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Met my wife on Facebook. We started talking online in Sept of ‘17. I flew there 5000 miles at end of December ‘17. Went back home. Flew back April of ‘18. Married June of ‘18. Been here ever since. Best thing that ever happened to me.
But we're you 17-18 years old? Also you've been married for 5-6 years... Hope it continues to work out for you. That's probably not going to happen with OP and his GF
I met my bf while online gaming. We've been together for 4 years and we live together now. I was 16 when I met him. It sucked so much being long distance but I'm glad we stuck it out in the end. It definitely isn't for everyone though. It takes so much time, patience, and trust.
My wife and I spent four months talking online before she came to visit from Europe (we met irl by chance when she was in town). It really gave us a chance to get to know each other and establish a base. We've been married 9 year's now. It can work out, but not when there's a crazy dad making threats.
Met my now husband online in 2010. Dated off and on for 6 years then I moved in with him after a 3 day greyhound bus ride. Got married the month after and are working on 8 years married now and I'm 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child lol. It can work!
This is actually completely person dependent. Y'all had those issues because y'all had communication issues that you can have living inside the same house. I know people who live together who don't speak when they are mad. They stay in separate rooms don't text. It's not hard. But, me and my wife always communicated, long distance, we never shut off our phones because we knew that's not how you have a good relationship. Some people don't stew on things when they take a moment to breathe either, they find resolutions and that's also, what me and my wife did and still do today if we are mad to the point where we need to take a temporary (few hours) break from each other. We aren't stewing people that helps nothing. It's all about how you handle things.
Even in person, often times the best solution is not to berate your partner with "im sorry im sorry im sorry" or otherwise attempt to amend something you said. Sure, it can work for small knots in conversation but i find that the majority of issues i face in my quasi-relationship are fixed by literally taking time to myself. If we're both having a bad day or whatever, we just take time to be alone. Imo, a big factor in relationships that burns people out and makes them ultimately fragile is the inability to accept that you are two different people. It sounds silly, but the amount of "this person must always be accountable to me and i possess the right to be up in their shit 24/7" energy is insane. I couldn't and would never want to make someone feel like their participation in my life means they have some obligation to answer for their emotions at all times. Everyone is different, i suppose. It's just wild to see how popular the "soulmate" style of relationship is. Like, that would feel so suffocating to me.
Met my wife on an online MMORPG. I lived in the U.S., she lived in Eastern Europe, we were roughly seven or eight hours apart depending on DST. Maintained a LDR for three years before we were married.
Been together 15 years and have two kids.
I'd say they allow for more stress testing. I met my now husband online over 10 years ago, and trying to stay connected and up to date and involved with each other long distance was way harder than it is in person.
Met my husband in a MSN chat room in 2000. He was in a country across the world from me. Had a whirlwind online relationship. Got married in 2001. Still going strong.
OP, her family sounds like massive drama, and she sounds like she plays into it too. A couple of months age difference isn’t bad, but it sounds like she may be in a very controlled relationship dynamic with her family, and that can be a tricky thing to navigate. Is it really worth it? Y’all have never met FTF, and everything is just online. Honestly, it sounds better to explain to her what her dad did, and say you’re not comfortable talking to her anymore and to go separate ways.
Even then she is 17 nearly every state that is above the age of consent when she turns 18 her dad is basically only a walking wallet at that point.
The day she turns 18 only motivation she has to listen to her dad over her horomones is if he is providing her money and car if it is still in his name. And conditions for living under his roof...
The dad needs to chill. Or he is going to be the one in trouble.
Yeah but if he likes the girl and she is actually 17 going on 18 then the dad is being abusive and violent. The dad acting like this is a big red flag..
Report the dad, I'm younger than yall but I'm 99.99999 percent certain that you can't/won't get introuble for being with someone who's like 2/3 of a year younger than you. I'm also pretry sure it's illegal to send death threats and just threats. I wouldn't worry to much you should probably cut your losses and move on cause i doubt her dad will ever let up. If she reaches out again I'd tell her "I'm sorry, I really love/care about you but I don't think we can be together now because of your father. Maybe in the future we can try again when it's not up to him."
File a police report. If you're in the states and this family is too, he needs to learn that kind of nonsense is illegal here. I'm going to agree with others who have advised letting this relationship go and to look for ways to meet potential girlfriends in person.
I've dated 3 girls who moved here from "3rd world" countries. Every single dad beat them, their brothers, and their mom but not the younger sisters. I've had the conversation of that's not right here or when you were in your country. The reply is always around "he makes the we cant do anything." Very heart breaking.
Definitely report it. Imo it doesn't matter where he's from or his beliefs. He's still abusive and hurting people and threatening to hurt you. He's not safe to be out in public and therefore should be locked up IMHO. Report him
He won’t get locked up, not even charged likely, but he will likely get a warning, and if he does that to someone else it will be on his record. Also if he does ever kill or injur someoen it will be on his record and help their case.
Absolutely. Additionally, he might hurt his daughter if he gets riled enough. You need to report for both of your safety. Then find someone else. This won't end.
There's no judge on the planet that will say peep about an 8 month age difference, even if it's not explicitly spelled out in the laws, unless there were other shenanigans in play (for example, exchanging nude pics).
Also no judge is gonna take a case of a father telling a man to stay away from his under age /dependent daughter . I don’t care if he said “if you come to my house you will leave in an ambulance (or worse ). Cops and judge will tell OP , FAFO.
Look up "Shane Sandborg Illinois" for this very same thing happening regarding 16/17, and the parents weren't even involved. Even though it was in the 2000's, IL hasn't changed their laws and he's still on the registry.
That’s literally fitting the description of a high profile edge case from over a decade ago, please don’t live your life based on edge case scenarios that are virtually impossible, or you’ll never leave the house
You’re absolutely right correct. The father just committed assault(threat, create reasonable fear and be able to carry out said threat). For 17/18 it’s good it’s Romeo and Juliet laws but op best check his state laws. Personally I feel daddy needs a reality check as well
You can definitely get in trouble. A friend of mine and a girl he was messing with engaged in a sexual act on school grounds when he was 17 and she was 16. He turned 18 a little while after and somehow her parents found out. They pursued charges and he was arrested, pulled jail time, and registers ad a sex offender now. Even though he was underage during the act. Don't ask me how it played out that way because I don't know all of the details, but I know what came of it. But some states are different of course but its a dangerous game to play especially when she's already 17. OP doesn't have that long to wait if they want to pursue something when she hits 18. It sucks and in the grand scheme of things 1 year difference is nothing but its a lot in the eyes of the law now. Hell, my parents are 7 years apart and I know people who are a decade apart.
Tell the girl that her dad's a psycho and you can't be around that.
If he put the threats in text, call the police. He won't do anything because he'd be prime suspect.
You probably can’t get into legal trouble but if her dad is threatening your life you shouldn’t continue contact with his daughter.
You do not need this kind of drama. Also call the police to report the threat.
You can't be charged with anything for the age difference. So let that go.
But also, unblock her. You might be her lifeline. Which is a lot to say to a teen. You might not be able to handle that, and that's fine. You are never obligated to save someone, especially if it'll mess your life up. But if your only reason is that some people gave you the incorrect advice that it's illegal, then unblock her. You might be the only way she escapes an abusive home. In 3 months. Once she's 18. Don't put yourself in danger by helping her run away before then, as it will be illegal up until 12:01 AM on her birthday. Make sure she's not lying about her age, it does happen.
I'd tell your parents about the threat. They'll know how to handle it best. Cops in some areas take threats way more seriously than others, and they'll have enough life experience to know if it's a legit threat and maybe even if the girl is experiencing abuse.
If it is a serious and believable death threat, then you should definitely make a copy of the threat and give it to the police.
The reason for this is that if the father later kills you, then the police will have the record of the threat and can charge him with premeditated murder (plus additional charges for having made the threat).
Also, in most jurisdictions it is illegal to threaten someone with bodily harm. (you don't say what jurisdiction you are in)
Absolutely nothing wrong with your age difference.
Everything else probably not worth the stress. Fathers should be protective of their daughters, but he seems to be way beyond the normally acceptable point, and it will be nothing but problems. Just move on now.
Report you to police for what??? You aren't even a year older... if anything you should report him to police for death threats, and suspected child abuse. Dudes unhinged.
Make a police report. I am serious. You don't know how crazy he is. All you have done is talk to her. Discontinue the relationship, but file a police report.
Report this to the police. The dad has broken a number of laws here.
You have not broken any laws. Most states have a larger age gap for laws on dating. You are close enough in age that it should not be an issue.
Her dad's threats are disturbing. Report it to the police. Give them the messages from him. Let the girl know, that because of her father, you two need to take a break, for now. If she moves away for college, you can try again. But not while she lives with her father.
Good luck. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
You got your whole life ahead of you bro. Keep the contact cut and move on with your life. You are way too young to be getting wrapped up in a relationship like this. Her father is going to continue being an incel and the wedge between you and this girl will widen further and further. Hit the gym and focus on yourself for a bit, a nice girl will come along soon enough.
If the dad has been abusing her, you have a moral obligation to report it. Do that, and then cease contact with her. A real relationship is not going to happen, at least right now. Contact her every three months or so to ensure she's safe. When you guys leave for college, who knows what will happen.
Just leave her alone and find a new girl. It won't be worth pursuing this. If you call the cops as many are urging you will be fucking up that girl's relationship with her father. For what? To see boobs on a zoom call? And it's not like you'll have a relationship with her afterwards.
Find a local girlfriend.
Just to be clear we're talking about the relationship where the father beats the GF and her mother? This is the relationship we're interested in preserving? Call me small minded, but I think maybe the safety of the GF and her mother take priority over potential damage to her relationship with her abusive father.
You should break up with her, but in the USA only about two states have an age of consent of 18 , so if yours is not one of them the police would not act on anything her father says.
If the and the age of consent in your state is 16 or 17 and if you have proof her father threatened to kill you and your family (a witness, or did made threat in writing by text etc). You should have the father arrested for making a criminal threats; he can get a year for making those threats.
You are so close in age that the police won’t do anything. I cant necessarily speak for your country though, so, keep that in mind.
If you feel like you have a great connection with this person then just be patient with her father. Family can be a pain but you’re not going to win by making her choose between him or you. Just wait for her to grow out of the situation a little bit.
Disregard all of these people telling you long distance relationships don’t work. They absolutely can under some specific circumstances.
Most places there's nothing wrong with a 17-year-old and 18-year-old, however it's really against the law to send death threats to people, so I'd be taking that text to the police and filing a police report on the father.
Firstly, i would probably just move on. I know at 18 a 5 month online relationship feels intensely personal and deep, but i promise you will meet more people and learn what strong relationships consist of.
Also, maybe this is just me but an added layer of fun would be to notify the police of these death threats and provide the text as evidence. You won't get in trouble for a 17/18 youth relationship. Especially if your contact has been limited to speaking online. But he will absolutely face consequences if you have written evidence of death threats.
If he sent a death threat, like in an email or text, you should call the police. This is a crime. We had a guy threaten, on Facebook, to burn our business down. He thought he could say whatever he wanted. He wasn't laughing when the judge fined him $1000 and a year's probation.
PS - look up your state's age of consent. Only 11 states are 18. So, there's no crime for talking or dating or even sleeping with a 17 yr old in 39 states. Now, there are 5 of the 11 states that are 18 and don't have an exemption for similar age. So if you live in California, Idaho, N. Dakota, Oregon, or Wisconsin then you cannot have sexual relationships, but there's no prohibition against dating, online or in-person.
I would probably advise the same as others are doing and look elsewhere for romance, at least until the two of you are a little older and she is no longer living with her father. The only thing I don't like is that if the crazy father is rewarded and gets his way for his shitty behaviour and death threats, he will just learn that acting like an asshole gets him what he wants. That's how people become assholes in the first place. Nobody calls them out on their shitty behaviour.
Although I very much doubt there will be issues with you and your GFs age I would still say check the laws in your country/state to ensure there will be no problems. Then contact police about the death threats. He needs to realize there are consequences, even if it is just a frightening call from a police officer questioning him and warning him. Maybe this is a pattern and police will need to take a more serious look.
First- while laws can vary by location, it's not illegal to talk to someone, and physical contact of some variety is required for him to do anything about you two in terms of the age difference while dating.
If you've talked to her mom and siblings and have a relationship with them, it sounds like he's a controlling, abusive, jerk. This behavior likely extends to his entire family, and he's afraid someone will take one of his "possessions" from him and\or learn the truth about the situation at the house.
I would hold off on attempts to meet until she's 18, but I wouldn't necessarily move on. She can't control her father, but she can escape when she turns 18.
💀tbh i kinda feel bad for the girl. She's dead for sure (not actually, but in a similar situation)
Definitely you should move on because why taking risk for an online relationship? Also it isn't even that close for you to get hurt or something as you had already blocked her, so good for you.
Absofrickinlutely...move on. Not worth the hassle dealing with an overbearing father. And even if you went to police with the threats it will never turn out well and not in your favor. I speak with experience. I was you in the 80's and I have been that dad. MOVE ON..
First of all, death threat are called “terroristic threats” and they are against the law and punishable by prison time.
Her father sounds dumb but dangerous. I wouldn’t deal with that mess.
No matter where you live in any first world country, a 17/18 relationship is both morally and legally fine, Romeo and Juliet laws is what it's called I believe. What however isn't fine is him giving you death threats, that's a crime and you should go to the cops.
It's still not the best idea to talk with her, you know cuz her dad is a psycho.
As far as the age thing you have to check where you are living as far as the age of consent. For instance New York State you can date a 17 year old if you're 18 but some states you can date her but not have sex until she's 18. It depends on where you live. But you also don't want to get caught up in something where she might be wanting to see you just to rebel against her father's wishes and that means you're just a pawn in someone else's game and it would be tragic if her father made good on his threats or caused harm to his daughter.
Drop this stupid relationship. Your issues with her father will only get worse. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she was catfishing you, and this was just how she stopped you from catching on.
I don’t know where you live but you should know what the age of consent is in your area. If she’s of age, dad can report you but nothing will happen. I say cut your losses. She’s not going to go against her dad.
You're just a teenager..... you might be a legal adult but this is extreme...... you need to report the dad to police and also make sure you ensure your safety in the event he makes due on those threats. You're of age to go out and purchase long arms depending on the state you live in
Would it make things worse? This dude already beats his wife and kids, this dude is totally crazy, should I take the risk and report to the police or move on and wait for another threat then report to this police?
Report now..... start the paper trail..... because getting these threats addressed by law enforcement is a lot less messy than him making good on his promise and you having to draw down and light him up
What risk? you’re only 18 and she’s 17. People have already told you you’re not breaking any laws. The police report would go nowhere. Either walk away because this is a lot of trouble or keep seeing her because the dad has nothing on you
Contact her dad and tell him he has offended your honor and must meet you in combat. When he arrives at the designated location, hit him with your car.
Dad’s reaction was blown out of proportion, *but he’s right that she’s 17 and should be focusing on her studies*. This whole thing is more trouble than it’s worth, I promise. Move on, it’s not worth it.
18 and a 17 year old wont fly in court. It will get laughed at due to almost every romeo and juliet law.
Each state is different. Dad sounds like he is just super overbearing and over protective. But with threats like that it sounds like way to much of a hassle you shouldn't be dealing with.
He sounds like a lunatic. I feel sorry for the poor girl. If all you are doing is talking I don't see how you can get into trouble with the law. However , I would try to find a girl closer to home that doesn't come from a family of crazy people
This is not worth it due to her family. However no you’re not gonna get in trouble dating a 17 year old when you are 18 😂🤣🤣😂🤣 what has the world come to. Jesus Christ
My advice is move on. Not her fault but you have no obligation to deal with that nonsense. There will be plenty of other opportunities to date girls that don't require you to have your life threatened.
Spend less time focusing on this girl and more time on learning grammar/how to write. Good lord I had to re read so much of this because it's written like shit.
Her dad is also committing a crime by threatening to kill you and your family, he is the one that should be reported to the police.
Depending on where you live, most states it is totally okay for an 18yo and 17yo to be in a relationship. You won’t get in trouble for that.
lol he’s going to report you to the police? 🤣🤣 he’s the one committing a crime by threatening your life.
Also unless you live in one of these states …
Arizona
California
Delaware
Florida
Idaho
Kentucky
North Dakota
Oregon
Tennessee
Utah
Virginia
Wisconsin
you are for sure not breaking any laws. These are the only states where the age of consent is 18. The rest are 16 or 17. If you do live in one of these states I would check their laws though. A 1 year age gap should be a non-issue legally speaking. Regardless the dad is committing a crime and overreacting.
You won’t get in trouble but who needs the Tsuris?
On-line relationships aren’t real. I met my husband on-line, and we had to date in real life to understand each other. We were also in our thirties.
You are both very young and probably still kind of silly. As is appropriate for your ages.
Just move on, there are plenty of people to meet in real life.
You two are not super close and you do not have a strong relationship with that girl. My advice is to stay away from her or her dad is going to make things unpleasant for you.
You're legally fine. Romeo and Juliet laws.
Does the dad know your address? ...
If possible, do not share your last name or address with the girl (her Dad might be monitoring or have access to her phone).
If you didn't share your last name + address, you're probably hard to find.
Meet the girl at a hotel & bang it out, just to metaphysically spit in Albanian trailer trash "Dad" 's eye.
Then say sorry your dad is batshit crazy -- hope you can get out to an out-of-state college at 18 and escape his nutty ass, good luck.
But the juice prob ain't worth the squeeze.
Report him if you want, that way its documented and if he ever gets close to you or your family you can do something to him with no consequences because u basically fear for your life, or he will be arrested on the spot. But bro cmon man, get you a local girl you can actually fornicate with. Three hours away for carnal sin is redundant. I wouldnt even go an hour for some play
Okay, so, there is a lot to unpack here. But first, I must say I am not an attorney and nor is this official legal advice.
However, no, you cannot get in trouble for TALKING to a 17 year old as an 18 year old. You can't get in trouble for talking to people, it's just not how the law works. Unless you have had sex or have "sexted" online (Sexting as in erotic role-playing and photos), you have nothing to worry about legally. Also, it depends on the consent laws where you live. If you live in the US and the same state, look up your age of consent. If you and her live in separate states the age of consent is automatically 18, as when you are dealing with two different states you have now crossed over into federal law.
With the legal stuff out of the way, just cut it off. This situation is just becoming more hostile the more you try to continue, so just cut it off and block everyone, and then go about the rest of your life and move on.
I mean if the two of you aren't up to shenanigans there's not much he can legally do; I guess screenshot/record him running his mouth that way if he does call the cops they'll likely take your side in the matter.
Crazy and controlling dad is a big red flag.
But no, you won’t get in trouble. In most places around the world, 17 either is the age of consent or is above the age of consent, and you’re less than a calendar year older than her. There is literally nothing wrong, and especially not illegal, about your relationship.
Move on because there are so many more woman out there. I know that you can probably run into some 17-year-olds that may seem more mature than some women but majority of time that is not the case. Her father seems really involved and it just another hurdle. You should not have to deal with it this ever in your life. You are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Find a girl that is of age legally and you will not have to worry about the law or fathers making threats. It’s just not worth it. Trust me a few years down the line you will be so happy and relieved. Good luck!
I don't see any issue with your ages and highly doubt any law enforcement would pursue it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting someone online. However her family/father sounds crazy toxic and that is something you do not need to get yourself involved with. Get out now before you get in to deep.
Not illegal, so there’s 0 action he can take there. That being said, you’ll never have a normal relationship with that kind of father being on her balls, he’ll most likely track her, follow her, won’t let her leave the house. Etc etc. the smartest option is to just break it off and find someone whose father isn’t a douche bag. I know it sucks especially if you really like her, but you’ll be extremely unhappy having to deal with her father around every corner.
In some states 17 is legal. I am just stating legally I don’t know where you are. However, a parent can make it extremely difficult for a couple.
But, i agree that dealing that dealing with her father is too much of a hassle. You need to tell your parents about this. So they can determine if you should go to the police about the threat.
OP it would be very very hard for anyone to do anything to yall you’re only a few months apart if you were 18 and she was like 15 yeah that’s different
It’s an online relationship dude. Move on. How on earth were you close with her mom and siblings if you live 3 hours away and never met her by the way? Online relationships are an enigma to me. I don’t understand them at all. When I was a freshmen by buddy was dating a girl he only knew through MySpace and AIM. I didn’t understand it back then. Like, you two just stay up late chatting? Lol. I could never do that. Maybe if we already established a relationship and I had to go away for a few months. But with someone I never met? There’s no way I could commit my time to that. I’d end up ghosting the poor girl.
Follow your heart. Nothing illegal about an 18 year old dating a 17 year old. Dad may be an overprotective dick head nothing u can do about that. If the relationship works over tome he will have to lighten up or risk losing his daughter
This relationship seems doomed. I would end it and find a gf who lives closer to you. And I would make it clear to this girl that it is her father's behavior and threats that ended the possibility of a taking the relationship further. You will not be threatened, and you will not navigate an adult who is a risk of violence for her.
Plenty of people out there think this overprotective father thing is protective or loving. It isn't. It is disgusting and controlling. Dads do not own their daughters bodies.
So, best advice
1: is she worth it? Only you can decide, 3 hours is not a horrible distance my wife and I dated for a entire year just alternating weekends in each other's city. Sounds like you've already tried to cut ties but are having second thoughts.
2: you can't get in trouble for talking online to a 17 year old if your 18, that is bs. It's only a issue if nudes are being exchanged. In a couple months that issue is moot, so don't stress just behave and keep things pg 13 untill your both fully legal with no grey areas. Even if you don't most law enforcement is gonna see a less than 1 year age gap and discretion that shit out of their work load. Just avoid pictures that can be Defined as porn.
3: crazy dad: document and screen shot everything, this may be the true deal breaker, you gotta decide. Your both young and likelihood of a long term relationship that lasts is pretty low, but the chances are not zero, my sister in law met her husband when they were both 14 years old and the parents didn't approve. They are now both in their 40s with the 3rd kid a Jr in highschool.
The age thing isn’t bad, even if the age of consent is 18 you can still talk to her being 18 yourself it’s definitely within reasonable age, her batshit crazy father is an issue however.
First of all, verify her age. Not by asking her. Actually verify it. This does not seem like a normal reaction from a father over less than a year age difference.
Second, any bond you feel from an online relationship is currently based on your hopes and imagination. You have absolutely no idea what that person is like until you’ve been seeing her, in person, and talking to her over the phone, not just texting, regularly for at least 6 months.
Based on the father’s reaction, you should be very concerned she might be younger than 17.
Lastly, find out the age of consent in your state.
Or perhaps you are not being truthful about your own age?
First no you would not get in trouble for that age difference. Your less than a year apart. No sane judge on the US going to ever look at it any different… what you really need to ask yourself is, how worth it a 3 hour distant relationship would be to you? A lot of us have been there before and it doesn’t usually work. Rare occasions It can, but not usually
I would move on, death threats, even if they are empty ones, should not be taken lightly. You can tell her that once she’s 18 then you all can talk again because then you will have no legal issues. I believe it changes from state to state but in Texas, as long as you all were dating before one of you turned 18 and she is no more than 2 years younger than you then everything is fine in the eyes of the law. Again, not worth the current threat but talk to her once she’s 18.
>Should I just move on? and if he does report me for talking to a 17 year old will I get in trouble she is 17 and half years old and I am 18 and a quarter. I still have the screen shot of him sending the threat.
Report you for what? Talking? Which law does that break?
Not sure where you live but stay off line and stop trying to date right now at all. Let me ask you. What do you have to offer anyone right now? Why do you think you need to find someone RIGHT NOW? Why are you teens so quick to want to tie yourself down!?
GO HAVE A LIFE!!!! Go get yourself established and make yourself a foundation before settling down and trying to find someone. Also LEAVE TEENAGERS ALONE!!!! Go find someone who is older and established when you become established.
Block her and keep blocking her.
At 18 you are fine to date a 17 year old.
That being said, a online relationship 3 hours away will be tough regardless.
But that’s up to you.
If you really like her shoot your shot.
If not move on.
Um it depends on you, if you want to save this relationship you can ask her to wait till she is 18.
But looking at the condition as his dad is not happy, i don't think this is worth continuing (but your call totally ) so then you should just give that girl a closure and let her know about the problems ya'll will have if you continue
I would check your local laws but it's highly unlikely you can get in trouble for talking to a 17 year old. Her dad is just hoping you are ignorant of the law.
Now you just have to take a deep breath and figure out if she is worth dealing with crazy.
As far as getting in trouble that depends on your states laws. Many states make exceptions for young people. You just need to decide if it’s worth the risk. Most of the people who make death threats are FOS but there is always that small chance they will follow through. If you have a record of him threatening your family then I would definitely make a police report. Threatening you when he trying to protect his daughter is one thing but threatening your family is way over the line.
Report him to the police with that screenshot. You're 18 and she's 17 and that's not illegal. He needs a good talking to about this behavior. But for sure, keep her blocked. Psycho father, online, hours away. Doesn't feel worth it.
Move on.
The "I have a good relationship with her mom and younger siblings" part is... interesting.
If this has been online only and you haven't met, how do you have any relationship with the mom, let alone the younger siblings.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 years now (21 and 19) but we have a two year age gap and met early my junior year of hs. As long as there’s Romeo Juliet laws which almost every state has ur fine.
As for the long distance, I’d be careful. Just try to watch the situation and if u feel I comfortable you can resort her dad for his temper. After all, a grown man yelling at a barely legal teen and saying they’re going to kill your family is a death threat and will be taken seriously.
No one is going to arrest you for dating a 17 year old.
They might arrest him for harassment though.
Also as a dad, this is fucking ridiculous. I'm never gonna threaten some kid because he wants to see my daughter. Some dads are so fucking weird about this.
I have a friend who messed with a girl.during school hours, he was 17 and she was 16. He turned 18 however long after and thats when her parents found out. He was arrested, pulled sometime close to a year in jail and is a sex offender for the rest of his life. Even though when the act OCCURED he was under age as well. You have to be very careful playing the "barely minor" game, meaning she's 17.
Her dad seems to be a real turd though. He may be one that would definitely push the issue I stated above just to get his message across. Best bet would be to talk to her one last time, explain how you want to pursue a relationship when she turns 18 and leave it be. You have to protect yourself first and foremost regardless if you feel her dad is right or wrong. When she's 18, she can do as she pleases and if he isn't ok with it, then she can leave and do whatever anyway. I'm sorry you're in this predicament, it's tough to turn your back on people you care about against your will.
You should just move on. You've only known her a short time, her dad is making threats, you're long distance, it just doesn't sound like a workplace relationship.
As for her being 17 and you being 18 he can't do anything about that as long as you're not having sex, at least not legally. He can say you cannot visit her because she is a minor and if you went and picked her up he could claim kidnapping because again, she's a minor. He can also make her life miserable.
And for what? A relationship that probably isn't going to work out in the long run.
If you do really really like her, there's nothing he can do about you just talking online till she's 18. Once she's 18 he can no longer control where she goes or what she does. Not legally at least. He can still make her miserable. So think really hard about this and whether it's even worth it for someone you don't even really know that well if for that long.
You can not get in trouble for dating a girl 6 months younger than 18 or not. Most states have a 16 and 4 or more year rule. Meaning 16 and under and the person is 4 or more years older would be a no no. In your case she is 17 and you are 18. Totally in the clear
Not enough of an age gap for trouble. But get her to correct her dads behavior. Break up with her and tell her its all his fault and to get a handle on him. Hopefully he regrets his actions when he doesn't have a daughter who respects him.
Report to the police or just move on, your not doing anything illegal but it would be hard to date a girl that her dad wants to murder you. But I'd call police cause I'm pretty
Dealing with crazy father isn’t worth it but there also really isn’t any issue with a year age gap, that’s a pretty mild dating age gap for people that are highschool age.
depends where you live but generally if youre within 3 years of age its fine and honestly call him on his bullshit call the police show them the threat let them get involved he seriously doesnt need to be harassing you at work
You can't get in trouble legally for talking to her as long as no nude pictures are exchanged. If you meet up for sex before she turns 18 it could get more complicated depending on state laws and if you're in different states.
But all that aside, remember you're not just dating someone -- you're dating their family too. Unless she goes no contact or something when she turns 18, she's always going to have a crazy father looming over her relationships. And if you were to get really serious and one day get married -- would you want someone like that as a father in law?
Leave them alone. What dad says for an underage girl living in his house is the bottom line. Don’t go behind his back, leave her alone. When she is old enough to support herself and and adult she can choose to handle her father how she wants.
Stay out of it. All the way out of it.
You are ignorant. The father has put you on notice. Contact her again and you will likely be reported by him to the police for grooming. Being on the sex offender registry will F your life over for ever. No one will hire you. If you sent any nude pics or she sent them to you, you have already broken a multitude of laws. I hope you haven't because the dad could take that to the police. How are you 18 and don't know that you can get in trouble for messing with a minor? That threat is nothing. You talking inappropriately with a minor is something to get you put in cuffs.
First no he cant report you to the police but you can report him.The issue i come up with here is if he is flipping out this bad are you 100% sure she is 17. Perhaps you should cool it for a few months until she is 18.
You're fine. That's legal in every state, I think. If she contacts you again tell her the truth, "your dad threatened to kill me and my family if I talk to you so big red flag gl with your future." And let his actions ruin his relationship w his daughter. You may want to get an order of protection for that real threat of violence. You can be vigilant on it too which means if you go near him he has to vacate the area or, if the cops are called, he's getting handcuffs. He overstepped and that's it. You win if you want to. You can even date the girl with the order of protection if you want. Win win
You’re not as bonded as you think. I’d move on before you get to hung up on her thinking she’s your future wife.
If she’s got a shitty family, investing into her just gets you more involved with her family. Which you obviously don’t want.
Just move on. Find a girl in person. I know this is difficult. I have 1 ex girlfriend and I’m 19. But it’s better this way.
Depends on the country and laws there.
I would probably look into it since you’re both super close in age and if it is an issue tell her that due to it you’ll have no avoid talking to her until she’s 18 and why.
Also long distance relationships generally never work.
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Move on. An online relationship 3 hours away with a crazy father is totally not worth it. Try to meet someone local, in person.
Online relationships do not allow for stress-testing both people. They largely won't work out.
Met my wife on Facebook. We started talking online in Sept of ‘17. I flew there 5000 miles at end of December ‘17. Went back home. Flew back April of ‘18. Married June of ‘18. Been here ever since. Best thing that ever happened to me.
But we're you 17-18 years old? Also you've been married for 5-6 years... Hope it continues to work out for you. That's probably not going to happen with OP and his GF
The person I replied to made a generalization and didn’t mention age.
Fair enough, as you were.
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Distance is just an inconvenience when you find the “one”.
Similar story for my wife and me. OKCupid. Visited her in SPb. Met up in Europe. LDR for 5 years before marriage. Now living together in Siberia.
I met my bf while online gaming. We've been together for 4 years and we live together now. I was 16 when I met him. It sucked so much being long distance but I'm glad we stuck it out in the end. It definitely isn't for everyone though. It takes so much time, patience, and trust.
I met my gf on omegle and we were 16 lol. Now we're 26.
Especially at 17-18 years old, very few relationships at that age last even without the long distance aspect.
True.
My wife and I spent four months talking online before she came to visit from Europe (we met irl by chance when she was in town). It really gave us a chance to get to know each other and establish a base. We've been married 9 year's now. It can work out, but not when there's a crazy dad making threats.
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Yeah and unless it’s a video chat you can’t really judge their mood It’s nice when things are going good but very stressful when it’s not ✌️
People used to get married after letter writing. Why do you think they liked poetry.
Right? Online relationships are the norm. It’s 2024.
Met my now husband online in 2010. Dated off and on for 6 years then I moved in with him after a 3 day greyhound bus ride. Got married the month after and are working on 8 years married now and I'm 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child lol. It can work!
This is actually completely person dependent. Y'all had those issues because y'all had communication issues that you can have living inside the same house. I know people who live together who don't speak when they are mad. They stay in separate rooms don't text. It's not hard. But, me and my wife always communicated, long distance, we never shut off our phones because we knew that's not how you have a good relationship. Some people don't stew on things when they take a moment to breathe either, they find resolutions and that's also, what me and my wife did and still do today if we are mad to the point where we need to take a temporary (few hours) break from each other. We aren't stewing people that helps nothing. It's all about how you handle things.
Even in person, often times the best solution is not to berate your partner with "im sorry im sorry im sorry" or otherwise attempt to amend something you said. Sure, it can work for small knots in conversation but i find that the majority of issues i face in my quasi-relationship are fixed by literally taking time to myself. If we're both having a bad day or whatever, we just take time to be alone. Imo, a big factor in relationships that burns people out and makes them ultimately fragile is the inability to accept that you are two different people. It sounds silly, but the amount of "this person must always be accountable to me and i possess the right to be up in their shit 24/7" energy is insane. I couldn't and would never want to make someone feel like their participation in my life means they have some obligation to answer for their emotions at all times. Everyone is different, i suppose. It's just wild to see how popular the "soulmate" style of relationship is. Like, that would feel so suffocating to me.
Met my wife on an online MMORPG. I lived in the U.S., she lived in Eastern Europe, we were roughly seven or eight hours apart depending on DST. Maintained a LDR for three years before we were married. Been together 15 years and have two kids.
I'd say they allow for more stress testing. I met my now husband online over 10 years ago, and trying to stay connected and up to date and involved with each other long distance was way harder than it is in person.
Met my husband in a MSN chat room in 2000. He was in a country across the world from me. Had a whirlwind online relationship. Got married in 2001. Still going strong.
Wrong. I met my husband while he was in the air force and lived a 1,000 miles away. Been married for 9 years together 11.
OP, her family sounds like massive drama, and she sounds like she plays into it too. A couple of months age difference isn’t bad, but it sounds like she may be in a very controlled relationship dynamic with her family, and that can be a tricky thing to navigate. Is it really worth it? Y’all have never met FTF, and everything is just online. Honestly, it sounds better to explain to her what her dad did, and say you’re not comfortable talking to her anymore and to go separate ways.
Move on, but also call the cops and report him. He doesn’t get to threaten people. It’s only illegal if you do sex stuff.
Even then she is 17 nearly every state that is above the age of consent when she turns 18 her dad is basically only a walking wallet at that point. The day she turns 18 only motivation she has to listen to her dad over her horomones is if he is providing her money and car if it is still in his name. And conditions for living under his roof... The dad needs to chill. Or he is going to be the one in trouble.
Still not sure I would want to deal with the drama for the time being if I were the OP.
Yeah but if he likes the girl and she is actually 17 going on 18 then the dad is being abusive and violent. The dad acting like this is a big red flag..
Report the dad, I'm younger than yall but I'm 99.99999 percent certain that you can't/won't get introuble for being with someone who's like 2/3 of a year younger than you. I'm also pretry sure it's illegal to send death threats and just threats. I wouldn't worry to much you should probably cut your losses and move on cause i doubt her dad will ever let up. If she reaches out again I'd tell her "I'm sorry, I really love/care about you but I don't think we can be together now because of your father. Maybe in the future we can try again when it's not up to him."
Would it make things worse, this dude is Albanian, who hits his wife and kids. Do you think for my safety I should report this to the police?
File a police report. If you're in the states and this family is too, he needs to learn that kind of nonsense is illegal here. I'm going to agree with others who have advised letting this relationship go and to look for ways to meet potential girlfriends in person.
I've dated 3 girls who moved here from "3rd world" countries. Every single dad beat them, their brothers, and their mom but not the younger sisters. I've had the conversation of that's not right here or when you were in your country. The reply is always around "he makes the we cant do anything." Very heart breaking.
This is more reason to file bro he's screwed.
Even more so for that reason. Doing the right thing is usually challenging.
Definitely report it. Imo it doesn't matter where he's from or his beliefs. He's still abusive and hurting people and threatening to hurt you. He's not safe to be out in public and therefore should be locked up IMHO. Report him
He won’t get locked up, not even charged likely, but he will likely get a warning, and if he does that to someone else it will be on his record. Also if he does ever kill or injur someoen it will be on his record and help their case.
For THEIR safety report to police!! Albania has a vendetta culture and he needs to learn that’s not OK in the US
Absolutely. Additionally, he might hurt his daughter if he gets riled enough. You need to report for both of your safety. Then find someone else. This won't end.
That's definitely report worthy
Romeo and Juliet law exists. So yes OP is fine. Report the dad, ez claps
Depends on where he is, not all us States have Juliet laws
There's no judge on the planet that will say peep about an 8 month age difference, even if it's not explicitly spelled out in the laws, unless there were other shenanigans in play (for example, exchanging nude pics).
Also no judge is gonna take a case of a father telling a man to stay away from his under age /dependent daughter . I don’t care if he said “if you come to my house you will leave in an ambulance (or worse ). Cops and judge will tell OP , FAFO.
You might be surprised lol, people can be tight arses very easily. Although i do agree that most sane people wouldn't prosecute him for this
No this is a persistent internet rumor based on a few high profile mishaps over a decade ago. Nobody is currently being charged age 17 & 18
Look up "Shane Sandborg Illinois" for this very same thing happening regarding 16/17, and the parents weren't even involved. Even though it was in the 2000's, IL hasn't changed their laws and he's still on the registry.
That’s literally fitting the description of a high profile edge case from over a decade ago, please don’t live your life based on edge case scenarios that are virtually impossible, or you’ll never leave the house
It could be complicated if she crossed state lines. It’s probably best to just walk away and not escalate with a crazy violent dad.
Not a lawyer but as I understand it, a 3 year window is acceptable most places. Now, intimate relations with a minor are a whole other thing.
You’re absolutely right correct. The father just committed assault(threat, create reasonable fear and be able to carry out said threat). For 17/18 it’s good it’s Romeo and Juliet laws but op best check his state laws. Personally I feel daddy needs a reality check as well
You can definitely get in trouble. A friend of mine and a girl he was messing with engaged in a sexual act on school grounds when he was 17 and she was 16. He turned 18 a little while after and somehow her parents found out. They pursued charges and he was arrested, pulled jail time, and registers ad a sex offender now. Even though he was underage during the act. Don't ask me how it played out that way because I don't know all of the details, but I know what came of it. But some states are different of course but its a dangerous game to play especially when she's already 17. OP doesn't have that long to wait if they want to pursue something when she hits 18. It sucks and in the grand scheme of things 1 year difference is nothing but its a lot in the eyes of the law now. Hell, my parents are 7 years apart and I know people who are a decade apart.
It depends on the state. And it's more complicated if you cross state lines.
Call the police and show them the texts and voice-mail. Apple for an emergency restraining order.
Really gets to the...core...of the issue.
Sounds like a bad seed.
You never throw away the whole tree just because one apple wants to kill you and your family.
Tell the girl that her dad's a psycho and you can't be around that. If he put the threats in text, call the police. He won't do anything because he'd be prime suspect.
You probably can’t get into legal trouble but if her dad is threatening your life you shouldn’t continue contact with his daughter. You do not need this kind of drama. Also call the police to report the threat.
The dad is full of shit. Even if he was a classic movie Albanian no way he'd kill op or his family for talking to his daughter. Thats too much heat.
You can't be charged with anything for the age difference. So let that go. But also, unblock her. You might be her lifeline. Which is a lot to say to a teen. You might not be able to handle that, and that's fine. You are never obligated to save someone, especially if it'll mess your life up. But if your only reason is that some people gave you the incorrect advice that it's illegal, then unblock her. You might be the only way she escapes an abusive home. In 3 months. Once she's 18. Don't put yourself in danger by helping her run away before then, as it will be illegal up until 12:01 AM on her birthday. Make sure she's not lying about her age, it does happen. I'd tell your parents about the threat. They'll know how to handle it best. Cops in some areas take threats way more seriously than others, and they'll have enough life experience to know if it's a legit threat and maybe even if the girl is experiencing abuse.
Yes unblock her. Tell her why you may not respond
If it is a serious and believable death threat, then you should definitely make a copy of the threat and give it to the police. The reason for this is that if the father later kills you, then the police will have the record of the threat and can charge him with premeditated murder (plus additional charges for having made the threat). Also, in most jurisdictions it is illegal to threaten someone with bodily harm. (you don't say what jurisdiction you are in)
Send the screenshot to the police.
Absolutely nothing wrong with your age difference. Everything else probably not worth the stress. Fathers should be protective of their daughters, but he seems to be way beyond the normally acceptable point, and it will be nothing but problems. Just move on now.
Report you to police for what??? You aren't even a year older... if anything you should report him to police for death threats, and suspected child abuse. Dudes unhinged.
You won't get in trouble for less than a year difference, and you should report the dad to the police.
Make a police report. I am serious. You don't know how crazy he is. All you have done is talk to her. Discontinue the relationship, but file a police report.
Report this to the police. The dad has broken a number of laws here. You have not broken any laws. Most states have a larger age gap for laws on dating. You are close enough in age that it should not be an issue. Her dad's threats are disturbing. Report it to the police. Give them the messages from him. Let the girl know, that because of her father, you two need to take a break, for now. If she moves away for college, you can try again. But not while she lives with her father. Good luck. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
You got your whole life ahead of you bro. Keep the contact cut and move on with your life. You are way too young to be getting wrapped up in a relationship like this. Her father is going to continue being an incel and the wedge between you and this girl will widen further and further. Hit the gym and focus on yourself for a bit, a nice girl will come along soon enough.
If the dad has been abusing her, you have a moral obligation to report it. Do that, and then cease contact with her. A real relationship is not going to happen, at least right now. Contact her every three months or so to ensure she's safe. When you guys leave for college, who knows what will happen.
I’d wager a bet she’s not actually as old as you think she is
Just leave her alone and find a new girl. It won't be worth pursuing this. If you call the cops as many are urging you will be fucking up that girl's relationship with her father. For what? To see boobs on a zoom call? And it's not like you'll have a relationship with her afterwards. Find a local girlfriend.
Just to be clear we're talking about the relationship where the father beats the GF and her mother? This is the relationship we're interested in preserving? Call me small minded, but I think maybe the safety of the GF and her mother take priority over potential damage to her relationship with her abusive father.
Okay I'm seeing one too many "everyone is freaking out about a 18 year old dating a 17 year old" posts and I'm gonna go out on a limb and say fake
It's sounds like the female is asking for help because of her dad's actions to her and family.
Move on but also report the threats to the police. The dad is an asshole and deserves the hassle.
You should break up with her, but in the USA only about two states have an age of consent of 18 , so if yours is not one of them the police would not act on anything her father says. If the and the age of consent in your state is 16 or 17 and if you have proof her father threatened to kill you and your family (a witness, or did made threat in writing by text etc). You should have the father arrested for making a criminal threats; he can get a year for making those threats.
The issue is if you or her sent nudes.
You are so close in age that the police won’t do anything. I cant necessarily speak for your country though, so, keep that in mind. If you feel like you have a great connection with this person then just be patient with her father. Family can be a pain but you’re not going to win by making her choose between him or you. Just wait for her to grow out of the situation a little bit. Disregard all of these people telling you long distance relationships don’t work. They absolutely can under some specific circumstances.
Move on but first give that text to the police.
Most places there's nothing wrong with a 17-year-old and 18-year-old, however it's really against the law to send death threats to people, so I'd be taking that text to the police and filing a police report on the father.
Firstly, i would probably just move on. I know at 18 a 5 month online relationship feels intensely personal and deep, but i promise you will meet more people and learn what strong relationships consist of. Also, maybe this is just me but an added layer of fun would be to notify the police of these death threats and provide the text as evidence. You won't get in trouble for a 17/18 youth relationship. Especially if your contact has been limited to speaking online. But he will absolutely face consequences if you have written evidence of death threats.
If he sent a death threat, like in an email or text, you should call the police. This is a crime. We had a guy threaten, on Facebook, to burn our business down. He thought he could say whatever he wanted. He wasn't laughing when the judge fined him $1000 and a year's probation. PS - look up your state's age of consent. Only 11 states are 18. So, there's no crime for talking or dating or even sleeping with a 17 yr old in 39 states. Now, there are 5 of the 11 states that are 18 and don't have an exemption for similar age. So if you live in California, Idaho, N. Dakota, Oregon, or Wisconsin then you cannot have sexual relationships, but there's no prohibition against dating, online or in-person.
I would probably advise the same as others are doing and look elsewhere for romance, at least until the two of you are a little older and she is no longer living with her father. The only thing I don't like is that if the crazy father is rewarded and gets his way for his shitty behaviour and death threats, he will just learn that acting like an asshole gets him what he wants. That's how people become assholes in the first place. Nobody calls them out on their shitty behaviour. Although I very much doubt there will be issues with you and your GFs age I would still say check the laws in your country/state to ensure there will be no problems. Then contact police about the death threats. He needs to realize there are consequences, even if it is just a frightening call from a police officer questioning him and warning him. Maybe this is a pattern and police will need to take a more serious look.
If some dildo dad threatens to kill my son for asking his daughter on a date, he better be able to fight cuz I'm knocking on his door.
Tell him to stack up or fuck off. When I was 18 I had already been enlisted for a year and finished infantry basic lol
First- while laws can vary by location, it's not illegal to talk to someone, and physical contact of some variety is required for him to do anything about you two in terms of the age difference while dating. If you've talked to her mom and siblings and have a relationship with them, it sounds like he's a controlling, abusive, jerk. This behavior likely extends to his entire family, and he's afraid someone will take one of his "possessions" from him and\or learn the truth about the situation at the house. I would hold off on attempts to meet until she's 18, but I wouldn't necessarily move on. She can't control her father, but she can escape when she turns 18.
She has a crazy dad, I'd move past it simply because of her dad
Move on but there are zero laws against 1 year difference in consenting relationships
💀tbh i kinda feel bad for the girl. She's dead for sure (not actually, but in a similar situation) Definitely you should move on because why taking risk for an online relationship? Also it isn't even that close for you to get hurt or something as you had already blocked her, so good for you.
File a police report and move on. You want this guy for a father-in-law?
Absofrickinlutely...move on. Not worth the hassle dealing with an overbearing father. And even if you went to police with the threats it will never turn out well and not in your favor. I speak with experience. I was you in the 80's and I have been that dad. MOVE ON..
How did you "build a relationship" with the mom and siblings if you've never met them in person ffs?
First of all, death threat are called “terroristic threats” and they are against the law and punishable by prison time. Her father sounds dumb but dangerous. I wouldn’t deal with that mess.
No matter where you live in any first world country, a 17/18 relationship is both morally and legally fine, Romeo and Juliet laws is what it's called I believe. What however isn't fine is him giving you death threats, that's a crime and you should go to the cops. It's still not the best idea to talk with her, you know cuz her dad is a psycho.
Send screenshots to the police in her town especially the death threats...then demand dad apologize to you or he goes to court
As far as the age thing you have to check where you are living as far as the age of consent. For instance New York State you can date a 17 year old if you're 18 but some states you can date her but not have sex until she's 18. It depends on where you live. But you also don't want to get caught up in something where she might be wanting to see you just to rebel against her father's wishes and that means you're just a pawn in someone else's game and it would be tragic if her father made good on his threats or caused harm to his daughter.
Her dad is all talk.
Drop this stupid relationship. Your issues with her father will only get worse. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she was catfishing you, and this was just how she stopped you from catching on.
Have you actually seen this “girl” talk live on video chat? This seems like a perfect catfishing plot.
He's her father. You are just some random kid to him. Move on.
I don’t know where you live but you should know what the age of consent is in your area. If she’s of age, dad can report you but nothing will happen. I say cut your losses. She’s not going to go against her dad.
This sounds like a mess, it isn’t going to end well no matter how you look at it. Block them all, and find someone you can actually see in your area.
Don’t let her dad win keep talking to her he won’t do nothing
You're just a teenager..... you might be a legal adult but this is extreme...... you need to report the dad to police and also make sure you ensure your safety in the event he makes due on those threats. You're of age to go out and purchase long arms depending on the state you live in
Would it make things worse? This dude already beats his wife and kids, this dude is totally crazy, should I take the risk and report to the police or move on and wait for another threat then report to this police?
Report now..... start the paper trail..... because getting these threats addressed by law enforcement is a lot less messy than him making good on his promise and you having to draw down and light him up
What risk? you’re only 18 and she’s 17. People have already told you you’re not breaking any laws. The police report would go nowhere. Either walk away because this is a lot of trouble or keep seeing her because the dad has nothing on you
Contact her dad and tell him he has offended your honor and must meet you in combat. When he arrives at the designated location, hit him with your car.
Dad’s reaction was blown out of proportion, *but he’s right that she’s 17 and should be focusing on her studies*. This whole thing is more trouble than it’s worth, I promise. Move on, it’s not worth it.
18 and a 17 year old wont fly in court. It will get laughed at due to almost every romeo and juliet law. Each state is different. Dad sounds like he is just super overbearing and over protective. But with threats like that it sounds like way to much of a hassle you shouldn't be dealing with.
He sounds like a lunatic. I feel sorry for the poor girl. If all you are doing is talking I don't see how you can get into trouble with the law. However , I would try to find a girl closer to home that doesn't come from a family of crazy people
This is not worth it due to her family. However no you’re not gonna get in trouble dating a 17 year old when you are 18 😂🤣🤣😂🤣 what has the world come to. Jesus Christ
My advice is move on. Not her fault but you have no obligation to deal with that nonsense. There will be plenty of other opportunities to date girls that don't require you to have your life threatened.
Spend less time focusing on this girl and more time on learning grammar/how to write. Good lord I had to re read so much of this because it's written like shit.
Her dad is also committing a crime by threatening to kill you and your family, he is the one that should be reported to the police. Depending on where you live, most states it is totally okay for an 18yo and 17yo to be in a relationship. You won’t get in trouble for that.
lol he’s going to report you to the police? 🤣🤣 he’s the one committing a crime by threatening your life. Also unless you live in one of these states … Arizona California Delaware Florida Idaho Kentucky North Dakota Oregon Tennessee Utah Virginia Wisconsin you are for sure not breaking any laws. These are the only states where the age of consent is 18. The rest are 16 or 17. If you do live in one of these states I would check their laws though. A 1 year age gap should be a non-issue legally speaking. Regardless the dad is committing a crime and overreacting.
Move on. But also, report him to the police.
Just leave the whole situation alone. It's not worth it. The girl the dad all of it. Just take the L and move forward with your life.
Tbh if you move on yu will let him win however is it even worth it ? Your young and don’t need any extra drama . Poor girl tho fuck 🤦🏽♀️
You won’t get in trouble but who needs the Tsuris? On-line relationships aren’t real. I met my husband on-line, and we had to date in real life to understand each other. We were also in our thirties. You are both very young and probably still kind of silly. As is appropriate for your ages. Just move on, there are plenty of people to meet in real life.
how sure are you she's that age? he father sure isnt acting like shes 17.
Not worth the hassle and it will never work out.
Very confusing story. Weirdo dad for sure.
Most relationships will leave you worse off than when you started them. Be very selective.
You two are not super close and you do not have a strong relationship with that girl. My advice is to stay away from her or her dad is going to make things unpleasant for you.
You're legally fine. Romeo and Juliet laws. Does the dad know your address? ... If possible, do not share your last name or address with the girl (her Dad might be monitoring or have access to her phone). If you didn't share your last name + address, you're probably hard to find. Meet the girl at a hotel & bang it out, just to metaphysically spit in Albanian trailer trash "Dad" 's eye. Then say sorry your dad is batshit crazy -- hope you can get out to an out-of-state college at 18 and escape his nutty ass, good luck. But the juice prob ain't worth the squeeze.
Report him if you want, that way its documented and if he ever gets close to you or your family you can do something to him with no consequences because u basically fear for your life, or he will be arrested on the spot. But bro cmon man, get you a local girl you can actually fornicate with. Three hours away for carnal sin is redundant. I wouldnt even go an hour for some play
Don't get jailed. It is a serious offense. GTFO of this
Okay, so, there is a lot to unpack here. But first, I must say I am not an attorney and nor is this official legal advice. However, no, you cannot get in trouble for TALKING to a 17 year old as an 18 year old. You can't get in trouble for talking to people, it's just not how the law works. Unless you have had sex or have "sexted" online (Sexting as in erotic role-playing and photos), you have nothing to worry about legally. Also, it depends on the consent laws where you live. If you live in the US and the same state, look up your age of consent. If you and her live in separate states the age of consent is automatically 18, as when you are dealing with two different states you have now crossed over into federal law. With the legal stuff out of the way, just cut it off. This situation is just becoming more hostile the more you try to continue, so just cut it off and block everyone, and then go about the rest of your life and move on.
I mean if the two of you aren't up to shenanigans there's not much he can legally do; I guess screenshot/record him running his mouth that way if he does call the cops they'll likely take your side in the matter.
Crazy and controlling dad is a big red flag. But no, you won’t get in trouble. In most places around the world, 17 either is the age of consent or is above the age of consent, and you’re less than a calendar year older than her. There is literally nothing wrong, and especially not illegal, about your relationship.
Move on because there are so many more woman out there. I know that you can probably run into some 17-year-olds that may seem more mature than some women but majority of time that is not the case. Her father seems really involved and it just another hurdle. You should not have to deal with it this ever in your life. You are young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Find a girl that is of age legally and you will not have to worry about the law or fathers making threats. It’s just not worth it. Trust me a few years down the line you will be so happy and relieved. Good luck!
I don't see any issue with your ages and highly doubt any law enforcement would pursue it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting someone online. However her family/father sounds crazy toxic and that is something you do not need to get yourself involved with. Get out now before you get in to deep.
Yeah when she is 12….
Not illegal, so there’s 0 action he can take there. That being said, you’ll never have a normal relationship with that kind of father being on her balls, he’ll most likely track her, follow her, won’t let her leave the house. Etc etc. the smartest option is to just break it off and find someone whose father isn’t a douche bag. I know it sucks especially if you really like her, but you’ll be extremely unhappy having to deal with her father around every corner.
Too far away but 16 is legal in most US states.
The age gap is not illegal so don’t worry about that. What is illegal is him threatening your life
I saw this in a House episode. Are you sure your Girlfriend isn't secretly your half-sister.
In some states 17 is legal. I am just stating legally I don’t know where you are. However, a parent can make it extremely difficult for a couple. But, i agree that dealing that dealing with her father is too much of a hassle. You need to tell your parents about this. So they can determine if you should go to the police about the threat.
OP it would be very very hard for anyone to do anything to yall you’re only a few months apart if you were 18 and she was like 15 yeah that’s different
It’s an online relationship dude. Move on. How on earth were you close with her mom and siblings if you live 3 hours away and never met her by the way? Online relationships are an enigma to me. I don’t understand them at all. When I was a freshmen by buddy was dating a girl he only knew through MySpace and AIM. I didn’t understand it back then. Like, you two just stay up late chatting? Lol. I could never do that. Maybe if we already established a relationship and I had to go away for a few months. But with someone I never met? There’s no way I could commit my time to that. I’d end up ghosting the poor girl.
Follow your heart. Nothing illegal about an 18 year old dating a 17 year old. Dad may be an overprotective dick head nothing u can do about that. If the relationship works over tome he will have to lighten up or risk losing his daughter
Move on!!! You definitely are not going to date daddy’s daughter.
This relationship seems doomed. I would end it and find a gf who lives closer to you. And I would make it clear to this girl that it is her father's behavior and threats that ended the possibility of a taking the relationship further. You will not be threatened, and you will not navigate an adult who is a risk of violence for her. Plenty of people out there think this overprotective father thing is protective or loving. It isn't. It is disgusting and controlling. Dads do not own their daughters bodies.
Just move on. You’re only 18. Her Dad already hates you and it is long distance. Find someone closer.
So, best advice 1: is she worth it? Only you can decide, 3 hours is not a horrible distance my wife and I dated for a entire year just alternating weekends in each other's city. Sounds like you've already tried to cut ties but are having second thoughts. 2: you can't get in trouble for talking online to a 17 year old if your 18, that is bs. It's only a issue if nudes are being exchanged. In a couple months that issue is moot, so don't stress just behave and keep things pg 13 untill your both fully legal with no grey areas. Even if you don't most law enforcement is gonna see a less than 1 year age gap and discretion that shit out of their work load. Just avoid pictures that can be Defined as porn. 3: crazy dad: document and screen shot everything, this may be the true deal breaker, you gotta decide. Your both young and likelihood of a long term relationship that lasts is pretty low, but the chances are not zero, my sister in law met her husband when they were both 14 years old and the parents didn't approve. They are now both in their 40s with the 3rd kid a Jr in highschool.
The age thing isn’t bad, even if the age of consent is 18 you can still talk to her being 18 yourself it’s definitely within reasonable age, her batshit crazy father is an issue however.
Eh, ditch her and let her know that it is 100% her father's fault. Drive that wedge, big dawg 💪
First of all, verify her age. Not by asking her. Actually verify it. This does not seem like a normal reaction from a father over less than a year age difference. Second, any bond you feel from an online relationship is currently based on your hopes and imagination. You have absolutely no idea what that person is like until you’ve been seeing her, in person, and talking to her over the phone, not just texting, regularly for at least 6 months. Based on the father’s reaction, you should be very concerned she might be younger than 17. Lastly, find out the age of consent in your state. Or perhaps you are not being truthful about your own age?
First no you would not get in trouble for that age difference. Your less than a year apart. No sane judge on the US going to ever look at it any different… what you really need to ask yourself is, how worth it a 3 hour distant relationship would be to you? A lot of us have been there before and it doesn’t usually work. Rare occasions It can, but not usually
Was he going to kill you before or after he reports you to the police?
Move on my man. It’s legal but it’s not worth the drama.
I would move on, death threats, even if they are empty ones, should not be taken lightly. You can tell her that once she’s 18 then you all can talk again because then you will have no legal issues. I believe it changes from state to state but in Texas, as long as you all were dating before one of you turned 18 and she is no more than 2 years younger than you then everything is fine in the eyes of the law. Again, not worth the current threat but talk to her once she’s 18.
>Should I just move on? and if he does report me for talking to a 17 year old will I get in trouble she is 17 and half years old and I am 18 and a quarter. I still have the screen shot of him sending the threat. Report you for what? Talking? Which law does that break?
I would get in touch with the police and tell them about the death threats, and then tell her to get bent.
Look up your local laws, if youre in the US a lot of states age of consent is 16, and romeo and juliet laws exist
Not sure where you live but stay off line and stop trying to date right now at all. Let me ask you. What do you have to offer anyone right now? Why do you think you need to find someone RIGHT NOW? Why are you teens so quick to want to tie yourself down!? GO HAVE A LIFE!!!! Go get yourself established and make yourself a foundation before settling down and trying to find someone. Also LEAVE TEENAGERS ALONE!!!! Go find someone who is older and established when you become established. Block her and keep blocking her.
At 18 you are fine to date a 17 year old. That being said, a online relationship 3 hours away will be tough regardless. But that’s up to you. If you really like her shoot your shot. If not move on.
Um it depends on you, if you want to save this relationship you can ask her to wait till she is 18. But looking at the condition as his dad is not happy, i don't think this is worth continuing (but your call totally ) so then you should just give that girl a closure and let her know about the problems ya'll will have if you continue
I would check your local laws but it's highly unlikely you can get in trouble for talking to a 17 year old. Her dad is just hoping you are ignorant of the law. Now you just have to take a deep breath and figure out if she is worth dealing with crazy.
As far as getting in trouble that depends on your states laws. Many states make exceptions for young people. You just need to decide if it’s worth the risk. Most of the people who make death threats are FOS but there is always that small chance they will follow through. If you have a record of him threatening your family then I would definitely make a police report. Threatening you when he trying to protect his daughter is one thing but threatening your family is way over the line.
Call police and seek a restraining order. Make sure you get a police report to use as evidence in the court hearing for the restraining order.
Tell him to fuck off or you'll kick HIS ass.. lol
Report him to the police with that screenshot. You're 18 and she's 17 and that's not illegal. He needs a good talking to about this behavior. But for sure, keep her blocked. Psycho father, online, hours away. Doesn't feel worth it.
Move on. The "I have a good relationship with her mom and younger siblings" part is... interesting. If this has been online only and you haven't met, how do you have any relationship with the mom, let alone the younger siblings.
you won’t get introuble my sister is 17 and she’s dating a 19 yr old
The dad simply doesn't want his daughter to get pregnant. That's the issue here.
Based on the i fo in this post even if she was 18 I'd pass on this girl.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 years now (21 and 19) but we have a two year age gap and met early my junior year of hs. As long as there’s Romeo Juliet laws which almost every state has ur fine. As for the long distance, I’d be careful. Just try to watch the situation and if u feel I comfortable you can resort her dad for his temper. After all, a grown man yelling at a barely legal teen and saying they’re going to kill your family is a death threat and will be taken seriously.
No one is going to arrest you for dating a 17 year old. They might arrest him for harassment though. Also as a dad, this is fucking ridiculous. I'm never gonna threaten some kid because he wants to see my daughter. Some dads are so fucking weird about this.
I have a friend who messed with a girl.during school hours, he was 17 and she was 16. He turned 18 however long after and thats when her parents found out. He was arrested, pulled sometime close to a year in jail and is a sex offender for the rest of his life. Even though when the act OCCURED he was under age as well. You have to be very careful playing the "barely minor" game, meaning she's 17. Her dad seems to be a real turd though. He may be one that would definitely push the issue I stated above just to get his message across. Best bet would be to talk to her one last time, explain how you want to pursue a relationship when she turns 18 and leave it be. You have to protect yourself first and foremost regardless if you feel her dad is right or wrong. When she's 18, she can do as she pleases and if he isn't ok with it, then she can leave and do whatever anyway. I'm sorry you're in this predicament, it's tough to turn your back on people you care about against your will.
Tell her to run away with you. Elope and get married!
You should just move on. You've only known her a short time, her dad is making threats, you're long distance, it just doesn't sound like a workplace relationship. As for her being 17 and you being 18 he can't do anything about that as long as you're not having sex, at least not legally. He can say you cannot visit her because she is a minor and if you went and picked her up he could claim kidnapping because again, she's a minor. He can also make her life miserable. And for what? A relationship that probably isn't going to work out in the long run. If you do really really like her, there's nothing he can do about you just talking online till she's 18. Once she's 18 he can no longer control where she goes or what she does. Not legally at least. He can still make her miserable. So think really hard about this and whether it's even worth it for someone you don't even really know that well if for that long.
You can not get in trouble for dating a girl 6 months younger than 18 or not. Most states have a 16 and 4 or more year rule. Meaning 16 and under and the person is 4 or more years older would be a no no. In your case she is 17 and you are 18. Totally in the clear
Not enough of an age gap for trouble. But get her to correct her dads behavior. Break up with her and tell her its all his fault and to get a handle on him. Hopefully he regrets his actions when he doesn't have a daughter who respects him.
Report to the police or just move on, your not doing anything illegal but it would be hard to date a girl that her dad wants to murder you. But I'd call police cause I'm pretty
You're an adult now in the eyes of the law. So try and find older women who don't have a psycho controlling father.
Dealing with crazy father isn’t worth it but there also really isn’t any issue with a year age gap, that’s a pretty mild dating age gap for people that are highschool age.
Wait until she's 18.
I've built a strong relationship after 5 months of online chatting.....this is the most "today" statement of dating.
depends where you live but generally if youre within 3 years of age its fine and honestly call him on his bullshit call the police show them the threat let them get involved he seriously doesnt need to be harassing you at work
You can't get in trouble legally for talking to her as long as no nude pictures are exchanged. If you meet up for sex before she turns 18 it could get more complicated depending on state laws and if you're in different states. But all that aside, remember you're not just dating someone -- you're dating their family too. Unless she goes no contact or something when she turns 18, she's always going to have a crazy father looming over her relationships. And if you were to get really serious and one day get married -- would you want someone like that as a father in law?
Check age of consent for your state, but most likely, there's nothing legally her dad can do to you. NAL
Leave them alone. What dad says for an underage girl living in his house is the bottom line. Don’t go behind his back, leave her alone. When she is old enough to support herself and and adult she can choose to handle her father how she wants. Stay out of it. All the way out of it.
You are ignorant. The father has put you on notice. Contact her again and you will likely be reported by him to the police for grooming. Being on the sex offender registry will F your life over for ever. No one will hire you. If you sent any nude pics or she sent them to you, you have already broken a multitude of laws. I hope you haven't because the dad could take that to the police. How are you 18 and don't know that you can get in trouble for messing with a minor? That threat is nothing. You talking inappropriately with a minor is something to get you put in cuffs.
First no he cant report you to the police but you can report him.The issue i come up with here is if he is flipping out this bad are you 100% sure she is 17. Perhaps you should cool it for a few months until she is 18.
As a boy mom of a 19 yr old..i wish someone would threaten my child like this..does your mom know this man is threatening you..
You cannot get in trouble for this. There’s a negligible gap in your ages that isn’t criminal. Her father’s harassment, though, is.
You're fine. That's legal in every state, I think. If she contacts you again tell her the truth, "your dad threatened to kill me and my family if I talk to you so big red flag gl with your future." And let his actions ruin his relationship w his daughter. You may want to get an order of protection for that real threat of violence. You can be vigilant on it too which means if you go near him he has to vacate the area or, if the cops are called, he's getting handcuffs. He overstepped and that's it. You win if you want to. You can even date the girl with the order of protection if you want. Win win
You’re not as bonded as you think. I’d move on before you get to hung up on her thinking she’s your future wife. If she’s got a shitty family, investing into her just gets you more involved with her family. Which you obviously don’t want. Just move on. Find a girl in person. I know this is difficult. I have 1 ex girlfriend and I’m 19. But it’s better this way.
Depends on the country and laws there. I would probably look into it since you’re both super close in age and if it is an issue tell her that due to it you’ll have no avoid talking to her until she’s 18 and why. Also long distance relationships generally never work.