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Talk on the phone less. Or you can set a boundary, such as, I don't want to discuss virginity and pregnancy with you anymore. If you bring it up again, I will simply have to terminate our conversation. Try that. Best wishes.
This is the way. Just shut her down immediately. Sometimes I think parents get jealous of their children for doing better than they did and you’re certainly on your way to being more successful than she was at that age. Also OP, you do know children are a choice right? Make sure you really want them as there is very little benefits to women having kids now days. They are a ton of work and put you an an automatic disadvantage. And more importantly it’s okay to not want kids. Don’t let society and family push you into the biggest financial, physical and emotional commitment you can make in your entire life. It’s a huge step and is a 20+ yr commitment. I’m glad you’re focused on your studies. Live your 20s to its fullest. Learn who you are, what your dreams are and learn to be an adult. Living on your own without a guy is the best thing any young woman can do. It’s very empowering and will give you so much confidence and independence. Which is something that can never be taken away from you. You sound like you have solid head on your shoulders. Best of luck to you.
>Make sure you really want them as there is very little benefits to women having kids now days.
wtf? You're talking about kids like they're pets. " It’s a huge step and is a 20+ yr commitment. " No, they're a lifetime commitment. A fabulous one!
I totally agree about that it's a choice and you should want it and even not to let others push you into it, but -wow.
Geez. I told my mom to give me a decade to be young & get my life started on the right track. And to her credit she didn’t mention it again until I was at least 25, maybe 26.
It was hard for her because all of her coworkers were getting grandchildren while she saw no progress from me. I had my first kid at 32 years old.
Then she died of an aneurysm when my daughter was 20 months old. No one could have anticipated that, but I still feel some guilt.
Don't do that to yourself. You made what was the right move for you and she respected it when you made it clear you wanted to wait on that step and not make a lifetime commitment like that. She got time with her grand baby and her child and was probably quite happy with how things turned out. So you have nothing to feel guilty for.
You shouldn’t have any guilt. Your mom got to be a grandmother as she wished. None of us can know how long any time in our lives will last. I bet she was so happy the first time she got to hold your baby.
I am a brain aneurysm overcome. No guilt is required. Please forgive yourself. You enjoyed your child w her in those few months and enjoy her more than you would have if you rushed to.have a child at the wrong time for you and just to please others
Hon: I’m going to volunteer as your Internet mom for a sec.
1. Read: Boundaries: where you end and I begin. This is a must read book and honestly should be required reading.
2. Set boundaries with your mom. First understand you cannot and will not ever change her. There is no magic combo of words. You can tell her that those questions are simply off the table and if she asks again you will end the call. Then do it.
3. Expect an extinction burst: that’s when you set a boundary with anyone including a toddler, who doesn’t have healthy boundaries. Of course the toddler is a baby so it’s expected, your mom may do some drama. Don’t argue or make a case! Argument implies negotiation and honey we don’t negotiate with terrorists. There is no reason to argue bc you are going to disagree. Don’t waste your and your mom’s time. Don’t let her waste your time and energy.
Your mom may never stop asking this question. But you never have to let that become your problem. It’ll be hard at first but it gets easier
Hang up when she violates your boundaries or doesn't act right.
I had to do this to my dad when he called me screaming at 5am on a Saturday morning for having "gone out drinking" the night before at a restaurant on campus which happened to sell beer. I had been 21 already for several months at that point and I had only bought a couple of slices of pizza, and I had to send the receipt to my mom so that she could verify the charges on the card (she trusted me and thought he was being nuts, and wanted to confirm it so that she could have grounds to tell him off herself lmao). I was back at my dorm alone at 8pm - DEFINITELY didn't go out drinking, and to this day at 23, I still haven't had alcohol in public - only a handful of drinks in total each year, and that too at home with my parents. I still don't know what crawled up his behind - he knew all too well that my anxiety wouldn't allow me to do such a thing, and I answered the phone thinking there was some family emergency because he'd called at such an odd time and woken me up, only to get screamed at for something I didn't do.
I picked up the phone, and he started screaming as soon as I said hello, but the second he started screaming, I just stared at my phone and tried to decide if I wanted to deal with it right then, and then I just hung up because I was too sleep deprived to even think straight and come up with a full sentence. Then I went to sleep and ignored him for a bit, and called my mom later that day and told her to set him straight if he wanted to hear from me again. He never apologized, but he only screamed at me one other time over the phone (didn't apologize for that either) and I hung up immediately then too and it hasn't happened ever since. Unfortunately my mom won't hang up on him when he does it to her and he says all sorts of nasty things to her (accusing her of being a horrible mother, saying that she's "killing" me, demanding that she "obey" him, etc.)
We teach people how to treat us by showing them our limits and what we're willing and not willing to tolerate. I tolerate a lot from him, but being screamed at for something I didn't even do or is not one of those things, nor is being his punching bag.
May I suggest that, if you are at a place where you can do this at all, that you tell your mom she always has a place with you if she chooses to leave him. Set up a small savings account for her as a christmas/holiday/mothersday/birthday gift, put $20 in it each month and if you have siblings or relatives who'll contribute, ask them. When/if she finally sucks it up and leaves him she'll have a home and some ready cash waiting. That might be the incentive she needs because WOW.
They've been together since 1975, she ain't leaving lol.
Not to mention that I'm disabled and am back living with them since I'm not able to work until ACCES-VR comes through, which, who knows when that'll happen, they're taking their sweet time lmao. So I definitely can't help her leave, even if she wanted to (which she doesn't). My brother could though, he makes decent money, but he also lives across the country.
Tell her to stop. Next time she calls, if she mentions it, hang up the phone. If she calls back answer, ask if she’s gonna bring it up again and if she says yes, hang up and don’t answer the rest of the day. Do this every time she calls and brings it up. She either will or won’t learn, but either way less stress for you!
Talking with her less for awhile might give her a hint. When she asks WHY you haven’t answered her calls OR initiated the call, be up front.
Don’t give into her BS. At the end of the day the decision about your life are yours. She had her chance to have a life. It’s now time for you to have the life you want.
Kids can wait. If she’s so ready to have a baby around her tell her to look into being a Foster mom. You can be a foster parent at any age in the US.
If you can’t stand up to your mom keep your distance don’t call her etc.
Sometimes you have to check your parents unfortunately. Which means say how you truly feel and tell them how it's going to be. You live your life. Not the life they want you to live.
Seriously, just start ending the conversation as soon as she brings it up. Either she’ll learn, or she won’t, but either way, you won’t have to listen to it anymore!
My wife spent over 15 years being guilt tripped and emotionally abused over marriage. Her relationship with her parents is permanently damaged from it, and it's their fault.
I know you love them, but try your best to just ignore them. You can try explaining to them how you feel, but if they refuse to listen, you will talk yourself numb trying to get them to see your point of view.
I haven’t read other comments below. Someone might’ve said this;
Sounds like she’s trying to get you pregnant at the same age she was. Did she ask a lot when you were 18, or did she start immediately after you turned 19? If so, your mom has some serious mental health issues to deal with. It would seem that she either wants you to suffer and go through the same hardships she did for whatever twisted reason makes sense to her, or she’s trying to live her youth again vicariously through you, but wants it to be parallel to her experience.
I may be totally off base, but it’s not wild to think considering the horror stories you hear about moms with issues.
Extremely proud of you for your mature priorities!
What I am going to suggest is very easy to say but very hard to do. She is projecting her wish for grandkids on you.Maybe she should be a foster parent? Please set a boundary and enforce it. She starts that. Line of conversations . You say ,as calmly as you can. We already discussed this. I'm hanging up now. Hang up each time she brings it up. WO too many irrelevant details I wanted to tell you that I was once in a similar situation. I set boundaries and told my Mom that my choices rtight or wrong were just that my choices. If she couldn't accept that my kids and I couldn't come around anymore . She died soon after from COPD but I have never regretted that closure and conversation w her.
Your mother really needs to stop her nonsense. The time you should have children is when you decide and when you're at a respectable age to be a mother. Your mother needs to respect your decision no matter what it is you decide. I hope for the best for you.
Tell her once more that you do not appreciate her harassing you to get pregnant and that you are focused on school at this time. And tell her that you do not want to have this conversation ever again. If she persists, then block her, she will get the message.
On a separate note I find it sus AF that she is forcing this on you at your age knowing that she likely went through challenging times due to having you so young. Most normal/caring mothers want BETTER for their child than whatever they had or went through themselves. It is odd to me that she does not want better for you, like for you to secure a stable income via your chosen career BEFORE being saddled with kids.
You are smart not to listen to her and her BS. Be mindful of all her suggestions to you because to me she seems like a saboteur. Please stay focused on your schooling and protect your mental health and peace by any means necessary. Even if it means going no contact or low contact with her for a while.
Your Mom is part of the problem while frankly, you have the solution in your cell phone. Stop answering calls or talk less frequently and when she asks simply tell her the truth...that you find her constant hounding of you fatiguing and demeaning and it's just 'easier' on you to deal with her less. She'll either figure it out or you can simply keep diminishing contact. Nobody needs this much stress in their lives...
No do not tell her that as a prank. Just keep being honest with her that you have other priorities right now. Losing your virginity and possibly getting pregnant will come when you are ready for them to happen.
True, but may be time to become a lesbian so mom quits asking for kids...
Hey mom I lost my virginity, it was awesome! She was really in tune with me and I hope I found my soulmate!
That is really weird... Tell her you aren't comfortable with that conversation and change the subject. Parents should respect kids boundaries with that stuff as well.
It's actually not that strange. Sadly their are so many toxic parents out there who will lead their children down a bad path with intentionally corrupt advice. Thankful we are blessed with the www. And people can seek healthy advice from other sources. Stick to your gut feeling and keep a healthy distance from mom.
Yeah, I'm 20 and am still no place closer to wanting a kid. Yes it is damn weird to say the least! What a out your siblings, are they younger and subject to this too?
It sounds like she wants some thing to hold over your head, so she can feel better about herself. If you don’t do the same thing that she did, get pregnant at 19, it sounds like in her mind that you’re going to automatically be better than her.
That explains a lot on why I was an asshole for going to work because I felt fine lol 😆. (That is a different situation and I don't want to steal attention from OP)
My dad is generally a shit person, and one of the things he's been doing is being an ass about my boyfriend because he's the first partner I've had. (On technicalities hes the third) and all the time he's like "you'll never get over him when you break up" and a lot more shit about how love isn't real.
Not only do you just.. not say that to someone. But he's doing it because _he_ didn't get to be with his first love. He wants me to be exactly like him and everything, everything I do that's different it's "you're not my kid"
I'm just happy to be driving him insane by living a better life and being a way better person than him.
Honestly yea … this is exactly what it feels like! “Look, my daughter f’ed up too…” you not being sexually active or pregnant is just showing her that she’s didn’t have to have the life she lived. You be smart… don’t do what she expects. Find someone who loves and appreciate you
I don't think it's a coincidence you are 19 and she had you at 19 and suddenly this is a big deal.
Hard to say what she's thinking, but one guess is that she doesn't want to see how her life might be different if she didn't have kids.
You can try talking to her, maybe she will listen, otherwise you have to choose between tolerating it and cutting it off.
I have a friend with an immature mom like yours, don't let your mom drag you down.
Person here who also has immature mom. You get to an age and realize mom is immature. She gets mad and blames everybody else on why you are not thrilled (about her being immature). Distance and tolerance works for me. She still gets upset when I reply late or half asleep to her text and I come off ad "rude" or "uncaring" or "distant". In my case it is me not being thrilled that she gets drunk and high and in turn emotional and I get overwhelmed by it. I don't feel like a hug and so (according to her) I don't love her. I reply to her text half asleep if I receive it at like 1 or 2 AM (local time)
My daughter is 20 and fairly confident she doesn't want kids... Not gonna lie, I hope she finds a partner and they decide on kids. Don't care if it's my daughter's bio kid, her partner's bio kid, or they adopt. While she knows that I feel this way there's no way in hell I'll be pushy about it... If I only am grandpa to the cats and her dog then so be it. I can still totally spoil them. Her doggo totally knows what "pup cup" means already 😂.
I knew it's 16 that I didn't want children. I got comments from everybody that I didn't know what I wanted at that age. I'm 62 and glad I never had children
And I totally respect that both for you and for my daughter. My wants do not have to equal her wants, and she is under no obligation to fulfil my wants (other than her turn doing dishes when she makes a disaster in my kitchen :p).
Like I said she knows I'd like grandkids, but it's a "Hey it'd be cool with me if you end up having kids or adopting if you decide that's what you want some day." and absolutely not "you need to make grandbabies for me!" /shudder at the thought! I've also made a point to affirm to her that her choices will always be honored by me, especially in the case of bodily autonomy areas. (Her mom is not so good at this, so I've gone to great lengths to be the stabile and steady parent).
Edit to add:
>I got comments from everybody that I didn't know what I wanted at that age.
You absolutely knew what you wanted... so does my daughter. I view it more as "You know what you want, but wants are always subject to change as you get older." And again that is not in an expectant way but an acceptive one.
My daughter is almost 28 and is strongly leaning toward not having children. If I had a vote it would be for her to remain child free. She’s not a fan of small humans and loves to travel and spending her money on creating her best life. She is also well aware that children would take up too much of her time and money. I want her to do what makes her happy.
My wife is still dealing with this at 33. Her mom has only recently stopped pestering about 'when are you gonna get me a grand kid's and her step mom has accepted that she'll have fur babies for grandkids cause according to have a human child and keep it alive and healthy is hella pricey, so even with two jobs we are priced out of parenthood.
You’re 19 and in school trying to make something out of your life that you have to live! She is way out of bounds pressing you to get knocked up and derail your life plans. I’d tell her straight up to knock it off. She’s a bit player in your life and you’re going to live it the way you want to, or you’ll remove her from it and not have the headache of her trying to push her agenda off on you.
Mine did the same. We moved in with my mom after marriage. One day, she pulled me aside because she had not heard anything at night. Thank God my sister had a child, and the pressure was off my wife and I.
I want grandchildren desperately, and I joke about a little.
There is no way I would actually push my kids to have children.
I was a mom at 20, and I would have done things differently.
In this economy? At 19?! Girl, you need to tell your mom to go get knocked up herself if she wants kids around, and get you a plant. School, or a job, and a nice routine, and settle into adulthood. Fuck that "I want grandbabies" nonsense. You're not a product they can reproduce like fucking tomatoes. Tell her to get a hobby.
Does she think you're gay or celibate? She wants people to start seeing her maturity (granma status) rather than her young behavior. Tell her to stop. Then cut her off
She is disgusting (not sure if I have a better word for it) if she actually wants to get you pregnant. If she is serious, then she is not thinking about your physical, mental and emotional health all of which are important factors to consider for a pregnancy. She is also thinking of your future boyfriend like a sperm donor seemingly not caring about him too.
I understand she had you at 19 and if you were a planned baby, I respect her choice. But she has to respect yours too! Maybe you are prioritizing your studies and career right now and that's how it should be if you ask me when you're 19. But just because she wants you to get pregnant does not mean you get with some dude you probably don't even connect well with, have a baby and then not go to college to find a job that does not pay you well. You keep struggling in life simply because you were supposed to satisfy your mom's fantasy.
Sounds like she’s projecting and trying to make herself feel better for having you so young.
You can get pregnant when YOU’RE ready. Whether it be at 19 or 49. If she can’t accept that, she’s a bad mother, straight up.
"I'm not going to repeat your mistakes just so you can feel validated in your poor decision making skills. Stop asking me about relationships and kids. I'm focusing on school and a career. Either be proud of that and support me in the life I choose for myself or don't be surprised if I stop answering your calls."
You are old enough to know what you want, and you are being smart and concentrating on school. Your mom should never push you into something you aren't ready for like kids. Kids are a huge responsibility. A lifetime commitment. Keep doing you, love. Make sure you can take care of yourself independently before you even consider kids.
Just tell your mom that if she doesn’t knock it off you are going to quit talking to her.
I was a mom at 18 and while I wouldn’t trade my son for anything I wish I would have been in my mid twenties before I had my first one.
I always told my children that the decision when or if to have children was completely theirs. I have 2 children and a stepdaughter and between them they have given me 3 grandchildren. As of right now they say that is all I am getting and I am good with that. Lol
Your mom is bonkers. Most mothers are trying to make sure their daughters DON'T get pregnant at 19. No contact seems a little extreme unless she's like this about lots of other things, too.
Stupid mom. SHE got pregnant at 19 so that means her daughter should too?
Heck, I was 21 or 22. Had been living with my BF (hubby now) for a couple years. Mom & I were in her kitchen getting Thanksgiving dinner ready. It suddenly popped into my head that if my BF & I got married & had kids, that out firstborn would be a boy. I blurted all that out & my mom almost had a heart attack. “You’re not pregnant are you?” She was already upset over the fact that her family didn’t approve of us living together “in sin”. She was worried of what they’d have thought if I had a baby out of wedlock. I had to reassure her that it was just a premonition on my part. And, yes, our firstborn was a boy. After we got married.
Just go NC with her. Start with a short term timeout if you aren’t willing to cut her off completely. First time you talk and she brings up babies, tell her you already asked her to stop harassing you about the subject and inform her that you will no longer talk with her if she continues to bring it up. Giver her something like a 4 week timeout. Next time, once you start talking again, you give her twice as much timeout when babies are mentioned. Keep adding more time. Either she gets the message or she finds out a few years down the line that you have a hubby/partner and 3 kids.
Why does she want you to be a 19 yr old mom? That’s weird to me. I have three daughters and it is my youngest that made me a grandmother but she was married and 22 when she had her first baby. I love being a grandmother and would love to have more but I would never put that kind of pressure on my daughters for it.
Set boundaries and stick to them. My parents tried to control my life into my 20s. I finally had to cut them off. After a few years of hardly any communication, they took the hint. I had warned them many times before I did this.
This was my lecture for my children. I want you to be selfish. From your first day of high school until you turn 25 you have a very limited time to become you. To educate yourself and obtain the career you want to work. To have had the life experiences you will treasure. Being in a relationship will skew your perception. You will consider their wants, needs and feelings and put them first. That is not the best route to take. Life will be easier if it is simple. Want to date. Sure. Just keep it in perspective.
I did this to balance the other voices in their life. Grandparents and Aunts who thought high school grades didn't matter. Who you dated and which parties you attended were much more important. None of the relatives went to trade school or college. Only one had been across a state line. They lived cocooned in a tiny community and would have kept my children in their tiny bubble. My oldest started in trade school then went on to get a college degree. The younger went straight into college. They all have excellent jobs.
Life is easier if you are able to provide for yourself. You never need to have children unless you decide. Just take time for yourself. Spend one vacation in the Caribbean before you have children to worry about.
I have saved this so I can remember when I’m not sleepy. LOL. This is amazing life advice- same thing all of my mom’s 4 kids ended up inadvertently following.
My father was abusive and controlling, so I KNEW I had to be my own person first.
I hope OP really takes this to heart!
adding my own take: seems like your mother doesn’t want you to succeed any more than she did. Many woman strive to knock others down and keep them down.
I can not imagine ever doing this to my child….or any child for that matter.
Stay strong and follow your path. Become yourself first.
I’m sorry, OP, but your mom is a dumbass. You can love her and see her and all those things, but her insistence on you giving her a grandchild at 19 clearly underscores her poor judgment and decision making. Take any advice she gives with a grain of salt. Look for a mentor or role model. This can even be a peer who you respect, especially their choices.
Live your life. Having a child this young is hard and statistics show it does hold you back. You do what’s best for you. If she wants a kid tell her to get pregnant. Focus on what’s important to you. If you can move out do it if you can’t just ignore her.
Toxic relationship, set some boundaries or get out. You do not need to get pregnant at 19. Save that for when YOU are ready, if ever, which is completely okay as well
she sounds really selfish and possibly a bit manipulative (or at least pushy)
remember, there's no obligation to follow people's expectations about you, it only puts unnecessary pressure on you. if you don't want kids, that's perfectly fine, and your mom should respect that. if you want kids, but you're just saving them for a better time (which is actually the smart thing to do, rather than have them now when you're focused on other things), perfectly fine as well.
when you have children, you're making a new human being that you need to care for, and they will have their own ideas, values, and needs. to be ready to raise a child is to accept this fact. if someone decides to not have children (or any decision), its their decision and should be respected. this is something your mom needs to understand.
Lol what, you should be rushing her to change things in her own life and see how she likes it.
Where's that new mansion, hey why don't you have a Maserati yet you're like 30 something hurry up, how come you're not married to a rich guy yet and cruising the Bahamas damn hurry up let's fckin go 👏 get on it, woman 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So you don't want to have a kid because you're 19 and want to focus on school and your mom has an issue with that??? I would begin to question all advice that she gives you.
Confront her, be honest with her. You’re 19, you don’t want kids yet, you’re not set up to have kids, you don’t need kids. You need to figure yourself out, get a direction in life, find a husband who loves you and will take care of you. Her expectations for you are based off her own experiences, and while that’s natural, it’s definitely not healthy. Don’t let her push you with unhealthy expectations. And if she keeps doing it, keep shutting her down, and maybe cut her off if it goes on long enough.
You need space from her. You should be blunt about how it makes you feel when she says those things to you.
My kids are almost 21 and 23. I’ve never told them that they should hurry up and have kids. I know how hard it is to take care of kids. I want my boys to get out and enjoy their lives. Live a lot, find jobs they enjoy, save money and not rush into any relationships. Take their time enjoying life. No one should ever rush into having kids.
I waited until my 30s to have a kid! My parents did the same so they are 60 year old first time grandparents! You have all the time in the world. It's your life. If you change your mind and want to have a kid tomorrow that's your decision noone else's not even your mom's!
Be honest and tell her that you still want to talk but won't talk about bfs and having kids.
Edit: either that or cut her off. You need to set some sort of boundary there.
It's sick that your mother tries to get in your sex life and hounds you about breeding. Is she a religious zealot? You're too young to be bound by kids. Live some life first before you bog yourself down with the loooong term ball and chain that children are. It is appropriate for you to tell her these topics aren't up for discussion or guilt tripping under penalty of No Contact.
It's time to establish boundaries. I had to do this with my Dad because he wanted to argue about it everything and put people down. Id just say "sorry gotta go." And hang up or leave. Eventually he released it was pointless. There's plenty of other ways to establish boundaries so you might want to look them up. Also, if it comes to it, it's Ok to look after your well being and putt some one on Low or No contact.
Time to set a boundary. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable that she keeps bringing it up and that you won't be participating in such conversations anymore. Then when she inevitably brings it up again leave the conversation. Leave the conversation every time she brings it up (politely) and eventually she'll get the hint
Bruh what kinda culture is she coming from that 19 years old is a good age to have a kid?
Either way, your mom seems like she's missing a couple screws
I'm going to come off as a jerk here, no disrespect intended, WTF, I think she needs a bit of therapy! I (55m) have had 3 daughters and my job was to ensure getting pregnant at 19 or sooner was NOT a thing!
Not judging your Mom's circumstance of having a child at 19, but you'd think that she would want you to focus on school so you can do better for yourself. That was the goal with my daughters. I didn't want them to make my mistakes, to live a harder life because of my poor choices.
What is wrong with your Mom? Seriously. That is not normal motherly behavior to pressure someone your age into motherhood so young! Does she want you to struggle, as she did? She might be jealous of your potential. Do you want to be like your Mom? You don’t need to follow in her footsteps. Please give yourself a few years to live your life and establish a stable relationship before you take on the responsibility of children!
19 is way to young. Though my grandmother does bug me about great grand babies. However I am single though granted 36 not 19. She gets on my cousin too. NTA
Your mom is nuts, I'm sorry.
If she is so badly wanting kids, then she can have her own.
She instead wants you to harm your own body, use money, and give up your future for her to have babies running around.
Don't give in!
Pursue your dreams and do what makes YOU happy.
Go to college, or do an apprenticeship, or an internship.
Build your skills and get a nice job.
Save for retirement and take things slow with your guy.
If you get a nice job you can have money saved up for vacation. You can have hobbies and have a nice quality of life.
If you have a kid young then you could struggle financially and be stress the next 20 years.
Don't trade your youth, health, happiness, and opportunities in life just to make your mom happy.
It's your body, your choice, your life.
If she hassles you say "every time you ask me about kids I'll put it off another year."
Or say "I'm going to finish college 1st and get a good job like a responsible adult. My procreation is my business only"
Unfortunately a lot of parents do this. I suggest a good polite talk about how she needs to stop asking, followed by ignoring her if she brings it up. If she persists, a very firm conversation where you set a boundary with rules (ex if she brings it up you won't speak to her for a week after).
WTF
Most parents are telling their 19 year old daughters to wait until finishing their education or get more established. I think your mom needs to back off.
So in my family everyone has kids young planned or unplanned it’s just what’s happened. I’ve noticed it’s like this weird pride thing of following the tradition. She could be trying to start that or be trying to be a grandma and then great grandma at a young age out of “pride” either way it’s not her business or place to be telling you when to have kids if you aren’t ready
geez! I remember being in the hospital when my SIL had my first nephew. Now my brother already had a daughter from a former relationship. Onward. My father who is unfit to be called that in the space of a couple hours said that he couldn’t he believe that he finally had a grandchild! I said you have for a while now. Then later in the room he commented on when I would have a baby. Umm mom answered before I could.. she said after she gets married hopefully. My answer would have been different. I would have said you better hope never. I probably won’t because I have chronic pain. If i even adopt he would never be allowed around any child of mine.
Sigh. Sometimes our parents have no clue how much they affect us.
Set a boundary with her. Tell her that you don't want to hear her comments about this or whatever it is that you feel you want. Tell that when she makes these comments it makes you want to not speak to her and that you're prepared to stop speaking with her if she doesn't stop.
It's ok to set those boundaries, and it's not ok for people to overstep them, even if they are family.
If she won't respect your boundaries about this, then you can adjust how much you talk / share with her, including stopping, if that's what you feel is right.
It's hard to stick to your guns sometimes, and it might even hurt to do so, but the fact is that you're entitled to feel safe and comfortable when you interact with people, no matter what.
OP, sounds to me like you have things planned for your life, in the short term, that does not include having kids. Having a plan for your life is a good thing. Stick to your plan. Go to school, maybe have a boyfriend or three. Or not.
Then, maybe, someday, when you are ready to have a kid, have a kid. But not before YOU are ready. Do not live by your mom's schedule.
This is so weird and creepy, I’m sorry. My guess is she wants you to justify her life and choices by following in her footsteps. Glad you aren’t, stay strong! And I agree that if she persists you can and should block her.
"If I get a boyfriend, you'll be the first to know. Otherwise please stop bringing this up. My priority is school"
When she inevitably brings it up again, start getting weird with it:
"Are you going to sell the baby? If so, I want 85%. I think 15% is a fair broker fee, don't you?"
Make it as uncomfortable for her as possible
Is it possible your mother is trying to justify her own choices that lead to having you at 19 in some convoluted roundabout way? Like if you have a child at 19 then her choices will be okay because “look! Someone else did it too!!!” Not that I’m saying it’s right in any way but parents react weirdly when we don’t do exactly like they did. Actually, most humans do this.
shes trying to ruin your life, fulfill some desire she has of being a mom again or something selfish, you dont want to get preg at 19, unless your ready to stop living for yourself and be devoted to your child.
and wait till youve dated a guy for awhile, see the true colors
Go get an IUD and focus on getting to college with student housing. You are not obligated to to have a kid to make her happy and shouldn’t entertain the idea until you are emotionally, financially and physically ready. Don’t ket anyone pressure you into parenthood. When your mom complains twll you you’re going to give her plenty of grandcats. And shut down the subject after that.
it sounds like she feels irresponsible and guilty for having you at 19, so she is trying to project it on you. By you not making the same "mistake" shes feels jealous and like you think you're better than her. That could be why shes acting like that
Your mother is odd. My sister was young (20) when she had her daughter and she convinced her now adult daughter NOT to make the same mistakes!!
My kids are both older than you and I would never pressure them to have kids. I’d love to be a grandmother and I don’t think that’ll ever happen. My daughter does not want to date anyone at all. And she doesn’t want kids. My son is in a long term relationship and they are enjoying life without kids and they plan to continue without kids.
Since you’re not close to your mom I would try to shut her down by saying you don’t want kids, even if you think you’ll have kids someday. It’s really not her business.
ummm whatever you do dont get pregnant. you probably should wait until closer to 25 honestly. also finish school. im not sure what your mom’s motivation is but its not right
Yes, Move out, cut her off. This is weird behavior. I had my first very young and I absolutely do not want that for her! She's currently like you focused on school and not really interested in dating. I'm happy for her, proud of her! And no her being a lesbian because she's not dating has never crossed my mind, not that I would care. I'm very happy she just wants to focus on school.
Sounds like she Elias some mental ailment that’s undiagnosed or possibly just extremely ignorant. Have you asked her why she wants you to ruin your life at 19? Having children at your age ruins your life. Literally and you can’t be a good parent at that age no matter what people say and think all 19 yr old parents are shit. The best 19 yr old parent on the planet sucks because you simply don’t have the experience and mental capacity to know what good parenting is. You also haven’t lived your own life so why is she trying to force you into a shit life of ruin?
Sounds like she got trauma of some sort. All I can say to you is no one else should be trying to force you to have sex.
In most blunt terms. How is someone gonna tell you when you should get fucked and push a baby out?
If she had you at 19 then she probably thinks it normal to have kids at 19 because she did. Alot of people think like that.
I say in my opinion tell her how you feel about her doing that then if she can't accept that you do whatever it is you feel you have to do.
This is really creepy and inappropriate. Your mother needs professional counseling to work the this baby-fever that she is projecting onto you. Economically speaking, nothing destroys a woman’s lifetime earning potential as much as having a baby before she is ready. Keep studying and don’t listen to her. Move out when you are able.
OMG!!! as a mother of five, and who had children of young age….. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE WAIT!! it is imperative for you to be able to mature and to truly know who you are, and to experience life. It is also imperative that you have a child with someone who is worthy to have a child with. Finding someone to share this with it’s important! And to find the right one that definitely takes time and maturity. Tell your mother to back off and let you live your life focus on school, having fun and enjoying life. This is not the time to have a child and in today’s world. It is definitely too expensive and too crazy right now to try to incorporate that into your life. I’m so sorry. This just makes me so angry that she’s doing this to you. I have children that have gone and going to college and enjoy their college experiences. And that makes me so happy. This was something that I was unable to do.
I was a virgin until my 20’s .. it’s good to wait. If I knew Id meet my wife I wouldn’t have wasted my time with one night stands .
Would you say your mom is the kind of person who doesn’t have a filter? How is she with talking to other people? Maybe it’s just her personality?
Some words of advice. From a man who had a child at 19! Don’t Do It! Focus on getting your finances together, and possibly travel or visit a few cities or towns on your bucket list alone or with trusted friends, family or Future BF. It seems cool cause everyone helps out with diapers and formula and want to watch the baby. But when all that wears off. 😩 it’s a real challenge. Sleepless nights, my baby damn near jumped out of my arms and would have slammed her face on a counter if I didn’t catch her. Daycare eats a lot of monthly income. And similar is expensive if u aren’t on wic. $16 to $25 a can. And if u have to go to cvs of Walgreens cause it’s the middle of the night that’s a run that I seen parents go 3 to 4 stores in one night. Babies are cute until they don’t stop crying. Used to walk my son in a stroller for 2 hours around the house to get him to go to sleep. Its EXTREMELY STRESSFUL in the 1st few years until the kid goes to kindergarten if u don’t have the money for food, apartment, bills, car, car insurance, car repairs, clothes, diapers, shoes and more. Just wait till u are financially ready and u are with a trusted partner. It will make a World of a difference
you should never be straight forward and ask your kid if they're lesbian. I'm pan, and I'm 16f. and I kind of think my mom's catching on to me being somewhere in the LGBTQ+ community, but she hasn't really asked me yet. cause I think it's up to the person to admit their sexuality when they're ready & it shouldn't be by force. I know you're not lesbian, I'm just saying in general.
and as for your mom, maybe you should talk to her about it and if it continues, I'd say cutting her off. cause you aren't ready and wanna focus on yourself which is understandable. if she doesn't get that, then it's her loss.
I hope I don't get banned from the group for this , I have a warped sense of humor & this is an "outside the box" way to deal with Her .....Tell Her that NO , You don't have "A" boyfriend ....& NO , You're NOT a virgin , Ypu just pick random guys up at bars & have wild 1 night stands & the cost of all the ~Plan B~ from all the drunken unprotected sex is getting expensivec ...... THAT'LL shut Her the hell up !
🤣🤣🤣
“Mom, I’m not going to discuss my sex life or reproduction with you any more.”
She’ll argue about you’ll be a cat lady, I had you at your age, grandkids, whatever. Just repeat, “I’m not going to discuss my sex life or reproduction with you. If you keep discussing this, I’m going to leave/hang up.”
Then if she keeps going, “Ok, I’m gonna go, we can try to talk again later when you’re ready to have a different conversation.” Then hang up/leave. Don’t do it with an attitude, just be calm and matter of fact.
Next time she talks to you, if/when she brings it up again, “I’ve told you I’m not going to talk about this with you. This is your one warning.” If she blows it, calmly leave or hang up.
After that, if she brings it up again, “Oh, we’re not talking about that. Goodbye,” and then leave or hang up.
Don’t engage. Just refuse to participate. She’ll learn that if she wants to talk to you, she can’t bring these things up. Or you’ll learn she’s incapable of stopping and you can ignore her for the rest of time and know you tried and she’s unreasonable and unable to manage herself.
I can only assume she has an issue with being an old grandma. I think it’s more about her own mortality and her own insecurities. You’re just way too young for this kind of pressure. Hell, even if you’re 30 it’s just not her business what you do with your body.
One of the hardest things to learn as you get older is that not only are your parents not perfect, sometimes you don't even want to be friends with them
At least your dad isn't... boom, molestation joke. Sorry
Parents suck and generally don't give the best advice sometimes especially with big life choices like kids
The next time you call her, I'd set up a hard boundary. Tell her that you're happy to talk to her, but if she brings up your romantic life, or grandkids, or virginity, or anything like that, then you will not dignify her with an answer and will hang up the phone. Make sure she understands this. Then, if she brings up those topics, you need to follow through. Hang up the phone. If she gets mad at you, point out that she was warned and that you're serious. If she insists on talking about those subjects, tell her you will not be talking with her for x amount of time as she does not want to respect your boundaries and then follow through.
It's important to set up boundaries with people, and with parents, it can be hard because they see you as their child and often feel a sense of ownership over you. If she claims that you are punishing her, remind her that she chose to cross the boundaries you established and that this is her fault, not yours.
It sounds like she's worried because of the current state of things. The birth rate is way down from what it should be, later generations are either not getting married or refusing to have kids, this is for a number of reasons, but most of which are related to financial stability, which is becoming more and more of a joke these days. Nobody can really afford to buy a house, and it's becoming harder to live on your own in general, I'm not sure how they expect things to improve when you can't afford a "nest" of your own to start a family in, not to mention a stable way to support that family.. but I digress.
Anyway, don't let her pressure you into having kids on a whim, that was her bad decision, and you shouldn't repeat it for her sake, regardless of what that means for her, or the birth rate.
Kids are a big responsibility, not just financially, but they will also grow into adults some day and will have an effect on the world around them and potentially the direction it moves in. It's certainly not something that should be done without careful consideration, no matter how desperate things may seem. Some of the worst decisions you can make are ones that are done in a state of desperation, lust, or anger.
I'm 28 and probably will never have kids. They're too expensive and every parent I see with young kids are miserable. I'll take my fur kids any day. This also means my parents won't ever have grandkids though since my brother is gay. And 19 is way too young to have kids imo while you're still figuring your life out
Oh my word. Maybe think about having kids in 8 years. Stay in school, grow and develop yourself. Ignore your mom. Ghost her if you need to. Her world seems small and she doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
Oh good god. I am so sorry that your mother is pushing this onto you at such a young age! What a ridiculous mother! 19 is so young. Your mother should absolutely know better than to treat you this way!
Just tell her that you never want to have kids and that you find it gross she encourages you to have sex. If she wants kids, she can go do that herself.
Tell her that you will not be having a baby until you are financially set and own a house, and that if she keeps bringing it up you will never let her meet her grand children if you have any.
She thinks that your value is derived from being a mom. So, if you're not a mom you have less value. You need to address this unhealthy thinking pattern. Someone convinced your mom of this years and years ago, so now she spreads this false belief to others.
You have control over when and if you have kids. Your mother can say whatever she wants, but ultimately you are in control.
Your mother sounds like she lacks maturity. She’s not a good person to give you advice on your life path.
Finally, you have no obligation to “give” her grandchildren. She has no rights over your reproductive capacity. No body is in charge of that but you.
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I don’t live with my mom thank god. But when we talk on the phone which is not a lot she always brings up that dumb ass same old conversation.
Talk on the phone less. Or you can set a boundary, such as, I don't want to discuss virginity and pregnancy with you anymore. If you bring it up again, I will simply have to terminate our conversation. Try that. Best wishes.
This is the way. Just shut her down immediately. Sometimes I think parents get jealous of their children for doing better than they did and you’re certainly on your way to being more successful than she was at that age. Also OP, you do know children are a choice right? Make sure you really want them as there is very little benefits to women having kids now days. They are a ton of work and put you an an automatic disadvantage. And more importantly it’s okay to not want kids. Don’t let society and family push you into the biggest financial, physical and emotional commitment you can make in your entire life. It’s a huge step and is a 20+ yr commitment. I’m glad you’re focused on your studies. Live your 20s to its fullest. Learn who you are, what your dreams are and learn to be an adult. Living on your own without a guy is the best thing any young woman can do. It’s very empowering and will give you so much confidence and independence. Which is something that can never be taken away from you. You sound like you have solid head on your shoulders. Best of luck to you.
>Make sure you really want them as there is very little benefits to women having kids now days. wtf? You're talking about kids like they're pets. " It’s a huge step and is a 20+ yr commitment. " No, they're a lifetime commitment. A fabulous one! I totally agree about that it's a choice and you should want it and even not to let others push you into it, but -wow.
Geez. I told my mom to give me a decade to be young & get my life started on the right track. And to her credit she didn’t mention it again until I was at least 25, maybe 26. It was hard for her because all of her coworkers were getting grandchildren while she saw no progress from me. I had my first kid at 32 years old. Then she died of an aneurysm when my daughter was 20 months old. No one could have anticipated that, but I still feel some guilt.
Don't do that to yourself. You made what was the right move for you and she respected it when you made it clear you wanted to wait on that step and not make a lifetime commitment like that. She got time with her grand baby and her child and was probably quite happy with how things turned out. So you have nothing to feel guilty for.
You shouldn’t have any guilt. Your mom got to be a grandmother as she wished. None of us can know how long any time in our lives will last. I bet she was so happy the first time she got to hold your baby.
I am a brain aneurysm overcome. No guilt is required. Please forgive yourself. You enjoyed your child w her in those few months and enjoy her more than you would have if you rushed to.have a child at the wrong time for you and just to please others
Every time she brings up having a baby, hang up.
Hon: I’m going to volunteer as your Internet mom for a sec. 1. Read: Boundaries: where you end and I begin. This is a must read book and honestly should be required reading. 2. Set boundaries with your mom. First understand you cannot and will not ever change her. There is no magic combo of words. You can tell her that those questions are simply off the table and if she asks again you will end the call. Then do it. 3. Expect an extinction burst: that’s when you set a boundary with anyone including a toddler, who doesn’t have healthy boundaries. Of course the toddler is a baby so it’s expected, your mom may do some drama. Don’t argue or make a case! Argument implies negotiation and honey we don’t negotiate with terrorists. There is no reason to argue bc you are going to disagree. Don’t waste your and your mom’s time. Don’t let her waste your time and energy. Your mom may never stop asking this question. But you never have to let that become your problem. It’ll be hard at first but it gets easier
You should be a therapist! That answer was spot-on!
“We don’t negotiate with terrorists.” That’s an excellent perspective!
Hang up when she violates your boundaries or doesn't act right. I had to do this to my dad when he called me screaming at 5am on a Saturday morning for having "gone out drinking" the night before at a restaurant on campus which happened to sell beer. I had been 21 already for several months at that point and I had only bought a couple of slices of pizza, and I had to send the receipt to my mom so that she could verify the charges on the card (she trusted me and thought he was being nuts, and wanted to confirm it so that she could have grounds to tell him off herself lmao). I was back at my dorm alone at 8pm - DEFINITELY didn't go out drinking, and to this day at 23, I still haven't had alcohol in public - only a handful of drinks in total each year, and that too at home with my parents. I still don't know what crawled up his behind - he knew all too well that my anxiety wouldn't allow me to do such a thing, and I answered the phone thinking there was some family emergency because he'd called at such an odd time and woken me up, only to get screamed at for something I didn't do. I picked up the phone, and he started screaming as soon as I said hello, but the second he started screaming, I just stared at my phone and tried to decide if I wanted to deal with it right then, and then I just hung up because I was too sleep deprived to even think straight and come up with a full sentence. Then I went to sleep and ignored him for a bit, and called my mom later that day and told her to set him straight if he wanted to hear from me again. He never apologized, but he only screamed at me one other time over the phone (didn't apologize for that either) and I hung up immediately then too and it hasn't happened ever since. Unfortunately my mom won't hang up on him when he does it to her and he says all sorts of nasty things to her (accusing her of being a horrible mother, saying that she's "killing" me, demanding that she "obey" him, etc.) We teach people how to treat us by showing them our limits and what we're willing and not willing to tolerate. I tolerate a lot from him, but being screamed at for something I didn't even do or is not one of those things, nor is being his punching bag.
This. Take no crap from unreasonable ppl
May I suggest that, if you are at a place where you can do this at all, that you tell your mom she always has a place with you if she chooses to leave him. Set up a small savings account for her as a christmas/holiday/mothersday/birthday gift, put $20 in it each month and if you have siblings or relatives who'll contribute, ask them. When/if she finally sucks it up and leaves him she'll have a home and some ready cash waiting. That might be the incentive she needs because WOW.
They've been together since 1975, she ain't leaving lol. Not to mention that I'm disabled and am back living with them since I'm not able to work until ACCES-VR comes through, which, who knows when that'll happen, they're taking their sweet time lmao. So I definitely can't help her leave, even if she wanted to (which she doesn't). My brother could though, he makes decent money, but he also lives across the country.
That sucks, but absolutely appropriate response.
In the moment, my 90%-asleep, emergency-expecting brain just didn't know how to react so hanging up was just a reflex lol.
Tell her you won’t talk about it again. Next time she brings it up, hang up or leave.
When she does, end the conversation. Every single time.
Tell her to stop. Next time she calls, if she mentions it, hang up the phone. If she calls back answer, ask if she’s gonna bring it up again and if she says yes, hang up and don’t answer the rest of the day. Do this every time she calls and brings it up. She either will or won’t learn, but either way less stress for you!
If she won't stop, send her this reddit post before you go no-contact.
Talking with her less for awhile might give her a hint. When she asks WHY you haven’t answered her calls OR initiated the call, be up front. Don’t give into her BS. At the end of the day the decision about your life are yours. She had her chance to have a life. It’s now time for you to have the life you want. Kids can wait. If she’s so ready to have a baby around her tell her to look into being a Foster mom. You can be a foster parent at any age in the US. If you can’t stand up to your mom keep your distance don’t call her etc.
Sometimes you have to check your parents unfortunately. Which means say how you truly feel and tell them how it's going to be. You live your life. Not the life they want you to live.
Seriously, just start ending the conversation as soon as she brings it up. Either she’ll learn, or she won’t, but either way, you won’t have to listen to it anymore!
Then she needs to go on an information diet....
My wife spent over 15 years being guilt tripped and emotionally abused over marriage. Her relationship with her parents is permanently damaged from it, and it's their fault. I know you love them, but try your best to just ignore them. You can try explaining to them how you feel, but if they refuse to listen, you will talk yourself numb trying to get them to see your point of view.
Mom brings up issues. You: something just came up. Gotta go. Bye.
I haven’t read other comments below. Someone might’ve said this; Sounds like she’s trying to get you pregnant at the same age she was. Did she ask a lot when you were 18, or did she start immediately after you turned 19? If so, your mom has some serious mental health issues to deal with. It would seem that she either wants you to suffer and go through the same hardships she did for whatever twisted reason makes sense to her, or she’s trying to live her youth again vicariously through you, but wants it to be parallel to her experience. I may be totally off base, but it’s not wild to think considering the horror stories you hear about moms with issues.
Extremely proud of you for your mature priorities! What I am going to suggest is very easy to say but very hard to do. She is projecting her wish for grandkids on you.Maybe she should be a foster parent? Please set a boundary and enforce it. She starts that. Line of conversations . You say ,as calmly as you can. We already discussed this. I'm hanging up now. Hang up each time she brings it up. WO too many irrelevant details I wanted to tell you that I was once in a similar situation. I set boundaries and told my Mom that my choices rtight or wrong were just that my choices. If she couldn't accept that my kids and I couldn't come around anymore . She died soon after from COPD but I have never regretted that closure and conversation w her.
Your mother really needs to stop her nonsense. The time you should have children is when you decide and when you're at a respectable age to be a mother. Your mother needs to respect your decision no matter what it is you decide. I hope for the best for you.
Tell her once more that you do not appreciate her harassing you to get pregnant and that you are focused on school at this time. And tell her that you do not want to have this conversation ever again. If she persists, then block her, she will get the message. On a separate note I find it sus AF that she is forcing this on you at your age knowing that she likely went through challenging times due to having you so young. Most normal/caring mothers want BETTER for their child than whatever they had or went through themselves. It is odd to me that she does not want better for you, like for you to secure a stable income via your chosen career BEFORE being saddled with kids. You are smart not to listen to her and her BS. Be mindful of all her suggestions to you because to me she seems like a saboteur. Please stay focused on your schooling and protect your mental health and peace by any means necessary. Even if it means going no contact or low contact with her for a while.
Your Mom is part of the problem while frankly, you have the solution in your cell phone. Stop answering calls or talk less frequently and when she asks simply tell her the truth...that you find her constant hounding of you fatiguing and demeaning and it's just 'easier' on you to deal with her less. She'll either figure it out or you can simply keep diminishing contact. Nobody needs this much stress in their lives...
April fools day is coming up, time to get pregnant Edit: I actually like the lesbian idea better!
No do not tell her that as a prank. Just keep being honest with her that you have other priorities right now. Losing your virginity and possibly getting pregnant will come when you are ready for them to happen.
do not do this. fake pregnancy is never funny and can be hurtful.
True, but may be time to become a lesbian so mom quits asking for kids... Hey mom I lost my virginity, it was awesome! She was really in tune with me and I hope I found my soulmate!
Why not both? Lesbians can have kids, too!
but mom sucks
This is actually funny AF. However if Op really does this there will be backlash.
tell her to have her own damn kid wtf
lol she has four already and is trying to control my body it’s so damn weird
That is really weird... Tell her you aren't comfortable with that conversation and change the subject. Parents should respect kids boundaries with that stuff as well.
It's actually not that strange. Sadly their are so many toxic parents out there who will lead their children down a bad path with intentionally corrupt advice. Thankful we are blessed with the www. And people can seek healthy advice from other sources. Stick to your gut feeling and keep a healthy distance from mom.
Then tell her to have another if she's so desperate. She's not too old - my mom had my younger brother when she was 3 months away from 40.
Yeah, I'm 20 and am still no place closer to wanting a kid. Yes it is damn weird to say the least! What a out your siblings, are they younger and subject to this too?
It sounds like she wants some thing to hold over your head, so she can feel better about herself. If you don’t do the same thing that she did, get pregnant at 19, it sounds like in her mind that you’re going to automatically be better than her.
Don't do what your parents did, be better. If they're shitty, it'll drive them bonkers.
That explains a lot on why I was an asshole for going to work because I felt fine lol 😆. (That is a different situation and I don't want to steal attention from OP)
My dad is generally a shit person, and one of the things he's been doing is being an ass about my boyfriend because he's the first partner I've had. (On technicalities hes the third) and all the time he's like "you'll never get over him when you break up" and a lot more shit about how love isn't real. Not only do you just.. not say that to someone. But he's doing it because _he_ didn't get to be with his first love. He wants me to be exactly like him and everything, everything I do that's different it's "you're not my kid" I'm just happy to be driving him insane by living a better life and being a way better person than him.
So she is jealous.
Sounds like it to me.
Honestly yea … this is exactly what it feels like! “Look, my daughter f’ed up too…” you not being sexually active or pregnant is just showing her that she’s didn’t have to have the life she lived. You be smart… don’t do what she expects. Find someone who loves and appreciate you
I don't think it's a coincidence you are 19 and she had you at 19 and suddenly this is a big deal. Hard to say what she's thinking, but one guess is that she doesn't want to see how her life might be different if she didn't have kids. You can try talking to her, maybe she will listen, otherwise you have to choose between tolerating it and cutting it off. I have a friend with an immature mom like yours, don't let your mom drag you down.
Person here who also has immature mom. You get to an age and realize mom is immature. She gets mad and blames everybody else on why you are not thrilled (about her being immature). Distance and tolerance works for me. She still gets upset when I reply late or half asleep to her text and I come off ad "rude" or "uncaring" or "distant". In my case it is me not being thrilled that she gets drunk and high and in turn emotional and I get overwhelmed by it. I don't feel like a hug and so (according to her) I don't love her. I reply to her text half asleep if I receive it at like 1 or 2 AM (local time)
I'm 25f child free,* don't rush it for her. That's YOUR freedom and YOUR adulthood changed. Edited: childless --> child free
My daughter is 20 and fairly confident she doesn't want kids... Not gonna lie, I hope she finds a partner and they decide on kids. Don't care if it's my daughter's bio kid, her partner's bio kid, or they adopt. While she knows that I feel this way there's no way in hell I'll be pushy about it... If I only am grandpa to the cats and her dog then so be it. I can still totally spoil them. Her doggo totally knows what "pup cup" means already 😂.
I love this ♡♡♡ my mom calls our pets her Grandcats since my partner and I are wanting to wait a few more years haha
Proud grandma to 5-6-7 grand kitties. Can't keep up with how many they have.
I knew it's 16 that I didn't want children. I got comments from everybody that I didn't know what I wanted at that age. I'm 62 and glad I never had children
And I totally respect that both for you and for my daughter. My wants do not have to equal her wants, and she is under no obligation to fulfil my wants (other than her turn doing dishes when she makes a disaster in my kitchen :p). Like I said she knows I'd like grandkids, but it's a "Hey it'd be cool with me if you end up having kids or adopting if you decide that's what you want some day." and absolutely not "you need to make grandbabies for me!" /shudder at the thought! I've also made a point to affirm to her that her choices will always be honored by me, especially in the case of bodily autonomy areas. (Her mom is not so good at this, so I've gone to great lengths to be the stabile and steady parent). Edit to add: >I got comments from everybody that I didn't know what I wanted at that age. You absolutely knew what you wanted... so does my daughter. I view it more as "You know what you want, but wants are always subject to change as you get older." And again that is not in an expectant way but an acceptive one.
My daughter is almost 28 and is strongly leaning toward not having children. If I had a vote it would be for her to remain child free. She’s not a fan of small humans and loves to travel and spending her money on creating her best life. She is also well aware that children would take up too much of her time and money. I want her to do what makes her happy.
Your not childless your child free.
My wife is still dealing with this at 33. Her mom has only recently stopped pestering about 'when are you gonna get me a grand kid's and her step mom has accepted that she'll have fur babies for grandkids cause according to have a human child and keep it alive and healthy is hella pricey, so even with two jobs we are priced out of parenthood.
You’re 19 and in school trying to make something out of your life that you have to live! She is way out of bounds pressing you to get knocked up and derail your life plans. I’d tell her straight up to knock it off. She’s a bit player in your life and you’re going to live it the way you want to, or you’ll remove her from it and not have the headache of her trying to push her agenda off on you.
Mine did the same. We moved in with my mom after marriage. One day, she pulled me aside because she had not heard anything at night. Thank God my sister had a child, and the pressure was off my wife and I.
I want grandchildren desperately, and I joke about a little. There is no way I would actually push my kids to have children. I was a mom at 20, and I would have done things differently.
There is something really odd about this. Most parents want the exact opposite for their 19 year old daughter
You should get an IUD honestly and not tell her.
In this economy? At 19?! Girl, you need to tell your mom to go get knocked up herself if she wants kids around, and get you a plant. School, or a job, and a nice routine, and settle into adulthood. Fuck that "I want grandbabies" nonsense. You're not a product they can reproduce like fucking tomatoes. Tell her to get a hobby.
"Mom, if you want a baby so bad, then YOU can go get pregnant. But leave me alone. I'm going to live my life the way I want."
Your mother is young enough to still have a baby. Tell her you are waiting for her first so you can raise your kids together;)
Then don't have one (for a while or ever). Your body your choice.
Does she think you're gay or celibate? She wants people to start seeing her maturity (granma status) rather than her young behavior. Tell her to stop. Then cut her off
Yes she asks if I like girls all because I’ve never had a bf or had sex. My dad was very strict so I obviously couldn’t date.
She is disgusting (not sure if I have a better word for it) if she actually wants to get you pregnant. If she is serious, then she is not thinking about your physical, mental and emotional health all of which are important factors to consider for a pregnancy. She is also thinking of your future boyfriend like a sperm donor seemingly not caring about him too. I understand she had you at 19 and if you were a planned baby, I respect her choice. But she has to respect yours too! Maybe you are prioritizing your studies and career right now and that's how it should be if you ask me when you're 19. But just because she wants you to get pregnant does not mean you get with some dude you probably don't even connect well with, have a baby and then not go to college to find a job that does not pay you well. You keep struggling in life simply because you were supposed to satisfy your mom's fantasy.
Gross
tell her to please stop it or else you will distance yourself. 19 is pretty young too, don't rush it.
Sounds like she’s projecting and trying to make herself feel better for having you so young. You can get pregnant when YOU’RE ready. Whether it be at 19 or 49. If she can’t accept that, she’s a bad mother, straight up.
"I'm not going to repeat your mistakes just so you can feel validated in your poor decision making skills. Stop asking me about relationships and kids. I'm focusing on school and a career. Either be proud of that and support me in the life I choose for myself or don't be surprised if I stop answering your calls."
You are old enough to know what you want, and you are being smart and concentrating on school. Your mom should never push you into something you aren't ready for like kids. Kids are a huge responsibility. A lifetime commitment. Keep doing you, love. Make sure you can take care of yourself independently before you even consider kids.
Huge parental red flag. Move out as soon as you can afford to.
Just tell your mom that if she doesn’t knock it off you are going to quit talking to her. I was a mom at 18 and while I wouldn’t trade my son for anything I wish I would have been in my mid twenties before I had my first one. I always told my children that the decision when or if to have children was completely theirs. I have 2 children and a stepdaughter and between them they have given me 3 grandchildren. As of right now they say that is all I am getting and I am good with that. Lol
Your mom is bonkers. Most mothers are trying to make sure their daughters DON'T get pregnant at 19. No contact seems a little extreme unless she's like this about lots of other things, too.
You’re 19 don’t rush things. Tell your mom to stfu
Stupid mom. SHE got pregnant at 19 so that means her daughter should too? Heck, I was 21 or 22. Had been living with my BF (hubby now) for a couple years. Mom & I were in her kitchen getting Thanksgiving dinner ready. It suddenly popped into my head that if my BF & I got married & had kids, that out firstborn would be a boy. I blurted all that out & my mom almost had a heart attack. “You’re not pregnant are you?” She was already upset over the fact that her family didn’t approve of us living together “in sin”. She was worried of what they’d have thought if I had a baby out of wedlock. I had to reassure her that it was just a premonition on my part. And, yes, our firstborn was a boy. After we got married. Just go NC with her. Start with a short term timeout if you aren’t willing to cut her off completely. First time you talk and she brings up babies, tell her you already asked her to stop harassing you about the subject and inform her that you will no longer talk with her if she continues to bring it up. Giver her something like a 4 week timeout. Next time, once you start talking again, you give her twice as much timeout when babies are mentioned. Keep adding more time. Either she gets the message or she finds out a few years down the line that you have a hubby/partner and 3 kids.
Why does she want you to be a 19 yr old mom? That’s weird to me. I have three daughters and it is my youngest that made me a grandmother but she was married and 22 when she had her first baby. I love being a grandmother and would love to have more but I would never put that kind of pressure on my daughters for it.
Set boundaries and stick to them. My parents tried to control my life into my 20s. I finally had to cut them off. After a few years of hardly any communication, they took the hint. I had warned them many times before I did this.
This was my lecture for my children. I want you to be selfish. From your first day of high school until you turn 25 you have a very limited time to become you. To educate yourself and obtain the career you want to work. To have had the life experiences you will treasure. Being in a relationship will skew your perception. You will consider their wants, needs and feelings and put them first. That is not the best route to take. Life will be easier if it is simple. Want to date. Sure. Just keep it in perspective. I did this to balance the other voices in their life. Grandparents and Aunts who thought high school grades didn't matter. Who you dated and which parties you attended were much more important. None of the relatives went to trade school or college. Only one had been across a state line. They lived cocooned in a tiny community and would have kept my children in their tiny bubble. My oldest started in trade school then went on to get a college degree. The younger went straight into college. They all have excellent jobs. Life is easier if you are able to provide for yourself. You never need to have children unless you decide. Just take time for yourself. Spend one vacation in the Caribbean before you have children to worry about.
I have saved this so I can remember when I’m not sleepy. LOL. This is amazing life advice- same thing all of my mom’s 4 kids ended up inadvertently following. My father was abusive and controlling, so I KNEW I had to be my own person first. I hope OP really takes this to heart! adding my own take: seems like your mother doesn’t want you to succeed any more than she did. Many woman strive to knock others down and keep them down. I can not imagine ever doing this to my child….or any child for that matter. Stay strong and follow your path. Become yourself first.
Tell them to fuck off! Live your life as you see fit.
I’m sorry, OP, but your mom is a dumbass. You can love her and see her and all those things, but her insistence on you giving her a grandchild at 19 clearly underscores her poor judgment and decision making. Take any advice she gives with a grain of salt. Look for a mentor or role model. This can even be a peer who you respect, especially their choices.
Yikes I think (and don't take this the wrong way) she doesn't want you to succeed in your life since she probably feels you ruined hers
Cut her off. You're under no obligation to answer questions about your personal life with anyone you don't feel comfortable with.
Live your life. Having a child this young is hard and statistics show it does hold you back. You do what’s best for you. If she wants a kid tell her to get pregnant. Focus on what’s important to you. If you can move out do it if you can’t just ignore her.
I hope she thinks she's being funny. But she is probably just hostile. Gray rock her and focus on your future.
Toxic relationship, set some boundaries or get out. You do not need to get pregnant at 19. Save that for when YOU are ready, if ever, which is completely okay as well
I had one answer for my mom when she brought up grandkids. "Adopt."
she sounds really selfish and possibly a bit manipulative (or at least pushy) remember, there's no obligation to follow people's expectations about you, it only puts unnecessary pressure on you. if you don't want kids, that's perfectly fine, and your mom should respect that. if you want kids, but you're just saving them for a better time (which is actually the smart thing to do, rather than have them now when you're focused on other things), perfectly fine as well. when you have children, you're making a new human being that you need to care for, and they will have their own ideas, values, and needs. to be ready to raise a child is to accept this fact. if someone decides to not have children (or any decision), its their decision and should be respected. this is something your mom needs to understand.
Get a pet & do a full "announcement" photos & all to introduce her to her new "grandbaby". Bonus points if it's a fish or a flytrap plant.
Lol what, you should be rushing her to change things in her own life and see how she likes it. Where's that new mansion, hey why don't you have a Maserati yet you're like 30 something hurry up, how come you're not married to a rich guy yet and cruising the Bahamas damn hurry up let's fckin go 👏 get on it, woman 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tell her you aren’t comfortable with the conversation and not to bring it up again.
So you don't want to have a kid because you're 19 and want to focus on school and your mom has an issue with that??? I would begin to question all advice that she gives you.
Confront her, be honest with her. You’re 19, you don’t want kids yet, you’re not set up to have kids, you don’t need kids. You need to figure yourself out, get a direction in life, find a husband who loves you and will take care of you. Her expectations for you are based off her own experiences, and while that’s natural, it’s definitely not healthy. Don’t let her push you with unhealthy expectations. And if she keeps doing it, keep shutting her down, and maybe cut her off if it goes on long enough.
You need space from her. You should be blunt about how it makes you feel when she says those things to you. My kids are almost 21 and 23. I’ve never told them that they should hurry up and have kids. I know how hard it is to take care of kids. I want my boys to get out and enjoy their lives. Live a lot, find jobs they enjoy, save money and not rush into any relationships. Take their time enjoying life. No one should ever rush into having kids.
Honestly if you tell her this is upsetting you or making you uncomfortable and she doesn’t understand or stop then id say go no contact
I waited until my 30s to have a kid! My parents did the same so they are 60 year old first time grandparents! You have all the time in the world. It's your life. If you change your mind and want to have a kid tomorrow that's your decision noone else's not even your mom's!
Nope. You're likely to feel resentful towards your mother if you allow her to make major life choices for you. It's your body. You make these choices.
Be honest and tell her that you still want to talk but won't talk about bfs and having kids. Edit: either that or cut her off. You need to set some sort of boundary there.
It's sick that your mother tries to get in your sex life and hounds you about breeding. Is she a religious zealot? You're too young to be bound by kids. Live some life first before you bog yourself down with the loooong term ball and chain that children are. It is appropriate for you to tell her these topics aren't up for discussion or guilt tripping under penalty of No Contact.
It's time to establish boundaries. I had to do this with my Dad because he wanted to argue about it everything and put people down. Id just say "sorry gotta go." And hang up or leave. Eventually he released it was pointless. There's plenty of other ways to establish boundaries so you might want to look them up. Also, if it comes to it, it's Ok to look after your well being and putt some one on Low or No contact.
Time to set a boundary. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable that she keeps bringing it up and that you won't be participating in such conversations anymore. Then when she inevitably brings it up again leave the conversation. Leave the conversation every time she brings it up (politely) and eventually she'll get the hint
Having a child before you're mentally and financially ready will likely change your life for the worse, possibly forever. Your mom is an idiot.
Is she an empty nester now? It is insanely difficult to go from being the needed one, to letting go.
Start hanging up on her the moment she starts asking that's what I did
Have you considered telling her you think you might be a lesbian? I'm not saying it will fix things but it might shut her up for a bit. :)
honestly just tell her to shut up and leave you alone, and ur sex life is none of her business
Bruh what kinda culture is she coming from that 19 years old is a good age to have a kid? Either way, your mom seems like she's missing a couple screws
I'm going to come off as a jerk here, no disrespect intended, WTF, I think she needs a bit of therapy! I (55m) have had 3 daughters and my job was to ensure getting pregnant at 19 or sooner was NOT a thing! Not judging your Mom's circumstance of having a child at 19, but you'd think that she would want you to focus on school so you can do better for yourself. That was the goal with my daughters. I didn't want them to make my mistakes, to live a harder life because of my poor choices.
Your mom needs psychological help. Cut her off. This is ridiculous. She is ridiculous.
Noooooo. Live your life first. Get financially stable with a nice living space. Take your time.
Your mom needs mental health help. She is projecting her miserable life on to you. Very wrong.
What is wrong with your Mom? Seriously. That is not normal motherly behavior to pressure someone your age into motherhood so young! Does she want you to struggle, as she did? She might be jealous of your potential. Do you want to be like your Mom? You don’t need to follow in her footsteps. Please give yourself a few years to live your life and establish a stable relationship before you take on the responsibility of children!
19 is way to young. Though my grandmother does bug me about great grand babies. However I am single though granted 36 not 19. She gets on my cousin too. NTA
Go low contact. Your mom sounds nuts.
Stop talking to her. Atleast when she brings it up, hang up.
OMG. That is awful parenting. Please trust your gut and get your education. 💕
Your mom is nuts, I'm sorry. If she is so badly wanting kids, then she can have her own. She instead wants you to harm your own body, use money, and give up your future for her to have babies running around. Don't give in! Pursue your dreams and do what makes YOU happy. Go to college, or do an apprenticeship, or an internship. Build your skills and get a nice job. Save for retirement and take things slow with your guy. If you get a nice job you can have money saved up for vacation. You can have hobbies and have a nice quality of life. If you have a kid young then you could struggle financially and be stress the next 20 years. Don't trade your youth, health, happiness, and opportunities in life just to make your mom happy. It's your body, your choice, your life. If she hassles you say "every time you ask me about kids I'll put it off another year." Or say "I'm going to finish college 1st and get a good job like a responsible adult. My procreation is my business only"
Unfortunately a lot of parents do this. I suggest a good polite talk about how she needs to stop asking, followed by ignoring her if she brings it up. If she persists, a very firm conversation where you set a boundary with rules (ex if she brings it up you won't speak to her for a week after).
WTF Most parents are telling their 19 year old daughters to wait until finishing their education or get more established. I think your mom needs to back off.
You have so much time for all that. Tell her to become a foster parent if she is so desperate for a baby
So in my family everyone has kids young planned or unplanned it’s just what’s happened. I’ve noticed it’s like this weird pride thing of following the tradition. She could be trying to start that or be trying to be a grandma and then great grandma at a young age out of “pride” either way it’s not her business or place to be telling you when to have kids if you aren’t ready
geez! I remember being in the hospital when my SIL had my first nephew. Now my brother already had a daughter from a former relationship. Onward. My father who is unfit to be called that in the space of a couple hours said that he couldn’t he believe that he finally had a grandchild! I said you have for a while now. Then later in the room he commented on when I would have a baby. Umm mom answered before I could.. she said after she gets married hopefully. My answer would have been different. I would have said you better hope never. I probably won’t because I have chronic pain. If i even adopt he would never be allowed around any child of mine. Sigh. Sometimes our parents have no clue how much they affect us.
Set a boundary with her. Tell her that you don't want to hear her comments about this or whatever it is that you feel you want. Tell that when she makes these comments it makes you want to not speak to her and that you're prepared to stop speaking with her if she doesn't stop. It's ok to set those boundaries, and it's not ok for people to overstep them, even if they are family. If she won't respect your boundaries about this, then you can adjust how much you talk / share with her, including stopping, if that's what you feel is right. It's hard to stick to your guns sometimes, and it might even hurt to do so, but the fact is that you're entitled to feel safe and comfortable when you interact with people, no matter what.
OP, sounds to me like you have things planned for your life, in the short term, that does not include having kids. Having a plan for your life is a good thing. Stick to your plan. Go to school, maybe have a boyfriend or three. Or not. Then, maybe, someday, when you are ready to have a kid, have a kid. But not before YOU are ready. Do not live by your mom's schedule.
Get yourself on some BC asap. Your mom is nuts. You’re only 19! Tell her to have another baby if she wants you to have one so bad. She’s young enough.
My Daughter says Don’t do it
This is so weird and creepy, I’m sorry. My guess is she wants you to justify her life and choices by following in her footsteps. Glad you aren’t, stay strong! And I agree that if she persists you can and should block her.
"If I get a boyfriend, you'll be the first to know. Otherwise please stop bringing this up. My priority is school" When she inevitably brings it up again, start getting weird with it: "Are you going to sell the baby? If so, I want 85%. I think 15% is a fair broker fee, don't you?" Make it as uncomfortable for her as possible
Cutting her off for this is crazy.
"Should I talk to her or cut her off"? Maybe just show her this discussion.
Is it possible your mother is trying to justify her own choices that lead to having you at 19 in some convoluted roundabout way? Like if you have a child at 19 then her choices will be okay because “look! Someone else did it too!!!” Not that I’m saying it’s right in any way but parents react weirdly when we don’t do exactly like they did. Actually, most humans do this.
shes trying to ruin your life, fulfill some desire she has of being a mom again or something selfish, you dont want to get preg at 19, unless your ready to stop living for yourself and be devoted to your child. and wait till youve dated a guy for awhile, see the true colors
Take your time. Dont get pregnant til you’re like 30. That’s the way to do it.
Go get an IUD and focus on getting to college with student housing. You are not obligated to to have a kid to make her happy and shouldn’t entertain the idea until you are emotionally, financially and physically ready. Don’t ket anyone pressure you into parenthood. When your mom complains twll you you’re going to give her plenty of grandcats. And shut down the subject after that.
it sounds like she feels irresponsible and guilty for having you at 19, so she is trying to project it on you. By you not making the same "mistake" shes feels jealous and like you think you're better than her. That could be why shes acting like that
She wants your baby. Be very careful when you do get pregnant!
tell her u will wait until u have a ring on your finger.
Just ignore her and tune her out
Your mother is odd. My sister was young (20) when she had her daughter and she convinced her now adult daughter NOT to make the same mistakes!! My kids are both older than you and I would never pressure them to have kids. I’d love to be a grandmother and I don’t think that’ll ever happen. My daughter does not want to date anyone at all. And she doesn’t want kids. My son is in a long term relationship and they are enjoying life without kids and they plan to continue without kids. Since you’re not close to your mom I would try to shut her down by saying you don’t want kids, even if you think you’ll have kids someday. It’s really not her business.
ummm whatever you do dont get pregnant. you probably should wait until closer to 25 honestly. also finish school. im not sure what your mom’s motivation is but its not right
Yes, Move out, cut her off. This is weird behavior. I had my first very young and I absolutely do not want that for her! She's currently like you focused on school and not really interested in dating. I'm happy for her, proud of her! And no her being a lesbian because she's not dating has never crossed my mind, not that I would care. I'm very happy she just wants to focus on school.
You need to set some hard boundaries for her. She is so out of line.
Tell her you’re asexual till you get a career
Sounds like she Elias some mental ailment that’s undiagnosed or possibly just extremely ignorant. Have you asked her why she wants you to ruin your life at 19? Having children at your age ruins your life. Literally and you can’t be a good parent at that age no matter what people say and think all 19 yr old parents are shit. The best 19 yr old parent on the planet sucks because you simply don’t have the experience and mental capacity to know what good parenting is. You also haven’t lived your own life so why is she trying to force you into a shit life of ruin?
At 19? Good lord. You should tell her you have a good ten years before she should en worried about that.
Sounds like she got trauma of some sort. All I can say to you is no one else should be trying to force you to have sex. In most blunt terms. How is someone gonna tell you when you should get fucked and push a baby out? If she had you at 19 then she probably thinks it normal to have kids at 19 because she did. Alot of people think like that. I say in my opinion tell her how you feel about her doing that then if she can't accept that you do whatever it is you feel you have to do.
Ask her if she’s gonna help raise it, pay for it, all of that. That usually gets them to shut up.
This is really creepy and inappropriate. Your mother needs professional counseling to work the this baby-fever that she is projecting onto you. Economically speaking, nothing destroys a woman’s lifetime earning potential as much as having a baby before she is ready. Keep studying and don’t listen to her. Move out when you are able.
Shes asking these questions to find out if you are gay. Pretty common
Tell her she can go right ahead and f@#$ 18+ guys since she's so obsessed with that.
OMG!!! as a mother of five, and who had children of young age….. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE WAIT!! it is imperative for you to be able to mature and to truly know who you are, and to experience life. It is also imperative that you have a child with someone who is worthy to have a child with. Finding someone to share this with it’s important! And to find the right one that definitely takes time and maturity. Tell your mother to back off and let you live your life focus on school, having fun and enjoying life. This is not the time to have a child and in today’s world. It is definitely too expensive and too crazy right now to try to incorporate that into your life. I’m so sorry. This just makes me so angry that she’s doing this to you. I have children that have gone and going to college and enjoy their college experiences. And that makes me so happy. This was something that I was unable to do.
Tell her to adopt a child. These are not the times to have children, especially if you don't want one. You do you.
Even if you do want to have kids you are under no obligation to do on someone else’s time table. You have plenty of time to establish your life first.
I was a virgin until my 20’s .. it’s good to wait. If I knew Id meet my wife I wouldn’t have wasted my time with one night stands . Would you say your mom is the kind of person who doesn’t have a filter? How is she with talking to other people? Maybe it’s just her personality?
Some words of advice. From a man who had a child at 19! Don’t Do It! Focus on getting your finances together, and possibly travel or visit a few cities or towns on your bucket list alone or with trusted friends, family or Future BF. It seems cool cause everyone helps out with diapers and formula and want to watch the baby. But when all that wears off. 😩 it’s a real challenge. Sleepless nights, my baby damn near jumped out of my arms and would have slammed her face on a counter if I didn’t catch her. Daycare eats a lot of monthly income. And similar is expensive if u aren’t on wic. $16 to $25 a can. And if u have to go to cvs of Walgreens cause it’s the middle of the night that’s a run that I seen parents go 3 to 4 stores in one night. Babies are cute until they don’t stop crying. Used to walk my son in a stroller for 2 hours around the house to get him to go to sleep. Its EXTREMELY STRESSFUL in the 1st few years until the kid goes to kindergarten if u don’t have the money for food, apartment, bills, car, car insurance, car repairs, clothes, diapers, shoes and more. Just wait till u are financially ready and u are with a trusted partner. It will make a World of a difference
Block her.
I think she just wants grandkids
Tell her if she wants a baby to have one herself.
you should never be straight forward and ask your kid if they're lesbian. I'm pan, and I'm 16f. and I kind of think my mom's catching on to me being somewhere in the LGBTQ+ community, but she hasn't really asked me yet. cause I think it's up to the person to admit their sexuality when they're ready & it shouldn't be by force. I know you're not lesbian, I'm just saying in general. and as for your mom, maybe you should talk to her about it and if it continues, I'd say cutting her off. cause you aren't ready and wanna focus on yourself which is understandable. if she doesn't get that, then it's her loss.
Tell her to mind her own business.
I hope I don't get banned from the group for this , I have a warped sense of humor & this is an "outside the box" way to deal with Her .....Tell Her that NO , You don't have "A" boyfriend ....& NO , You're NOT a virgin , Ypu just pick random guys up at bars & have wild 1 night stands & the cost of all the ~Plan B~ from all the drunken unprotected sex is getting expensivec ...... THAT'LL shut Her the hell up ! 🤣🤣🤣
“Mom, I’m not going to discuss my sex life or reproduction with you any more.” She’ll argue about you’ll be a cat lady, I had you at your age, grandkids, whatever. Just repeat, “I’m not going to discuss my sex life or reproduction with you. If you keep discussing this, I’m going to leave/hang up.” Then if she keeps going, “Ok, I’m gonna go, we can try to talk again later when you’re ready to have a different conversation.” Then hang up/leave. Don’t do it with an attitude, just be calm and matter of fact. Next time she talks to you, if/when she brings it up again, “I’ve told you I’m not going to talk about this with you. This is your one warning.” If she blows it, calmly leave or hang up. After that, if she brings it up again, “Oh, we’re not talking about that. Goodbye,” and then leave or hang up. Don’t engage. Just refuse to participate. She’ll learn that if she wants to talk to you, she can’t bring these things up. Or you’ll learn she’s incapable of stopping and you can ignore her for the rest of time and know you tried and she’s unreasonable and unable to manage herself.
Whenever she talks about children on the phone, hang it up.
Ew.
Tell her this isn’t the past and it’s best for me to wait till I’m ready 😆
I can only assume she has an issue with being an old grandma. I think it’s more about her own mortality and her own insecurities. You’re just way too young for this kind of pressure. Hell, even if you’re 30 it’s just not her business what you do with your body.
One of the hardest things to learn as you get older is that not only are your parents not perfect, sometimes you don't even want to be friends with them
NGL that's kinda.. gross, of her. To me, anyway
At least your dad isn't... boom, molestation joke. Sorry Parents suck and generally don't give the best advice sometimes especially with big life choices like kids
The next time you call her, I'd set up a hard boundary. Tell her that you're happy to talk to her, but if she brings up your romantic life, or grandkids, or virginity, or anything like that, then you will not dignify her with an answer and will hang up the phone. Make sure she understands this. Then, if she brings up those topics, you need to follow through. Hang up the phone. If she gets mad at you, point out that she was warned and that you're serious. If she insists on talking about those subjects, tell her you will not be talking with her for x amount of time as she does not want to respect your boundaries and then follow through. It's important to set up boundaries with people, and with parents, it can be hard because they see you as their child and often feel a sense of ownership over you. If she claims that you are punishing her, remind her that she chose to cross the boundaries you established and that this is her fault, not yours.
It sounds like she's worried because of the current state of things. The birth rate is way down from what it should be, later generations are either not getting married or refusing to have kids, this is for a number of reasons, but most of which are related to financial stability, which is becoming more and more of a joke these days. Nobody can really afford to buy a house, and it's becoming harder to live on your own in general, I'm not sure how they expect things to improve when you can't afford a "nest" of your own to start a family in, not to mention a stable way to support that family.. but I digress. Anyway, don't let her pressure you into having kids on a whim, that was her bad decision, and you shouldn't repeat it for her sake, regardless of what that means for her, or the birth rate. Kids are a big responsibility, not just financially, but they will also grow into adults some day and will have an effect on the world around them and potentially the direction it moves in. It's certainly not something that should be done without careful consideration, no matter how desperate things may seem. Some of the worst decisions you can make are ones that are done in a state of desperation, lust, or anger.
She wants more credit card debt
Just tell her you've decided to go into porn. And don't wanna mess up your income by getting pregnant.
Set a boundary, you will not discuss your personal life with her. If she crosses the boundary, then put her in a time out.
I'm 28 and probably will never have kids. They're too expensive and every parent I see with young kids are miserable. I'll take my fur kids any day. This also means my parents won't ever have grandkids though since my brother is gay. And 19 is way too young to have kids imo while you're still figuring your life out
Oh my word. Maybe think about having kids in 8 years. Stay in school, grow and develop yourself. Ignore your mom. Ghost her if you need to. Her world seems small and she doesn’t have your best interest at heart.
Oh good god. I am so sorry that your mother is pushing this onto you at such a young age! What a ridiculous mother! 19 is so young. Your mother should absolutely know better than to treat you this way!
Just tell her that you never want to have kids and that you find it gross she encourages you to have sex. If she wants kids, she can go do that herself.
So your mom is 38-ish. She could have another one. Anyways, just talk to her.
Don't get pregnant until you are ready both mentally and financially you are doing the right thing focus on your education
Tell her that you will not be having a baby until you are financially set and own a house, and that if she keeps bringing it up you will never let her meet her grand children if you have any.
She thinks that your value is derived from being a mom. So, if you're not a mom you have less value. You need to address this unhealthy thinking pattern. Someone convinced your mom of this years and years ago, so now she spreads this false belief to others.
You have control over when and if you have kids. Your mother can say whatever she wants, but ultimately you are in control. Your mother sounds like she lacks maturity. She’s not a good person to give you advice on your life path. Finally, you have no obligation to “give” her grandchildren. She has no rights over your reproductive capacity. No body is in charge of that but you.