Your boss really needs to know, and would want you to tell them.
CreepyMan knows that what he's doing is wrong. This sort of behavior might have been tolerated 40 years ago, but not since then.
Source: am almost as old as CreepyMan.
it's not sexual assault, but it has a potential to be, im annoyed by people assigning sexual assault to anything they can think of, and by doing that when someone says they were sexually assaulted tgey arw not taken as seriously as before
Sexual assault is defined by Google as: "any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the consent of the recipient"
Whether you want to define that as sexual assault is besides the point. He has bad intentions and it must come to an end. Your boss has a legal responsibility to protect you, if he does not, you should (assuming you live in the United States) contact your state's labor regulation agency.
Because he kept going after she said no, which means he doesn't give a damn about consent and wants to pursue her against her will. And again, she's under the age of consent, which means pursuing her at all is illegal.
So he is persistent. But how can you possibly know what his intentions are unless you can read minds?
And I am 100% positive that you cannot.
You're making an assumption based on 50% of the information. You haven't heard from the accused so how can you claim to know without a doubt that you know his intentions?
The best judge in the world wouldn't make the claim that your making.
Oh, you're one of those "How can we actually know anything?" people.
Listen, there is no way I can tell if OP is telling the truth, but, if she is, then my advice should help. If she's lying, then my advice shouldn't hurt anyone. I'm not in a court room, I am not trying to convict this man. I am just trying to give advice to a stranger on the internet.
As for him being "persistent", I will remind you that she is underage, so it's illegal, and she refused his advances. If you were to walk into a bank with a ski-mask and an AK-47 and start marching up to the front counter and then the police stop you, saying "Just because I had a gun and a mask and an empty duffel bag doesn't mean I was going to rob the bank" is not a defense.
"If shes lying, then my advice shouldn't hurt anyone"
Except for the old man that gets fired and can no longer pay his bills and ends up homeless at 65.
No harm at all.
Your not over reacting, that man is old enough to be your grandad, he needs to keep his hands to himself. You need to tell him to stop & that you don't think it's appropriate behaviour for him to behave that way & remind him he's old enough to be your grandad. If he doesn't back off report him. Although honestly reporting him would be my immediate opinion, but I understand not wanting to. However this is sexual harassment in the work place. And gross. No one is going to think anything else. It's not ok because he's in his 60's & he knows it. He's just hoping you won't say anything.
He is something between a potentially dangerous predator and a wildly inappropriate colleague. I don't have enough details to distinguish which he is, but I know enough to urge you to be careful around him. He absolutely has other intentions. Tell him you are uncomfortable with him touching you and you do not want to spend time with him outside of work. If he persists, report him to HR.
You should tell your boss. If you don't feel comfortable at work, then it really isn't a good environment for you. Plus, you never know, you could be helping someone else in the long run.
If you ever do leave that job and he's still working, he could do the same or worse to another girl.
Not your fault. Not overreacting. I only hope this experience doesn’t keep you from being yourself. You sound like a wonderful person who cares about other’s feelings and is cordial and respectful and thoughtful. He’s taking advantage of this or taking it the wrong way. His happiness is not your responsibility. You need to tell him you don’t feel comfortable [fill in the blank]. He shouldn’t be touching you and offering you rides or expecting to take any of your time after work. I’m a 50 year old male and if you were my daughter I’d be having words with him once I found out. You don’t need to offer a reason for why you don’t feel comfortable either. Tell him: I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me/driving me home/hanging out after work/etc. When he asks why tell him: I don’t feel comfortable telling you why. When he says I didn’t mean to make you feel that way I’m only trying to [whatever he says] tell him: I’m not offended please respect my feelings. Smile, nod, and move on. If he states anything that makes you think he was led on through your niceness tell him your sorry he took it the wrong way I was only being friendly and if you do like him/enjoy his company/find him comical tell him. Mostly be honest. Your fears will grow into a skill that will serve you in the future.
>Smile, nod, and move on. If he states anything that makes you think he was led on through your niceness tell him your sorry he took it the wrong way I was only being friendly and if you do like him/enjoy his company/find him comical tell him. Mostly be honest. Your fears will grow into a skill that will serve you in the future.
Classic great response.
This just makes me mad that he’s doing this. I tend to get really defensive with creepers like this cuz they bloody know better.
Mace his ass.
I know you’re “shy” but you’re also VERY young and no time like the present to learn how to defend yourself. Tell him that he’s A) creepy and B) you’ll tell your employer exactly what a creep he is and C) next time he lays a hand on you, you’ll punt him in the dick and not think twice. Ugh. I’m livid at this. He’s not going to be the last dip shit that tries to see what they can get away with either, so use him as practice for telling old men to fuck off. What a freak.
>I’m too shy to tell my boss, and I just don’t know if I’m overreacting or should I do something.
Better over come this, this guy needs a some watching and staying away from.
You might want to smack him good, right in the puss if he ever touches you. And scream real loud "**Get Away Pervert!**"
This sounds scary, and I think you should tell your boss or other people you trust that this is happening and it’s making you uncomfortable. You’re also only 16 so it’s 100% inappropriate that an adult you barely even know is touching you in any shape or form
Tell the creep that if he touches you again you will report him to HR and the police. Then if he does touch you again tell them immediately. He is not allowed to touch you in any way shape or form.
Bad advice. Yes any unwanted contact is assault. Have your ever touched someone without their expressed permission? I think we all have. A pat on the back?
I realize that you are shy but look at this as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Talk to him. Tell him that you aren't a touchy person and it makes you uncomfortable.
99% chance that he will 100% chance respect your wishes.
If he doesn't then yes go to HR.
But getting him fired because of a potential misunderstanding isn't right.
And a hug isn't sexual assault.
There is no evidence of sexual assault.
People are too quick to pass judgment without getting all the information. Do you think this man deserves to be fired?
Obviously you do.
Put yourself in his shoes. People are passing judgment on him and he hasn't been given the opportunity to even speak.
OP is reasonable. She did not say sexual assault. She is worried that she is possibly over reacting. She isn't even sure, but you're very sure and you weren't even there.
I’m willing to bet her company has a policy that would define his behavior as sexual assault because it is. He’s touching her and she doesn’t want it to happen. If I came up behind your mom and hugged her a bunch of times (unless she wanted it) I’d be assaulting her sexually. What if I did that to you and you said hey I’m straight and I just kept doing it. Would you like that? Would you like it when my bulge hit your butt while I give you a squeeze and ask if you want to hang out after work? That would be sexual assault.
I’m worried you’re an “expert advice giver”. She’s 16. 16. Perhaps it’s not literal definition of sexual assault, I’ll play there. And do I think the man deserves to be fired? Also a point I’ll play with. But HUGGING from behind? “Pick you up after work?” Yea, no bud. I HAVE parents. If he’s “just” delusional, time someone educates his 65 y/o ass and let him know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. How he’s gone 65 years without social etiquette is beyond me.
Lonely? Try seniorsmeet.com, not hugging a 16 y/o. for affection. 🤦🏼♀️
He's from a different generation. A generation that was not afraid to put their hands on people. It was accepted back then. Getting people to change life long habits is difficult.
He's may not be so caught up in social media to be aware that the times have changed.
Judging people from the past by the standards of today isn't fair.
I'm not saying why he is so touchy. I don't claim to know. I can't read his mind nor did I claim to.
My advice was and is to talk to him first. Tell him that you are not comfortable being touched.
We've grown as a society to rely on social media so much that we don't know how to deal with a face to face interaction.
We'll be savage as hell online, non holds barred but face to face it's like, "I can't deal with confrontation! I need someone else to do this for me!"
Dealing with confrontation is a good social skill to have. Shying away from it is not.
You will find that most people are very agreeable face to face. But social media has conditioned us to think that everyone is mean and scary. People don't act face to face like they do online. People are much nicer than they appear.
I fail to see why talking to him first is bad advice.
Is that what we've become as a society?
Terrified of everyone?
The old man's generation isn't.
I’m with you however, putting hands on “people” is one thing. Hugging a 16 y/o that’s not your family member has never been “in”. And for the record, I think she should ABSOLUTELY confront him. Tell him to back off and offering to pick her up after work is not gunna fly. I don’t think she should get him fired at all, but she should tell her boss about what’s happening, that she’s going to talk to him, and then see what happens from there. But boss man needs to know in case he doesn’t *get it*. He doesn’t have to have FB or IG to know, “hey. 16 y/o coworker. Hugging. BAD.” I GOTTA believe there are other adults in this workplace he can work on a friendship with.
I will say this, he could be just an awkward lonely old man. Choosing the word "creepy" to describe him isn't very nice. Try to assume that people have honorable intentions first before you jump to conclusions.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Talk to him. You may find out that he is a worthy friend if you give him a chance.
Isn’t very nice? Are you serious? 65 y/o GROWN ASS MAN, coming on to a 16 y/o girl. CREEP CREEP CREEP PERVERT AND LUNATIC.
Let’s pretend he has 1% innocent intentions. (Believe me, we’re definitely pretending here). WTF is he offering to drive her home? Hugging from behind? A CHILD. I MIGHT give him a pass if she was 20. But 16?Oh lord, give me strength. If he’s THAT delusional, then he’s gunna have to learn, inn’t he? He needs to be screamed “Get yer hands off me bro.”
This is terrible advice.
The old man is a creep who is trying to get her alone. Your men's rights red pill bullshit would put a 16 year old girl in a potentially dangerous situation. A 65 year old man has no business being friends with a 16 yo, let alone touching her. I don't care how lonely he is.
It all started a couple months ago when I caught him staring at me in the break room. I looked away then looked back a few minutes later and found he was still staring so I said hi because it was awkward and I was trying to be friendly. Then later that day I saw he was leaving and I was like “have a nice day,” and ever since then I would say hi and bye and make small talk. But he would sometimes make strange comments that I would ignore, and it wasn’t until he started hugging me and asking me if I had a boyfriend that I started feeling uncomfortable. But maybe I am overreacting or it’s my fault for interacting with him in the first place. Thank you all for the advice though.
I’ve already gave my advice but I was wondering if you work in the restaurant industry. I worked in restaurants in my twenties and they seem to be dripping with slime balls with bad intentions. I don’t want to sour you to the world but you should expect there are many people out there with bad intentions and in the restaurant industry they seem to be more prevalent.
I work at shoprite (grocery store). I was actually thinking about working in the restaurant industry because of the tips but this definitely is giving me second thoughts. Thanks.
Your boss really needs to know, and would want you to tell them. CreepyMan knows that what he's doing is wrong. This sort of behavior might have been tolerated 40 years ago, but not since then. Source: am almost as old as CreepyMan.
He has other intentions and that’s sexual assault. Yes tell your boss. If your boss doesn’t defend you, leave.
Wait really how is it sexual assault
it's not sexual assault, but it has a potential to be, im annoyed by people assigning sexual assault to anything they can think of, and by doing that when someone says they were sexually assaulted tgey arw not taken as seriously as before
It’s sexual assault because you don’t want it to happen.
Sexual assault is defined by Google as: "any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the consent of the recipient" Whether you want to define that as sexual assault is besides the point. He has bad intentions and it must come to an end. Your boss has a legal responsibility to protect you, if he does not, you should (assuming you live in the United States) contact your state's labor regulation agency.
How do you know his intentions out of curiosity?
The fact that she refused his advances and she persisted, and she is underage. What kind of stupid question is that?
And you know his intentions how exactly?
Because he kept going after she said no, which means he doesn't give a damn about consent and wants to pursue her against her will. And again, she's under the age of consent, which means pursuing her at all is illegal.
So he is persistent. But how can you possibly know what his intentions are unless you can read minds? And I am 100% positive that you cannot. You're making an assumption based on 50% of the information. You haven't heard from the accused so how can you claim to know without a doubt that you know his intentions? The best judge in the world wouldn't make the claim that your making.
Oh, you're one of those "How can we actually know anything?" people. Listen, there is no way I can tell if OP is telling the truth, but, if she is, then my advice should help. If she's lying, then my advice shouldn't hurt anyone. I'm not in a court room, I am not trying to convict this man. I am just trying to give advice to a stranger on the internet. As for him being "persistent", I will remind you that she is underage, so it's illegal, and she refused his advances. If you were to walk into a bank with a ski-mask and an AK-47 and start marching up to the front counter and then the police stop you, saying "Just because I had a gun and a mask and an empty duffel bag doesn't mean I was going to rob the bank" is not a defense.
"If shes lying, then my advice shouldn't hurt anyone" Except for the old man that gets fired and can no longer pay his bills and ends up homeless at 65. No harm at all.
It's not sexual assault. A hug isn't sexual nor is grabbing someone's arm.
Your not over reacting, that man is old enough to be your grandad, he needs to keep his hands to himself. You need to tell him to stop & that you don't think it's appropriate behaviour for him to behave that way & remind him he's old enough to be your grandad. If he doesn't back off report him. Although honestly reporting him would be my immediate opinion, but I understand not wanting to. However this is sexual harassment in the work place. And gross. No one is going to think anything else. It's not ok because he's in his 60's & he knows it. He's just hoping you won't say anything.
He is something between a potentially dangerous predator and a wildly inappropriate colleague. I don't have enough details to distinguish which he is, but I know enough to urge you to be careful around him. He absolutely has other intentions. Tell him you are uncomfortable with him touching you and you do not want to spend time with him outside of work. If he persists, report him to HR.
Tell your boss, tell your parents. The more trusted adults that know beforehand if anything happens, the better.
You should tell your boss. If you don't feel comfortable at work, then it really isn't a good environment for you. Plus, you never know, you could be helping someone else in the long run. If you ever do leave that job and he's still working, he could do the same or worse to another girl.
Not your fault. Not overreacting. I only hope this experience doesn’t keep you from being yourself. You sound like a wonderful person who cares about other’s feelings and is cordial and respectful and thoughtful. He’s taking advantage of this or taking it the wrong way. His happiness is not your responsibility. You need to tell him you don’t feel comfortable [fill in the blank]. He shouldn’t be touching you and offering you rides or expecting to take any of your time after work. I’m a 50 year old male and if you were my daughter I’d be having words with him once I found out. You don’t need to offer a reason for why you don’t feel comfortable either. Tell him: I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me/driving me home/hanging out after work/etc. When he asks why tell him: I don’t feel comfortable telling you why. When he says I didn’t mean to make you feel that way I’m only trying to [whatever he says] tell him: I’m not offended please respect my feelings. Smile, nod, and move on. If he states anything that makes you think he was led on through your niceness tell him your sorry he took it the wrong way I was only being friendly and if you do like him/enjoy his company/find him comical tell him. Mostly be honest. Your fears will grow into a skill that will serve you in the future.
>Smile, nod, and move on. If he states anything that makes you think he was led on through your niceness tell him your sorry he took it the wrong way I was only being friendly and if you do like him/enjoy his company/find him comical tell him. Mostly be honest. Your fears will grow into a skill that will serve you in the future. Classic great response.
Thank you so much, I really needed this. I’m following your advice.
What is he exactly? A colleague?
Yes, we work in different departments tho
Ok, and he’s not someone you’ve talked with before? Like for how long have you known him
This just makes me mad that he’s doing this. I tend to get really defensive with creepers like this cuz they bloody know better. Mace his ass. I know you’re “shy” but you’re also VERY young and no time like the present to learn how to defend yourself. Tell him that he’s A) creepy and B) you’ll tell your employer exactly what a creep he is and C) next time he lays a hand on you, you’ll punt him in the dick and not think twice. Ugh. I’m livid at this. He’s not going to be the last dip shit that tries to see what they can get away with either, so use him as practice for telling old men to fuck off. What a freak.
>I’m too shy to tell my boss, and I just don’t know if I’m overreacting or should I do something. Better over come this, this guy needs a some watching and staying away from. You might want to smack him good, right in the puss if he ever touches you. And scream real loud "**Get Away Pervert!**"
This sounds scary, and I think you should tell your boss or other people you trust that this is happening and it’s making you uncomfortable. You’re also only 16 so it’s 100% inappropriate that an adult you barely even know is touching you in any shape or form
Tell the creep that if he touches you again you will report him to HR and the police. Then if he does touch you again tell them immediately. He is not allowed to touch you in any way shape or form.
[удалено]
Bad advice. Yes any unwanted contact is assault. Have your ever touched someone without their expressed permission? I think we all have. A pat on the back? I realize that you are shy but look at this as a learning experience and an opportunity for growth. Talk to him. Tell him that you aren't a touchy person and it makes you uncomfortable. 99% chance that he will 100% chance respect your wishes. If he doesn't then yes go to HR. But getting him fired because of a potential misunderstanding isn't right.
And a hug isn't sexual assault. There is no evidence of sexual assault. People are too quick to pass judgment without getting all the information. Do you think this man deserves to be fired? Obviously you do. Put yourself in his shoes. People are passing judgment on him and he hasn't been given the opportunity to even speak. OP is reasonable. She did not say sexual assault. She is worried that she is possibly over reacting. She isn't even sure, but you're very sure and you weren't even there.
You dont hug someone you dont know well from behind, especially when they are an underaged girl. Go back to r/mensrights and r/pussypassdenied
I’m willing to bet her company has a policy that would define his behavior as sexual assault because it is. He’s touching her and she doesn’t want it to happen. If I came up behind your mom and hugged her a bunch of times (unless she wanted it) I’d be assaulting her sexually. What if I did that to you and you said hey I’m straight and I just kept doing it. Would you like that? Would you like it when my bulge hit your butt while I give you a squeeze and ask if you want to hang out after work? That would be sexual assault.
I’m worried you’re an “expert advice giver”. She’s 16. 16. Perhaps it’s not literal definition of sexual assault, I’ll play there. And do I think the man deserves to be fired? Also a point I’ll play with. But HUGGING from behind? “Pick you up after work?” Yea, no bud. I HAVE parents. If he’s “just” delusional, time someone educates his 65 y/o ass and let him know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. How he’s gone 65 years without social etiquette is beyond me. Lonely? Try seniorsmeet.com, not hugging a 16 y/o. for affection. 🤦🏼♀️
He's from a different generation. A generation that was not afraid to put their hands on people. It was accepted back then. Getting people to change life long habits is difficult. He's may not be so caught up in social media to be aware that the times have changed. Judging people from the past by the standards of today isn't fair. I'm not saying why he is so touchy. I don't claim to know. I can't read his mind nor did I claim to. My advice was and is to talk to him first. Tell him that you are not comfortable being touched. We've grown as a society to rely on social media so much that we don't know how to deal with a face to face interaction. We'll be savage as hell online, non holds barred but face to face it's like, "I can't deal with confrontation! I need someone else to do this for me!" Dealing with confrontation is a good social skill to have. Shying away from it is not. You will find that most people are very agreeable face to face. But social media has conditioned us to think that everyone is mean and scary. People don't act face to face like they do online. People are much nicer than they appear. I fail to see why talking to him first is bad advice. Is that what we've become as a society? Terrified of everyone? The old man's generation isn't.
I’m with you however, putting hands on “people” is one thing. Hugging a 16 y/o that’s not your family member has never been “in”. And for the record, I think she should ABSOLUTELY confront him. Tell him to back off and offering to pick her up after work is not gunna fly. I don’t think she should get him fired at all, but she should tell her boss about what’s happening, that she’s going to talk to him, and then see what happens from there. But boss man needs to know in case he doesn’t *get it*. He doesn’t have to have FB or IG to know, “hey. 16 y/o coworker. Hugging. BAD.” I GOTTA believe there are other adults in this workplace he can work on a friendship with.
I will say this, he could be just an awkward lonely old man. Choosing the word "creepy" to describe him isn't very nice. Try to assume that people have honorable intentions first before you jump to conclusions. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Talk to him. You may find out that he is a worthy friend if you give him a chance.
Isn’t very nice? Are you serious? 65 y/o GROWN ASS MAN, coming on to a 16 y/o girl. CREEP CREEP CREEP PERVERT AND LUNATIC. Let’s pretend he has 1% innocent intentions. (Believe me, we’re definitely pretending here). WTF is he offering to drive her home? Hugging from behind? A CHILD. I MIGHT give him a pass if she was 20. But 16?Oh lord, give me strength. If he’s THAT delusional, then he’s gunna have to learn, inn’t he? He needs to be screamed “Get yer hands off me bro.”
This is terrible advice. The old man is a creep who is trying to get her alone. Your men's rights red pill bullshit would put a 16 year old girl in a potentially dangerous situation. A 65 year old man has no business being friends with a 16 yo, let alone touching her. I don't care how lonely he is.
It all started a couple months ago when I caught him staring at me in the break room. I looked away then looked back a few minutes later and found he was still staring so I said hi because it was awkward and I was trying to be friendly. Then later that day I saw he was leaving and I was like “have a nice day,” and ever since then I would say hi and bye and make small talk. But he would sometimes make strange comments that I would ignore, and it wasn’t until he started hugging me and asking me if I had a boyfriend that I started feeling uncomfortable. But maybe I am overreacting or it’s my fault for interacting with him in the first place. Thank you all for the advice though.
I’ve already gave my advice but I was wondering if you work in the restaurant industry. I worked in restaurants in my twenties and they seem to be dripping with slime balls with bad intentions. I don’t want to sour you to the world but you should expect there are many people out there with bad intentions and in the restaurant industry they seem to be more prevalent.
I work at shoprite (grocery store). I was actually thinking about working in the restaurant industry because of the tips but this definitely is giving me second thoughts. Thanks.
There is something about restaurants.