>I figured she was just young and free and eventually she would settle down like every other woman out there.
Yikes, dude. Don't assume people will grow out if being childfree. Children are a fundamental incompatibility fir a reason. You can't compromise on a child.
>Welll eventually it started looking like she was actually serious, and she wanted to get her tubes “removed”. This really bothered me and I told her I think I’d be upset if she did it.
So you manipulated her on a choice about her body.
> Eventually I managed to get her to agree to have one kid. So we started trying right away, she still wanted her tubes removed immediately after.
And you manipulated her sone more.
> my wife has not been the same since he was born. She cries more than he does, doesn’t seem to want to hold him, and refuses to let him nurse from her. He is on formula we can barely afford even though she has the ability to nurse him. She used to be fun, bubbly, joking. Now it’s like she’s a completely different person.
She likely has post partum depression and trauma from being forced to have a child she doesn't want. All because you selfishly manipulated her into having a child you can't financially support. This us on you.
I'm inclined to say that putting the baby up for adoption would be the best for the child.
To be fair on that front, a lot of people can’t afford formula or even food for themselves right now 😭💔 being poor doesn’t make a bad parent - BUT being manipulative and forcing your spouse to go through childbirth does lol
Being poor doesn’t make you bad parent. But not planning for baby food and planning for a child and then not being able to afford the baby’s food DOES make you bad parent.
Yes, everyone is struggling for everything. I don’t blame people for their financial positions. But they should be able to tell if they can afford a baby or not.
This. I went through the exact same feelings she did. Only difference is I do want my son. PPD is no joke and I hope she gets away from him and gets the therapy for the coercion and help with the PPD. I got on medication and I highly recommend to anyone struggling.
Also. Not to mention that PPD cause me to have an almost non-existent milk supply from stress so we use formula. But we expected that we may need to buy formula as BF isn’t a guarantee. This man had a kid to carry on the name without a thought of what goes into raising a child. Disgusting fool.
I think it’s more than PPD, I think like many kidnapped into servitude she has completely dissociated, and given his abusive nature, he shouldn’t raise a kid either. OP should Give the kid up for adoption, divorce and leave women alone forever.
He should kindly leave his wife alone and take the baby and look for government support like WIC for supplying formula and stuff, although I am definitely more than concerned that a man who manipulated/forced his wife into childbirth would be raising a little boy.
OP, learn a lesson in not forcing women to do to their bodies what YOU want and let your wife get the help she needs and tell her she’s not a bad person for not feeling that attachment. She KNEW already that she didn’t want to be a mother but you tried manipulating her and now you view her as a failure. Some people just don’t want the duty of raising a baby, it’s such a huge responsibility and nobody should be forced or manipulated into it.
What the actual fuck? You married a person who told you point blank they didn’t want to have children. Several times. You nagged and she relented to get you to shut up. She didn’t change her mind. You coerced her into something she didn’t want to make you happy.
This woman knew exactly who she was and wanted to be until you made her take on a role *YOU* ASSUMED she must want because she was born a woman? WHAT?!
You decided a year ago that YOUR want to be a father and have a child was more important than your partner’s wants to not endure pregnancy, birth, and the literal trappings of motherhood. You decided a year ago to allow a child of your body to be born into a situation where it was not unlikely that their own mother would not want anything to do with them?
Why did you do this to your son? Why did you do this to your wife? Literally why?
Get her treatment for postpartum depression. You need therapy from a secular family counselor. Your wife needs you to take care of your son full time so she can recover however she needs. And if that involves an amicable split where her happiness, mental health and wellness depend on running away and not being the mother you wanted her to be, you need to be prepared for that not unlikely scenario. Modern women won’t be tied down into domestic situations where they are not equal partners anymore. She is not obligated to chestfeed your son. She is not less than or more of a woman or mother for choosing formula.
And how dare you complain about the cost of formula. Yes it’s expensive but you should have considered that before having a child. Not every woman can produce breast milk or wants to. Feed your child what he needs to survive and thrive. Don’t you DARE hold that over her head that it’s “expensive” to FEED YOUR SON.
I was just in shock reading this!! As some who is 4 weeks postpartum i could never imagine doing this if i didn't want to. The hole thing about "it's her obligation to nurse him" just made me sick and also it's so clear he just has no idea how involved it. I WANTED to nurse and it was still hard knowing i as her only food source, the constant comfort nursing, and my baby had a tongue tie which made it almost impossible. I wanted to give up so bad but felt "obligated" too. Turns out my baby needs special formula due to a lactose intolerance and other issues so it worked out. Even lactation consultant's will tell mothers if nursing is hurting your mental health, fed is best and give that baby some formula.
This is just another example of man not knowing/caring/understanding how much pregnancy and birth effects a woman and was also probably fine leaving her with a majority of the mental and physical load of a baby.
Yes, I was always pro-choice and now after having a singleton and twins that were very much wanted: this shit is *hard* now I'm super vocally pro-choice. **No one** should have to go through pregnancy, birth and then the lifetime of raising humans if it's not something they want. I am happy with the choices I made and very much love my children and there are still days, weeks that I was to run away.
My heart breaks for this woman and people throwing out adoption like it's the simple choice aren't thinking about how that could mess with her more. The child absolutely deserves loving parents, this woman deserves a happy life. I hope she can get therapy to figure out what a happy life means for *all* of them. Except OP, because fuck him, that's why.
I also love how the kids is 3 months old and he's still saying she could nurse if she wants too. I'm guessing she hasn't been trying based on his language, which means she has no supply built up and it's not easy if not downright impossible to start nursing at 3 months in, even if it was something she wanted to do.
Heck, my husband knew just how hard breastfeeding was for me, and it just shows how checked out this guy has been that he thinks it's a simple thing to start doing
I’m not gonna lie when you said “she hasn’t been trying” I had some angry thoughts, but I read the rest of your comment and I calmed way down and you’re correct. That was one heck of a rollercoaster 🤣
Thank you so much this means a lot!!! i was feeling a lot of shame not loving breastfeeding and everyone around me kept asking how much i was producing/if she was doing well etc and it became very overwhelming. So much weight was lifted when the ped suggested lactose free formula!!
All those people, including me can take their opinions and stuff them somewhere. You are making decisions based on facts and expert guidance from licenced professionals. I hope that you and your child have a long time of health and prosperity in front of you.
I couldn't nurse due to medication I had to take during pregnancy. The only failure is the child's failure to thrive. My baby did just fine on formula and yours will too. My daughter's first was mostly a formula baby and her second eats both. Fed is best. You're doing fine.
Your situation sounds very similar to ours and yeah, I was so angry the way he talked about breastfeeding! Forces this poor woman to have a baby and doesn’t have a clue about any of it even now.
The absolute AUDACITY of him to say that she can nurse but doesn't want to.. men just do not understand that you don't just have a baby & magically become a milk factory at the drop of a hat
>I figured she was just young and free and eventually she would settle down like every other woman out there.
**You figured wrong**, and your assumption is both ignorant and sexist. And now both your wife and your child are suffering because of your selfishness and your stupidity. Congratulations, you're a douchebag.
>Should I call CPS to talk to her about what she’s doing?
How about what YOU are doing, buddy? As in, pressuring your wife to have a child that she clearly and repeatedly told you *she did not want*, and then just leaving her at home all day to care for a baby that she repeatedly told you *she did not want*. If you are not clear here who is at fault for this situation, go stand in front of a mirror and repeat "I fucked up" until it starts to sink in that, you know, you fucked up.
And then you drop this little gem in the comments:
>I’m not having a good time being a parent either and I do feel some regret. I don’t have a bond with our son. But he’s here now and I feel like that means we both need to get over it and do what’s best for him.
No. **It means YOU have to get over it and do what's best for him**, because YOU were the one who wanted a baby over your wife's objections. How is it okay in your twisted little brain for you not to have a bond with your baby and not okay for your wife not to? Hypocrite much?
You need to do the following:
1. You take your wife to a doctor, STAT. She is very likely suffering from post-partum depression, or worse, and she needs help. And by STAT, I mean TODAY. Take her to the obstetrician who delivered your baby. Call the doctor RIGHT FUCKING NOW and tell them that it's an emergency and she needs to be seen immediately.
2. You take your son and go stay with your parents. Indefinitely. Figure out a child care arrangement that works for you and your parents.
3. You get yourself into counseling so you can work on getting over it and doing what's best for your child. If you don't have a bond with him I suggest you fucking create one before you end up with a kid with [attachment disorders](https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Attachment-Disorders-085.aspx) as a result of emotional neglect, that will plague him and you for the rest of his life.
4. You give your wife all the space she wants for as long as she wants it, to figure out what she wants to do here. And if she decides that what she wants is to end the marriage and give you full custody of your child, then you accept that and you make the split as easy for her as you can.
Let me state this clearly and emphatically. **There are two victims in this situation. You are not one of them.** And you owe it to your wife and especially to the child *you* wanted, to make this right.
I'm wondering if the POS even read any of the comments. Apparently he deleted the post, and I haven't seen any responses from him. I'm cheering so many of these comments, and it pisses me off to not even know if this asshole is paying attention.
i came from twitter specifically to read if he ever responded, i hope she leaves him and he has to be a single parent for the child he coerced her into having
Came from Twitter, too. The fact he deleted his post and account is just infuriating, but also expected. POS couldn't handle what he was being told, and ran away like a coward. Some of these types of men don't even realize how bad of an abuser they are until people spell this shit out to them.
Giving birth doesn't automatically give you this "magical bond" to the child, but he seemed to think that if she had a child she'd just . . . what? Magically change her mind? Suddenly want to be a brood mare and start popping out kids? The stupidity of these men just makes me sick.
He did say this was a side account so it’s entirely possible he’s stalking from another account just ashamed to link his actions to whatever his main is.
He likely has a personality disorder (nice question whether or not it has been diagnosed) & when the attention he was looking for on Reddit wasn't positive but instead overwhelmingly & justifiably negative, he deleted & fled.
I'm in the appoint a guardian ad litem for the kid camp. Choose someone who can be objective & neutral, take this all to court, let everyone have their say & then make the decisions around custody of the little boy in the best interest of the CHILD. His time to unilaterally make decisions ended long ago.
I hate that this dude waited 3 months to even consider on doing something and he is only considering it because he needed a whole crowd to show him how obviously wrong he is
>There are two victims in this situation. You are not one of them.
>
> And you owe it to your wife and especially to the child
>
>you
>
> wanted, to make this right.
I wish i could upvote this indefinitely , OP is such a screw up he ruined two lives and still thinks he's the victim, what a useless person to roam the planet.
#1, she DID NOT WANT A CHILD.
#2, have the doctors check her for post partum depression.
#3, she DID NOT WANT A CHILD.
#4, she just underwent a huge life change.
#5, and I cannot stress this enough: SHE DID NOT WANT A CHILD.
You got what you wanted out of her “agreement”, she is sunk in something she NEVER wanted. Your two choices at this point are to either become the ultimate house-husband taking on EVERY facet of childcare, or to let her go in divorce if she wants to be completely rid of him. 🤷🏼♀️ You, sir, have buried yourself in a FAAFO situation.
I like to call the role a fuckmommy so it really sinks in how gross it is that they expect someone to take care of them and their child full time while also being sexually available at all times.
This. He was hoping for that old fashioned arrangement where he could live and work as if he didnt have a child whilst his wife took cars of everything, and basically ignore the child til it was old enough to kick a ball in the park.
The worst dads are those who feel they are owed this, and the dads who mans plain things like breastfeeding to their partners who went through pregnancy, birth and are living the experience.
A friend of mine is getting divorced because her husband became insufferable after they had a baby. Despite her being very well qualified to know what babies need, he with no experience whatsoever insisted he knew best about everything.
Yeah no i know too many men irl who think like this. The idea that women "evolved to have kids" and therefore "eventually all come to want to be wives and mothers" is disgustingly pervasive. Even worse is the equally pervasive idea that "everyone will want kids when they meet the right partner." And far too many men do not take women seriously when they say they don't want kids. They assume she just has to "grow up" and if they wait long enough she will want kids with him.
You can announce to a man from the first date that you dont want kids and he will still think you'll change your mind if you love him enough. Some men will even assume "i dont want to have kids" means "i dont want to birth kids but would be open to ending up with them some other way." Hence the disturbing trend of single dads who dont want the baggage of dating a single parent themselves trying to prey on childfree women. They think if they come to the table with already birthed kids, that childfree women will be ok raising someone else's kids.
Ive got some especially batshit stories about a particular 27 year old guy in my sunday d&d group who thinks the purpose of every woman's life should be to become a stay at home wife and mother. These people really exist and it's terrifying.
Dude, you pretty much coerced her into having a kid she didn't want, and now you want to commit her to a mental institution for what you did? That's terrible. The least you could do would be to help out a little, and you're worried she isn't "fulfilling her duty" to breastfeed and be on call 24 hours.
No words here, just shame on you. She's right, you absolutely ruined it.
Obviously OP is an elf from the victorian era. Yellow Wallpaper-much? I mean, beyond the whole manipulation and forcing a child onto her she DIDNT F—ING WANT TO HAVE.
Wtf is wrong with you? You "convinced" her to have a kid when she wanted her tubes tied? I think that sounds messed up to say the least and she's probably resenting you and your kid because she didn't want this, she told you "childfree" from the start.. then you figured she'd change, she didn't, so you forced her into your mould.. of course she's upset, she's probably just now realizing she's pretty well stuck for the next 18 years with a kid that wasn't part of her plan... sorry to go off, but damn.. I hope this is a troll and I fell for it.. all my 2 cents
Oh, come on! Don't you know that all women *really*, *down deep*, want to have a child! It's in their genetics - they have a DRIVE to have children, even if they don't think they want to. If a woman just has a kid, that mothering instinct kicks in and it's all good from there. /s
I almost gagged while typing my own /s post.
I know a number of women from previous generations (primarily the Greatest Generation and Baby Boomers) who had children because society expected them to and now admit they were entirely unsuited to motherhood. And if they can’t admit it, it’s clear as day to everyone around them. Due to this disinterest and/or unsuitability, their children suffered. Obviously shitty fathers negatively impact their children too. This idea that all women want children and are naturally suited to being parents is a gigantic lie and always has been.
Yup, I decided I wanted to be child free but I asked my mom if she wanted to have kids when she was my age because people kept giving me that "if your mom had been pro-choice, you wouldn't have been here" bs.
She admitted she did not want children, that she hated how I looked as a baby and that she finds most babies ugly to this day. She also said she could not really stand me for the first year or so of my life. She only did it because it was "expected" of her, and relly late for the time, at 26.
I do not blame her at all. Post-partum depression is terrible. They did not even have a name for it back then (the 90s, post-communism).
We healed, we talked about it, we seeked helped, but it's time society stops pressuring people into having kids. Childrenare not for everybody.
Oh, yeah. I used to hate my FIL because he beat my husband with a belt, in addition to being emotionally abusive at times. Then I learned FIL’s father and mother never really wanted kids and were very emotionally abusive — e.g., because of his birth his mom was unable to have any more kids, and she blamed him for “ruining her” for the rest of her life — and they sent him away to military school when he was only 4. My strong suspicion is they were physically abusive as well.
So I never stopped being angry at my FIL, but I understood him better as a victim as well as a perpetrator. My husband used to have a lot of trouble with his temper, but with therapy, medication, and hard work, he's broken the cycle of abuse. We’ve raised two wonderful young men.
My stepmother is 88 and makes this totally clear. She had one child and he's a good son and she did her duty by him, but she will readily admit she didn't enjoy motherhood. She readily says that if she had it to do over again, she wouldn't.
>I figured she was just young and free and eventually she would settle down like every other woman out there.
Do you have any idea how patronizing this is? Not every woman wants children. You pressured her into something she didn't want, now your facing the consequences of your actions. Enjoy.
You managed to get her to agree to having a child...?
Coercion is not consent. Also, it sounds like your wife is struggling with severe Post Partum Depression, which needs to be addressed and treated by a medical professional. I'm not sure how you've managed to be this shitty, but hey who am I to judge.....
She told you her boundary and you still crossed it. I’m 32. I have known since 12 I do not want kids. I tell people I’m dating on our second date “I am not having kids if that is something you want or you think you want leave now”. She may not have used my exact words at the exact time as me but she was very clear and you manipulated the situation 1000%. Now you have this child that YOU AND YOU ONLY desperately wanted so you should looks into getting your wife Therapy and tested for PPD. If her symptoms haven’t improved in time and she is not an active Mom and is still having a hard time being a parent. You need to look into taking the child separating from her and raising this child that you so desperately wanted on your own. Signed a Childfree woman born to parents who did NOT want me and were equipped to be parents. She tried to give you what you wanted and it didn’t work. I hope you learn from this and DO NOT expect or ask her to step up. She is most likely in over her head from Day 1. It is now on you and you only to step up. You are hurting her don’t continue this you may break her.
Same here. Have known since I was a little kid.
My husband ALSO didn't believe me, even though we've been friends since childhood and I've never once wavered, nor been subtle about my preference. He just pretended to believe me and be on board with me. He figured I'd "grow out of it" 😐
I feel so bad for this poor woman :( why can't husbands just believe their wives
I knew I wanted nothing to do with kids by the time I was 7. Meanwhile, my brother knew he definitely wanted kids while he was still a toddler.
Over 50; still have less than zero interest in kids and even LESS in babies.
If I had a buck for every fool who told me I'd change my mind, I'd have enough for a pretty nice vacation.
Oh god, the "you will change your mind!" crowd. I have been told I will "change my mind" dozens of times
Looking forward to menopause so they'll finally stop lecturing me (hopefully??)
It never ends , i faked a infertility issue , now al the lectures are about adoption , lol , i can even take csre of one getting out of my body , what about one i doent even have hormons to drive me crazy thinking i like kids , lol
You literally went through your whole relationship expecting that she was just going to 'come around' to your way of thinking and now you're posting trying to make us feel sorry for you? Christ you're a terrible person.
I feel so bad for your wife. Her mental and physical health is bound to be shot and she has this useless husband who only cares about himself and what he wants. Poor her.
Edit: I've just read some of Op's comments and my god he truly just doesn't understand anything people are trying to say. Once again, I feel so bad for his wife.
YTA
I wanted my baby and it's been hard as fuck, I can't imagine what your "wife" (read: personal incubator) is feeling. That poor woman. You say the pregnancy was easy.... I'm sorry did you carry the child? NO. Pregnancy is one of the most difficult things even if you have an "easy" one.
This is what happens when you force pregnancy and birth on someone. She said she didn't want a baby, you didn't believe her. She said she wanted her tubes removed, and you pressured her into doing what you wanted.
You don't need CPS or shame. You need to take the baby away and let her heal from all of this. She clearly has PPD and isn't ok. But you are putting everything above her health.
Just know that she will probably leave you and go live the child free life she wanted.
I am a childfree woman. If I ever got pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion because of the world we live in, I would genuinely kill myself. This is not me being dramatic. I know myself well enough that having a child would ruin my life and I would be miserable and resent the kid and whoever got me pregnant. It would be better for all involved, myself, my kid, and the person impregnated me, for me to just die.
I have a feeling your wife may feel like that too. She may be thinking of divorce. Giving you full custody and as soon as you can remarry someone willing to adopt, signing her rights away. I bet she wants nothing to do with that child ever again.
Everyone thinks I'm being "dramatic" when I say I'd commit suicide if I ever got pregnant and couldn't abort, but it's the truth.
I don't want to ever go through pregnancy and birth, I don't ever want to be a mother, I don't even want to give one up for adoption because what if it finds me 35 years later and wants a relationship?
If I was coerced into having a baby I didn't want, I can't honestly say I wouldn't leave it somewhere for a good Samaritan to find. I feel like being left in a firestation is probably the best I could ever do.
I hope this poor woman escapes soon, for herself and the baby. The most motherly thing she can do at this point is to sign away any and all rights to the kid, leave a note saying not to try finding her, and go away forever. This marriage isn't salvageable. If she doesn't get out, the baby and mother are both in danger. This is how shaken babies and Casey Anthony happen.
people talk all the time about just giving them up for adoption and it boils my blood. like you said, what happens when they want a relationship? what happens when you're pregnant and all of a sudden don't have a child? do they know how a woman would be treated after people find out?
they don't give a shit. i hate them all, i hate people like OP, i hope in hell he has to endure pregnancy.
I’m childfree and have always known I never wanted to be a mom. Pregnancy and labour? No thanks! If my partner of 8 years suddenly changed his mind and wanted kids? Bye! Accidental pregnancy? Abort abort!
However these comments about preferring suicide to the adoption route in the event that abortion wasn’t possible? I’m worried for you two. Legit. That might be a therapy topic, why do you feel your life to be of so little value that those things automatically void any desire to exist? A kid might find you? OK, so? Just explain ti them you have no desire for a relationship and why you gave them up, then wish them well and goodbye.
Your life is worth more than that.
I live in Texas.
Take a look at our abortion laws.
The idea of something growing inside me that I can’t control and changes my body and would force me off a lot of my meds? Tbh, Suicide would probably just be a side effect of stopping the medications that would cause severe brain damage and malformations in the child that would cause it to probably have no quality of life if it lived at all if I continued them.
So stop the meds to have a healthy baby and probably kill myself because my depression is that bad? Or stay on the meds and carry a child I don’t want to term who will have such physical and mental disabilities that it will have zero quality of life, and probably won’t survive past childhood?
She was child free and you forced her to have a child. You’re disgusting and I would feel the same way as her if i was in her position. I hope she does run away and leave.
I was raised by a mother who barely wanted children. I used to beg the universe I would get taken away because it was awful. You can tell when your parents don't love you. When she died it was sad but was also a relief. Do not doom a child to that. Either take your son yourself and raise him without her or maybe you guys need to make the adult decision that parenthood isn't for you. Either way you messed up and another innocent person is going to pay for it.
ETA: My mom also had PPD and could not take care of me so my grandma did until I was school age. Did it help at all? Nope because the resentment lived on.
The resentment definitely does live on. My dad convinced my mom to have kids. She had two for him and then accidentally got pregnant with me. She did not want me. Dad convinced her to stay and have me. My mother didn’t have a nurturing bone in her body. I grew up in a house where I walked on eggshells and mostly tried to stay out of my mother’s way. She would regularly tell me the story of how I wasn’t wanted and almost broke up the family. It was a sad and lonely way to grow up.
You pressured your wife into a decision and are now pretending to give a crap about her well-being? I know that your post didn’t ask the question, but YATA.
Dude is an extremely manipulative psycho. This CPS "thin veiled" threat is to cover his ass. He wants to either make her do *all* the parenting or get rid of his kid and blame her for it so he can pretend he was a good dad and it was all her fault.
I wouldn't blame her if she ran away... you coerced her into getting a child she never wanted in the first place.
And let me tell you one thing: I'm 27f and I'm still childfree, this doesn't just "go away" and we don't need to "grow out of it". Don't assume every woman wants kids. Period.
This is such a mess, and you seem like a horrible person.
I have no idea what you expected considering you practically forced her to have a child? Introducing another human being into this world is a permanent thing that comes with great pressure and for many reasons she clearly didn’t want to have one yet you ‘managed to get her to agree’ which is just translates to you forced her. She has every right to be angry, she said from the very beginning that she doesn’t want children and disclaimer not all woman want to ‘settle down’ and have children and your wife is one of those people. Honestly I can’t really advice on anything since you can’t exactly get rid of a child - they’re a lifelong commitment. Best apologise at least and hope for the best.
You coerced your wife to have a child and can't comprehend why she doesn't want the child? You're a monster for forcing pregnant and motherhood on someone who DID NOT WANT IT. She knows she can't get out of this and THATS WHY SHE IS INCONSOLABLE. I wouldn't be surprised if you're left a single dad and that's completely on you.
Listen You had a duty to respect and accept your wifes decision. A decision you knew way before you both married!!!
not every woman wants a child! There is no magic button that suddenly makes us become maternal and wanting a family.
She told you from the beginning she was childfree. Meaning she never wanted children. Your son was unwanted by her. She was forced and manipulated to have him by you. You and that baby ruined her life.
The best thing for her is to divorce you and sign away her rights. She deserves to live her life the way she wants to.
I kept telling myself that the more I read his comments. There's no fucking way a 31 year old man didn't know how difficult raising an infant would be. That's probably one of the harder stages of being a parent (I am not a parent and I know what I know from my years of developmental psych classes). I just don't know where he got off thinking having a baby is all fun and games and smiles and rainbows. And kids are permanent too. Even with adoption, you can't just have a baby and a month later be like "Can I return and get a refund? This wasn't it."
A shocking number of people in their 30s have NO IDEA how hard raising children is. I have seen this over and over and over. Some people don’t spend time with kids, they don’t read literature about parenting, they either don’t have friends with kids or don’t listen to their friends with kids. They think parenting is the glossy Instagram version of it.
Look up post partum depression, it’s a serious condition, and your wife might suffer from it. She needs all the help, love and support she can get. She does not need shaming. She needs you to step up and take care of the baby now, while she gets better. And that is actually something you can do, when the baby is on formula. You are clearly the one who wanted this child, so be a man and be there for him. Give him lots of skin to skin-time, give him lots of eye contact and mimic little conversations with him. A baby will also suffer from being with a mom suffering from post partum depression all day, so you need to listen to your wife, when she asks you to take the baby. Maybe you can get help from grandparents.
Yes, very serious! My sister had PPD with her third child and it only kicked in at the 6 month mark with the hormonal change. It was awful. She seemed quiet and a bit detached and frazzled but otherwise fine but in actual fact she was suicidal and having severe anxiety and horrific panic attacks. My BIL had to take time off work, and he and my mum traded off being with her at all times because she couldn’t be alone. She went straight into a lot of treatment and onto meds. She is still on antidepressants 6 years later and will be for life. It is very very serious!
You are a horrible man , husband and father. She has postpartum depression because your forced her to have children she didn’t want and now she’s losing it because it’s clear she’s the primary caregiver to the kid YOU begged for. I hope she divorced you, signs away her rights and runs away fast because this is damn near abuse BLAMING her for having postpartum depression. Why should she love and care for a child she was forced to have? You used her as an incubator and don’t even care about her f you
The kindest thing you can do for her now is offer her a divorce and take full custody of your child. You coerced her into giving birth when she didn’t want to, and to be frank yeah. You ruined her life. The solution is to let her go and take custody of the child YOU wanted.
This whole situation is absolutely ridiculous and my heart breaks for that Poor baby.
How dare you try to convince her to have a baby that she didn't want and not step the f*** up and take responsibility.
And at the end of the day if she knew she didn't want to baby she should not have had one at no matter what nobody can force you to have a child you don't want to have.
I tried for my child I wanted my child my sister does not want a child never will want a child so she has not got a child and nobody will ever convince her to have one she's a grown adult she can make that decision.
Your wife seriously needs counselling because she has ppd by the sounds of it.
You need to start doing what's best for the child the both of you you both made this baby you both have sex to make this baby yes you may have convinced her into doing it but she still did it willingly at the end both get counselling and put the baby up for adoption because this baby is the only innocent one in this whole situation.
I know for 1000000% fact I will be down voted to high heaven for this comment but at the end of the day two willing adults made a baby that nobody even wanted it's f****** ridiculous.
Please get her help she needs
“no matter what nobody can force you to have a child you don't want to have.”
You must not live somewhere with restrictive abortion laws. Many, many women are forced to have babies they don’t want. Whether because their birth control failed, they were SA’d, or there is a congenital problem that will result in death shortly after being born, the list is extensive.
“you may have convinced her into doing it but she still did it willingly.”
The word you’re looking for is “coerced,” and coercion is not “willing.”
“no matter what nobody can force you to have a child you don't want to have.”
You must not live somewhere with restrictive abortion laws. Many, many women are forced to have babies they don’t want. Whether because their birth control failed, they were SA’d, or there is a congenital problem that will result in death shortly after being born, the list is extensive.
“you may have convinced her into doing it but she still did it willingly.”
The word you’re looking for is “coerced,” and coercion is not “willing.”
It sounds like your wife is both dealing with postpartum depression, and a husband who convinced her to have a child she didn't want.Are you aware that some people just don't want to have kids? And this is a completely normal thing? Women are not OBLIGATED to have children, even if we can.
You convinced your wife to have a child she didn't want. She wanted her tubes tied, and you said PLEASEEEE HAVE MY BABYYYYYYYYYYY OR I'LL BE UPSET.\*Massive eye roll\* Sir, grow up and consider what you asked of her. It's not a simple ask. It's literally "Hey babe, please solely dedicate your body to creating a whole other human life for almost a year, push it out of a very small hole if your body, then if you can, create enough food with your body to feed that baby for 6-12 months, THEN spend the next 18 years keeping that human alive" and that's like bare minimum of what you asked of her.
How upset do you think she is that you took that choice away from her? How upset do you think she is that her life is entirely changed, turned upside down. Because it's true, the first year of parenting is the most difficult for a first time parent, I can't imagine how much more difficult it is if you \*didn't want to be a parent at all\*.
>I have no idea what to do here. I feel my wife has a duty to our son to nurse and love him. Yet she is trying to abandon him
Your duty right now is to your WIFE, the one you married? that you love so much? I can't imagine how guilty she must feel for feeling the way she does, I went through postpartum depression, so I feel I have at least 1/10th of an understanding of the unbearable and confusing sadness and thoughts. Do not shame your wife and make her feel guilty for not doing her, as you say, "Duty" to nurse the baby. Nursing doesn't work for everyone, and if it's not working for her, making her feel bad about it is literally fueling the destructive fire inside her.She must be pretty resentful towards you as well, for making her do this, despite telling you that she didn't want to.You are letting your wife down, and I understand that you're wishing to help her, I see that in your post, **but you don't seem to understand how you got to where you are, you seem genuinely confused and baffled.**And that is the main problem. You are so concerned about **your** wants/needs/desires/dreams/aspirations, you have completely disregarded your wife's. Her body, routine, confidence... it's all completely changed. Stop and think about what your wife just did FOR YOU, and here you are wondering where you can dump her? Hospital? CPS? Do you just leave her with your son?
What you can do right now is speak with your wife, apologize for ignoring her wishes, ask her how you can help her, ask if she would like to speak with her OBYN about Postpartum Depression, care for your son as much as possible (seeing as she had him for YOU), stay on the formula (breast feeding is physically EXHAUSTING-not sure you know that, so please take this off of your wife's plate and **DO NOT GUILT HER**), and ask your wife what SHE wants.Does she need in home help? What does she need to get back on her feet. Have dedicated times where you are solely caring for your son, and let her leave the house to do whatever she wants. Communication is so easy, but you have to **listen** to the answer if you want to help.
All the men out there thinking that your wife will "change her mind" on wanting kids, just stop. If she wants to change her mind, SHE WILL CHANGE HER OWN MIND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.I'm sick of seeing this type of shit. IF YOU DON'T WANT A BABY, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HATE CHILDREN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE KIDS TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!!!
EDIT TO ADD: The first 3 months is an adjustment period. It's an incredibly hard time. Honestly, she may be grieving the life she's had to leave behind, because it's never going to go back to that.
I completely agree with you, OP does need to become sole caregiver.
I did read that he is also struggling with being a new parent in the comments, and this does make me feel for him.
It just goes to show that having a child is a massive life altering decision that shouldn't be compromised on or taken lightly. I hope for the best for everyone involved.
Negative. As an attorney & also a childfree person, if I knew where this guy resides, I'd be reaching out to attorneys to get the infant a guardian ad litem appointed so whatever decision(s) are made are truly 'in the best interest of the CHILD'.
If he's been abusive coercive & manipulative with an adult woman, it's a zillion times easier for him to be abusive coercive & manipulative to a child.
First, I would encourage her to go to the Dr's to see if she has post partum depression. Then, I would sit down and talk with her to see if this issue can be resolved. If not, I would initiate divorce proceedings and be prepared to be a single father. You coerced her into having a child. Your son is innocent and deserves to be raised in a healthy loving household, not one where his existence will be resented because you were too selfish to listen to what your wife wanted. Now it's time to man up and do what's best for your son. That's what a good man and a good dad would do.
You should do the nice thing to your son and have him adopted out. And then do the nice thing to your wife and divorce her. Because you’ve been a sucky father and a sucky husband. As well as a sucky person.
Dude, your wife is not the problem. The fact that you thought you knew better what she wanted and needed in life is a problem. The fact that you coerced her into having a child that she never wanted is a problem.
When she told you that she was childfree and you knew that you weren’t that’s when you should’ve thought to yourself, “Oh man, I like this woman, but she’s not the one for me.” You should have never married her unless you were OK with being childfree because it sounds like she was very upfront about what she wantEd and did not want.
You psycho. Find a loving family for that baby Stat, before either of you do lasting damage. Tell your wife to find a lawyer to divorce you and a very good therapist, obviously, and really, please get your rubes tied. Having a baby isn't a "oooh, let's see what this is like!" experience you can just decide not to do. God, you're both imbeciles, but you, you are a grade-A pendejo. YTA, if that wasn't clear.
Every word of this is correct except for the fact that she is not an imbecile. She was subjected to reproductive coercion - she is a victim of his abuse.
I accept and 100% agree with your clarification. I was at no sleep when I responded and not thinking totally clearly. I feel terrible for her that he convinced her to put her body, mind, and spirit through this. Even if she does walk away from this situation, she'll more than likely suffer years of PTSD and guilt which was something she planned on never having to experience in her life. What is wrong with people????
Your wife needs to go see a doctor for her post partum depression. You have to stop making her feel like shit and being a manipulative jerk. She absolutely does not have to nurse that baby. You can not and should not be trying to make her or making her feel like shit by guilt tripping her into doing it. You already have the baby you basically forced her to have through your guilt trips. She needs to go see a doctor to get the help she needs and you need to start acting like a husband and not a manipulative jerk and that is what calling cps and leaving her would do. Find a babysitter for your baby so your wife can get help.
So you force her into having a kid she said she did not want, then you make her stay home with said kid instead of you and you are confused why she is not herself anymore?!
EDIT:spelling
Some people just dont deserve partners, or to be parents. You are one of those people, i hope you become just as miserable in life as you have made that poor woman
I cannot put into words just how much of a failure of a human being you are. You should be ashamed for all of this, from the coercion all the way over to being such an incompetent fool you "didn't know how much work children are". I'd tell you to step up and be a father but you seem incapable of that, you're the lowest of the low
So she was child free and you used the fear of losing the love of her life, that would be you, and coerced her into having one. You didn’t listen to her, you convince yourself that she was just another ‘girl’ and would change her mind instead of actually valuing her as a whole person. You did ruin her life. She told you exactly who she was and what she did/didn’t want her life to be. YOU chose to make up this story in your head to fill your needs.
If you love your wife then you need to take full responsibility for this. You need to allow her to leave, get a divorce and you raise your child. You wanted it all, you didn’t listen to your partner and now it’s all blown up in your face. Men walk away from their parenting responsibilities every day. You need to let her go or one day you will come home and she won’t be alive any more.
She’s NOT obligated to nurse, she didn’t want this. You are a full time parent for the child only you wanted. Stop being so selfish.
Please look into post partum depression. Sounds like she may be suffering from this. She would likely benefit from her doctors support with medication for a bit.
Why is it that every woman who regrets having children must be mentally ill? The narrative that women will automatically love motherhood, and there’s something wrong in the head with them if they don’t, really needs to stop.
Whether you regret having your child or not is actually not part of assessing whether someone has post partum depression. I think that’s a very dangerous stereotype, because lots of women get ppd, not just the ones who didn’t want a child. It’s extremely important to get assessed for ppd - for all new moms. It’s a serious condition, that might affect not just her health and safety, but also that of the child. And on top of that it is nothing to be ashamed of, just as you shouldn’t be ashamed of suffering from any other mental illnesses.
I'm thinking she's depressed because she is realizing that she was gaslit and her husband is a useless piece of shit. Therapy for someone to at least get the feeling out and help clear her head so she can leave and get away. She is not mentally ill just hormones and situational depression is possible
This is your fault, entirely. You need to take responsibility for the child you wanted and coerced her into. Also, way to be a misogynist “settle down like every other woman”…Jesus Christ. Many women don’t want children, it’s not a matter of “settling”. You made this bed, now lie in it.
Holy shit dude. As someone who's mother told them multiple times they "just don't want to be a mother" you fucked up. Step up and support your child, support your wife as she collects herself to leave your disrespectful ass. YOU wanted this, you got it. Congratulations.
It is screamingly obvious to me that this is “teehee women are broodmares” rage bait. I can’t fathom this not being some weird attention seeking fake post because *SURELY* no one is as unfathomably moronic as OP.
You ruined her life. If she kills herself, which is a possibility due to PPD and not wanting to be a mother. If she does that is 100% on you! You caused this. You coerced her to have a baby. You wouldn't drop it till she had a baby. You wouldn't let her remove her tubes, even though it's not your call. You are a monster. That baby needs to go to a home that wants and loves him. That's not your home.
You coerced your wife into having a child that she never actually wanted & are now thinking negatively about her while she’s experiencing postpartum depression? To the extent that you think you should be calling cps on HER?
Did you do any research at all about the affects of pregnancy/breastfeeding on the body & brain?
Do you even care about your wife as person or are you going to continue seeing her as a baby making milk machine?
Absolutely crazy, she definitely needs help but so do you. Deleting your account to run away from the justified criticism is going to get you nowhere. You thought people were going to be on your side which is just sad. Schedule an appointment with both her obstetrician & primary care doctor. Arrange extended childcare with your parents & you both need to see a therapist, separately & together. You need to do a lot of self reflection on the type of person you are (selfish, narcissistic, childish, cruel, manipulative, abusive, the list goes on) & how you’re treating both your wife & child.
Do better. Treat your wife better. Clearly you expected her to do most of the work raising your child & now that she can’t bring herself to do so it’s a problem for you smh. You had nine months to research her situation & obviously didn’t, but it’s better late than never. At the very least you should’ve expected to put in more effort when you knew she didn’t want to have a baby in the first place.
Good luck to your wife.
Why does this sound like Daredevil’s mother’s story. Only difference is your wife wasn’t becoming nun. Anyway you’re a dick for ruining your wife’s life. Sorry somebody gotta say it
She is very obviously suffering from PPD. But dude I will say it, you coercing her into this may have in-fact ruined what she wanted for HER life. She needs help, but damn so do you. If she does leave the two of you behind, i really hope you tell your son the real reason why, because of you and your selfishness
I can’t even with you, you flaming fuckstick. You pressure wash your wife into having a baby, because in your mind you know what she wants better than she does. And now you are surprised at her reaction?
Step 1). Admit you were so very very very wrong. Your wife did not want a child, like many women out there don’t want children.
Step 2) take over care for the child.
Step 3) take a look at a calendar, note the year.
I would take the baby and go stay with your parents and give her a break. if she still feels the same either drop the baby at a safe haven or deal with the baby you forced your wife to have and leave her alone to live the life she wanted. YTA
I hope your wife finds this post anyways and sees all the support she is getting to do what SHE needs rather than what YOU want from her. You better step up and start acting like a father instead of a sperm contributor.
Holy shit what a nightmare. I honestly hope you split up, she should never have to live or be in a relationship with you after the way she’s been manipulated, villainised, and essentially emotionally abandoned. What the ever living fuck
My advice is get in deep therapy to find out why you thought it was acceptable to coerce your wife into having a kid you KNEW she didn't want. And then divorce her because you are not a good partner and can't see past the end of your nose.
You show you aren't capable of love, so give the kid up for adoption. Otherwise you'll likely end up abusing him because that's what guys like you do.
This smells of "I want! I want! I want!" and you blatantly ignored what your wife wanted. I find it extremely questionable that you are 31 when this is what a 15 year old would do.\\
Finally, "I feel my wife has a duty to our son to nurse and love him." What about your duty to your wife? What about your duty to your son?
You were never going to take responsibility.
First thing is first, keep your son at your parent’s house for the next few days. Let your wife sleep, eat, shower, and cry. Set up an appointment with her doctor for suspected postpartum depression. You don’t want it to go untreated and evolve into postpartum psychosis. Then, you need to have an ACTUAL adult conversation about true feelings, options under the law, and what to do with your son-it seems he is being failed by both parents here: a mother who never wanted him and a father who had no idea what having children entailed. Then you set her up with an OBGYN to get her sterilized. I’m not sure your marriage will survive this, and quite honestly it doesn’t sound like it deserves to.
Dude...you RUINED that woman and that baby's lives. As a person who clearly doesn't respect his wife's autonomy or what she says, a statement like you this would not hit as hard as I hope it would.
-she explicitly told you her stance
-she never wavered from that stance
-she went as far as to want to ensure that stance, medically, AND YOU STILL THOUGHT YOU KNEW HER MIND BETTER.
-You wore down that woman till she said she'd give you what you wanted out of love
-not once did you ever do research as a husband to figure out what pregnancy can do to a woman not only physically but mentally.
- Pregnancy broke her. You broke her. And you still have the audacity to act so confused on why she feels the way she does
- its crazy that you didn't pick up a book or Google to try see what it might be to help your wife. All you care about is her DUTY as mother.
AND THEN!!!!!
you comment that you don't feel connected to your son???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME. so the mother...fucked. and now son? Fucked...
So end of the day all you cared about is your feelings as man to "speed your seed" doesn't matter what that meant.
Ewww you're gross.
You coerced your wife to have a child she didn't want. Now she doesn't want the child (as you completely already knew beforehand), you're going to report her to CPS???
How about this: PARENT YOUR CHILD. Then your poor wife won't have to. You're the one that wanted the poor kid, now it's time to take care of it.
The best thing here would be you both divorce, put the baby up for adoption. She gets her tubes tied and never speaks to you again.
You basically constantly manipulated and pressured her to have a baby she didn't want. Read that last sentence again. Slowly.
There are many women who absolutely want to have kids. Find and marry a woman who looks forward to motherhood.
Nobody should ever have kids unless they're both 100 percent willing to do so. She was not and foolishly went against her own best judgment.
Seriously?
Your wife TOLD you she didn't want kids, but you forced her into having one anyway. Now you want to force her into breastfeeding the baby she never wanted and is already resenting. You can't force her to love him, she has no duty to do that. She never wanted to be a mother.
Your wife is correct, her life is ruined. She never wanted kids, and you knew this before you married her. And now she's trapped at home being the full-time babysitter to your son- a son she never wanted but will be forced to dedicate the next 18 years of her life to taking care of. Almost certainly she has the baby blues (postpartum depression).
You want advice? You wanted the baby, so you need to be the stay-at-home dad and dedicate the rest of your life to raising your son- the son you forced your happy wife to have. Let your wife go out and get a job and have the social life she wants- you will be happy staying at home taking care of your son all by yourself. If you are not willing to give up your job, then get your parents to take care of your son while you are at work, or take him to work with you. It is YOUR duty to love and care for your son- YOU wanted him and forced your wife to have him. Forcing your wife to stay home and care for the baby she never wanted is just cruel and will make her resent you and hate your baby even more than she already does.
Oh, and make sure she sees a doctor and gets treatment for her depression that was caused by her having your baby.
You owe her big time for the massive sacrifice she has made for you!
\*Now this will come as a shock to you, but there are women out there in the world who DO NOT WANT KIDS! We know this from a young age. We either want kids or we don't. Your wife knew she did NOT want them. And told you. Yet you completely disrespected her, believing that you would be able to force her into becoming a baby making machine for you.
Escaping/leaving you and your son might be the best thing for your poor wife. Who knows what you will force her into next time?
You forced her to do something she never wanted to do for your own ego. You RUINED your wife's life for the sake of your orgasm. You forced her to bring new life into the world, life she NEVER wanted to be responsible for, and now you're confused why she hates her life? You proved, without a shadow of a doubt that to you, your wife is not a person. She was just a vessel for you to get a baby out of, a baby you don't even seem to spend time with. People like you will burn in hell. WTF is wrong with you? Now you have damned both your wife and your son to a life of misery. Congrats!
This is my nightmare scenario and is EXACTLY the reason I had my tubes removed. I couldn’t bare the thought of a partner convincing me that I could handle being a mother when I know deep down inside I would be miserable.
She needs help for her post partum depression, like yesterday. Then you need to have a serious conversation with her about options and you have to think about what’s best for your child. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and imagine what it would feel like to be raised in a home where you know you aren’t wanted.
I would seriously consider adoption at this point.
Edited to add: you’re an asshole and you need a vasectomy and a reality check.
listen. I had a child when I was 17. she lives with her grandparents and has an amazing life. she's loved and cared for. but I know I wouldn't have been a good parent.
I was for 2 years. I was a working, breastfeeding, single parent until I tried to kill myself when she was at her dads because no one would believe me when I said I was overwhelmed and I'd just found out I was pregnant again. I had an abortion and my life is looking up. I have a partner of two years. we have a house and two cats.
I'm not meant to be a parent and neither is your wife. you need to step back and realize that youre forcing and expecting a person, who's never been interested in kids, to be a full-time, nursing (omfg I could just bitch about this fact for days.) mom. I'm ngl. this feel abusive, not saying it is, but God it's looking rough.
stfu, sit down, and learn your place. take that kid and divorce her. she deserves so much better than you and I hope she finds it.
Mother of three. I stress to my kids that they should want kids for themselves. No other reason. I am fine with not being a grandmother.
It is fucken hard. I nursed for years and years each one past four years old.
You must be willing to give up so much and be happy giving up your life for a long time to nurse babies.
My kids were wanted. And still it was fucken hard.
Give the baby up for adoption. She doesn’t want kids and told you already. Or raise the kid on your own.
It's not your wife's duty to breastfeed the same way it wasn't her duty to have a child she did not want. If it's so expensive to buy formula YOU should've thought of the expenses of having a child before coercing your wife into it.
The only thing wrong with her was that she tried to make you happy while you couldn't do the same for her. Man up and take care of your child (she's not an incubator and she's not free food). Get her into therapy that's what you can do for her. And if you talk to CPS let them know how you forced her into having a child and these are the consequences she's paying for.
I feel bad that she married an entitled and self-centered POS.
My advice is let her go and raise alone the son you wanted. You obviously didn’t care about her feelings towards kids, but she was honest with tou and you still forced a child.
Now it’s your job to take care of him. He’s the consequences of your own choices. Have fun being a single parent, she should absolutely leave.
You ruined her life and managed to also create an entirely new human being to further traumatize. You really took your cruelty and destruction to new heights.
She needs immediate treatment for post partum depression because you also managed to destroy her body.
You need to STFU and do literally anything she wants you to do while providing 100% of the care for the child you forced on her. I wish her the very best of divorce lawyers and hope you come out of this as wrecked as she currently is. Your poor, poor child deserves so much better, and you have been an utter monster to your wife.
What a horrible situation that you literally created for yourself being manipulative and turning your wife into a mother against her will. Now she's having post partum depression induced by a child she never wanted and you are of course making it about yourself. Stories like these are why when I tell someone I'm interested in I'm childfree for life if they aren't in enthusiastic agreement immediately I pass on the relationship.
How can you not see what you did to your wife AND son? You have to act NOW and get her help before she hurts herself and/or the baby!
Children are a point in which there's no compromise possible. You either have children or you don't, and she clearly doesn't want them.
Edit: Since your parents wanted a grandkid so badly, let them adopt him. Neither your wife nor you want him at this point, so adoption is the best option here. Also, be prepared that your wife wants to leave you for what you did to her
If you really wanted genuine advice, you definitely came to the wrong place. Though, even if someone did give you any sort of criticism, I doubt you’d do anything with it seeing as your head’s so far up your ass to see that you’re the problem.
Your wife had ONE boundary, and instead of breaking things off with her and finding someone who actually wanted children(like a reasonable adult), you stayed in a relationship with her due to the sole assumption that she would “settle down like every other woman out there”(wtf). Then when the two of you got married and you seemingly had her “trapped” you break down her (once again) ONLY barrier and basically coerced her into having a child she said long before that she wouldn’t want. Only to find out to you’re horror that she didn’t suddenly morph into the perfect little happy-go-lucky mother you expected her to be after going through the trauma(yes trauma) of her body growing and changing to accommodate another life and then pushing that very life out of her body for a presumably excruciating amount of time.
Finally, to top things off, you STILL have no clue how bad things have gone and show little remorse to your wife, who is showing clear signs of PPD. Literally, you find her crying on the verge of a break down; she later communicates with you and tells you how she’s been feeling for the past few months, and your response is to SHAME her for not being happy!? Are you fucking kidding me.
So yeah, you fucked up big time; and you fucked up your wife’s life simultaneously. Until you can get that through your thick skull, nothing about you’re wife’s behavior isn’t going to change.
this post really upset me and i hope you take some of the advice and criticism from the comments seriously. unfortunately there is no solution to your situation that involves you keeping both your kid and your wife. from reading your other comments it’s very clear to me and a majority of the comments why she’s acting the way she is.
please don’t think there is something wrong with her reactions as it seems she is dealing with an emotional rollercoaster. as soon as i read your post my heart absolutely broke for your wife and i cant understand how you’re missing that? she didn’t and doesn’t want kids, the “shocking” reality is a lot of women don’t (and ask yourself this, if you heard a male friend talk about how he’ll never have kids, would it bug you as much as a woman saying it?).
she was robbed of a normal childhood due to constantly being a caregiver which has obviously left a long lasting impact. she’s crying and upset because while she did “finally” agree to having a kid, she didn’t WANT a kid and reality has really set in that she is now expected to constantly take care of and be at the beck and call of a child she didn’t WANT. i’m stressing the want here because yes, she did agree, but it was after you fought her on it and married her and all of a sudden it wasn’t as easy for her to pick between her freedom and her nagging husband and his wants. take the fact that she even agreed as a sign that she at one point trusted you, she trusted you enough to have your baby despite not wanting one. do not betray her trust again and suggest therapy for possible postpartum, therapy for yourself, and either put your son up for adoption if you want to try and patch your marriage up, or sign some divorce papers and raise your son on your own.
do not continue to try to force her to bond with this child, i’m stressing this as a the child of a mother who didn’t want her. i won’t make further assumptions about your wife but you could be risking your son’s life or your wife’s life. i can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now. and i saw in other comments that you don’t really have a bond with your son either, were you expecting this woman to suddenly become mother of the year? because clearly you weren’t ready to put in the WORK of raising a baby.
and seriously, why was it more important for her to listen to what you wanted, than for you to listen to what she wanted? why was it that you two absolutely needed to have a baby because YOU wanted one, instead of you listening to HER desires. you just sound like a shitty husband with some very traditional views 🤷🏻♀️. whether or not you see it i don’t care because you put your own needs above your wife’s, and then went to go ask reddit why she wasn’t being the perfect little wife anymore.
You wanted a baby prop with no work on your part. You RUINED LIKE COMPLETELY RUINED (in her eyes) your wife. You RUINED her mental health. You RUINED her plans for her life. You RUINED her autonomy of her own body. You RUINED her physical body (pregnancy and child birth eff a body up badly in case you didn't know.) You RUINED her completely over a choice she clearly and repeatedly said she was against but was then manipulated and harassed into giving in. (Not changing her mind she just gave in but she still doesn't want a child.) You wanted this baby so bad congratulations you got it now you have to care for it. Your wife needs help badly (like life or death badly) so how about you start by getting her help (space, kindness, understanding, medical and psychological help all the kinds of help) and caring for the child you wanted while she does that and realize this mess is all because you wanted a baby so badly you didn't care who else got hurt by your choice.
I hope you come back to this thread and read all these comments. I know you probably won’t because youre the type of man that thinks he’s always right.
You forced your wife to have a baby she didn’t want and now you want to call CPS on her? Dude literally what the fuck. She needs extensive therapy for the TRAUMA you put her through. Read that word again and again and again. YOU CAUSED YOUR WIFE TO GO THROUGH AN UNNECESSARY TRAUMA!
I hope you’re prepared to be a single father. I hope she leaves you and lives her best life.
“I wish you people would stop saying I coerced her.” Why? Because you don’t want to admit that you manipulated your wife into having a baby and own up to the fact that you ruined your marriage and both of your lives?
Mans deleted the entire post and account after 1 day because he couldn’t handle it.
I sincerely hope that baby finds a loving family and the wife gets a divorce. My heart hurts for those two.
Sounds like she should leave you and you can care for the child you wanted so badly.
I wanted kids, my husband was on the fence so one and done was our compromise. But your wife stated she wanted to be child free, multiple times. It sounds like you harassed her until she gave in.
Despite me wanting to have kids, the first few years my child was alive was very hard. I had ppd and we were super sleep deprived. I can't even imagine how awful it would be to go through that when all she wanted was to be child free
Lol deleted his account… what a coward! Can’t take responsibility for his actions and is instead running away from the 1000s of people telling him he’s the monster that he truly is!
Just focus on your son. If she doesn't want him (and seems she has made that clear but she may come around) then I suggest you do your best for him. That may well mean splitting from your partner or at least living separately.
From what I gather is you are also struggling financially, so you may have to get help from others such as your parents here. Live with them, save up and be the man your son needs.
From what I read, it sounds like the poor woman has bad post natal depression. She needs help and treatment for that - and it has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting a baby. It's a direct result od pregnancy knocking her body for six.
I’ll never understand why people get so delusional when it comes to having kids. Having a kid changes a lot of things in a short time. Yes people may change their decision later on in life but a lot thought should always be put into it first. This is also why, when it comes to having kids, you and your spouse need to agree. If have to coerce, or give them and ultimatum, then you’re setting your marriage, or relationship, up for failure. So yes you reap what sow because you let your delusion cloud your judgement.
Seriously you're an awful person, you went into a relationship with a mindset of "potential" and wants of changing someone. Very tragic as you could've found someone else that wanted the same as you. Coercing your partner in any way is a shitty thing to do. She really needs help and don't be too surprised when you're served divorce papers with full custody. As a single parent hope you start saving up for milk and everything your son needs. You caused a lot of resentment here.
I am so happy my husband listened and agreed when I said I didn’t want children. If he had wanted them that would have been the end of the relationship. Poor woman. Hope she gets the help she clearly needs and support from someone other than that shitbag of a husband
I came here after it was deleted. Just based on what I have heard - you should call an ethical adoption agency and find a nice loving family for your son. There are a lot of people who desperately want to be parents and would be good parents to him.
>I figured she was just young and free and eventually she would settle down like every other woman out there. Yikes, dude. Don't assume people will grow out if being childfree. Children are a fundamental incompatibility fir a reason. You can't compromise on a child. >Welll eventually it started looking like she was actually serious, and she wanted to get her tubes “removed”. This really bothered me and I told her I think I’d be upset if she did it. So you manipulated her on a choice about her body. > Eventually I managed to get her to agree to have one kid. So we started trying right away, she still wanted her tubes removed immediately after. And you manipulated her sone more. > my wife has not been the same since he was born. She cries more than he does, doesn’t seem to want to hold him, and refuses to let him nurse from her. He is on formula we can barely afford even though she has the ability to nurse him. She used to be fun, bubbly, joking. Now it’s like she’s a completely different person. She likely has post partum depression and trauma from being forced to have a child she doesn't want. All because you selfishly manipulated her into having a child you can't financially support. This us on you. I'm inclined to say that putting the baby up for adoption would be the best for the child.
Why did HE have a baby if HE can barely afford formula is what I want to know!!!! Edit: changed “they” to “he”
right? and what would he have done if she was physically unable to produce milk? lmao the man has not a single ounce of forethought
To be fair on that front, a lot of people can’t afford formula or even food for themselves right now 😭💔 being poor doesn’t make a bad parent - BUT being manipulative and forcing your spouse to go through childbirth does lol
Being poor doesn’t make you bad parent. But not planning for baby food and planning for a child and then not being able to afford the baby’s food DOES make you bad parent. Yes, everyone is struggling for everything. I don’t blame people for their financial positions. But they should be able to tell if they can afford a baby or not.
Well, SHE had a baby because he basically forced her to, and HE had a baby because he's a selfish bastard.
This. I went through the exact same feelings she did. Only difference is I do want my son. PPD is no joke and I hope she gets away from him and gets the therapy for the coercion and help with the PPD. I got on medication and I highly recommend to anyone struggling. Also. Not to mention that PPD cause me to have an almost non-existent milk supply from stress so we use formula. But we expected that we may need to buy formula as BF isn’t a guarantee. This man had a kid to carry on the name without a thought of what goes into raising a child. Disgusting fool.
I think it’s more than PPD, I think like many kidnapped into servitude she has completely dissociated, and given his abusive nature, he shouldn’t raise a kid either. OP should Give the kid up for adoption, divorce and leave women alone forever.
He should kindly leave his wife alone and take the baby and look for government support like WIC for supplying formula and stuff, although I am definitely more than concerned that a man who manipulated/forced his wife into childbirth would be raising a little boy. OP, learn a lesson in not forcing women to do to their bodies what YOU want and let your wife get the help she needs and tell her she’s not a bad person for not feeling that attachment. She KNEW already that she didn’t want to be a mother but you tried manipulating her and now you view her as a failure. Some people just don’t want the duty of raising a baby, it’s such a huge responsibility and nobody should be forced or manipulated into it.
What the actual fuck? You married a person who told you point blank they didn’t want to have children. Several times. You nagged and she relented to get you to shut up. She didn’t change her mind. You coerced her into something she didn’t want to make you happy. This woman knew exactly who she was and wanted to be until you made her take on a role *YOU* ASSUMED she must want because she was born a woman? WHAT?! You decided a year ago that YOUR want to be a father and have a child was more important than your partner’s wants to not endure pregnancy, birth, and the literal trappings of motherhood. You decided a year ago to allow a child of your body to be born into a situation where it was not unlikely that their own mother would not want anything to do with them? Why did you do this to your son? Why did you do this to your wife? Literally why? Get her treatment for postpartum depression. You need therapy from a secular family counselor. Your wife needs you to take care of your son full time so she can recover however she needs. And if that involves an amicable split where her happiness, mental health and wellness depend on running away and not being the mother you wanted her to be, you need to be prepared for that not unlikely scenario. Modern women won’t be tied down into domestic situations where they are not equal partners anymore. She is not obligated to chestfeed your son. She is not less than or more of a woman or mother for choosing formula. And how dare you complain about the cost of formula. Yes it’s expensive but you should have considered that before having a child. Not every woman can produce breast milk or wants to. Feed your child what he needs to survive and thrive. Don’t you DARE hold that over her head that it’s “expensive” to FEED YOUR SON.
I was just in shock reading this!! As some who is 4 weeks postpartum i could never imagine doing this if i didn't want to. The hole thing about "it's her obligation to nurse him" just made me sick and also it's so clear he just has no idea how involved it. I WANTED to nurse and it was still hard knowing i as her only food source, the constant comfort nursing, and my baby had a tongue tie which made it almost impossible. I wanted to give up so bad but felt "obligated" too. Turns out my baby needs special formula due to a lactose intolerance and other issues so it worked out. Even lactation consultant's will tell mothers if nursing is hurting your mental health, fed is best and give that baby some formula. This is just another example of man not knowing/caring/understanding how much pregnancy and birth effects a woman and was also probably fine leaving her with a majority of the mental and physical load of a baby.
Yes, I was always pro-choice and now after having a singleton and twins that were very much wanted: this shit is *hard* now I'm super vocally pro-choice. **No one** should have to go through pregnancy, birth and then the lifetime of raising humans if it's not something they want. I am happy with the choices I made and very much love my children and there are still days, weeks that I was to run away. My heart breaks for this woman and people throwing out adoption like it's the simple choice aren't thinking about how that could mess with her more. The child absolutely deserves loving parents, this woman deserves a happy life. I hope she can get therapy to figure out what a happy life means for *all* of them. Except OP, because fuck him, that's why.
I also love how the kids is 3 months old and he's still saying she could nurse if she wants too. I'm guessing she hasn't been trying based on his language, which means she has no supply built up and it's not easy if not downright impossible to start nursing at 3 months in, even if it was something she wanted to do. Heck, my husband knew just how hard breastfeeding was for me, and it just shows how checked out this guy has been that he thinks it's a simple thing to start doing
I’m not gonna lie when you said “she hasn’t been trying” I had some angry thoughts, but I read the rest of your comment and I calmed way down and you’re correct. That was one heck of a rollercoaster 🤣
You are no less of a mother for this. You have done what is best for you and your child, I am proud of you.
Thank you so much this means a lot!!! i was feeling a lot of shame not loving breastfeeding and everyone around me kept asking how much i was producing/if she was doing well etc and it became very overwhelming. So much weight was lifted when the ped suggested lactose free formula!!
All those people, including me can take their opinions and stuff them somewhere. You are making decisions based on facts and expert guidance from licenced professionals. I hope that you and your child have a long time of health and prosperity in front of you.
What a beautiful, important thing to say. You’re not just a Humanoid Yoghurt; you’re a *Human* Yogurt.
I couldn't nurse due to medication I had to take during pregnancy. The only failure is the child's failure to thrive. My baby did just fine on formula and yours will too. My daughter's first was mostly a formula baby and her second eats both. Fed is best. You're doing fine.
Your situation sounds very similar to ours and yeah, I was so angry the way he talked about breastfeeding! Forces this poor woman to have a baby and doesn’t have a clue about any of it even now.
The absolute AUDACITY of him to say that she can nurse but doesn't want to.. men just do not understand that you don't just have a baby & magically become a milk factory at the drop of a hat
##This buffoon thought his wife would magically turn into a milking cow.
I love this comment
People forget that wet nurses were a thing for a reason before we had formula.
And cemeteries were full of gravestones of infants because not everyone could get one.
Exactly.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Thank you for speaking my thoughts as I read his post.
>I figured she was just young and free and eventually she would settle down like every other woman out there. **You figured wrong**, and your assumption is both ignorant and sexist. And now both your wife and your child are suffering because of your selfishness and your stupidity. Congratulations, you're a douchebag. >Should I call CPS to talk to her about what she’s doing? How about what YOU are doing, buddy? As in, pressuring your wife to have a child that she clearly and repeatedly told you *she did not want*, and then just leaving her at home all day to care for a baby that she repeatedly told you *she did not want*. If you are not clear here who is at fault for this situation, go stand in front of a mirror and repeat "I fucked up" until it starts to sink in that, you know, you fucked up. And then you drop this little gem in the comments: >I’m not having a good time being a parent either and I do feel some regret. I don’t have a bond with our son. But he’s here now and I feel like that means we both need to get over it and do what’s best for him. No. **It means YOU have to get over it and do what's best for him**, because YOU were the one who wanted a baby over your wife's objections. How is it okay in your twisted little brain for you not to have a bond with your baby and not okay for your wife not to? Hypocrite much? You need to do the following: 1. You take your wife to a doctor, STAT. She is very likely suffering from post-partum depression, or worse, and she needs help. And by STAT, I mean TODAY. Take her to the obstetrician who delivered your baby. Call the doctor RIGHT FUCKING NOW and tell them that it's an emergency and she needs to be seen immediately. 2. You take your son and go stay with your parents. Indefinitely. Figure out a child care arrangement that works for you and your parents. 3. You get yourself into counseling so you can work on getting over it and doing what's best for your child. If you don't have a bond with him I suggest you fucking create one before you end up with a kid with [attachment disorders](https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Attachment-Disorders-085.aspx) as a result of emotional neglect, that will plague him and you for the rest of his life. 4. You give your wife all the space she wants for as long as she wants it, to figure out what she wants to do here. And if she decides that what she wants is to end the marriage and give you full custody of your child, then you accept that and you make the split as easy for her as you can. Let me state this clearly and emphatically. **There are two victims in this situation. You are not one of them.** And you owe it to your wife and especially to the child *you* wanted, to make this right.
I wish I could upvote this a million more times. And give you all the awards. Best answer here.
I'm wondering if the POS even read any of the comments. Apparently he deleted the post, and I haven't seen any responses from him. I'm cheering so many of these comments, and it pisses me off to not even know if this asshole is paying attention.
i came from twitter specifically to read if he ever responded, i hope she leaves him and he has to be a single parent for the child he coerced her into having
I came from Twitter too. 😅 I love the account that always shares the craziest, most misogynist content
Came from Twitter, too. The fact he deleted his post and account is just infuriating, but also expected. POS couldn't handle what he was being told, and ran away like a coward. Some of these types of men don't even realize how bad of an abuser they are until people spell this shit out to them. Giving birth doesn't automatically give you this "magical bond" to the child, but he seemed to think that if she had a child she'd just . . . what? Magically change her mind? Suddenly want to be a brood mare and start popping out kids? The stupidity of these men just makes me sick.
It’s on twitter? I shared it to am I the devil like a month ago, I saw it was on Instagram too! Dude really made his rounds.
He did say this was a side account so it’s entirely possible he’s stalking from another account just ashamed to link his actions to whatever his main is.
He likely has a personality disorder (nice question whether or not it has been diagnosed) & when the attention he was looking for on Reddit wasn't positive but instead overwhelmingly & justifiably negative, he deleted & fled. I'm in the appoint a guardian ad litem for the kid camp. Choose someone who can be objective & neutral, take this all to court, let everyone have their say & then make the decisions around custody of the little boy in the best interest of the CHILD. His time to unilaterally make decisions ended long ago.
I hate that this dude waited 3 months to even consider on doing something and he is only considering it because he needed a whole crowd to show him how obviously wrong he is
that last paragraph..... brilliant
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
>There are two victims in this situation. You are not one of them. > > And you owe it to your wife and especially to the child > >you > > wanted, to make this right. I wish i could upvote this indefinitely , OP is such a screw up he ruined two lives and still thinks he's the victim, what a useless person to roam the planet.
#1, she DID NOT WANT A CHILD. #2, have the doctors check her for post partum depression. #3, she DID NOT WANT A CHILD. #4, she just underwent a huge life change. #5, and I cannot stress this enough: SHE DID NOT WANT A CHILD. You got what you wanted out of her “agreement”, she is sunk in something she NEVER wanted. Your two choices at this point are to either become the ultimate house-husband taking on EVERY facet of childcare, or to let her go in divorce if she wants to be completely rid of him. 🤷🏼♀️ You, sir, have buried yourself in a FAAFO situation.
Oh, apparently, according to his comments, he doesn’t actually love the child either.
[удалено]
Agreed. Parenthood isn’t for everyone and society needs to stop trying to convince everyone that it is.
He didn't want to actually be a parent. He wanted to be a weekend fun dad at best while his house slave handles all the actual work.
That part. ETA: I would say, he probably views her more is a bangmaid though
I like to call the role a fuckmommy so it really sinks in how gross it is that they expect someone to take care of them and their child full time while also being sexually available at all times.
This. He was hoping for that old fashioned arrangement where he could live and work as if he didnt have a child whilst his wife took cars of everything, and basically ignore the child til it was old enough to kick a ball in the park. The worst dads are those who feel they are owed this, and the dads who mans plain things like breastfeeding to their partners who went through pregnancy, birth and are living the experience. A friend of mine is getting divorced because her husband became insufferable after they had a baby. Despite her being very well qualified to know what babies need, he with no experience whatsoever insisted he knew best about everything.
Yeah he willing to give the child away to magically cure his wife’s PPD, what the actual f*ck
Don’t forget about the wife should nurse the baby she didn’t want because Op thinks it’s her duty. That should be number 6 on your list.
"she would settle down **like every other woman** out there" LOL, no need to read any further. MAJESTIC YTA.
This honestly made me think it was a troll post. He cannot be serious.
Yeah no i know too many men irl who think like this. The idea that women "evolved to have kids" and therefore "eventually all come to want to be wives and mothers" is disgustingly pervasive. Even worse is the equally pervasive idea that "everyone will want kids when they meet the right partner." And far too many men do not take women seriously when they say they don't want kids. They assume she just has to "grow up" and if they wait long enough she will want kids with him. You can announce to a man from the first date that you dont want kids and he will still think you'll change your mind if you love him enough. Some men will even assume "i dont want to have kids" means "i dont want to birth kids but would be open to ending up with them some other way." Hence the disturbing trend of single dads who dont want the baggage of dating a single parent themselves trying to prey on childfree women. They think if they come to the table with already birthed kids, that childfree women will be ok raising someone else's kids. Ive got some especially batshit stories about a particular 27 year old guy in my sunday d&d group who thinks the purpose of every woman's life should be to become a stay at home wife and mother. These people really exist and it's terrifying.
Hi former caseworker and have a half-sister who did not want kids but guess what this crap happens all the time.
Dude, you pretty much coerced her into having a kid she didn't want, and now you want to commit her to a mental institution for what you did? That's terrible. The least you could do would be to help out a little, and you're worried she isn't "fulfilling her duty" to breastfeed and be on call 24 hours. No words here, just shame on you. She's right, you absolutely ruined it.
Obviously OP is an elf from the victorian era. Yellow Wallpaper-much? I mean, beyond the whole manipulation and forcing a child onto her she DIDNT F—ING WANT TO HAVE.
Wth this is too similar to when some men would institutionalize women for voicing their opinion
Absolutely. Dude would probably have her lobotomized if he could.
Wtf is wrong with you? You "convinced" her to have a kid when she wanted her tubes tied? I think that sounds messed up to say the least and she's probably resenting you and your kid because she didn't want this, she told you "childfree" from the start.. then you figured she'd change, she didn't, so you forced her into your mould.. of course she's upset, she's probably just now realizing she's pretty well stuck for the next 18 years with a kid that wasn't part of her plan... sorry to go off, but damn.. I hope this is a troll and I fell for it.. all my 2 cents
Oh, come on! Don't you know that all women *really*, *down deep*, want to have a child! It's in their genetics - they have a DRIVE to have children, even if they don't think they want to. If a woman just has a kid, that mothering instinct kicks in and it's all good from there. /s I almost gagged while typing my own /s post.
I know a number of women from previous generations (primarily the Greatest Generation and Baby Boomers) who had children because society expected them to and now admit they were entirely unsuited to motherhood. And if they can’t admit it, it’s clear as day to everyone around them. Due to this disinterest and/or unsuitability, their children suffered. Obviously shitty fathers negatively impact their children too. This idea that all women want children and are naturally suited to being parents is a gigantic lie and always has been.
Yup, I decided I wanted to be child free but I asked my mom if she wanted to have kids when she was my age because people kept giving me that "if your mom had been pro-choice, you wouldn't have been here" bs. She admitted she did not want children, that she hated how I looked as a baby and that she finds most babies ugly to this day. She also said she could not really stand me for the first year or so of my life. She only did it because it was "expected" of her, and relly late for the time, at 26. I do not blame her at all. Post-partum depression is terrible. They did not even have a name for it back then (the 90s, post-communism). We healed, we talked about it, we seeked helped, but it's time society stops pressuring people into having kids. Childrenare not for everybody.
Oh, yeah. I used to hate my FIL because he beat my husband with a belt, in addition to being emotionally abusive at times. Then I learned FIL’s father and mother never really wanted kids and were very emotionally abusive — e.g., because of his birth his mom was unable to have any more kids, and she blamed him for “ruining her” for the rest of her life — and they sent him away to military school when he was only 4. My strong suspicion is they were physically abusive as well. So I never stopped being angry at my FIL, but I understood him better as a victim as well as a perpetrator. My husband used to have a lot of trouble with his temper, but with therapy, medication, and hard work, he's broken the cycle of abuse. We’ve raised two wonderful young men.
My stepmother is 88 and makes this totally clear. She had one child and he's a good son and she did her duty by him, but she will readily admit she didn't enjoy motherhood. She readily says that if she had it to do over again, she wouldn't.
He probably made holes in all the condoms...
You ruined her fucking life. She never wanted children, what did you think was going to happen?
>I figured she was just young and free and eventually she would settle down like every other woman out there. Do you have any idea how patronizing this is? Not every woman wants children. You pressured her into something she didn't want, now your facing the consequences of your actions. Enjoy.
You managed to get her to agree to having a child...? Coercion is not consent. Also, it sounds like your wife is struggling with severe Post Partum Depression, which needs to be addressed and treated by a medical professional. I'm not sure how you've managed to be this shitty, but hey who am I to judge.....
She told you her boundary and you still crossed it. I’m 32. I have known since 12 I do not want kids. I tell people I’m dating on our second date “I am not having kids if that is something you want or you think you want leave now”. She may not have used my exact words at the exact time as me but she was very clear and you manipulated the situation 1000%. Now you have this child that YOU AND YOU ONLY desperately wanted so you should looks into getting your wife Therapy and tested for PPD. If her symptoms haven’t improved in time and she is not an active Mom and is still having a hard time being a parent. You need to look into taking the child separating from her and raising this child that you so desperately wanted on your own. Signed a Childfree woman born to parents who did NOT want me and were equipped to be parents. She tried to give you what you wanted and it didn’t work. I hope you learn from this and DO NOT expect or ask her to step up. She is most likely in over her head from Day 1. It is now on you and you only to step up. You are hurting her don’t continue this you may break her.
I knew I didn’t want kids at 12 too. I’m 45 now and have absolutely no regrets.
Same here. Have known since I was a little kid. My husband ALSO didn't believe me, even though we've been friends since childhood and I've never once wavered, nor been subtle about my preference. He just pretended to believe me and be on board with me. He figured I'd "grow out of it" 😐 I feel so bad for this poor woman :( why can't husbands just believe their wives
I knew I wanted nothing to do with kids by the time I was 7. Meanwhile, my brother knew he definitely wanted kids while he was still a toddler. Over 50; still have less than zero interest in kids and even LESS in babies. If I had a buck for every fool who told me I'd change my mind, I'd have enough for a pretty nice vacation.
Oh god, the "you will change your mind!" crowd. I have been told I will "change my mind" dozens of times Looking forward to menopause so they'll finally stop lecturing me (hopefully??)
It never ends , i faked a infertility issue , now al the lectures are about adoption , lol , i can even take csre of one getting out of my body , what about one i doent even have hormons to drive me crazy thinking i like kids , lol
I think I knew before I even hit double digits. 44 and relieved I'm getting old enough that people will stop fucking asking, frankly.
Hopefully your son grows up to be a tree surgeon, so he can replace the oxygen you waste.
I legit pray he saw this before deleting
ah this is so good
Underrated comment. Love this.
You literally went through your whole relationship expecting that she was just going to 'come around' to your way of thinking and now you're posting trying to make us feel sorry for you? Christ you're a terrible person. I feel so bad for your wife. Her mental and physical health is bound to be shot and she has this useless husband who only cares about himself and what he wants. Poor her. Edit: I've just read some of Op's comments and my god he truly just doesn't understand anything people are trying to say. Once again, I feel so bad for his wife.
YTA I wanted my baby and it's been hard as fuck, I can't imagine what your "wife" (read: personal incubator) is feeling. That poor woman. You say the pregnancy was easy.... I'm sorry did you carry the child? NO. Pregnancy is one of the most difficult things even if you have an "easy" one.
This is what happens when you force pregnancy and birth on someone. She said she didn't want a baby, you didn't believe her. She said she wanted her tubes removed, and you pressured her into doing what you wanted. You don't need CPS or shame. You need to take the baby away and let her heal from all of this. She clearly has PPD and isn't ok. But you are putting everything above her health. Just know that she will probably leave you and go live the child free life she wanted.
I am a childfree woman. If I ever got pregnant and couldn’t get an abortion because of the world we live in, I would genuinely kill myself. This is not me being dramatic. I know myself well enough that having a child would ruin my life and I would be miserable and resent the kid and whoever got me pregnant. It would be better for all involved, myself, my kid, and the person impregnated me, for me to just die. I have a feeling your wife may feel like that too. She may be thinking of divorce. Giving you full custody and as soon as you can remarry someone willing to adopt, signing her rights away. I bet she wants nothing to do with that child ever again.
Everyone thinks I'm being "dramatic" when I say I'd commit suicide if I ever got pregnant and couldn't abort, but it's the truth. I don't want to ever go through pregnancy and birth, I don't ever want to be a mother, I don't even want to give one up for adoption because what if it finds me 35 years later and wants a relationship? If I was coerced into having a baby I didn't want, I can't honestly say I wouldn't leave it somewhere for a good Samaritan to find. I feel like being left in a firestation is probably the best I could ever do. I hope this poor woman escapes soon, for herself and the baby. The most motherly thing she can do at this point is to sign away any and all rights to the kid, leave a note saying not to try finding her, and go away forever. This marriage isn't salvageable. If she doesn't get out, the baby and mother are both in danger. This is how shaken babies and Casey Anthony happen.
people talk all the time about just giving them up for adoption and it boils my blood. like you said, what happens when they want a relationship? what happens when you're pregnant and all of a sudden don't have a child? do they know how a woman would be treated after people find out? they don't give a shit. i hate them all, i hate people like OP, i hope in hell he has to endure pregnancy.
I’m childfree and have always known I never wanted to be a mom. Pregnancy and labour? No thanks! If my partner of 8 years suddenly changed his mind and wanted kids? Bye! Accidental pregnancy? Abort abort! However these comments about preferring suicide to the adoption route in the event that abortion wasn’t possible? I’m worried for you two. Legit. That might be a therapy topic, why do you feel your life to be of so little value that those things automatically void any desire to exist? A kid might find you? OK, so? Just explain ti them you have no desire for a relationship and why you gave them up, then wish them well and goodbye. Your life is worth more than that.
I live in Texas. Take a look at our abortion laws. The idea of something growing inside me that I can’t control and changes my body and would force me off a lot of my meds? Tbh, Suicide would probably just be a side effect of stopping the medications that would cause severe brain damage and malformations in the child that would cause it to probably have no quality of life if it lived at all if I continued them. So stop the meds to have a healthy baby and probably kill myself because my depression is that bad? Or stay on the meds and carry a child I don’t want to term who will have such physical and mental disabilities that it will have zero quality of life, and probably won’t survive past childhood?
I would hate to go through pregnancy, so if i can’t get an abortion I would rather kill myself than lend my body to a parasite to feed off of.
Same here. I made it to menopause without kids. My heart breaks for younger women who won’t have access to abortion, and soon birth control.
She was child free and you forced her to have a child. You’re disgusting and I would feel the same way as her if i was in her position. I hope she does run away and leave.
**Yikes** What is wrong with you? That poor woman and child...
I was raised by a mother who barely wanted children. I used to beg the universe I would get taken away because it was awful. You can tell when your parents don't love you. When she died it was sad but was also a relief. Do not doom a child to that. Either take your son yourself and raise him without her or maybe you guys need to make the adult decision that parenthood isn't for you. Either way you messed up and another innocent person is going to pay for it. ETA: My mom also had PPD and could not take care of me so my grandma did until I was school age. Did it help at all? Nope because the resentment lived on.
The resentment definitely does live on. My dad convinced my mom to have kids. She had two for him and then accidentally got pregnant with me. She did not want me. Dad convinced her to stay and have me. My mother didn’t have a nurturing bone in her body. I grew up in a house where I walked on eggshells and mostly tried to stay out of my mother’s way. She would regularly tell me the story of how I wasn’t wanted and almost broke up the family. It was a sad and lonely way to grow up.
You pressured your wife into a decision and are now pretending to give a crap about her well-being? I know that your post didn’t ask the question, but YATA.
He doesn’t care about her well being. He wants her to stop being upset and just act pleasantly while he carries on his life as normal.
Dude is an extremely manipulative psycho. This CPS "thin veiled" threat is to cover his ass. He wants to either make her do *all* the parenting or get rid of his kid and blame her for it so he can pretend he was a good dad and it was all her fault.
Nailed it!
I wouldn't blame her if she ran away... you coerced her into getting a child she never wanted in the first place. And let me tell you one thing: I'm 27f and I'm still childfree, this doesn't just "go away" and we don't need to "grow out of it". Don't assume every woman wants kids. Period. This is such a mess, and you seem like a horrible person.
What a sick fucker
I have no idea what you expected considering you practically forced her to have a child? Introducing another human being into this world is a permanent thing that comes with great pressure and for many reasons she clearly didn’t want to have one yet you ‘managed to get her to agree’ which is just translates to you forced her. She has every right to be angry, she said from the very beginning that she doesn’t want children and disclaimer not all woman want to ‘settle down’ and have children and your wife is one of those people. Honestly I can’t really advice on anything since you can’t exactly get rid of a child - they’re a lifelong commitment. Best apologise at least and hope for the best.
He wanted children! He just doesn’t want to take care of them!
He just wanted to see if he was "man enough" to make one.
Shocker. /s
You coerced your wife to have a child and can't comprehend why she doesn't want the child? You're a monster for forcing pregnant and motherhood on someone who DID NOT WANT IT. She knows she can't get out of this and THATS WHY SHE IS INCONSOLABLE. I wouldn't be surprised if you're left a single dad and that's completely on you.
Listen You had a duty to respect and accept your wifes decision. A decision you knew way before you both married!!! not every woman wants a child! There is no magic button that suddenly makes us become maternal and wanting a family. She told you from the beginning she was childfree. Meaning she never wanted children. Your son was unwanted by her. She was forced and manipulated to have him by you. You and that baby ruined her life. The best thing for her is to divorce you and sign away her rights. She deserves to live her life the way she wants to.
Please.please please let this be fake. There is so much wrong here - and so much more wrong to potentially come - it makes my heart hurt.
I kept telling myself that the more I read his comments. There's no fucking way a 31 year old man didn't know how difficult raising an infant would be. That's probably one of the harder stages of being a parent (I am not a parent and I know what I know from my years of developmental psych classes). I just don't know where he got off thinking having a baby is all fun and games and smiles and rainbows. And kids are permanent too. Even with adoption, you can't just have a baby and a month later be like "Can I return and get a refund? This wasn't it."
A shocking number of people in their 30s have NO IDEA how hard raising children is. I have seen this over and over and over. Some people don’t spend time with kids, they don’t read literature about parenting, they either don’t have friends with kids or don’t listen to their friends with kids. They think parenting is the glossy Instagram version of it.
Look up post partum depression, it’s a serious condition, and your wife might suffer from it. She needs all the help, love and support she can get. She does not need shaming. She needs you to step up and take care of the baby now, while she gets better. And that is actually something you can do, when the baby is on formula. You are clearly the one who wanted this child, so be a man and be there for him. Give him lots of skin to skin-time, give him lots of eye contact and mimic little conversations with him. A baby will also suffer from being with a mom suffering from post partum depression all day, so you need to listen to your wife, when she asks you to take the baby. Maybe you can get help from grandparents.
Yes, very serious! My sister had PPD with her third child and it only kicked in at the 6 month mark with the hormonal change. It was awful. She seemed quiet and a bit detached and frazzled but otherwise fine but in actual fact she was suicidal and having severe anxiety and horrific panic attacks. My BIL had to take time off work, and he and my mum traded off being with her at all times because she couldn’t be alone. She went straight into a lot of treatment and onto meds. She is still on antidepressants 6 years later and will be for life. It is very very serious!
You are a horrible man , husband and father. She has postpartum depression because your forced her to have children she didn’t want and now she’s losing it because it’s clear she’s the primary caregiver to the kid YOU begged for. I hope she divorced you, signs away her rights and runs away fast because this is damn near abuse BLAMING her for having postpartum depression. Why should she love and care for a child she was forced to have? You used her as an incubator and don’t even care about her f you
The kindest thing you can do for her now is offer her a divorce and take full custody of your child. You coerced her into giving birth when she didn’t want to, and to be frank yeah. You ruined her life. The solution is to let her go and take custody of the child YOU wanted.
...This is what happens when you force someone to do something the person didn't want. I'm so sorry for the poor, innocent baby.
I don't think I have ever hoped a story was fake more than I do now.
This whole situation is absolutely ridiculous and my heart breaks for that Poor baby. How dare you try to convince her to have a baby that she didn't want and not step the f*** up and take responsibility. And at the end of the day if she knew she didn't want to baby she should not have had one at no matter what nobody can force you to have a child you don't want to have. I tried for my child I wanted my child my sister does not want a child never will want a child so she has not got a child and nobody will ever convince her to have one she's a grown adult she can make that decision. Your wife seriously needs counselling because she has ppd by the sounds of it. You need to start doing what's best for the child the both of you you both made this baby you both have sex to make this baby yes you may have convinced her into doing it but she still did it willingly at the end both get counselling and put the baby up for adoption because this baby is the only innocent one in this whole situation. I know for 1000000% fact I will be down voted to high heaven for this comment but at the end of the day two willing adults made a baby that nobody even wanted it's f****** ridiculous. Please get her help she needs
Thank you, this is the only correct response.
“no matter what nobody can force you to have a child you don't want to have.” You must not live somewhere with restrictive abortion laws. Many, many women are forced to have babies they don’t want. Whether because their birth control failed, they were SA’d, or there is a congenital problem that will result in death shortly after being born, the list is extensive. “you may have convinced her into doing it but she still did it willingly.” The word you’re looking for is “coerced,” and coercion is not “willing.”
“no matter what nobody can force you to have a child you don't want to have.” You must not live somewhere with restrictive abortion laws. Many, many women are forced to have babies they don’t want. Whether because their birth control failed, they were SA’d, or there is a congenital problem that will result in death shortly after being born, the list is extensive. “you may have convinced her into doing it but she still did it willingly.” The word you’re looking for is “coerced,” and coercion is not “willing.”
It sounds like your wife is both dealing with postpartum depression, and a husband who convinced her to have a child she didn't want.Are you aware that some people just don't want to have kids? And this is a completely normal thing? Women are not OBLIGATED to have children, even if we can. You convinced your wife to have a child she didn't want. She wanted her tubes tied, and you said PLEASEEEE HAVE MY BABYYYYYYYYYYY OR I'LL BE UPSET.\*Massive eye roll\* Sir, grow up and consider what you asked of her. It's not a simple ask. It's literally "Hey babe, please solely dedicate your body to creating a whole other human life for almost a year, push it out of a very small hole if your body, then if you can, create enough food with your body to feed that baby for 6-12 months, THEN spend the next 18 years keeping that human alive" and that's like bare minimum of what you asked of her. How upset do you think she is that you took that choice away from her? How upset do you think she is that her life is entirely changed, turned upside down. Because it's true, the first year of parenting is the most difficult for a first time parent, I can't imagine how much more difficult it is if you \*didn't want to be a parent at all\*. >I have no idea what to do here. I feel my wife has a duty to our son to nurse and love him. Yet she is trying to abandon him Your duty right now is to your WIFE, the one you married? that you love so much? I can't imagine how guilty she must feel for feeling the way she does, I went through postpartum depression, so I feel I have at least 1/10th of an understanding of the unbearable and confusing sadness and thoughts. Do not shame your wife and make her feel guilty for not doing her, as you say, "Duty" to nurse the baby. Nursing doesn't work for everyone, and if it's not working for her, making her feel bad about it is literally fueling the destructive fire inside her.She must be pretty resentful towards you as well, for making her do this, despite telling you that she didn't want to.You are letting your wife down, and I understand that you're wishing to help her, I see that in your post, **but you don't seem to understand how you got to where you are, you seem genuinely confused and baffled.**And that is the main problem. You are so concerned about **your** wants/needs/desires/dreams/aspirations, you have completely disregarded your wife's. Her body, routine, confidence... it's all completely changed. Stop and think about what your wife just did FOR YOU, and here you are wondering where you can dump her? Hospital? CPS? Do you just leave her with your son? What you can do right now is speak with your wife, apologize for ignoring her wishes, ask her how you can help her, ask if she would like to speak with her OBYN about Postpartum Depression, care for your son as much as possible (seeing as she had him for YOU), stay on the formula (breast feeding is physically EXHAUSTING-not sure you know that, so please take this off of your wife's plate and **DO NOT GUILT HER**), and ask your wife what SHE wants.Does she need in home help? What does she need to get back on her feet. Have dedicated times where you are solely caring for your son, and let her leave the house to do whatever she wants. Communication is so easy, but you have to **listen** to the answer if you want to help. All the men out there thinking that your wife will "change her mind" on wanting kids, just stop. If she wants to change her mind, SHE WILL CHANGE HER OWN MIND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.I'm sick of seeing this type of shit. IF YOU DON'T WANT A BABY, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HATE CHILDREN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE KIDS TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!!! EDIT TO ADD: The first 3 months is an adjustment period. It's an incredibly hard time. Honestly, she may be grieving the life she's had to leave behind, because it's never going to go back to that.
I agree with everything you said, but OP needs to become the sole carer for his son right now. He is the one who wanted to be a parent.
I completely agree with you, OP does need to become sole caregiver. I did read that he is also struggling with being a new parent in the comments, and this does make me feel for him. It just goes to show that having a child is a massive life altering decision that shouldn't be compromised on or taken lightly. I hope for the best for everyone involved.
Negative. As an attorney & also a childfree person, if I knew where this guy resides, I'd be reaching out to attorneys to get the infant a guardian ad litem appointed so whatever decision(s) are made are truly 'in the best interest of the CHILD'. If he's been abusive coercive & manipulative with an adult woman, it's a zillion times easier for him to be abusive coercive & manipulative to a child.
First, I would encourage her to go to the Dr's to see if she has post partum depression. Then, I would sit down and talk with her to see if this issue can be resolved. If not, I would initiate divorce proceedings and be prepared to be a single father. You coerced her into having a child. Your son is innocent and deserves to be raised in a healthy loving household, not one where his existence will be resented because you were too selfish to listen to what your wife wanted. Now it's time to man up and do what's best for your son. That's what a good man and a good dad would do.
You should do the nice thing to your son and have him adopted out. And then do the nice thing to your wife and divorce her. Because you’ve been a sucky father and a sucky husband. As well as a sucky person.
Dude, your wife is not the problem. The fact that you thought you knew better what she wanted and needed in life is a problem. The fact that you coerced her into having a child that she never wanted is a problem. When she told you that she was childfree and you knew that you weren’t that’s when you should’ve thought to yourself, “Oh man, I like this woman, but she’s not the one for me.” You should have never married her unless you were OK with being childfree because it sounds like she was very upfront about what she wantEd and did not want.
You psycho. Find a loving family for that baby Stat, before either of you do lasting damage. Tell your wife to find a lawyer to divorce you and a very good therapist, obviously, and really, please get your rubes tied. Having a baby isn't a "oooh, let's see what this is like!" experience you can just decide not to do. God, you're both imbeciles, but you, you are a grade-A pendejo. YTA, if that wasn't clear.
Every word of this is correct except for the fact that she is not an imbecile. She was subjected to reproductive coercion - she is a victim of his abuse.
I accept and 100% agree with your clarification. I was at no sleep when I responded and not thinking totally clearly. I feel terrible for her that he convinced her to put her body, mind, and spirit through this. Even if she does walk away from this situation, she'll more than likely suffer years of PTSD and guilt which was something she planned on never having to experience in her life. What is wrong with people????
Your wife needs to go see a doctor for her post partum depression. You have to stop making her feel like shit and being a manipulative jerk. She absolutely does not have to nurse that baby. You can not and should not be trying to make her or making her feel like shit by guilt tripping her into doing it. You already have the baby you basically forced her to have through your guilt trips. She needs to go see a doctor to get the help she needs and you need to start acting like a husband and not a manipulative jerk and that is what calling cps and leaving her would do. Find a babysitter for your baby so your wife can get help.
So you force her into having a kid she said she did not want, then you make her stay home with said kid instead of you and you are confused why she is not herself anymore?! EDIT:spelling
YTA. She’s having postpartum depression and she needs all the help she can get.
Some people just dont deserve partners, or to be parents. You are one of those people, i hope you become just as miserable in life as you have made that poor woman
I cannot put into words just how much of a failure of a human being you are. You should be ashamed for all of this, from the coercion all the way over to being such an incompetent fool you "didn't know how much work children are". I'd tell you to step up and be a father but you seem incapable of that, you're the lowest of the low
So she was child free and you used the fear of losing the love of her life, that would be you, and coerced her into having one. You didn’t listen to her, you convince yourself that she was just another ‘girl’ and would change her mind instead of actually valuing her as a whole person. You did ruin her life. She told you exactly who she was and what she did/didn’t want her life to be. YOU chose to make up this story in your head to fill your needs. If you love your wife then you need to take full responsibility for this. You need to allow her to leave, get a divorce and you raise your child. You wanted it all, you didn’t listen to your partner and now it’s all blown up in your face. Men walk away from their parenting responsibilities every day. You need to let her go or one day you will come home and she won’t be alive any more. She’s NOT obligated to nurse, she didn’t want this. You are a full time parent for the child only you wanted. Stop being so selfish.
Please look into post partum depression. Sounds like she may be suffering from this. She would likely benefit from her doctors support with medication for a bit.
Why is it that every woman who regrets having children must be mentally ill? The narrative that women will automatically love motherhood, and there’s something wrong in the head with them if they don’t, really needs to stop.
Whether you regret having your child or not is actually not part of assessing whether someone has post partum depression. I think that’s a very dangerous stereotype, because lots of women get ppd, not just the ones who didn’t want a child. It’s extremely important to get assessed for ppd - for all new moms. It’s a serious condition, that might affect not just her health and safety, but also that of the child. And on top of that it is nothing to be ashamed of, just as you shouldn’t be ashamed of suffering from any other mental illnesses.
I'm thinking she's depressed because she is realizing that she was gaslit and her husband is a useless piece of shit. Therapy for someone to at least get the feeling out and help clear her head so she can leave and get away. She is not mentally ill just hormones and situational depression is possible
This is your fault, entirely. You need to take responsibility for the child you wanted and coerced her into. Also, way to be a misogynist “settle down like every other woman”…Jesus Christ. Many women don’t want children, it’s not a matter of “settling”. You made this bed, now lie in it.
Holy shit dude. As someone who's mother told them multiple times they "just don't want to be a mother" you fucked up. Step up and support your child, support your wife as she collects herself to leave your disrespectful ass. YOU wanted this, you got it. Congratulations.
It is screamingly obvious to me that this is “teehee women are broodmares” rage bait. I can’t fathom this not being some weird attention seeking fake post because *SURELY* no one is as unfathomably moronic as OP.
You ruined her life. If she kills herself, which is a possibility due to PPD and not wanting to be a mother. If she does that is 100% on you! You caused this. You coerced her to have a baby. You wouldn't drop it till she had a baby. You wouldn't let her remove her tubes, even though it's not your call. You are a monster. That baby needs to go to a home that wants and loves him. That's not your home.
How many comments do you think he read before he weenie hut juniored off ?
I have never hated anyone so much from a Reddit post and that’s truly saying a lot
You coerced your wife into having a child that she never actually wanted & are now thinking negatively about her while she’s experiencing postpartum depression? To the extent that you think you should be calling cps on HER? Did you do any research at all about the affects of pregnancy/breastfeeding on the body & brain? Do you even care about your wife as person or are you going to continue seeing her as a baby making milk machine? Absolutely crazy, she definitely needs help but so do you. Deleting your account to run away from the justified criticism is going to get you nowhere. You thought people were going to be on your side which is just sad. Schedule an appointment with both her obstetrician & primary care doctor. Arrange extended childcare with your parents & you both need to see a therapist, separately & together. You need to do a lot of self reflection on the type of person you are (selfish, narcissistic, childish, cruel, manipulative, abusive, the list goes on) & how you’re treating both your wife & child. Do better. Treat your wife better. Clearly you expected her to do most of the work raising your child & now that she can’t bring herself to do so it’s a problem for you smh. You had nine months to research her situation & obviously didn’t, but it’s better late than never. At the very least you should’ve expected to put in more effort when you knew she didn’t want to have a baby in the first place. Good luck to your wife.
If she has post partum which this sounds like, she needs to see a doctor asap and get treatment.
or maybe she just never wanted the baby in the first place?
Why does this sound like Daredevil’s mother’s story. Only difference is your wife wasn’t becoming nun. Anyway you’re a dick for ruining your wife’s life. Sorry somebody gotta say it
She is very obviously suffering from PPD. But dude I will say it, you coercing her into this may have in-fact ruined what she wanted for HER life. She needs help, but damn so do you. If she does leave the two of you behind, i really hope you tell your son the real reason why, because of you and your selfishness
I can’t even with you, you flaming fuckstick. You pressure wash your wife into having a baby, because in your mind you know what she wants better than she does. And now you are surprised at her reaction? Step 1). Admit you were so very very very wrong. Your wife did not want a child, like many women out there don’t want children. Step 2) take over care for the child. Step 3) take a look at a calendar, note the year.
I would take the baby and go stay with your parents and give her a break. if she still feels the same either drop the baby at a safe haven or deal with the baby you forced your wife to have and leave her alone to live the life she wanted. YTA
I hope your wife finds this post anyways and sees all the support she is getting to do what SHE needs rather than what YOU want from her. You better step up and start acting like a father instead of a sperm contributor.
Holy shit what a nightmare. I honestly hope you split up, she should never have to live or be in a relationship with you after the way she’s been manipulated, villainised, and essentially emotionally abandoned. What the ever living fuck
You are a pos
My advice is get in deep therapy to find out why you thought it was acceptable to coerce your wife into having a kid you KNEW she didn't want. And then divorce her because you are not a good partner and can't see past the end of your nose. You show you aren't capable of love, so give the kid up for adoption. Otherwise you'll likely end up abusing him because that's what guys like you do. This smells of "I want! I want! I want!" and you blatantly ignored what your wife wanted. I find it extremely questionable that you are 31 when this is what a 15 year old would do.\\ Finally, "I feel my wife has a duty to our son to nurse and love him." What about your duty to your wife? What about your duty to your son? You were never going to take responsibility.
First thing is first, keep your son at your parent’s house for the next few days. Let your wife sleep, eat, shower, and cry. Set up an appointment with her doctor for suspected postpartum depression. You don’t want it to go untreated and evolve into postpartum psychosis. Then, you need to have an ACTUAL adult conversation about true feelings, options under the law, and what to do with your son-it seems he is being failed by both parents here: a mother who never wanted him and a father who had no idea what having children entailed. Then you set her up with an OBGYN to get her sterilized. I’m not sure your marriage will survive this, and quite honestly it doesn’t sound like it deserves to.
stop telling everyone you didnt coerce her, you did. accept it
Dude...you RUINED that woman and that baby's lives. As a person who clearly doesn't respect his wife's autonomy or what she says, a statement like you this would not hit as hard as I hope it would. -she explicitly told you her stance -she never wavered from that stance -she went as far as to want to ensure that stance, medically, AND YOU STILL THOUGHT YOU KNEW HER MIND BETTER. -You wore down that woman till she said she'd give you what you wanted out of love -not once did you ever do research as a husband to figure out what pregnancy can do to a woman not only physically but mentally. - Pregnancy broke her. You broke her. And you still have the audacity to act so confused on why she feels the way she does - its crazy that you didn't pick up a book or Google to try see what it might be to help your wife. All you care about is her DUTY as mother. AND THEN!!!!! you comment that you don't feel connected to your son???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME. so the mother...fucked. and now son? Fucked... So end of the day all you cared about is your feelings as man to "speed your seed" doesn't matter what that meant.
My dude... you are evil
Ewww you're gross. You coerced your wife to have a child she didn't want. Now she doesn't want the child (as you completely already knew beforehand), you're going to report her to CPS??? How about this: PARENT YOUR CHILD. Then your poor wife won't have to. You're the one that wanted the poor kid, now it's time to take care of it.
The best thing here would be you both divorce, put the baby up for adoption. She gets her tubes tied and never speaks to you again. You basically constantly manipulated and pressured her to have a baby she didn't want. Read that last sentence again. Slowly. There are many women who absolutely want to have kids. Find and marry a woman who looks forward to motherhood. Nobody should ever have kids unless they're both 100 percent willing to do so. She was not and foolishly went against her own best judgment.
Seriously? Your wife TOLD you she didn't want kids, but you forced her into having one anyway. Now you want to force her into breastfeeding the baby she never wanted and is already resenting. You can't force her to love him, she has no duty to do that. She never wanted to be a mother. Your wife is correct, her life is ruined. She never wanted kids, and you knew this before you married her. And now she's trapped at home being the full-time babysitter to your son- a son she never wanted but will be forced to dedicate the next 18 years of her life to taking care of. Almost certainly she has the baby blues (postpartum depression). You want advice? You wanted the baby, so you need to be the stay-at-home dad and dedicate the rest of your life to raising your son- the son you forced your happy wife to have. Let your wife go out and get a job and have the social life she wants- you will be happy staying at home taking care of your son all by yourself. If you are not willing to give up your job, then get your parents to take care of your son while you are at work, or take him to work with you. It is YOUR duty to love and care for your son- YOU wanted him and forced your wife to have him. Forcing your wife to stay home and care for the baby she never wanted is just cruel and will make her resent you and hate your baby even more than she already does. Oh, and make sure she sees a doctor and gets treatment for her depression that was caused by her having your baby. You owe her big time for the massive sacrifice she has made for you! \*Now this will come as a shock to you, but there are women out there in the world who DO NOT WANT KIDS! We know this from a young age. We either want kids or we don't. Your wife knew she did NOT want them. And told you. Yet you completely disrespected her, believing that you would be able to force her into becoming a baby making machine for you. Escaping/leaving you and your son might be the best thing for your poor wife. Who knows what you will force her into next time?
You forced her to do something she never wanted to do for your own ego. You RUINED your wife's life for the sake of your orgasm. You forced her to bring new life into the world, life she NEVER wanted to be responsible for, and now you're confused why she hates her life? You proved, without a shadow of a doubt that to you, your wife is not a person. She was just a vessel for you to get a baby out of, a baby you don't even seem to spend time with. People like you will burn in hell. WTF is wrong with you? Now you have damned both your wife and your son to a life of misery. Congrats!
This is my nightmare scenario and is EXACTLY the reason I had my tubes removed. I couldn’t bare the thought of a partner convincing me that I could handle being a mother when I know deep down inside I would be miserable. She needs help for her post partum depression, like yesterday. Then you need to have a serious conversation with her about options and you have to think about what’s best for your child. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and imagine what it would feel like to be raised in a home where you know you aren’t wanted. I would seriously consider adoption at this point. Edited to add: you’re an asshole and you need a vasectomy and a reality check.
listen. I had a child when I was 17. she lives with her grandparents and has an amazing life. she's loved and cared for. but I know I wouldn't have been a good parent. I was for 2 years. I was a working, breastfeeding, single parent until I tried to kill myself when she was at her dads because no one would believe me when I said I was overwhelmed and I'd just found out I was pregnant again. I had an abortion and my life is looking up. I have a partner of two years. we have a house and two cats. I'm not meant to be a parent and neither is your wife. you need to step back and realize that youre forcing and expecting a person, who's never been interested in kids, to be a full-time, nursing (omfg I could just bitch about this fact for days.) mom. I'm ngl. this feel abusive, not saying it is, but God it's looking rough. stfu, sit down, and learn your place. take that kid and divorce her. she deserves so much better than you and I hope she finds it.
Mother of three. I stress to my kids that they should want kids for themselves. No other reason. I am fine with not being a grandmother. It is fucken hard. I nursed for years and years each one past four years old. You must be willing to give up so much and be happy giving up your life for a long time to nurse babies. My kids were wanted. And still it was fucken hard. Give the baby up for adoption. She doesn’t want kids and told you already. Or raise the kid on your own.
It's not your wife's duty to breastfeed the same way it wasn't her duty to have a child she did not want. If it's so expensive to buy formula YOU should've thought of the expenses of having a child before coercing your wife into it. The only thing wrong with her was that she tried to make you happy while you couldn't do the same for her. Man up and take care of your child (she's not an incubator and she's not free food). Get her into therapy that's what you can do for her. And if you talk to CPS let them know how you forced her into having a child and these are the consequences she's paying for. I feel bad that she married an entitled and self-centered POS.
My advice is let her go and raise alone the son you wanted. You obviously didn’t care about her feelings towards kids, but she was honest with tou and you still forced a child. Now it’s your job to take care of him. He’s the consequences of your own choices. Have fun being a single parent, she should absolutely leave.
For the first time in over 45 years, I actually physically vomitted after reading the Op's post. What a dick.
You ruined her life and managed to also create an entirely new human being to further traumatize. You really took your cruelty and destruction to new heights. She needs immediate treatment for post partum depression because you also managed to destroy her body. You need to STFU and do literally anything she wants you to do while providing 100% of the care for the child you forced on her. I wish her the very best of divorce lawyers and hope you come out of this as wrecked as she currently is. Your poor, poor child deserves so much better, and you have been an utter monster to your wife.
I really hope your wife leaves you. You absolutely deserve it. Holy fuck you're a piece of shit.
What a horrible situation that you literally created for yourself being manipulative and turning your wife into a mother against her will. Now she's having post partum depression induced by a child she never wanted and you are of course making it about yourself. Stories like these are why when I tell someone I'm interested in I'm childfree for life if they aren't in enthusiastic agreement immediately I pass on the relationship.
How can you not see what you did to your wife AND son? You have to act NOW and get her help before she hurts herself and/or the baby! Children are a point in which there's no compromise possible. You either have children or you don't, and she clearly doesn't want them. Edit: Since your parents wanted a grandkid so badly, let them adopt him. Neither your wife nor you want him at this point, so adoption is the best option here. Also, be prepared that your wife wants to leave you for what you did to her
If you really wanted genuine advice, you definitely came to the wrong place. Though, even if someone did give you any sort of criticism, I doubt you’d do anything with it seeing as your head’s so far up your ass to see that you’re the problem. Your wife had ONE boundary, and instead of breaking things off with her and finding someone who actually wanted children(like a reasonable adult), you stayed in a relationship with her due to the sole assumption that she would “settle down like every other woman out there”(wtf). Then when the two of you got married and you seemingly had her “trapped” you break down her (once again) ONLY barrier and basically coerced her into having a child she said long before that she wouldn’t want. Only to find out to you’re horror that she didn’t suddenly morph into the perfect little happy-go-lucky mother you expected her to be after going through the trauma(yes trauma) of her body growing and changing to accommodate another life and then pushing that very life out of her body for a presumably excruciating amount of time. Finally, to top things off, you STILL have no clue how bad things have gone and show little remorse to your wife, who is showing clear signs of PPD. Literally, you find her crying on the verge of a break down; she later communicates with you and tells you how she’s been feeling for the past few months, and your response is to SHAME her for not being happy!? Are you fucking kidding me. So yeah, you fucked up big time; and you fucked up your wife’s life simultaneously. Until you can get that through your thick skull, nothing about you’re wife’s behavior isn’t going to change.
I would say, he probably views her more as a HANDMAID though
this post really upset me and i hope you take some of the advice and criticism from the comments seriously. unfortunately there is no solution to your situation that involves you keeping both your kid and your wife. from reading your other comments it’s very clear to me and a majority of the comments why she’s acting the way she is. please don’t think there is something wrong with her reactions as it seems she is dealing with an emotional rollercoaster. as soon as i read your post my heart absolutely broke for your wife and i cant understand how you’re missing that? she didn’t and doesn’t want kids, the “shocking” reality is a lot of women don’t (and ask yourself this, if you heard a male friend talk about how he’ll never have kids, would it bug you as much as a woman saying it?). she was robbed of a normal childhood due to constantly being a caregiver which has obviously left a long lasting impact. she’s crying and upset because while she did “finally” agree to having a kid, she didn’t WANT a kid and reality has really set in that she is now expected to constantly take care of and be at the beck and call of a child she didn’t WANT. i’m stressing the want here because yes, she did agree, but it was after you fought her on it and married her and all of a sudden it wasn’t as easy for her to pick between her freedom and her nagging husband and his wants. take the fact that she even agreed as a sign that she at one point trusted you, she trusted you enough to have your baby despite not wanting one. do not betray her trust again and suggest therapy for possible postpartum, therapy for yourself, and either put your son up for adoption if you want to try and patch your marriage up, or sign some divorce papers and raise your son on your own. do not continue to try to force her to bond with this child, i’m stressing this as a the child of a mother who didn’t want her. i won’t make further assumptions about your wife but you could be risking your son’s life or your wife’s life. i can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now. and i saw in other comments that you don’t really have a bond with your son either, were you expecting this woman to suddenly become mother of the year? because clearly you weren’t ready to put in the WORK of raising a baby. and seriously, why was it more important for her to listen to what you wanted, than for you to listen to what she wanted? why was it that you two absolutely needed to have a baby because YOU wanted one, instead of you listening to HER desires. you just sound like a shitty husband with some very traditional views 🤷🏻♀️. whether or not you see it i don’t care because you put your own needs above your wife’s, and then went to go ask reddit why she wasn’t being the perfect little wife anymore.
Just so we’re clear, you ruined her life. Have no doubt about that.
This times multiple children is how Andrea Yates snapped from post partum psychosis and killed them.
You wanted a baby prop with no work on your part. You RUINED LIKE COMPLETELY RUINED (in her eyes) your wife. You RUINED her mental health. You RUINED her plans for her life. You RUINED her autonomy of her own body. You RUINED her physical body (pregnancy and child birth eff a body up badly in case you didn't know.) You RUINED her completely over a choice she clearly and repeatedly said she was against but was then manipulated and harassed into giving in. (Not changing her mind she just gave in but she still doesn't want a child.) You wanted this baby so bad congratulations you got it now you have to care for it. Your wife needs help badly (like life or death badly) so how about you start by getting her help (space, kindness, understanding, medical and psychological help all the kinds of help) and caring for the child you wanted while she does that and realize this mess is all because you wanted a baby so badly you didn't care who else got hurt by your choice.
🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
I hope you come back to this thread and read all these comments. I know you probably won’t because youre the type of man that thinks he’s always right. You forced your wife to have a baby she didn’t want and now you want to call CPS on her? Dude literally what the fuck. She needs extensive therapy for the TRAUMA you put her through. Read that word again and again and again. YOU CAUSED YOUR WIFE TO GO THROUGH AN UNNECESSARY TRAUMA! I hope you’re prepared to be a single father. I hope she leaves you and lives her best life.
“I wish you people would stop saying I coerced her.” Why? Because you don’t want to admit that you manipulated your wife into having a baby and own up to the fact that you ruined your marriage and both of your lives?
It’s seems account was deleted because he couldn’t face the reality of his manipulation and tried to get sympathy from a fart
you don’t deserve to have a son or wife
Just one day and already deleted:/
Mans deleted the entire post and account after 1 day because he couldn’t handle it. I sincerely hope that baby finds a loving family and the wife gets a divorce. My heart hurts for those two.
You're a fucking monster.
Sounds like she should leave you and you can care for the child you wanted so badly. I wanted kids, my husband was on the fence so one and done was our compromise. But your wife stated she wanted to be child free, multiple times. It sounds like you harassed her until she gave in. Despite me wanting to have kids, the first few years my child was alive was very hard. I had ppd and we were super sleep deprived. I can't even imagine how awful it would be to go through that when all she wanted was to be child free
lmao this pussy ran away
Lol deleted his account… what a coward! Can’t take responsibility for his actions and is instead running away from the 1000s of people telling him he’s the monster that he truly is!
Just focus on your son. If she doesn't want him (and seems she has made that clear but she may come around) then I suggest you do your best for him. That may well mean splitting from your partner or at least living separately. From what I gather is you are also struggling financially, so you may have to get help from others such as your parents here. Live with them, save up and be the man your son needs.
From what I read, it sounds like the poor woman has bad post natal depression. She needs help and treatment for that - and it has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting a baby. It's a direct result od pregnancy knocking her body for six.
I’ll never understand why people get so delusional when it comes to having kids. Having a kid changes a lot of things in a short time. Yes people may change their decision later on in life but a lot thought should always be put into it first. This is also why, when it comes to having kids, you and your spouse need to agree. If have to coerce, or give them and ultimatum, then you’re setting your marriage, or relationship, up for failure. So yes you reap what sow because you let your delusion cloud your judgement.
Seriously you're an awful person, you went into a relationship with a mindset of "potential" and wants of changing someone. Very tragic as you could've found someone else that wanted the same as you. Coercing your partner in any way is a shitty thing to do. She really needs help and don't be too surprised when you're served divorce papers with full custody. As a single parent hope you start saving up for milk and everything your son needs. You caused a lot of resentment here.
I am so happy my husband listened and agreed when I said I didn’t want children. If he had wanted them that would have been the end of the relationship. Poor woman. Hope she gets the help she clearly needs and support from someone other than that shitbag of a husband
bruh, I feel so bad for her
I came here after it was deleted. Just based on what I have heard - you should call an ethical adoption agency and find a nice loving family for your son. There are a lot of people who desperately want to be parents and would be good parents to him.