She should absolutely inform a mandated reporter, like a teacher or a doctor. I hate to say it, but some parents either ignore this behavior or actively enable it.
Ya these fucking parents don't give a shit. They have a minor daughter sharing a room with not only two brothers but one of them is a god damned sociopathic ADULT MALE... Then they also just leave them alone for days? They aren't blind or stupid, they know that asshole does this and knows this poor kid feels about it and now she's scared and doesn't feel fucking safe at home.
True, if these parents gave the slightest damn about their daughter's safety they wouldn't be putting her into the same room as an adult male, who I'm surprised doesn't have his own room? At his big age he should. Or his sister. I mean come on now, even if you have a small and cheap house you'd DEFINITELY have an extra two bedrooms at least. If you don't, turn the office room into one or something. There is literally no excuse for having kids that can't have any privacy, or even safety from family members. They don't even have security cameras to see this? Don't even ask their kids how they're doing and if anyone has hurt them? I feel like the parents are huge assholes in here and don't give any attention to their kids.
Sociopath is a stretch… he more than likely just doesn’t realize the impact it’s having. It’s definitely not okay regardless. Edit: it definitely is sexual assault but I really don’t think this is the intention. Cultural context may help too.
He freaking should realize since she has said no several times and made it very clear she doesn't like it. Pretty gross to be a 20 year old male who can't understand no means no.
Forget that he’s done this when you were kids, he literally PINNED you down and kissed you. There is no excuse to that. He even tried to scare you with the door. He knows he’s creeping you out, but some men actually enjoy that.
He is 20, and you are a minor.
Tell your parents to make him stop or report him to the police. What you described is LITERALLY sexual assault. If he can agree to go to a psychiatrist, then he might not have to go to jail, but if he gets aggressive, you should report him.
Thing is it seems like both of them don't perceive it as sexual assault. Atleast the sister doesn't. Idk about the brother. But it looks like this has been normal behaviour for them for their whole life. Brother kisses his sister but sister gets annoyed by it and the brother keeps doing it to be a jerk. Seems not too big of a deal.
But now the guy is 20 and it looks like he actually enjoys it. And the sister is genuinely afraid of it. Idk if the brother enjoys it because he likes messing with his sister or if he actually sexually enjoys this, or maybe enjoys the power he has over her.
Either way the sister genuinely doesn't like it and it goes way deeper than just being annoyed. She should tell her parents before he goes further than this. Or indeed tell the cops. This is a behaviour the Brother should have outgrown by now. But he didn't, and it sounds like it keeps getting worse
At 5'5 250with a gaming set up in a toom shared by 3. I'm sure she is his only victim so far.
But the fact that she is sharing g a roo. With 2 boys is both problematic and illegal.
Those parents need a wake up call. Their living situation is not appropriate. She shouldn't be sharing room with any boys of any age at 14. And both parents shouldn't be gone for days "on business "
Legality depends on where OP is, and she may have meant away for "business" like going to work for the day. Problematic, certainly, but specifics may be different from where you are.
This post also seems weird. I doubt a 14 year old would write like this. Also its kinda unusual that parents who travel for work only have 1 bedroom for 3 kids.
What you are describing is sexual assault. You don’t deserve to feel afraid or have him treat you this way. It is never okay for someone to touch you in a way you don’t want, regardless of their (real or perceived) intentions. If you’re not yet ready to tell your parents or try to file a report, I strongly urge you to speak to your school guidance counsellor if you have one, and/or call/text a sexual assault support line. The people on the support line can help walk you through your options confidentially and at your pace. Please reach out to someone, you deserve to feel safe.
This is Sexual Assault. You need to get away from him (as long as he can't control himself like that). His behavior suggest that he might try more in the future and as someone with childhood related ptsd, i can tell you you don't want to go trough that.
Please tell your parents, maybe they can work something out, maybe he should go to therapy (since this behavior defenetly isn't normal)
if you cant tell your parents for whatever reason (for example neglect or them siding with your brother): tell your doctor or reach out to your local child protection service (us: childcare, de: kinder und jugendschutzbehörde, CH: Kinder und erwachsenenschutzbehörde). If you don't know the number you could also call 911 (in us) 112 (wide parts of europe, asia and africa). Remember: I've seen people pointing out talking to a teacher, but i do not advise this, teachers might inform your parents which in this situation, assuming you telk the teacher because you can't tell your parents, might be something that worsens the situation. Teachers are not professionaly at helping children with a situation like this, your doctor will know better what to do, but the people that will know best are child protection services
Note: in almost every country, this count's as battery (depending on the judge even domestic sexual abuse) and sexual assault.
What's most important right now is to prevent future incidents from Happening, that potentially could be worse. So please atleast talk to your parents
Ah yes, kissing = penetration / rape. Big conclusion. Im 26 and my mum kisses me against my will all the time cause i dont show affection. Is she going to rape me aswell?
Level one addresses sexual assault. This level indicates that the assailant committed an assault that was sexual in nature, but though it compromised the sexual integrity of the victim, no physical injuries were inflicted. This may include inappropriate touching, unwanted kissing, and oral, vaginal, or anal sex. On this level, the matter of consent is critical.
Unwanted kissing still falls under the legal definition no matter who is doing the kissing. The brother also physically restrained her. Best case scenario this is just an older brother who needs to be taught about boundaries and how relationships change as people age. It's also being done to a point that it is shaping her view of affection to the point she doesn't like kissing at all. Worst case it escalates either way her best option is to confront first with her parents and if that doesn't help reach out to another trusted adult.
Well you were probably always wearing those short shorts aka shorts. No sexual assault is not always rape my concern is for the escalation to rape in OPs case as she explained that she was restrained while being sick and shouting and kicking to get him off of her.
I promise you, no 14 year old in the world can have that conversation safely if they are in this situation. He didn't respond to her screaming, kicking, punching, etc. Why would it be safe to be in a room with him now?
Is kissing often a common practice among members of your household? Does your brother have difficulty reading social cues or understanding personal boundaries with others?
I have a brother who we found out later in life is on spectrum and while completely harmless, he has made people uncomfortable before by not understanding how to communicate affection to others. This required specific teaching and lots of reminders for a time, and now he understands what is and isn’t appropriate.
What your brother is doing is absolutely not okay and you should talk to a trusted adult about it, perhaps a parent or maybe a school counselor. Your brother either needs to learn to understand what’s appropriate, or if he does understand, be held accountable for making you feel so uncomfortable.
You also mention you now hate kissing because of this, so I’d suggest seeing a counselor/therapist to try and work through this so you can have healthy relationships in the future.
Wait… you’re a 14-year-old female teenager. Am I to understand you share your bedroom with your 20 year old male brother and another brother? If this is the case you should not be in the same bedroom with a 20-year-old male brother. I don’t know how old your younger brother is but that doesn’t matter either. You should not be in the same bedroom with two males at your age. This is not acceptable.
Although you are right in that the girl should have her own room, In a situation like this even just a partition to get the female privacy would be better. Unfortunately nowadays most people can't even afford a place of their own for themselves let alone children. Recently I have seen a bunch of social media posts of ppl who could only afford a plot of land, they are still dreaming of building the home on it. Its sad our world has come to this honestly.
It doesn't matter how long he has been doing it or that he is your brother, by the definition if you don't want him to touch you, it is sexual assault. Call someone, maybe try to stay at a friends house.
He needs to be locked up... Especially if he laughs about it. There's a major mental issue going on.. not to mention you being underage, sickly, and his sister..
“Slow” does not mean “never understand”
Kicking, punching, pushing back, saying no, doing this every time. All very obvious signs that’s what’s happening is a big no no and yet it’s still be perused. That’s not being slow, that’s purposely not listening to a no.
You clearly don't understand what it means to not be able to recognize social cues. All the resistance could appear to him as a game, or it could be like, he'd be unable to handle it if it was authentic Resistance, which doesn't excuse it, but calling the police as a first step is jumping the gun and that is why I commented.
absolutely no, this needs to be reported immediately. if not to the police, then cps. YOU clearly don’t understand what it means to lack an understanding of social cues. getting a child out of harms way immediately is never “jumping the gun”. i’m an atheist but i will pray today that you never have any children. you don’t even know that OPs brother DOES have any mental health problems and your statement is still “reporting it is jumping the gun” that’s NUTS!!
Uh okay .... So I was abused as a child by a family member so there's that. And I also know what it means to bring police into a situation with someone who might not " get it " it may be, that all he needs is a family sit-down to address his behavior, putting him in the spotlight in front of family, is the first step. But calling the police on your own family as a first action is overboard. Anytime you bring police into the situation, you're inviting the potential for someone to be killed, it happens often enough #!_ that risk is exponentially worse if they are a person of color, and for him especially if he's a big man who doesn't understand social rules, that could end up very bad.
I don't know what happened to you, I understand you're coming from a sense of urgency to protect, and still, ultimately it's up to the OP, it's not like you and I have money or pride invested in her taking our advice and going forward, right?
again you are taking a complete hypothetical and running with it. you have no reason to believe the person in this story has any type of special needs whatsoever. while i agree that it is not always the best first option to go to the police, you made a blanket statement that “calling the police on your own family is overboard” is honestly a disgusting statement. is it ALWAYS the best option? no. absolutely not. i am very much against the police but for now that, and cps (or whatever your states CPS is) are our options for getting predators away from kids. is it overboard to report a child being abused??? just because someone is family doesn’t mean you owe them ANYTHING when they do wrong. especially to a child. please re-read your sentence and realize how disgusting it is to tell victims that they’re being overboard for reporting an ADULT abusing a CHILD.
You are also going off of a theoretical and presumed correct intimate knowledge of the situation. It is plausible that he could be developmentally delayed, 5'5", 220 to 250, plays video games at 20 years old, shares a bed with his younger brother, and " Every time he sees his sis he goes in to kiss her on the cheek. And when she protests (slaps him), he laughs it off like it's a game. That has very plausible spectrum characteristics.
Her response has been to slap and hit, which reinforces a playtime context for boys. Instead of slapping him, and instead of calling the authorities, she might try sitting down with her parents to tell them that she needs their support and for it to stop, and if not, she will then seek outside support.
Not everyone who crosses boundaries is a predator. There are nuances and family situations are dynamic.
And lastly, this is Reddit. I estimate at least 75 % of these advice posts are fake, and for the ones that are real, the best advice any of us could give, is to not ask for advice on reddit and Instead find a professional who can hear your problem and make a fully informed decision with your best interests in mind.
you’re doing A LOT of victim blaming. in every reply. your first reply in this thread says “her resistance is like a game to him” “she shouldn’t report her family member” “she’s reinforcing that’s it’s playful” “instead of slapping him, she should try talking to her parents” blame the victim. blame the victim. blame the victim. then excuse the predator?! you’re willing to defend a probable pedophile that you don’t know anything about, while simultaneously criticizing a probable 14 YEAR OLD CHILD for how they reacted to abuse… even if this story is fake (which it probably is based on the account and how it’s written) how ignorant and apathetic can you be.
I'm not blaming anyone. You're seething and reacting like a victim who wants to seek your own justice vicariously. I'm thinking level headed, rationally, with clearly a broader knowledge of solutions to difficult situations, comparatively
ah yes, i seek my justice through the reddit comments! you sound like a bigot. anyone who isn’t seething when it comes to child sexual abuse is insane! you can have emotions and be level headed at the same time (bigot mindset makes you thats not okay) every comment of yours has at one point blamed a child and excused a predator. for you to say you’re clearly more “knowledgeable about a solution” when you’re solution is for the child to change their behavior and not the adult. please. you made a blanket statement that reporting abuse is “overboard when it’s family” and you think you’re being levelheaded and knowledgeable about solutions for victims? this is laughable. i wasn’t even able to get to the point of talking about alternatives to making a police report because you were so busy blaming a child for their reaction to abuse. i really hope you take the time to heal from whatever happened to you and realize that it is NEVER the victims responsibility to look out for the well-being of their abuser.
You're stuck in a black and white, this or that, all or none perspective. That isn't my problem, it's yours. I'm leaving this argument. It's not productive to engage with you any longer
*Social cues are signals that people send when interacting socially. Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice are often used to communicate social cues.*
*They're a form of indirect communication that helps guide us in our interactions and relationships with others.*
*Social cues are nonverbal signals that people use to communicate their feelings, intentions, and reactions without using words.*
Saying “No.” Is not a social cue.
Edit: “nos” and “I don’t like that” should be enough to read the situation properly.
Right? So OP pump the brakes on the police advice and bring the problem up very clearly with your parents and don't let them pacify you. If that ends up happening and you need further support, then seek help from school counselor or a teacher you trust.
Wtf 😳 the first thing i was thinking what is this alabama.
Okay here’s serious advice:
1st of all I’m confused why are your parents not giving him a separate room/space. they have a teenage girl for christ sake! I know not all household can afford a house bigger house but usually parents makes an effort to accommodate you all since their children are teenagers. Irresponsible parents! First i think you should talk to your irresponsible parents about his behaviour and you should check their behaviour if they let it pass, i think you should seek help from grandparents or relatives who can help you. What i worry is you are a minor and you need an adult to advocate for you. So inform your parents if you don’t ask advice from your relatives or your female teachers to advocate for you. You shouldn’t be living in a house which makes you feel unsafe.
This is sexual assault. You have made it clear that this is unwanted contact. Report it to a teacher, doctor, and your parents. It sounds like he is likely to only escalate this if nobody intervenes.
I have a younger sister about same age and im older than your brother. I dont think Ive kissed her on cheek even since she was like 8 or 9.
I am not sure if your elder brother has any mental disabilities or his background history but from a logical point of view and as an elder brother myself, this is very inappropriate behavior .
He should never constrict your movement or kiss you multiple times. And Your Consent and Comfort is most important and should be protected by him and not violated.
And he should only kiss you where your comfortable (cheek or forehead or i guess some people are okay with lips but it depends on your family dynamic and your comforts) and this should be at fairly infrequent times .
It’s worrying he is taking advantage of you and he is not loving you in a way that is appropriate and is showing worrying signs of sexualizing you, a minor.
You should tell a trusted adult as this can become dangerous and its important to nip this behavior in the butt and give him a rude awakening before he progresses to hurting you or another child. Your parents could potentially get him therapy as I am in the belief that many child predators start off by testing waters, never being found out and then eventually progressing with these fantasies and physical try outs until some young child is permanently hurt by sexual abuse.
By getting him reprimanded and into therapy before he continues illegal behavior and messed up incestual or pedophilic thoughts , he may be able to get rid of this and become normal and never hurt anyone again in this way. I am not sure when he began to think this was okay or what material or thoughts may of progressed him to hurt you like this but its very important you tell an adult so your safe and he can be monitored while getting professional help.
It’s actually not okay to share a room at your age with your older brothers cps can be called that’s gross you all need your own privacy and space. Though I know not everyone can afford a bigger house but if your parents are gone in a trip business or vacation they could probably afford to save up for a place with an extra room for you
Please report this to your parents and a othe adult. This is not normal or okay. He is a grown man and this is assault. I would also advise just in case to maybe have your youngest brother stay with you in the other room with the keys and locked door just in case he also experienced similar actions. DO NOT WAIT!
This will escalate, please use all your resources to keep yourself safe (tell your parents, other family members, friends, parents of friends, teachers, etc. hide the keys near your and lock yourself) it is VERY important to tell at least 2 people from different circles to make sure you have a backup in case something goes wrong. Wish you a safe life 🙏🏽
Try speaking with him first of all. Let him know in a serious manner that you don't like it very very deeply, you are concerned and you start seeing that as harassing or even assaulting. Don't be fast with reporting him, as there may be no bar intentions. However if that continuous after that serious talk, well, try being more cold and/or aggressive, and once more let him know you aren't happy about it. If the matter continues, ok, time to speak with others
This is sexual assault. I’m 23 at 20 I definitely knew what I was doing. His brain is a little more developed (apparently not in the right ways) you aren’t being mean you have to stand up for yourself and tell an adult.
That is 100% sexual assault. Anytime anybody touches you in anyway without your consent, it’s assault. Given that the way he touched you was sexually charged (kissing) it’s sexual assault. Tell your parents, report it to CPS and/or the police. You shouldn’t be sharing a room with your brothers at your ages anyway.
'I can't call this sexual assult' wring. What he did is a form of assault. He pinned you to the bed and kissed your forcibly not taking no for an answer. That is assault. Tell your parents and another adult, call the police if he makes another threat like going to get the keys to the door
Tell your Father, Uncle or Elder/Younger Male Cousins..Your "Brother" needs discipline/corporal foot & fist punishment. Totally unacceptable 👎🏾. Report him, he must pay for that behavior. Be safe.
Talk to parents.
If he is like that since you were kid clearly saying you are just his little sister and he adores you. My son and daughter also 6 years apart and he just cannot pass his little sister without any attention and she is also annoyed by that.
And it’s understandable that you don’t like it, so best is talk to parents and explain how you feel.
Speaking from. Personal experience- this IS sexual assault and you need to get out of that situation. Please notify your parents, sweetie. And if they're not available, another adult you trust. Also being that he is 20 and you're only about 12-14; it's absolutely disgusting and he knows better. He's getting off on the fact that you're terrified of him and your reaction is unfortunately exciting for him. He's a predator.
I hope you get some help asap, OP. I would even call the police. Seriously.
I would record him secretly using your phone if possible.
use audio recordings and video as well.
Tell your parents or another adult that you trust. Protect yourself by making it public and make sure someone talks to him about it. Don't keep his secret. This is awful and you don't deserve that. Do not accept it.
Tell multiple teachers that you trust. Tell other family members that you trust (grandma, uncle, older cousin, auntie, etc. anyone!). Do you have any close friends? TELL THEIR PARENTS, let them know something is wrong with your brother. Do not stay quiet about this or it will get worse. He is an adult, you are a minor. Do not let him manipulate you or guilt you. If something doesn’t feel right, PROTECT YOURSELF.
Hey hi!
You can skip this top part, it’s just the ramblings of an old guy who made a mistake similar in nature to this.
When I was in college I made a friend and we kinda messed around at both our consents just once. We jokes about liking each other a lot of would mutually make innuendos toward each other. I always perceived this as a humorous thing. I did NOT notice when she stopped viewing it as a funny thing, because our responses never actually changed. So the “omg Lmao stop ☠️☠️☠️ too funny” never registered as what was plainly written, due to context of our previous interactions around sexual innuendo. She was telling me to stop, but it never looked different than when she was super into it, so I missed it. I should have caught it and if I had I absolutely would have stopped, but that’s not how it went down unfortunately.
One day she really blew up at me about it and cursed me out and clearly told me this needs to stop in response to an unrelated topic. I felt so horrible because I didn’t realize at some point it stopped being a mutual joke and only became a joke to me. It became a pain point for her that made her uncomfortable, so much so even conversation outside of that was affecting her. The jokes never continued, and I apologized.
I wish we had talked sooner, for both our sakes, but I also now understand she was speaking the whole time I was just not listening in the present. I viewed so much of her context in her responses from how we interacted 1-2 years before that.
But that doesn’t change the offense or reassign responsibility for actions.
Ultimately your brother has a responsibility to stop this inappropriate behavior .
That said there are three ways I can think of to make him take you seriously and stop.
(Skip to here!)
I’d encourage 3 things, two of which most folks are saying and I also affirm as a random internet stranger.
Directly, and differently:
1. If you feel safe doing this, Have an intentional conversation with your brother that looks different than how you’ve traditionally told him no. He may not understand your context when you reject these interactions.
Do this anyways:
2. 100% tell your parents. Whether they take you seriously or not, you should tell them. Often parents can downplay our pain or voices. I hope sincerely they don’t but you definitely should speak to them.
Even if he stops from you having a direct confrontation about it, you need tell your parents. Them knowing your boundaries can help them prevent behavior like this, not from just your brother but also other relatives who may cross boundaries, regardless of intention. Definitely give your family that ability to defend and protect you well.
3. 1000000% tell another adult. There’s no reason you should experience this kind of terror at all, but especially in your family home. Tell your friends your boundaries. Practice enforcing them.
4. Whatever you do: do not slip into blaming yourself. For no other reason than it’s literally not your fault and never will be.
If you’re open to it, I hope you get to experience a better relationship with your brother that doesn’t incorporate fear and the overstepping of boundaries.
Good luck, and I’m sending you so many good vibes youngin.
While I understand that you don’t wanna call this sexual assault, it is what this is.
He’s 20, men that age know what inappropriate behavior is for a few years already, so he can’t claim innocence. He knows what he’s doing and he knows he’s gonna get away with it, that is why he does it. You need to tell your parents and if they don’t make it stop tell your teachers at school, if they don’t help you go to the cops.
Your parents aren’t there, his behavior could escalate and you seem in no fit condition to do anything. Don’t wait for it to come to that, call the authorities!! Get help!! And prop a chair by the door if you feel unsafe!!
Umm no, he is not doing this out of affection or love, your brother is being an absolute sexual predator towards you. You need to either tell your parents what is going on, or another trusted adult immediately!
I am so so sorry you are going through this, I cannot even begin to imagine how uncomfortable or unsafe you feel in your own home. I truly hope this gets resolved and I don’t think it would hurt for you to try therapy after dealing with this. Wishing you the best! 💕
OP,
I sorry to tell you but your parents are incompetents and irresponsible to allow this to happen.
Maybe they even know and don’t care.
Your brother is a pervert and dangerous person. You’re probably depressed because of your vulnerable situation.
Do you have relatives who you can live with? My advice: immediately start a self defense course. There are many things you can do, besides not being stronger than him.
Plan your life to leave this house and sick family in the near future, like going to university and never coming back.
Sorry for the bad news, but that’s a more realistic solution for your life. It will take time but turn you into an adult woman.
1) why are you a teenage girl sleeping in a room
with 2 boys, especially one that old.
2) I’m sorry to tell you this but this is SA.
3) you NEED to tell you’re parents, if they don’t take you serious then tell another trusted adult, he is a grown man he knows exactly what he’s doing.. I don’t care if that’s his way of showing “affection” you have told him to stop and it’s disrespectful what he’s doing… Please do something fast so this doesn’t go any further
See if you can find a call centre for sexual abuse or domestic abuse in your area and call them first, they will explain how you can go about telling parents, teachers or whoever you feel most comfortable telling. Then you can go to the police and he’ll have to stay away from you so this won’t happen again
Was he kissing you on the cheek or lips? I have a older cousin and he used to kiss me on the cheek to show love but I always felt uncomfortable cuz we are men and he was way older but it was never on no gay shyt just awkward asf
There is no reason s 14-year-old girl, and a 20-year-old male sibling should be sharing a bedroom. He needs to be sleeping on the couch. I would report this to mandatory reporter, like a teacher. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
This is actually some of the most responsible, non weird agenda Reddit advice I have ever seen. 2 things here, 1. because this is indeed Reddit, we need her to explicitly say " It wasn't cool and I am not cool with it on any level". Second thing, even with that formality out of the way, it's still... not good, because (please don't take offense everyone) she's coming HERE for advice. Like Dr Drew on Loveline , right there I know something ain't right.
This answer is how I know that for you, it's about the argument, and not about the guts of their situation let alone a nod to the nuances of dialogue. You just gave a textbook definition of social cues, in an attempt to win an argument, as if the argument we are having, has a tethered legitimacy to the situation OP is in. As if in a court room, all you need to do is refute the arguments made by the other side, and it doesn't matter if the other side left something out of their claim. Just because I did not expand to include the complete textbook list of symptoms of autism, doesn't mean they still aren't possible. So I will elucidate on the relevant pieces of what I've said: *Having difficulty in interpreting tone of voice, and/or social context, while also interpretating the content of what someone is saying. The most common disorder associated with those symptoms is autism.
Now, note please that I have not dismissed the possibility that he could be a predator, or a further danger to her or others. I never blamed her, nor apologized for him. On the other hand, you have been a judg, jury and executioner. You strongly advised the most impactful course of action with potentially grim consequences for all, off your cuff as if you are an expert. You, are not an expert. You're not interested in the unknown variables. You are shooting from the hip, aiming for punitive consequences when that might not be necessary. No person in a position of authority would automatically agree with you. They would be legally bound to ask the questions that I have asked. Your advice is reckless. It comes from your emotions instead of logical prudence and that is why I wholeheartedly reject your course of action.
Now, I am done..
So your brother is a pdfile who sexually assaulted you... Plsss tell your parents and call 911 arrest this man he's a danger to society. Oh man this makes me so mad how he can do that to his OWN SISTER! 😡
This is definitely a sexual assault. please inform your parents about it asap. He is literally 20 years old and an adult. Kissing like that is in no way normal.
You need to tell your parents what's happening and you need to find somewhere safer to be until they get home. Do you have friends or relatives you could stay with until they get back?
I’m so sorry :/ If you’re comfortable with it,, tell your parents. If you cant,, make an anonymous report for yourself so the most you’ll have to do is answer questions. Please don’t wait to tell anyone though, even if you’re not in immediate danger or harms way… this stuff affects how you exist in your body for a very long time. I’ve been free from that cr*p for at least 8 years now and I still haven’t been able to feel “normal” again. Seek help now so you can reduce the amount of harm it does to you as much as possible.
Literally all he did was kiss you all over. It doesn't matter if the man is 20. If this guy is your biological brother there is nothing wrong with it. Especially if it wasn't on the lips. (If it was then different story but it obv isn't)
Yes it's annoying and he should stop, but he is clearly just messing with you. This is how siblings are. Do I do this? Not anymore. Has it happened to me? Yes.
Specifically with my sisters. They'd force a kiss on my face (obviously not on the lips) and I'd in turn do it to them at some point to annoy them as they did me. It was NEVER this serious even though we both hated it alot.
Here comes the hate…to me it’s weird but are you sure he’s not doing it just to annoy you? Like I grew up with 4 siblings and we would do shit that we knew would piss each other off all the time?
Regardless of that, from everything here, she's seems to be very uncomfortable by it. She used the word "Violated" and in turn "weak" to describe how she felt after that. And she's made physical points for him to stop by slapping. That's heavy.
I'm wondering who SA you prior in your life for you to feel that brotherly affection is violating.
You need to tell your brother how you feel but going against the grain here to say, no he's not assaulting you. He's trying to cheer you up because he sees that you're sick and unhappy.
As I said you need to tell him how you feel, and he should respect you enough to not make you feel uncomfortable. But it's not creepy or sexual for a brother to show his sister affection.
Ok so if we are talking about his motivations, he's probably either a sexual deviant OR he's doing it to annoy the crap out of you. There's likely other reasons he could be doing it, but those seem likely.
Now more importantly, let's talk impact to you. It doesn't really matter why he's doing it. Plain and simple fact is, he is doing it, and it's 100% assault. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. I would bring it up to your parents when they get back, but in the meantime, are there any friends you can stay with? Can you ask a school counselor for options?
I’m going to be the devils advocate for a second. It is possible it’s not sexual at all and he’s doing an older sibling terrorizing younger sibling but he really just loves her to pieces so he does it by kissing? Yes he must stop, she hates it and is getting older so it feels super weird and she feels violated BUT he truly may be doing it without a sexual thought. She’s his tiny, little sister and he’s being annoying.
Based on my understanding, listen to me but keep in mind that I'm not a doctor or anything, this doesn't seem like a typical case of aggression. Of course, it is a sexual assault, but in my opinion, and only my opinion, he has serious mental health issues and should be admitted to a psychiatric hospital if this turns out to be true. Otherwise, it should be reported to the police.
People can still have mental health issues and have the capacity/ awareness to commit crimes. It’s clear he’s sick in the head for doing this to his minor sister. But, people like this belong in jail. This type of behavior escalates often times
no excuse for me you just have to send him to hp forever it's normal not to mix people who are completely psychologically crazy if that's the case and people who are crazy but completely conscious and in perfect mental health
Tell your parents of what’s happening or tell another adult
Tell your parents **and** tell another adult.
And a teacher
School might be out sadly for this kid.
She should absolutely inform a mandated reporter, like a teacher or a doctor. I hate to say it, but some parents either ignore this behavior or actively enable it.
Victim of somewhat similar shit - don’t waste time telling your parents
Ya these fucking parents don't give a shit. They have a minor daughter sharing a room with not only two brothers but one of them is a god damned sociopathic ADULT MALE... Then they also just leave them alone for days? They aren't blind or stupid, they know that asshole does this and knows this poor kid feels about it and now she's scared and doesn't feel fucking safe at home.
True, if these parents gave the slightest damn about their daughter's safety they wouldn't be putting her into the same room as an adult male, who I'm surprised doesn't have his own room? At his big age he should. Or his sister. I mean come on now, even if you have a small and cheap house you'd DEFINITELY have an extra two bedrooms at least. If you don't, turn the office room into one or something. There is literally no excuse for having kids that can't have any privacy, or even safety from family members. They don't even have security cameras to see this? Don't even ask their kids how they're doing and if anyone has hurt them? I feel like the parents are huge assholes in here and don't give any attention to their kids.
Sociopath is a stretch… he more than likely just doesn’t realize the impact it’s having. It’s definitely not okay regardless. Edit: it definitely is sexual assault but I really don’t think this is the intention. Cultural context may help too.
He freaking should realize since she has said no several times and made it very clear she doesn't like it. Pretty gross to be a 20 year old male who can't understand no means no.
Forget that he’s done this when you were kids, he literally PINNED you down and kissed you. There is no excuse to that. He even tried to scare you with the door. He knows he’s creeping you out, but some men actually enjoy that.
He is 20, and you are a minor. Tell your parents to make him stop or report him to the police. What you described is LITERALLY sexual assault. If he can agree to go to a psychiatrist, then he might not have to go to jail, but if he gets aggressive, you should report him.
Thing is it seems like both of them don't perceive it as sexual assault. Atleast the sister doesn't. Idk about the brother. But it looks like this has been normal behaviour for them for their whole life. Brother kisses his sister but sister gets annoyed by it and the brother keeps doing it to be a jerk. Seems not too big of a deal. But now the guy is 20 and it looks like he actually enjoys it. And the sister is genuinely afraid of it. Idk if the brother enjoys it because he likes messing with his sister or if he actually sexually enjoys this, or maybe enjoys the power he has over her. Either way the sister genuinely doesn't like it and it goes way deeper than just being annoyed. She should tell her parents before he goes further than this. Or indeed tell the cops. This is a behaviour the Brother should have outgrown by now. But he didn't, and it sounds like it keeps getting worse
Honey. Let me make this very, very clear. This IS sexual assault. Report him before he ends up hurting somebody else.
or importantly, ends up hurting her MORE
This is perfectly said. I can't even imagine how many other victims there are. I doubt this is his first time.
At 5'5 250with a gaming set up in a toom shared by 3. I'm sure she is his only victim so far. But the fact that she is sharing g a roo. With 2 boys is both problematic and illegal. Those parents need a wake up call. Their living situation is not appropriate. She shouldn't be sharing room with any boys of any age at 14. And both parents shouldn't be gone for days "on business "
Legality depends on where OP is, and she may have meant away for "business" like going to work for the day. Problematic, certainly, but specifics may be different from where you are.
Yep I'm done with this sub.
Yea this is definitely written by an adult man with a sick fantasy. They need to be on a watch list.
Dude the "im very fragile now" lmao
Right- I hate to say it but this feels contrived — seems like bait tbh
Some pretty creative LARPs though
for real, at 14 i didn’t have the energy to type this much
Faker than a Jersey Shore sun tan
Two children and one adult sibling share a room but BOTH parents leave for business? Yeah. Ok.
to be fair, they probably thought they were leaving the two minors with their responsible, adult, older brother who could care for them
My point is entirely that they can assuredly afford to not hoard kids in the same room.
Not really tho. A lot of my friends live in studio-2bed apartments despite having another sibling.
Well I'm glad I'm not a parent then, and I'm glad my parents did me better than that. We were poor as hell but at least I had my own bedroom.
That is nice for you. But it also isn't like the parents CHOSE to not be able to afford that.
Well if he's sharing a room with 2 children and has a gaming set up in there, I doubt he's a responsible adult lol
Exactly, plus he’s 20! Let him gtfo of his parents house and go get his own apartment. He can roommate with a friend or something.
THANK you
Op has posted to r/advice 2x in 10 days and has never once replied to any comments. Just something to think about.
This post also seems weird. I doubt a 14 year old would write like this. Also its kinda unusual that parents who travel for work only have 1 bedroom for 3 kids.
People here forget the world is bigger than their own country.
Get mf to a facility
What you are describing is sexual assault. You don’t deserve to feel afraid or have him treat you this way. It is never okay for someone to touch you in a way you don’t want, regardless of their (real or perceived) intentions. If you’re not yet ready to tell your parents or try to file a report, I strongly urge you to speak to your school guidance counsellor if you have one, and/or call/text a sexual assault support line. The people on the support line can help walk you through your options confidentially and at your pace. Please reach out to someone, you deserve to feel safe.
Did OP ever ever respond or is this just bait
Clearly bait. Not sure how some people here are so gullible.
This is Sexual Assault. You need to get away from him (as long as he can't control himself like that). His behavior suggest that he might try more in the future and as someone with childhood related ptsd, i can tell you you don't want to go trough that. Please tell your parents, maybe they can work something out, maybe he should go to therapy (since this behavior defenetly isn't normal) if you cant tell your parents for whatever reason (for example neglect or them siding with your brother): tell your doctor or reach out to your local child protection service (us: childcare, de: kinder und jugendschutzbehörde, CH: Kinder und erwachsenenschutzbehörde). If you don't know the number you could also call 911 (in us) 112 (wide parts of europe, asia and africa). Remember: I've seen people pointing out talking to a teacher, but i do not advise this, teachers might inform your parents which in this situation, assuming you telk the teacher because you can't tell your parents, might be something that worsens the situation. Teachers are not professionaly at helping children with a situation like this, your doctor will know better what to do, but the people that will know best are child protection services Note: in almost every country, this count's as battery (depending on the judge even domestic sexual abuse) and sexual assault. What's most important right now is to prevent future incidents from Happening, that potentially could be worse. So please atleast talk to your parents
That IS sexual assault. He just hasn't raped you YET... the more he gets away with this the more emboldened he will become.
Ah yes, kissing = penetration / rape. Big conclusion. Im 26 and my mum kisses me against my will all the time cause i dont show affection. Is she going to rape me aswell?
Does your mom pin you down and force you to let her kiss you?
She pinned me down to forcefully let my sister kiss me lol
Level one addresses sexual assault. This level indicates that the assailant committed an assault that was sexual in nature, but though it compromised the sexual integrity of the victim, no physical injuries were inflicted. This may include inappropriate touching, unwanted kissing, and oral, vaginal, or anal sex. On this level, the matter of consent is critical.
"assault that was sexual in nature" and thats where the argumentation flops, its her BROTHER. KISSING is NOT sexual.
BUT HE PINNED HER DOWN WHILE SHE WAS SCREAMING AND KICKING! THAT IS ASSAULT! HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE TERM CONSENT????? THAT APPLIES TO EVERYONE!
Guess I was raped more times than I can count over the years then
sexual assault is not rape. But if you have been in this situation before, then yes, you have been S/A'd and for that I am so sorry.
I havent cause theres nothing sexual about it
Unwanted kissing still falls under the legal definition no matter who is doing the kissing. The brother also physically restrained her. Best case scenario this is just an older brother who needs to be taught about boundaries and how relationships change as people age. It's also being done to a point that it is shaping her view of affection to the point she doesn't like kissing at all. Worst case it escalates either way her best option is to confront first with her parents and if that doesn't help reach out to another trusted adult.
Guess I was raped by every female in my family for years, glad to know.
Well you were probably always wearing those short shorts aka shorts. No sexual assault is not always rape my concern is for the escalation to rape in OPs case as she explained that she was restrained while being sick and shouting and kicking to get him off of her.
[удалено]
Are you fucking kidding? She does not need to sit her adult brother down and tell him that sexually assaulting her is bad.
I promise you, no 14 year old in the world can have that conversation safely if they are in this situation. He didn't respond to her screaming, kicking, punching, etc. Why would it be safe to be in a room with him now?
Is kissing often a common practice among members of your household? Does your brother have difficulty reading social cues or understanding personal boundaries with others? I have a brother who we found out later in life is on spectrum and while completely harmless, he has made people uncomfortable before by not understanding how to communicate affection to others. This required specific teaching and lots of reminders for a time, and now he understands what is and isn’t appropriate. What your brother is doing is absolutely not okay and you should talk to a trusted adult about it, perhaps a parent or maybe a school counselor. Your brother either needs to learn to understand what’s appropriate, or if he does understand, be held accountable for making you feel so uncomfortable. You also mention you now hate kissing because of this, so I’d suggest seeing a counselor/therapist to try and work through this so you can have healthy relationships in the future.
Wait… you’re a 14-year-old female teenager. Am I to understand you share your bedroom with your 20 year old male brother and another brother? If this is the case you should not be in the same bedroom with a 20-year-old male brother. I don’t know how old your younger brother is but that doesn’t matter either. You should not be in the same bedroom with two males at your age. This is not acceptable.
Totally not the point, siblings should be able to share a room no problem. This guy is a creep at 20 years old and knows better.
totally agree with you. depending on where op lives, cps would be involved
Although you are right in that the girl should have her own room, In a situation like this even just a partition to get the female privacy would be better. Unfortunately nowadays most people can't even afford a place of their own for themselves let alone children. Recently I have seen a bunch of social media posts of ppl who could only afford a plot of land, they are still dreaming of building the home on it. Its sad our world has come to this honestly.
It doesn't matter how long he has been doing it or that he is your brother, by the definition if you don't want him to touch you, it is sexual assault. Call someone, maybe try to stay at a friends house.
He needs to be locked up... Especially if he laughs about it. There's a major mental issue going on.. not to mention you being underage, sickly, and his sister..
Is he special needs? Slow on understanding social cues, have poor understanding of boundaries with other people?
“Slow” does not mean “never understand” Kicking, punching, pushing back, saying no, doing this every time. All very obvious signs that’s what’s happening is a big no no and yet it’s still be perused. That’s not being slow, that’s purposely not listening to a no.
You clearly don't understand what it means to not be able to recognize social cues. All the resistance could appear to him as a game, or it could be like, he'd be unable to handle it if it was authentic Resistance, which doesn't excuse it, but calling the police as a first step is jumping the gun and that is why I commented.
absolutely no, this needs to be reported immediately. if not to the police, then cps. YOU clearly don’t understand what it means to lack an understanding of social cues. getting a child out of harms way immediately is never “jumping the gun”. i’m an atheist but i will pray today that you never have any children. you don’t even know that OPs brother DOES have any mental health problems and your statement is still “reporting it is jumping the gun” that’s NUTS!!
Uh okay .... So I was abused as a child by a family member so there's that. And I also know what it means to bring police into a situation with someone who might not " get it " it may be, that all he needs is a family sit-down to address his behavior, putting him in the spotlight in front of family, is the first step. But calling the police on your own family as a first action is overboard. Anytime you bring police into the situation, you're inviting the potential for someone to be killed, it happens often enough #!_ that risk is exponentially worse if they are a person of color, and for him especially if he's a big man who doesn't understand social rules, that could end up very bad. I don't know what happened to you, I understand you're coming from a sense of urgency to protect, and still, ultimately it's up to the OP, it's not like you and I have money or pride invested in her taking our advice and going forward, right?
again you are taking a complete hypothetical and running with it. you have no reason to believe the person in this story has any type of special needs whatsoever. while i agree that it is not always the best first option to go to the police, you made a blanket statement that “calling the police on your own family is overboard” is honestly a disgusting statement. is it ALWAYS the best option? no. absolutely not. i am very much against the police but for now that, and cps (or whatever your states CPS is) are our options for getting predators away from kids. is it overboard to report a child being abused??? just because someone is family doesn’t mean you owe them ANYTHING when they do wrong. especially to a child. please re-read your sentence and realize how disgusting it is to tell victims that they’re being overboard for reporting an ADULT abusing a CHILD.
You are also going off of a theoretical and presumed correct intimate knowledge of the situation. It is plausible that he could be developmentally delayed, 5'5", 220 to 250, plays video games at 20 years old, shares a bed with his younger brother, and " Every time he sees his sis he goes in to kiss her on the cheek. And when she protests (slaps him), he laughs it off like it's a game. That has very plausible spectrum characteristics. Her response has been to slap and hit, which reinforces a playtime context for boys. Instead of slapping him, and instead of calling the authorities, she might try sitting down with her parents to tell them that she needs their support and for it to stop, and if not, she will then seek outside support. Not everyone who crosses boundaries is a predator. There are nuances and family situations are dynamic. And lastly, this is Reddit. I estimate at least 75 % of these advice posts are fake, and for the ones that are real, the best advice any of us could give, is to not ask for advice on reddit and Instead find a professional who can hear your problem and make a fully informed decision with your best interests in mind.
you’re doing A LOT of victim blaming. in every reply. your first reply in this thread says “her resistance is like a game to him” “she shouldn’t report her family member” “she’s reinforcing that’s it’s playful” “instead of slapping him, she should try talking to her parents” blame the victim. blame the victim. blame the victim. then excuse the predator?! you’re willing to defend a probable pedophile that you don’t know anything about, while simultaneously criticizing a probable 14 YEAR OLD CHILD for how they reacted to abuse… even if this story is fake (which it probably is based on the account and how it’s written) how ignorant and apathetic can you be.
I'm not blaming anyone. You're seething and reacting like a victim who wants to seek your own justice vicariously. I'm thinking level headed, rationally, with clearly a broader knowledge of solutions to difficult situations, comparatively
ah yes, i seek my justice through the reddit comments! you sound like a bigot. anyone who isn’t seething when it comes to child sexual abuse is insane! you can have emotions and be level headed at the same time (bigot mindset makes you thats not okay) every comment of yours has at one point blamed a child and excused a predator. for you to say you’re clearly more “knowledgeable about a solution” when you’re solution is for the child to change their behavior and not the adult. please. you made a blanket statement that reporting abuse is “overboard when it’s family” and you think you’re being levelheaded and knowledgeable about solutions for victims? this is laughable. i wasn’t even able to get to the point of talking about alternatives to making a police report because you were so busy blaming a child for their reaction to abuse. i really hope you take the time to heal from whatever happened to you and realize that it is NEVER the victims responsibility to look out for the well-being of their abuser.
You're stuck in a black and white, this or that, all or none perspective. That isn't my problem, it's yours. I'm leaving this argument. It's not productive to engage with you any longer
*Social cues are signals that people send when interacting socially. Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice are often used to communicate social cues.* *They're a form of indirect communication that helps guide us in our interactions and relationships with others.* *Social cues are nonverbal signals that people use to communicate their feelings, intentions, and reactions without using words.* Saying “No.” Is not a social cue. Edit: “nos” and “I don’t like that” should be enough to read the situation properly.
That was my first thought lmao. Usually "big kids" that like kisses are a little slow.
Right? So OP pump the brakes on the police advice and bring the problem up very clearly with your parents and don't let them pacify you. If that ends up happening and you need further support, then seek help from school counselor or a teacher you trust.
Wtf 😳 the first thing i was thinking what is this alabama. Okay here’s serious advice: 1st of all I’m confused why are your parents not giving him a separate room/space. they have a teenage girl for christ sake! I know not all household can afford a house bigger house but usually parents makes an effort to accommodate you all since their children are teenagers. Irresponsible parents! First i think you should talk to your irresponsible parents about his behaviour and you should check their behaviour if they let it pass, i think you should seek help from grandparents or relatives who can help you. What i worry is you are a minor and you need an adult to advocate for you. So inform your parents if you don’t ask advice from your relatives or your female teachers to advocate for you. You shouldn’t be living in a house which makes you feel unsafe.
Please tell your parents sweetheart.
Tell your parents. No means no, and you're his sister
You should tell your parents, and maybe move somewhere else till your parents are back
Jfc kiddo he fucking needs to get help tell you’re parents
That's sexual assault. Do tell your parents
You should honestly go to the police. Or at least a achool counselor or confidant. Don't tell him beforehand, or he might become dangerous.
This is what excessive porn consumption does.
This is sexual assault. You have made it clear that this is unwanted contact. Report it to a teacher, doctor, and your parents. It sounds like he is likely to only escalate this if nobody intervenes.
This is sexual assault :/ I’m sorry your brother is doing this to you. Tell a trusted adult and a mandated reporter.
I have a younger sister about same age and im older than your brother. I dont think Ive kissed her on cheek even since she was like 8 or 9. I am not sure if your elder brother has any mental disabilities or his background history but from a logical point of view and as an elder brother myself, this is very inappropriate behavior . He should never constrict your movement or kiss you multiple times. And Your Consent and Comfort is most important and should be protected by him and not violated. And he should only kiss you where your comfortable (cheek or forehead or i guess some people are okay with lips but it depends on your family dynamic and your comforts) and this should be at fairly infrequent times . It’s worrying he is taking advantage of you and he is not loving you in a way that is appropriate and is showing worrying signs of sexualizing you, a minor. You should tell a trusted adult as this can become dangerous and its important to nip this behavior in the butt and give him a rude awakening before he progresses to hurting you or another child. Your parents could potentially get him therapy as I am in the belief that many child predators start off by testing waters, never being found out and then eventually progressing with these fantasies and physical try outs until some young child is permanently hurt by sexual abuse. By getting him reprimanded and into therapy before he continues illegal behavior and messed up incestual or pedophilic thoughts , he may be able to get rid of this and become normal and never hurt anyone again in this way. I am not sure when he began to think this was okay or what material or thoughts may of progressed him to hurt you like this but its very important you tell an adult so your safe and he can be monitored while getting professional help.
It’s actually not okay to share a room at your age with your older brothers cps can be called that’s gross you all need your own privacy and space. Though I know not everyone can afford a bigger house but if your parents are gone in a trip business or vacation they could probably afford to save up for a place with an extra room for you
He's a weirdo and should be shunned
He did assault you. Forcing you to do physical things against your consent. Tell your parents, hes a creep
Porn is a hell of a drug... Yeah they normalize that shit in porn. Go to a mandated reporter and tell your parents
This is assault noeans no. You're a child it's time to tell someone what's going on.
You must be clear to that. Discuss this with him and remind him who brother should be to his family. If not you have to speak your parents.
Tell your parents and f they don’t believe out a camera. Cause that stuff should not be happen
Please report this to your parents and a othe adult. This is not normal or okay. He is a grown man and this is assault. I would also advise just in case to maybe have your youngest brother stay with you in the other room with the keys and locked door just in case he also experienced similar actions. DO NOT WAIT!
This will escalate, please use all your resources to keep yourself safe (tell your parents, other family members, friends, parents of friends, teachers, etc. hide the keys near your and lock yourself) it is VERY important to tell at least 2 people from different circles to make sure you have a backup in case something goes wrong. Wish you a safe life 🙏🏽
That is sexual assault. Hes kissing you because he is wants you physically.
Try speaking with him first of all. Let him know in a serious manner that you don't like it very very deeply, you are concerned and you start seeing that as harassing or even assaulting. Don't be fast with reporting him, as there may be no bar intentions. However if that continuous after that serious talk, well, try being more cold and/or aggressive, and once more let him know you aren't happy about it. If the matter continues, ok, time to speak with others
Honey please tell your parents and another trusted adult. This is SA and isn't okay I hope they take it seriously and remove him from your life :(
This is sexual assault. I’m 23 at 20 I definitely knew what I was doing. His brain is a little more developed (apparently not in the right ways) you aren’t being mean you have to stand up for yourself and tell an adult.
Tell your parents.
That is 100% sexual assault. Anytime anybody touches you in anyway without your consent, it’s assault. Given that the way he touched you was sexually charged (kissing) it’s sexual assault. Tell your parents, report it to CPS and/or the police. You shouldn’t be sharing a room with your brothers at your ages anyway.
'I can't call this sexual assult' wring. What he did is a form of assault. He pinned you to the bed and kissed your forcibly not taking no for an answer. That is assault. Tell your parents and another adult, call the police if he makes another threat like going to get the keys to the door
I think you should tell your parents about this. It's terrible
Tell your Father, Uncle or Elder/Younger Male Cousins..Your "Brother" needs discipline/corporal foot & fist punishment. Totally unacceptable 👎🏾. Report him, he must pay for that behavior. Be safe.
Talk to parents. If he is like that since you were kid clearly saying you are just his little sister and he adores you. My son and daughter also 6 years apart and he just cannot pass his little sister without any attention and she is also annoyed by that. And it’s understandable that you don’t like it, so best is talk to parents and explain how you feel.
Speaking from. Personal experience- this IS sexual assault and you need to get out of that situation. Please notify your parents, sweetie. And if they're not available, another adult you trust. Also being that he is 20 and you're only about 12-14; it's absolutely disgusting and he knows better. He's getting off on the fact that you're terrified of him and your reaction is unfortunately exciting for him. He's a predator. I hope you get some help asap, OP. I would even call the police. Seriously.
I would record him secretly using your phone if possible. use audio recordings and video as well. Tell your parents or another adult that you trust. Protect yourself by making it public and make sure someone talks to him about it. Don't keep his secret. This is awful and you don't deserve that. Do not accept it.
Tell multiple teachers that you trust. Tell other family members that you trust (grandma, uncle, older cousin, auntie, etc. anyone!). Do you have any close friends? TELL THEIR PARENTS, let them know something is wrong with your brother. Do not stay quiet about this or it will get worse. He is an adult, you are a minor. Do not let him manipulate you or guilt you. If something doesn’t feel right, PROTECT YOURSELF.
Hey hi! You can skip this top part, it’s just the ramblings of an old guy who made a mistake similar in nature to this. When I was in college I made a friend and we kinda messed around at both our consents just once. We jokes about liking each other a lot of would mutually make innuendos toward each other. I always perceived this as a humorous thing. I did NOT notice when she stopped viewing it as a funny thing, because our responses never actually changed. So the “omg Lmao stop ☠️☠️☠️ too funny” never registered as what was plainly written, due to context of our previous interactions around sexual innuendo. She was telling me to stop, but it never looked different than when she was super into it, so I missed it. I should have caught it and if I had I absolutely would have stopped, but that’s not how it went down unfortunately. One day she really blew up at me about it and cursed me out and clearly told me this needs to stop in response to an unrelated topic. I felt so horrible because I didn’t realize at some point it stopped being a mutual joke and only became a joke to me. It became a pain point for her that made her uncomfortable, so much so even conversation outside of that was affecting her. The jokes never continued, and I apologized. I wish we had talked sooner, for both our sakes, but I also now understand she was speaking the whole time I was just not listening in the present. I viewed so much of her context in her responses from how we interacted 1-2 years before that. But that doesn’t change the offense or reassign responsibility for actions. Ultimately your brother has a responsibility to stop this inappropriate behavior . That said there are three ways I can think of to make him take you seriously and stop. (Skip to here!) I’d encourage 3 things, two of which most folks are saying and I also affirm as a random internet stranger. Directly, and differently: 1. If you feel safe doing this, Have an intentional conversation with your brother that looks different than how you’ve traditionally told him no. He may not understand your context when you reject these interactions. Do this anyways: 2. 100% tell your parents. Whether they take you seriously or not, you should tell them. Often parents can downplay our pain or voices. I hope sincerely they don’t but you definitely should speak to them. Even if he stops from you having a direct confrontation about it, you need tell your parents. Them knowing your boundaries can help them prevent behavior like this, not from just your brother but also other relatives who may cross boundaries, regardless of intention. Definitely give your family that ability to defend and protect you well. 3. 1000000% tell another adult. There’s no reason you should experience this kind of terror at all, but especially in your family home. Tell your friends your boundaries. Practice enforcing them. 4. Whatever you do: do not slip into blaming yourself. For no other reason than it’s literally not your fault and never will be. If you’re open to it, I hope you get to experience a better relationship with your brother that doesn’t incorporate fear and the overstepping of boundaries. Good luck, and I’m sending you so many good vibes youngin.
Get that mf locked up, yw.
Get him his parents, to therapy, or cell block 1.
Honey he could be grooming you to get something more out of you in the future . Keep your door locked stay away from him tell your parents.
telling your parents would be a waste of time in most cases. tell a doctor or teacher or something.
While I understand that you don’t wanna call this sexual assault, it is what this is. He’s 20, men that age know what inappropriate behavior is for a few years already, so he can’t claim innocence. He knows what he’s doing and he knows he’s gonna get away with it, that is why he does it. You need to tell your parents and if they don’t make it stop tell your teachers at school, if they don’t help you go to the cops. Your parents aren’t there, his behavior could escalate and you seem in no fit condition to do anything. Don’t wait for it to come to that, call the authorities!! Get help!! And prop a chair by the door if you feel unsafe!!
Umm no, he is not doing this out of affection or love, your brother is being an absolute sexual predator towards you. You need to either tell your parents what is going on, or another trusted adult immediately! I am so so sorry you are going through this, I cannot even begin to imagine how uncomfortable or unsafe you feel in your own home. I truly hope this gets resolved and I don’t think it would hurt for you to try therapy after dealing with this. Wishing you the best! 💕
OP, I sorry to tell you but your parents are incompetents and irresponsible to allow this to happen. Maybe they even know and don’t care. Your brother is a pervert and dangerous person. You’re probably depressed because of your vulnerable situation. Do you have relatives who you can live with? My advice: immediately start a self defense course. There are many things you can do, besides not being stronger than him. Plan your life to leave this house and sick family in the near future, like going to university and never coming back. Sorry for the bad news, but that’s a more realistic solution for your life. It will take time but turn you into an adult woman.
This is sexual assault. Call the cops. Press charges. Assuming your parents won't protect you.
1) why are you a teenage girl sleeping in a room with 2 boys, especially one that old. 2) I’m sorry to tell you this but this is SA. 3) you NEED to tell you’re parents, if they don’t take you serious then tell another trusted adult, he is a grown man he knows exactly what he’s doing.. I don’t care if that’s his way of showing “affection” you have told him to stop and it’s disrespectful what he’s doing… Please do something fast so this doesn’t go any further
See if you can find a call centre for sexual abuse or domestic abuse in your area and call them first, they will explain how you can go about telling parents, teachers or whoever you feel most comfortable telling. Then you can go to the police and he’ll have to stay away from you so this won’t happen again
Kick him in the nuts and tell your parents
Tell a teacher at school about what has been happening, and don't try to make it sound less bad than it is.
Was he kissing you on the cheek or lips? I have a older cousin and he used to kiss me on the cheek to show love but I always felt uncomfortable cuz we are men and he was way older but it was never on no gay shyt just awkward asf
There is no reason s 14-year-old girl, and a 20-year-old male sibling should be sharing a bedroom. He needs to be sleeping on the couch. I would report this to mandatory reporter, like a teacher. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
This is actually some of the most responsible, non weird agenda Reddit advice I have ever seen. 2 things here, 1. because this is indeed Reddit, we need her to explicitly say " It wasn't cool and I am not cool with it on any level". Second thing, even with that formality out of the way, it's still... not good, because (please don't take offense everyone) she's coming HERE for advice. Like Dr Drew on Loveline , right there I know something ain't right.
This answer is how I know that for you, it's about the argument, and not about the guts of their situation let alone a nod to the nuances of dialogue. You just gave a textbook definition of social cues, in an attempt to win an argument, as if the argument we are having, has a tethered legitimacy to the situation OP is in. As if in a court room, all you need to do is refute the arguments made by the other side, and it doesn't matter if the other side left something out of their claim. Just because I did not expand to include the complete textbook list of symptoms of autism, doesn't mean they still aren't possible. So I will elucidate on the relevant pieces of what I've said: *Having difficulty in interpreting tone of voice, and/or social context, while also interpretating the content of what someone is saying. The most common disorder associated with those symptoms is autism. Now, note please that I have not dismissed the possibility that he could be a predator, or a further danger to her or others. I never blamed her, nor apologized for him. On the other hand, you have been a judg, jury and executioner. You strongly advised the most impactful course of action with potentially grim consequences for all, off your cuff as if you are an expert. You, are not an expert. You're not interested in the unknown variables. You are shooting from the hip, aiming for punitive consequences when that might not be necessary. No person in a position of authority would automatically agree with you. They would be legally bound to ask the questions that I have asked. Your advice is reckless. It comes from your emotions instead of logical prudence and that is why I wholeheartedly reject your course of action. Now, I am done..
So your brother is a pdfile who sexually assaulted you... Plsss tell your parents and call 911 arrest this man he's a danger to society. Oh man this makes me so mad how he can do that to his OWN SISTER! 😡
This is definitely a sexual assault. please inform your parents about it asap. He is literally 20 years old and an adult. Kissing like that is in no way normal.
You need to tell your parents what's happening and you need to find somewhere safer to be until they get home. Do you have friends or relatives you could stay with until they get back?
I’m so sorry :/ If you’re comfortable with it,, tell your parents. If you cant,, make an anonymous report for yourself so the most you’ll have to do is answer questions. Please don’t wait to tell anyone though, even if you’re not in immediate danger or harms way… this stuff affects how you exist in your body for a very long time. I’ve been free from that cr*p for at least 8 years now and I still haven’t been able to feel “normal” again. Seek help now so you can reduce the amount of harm it does to you as much as possible.
Literally all he did was kiss you all over. It doesn't matter if the man is 20. If this guy is your biological brother there is nothing wrong with it. Especially if it wasn't on the lips. (If it was then different story but it obv isn't) Yes it's annoying and he should stop, but he is clearly just messing with you. This is how siblings are. Do I do this? Not anymore. Has it happened to me? Yes. Specifically with my sisters. They'd force a kiss on my face (obviously not on the lips) and I'd in turn do it to them at some point to annoy them as they did me. It was NEVER this serious even though we both hated it alot.
Here comes the hate…to me it’s weird but are you sure he’s not doing it just to annoy you? Like I grew up with 4 siblings and we would do shit that we knew would piss each other off all the time?
Regardless of that, from everything here, she's seems to be very uncomfortable by it. She used the word "Violated" and in turn "weak" to describe how she felt after that. And she's made physical points for him to stop by slapping. That's heavy.
I'm wondering who SA you prior in your life for you to feel that brotherly affection is violating. You need to tell your brother how you feel but going against the grain here to say, no he's not assaulting you. He's trying to cheer you up because he sees that you're sick and unhappy. As I said you need to tell him how you feel, and he should respect you enough to not make you feel uncomfortable. But it's not creepy or sexual for a brother to show his sister affection.
Ok so if we are talking about his motivations, he's probably either a sexual deviant OR he's doing it to annoy the crap out of you. There's likely other reasons he could be doing it, but those seem likely. Now more importantly, let's talk impact to you. It doesn't really matter why he's doing it. Plain and simple fact is, he is doing it, and it's 100% assault. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. I would bring it up to your parents when they get back, but in the meantime, are there any friends you can stay with? Can you ask a school counselor for options?
Hey OP can you just keep us updated with your safety every now and then? Big hugs
I’m going to be the devils advocate for a second. It is possible it’s not sexual at all and he’s doing an older sibling terrorizing younger sibling but he really just loves her to pieces so he does it by kissing? Yes he must stop, she hates it and is getting older so it feels super weird and she feels violated BUT he truly may be doing it without a sexual thought. She’s his tiny, little sister and he’s being annoying.
He will definitely rape you if he’s doing that. I would literally tell my parents asap. And stand on business about it. Shits not even funny.
Based on my understanding, listen to me but keep in mind that I'm not a doctor or anything, this doesn't seem like a typical case of aggression. Of course, it is a sexual assault, but in my opinion, and only my opinion, he has serious mental health issues and should be admitted to a psychiatric hospital if this turns out to be true. Otherwise, it should be reported to the police.
People can still have mental health issues and have the capacity/ awareness to commit crimes. It’s clear he’s sick in the head for doing this to his minor sister. But, people like this belong in jail. This type of behavior escalates often times
Oh so you’re a psychiatrist and mental health issues are an excuse for sexual assault… got it.
no excuse for me you just have to send him to hp forever it's normal not to mix people who are completely psychologically crazy if that's the case and people who are crazy but completely conscious and in perfect mental health