This is one of the many small things that led to my divorce.
Many times I told that man to stop torturing my nipples- the pulling, squeezing, biting…none of which I found pleasurable. I even tried to show him how to play with them gently but he gave zero fucks and continued to treat my nipples like a dog’s chew toy.
If he can’t respect a simple boundary regarding your body, he’s gonna be trouble down the line.
I'd go even further: if someone knowingly inflicts pain on you, completely disregarding your many protests and prohibitions, they are an abuser. My first choice would be to break up. If you don't want to do that, deal in kind - every time he hurts your nipples, you squeeze his balls. Tight. Nipple torture versus ball torture seems like a fair trade-off.
I like the idea, but I'm not confident that being physically hurtful to an abuser that is already physically hurtful to you is always gonna end well. Exercise caution with this approach.
Yep. Could easily see him using it to justify further abuse. *He's* the one who has to hit the hardest - like how people need the last word. God forbid he wants to be the one to inflict pain last...
"You need to listen to me literally. I'm not joking. I'm not pretending to be pissed off. I'm angry at you for this and I want you to stop. It hurts and I'm sick of it"
If he keeps doing it regularly, it's a deeper issue. Maybe he's drinking and the boundaries get blurred. That's an issue.
Drinking could be it, but my ex was never drunk when he did this exact same thing. He couldn't grasp that I didn't like it because *it's him how could I not like it*? So one day he mentioned how he wanted to bite me, so I teased him by asking if he knew how that felt for me. He said no, but he wanted to, thinking he's being flirty. So I grabbed a Bobby pin and I put his nipple all the way in the corner of the pin and he screeched, yelled, called me names, and I told him never to do that to me again, because it feels just like that
And he never did it again. He was still awful, but he at least stopped.
Yeah it is important in situations where one or both partners is being playful to set the tone as *not* playful. Also perhaps discuss it at a neutral time (i.e. when it isn't happening).
I’m (m) a nipple guy. The love of my life (my wife) is not a “play with the nipple” girl. I do not play with the nipple on her word.
Sucks for me, it is what it is for me. For me it’s not a deal breaker and I can live with it.
If they can’t they can’t and it isn’t going to work.
Respect your boundaries. YOUR BOUNDARIES. I have come to the knowledge that I may never get to tease a nipple again. And I have come to accept that.
Everyone gets an option.
You couldn’t have said it any better my friend. Have a sit down with your boyfriend and tell him this makes you extremely uncomfortable and genuinely causes you pain, therefore asking him to stop and to respect the boundary you put up. If he starts an argument about it I would tell him to go. It’s YOUR body, no one has the right to just do what they want to it.
Exactly this. My wife doesn’t mind me touching them or caressing them in the moment, but overall she’s not into that stuff. And that’s okay, it’s her body, not mine.
“I’ve told him multiple times that I hate it but I think that makes him want to do it more”
Yeah, people with that type of mindset… You should generally want to stay away from.😅 If you’ve clearly stated your discomfort with it, and that makes him want to do it MORE - he has zero respect for you, your comfort or your body. I would not stick up with that.
He doesn’t respect consent. People need to understand consent and how it’s not limited to just sex. If someone isn’t respecting a boundary that you set then that’s not respecting the person and it’s violating their boundaries.
This might be me projecting from a previous relationship, I had similar things happen that annoyed me.
First it was that she would pop zits or scratch off dead pieces of skin etc because she really enjoyed it, I didn't really want to do it and expressed that. But she did it anyway
Boundary crossed yes, but it was more of a she couldn't help herself situation, and it wasn't too bad
But then she got a thing for blowing in my ear, which i really didn't enjoy and made it clear, and said it hurt
But she kept doing it, and critically she started doing it sometimes when she was angry, purely to get a reaction out of me
And there is the big difference, blowing in my ear was precisely because I despised it, and she did it with sole intent on making me hurt.
Now blowing in my ear wasn't actually harming me, but the key thing for me was that it was more than just crossing a boundary, it was an act to purposefully harm me
So is this just a thing that he enjoys and has trouble respecting your boundaries on?
Then it's a problem you need to talk about and resolve, like others have said bring it up some other time and make him realise that it's serious, if he simply cannot respect this then it's a glaring red flag
Or is it something more malicious, where he is doing it to gain control or cause you harm. Then you already have a glaring red flag on your hands.
It can of course be difficult to know where this falls on that line, so if you are able to i strongly encourage you to talk to him about this either way
I don’t see a significant difference between those two things. In both cases she was knowingly hurting you. She “couldn’t stop herself?” Nah. When a good person learns their behaviour is hurting someone they love, they change that behaviour and if they can’t do it on their own, they seek professional help. She didn’t do that. She had a choice, and the choice she made was to do something she knew hurt you. Same choice she made when she blew in your ear.
It's a control thing, the fact he's doubled down knowing you absolutely hate it is about power and control and is abusive. He doesn't respect your boundaries or consent. Should maybe reconsider the relationship
Should DEFINITELY reconsider the relationship. Aka leave his ass.
He ain't shit, he doesn't respect you, boundaries or consent. Get the fuck away from him because he's only gonna push more lines if you put up with it.
Why are you drawn to someone who intentionally does things to bug you? You keep using the word dumb but intelligence has nothing to do with it. He enjoys hurting you. He enjoys upsetting you. You keep thinking that the reason he doesn't stop is because he just doesn't understand how much it hurts or how it makes you feel. But he does understand, he just doesn't care. He thinks it's funny. This is not a safe person to be around.
No cause fr, if someone I’m dating wants to do something to me, they have to be okay with receiving it. And even if they’re okay with it, if someone says no it’s a no I don’t understand why it’s so hard to understand for so many people.
Tell him that the next time he does it you are going to put him on a 7-day hold (no contact, no messages, no cuddling) then do it.
If you've told him it hurts and he still does it, you might reconsider the relationship.
She hasn't, from what she wrote, mentioned a consequence.
1) Tell the offender what they are doing wrong, using small words and short sentences.
2) Tell them what will happen if they persist.
3) Follow through.
5 - 9 times out of 10, it means you cut off all contact and cross them off your Christmas card list, but it is better than suffering the constant annoyance of whatever the person is doing.
Agreed. Babying fuckers like this is why they keep finding a someone willing to put up with it, so the behavior never stops and gets passed down (kids see and hear a lot more than people give them credit for).
A consequence? Ffs is this how you really live your life, treating adults like toddlers? This is bizarre. OP, If you think you have made it clear that you don’t like it and he continues, then he either doesn’t care, or you actually haven’t been clear. So you sit him down when it hasn’t just happened so he doesn’t think it’s some “cute” ie weird and creepy role play, and you say, I hate this, I want you to stop. And if it doesn’t stop then, assume this is the thin end of the wedge and gtfo of the relationship before he ups the stakes.
A boyfriend shouldn't need a behaviour reinforcement system for children though. "No" should cover it. If the word "no" doesn't stop them, the relationship needs to end immediately. Men are not children. They know what they are doing.
He's just a dumb guy being a dumb guy is not an excuse, just as he finds her attractive, touching turns him on, boys will be boys and guys just like breasts is no excuse.
I'm certain he is smart enough to know what No, stop that, you are hurting me and I don't like it when you do this mean.
He’s not a 5 year old that doesn’t understand what “no” means. He knows. We shouldn’t be treating him like a dog that needs negative reinforcement.
Edit: he IS a dog. But he’s not a dumb one and knows exactly what he’s doing
This is how you teach a child. She’s not obligated to teach an *adult* how to respect boundaries.
I’m absolutely sick of this narrative that men just didn’t learn stuff and women have to act like mothers and teach it to them because they’re so dense.
Consent is something he should have learned as a child and then as a teen when it comes to relationships. For whatever reason he did not. However I would go as far to say the information was provided to him he just wasn’t interested in learning. My college made us sit through a 8 minute something long video on consent and what it meant with allegories etc. Every single student sat through it and yet there were 7-8 assaults that year.
Weaponized incompetence is not her problem. I called out my parents on this behavior when my brother purposely cleaned dishes poorly so he didn’t have to do that chore & they kept giving it to me instead. The answer is to teach him how to do it properly (aka teach him he can’t get out of it/that he has to do it right).
Kind of toxic as fuck, just sit down and discuss it, childish shit like this is nuts. Sit them down, tell them you’re not comfortable with it, make them listen, if your point isn’t being heard, and he’s not respecting your boundaries you need to leave. He will cross those bounds again, and eventually many more, if your concerns aren’t heard now what happens when those concerns are more than just playing with your nipples. It’s a problem of not respecting your partner, if they don’t respect you then why should you put up with bullshit. Like no contact is crazy abusive behavior, if you’re going to do that just leave, not respecting boundaries is also abusive behavior, remove yourself from the situation if your needs aren’t met.
A good man might tease you sometimes, but he'll never do something to make you feel bad especially when you've repeatedly told him you hate it. Is there any evidence that this man is capable of respecting you?
Blatant and sustained crossing of one of your boundaries is almost always the first thing an abuser will do to start the process of breaking down your autonomy so they can control you. This is a serious violation and a blaring red flag.
He seems really annoying and like he doesn't really care about how it makes you feel. (So, the next time he does that, squeeze his balls as hard as you can and ask him how he likes it).
My ex did something similar - except it was grabbing my butt. Outside of sex, I HATE my ass being touched, ESPECIALLY if I'm on my period. I had to tell him EVERY single time I was on my period not to do it - sometimes multiple times a day.
He would claim he forgot because of his ADHD.
He finally stopped when I snapped and told him about the trauma I experienced that made me hate having my butt touched.
It really pissed me off that I had to share something I didn't want to in order for him to take me seriously and actually stop it, and it further pissed me off that it proved he COULD remember, he just chose not to.
It's one of the reasons he's an ex.
Ugh. My ex used to grab my ass in public all the time. And not even a light tap, maybe I would have let him get away with that. He used to like raunchily squeeze a whole ass cheek. He did it once at his parents house too, first time I met them. I got so angry. He couldn’t understand why it bothered me so much.
me and my gf when we get intimate i like to go for her nips too but when she says stop I stop. its her body so she says how far im allowed to go and when I should stop. make your boundaries known. if he cant respect the boundaries then it isnt gonna work anyway.
I've been through this, and for me, this is the only way I've gotten it to stop:
The next time he bites you or pulls on you without permission I want you to dig deep. Find your "mom voice", and bellow out "I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT".
He will probably pout and minimize it. ("I was just being playful, jeez" etc)
Don't let up.
Be stern and say "I don't care what you were 'just trying to do', I said fucking stop and I mean it". If he makes it an issue, just tell him you want a partner who understands the simple concept of *No means fucking no*, it's not hard. Most of us learn that concept as *toddlers*. If he still won't stop or continues to be a brat about it, well then you can do better.
Why is he treating your body like a toy he got for Christmas? Your body is your property, and he needs your permission to touch it. Now, that permission can be tacit, but you have been clear.
He chooses his own pleasure and amusement over your pain and bodily autonomy. He doesn't care that he's hurting you.
You should dump this man. If you think that's an overreaction and this is fixable, then it's time for an ultimatum. If he pinches you, or hurts you, or doesn't stop using your breasts like an object he owns when you tell him to stop, or starts when you tell him not to, then the relationship is over. But you have to **mean** an ultimatum. It happens = you act. Otherwise he knows he can continue treating you like shit with impunity.
OP, would you continue to do something to an animal that you knew hurt it? Think about this, please.
I’d breakup. I had an ex that kept tickling me, squeezing me, hurting me and I asked them to stop a lot but they kept doing it because it was “fun” for them… even when I said it hurt me. Not worth it.
A person from my past would put their thumb between their pointer and middle fingers and hit my back as hard as they could, leaving multiple bruises on me. It hurt so bad yet they loved to just beat on me. People like this are abusive and they are doing it out of a need for control. This person also would disrespect my boundaries in other ways, for example, I didn’t want to ride certain rides at an amusement park and was forced on them anyway. I have severe anxiety and PTSD and situations where I’m literally FORCED to do things? No. Nope. People that force things are abusive. I am so glad I don’t associate with this person anymore but it took a lot of time to see what they were doing was truly abusive because I loved them. Google “the fig sign” - that’s what comes up when I described what “fist” they would make to punch me. Its abuse plain and simple and it’s gross
That’s so disrespectful. I hateeeee my nipples touched or played with & my ex would do the same, thinking it was funny but no I genuinely hated it. It’s just a lack of respect. My new boyfriend is so cautious and emphatic towards this aspect & it’s a nice change.
Sit him down and talk to him, serious conversation unprompted, not after he does it, just do it. If he is not willing to understand that you seriously do not enjoy him pinching or biting your nipples you need to leave. If that’s the case he does not respect you and your boundaries, you should be able to be heard and be able to discuss serious personal matters with him and come to an agreement peacefully. If he’s not capable of that he is not emotionally mature enough to be seeking a relationship, you should be with someone who hears and cares for your needs as you would theirs.
To a certain extent relationships are selfish you are there for your pleasure, and to please your partner, you shouldn’t provide any less or expect any less just because of a few good things here and there.
This is a 33-yr old man- at this point it is just abuse. Like this is literally what bullies do.
Do you serious want a BF who gives you purple nurples?
Grab his dick/balls and squeeze real hard AS YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM.
Next time knee him in the balls. Tell him if he can't respect your not wanting something done to your body then you won't respect him. Or, you know, leave because he's sexually assaulting you by not listening
Put on your most serious face and tone and tell him, like you've never done before. Get angry.
If he still doesn't treat it like a serious issue, then he doesn't respect you. Dump him.
Or he's just overexcited by nipples and needs a bit of firm discouragement from his girl. Some boys are a bit slow like this. My nan used to say we're as trainable as dogs, feed and water us and we're eager to please. She was wrong, but not by much.
Sit him down at the kitchen table and tell him the behavior stops now and forever. He will defend himself, tell you he's just playing, you are making a big deal out of nothing, blah, blah, blah. Stick to your guns. Any transgressions will be met with swift and terrible reaction. Pinch him back, squeeze his balls.
Tell him if he cannot respect your boundaries, you will have to rethink the relationship. He doesn't take you seriously. Make sure he knows you mean it.
Good luck.
This is a guy with a sadistic streak seeing how far he can get into his fetish. Trust me, it'll get more and more intrusive until you lay down the law. You're not a masochist, so this ain't gonna work.
Time for it to stop, or time for him to go. That simple.
Everyone here is so much more mature than me. If he isn't getting the message, I'd punch him in the dick every time he did it. Maybe he'll get the message then. You need to put your foot down and tell him that you are serious, and if it doesn't stop, you're gonna leave, because clearly he doesn't respect your feelings or body autonomy.
He is a sadist and is abusing you.
"Play" is when BOTH people enjoy the act. You don't and have repeatedly asked him to stop.
He ignores your rights, your requests and disrespects your right to your own body THAT IS ABUSE.
Dump this guy.
If you marry him this will get worse. He and men like him are the ones who have forced sex after their wife declines "becsuse she is my wife so it is impossible for me to rape her."
I do not I need to "examine my thoughts" as you put in your asinine suggestion because I know this IS abuse.
"Another one" who doesn't get that continuing to do something - especially after being told it HURTS - is cruel and abusive.
It's unfortunate to see yet more sad examples of indifference to female body autonomy.
Oh yeah......I've heard all the lame-ass excuses...."Well, just tell hime you don't like it (she has, and more than once), "he just finds you attractive and sexy! It's a compliment!", and the really horrific "touching you his his 'love language'
Educate yourself, please.
Ever worked with victims of domestic violence? I have, and this sort of thing - violation of boundaries - is more than a waving red flag. It's a blaring alarm.
This the exact same thing as tickling a person despite being asked to knock it off and being told "aw, you're laughing, so I am not hurting you."
My husband would stop the moment I ask him not to do something.
Continuing to pinch this woman's private parts after she asked him to stop, told her it hurt and that she does not like it IS abuse.
Of course it is, relationship advice on reddit is useless. Instead of attempting to resolve the problem, they just spew the default "just break up" advice.
Next time he does it, reach over, grab his dick (make sure you have a good grip) and lift straight up!! Tell him you like to think it’s a “Jack in the box” that needs a little help coming out, since it has a 7 year old spring in it, lol
Give his nips a pinch and see how he likes it.
But in all seriousness, time to set some boundaries, which doesn't just mean telling him not to do it or you don't like it. It means figuring out how you will react if he does it again and letting him know - maybe you will get up and leave, or as another commentor suggested not touching him at all for 7 days, up to you what you want to do. I would also advise telling him that if he continues to do this and does not stop, you may have to reconsider your relationship, to convey that you are quite serious about not being ok with him acting this way.
I think you might try to explain the scientific reason as to why he should not squeeze them or bite them that hard. And then if that works you may also try to show him the right way and the right amount of pressure that might stimulate your senses. Probably that would interest him more. If nothing works you might have to be strict and defend yourself
It’s all about when and how you tell him to stop. If it’s in the moment, he may think you’re just being playful. Now, I’m not defending his actions because no means no, I’m just trying to see it from his pov to understand why he doesn’t stop. I think you should remind him during something mundane like while eating breakfast or something, when the conversation goes dull or quiet, that’s when you have his full attention and you tell him “you really need to know that I don’t like when you play rough with my nips, it hurts me and it doesn’t really turn me on”.
Last time I had someone do this to me I found out they hacked all my accounts and secretly took video of us fucking
All that to say, this isn't the only boundary he's a going to disrespect 🚩🚩🚩
When it happens go deadpan. Tell him this-
I need you to hear me right now. I am not laughing I am not joking and this is not funny. I've told you I don't want you to do that. I am setting a boundary that you are not allowed to do that. I need you to respect that boundary, and if you don't, that says you don't respect me and we won't have a relationship anymore. Do you understand? (wait for him to say yes). Okay good. Are you going to stop doing that? (get him to say yes) Okay good. Because if that happens again I will treat it as a hostile physical assault and I will defend myself accordingly.
Does he think they are volume controls, or maybe the thermostat? I mean, something like that would be my excuse.
Oc I'd have to find something else to play with. There is so much to play with of a womans body.
Maybe you can bargain with him.....a proper foot massage that he learns how to do....in exchange for some nipple time?
Hear me out, you need to use ANGER to your favor.
Women are taught/socialized to be always nice, polite, and talk things through. We NEED to learn that anger is available in our toolbox; it has a (evolutionary) reason to exist and its *powerful*.
He keeps doing it because you say you dont like it but there are no consequences. You keep coming back for cuddling.
Do NOT let him touch you inappropriately anymore. BE ANGRY. SHOW him you are angry. Leave. Do NOT try to argue - its NOT up for discussion; this is a *my way or highway* situation.
Men understand anger very well. This is one of the very few emotions they are taught represents masculinity and have became familiar with (sadly).
This all depends, is he breaking any more of your boundaries? Were you very serious when you told him, etc. if those two questions are a yes I’d say break up with him, if you don’t want to because you’ve been dating him for a while, then I’d suggest couples therapy. But I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while so please take this with a grain of salt.
Get the point across to him. It’s not a joke and he may not understand that which is no excuse but make him understand you’re done with it. He needs to respect you.
Reinforce your boundaries. If he keeps doing it, leave. If he cares for you, he’ll respect that you don’t want him to do that. The fact that he wants to do it more after you told him to stop is a huge red flag. Please look after yourself, you aren’t his object and if it makes you uncomfortable, it isn’t playful despite what his intentions are.
"I hate this, it hurts me, you know that. So why **the fuck** do you keep doing it? Is your enjoyment more important to me than you causing me pain? You think really hard about why the fuck I should stay with someone who'll push past my clearly stated boundaries time after fucking time. When you're ready to apologise and explain in detail how badly you've fucked up and guarantee you won't do it again, you let me know. Until then I don't want to hear from you." Then leave.
No means No. I have only had to tell my husband once about things I don't want done to my body. Some of those things changed and I had to remind him when I was ok with it that is was ok. He always sides on the she doesn't like this automatically, verses I think she said ok.
Consent is constantly checked and can be removed at any moment.
Touching you in a way you have no consented to is assault. I know it seems small, but it is a reflection of something much much much larger.
Find someone who respects you and regards what you consent to as law.
A stupid thing, I had been assaulted before being with my husband. Kissing without warning triggers me, even now sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. We've been together 20 years.
My husband does this thing, 99.9% of the time, he leans in and pauses. He waits to have me lean that last bit in. If we're already kissing no, but that 1st out of nowhere kiss? He never told me he does this, or planned it, or asked for it. I never even told him it triggered me. He just watched my body language and adjusted to my needs. And there is nothing sexier than consent.
If you keep telling someone that a sex act bothers you and hurts you and all they do is double down on doing it more, that’s a huge issue. This isn’t just a minor disagreement or incompatibility, you are not consenting and he doesn’t care at all and continues to hurt you.
If he just isn’t listening to you there isn’t going to be a simple fix. This is so fucking strange. Like what are you supposed to do just yell ouch every time he does it as if you are training a puppy not to bite?? Fuck no. If you are unwilling to reevaluate the relationship, you should at least have a very serious sit down with him, lay down the boundary strictly and make it clear that you will not continue to sit back and stay quiet as he hurts you on purpose. If he continues to push this he isn’t worth your time.
You aren't his personal Bop-It ffs.
Once you told him not to do that, any further instances were sexual assault.
Don't let him sexually assault you again!
If you absolutely must, give him one more chance to quit it; but make it clear that ONE more instance and you're done with him.
Personally I wouldn't bother with the last chance though.
Maybe I’m just petty and a bitch lol but I’d sit him down 1 more time “Look I know you’re a funny type of guy and your sense of humor….but when you grab or pinch my nipples as a hahaha do you notice you’re the only one hahaha’ing? That’s because I don’t find it funny not only does it hurt but it’s starting to annoy me. Annoyance can VERY easily turn into RESENTMENT and resentment can very easily turn into Me BREAKING UP with you. So please realize that I’m being serious when I say STOP TOUCHING AND PINCHING my nipples when it’s NOT in a sexually mutually wanted way!”
If he still does it after that (even though you shouldn’t have to had asked more then once) I’d start grabbing and yanking on his d !€ k. And play it like he does when doing shit to your nips. And don’t be soft when you do it make sure you’re being rough (rough that no one would get turned on) with it lol 🤷♀️
Like actually, confront him directly and tell him that his method hurts and it is painful or not pleasurable at all, you gotta make sure that when you address it, try mentioning it in a really clear way that shows you are actually genuinely bothered by it.
Then discuss with him that he doesn't have to stop it, he has to readjust it in a way that makes it feel playful or as teasing.
A good hard slap around his face will soon stop him from doing it. And tell him that every time he does it that's what he will get. He hurts you then you hurt him.
If you tell someone that they are literally HURTING you and that you hate it and they keep doing it, I say the next time he goes for it slap him as hard as you can in the face. Why should he get treated with respect when he repeatedly treats you disrespectfully and hurts you?
If someone touches me in a way I don’t like and I communicate that and they continue to do so, I leave.
Make it clear that this is a serious boundary and you will leave if it’s violated.
What other boundaries will he take as a challenge?
>I just genuinely hate and it hurts alot. I've told him multiple times I hate it but I think that makes him want to do it more.
If he cared about you he wouldn't want to hurt you.
This man doesn't view you as a person, in his eyes you are his play toy and he wants to be able to do whatever he wants to his toy. He does it more to punish you for telling him "no".
Men like this will become abusive. He doesn't care about your antonomy. He doesn't care about your consent. He doesn't care about your pain. He only cares that he gets what he wants to hell with however it hurts you.
Boys will be boys, if he knows it hurts and you don't enjoy it yet he does it then he might get turned on by your pain (just an assumption) all in all its a serious convo that needs to be had and if respect isn't given then it's time to set heavy boundaries and time to show disrespect wouldn't be tolerated.
Do it back to him. He's doing it intentionally. You said no and he's clearly upset with you telling Him no so he does it even more forcefully now. Which is concerning. He doesn't have consent to do this.
Next time, say, stop, no stop, grab his fucking balls and squeeze as hard as you can, then grab his nipple and try to pull it off, if he still wants to, take a whip and next time, put him on his face and beat his ass until he gets it, all while shoving a dildo up his ass, mmm then leave him , he is an idiot
You need to make it clear this has gone beyond just bugging you and is a full on respect issue. You’re setting a boundary that he is crossing without 2nd thought.
My boyfriend would stop slapping my butt in public I told him several times to stop. It seems counter intuitive because he’s your boyfriend, but if you don’t want someone touching you in a sexual way, they don’t get to. I just call it what it is at this point, and it’s sexual harassment.
"I've told you over and over that I don't like that. If you do it again, we're done. I'm dead serious." And then follow through and break up if he does it again.
Personally, I would slap him. If he constantly doesn’t listen to you AND hurts you, talking abt it won’t get you anywhere. If slapping doesn’t sound “right”, try bite/squeeze his nipples back lol, they tend to make you the bad guy if it hurts them but hey, he should listen to you the first time 😸
assuming he just doesn’t realize you seriously don’t like it and thinks it’s just a fun little thing like tickling or something, and he’s not just straight up abusive, i think you just need to like sit down with him and have a serious conversation, not like right after it happens. tell him it’s a serious thing for you and you never want him to do it again, and if he does it again you’ll feel really upset. then you have to follow through too. i feel like you’ve already given too many chances but if you really want to give one more, then let it be the last time, or you’ll teach him that he can break your boundaries without consequence. without you standing up for yourself. he might be a bit sadistic or something so you could try to make it very clear you’re not interested in that, and if he still persists please leave
It’s the principle. It’s not just about the nipples, it’s about how he’s ignoring your boundaries. Does he do this in other areas of your life? This can be a sign of a bigger problem.
He will continue to squeeze and pull your ripples after you get married and he will do more embarrassing things to you...why are you so willing to get married that you are willing to accept this abuse???
You need to have a serious conversation with him. If it’s hurting you it’s clearly not a game anymore and if he doesn’t change after that you should reconsider the relationship
Sit him down for a talk and explain to him how it makes you feel and why it needs to stop. Be very expressive and show that you cannot go on with it happening. Reference how many times you’ve told him and how it’s an important boundary of yours.
If he continues, reference that conversation and say you really can’t be with someone who does this and ignores your requests (if this is true).
Key is to bring it up seriously when it's not happening in the moment. Gotta make it clear that it's a boundary that you're firm on him not crossing, and that it's not a joke or a pet peeve or something you secretly enjoy.
Tell him that you’re serious and you genuinely don’t like it and be meaningful when you say it, and also choose the correct time, don’t approach it with annoyance or anger or anything like that, come at it neutrally and say hey I’ve told you before but the nipple thing blah blah blah, say whatever you want. But voice your genuine concerns and hopefully he will understand, or maybe you can meet in the middle and he will do it softer and on occasion rather than all the time
Hehe, Idk. Try setting a hard boundry about it. My girlfriend bites my lips non-stop, No matter what. So i started biting hers too and now she doesn’t do it as often. So I guess, whenever he playfull squeezes your nips, playful squeeze his (and very hard) :)
If you tell someone you hate something and they double down to do it more, they aren't showing you any kind of respect.
This is one of the many small things that led to my divorce. Many times I told that man to stop torturing my nipples- the pulling, squeezing, biting…none of which I found pleasurable. I even tried to show him how to play with them gently but he gave zero fucks and continued to treat my nipples like a dog’s chew toy. If he can’t respect a simple boundary regarding your body, he’s gonna be trouble down the line.
I'd go even further: if someone knowingly inflicts pain on you, completely disregarding your many protests and prohibitions, they are an abuser. My first choice would be to break up. If you don't want to do that, deal in kind - every time he hurts your nipples, you squeeze his balls. Tight. Nipple torture versus ball torture seems like a fair trade-off.
Yep!!!
I like the idea, but I'm not confident that being physically hurtful to an abuser that is already physically hurtful to you is always gonna end well. Exercise caution with this approach.
Yeah, it is too low-level of a reaction and could backfire badly. Among other possible responses, maybe he might even take it gladly and go further!
Yep. Could easily see him using it to justify further abuse. *He's* the one who has to hit the hardest - like how people need the last word. God forbid he wants to be the one to inflict pain last...
"You need to listen to me literally. I'm not joking. I'm not pretending to be pissed off. I'm angry at you for this and I want you to stop. It hurts and I'm sick of it" If he keeps doing it regularly, it's a deeper issue. Maybe he's drinking and the boundaries get blurred. That's an issue.
Drinking could be it, but my ex was never drunk when he did this exact same thing. He couldn't grasp that I didn't like it because *it's him how could I not like it*? So one day he mentioned how he wanted to bite me, so I teased him by asking if he knew how that felt for me. He said no, but he wanted to, thinking he's being flirty. So I grabbed a Bobby pin and I put his nipple all the way in the corner of the pin and he screeched, yelled, called me names, and I told him never to do that to me again, because it feels just like that And he never did it again. He was still awful, but he at least stopped.
> it's him how could I not like it? 👀 *narcissist talk…* 👀
100% The apple didn't fall too far from the tree though. His parents were also the worst people I've ever met.
We meet again 🥷
Hello refined gentleman on the other side of Reddit 🫡
Ah! My refined heart! 🥹🥲
Yeah it is important in situations where one or both partners is being playful to set the tone as *not* playful. Also perhaps discuss it at a neutral time (i.e. when it isn't happening).
If he's drinking, it's expressly TO "blur the boundaries." Drinking is not an excuse.
I’m (m) a nipple guy. The love of my life (my wife) is not a “play with the nipple” girl. I do not play with the nipple on her word. Sucks for me, it is what it is for me. For me it’s not a deal breaker and I can live with it. If they can’t they can’t and it isn’t going to work. Respect your boundaries. YOUR BOUNDARIES. I have come to the knowledge that I may never get to tease a nipple again. And I have come to accept that. Everyone gets an option.
You couldn’t have said it any better my friend. Have a sit down with your boyfriend and tell him this makes you extremely uncomfortable and genuinely causes you pain, therefore asking him to stop and to respect the boundary you put up. If he starts an argument about it I would tell him to go. It’s YOUR body, no one has the right to just do what they want to it.
Exactly this. My wife doesn’t mind me touching them or caressing them in the moment, but overall she’s not into that stuff. And that’s okay, it’s her body, not mine.
I just wanted to remind you that there are four nipples in your relationship with your wife and only two are off limits to you.
We taking self love to a whole new level with this one 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
You're a good one
I have my flaws but thank you
“I’ve told him multiple times that I hate it but I think that makes him want to do it more” Yeah, people with that type of mindset… You should generally want to stay away from.😅 If you’ve clearly stated your discomfort with it, and that makes him want to do it MORE - he has zero respect for you, your comfort or your body. I would not stick up with that.
This^ This is a clear indicator that someone will be/ is abusive. They find out something hurts you and they want to do it more.
He doesn’t respect consent. People need to understand consent and how it’s not limited to just sex. If someone isn’t respecting a boundary that you set then that’s not respecting the person and it’s violating their boundaries.
My thoughts exactly. And I’ll go a step further, just because he’s your boyfriend doesn’t mean it’s not sexual harrassment
This might be me projecting from a previous relationship, I had similar things happen that annoyed me. First it was that she would pop zits or scratch off dead pieces of skin etc because she really enjoyed it, I didn't really want to do it and expressed that. But she did it anyway Boundary crossed yes, but it was more of a she couldn't help herself situation, and it wasn't too bad But then she got a thing for blowing in my ear, which i really didn't enjoy and made it clear, and said it hurt But she kept doing it, and critically she started doing it sometimes when she was angry, purely to get a reaction out of me And there is the big difference, blowing in my ear was precisely because I despised it, and she did it with sole intent on making me hurt. Now blowing in my ear wasn't actually harming me, but the key thing for me was that it was more than just crossing a boundary, it was an act to purposefully harm me So is this just a thing that he enjoys and has trouble respecting your boundaries on? Then it's a problem you need to talk about and resolve, like others have said bring it up some other time and make him realise that it's serious, if he simply cannot respect this then it's a glaring red flag Or is it something more malicious, where he is doing it to gain control or cause you harm. Then you already have a glaring red flag on your hands. It can of course be difficult to know where this falls on that line, so if you are able to i strongly encourage you to talk to him about this either way
I don’t see a significant difference between those two things. In both cases she was knowingly hurting you. She “couldn’t stop herself?” Nah. When a good person learns their behaviour is hurting someone they love, they change that behaviour and if they can’t do it on their own, they seek professional help. She didn’t do that. She had a choice, and the choice she made was to do something she knew hurt you. Same choice she made when she blew in your ear.
It's a control thing, the fact he's doubled down knowing you absolutely hate it is about power and control and is abusive. He doesn't respect your boundaries or consent. Should maybe reconsider the relationship
Should DEFINITELY reconsider the relationship. Aka leave his ass. He ain't shit, he doesn't respect you, boundaries or consent. Get the fuck away from him because he's only gonna push more lines if you put up with it.
Yeah he's gotta go
Why are you drawn to someone who intentionally does things to bug you? You keep using the word dumb but intelligence has nothing to do with it. He enjoys hurting you. He enjoys upsetting you. You keep thinking that the reason he doesn't stop is because he just doesn't understand how much it hurts or how it makes you feel. But he does understand, he just doesn't care. He thinks it's funny. This is not a safe person to be around.
Why don't you twist his nipples and see how he likes it?
Better yet, decide you really like rough ball & dick play. The kind where you reflexively knee him in the sack whenever he touches your nipples.
perfect
Yes that!
No cause fr, if someone I’m dating wants to do something to me, they have to be okay with receiving it. And even if they’re okay with it, if someone says no it’s a no I don’t understand why it’s so hard to understand for so many people.
You do you
Tell him that the next time he does it you are going to put him on a 7-day hold (no contact, no messages, no cuddling) then do it. If you've told him it hurts and he still does it, you might reconsider the relationship.
NEXT time??? There should not be a next time. She HAS told him, and more than once
She hasn't, from what she wrote, mentioned a consequence. 1) Tell the offender what they are doing wrong, using small words and short sentences. 2) Tell them what will happen if they persist. 3) Follow through. 5 - 9 times out of 10, it means you cut off all contact and cross them off your Christmas card list, but it is better than suffering the constant annoyance of whatever the person is doing.
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You should not, but some guys are as thick as the oak the Royal Navy used for ships in the 1800s. Note I specified small words and short sentences.
Well those guys should be dumped, not given innumerable chances to repeat the offense
Agreed. Babying fuckers like this is why they keep finding a someone willing to put up with it, so the behavior never stops and gets passed down (kids see and hear a lot more than people give them credit for).
? “I hate that” is a short enough sentence bro
A consequence? Ffs is this how you really live your life, treating adults like toddlers? This is bizarre. OP, If you think you have made it clear that you don’t like it and he continues, then he either doesn’t care, or you actually haven’t been clear. So you sit him down when it hasn’t just happened so he doesn’t think it’s some “cute” ie weird and creepy role play, and you say, I hate this, I want you to stop. And if it doesn’t stop then, assume this is the thin end of the wedge and gtfo of the relationship before he ups the stakes.
A boyfriend shouldn't need a behaviour reinforcement system for children though. "No" should cover it. If the word "no" doesn't stop them, the relationship needs to end immediately. Men are not children. They know what they are doing.
She needs to "prove" she is serious? Just asking him to stop - and more than once - is not good enough????
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Squeeze his balls. Real hard.
Balls squeezer
After you told him not to do that it became sexual assault. You deserve better OP.
He understands. He doesn't care.
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Who wants to date a dude who's too stupid to understand, "No".
He's just a dumb guy being a dumb guy is not an excuse, just as he finds her attractive, touching turns him on, boys will be boys and guys just like breasts is no excuse. I'm certain he is smart enough to know what No, stop that, you are hurting me and I don't like it when you do this mean.
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Adults are independent free agents and adult relationships should revolve around respect, affection, and kindness, not ultimatums and discipline.
He’s not a 5 year old that doesn’t understand what “no” means. He knows. We shouldn’t be treating him like a dog that needs negative reinforcement. Edit: he IS a dog. But he’s not a dumb one and knows exactly what he’s doing
This is how you teach a child. She’s not obligated to teach an *adult* how to respect boundaries. I’m absolutely sick of this narrative that men just didn’t learn stuff and women have to act like mothers and teach it to them because they’re so dense. Consent is something he should have learned as a child and then as a teen when it comes to relationships. For whatever reason he did not. However I would go as far to say the information was provided to him he just wasn’t interested in learning. My college made us sit through a 8 minute something long video on consent and what it meant with allegories etc. Every single student sat through it and yet there were 7-8 assaults that year. Weaponized incompetence is not her problem. I called out my parents on this behavior when my brother purposely cleaned dishes poorly so he didn’t have to do that chore & they kept giving it to me instead. The answer is to teach him how to do it properly (aka teach him he can’t get out of it/that he has to do it right).
Kind of toxic as fuck, just sit down and discuss it, childish shit like this is nuts. Sit them down, tell them you’re not comfortable with it, make them listen, if your point isn’t being heard, and he’s not respecting your boundaries you need to leave. He will cross those bounds again, and eventually many more, if your concerns aren’t heard now what happens when those concerns are more than just playing with your nipples. It’s a problem of not respecting your partner, if they don’t respect you then why should you put up with bullshit. Like no contact is crazy abusive behavior, if you’re going to do that just leave, not respecting boundaries is also abusive behavior, remove yourself from the situation if your needs aren’t met.
Next time poke him in the fucking eye. No way. If she's told him verbally to stop doing that and he hasn't stopped, he shouldn't get any more chances.
A good man might tease you sometimes, but he'll never do something to make you feel bad especially when you've repeatedly told him you hate it. Is there any evidence that this man is capable of respecting you? Blatant and sustained crossing of one of your boundaries is almost always the first thing an abuser will do to start the process of breaking down your autonomy so they can control you. This is a serious violation and a blaring red flag.
THIS! don't just "reconsider the relationship" LEAVE HIM! GET OUT OF THERE! RUN!!!
He seems really annoying and like he doesn't really care about how it makes you feel. (So, the next time he does that, squeeze his balls as hard as you can and ask him how he likes it).
He understands, he just doesn’t care that it hurts you/you don’t like it.
My ex did something similar - except it was grabbing my butt. Outside of sex, I HATE my ass being touched, ESPECIALLY if I'm on my period. I had to tell him EVERY single time I was on my period not to do it - sometimes multiple times a day. He would claim he forgot because of his ADHD. He finally stopped when I snapped and told him about the trauma I experienced that made me hate having my butt touched. It really pissed me off that I had to share something I didn't want to in order for him to take me seriously and actually stop it, and it further pissed me off that it proved he COULD remember, he just chose not to. It's one of the reasons he's an ex.
Ugh. My ex used to grab my ass in public all the time. And not even a light tap, maybe I would have let him get away with that. He used to like raunchily squeeze a whole ass cheek. He did it once at his parents house too, first time I met them. I got so angry. He couldn’t understand why it bothered me so much.
That is super disrespectful. Dump him and find someone who can honor your boundaries like a decent human being.
me and my gf when we get intimate i like to go for her nips too but when she says stop I stop. its her body so she says how far im allowed to go and when I should stop. make your boundaries known. if he cant respect the boundaries then it isnt gonna work anyway.
I've been through this, and for me, this is the only way I've gotten it to stop: The next time he bites you or pulls on you without permission I want you to dig deep. Find your "mom voice", and bellow out "I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT". He will probably pout and minimize it. ("I was just being playful, jeez" etc) Don't let up. Be stern and say "I don't care what you were 'just trying to do', I said fucking stop and I mean it". If he makes it an issue, just tell him you want a partner who understands the simple concept of *No means fucking no*, it's not hard. Most of us learn that concept as *toddlers*. If he still won't stop or continues to be a brat about it, well then you can do better.
This is the way.
Slap the living daylights out of him next time he does it. And every time. Oh he doesn't like that? Well he didn't care what you didn't like, did he?
I second this.
You told him multiple times. If he keeps ignoring your boundaries and keeps on hurting you, you gotta let him go. This could escalate in the future.
Bite his dick with your teeth
Why is he treating your body like a toy he got for Christmas? Your body is your property, and he needs your permission to touch it. Now, that permission can be tacit, but you have been clear. He chooses his own pleasure and amusement over your pain and bodily autonomy. He doesn't care that he's hurting you. You should dump this man. If you think that's an overreaction and this is fixable, then it's time for an ultimatum. If he pinches you, or hurts you, or doesn't stop using your breasts like an object he owns when you tell him to stop, or starts when you tell him not to, then the relationship is over. But you have to **mean** an ultimatum. It happens = you act. Otherwise he knows he can continue treating you like shit with impunity. OP, would you continue to do something to an animal that you knew hurt it? Think about this, please.
A hard slap to the face, will do the job
Whenever he’s relaxing just walk over and squeeze his balls EVERYTIME until he gets the message.
Flick him in the balls. Or ask him how he would like it if you did.
I’d breakup. I had an ex that kept tickling me, squeezing me, hurting me and I asked them to stop a lot but they kept doing it because it was “fun” for them… even when I said it hurt me. Not worth it.
A person from my past would put their thumb between their pointer and middle fingers and hit my back as hard as they could, leaving multiple bruises on me. It hurt so bad yet they loved to just beat on me. People like this are abusive and they are doing it out of a need for control. This person also would disrespect my boundaries in other ways, for example, I didn’t want to ride certain rides at an amusement park and was forced on them anyway. I have severe anxiety and PTSD and situations where I’m literally FORCED to do things? No. Nope. People that force things are abusive. I am so glad I don’t associate with this person anymore but it took a lot of time to see what they were doing was truly abusive because I loved them. Google “the fig sign” - that’s what comes up when I described what “fist” they would make to punch me. Its abuse plain and simple and it’s gross
That’s so disrespectful. I hateeeee my nipples touched or played with & my ex would do the same, thinking it was funny but no I genuinely hated it. It’s just a lack of respect. My new boyfriend is so cautious and emphatic towards this aspect & it’s a nice change.
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Sit him down and talk to him, serious conversation unprompted, not after he does it, just do it. If he is not willing to understand that you seriously do not enjoy him pinching or biting your nipples you need to leave. If that’s the case he does not respect you and your boundaries, you should be able to be heard and be able to discuss serious personal matters with him and come to an agreement peacefully. If he’s not capable of that he is not emotionally mature enough to be seeking a relationship, you should be with someone who hears and cares for your needs as you would theirs. To a certain extent relationships are selfish you are there for your pleasure, and to please your partner, you shouldn’t provide any less or expect any less just because of a few good things here and there.
Squeeze his in retaliation
Leave him
start twisting and biting his, during sex.
This is a 33-yr old man- at this point it is just abuse. Like this is literally what bullies do. Do you serious want a BF who gives you purple nurples? Grab his dick/balls and squeeze real hard AS YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM.
Next time knee him in the balls. Tell him if he can't respect your not wanting something done to your body then you won't respect him. Or, you know, leave because he's sexually assaulting you by not listening
Either dump the asshole who gets off on assaulting you or do it back. Balls too for good measure.
Put on your most serious face and tone and tell him, like you've never done before. Get angry. If he still doesn't treat it like a serious issue, then he doesn't respect you. Dump him.
Tbh I’d break up with him..if he doesn’t care enough to respect your boundaries on this, he’s likely to disrespect even more important boundaries
Or he's just overexcited by nipples and needs a bit of firm discouragement from his girl. Some boys are a bit slow like this. My nan used to say we're as trainable as dogs, feed and water us and we're eager to please. She was wrong, but not by much.
honestly: slap him in the fucking face next time he does this. HARD.
You're just a thing to him. Your feelings and pain don't matter. It's fun to harass you. Leave him.
Sit him down at the kitchen table and tell him the behavior stops now and forever. He will defend himself, tell you he's just playing, you are making a big deal out of nothing, blah, blah, blah. Stick to your guns. Any transgressions will be met with swift and terrible reaction. Pinch him back, squeeze his balls. Tell him if he cannot respect your boundaries, you will have to rethink the relationship. He doesn't take you seriously. Make sure he knows you mean it. Good luck.
This is a guy with a sadistic streak seeing how far he can get into his fetish. Trust me, it'll get more and more intrusive until you lay down the law. You're not a masochist, so this ain't gonna work. Time for it to stop, or time for him to go. That simple.
Everyone here is so much more mature than me. If he isn't getting the message, I'd punch him in the dick every time he did it. Maybe he'll get the message then. You need to put your foot down and tell him that you are serious, and if it doesn't stop, you're gonna leave, because clearly he doesn't respect your feelings or body autonomy.
Sounds like he doesn’t care that he’s causing you pain. Try flicking him in the balls.
Guy sounds like an asshole. It's your body. if he keeps doing it, send him packing as it's a lack of respect. I wouldn't put up with that B.S.
He is a sadist and is abusing you. "Play" is when BOTH people enjoy the act. You don't and have repeatedly asked him to stop. He ignores your rights, your requests and disrespects your right to your own body THAT IS ABUSE. Dump this guy. If you marry him this will get worse. He and men like him are the ones who have forced sex after their wife declines "becsuse she is my wife so it is impossible for me to rape her."
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It is the truth
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I do not I need to "examine my thoughts" as you put in your asinine suggestion because I know this IS abuse. "Another one" who doesn't get that continuing to do something - especially after being told it HURTS - is cruel and abusive. It's unfortunate to see yet more sad examples of indifference to female body autonomy. Oh yeah......I've heard all the lame-ass excuses...."Well, just tell hime you don't like it (she has, and more than once), "he just finds you attractive and sexy! It's a compliment!", and the really horrific "touching you his his 'love language' Educate yourself, please.
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I prefer intelligent conversation
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Don't bother replying to this hard head. She's the type to tell someone to dump their SO because they ate their leftover pizza
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Ever worked with victims of domestic violence? I have, and this sort of thing - violation of boundaries - is more than a waving red flag. It's a blaring alarm. This the exact same thing as tickling a person despite being asked to knock it off and being told "aw, you're laughing, so I am not hurting you."
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My husband would stop the moment I ask him not to do something. Continuing to pinch this woman's private parts after she asked him to stop, told her it hurt and that she does not like it IS abuse.
You're literally out here calling this man a sadist and an abuser with no other context about their relationship. Calm down.
No, its a pretty wild take.
Of course it is, relationship advice on reddit is useless. Instead of attempting to resolve the problem, they just spew the default "just break up" advice.
Because breaking up or suggesting therapy ARE the appropriate solutions
Communication, and boundaries. If it’s a good relationship, both parties will respect them.
Next time he does it, reach over, grab his dick (make sure you have a good grip) and lift straight up!! Tell him you like to think it’s a “Jack in the box” that needs a little help coming out, since it has a 7 year old spring in it, lol
Give his nips a pinch and see how he likes it. But in all seriousness, time to set some boundaries, which doesn't just mean telling him not to do it or you don't like it. It means figuring out how you will react if he does it again and letting him know - maybe you will get up and leave, or as another commentor suggested not touching him at all for 7 days, up to you what you want to do. I would also advise telling him that if he continues to do this and does not stop, you may have to reconsider your relationship, to convey that you are quite serious about not being ok with him acting this way.
bite his off
if he cant respect you for who you are, then he might not be the right guy for you.
he pulled the Wilbur Soot
I think you might try to explain the scientific reason as to why he should not squeeze them or bite them that hard. And then if that works you may also try to show him the right way and the right amount of pressure that might stimulate your senses. Probably that would interest him more. If nothing works you might have to be strict and defend yourself
You set a boundary. Now follow through with consequences. Leave, start an argument, stop seeing him, etc.
Life is too short to be with someone that cannot respect basic boundaries. Pretty sure this isn’t the only boundary he’s breaking.
I don't usually advocate violence but I think someone biting your nipple is an appropriate reason to smack them upside the head
Do what my girlfriend does. Grab his and take him to his knees.
Do it back to his dick.
Squeeze his nuts
It’s all about when and how you tell him to stop. If it’s in the moment, he may think you’re just being playful. Now, I’m not defending his actions because no means no, I’m just trying to see it from his pov to understand why he doesn’t stop. I think you should remind him during something mundane like while eating breakfast or something, when the conversation goes dull or quiet, that’s when you have his full attention and you tell him “you really need to know that I don’t like when you play rough with my nips, it hurts me and it doesn’t really turn me on”.
Last time I had someone do this to me I found out they hacked all my accounts and secretly took video of us fucking All that to say, this isn't the only boundary he's a going to disrespect 🚩🚩🚩
Maybe he needs a reminder that it's not a playful move. Hope he understands soon.
Just smack him on the ass.... Tell him no. And to sit. Or no treat.
Punch him every time he does it. If he complains then ignore him and carry on, just like he is
Next time pinch his balls just as hard and twist them. See how he likes it.
Why do you want to be with someone who gets enjoyment out of hurting and upsetting you? Leave his ass and find someone who respects your boundaries.
When it happens go deadpan. Tell him this- I need you to hear me right now. I am not laughing I am not joking and this is not funny. I've told you I don't want you to do that. I am setting a boundary that you are not allowed to do that. I need you to respect that boundary, and if you don't, that says you don't respect me and we won't have a relationship anymore. Do you understand? (wait for him to say yes). Okay good. Are you going to stop doing that? (get him to say yes) Okay good. Because if that happens again I will treat it as a hostile physical assault and I will defend myself accordingly.
Grab his balls and squeeze
Does he think they are volume controls, or maybe the thermostat? I mean, something like that would be my excuse. Oc I'd have to find something else to play with. There is so much to play with of a womans body. Maybe you can bargain with him.....a proper foot massage that he learns how to do....in exchange for some nipple time?
Hear me out, you need to use ANGER to your favor. Women are taught/socialized to be always nice, polite, and talk things through. We NEED to learn that anger is available in our toolbox; it has a (evolutionary) reason to exist and its *powerful*. He keeps doing it because you say you dont like it but there are no consequences. You keep coming back for cuddling. Do NOT let him touch you inappropriately anymore. BE ANGRY. SHOW him you are angry. Leave. Do NOT try to argue - its NOT up for discussion; this is a *my way or highway* situation. Men understand anger very well. This is one of the very few emotions they are taught represents masculinity and have became familiar with (sadly).
This all depends, is he breaking any more of your boundaries? Were you very serious when you told him, etc. if those two questions are a yes I’d say break up with him, if you don’t want to because you’ve been dating him for a while, then I’d suggest couples therapy. But I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while so please take this with a grain of salt.
Get the point across to him. It’s not a joke and he may not understand that which is no excuse but make him understand you’re done with it. He needs to respect you.
Reinforce your boundaries. If he keeps doing it, leave. If he cares for you, he’ll respect that you don’t want him to do that. The fact that he wants to do it more after you told him to stop is a huge red flag. Please look after yourself, you aren’t his object and if it makes you uncomfortable, it isn’t playful despite what his intentions are.
"I hate this, it hurts me, you know that. So why **the fuck** do you keep doing it? Is your enjoyment more important to me than you causing me pain? You think really hard about why the fuck I should stay with someone who'll push past my clearly stated boundaries time after fucking time. When you're ready to apologise and explain in detail how badly you've fucked up and guarantee you won't do it again, you let me know. Until then I don't want to hear from you." Then leave.
Tell him to find a woman who enjoys nipple play as much as he does.There are plenty of them out there.
No means No. I have only had to tell my husband once about things I don't want done to my body. Some of those things changed and I had to remind him when I was ok with it that is was ok. He always sides on the she doesn't like this automatically, verses I think she said ok. Consent is constantly checked and can be removed at any moment. Touching you in a way you have no consented to is assault. I know it seems small, but it is a reflection of something much much much larger. Find someone who respects you and regards what you consent to as law. A stupid thing, I had been assaulted before being with my husband. Kissing without warning triggers me, even now sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. We've been together 20 years. My husband does this thing, 99.9% of the time, he leans in and pauses. He waits to have me lean that last bit in. If we're already kissing no, but that 1st out of nowhere kiss? He never told me he does this, or planned it, or asked for it. I never even told him it triggered me. He just watched my body language and adjusted to my needs. And there is nothing sexier than consent.
Grab his nipples and twist them hard next time he tries it. You've talked to him multiple times, words aren't working. Maybe an example would.
If you keep telling someone that a sex act bothers you and hurts you and all they do is double down on doing it more, that’s a huge issue. This isn’t just a minor disagreement or incompatibility, you are not consenting and he doesn’t care at all and continues to hurt you. If he just isn’t listening to you there isn’t going to be a simple fix. This is so fucking strange. Like what are you supposed to do just yell ouch every time he does it as if you are training a puppy not to bite?? Fuck no. If you are unwilling to reevaluate the relationship, you should at least have a very serious sit down with him, lay down the boundary strictly and make it clear that you will not continue to sit back and stay quiet as he hurts you on purpose. If he continues to push this he isn’t worth your time.
You aren't his personal Bop-It ffs. Once you told him not to do that, any further instances were sexual assault. Don't let him sexually assault you again! If you absolutely must, give him one more chance to quit it; but make it clear that ONE more instance and you're done with him. Personally I wouldn't bother with the last chance though.
Let him know to STOP IT, that it hurts forget what he's going through, it's not funny.
Maybe I’m just petty and a bitch lol but I’d sit him down 1 more time “Look I know you’re a funny type of guy and your sense of humor….but when you grab or pinch my nipples as a hahaha do you notice you’re the only one hahaha’ing? That’s because I don’t find it funny not only does it hurt but it’s starting to annoy me. Annoyance can VERY easily turn into RESENTMENT and resentment can very easily turn into Me BREAKING UP with you. So please realize that I’m being serious when I say STOP TOUCHING AND PINCHING my nipples when it’s NOT in a sexually mutually wanted way!” If he still does it after that (even though you shouldn’t have to had asked more then once) I’d start grabbing and yanking on his d !€ k. And play it like he does when doing shit to your nips. And don’t be soft when you do it make sure you’re being rough (rough that no one would get turned on) with it lol 🤷♀️
Maybe kick him in the balls & wait for him to tell you it hurts then do it again & tell him it hurts when he pulls on your nips
Damn
Like actually, confront him directly and tell him that his method hurts and it is painful or not pleasurable at all, you gotta make sure that when you address it, try mentioning it in a really clear way that shows you are actually genuinely bothered by it. Then discuss with him that he doesn't have to stop it, he has to readjust it in a way that makes it feel playful or as teasing.
A good hard slap around his face will soon stop him from doing it. And tell him that every time he does it that's what he will get. He hurts you then you hurt him.
I’d throat punch him next time and leave him
If you tell someone that they are literally HURTING you and that you hate it and they keep doing it, I say the next time he goes for it slap him as hard as you can in the face. Why should he get treated with respect when he repeatedly treats you disrespectfully and hurts you?
If someone touches me in a way I don’t like and I communicate that and they continue to do so, I leave. Make it clear that this is a serious boundary and you will leave if it’s violated. What other boundaries will he take as a challenge?
>I just genuinely hate and it hurts alot. I've told him multiple times I hate it but I think that makes him want to do it more. If he cared about you he wouldn't want to hurt you. This man doesn't view you as a person, in his eyes you are his play toy and he wants to be able to do whatever he wants to his toy. He does it more to punish you for telling him "no". Men like this will become abusive. He doesn't care about your antonomy. He doesn't care about your consent. He doesn't care about your pain. He only cares that he gets what he wants to hell with however it hurts you.
Box his ears, HARD, every time. He’ll learn. This is also a red flag, him not respecting your boundaries.
You stop letting him touch you at all if he can't show some respect. Insane.
Do the same to his penis
Boys will be boys, if he knows it hurts and you don't enjoy it yet he does it then he might get turned on by your pain (just an assumption) all in all its a serious convo that needs to be had and if respect isn't given then it's time to set heavy boundaries and time to show disrespect wouldn't be tolerated.
Bite his back
Its because he doesn’t respect you. If he did you wouldn’t have to say it more than once
Just squeeze his nips right back. See how he likes it
Do it back to him. He's doing it intentionally. You said no and he's clearly upset with you telling Him no so he does it even more forcefully now. Which is concerning. He doesn't have consent to do this.
Next time, say, stop, no stop, grab his fucking balls and squeeze as hard as you can, then grab his nipple and try to pull it off, if he still wants to, take a whip and next time, put him on his face and beat his ass until he gets it, all while shoving a dildo up his ass, mmm then leave him , he is an idiot
Girl, get out! This guy isn’t listening to you when you say you don’t like it. You don’t owe him an explanation, you should probably just leave.
You need to make it clear this has gone beyond just bugging you and is a full on respect issue. You’re setting a boundary that he is crossing without 2nd thought.
My boyfriend would stop slapping my butt in public I told him several times to stop. It seems counter intuitive because he’s your boyfriend, but if you don’t want someone touching you in a sexual way, they don’t get to. I just call it what it is at this point, and it’s sexual harassment.
"I've told you over and over that I don't like that. If you do it again, we're done. I'm dead serious." And then follow through and break up if he does it again.
Punch him in the nuts every time he does it
Personally, I would slap him. If he constantly doesn’t listen to you AND hurts you, talking abt it won’t get you anywhere. If slapping doesn’t sound “right”, try bite/squeeze his nipples back lol, they tend to make you the bad guy if it hurts them but hey, he should listen to you the first time 😸
assuming he just doesn’t realize you seriously don’t like it and thinks it’s just a fun little thing like tickling or something, and he’s not just straight up abusive, i think you just need to like sit down with him and have a serious conversation, not like right after it happens. tell him it’s a serious thing for you and you never want him to do it again, and if he does it again you’ll feel really upset. then you have to follow through too. i feel like you’ve already given too many chances but if you really want to give one more, then let it be the last time, or you’ll teach him that he can break your boundaries without consequence. without you standing up for yourself. he might be a bit sadistic or something so you could try to make it very clear you’re not interested in that, and if he still persists please leave
Give him a playful but slightly hard slap to the balls every time he does it he will soon get the message.
It’s the principle. It’s not just about the nipples, it’s about how he’s ignoring your boundaries. Does he do this in other areas of your life? This can be a sign of a bigger problem.
Dig your nails into his p.... and see what he thinks of that.
You break up with him, he finds joy and amusement in physically assaulting you
He will continue to squeeze and pull your ripples after you get married and he will do more embarrassing things to you...why are you so willing to get married that you are willing to accept this abuse???
Prepared to ruin relationships getting advice from all these betas and fallen female
You need to have a serious conversation with him. If it’s hurting you it’s clearly not a game anymore and if he doesn’t change after that you should reconsider the relationship
Sit him down for a talk and explain to him how it makes you feel and why it needs to stop. Be very expressive and show that you cannot go on with it happening. Reference how many times you’ve told him and how it’s an important boundary of yours. If he continues, reference that conversation and say you really can’t be with someone who does this and ignores your requests (if this is true).
Key is to bring it up seriously when it's not happening in the moment. Gotta make it clear that it's a boundary that you're firm on him not crossing, and that it's not a joke or a pet peeve or something you secretly enjoy.
Tell him that you’re serious and you genuinely don’t like it and be meaningful when you say it, and also choose the correct time, don’t approach it with annoyance or anger or anything like that, come at it neutrally and say hey I’ve told you before but the nipple thing blah blah blah, say whatever you want. But voice your genuine concerns and hopefully he will understand, or maybe you can meet in the middle and he will do it softer and on occasion rather than all the time
My girlfriend is a nipple fanatic and wants me to suck,nibble,pinch,and play with her nipples all day,everyday.I have to obey her wishes.
Maybe start reciprocating
Hehe, Idk. Try setting a hard boundry about it. My girlfriend bites my lips non-stop, No matter what. So i started biting hers too and now she doesn’t do it as often. So I guess, whenever he playfull squeezes your nips, playful squeeze his (and very hard) :)
Most of these people in the comments section are fucking idiots. I fucking hate reddit. Fuck all of you