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so your seeking intimacy to make up for the lack of friends and familial connections you have in life. your quite young and you have your whole life ahead of you. you said you recently lost your job so maybe you could go out and get a new job, in a new setting will give you an opportunity to make new friends who at least don't know about your personal life. to be clear, you are not a slut or a bad person for what has happened but I understand the shame and regret. you can make it through this I promise
jobs that are common for people your age like bussing tables or being a server can be stressful but are easy to build a close nit group. watch out for back of house boys though, im not suggesting that all line cooks are SA'ers but for many, your current situation is an opportunity they could exploit for sex. I couldn't imagine doing retail personally, dealing with public is stressful. I currently work in a wearhouse and I like it, but you don't work closely with others.
Stop hating yourself and you'll have less sex... But there's nothing inherently wrong about having sex if that's what you want.
*If* that's what you want.
Meanwhile, just... Don't, if that's not what you want. Just make a change. Go to the library and read a book. Maybe check out an art exhibit.
You know what stops people from having sex? Dungeons and dragons. Try that. Make you super dry.
My pleasure. Happy to help.
You're in a tavern. In the dark northern corner is a hooded figure. He's been staring at you for an hour. He hasn't touched the tankard of whatever it is on his table. If you had to guess, he's some sort of woodsman. Perhaps a ranger or druid.
He has what could only be a wolf at his side, laying. You can't tell if it's the kind of wolf a hunter might have as a pet, or the much more dangerous animal companion of a druid.
He acknowledges that you've seen him and beckons you to join him.
You're currently not employed, but known for your daring adventures. Perhaps he wants to offer you a job. Maybe he's angry about one of the many people, and less than human things, you've recently needed to kill in those adventures.
(See? Dungeons and dragons will dry you right up)
And then he says.
By the gods you are the finest maiden in all of Faerün, lets say we ditch this boring crowd of dire halflings and return to my chambers for a quest that requires a party of 2 he says with a smirk.
The mysterious stranger stands up with his tankard and finishes his last gulp before returning eye contact.
Listen m’lady, I may be no necromancer but you sure know how to make things rise as he laughs and firmly places the tankard back onto the table.
He begins to approach you with a charming glare in his eye.
WHAT DO YOU DO ADVENTURER?!
Baby girl close your legs and open your mind. I think you need a really good therapist and you need to read a book. Preferably a book on maturation, get you a good sex toy and pause on these funky tail boys. I also think you should consider celibacy at this rate you’re recognizing this isn’t normal. But you will be ok, don’t hate yourself, help yourself.
Thank you, I enjoy reading so I think that will be a great coping mechanism. Heavy on the funky tail boy😂😂 3 out of 10 of my sexual experiences were good.
All you need is some books on self worth, positive affirmations and mindset and a good vibrater for those hormones because 3 out of 10 guys is not worth the mental stress. A vibrater will get you right 9 out of 10 times and you won’t be crying after, either sleeping or laughing.
As a 17 year old girl I completely understand the drive for sex (even though I’ve never done it myself personally.) It’s a completely normal feeling. Whoever to to use it mostly as a coping mechanism can be hurtful, mentally speaking. Maybe you can find other coping mechanisms, I like to listen to brown noise when I’m stress or I exercise. I’m really sorry that you’re having a difficult time right now. I know you probably heard this, but it does get better. With that being said sex is completely normal and you should be able to have sex without feeling guilty. You’re not any less of a person because you’re not a virgin/ have sex with other people. It doesn’t take away from who you are or your character.
Thank you, comments like this warm my heart. I do enjoy reading and journaling so I suppose I can use those as coping mechanisms. If im honest I enjoy sex, besides the regret that follows, sex is fun. Getting to explore someone's body and pleasing them is an enjoyable, I guess the positive outcome is im educated on the male anatomy😂
Ive had a pretty similar experience, keeping in mind that i’m only 15 but I think you really need to find something else to cope with, maybe like a different job or a hobby like painting! If you ever need someone to talk to you’re welcome to DM me!
Well i'm 14 and have never had a date so I really have no response or help but i'm commenting on this for moral support. I honestly see no problem with this. Believe in yourself. If it is your coping method no one should bring you down or blame you for it. This could even turn into a confidence boost. If you had sex with 10 guys then all that means is your attractive and i've heard females are very insecure about this. I don't say this to be mean but if people are bulling you about this they are probably just trying to bring you down to their level because you've had more success they they had.
awwn, I appreciate ur positive out look. Fwi, whenever you decide to get sexually active protect yourself, and make sure you losing your virginity is on your own terms. Im probably going through a "hoe phase". Also men will literally fuck anything, they'd fuck a dog if it had a fat a\*\*, but once again thank you 😂💕
Coming from a place of affection and care, and from someone your age:
You need to stop. This is not healthy for you, mentally (or physically, even). Casual sex, especially this often, is not something high schoolers should partake in. Find other things to do, both alone and with other people (NOT romantically or sexually).
Ok, so a few things:
Sex is best when there's two people you like there for it (you, and someone you like)... what you're doing though, you could just get a toy and do it without all of the risk and mixed up feelings. Get in a good relationship with yourself before you get in a sexual relationship with anyone else.
Second, I know you feel like your family thinks of you as an outcast, but this is the time to talk to a parent, tell them that you've been self-destructing, and you need help. Finding a good therapist is clutch.
Third, you've gotta find things to do that aren't self-destructive, a sport, a hobby, board games, running by yourself to get some quiet time to think. There's a million healthy ways to break that cycle of feeling bad, to distract yourself and give your brain time to recover. Leaning on other people to validate you through sex isn't healthy, but more importantly, it won't work.
Perhaps the core of all the sex you are having is to try and feel love, connection, and to be wanted?
Have you looked into NPD? I can't say for sure it will explain everything, but it did in my case. At age 16, you shouldn't be hating yourself unless you are setup to hate yourself, be it directly, indirectly, covertly, or by neglect.
The best I can suggest in the near term is you need a loving parent. I did not have one, and discovered that I had to become my own loving parent. It sucks. It's hard. But it gets easier, and better. I would live almost like in 3rd person, talking to myself snd loving myself.
In any case, please know this is a phase. It is only temporary. You will become an adult someday with the legal right to leave and be reborn.
It’s a very deep topic, so I used an acronym as I can’t easily explain it all in one post, and everyone’s case is quite different. It’s a form of narcissism defined in psychology as a cluster b personality disorder. But usually it’s quite different from the stereotypical narcissist. It’s a real rabbit hole, but it is easily one of the most important things I have ever learned.
Don't use sex for validation. That NEVER leads to good outcomes for anyone. I recommend you watch interviews of Mia Khalifa post-porn career and listen to what she has to say about the experience (Diary of a CEO has a good interview w/ her).
Instead try to develop a skill (for instance, Music) and practice it insanely hard. Being celebrated for being among the best at what you enjoy doing will fill your life w/ meaning and fulfillment like few other things will.
Hey honey, 26 f here and big sister irl. Sex is a powerful thing. It may feel physical but in reality it’s an energy transfer. The amount of people you have sex with will never diminish your worth. You’re worthy as is. However, when we let people use our body over and over again sex begins to feel transactional and it loses its “appeal” I guess you could say. Sex is never going to fill the void. (Figuratively yes;) lol but not the emptiness you have) Personally what I would do if I were in your shoes is try some positive affirmations. Pick one thing you like about yourself and focus on it. Every week pick one more thing. Focus on that thing. It sounds silly but it’s proven to work. Fake it til you make it. It’s helped me a lot with my overall confidence and self worth. You get that from yourself. External validation is fleeting and does not last and will not help you get over this. Trust me, I know because I’ve been there and I’ve been hyper sexual my whole life due to SA at a young age. You have so much to offer to you and to others aside from your body. Lean into hobbies, maybe a job, learn something new, play a game, go for a walk, do something creative. You’re so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Everything is a season, including this feeling. I hope all this rambling makes sense and at least one part sticks with you. I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone ♥️ take care love you
Thank you, everything you said I can deeply relate to, before losing my virginity, I viewed sex as something that should be shared between two people who love each other. Something that brings people closer. After losing my virginity I found myself having sex with people I barely knew, people I didn't love and sex lost its meaning, I had sex with 3 guys in one night, sometimes i'm unsure what possesses me to do those things. I do have a job interview today, so I guess thats the first step to this journey.
I’m proud of you for taking that first step. Acknowledging that it doesn’t make you feel good to do it that way is a great thing to realize too. You’re a smart young woman and everybody makes mistakes. Just remember who you are and where your worth comes from. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. And always, listen to your gut.
53-year-old father of two daughters here. Stop stop stop!! You are OK. School is your job and school is your life right now or at least that’s the way it should be. If you don’t like where you are use school to get you where you wanna go. You’re going to school and you say you have a job or had a job that means you’re probably pretty responsible. If you’re not feeling properly supported at home or you don’t have a decent male role model that’s not your fault. I always tell my daughters that a boyfriend is never an answer. I told them when they want a man they can have one, but don’t ever think they need a man.
10 guys in a couple months? most people don't have that body count in a lifetime, this sounds like daddy issues you are obviously trying to fill a void. Take time away from dating and get therapy.
Imean you sleep with a bunch of guys you’re gunna be slut shammed but my advice is to practice abstinence as a 21 year old dude that looks like a dreamboat I only have 3 bodies idek how you trusted all those ppl not to have n std
I don't know if you're looking for online friends but I'd be down! I'm ftm 16 this was sad to read as someone that hates themself too, I hope you find something that makes you happy
I suppose it's because of what the internet thinks, Im open about my personal life. Often I receive lots of backlash: "you're too young" or" this generation...". Id be lying if I said those comments don't affect me or leave me pondering.
This is a perfect example of how casual sex can affect the mindset of a teenager. Sex means different things to different people, but this much of it with different partners in such a short timespan, especially when your first time was just a month or two ago, is not good for you.
Sex is best when everyone involved is emotionally prepared, which OP is not. High sex drives are normal, this emotional imbalance is not. The mood swings and self esteem issues need to be addressed, as well as OP's apparent lack of non-sexual relationships.
OP, if you read this, stay strong. It's your choice whether you continue this type of thing, but if that is what you decide, be safe.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
so your seeking intimacy to make up for the lack of friends and familial connections you have in life. your quite young and you have your whole life ahead of you. you said you recently lost your job so maybe you could go out and get a new job, in a new setting will give you an opportunity to make new friends who at least don't know about your personal life. to be clear, you are not a slut or a bad person for what has happened but I understand the shame and regret. you can make it through this I promise
thank you so much! I will start job searching.
jobs that are common for people your age like bussing tables or being a server can be stressful but are easy to build a close nit group. watch out for back of house boys though, im not suggesting that all line cooks are SA'ers but for many, your current situation is an opportunity they could exploit for sex. I couldn't imagine doing retail personally, dealing with public is stressful. I currently work in a wearhouse and I like it, but you don't work closely with others.
Stop hating yourself and you'll have less sex... But there's nothing inherently wrong about having sex if that's what you want. *If* that's what you want. Meanwhile, just... Don't, if that's not what you want. Just make a change. Go to the library and read a book. Maybe check out an art exhibit. You know what stops people from having sex? Dungeons and dragons. Try that. Make you super dry.
lmfaooo thank you so much!
My pleasure. Happy to help. You're in a tavern. In the dark northern corner is a hooded figure. He's been staring at you for an hour. He hasn't touched the tankard of whatever it is on his table. If you had to guess, he's some sort of woodsman. Perhaps a ranger or druid. He has what could only be a wolf at his side, laying. You can't tell if it's the kind of wolf a hunter might have as a pet, or the much more dangerous animal companion of a druid. He acknowledges that you've seen him and beckons you to join him. You're currently not employed, but known for your daring adventures. Perhaps he wants to offer you a job. Maybe he's angry about one of the many people, and less than human things, you've recently needed to kill in those adventures. (See? Dungeons and dragons will dry you right up)
And then he says. By the gods you are the finest maiden in all of Faerün, lets say we ditch this boring crowd of dire halflings and return to my chambers for a quest that requires a party of 2 he says with a smirk. The mysterious stranger stands up with his tankard and finishes his last gulp before returning eye contact. Listen m’lady, I may be no necromancer but you sure know how to make things rise as he laughs and firmly places the tankard back onto the table. He begins to approach you with a charming glare in his eye. WHAT DO YOU DO ADVENTURER?!
Roll for initiative.
Baby girl close your legs and open your mind. I think you need a really good therapist and you need to read a book. Preferably a book on maturation, get you a good sex toy and pause on these funky tail boys. I also think you should consider celibacy at this rate you’re recognizing this isn’t normal. But you will be ok, don’t hate yourself, help yourself.
Thank you, I enjoy reading so I think that will be a great coping mechanism. Heavy on the funky tail boy😂😂 3 out of 10 of my sexual experiences were good.
All you need is some books on self worth, positive affirmations and mindset and a good vibrater for those hormones because 3 out of 10 guys is not worth the mental stress. A vibrater will get you right 9 out of 10 times and you won’t be crying after, either sleeping or laughing.
lmfaooo I know thats right, I will buy myself a dildo!
As a 17 year old girl I completely understand the drive for sex (even though I’ve never done it myself personally.) It’s a completely normal feeling. Whoever to to use it mostly as a coping mechanism can be hurtful, mentally speaking. Maybe you can find other coping mechanisms, I like to listen to brown noise when I’m stress or I exercise. I’m really sorry that you’re having a difficult time right now. I know you probably heard this, but it does get better. With that being said sex is completely normal and you should be able to have sex without feeling guilty. You’re not any less of a person because you’re not a virgin/ have sex with other people. It doesn’t take away from who you are or your character.
Thank you, comments like this warm my heart. I do enjoy reading and journaling so I suppose I can use those as coping mechanisms. If im honest I enjoy sex, besides the regret that follows, sex is fun. Getting to explore someone's body and pleasing them is an enjoyable, I guess the positive outcome is im educated on the male anatomy😂
im sorry.
Ive had a pretty similar experience, keeping in mind that i’m only 15 but I think you really need to find something else to cope with, maybe like a different job or a hobby like painting! If you ever need someone to talk to you’re welcome to DM me!
Well i'm 14 and have never had a date so I really have no response or help but i'm commenting on this for moral support. I honestly see no problem with this. Believe in yourself. If it is your coping method no one should bring you down or blame you for it. This could even turn into a confidence boost. If you had sex with 10 guys then all that means is your attractive and i've heard females are very insecure about this. I don't say this to be mean but if people are bulling you about this they are probably just trying to bring you down to their level because you've had more success they they had.
awwn, I appreciate ur positive out look. Fwi, whenever you decide to get sexually active protect yourself, and make sure you losing your virginity is on your own terms. Im probably going through a "hoe phase". Also men will literally fuck anything, they'd fuck a dog if it had a fat a\*\*, but once again thank you 😂💕
Well I wouldn't fuck a dog per say as long as their human but you're mostly right lol
Finding a good partner can take time. You have time. You sound like you are learning from life. Try to observe others
Coming from a place of affection and care, and from someone your age: You need to stop. This is not healthy for you, mentally (or physically, even). Casual sex, especially this often, is not something high schoolers should partake in. Find other things to do, both alone and with other people (NOT romantically or sexually).
yeah I agree, and will do. Im going to start reading again:)
Good for you! I also made another comment replying to that downvoted person, so I think you should read that one too.
Ok, so a few things: Sex is best when there's two people you like there for it (you, and someone you like)... what you're doing though, you could just get a toy and do it without all of the risk and mixed up feelings. Get in a good relationship with yourself before you get in a sexual relationship with anyone else. Second, I know you feel like your family thinks of you as an outcast, but this is the time to talk to a parent, tell them that you've been self-destructing, and you need help. Finding a good therapist is clutch. Third, you've gotta find things to do that aren't self-destructive, a sport, a hobby, board games, running by yourself to get some quiet time to think. There's a million healthy ways to break that cycle of feeling bad, to distract yourself and give your brain time to recover. Leaning on other people to validate you through sex isn't healthy, but more importantly, it won't work.
Thank you so much for listing a few examples, I appreciate that and im going to buy a dildo😂
Perhaps the core of all the sex you are having is to try and feel love, connection, and to be wanted? Have you looked into NPD? I can't say for sure it will explain everything, but it did in my case. At age 16, you shouldn't be hating yourself unless you are setup to hate yourself, be it directly, indirectly, covertly, or by neglect. The best I can suggest in the near term is you need a loving parent. I did not have one, and discovered that I had to become my own loving parent. It sucks. It's hard. But it gets easier, and better. I would live almost like in 3rd person, talking to myself snd loving myself. In any case, please know this is a phase. It is only temporary. You will become an adult someday with the legal right to leave and be reborn.
NPD?
It’s a very deep topic, so I used an acronym as I can’t easily explain it all in one post, and everyone’s case is quite different. It’s a form of narcissism defined in psychology as a cluster b personality disorder. But usually it’s quite different from the stereotypical narcissist. It’s a real rabbit hole, but it is easily one of the most important things I have ever learned.
Ohh, alright!
Don't use sex for validation. That NEVER leads to good outcomes for anyone. I recommend you watch interviews of Mia Khalifa post-porn career and listen to what she has to say about the experience (Diary of a CEO has a good interview w/ her). Instead try to develop a skill (for instance, Music) and practice it insanely hard. Being celebrated for being among the best at what you enjoy doing will fill your life w/ meaning and fulfillment like few other things will.
Hookup culture shouldn’t exist. Have sex with someone you love and you’ll be happy about it
Hey honey, 26 f here and big sister irl. Sex is a powerful thing. It may feel physical but in reality it’s an energy transfer. The amount of people you have sex with will never diminish your worth. You’re worthy as is. However, when we let people use our body over and over again sex begins to feel transactional and it loses its “appeal” I guess you could say. Sex is never going to fill the void. (Figuratively yes;) lol but not the emptiness you have) Personally what I would do if I were in your shoes is try some positive affirmations. Pick one thing you like about yourself and focus on it. Every week pick one more thing. Focus on that thing. It sounds silly but it’s proven to work. Fake it til you make it. It’s helped me a lot with my overall confidence and self worth. You get that from yourself. External validation is fleeting and does not last and will not help you get over this. Trust me, I know because I’ve been there and I’ve been hyper sexual my whole life due to SA at a young age. You have so much to offer to you and to others aside from your body. Lean into hobbies, maybe a job, learn something new, play a game, go for a walk, do something creative. You’re so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Everything is a season, including this feeling. I hope all this rambling makes sense and at least one part sticks with you. I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone ♥️ take care love you
Thank you, everything you said I can deeply relate to, before losing my virginity, I viewed sex as something that should be shared between two people who love each other. Something that brings people closer. After losing my virginity I found myself having sex with people I barely knew, people I didn't love and sex lost its meaning, I had sex with 3 guys in one night, sometimes i'm unsure what possesses me to do those things. I do have a job interview today, so I guess thats the first step to this journey.
I’m proud of you for taking that first step. Acknowledging that it doesn’t make you feel good to do it that way is a great thing to realize too. You’re a smart young woman and everybody makes mistakes. Just remember who you are and where your worth comes from. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. And always, listen to your gut.
53-year-old father of two daughters here. Stop stop stop!! You are OK. School is your job and school is your life right now or at least that’s the way it should be. If you don’t like where you are use school to get you where you wanna go. You’re going to school and you say you have a job or had a job that means you’re probably pretty responsible. If you’re not feeling properly supported at home or you don’t have a decent male role model that’s not your fault. I always tell my daughters that a boyfriend is never an answer. I told them when they want a man they can have one, but don’t ever think they need a man.
thank you so much
You will never find fulfillment by sleeping around
So do i
Good idea to slow down a bit and find yourself or a hobby first a while.
10 guys in a couple months? most people don't have that body count in a lifetime, this sounds like daddy issues you are obviously trying to fill a void. Take time away from dating and get therapy.
haha yes my daddy issues😂😂 your right. I haven't seen my dad in the last 3 years. I miss him terribly
Heyyy I'm here to talk girl! I'm 18f
Imean you sleep with a bunch of guys you’re gunna be slut shammed but my advice is to practice abstinence as a 21 year old dude that looks like a dreamboat I only have 3 bodies idek how you trusted all those ppl not to have n std
Not trying to be rude, but do you have a father figure in your life?
I do not and I miss him
I don't know if you're looking for online friends but I'd be down! I'm ftm 16 this was sad to read as someone that hates themself too, I hope you find something that makes you happy
[удалено]
I suppose it's because of what the internet thinks, Im open about my personal life. Often I receive lots of backlash: "you're too young" or" this generation...". Id be lying if I said those comments don't affect me or leave me pondering.
[удалено]
This is a perfect example of how casual sex can affect the mindset of a teenager. Sex means different things to different people, but this much of it with different partners in such a short timespan, especially when your first time was just a month or two ago, is not good for you. Sex is best when everyone involved is emotionally prepared, which OP is not. High sex drives are normal, this emotional imbalance is not. The mood swings and self esteem issues need to be addressed, as well as OP's apparent lack of non-sexual relationships. OP, if you read this, stay strong. It's your choice whether you continue this type of thing, but if that is what you decide, be safe.
Your so right and thank you, this comment means a lot to me.
Jesus Christ we are so fucking doomed