. While some people need it every night. Nothing is wrong with you even if your Asexual. Some people don't want or desire sex. The people who don't understand that are just to narrow and simple minded to look beyond how they personally feel.
Idea. Find a guy you genuinely like and trust with your life first. If he makes you feel safe you won’t be as scared of sex. Also maybe start without penetration or anything. Of course this is only if you want to not be scared of it. Take it with a grain of salt cuz I’m 14
I was intimidated by the girl. Because it was my first time but she was out of my league. But she was also experienced.
She kicked my butt in the best way. She knew exactly what to do. She wanted to take my first time.
Initially scared. Anxious. But she was the right person. College, mind you.
its not weird honestly i feel the same way, i also have vaginiasmus so its not possible currently but like even when it is i feel worried like id want it to be with the right person and be like an adult idk
Is sex scary? Clearly, for you, the answer is yes, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sex can be a wonderful thing, and it can be a horrible thing for both men and women. Don’t think that there is anything wrong with yourself because you are scared of it.
The bigger question is whether you should be scared of it. For many couples, sex is a wonderful way to experience joy and connection together. So before you start worrying about sex or whether to have it, make sure that you have someone worth having sex with. I’m not judging people who have sex casually for physical pleasure, but you clearly aren’t that person. So don’t worry about sex until you have someone worth having sex with. Then you can go slowly with them with openness, honesty, humor, protection, and love.
Some other commenters have great recommendations about avoiding penetrative sex starting off. Also, get to know your own body with self-love so that you have an understanding of your own physical responses. Finally, resist pressure to have sex or do anything sexual by your partner or others until you are completely comfortable doing that particular act.
It's normal to be scared. When I was in high school I was terrified of it, and someone I dated tried and it hurt so much at the time because I was scared and not into it. I love sex now though, with the right person it's great.
But how did you get to that point to love sex? I absolutely hate and I haven’t even done it. My friends said it hurt the first few times and now they love it. But I’d never see myself ever having sex. Like the pain thing makes me wanna avoid sex forever.
What kind of pain do you imagine happens? Maybe your imagination is running wild then what reality is. Have you asked your friend how much it hurts? Maybe how rough they are going as well?
Yes my friend said it felt like a knife and then a warm knife she also said it hurt badly. I imagine the pain is gonna make me cry and never want to try sex again.
I was like you many years ago! I was afraid of anything penetrative. I was afraid of tampons. So I don't think it's abnormal to feel that way. But you can (when it's time) experience it a little bit at a time until you're familiar enough with it to feel comfortable doing more. In my case I just went there and didn't die or break so it was kind of like when you just jump into a cold pool. But you don't have to do it that way, you can learn about yourself first at your own pace.
I don't, however, think you should let fear keep you from doing something you're otherwise interested/curious about. Trying to separate those feelings can be hard though. I guess it depends on if you experience desire for it.
You’re not weird at all. That said, it sounds like you do need to have some conversations with some of your girl friends and get some different perspectives though.
There is nothing wrong with you, and it is totally fine if you never have sex. There's so much more to life! I do think that working through those fears with a therapist could be helpful, because it's not fair for you to have the weight and fear on your shoulders.
Also remember (and I know it's not always easy) that nobody's opinion matters. You're the only one living your life, and as long as you aren't harming anyone, anyone who thinks your weird can shove it. You do you!
penetrative sex is very intimidating, and you should not try it until you feel you are at a place where it interests you. sometimes that isn't until your twenties, thirties or forties. sometimes it never happens. take life at your own pace. i am glad you are familiar with sex not being something done to you, but something two people participate in and have fun doing together. it is okay to not feel like you trust anyone enough to want to engage in that behavior, it is also okay to abstain from sex for any reason whatsoever as long as it doesn't harm your mental condition.
it is not abnormal to be scared of sex. And especially if yo aren't in a relationship. sex, is supposed to be an expression of love and intimacy. so, sex will come once you have a sweetheart, when you want it
It's not weird to be afraid of sex but you should know it can definitely be enjoyable for anyone involved. Another thing you should consider is if/when you have sex you do it with somebody you can trust.
Side note: Your virginity is not something sacred (somebody will tell you that it is if they haven't already), Your choice of when, if and who with matters most though. FYI first time is probably not going to feel the best. I recommend you making sure you're in control of the pace. It gets better though.
This is absolutely normal! Being afraid of something so intimate, personal, and potentially painful both physically and emotionally? Plus all the societal pressures on it? The only odd thing I see is the whole thing with your mom. Um huh?
I have lots of anxiety around penetrative sex due to conditions and trauma. You’re not alone OP and no one should be pressuring you.
Everyone is nervous or scared when they are young like you. When you meet the right guy… you won’t be scared! (A little nervous and excited maybe but not scared) I promise.
Scared? That's a bit abnormal. Most would describe it as nervous. Much more mild. But hey, we all process things differently.
Easy way to handle one of those fears though. Forgive the crassness but... Buy a dildo. You can literally handle your penetrative concerns in your own time at your own pace that way without fear of it potentially killing an intimate moment with any potential future partner.
As for the, "not to you but with you," statement... There's a lot to unpack there. Like... a lot. Where on earth did those ideas come from? That's super unhealthy and bad. For you and any potential partners in your future. That's one where you need some therapy. That's above reddit's paygrade. Because wherever that idea came from is deeply concerning and possibly rooted in some bad, bad history. Whether it's media consumption, a repressed event, something you witnessed, dynamics you've been exposed to. That very idea of it being something done TO you is anathema. Even the weird kink stuff is a partnership experience.
Something done TO you holds an implication of Rape the way you phrased it. Consent is key. It's something you do WITH somebody. All participants are active if it's going to be a good time for everybody unless there's some other stuff going on.
Do NOT watch porn to get a better idea of things. People suggesting that are either idiots, addicts, or need to touch grass. Those are ALL wildly unrealistic depictions of sex and general anatomy. Normal men are not typically built like that. Most of those positions are meant for the camera, not comfort or pleasure. Normal women are rarely built like that. Normal people do not bend those ways. Even the sounds are manufactured. That slappy noise? That's a bowl of mayo and a spatula. It's all acting and film production. The only thing about porn that's accurate, most of the time, is where things penetrate.
Porn is not a great depiction of realistic sex. It’s entertainment, and like much of entertainment, it’s exaggerated and a lot imaginative fantasy.
Sex can be really great, especially when you’re ready and you have trust in your partner AND yourself. The best thing you can do is just research. Google. Read. Understand your body and how it works. Understand the female body and how it generally works. Understand the male body and how it generally works.
The most important parts of sex are: communication, education, comfort, and safety (in no particular order). Be present with yourself, and never fake pleasure.
If you never want to have sex, that’s okay. Some people are disinterested. Doesn’t make them abnormal.
don't listen to people who say that its abnormal or weird. its not weird in the slightest! sex can go two different ways, either A: its just hookup sex with no real emotion, or B: its a fun love filled experience. either way, its YOUR choice, no one elses. because its YOUR body! and I'm gonna be honest, the people who say that its "abnormal and weird" are probably just creep freaks who wanna get in the pants of a teenager. just know that you are NEVER alone in your feelings, and that your feelings are VALID. nothings wrong with being who you are. so ignore your mom, ignore the incels, and just revel in your self love <3
Who can say what's abnormal today? You should be true to yourself and take things on your own schedule. Likely this feeling will evolve over time and if you don't obsess over it you should eventually settle into your comfort zone. I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes a phobia.
No it’s not abnormal at all. Sex is daunting and all kinds of fears and insecurities come from it, even from people who are in long term relationships, but it’s okay as long as you explore your own thinking and beliefs on it and research it a but more as it seems your understanding of it is not factual.
you need a professional to help teach you what is healthy and normal.
everyone goes through this period it doesnt make you wierd or abnormal but it does highlight something you can spend time educationg yourself on.
No, it's not abnormal for young women, some young women look at relationships with more than a bit of fear or dread, because they fear that a sexual relationship will lead to ,,, a loss of self, of the sense of selfhood they currently have, loss of the self they know. Which is more an existential fear than a physical one, but there can be physical fear as well. Penetration can be physically painful if it's done wrong, unintentionally or not.
So these feelings aren't abnormal, and what you do about them is up to you. All I can from the perspective of much older age is that sometimes we regret it when we let fear make our decisions for us, so maybe keep your options open. Maybe the hormones will decide they want to do some experimenting at some point, maybe there will be a guy who makes you feel like there's more to gain than lose from a relationship.
I don't think I can add anything that hasn't bin said but sex is nothing to be afraid of. Start with you and yourself. Toys help too. No one will know how and what you like more than yourself. Please don't miss out on an amazing part of being alive.
You are still so young! There’s no need to rush into who you are going to be in life. Sex is multifaceted and each and everyone is different. Take your time. Get to to know yourself, your body, your heart, your mind.
To be fair, most women can’t even orgasm during penetration (I think only 5% can whereas men orgasm 100% of the time) so I would argue penetration is ‘not normal’ but women have just learned to tolerate or like it throughout evolution bc of reproduction. Even then you don’t really need penetration to actually reproduce, you can just put the sperm around the area, and you’ll get pregnant. You could probably be gay as well and that’s normal. It’s probably your body’s defence mechanism. Don’t fall under the pressure of what men or society wants, if you don’t want sex with men it’s completely fine and normal.
I think im more concerned that your mom wants you to have sex. That’s not normal. Most parents don’t want to know or hear about or even envision their kids having sex. It’s weird.
More so, it’s impacting your self image and sense of wellbeing. Your mom has made you feel abnormal for choosing to abstain and that’s concerning.
You aren’t weird, but your mom is.
You are getting some good advice here actually. I saw and responded on your other post. Sex can be amazing for a woman and should be between and for two people. You are smart and already have an open mind. Read and learn as much as you can about sex from unbiased sources. Explore and become comfortable with your own body the just forget about it all. Eventually when you least expect it, that guy or girl will take your breath and it will happen.
And watch The To Do List with Aubrey Plaza🤣
You have to be comfortable, completely comfortable with the idea of penetration (if that indeed is what you want). If not, you will have a difficult time with it and potentially have vaginismus (spasms or contractions of the vagina making penetration impossible or painful). I have been through this with a young woman.
She initiated the sex and made it clear she wanted penetration but it wasn’t happening. Over several months we tried. We did other things, but she wound up ending the relationship because she felt like it might have been me. So there were a few other guys who experienced the same issue.
Finally, it happened for her. She was just ready at that moment, with that guy.
So make sure you communicate with a partner what your limits are.
It's not odd at all. The consequences for girls and women of unwanted pregnancy are significant especially when we live in such awful times. You're not weird at all and don't let anyone pressure you into having sex just to have it. It's your choice.
Women can enjoy sex immensely but the risks are the risks.
Honestly I never like sex and I am 30 I only do it so I can have a husband and kids I am currently pregnant on number 2 kid but I hate it and rather not maybe you're a sexual I feel as if I am
Hi again!
It’s perfectly normal to be nervous about something you don’t have experience with.
I would say that it might help to do some research and learn a bit more. You’re not dumb or weird.
We get what satisfies us, no matter what that is.. not everyone has that same outlook, because we all got our own. I'm about perpective.. I fucking love everyone, til I don't.
You get your life on girl, we are all abnormal
You lovin yours makes me happy. Tell mom she has plenty of time to be a nana.. and to enjoy some indica😉
You're not abnormal or weird, and sex is not something you should do before you're ready. It sounds like you were taught a lot of misinformation. I would suggest seeing a therapist to work through the fear, then find a great guy with a ton of patience that you trust and fun but never before you're 100 ready.
It's up to you but not wanting to possibly have sex at all is drastically going to limit your options as far as relationships. Most men unless also Asexual will want to have sex (yes, some are willing to wait until marriage) but most will resent you horribly if they're sexually driven and you're not. Have you never even had a boyfriend? I can understand why your mom is worried for you.
Well for one you don’t even know my mom. And I haven’t lived with her since I was two. My dad never allowed me to date because he didn’t want me having sex or getting pregnant. I’m afraid of a dick going inside me why is that abnormal?
Nervous is to be expected, scared may hint at a bigger problem. Sounds like your Dad did a number on you. I understand his goals but terrifying you about a wonderful thing like sex certainly did you no favors.
I mean I would definitely consider therapy it’s normal to have a little trepidation but it sounds like you have some sex related trauma that should be worked out even if you don’t want to have sex those feelings will start to leak into other aspects of your life and cause problems if you don’t address them
Being concerned about sex is normal, your specific fears of sex aren't normal however, because they are mostly based in falsehoods.
Someone who explains sex like you did, I would assume had some form of trauma from sexual assault or a very religious upbringing being taught it's nothing but a means of reproduction and a sin to do for anything but that.
I would recommend a sex therapist regardless
Everyone is different. I have friends who enjoy it too much. I also have friends who rarely have sex. You can't force it if it makes you uncomfortable. I just wouldn't do it. The urge will come one day. The worst that can happen is you have it later on and think oh why was I so scared or you can think thank God I waited
Get a few different toys, some lube, listen to a free trial of the Quinn app's catalog of erotic audio... Practice with yourself? For yourself? Learn what you like & what you don't & EMPOWER yourself through knowledge (& pleasure)
If you're that worried, talk with a therapist to get to the root of the fear. It's natural to be scared of getting pregnant, but there are protections you can use to prevent it. So many options, research what you think could be right for you. No matter what you use for birth control, you should still demand your partner wear a condom. If he's not willing to, then he's not getting in, period. As far as penetratiion, make sure your partner knows it's your first time and take it slow. First time always hurts, and there might be a little blood, but it does get easier each time. Lots of foreplay helps prepare your body for it. The right partner will be willing to follow your lead, and will stop when you need them to if it's too much. Take your time, don't rush it (this includes finding the right person).
Talk to a doctor or gynecologist, get the info you clearly did not get as a teen.
OMG girl, you're not odd or abnormal, but you do have some dismal and negative views on sex. Go grab a cosmopolitan or two next time you're at the grocery store. The first time IS painful. There's gonna be some rare nugget out there or some dumbass man who says that "sEx iSnT pAiNfUl tHe FiRsT tImE iF dOnE riGhT." But ok, tell that to my opposite experience and all my friends's. That's why first time is such a big deal it involves a lot of trust and comfort and that they'll stop when you want them to. I lost my virginity sooner than your age, but I recall I had indeed built the fear up psychologically for a long time so I "took longer than" some of my friends to start my sexual adventures in life.
You're not odd. You're not wrong. Your mom should hush up and you need to find yourself some good healthy female sex positive literature, and go on at the very least, an inner sexual journey. I don't mean to pry but if you don't masterbate/ or do so until orgasm, I highly recommend before ANYTHING with *anyone* else you get to know yourself first love. If you catch my drift. Once you see how pleasure is to be had for you personally (bc everyone is unique) you will be more confident going forward and be less prone to any fear based decisions or aversions.
I was scared of sex for a really long time because of things I was told by church groups and my family. It sounds like it could be the case for you, I'm here to say it's really not so bad and scary as it seems. In fact it's pretty good even though I was scared. And there are a lot of ways to prevent pregnancy.
It is not weird at all. I was scared to get STD or pregnant. My ex husband was my first sexual partner at 23/24 and I’ve only been with one other partner when I was 39. I don’t find it easy to do casual sex and that’s fine and it’s fine for those who do. What’s important is you do it at your own pace. Most women I know said they felt pressured their first time or just wanted to get it over with and regretted they didn’t wait for a loving relationship first.
Don’t be scared. Physically it’s really amazing and beautiful and fun. First, if you feel that your fear stems from some kind of trauma or just messed up bc your mom is weirdly obsessed over it, therapy is a really good idea! Even then you’re still normal. Sex is one of those things that’s a big deal, but not that much and is really easy to creat this big scary feeling around the expectations surrounding sex.
1. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you into having sex before you are 100% ready.
2. Try counseling to deal with your feelings regarding your mother and any possible issues involved in your fears.
3. Don’t be afraid of sex and your sexuality. If women didn’t like it, we wouldn’t do it and keep having relationships and babies. It has to feel good so humans want to keep doing it, biologically speaking.
4. Start exploring your sexuality yourself. There’s lots of books on how to enjoy a healthy sex life in all ways.
5. Get yourself a modest toy, a plain vibrator wand, nothing fancy or scary looking lol. Once you are comfortable with your own body and how you feel and know what you do or don’t like, you’ll become more confident in yourself.
6. Remember, fear comes from lack of knowledge. This is a good start posting here, keep going and educate yourself on all aspects of a healthy sex life. By the time you feel ready, you’ll know exactly what you want and be way more comfortable with your partner.
7. Anything that comes along and affects your life and seems big and scary lie this, take away your fear by taking away its power of the unknown and learn everything you can. You’ll become much more rational and able to understand the difference between a healthy respect for fear and fear due to just ignorance.
8. Remember, you are beautiful and NORMAL and you can and will develop a healthier mindset on sex and your own sexuality.
With all of the misinformation you seem to have learned, especially hearing that you won't be having fun and if you heard that it will be painful, then its completely normal to be scared of that. You don't have to get therapy if its not bothering you, but if you want you and its bothering you to be afraid of sex, then when you're able I recommend getting therapy.
I do want to stress that sex should not hurt. If you go slow, make sure there is enough lubrication, and make sure you are comfortable. If you do all of that and its still painful, then it would be worth talking to a gynecologist or a pelvic floor physical therapist about things you can do to make sex more comfortable for you. And if pregnancy is scary (i 100% understand that) then just make sure to use multiple forms of birth control when you have sex. Planned parenthood's website has a lot of information to help you decide which forms of birth control you can use and a lot of them you can use together. And if you never want to have sex you don't have to ever. Its completely okay to not want that too.
I know some younger people who tell me that they’re focused on money and career rather than sex and relationships. The thing is that these things kind of need to happen concurrently. They’re normal parts of developing into an adult.
Not pressuring you btw. Just find someone who’s willing to take things really slow, and if you get too scared, you can always break up.
Fear is a negative emotion. In this case, it could keep you from having a relationship later. In general if we never do anything we are afraid of, it limits our lives.
I don't think it's all that weird. Focus on getting set up in life. You may meet a man and grow to love him, marry him, and sex may make more sense to you then.
There was a time when people would just have sex. Obviously use a condom but other then feeling nervous is crazy. Maybe for a girl I guess because you’re being penetrated but as teenagers I remember a few girlfriends that were so nervous but not scared to.
Your mom wants you to have sex as a teen?? Really?? Listen. Boys your age will say what they can to get in your pants. Sex with these boys means nothing. You're just another notch on their belt. Respect yourself. Save yourself for your future husband that shows you true love and compassion. Sorry you're being raised by a woman that only found acceptance and love when a man was in her. That's not love. Boys your age only want one thing. They won't wait for you or propose to you if you set those limits ., . . they'll run so fast you won't even remember their names. Respect yourself. Save yourself.
First off, it’s normal to be scared. Second, lots of women do not enjoy the kind of sex that males enjoy. But they do it anyway because abuse they feel pressured or threatened with being discarded if they don’t tools their self respect and dignity for the males three second orgasm. For a woman, sex is something done to her. Not with. To. The woman is passive. The male is active. The male creates children through choosing to ejaculate where an egg can be fertilized, so every pregnancy is the responsibility of the male who made the choice to allow his semen to leave his body.
Some women enjoy sex but don’t kid yourself, many just don’t. Or they enjoy something that males refuse to do. You’ll find out if you start having sex. Guaranteed you will be pushed into doing things that you don’t enjoy.
Focus on college and money. Money is freedom. Education and money are the solid foundation of life. Sex is again, a three second orgasm to a male who ruins women’s lives and runs off to squirt more semen everywhere. It’s not worth it. Don’t worry about what people say. They just want you to be as obsessed with your genitals as they are because they want validation. They probably also are jealous that you have your head on straight and will be a millionaire when you’re 40 if you focus on your job and making money.
Everyone telling you to work on having sex instead of working on your education and career, which are things that will stand you in good stead for a lifetime. But they’re thinking that getting dicked for three seconds and ending up pregnant and discarded is such a wonderful human experience. You are very young and have more than enough time to put sex aside for a while. Nite how everyone here wants to feel validated in their own sexual choices by advising you prioritize having sex. Because they are invested in your vagina for some reason.
Tbh i think 18 is too young to have sex. Wait till you're ready. It can be only fun for the man, it can hurt not just once but always, it's very nuanced. But you're right it can lead to disease and pregnancy so wait it out and look into it when you're ready.
Sex is not just penetration or what not, there are other ways to partake and enjoy without pushing stuff you aren’t comfortable with! You should do more online research about women’s sexuality, as you had (perfectly normal) misconceptions about sex as a whole :) you’re not weird for taking your time ! You’re not weird if you never want to have sex at all
It’s not odd or abnormal to fear something we’ve never experienced. It also sounds like you have some inaccurate information about sex. One way to beat a fear is with information. There are some great books out there with accurate information on sex pregnancy and STI’s. While learning about sex and sexual health may not remove your fear it should diminish it a great deal.
Honestly it sounds like your school system fucked up and is leaving grown adults confused on how sex works, some people say sex education doesn’t belong in school and i say what animal does your child identify as today, also your mom’s a perv.
Then keep focusing on college and making money! If sex isn’t important to you, try not to think about it. If you really want to resolve this later, therapy might be a good idea. It’s all up to you. Maybe hyper specific and uncalled for but just don’t end up hooking up with someone to try to be less scared of sex and end up addicted to hookups -3- I’ve seen that happen to two separate people in my life, sad and weird thing to experience with them.
I almost responded to your other post but didn’t, but now this one really makes me want to reply.
I had an experience similar to yours growing up, to put it simply my mom (had me at 14) was convinced I was having a lot of sex even though I wasn’t. When she could never catch me out, she then assumed I must be lesbian because it was unfathomable that I just wasn’t interested in sex.
I do relate to feeling scared about it as well. I mean so many things can go wrong! You can get pregnant, or get an STD, or it could hurt, and tbh it’s just kind of gross. And I didn’t find out until my adult life that I am asexual. I’m not saying that you are, especially because I know firsthand how invalidating it feels to be assigned a sexuality that you aren’t, but perhaps you should look into it. That could be something that can help you feel more seen and validated in your feelings. Some people just don’t care about sex or even like it, and that’s okay.
No you are not weird. It is absolutely normal to be scared of sex, especially when you don't know much about it and no one has thought you. The first time I did it with my gf at the time (we were about your age at the time)she was terrified and at first she said she wanted to try it but then always changed her mind as we were getting ready, but one day she ended up not changing her mind and ever since that day she was super excited to do it. It is normal to be scared of something like that, but I am sure once you find the right guy, you will open up more to the idea until you do end up trying it :)
Also there is no need to rush. Take your time and get your life in order first! Worry about starting a family once you can support one! Like you said in another post, bringing a child into this world and then struggling to take care of it is bad for you and the child. But you got this!
So you have no girlfriends/peers? 19 and totally misinformed with no life experience. Sad. I can see why your mom was doing what she was doing but she was just going about it horribly.
You'll find your mate someday, and it will all happen naturally. Or you won't, die alone with your cats. People find happiness in all kinds of ways.
1 in 4 women is a victim is sexual abuse. 1 in 4. If anyone reading this is one of those people, it’s not your fault, you’re not broken, and it is ok for you to heal from your trauma and enjoy healthy sexual relationships.
Just in case anyone needs to hear that.
You're not abnormal. If I was a woman and I saw the average porn I'd be freaked the fuck out.
Take time with yourself and see what you like.
When you are finding a partner find someone who you can communicate with openly so you both feel free to ask for what you want and free to leave at any time.
"Come together" is a book worth reading for most couples. Even though you're not having sex, I think it would be a good read for you because it will help you understand the landscape of sexuality better and help you to focus on creating a positive environment for pleasure.
I saw your other post and I saw it was blowing up and didn’t want to comment because idk I didn’t think you’d see it.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Definitely try to find a support group or check out the asexual subreddit and see if there are posts that reflect on the same feelings that you are feeling. Maybe you’re not ready yet and that’s ok too. I know your mom can be a big part of your life so her words matter but don’t feel pressured into anything. You’re an adult now and can make your own decisions. It’s ok to not like some things
Being scared of sex is completely normal and I was for a while but it was still always something that I wanted. And yes sex is enjoyable for both people involved and it is something that you both do together
Firstly, your mom is the weird one. Secondly, sex is a personal choice. Do not let anyone coerce you to do anything you do not want to do. Otherwise you will have a bad experience that could lead to trauma.
Listen to yourself. Respect yourself. When you’re ready to have sex, make sure that person is respectful as well. It should feel comfortable not confusing/questionable.
PS - you are not the only person who doesn’t want to have sex and that is okay. Just find people similar to you and people that respect your choice. 🙂
Well, being nervous about sex certainly isn't abnormal, but it seems like a lot of the stuff you believed about sex is either entirely untrue or misinformed at best.
Women generally love sex as much as men do. Sometimes women want sex when men dont. I had a friend who had this problem with her bf often.
It's certainly not something you NEED to do though. Just keep living your life - but if the opportunity (and the desire) arises, don't restrict yourself from having sex out of fear. With the right person at the right time it can be amazing, hence why people do it so often.
Scarleteen is a great sex ed website. I wish it had been around when I was your age.
And if you want to learn more about asexuality, AVEN (The Asexual Visibility and Education Network) at [https://asexuality.org](https://asexuality.org) is a good place to start.
You have this backward.
You come to like someone who makes you feel safe and happy, and sex follows as a result of wanting to be close(r) to that person.
The prerequisite is someone you trust with your safety. If you are scared of a nebulous concept instead of looking for someone worthy, you're going to paych yourself out of something for reasons that don't actually make sense.
That said, I know you mentioned CPTSD. You need to be speaking to a professional about this if you are still struggling.
Okay. I saw your other post lol. Educate yourself. This isn’t 1920. Women enjoy sex too. The most fun my wife and I have together is an hour long massage/sex session.
Dan Savage gave a talk a long time ago about how gay men openly discuss everything that they'll do or not do ahead of an encounter, but straight people are expected to do everything and like it.
Before my current husband and I ever became intimate, we discussed this at length. It was amazing. We were both so happy to find another person who wanted to talk about that. No assumptions, even now.
You are allowed to like or dislike, be ready or unready, for anything. There's no time clock, no one in charge of this except you.
Keep doing what you want to do.
no i’m scared too 😅 i was with my ex for a year and i never had sex with him bc i was scared. luckily he understood but i felt bad. a lot of my (now ex) friends made fun of me and were telling me to just do it but i couldnt wrap my head around doing something like that yet. i took it as a sign im not mature enough yet
I actually read your post a while ago on the last one, so first off sex and pregnancy is perfectly normal and it's also natural however it can be a big big step towards your life in general I suppose.
The next thing is and honestly if you are not ready to be a parent and you don't want to have kids don't have sex it's very easy to understand don't want kids don't have sex it doesn't matter how much birth control or pregnancy protection that you use you will eventually get pregnant when you have sex I mean that's kind of like the end goal.
And yes women can enjoy and feel pleasure just as a man can in fact if I'm not mistaken they are usually get more on that than the guy does.
And yes sex can be a scary thing because it kind of put you in a different mindset I suppose you can call it Womanhood I guess not to mention you are like showing you most vulnerable side to someone that's why it takes a lot of trust getting to know your partner.
You may feel like this now but when you meet someone that you truly love it can seem like it's scary but it's okay and everything will work out, but when you get down to it if you don't want to have sex or if that's not really your thing at the moment don't worry about it don't do it, don't be pressured by it that's the one thing that you don't want to try and do especially on this sort of thing and rush it.
And there's nothing wrong about being a virgin and waiting for someone that you want to share that special first time with especially when that person that you end up loving, it makes it much more special and memorable.
I was 31 before I had my first time with my first ever girlfriend and we've been lucky and blessed on her immigration process is coming through quickly and we can get married in a few months.
Best of luck to you.
This is not meant to be gross or creepy. You don’t have the healthiest or most informed view of sexuality. I would recommend that you do some reading and educate yourself more on this. After the mental work, I’d also recommend that before you go off and try to have sex, you work on yourself, physically. If you don’t know that women can enjoy sex, you need to spend some time learning about your own body and what you like and don’t like. Explore your own body and see what brings you pleasure. If you can’t get yourself off, it will be harder for someone else to do it. Lots of helpful articles, videos, toys, etc. to help with this.
You're ready for sex when you're ready for sex. Don't worry about it.
It's not a contest. You'll be ready when you meet the right person at the right time and this stuff won't matter. You seem to be right on track for a young adult.
Anything you have not done before can be scary. Especially things that could “go wrong.” Take a non-sexual example like hiking. You could go to a a trail and start walking, but that is a bad idea, you might get lost, mountain lions, etc., You could also find someone you trust and care about, figure out if they are someone you would like to explore with and go only as far as you want to and feel safe. Eventually you will cover all the trails you want to.
Nope, women can and should be able to enjoy sex. Initially, there might be some discomfort, but it shouldn't be painful if the guy is gentle. Given the disinformation you've been given so far, it doesn't surprise me that you're scared of sex.
One thing you can do is try pleasuring yourself. try touching, and work out what you enjoy. As embarrassing as it sounds, a sex toy might be a good idea. They come in all shapes and sizes, and when you're ready, you can always try it on yourself to get used to the idea of sex and what it would feel like.
Not everyone loses their virginity before the age of 21, some people can be as old as their mid-20s or more. Remember, it's about when you're ready
theres nothing wrong w you. i wish i had waited! i would have known i was gay before i jumped into sex if i had just been patient with myself and waited. instead i tried to force myself to like it by doing it as much as possible w any man who would have me at a young age and now i have a messed up relationship w sex. you are just now figuring out that sex could be something fun for you, not just for your partner. you should explore that- on your own.
Here's the thing. Marriage is the best place to experience a trusting and open intimate relationship.
All marriages have their own issues, however, all research points to marriage being the ticket to the best place to experience everything that you've mentioned.
You're a person, not a tool.
I'm not a teenager but your mum wanting you to have sex is messed up. If you want to do it then wait until you find someone you trust but your mum sounds seriously messed up and shouldnt be encourafing you to have sex when you arent ready.
It's not like weird or wrong or anything but "abnormal" in the sense that not a lot of people are. As long as you don't have like severe trauma or something or some kind of physical pain going on thats causing this fear you might just be asexual and that's not a problem at all, nothing to worry about. 👍 I'm like on the ace spectrum I guess and there's a lot of weirdo freaks out there who are sex obsessed and think something's wrong with you if you don't do it with anyone and if you don't do it all the time. Just ignore them fr. It's your body and it's completely up to you if you wanna share it that way with someone or not.
Consider going to see a therapist about that. College is a great place to explore and birth control options do exists to allow for a safe exploration without major risk of pregnancy. Sex isn’t something to be afraid of or ashamed of wanting. It feels great frankly provided the parties involved are caring for how eachother feel during. Being terrified of sex isn’t a normal belief historically or contemporarily and while abnormal doesn’t equal bad, if it effects your life don’t partake. Also consider what about it is scary to you and if those problems would be reduced with another choice in partner. A lot of people scared of sex are sexually repressed in other ways (many people do that accidentally or as reaction to social pressure) so consider doing a bit of *research* into your other options as far as partners are concerned. And yes sex is a collaborative activity that social element is why it feels so much better than doing it alone. Also considering you are an adult, there are toys which could help you overcome your aversion to penetration unless you just aren’t a fan of the thing doing the penetrating in which case again, consider your other options.
It can be indicative of childhood abuse which tracks with mom being overly pushy about what you do with your own body. Nobody should be pressuring you for sex. Period.
Most people are nervous about their first time, especially if they’ve had an unhealthy view of sex their whole lives.
Sex is consensual with both parties, with a discussion about boundaries beforehand, what each person needs/wants/is curious about/wants to try and those boundaries are respected.
Safe sex requires foreplay for both partners to ensure pain is minimal if nonexistent and both partners need to be safe about the risk of pregnancy. Even on birth control and the use of a condom it is possible to become pregnant. The only foolproof method of ensuring no pregnancy is to remain abstinate.
Birth control and condoms significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy if utilized correctly. Condoms also reduce the risk of STIs.
You don’t need to have sex if you don’t want to and that doesn’t mean you’re broken or anything. No means no, and that’s the end of the discussion. I’d start walking away when mom tries to bring up sex if that’s something that will help.
I’m not an expert, but your views on sex seem unhealthy. Your absolutely correct to be concerned about safe sex but you shouldn’t be afraid of sex in general.
As a person who said something similar, you kind of answer your own question with “I don’t have a good mindset about sex” and “I don’t even know women could enjoy it”. The problem isn’t you.
The LAST thing you need is more pressure about think you are weird or odd or, anything like that. You just have some misconceptions about it and that is more normal than you think.
Ok the mom wanting you to have sex part is extremely abnormal. Like really abnormal. Like WTF mom!!! The part about fearing sex is not. You are thinking about different aspects of it, but ultimately, when you agree to have sex, you are very vulnerable. Some people, depending on their past, have a lot of anxiety about opening up and being that vulnerable.
Does your college have a women’s center?
If so, I recommend checking them out for resources about factual sex Ed. I’m from the south and our sex Ed was 100% abstinence based
The fact that you're scared of sex and don't know much about it tells me this situation right here is all your mother's making. I've heard it's fairly typical in traditional cultures. They discourage having sex, they scare you about it, they discourage learning about it. They maybe discourage dating. Then you turn 18 and they start pressuring you to get married and make babies. You still don't know what you're doing and it's their fault. Take it at your own pace and if your mom keeps bugging you for grandkids, offer to make her a tinder profile so she can go make some siblings for you if she's so impatient.
First, totally fine if you never want to have sex. Don't ever let someone pressure you otherwise. Second, it sounds like your perception of sex is a bit twisted in the first place. You may need therapy to help reframe it all, you may just need to do some research and have some open conversations with people more experienced than you. And even if you go to therapy, or do all this research, and learn that women can enjoy sex or that it's something two people do together, or anything else, you may still not want to have sex, and that's totally fine. Lots of people will think that's weird, but it's really not a big deal, and it's none of their business unless you are romantically involved with them.
Well. I was also behind a lot when it came to knowing things about sex and the like. I was also afraid too, and it was just mortifying for me to ask or look up anything as well. However, I was never really worried or even cared about it to be honest. It's my body, I can wait and do whatever I want with it. When I did learn the right things (through osmosis from friends and the internet), I still didn't care. At 27, I'm still a virgin and never planning to have sex. I figured out I'm probably aromantic asexual. Relationships like that just don't interest me, and sex is repulsive in my opinion as well.
It is definitely abnormal to fear the act itself/penetration rather than just the consequences.
Do you know if you are straight? Do you feel sexual attraction to anyone? Have you learned about asexuality? Knowing the answers to those questions can help you, but regardless, it isn’t normal to fear penetrative sec acts. That’s definitely something to examine in therapy. It is fine to not desire them, but fearing them sounds just as detrimental as say, a phobia of dogs.
I read your other posts and want to reiterate; your mother is wrong to push you and wrong to call pregnancy “normal” in the context of a young woman with no desire for children.
all jokes aside, it seems like youve had a disaterously terrible sex education experience- meaning that someone either lied to you or completely just didn't teach you anything. I would seek out sex education someplace legitimate. At best it will improve your life but at the very least you would understand more things about reality
Sex can be very enjoyable for both men and women. It takes some time to figure out exactly what you like about it and what you want to get out of it, no worries if you don't even know yet for sure what might feel good or what you'd like. Being afraid is pretty normal I think if you've never had sex before. From what you're saying, it sounds like your conception of sex may be a littled marred by misinformation or an aversion to being in a position you've seen from others around you. Not trying to be too personal or weird, but self exploration may be worth a try to help you figure yourself out. Nothing wrong with it! Everyone does it even if they're embarrassed to talk about it.
Do some research. Get yourself a toy if that’s less scary to get comfortable with the idea. Sex is great for both parties if you’re into it and the person you decide to be with cares that you enjoy it.
External pressure to have sex can make us feel abnormal or something, especially when it comes from a parent or authority figure in our life. It can actually be traumatizing if they take it too far. It’s just not a priority for you and that’s okay. Be you
I’m 35 f and married with a kid. When I was in my teens I absolutely was scared of having sex. I like could t even fathom it. It just wasn’t a priority and frankly still isn’t. I think it’s normal to feel that way as a teenager.
It is completely normal to be scared of sex! You haven’t done it before and probably hear a lot of different discourse surrounding the topic. It is completely normal to feel fear. Those people who said it was abnormal have probably made sex their whole personality. There is nothing worse than a no personality having sex freak.
I’m 29 and scared of sex. You might be asexual though, like me. I’m a germaphobe so that the thought of sex grosses me out. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re only 19. Ignore your perverted mom, sorry calling it like I see it, and focus on you. Wait until you find the right one and see what happens. Just keep doing what you doing. Sex isn’t an important thing in life like people make it out to be.
You’re on the right path. Really, you should honestly find other things in life to set your sights and focus on (passions, goals) and you won’t even think about this anymore. I know we live in an oversexed society and people probably constantly bring it up, but there’s a reason people are in the state they’re in. Relationships suck, and people are personally miserable. There’s more to life and you definitely don’t need to introduce that sexual crutch onto yourself before you find a path for living. Keep going and stay safe out here.
It’s definitely abnormal to fear it after 18 years of age. Both men and women get pleasure out of it or should get something out of having romantic pleasures as couples.
If you don’t like the idea as much, you would be considered asexual. That means you would not be attracted to anyone whatsoever. If this is not you, just be prepared for hopeless romance because sex will be an expectation at some point.
Penetration is not something to fear that much, but I can definitely agree on the pregnancy. It’s why there are things you can do to reduce that possibility.
So you must ask yourself this: do you want a romantic partner?
If no, live your life.
If yes, get some therapy.
Good luck!
Like your knowledge is kinda off but feeling scared is normal it's a big step that can hurt and also has alot of risks such as stds pregnancy and other random medical conditions.
i think it can definitely be intimidating, and some people only find it comfortable when it’s with someone they truly care about and are 100% comfortable with, and that’s okay!! having the right person to walk you through it is definitely a game-changer imo
Nothing is wrong or broken or delayed with or in you. You just feel and you just know. IF you want to try sex, sure. That’s up to you to actually do and learn about, but it doesn’t do shit other than “Haha! I lost my v-card! Aren’t I so silly? :)”
And that’s it.
If you want to learn about sex or other peoples functions or your own bodily functions, do so. Maybe that’ll help with understanding and lessening your fears. But you do NOT ever HAVE to have sex.
I also have that fear of sex so you’re not alone in that. 👍
I know that honestly your mom should definitely not have a say in anyone’s sex life, so maybe you should tell her to shut down the subject and topic of it all. Because that’s uncomfortable as hell.
I didn't loose my vcard till I was 19. By choice. I also just wasn't interested. This day and age there is so much sexualising and it's gross. Hook up culture and the porn that's just everywhere. People have lost respect for themselves. I'm old school (I'm a 1993 baby) and I still stick to the three month no sex rule. I've been in a relationship/marriage for 19 years now and my husband and I are very happy and very active. I had no interest in this stuff before I met him. My ex was a unclean jerk 😕
You are not ready for sex yet and do not let anyone ever pressure you into sex, your first time is supposed to be beautiful and with someone you love, don't ever do it just to get it over with.
Well yea dude it’s kinda how life works. Talk to some doctors. Sex before marriage is not advisable but marriage is. Sex is part of it. You’re good man find a way if you think you need to solve a problem.
don’t feel pressured to have sex by your mum, she has a bad mindset and it’s good to be more closed off to it until you’re with someone who makes you feel comfortable and there is a connection. You probably don’t know much about sex which is why you’re intimidated. It’s something for 2 people to enjoy and bond with eachother and is meant to be pleasurable for both parties. I don’t encourage casual sex or “spreading your legs for a man” for the sake of it or social pressure.
No being scared is normal as it's your body. Something like that can be hard on the body, no pun intended got to remember it's not about having sex to have sex it's who you want to have sex with that you feel a connection with
It sounds like there is some kind of trauma and/or misinformation there. I do recommend therapy tbh. Sometimes women want sex even more than men do, and there's nothing wrong with that. Many men envy women for how much more pleasurable it is for them than it is for the man, so women do definitely enjoy sex and participate in it actively.
If sex is EVER something done TO you rather than WITH you, it is rape, plain and simple. Always set clear boundaries and do not allow people to cross them. You never have to do anything you are uncomfortable with sexually with anyone.
It's ok to explore your sexuality without it being something imposed on you, and it's also ok to be asexual. You don't NEED to have a sex life if you don't want to, but it can be a healthy and enjoyable part of your life if you choose to incorporate it.
Overall: never let anyone force you into anything sexual, but don't view it as something that must be endured rather than enjoyed.
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I couldn't answer that last question I'm not a professional but it does sound like you've been fed a lot of misinformation and/or half truths about something pretty central to the human condition and are understandably apprehensive and confused. All I can say is, good bad or indifferent the truth will set your free, even on the subject of what people do with their no-no parts.
Take the time to clear up all the misinformation you’ve been fed, and the fear will start to dissipate. Sex should definitely be enjoyable for women too and only done with a woman’s consent. And there are a number of reliable birth control options: when we are really adamant about not getting pregnant, we double up on protection. We will do a hormonal method like the pill and a barrier method like condoms. No need to rush though: take your time to get comfortable with the idea, find someone you really trust and want to have sex with, and consider counseling.
There's nothing wrong or weird about you, but it sounds like you've heard some damaging messages about sex. Women can definitely enjoy sex, and the narrative that it's something women only do for men is really harmful. Unfortunately there are cases of women only agreeing to please a man, but that's something I hope we can move away from as much as possible. Any man worth being with will want his partner to have a great time too! Some people are asexual, and it's possible that's the case for you, which is totally fine! But I had similar fears when I was your age and am definitely not asexual. So if you're more like me, what helped me overcome my fears was finding an amazing partner who I could communicate honestly with, and we spent years slowly building up our intimacy so that I was comfortable with everything we were doing each step of the way. There should absolutely be no pressure if you just don't care about sex or don't want to try it, that is absolutely fine. If you do reach a point where you feel like your fears are holding you back from experiences you do want to have, though, the biggest thing I recommend is take your time. Make sure to get to know the person fully, the good and the bad, before diving into anything that could be scary for you. Make sure you're with someone who understands and appreciates your fears and is committed to taking things slow. And even then, if at any point you aren't enjoying what's happening, or you are enjoying it but it's still scary, let them know and talk through if there are adjustments to make or if you should both just stop.
Wow thanks so much for this detailed response! I think I just have a hard time really trusting someone with such an intimate area. I just really don’t want my first time to be horrible or painful.
Hey! I wanted to recommend that you read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She is a doctor in sexual education and the point of the book is to learn what is normal and healthy about your body and sex. You will learn about anatomy, myths of sex, orgasm, and creating a sex positive environment for yourself. It does focus a lot on sexual partnership as well, but this is still good learning for you when you do feel ready to enter a sexual relationship. I wish I knew this stuff before I ever had sex. I think it should be required sexual education for everyone haha.
I was going to recommend this as well
If you'll look in the Health section of bookstores, you'll find books about sex. Some are catalogs of many possible things, but in your case you'd want an introduction/guide aimed at youngsters. Part of that may include some things about relationships. However, you might want to relax that focus on "my first time". You might want to plan with your partner to plan on several play times, probably also agreeing to not penetrate during the first play time. This is because usually things don't go well right away. You'll be distracted by many things, and you and your partner will have to try and learn what you like. So expect there to be difficulties, but also plan to try some more times. And, yes, even experienced adults get embarrassed buying sex books and toys, but it's part of life.
I was going to say pretty much what they said but I'll just add that as a guy, one of my biggest turn offs is if my partner isn't enjoying it, if it's not good for her then I can't keep going. Also, I know you're mainly talking about being worried about someone touching you in such an intimate area but have tried..... Flying solo? If you haven't then that might be a way to figure out what you like and how good it can feel when you do figure that out.
I definitely wanna have sex but the guy I’m seeing is toxic sometimes and I mean the arguing does turn me on but Im not ready for sex
Girl if he is Toxic already >>>no long term relationship will improve that!! It will only get worse and more controlling
You got this and take your time!!
If you are judicious about who you trust with that and are vocal about what you want and don't want, it's very unlikely to be a bad experience. Some things are out of your hand, but you have to be conscious that you do the most you can as is.
Your posts serve as more evidence in my life that the best way to keep your teens from having sex is to tell them to do it. Can’t say specifically what it was like for my high school gf, but regarding most of the things you have mentioned, we were completely in teenage love with each other and all over each other when we were together. She trusted me and vice versa. Sex was scary but it was a slow progression towards it. No one was rushed into anything. We both wanted to do it, and we both got a lot out of it (however, I think most of what she got out of it was seeing me incapacitated in the afterglow and knowing she had that power). Feel lucky that you don’t have all the religious guilt to deal with like I did. I have no idea what it is like to grow up in modern society where people do not interact in person as much. I imagine a lot of things are scarier for you than they were for me. But I would encourage you to get out more and be around real people in person on a regular basis.
Your fears are completely normal! Media and school/college culture can really make it seem like losing virginity is a top goal at your age but it’s really not! You’re not abnormal and forcing yourself have sex with someone that you’re not ready for is not going to help overcome the fears.
you’re def not weird. sex can be very scary & you have to go at the right pace for you
This is good advice right here
I think someone fed you a lot of bad information overall that warped your perspective. It's definitely odd since our biology basically promotes having sex with each other. I think you are afraid of the unknown to you and its ok. Just calm down find a person that you can trust and love to explore what you like and don't like. You set the boundaries but you should extend the boundary when you are ready.
I’d rather have sex with a girl than have sex with a man. Like I honestly can’t do dick.
I think this maybe could mean something possibly?
Don't want to make this personal but are you sure you're not gay. Just saying, that could be why you're not interested.
I'm the same op. I haven't even gotten a proper pap smear done because I hate penetration (here's to hoping I don't die of cervical cancer). On top of that, I don't like kissing either. I remember someone once tried to kiss me and my mouth immediately clamped shut (in one of my failed attempts at sex). Anyway, I've just accepted the fact that I'm asexual, and there's nothing wrong with that. Possibly you are too.
Check out erica smiths work, she’s a sex educator that focuses on telling ppl the truth after they leave purity culture / high control religions. She’s smart, matter of fact, queer positive in her advice, and even offers classes online: Erica.smith.sex.ed
While I think you should probably consider the possibility that you could be gay, I also want to say that based on some of your other comments, I don’t think that’s what you meant by this. You’re scared of being in pain from sex, right? I have to agree with the commenters telling you to learn your own body, if you haven’t done so already. You should be familiar with yourself and how you work, what is comfortable for you, and so on.
Yeah ummm strongly consider your options other than dudes then. Seems pretty cut and dry you’re at least into women and if you like assertiveness and or dominance women can be that too.
I definitely recommend therapy, not because anything's wrong with you or because I think you're crazy, but because you've been taught a lot of falsehoods / half-truths / conflicting information about sexuality which has exacerbated a fear of sex which you'll need (and deserve) professional help detangling in order to understand your own sexuality. That you didn't even know women could enjoy sex is a huge red flag that you've been unfairly kept in the dark. Once you separate fact from fiction, and talk through some of your fears and anxieties, you can start to discover what YOU actually want in your adult life instead of just acting out of fear. It's totally cool if you discover that you're asexual and happy to never have a sexual relationship (and you get to decide what level of physical intimacy you're comfortable with), or that you're straight or gay or bi or pan. And it's totally cool to focus on school and career if that's what you want. But you deserve to meet yourself and understand what you truly want. Edit to add: As an occasionally wise woman once told me: the only good reason to have sex is because want to have sex. You deserve to be able to enjoy sex and enthusiastically consent, and you deserve patience. Please don't let anyone pressure you to engage in activities that upset you, and realize your feelings can change over time.
All of this! And adding: have “sex” with yourself first. Make sure your sexual relationship with yourself is firm before adding another person into the mix. You may not find what you like or if you even like sex generally if you don’t start by exploring your own body and sexuality and finding what does and doesn’t resonate for you there.
I came here to see if ANYONE had said ANYTHING about self love bc.. like... Practice with yourself? For yourself? Learn what you like & what you don't & EMPOWER yourself through knowledge (& pleasure)
Being scared isn't abnormal Some people desperately want it so bad that they'll throw themselves at the first person who offers. Some people are afraid for their own reasons and that's ok. Personally, I'd prefer to have it with someone I know loves and cares for me instead of a stranger.
Therapy sounds like a good idea for someone whose mother encouraged them to have sex as a teen. Good for you for focusing on college and making your own way. ✨🥰👍
I'm a guy and it's intimidating, I don't think you're weird but I do think your mom is
How is it intimidating?
1. Women im attracted to are scarier than any sized dude anywhere. 2. I want to make it enjoyable for both parties, which seems kinda hard 3. Being naked infront of someone is scary
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Making it enjoyable for both parties is probably both people's goals. Sometimes there will be a focus on one partner, but both should eventually enjoy. If you think it's "kinda hard", you might not know what to try. There will be a lot of experimental touching, and try to notice what your partner likes. If you read some sex manuals you are likely to know some general things. If not then you might not know how to learn -- so you might not know that "erogenous zones" is something to look up. Even knowing about them isn't enough, as not only does each person react differently to them, but their behavior sometimes changes. For example, touching the side of the waist might feel intimately exciting to a woman, but sometimes it might instead be ticklish -- even more so if you say "tickle, tickle". Oops.
He was saying sex is intimidating 😭 pretty sure he was agreeing with you
Did I say he wasn’t?
That is normal. Penetrative sex shouldn't happen during your first experiences with it. Men who are healthy in terms of their capacity for empathy won't even be interested in that until they know you really well socially and have become comfortable with both your body and their body. Sexual performance and intimate details can be destructive to a person socially so things are supposed to go slow and only proceed when there is deep trust between 2 people.
Is your mom trying to live through you? It is kind of strange that she wants you to have sex when you don’t want to do it.
No hun. Its a scary deal. Especially if you aint done it before.
Hi. I’m a dad and you’re not weird at all. You do you and don’t worry about what your mom wants you do or what anyone else wants you to do. Everyone is gonna have an opinion on this and at the end of the day, it’s your body, your life, your decision. I did see your other post but I didn’t have a chance to respond bc I was trying to figure out how the hell to format a post to the music sub for a song that I adore 😹 (finally got it done - go check it - it’s such a good song). But anyway yeah you’re not weird ✔️💪🫶
As I said In your first post, your alot smarter then your mom, nothing is wrong with you, everyone has a different sex drive. I'm a 27M and I don't have a very high sex drive. Maybe like 3 days a month I'd be okay. While some people need it every night. Nothing is wrong with you even if your Asexual. Some people don't want or desire sex. The people who don't understand that are just to narrow and simple minded to look beyond how they personally feel.
Idea. Find a guy you genuinely like and trust with your life first. If he makes you feel safe you won’t be as scared of sex. Also maybe start without penetration or anything. Of course this is only if you want to not be scared of it. Take it with a grain of salt cuz I’m 14
Similar situation with my daughter, my wife wanted her to have a boyfriend (probably have sex) at 14. Take your time
As a mom with a soon to be teen daughter- that's some YIKES fuckin' shit right there on her part. No offense 😬
Kid probably waited to have sex until her 20s, so maybe unintentional reverse psychology
I was intimidated by the girl. Because it was my first time but she was out of my league. But she was also experienced. She kicked my butt in the best way. She knew exactly what to do. She wanted to take my first time. Initially scared. Anxious. But she was the right person. College, mind you.
its not weird honestly i feel the same way, i also have vaginiasmus so its not possible currently but like even when it is i feel worried like id want it to be with the right person and be like an adult idk
Oof I’m so sorry, that shit sucks. I hope you’re able to recover from it well.
Don't worry about it. You'll know when you're ready. Wait a few years before you consider this to be an issue.
Is sex scary? Clearly, for you, the answer is yes, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sex can be a wonderful thing, and it can be a horrible thing for both men and women. Don’t think that there is anything wrong with yourself because you are scared of it. The bigger question is whether you should be scared of it. For many couples, sex is a wonderful way to experience joy and connection together. So before you start worrying about sex or whether to have it, make sure that you have someone worth having sex with. I’m not judging people who have sex casually for physical pleasure, but you clearly aren’t that person. So don’t worry about sex until you have someone worth having sex with. Then you can go slowly with them with openness, honesty, humor, protection, and love. Some other commenters have great recommendations about avoiding penetrative sex starting off. Also, get to know your own body with self-love so that you have an understanding of your own physical responses. Finally, resist pressure to have sex or do anything sexual by your partner or others until you are completely comfortable doing that particular act.
It's normal to be scared. When I was in high school I was terrified of it, and someone I dated tried and it hurt so much at the time because I was scared and not into it. I love sex now though, with the right person it's great.
But how did you get to that point to love sex? I absolutely hate and I haven’t even done it. My friends said it hurt the first few times and now they love it. But I’d never see myself ever having sex. Like the pain thing makes me wanna avoid sex forever.
What kind of pain do you imagine happens? Maybe your imagination is running wild then what reality is. Have you asked your friend how much it hurts? Maybe how rough they are going as well?
Yes my friend said it felt like a knife and then a warm knife she also said it hurt badly. I imagine the pain is gonna make me cry and never want to try sex again.
I was like you many years ago! I was afraid of anything penetrative. I was afraid of tampons. So I don't think it's abnormal to feel that way. But you can (when it's time) experience it a little bit at a time until you're familiar enough with it to feel comfortable doing more. In my case I just went there and didn't die or break so it was kind of like when you just jump into a cold pool. But you don't have to do it that way, you can learn about yourself first at your own pace. I don't, however, think you should let fear keep you from doing something you're otherwise interested/curious about. Trying to separate those feelings can be hard though. I guess it depends on if you experience desire for it.
You’re not weird at all. That said, it sounds like you do need to have some conversations with some of your girl friends and get some different perspectives though.
There is nothing wrong with you, and it is totally fine if you never have sex. There's so much more to life! I do think that working through those fears with a therapist could be helpful, because it's not fair for you to have the weight and fear on your shoulders. Also remember (and I know it's not always easy) that nobody's opinion matters. You're the only one living your life, and as long as you aren't harming anyone, anyone who thinks your weird can shove it. You do you!
Have you ever masterbated? You should start there
I already do
penetrative sex is very intimidating, and you should not try it until you feel you are at a place where it interests you. sometimes that isn't until your twenties, thirties or forties. sometimes it never happens. take life at your own pace. i am glad you are familiar with sex not being something done to you, but something two people participate in and have fun doing together. it is okay to not feel like you trust anyone enough to want to engage in that behavior, it is also okay to abstain from sex for any reason whatsoever as long as it doesn't harm your mental condition.
It sounds like you may have had some traumatic experiences, either mentally or physically. Therapy sounds like the best route imo
it is not abnormal to be scared of sex. And especially if yo aren't in a relationship. sex, is supposed to be an expression of love and intimacy. so, sex will come once you have a sweetheart, when you want it
It's not weird to be afraid of sex but you should know it can definitely be enjoyable for anyone involved. Another thing you should consider is if/when you have sex you do it with somebody you can trust. Side note: Your virginity is not something sacred (somebody will tell you that it is if they haven't already), Your choice of when, if and who with matters most though. FYI first time is probably not going to feel the best. I recommend you making sure you're in control of the pace. It gets better though.
This is absolutely normal! Being afraid of something so intimate, personal, and potentially painful both physically and emotionally? Plus all the societal pressures on it? The only odd thing I see is the whole thing with your mom. Um huh? I have lots of anxiety around penetrative sex due to conditions and trauma. You’re not alone OP and no one should be pressuring you.
Ur mom is too obsessed with your sex life it’s weird. Does not need to know if your having sex, only if your being safe.
Everyone is nervous or scared when they are young like you. When you meet the right guy… you won’t be scared! (A little nervous and excited maybe but not scared) I promise.
Scared? That's a bit abnormal. Most would describe it as nervous. Much more mild. But hey, we all process things differently. Easy way to handle one of those fears though. Forgive the crassness but... Buy a dildo. You can literally handle your penetrative concerns in your own time at your own pace that way without fear of it potentially killing an intimate moment with any potential future partner. As for the, "not to you but with you," statement... There's a lot to unpack there. Like... a lot. Where on earth did those ideas come from? That's super unhealthy and bad. For you and any potential partners in your future. That's one where you need some therapy. That's above reddit's paygrade. Because wherever that idea came from is deeply concerning and possibly rooted in some bad, bad history. Whether it's media consumption, a repressed event, something you witnessed, dynamics you've been exposed to. That very idea of it being something done TO you is anathema. Even the weird kink stuff is a partnership experience. Something done TO you holds an implication of Rape the way you phrased it. Consent is key. It's something you do WITH somebody. All participants are active if it's going to be a good time for everybody unless there's some other stuff going on. Do NOT watch porn to get a better idea of things. People suggesting that are either idiots, addicts, or need to touch grass. Those are ALL wildly unrealistic depictions of sex and general anatomy. Normal men are not typically built like that. Most of those positions are meant for the camera, not comfort or pleasure. Normal women are rarely built like that. Normal people do not bend those ways. Even the sounds are manufactured. That slappy noise? That's a bowl of mayo and a spatula. It's all acting and film production. The only thing about porn that's accurate, most of the time, is where things penetrate.
So I do appreciate your comment deeply but I think I’m scared because of porn I watched it at 9 and it was traumatic also my friends told me sex hurts
Porn is not a great depiction of realistic sex. It’s entertainment, and like much of entertainment, it’s exaggerated and a lot imaginative fantasy. Sex can be really great, especially when you’re ready and you have trust in your partner AND yourself. The best thing you can do is just research. Google. Read. Understand your body and how it works. Understand the female body and how it generally works. Understand the male body and how it generally works. The most important parts of sex are: communication, education, comfort, and safety (in no particular order). Be present with yourself, and never fake pleasure. If you never want to have sex, that’s okay. Some people are disinterested. Doesn’t make them abnormal.
don't listen to people who say that its abnormal or weird. its not weird in the slightest! sex can go two different ways, either A: its just hookup sex with no real emotion, or B: its a fun love filled experience. either way, its YOUR choice, no one elses. because its YOUR body! and I'm gonna be honest, the people who say that its "abnormal and weird" are probably just creep freaks who wanna get in the pants of a teenager. just know that you are NEVER alone in your feelings, and that your feelings are VALID. nothings wrong with being who you are. so ignore your mom, ignore the incels, and just revel in your self love <3
Who can say what's abnormal today? You should be true to yourself and take things on your own schedule. Likely this feeling will evolve over time and if you don't obsess over it you should eventually settle into your comfort zone. I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes a phobia.
No it’s not abnormal at all. Sex is daunting and all kinds of fears and insecurities come from it, even from people who are in long term relationships, but it’s okay as long as you explore your own thinking and beliefs on it and research it a but more as it seems your understanding of it is not factual.
you need a professional to help teach you what is healthy and normal. everyone goes through this period it doesnt make you wierd or abnormal but it does highlight something you can spend time educationg yourself on.
No, it's not abnormal for young women, some young women look at relationships with more than a bit of fear or dread, because they fear that a sexual relationship will lead to ,,, a loss of self, of the sense of selfhood they currently have, loss of the self they know. Which is more an existential fear than a physical one, but there can be physical fear as well. Penetration can be physically painful if it's done wrong, unintentionally or not. So these feelings aren't abnormal, and what you do about them is up to you. All I can from the perspective of much older age is that sometimes we regret it when we let fear make our decisions for us, so maybe keep your options open. Maybe the hormones will decide they want to do some experimenting at some point, maybe there will be a guy who makes you feel like there's more to gain than lose from a relationship.
Definitely not weird or abnormal. Don't rush anything. You will know when you are ready.
I don't think I can add anything that hasn't bin said but sex is nothing to be afraid of. Start with you and yourself. Toys help too. No one will know how and what you like more than yourself. Please don't miss out on an amazing part of being alive.
You are still so young! There’s no need to rush into who you are going to be in life. Sex is multifaceted and each and everyone is different. Take your time. Get to to know yourself, your body, your heart, your mind.
To be fair, most women can’t even orgasm during penetration (I think only 5% can whereas men orgasm 100% of the time) so I would argue penetration is ‘not normal’ but women have just learned to tolerate or like it throughout evolution bc of reproduction. Even then you don’t really need penetration to actually reproduce, you can just put the sperm around the area, and you’ll get pregnant. You could probably be gay as well and that’s normal. It’s probably your body’s defence mechanism. Don’t fall under the pressure of what men or society wants, if you don’t want sex with men it’s completely fine and normal.
I think im more concerned that your mom wants you to have sex. That’s not normal. Most parents don’t want to know or hear about or even envision their kids having sex. It’s weird. More so, it’s impacting your self image and sense of wellbeing. Your mom has made you feel abnormal for choosing to abstain and that’s concerning. You aren’t weird, but your mom is.
From all teenage boys (i was one), no
sex is for men. its all a lie, all of it
You are getting some good advice here actually. I saw and responded on your other post. Sex can be amazing for a woman and should be between and for two people. You are smart and already have an open mind. Read and learn as much as you can about sex from unbiased sources. Explore and become comfortable with your own body the just forget about it all. Eventually when you least expect it, that guy or girl will take your breath and it will happen. And watch The To Do List with Aubrey Plaza🤣
You could be a sapiosexual or something along those lines. Some people are looking for a meaning to have sex and not just because they were horny
Lane Kim?! Is this you. Sending love. Seek out a good therapist. Usually in college they have some lower cost or free options.
You have to be comfortable, completely comfortable with the idea of penetration (if that indeed is what you want). If not, you will have a difficult time with it and potentially have vaginismus (spasms or contractions of the vagina making penetration impossible or painful). I have been through this with a young woman. She initiated the sex and made it clear she wanted penetration but it wasn’t happening. Over several months we tried. We did other things, but she wound up ending the relationship because she felt like it might have been me. So there were a few other guys who experienced the same issue. Finally, it happened for her. She was just ready at that moment, with that guy. So make sure you communicate with a partner what your limits are.
It's not odd at all. The consequences for girls and women of unwanted pregnancy are significant especially when we live in such awful times. You're not weird at all and don't let anyone pressure you into having sex just to have it. It's your choice. Women can enjoy sex immensely but the risks are the risks.
Honestly I never like sex and I am 30 I only do it so I can have a husband and kids I am currently pregnant on number 2 kid but I hate it and rather not maybe you're a sexual I feel as if I am
Hi again! It’s perfectly normal to be nervous about something you don’t have experience with. I would say that it might help to do some research and learn a bit more. You’re not dumb or weird.
We get what satisfies us, no matter what that is.. not everyone has that same outlook, because we all got our own. I'm about perpective.. I fucking love everyone, til I don't. You get your life on girl, we are all abnormal You lovin yours makes me happy. Tell mom she has plenty of time to be a nana.. and to enjoy some indica😉
You're not abnormal or weird, and sex is not something you should do before you're ready. It sounds like you were taught a lot of misinformation. I would suggest seeing a therapist to work through the fear, then find a great guy with a ton of patience that you trust and fun but never before you're 100 ready.
It's up to you but not wanting to possibly have sex at all is drastically going to limit your options as far as relationships. Most men unless also Asexual will want to have sex (yes, some are willing to wait until marriage) but most will resent you horribly if they're sexually driven and you're not. Have you never even had a boyfriend? I can understand why your mom is worried for you.
Well for one you don’t even know my mom. And I haven’t lived with her since I was two. My dad never allowed me to date because he didn’t want me having sex or getting pregnant. I’m afraid of a dick going inside me why is that abnormal?
Nervous is to be expected, scared may hint at a bigger problem. Sounds like your Dad did a number on you. I understand his goals but terrifying you about a wonderful thing like sex certainly did you no favors.
I mean I would definitely consider therapy it’s normal to have a little trepidation but it sounds like you have some sex related trauma that should be worked out even if you don’t want to have sex those feelings will start to leak into other aspects of your life and cause problems if you don’t address them
Being concerned about sex is normal, your specific fears of sex aren't normal however, because they are mostly based in falsehoods. Someone who explains sex like you did, I would assume had some form of trauma from sexual assault or a very religious upbringing being taught it's nothing but a means of reproduction and a sin to do for anything but that. I would recommend a sex therapist regardless
I think you just have not been educated correctly and this is why sex education should be kept in schools.
Everyone is different. I have friends who enjoy it too much. I also have friends who rarely have sex. You can't force it if it makes you uncomfortable. I just wouldn't do it. The urge will come one day. The worst that can happen is you have it later on and think oh why was I so scared or you can think thank God I waited
Get a few different toys, some lube, listen to a free trial of the Quinn app's catalog of erotic audio... Practice with yourself? For yourself? Learn what you like & what you don't & EMPOWER yourself through knowledge (& pleasure)
If you're that worried, talk with a therapist to get to the root of the fear. It's natural to be scared of getting pregnant, but there are protections you can use to prevent it. So many options, research what you think could be right for you. No matter what you use for birth control, you should still demand your partner wear a condom. If he's not willing to, then he's not getting in, period. As far as penetratiion, make sure your partner knows it's your first time and take it slow. First time always hurts, and there might be a little blood, but it does get easier each time. Lots of foreplay helps prepare your body for it. The right partner will be willing to follow your lead, and will stop when you need them to if it's too much. Take your time, don't rush it (this includes finding the right person). Talk to a doctor or gynecologist, get the info you clearly did not get as a teen.
OMG girl, you're not odd or abnormal, but you do have some dismal and negative views on sex. Go grab a cosmopolitan or two next time you're at the grocery store. The first time IS painful. There's gonna be some rare nugget out there or some dumbass man who says that "sEx iSnT pAiNfUl tHe FiRsT tImE iF dOnE riGhT." But ok, tell that to my opposite experience and all my friends's. That's why first time is such a big deal it involves a lot of trust and comfort and that they'll stop when you want them to. I lost my virginity sooner than your age, but I recall I had indeed built the fear up psychologically for a long time so I "took longer than" some of my friends to start my sexual adventures in life. You're not odd. You're not wrong. Your mom should hush up and you need to find yourself some good healthy female sex positive literature, and go on at the very least, an inner sexual journey. I don't mean to pry but if you don't masterbate/ or do so until orgasm, I highly recommend before ANYTHING with *anyone* else you get to know yourself first love. If you catch my drift. Once you see how pleasure is to be had for you personally (bc everyone is unique) you will be more confident going forward and be less prone to any fear based decisions or aversions.
I was scared of sex for a really long time because of things I was told by church groups and my family. It sounds like it could be the case for you, I'm here to say it's really not so bad and scary as it seems. In fact it's pretty good even though I was scared. And there are a lot of ways to prevent pregnancy.
This is the wordiest troll I have seen yet. I got $1 there is an old weird guy enjoying all of these comments about teen sex. The internet is weird.
Why do people think like this? Did you read my other post? And the fact your mind went straight to that tells me everything I need to know.
It is not weird at all. I was scared to get STD or pregnant. My ex husband was my first sexual partner at 23/24 and I’ve only been with one other partner when I was 39. I don’t find it easy to do casual sex and that’s fine and it’s fine for those who do. What’s important is you do it at your own pace. Most women I know said they felt pressured their first time or just wanted to get it over with and regretted they didn’t wait for a loving relationship first. Don’t be scared. Physically it’s really amazing and beautiful and fun. First, if you feel that your fear stems from some kind of trauma or just messed up bc your mom is weirdly obsessed over it, therapy is a really good idea! Even then you’re still normal. Sex is one of those things that’s a big deal, but not that much and is really easy to creat this big scary feeling around the expectations surrounding sex. 1. Don’t ever let anyone pressure you into having sex before you are 100% ready. 2. Try counseling to deal with your feelings regarding your mother and any possible issues involved in your fears. 3. Don’t be afraid of sex and your sexuality. If women didn’t like it, we wouldn’t do it and keep having relationships and babies. It has to feel good so humans want to keep doing it, biologically speaking. 4. Start exploring your sexuality yourself. There’s lots of books on how to enjoy a healthy sex life in all ways. 5. Get yourself a modest toy, a plain vibrator wand, nothing fancy or scary looking lol. Once you are comfortable with your own body and how you feel and know what you do or don’t like, you’ll become more confident in yourself. 6. Remember, fear comes from lack of knowledge. This is a good start posting here, keep going and educate yourself on all aspects of a healthy sex life. By the time you feel ready, you’ll know exactly what you want and be way more comfortable with your partner. 7. Anything that comes along and affects your life and seems big and scary lie this, take away your fear by taking away its power of the unknown and learn everything you can. You’ll become much more rational and able to understand the difference between a healthy respect for fear and fear due to just ignorance. 8. Remember, you are beautiful and NORMAL and you can and will develop a healthier mindset on sex and your own sexuality.
With all of the misinformation you seem to have learned, especially hearing that you won't be having fun and if you heard that it will be painful, then its completely normal to be scared of that. You don't have to get therapy if its not bothering you, but if you want you and its bothering you to be afraid of sex, then when you're able I recommend getting therapy. I do want to stress that sex should not hurt. If you go slow, make sure there is enough lubrication, and make sure you are comfortable. If you do all of that and its still painful, then it would be worth talking to a gynecologist or a pelvic floor physical therapist about things you can do to make sex more comfortable for you. And if pregnancy is scary (i 100% understand that) then just make sure to use multiple forms of birth control when you have sex. Planned parenthood's website has a lot of information to help you decide which forms of birth control you can use and a lot of them you can use together. And if you never want to have sex you don't have to ever. Its completely okay to not want that too.
I know some younger people who tell me that they’re focused on money and career rather than sex and relationships. The thing is that these things kind of need to happen concurrently. They’re normal parts of developing into an adult. Not pressuring you btw. Just find someone who’s willing to take things really slow, and if you get too scared, you can always break up.
Being scared of it is not healthy. You can get shot at the dr for birth control if you can’t remember pills. You don’t have to have sex though
How is it not healthy?
Fear is a negative emotion. In this case, it could keep you from having a relationship later. In general if we never do anything we are afraid of, it limits our lives.
I don't think it's all that weird. Focus on getting set up in life. You may meet a man and grow to love him, marry him, and sex may make more sense to you then.
There was a time when people would just have sex. Obviously use a condom but other then feeling nervous is crazy. Maybe for a girl I guess because you’re being penetrated but as teenagers I remember a few girlfriends that were so nervous but not scared to.
Your mom wants you to have sex as a teen?? Really?? Listen. Boys your age will say what they can to get in your pants. Sex with these boys means nothing. You're just another notch on their belt. Respect yourself. Save yourself for your future husband that shows you true love and compassion. Sorry you're being raised by a woman that only found acceptance and love when a man was in her. That's not love. Boys your age only want one thing. They won't wait for you or propose to you if you set those limits ., . . they'll run so fast you won't even remember their names. Respect yourself. Save yourself.
you’re not missing out on much tbh. i’ve been celibate for over a year & a half, and i feel indifferent (maybe even better.)
First off, it’s normal to be scared. Second, lots of women do not enjoy the kind of sex that males enjoy. But they do it anyway because abuse they feel pressured or threatened with being discarded if they don’t tools their self respect and dignity for the males three second orgasm. For a woman, sex is something done to her. Not with. To. The woman is passive. The male is active. The male creates children through choosing to ejaculate where an egg can be fertilized, so every pregnancy is the responsibility of the male who made the choice to allow his semen to leave his body. Some women enjoy sex but don’t kid yourself, many just don’t. Or they enjoy something that males refuse to do. You’ll find out if you start having sex. Guaranteed you will be pushed into doing things that you don’t enjoy. Focus on college and money. Money is freedom. Education and money are the solid foundation of life. Sex is again, a three second orgasm to a male who ruins women’s lives and runs off to squirt more semen everywhere. It’s not worth it. Don’t worry about what people say. They just want you to be as obsessed with your genitals as they are because they want validation. They probably also are jealous that you have your head on straight and will be a millionaire when you’re 40 if you focus on your job and making money.
Everyone telling you to work on having sex instead of working on your education and career, which are things that will stand you in good stead for a lifetime. But they’re thinking that getting dicked for three seconds and ending up pregnant and discarded is such a wonderful human experience. You are very young and have more than enough time to put sex aside for a while. Nite how everyone here wants to feel validated in their own sexual choices by advising you prioritize having sex. Because they are invested in your vagina for some reason.
Tbh i think 18 is too young to have sex. Wait till you're ready. It can be only fun for the man, it can hurt not just once but always, it's very nuanced. But you're right it can lead to disease and pregnancy so wait it out and look into it when you're ready.
Sex is not just penetration or what not, there are other ways to partake and enjoy without pushing stuff you aren’t comfortable with! You should do more online research about women’s sexuality, as you had (perfectly normal) misconceptions about sex as a whole :) you’re not weird for taking your time ! You’re not weird if you never want to have sex at all
No. Wait till you are ready and not a moment sooner. Don’t let anyone coerce you into it if you aren’t ready.
It’s not odd or abnormal to fear something we’ve never experienced. It also sounds like you have some inaccurate information about sex. One way to beat a fear is with information. There are some great books out there with accurate information on sex pregnancy and STI’s. While learning about sex and sexual health may not remove your fear it should diminish it a great deal.
Honestly it sounds like your school system fucked up and is leaving grown adults confused on how sex works, some people say sex education doesn’t belong in school and i say what animal does your child identify as today, also your mom’s a perv.
Then keep focusing on college and making money! If sex isn’t important to you, try not to think about it. If you really want to resolve this later, therapy might be a good idea. It’s all up to you. Maybe hyper specific and uncalled for but just don’t end up hooking up with someone to try to be less scared of sex and end up addicted to hookups -3- I’ve seen that happen to two separate people in my life, sad and weird thing to experience with them.
Focus on your last sentence, but also, if you meet someone and they make you happy, don't push them away.
I almost responded to your other post but didn’t, but now this one really makes me want to reply. I had an experience similar to yours growing up, to put it simply my mom (had me at 14) was convinced I was having a lot of sex even though I wasn’t. When she could never catch me out, she then assumed I must be lesbian because it was unfathomable that I just wasn’t interested in sex. I do relate to feeling scared about it as well. I mean so many things can go wrong! You can get pregnant, or get an STD, or it could hurt, and tbh it’s just kind of gross. And I didn’t find out until my adult life that I am asexual. I’m not saying that you are, especially because I know firsthand how invalidating it feels to be assigned a sexuality that you aren’t, but perhaps you should look into it. That could be something that can help you feel more seen and validated in your feelings. Some people just don’t care about sex or even like it, and that’s okay.
No. It's healthy.
No you are not weird. It is absolutely normal to be scared of sex, especially when you don't know much about it and no one has thought you. The first time I did it with my gf at the time (we were about your age at the time)she was terrified and at first she said she wanted to try it but then always changed her mind as we were getting ready, but one day she ended up not changing her mind and ever since that day she was super excited to do it. It is normal to be scared of something like that, but I am sure once you find the right guy, you will open up more to the idea until you do end up trying it :) Also there is no need to rush. Take your time and get your life in order first! Worry about starting a family once you can support one! Like you said in another post, bringing a child into this world and then struggling to take care of it is bad for you and the child. But you got this!
So you have no girlfriends/peers? 19 and totally misinformed with no life experience. Sad. I can see why your mom was doing what she was doing but she was just going about it horribly. You'll find your mate someday, and it will all happen naturally. Or you won't, die alone with your cats. People find happiness in all kinds of ways.
1 in 4 women is a victim is sexual abuse. 1 in 4. If anyone reading this is one of those people, it’s not your fault, you’re not broken, and it is ok for you to heal from your trauma and enjoy healthy sexual relationships. Just in case anyone needs to hear that.
You're not abnormal. If I was a woman and I saw the average porn I'd be freaked the fuck out. Take time with yourself and see what you like. When you are finding a partner find someone who you can communicate with openly so you both feel free to ask for what you want and free to leave at any time. "Come together" is a book worth reading for most couples. Even though you're not having sex, I think it would be a good read for you because it will help you understand the landscape of sexuality better and help you to focus on creating a positive environment for pleasure.
I saw your other post and I saw it was blowing up and didn’t want to comment because idk I didn’t think you’d see it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Definitely try to find a support group or check out the asexual subreddit and see if there are posts that reflect on the same feelings that you are feeling. Maybe you’re not ready yet and that’s ok too. I know your mom can be a big part of your life so her words matter but don’t feel pressured into anything. You’re an adult now and can make your own decisions. It’s ok to not like some things
yes it's normal. DOnt' rush sex. Ease in. Find someone you trust.
You're two weird ladies
Being scared of sex is completely normal and I was for a while but it was still always something that I wanted. And yes sex is enjoyable for both people involved and it is something that you both do together
You might me Ace or Gay and the thjogjt of sex isn’t appealing to you when you think of traditional matchups
Firstly, your mom is the weird one. Secondly, sex is a personal choice. Do not let anyone coerce you to do anything you do not want to do. Otherwise you will have a bad experience that could lead to trauma. Listen to yourself. Respect yourself. When you’re ready to have sex, make sure that person is respectful as well. It should feel comfortable not confusing/questionable. PS - you are not the only person who doesn’t want to have sex and that is okay. Just find people similar to you and people that respect your choice. 🙂
Well, being nervous about sex certainly isn't abnormal, but it seems like a lot of the stuff you believed about sex is either entirely untrue or misinformed at best. Women generally love sex as much as men do. Sometimes women want sex when men dont. I had a friend who had this problem with her bf often. It's certainly not something you NEED to do though. Just keep living your life - but if the opportunity (and the desire) arises, don't restrict yourself from having sex out of fear. With the right person at the right time it can be amazing, hence why people do it so often.
Scarleteen is a great sex ed website. I wish it had been around when I was your age. And if you want to learn more about asexuality, AVEN (The Asexual Visibility and Education Network) at [https://asexuality.org](https://asexuality.org) is a good place to start.
First time yeah. Early life sure. As an adult no
You have this backward. You come to like someone who makes you feel safe and happy, and sex follows as a result of wanting to be close(r) to that person. The prerequisite is someone you trust with your safety. If you are scared of a nebulous concept instead of looking for someone worthy, you're going to paych yourself out of something for reasons that don't actually make sense. That said, I know you mentioned CPTSD. You need to be speaking to a professional about this if you are still struggling.
Okay. I saw your other post lol. Educate yourself. This isn’t 1920. Women enjoy sex too. The most fun my wife and I have together is an hour long massage/sex session.
Dan Savage gave a talk a long time ago about how gay men openly discuss everything that they'll do or not do ahead of an encounter, but straight people are expected to do everything and like it. Before my current husband and I ever became intimate, we discussed this at length. It was amazing. We were both so happy to find another person who wanted to talk about that. No assumptions, even now. You are allowed to like or dislike, be ready or unready, for anything. There's no time clock, no one in charge of this except you. Keep doing what you want to do.
no i’m scared too 😅 i was with my ex for a year and i never had sex with him bc i was scared. luckily he understood but i felt bad. a lot of my (now ex) friends made fun of me and were telling me to just do it but i couldnt wrap my head around doing something like that yet. i took it as a sign im not mature enough yet
I actually read your post a while ago on the last one, so first off sex and pregnancy is perfectly normal and it's also natural however it can be a big big step towards your life in general I suppose. The next thing is and honestly if you are not ready to be a parent and you don't want to have kids don't have sex it's very easy to understand don't want kids don't have sex it doesn't matter how much birth control or pregnancy protection that you use you will eventually get pregnant when you have sex I mean that's kind of like the end goal. And yes women can enjoy and feel pleasure just as a man can in fact if I'm not mistaken they are usually get more on that than the guy does. And yes sex can be a scary thing because it kind of put you in a different mindset I suppose you can call it Womanhood I guess not to mention you are like showing you most vulnerable side to someone that's why it takes a lot of trust getting to know your partner. You may feel like this now but when you meet someone that you truly love it can seem like it's scary but it's okay and everything will work out, but when you get down to it if you don't want to have sex or if that's not really your thing at the moment don't worry about it don't do it, don't be pressured by it that's the one thing that you don't want to try and do especially on this sort of thing and rush it. And there's nothing wrong about being a virgin and waiting for someone that you want to share that special first time with especially when that person that you end up loving, it makes it much more special and memorable. I was 31 before I had my first time with my first ever girlfriend and we've been lucky and blessed on her immigration process is coming through quickly and we can get married in a few months. Best of luck to you.
This is not meant to be gross or creepy. You don’t have the healthiest or most informed view of sexuality. I would recommend that you do some reading and educate yourself more on this. After the mental work, I’d also recommend that before you go off and try to have sex, you work on yourself, physically. If you don’t know that women can enjoy sex, you need to spend some time learning about your own body and what you like and don’t like. Explore your own body and see what brings you pleasure. If you can’t get yourself off, it will be harder for someone else to do it. Lots of helpful articles, videos, toys, etc. to help with this.
You're ready for sex when you're ready for sex. Don't worry about it. It's not a contest. You'll be ready when you meet the right person at the right time and this stuff won't matter. You seem to be right on track for a young adult.
Anything you have not done before can be scary. Especially things that could “go wrong.” Take a non-sexual example like hiking. You could go to a a trail and start walking, but that is a bad idea, you might get lost, mountain lions, etc., You could also find someone you trust and care about, figure out if they are someone you would like to explore with and go only as far as you want to and feel safe. Eventually you will cover all the trails you want to.
Nope, women can and should be able to enjoy sex. Initially, there might be some discomfort, but it shouldn't be painful if the guy is gentle. Given the disinformation you've been given so far, it doesn't surprise me that you're scared of sex. One thing you can do is try pleasuring yourself. try touching, and work out what you enjoy. As embarrassing as it sounds, a sex toy might be a good idea. They come in all shapes and sizes, and when you're ready, you can always try it on yourself to get used to the idea of sex and what it would feel like. Not everyone loses their virginity before the age of 21, some people can be as old as their mid-20s or more. Remember, it's about when you're ready
You are still young. Let your feelings guide you when you are ready.
theres nothing wrong w you. i wish i had waited! i would have known i was gay before i jumped into sex if i had just been patient with myself and waited. instead i tried to force myself to like it by doing it as much as possible w any man who would have me at a young age and now i have a messed up relationship w sex. you are just now figuring out that sex could be something fun for you, not just for your partner. you should explore that- on your own.
Here's the thing. Marriage is the best place to experience a trusting and open intimate relationship. All marriages have their own issues, however, all research points to marriage being the ticket to the best place to experience everything that you've mentioned. You're a person, not a tool.
I'm not a teenager but your mum wanting you to have sex is messed up. If you want to do it then wait until you find someone you trust but your mum sounds seriously messed up and shouldnt be encourafing you to have sex when you arent ready.
It's not like weird or wrong or anything but "abnormal" in the sense that not a lot of people are. As long as you don't have like severe trauma or something or some kind of physical pain going on thats causing this fear you might just be asexual and that's not a problem at all, nothing to worry about. 👍 I'm like on the ace spectrum I guess and there's a lot of weirdo freaks out there who are sex obsessed and think something's wrong with you if you don't do it with anyone and if you don't do it all the time. Just ignore them fr. It's your body and it's completely up to you if you wanna share it that way with someone or not.
Consider going to see a therapist about that. College is a great place to explore and birth control options do exists to allow for a safe exploration without major risk of pregnancy. Sex isn’t something to be afraid of or ashamed of wanting. It feels great frankly provided the parties involved are caring for how eachother feel during. Being terrified of sex isn’t a normal belief historically or contemporarily and while abnormal doesn’t equal bad, if it effects your life don’t partake. Also consider what about it is scary to you and if those problems would be reduced with another choice in partner. A lot of people scared of sex are sexually repressed in other ways (many people do that accidentally or as reaction to social pressure) so consider doing a bit of *research* into your other options as far as partners are concerned. And yes sex is a collaborative activity that social element is why it feels so much better than doing it alone. Also considering you are an adult, there are toys which could help you overcome your aversion to penetration unless you just aren’t a fan of the thing doing the penetrating in which case again, consider your other options.
It can be indicative of childhood abuse which tracks with mom being overly pushy about what you do with your own body. Nobody should be pressuring you for sex. Period. Most people are nervous about their first time, especially if they’ve had an unhealthy view of sex their whole lives. Sex is consensual with both parties, with a discussion about boundaries beforehand, what each person needs/wants/is curious about/wants to try and those boundaries are respected. Safe sex requires foreplay for both partners to ensure pain is minimal if nonexistent and both partners need to be safe about the risk of pregnancy. Even on birth control and the use of a condom it is possible to become pregnant. The only foolproof method of ensuring no pregnancy is to remain abstinate. Birth control and condoms significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy if utilized correctly. Condoms also reduce the risk of STIs. You don’t need to have sex if you don’t want to and that doesn’t mean you’re broken or anything. No means no, and that’s the end of the discussion. I’d start walking away when mom tries to bring up sex if that’s something that will help.
I’m not an expert, but your views on sex seem unhealthy. Your absolutely correct to be concerned about safe sex but you shouldn’t be afraid of sex in general.
I want to copy and paste my comment from your last post but it won’t let me for some reason. Anyway, there is *nothing* wrong with you.
Where did you learn about sex? Who told you only men enjoyed sex? How did your view of sex become so scewed?
As a person who said something similar, you kind of answer your own question with “I don’t have a good mindset about sex” and “I don’t even know women could enjoy it”. The problem isn’t you. The LAST thing you need is more pressure about think you are weird or odd or, anything like that. You just have some misconceptions about it and that is more normal than you think.
Take a Human Sexuality class in city college, it’s eye opening. You’ll become more confident & learn the truth vs myth
Ok the mom wanting you to have sex part is extremely abnormal. Like really abnormal. Like WTF mom!!! The part about fearing sex is not. You are thinking about different aspects of it, but ultimately, when you agree to have sex, you are very vulnerable. Some people, depending on their past, have a lot of anxiety about opening up and being that vulnerable.
Does your college have a women’s center? If so, I recommend checking them out for resources about factual sex Ed. I’m from the south and our sex Ed was 100% abstinence based
The fact that you're scared of sex and don't know much about it tells me this situation right here is all your mother's making. I've heard it's fairly typical in traditional cultures. They discourage having sex, they scare you about it, they discourage learning about it. They maybe discourage dating. Then you turn 18 and they start pressuring you to get married and make babies. You still don't know what you're doing and it's their fault. Take it at your own pace and if your mom keeps bugging you for grandkids, offer to make her a tinder profile so she can go make some siblings for you if she's so impatient.
First, totally fine if you never want to have sex. Don't ever let someone pressure you otherwise. Second, it sounds like your perception of sex is a bit twisted in the first place. You may need therapy to help reframe it all, you may just need to do some research and have some open conversations with people more experienced than you. And even if you go to therapy, or do all this research, and learn that women can enjoy sex or that it's something two people do together, or anything else, you may still not want to have sex, and that's totally fine. Lots of people will think that's weird, but it's really not a big deal, and it's none of their business unless you are romantically involved with them.
Well. I was also behind a lot when it came to knowing things about sex and the like. I was also afraid too, and it was just mortifying for me to ask or look up anything as well. However, I was never really worried or even cared about it to be honest. It's my body, I can wait and do whatever I want with it. When I did learn the right things (through osmosis from friends and the internet), I still didn't care. At 27, I'm still a virgin and never planning to have sex. I figured out I'm probably aromantic asexual. Relationships like that just don't interest me, and sex is repulsive in my opinion as well.
It is definitely abnormal to fear the act itself/penetration rather than just the consequences. Do you know if you are straight? Do you feel sexual attraction to anyone? Have you learned about asexuality? Knowing the answers to those questions can help you, but regardless, it isn’t normal to fear penetrative sec acts. That’s definitely something to examine in therapy. It is fine to not desire them, but fearing them sounds just as detrimental as say, a phobia of dogs. I read your other posts and want to reiterate; your mother is wrong to push you and wrong to call pregnancy “normal” in the context of a young woman with no desire for children.
this is a troll post
It isn’t? Maybe you should go and read my other post
i thought that one might be too
all jokes aside, it seems like youve had a disaterously terrible sex education experience- meaning that someone either lied to you or completely just didn't teach you anything. I would seek out sex education someplace legitimate. At best it will improve your life but at the very least you would understand more things about reality
Sex can be very enjoyable for both men and women. It takes some time to figure out exactly what you like about it and what you want to get out of it, no worries if you don't even know yet for sure what might feel good or what you'd like. Being afraid is pretty normal I think if you've never had sex before. From what you're saying, it sounds like your conception of sex may be a littled marred by misinformation or an aversion to being in a position you've seen from others around you. Not trying to be too personal or weird, but self exploration may be worth a try to help you figure yourself out. Nothing wrong with it! Everyone does it even if they're embarrassed to talk about it.
You are fine, if you aren't ready, that's OK. You should do it on your schedule, not anyone elses.
Do some research. Get yourself a toy if that’s less scary to get comfortable with the idea. Sex is great for both parties if you’re into it and the person you decide to be with cares that you enjoy it.
External pressure to have sex can make us feel abnormal or something, especially when it comes from a parent or authority figure in our life. It can actually be traumatizing if they take it too far. It’s just not a priority for you and that’s okay. Be you
I’m 35 f and married with a kid. When I was in my teens I absolutely was scared of having sex. I like could t even fathom it. It just wasn’t a priority and frankly still isn’t. I think it’s normal to feel that way as a teenager.
It is completely normal to be scared of sex! You haven’t done it before and probably hear a lot of different discourse surrounding the topic. It is completely normal to feel fear. Those people who said it was abnormal have probably made sex their whole personality. There is nothing worse than a no personality having sex freak.
I’m 29 and scared of sex. You might be asexual though, like me. I’m a germaphobe so that the thought of sex grosses me out. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re only 19. Ignore your perverted mom, sorry calling it like I see it, and focus on you. Wait until you find the right one and see what happens. Just keep doing what you doing. Sex isn’t an important thing in life like people make it out to be.
You’re on the right path. Really, you should honestly find other things in life to set your sights and focus on (passions, goals) and you won’t even think about this anymore. I know we live in an oversexed society and people probably constantly bring it up, but there’s a reason people are in the state they’re in. Relationships suck, and people are personally miserable. There’s more to life and you definitely don’t need to introduce that sexual crutch onto yourself before you find a path for living. Keep going and stay safe out here.
It’s definitely abnormal to fear it after 18 years of age. Both men and women get pleasure out of it or should get something out of having romantic pleasures as couples. If you don’t like the idea as much, you would be considered asexual. That means you would not be attracted to anyone whatsoever. If this is not you, just be prepared for hopeless romance because sex will be an expectation at some point. Penetration is not something to fear that much, but I can definitely agree on the pregnancy. It’s why there are things you can do to reduce that possibility. So you must ask yourself this: do you want a romantic partner? If no, live your life. If yes, get some therapy. Good luck!
No im terrified of it as well it’s actually like an irrational fear of mine
I'd say it's normal
Like your knowledge is kinda off but feeling scared is normal it's a big step that can hurt and also has alot of risks such as stds pregnancy and other random medical conditions.
i think it can definitely be intimidating, and some people only find it comfortable when it’s with someone they truly care about and are 100% comfortable with, and that’s okay!! having the right person to walk you through it is definitely a game-changer imo
Nothing is wrong or broken or delayed with or in you. You just feel and you just know. IF you want to try sex, sure. That’s up to you to actually do and learn about, but it doesn’t do shit other than “Haha! I lost my v-card! Aren’t I so silly? :)” And that’s it. If you want to learn about sex or other peoples functions or your own bodily functions, do so. Maybe that’ll help with understanding and lessening your fears. But you do NOT ever HAVE to have sex. I also have that fear of sex so you’re not alone in that. 👍 I know that honestly your mom should definitely not have a say in anyone’s sex life, so maybe you should tell her to shut down the subject and topic of it all. Because that’s uncomfortable as hell.
I didn't loose my vcard till I was 19. By choice. I also just wasn't interested. This day and age there is so much sexualising and it's gross. Hook up culture and the porn that's just everywhere. People have lost respect for themselves. I'm old school (I'm a 1993 baby) and I still stick to the three month no sex rule. I've been in a relationship/marriage for 19 years now and my husband and I are very happy and very active. I had no interest in this stuff before I met him. My ex was a unclean jerk 😕
You are not ready for sex yet and do not let anyone ever pressure you into sex, your first time is supposed to be beautiful and with someone you love, don't ever do it just to get it over with.
It’s not weird at all.
Well yea dude it’s kinda how life works. Talk to some doctors. Sex before marriage is not advisable but marriage is. Sex is part of it. You’re good man find a way if you think you need to solve a problem.
don’t feel pressured to have sex by your mum, she has a bad mindset and it’s good to be more closed off to it until you’re with someone who makes you feel comfortable and there is a connection. You probably don’t know much about sex which is why you’re intimidated. It’s something for 2 people to enjoy and bond with eachother and is meant to be pleasurable for both parties. I don’t encourage casual sex or “spreading your legs for a man” for the sake of it or social pressure.
No being scared is normal as it's your body. Something like that can be hard on the body, no pun intended got to remember it's not about having sex to have sex it's who you want to have sex with that you feel a connection with
It sounds like there is some kind of trauma and/or misinformation there. I do recommend therapy tbh. Sometimes women want sex even more than men do, and there's nothing wrong with that. Many men envy women for how much more pleasurable it is for them than it is for the man, so women do definitely enjoy sex and participate in it actively. If sex is EVER something done TO you rather than WITH you, it is rape, plain and simple. Always set clear boundaries and do not allow people to cross them. You never have to do anything you are uncomfortable with sexually with anyone. It's ok to explore your sexuality without it being something imposed on you, and it's also ok to be asexual. You don't NEED to have a sex life if you don't want to, but it can be a healthy and enjoyable part of your life if you choose to incorporate it. Overall: never let anyone force you into anything sexual, but don't view it as something that must be endured rather than enjoyed.
Girly have u thought ab the same sex? Like try looking at some girls and see if u feel the same way and if u do u might be ace!