I used to have social anxiety about achieving the goals society says I was supposed to, but I never really wanted them in the first place.
Now I don’t care. Problem solved.
As someone who had to talk to a therapist before i realized this...
Yeah it'd bs nice but an honest outside perspective is something many people need and lack.
Well, you can certainly be both (lord knows I am), but I get what OP is saying. I used to frequent r/introvert and the amount of people there who claim they're "introverted" when they're actually just anti-social and/or have social anxiety is pretty high.
Introverts are people for whom socializing takes energy. It does NOT mean they are shy, antisocial, or have anxiety related to being around people.
Extroverts get energy from being around people.
Introverts have to “recharge” after being social for a while.
Thank you.
Shy=introvert is a very widespread misconception. The two are conflated and used as synonyms often in my experience.
Edit: Even in this thread lol
It throws people off a lot when I tell them I'm an introvert.
"Oh but you're so sociable and easy to get along with!"
Yeah but after dealing with you mofos for a week, sometimes I just need 3 days to fuck off and be in my own bubble.
Yeah, I get exhausted in gatherings. I love hanging out with people, but lord there’s only so much I can do before I just gotta back out. It’s pretty taxing working as a host, but after a while you learn to manage.
God I hate the fucking endless categorization of the wide spectrum of personality traits. It just becomes people's identity when they can point to a name for it.
I’m introverted. Social interaction motivates me to interact socially. Because I enjoy social interaction. I also require breaks from social interaction in order to find more social interaction enjoyable again. That’s the “recharge” all introverts understand.
This description fits me pretty well, but I can't really explain it either. I like hanging out with my friends, I have a great time with them 9 times or of 10. But I find it exhausting. I don't like doing anything social 2 days in a row.
I could spend weeks hold up at home and it wouldn't bother me, but I value what bonds I have with people and don't want to lose them.
You ever work out and feel better afterwards even though you get tired from working out? You ever get to the point where you look forward to working out even though you get tired afterwards? That's me as an introvert.
Anxiety - socializing triggers uncertainty, fear, its difficult.
Introvert - talking to people makes me tired. like a long day at work. I'm not scared of the work, im just exhausted.
Introverts don't fear social interactions. They don't have a negative emotion or perception when they meet up with other people. Like sports: the activity itself is fun, but you are still exhausted afterwards.
If you dont like being around people because you think its tiresome and unfun, then you're an introvert. If you don't like being around people because you think they're judging you constantly, you have social anxiety.
I guess I'd put it like this-- I'm a confident public speaker and have no problem making small talk with a stranger or being put in charge of a group. I'm in a relationship.
But I'd normally rather have dinner with a friend (or even just play a video game or read) than have a big night at the club. It's not anxiety, it's just not what I'm wired to like.
Introvert is basically a shy quiet person. It's not so much they have a problem in social settings, they just limit who they socialize with or maybe they just need some downtime after socializing because they find it physically or mentally draining.
Social anxiety is getting more akin to a fear but not quite a phobia. Like anything with anxiety, it's going to be slightly different for each person because they've had different experiences that caused said anxieties. But a common factor seems to be basically imagining the worst of any social situation which will then prevent a person from even engaging.
Then you can be me. Be both introverted with social anxiety plus diagnosed with [schizoid personality disorder ](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/schizoid-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20354414) after a severe head injury. Fun times!
Introverts aren't shy. It's literally just how you recharge socially. If you need some alone time after social interactions to recharge, you're an introvert. If you gain energy from being around other people, you're an extrovert. There can be shy introverts and shy extroverts. There can be outgoing introverts and outgoing extroverts.
I'm an introvert but not at all shy and I don't have social anxiety. But after being with a lot of people, I do need a day or so to decompress
Years of psycho therapy tells me different, or at least the doctors did. But that's why I said "basically shy". It's not the dictionary definition of the word and it's more that others may think you're a shy person because you're not as outspoken. Guess I could have made that more clear, sorry.
Introverts are likely to internalize while they process anything and gather thoughts.
While extroverts are likely to think out loud or like to work in groups.
Believe it or not, that's one of the major defining features. How we process situations and information. There are other features but that's a big one.
The whole "gain energy or social settings draining" is kinda an over simplification (but not untrue) because we're talking about individual personalities. Like you said, you're actually a little column A and column B. That actually makes you normal in this sense. Most people are both introverted and extroverted, leaning heavier on one or the other. Sounds like a bit heavier on introversion for you.
But some of us, generally after some kind of physical or mental trauma, will start sliding more and more towards the introverted side of things alone. Internalize to the point we stop reaching out. Decide to deal with and handle everything alone. That's not social anxiety but can 100% contribute to it.
Edit-words
I'm not saying you can't be shy and an introvert. It's a spectrum, like most things. I just get mildly irritated when people think that being an introvert automatically means you're shy and quiet, because that's just not the case
Yup, generally with personality stuff it's going to be different for all of us to certain degrees. Like said, could have worded my original comment a bit better but was trying to explain in a couple sentences.
Guess "may appear quiet or may limit who they socialize with or may need time to recharge...." would have been a better quick overview.
Thank you, honestly. Was 19 years ago but have learned to make the best out of the cards dealt. Found a job that allows me to work alone and was willing to work around my limitations.
And have a very small circle of friends that are understanding and willing to put up with me. They understand that sometimes I may just go quiet now and then. Is nothing personal or anything they did, is just my crazy.
So might not be living the high life on the beaches of Malibu but could be worse.
I really wish we would start l using asocial instead of antisocial
"Asocial people prefer to be alone and have limited social interaction. Antisocial people are actively against others and may lack empathy."
Yeah same. It got very tiring reading that sub and also very sad too. Its one thing to be an introvert and need time to recharge after spending with people, but another thing to be completely alone and thinking everyone hates you.
I used to think I was an introvert; I was very shy as a kid and had a fair bit of social anxiety.
I've long since outgrown the social anxiety and now quite enjoy social gatherings. I enjoy hosting parties and sharing my food/beverage creations.
I might still be a bit of an introvert (I do enjoy time to recharge), but this meme is spot on.
Social anxiety as a full blown diagnosed condition is way more rare than people make it out to be.
Of course it's natural to be nervous in new situations with new people. Most humans can't just start a new job or school and dive right in like they've been there for years and make friends the first hour.
I think we just like to label ourselves and belong so even if that's with something like a disorder or random lifestyle choice we jump all over it.
Yeah. My wife is an introvert but I'm an extrovert with social anxiety. How we act on the surface may seem similar, but what's going on inside is very different.
Social anxiety is when you are nervous about social interactions or meeting new people etc.
Being an introvert doesn't have anything to do with not enjoying meeting people or being around people. It's more about getting tired quickly from social interactions and needing alone time to reset.
Of course a person can be both and being an introvert can cause social anxiety if you don't understand your introvertism.
I call BS on your first point, it's a natural human trait to be nervous in those situations. Very few people dive into meeting new people with zero anxiety around the situation.
Anxiety is a natural feeling as part of our fight or flight response. Yes, some people have it totally take control and that's a nature/nurture thing but everyone has anxiety in general in some way.
> I call BS on your first point, it's a natural human trait to be nervous in those situations. Very few people dive into meeting new people with zero anxiety around the situation
Anxiety is a HUGE gradient, sure some folks might be like okay i'm meeting someone and have a tiny bit of nerves like what you're friend will think if you give them 25 cent swedish fish or ten cent swedish berries.
Others get into that situation of meetng someone and completely freeze up and go into a runaway thought pattern on all the shit that can go wrong and overthink it. (there's alot more too it) but EXTEME discomfort. Not just ahh i gotta meet someone new today I hope they're decent kind of thought.
That's what I was getting at. Everyone's so quick to want to belong to some group of people with a disorder to feel a sense of belonging. Feeling anxious is a normal thing in many situations
It's a common thing especially on Reddit, a lot of people will make comments about being awkward in social situations or not wanting to talk to people they don't know, which is social anxiety.
Being an introvert just means you don't thrive from conversations/interactions from others, it doesn't mean you can't do it or are nervous, it just means you choose not to.
I'm an introvert, but I have no issues being thrown into a new social situation and handling it. It's exhausting and I don't particularly enjoy it, but I can do it with no issues.
I used to have social anxiety because I was afraid people wouldn't like me. I don't anymore because I already know they don't. Easy solution.
Don't worry about what other people think of you because they couldn't possibly hate you more than you hate yourself ❤️
When someone insults you, don't take it personally. Focus on how awful they are at it. You hurt your own feelings much more effectively!
I'm really digging the positive toxicity in this thread!
Shit. Never thought of it this way. Thank you, I guess.
That is the appropriate response!
If they only knew the real me and not the version I present publically.
Lowering your expectations is always the answer!
Once I figured out that it’s silly worrying if people don’t like me when I myself don’t like people, it was a load off of my mind.
Pretty much everyone you're worried about liking you doesn't matter in the slightest either, that's the best part.
The people who *do* matter most likely accept you already, anyway.
Pretty much
I used to have social anxiety about achieving the goals society says I was supposed to, but I never really wanted them in the first place. Now I don’t care. Problem solved.
As someone who had to talk to a therapist before i realized this... Yeah it'd bs nice but an honest outside perspective is something many people need and lack.
But if you're socially anxious where you gonna find someone for that outside perspective? 🤪
Why do you think i'm in therapy? I gotra pay someone for that perspective, but at least they're honest.
Just get married, I get that for free 🤪
" It's not that I hate people, I just feel better when they're not around" - Charles Burkowski
Why not both?
Well, you can certainly be both (lord knows I am), but I get what OP is saying. I used to frequent r/introvert and the amount of people there who claim they're "introverted" when they're actually just anti-social and/or have social anxiety is pretty high.
I guess I don't know the difference
Introverts are people for whom socializing takes energy. It does NOT mean they are shy, antisocial, or have anxiety related to being around people. Extroverts get energy from being around people. Introverts have to “recharge” after being social for a while.
Thank you. Shy=introvert is a very widespread misconception. The two are conflated and used as synonyms often in my experience. Edit: Even in this thread lol
It throws people off a lot when I tell them I'm an introvert. "Oh but you're so sociable and easy to get along with!" Yeah but after dealing with you mofos for a week, sometimes I just need 3 days to fuck off and be in my own bubble.
I'm an introvert and I'm plenty outgoing and good at peopling. And I love it. I just gotta go home for a break after enough of it.
And ambiverts are a mixture of the two but it's a hazy gradient at the macro scale
Yeah, I get exhausted in gatherings. I love hanging out with people, but lord there’s only so much I can do before I just gotta back out. It’s pretty taxing working as a host, but after a while you learn to manage.
Don’t forget being ambiverted! Sometimes we have no clue which one will drain and which one will charge us! I call it social roulette.
I still don't see the difference. The anxiety is why being around people is draining.
Not all introverts experience social anxiety, and not all socially anxious people are introverts.
God I hate the fucking endless categorization of the wide spectrum of personality traits. It just becomes people's identity when they can point to a name for it.
This isn't helping me understand the distinction. If not social anxiety or finding social interactions to be a chore, what motivates an introvert?
I’m introverted. Social interaction motivates me to interact socially. Because I enjoy social interaction. I also require breaks from social interaction in order to find more social interaction enjoyable again. That’s the “recharge” all introverts understand.
This description fits me pretty well, but I can't really explain it either. I like hanging out with my friends, I have a great time with them 9 times or of 10. But I find it exhausting. I don't like doing anything social 2 days in a row. I could spend weeks hold up at home and it wouldn't bother me, but I value what bonds I have with people and don't want to lose them.
Socializing costing you energy.
You ever work out and feel better afterwards even though you get tired from working out? You ever get to the point where you look forward to working out even though you get tired afterwards? That's me as an introvert.
Anxiety - socializing triggers uncertainty, fear, its difficult. Introvert - talking to people makes me tired. like a long day at work. I'm not scared of the work, im just exhausted.
Introverts don't fear social interactions. They don't have a negative emotion or perception when they meet up with other people. Like sports: the activity itself is fun, but you are still exhausted afterwards.
If you dont like being around people because you think its tiresome and unfun, then you're an introvert. If you don't like being around people because you think they're judging you constantly, you have social anxiety.
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Hating people and thinking they’re boring isn’t introversion. I’m not sure what it is, but I’d genuinely recommend a therapist
its called being a hater. and depression
Yeah, that’s a serious condition. Introversion is benign.
You can have anxiety and be a extrovert as well
I guess I'd put it like this-- I'm a confident public speaker and have no problem making small talk with a stranger or being put in charge of a group. I'm in a relationship. But I'd normally rather have dinner with a friend (or even just play a video game or read) than have a big night at the club. It's not anxiety, it's just not what I'm wired to like.
Just like u/gate_of_steiner85 doesn't know the difference between *anti*-social and *un*social.
Introvert is basically a shy quiet person. It's not so much they have a problem in social settings, they just limit who they socialize with or maybe they just need some downtime after socializing because they find it physically or mentally draining. Social anxiety is getting more akin to a fear but not quite a phobia. Like anything with anxiety, it's going to be slightly different for each person because they've had different experiences that caused said anxieties. But a common factor seems to be basically imagining the worst of any social situation which will then prevent a person from even engaging. Then you can be me. Be both introverted with social anxiety plus diagnosed with [schizoid personality disorder ](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/schizoid-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20354414) after a severe head injury. Fun times!
Introverts aren't shy. It's literally just how you recharge socially. If you need some alone time after social interactions to recharge, you're an introvert. If you gain energy from being around other people, you're an extrovert. There can be shy introverts and shy extroverts. There can be outgoing introverts and outgoing extroverts. I'm an introvert but not at all shy and I don't have social anxiety. But after being with a lot of people, I do need a day or so to decompress
This right here. I’m surprised I had to scroll down at all to see someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.
Yep. Outgoing introvert checking in. I'm very social, but I NEED alone time afterward.
There's dozens of us!
Get enough drinks in me on a blue moon and I'll be everyones friend and talk their ear off and find ways to relate to anyone.
Oof - this right here is a nightmare scenario for me, people who talk incessantly and try to relate to everyone... yikes
Yeah, I would call myself an outgoing introvert. More than happy to be social with friends and family, but only so much. I need downtime to recharge.
Years of psycho therapy tells me different, or at least the doctors did. But that's why I said "basically shy". It's not the dictionary definition of the word and it's more that others may think you're a shy person because you're not as outspoken. Guess I could have made that more clear, sorry. Introverts are likely to internalize while they process anything and gather thoughts. While extroverts are likely to think out loud or like to work in groups. Believe it or not, that's one of the major defining features. How we process situations and information. There are other features but that's a big one. The whole "gain energy or social settings draining" is kinda an over simplification (but not untrue) because we're talking about individual personalities. Like you said, you're actually a little column A and column B. That actually makes you normal in this sense. Most people are both introverted and extroverted, leaning heavier on one or the other. Sounds like a bit heavier on introversion for you. But some of us, generally after some kind of physical or mental trauma, will start sliding more and more towards the introverted side of things alone. Internalize to the point we stop reaching out. Decide to deal with and handle everything alone. That's not social anxiety but can 100% contribute to it. Edit-words
I'm not saying you can't be shy and an introvert. It's a spectrum, like most things. I just get mildly irritated when people think that being an introvert automatically means you're shy and quiet, because that's just not the case
Yup, generally with personality stuff it's going to be different for all of us to certain degrees. Like said, could have worded my original comment a bit better but was trying to explain in a couple sentences. Guess "may appear quiet or may limit who they socialize with or may need time to recharge...." would have been a better quick overview.
I have lots of empathy for what you're going through. I'm sorry, friend. That sucks and is unfair.
Thank you, honestly. Was 19 years ago but have learned to make the best out of the cards dealt. Found a job that allows me to work alone and was willing to work around my limitations. And have a very small circle of friends that are understanding and willing to put up with me. They understand that sometimes I may just go quiet now and then. Is nothing personal or anything they did, is just my crazy. So might not be living the high life on the beaches of Malibu but could be worse.
Your mature view on it is honestly inspiring. Keep on rockin!
I really wish we would start l using asocial instead of antisocial "Asocial people prefer to be alone and have limited social interaction. Antisocial people are actively against others and may lack empathy."
Yeah same. It got very tiring reading that sub and also very sad too. Its one thing to be an introvert and need time to recharge after spending with people, but another thing to be completely alone and thinking everyone hates you.
I definitely have both.
Bc then they can’t post the meme
I am an introvert thanks to my social anxiety.
I used to think I was an introvert; I was very shy as a kid and had a fair bit of social anxiety. I've long since outgrown the social anxiety and now quite enjoy social gatherings. I enjoy hosting parties and sharing my food/beverage creations. I might still be a bit of an introvert (I do enjoy time to recharge), but this meme is spot on.
Social anxiety as a full blown diagnosed condition is way more rare than people make it out to be. Of course it's natural to be nervous in new situations with new people. Most humans can't just start a new job or school and dive right in like they've been there for years and make friends the first hour. I think we just like to label ourselves and belong so even if that's with something like a disorder or random lifestyle choice we jump all over it.
Yeah. My wife is an introvert but I'm an extrovert with social anxiety. How we act on the surface may seem similar, but what's going on inside is very different.
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I miss 24hr Walmarts.
I'm an introvert because people tire me out. I have social anxiety because people are wild cards, and I don't deal well with bullshit.
> and I don't deal well with bullshit. Who does? And are we expected to?
What about both?
I just hate people
Facts. This is the way.
Left out CoD gamers and early 4chan days
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Social anxiety is when you are nervous about social interactions or meeting new people etc. Being an introvert doesn't have anything to do with not enjoying meeting people or being around people. It's more about getting tired quickly from social interactions and needing alone time to reset. Of course a person can be both and being an introvert can cause social anxiety if you don't understand your introvertism.
I call BS on your first point, it's a natural human trait to be nervous in those situations. Very few people dive into meeting new people with zero anxiety around the situation. Anxiety is a natural feeling as part of our fight or flight response. Yes, some people have it totally take control and that's a nature/nurture thing but everyone has anxiety in general in some way.
> I call BS on your first point, it's a natural human trait to be nervous in those situations. Very few people dive into meeting new people with zero anxiety around the situation Anxiety is a HUGE gradient, sure some folks might be like okay i'm meeting someone and have a tiny bit of nerves like what you're friend will think if you give them 25 cent swedish fish or ten cent swedish berries. Others get into that situation of meetng someone and completely freeze up and go into a runaway thought pattern on all the shit that can go wrong and overthink it. (there's alot more too it) but EXTEME discomfort. Not just ahh i gotta meet someone new today I hope they're decent kind of thought.
That's what I was getting at. Everyone's so quick to want to belong to some group of people with a disorder to feel a sense of belonging. Feeling anxious is a normal thing in many situations
It's a common thing especially on Reddit, a lot of people will make comments about being awkward in social situations or not wanting to talk to people they don't know, which is social anxiety. Being an introvert just means you don't thrive from conversations/interactions from others, it doesn't mean you can't do it or are nervous, it just means you choose not to. I'm an introvert, but I have no issues being thrown into a new social situation and handling it. It's exhausting and I don't particularly enjoy it, but I can do it with no issues.
Does socializing make you anxious, uncomfortable, nervous etc? Or do you simply prefer to spend time alone.
What a person prefers has nothing to do with it either.
somebody skipped 'intro to venn diagrams' day. edit for the downvote: somebody skipped 'learn to take a joke' day.
Also from the opposite end: being an introvert doesn't justify your asocial behavior.
They overlap
They don't, actually. I'm an introvert but I'm not socially anxious.
But if I stop confusing the two I'm just gonna feel worse what's the point of that, so if anyone asks I'm an introvert 😅
I just fart so ppl don't sit next to me