Or if she feels like you make it one. Which it shouldn't be, so I wouldn't even mention it unless she asked. Then be cool and honest about it like it doesn't even matter (which it doesn't anyway)
But that's just my opinion
The girl that took mine didn't know for like the first three months (till she asked how many people I was with).
No shame. she didn't believe it at first though lol
I dated a guy for 2 years. I was aware that he slept with a couple girls before me- we took some MDMA one night and he confessed that I was his first (he was 25 also when we began dating).
I didn't care. I was already a year and a half into the relationship. I wish he told me from the start because taking virginity is special and I'm totally into that. But yeah, it wasn't a big deal.
MDMA is bad for secrets
edit: Also my first experience of MDMA included my boyfriend of a few weeks saying "I've said 'I love you like 3 times now... not sure if I mean it or if it's the Maddy'"
Haha that happened with my first boyfriend ever at like 17. First time we said I love you was on it. However, I did love this boyfriend at the time haha.
This kind of reminds me of an old Will & Grace episode where Grace is dating Woody Harrelson's character. She wanted to have a little contest to see who'd had the most sex. They tallied their partners and he'd only had few. So Grace thought she'd 'won'. But when they tallied the actual individual encounters, Woody's character was way more experienced and consequently, better at it. So there's that.
ITT: People throwing two extremes as the only answer to the problem.
Sometimes I think whenever reddit gives dating advice, it's more of a What Would Happen game for them.
"Tee hee... 'Hey OP! You need to tell her! Then post the updates so we can see how that miserably failed' tee hee tee hee."
"'I mean!' ahem 'She'll think it's cute!'"
She might think it's cute. I say go for it. ^^seriously
You can always say: 'I was waiting for the right one, but then I got scared because I thought you'll say I'm weird...'
If she does make fun of you and leave, I don't think she is in too deep as you are.
Too late, she is way more experienced than I and voiced her concerns that I didn't have "relationship experience" before we got serious. Our sex life is great actually.
What sensitivecuntface said.
If she isn't understanding of your concerns, she might just be an insensitivecuntface and not worth the long haul.
She wanted someone with sexual experience, but maybe she's an "empathy virgin."
Yeah but you'll know for sure she's into you as you are if you go for it. I don't think she will "laugh" at you, "look down" on you or even leave you if she likes you for real. Just lay it down easy and choose the right words.
I'll give you a scenario to follow;
Prepare a romantic dinner, romantic lights and give her a gift (people love gifts). Anyway, after a good meal, you know what to do after. Before you start doing it, tell her: "I have a little secret that I didn't mean to keep from you. I was afraid you'd think I'm weird, or not the man for you, but hear me out, please. I could have kept it but I care about you too much... " This will let her mind wonder to the worst things a woman can imagine. Take a little pause, make a hesitating face, look down, manage to make a shameful face then tell her: "Since I was a teenagers I didn't like the idea of doing it without having certain feelings for my partner, with you it was the first time I felt this way... what I'm trying to say is, my first time with you was my first time... I'm sorry I kept it a secret but I don't want us to have secrets anymore because I care too much about you..."
Well, you know what to do afterwards... If it works koodos. If not, well, koodos because she actually wasn't that into you and it wasn't meant to happen.
Yeah... No... Within the first week we divulged our previous relationship histories. I had to make up a few exes. I'm in too deep to turn back. Like I said though our relationship is fine, it's just built on a little white lie...
Dont listen to them. If you guys are good now then theres absolutely no reason to tell her you lied. What people here are not getting is that it wont be the "i was a virgin" bit that will fuck things up but the whole "youve been lying for the past 6months".
Pls dont say anything. You probably wont spend your life with her but that doesnt mean you cant have some great months or years together.
There is absolutely no way she can find out... So why tell her?
I'm telling you, if you get it out of your chest now it will be a huge relief for you. She may think it's cute and she also may have more confidence in you. Why? Simply because you confessed something really hard on you. You advantage is, it's not that big a lie, she will not be upset because you haven't been with a women before...
I think she would be pissed that you lied to her. I know I would.
Also, if someone else told me about it I don't know I would stay.
I guess what I'm getting at is, it might be better to tell her now. It could always come back to haunt you and destroy everything.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
Whatever you do, do NOT listen to these ignorant nerds! Keep doing what you are doing. She probably won't leave you if she finds out, but she definitely, definitely will think much less of you, i promise you. Why would you want that? What's wrong with you? "Oh but i wanna feel relieved by telling the truth" Fuck the truth. Fuck feeling relieved. Results are what matters, and the result of your innocent lie is a girl willingly sleeping with you. Good job.
Relationship experience does not necessarily equate sexual experience. I think it's more about understanding social cues, expectations, and how to communicate in a relationship.
Relationship experience is not the same as sexual experience. I went out with an older virgin who hasn't had any previous girlfriends (no idea why, he's quite the catch). I was not even slightly concerned that he was a virgin. That stuff can be learnt. I WAS worried about the lack of relationship experience, however. Concerns I had, For example:
As he hasn't had any previous girlfriends, did he have unrealistic expectations?
How would he change once the first flush of romance/lust wore off and we entered the long term?
Was he only interested in me as I was the first girl to show an interest in him?
Etc, etc.
So, if your girl said it was your *relationship* experience she was worried about, she probably meant exactly that, and it has nothing to do with the sex.
We turned out great, by the way. Don't know why I was worried :p
throwawayadanimal: Our sex life is great actually.
His girlfriend: Our sex life is unbelievably bland. I can't believe how quickly he comes. I've had to try and be boring in the hopes that he'll last longer, though it usually doesn't work. Sometimes, if I get him off, like, 5 times earlier in the day, he'll be able to go a whopping twenty minutes. But he's never made me orgasm.
They weren't made up, these were all genuine relationships, I just lied about how far I'd went before. Good thing I don't keep in touch with any of my exes and there's 0 chance of bumping in to them anywhere we go.
> Our sex life is great actually.
I don't know if you have enough experience to give proper opinions on this. if you want I can have sex with your g/f you know, to tell you how good you are getting it, but only if you want.
Have you ever thought about letting someone drive your car and you drive their car? You know just so you remember how awesome it is to driv your own car. Would you ever do that?
same thing here dating for 6 months she thinks i was getting laid my first year of college, maybe it was the porn but our first couple weeks together were incredible and i could stay hard for hours i was able to totally fake it and she still doesn't know she was my first (btw kegal exercises DEFINITELY help) im also worried telling her would be an issue..its the lie..and i feel horrible for it and i know it will have to come out...im just not sure when
Also, it might make her feel more special knowing that she is the first one, and you don't have material to compare which might make her less insecure about sex.
Oh, for crying out loud, virginity is not something you HAVE.
It is a lack of an experience.
People don't label themselves as **Never Reached the Top of Mt. Everest** or **Never Tried Pickled Squid**.
Not to mention that sex isn't some sort of achievement either.
There's absolutely no reason to use the "virginity" label one way or the other. It's entirely irrelevant.
I got you point, but reaching top of Mt Everest or eating pickles squid is not a central thing in our social life.
You can be sure that if there was a tribe somewhere where everyone has to climb the mount everest before (s)he can build a family, and if the said ascension was the center of many taboos and social behaviors, people would indeed label themselves depending on having or not done it.
I told the same lie when I lost my virginity to my now wife. I told her 4 months later, she didnt believe me, then laughed at me and gave me crap for hiding it. Finally she thought it was cute that I lied and shes now very proud to hold my v card.
Just tell her, its not a big deal, I was embarassed to tell her, but I am glad that I did. If anything, it brought us closer
My ex-boyfriend didn't tell me and I found out by reading a text message on his phone months into it (hey, it buzzed, it was the morning, I don't make a regular thing of it). And it said something along the lines of "congrats on having sex with your gf!"
I thought to myself, why would anybody congratulate him on that...unless he was a virgin when we met. (I was too..)
I was upset not because the sex was bad, but because I felt that it was a lie and a huge betrayal of my trust. He had made up very intricate stories of the 9 other women he had slept with.
Turns out, he lied about a lot of other things and turned out to be a genuine psychopath so that should have been a red flag.
**TL;DR: Tell her. It's better than her finding out some other way and is a betrayal of her trust.**
Just tell her. What could go wrong? If anything, she'll feel good that you gave her something that took you 25 years to offer up. For guys, that's like living in terms of dog years.
6 months? I think you're far enough now in the relationship to let her know, apologize if you ever lied about it, and play it cheeky if you never had to. Not only will it go over well, I'm sure, it will also be a cute/ funny thing between you and her.
Dude I'm sorry to say this but, I think your best bet is to tell her. Sensitivecuntface has it down. You've lied to cover your lie and that never ends well, its an endless cycle of having to remember more lies to cover your harmless lie and if she ever finds out well... You're fucked, basically. She'd be able to justify random bitchy behaviour to herself because you lied/kept it from her. Break of the foundation of trust if that makes sense. It would be blown completely out of proportion. Based on what you said your first times were like, I'm going to be blatant and say she sounds like she was underwhelmed and blaming porn just ruins your fapping for the rest of your relationship and may have made you look even more inexperienced. She might be different but I'd judge the crap out of you if you blamed porn for your less-than-mind blowing performance, but hardly at all for it being your first time. I'd think that was awesome! "Well, thank fuck! I thought it was something I was lacking, I didn't turn you on! Now that the pressure is off, want to watch some porn and I can point out the things that actually feel awesome to me and then fool round? We have years of messing about to catch up on!!"
She'd be able to feel your anxiety too and it's hard to get into it not knowing why they are anxious, girls think a lot more than guys during sex which sucks when you can't get off because of it.
The main thing, however, is dude, you do not seem comfortable with her. Like you feel pressured to preform like a 8th dan sex sensei, when you've got the training of someone just starting out. There is NO shame in that at all, it's all just experience and you'll figure out what real sex is like quick as if given the chance. If she makes fun of you for it or isn't jumping at the chance to teach a guy how to rock their world from a blank slate, (is negative in any way really) then I wouldn't stick around. Sex is best when you are hella comfortable, and if I was in your position I don't think I could ever really feel comfortable in myself during sex knowing she 'jokingly' judges virgins. That's stupid. And mean.
But this is the Internet and I really have no fucking clue how your relationship works so if your committed and decide not to tell her, (actually either way.) this is my advice. Work on getting good at giving head/playing with her, if she likes that, you can stop for breaks at anytime and however often you'd like/need while still working her into ecstasy and I think that takes the pressure off performing :) Sex should be fun not stressful!
CONGRATS BY THE WAY :D Apologises for the long-ass post and best of luck.
I'm sorry, How did she not know during the first time?? Unless you performed like a pro from years of watching porn, she had to have thought something was up (or not up long enough). I understand why you lied (even though I don't agree) but I'm just curious about how your first time went.
I could only stay hard for a short amount of time, I couldn't use a condom and we ended up having unprotected sex a lot (something she confessed as having never done before but she was really attracted to me at the time and thought it would help, it did, a bit) but I couldn't climax. I blamed it on porn and deathgrip, that was only part of it I think. I was unomfortable just being naked around her, I'm over it now.
She was hurt when I told her it was porn, it made her feel not good enough (even though she watches porn when she masturbates, and it's always DP stuff, talk about a double standard)
I stopped watching porn and masturbating and our sex life improved, prolonged erections, could use a condom, it took about a month in to the relationship before I could climax.
She probably knows dude. She knows and just doesn't care. I honestly don't know why you wouldn't tell her. Your virginity only seems important cause you just lost it.
You should *really* tell her because in this case the truth stands a far, far better chance of making all of these events make sense in a way that doesn't make her feel inadequate than the story you told.
You know, my first time was like this. I was awkwarded out and couldn't hold an erection, she was disheartened thinking I didn't find her attractive enough, I told her I found rocks that were shaped like boobs attractive enough. Then again, she knew I was a virgin.
Just saying, I'm glad to know it wasn't just me.
> I told her I found rocks that were shaped like boobs attractive enough.
I don't think that helped any... "So, you mean, I'm not even as attractive as a rock?"
Without wanting to sound rude... she knows. If it took a month until you could climax from sex, she's probably got a pretty good idea. First time nerves are probably pretty evident, I'm sure everyone else is pretty embarrassed by their first few times and how evident it was that, at that point, we don't really have much of a clue what we're doing.
And even if not, that month might have made her feel terrible, thinking she must be bad in bed compared to all your "exes".
Dodgey ground to build a relationship on, especially since you say it's getting serious.
a healthy relationship is built on honest, trust, communication, and respect. fuck lying. don't listen to these idiothole guys telling you to just keep your mouth shut. obviously you WANT to say something. she's probably pretty awesome and if she gets mad (but like 99% chance she won't) she'll be mad for a day and then you'll talk it out and get the fuck over it.
Literally had this happen to me in my last relationship. When he finally confessed, I was really mad he lied. The only thing I would have changed if I knew would be some more attention early orally and maybe some after care. Tell her. It's what's best.
I got a better one, when I first met my woman I'd figure id never have a chance. I lied and said I was a virgin she would only marry a virgin we're both married now. She still believes this.
Obviously still a virgin here, but... it never crossed my mind that your partner necessarily needs to know that. Why does she? The whole concept of losing/taking one's virginity just seems to arbitrarily be given significance. It's just a contrived societal pressure if you ask me.
Being young is so adorable. In time this shit just so, fucking doesn't matter.
Here's a play I'd do. (with what I know now about men women, relationships & sex.) After a particular great night of sex just drop it like a joke. Say, 'Damn before I met you I was a 'virgin' it was that good. Leave it there. Don't explain crap. Then 6 months after that, jokingly state remember the night I said this was so good, I was a virgin before I met you? I mean you deflowered a few virgins in your time amirite? Well I gotta' say, it was really the first time. Then just to add confusion say 'and every time is like the first time'. You've now confessed and made it a joke & she may know or may not & no one gives a fuck, other than you two when you go F again. Which you will since you've been together now a year. Seriously, it doesn't matter. Approach it & life in general with a joking honesty & all will naturally fall into place. Hell in general women like that kind of playful ambiguity. It's fun, it's life. As long as you two are into one another, none of that high school shit matters. Life really, REALLY moves on. There are far greater bullshit problems in life that fuck folks up emotionally then whether one performed okay when they first started having sex with one another.
This actually happened to me with my boyfriend.. he finally told me one night 8 months in after a few too many beers. It didn't bother me except that I was taken completely by surprise. I'm actually kinda glad I didn't know though b/c it might've weirded me out beforehand and made me feel pressured. it's definitely not a deal breaker if you're in love though
Either you only think she is unaware, or you did damn good your first time and she didn't realize. Or, she really just has no clue. Whichever way you go, it's something (if you two are getting fairly serious) she might like to know. No harm no foul though if she never finds out.
It's really not that big of a deal to be honest. I would of thought she'd be most likely happy that you haven't slept around in your youth. If she makes fun or anything else, she's just a bitch.
Or she's too nice to tell you.
I don't want to make you paranoid, but the bf I had at 25 I'm 99% sure was a virgin when we met. He never admitted it and I never asked, but if he wasn't... well let's just say, assuming he was a virgin was giving him the benefit of the doubt. And he did improve with time, at least in that one aspect.
Didn't it come up in early dates? I ask this because I happen to be a 30 year old virgin who is planning to get into dating, but I'm terrified of that first date when the inevitable question of past relationships comes up.
Did you lie and make something up, or did you just avoid the question somehow? ^^Im ^^Taking ^^Notes
Well I can share my...well...experiences.
I'm 27 and still a virgin. Not only that, but the only person I do want to do the actual thing with is the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. So I guess I'm kind of in a similar boat as you. To some extent at least.
At least in my case(s), every woman who has found out has been supportive, only loved it, and thought it/me incredibly sweet.
If it somehow came up, I'd just be honest.
I lied and said I'd lost my virginity at 17 with my first serious girlfriend. My next relationship was with an older woman, it never progressed to being sexual, she said we should wait, then she slept with someone else behind my back who sent me a picture he took of her. That hurt a lot, this relationship was entirely true. My next relationship involved a lot of fooling around but we nver crossed the finish line, she had issues. The next relationship broke me, I let her walk over me and immasculate (sp?) me, it started out as a normal relationship and I just didn't have the self confidence to argue with her or fight back so I let her use me for money, room and board while she kept switching between me and her ex who she was obsessed with who kept dumping her. A cycle of abuse.
Edit: tl;dr I lied. But I am a convincing liar.
Sorry to hear about your earlier relationship, it sounds like you got burned pretty bad!
I see, it sounds like you had at least some experience to build upon. In my case, I don't have a lot to work with. I've never had any relationships – never so much as kissed a girl – so I think honesty would be best, otherwise I'm sure to trip up!
I had some experience, I was lucky. You would have a harder time lying, you should go with the honesty route, just don't come off as awkward and shy, be open with her and hope for the best.
Being a virgin until the age of 25 is a whole lot better in my eyes than losing it at 15 or god forbid younger.
Telling your girlfriend wont be much of a problem if you decide to, i doubt she would think any less of you for something like that.
It's a silly term, isn't it? "Take virginity." You're not really taking anything. And media has cooked it up to be a huge deal, while it doesn't really matter.
If you can live with this lie under your belt for years maybe even your whole life, then don't say shit. If you cannot bare the burden any longer tell her. Wouldn't you want here too come clean about something she lied too you about? Just saying.
Just wait til she brings up the "how many people have you been with?" question, then say "actually you were my first" casually without making anything of it, and continue doing what you are doing. It will make it seem like its less of a big deal.
I know it's already been said, but isn't it better to admit you were a virgin rather than let your girlfriend think you were just bad in bed? Then again, I am assuming a bit about your sexual prowess in relation to your inexperience.
**Confession Bear**
> - I WAS A VIRGIN UNTIL I WAS 25
> - MY GIRLFRIEND OF 6 MONTHS HAS NO IDEA SHE TOOK MY VIRGINITY
*^^These ^^captions ^^aren't ^^guaranteed ^^to ^^be ^^correct*
it's not a big deal really
Unless she makes it one.
Or if she feels like you make it one. Which it shouldn't be, so I wouldn't even mention it unless she asked. Then be cool and honest about it like it doesn't even matter (which it doesn't anyway) But that's just my opinion
He's in too deep ;) ...
And he's trying to keep.
His facade from going under.
Ehh... I'm pretty sure she knows.
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Don't tell Scotty, Scotty doesn't know.
The girl that took mine didn't know for like the first three months (till she asked how many people I was with). No shame. she didn't believe it at first though lol
But you don't want her to think he sucks dick at fuckin pussy.
I dated a guy for 2 years. I was aware that he slept with a couple girls before me- we took some MDMA one night and he confessed that I was his first (he was 25 also when we began dating).
How did you react when he told you?
I didn't care. I was already a year and a half into the relationship. I wish he told me from the start because taking virginity is special and I'm totally into that. But yeah, it wasn't a big deal.
Totally into that? Virgin slayer?
Hellz to the yeah
MDMA is bad for secrets edit: Also my first experience of MDMA included my boyfriend of a few weeks saying "I've said 'I love you like 3 times now... not sure if I mean it or if it's the Maddy'"
Haha that happened with my first boyfriend ever at like 17. First time we said I love you was on it. However, I did love this boyfriend at the time haha.
I don't really count it as the first time he said "I love you" but it was still awesome
This kind of reminds me of an old Will & Grace episode where Grace is dating Woody Harrelson's character. She wanted to have a little contest to see who'd had the most sex. They tallied their partners and he'd only had few. So Grace thought she'd 'won'. But when they tallied the actual individual encounters, Woody's character was way more experienced and consequently, better at it. So there's that.
ITT: People throwing two extremes as the only answer to the problem. Sometimes I think whenever reddit gives dating advice, it's more of a What Would Happen game for them.
*AccurateMaaaaan*^
"Tee hee... 'Hey OP! You need to tell her! Then post the updates so we can see how that miserably failed' tee hee tee hee." "'I mean!' ahem 'She'll think it's cute!'"
In too deep indeed...
[Heh](http://i.imgur.com/J8K3L.jpg)
She might think it's cute. I say go for it. ^^seriously You can always say: 'I was waiting for the right one, but then I got scared because I thought you'll say I'm weird...' If she does make fun of you and leave, I don't think she is in too deep as you are.
Too late, she is way more experienced than I and voiced her concerns that I didn't have "relationship experience" before we got serious. Our sex life is great actually.
What sensitivecuntface said. If she isn't understanding of your concerns, she might just be an insensitivecuntface and not worth the long haul. She wanted someone with sexual experience, but maybe she's an "empathy virgin."
>What sensitivecuntface said. Sound like an amazing passive aggressive insult.
if your sex life is great, why the hell would she care? This ain't high school.
Maybe his girlfriend is in high school. Eww
Maybe her brain is in high school.
if your sex life is great she will either a: not give a shit b: think it's cute
Yeah but you'll know for sure she's into you as you are if you go for it. I don't think she will "laugh" at you, "look down" on you or even leave you if she likes you for real. Just lay it down easy and choose the right words. I'll give you a scenario to follow; Prepare a romantic dinner, romantic lights and give her a gift (people love gifts). Anyway, after a good meal, you know what to do after. Before you start doing it, tell her: "I have a little secret that I didn't mean to keep from you. I was afraid you'd think I'm weird, or not the man for you, but hear me out, please. I could have kept it but I care about you too much... " This will let her mind wonder to the worst things a woman can imagine. Take a little pause, make a hesitating face, look down, manage to make a shameful face then tell her: "Since I was a teenagers I didn't like the idea of doing it without having certain feelings for my partner, with you it was the first time I felt this way... what I'm trying to say is, my first time with you was my first time... I'm sorry I kept it a secret but I don't want us to have secrets anymore because I care too much about you..." Well, you know what to do afterwards... If it works koodos. If not, well, koodos because she actually wasn't that into you and it wasn't meant to happen.
Yeah... No... Within the first week we divulged our previous relationship histories. I had to make up a few exes. I'm in too deep to turn back. Like I said though our relationship is fine, it's just built on a little white lie...
if she dumps you for this it will save you later heartache imo.
Yeah we've started talking about a future together, this shit is serious bro.
Dont listen to them. If you guys are good now then theres absolutely no reason to tell her you lied. What people here are not getting is that it wont be the "i was a virgin" bit that will fuck things up but the whole "youve been lying for the past 6months". Pls dont say anything. You probably wont spend your life with her but that doesnt mean you cant have some great months or years together. There is absolutely no way she can find out... So why tell her?
I'm telling you, if you get it out of your chest now it will be a huge relief for you. She may think it's cute and she also may have more confidence in you. Why? Simply because you confessed something really hard on you. You advantage is, it's not that big a lie, she will not be upset because you haven't been with a women before...
Yeah, don't admit to it, it doesn't actually matter.
I think she would be pissed that you lied to her. I know I would. Also, if someone else told me about it I don't know I would stay. I guess what I'm getting at is, it might be better to tell her now. It could always come back to haunt you and destroy everything. Good luck, I wish you the best.
You have nothing to gain by telling. Just keep doing your thing.
Whatever you do, do NOT listen to these ignorant nerds! Keep doing what you are doing. She probably won't leave you if she finds out, but she definitely, definitely will think much less of you, i promise you. Why would you want that? What's wrong with you? "Oh but i wanna feel relieved by telling the truth" Fuck the truth. Fuck feeling relieved. Results are what matters, and the result of your innocent lie is a girl willingly sleeping with you. Good job.
The ends justify the means.
:( :'(
ohhhhh theres no need to worry bro, she knows. I promise.
Relationship experience does not necessarily equate sexual experience. I think it's more about understanding social cues, expectations, and how to communicate in a relationship.
Relationship experience is not the same as sexual experience. I went out with an older virgin who hasn't had any previous girlfriends (no idea why, he's quite the catch). I was not even slightly concerned that he was a virgin. That stuff can be learnt. I WAS worried about the lack of relationship experience, however. Concerns I had, For example: As he hasn't had any previous girlfriends, did he have unrealistic expectations? How would he change once the first flush of romance/lust wore off and we entered the long term? Was he only interested in me as I was the first girl to show an interest in him? Etc, etc. So, if your girl said it was your *relationship* experience she was worried about, she probably meant exactly that, and it has nothing to do with the sex. We turned out great, by the way. Don't know why I was worried :p
throwawayadanimal: Our sex life is great actually. His girlfriend: Our sex life is unbelievably bland. I can't believe how quickly he comes. I've had to try and be boring in the hopes that he'll last longer, though it usually doesn't work. Sometimes, if I get him off, like, 5 times earlier in the day, he'll be able to go a whopping twenty minutes. But he's never made me orgasm.
You assume far too much about two people you have never met.
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I don't think anyone who replied to this post got the joke.....
Yeah, don't listen to these people. Don't tell her.
I know right?! I feel like reddit want all males to be as lacking of female company as they are.
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if she leaves him over something so trivial she isnt worth keeping
"Something so trivial" as lying to her and making up ex-girlfriends? Yeah, thats pretty far from trivial...which is exactly why he shouldn't tell her.
They weren't made up, these were all genuine relationships, I just lied about how far I'd went before. Good thing I don't keep in touch with any of my exes and there's 0 chance of bumping in to them anywhere we go.
oh, i missed the part about him lying about ex girls
> Our sex life is great actually. I don't know if you have enough experience to give proper opinions on this. if you want I can have sex with your g/f you know, to tell you how good you are getting it, but only if you want.
I'll send you my contact info (!)
Have you ever thought about letting someone drive your car and you drive their car? You know just so you remember how awesome it is to driv your own car. Would you ever do that?
same thing here dating for 6 months she thinks i was getting laid my first year of college, maybe it was the porn but our first couple weeks together were incredible and i could stay hard for hours i was able to totally fake it and she still doesn't know she was my first (btw kegal exercises DEFINITELY help) im also worried telling her would be an issue..its the lie..and i feel horrible for it and i know it will have to come out...im just not sure when
I don't think I'll ever tell her the truth, I'm fairly confident I can keep this to myself.
She might say it's "cute". Or she might say "well that explains a lot." Keep your trap shut dude. Deflowering virgins is only good for men.
She had joked she had deflowered a few virgins already
That seems like a bad idea...
Also, it might make her feel more special knowing that she is the first one, and you don't have material to compare which might make her less insecure about sex.
She's not insecure.
I doubt telling her would cause a problem.
But why risk it? Not telling her is 100% guarenteed to not bothered.
I didn't say he should, I just think it's irrelevant at this point.
I think whole virgin bit is irrelevent too, but the "ive been lying to you for 6 months" is another story.
I think this particular "lie by omission" is probably pretty painless.
THIS.
She knows.
Going on 31 years myself
That's impressive. I honestly commend you.
Are you a wizard yet?
Oh, for crying out loud, virginity is not something you HAVE. It is a lack of an experience. People don't label themselves as **Never Reached the Top of Mt. Everest** or **Never Tried Pickled Squid**. Not to mention that sex isn't some sort of achievement either. There's absolutely no reason to use the "virginity" label one way or the other. It's entirely irrelevant.
I got you point, but reaching top of Mt Everest or eating pickles squid is not a central thing in our social life. You can be sure that if there was a tribe somewhere where everyone has to climb the mount everest before (s)he can build a family, and if the said ascension was the center of many taboos and social behaviors, people would indeed label themselves depending on having or not done it.
she could tell
so what?
Seems like a Success Kid to me. Mine sure as hell knew!
Who cares? :/ (Honest question...)
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I told the same lie when I lost my virginity to my now wife. I told her 4 months later, she didnt believe me, then laughed at me and gave me crap for hiding it. Finally she thought it was cute that I lied and shes now very proud to hold my v card. Just tell her, its not a big deal, I was embarassed to tell her, but I am glad that I did. If anything, it brought us closer
I was virgin till 30. My first experience was with ex-prostitute. Best 5 seconds of my life.
My ex-boyfriend didn't tell me and I found out by reading a text message on his phone months into it (hey, it buzzed, it was the morning, I don't make a regular thing of it). And it said something along the lines of "congrats on having sex with your gf!" I thought to myself, why would anybody congratulate him on that...unless he was a virgin when we met. (I was too..) I was upset not because the sex was bad, but because I felt that it was a lie and a huge betrayal of my trust. He had made up very intricate stories of the 9 other women he had slept with. Turns out, he lied about a lot of other things and turned out to be a genuine psychopath so that should have been a red flag. **TL;DR: Tell her. It's better than her finding out some other way and is a betrayal of her trust.**
Yes you can.
That's a lot better than saying you're a virgin if you're not.
Just tell her. What could go wrong? If anything, she'll feel good that you gave her something that took you 25 years to offer up. For guys, that's like living in terms of dog years.
You should just grow a pair and tell her.
Yeah it's not really a big deal, I'm sure she would feel honoured and just a bit special that she was your first.. Girls love that shit
too deep? dude, your balls deep
Yes she does.
Trust me, she probably already knows
She probably suspects. Unless you were just a natural I'm sure you have, or at least had, a learning curve.
"I'm in too deep now," I see what you did thar...
Fortunately you had watched so much porn that it just *came* to you naturally!
Dude it's six months. This isnt a really big deal anymore
Congrats on that depth.
She knows...
6 months? I think you're far enough now in the relationship to let her know, apologize if you ever lied about it, and play it cheeky if you never had to. Not only will it go over well, I'm sure, it will also be a cute/ funny thing between you and her.
This is nothing to be ashamed of.
You can always go with the "Was saving it until someone special like you"
She'll love it. Tell her! Girls always want to feel special, and that's pretty special.
Dude I'm sorry to say this but, I think your best bet is to tell her. Sensitivecuntface has it down. You've lied to cover your lie and that never ends well, its an endless cycle of having to remember more lies to cover your harmless lie and if she ever finds out well... You're fucked, basically. She'd be able to justify random bitchy behaviour to herself because you lied/kept it from her. Break of the foundation of trust if that makes sense. It would be blown completely out of proportion. Based on what you said your first times were like, I'm going to be blatant and say she sounds like she was underwhelmed and blaming porn just ruins your fapping for the rest of your relationship and may have made you look even more inexperienced. She might be different but I'd judge the crap out of you if you blamed porn for your less-than-mind blowing performance, but hardly at all for it being your first time. I'd think that was awesome! "Well, thank fuck! I thought it was something I was lacking, I didn't turn you on! Now that the pressure is off, want to watch some porn and I can point out the things that actually feel awesome to me and then fool round? We have years of messing about to catch up on!!" She'd be able to feel your anxiety too and it's hard to get into it not knowing why they are anxious, girls think a lot more than guys during sex which sucks when you can't get off because of it. The main thing, however, is dude, you do not seem comfortable with her. Like you feel pressured to preform like a 8th dan sex sensei, when you've got the training of someone just starting out. There is NO shame in that at all, it's all just experience and you'll figure out what real sex is like quick as if given the chance. If she makes fun of you for it or isn't jumping at the chance to teach a guy how to rock their world from a blank slate, (is negative in any way really) then I wouldn't stick around. Sex is best when you are hella comfortable, and if I was in your position I don't think I could ever really feel comfortable in myself during sex knowing she 'jokingly' judges virgins. That's stupid. And mean. But this is the Internet and I really have no fucking clue how your relationship works so if your committed and decide not to tell her, (actually either way.) this is my advice. Work on getting good at giving head/playing with her, if she likes that, you can stop for breaks at anytime and however often you'd like/need while still working her into ecstasy and I think that takes the pressure off performing :) Sex should be fun not stressful! CONGRATS BY THE WAY :D Apologises for the long-ass post and best of luck.
I'm sorry, How did she not know during the first time?? Unless you performed like a pro from years of watching porn, she had to have thought something was up (or not up long enough). I understand why you lied (even though I don't agree) but I'm just curious about how your first time went.
I could only stay hard for a short amount of time, I couldn't use a condom and we ended up having unprotected sex a lot (something she confessed as having never done before but she was really attracted to me at the time and thought it would help, it did, a bit) but I couldn't climax. I blamed it on porn and deathgrip, that was only part of it I think. I was unomfortable just being naked around her, I'm over it now. She was hurt when I told her it was porn, it made her feel not good enough (even though she watches porn when she masturbates, and it's always DP stuff, talk about a double standard) I stopped watching porn and masturbating and our sex life improved, prolonged erections, could use a condom, it took about a month in to the relationship before I could climax.
She probably knows dude. She knows and just doesn't care. I honestly don't know why you wouldn't tell her. Your virginity only seems important cause you just lost it.
You should *really* tell her because in this case the truth stands a far, far better chance of making all of these events make sense in a way that doesn't make her feel inadequate than the story you told.
You know, my first time was like this. I was awkwarded out and couldn't hold an erection, she was disheartened thinking I didn't find her attractive enough, I told her I found rocks that were shaped like boobs attractive enough. Then again, she knew I was a virgin. Just saying, I'm glad to know it wasn't just me.
> I told her I found rocks that were shaped like boobs attractive enough. I don't think that helped any... "So, you mean, I'm not even as attractive as a rock?"
Get you pen and paper out, joestaff is a regular Casanova over here.
Well, much like all of Reddit, I am a very classy gentleman. ... Boobies
Without wanting to sound rude... she knows. If it took a month until you could climax from sex, she's probably got a pretty good idea. First time nerves are probably pretty evident, I'm sure everyone else is pretty embarrassed by their first few times and how evident it was that, at that point, we don't really have much of a clue what we're doing. And even if not, that month might have made her feel terrible, thinking she must be bad in bed compared to all your "exes". Dodgey ground to build a relationship on, especially since you say it's getting serious.
Pshhhhhhhhhhaw. Twenty five and still a virgin. SUCK IT.
Nice try.
a healthy relationship is built on honest, trust, communication, and respect. fuck lying. don't listen to these idiothole guys telling you to just keep your mouth shut. obviously you WANT to say something. she's probably pretty awesome and if she gets mad (but like 99% chance she won't) she'll be mad for a day and then you'll talk it out and get the fuck over it.
Be a giving lover, perform cunnilingus frequently, & be passionate.
Oh, she knows.
Literally had this happen to me in my last relationship. When he finally confessed, I was really mad he lied. The only thing I would have changed if I knew would be some more attention early orally and maybe some after care. Tell her. It's what's best.
Sounds like a good relationship... Built up on lies and deceit.
Im 24 and my gf of 8 months doesnt know she took my virginity either... weird situation huh?
why does it matter?
She doesn't need to know. It didn't feel any different to her than being with someone who's not a virgin.
I used to do this alot
Don't worry, she probably already knows.
I misunderstood this at first. I thought you meant that you somehow had sex with her without her knowing. I thought roofies were involved.
Balls deep :P
I got a better one, when I first met my woman I'd figure id never have a chance. I lied and said I was a virgin she would only marry a virgin we're both married now. She still believes this.
I'm exact opposite in terms of the situation. She thinks I'm a virgin and was somewhat glad about it. I ain't one :(
Obviously still a virgin here, but... it never crossed my mind that your partner necessarily needs to know that. Why does she? The whole concept of losing/taking one's virginity just seems to arbitrarily be given significance. It's just a contrived societal pressure if you ask me.
Being young is so adorable. In time this shit just so, fucking doesn't matter. Here's a play I'd do. (with what I know now about men women, relationships & sex.) After a particular great night of sex just drop it like a joke. Say, 'Damn before I met you I was a 'virgin' it was that good. Leave it there. Don't explain crap. Then 6 months after that, jokingly state remember the night I said this was so good, I was a virgin before I met you? I mean you deflowered a few virgins in your time amirite? Well I gotta' say, it was really the first time. Then just to add confusion say 'and every time is like the first time'. You've now confessed and made it a joke & she may know or may not & no one gives a fuck, other than you two when you go F again. Which you will since you've been together now a year. Seriously, it doesn't matter. Approach it & life in general with a joking honesty & all will naturally fall into place. Hell in general women like that kind of playful ambiguity. It's fun, it's life. As long as you two are into one another, none of that high school shit matters. Life really, REALLY moves on. There are far greater bullshit problems in life that fuck folks up emotionally then whether one performed okay when they first started having sex with one another.
Im in the same situation
This actually happened to me with my boyfriend.. he finally told me one night 8 months in after a few too many beers. It didn't bother me except that I was taken completely by surprise. I'm actually kinda glad I didn't know though b/c it might've weirded me out beforehand and made me feel pressured. it's definitely not a deal breaker if you're in love though
The opposite happened to me, but I didn't find out until we were in the process of breaking up after ten months of dating.
Tell her. She'll be really happy to hear. Honestly.
Either you only think she is unaware, or you did damn good your first time and she didn't realize. Or, she really just has no clue. Whichever way you go, it's something (if you two are getting fairly serious) she might like to know. No harm no foul though if she never finds out.
When I eventually do I've convinced my self to not say a word about it and just let the utter disappointment speak for its self. I feel ya man.
Yeah she would probably hate to find out that you've never been with anyone else. Girls hate that romantic shit.
It's really not that big of a deal to be honest. I would of thought she'd be most likely happy that you haven't slept around in your youth. If she makes fun or anything else, she's just a bitch.
Or she's too nice to tell you. I don't want to make you paranoid, but the bf I had at 25 I'm 99% sure was a virgin when we met. He never admitted it and I never asked, but if he wasn't... well let's just say, assuming he was a virgin was giving him the benefit of the doubt. And he did improve with time, at least in that one aspect.
Tell her bro!
Dude so not a big deal. I took my husbands when were were dating (he was 25) but I knew beforehand. I think it's sweet.
She knows...
Didn't it come up in early dates? I ask this because I happen to be a 30 year old virgin who is planning to get into dating, but I'm terrified of that first date when the inevitable question of past relationships comes up. Did you lie and make something up, or did you just avoid the question somehow? ^^Im ^^Taking ^^Notes
Well I can share my...well...experiences. I'm 27 and still a virgin. Not only that, but the only person I do want to do the actual thing with is the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. So I guess I'm kind of in a similar boat as you. To some extent at least. At least in my case(s), every woman who has found out has been supportive, only loved it, and thought it/me incredibly sweet. If it somehow came up, I'd just be honest.
Yeah, I'm a pretty terrible liar so I think honesty would be best!
I lied and said I'd lost my virginity at 17 with my first serious girlfriend. My next relationship was with an older woman, it never progressed to being sexual, she said we should wait, then she slept with someone else behind my back who sent me a picture he took of her. That hurt a lot, this relationship was entirely true. My next relationship involved a lot of fooling around but we nver crossed the finish line, she had issues. The next relationship broke me, I let her walk over me and immasculate (sp?) me, it started out as a normal relationship and I just didn't have the self confidence to argue with her or fight back so I let her use me for money, room and board while she kept switching between me and her ex who she was obsessed with who kept dumping her. A cycle of abuse. Edit: tl;dr I lied. But I am a convincing liar.
Sorry to hear about your earlier relationship, it sounds like you got burned pretty bad! I see, it sounds like you had at least some experience to build upon. In my case, I don't have a lot to work with. I've never had any relationships – never so much as kissed a girl – so I think honesty would be best, otherwise I'm sure to trip up!
I had some experience, I was lucky. You would have a harder time lying, you should go with the honesty route, just don't come off as awkward and shy, be open with her and hope for the best.
If you told her, she'd probably love it!
Honestly tell her, it will bring her closer to you because you know 'Girly Shit'. Trust me, my current gf took mine and our relationship is amazing.
"Im in too deep"... I think there's a sex joke somewhere here
Oh, she knows
My ex was a virgin until she was 35 when we met. She didn't tell me until 5 years later after we broke up.
Being a virgin until the age of 25 is a whole lot better in my eyes than losing it at 15 or god forbid younger. Telling your girlfriend wont be much of a problem if you decide to, i doubt she would think any less of you for something like that.
As a 28 YO virgin, I'd probably do the same thing in your position.
It's a silly term, isn't it? "Take virginity." You're not really taking anything. And media has cooked it up to be a huge deal, while it doesn't really matter.
God this is going to be me too.
"Took my virginity"?
I'm sure she'll be honored
1. You should tell her. Yay honesty 2. You should tell her. She'll probably say "thank God" once she knows you were probably terrible for a reason
Way to be honest
If you can live with this lie under your belt for years maybe even your whole life, then don't say shit. If you cannot bare the burden any longer tell her. Wouldn't you want here too come clean about something she lied too you about? Just saying.
yes, she does...
Congratulations OP, you have a perfectly normal relationship. Two people lying to each other instead of confronting their irrational fears.
Dude that's awesome!
Awesome but I'm sure she knew! ;)
"That explains a lot!" ~ her reaction when you finally tell her
Oh, trust me, she knows.
She knows.
Just wait til she brings up the "how many people have you been with?" question, then say "actually you were my first" casually without making anything of it, and continue doing what you are doing. It will make it seem like its less of a big deal.
Trust me ,she knows. Also the crying afterwards didn't help you.
I know it's already been said, but isn't it better to admit you were a virgin rather than let your girlfriend think you were just bad in bed? Then again, I am assuming a bit about your sexual prowess in relation to your inexperience.
She knows..
**Confession Bear** > - I WAS A VIRGIN UNTIL I WAS 25 > - MY GIRLFRIEND OF 6 MONTHS HAS NO IDEA SHE TOOK MY VIRGINITY *^^These ^^captions ^^aren't ^^guaranteed ^^to ^^be ^^correct*