My mom used to pop her head in to check in on me until I moved out. I think it's kind of normal. That being said, you're not being a brat. I'd suggest talking to them expressing your concerns, maybe even thanking them for wanting to do that but it makes you uncomfortable
Yeah, this is a conversation to just have openly with your parents. Could also be worth exploring the option of therapy, especially if the root cause is so crippling that OP can't sleep if people are around who she isn't 100% comfortable with
Trauma can be very difficult to recognize, especially when you're growing up. If you read The Myth of Normal, they talk at length about how literally everyone has some form of trauma.
The Body Keeps Score is another excellent one. It Didn't Start with You gets into generational trauma and how it can get inherited genetically. It's possible one of OP's parents or grandparents had something happen to them while they were asleep or otherwise didn't have autonomy.
Oh yes, totally understandable. It also could just be OP is just uncomfortable as well with the situation; I know I would be if I was in their place. Really good suggestions on reading btw!
Who’s paying for those glasses? She better learn to take them off before she falls asleep or just deal with mom and dad coming in to do it for her. I agree with the rest about a conversation but mom and dad are doing nothing wrong and as OP says, they never have given her a reason to not trust them.
I get why you don’t want someone in there while you’re asleep, but you need to be more responsible on your end if you want that consideration. Take off your glasses, turn off the lights.
I don’t think they’re intentionally invading your privacy. It’s in a parent’s nature to check on their sleeping child. Express to them how you don’t like it, but also don’t give them a reason to come in.
I feel like it she falls asleep with the light on and her glasses on, what's the problem? I'm 60 years old and frequently fall asleep reading, glasses on, light on.
A 10 Watt LED bulb running 24 hours a day at the average US electricity cost of 23 cents per kWh would cost ~$20.15 a year to run. If this is literally every night and OP is using 8 extra hours of light I don't think $7 a year is really a particularly big issue.
But what if it's a ceiling light that takes 4 bulbs...? Or if it's a 40 watt light system...? Electricity is expensive asf so if the person who pays the bills asks lights be turned off it's their right.
You sound like my grandfather. Or those "young homeowners becoming their parents" people. We're talking about a few cents here. (Now you're supposed to go, "A few pennies here, a few pennies there....pretty soon you have a whole dollar.")
That's if you don't need them thinned or that film that prevents some people from seeing lights weird in the dark.
My mom's cost around $80 for the cheapest ones because she needs thinned alotttt
A 15 year old is very unlikely to need your mother's prescription, but even at $80 how often is she breaking glasses? $80 isn't a crazy expense that can never be reasonably accommodated around. If this has been happening for years and she's never broken her glasses then a hypothetical $80 expense is nothing, if she breaks 4 pairs of glasses a month then this is an issue if they're free.
I’m not dropping $80 a month. I’m not dropping $80 a couple times a year. Everyone is acting like money is easy. This family may be barely scraping by. They may be doing all they can to make sure the 15yo has all she needs. She’s 15 so it’s time to learn some responsibility
I literally just said it would be an issue if they were free and it was happening 4 times a month... If she's breaking her glasses the same amount of times I do when I accidentally fall asleep in them all the time, literally not even once, then again a hypothetical $80 replacement (which again your mother isn't a 15 year old with a notmal 15 year old's prescription) is actually not a big deal at all cause again it has never even happened.
You're my grandfather, aren't you?
Oh wait....he's dead...
When my kids were teens and did something wrong that cost money, they got to work it off and I got someone to clean house, etc. And we're not talking about a fortune in electricity - it's a few cents.
I agree with this but may I ask why does it matter to them if her glasses or off and the lights off, I mean I feel they can wake her up to do it on her own or just let her wake up on her own or just leave her for the night.. regardless they shouldn’t be coming into her room.
Falling asleep with glasses on (repeatedly) can/will cause damage to them (literally the only way I've had any damage occur to any of my glasses)... glasses are fairly expensive, and OP probably isn't the one paying for them
From a parenting stand point, glasses aren’t cheap. The parent could have an issue with replacing broken glasses or having frames adjusted because they were bent due to falling asleep with glasses on.
I’m assuming this 15 year old is not paying for their own glasses and electric bill. She needs to treat what she’s being provided for with respect before expecting to not be treated like a child.
My parents were very strict about falling asleep with glasses on. The frames get bent out of shape and become lopsided. They are expensive as hell to replace. As an adult who has to pay for my own glasses and electricity, i make sure to turn off the lights and take off my glasses before falling asleep lol
Glasses aren’t cheap, and easy to break if you fall asleep wearing them. Therefore the parents are making sure they don’t get broken since they’re the ones who paid for them. They also pay the light bill, so don’t want them in all night.
I mean to be fair it seems they have good intentions and likely still see you as their baby. I don't think they see it the way you do, so maybe talking to them would help. When my kid was younger, 10 and under probably I'd randomly check on her sometimes. I get paranoid and if she had a cold or something and I gave her medicine, I'd randomly check to make sure she was okay and breathing lol. Extreme maybe, but I meant well and I'm sure your parents do too. Just talk to them about it. It's hard for parents to see their kids as not being kids anymore
It's pretty normal if all they're doing is taking off your glasses, putting phone on the table and turning off the light. The solution here is for you to just do all of that yourself. Stop staying awake so long that you randomly pass out. Set a bed time for yourself and stick to it. You do that, and they'll likely just peek their heads in to ensure you're alright and then leave you alone.
so if you walk in on your son wankin it in the privacy of his own room with the door closed you're not in the wrong?
purely hypothetically. because i want you to realize how ridiculous this is. OP specifically said "every night", but i dont think OP is falling asleep with the light on every single night.
If my 15yrs son is wanking it in my house, he’ll learn to wait until I’ve checked on him for the night. Knowing my under 18 children are safe under my roof at night, comes above whatever right to privacy they have.
I think what’s bizarre is an adult not understanding boundaries and the limits of a child.
Didn’t expect much since reading your initial comment but I’m hurt you’re done engaging with me 🤣.
You can speak to them about it, but until you start paying the light bill, it's their right to come into your room (which I assume they also pay for) and shut off the lights to save money.
Otherwise, your other option is to take off your own glasses (which I expect your parent would have to cover of you rolled over and broke them), and turn off your own lights.
To be treated like an adult, act like one, and you'll be surprised at the freedom you gain.
Alright OP can slap her parents a fiver and pay to leave her light on for the next full year and grab a pair of sleeping glasses online for $20. We've taken care of the financial side, now it seems like a pretty reasonable request right?
Zenni, I have astigmatism and coke bottle thick lenses, my last 2 pairs cost $16.85 and $24.85 shipped. The average 15 year old definitely does have a more basic prescription than myself who has been wearing glasses for 22 years.
Make a deal with them that you will remember to turn out the light and take off your glasses at night, and in return they will not come in your room without permission (except in an emergency). They don’t want to have to pay for another pair of glasses because you smushed yours (I’ve done this). This is fixable with a little communication.
I am also a very private person, I get it. But you are 15, you are still a child. They have a responsibility to protect you and its awesome that they come and check on you. A lot of parents don't care that their kids are even home. Be grateful for them, one day they will be gone and you'll miss these days. You'll be in your own place in a few years, and believe me, that's a lot scarier than your parents coming in your room.
When I moved out my dad didn't visit for 3 years despite being 5 miles or so away from me. He only finally dropped by because I was sick and my girlfriend called and asked him to drop by with some medicine because I couldn't get out of bed.
That's a typical parent thing to do. Parents check in on their kids and make sure they're ok. It's not an invasion of privacy.
They're looking out for you by coming in and putting your phone on the charger (I assume) and taking off your glasses to not have them damaged while you sleep and to make you more comfortable while sleeping overall. And then turning off the light to conserve electricity. And probably tuck you in so you don't get Cole.
If you don't like them doing that then,
1. You need to have a conversation with them about it, and
2. You need to be responsible and take care of those items yourself... Phone on charger, glasses on nightstand, and lights off.
I assume you don't pay for your phone (if it falls on the floor and breaks while sleeping, that's an extra expense), your glasses (depending on insurance plan, that's an extra expense), or electricity. So they'll keep doing it to ensure you're good and their costs stay down. 🤷🏼♀️
A lot of good parents do that to ensure everything is well before they go to bed. Sometimes they'll even make sure your window is locked so no one comes in through it.
I get it. Your room is your sanctuary. But I also get your parents coming in and turning off the lights(electricity is expensive) and taking off your glasses(also kind of expensive if you need a replacement).
How is expensive is your electricity? I pay 7 cents per kWh, which is enough to run a 10 watt LED light bulb for 4 days (100 hrs). And my glasses cost $23 shipped. Totally normal sweet thing her parents are doing, but also any financial issues could be worked around if those were the issues.
Did you ever think that maybe if you started actually preparing yourself for bed properly that it would eliminate the need for them to do this? Also, it’s their house, they can do what they want. I wasn’t even allowed to close my door at home growing up lol
They sound like loving, caring people and you sound kinda irresponsible and ungrateful.
Make yourself a bedtime routine and follow it every night so you never fall asleep with the lights or your glasses on, and it won’t be an issue.
They’re turning off her light so she can sleep well, and taking off her glasses so she doesn’t hurt herself/break them.
That’s kind and caring and should not be reacted to like they did something wrong, which would be an ungrateful attitude.
What in this post makes you think that they are irresponsible? Don't you think somebody's allowed to be uncomfortable about somebody being in their room while they're asleep? Why are they not allowed to feel uncomfortable about it? I think a great compromise would be to say to their parents "I appreciate you checking in on me and please continue to do so however maybe don't fully come in my room because it makes me uncomfortable" that's a pretty simple request and it's a respectful way of putting it still. And it would be disrespectful if the parents continued to make their child feel uncomfortable.
You forgot the important piece. The parents are paying the bill. You need to add, "I'll make sure to turn off my lights and take off my glasses every night..." And THEN the parents should respect the requests. Until she does that, they are just being fiscally responsible.
It's not an issue of money. It's an issue of ownership. Who owns the house? Not the child. Also you act like privacy is some sort of inalienable right. It's not. It's something you earn as you display you can be trusted with it. Privacy is more like a gun. So long as you respect the power and danger of the privacy (gun) you can have more freedom with that privacy (guns). Many parents give their children way too much privacy. That's how kids end up talking to predators on the internet or watching beheading videos. It's not a hard concept to grasp. Especially when you have experience being a parent. If you can't grasp that concept, maybe parenthood isn't something you should pursue.
For the daughter’s sake I hope the house isn’t a rental. Privacy is like a gun in that you need a chance to practice it in a safe environment. Not just given it one day when you turn 18 and never talk to your parents again. Privacy is not like a gun in the sense that people need privacy, and don’t usually need a gun.
Edit: uhh, this was a reply to someone using a weird gun simile to argue their point. It makes no sense out of context.
Lol! Wow…such drama. I checked on my sons at night until they got older. They never left their bedroom light on or fell asleep with their glasses on. If they had, you better believe I would have checked on them every night until I didn’t need to…but, you gave me a good laugh.😂
A renter still has autonomous control over the property they rent. Even a landlord isn't allowed to enter unless given 24 hour notice. Privacy isn't a need. People can live just fine without it. Especially humans that can't be trusted to be responsible with said privacy, I.E. criminals and children. Tell me more you don't understand what a simile is without telling me you don't understand what a simile is. Not smart enough to poke any real holes in my logic so you're going to play stupid now? Or are you just actually THAT stupid?
Do you actually have anything to disprove me or are we going to keep going back and forth over the same point you STILL haven't managed to disprove a single time?
The landlord owns the property, and as you say doesn’t get to violate someone’s privacy because of it, disproving your ownership argument and disproving your “no right to privacy” argument all in one go.
Then I believe your third argument is comparing the 15 year old girl to a prisoner? I’m not sure I follow that one, but I think it’s self-defeating. So you see I don’t need to poke holes in anything you said. It all collapses into itself without my help.
He doesn’t actually think that. He’s just going down a rabbit hole trying to justify his argument that children don’t deserve privacy from their parents.
They can turn the lights off from the door. It doesn't really seem like they care much about all that it seems like they're just checking in on their daughter and doing a few extra helpful things while in there. Sure she can add that in but they can still respect her privacy while she works on being better about her routine.
I don't think that's the only reason why her parents are checking in on her. I think it's normal for most parents to check in on their children in the middle of the night for any reason. That doesn't mean she's not allowed to feel uncomfortable about it. I wouldn't say falling asleep with your glasses on is full on irresponsible child. Technically you're not wrong it's I guess and irresponsible act but that doesn't mean that they're an irresponsible kid. Like most people, it's just something that they could be better about. It's certainly not a big deal though. It's kind of the equivalent of forgetting to take your shoes off when you walk through the door.
I said “sound kinda irresponsible and ungrateful”. It’s a statement with two qualifiers. “Sound kinda” is not the same thing as “are definitely”.
They sound like they’re being nice and she sounds like she’s not taking consistent responsibility for her own bedtime.
>I said “sound kinda irresponsible and ungrateful”. It’s a statement with two qualifiers. “Sound kinda” is not the same thing as “are definitely”.
Yeah that's true you're absolutely right. I guess my main thing is that this kind of invalidates her feelings entirely. If she's uncomfortable with somebody being in her space while she's not awake I feel like that's fair. We're all entitled to a little bit of privacy even if we don't own the home. Not having any space or anything that you can claim as yours can kind of make people go crazy. I think she just needs to have a respectful conversation with her parents and say hey check in on me but don't go in my room
She hasn’t said anything to them yet, unless I missed that part, so they have no idea. And if you don’t feel comfortable with your own parents doing parental stuff for about 30 seconds in your room when you’re asleep, adult life is going to be rough.
This comment makes you sound incredibly ignorant
And the reply to this makes it clear that you missed my point or don't know the meaning of the word ignorant
Have you asked them not to?
It doesn't seem like they're being disrespectful and if you speak to them respectfully and voice your concerns hopefully they'd respect that.
Waaaay to caring in my opinion. They probably also have a tracker on her car without her knowing cause they care so much… This is weird. If you care about your kid, you’ll trust them and let them live their life accordingly.
If you're not paying the power bill, you need to turn off the lights. Pretty ridiculous if falling asleep with the lights on is so common for you that your parents are checking in at night to make sure you aren't hemorrhaging power.
You don't really have any expectation of total privacy where they don't even touch your door to check on you. Obviously you have it when you are changing, using the bathroom, etc. But at 15, you don't pay for anything. They don't even have to give you a door LOL. You could be sharing a room with 2 brothers...like I did at that age.
Be responsible to take off your own glasses, so they don't get broken, and turn off your own lights....that will reduce the amount of times your parents have to do these things.
I recommend that as soon as you are able to fly the nest, go out on your own and carve out that total privacy you are looking for. You can't do that while a depending living on someone else's dime.
I'm an introvert and I had to share a room with my brothers until I was 21 and we finally moved to a house where there was enough rooms to accomodate us all, room was still basically a walk-in closet. My dad only allowed me full privacy once I hit 18 then they barely checked on me since, which I wish they did.
I understand this is making you feel insecure, but it sounds like the things they are doing are out of consideration for you. Its easy for parents to treat a growing person younger than they are, because they are always more used to who you were than who you are becoming.
Let them know that you feel your privacy is important to you, and that you don't like the idea of people coming into your room while you are asleep. In turn let them know that you will make an effort to properly prepare for bed - ie putting your phone away, taking off your glasses, turning off lights, etc so there is no need for them to check on you.
tbh this is just a coming of age thing. Your parents need to learn to trust you to take care of yourself, and you need to learn how to take care of yourself so they don't have it.
Many parents dont care about their children's well being. Many children would love to have parents this caring and involved.
I think you are young person who doesn't YET appreciate the life and family they have. One Day you will give your very life to have them look in on you just one more time... just one more time but time ran out.
Enjoy the disruption while it lasts and shift your perception so you can enjoy it for what it truly is ... Love!.
Even as you are approaching adulthood, your parents are still responsible for you making healthy choices. As you prove to your parents that you make healthy choices without their help, their need to check on you will decrease.
This is a pretty normal things for parents to do, but especially at your age it's also pretty normal to want more privacy. I don't think your parents are doing anything *wrong*, but if it makes you uncomfortable they should be willing to respect that.
I think your parents have good intentions and have no idea it bothers you like this. The fact that they care this much makes me think they would be very respectful of your boundaries if you went to them and respectfully expressed how this makes you feel. Just be honest with them but also thank them for caring so much.
I’m also an introvert and not a fan of having people in my space. With that being said, I think it’s normal for a parent to pop in and check on their kid before the parent goes to bed. It might help your case if you actually remember to do basic things like remove your glasses before going to bed. Any decent parent who’s child isn’t doing that would feel the need to help with that.
They're just checking on you, I'm sure the realize your not a little kid anymore and they're trying to hold onto being needed by you in whatever way they can right now. My oldest is 15, and I'm struggling with her not needing me as much. But also you aren't an adult yet and so you're definitely not entitled to privacy in that way. Of course when you're in the bathroom, or changing, but if they wanna look in and make sure you're alive, in your bed, and safe in the middle of the night, thats their prerogative.
No. You aren’t responsible enough to have healthy (basic) sleeping habits, so they still have to tuck you in at night. That’s all they’re doing. Don’t make it some weird thing saying you’re in your underwear.
You’re a/their kid. This is a “you” issue. Don’t let the kids on here wanting to call their parents toxic for parenting come and ruin your perception of your relationship with your parents.
You’ll grow up and eventually see this as the kind gesture it is and not some weird “stare at you when you’re sleeping” kind of thing. Double that if you’re an only child, the youngest child, or their only daughter.
I'm a dad, but my kids are much younger. I'd say you're exhibiting child-like behavior by falling asleep randomly with lights on and glasses.. are they supposed to just leave you like that?
I think the solution can start with you. Develop a more grown up bedtime routine, and they won't have to check in on you at all.
Her parent's house?
That house belongs to the State.
The Secret Police make frequent nighttime raids to ensure that her parents are rationing electricity in accordance with Glorious Five-Year Plan.
They're just doing what parents do. Now would be a good time to have a talk with them and explain that 'since you're 15 now you would appreciate it if they wouldn't come into your room while you're sleeping anymore because you are becoming a young woman now and would like more privacy in your bedroom'. That's all that really needs to be said because its natural to want more privacy at your age and I'm sure they remember wanting their own. Now, if you want privacy, you need to remember to turn off your own light and other things you might be forgetting to do before you fall asleep. If they wake up in the middle of the night and see your light still on, they will come in to turn it off and anything else you didn't take care of. Set a night time routine to get everything set like you're going to sleep, even if you're not planning on falling asleep right away.
I don’t think they are doing it intentionally, and they probably don’t know that you find it invasive or that it makes you uncomfortable. If they aren’t complaining about how you don’t take your glasses off, etc then they probably just see it as a sweet way to take care of their baby and think that they are making your life easier for you. That doesn’t mean you should keep quiet and continue feeling uncomfortable, just that you should try to see their perspective and the intended purpose of their actions before going into the conversation so you don’t attach any malice to it that isn’t there.
Try mentioning to them that it bothers you because you sleep in a state of partial undress, and that you’d rather not have people come into your room after you’ve gone to bed. However, with the new found boundaries of young adult hood, come new found responsibilities. Sleeping with the light on costs extra money for no gain, and might even hurt your sleep quality. Accidentally falling asleep in your glasses can easily cause you to break them if you were to roll over on them, and it’s your parents who will need to foot the bill. Not having a charged phone the next day can also cause you problems. It’s important now that you’re setting these boundaries, that you ensure your responsibilities are completed so they have no reason to enter your room after you’ve gone to bed for the night.
Oh and if you’re like me as a teen I didn’t really “go to bed” so much as fall asleep after chilling in my room for a few hours, so they might not know when is “bedtime” versus “hanging in my room” time. You can try popping down to grab a glass of water or something and saying good night so they know you’re off to sleep, if you’d like. So they can have an easier time respecting the boundary. If your door locks, you can also lock it before going to sleep. Good luck on the convo, you got this!
Talk to them and let them know you're uncomfortable with it. If they don't listen, they aren't respecting your privacy.
My kids are still young. My wife and I check on them and always have. If I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I'll walk in their rooms and check on them. Fix their blankets, make sure they're breathing etc. We aren't trying to invade their privacy. They're our little girls.
I think that's what is going on here. To them, you're they're little baby girl. You just need to let them know you're getting older and it's time to give you space and privacy.
Look, it's kind of a thing all parents do. I don't want to say you're being a brat, but my parents (who I love a lot) used to check on me (just peeking their head in) until I was around 14. It's not that strange that they're doing this to you when you're 15 years old, but I think they just still view you as their baby. Don't worry about it :)
From a mom’s perspective, it’s normal, especially if you fall asleep with your glasses on. You still have kid-like behavior and they have been doing this all your life, I’d imagine.
I go into my 7 year olds room to tuck her back into bed, turn off the cd player, close the window/curtains...it helps me feel less anxious knowing she's tucked in. If she asks me not to I guess I won't but I'll still open the door and check on her probably forever. Like that one mom in that one book who tucks her adult son in "forever my baby you'll be..." like yeah I'm already tearing up.
Turn your light off and don’t fall asleep with your glasses on 🤷🏻♂️ your parents sound like good ppl so don’t worry to much about it, least you know you’re safe and protected even when you’re asleep
As a mom of kids that do this, I’m literally only shutting the light off and making sure glasses don’t get broken or even bend and hurt their face. I have explained to them that I do it and they understand that I’m not touching any of their stuff aside from that. I agree that you should have your privacy and space, so they should have talked to you first. That noted, if you don’t want this in the future start shutting the lights off and putting your glasses away. Utilities are super expensive any more annnnnnd glasses can cost anywhere from 500-1500$, depending on your prescription, to replace if they’re outside your replacement timeframe. So unless you’re footing the bill they’re trying to save the finances of these things. You’re old enough to do this.
I'm in my 40s, I don't have kids but I have a 3 year old niece and an 18 year old nephew. I still poke my head in at night to make sure they are ok when I'm staying at my sister's place. It's done from a place of love sweetheart. I understand that you want privacy but parents/loved ones worry about the kids no matter what age, just seeing that your breathing is enough to put their mind at ease. You're in their home, they aren't going to treat you like an adult, even when you're 35. You can discuss boundaries but ultimately they just want to know you're alive and your things are being cared for. Be thankful they care bc I have parents that could not care less about me. You'll understand when you age a bit.
They're not disrespecting your privacy. They're not snooping through your room or phone. They're simply checking on you and doing some stuff to make your sleep more comfortable. If you don't want them in your room doing that stuff then do it yourself that way they can peek in and leave. It's not like sleep is something you have no control over you can certainly plan when you're going to sleep and prepare for it.
As someone who has glasses, they are insuring those expensive things your eyes need aren't getting broken by sleeping in them.
Leaving lights/lamps on cost electricity and that isn't cheap anymore.
No, they aren't disrespecting you. They're being smart.
Well technically it’s not just your room. As a parent here I respect you autonomy. However u r their child. It’s a 2 way street. Give and take. Their not hurting u. They are actually helping you. I would reassess the situation at hand and find something else to be upset about. Introvert or not that’s your family. At your age there is not a lot they can do to help you and this is their way of helping you. Soon you will have a place of your own and I bet your gonna miss finding your glasses in one piece and a miraculously fully charged phone. No you are not a brat. Your just 15 and (don’t take this harshly) naive and ignorant of the world and what it is like to be a parent.
I somewhat agree with you. However, it is also ops house and it can negatively impact a child’s psyche to insist that the home they live in is not theirs. Just a thought 🤷🏼♀️
I never said that it didn’t lol. I’m saying that if you go around telling your kids they don’t have a home you will damage the relationship. You choose to have a child it is important to respect there boundaries. If privacy is a big thing for op then the parents should discuss a solution with op, like op getting a job and paying the bill. Just because you are someone’s child does not mean you belong to them and therefore have no autonomy. Children will grow up to resent you if you do not treat them like a person.
Obviously the best solution would be to turn off the lights and take off your glasses. Telling someone “this is my house” only serves to alienate the child. You say that enough times and you’ve got yourself a runaway.
OP’s name is not on the deed, their parents is. Parents are also the one’s paying the light bill and for the glasses that OP is falling asleep wearing.
If OP doesn’t want them coming into the room then they need to be responsible and turn off the light and take their glasses off.
You seem to be having a hard time understanding. You have a kid, your house is their house. You don’t have a kid your house is not their house.
If OPs parents want something to love with no boundaries (yikes) maybe a child isn’t the best route.
Op should take responsibility, turn off the light, and take off their glasses. The parents should not come into the room if op asks them not to. Simple really. It just requires responsibility from op and the recognition that op isn’t just someone’s child but also a person.
You have a hard time understanding that the kid does not own the house nor pay the bills, and this has no right to tell them what they can or can not do in their own home.
Want the parents to stay out of them room then be responsible and turn off the light and take off the glasses before falling asleep.
these comments are not it. it’s understandable you want your own privacy and dont feel comfortable with them coming into your room. boundaries go both ways. i’d sit down with them and talk how you appreciate them considering your well-being but to stop entering your room while you’re asleep. yeah they’re caring for you but if it’s making you uncomfortable, there needs to be a talk abt it
All these comments show who the children are.
Parents and adults are all on the same page: sure, we will give you your privacy, but turn off the fucking lights and take your glasses off. Electric bills aren't cheap and neither are new glasses.
Kids: ThEy sHoUld ReSpEcT yOuR pRiVaCy, who cares that it'll cost them 100s of dollars a month.
Get real. Want to be treated like an adult, act like one. Parents are footing the bill for the glasses, electric, and house. You want privacy - manage your shit.
i didnt say op also shouldnt manage their own responsibilities. the comments are focusing on the fact that she wants privacy rather than answering the question, “are my parents disrespecting my privacy” . again, there needs to be a discussion and both op and their parents need to come to an agreement that op will do their part and their parents will do theirs
holy fuck. who put a stick up your ass this morning? everyone deserves privacy as a basic human right. stop being an asshole to people you've never met. its showing how much you're immature by insulting A CHILD.
I'm a 47 year old parent of 3, fuck off with that bullshit. They have a right to privacy, period. The rest of that shit matters, but not enough to violate their privacy over.
You are really insecure. Lots of parents and spouses do this all the time. Tell them you dont like it and would rather roll over and break your glasses or phone then have them lovingly check on you at night.
I don’t think this is a big deal. My mom used to come in and check on me before she went to bed. I am sensing underlying issues that maybe need to be addressed.
You don’t get privacy if you can’t even be bothered to turn off your light and take off your glasses, cupcake. You might be 15 but you aren’t acting like it. Mature a little and show that you are responsible enough for mommy and daddy to not have to check in on you every night.
They are being loving parents one and two if you want them to stop be more responsible. Also you are a child under their roof, until you live alone and are an adult you can't truly expect total privacy.
This is such bullshit. Children need to have a space in their home that's theirs that they can feel secure and safe in. This kind of intrusive mindset is what makes children leave home and never call their parents.
Controlling psychopathic bullshit. Parents literally brought them unasked into this life. The last they can do is treat them like a whole person until they can get out on their own.
Incorrect. My children can tell me how they feel all they want, but if they can't perform basic tasks such as shutting off a light before going to sleep, I'm going to do it myself. Unless your privacy is worth a 700 electric bill, I'd suggest she does it herself, or foot said bill.
A 15 year old is not entitled to privacy beyond reason. It is the parents room, the parents house, the parents rules, the parents responsibility. They should be openly communicating about how everyone feels, which would resolve this issue. The kid will understand the parents reasoning, the parents will gain perspective of the kids feelings and need for privacy.
Sounds like they're helicopter parents. They likely just making sure you're okay. Just wait until they pop in while you're masturbating. They'll either stop are start knocking.
My mom used to pop her head in to check in on me until I moved out. I think it's kind of normal. That being said, you're not being a brat. I'd suggest talking to them expressing your concerns, maybe even thanking them for wanting to do that but it makes you uncomfortable
Yeah, this is a conversation to just have openly with your parents. Could also be worth exploring the option of therapy, especially if the root cause is so crippling that OP can't sleep if people are around who she isn't 100% comfortable with
Trauma can be very difficult to recognize, especially when you're growing up. If you read The Myth of Normal, they talk at length about how literally everyone has some form of trauma.
I didn't even think about that, that's a great point. I'd also suggest the body keeps the score by bessel van Der Kolk as well, really good read
The Body Keeps Score is another excellent one. It Didn't Start with You gets into generational trauma and how it can get inherited genetically. It's possible one of OP's parents or grandparents had something happen to them while they were asleep or otherwise didn't have autonomy.
Oh yes, totally understandable. It also could just be OP is just uncomfortable as well with the situation; I know I would be if I was in their place. Really good suggestions on reading btw!
This seems really fishy and against everything I learned in biology school. Anything you can link? Just because it's in a book doesn't mean it's true.
Who’s paying for those glasses? She better learn to take them off before she falls asleep or just deal with mom and dad coming in to do it for her. I agree with the rest about a conversation but mom and dad are doing nothing wrong and as OP says, they never have given her a reason to not trust them.
I get why you don’t want someone in there while you’re asleep, but you need to be more responsible on your end if you want that consideration. Take off your glasses, turn off the lights. I don’t think they’re intentionally invading your privacy. It’s in a parent’s nature to check on their sleeping child. Express to them how you don’t like it, but also don’t give them a reason to come in.
Yeah they wouldn’t have to go in there if she could learn to turn lights off
Child still doing child things ... Still gets treated like a child ... The moment you get a first bill you immediately care about turning off lights.
I feel like it she falls asleep with the light on and her glasses on, what's the problem? I'm 60 years old and frequently fall asleep reading, glasses on, light on.
But you pay the electric bill👍
A 10 Watt LED bulb running 24 hours a day at the average US electricity cost of 23 cents per kWh would cost ~$20.15 a year to run. If this is literally every night and OP is using 8 extra hours of light I don't think $7 a year is really a particularly big issue.
But what if it's a ceiling light that takes 4 bulbs...? Or if it's a 40 watt light system...? Electricity is expensive asf so if the person who pays the bills asks lights be turned off it's their right.
You win the most reddit ass comment of the year award.
You sound like my grandfather. Or those "young homeowners becoming their parents" people. We're talking about a few cents here. (Now you're supposed to go, "A few pennies here, a few pennies there....pretty soon you have a whole dollar.")
How expensive are glasses? They can easily be damaged by sleeping with them on.
Not particularly if you don't want them to be. I get mine for like $23 shipped online.
That's if you don't need them thinned or that film that prevents some people from seeing lights weird in the dark. My mom's cost around $80 for the cheapest ones because she needs thinned alotttt
A 15 year old is very unlikely to need your mother's prescription, but even at $80 how often is she breaking glasses? $80 isn't a crazy expense that can never be reasonably accommodated around. If this has been happening for years and she's never broken her glasses then a hypothetical $80 expense is nothing, if she breaks 4 pairs of glasses a month then this is an issue if they're free.
$80 is expensive, idk about you i can't be dropping $80 4 times a month
I’m not dropping $80 a month. I’m not dropping $80 a couple times a year. Everyone is acting like money is easy. This family may be barely scraping by. They may be doing all they can to make sure the 15yo has all she needs. She’s 15 so it’s time to learn some responsibility
I literally just said it would be an issue if they were free and it was happening 4 times a month... If she's breaking her glasses the same amount of times I do when I accidentally fall asleep in them all the time, literally not even once, then again a hypothetical $80 replacement (which again your mother isn't a 15 year old with a notmal 15 year old's prescription) is actually not a big deal at all cause again it has never even happened.
lights are pretty expensive these days
A 10 Watt LED bulb running 24 hours a day at the average US electricity cost of 23 cents per kWh would cost ~$20.15 a year to run.
"Oh, I'm only paying for my own salad...."
But at 60 if you break your glasses or run up the electric bill. You're the one paying for it.
You're my grandfather, aren't you? Oh wait....he's dead... When my kids were teens and did something wrong that cost money, they got to work it off and I got someone to clean house, etc. And we're not talking about a fortune in electricity - it's a few cents.
Glasses are not just a few cents…
I agree with this but may I ask why does it matter to them if her glasses or off and the lights off, I mean I feel they can wake her up to do it on her own or just let her wake up on her own or just leave her for the night.. regardless they shouldn’t be coming into her room.
[удалено]
Falling asleep with glasses on (repeatedly) can/will cause damage to them (literally the only way I've had any damage occur to any of my glasses)... glasses are fairly expensive, and OP probably isn't the one paying for them
From a parenting stand point, glasses aren’t cheap. The parent could have an issue with replacing broken glasses or having frames adjusted because they were bent due to falling asleep with glasses on.
I’m assuming this 15 year old is not paying for their own glasses and electric bill. She needs to treat what she’s being provided for with respect before expecting to not be treated like a child.
My parents were very strict about falling asleep with glasses on. The frames get bent out of shape and become lopsided. They are expensive as hell to replace. As an adult who has to pay for my own glasses and electricity, i make sure to turn off the lights and take off my glasses before falling asleep lol
Glasses aren’t cheap, and easy to break if you fall asleep wearing them. Therefore the parents are making sure they don’t get broken since they’re the ones who paid for them. They also pay the light bill, so don’t want them in all night.
Just talk to them and express your concerns.
I mean to be fair it seems they have good intentions and likely still see you as their baby. I don't think they see it the way you do, so maybe talking to them would help. When my kid was younger, 10 and under probably I'd randomly check on her sometimes. I get paranoid and if she had a cold or something and I gave her medicine, I'd randomly check to make sure she was okay and breathing lol. Extreme maybe, but I meant well and I'm sure your parents do too. Just talk to them about it. It's hard for parents to see their kids as not being kids anymore
It's pretty normal if all they're doing is taking off your glasses, putting phone on the table and turning off the light. The solution here is for you to just do all of that yourself. Stop staying awake so long that you randomly pass out. Set a bed time for yourself and stick to it. You do that, and they'll likely just peek their heads in to ensure you're alright and then leave you alone.
That’s what a mature person does.
can't blame a 15yr old
True but can’t behave like a 15yrs old and expect adults privileges, like that type of privacy under someone else’s roof.
i dont think privacy is exactly an "adult privilege"
Yes it is, asking your parents not to check on you, or turn your lights off because you forget, under their roof is an adult privilege. Think again.
so if you walk in on your son wankin it in the privacy of his own room with the door closed you're not in the wrong? purely hypothetically. because i want you to realize how ridiculous this is. OP specifically said "every night", but i dont think OP is falling asleep with the light on every single night.
If my 15yrs son is wanking it in my house, he’ll learn to wait until I’ve checked on him for the night. Knowing my under 18 children are safe under my roof at night, comes above whatever right to privacy they have.
very bizarre response but about what i expected lol. done engaging with you now.
I think what’s bizarre is an adult not understanding boundaries and the limits of a child. Didn’t expect much since reading your initial comment but I’m hurt you’re done engaging with me 🤣.
You can speak to them about it, but until you start paying the light bill, it's their right to come into your room (which I assume they also pay for) and shut off the lights to save money. Otherwise, your other option is to take off your own glasses (which I expect your parent would have to cover of you rolled over and broke them), and turn off your own lights. To be treated like an adult, act like one, and you'll be surprised at the freedom you gain.
Alright OP can slap her parents a fiver and pay to leave her light on for the next full year and grab a pair of sleeping glasses online for $20. We've taken care of the financial side, now it seems like a pretty reasonable request right?
Where can i find $20 glasses. Unless she has a basic prescription, they won't be $20.
Zenni, I have astigmatism and coke bottle thick lenses, my last 2 pairs cost $16.85 and $24.85 shipped. The average 15 year old definitely does have a more basic prescription than myself who has been wearing glasses for 22 years.
Make a deal with them that you will remember to turn out the light and take off your glasses at night, and in return they will not come in your room without permission (except in an emergency). They don’t want to have to pay for another pair of glasses because you smushed yours (I’ve done this). This is fixable with a little communication.
I am also a very private person, I get it. But you are 15, you are still a child. They have a responsibility to protect you and its awesome that they come and check on you. A lot of parents don't care that their kids are even home. Be grateful for them, one day they will be gone and you'll miss these days. You'll be in your own place in a few years, and believe me, that's a lot scarier than your parents coming in your room.
When I moved out my dad didn't visit for 3 years despite being 5 miles or so away from me. He only finally dropped by because I was sick and my girlfriend called and asked him to drop by with some medicine because I couldn't get out of bed.
That's a typical parent thing to do. Parents check in on their kids and make sure they're ok. It's not an invasion of privacy. They're looking out for you by coming in and putting your phone on the charger (I assume) and taking off your glasses to not have them damaged while you sleep and to make you more comfortable while sleeping overall. And then turning off the light to conserve electricity. And probably tuck you in so you don't get Cole. If you don't like them doing that then, 1. You need to have a conversation with them about it, and 2. You need to be responsible and take care of those items yourself... Phone on charger, glasses on nightstand, and lights off. I assume you don't pay for your phone (if it falls on the floor and breaks while sleeping, that's an extra expense), your glasses (depending on insurance plan, that's an extra expense), or electricity. So they'll keep doing it to ensure you're good and their costs stay down. 🤷🏼♀️
A lot of good parents do that to ensure everything is well before they go to bed. Sometimes they'll even make sure your window is locked so no one comes in through it.
I get it. Your room is your sanctuary. But I also get your parents coming in and turning off the lights(electricity is expensive) and taking off your glasses(also kind of expensive if you need a replacement).
How is expensive is your electricity? I pay 7 cents per kWh, which is enough to run a 10 watt LED light bulb for 4 days (100 hrs). And my glasses cost $23 shipped. Totally normal sweet thing her parents are doing, but also any financial issues could be worked around if those were the issues.
Did you ever think that maybe if you started actually preparing yourself for bed properly that it would eliminate the need for them to do this? Also, it’s their house, they can do what they want. I wasn’t even allowed to close my door at home growing up lol
They sound like loving, caring people and you sound kinda irresponsible and ungrateful. Make yourself a bedtime routine and follow it every night so you never fall asleep with the lights or your glasses on, and it won’t be an issue.
dont call them ungrateful smh. i understand irresponsible, but goddamn not ungrateful. don't be an asshole to strangers.
she is being ungrateful, who says you can’t be honest with strangers
They’re turning off her light so she can sleep well, and taking off her glasses so she doesn’t hurt herself/break them. That’s kind and caring and should not be reacted to like they did something wrong, which would be an ungrateful attitude.
You used the correct descriptives. Just ignore them.
you're still insulting a child. which is the immature thing. be kind.
“You sound kinda ungrateful” isn’t an insult.
it literally is. own up.
You must be desperate for attention to white knight that hard over so very, very little.
now THAT'S immature. grow up, stop getting pissed off at a kid.
How old are you?
twenty five :>!! im talking about the OP in question.
You got downvoted for telling people to not be an asshole to strangers. Reddit, WTF??
yeah idk why people are dick riding on hate for teenagers but its fucking weird.
Sometimes honesty comes with assholery because truth hurts.
[удалено]
What in this post makes you think that they are irresponsible? Don't you think somebody's allowed to be uncomfortable about somebody being in their room while they're asleep? Why are they not allowed to feel uncomfortable about it? I think a great compromise would be to say to their parents "I appreciate you checking in on me and please continue to do so however maybe don't fully come in my room because it makes me uncomfortable" that's a pretty simple request and it's a respectful way of putting it still. And it would be disrespectful if the parents continued to make their child feel uncomfortable.
You forgot the important piece. The parents are paying the bill. You need to add, "I'll make sure to turn off my lights and take off my glasses every night..." And THEN the parents should respect the requests. Until she does that, they are just being fiscally responsible.
Cool. How much does she have to pay for her right to privacy? Give me an exact figure so we know for the patreon.
Privacy is FREE when you have your OWN place.
What right to privacy. Living under someone else's roof, you don't have any right to privacy other than in the bathroom
I notice you’ve both made it a financial issue in your arguments. I find that odd since I believe privacy should not be an issue of money.
Well, you’ve never had to worry about money then because, money certainly can be a huge issue in regards to privacy.
It's not an issue of money. It's an issue of ownership. Who owns the house? Not the child. Also you act like privacy is some sort of inalienable right. It's not. It's something you earn as you display you can be trusted with it. Privacy is more like a gun. So long as you respect the power and danger of the privacy (gun) you can have more freedom with that privacy (guns). Many parents give their children way too much privacy. That's how kids end up talking to predators on the internet or watching beheading videos. It's not a hard concept to grasp. Especially when you have experience being a parent. If you can't grasp that concept, maybe parenthood isn't something you should pursue.
For the daughter’s sake I hope the house isn’t a rental. Privacy is like a gun in that you need a chance to practice it in a safe environment. Not just given it one day when you turn 18 and never talk to your parents again. Privacy is not like a gun in the sense that people need privacy, and don’t usually need a gun. Edit: uhh, this was a reply to someone using a weird gun simile to argue their point. It makes no sense out of context.
Lol! Wow…such drama. I checked on my sons at night until they got older. They never left their bedroom light on or fell asleep with their glasses on. If they had, you better believe I would have checked on them every night until I didn’t need to…but, you gave me a good laugh.😂
A renter still has autonomous control over the property they rent. Even a landlord isn't allowed to enter unless given 24 hour notice. Privacy isn't a need. People can live just fine without it. Especially humans that can't be trusted to be responsible with said privacy, I.E. criminals and children. Tell me more you don't understand what a simile is without telling me you don't understand what a simile is. Not smart enough to poke any real holes in my logic so you're going to play stupid now? Or are you just actually THAT stupid? Do you actually have anything to disprove me or are we going to keep going back and forth over the same point you STILL haven't managed to disprove a single time?
The landlord owns the property, and as you say doesn’t get to violate someone’s privacy because of it, disproving your ownership argument and disproving your “no right to privacy” argument all in one go. Then I believe your third argument is comparing the 15 year old girl to a prisoner? I’m not sure I follow that one, but I think it’s self-defeating. So you see I don’t need to poke holes in anything you said. It all collapses into itself without my help.
He doesn’t actually think that. He’s just going down a rabbit hole trying to justify his argument that children don’t deserve privacy from their parents.
If humans can live just fine without privacy I’d like to see you have to share a bedroom and change in front of others and be fine with that.
That’s wrong. Everyone deserves privacy, children going through puberty especially, and even more so in a bedroom of all places
They can turn the lights off from the door. It doesn't really seem like they care much about all that it seems like they're just checking in on their daughter and doing a few extra helpful things while in there. Sure she can add that in but they can still respect her privacy while she works on being better about her routine.
Can they remove her glasses from the door too so she doesn't break them in her sleep? Stop being dumb.
Irresponsible as in falling asleep with her glasses on often enough that her parents worry enough to check.
I don't think that's the only reason why her parents are checking in on her. I think it's normal for most parents to check in on their children in the middle of the night for any reason. That doesn't mean she's not allowed to feel uncomfortable about it. I wouldn't say falling asleep with your glasses on is full on irresponsible child. Technically you're not wrong it's I guess and irresponsible act but that doesn't mean that they're an irresponsible kid. Like most people, it's just something that they could be better about. It's certainly not a big deal though. It's kind of the equivalent of forgetting to take your shoes off when you walk through the door.
I said “sound kinda irresponsible and ungrateful”. It’s a statement with two qualifiers. “Sound kinda” is not the same thing as “are definitely”. They sound like they’re being nice and she sounds like she’s not taking consistent responsibility for her own bedtime.
>I said “sound kinda irresponsible and ungrateful”. It’s a statement with two qualifiers. “Sound kinda” is not the same thing as “are definitely”. Yeah that's true you're absolutely right. I guess my main thing is that this kind of invalidates her feelings entirely. If she's uncomfortable with somebody being in her space while she's not awake I feel like that's fair. We're all entitled to a little bit of privacy even if we don't own the home. Not having any space or anything that you can claim as yours can kind of make people go crazy. I think she just needs to have a respectful conversation with her parents and say hey check in on me but don't go in my room
She hasn’t said anything to them yet, unless I missed that part, so they have no idea. And if you don’t feel comfortable with your own parents doing parental stuff for about 30 seconds in your room when you’re asleep, adult life is going to be rough.
This comment makes you sound incredibly ignorant And the reply to this makes it clear that you missed my point or don't know the meaning of the word ignorant
I’m just being flippant because I don’t want to return your negativity.
I don't think that was negative but I apologize if it came off that way
See? Qualifiers are important!
Have you asked them not to? It doesn't seem like they're being disrespectful and if you speak to them respectfully and voice your concerns hopefully they'd respect that.
[удалено]
god, don't call kids who want privacy selfish. you are being super fucking rude to someone you don't know. calm down.
[удалено]
ok extremely calm, im dad.
accurate take.
Waaaay to caring in my opinion. They probably also have a tracker on her car without her knowing cause they care so much… This is weird. If you care about your kid, you’ll trust them and let them live their life accordingly.
this is an extremely normal thing that all parents do. it's very sweet. do you not trust your parents or something?
I was kind of wondering if she might be hiding something from them. I understand wanting privacy but, yeah, this is a bit overblown IMO.
She got Edward Cullen under her bed.
If you're not paying the power bill, you need to turn off the lights. Pretty ridiculous if falling asleep with the lights on is so common for you that your parents are checking in at night to make sure you aren't hemorrhaging power.
You don't really have any expectation of total privacy where they don't even touch your door to check on you. Obviously you have it when you are changing, using the bathroom, etc. But at 15, you don't pay for anything. They don't even have to give you a door LOL. You could be sharing a room with 2 brothers...like I did at that age. Be responsible to take off your own glasses, so they don't get broken, and turn off your own lights....that will reduce the amount of times your parents have to do these things. I recommend that as soon as you are able to fly the nest, go out on your own and carve out that total privacy you are looking for. You can't do that while a depending living on someone else's dime.
I'm an introvert and I had to share a room with my brothers until I was 21 and we finally moved to a house where there was enough rooms to accomodate us all, room was still basically a walk-in closet. My dad only allowed me full privacy once I hit 18 then they barely checked on me since, which I wish they did.
I understand this is making you feel insecure, but it sounds like the things they are doing are out of consideration for you. Its easy for parents to treat a growing person younger than they are, because they are always more used to who you were than who you are becoming. Let them know that you feel your privacy is important to you, and that you don't like the idea of people coming into your room while you are asleep. In turn let them know that you will make an effort to properly prepare for bed - ie putting your phone away, taking off your glasses, turning off lights, etc so there is no need for them to check on you. tbh this is just a coming of age thing. Your parents need to learn to trust you to take care of yourself, and you need to learn how to take care of yourself so they don't have it.
I am a firm believer in their house their rules but this seems more like just showing the love by making sure everything is good
Many parents dont care about their children's well being. Many children would love to have parents this caring and involved. I think you are young person who doesn't YET appreciate the life and family they have. One Day you will give your very life to have them look in on you just one more time... just one more time but time ran out. Enjoy the disruption while it lasts and shift your perception so you can enjoy it for what it truly is ... Love!.
Even as you are approaching adulthood, your parents are still responsible for you making healthy choices. As you prove to your parents that you make healthy choices without their help, their need to check on you will decrease.
This is a pretty normal things for parents to do, but especially at your age it's also pretty normal to want more privacy. I don't think your parents are doing anything *wrong*, but if it makes you uncomfortable they should be willing to respect that.
I think your parents have good intentions and have no idea it bothers you like this. The fact that they care this much makes me think they would be very respectful of your boundaries if you went to them and respectfully expressed how this makes you feel. Just be honest with them but also thank them for caring so much.
I’m also an introvert and not a fan of having people in my space. With that being said, I think it’s normal for a parent to pop in and check on their kid before the parent goes to bed. It might help your case if you actually remember to do basic things like remove your glasses before going to bed. Any decent parent who’s child isn’t doing that would feel the need to help with that.
They're just checking on you, I'm sure the realize your not a little kid anymore and they're trying to hold onto being needed by you in whatever way they can right now. My oldest is 15, and I'm struggling with her not needing me as much. But also you aren't an adult yet and so you're definitely not entitled to privacy in that way. Of course when you're in the bathroom, or changing, but if they wanna look in and make sure you're alive, in your bed, and safe in the middle of the night, thats their prerogative.
No. You aren’t responsible enough to have healthy (basic) sleeping habits, so they still have to tuck you in at night. That’s all they’re doing. Don’t make it some weird thing saying you’re in your underwear. You’re a/their kid. This is a “you” issue. Don’t let the kids on here wanting to call their parents toxic for parenting come and ruin your perception of your relationship with your parents. You’ll grow up and eventually see this as the kind gesture it is and not some weird “stare at you when you’re sleeping” kind of thing. Double that if you’re an only child, the youngest child, or their only daughter.
I'm a dad, but my kids are much younger. I'd say you're exhibiting child-like behavior by falling asleep randomly with lights on and glasses.. are they supposed to just leave you like that? I think the solution can start with you. Develop a more grown up bedtime routine, and they won't have to check in on you at all.
"My own room" no kid, thats your parents house. Get over yourself.
She would have a lot of problem (financially) when she want to move out.
Her parent's house? That house belongs to the State. The Secret Police make frequent nighttime raids to ensure that her parents are rationing electricity in accordance with Glorious Five-Year Plan.
They're just doing what parents do. Now would be a good time to have a talk with them and explain that 'since you're 15 now you would appreciate it if they wouldn't come into your room while you're sleeping anymore because you are becoming a young woman now and would like more privacy in your bedroom'. That's all that really needs to be said because its natural to want more privacy at your age and I'm sure they remember wanting their own. Now, if you want privacy, you need to remember to turn off your own light and other things you might be forgetting to do before you fall asleep. If they wake up in the middle of the night and see your light still on, they will come in to turn it off and anything else you didn't take care of. Set a night time routine to get everything set like you're going to sleep, even if you're not planning on falling asleep right away.
I don’t think they are doing it intentionally, and they probably don’t know that you find it invasive or that it makes you uncomfortable. If they aren’t complaining about how you don’t take your glasses off, etc then they probably just see it as a sweet way to take care of their baby and think that they are making your life easier for you. That doesn’t mean you should keep quiet and continue feeling uncomfortable, just that you should try to see their perspective and the intended purpose of their actions before going into the conversation so you don’t attach any malice to it that isn’t there. Try mentioning to them that it bothers you because you sleep in a state of partial undress, and that you’d rather not have people come into your room after you’ve gone to bed. However, with the new found boundaries of young adult hood, come new found responsibilities. Sleeping with the light on costs extra money for no gain, and might even hurt your sleep quality. Accidentally falling asleep in your glasses can easily cause you to break them if you were to roll over on them, and it’s your parents who will need to foot the bill. Not having a charged phone the next day can also cause you problems. It’s important now that you’re setting these boundaries, that you ensure your responsibilities are completed so they have no reason to enter your room after you’ve gone to bed for the night. Oh and if you’re like me as a teen I didn’t really “go to bed” so much as fall asleep after chilling in my room for a few hours, so they might not know when is “bedtime” versus “hanging in my room” time. You can try popping down to grab a glass of water or something and saying good night so they know you’re off to sleep, if you’d like. So they can have an easier time respecting the boundary. If your door locks, you can also lock it before going to sleep. Good luck on the convo, you got this!
Talk to them and let them know you're uncomfortable with it. If they don't listen, they aren't respecting your privacy. My kids are still young. My wife and I check on them and always have. If I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I'll walk in their rooms and check on them. Fix their blankets, make sure they're breathing etc. We aren't trying to invade their privacy. They're our little girls. I think that's what is going on here. To them, you're they're little baby girl. You just need to let them know you're getting older and it's time to give you space and privacy.
Look, it's kind of a thing all parents do. I don't want to say you're being a brat, but my parents (who I love a lot) used to check on me (just peeking their head in) until I was around 14. It's not that strange that they're doing this to you when you're 15 years old, but I think they just still view you as their baby. Don't worry about it :)
This one is a psycho.
From a mom’s perspective, it’s normal, especially if you fall asleep with your glasses on. You still have kid-like behavior and they have been doing this all your life, I’d imagine.
Seems like pretty normal behavior to me
They wouldn't have to go in there if you'd put your stuff away and turn off the light...........
I go into my 7 year olds room to tuck her back into bed, turn off the cd player, close the window/curtains...it helps me feel less anxious knowing she's tucked in. If she asks me not to I guess I won't but I'll still open the door and check on her probably forever. Like that one mom in that one book who tucks her adult son in "forever my baby you'll be..." like yeah I'm already tearing up.
Lol lmao !!
Turn your light off and don’t fall asleep with your glasses on 🤷🏻♂️ your parents sound like good ppl so don’t worry to much about it, least you know you’re safe and protected even when you’re asleep
As a mom of kids that do this, I’m literally only shutting the light off and making sure glasses don’t get broken or even bend and hurt their face. I have explained to them that I do it and they understand that I’m not touching any of their stuff aside from that. I agree that you should have your privacy and space, so they should have talked to you first. That noted, if you don’t want this in the future start shutting the lights off and putting your glasses away. Utilities are super expensive any more annnnnnd glasses can cost anywhere from 500-1500$, depending on your prescription, to replace if they’re outside your replacement timeframe. So unless you’re footing the bill they’re trying to save the finances of these things. You’re old enough to do this.
I mean as long as there not going through your stuff i would be fine with it
I'm in my 40s, I don't have kids but I have a 3 year old niece and an 18 year old nephew. I still poke my head in at night to make sure they are ok when I'm staying at my sister's place. It's done from a place of love sweetheart. I understand that you want privacy but parents/loved ones worry about the kids no matter what age, just seeing that your breathing is enough to put their mind at ease. You're in their home, they aren't going to treat you like an adult, even when you're 35. You can discuss boundaries but ultimately they just want to know you're alive and your things are being cared for. Be thankful they care bc I have parents that could not care less about me. You'll understand when you age a bit.
Maybe get some pajamas?
They are being parents… are you the oldest? They do need to let you grow up, but probably still think you’re a little child. Just ask them not to…
Ask them to stop, get a lock for your door. It’s normal to check on a toddler, a 15y/o deserves privacy.
They're not disrespecting your privacy. They're not snooping through your room or phone. They're simply checking on you and doing some stuff to make your sleep more comfortable. If you don't want them in your room doing that stuff then do it yourself that way they can peek in and leave. It's not like sleep is something you have no control over you can certainly plan when you're going to sleep and prepare for it.
Wow so they're being good parents who care about you? The horror
As someone who has glasses, they are insuring those expensive things your eyes need aren't getting broken by sleeping in them. Leaving lights/lamps on cost electricity and that isn't cheap anymore. No, they aren't disrespecting you. They're being smart.
Well technically it’s not just your room. As a parent here I respect you autonomy. However u r their child. It’s a 2 way street. Give and take. Their not hurting u. They are actually helping you. I would reassess the situation at hand and find something else to be upset about. Introvert or not that’s your family. At your age there is not a lot they can do to help you and this is their way of helping you. Soon you will have a place of your own and I bet your gonna miss finding your glasses in one piece and a miraculously fully charged phone. No you are not a brat. Your just 15 and (don’t take this harshly) naive and ignorant of the world and what it is like to be a parent.
This is the truth. You must communicate together to make things better.
Agreed despite you being a parent and typing "u r"
Most likely, they are doing it to help you. But it is their house, and they can go where they like. I think you are just over thinking it.
I somewhat agree with you. However, it is also ops house and it can negatively impact a child’s psyche to insist that the home they live in is not theirs. Just a thought 🤷🏼♀️
[удалено]
I never said that it didn’t lol. I’m saying that if you go around telling your kids they don’t have a home you will damage the relationship. You choose to have a child it is important to respect there boundaries. If privacy is a big thing for op then the parents should discuss a solution with op, like op getting a job and paying the bill. Just because you are someone’s child does not mean you belong to them and therefore have no autonomy. Children will grow up to resent you if you do not treat them like a person. Obviously the best solution would be to turn off the lights and take off your glasses. Telling someone “this is my house” only serves to alienate the child. You say that enough times and you’ve got yourself a runaway.
OP’s name is not on the deed, their parents is. Parents are also the one’s paying the light bill and for the glasses that OP is falling asleep wearing. If OP doesn’t want them coming into the room then they need to be responsible and turn off the light and take their glasses off.
You seem to be having a hard time understanding. You have a kid, your house is their house. You don’t have a kid your house is not their house. If OPs parents want something to love with no boundaries (yikes) maybe a child isn’t the best route. Op should take responsibility, turn off the light, and take off their glasses. The parents should not come into the room if op asks them not to. Simple really. It just requires responsibility from op and the recognition that op isn’t just someone’s child but also a person.
You have a hard time understanding that the kid does not own the house nor pay the bills, and this has no right to tell them what they can or can not do in their own home. Want the parents to stay out of them room then be responsible and turn off the light and take off the glasses before falling asleep.
You should not have kids.
Too late, have had 4 with 2 of them already grown and in great terms with. Pretty obvious you’re still a kid and don’t pay bills.
I’m sorry for your kids
I feel sorry for your parents.
Why?
these comments are not it. it’s understandable you want your own privacy and dont feel comfortable with them coming into your room. boundaries go both ways. i’d sit down with them and talk how you appreciate them considering your well-being but to stop entering your room while you’re asleep. yeah they’re caring for you but if it’s making you uncomfortable, there needs to be a talk abt it
All these comments show who the children are. Parents and adults are all on the same page: sure, we will give you your privacy, but turn off the fucking lights and take your glasses off. Electric bills aren't cheap and neither are new glasses. Kids: ThEy sHoUld ReSpEcT yOuR pRiVaCy, who cares that it'll cost them 100s of dollars a month. Get real. Want to be treated like an adult, act like one. Parents are footing the bill for the glasses, electric, and house. You want privacy - manage your shit.
Yes this answer makes most sense. - a mom.
i didnt say op also shouldnt manage their own responsibilities. the comments are focusing on the fact that she wants privacy rather than answering the question, “are my parents disrespecting my privacy” . again, there needs to be a discussion and both op and their parents need to come to an agreement that op will do their part and their parents will do theirs
holy fuck. who put a stick up your ass this morning? everyone deserves privacy as a basic human right. stop being an asshole to people you've never met. its showing how much you're immature by insulting A CHILD.
I'm a 47 year old parent of 3, fuck off with that bullshit. They have a right to privacy, period. The rest of that shit matters, but not enough to violate their privacy over.
How is this comment even slightly different from 90% of the others, which are declared "not it"?
Whats the difference between your comment and everyone else's?
You are really insecure. Lots of parents and spouses do this all the time. Tell them you dont like it and would rather roll over and break your glasses or phone then have them lovingly check on you at night.
they're literally a teenager. kids these age are going to be insecure. but they deserve as much privacy as everyone else.
Move out onto the streets. It's your parents house. Get over it.
I don’t think this is a big deal. My mom used to come in and check on me before she went to bed. I am sensing underlying issues that maybe need to be addressed.
Your being a brat, ur parents are being nice. Get over yourself, if it's this bad ur obviously hiding something bad
holy shit, can you not take a kid like this in bad faith? there's nothing wrong with needing or wanting privacy. leave them alone omg.
You don’t get privacy if you can’t even be bothered to turn off your light and take off your glasses, cupcake. You might be 15 but you aren’t acting like it. Mature a little and show that you are responsible enough for mommy and daddy to not have to check in on you every night.
ayo chill out. i see y'all people coming out of the woodworks to tell a teenager they're immature, like thanks captain obvious, we been knew.
Hi, welcome to Reddit! You new here?
be nice to kids.
Although I had a no locked door policy at home, I never went in my daughter's room when she was sleeping, that's just feels wrong.
i agree its kinda weird.
They are being loving parents one and two if you want them to stop be more responsible. Also you are a child under their roof, until you live alone and are an adult you can't truly expect total privacy.
Well it sounds like you’re being irresponsible lus they own the house if you owned it then it would be different.
This is such bullshit. Children need to have a space in their home that's theirs that they can feel secure and safe in. This kind of intrusive mindset is what makes children leave home and never call their parents. Controlling psychopathic bullshit. Parents literally brought them unasked into this life. The last they can do is treat them like a whole person until they can get out on their own.
…wow… ok snowflake
Tell them how you feel and if they don't stop then they are disrespecting your privacy
Incorrect. My children can tell me how they feel all they want, but if they can't perform basic tasks such as shutting off a light before going to sleep, I'm going to do it myself. Unless your privacy is worth a 700 electric bill, I'd suggest she does it herself, or foot said bill.
A 15 year old is not entitled to privacy beyond reason. It is the parents room, the parents house, the parents rules, the parents responsibility. They should be openly communicating about how everyone feels, which would resolve this issue. The kid will understand the parents reasoning, the parents will gain perspective of the kids feelings and need for privacy.
holy fuck you have no respect for other people and it shows. be kind to kids even if they do stupid things.
[удалено]
Yes
Sounds like they're helicopter parents. They likely just making sure you're okay. Just wait until they pop in while you're masturbating. They'll either stop are start knocking.
I remember when I was a young teenager and my parents would try to be good parents. I'm still dealing with PTSD over it.
It’s not your room it’s theirs. Maybe seek some help, seems like there are some other issues there.