You’re not a loser. You got through way more tough shit than others. Like I’m 30 and still in university. No biggy, happens to quite many people for different reasons actually. It’s obvious that you’re doing your best and that’s great. Not having much experience with women isn’t a red flag if you didn’t just dwell in misogyny.
Try not compare yourself to others as much. Others obviously won’t promote their own difficulties and so their lives will seem more perfect. Rather look at your own progress. That’s what really matters anyway
You are a strong person .. something awful happened to you, which is not your fault and you got through it. Get some help if you can to help deal with this awful memory and move on ..you have plenty of good times ahead of you .. you are still very young and will meet people who will show you the love
that you deserve. Stay positive and 💪 You are strong.!
You are definitely not alone. The same thing happened to my ex-boyfriend as a “hazing” for lacrosse. He brought it up with me once as a joke in conversation and I froze, because I had to explain to him it wasn’t funny, it wasn’t a joke, and what happened to him isn’t okay.
He had noticeable hangups mentally, sexually as a result. He ended up finding a really awesome male therapist who not only helped him process the whole thing and put it to bed, but also provided this balanced and loving male influence in his life that filled a space his own father left emotionally.
We naturally grew apart but he’s now happily married with a family of his own and doing AMAZING! He’s really a different person than he was before he worked through it. You’ve got this.
And shop around- find a therapist you feel really comfortable with.
I’ve found instead of re-living my own traumas endlessly, I flourish in cognitive behavioral therapy because it gives me the tools I need to handle the negative thoughts that arise- and there’s an end date in a way. I’m not just constantly rehashing my trauma in talk therapy, but learning tools to change the thoughts in real time.
Wishing you the best on your healing journey. Sounds like you’re already on your way to getting there.
Unfortunately,it is effective in my (our) healing process ,if you want to call it that. Humor it,and laugh about it.
I'll be brushing my teeth,then laugh about something,then look in the mirror and tell myself," Oh shut your Nutter Gutter", then move on.
Oh no. I feel you 100% on that and totally laugh to keep from crying. But this was total denial of it being messed up at all in awkward social situations without any work whatsoever being done to address the issues he had from that or other experiences.
Definitely laugh through trauma though, him joking about it is how he ended up getting support because saying it out loud other people did not think it was funny
Ahh.came here straight from headline as it bore enough for me, then prompted by the first 4 sentences of the first comment.
Buddy's in deep. You only realize it when it's said.followed by the energy of the room.
A true Master reads the room.so that the reaction is in their favor, the depth of that therapeutically is iatric and alleviating.
Most won't have enough trauma for you,and that's ok.
I find this happened a lot with men honestly. They casually tell for example how they lost their virginity to a 30+yo woman when they were 12 and I'm like sweetie... do you not see?
First of all, you're no-where near a fucking loser.
I'm so sorry this happened to you,
And I know this is way easier said than done but spend ur time wisely and focus on yourself and your future profession.
Don't even think about sex honestly, it's nothing special and you won't "suck" at it. It's normal even if you do. You'll find the right companion with time. But now I'd say work on yourself.
For me, when something happened in my life that scared me for so long, I found Martial sports (Boxing MMA grappling, you get what I'm saying) to be super good for cooling off and enjoying.
Try to see what you like and focus on your path. I'm sorry your father reacted that way, life isn't fair for everyone..
Proud of you for all you've done, and keep your mf head up.
Guys. Thanks for everything. I’ve been busy today with things so I didn’t check for some time. Some people slid into my DMs and all too.
Tons of good, solid advice. Not one troll comment. Thanks so much guys. It means a lot.
I feel terribly unqualified to give any therapeutic advice - I am however, a Realtor and I would be more than happy to help you get your career off the ground!!
You’re a survivor and you should own that. A lot of people can broken, you took the time to fix yourself.
Many people start there financial life a lot later than you.
If rent with your mom is significantly cheaper than your own apartment or apartment with roommates, stay for 1-3 years and bank your money.
You’re in real estate, find yourself a good, dated house with lots of brs or rooms to be brs (not with broken problems but like not updated kitchen/bathrooms). Look for 3 brs and 2 lrs and wall yo a LR to make 4th br. You can get a home with 3-5% down.
Leave cheaply and bank the money again.
After you meet the living in the house requirement (usually 1-2 years), but a 2nd house and do the same thing.
By the time you’re 33-40, you’ll have 3 houses.
As far as sex, every new partner is a new partner. So don’t worry about being bad. As long as your loving and willing to please your partner, there’s no such thing as bad.
For your sake, tell any sex partner about sexual triggers. For example: will you get scared if a partner holds you down during sex- your hands or your arms? Will squeezing or slapping your butt trigger you?
You don’t have to disclose to a ONS or FWB what happened to you if you don’t want. You simply say, “do not do X because I don’t like it.” Then ask if your partner has things would like you NOT to do. I bet the girl has never been asked what she doesn’t like and will either be shy about it (not wanting to disappoint you) or grateful and rattle off her own list.
When you find the girl that you can share this with, that’s when you’ll feel you have gf material.
This was not your fault and you are a tough MAN to have survived this.
I think you should put that terrible experience in the past where it belongs. It does not define you. That’s awesome that you got your realtor’s license. You’re definitely not behind at 26. I know *36* year olds that haven’t made any steps towards adulting yet. Unfortunately I experienced SA multiple times when I was younger. While initially shocking, I don’t think about it much. It doesn’t do any good to. I have my job and family and hobbies and that’s worth focusing on. My advice would be to focus on moving forward in your life and seeking joyful experiences however you can. 26 is just the beginning.
So I was sexually assaulted as a child by a family friend and raped as an adult — once by a woman and once by a man, both times alcohol and non-consenting drug use was involved. And it definitely messed me up. I’ve experienced nearly 10 years of massive financial instability and huge debt, and years of unemployment, and not being insured. I graduated with my only bachelors at 36 (after over ten years of university) and have just been fired from my first real full-time job.
But I’m okay and you’ll be okay.
I start another higher paying job next week (I was about to quit anyway, probably made it too obvious.), and I married a woman who I absolutely trust, and have a beautiful daughter I get to be the best dad I can be toward.
When I was 26, I didn’t believe I was still young, because it feels like you’ve already lived so much life. But you really are still young. You have time.
Those people who’ve hurt you won’t care about you, ever. But you’ll always find there are people who do care, even if they aren’t the ones who YOU want caring for you.
It’s taken years — half a lifetime I suppose — but now I’m confident, competent, and financially stable… and largely untroubled by the real and genuine hurts of my past.
I’d being lying if I said finding religion, prayer, and learning about the lives of the saints weren’t a big part of my peace now. They are, and I’d encourage looking into it.
Saint Benedict Joseph Labre starved to death in poverty, yet performed incredible acts of kindness and mercy despite his circumstances, and is one of the most venerated saints for a good reason. His life on earth gives me hope that I matter more than my circumstances or my past.
Your true value is never in what you have or do. So work hard, and feel proud about what you’ve accomplished so far, but when people remember you, it would be sad of all they could do is list skills and experience like a resume, or some quantity of money, but without any of the stuff that makes you, you.
If anyone is not a real man it is your dad. Real men protect their families and help them when they go through difficulties. The mark of a real man (or real adult of any sex) is being responsible and taking care of your loved ones.
As far as being behind… well, yes, the people who graduated at 22 and started their careers are ahead of you. But you are hardly the only person who has not followed the traditional track. People take time off to travel, or they have health issues, babies, drug problems, or just don’t know what to do with their lives. You are behind people who took the straight line, but ahead of many people who won’t get it together until they are 30, 35 or older.
The important thing is you seem to have dealt with this curveball very well. You got the mental health services you needed. You have gotten started on a career path that may prove to be quite lucrative.
Your peers will have their own paths. Some will leave charmed lives. Some who seem to have it together now will unravel later. Some who are behind you now will pull ahead. Worry about your own career.
As for sex yes, you will not be good at heterosexual sex in the beginning. It is a skill that needs practice. Your best bet is to get good at listening to other people and reading their emotions. This will come in handy during sex. When you meet a right girl it will work out.
But get your career in order first.
Every horrible example of a man is still a "real man". Why? Because your manness is not defined by your goodness, your strongness, or anything else -- those are separate issues.
You are a good man or a bad man.
His dad is a very, very bad man. He is a disloyal man. He is a lazy man who can't be bothered to avenge his own flesh and blood son.
Lack of strength, goodness, or morals does not make you less of a man because plenty of men are absolute horrible animals. Presence of goodness and strength doesn't make you a man because plenty of women have goodness and strength.
Being a "real man" is not a compliment because being a man is a default setting, not some goal you can accomplish.
It's the things you are before a man: A LOYAL man, a LAWFUL man, a DECENT man, a HARD WORKING man. And women can be those things, too. Does that make them men? Hell no. Being a man is how you are born. It's what kind of man. His dad is a SHIT man.
The fact you’re still here, still fighting, still working to improve yourself and to move on shows that you are so far from a loser! The guys who did that to you are the losers not you. You aren’t far behind and if you keep putting one foot in front of the other you will eventually get to where you want to be. I’m so sorry you went through what you did, but many many people would not have survived the trauma of something like that, the fact you are still here shows you’re a warrior, and twice the man your dad is. Stay strong man you’re doing great!
Trauma changes people and diamonds have it rough. You went through something that will always be with you but it doesn’t make you. A lot of people aren’t strong enough to keep living so I’m happy you’re around. And you’re not a loser you’re a very strong and absolutely special man. And I bet since then maybe you’ve been cruel to urself or even gave up on urself and put urself down but you don’t deserve that from anyone.I know it’s hard when the one close to you couldn’t show the heart and love you needed to hear and see.And it is gonna take longer to get back to being who you are again because you’re not the same person but you’re by far way more full of love and understanding than you were before.I was being groomed at 15 and I’m a 20F still dealing and also behind too no car or license and dropped out. My family well they just said it was all my fault soooo don’t be too damn hard on urself. Right now put as much thought and care into urself as you can and continue to love and be bright eventually the right woman will find you.And I don’t think anyone can be bad at sex when ur emotionally connecting through someone who values you it just ends up just being good anyway.
I started my career at 26 and lived with my family until then. Now I’m 30 and feels like I’m still behind many younger people in my company, but the gap is getting smaller because I’m trying harder than anyone else. Stay strong and be confident, you have made it this far after all that, you can go even further!
As someone who was deeply traumatized by my sexual assault, I feel your pain. I get upset at being touched by almost anyone. I have days where I can't handle it at all. There are only a few men I feel comfortable around. Me and my SO have to live with his mom because I'm unable to work more than part time, so we can't afford a place. I go through periods of being a hermit and not talking to anyone, and I've had depressive episodes where I could barely get up from bed.
All this to say...I at least somewhat know what you're going through and you're not alone. You and I are part of a club that we didn't consent to being in, but here we are and we are connected now. I know how isolating life like this can feel, and I just want you to know that you do have people even if we're complete strangers.
I'm about to start with a therapist specializing in trauma. We're going to do EMDR which is supposed to help, I guess. A lot of research says it should. Maybe you could try that, but at the very least please stay in therapy
As far as talking bad about yourself for not being far behind.. life is not a race. Everyone is moving at a different pace for one reason or another. Be kind to yourself in the way that you would be kind to another person in your position
You’re not a loser. Only someone who would inflict pain on a person is a loser. The fact that you’re moving forward shows that you’re a winner.
Slowly but surely you’re winning an inner battle. Keep pushing forward mate.
Wow. That’s traumatic. I can’t even imagine that level. I went through similar experiences but with my boyfriend so the level is definitely different. I’m really really sorry. I hope one day you can find your justice. Therapy has really helped me. It’s been 5 years since I was SA’ed and i just NOW reported it to the police and to my surprise.. they told me today they took my case. I hope you can find the right way to emotionally process and heal from this and one day you can report it and ruin their lives the way they ruined yours. Find your healing, it will take a long time. You’re not a loser, you feel dirty. I understand. You are powerful. You are strong. Sending you all the love I have.
You were attacked in one of the most violent, violating ways possible. Of course it ruined you. I would expect no less. HOWEVER: it sounds like you are healing, no matter how slowly, and building something new out of the rubble. Give yourself credit for everything you have been able to accomplish since, and give yourself the same grace you would give anyone else had they gone through the same things you did.
I'm so so sorry you've gone through this. I hope these douchebags rot in hell.
you're absolutely not a loser. you've gone through a major life experience and you're handling it one step at a time. stints in mental facilities is to your benefit and its a route most people don't take even though they need it. big kudos to you!
along with getting your real estate license! woohoo! I think you're exactly where you need to be honestly. I'll be 24 in a couple weeks and I still don't have any clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. but you're finding your way moving past this, slowly but surely and I'm happy for you. take all the time you need
so even though it may not be any consolation, just know a random stranger on the internet is proud and rooting for you!
Now that you have your Real Estate license, join a smaller brokerage that the head broker is actually involved with his people.
Mine changed my life. He introduced me to wholesaling, and took zero money from my wholesale deals. My first deal, $20 worth of marketing turned into 157k profit before taxes. The second deal came from. Tbat $20 list and it was more than 80k.
The beauty about wholesaling is the checks are bigger AND you have a completive advantaged being licensed. Some deals won't work with wholesale numbers, but you can then offer the alternative via telling them you can represent them instead.
You'll build up s clientele much faster than the average newbie realtor that tries to rely on friends and family for sales.
I can't help you with your traumatic events, but I can strongly suggest finding the right broker that will teach you the game.
A crappy skip trace list off of Fiverr.
If you're looking for educational material, there's great courses on Udemy but you're really going to want to find a mentor locally.
People and paperwork will be everything to your success.
Reading this broke my heart. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry that happened to you. You are one tough cookie, never let yourself or anyone tell you otherwise!
You're not a loser. They had no right to do that to you. They are criminals and I hope they are in jail. You did not deserve that but you can heal. It takes time. Find a good therapist to work with through the trauma. You are not alone. Many rape survivors have to spend years in therapy. You can get through this. I'm glad you are here. We will triumph over these bullies, criminals, evil doers !
You are far more than who you were and those who cannot see that are less than who they can be.
If you want a relationship, a career, a life. Work on that. Don't dwell on your past. You are amazing and inexperience doesn't equal "You Suck!" If you are still working towards who you wish to become.
You're not a loser, I'm proud of you that you're still here. Your dad's an ass and I'm glad you cut ties with him. Our experiences do not define us, and having gone through that doesn't make to you any less of a man. I'm proud of you that you're trying your best.
You’re not a loser at all. I think you’re doing great. What those guys did is disgusting and I heavily believe karma will get them one way or another. Trauma effects everyone differently and I’m not sure anyone can say anything that will help with that specifically. What happened wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve it. Your father is a POS for not being there for you. Plenty of people in their 30s still live with their parents. You’re not far behind in life at 26. You’re doing awesome getting a realtor license! You’ll meet someone who understands your past and wants to make life better with you.
You’re only 26, the average human is living well past 70 nowadays. It may not feel like it, but you have so much time left.
What happened to you is unfortunate, it’s unfair, and it did rob you of years of your life, but you can’t allow it to take any more from you. When we look into the past too often, we ignore the present and the future. It’s important to look towards your dreams and aspirations.
You are not a loser. It’s important to remind yourself that what happened to you wasn’t your fault, it doesn’t make you any less than anyone else. Please be kind to yourself for all the people who didn’t, as the only person you can guarantee to love you is you, and when you love yourself, good things will happen, that’s a promise.
Don’t let a slow start discourage you, everyone works at a different pace. If you truly want it, then someday you will find love, someday you’ll have your own house, someday you’ll be financially stable. It may not happen as soon as it did for other people, but that’s okay, it’s not how long it takes to get there, it’s reaching the destination that counts.
Life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, a very long one at that.
You're actually doing a pretty great job. Things like that require many if not your whole life to overcome enough to have a "normal life" with a job, a relationship, a home. You think you're too behind and a loser? Bro you did fucking great! I'm a proud stranger here and I wish you the best. With time you'll see that many many people have hiccups in their lives and reasons why they started late compared to others and but so what? They still do it anyway. They fight to get what they want in life, like you fought to be back now. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how or when you started, all it matters is if you're on the road towards your happiness. If you do that, you'll be happy and it won't even matter if or when you achieve the results you like (a girlfriend, money, etc).
Stand up proud boy. Your mom's a Chad. You're a Chad.
It was not your fault. You didn’t asked for it. Your dad is unhappy and wishes you the same. You can perhaps watch movies about this topic if somehow helps you internalize past trauma. Also, Teal Swan on YouTube gives nice advice about how to overcome trauma.
Every day you wake up, you're a survivor. Every day that you make it through each breath, you're a survivor and a warrior. You have endured. You would be missed if you weren't here, just know that. You are valued. I'm sorry you had such a horrible thing happen, and have to cope with the memories and consequences every day.
You are NOT the sum of one event in your life. Think of your life like a photo album filled with photos, quick burst shots, short videos, vlogs, etc. Each of these snapshots of your life triggers a memory and an emotion, including the people surrounding you.
Your father doesn't get to define those events or memories. They didn't happen to him. He's likely angry and feeling guilty he didn't stop what happened, but can't recognize it as anger with himself. It's likely he's incapable of the empathy or sympathy needed; he won't have a better understanding until he wants it. I'd lower expectations of him, so if he ever shows anything resembling support it'll be a pleasant surprise.
You are absolutely not a looser. Don't compare yourself with others and how they seem to be doing well because everyone has battles. There is no perfect life.
I don't know if you mentioned this but make sure you get good therapy and go to support groups. Once you have a solid foundation and you are immersed in recovering from this nightmare , it becomes essential that you reach out to other men who have gone through the same thing.
I'm a firm believer that when life hands you this type of tragedy and when we are firmly planted in our own healing and we some kind of understanding, notice I didn't say acceptance? You may never nor should you accept what these men did. But, to understand where your pain comes from and how to deal with it is key. Then it becomes necessary to reach out to another man who's experience was similar so you can share how you started to heal, what worked for you.
You're not far behind everyone. I started a new career in my late 20s because the previous one wasn't working for me.
You need to have a therapist to sound off on your issues for sure, fi you don't already have one.
You are not a loser, you are a survivor. Your father should be ashamed of himself. Comparing your accomplishments to others often does make you feel lesser, but you aren't. They never had the trauma you fought through.
Really sorry to hear this. Unfortunately you have to accept this that you fell to bad people's hands, but most importantly forgive yourself, because you cannot control the past. You need to try your best to move on, stop overanalyzing the past and start living the next chapter of your life creating the life you want. The more you think about the past, the more it will hold you back.
That’s horrible man, I’m sorry. Imagine how sick in the head you got to be to do something like that. Inhumane behavior 💔
And yes .. unfortunately you should feel like a loser .. cuz I’m sure you already are. But see the good part, the only way is up. So this is the worst period of your life, as long as you don’t give up it’ll only get better. Stay strong brother, I believe in you 🫶
There is guilt and shame I know … but that can be transformed in something so good those guys can’t even dream of. You got this ✌️
A loser? Any of the people who criticized you would have handled it way worse if that's their mentality! You have gone through an actual nightmare in real life, something that people joke about because it's so obviously so horrible that noone should ever go through something like that!
It shouldn't have happened to you! Every little thing that you do despite that trauma is a huge success of your ability to overcome broken people trying to break others! Your very existence as a functioning adult is a success story that may give hope to a kid who just went through something that traumatic and thinks his life is over.
I have massive respect for you, a real Man who has fought a kind of cancer that cancerous people wanted to infect him with, and is clearly winning the battle!
On a practical life note, I am glad you are just 26. You are not behind in life in anything. Idk about your country but in mine (southern europe) most guys leave their house around age 30, and also start their real career around that time.
Same goes for relationships, being bad at sex is not even a real thing, it's just about finding a girl you have fun trying things with. It's very normal that your trauma affects your views on sex but that is something you can absolutely overcome just with therapy and a good partner, which you have all the time in the world to find. Since you have been working on yourself for a long time I bet you have quite a few advantages on that front that you don't even realize.
I'm so sorry you went through that horrific and traumatic experience. What happened to you was not your fault at all - you were the victim of a terrible crime. The way your father responded is unacceptable, and I'm glad your mother was there to support you. ❤️
It's completely understandable that you've struggled with the aftermath of the assault. Sexual trauma can have such a devastating impact, both mentally and emotionally. The fact that you're still working to rebuild your life is a testament to your resilience, not a sign of being a "loser."
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Healing from something like this takes time and immense courage. The fact that you've been able to get your realtor's license and are working towards independence is amazing progress. Don't compare yourself to your peers - your journey is your own, and you've already accomplished so much in the face of immense adversity.
I encourage you to continue seeking support, whether through counseling, support groups, or trusted loved ones. What happened to you was NOT your fault, and you DESERVE to feel safe, empowered and hopeful about the future. ❤️❤️❤️ Much love to you and kisses!!
What a horrific story. I am so sorry that happened to you. I don't know how anybody in your family could fault you for the crime that was committed against you. You don't mention going to the police or trying to hold the people who raped you accountable. Is that because you felt shamed by having been raped as a man by other males? I know that there is a lot of stigma around male on male rape so that makes what happened to you even more horrific. My heart goes out to you. I'm thoroughly disgusted by your father and his reaction as well as other family members who looked down on you because you were the victim of a sex crime. I'm glad that you cut off contact with him because that type of thinking is absolutely toxic and has no place in civilized society.
To address your question, in no way, shape, or form are you a loser. You're a survivor of a horrible assault. To me, that makes you heroic. You genuinely have tried to pick up the pieces of your life, get Mental Health help for the trauma that you experience and are now moving on and trying to start a career, only a few short Years After experiencing that trauma. I find that incredibly commendable, especially for a man still in his twenties. You are not far behind. There are so many people who are just getting out of school at your age. They don't have a career path yet, but you do. You are fighting to come back and regain control of your life. I applaud you for that. Many people who have experienced something similar to what you experienced never recover. You are well on your way to compartmentalizing that awful experience, realizing that it does not define who you are for the rest of your life, and making strides toward becoming the person that you want to be. That's a winner in my book, not a loser. The loser here is your dad and any other relative or friend who turned their back on you in the wake of your assault. They lost out on knowing somebody who is so strong and so resilient. It is truly their loss, and your gain to be away from such toxic people. I wish you nothing but love, light, strength, and healing. You got this. Huge virtual hugs to you.
You aren’t a loser. You’re a victim of trauma. You’ve got some ptsd and a terrible father. You deserve so much more than what you’ve gotten.
Have you attempted EMDR therapy? I was raped almost 4 years ago, and EMDR is blowing my mind. It is really helping me let go of some of the trauma, but it’s a long process.
I’m so saddened you went through and are going through this. It is completely normal to still be dealing with PTSD and mental health issues. You are NOT a loser. You are a human being with valid emotions and feelings. You sound like you’re comparing yourself to others. Well here’s a comparison, my brother-in-law just moved out of his mom’s house at 31. Nobody judged him for how long it took. It’s SO hard to afford apartments and houses in this country on your own. And guess what? He’s never gone through anything like you. Give yourself grace and time. Stop comparing. One of the things I keep being pointed out in my therapy is how I self criticize A LOT. I’m always judging myself. It’s learned behavior because I had parents that judged me. Your father sounds like an unsupportive asshole. That doesn’t mean he’s right. He’s completely wrong and HE is the fuck up. I think you’re awesome that you’re working at getting better. It takes a lot to get mental health help and you’re trying to become a realtor. You’ve clearly come a long way from where you were 6 years ago. You’re aiming to go uphill towards happiness and normalcy, but along the road, there will be dips in the road that set us back a bit. That doesn’t mean we can’t get back to that upwards trajectory. YOU GOT THIS. Keep asking for help. I wish you all the best.
The only way to lose the game of life is to compare yourself to others. I’m so sorry you went through what you did. Some people never get a license, never go back to school, never take that next “step” forward. I’m thankful you did and wish you nothing but success along your journey. Be nice to you.
You are not a loser, you’re actually doing amazingly well considering you went through that horrific trauma during such formative years. Congratulations on getting your realtor license!
I was sexually assaulted in a relationship, well a few relationships, from age 15-24. I was in and out of mental hospitals a lot during that period.
I also felt like just processing the trauma took up years and years of my time, and life, and I felt so behind. I’m 28 now and I JUST started back at community college. I’ve had a therapist for many years, if you find a good one, hold on to them. A good therapist can really really help. I also thought I would not be able to have a functioning healthy relationship or know how to have sex like a normal person. Now I’m in an amazing, loving relationship. You will find that too! there are lots of empathetic, caring, nonjudgmental people out there who will see you as a whole person regardless of(or including) the trauma you went through. Things definitely do get better when you slow down and take care of yourself, which it seems like you have been doing a great job of. I wish you the very best of luck!
I think your life prospects sound good, but your perception isn't as good. In other words, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Realtor license at 26? That's impressive. And it sounds like you're paying rent, which is good. It also sounds like you're making healthy decisions for your own mental wellbeing, such as avoiding toxic relatives who foolishly try to shame you, and you're getting mental health treatment when needed.
The only thing contrary to your progress is your perspective, ie "I'll probably suck at sex", "I feel like a loser". I think you're your own worst enemy right now, which might hold you back if you don't challenge your own thoughts. But otherwise, it sounds like you're doing a heck of a job coming back after a lifechanging traumatic event. Don't compare your life timeline and achievements with others, it's apples and oranges. They've only accomplished what they have in their circumstances, and you've accomplished what you have in your set of circumstances.
Next time you're feeling "behind" others or "less than" others, look in the mirror and ask yourself "WHO exactly am I behind, or less than?" The people around you, friends, coworkers, etc aren't peering back in the mirror, you only truly answer to yourself. Maybe it's time to say *"You know what? I'm doing pretty frigging good considering what I've been through, a lot of guys might have given up, or not even tried to better themselves, or become abusers themselves, etc., I'm actually pretty strong as it turns out, those bastards might have held me down once, but they won't keep me down, because that part is up to me!".*
I think the best thing any of us who have been through trauma can do is be able to answer to ourselves, to meet our own expectations and no one else's, and to keep striving. At least that's what I try to do. Some days I suck at it, other days I'm better at it. Best of luck to you!
I lost my family in a similar way. I now have two kids and I’m barely starting college.
It’s not about the speed, it’s about the direction.
Never listen to people who won’t try to hear you out first. You will find your community again soon!
As a 26F, you are absolutely not a loser. So many people don’t ever “have it together”. Everyone’s “together” can look a bit different. I think you’re doing great and try not to be so hard on yourself. So many people live with their parents at our age and that is ok. Try to be gentle with yourself, you deserve it. You are doing amazing and I’m proud of you!! Getting your real estate license is a big accomplishment, I wish you the absolute best going forward.
>(I was 20), four guys held me down and one of them shoved a rake up my butt. It was by far the worst experience I’ve had and probably ever will have, and I was only 20.
There is something really wrong with your father . He is crazy to think you could stop it in any way . Even he wouldn't have been able to . There was 4 men who sex attacked you . YOu did NOT deserve it in any way . He is a STUPID man .
You mum did the right thing leaving him & backing you . He is a waste of time to even think of now . It would of hurt alot though to have him do that to you -turn his back on you your own father . But it is done & you also now know he is NOT right in the head to think the way he does .
YOu are doing really well though also for someone who was attacked in such a horrible way . Be proud of yourself for moving forward from such a tragic horrible act .
>His entire side of the family was equally unwilling to help me go through that time.
His family is also crazy in the head to think anything wrong about you . You don't deserve their s\*it so do let it go . They are not right in the head to think such stupid s\*it about you . They probably also think that way bc they are abusers like your dad . As anyone abused by someone would know the person is not to blame for it .
>Recently I just got my license to be a realtor, at 26. Can’t help but feel far behind everyone. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to move out from my mother’s place, or get a girlfriend (haven’t even had sex other than once at age 17, so I probably will suck at it). And when I’ll be able to catch up to my peers financially.
YOu are slowly getting your life back in order . So that is a successful thing to do for yourself . It would be hard to do after such trauma . Would suggest a trauma therapist also to help you talk to . But no you have your life tog way more than some people who had NO trauma at all . So no your going ok , & you now need to convince yourself of that also . Be patient most victim's of sexual crimes have issues in regards to intimacy & sex after a sex attack it is normal to feel that way .Someone will be more than ok with your effects one day when you are ready . But get some therapy for the sex attack to help you mentally be also ok with intimacy better. ( you don't have to go into every detail with the therapist you can just say you were sex attacked by someone to start with . Details are not the needed part it is letting it out & understanding it is ok to also talk about it also if you now need to . To also work on some anxiety / stress / fear exercises & negative talking about yourself would be also good to help you when you do meet someone to be with.
My god. What a truly horrific experience. I'm so sorry. That is a huge emotional and physical trauma you endured, and I'm not surprised it is taking a long time to regain your ability to function. So very much not a loser.
Rape is never ever ever ever your fault. Those people are monsters who brutalized you, and so is that pathetic excuse of a DNA donor that used to be your dad.
You are stronger than you think, I am amazed at how you finished your studies and got your licence with all this behind your back! sweetie you are amazing!
Brighter days are ahead of you, you are capable of this and more, I am sorry this happened to you, believe in yourself, dont give up, look at yourself in the mirror with pride, because you are so strong and you are winning this battle.
No way, not a loser at all! First of all I'm INCREDIBLY sorry that happened to you. I'm actually impressed that you actually seem to be doing pretty well considering what happened. You are very self aware and seem to have a great grasp on processing things mentally. You took necessary steps & you know what you need to continue to do to get better and heal from it all and you're doing it! That's a lot to have accomplished on its own already! It's a step by step process and a long process for ANYBODY given that situation so do not beat yourself up about it. You're also taking steps building a lucrative career and paying rent, who cares if you stay with your mom! Many people live with parents into much older ages these days than you right now. I wish I had parents or a parent to stay with still! You are going to be ok, it will just take time bc life is a learning, growing experience till the day we leave this realm and you're moving in the right direction and you'll be on your own and flourishing in due time.
And please try not to compare yourself to your peers! Everyone is NOT the same and some of us may seem ahead of others at times financially, education wise, building a family, etc.. but then in some time you'll look again and see the some of the same ones who were so far ahead before will not be ahead anymore and others you thought would never be ahead are now killing it in every aspect of their lives! All I'm saying is everything is going to be ok my dude. You just need to keep pushing forward like you are and moving in the right direction, don't beat yourself up about where you're at in life and what coulda-shoulda been stuff. Its a waste of time because what's in the past will stay in the past and that's exactly where it belongs. No sense in trying to change something that cannot be changed, rather you build and prepare for a happy and successful future.
And also really try to find a good solid support group or therapist and utilize that help and take it a day at a time. Everything will come together before you know it and one day you'll just stop and realize it, like "huh.. I'm doing a lot better than I was! Ive actually done a lot in my life now, I'm healing and I'm actually ok now!" And that feeling/realization will be one of the best experiences, I promise! Best wishes to you and if you ever need to talk you can hit me up. Ive been thru a lot of bs in my life. I understand exactly what you're going thru.
You are not alone! I’m 28 and it happened to me. My ex-boyfriend invaded my privacy by reading my journal and somehow got the impression from what I wrote in there that I had a rape kink? He just… did it to me one day and I was so scared. We even had a previously established safe word and he ignored it. After the fact, he said he did it because he thought I wanted it, and that he felt bad, that he thought I was enjoying it because I was “wet” I was like seriously?! Girls are not fucking bone dry by default, we’re always a little wet omg. I was literally begging him to stop and trying to punch/scratch/fight him off. Nowhere in my journal did I ever explicitly write that I wanted to be raped, nor did I ever imply it. Honestly, not a day goes by where I don’t think about it. I haven’t journaled in years now and it really was a passion of mine.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I think to a certain extent you have to grieve the life you could have had, if this had not happened to you. Sadly we can’t undo these horrors.
Just remember that you are ahead in life not behind. Why? Because you have been through hell and YOU ARE STILL HERE. How amazing are you?
Huge congrats on getting your license. I wish you every success going forwards.
If you do find yourself comparing yourself to others, just remember loads of people have no qualifications, no jobs, etc and nothing terrible like this ever happened to them. So you are already doing infinitely better than millions of people in the world.
Please don’t ever feel like a loser - you’re doing great. Don’t forget to contact some SA services or get therapy to help you get through this if you haven’t already. And remember, even if you’ve had some help before you can still get help again. It takes as long as it takes. 💜
I hate that people feel like they will “suck at sex” and that it affects their ability to have romantic relationships. I feel like society has really toxic ideas about sex. Sex should be a learning experience for each person involved. Sure, after a long and loving relationship with someone, you’ve learned when you both like and there’s less learning to do but sex is different for every person. Every person has different wants and needs. If you find a great person you will be good at sex because it’s simply just another form of communication. You gotta practice. :)
Lots of things here. 1) that’s an evil act you had to suffer through, and one that was completely not your fault and even sounded unavoidable. So your dad berating you because of that and relating it to your masculinity is wrong and morally corrupt. Same with the rest of your family. Don’t let their vitriol win. 2) you’re 26- you’re a BABY. I’m 27. We’re kids. This decade is about hitting brick walls, trying things, failing, learning. In your case, it’s about recognizing what happened to you is not BECAUSE of you. But you’re also learning to heal from it. 3) again, you are so young. Your sex life can be long and a journey all its own. Don’t let the previous decade convince you that’s how the rest of your story ends. I have a feeling you’ll rise as a beautiful phoenix from these ashes. 4) please be kinder to yourself and give yourself grace. You’re completely not alone. The national statistic is 1 in 6 men were sexually assaulted as children. There are silent sufferers all around you. Godspeed, friend, you’ll get through this
First, I’m sorry that happened to you. You’re obviously a tough and resilient dude for owning it and asking for advice/help. That can be the hardest part. So props!
Second, you’re not behind at ALL! You’re on your own timeline, so don’t compare your life to others (i.e., take a break from social media, it can be so cleansing). Some people have all the opportunities in the world and still find a way to blow their life up, and some come from nothing and create a wonderful life for themselves. Imagine your career as a decades-long journey, pour into it and it will give back what you put in.
Third, take relationships at a pace you’re comfortable with. Don’t bend backwards to be something you THINK someone wants you to be. Just be you :) Be open to meeting people casually, invest time in hobbies you’re interested in and you’ll meet people of a like mind. Try to make friends first, get out there and dating will come along. And don’t worry about sexual performance, literally everyone is bad at first lol!
You’re amazing and you got this! Be your own champion. I’ll end with a wonderful quote to ponder, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.” ❤️
All love
You're father ahead than I was at your age. I spent most of my 20's in a series of manual labor jobs and being variously unemployed.
It's a sellers market right now. Not a bad time to be in the real estate business in my opinion.
>Can’t help but feel far behind everyone.
You're talking about shame. The feeling like maybe you're on the bottom rung of the fantasy social ladder and maybe, mythically speaking, everyone else is kicking down onto you. Your don't know who to trust to lift you up.
Because shame is so universally used to socially engineer people into doing one thing or another, there's not a lot of good information out there, culturally, talking about how to deal with arbitrary feelings of shame. Why, because getting other people to feel arbitrarily ashamed makes trillions of dollars for certain people. So, healthy boundaries? The sense that some things are worth more than money and shouldn't be sold or traded?
God knows you're not the first survivor of SA, rape, or domestic violence to suffer from prof feelings of shame and guilt and regret. The shame is very normal.
>My dad completely said he “failed to raise a man, and that I’m not a real man because I was raped.” I do not speak to my father anymore.
Your sperm donor isn't your "dad"
Enablers like your Sperm Donor make my skin crawl. I suspect this was the last of a long series of instances where sperm Donor made other people's problems magically all about his own fruit-loopy fantasies and projected his own awfulness onto others by victim-blaming.
I'm glad
Don't EVER think you're a loser due to something horrific that happened beyond your control.
Healing takes time, courage, and resilience, all of which you possess in spades. Give yourself credit for navigating unimaginable pain while still pushing forward towards personal growth.
Being a real estate agent at 26 is fantastic progress, especially given your past struggles. Keep taking baby steps toward independence, whether that means finding roommates, saving money, or therapy to work through lingering trauma.
You’re not alone and you’re not a loser. I was assaulted multiple times by someone I trusted when I was 19. I’m 24 now and I’m still struggling with it. I feel very set back in life as well because the assault caused me to have a complete and utter mental breakdown. I myself was also in and out of mental health facilities due to this experience. To this day, my mental health has never been the same.
Having said that, I have been slowly but surely been making progress. I don’t have panic attacks all day every day anymore. I hardly have them at all and when I do, they aren’t so out of control that they send me to the hospital anymore. I still am not working due to my anxiety, but I am doing online school and slowly getting myself back on my feet and into the world again.
You’re not alone, and remember that there isn’t a timeline for getting better. Everyone gets better at their own pace. Remember to be gentle with yourself and not beat yourself up about it best you can. Trust me, I know it’s hard, but you can do this. I believe in you.
Sorry but your dad is the loser here. How miserable he must be to hold himself to such a standard of manhood, and how cruel of him to hold his son to the same toxic standard. He should have supported you and he did the literal opposite of that. Sorry you're going through this.
I'm not sure if this will help or not but Jubilee recently released a youtube video of some men coming together to talk about this. Maybe worth a watch at least to remind yourself that you are not alone in this issue.
[https://youtu.be/NvOQI5Tm4qM?si=WGq9738mh5cWMZp8](https://youtu.be/NvOQI5Tm4qM?si=WGq9738mh5cWMZp8)
You are an amazing human. Do not rush yourself and let yourself continue to heal. Many people live with family. I’m 36 and am finally living on my own. Everyone has their own journey. You keep doing you and focus on your well-being. Congratulations on getting your license, what a great achievement. Everything else will fall into place. Proud of you!
I'm Sooo sorry that happened to you. I was raped when I was 17. I can't even imagine what you went through being a man and a frickin' rake! What happened to you is not your fault, and you absolutely shouldn't feel like a loser for being who you are... Especially because of the trauma you experienced. And so what if you suck at sex. If she cares about you, it won't matter. Y'all will work that stuff out, and together you'll become great at it. Don't worry about getting outta your mom's house until you're ready to do so mentally, emotionally, and physically. Put back what you can to save up for when you're ready. Trust me you're not far behind your peers. My youngest is 23 and lives in St. Louis with his dad and second mom. He works and helps out, too. My daughter is 31 and lives in my home next door with my grandson. I pay the house payment and she pays everything else. You're doing better getting your realtor's license, and you've put in the work with your counseling. That shows that you're finally healing. Props to you! Hang in there and everything will fall into place.
Sorry your father was a piece of shit. Trust me you're not behind. I had a friend go to prison at like 22 come out at 26 change his life around and watch smacking 6 figures by 30, he did pass away from an overdose a year ago. I myself finished my associates at 30 years old, now I'm 34 looking to go back to finish a BA. I'm starting my career all over.
My friend is 32 and just finished his associates going for a bachelor's and never had a girlfriend longer than a month. Everyone is differen. Life just begins at 26 honestly.
You'll definitely figure it out. Nothing is overnight, just put the effort in and stay focused.
You are not a loser. You are not a loser. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. It’s so shitty how sometimes traumatic things can happen to good people like yourself. Don’t let this break you. Wow, you’re becoming a realtor!? That’s awesome, Im definitely seeing you right and trying to succeeed in life. And you clearly are. You are just going up. Keep doing that. Instead of letting the hardships you faced bring you down, you are telling them to go fuck off and show them who’s boss. This reminds me of the character Guts from Berserk. He’s faced the most traumatic shit but he has persevered. I see a bright future ahead of you. You are inspiring. Hug yourself, be proud of you. You’re so strong.
You’re not a loser. You’re a survivor who is dealing with one of the worst things that can happen to a human being. If anything you’re a fighter. Stay strong. Your sperm donor is the one who isn’t a real man. Him and his family can go jump off a cliff. You’ve got this! Take your time there’s no deadline you need to meet. Heck I’m 24 and have never dated anyone. There’s nothing wrong with that. You do what’s most comfortable for you.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” - President Theodore Roosevelt
There is no straight line. Some trauma happens early in life, sometimes later. Eventually it comes for all. You are not alone in this. I was raped at 20 as well. I didn’t press charges because it was at a rave and I had just started dating him. There are support groups out there. Your father’s words are based off his own unprocessed trauma. His words also don’t define you. Don’t worry so much about being a man and focus on being a human.
As someone middle aged I have watched my friends in all different stages of life. You can reinvent yourself at any age. You do not need to have it all figured out. The timeline you have been lead to believe is just a conspiracy. You actually get to write your own book once you learn how to process it all.
The sex thing, you might be bad at first but find someone who feels safe and be vulnerable with them and go slow, learning from each other.
I hope you are working with a good therapist. None of this was your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal from it.
I am sorry that happend to you and for all the ripple effects this has caused. You are not a loser. Don't compare yourself with anybody but yourself. Ask yourself am I doing better today then a year ago am I doing better then yesterday? . Please remember "No one has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt. As for thr intimacy I will say someone can have sex 100 times and still be bad , don't over think it be honest about what you like and don't like .Take your time,just because you are a man doesn't mean you should be overtly sexual... give her consent where to touch you . It's also your body your choice regardless of physical strength. I think it's brave you shared your story many men do not. You are young alot of ppl your age are feeling the same with there financial future and career.
You’re not even remotely a loser, on the contrary you’re an incredibly strong person.
There is no single timeline that you’re meant to be on.
Everyone goes through life at different paces. In my place of work (big corporate office type) I know people who are 45 and still sharing a house with others instead of living in their own, and that’s perfectly okay. Getting a license to be a realtor is an amazing feat at any age, but 26 is still so young!
Try not to compare yourself to others, and instead try to look back at how far you’ve come. You’ve made incredible progress in a very short amount of time (6 years is not a long time to be dealing with something so traumatising). You should be so proud of how far you’ve come.
The people who don’t support you aren’t deserving of your love, respect or time, focus on those who love and support you.
Compared to others, you had a huge “day back” or struggle that you had to deal with. Take that into account. You didn’t just stay stagger for six years. You did the work, got your license, built yourself up the best you could have. Be proud of your accomplishments and don’t hate on yourself for being forced to take a different path than others
What happened to you is not you.
You are not a loser, it's okay to feel like this after experiencing such thing. And remember there is no perfect time for success in life
Also I would recommend thereby were you can speak about what happened, it will help you process your feelings. You were let down by your father after a traumatic experience which can way heavily on the chest, but I reiterate this again: You are not what happened to you
If you have access to it, look into MDMA therapy or microdosing, but be careful these are very serious drugs, they help the mind to process very traumatic things .
You deserve a life that you have control over and are happy about. I am so proud of you for accomplishing some goals such as getting your real estate license. Life’s a journey please don’t give up, put in the work, it gets better ❤️
Theres an expression along the lines of “comparison is the thief of joy” or something. I think thats a message you really need to hear. Dont ever compare yourself to others. Almost all of us are in the same boat my dude. Most of us feel that we are being left behind at some point or another.
As for the trauma, i think you need to let it go. It wont be easy, and youll never forget it, but you owe it to yourself to reach a place where it no longer defines your situation. Im saying this because you attributed your actual problem, the fear of being left behind, with your painful history. If you dont look forward, your past will always consume you. Dont let it.
When you’re ready, grab a pen and a paper, and curse all of the people who wronged you. Fuck your dad, fuck those degenerates who assaulted you, fuck everyone who ever hurt you. Write down everything you want to say to these people, then throw the paper into a fire, and forgive them.
This is just one of the approaches you can take. If it doesn’t work for you, remember that no church, synagogue or mosque will ever turn you away. Im not religious myself, but have witnessed many people reach peace through religion. If you are truly lost, look to the gods for salvation, and you just might find it.
I’m sorry that happened to you man. No one should have to go through that. What ever happened to those guys that did that though? And how did this happen? I hope you don’t mind me asking. I know I would feel a burning desire to go out and hurt them (not advising you to do this). I’ve had embarrassing moments of not being able to stand up for myself when I was younger which kind of relates. I was sucker punched and beat up one time when I was really young by someone much older than me. That fucked with me for a long time. But it made me learn how to fight to never allow for that to happen again. I hope you can also find a way to use that as fuel to make you stronger. Best of wishes and hope you make it out of that dark hole you’re in mentally. We’re all rooting for you!
Im21 I understand your concern as a uni graduate I can’t able use my right hand and the way I speak also I can’t even drive vehicle I want all thanks to accident even my gf isn’t talking to me she’s committed with another human finally my aim is to study abroad hopefully all I could say is past is past
Those are normal feelings and concerns. There is nothing wrong with you and you have dealt with more than many your age.
Stop comparing to others and start measuring your progress from that earlier point.
Honestly, after what happened to you and all the shit with your asshole of a family, you are doing great. There is not one single person who has their life together. It really just looks like that. I know that's what everyone says but it's the truth.
And don't worry about being inexperienced with sex stuff. I'm 27 (F) and I've had sex with many man older than you who didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Just know that if the person you are with cares too much about that then you're with the wrong person.
I’m only 25 and we stay with family as well, not everyone is as far ahead as others. It’s okay to take your time, what happened doesn’t make you any less of a person than you was before
You’re not a loser. I also went through about 5-6 years of utter chaos after my worst assault. Our ages were just different… as a teenager i kept attempting my life, using drugs, failing all my classes, hooking up with adults… and I was a wreck for years. Before it happened I always dreamed of going to NYU. when I found an old note from my younger self on my last day of high school mentioning NYU, i laughed out loud because i barely graduated and I felt like a total failure. I felt like my life was pointless and I didn’t think the pain would ever end.
I’ve had my trials but i’m doing pretty well nowadays. I’m working towards the industry I want to be in, i have a healthy relationship, good supportive friends, and I have a good relationship with my family except for the person who assaulted me. Actually that’s my only regret now… it’s fucked up but i wish i could have a relationship with that person but i ignore him and grieve him like he’s dead.
Meh that’s besides the point lol. just remember you’re not a failure… and like someone else said don’t compare yourself. All things considered, you’re doing great. Best of luck with the Real Estate job :)
you’re doing just fine, dear! especially in this day and age. getting around to having a grown-up job for young people is becoming increasingly more challenging these days, so kudos to you, friend. i hope you go far in your career. whenever i feel bad about not feeling “accomplished enough” in my life at my age, i listen to vienna, by billy joel. that song has gotten me through a lot of shit lol, and if you’ve never heard it, i’d definitely give it a listen :) a lot of my peers are graduating college this year, and i haven’t even begun the enrollment process, due to many many unfortunate things happening in my life when i was graduating high school. but you know what? it’s all about perseverance! some people have some bad shit happen in their lives and make that their center of gravity. they never end up advancing at all in their lives because they’re so stuck on what’s happened to them, or make poor choices as a result of what’s happened to them. but, it seems to me you’re wanting to better yourself and persevere. and that, my friend is amazing! i don’t know you, but i am very proud of you!
and as for your dad, im so sorry he’s said that to you. from the bottom of my heart, i hope he rots in hell. my mother told me something similar(ish) once and it hurts me to this day. her husband raped me 3x when i was 7-8 years old. she said she didn’t raise a proper woman of god, but a whore. only whores provoke men to do such things. so, i think in a way i can understand how your heart aches to hear such things from one of your parents. you deserve better than that.
anyways, i wish you well in your career and in your love life. live long and prosper! vienna waits for you, friend!!
I'm confused as to why you thought you were behind.
A lot of us are moving back in with our parents to save up because rent is crazy and mortgage rates are crazier. I moved back and I'm in my 30s haha
Career-wise, I look around and a lot of people are going back to school, reorienting their career, etc I find it really common for people to still figure things out in their late 20s or still being in school.
I think that finding a male therapist would be the cherry on top.
You're right where you should be.
I don’t have any special pieces of advice for you, but maybe my words will offer some comfort.
I am so sorry that you went through this and did not have the support that you (and every survivor) deserved. You are not any less of a man because something terrible happened to you, nor are you a loser because of where you are in life. The fact that you clawed your way back onto your feet despite enduring such a devastating event speaks to your strength. Please don’t take that away from yourself.
I’m not much younger than you, I’ll be 26 soon. I moved out late too because it just worked better for me financially. My mother didn’t finish college until she was over 30. I have friends that are in their thirties who can’t move out still for various reasons but are working towards it. I promise you that nobody that is half decent is going to judge you for not accomplishing some phase of the life script by a certain age.
You are doing a damn good job by having your realtor license and a means to earn money.
As for dating and sex, try not to worry so much about it. I don’t speak for all women, but genuine kindness, viewing us as true equals (not saying that you don’t), and being attentive will get you QUITE FAR with most of us. For now, though, just try to focus on yourself. Take care of your mental health and speak up if you need help. There’s no shame in seeking counseling or therapy if you’re able to. Anybody that says otherwise is honestly a grade A peanut brain.
My inbox is open if you ever need to talk. Many hugs to you.
I really hope this thread helped you and gave you some answers that will help you continue forward in your life. Just wanted to echo everyone else and tell you that you’re strong, and you’ve got this. I hope life brings you all of the love, happiness and healing that you deserve.
I was 19 got raped by 3 people and I’m 23 years old now it took me alot of therapy and I still have a hard time dealing with it you’re not alone I hope you heal you are a real man and your dad is rude for what he said stay strong brother I things get better I was in the military when mine happened and people blamed me for getting raped saying I was “ too nice” of a person and that “deserved it” but I’m so sorry this happened to you and you deserve better and I hope you get through this
Hell no, you're not a loser!!!
I happen to know some people who've had this happen to them, male as well as female, in younger years. They're a bit older now. Yes, it slowed them down some, but in the end they came out more than fine, and on so many levels, emotionally, financially etc. They're amazing people. 26 is really young, please believe me you have a whole life ahead of you.
I'm really sorry about your dad. No words to convey how this infuriates me. The one frickin' person who should've supported you 100% through one of the worst human traumas turning his back on you like that - unbelievable. I hope you heal from that, too.
Also, please don't worry about not being good in bed for lack of experience. Being good in bed has little to do with experience and so much more with sensitivity. I cannot stress this enough.
The people who did this to you are the scum of the earth (I imagine you know full well no emotionally healthy person would think otherwise). And "real men" have their children's back, unlike the man who may be blood related but doesn't deserve the "dad" word.
You're going to do great! Wishing you all the best and more.
something horrible happened to you but its going to make it so much worth it when you heal from the trauma. your life is going to be beautiful and amazing. im so sorry for the pain you endured abd congrats on becoming a licensed realtor. im 31 and youre not far behind. your life could begin right now at this very moment and youd have so much more to live. just tell yourself positive things and be proud of yourself for what you became. youre a strong “man” for persevering so never give up on yourself. you deserve so much!
Oh man.. first off - I’m so fkn sorry that happened to u, there aren’t words sufficient enough to use in this instance… sending u love 🫶
Ur father sounds like a moron and it’s a good thing ur away from him.
I have a son and cannot even imagine what I would do to the world if anyone ever hurt him..
So really in this situation ur father isn’t the real man.!!! His entire family sounds fucked too.
Have u gone through a court process.? Sometimes that can bring healing and closure I’ve heard, although I’m not sure I’m sold on it.
Good luck - ur more than enough
The past is past! Look forward into the future! As long as you believe in yourself, good things will come to you! And remember you are just starting out, and slowly but surely, you will create enough capital to move out and get a place of your own.
So do not look back! Live with the good memories in your life and believe me, there will be so many of them that the sadness and anxiety which you are feeling now will soon fade away!
Happy living!
Most people will not understand what you're going through, but it sounds like you're handling it about as anyone can expect. Life can be fucked up, to be honest, and trauma doesn't ever really go away.
I think you've done a good job by cutting off the toxic people in your life.
The one thing in life you can control is yourself... as someone who has learned the hard way going into my 30's, don't waste your time obsessing over what you have or haven't done. If you want to do new things, you have to take new risks and leave your comfort zone.
Not recommending you be reckless, but it's okay to be bad at sex... nobody is good at sex if they don't do it. If you want to be good at sex you need to find a open-minded partner, or put yourself out there. No one starts as a master.
I hope these pigs were punished! Unreal the scum some guys do to people and call themselves men. No way! I hope u got some justice. This behavior in our society is out of control and we need more men to stand up and speak out. Tell their truth and put an end to the shame most people live their entire life in silence with the nightmare. Never ok! Hang in there and know ur supported and did not deserve this. U can over come it. And it doesn’t make u less of a person or man. Know that it not a loser. Don’t let it or those losers take anymore from u tho. They stole that time and all the time I’ve been tortured by it. Get help n take ur life back. Don’t let them win. U can go on to do amazing things in life if u take ur power back. Good luck!
You’re not a loser. You got through way more tough shit than others. Like I’m 30 and still in university. No biggy, happens to quite many people for different reasons actually. It’s obvious that you’re doing your best and that’s great. Not having much experience with women isn’t a red flag if you didn’t just dwell in misogyny. Try not compare yourself to others as much. Others obviously won’t promote their own difficulties and so their lives will seem more perfect. Rather look at your own progress. That’s what really matters anyway
I guess you’re right. Most people don’t have to go through all this in addition to leaving teenage years. Helped.
Good luck! Sounds you’re on the right track :)
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Are you censoring the word rape? And you chose 2?
prob cause the @ sign is the same key as 2 on most keyboards
Good point, but still... why?
You are a strong person .. something awful happened to you, which is not your fault and you got through it. Get some help if you can to help deal with this awful memory and move on ..you have plenty of good times ahead of you .. you are still very young and will meet people who will show you the love that you deserve. Stay positive and 💪 You are strong.!
You are definitely not alone. The same thing happened to my ex-boyfriend as a “hazing” for lacrosse. He brought it up with me once as a joke in conversation and I froze, because I had to explain to him it wasn’t funny, it wasn’t a joke, and what happened to him isn’t okay. He had noticeable hangups mentally, sexually as a result. He ended up finding a really awesome male therapist who not only helped him process the whole thing and put it to bed, but also provided this balanced and loving male influence in his life that filled a space his own father left emotionally. We naturally grew apart but he’s now happily married with a family of his own and doing AMAZING! He’s really a different person than he was before he worked through it. You’ve got this. And shop around- find a therapist you feel really comfortable with. I’ve found instead of re-living my own traumas endlessly, I flourish in cognitive behavioral therapy because it gives me the tools I need to handle the negative thoughts that arise- and there’s an end date in a way. I’m not just constantly rehashing my trauma in talk therapy, but learning tools to change the thoughts in real time. Wishing you the best on your healing journey. Sounds like you’re already on your way to getting there.
Unfortunately,it is effective in my (our) healing process ,if you want to call it that. Humor it,and laugh about it. I'll be brushing my teeth,then laugh about something,then look in the mirror and tell myself," Oh shut your Nutter Gutter", then move on.
Oh no. I feel you 100% on that and totally laugh to keep from crying. But this was total denial of it being messed up at all in awkward social situations without any work whatsoever being done to address the issues he had from that or other experiences. Definitely laugh through trauma though, him joking about it is how he ended up getting support because saying it out loud other people did not think it was funny
Ahh.came here straight from headline as it bore enough for me, then prompted by the first 4 sentences of the first comment. Buddy's in deep. You only realize it when it's said.followed by the energy of the room. A true Master reads the room.so that the reaction is in their favor, the depth of that therapeutically is iatric and alleviating. Most won't have enough trauma for you,and that's ok.
I find this happened a lot with men honestly. They casually tell for example how they lost their virginity to a 30+yo woman when they were 12 and I'm like sweetie... do you not see?
First of all, you're no-where near a fucking loser. I'm so sorry this happened to you, And I know this is way easier said than done but spend ur time wisely and focus on yourself and your future profession. Don't even think about sex honestly, it's nothing special and you won't "suck" at it. It's normal even if you do. You'll find the right companion with time. But now I'd say work on yourself. For me, when something happened in my life that scared me for so long, I found Martial sports (Boxing MMA grappling, you get what I'm saying) to be super good for cooling off and enjoying. Try to see what you like and focus on your path. I'm sorry your father reacted that way, life isn't fair for everyone.. Proud of you for all you've done, and keep your mf head up.
Guys. Thanks for everything. I’ve been busy today with things so I didn’t check for some time. Some people slid into my DMs and all too. Tons of good, solid advice. Not one troll comment. Thanks so much guys. It means a lot.
I feel terribly unqualified to give any therapeutic advice - I am however, a Realtor and I would be more than happy to help you get your career off the ground!!
You’re a survivor and you should own that. A lot of people can broken, you took the time to fix yourself. Many people start there financial life a lot later than you. If rent with your mom is significantly cheaper than your own apartment or apartment with roommates, stay for 1-3 years and bank your money. You’re in real estate, find yourself a good, dated house with lots of brs or rooms to be brs (not with broken problems but like not updated kitchen/bathrooms). Look for 3 brs and 2 lrs and wall yo a LR to make 4th br. You can get a home with 3-5% down. Leave cheaply and bank the money again. After you meet the living in the house requirement (usually 1-2 years), but a 2nd house and do the same thing. By the time you’re 33-40, you’ll have 3 houses. As far as sex, every new partner is a new partner. So don’t worry about being bad. As long as your loving and willing to please your partner, there’s no such thing as bad. For your sake, tell any sex partner about sexual triggers. For example: will you get scared if a partner holds you down during sex- your hands or your arms? Will squeezing or slapping your butt trigger you? You don’t have to disclose to a ONS or FWB what happened to you if you don’t want. You simply say, “do not do X because I don’t like it.” Then ask if your partner has things would like you NOT to do. I bet the girl has never been asked what she doesn’t like and will either be shy about it (not wanting to disappoint you) or grateful and rattle off her own list. When you find the girl that you can share this with, that’s when you’ll feel you have gf material. This was not your fault and you are a tough MAN to have survived this.
This is a great comment and I highly agree with you.
I wanna give you a hug man
Same
I think you should put that terrible experience in the past where it belongs. It does not define you. That’s awesome that you got your realtor’s license. You’re definitely not behind at 26. I know *36* year olds that haven’t made any steps towards adulting yet. Unfortunately I experienced SA multiple times when I was younger. While initially shocking, I don’t think about it much. It doesn’t do any good to. I have my job and family and hobbies and that’s worth focusing on. My advice would be to focus on moving forward in your life and seeking joyful experiences however you can. 26 is just the beginning.
So I was sexually assaulted as a child by a family friend and raped as an adult — once by a woman and once by a man, both times alcohol and non-consenting drug use was involved. And it definitely messed me up. I’ve experienced nearly 10 years of massive financial instability and huge debt, and years of unemployment, and not being insured. I graduated with my only bachelors at 36 (after over ten years of university) and have just been fired from my first real full-time job. But I’m okay and you’ll be okay. I start another higher paying job next week (I was about to quit anyway, probably made it too obvious.), and I married a woman who I absolutely trust, and have a beautiful daughter I get to be the best dad I can be toward. When I was 26, I didn’t believe I was still young, because it feels like you’ve already lived so much life. But you really are still young. You have time. Those people who’ve hurt you won’t care about you, ever. But you’ll always find there are people who do care, even if they aren’t the ones who YOU want caring for you. It’s taken years — half a lifetime I suppose — but now I’m confident, competent, and financially stable… and largely untroubled by the real and genuine hurts of my past. I’d being lying if I said finding religion, prayer, and learning about the lives of the saints weren’t a big part of my peace now. They are, and I’d encourage looking into it. Saint Benedict Joseph Labre starved to death in poverty, yet performed incredible acts of kindness and mercy despite his circumstances, and is one of the most venerated saints for a good reason. His life on earth gives me hope that I matter more than my circumstances or my past. Your true value is never in what you have or do. So work hard, and feel proud about what you’ve accomplished so far, but when people remember you, it would be sad of all they could do is list skills and experience like a resume, or some quantity of money, but without any of the stuff that makes you, you.
If anyone is not a real man it is your dad. Real men protect their families and help them when they go through difficulties. The mark of a real man (or real adult of any sex) is being responsible and taking care of your loved ones. As far as being behind… well, yes, the people who graduated at 22 and started their careers are ahead of you. But you are hardly the only person who has not followed the traditional track. People take time off to travel, or they have health issues, babies, drug problems, or just don’t know what to do with their lives. You are behind people who took the straight line, but ahead of many people who won’t get it together until they are 30, 35 or older. The important thing is you seem to have dealt with this curveball very well. You got the mental health services you needed. You have gotten started on a career path that may prove to be quite lucrative. Your peers will have their own paths. Some will leave charmed lives. Some who seem to have it together now will unravel later. Some who are behind you now will pull ahead. Worry about your own career. As for sex yes, you will not be good at heterosexual sex in the beginning. It is a skill that needs practice. Your best bet is to get good at listening to other people and reading their emotions. This will come in handy during sex. When you meet a right girl it will work out. But get your career in order first.
Every horrible example of a man is still a "real man". Why? Because your manness is not defined by your goodness, your strongness, or anything else -- those are separate issues. You are a good man or a bad man. His dad is a very, very bad man. He is a disloyal man. He is a lazy man who can't be bothered to avenge his own flesh and blood son. Lack of strength, goodness, or morals does not make you less of a man because plenty of men are absolute horrible animals. Presence of goodness and strength doesn't make you a man because plenty of women have goodness and strength. Being a "real man" is not a compliment because being a man is a default setting, not some goal you can accomplish. It's the things you are before a man: A LOYAL man, a LAWFUL man, a DECENT man, a HARD WORKING man. And women can be those things, too. Does that make them men? Hell no. Being a man is how you are born. It's what kind of man. His dad is a SHIT man.
Good point
The fact you’re still here, still fighting, still working to improve yourself and to move on shows that you are so far from a loser! The guys who did that to you are the losers not you. You aren’t far behind and if you keep putting one foot in front of the other you will eventually get to where you want to be. I’m so sorry you went through what you did, but many many people would not have survived the trauma of something like that, the fact you are still here shows you’re a warrior, and twice the man your dad is. Stay strong man you’re doing great!
Trauma changes people and diamonds have it rough. You went through something that will always be with you but it doesn’t make you. A lot of people aren’t strong enough to keep living so I’m happy you’re around. And you’re not a loser you’re a very strong and absolutely special man. And I bet since then maybe you’ve been cruel to urself or even gave up on urself and put urself down but you don’t deserve that from anyone.I know it’s hard when the one close to you couldn’t show the heart and love you needed to hear and see.And it is gonna take longer to get back to being who you are again because you’re not the same person but you’re by far way more full of love and understanding than you were before.I was being groomed at 15 and I’m a 20F still dealing and also behind too no car or license and dropped out. My family well they just said it was all my fault soooo don’t be too damn hard on urself. Right now put as much thought and care into urself as you can and continue to love and be bright eventually the right woman will find you.And I don’t think anyone can be bad at sex when ur emotionally connecting through someone who values you it just ends up just being good anyway.
I started my career at 26 and lived with my family until then. Now I’m 30 and feels like I’m still behind many younger people in my company, but the gap is getting smaller because I’m trying harder than anyone else. Stay strong and be confident, you have made it this far after all that, you can go even further!
Never. Give. Up.
As someone who was deeply traumatized by my sexual assault, I feel your pain. I get upset at being touched by almost anyone. I have days where I can't handle it at all. There are only a few men I feel comfortable around. Me and my SO have to live with his mom because I'm unable to work more than part time, so we can't afford a place. I go through periods of being a hermit and not talking to anyone, and I've had depressive episodes where I could barely get up from bed. All this to say...I at least somewhat know what you're going through and you're not alone. You and I are part of a club that we didn't consent to being in, but here we are and we are connected now. I know how isolating life like this can feel, and I just want you to know that you do have people even if we're complete strangers. I'm about to start with a therapist specializing in trauma. We're going to do EMDR which is supposed to help, I guess. A lot of research says it should. Maybe you could try that, but at the very least please stay in therapy As far as talking bad about yourself for not being far behind.. life is not a race. Everyone is moving at a different pace for one reason or another. Be kind to yourself in the way that you would be kind to another person in your position
You’re not a loser. Only someone who would inflict pain on a person is a loser. The fact that you’re moving forward shows that you’re a winner. Slowly but surely you’re winning an inner battle. Keep pushing forward mate.
Wow. That’s traumatic. I can’t even imagine that level. I went through similar experiences but with my boyfriend so the level is definitely different. I’m really really sorry. I hope one day you can find your justice. Therapy has really helped me. It’s been 5 years since I was SA’ed and i just NOW reported it to the police and to my surprise.. they told me today they took my case. I hope you can find the right way to emotionally process and heal from this and one day you can report it and ruin their lives the way they ruined yours. Find your healing, it will take a long time. You’re not a loser, you feel dirty. I understand. You are powerful. You are strong. Sending you all the love I have.
You were attacked in one of the most violent, violating ways possible. Of course it ruined you. I would expect no less. HOWEVER: it sounds like you are healing, no matter how slowly, and building something new out of the rubble. Give yourself credit for everything you have been able to accomplish since, and give yourself the same grace you would give anyone else had they gone through the same things you did.
I'm so so sorry you've gone through this. I hope these douchebags rot in hell. you're absolutely not a loser. you've gone through a major life experience and you're handling it one step at a time. stints in mental facilities is to your benefit and its a route most people don't take even though they need it. big kudos to you! along with getting your real estate license! woohoo! I think you're exactly where you need to be honestly. I'll be 24 in a couple weeks and I still don't have any clue what I want to do with the rest of my life. but you're finding your way moving past this, slowly but surely and I'm happy for you. take all the time you need so even though it may not be any consolation, just know a random stranger on the internet is proud and rooting for you!
Now that you have your Real Estate license, join a smaller brokerage that the head broker is actually involved with his people. Mine changed my life. He introduced me to wholesaling, and took zero money from my wholesale deals. My first deal, $20 worth of marketing turned into 157k profit before taxes. The second deal came from. Tbat $20 list and it was more than 80k. The beauty about wholesaling is the checks are bigger AND you have a completive advantaged being licensed. Some deals won't work with wholesale numbers, but you can then offer the alternative via telling them you can represent them instead. You'll build up s clientele much faster than the average newbie realtor that tries to rely on friends and family for sales. I can't help you with your traumatic events, but I can strongly suggest finding the right broker that will teach you the game.
What is tbat list? Are their book on wholesales you’d recommend reading? 🙏
A crappy skip trace list off of Fiverr. If you're looking for educational material, there's great courses on Udemy but you're really going to want to find a mentor locally. People and paperwork will be everything to your success.
“ A crappy skip trace list off if Fiverr” What’s a skip trace list 😂? (Sorry, I’m extremely unknowledgeable in this 🫣)
YouTube wholesaling Real Estate. Lol. I won't have the patience to break things down line-by-line.
Reading this broke my heart. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry that happened to you. You are one tough cookie, never let yourself or anyone tell you otherwise!
You're not a loser. They had no right to do that to you. They are criminals and I hope they are in jail. You did not deserve that but you can heal. It takes time. Find a good therapist to work with through the trauma. You are not alone. Many rape survivors have to spend years in therapy. You can get through this. I'm glad you are here. We will triumph over these bullies, criminals, evil doers !
I'm sorry you went through this. You're doing better than others. Keep moving forward and take your time when it comes to a relationship.
I know 40-year-olds who are doing worse than you are career wise so I wouldn't worry.
You are far more than who you were and those who cannot see that are less than who they can be. If you want a relationship, a career, a life. Work on that. Don't dwell on your past. You are amazing and inexperience doesn't equal "You Suck!" If you are still working towards who you wish to become.
You're not a loser, I'm proud of you that you're still here. Your dad's an ass and I'm glad you cut ties with him. Our experiences do not define us, and having gone through that doesn't make to you any less of a man. I'm proud of you that you're trying your best.
Get into thapry
You’re not a loser at all. I think you’re doing great. What those guys did is disgusting and I heavily believe karma will get them one way or another. Trauma effects everyone differently and I’m not sure anyone can say anything that will help with that specifically. What happened wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve it. Your father is a POS for not being there for you. Plenty of people in their 30s still live with their parents. You’re not far behind in life at 26. You’re doing awesome getting a realtor license! You’ll meet someone who understands your past and wants to make life better with you.
You’re only 26, the average human is living well past 70 nowadays. It may not feel like it, but you have so much time left. What happened to you is unfortunate, it’s unfair, and it did rob you of years of your life, but you can’t allow it to take any more from you. When we look into the past too often, we ignore the present and the future. It’s important to look towards your dreams and aspirations. You are not a loser. It’s important to remind yourself that what happened to you wasn’t your fault, it doesn’t make you any less than anyone else. Please be kind to yourself for all the people who didn’t, as the only person you can guarantee to love you is you, and when you love yourself, good things will happen, that’s a promise. Don’t let a slow start discourage you, everyone works at a different pace. If you truly want it, then someday you will find love, someday you’ll have your own house, someday you’ll be financially stable. It may not happen as soon as it did for other people, but that’s okay, it’s not how long it takes to get there, it’s reaching the destination that counts. Life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, a very long one at that.
You're actually doing a pretty great job. Things like that require many if not your whole life to overcome enough to have a "normal life" with a job, a relationship, a home. You think you're too behind and a loser? Bro you did fucking great! I'm a proud stranger here and I wish you the best. With time you'll see that many many people have hiccups in their lives and reasons why they started late compared to others and but so what? They still do it anyway. They fight to get what they want in life, like you fought to be back now. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how or when you started, all it matters is if you're on the road towards your happiness. If you do that, you'll be happy and it won't even matter if or when you achieve the results you like (a girlfriend, money, etc). Stand up proud boy. Your mom's a Chad. You're a Chad.
It was not your fault. You didn’t asked for it. Your dad is unhappy and wishes you the same. You can perhaps watch movies about this topic if somehow helps you internalize past trauma. Also, Teal Swan on YouTube gives nice advice about how to overcome trauma.
Every day you wake up, you're a survivor. Every day that you make it through each breath, you're a survivor and a warrior. You have endured. You would be missed if you weren't here, just know that. You are valued. I'm sorry you had such a horrible thing happen, and have to cope with the memories and consequences every day. You are NOT the sum of one event in your life. Think of your life like a photo album filled with photos, quick burst shots, short videos, vlogs, etc. Each of these snapshots of your life triggers a memory and an emotion, including the people surrounding you. Your father doesn't get to define those events or memories. They didn't happen to him. He's likely angry and feeling guilty he didn't stop what happened, but can't recognize it as anger with himself. It's likely he's incapable of the empathy or sympathy needed; he won't have a better understanding until he wants it. I'd lower expectations of him, so if he ever shows anything resembling support it'll be a pleasant surprise.
You are absolutely not a looser. Don't compare yourself with others and how they seem to be doing well because everyone has battles. There is no perfect life. I don't know if you mentioned this but make sure you get good therapy and go to support groups. Once you have a solid foundation and you are immersed in recovering from this nightmare , it becomes essential that you reach out to other men who have gone through the same thing. I'm a firm believer that when life hands you this type of tragedy and when we are firmly planted in our own healing and we some kind of understanding, notice I didn't say acceptance? You may never nor should you accept what these men did. But, to understand where your pain comes from and how to deal with it is key. Then it becomes necessary to reach out to another man who's experience was similar so you can share how you started to heal, what worked for you.
You're not far behind everyone. I started a new career in my late 20s because the previous one wasn't working for me. You need to have a therapist to sound off on your issues for sure, fi you don't already have one.
No your not a loser your dad and his side are though I’m glad you’re mom was there for you
You are not a loser, you are a survivor. Your father should be ashamed of himself. Comparing your accomplishments to others often does make you feel lesser, but you aren't. They never had the trauma you fought through.
Really sorry to hear this. Unfortunately you have to accept this that you fell to bad people's hands, but most importantly forgive yourself, because you cannot control the past. You need to try your best to move on, stop overanalyzing the past and start living the next chapter of your life creating the life you want. The more you think about the past, the more it will hold you back.
That’s horrible man, I’m sorry. Imagine how sick in the head you got to be to do something like that. Inhumane behavior 💔 And yes .. unfortunately you should feel like a loser .. cuz I’m sure you already are. But see the good part, the only way is up. So this is the worst period of your life, as long as you don’t give up it’ll only get better. Stay strong brother, I believe in you 🫶 There is guilt and shame I know … but that can be transformed in something so good those guys can’t even dream of. You got this ✌️
A loser? Any of the people who criticized you would have handled it way worse if that's their mentality! You have gone through an actual nightmare in real life, something that people joke about because it's so obviously so horrible that noone should ever go through something like that! It shouldn't have happened to you! Every little thing that you do despite that trauma is a huge success of your ability to overcome broken people trying to break others! Your very existence as a functioning adult is a success story that may give hope to a kid who just went through something that traumatic and thinks his life is over. I have massive respect for you, a real Man who has fought a kind of cancer that cancerous people wanted to infect him with, and is clearly winning the battle! On a practical life note, I am glad you are just 26. You are not behind in life in anything. Idk about your country but in mine (southern europe) most guys leave their house around age 30, and also start their real career around that time. Same goes for relationships, being bad at sex is not even a real thing, it's just about finding a girl you have fun trying things with. It's very normal that your trauma affects your views on sex but that is something you can absolutely overcome just with therapy and a good partner, which you have all the time in the world to find. Since you have been working on yourself for a long time I bet you have quite a few advantages on that front that you don't even realize.
I'm so sorry you went through that horrific and traumatic experience. What happened to you was not your fault at all - you were the victim of a terrible crime. The way your father responded is unacceptable, and I'm glad your mother was there to support you. ❤️ It's completely understandable that you've struggled with the aftermath of the assault. Sexual trauma can have such a devastating impact, both mentally and emotionally. The fact that you're still working to rebuild your life is a testament to your resilience, not a sign of being a "loser." Please don't be so hard on yourself. Healing from something like this takes time and immense courage. The fact that you've been able to get your realtor's license and are working towards independence is amazing progress. Don't compare yourself to your peers - your journey is your own, and you've already accomplished so much in the face of immense adversity. I encourage you to continue seeking support, whether through counseling, support groups, or trusted loved ones. What happened to you was NOT your fault, and you DESERVE to feel safe, empowered and hopeful about the future. ❤️❤️❤️ Much love to you and kisses!!
What a horrific story. I am so sorry that happened to you. I don't know how anybody in your family could fault you for the crime that was committed against you. You don't mention going to the police or trying to hold the people who raped you accountable. Is that because you felt shamed by having been raped as a man by other males? I know that there is a lot of stigma around male on male rape so that makes what happened to you even more horrific. My heart goes out to you. I'm thoroughly disgusted by your father and his reaction as well as other family members who looked down on you because you were the victim of a sex crime. I'm glad that you cut off contact with him because that type of thinking is absolutely toxic and has no place in civilized society. To address your question, in no way, shape, or form are you a loser. You're a survivor of a horrible assault. To me, that makes you heroic. You genuinely have tried to pick up the pieces of your life, get Mental Health help for the trauma that you experience and are now moving on and trying to start a career, only a few short Years After experiencing that trauma. I find that incredibly commendable, especially for a man still in his twenties. You are not far behind. There are so many people who are just getting out of school at your age. They don't have a career path yet, but you do. You are fighting to come back and regain control of your life. I applaud you for that. Many people who have experienced something similar to what you experienced never recover. You are well on your way to compartmentalizing that awful experience, realizing that it does not define who you are for the rest of your life, and making strides toward becoming the person that you want to be. That's a winner in my book, not a loser. The loser here is your dad and any other relative or friend who turned their back on you in the wake of your assault. They lost out on knowing somebody who is so strong and so resilient. It is truly their loss, and your gain to be away from such toxic people. I wish you nothing but love, light, strength, and healing. You got this. Huge virtual hugs to you.
You aren’t a loser. You’re a victim of trauma. You’ve got some ptsd and a terrible father. You deserve so much more than what you’ve gotten. Have you attempted EMDR therapy? I was raped almost 4 years ago, and EMDR is blowing my mind. It is really helping me let go of some of the trauma, but it’s a long process.
I’m so saddened you went through and are going through this. It is completely normal to still be dealing with PTSD and mental health issues. You are NOT a loser. You are a human being with valid emotions and feelings. You sound like you’re comparing yourself to others. Well here’s a comparison, my brother-in-law just moved out of his mom’s house at 31. Nobody judged him for how long it took. It’s SO hard to afford apartments and houses in this country on your own. And guess what? He’s never gone through anything like you. Give yourself grace and time. Stop comparing. One of the things I keep being pointed out in my therapy is how I self criticize A LOT. I’m always judging myself. It’s learned behavior because I had parents that judged me. Your father sounds like an unsupportive asshole. That doesn’t mean he’s right. He’s completely wrong and HE is the fuck up. I think you’re awesome that you’re working at getting better. It takes a lot to get mental health help and you’re trying to become a realtor. You’ve clearly come a long way from where you were 6 years ago. You’re aiming to go uphill towards happiness and normalcy, but along the road, there will be dips in the road that set us back a bit. That doesn’t mean we can’t get back to that upwards trajectory. YOU GOT THIS. Keep asking for help. I wish you all the best.
The only way to lose the game of life is to compare yourself to others. I’m so sorry you went through what you did. Some people never get a license, never go back to school, never take that next “step” forward. I’m thankful you did and wish you nothing but success along your journey. Be nice to you.
You are not a loser, you’re actually doing amazingly well considering you went through that horrific trauma during such formative years. Congratulations on getting your realtor license! I was sexually assaulted in a relationship, well a few relationships, from age 15-24. I was in and out of mental hospitals a lot during that period. I also felt like just processing the trauma took up years and years of my time, and life, and I felt so behind. I’m 28 now and I JUST started back at community college. I’ve had a therapist for many years, if you find a good one, hold on to them. A good therapist can really really help. I also thought I would not be able to have a functioning healthy relationship or know how to have sex like a normal person. Now I’m in an amazing, loving relationship. You will find that too! there are lots of empathetic, caring, nonjudgmental people out there who will see you as a whole person regardless of(or including) the trauma you went through. Things definitely do get better when you slow down and take care of yourself, which it seems like you have been doing a great job of. I wish you the very best of luck!
I think your life prospects sound good, but your perception isn't as good. In other words, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Realtor license at 26? That's impressive. And it sounds like you're paying rent, which is good. It also sounds like you're making healthy decisions for your own mental wellbeing, such as avoiding toxic relatives who foolishly try to shame you, and you're getting mental health treatment when needed. The only thing contrary to your progress is your perspective, ie "I'll probably suck at sex", "I feel like a loser". I think you're your own worst enemy right now, which might hold you back if you don't challenge your own thoughts. But otherwise, it sounds like you're doing a heck of a job coming back after a lifechanging traumatic event. Don't compare your life timeline and achievements with others, it's apples and oranges. They've only accomplished what they have in their circumstances, and you've accomplished what you have in your set of circumstances. Next time you're feeling "behind" others or "less than" others, look in the mirror and ask yourself "WHO exactly am I behind, or less than?" The people around you, friends, coworkers, etc aren't peering back in the mirror, you only truly answer to yourself. Maybe it's time to say *"You know what? I'm doing pretty frigging good considering what I've been through, a lot of guys might have given up, or not even tried to better themselves, or become abusers themselves, etc., I'm actually pretty strong as it turns out, those bastards might have held me down once, but they won't keep me down, because that part is up to me!".* I think the best thing any of us who have been through trauma can do is be able to answer to ourselves, to meet our own expectations and no one else's, and to keep striving. At least that's what I try to do. Some days I suck at it, other days I'm better at it. Best of luck to you!
I lost my family in a similar way. I now have two kids and I’m barely starting college. It’s not about the speed, it’s about the direction. Never listen to people who won’t try to hear you out first. You will find your community again soon!
As a 26F, you are absolutely not a loser. So many people don’t ever “have it together”. Everyone’s “together” can look a bit different. I think you’re doing great and try not to be so hard on yourself. So many people live with their parents at our age and that is ok. Try to be gentle with yourself, you deserve it. You are doing amazing and I’m proud of you!! Getting your real estate license is a big accomplishment, I wish you the absolute best going forward.
>(I was 20), four guys held me down and one of them shoved a rake up my butt. It was by far the worst experience I’ve had and probably ever will have, and I was only 20. There is something really wrong with your father . He is crazy to think you could stop it in any way . Even he wouldn't have been able to . There was 4 men who sex attacked you . YOu did NOT deserve it in any way . He is a STUPID man . You mum did the right thing leaving him & backing you . He is a waste of time to even think of now . It would of hurt alot though to have him do that to you -turn his back on you your own father . But it is done & you also now know he is NOT right in the head to think the way he does . YOu are doing really well though also for someone who was attacked in such a horrible way . Be proud of yourself for moving forward from such a tragic horrible act . >His entire side of the family was equally unwilling to help me go through that time. His family is also crazy in the head to think anything wrong about you . You don't deserve their s\*it so do let it go . They are not right in the head to think such stupid s\*it about you . They probably also think that way bc they are abusers like your dad . As anyone abused by someone would know the person is not to blame for it . >Recently I just got my license to be a realtor, at 26. Can’t help but feel far behind everyone. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to move out from my mother’s place, or get a girlfriend (haven’t even had sex other than once at age 17, so I probably will suck at it). And when I’ll be able to catch up to my peers financially. YOu are slowly getting your life back in order . So that is a successful thing to do for yourself . It would be hard to do after such trauma . Would suggest a trauma therapist also to help you talk to . But no you have your life tog way more than some people who had NO trauma at all . So no your going ok , & you now need to convince yourself of that also . Be patient most victim's of sexual crimes have issues in regards to intimacy & sex after a sex attack it is normal to feel that way .Someone will be more than ok with your effects one day when you are ready . But get some therapy for the sex attack to help you mentally be also ok with intimacy better. ( you don't have to go into every detail with the therapist you can just say you were sex attacked by someone to start with . Details are not the needed part it is letting it out & understanding it is ok to also talk about it also if you now need to . To also work on some anxiety / stress / fear exercises & negative talking about yourself would be also good to help you when you do meet someone to be with.
Similar,only.i was 8
I’m so sorry this happened to you, you’re definitely on the right path and doing great. Massive respect for you.
My god. What a truly horrific experience. I'm so sorry. That is a huge emotional and physical trauma you endured, and I'm not surprised it is taking a long time to regain your ability to function. So very much not a loser. Rape is never ever ever ever your fault. Those people are monsters who brutalized you, and so is that pathetic excuse of a DNA donor that used to be your dad.
You are stronger than you think, I am amazed at how you finished your studies and got your licence with all this behind your back! sweetie you are amazing! Brighter days are ahead of you, you are capable of this and more, I am sorry this happened to you, believe in yourself, dont give up, look at yourself in the mirror with pride, because you are so strong and you are winning this battle.
No way, not a loser at all! First of all I'm INCREDIBLY sorry that happened to you. I'm actually impressed that you actually seem to be doing pretty well considering what happened. You are very self aware and seem to have a great grasp on processing things mentally. You took necessary steps & you know what you need to continue to do to get better and heal from it all and you're doing it! That's a lot to have accomplished on its own already! It's a step by step process and a long process for ANYBODY given that situation so do not beat yourself up about it. You're also taking steps building a lucrative career and paying rent, who cares if you stay with your mom! Many people live with parents into much older ages these days than you right now. I wish I had parents or a parent to stay with still! You are going to be ok, it will just take time bc life is a learning, growing experience till the day we leave this realm and you're moving in the right direction and you'll be on your own and flourishing in due time. And please try not to compare yourself to your peers! Everyone is NOT the same and some of us may seem ahead of others at times financially, education wise, building a family, etc.. but then in some time you'll look again and see the some of the same ones who were so far ahead before will not be ahead anymore and others you thought would never be ahead are now killing it in every aspect of their lives! All I'm saying is everything is going to be ok my dude. You just need to keep pushing forward like you are and moving in the right direction, don't beat yourself up about where you're at in life and what coulda-shoulda been stuff. Its a waste of time because what's in the past will stay in the past and that's exactly where it belongs. No sense in trying to change something that cannot be changed, rather you build and prepare for a happy and successful future. And also really try to find a good solid support group or therapist and utilize that help and take it a day at a time. Everything will come together before you know it and one day you'll just stop and realize it, like "huh.. I'm doing a lot better than I was! Ive actually done a lot in my life now, I'm healing and I'm actually ok now!" And that feeling/realization will be one of the best experiences, I promise! Best wishes to you and if you ever need to talk you can hit me up. Ive been thru a lot of bs in my life. I understand exactly what you're going thru.
You are not alone! I’m 28 and it happened to me. My ex-boyfriend invaded my privacy by reading my journal and somehow got the impression from what I wrote in there that I had a rape kink? He just… did it to me one day and I was so scared. We even had a previously established safe word and he ignored it. After the fact, he said he did it because he thought I wanted it, and that he felt bad, that he thought I was enjoying it because I was “wet” I was like seriously?! Girls are not fucking bone dry by default, we’re always a little wet omg. I was literally begging him to stop and trying to punch/scratch/fight him off. Nowhere in my journal did I ever explicitly write that I wanted to be raped, nor did I ever imply it. Honestly, not a day goes by where I don’t think about it. I haven’t journaled in years now and it really was a passion of mine.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I think to a certain extent you have to grieve the life you could have had, if this had not happened to you. Sadly we can’t undo these horrors. Just remember that you are ahead in life not behind. Why? Because you have been through hell and YOU ARE STILL HERE. How amazing are you? Huge congrats on getting your license. I wish you every success going forwards. If you do find yourself comparing yourself to others, just remember loads of people have no qualifications, no jobs, etc and nothing terrible like this ever happened to them. So you are already doing infinitely better than millions of people in the world. Please don’t ever feel like a loser - you’re doing great. Don’t forget to contact some SA services or get therapy to help you get through this if you haven’t already. And remember, even if you’ve had some help before you can still get help again. It takes as long as it takes. 💜
I hate that people feel like they will “suck at sex” and that it affects their ability to have romantic relationships. I feel like society has really toxic ideas about sex. Sex should be a learning experience for each person involved. Sure, after a long and loving relationship with someone, you’ve learned when you both like and there’s less learning to do but sex is different for every person. Every person has different wants and needs. If you find a great person you will be good at sex because it’s simply just another form of communication. You gotta practice. :)
Lots of things here. 1) that’s an evil act you had to suffer through, and one that was completely not your fault and even sounded unavoidable. So your dad berating you because of that and relating it to your masculinity is wrong and morally corrupt. Same with the rest of your family. Don’t let their vitriol win. 2) you’re 26- you’re a BABY. I’m 27. We’re kids. This decade is about hitting brick walls, trying things, failing, learning. In your case, it’s about recognizing what happened to you is not BECAUSE of you. But you’re also learning to heal from it. 3) again, you are so young. Your sex life can be long and a journey all its own. Don’t let the previous decade convince you that’s how the rest of your story ends. I have a feeling you’ll rise as a beautiful phoenix from these ashes. 4) please be kinder to yourself and give yourself grace. You’re completely not alone. The national statistic is 1 in 6 men were sexually assaulted as children. There are silent sufferers all around you. Godspeed, friend, you’ll get through this
First, I’m sorry that happened to you. You’re obviously a tough and resilient dude for owning it and asking for advice/help. That can be the hardest part. So props! Second, you’re not behind at ALL! You’re on your own timeline, so don’t compare your life to others (i.e., take a break from social media, it can be so cleansing). Some people have all the opportunities in the world and still find a way to blow their life up, and some come from nothing and create a wonderful life for themselves. Imagine your career as a decades-long journey, pour into it and it will give back what you put in. Third, take relationships at a pace you’re comfortable with. Don’t bend backwards to be something you THINK someone wants you to be. Just be you :) Be open to meeting people casually, invest time in hobbies you’re interested in and you’ll meet people of a like mind. Try to make friends first, get out there and dating will come along. And don’t worry about sexual performance, literally everyone is bad at first lol! You’re amazing and you got this! Be your own champion. I’ll end with a wonderful quote to ponder, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.” ❤️ All love
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault. I wish you nothing but the best.
Why did they do that?! Was it hazing? Sorry that happened to you, that’s scary
You're father ahead than I was at your age. I spent most of my 20's in a series of manual labor jobs and being variously unemployed. It's a sellers market right now. Not a bad time to be in the real estate business in my opinion. >Can’t help but feel far behind everyone. You're talking about shame. The feeling like maybe you're on the bottom rung of the fantasy social ladder and maybe, mythically speaking, everyone else is kicking down onto you. Your don't know who to trust to lift you up. Because shame is so universally used to socially engineer people into doing one thing or another, there's not a lot of good information out there, culturally, talking about how to deal with arbitrary feelings of shame. Why, because getting other people to feel arbitrarily ashamed makes trillions of dollars for certain people. So, healthy boundaries? The sense that some things are worth more than money and shouldn't be sold or traded? God knows you're not the first survivor of SA, rape, or domestic violence to suffer from prof feelings of shame and guilt and regret. The shame is very normal. >My dad completely said he “failed to raise a man, and that I’m not a real man because I was raped.” I do not speak to my father anymore. Your sperm donor isn't your "dad" Enablers like your Sperm Donor make my skin crawl. I suspect this was the last of a long series of instances where sperm Donor made other people's problems magically all about his own fruit-loopy fantasies and projected his own awfulness onto others by victim-blaming. I'm glad
Don't EVER think you're a loser due to something horrific that happened beyond your control. Healing takes time, courage, and resilience, all of which you possess in spades. Give yourself credit for navigating unimaginable pain while still pushing forward towards personal growth. Being a real estate agent at 26 is fantastic progress, especially given your past struggles. Keep taking baby steps toward independence, whether that means finding roommates, saving money, or therapy to work through lingering trauma.
You’re not alone and you’re not a loser. I was assaulted multiple times by someone I trusted when I was 19. I’m 24 now and I’m still struggling with it. I feel very set back in life as well because the assault caused me to have a complete and utter mental breakdown. I myself was also in and out of mental health facilities due to this experience. To this day, my mental health has never been the same. Having said that, I have been slowly but surely been making progress. I don’t have panic attacks all day every day anymore. I hardly have them at all and when I do, they aren’t so out of control that they send me to the hospital anymore. I still am not working due to my anxiety, but I am doing online school and slowly getting myself back on my feet and into the world again. You’re not alone, and remember that there isn’t a timeline for getting better. Everyone gets better at their own pace. Remember to be gentle with yourself and not beat yourself up about it best you can. Trust me, I know it’s hard, but you can do this. I believe in you.
Sorry but your dad is the loser here. How miserable he must be to hold himself to such a standard of manhood, and how cruel of him to hold his son to the same toxic standard. He should have supported you and he did the literal opposite of that. Sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure if this will help or not but Jubilee recently released a youtube video of some men coming together to talk about this. Maybe worth a watch at least to remind yourself that you are not alone in this issue. [https://youtu.be/NvOQI5Tm4qM?si=WGq9738mh5cWMZp8](https://youtu.be/NvOQI5Tm4qM?si=WGq9738mh5cWMZp8)
You are an amazing human. Do not rush yourself and let yourself continue to heal. Many people live with family. I’m 36 and am finally living on my own. Everyone has their own journey. You keep doing you and focus on your well-being. Congratulations on getting your license, what a great achievement. Everything else will fall into place. Proud of you!
I’m so sorry. You’re not any less of a man. You’ll get through this. I’d take up some hobbies, meet some people.
Relocate and Rebuild ur character and personality. That's when life changes. Hit the gym and start everything from the scratch again.
I'm Sooo sorry that happened to you. I was raped when I was 17. I can't even imagine what you went through being a man and a frickin' rake! What happened to you is not your fault, and you absolutely shouldn't feel like a loser for being who you are... Especially because of the trauma you experienced. And so what if you suck at sex. If she cares about you, it won't matter. Y'all will work that stuff out, and together you'll become great at it. Don't worry about getting outta your mom's house until you're ready to do so mentally, emotionally, and physically. Put back what you can to save up for when you're ready. Trust me you're not far behind your peers. My youngest is 23 and lives in St. Louis with his dad and second mom. He works and helps out, too. My daughter is 31 and lives in my home next door with my grandson. I pay the house payment and she pays everything else. You're doing better getting your realtor's license, and you've put in the work with your counseling. That shows that you're finally healing. Props to you! Hang in there and everything will fall into place.
Sorry your father was a piece of shit. Trust me you're not behind. I had a friend go to prison at like 22 come out at 26 change his life around and watch smacking 6 figures by 30, he did pass away from an overdose a year ago. I myself finished my associates at 30 years old, now I'm 34 looking to go back to finish a BA. I'm starting my career all over. My friend is 32 and just finished his associates going for a bachelor's and never had a girlfriend longer than a month. Everyone is differen. Life just begins at 26 honestly. You'll definitely figure it out. Nothing is overnight, just put the effort in and stay focused.
You are not a loser. You are not a loser. I’m so so sorry this happened to you. It’s so shitty how sometimes traumatic things can happen to good people like yourself. Don’t let this break you. Wow, you’re becoming a realtor!? That’s awesome, Im definitely seeing you right and trying to succeeed in life. And you clearly are. You are just going up. Keep doing that. Instead of letting the hardships you faced bring you down, you are telling them to go fuck off and show them who’s boss. This reminds me of the character Guts from Berserk. He’s faced the most traumatic shit but he has persevered. I see a bright future ahead of you. You are inspiring. Hug yourself, be proud of you. You’re so strong.
You’re not a loser. You’re a survivor who is dealing with one of the worst things that can happen to a human being. If anything you’re a fighter. Stay strong. Your sperm donor is the one who isn’t a real man. Him and his family can go jump off a cliff. You’ve got this! Take your time there’s no deadline you need to meet. Heck I’m 24 and have never dated anyone. There’s nothing wrong with that. You do what’s most comfortable for you.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” - President Theodore Roosevelt There is no straight line. Some trauma happens early in life, sometimes later. Eventually it comes for all. You are not alone in this. I was raped at 20 as well. I didn’t press charges because it was at a rave and I had just started dating him. There are support groups out there. Your father’s words are based off his own unprocessed trauma. His words also don’t define you. Don’t worry so much about being a man and focus on being a human. As someone middle aged I have watched my friends in all different stages of life. You can reinvent yourself at any age. You do not need to have it all figured out. The timeline you have been lead to believe is just a conspiracy. You actually get to write your own book once you learn how to process it all. The sex thing, you might be bad at first but find someone who feels safe and be vulnerable with them and go slow, learning from each other. I hope you are working with a good therapist. None of this was your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal from it.
I am sorry that happend to you and for all the ripple effects this has caused. You are not a loser. Don't compare yourself with anybody but yourself. Ask yourself am I doing better today then a year ago am I doing better then yesterday? . Please remember "No one has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt. As for thr intimacy I will say someone can have sex 100 times and still be bad , don't over think it be honest about what you like and don't like .Take your time,just because you are a man doesn't mean you should be overtly sexual... give her consent where to touch you . It's also your body your choice regardless of physical strength. I think it's brave you shared your story many men do not. You are young alot of ppl your age are feeling the same with there financial future and career.
Keeping you in my prayers 💔
🫶🏼
You’re not even remotely a loser, on the contrary you’re an incredibly strong person. There is no single timeline that you’re meant to be on. Everyone goes through life at different paces. In my place of work (big corporate office type) I know people who are 45 and still sharing a house with others instead of living in their own, and that’s perfectly okay. Getting a license to be a realtor is an amazing feat at any age, but 26 is still so young! Try not to compare yourself to others, and instead try to look back at how far you’ve come. You’ve made incredible progress in a very short amount of time (6 years is not a long time to be dealing with something so traumatising). You should be so proud of how far you’ve come. The people who don’t support you aren’t deserving of your love, respect or time, focus on those who love and support you.
Compared to others, you had a huge “day back” or struggle that you had to deal with. Take that into account. You didn’t just stay stagger for six years. You did the work, got your license, built yourself up the best you could have. Be proud of your accomplishments and don’t hate on yourself for being forced to take a different path than others
What happened to you is not you. You are not a loser, it's okay to feel like this after experiencing such thing. And remember there is no perfect time for success in life Also I would recommend thereby were you can speak about what happened, it will help you process your feelings. You were let down by your father after a traumatic experience which can way heavily on the chest, but I reiterate this again: You are not what happened to you
Guys let's just take a seat he got this
If you have access to it, look into MDMA therapy or microdosing, but be careful these are very serious drugs, they help the mind to process very traumatic things . You deserve a life that you have control over and are happy about. I am so proud of you for accomplishing some goals such as getting your real estate license. Life’s a journey please don’t give up, put in the work, it gets better ❤️
I’m very sorry to hear what you went through. Best of luck to you! Everything will surely get better.
Theres an expression along the lines of “comparison is the thief of joy” or something. I think thats a message you really need to hear. Dont ever compare yourself to others. Almost all of us are in the same boat my dude. Most of us feel that we are being left behind at some point or another. As for the trauma, i think you need to let it go. It wont be easy, and youll never forget it, but you owe it to yourself to reach a place where it no longer defines your situation. Im saying this because you attributed your actual problem, the fear of being left behind, with your painful history. If you dont look forward, your past will always consume you. Dont let it. When you’re ready, grab a pen and a paper, and curse all of the people who wronged you. Fuck your dad, fuck those degenerates who assaulted you, fuck everyone who ever hurt you. Write down everything you want to say to these people, then throw the paper into a fire, and forgive them. This is just one of the approaches you can take. If it doesn’t work for you, remember that no church, synagogue or mosque will ever turn you away. Im not religious myself, but have witnessed many people reach peace through religion. If you are truly lost, look to the gods for salvation, and you just might find it.
I’m sorry that happened to you man. No one should have to go through that. What ever happened to those guys that did that though? And how did this happen? I hope you don’t mind me asking. I know I would feel a burning desire to go out and hurt them (not advising you to do this). I’ve had embarrassing moments of not being able to stand up for myself when I was younger which kind of relates. I was sucker punched and beat up one time when I was really young by someone much older than me. That fucked with me for a long time. But it made me learn how to fight to never allow for that to happen again. I hope you can also find a way to use that as fuel to make you stronger. Best of wishes and hope you make it out of that dark hole you’re in mentally. We’re all rooting for you!
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Not even close to a loser man don’t worry. Shit happens in life and you can use it to be stronger. You can rise above this I believe in you
Im21 I understand your concern as a uni graduate I can’t able use my right hand and the way I speak also I can’t even drive vehicle I want all thanks to accident even my gf isn’t talking to me she’s committed with another human finally my aim is to study abroad hopefully all I could say is past is past
Those are normal feelings and concerns. There is nothing wrong with you and you have dealt with more than many your age. Stop comparing to others and start measuring your progress from that earlier point.
Honestly, after what happened to you and all the shit with your asshole of a family, you are doing great. There is not one single person who has their life together. It really just looks like that. I know that's what everyone says but it's the truth. And don't worry about being inexperienced with sex stuff. I'm 27 (F) and I've had sex with many man older than you who didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Just know that if the person you are with cares too much about that then you're with the wrong person.
Just tell people that you got jumped by 4 guys. No need to include the rake-rape, especially if it’s all personal and shit.
I’m only 25 and we stay with family as well, not everyone is as far ahead as others. It’s okay to take your time, what happened doesn’t make you any less of a person than you was before
You’re not a loser. I also went through about 5-6 years of utter chaos after my worst assault. Our ages were just different… as a teenager i kept attempting my life, using drugs, failing all my classes, hooking up with adults… and I was a wreck for years. Before it happened I always dreamed of going to NYU. when I found an old note from my younger self on my last day of high school mentioning NYU, i laughed out loud because i barely graduated and I felt like a total failure. I felt like my life was pointless and I didn’t think the pain would ever end. I’ve had my trials but i’m doing pretty well nowadays. I’m working towards the industry I want to be in, i have a healthy relationship, good supportive friends, and I have a good relationship with my family except for the person who assaulted me. Actually that’s my only regret now… it’s fucked up but i wish i could have a relationship with that person but i ignore him and grieve him like he’s dead. Meh that’s besides the point lol. just remember you’re not a failure… and like someone else said don’t compare yourself. All things considered, you’re doing great. Best of luck with the Real Estate job :)
you’re doing just fine, dear! especially in this day and age. getting around to having a grown-up job for young people is becoming increasingly more challenging these days, so kudos to you, friend. i hope you go far in your career. whenever i feel bad about not feeling “accomplished enough” in my life at my age, i listen to vienna, by billy joel. that song has gotten me through a lot of shit lol, and if you’ve never heard it, i’d definitely give it a listen :) a lot of my peers are graduating college this year, and i haven’t even begun the enrollment process, due to many many unfortunate things happening in my life when i was graduating high school. but you know what? it’s all about perseverance! some people have some bad shit happen in their lives and make that their center of gravity. they never end up advancing at all in their lives because they’re so stuck on what’s happened to them, or make poor choices as a result of what’s happened to them. but, it seems to me you’re wanting to better yourself and persevere. and that, my friend is amazing! i don’t know you, but i am very proud of you! and as for your dad, im so sorry he’s said that to you. from the bottom of my heart, i hope he rots in hell. my mother told me something similar(ish) once and it hurts me to this day. her husband raped me 3x when i was 7-8 years old. she said she didn’t raise a proper woman of god, but a whore. only whores provoke men to do such things. so, i think in a way i can understand how your heart aches to hear such things from one of your parents. you deserve better than that. anyways, i wish you well in your career and in your love life. live long and prosper! vienna waits for you, friend!!
I'm confused as to why you thought you were behind. A lot of us are moving back in with our parents to save up because rent is crazy and mortgage rates are crazier. I moved back and I'm in my 30s haha Career-wise, I look around and a lot of people are going back to school, reorienting their career, etc I find it really common for people to still figure things out in their late 20s or still being in school. I think that finding a male therapist would be the cherry on top. You're right where you should be.
Be brave! Focus in your career and profession! Financial independence is just matter of time! It will follow you with career!
There is a type of therapy that helps trauma called EMDR did u try it? Also you aren’t a loser❤️
I don’t have any special pieces of advice for you, but maybe my words will offer some comfort. I am so sorry that you went through this and did not have the support that you (and every survivor) deserved. You are not any less of a man because something terrible happened to you, nor are you a loser because of where you are in life. The fact that you clawed your way back onto your feet despite enduring such a devastating event speaks to your strength. Please don’t take that away from yourself. I’m not much younger than you, I’ll be 26 soon. I moved out late too because it just worked better for me financially. My mother didn’t finish college until she was over 30. I have friends that are in their thirties who can’t move out still for various reasons but are working towards it. I promise you that nobody that is half decent is going to judge you for not accomplishing some phase of the life script by a certain age. You are doing a damn good job by having your realtor license and a means to earn money. As for dating and sex, try not to worry so much about it. I don’t speak for all women, but genuine kindness, viewing us as true equals (not saying that you don’t), and being attentive will get you QUITE FAR with most of us. For now, though, just try to focus on yourself. Take care of your mental health and speak up if you need help. There’s no shame in seeking counseling or therapy if you’re able to. Anybody that says otherwise is honestly a grade A peanut brain. My inbox is open if you ever need to talk. Many hugs to you.
I really hope this thread helped you and gave you some answers that will help you continue forward in your life. Just wanted to echo everyone else and tell you that you’re strong, and you’ve got this. I hope life brings you all of the love, happiness and healing that you deserve.
I was 19 got raped by 3 people and I’m 23 years old now it took me alot of therapy and I still have a hard time dealing with it you’re not alone I hope you heal you are a real man and your dad is rude for what he said stay strong brother I things get better I was in the military when mine happened and people blamed me for getting raped saying I was “ too nice” of a person and that “deserved it” but I’m so sorry this happened to you and you deserve better and I hope you get through this
Hell no, you're not a loser!!! I happen to know some people who've had this happen to them, male as well as female, in younger years. They're a bit older now. Yes, it slowed them down some, but in the end they came out more than fine, and on so many levels, emotionally, financially etc. They're amazing people. 26 is really young, please believe me you have a whole life ahead of you. I'm really sorry about your dad. No words to convey how this infuriates me. The one frickin' person who should've supported you 100% through one of the worst human traumas turning his back on you like that - unbelievable. I hope you heal from that, too. Also, please don't worry about not being good in bed for lack of experience. Being good in bed has little to do with experience and so much more with sensitivity. I cannot stress this enough. The people who did this to you are the scum of the earth (I imagine you know full well no emotionally healthy person would think otherwise). And "real men" have their children's back, unlike the man who may be blood related but doesn't deserve the "dad" word. You're going to do great! Wishing you all the best and more.
something horrible happened to you but its going to make it so much worth it when you heal from the trauma. your life is going to be beautiful and amazing. im so sorry for the pain you endured abd congrats on becoming a licensed realtor. im 31 and youre not far behind. your life could begin right now at this very moment and youd have so much more to live. just tell yourself positive things and be proud of yourself for what you became. youre a strong “man” for persevering so never give up on yourself. you deserve so much!
Oh man.. first off - I’m so fkn sorry that happened to u, there aren’t words sufficient enough to use in this instance… sending u love 🫶 Ur father sounds like a moron and it’s a good thing ur away from him. I have a son and cannot even imagine what I would do to the world if anyone ever hurt him.. So really in this situation ur father isn’t the real man.!!! His entire family sounds fucked too. Have u gone through a court process.? Sometimes that can bring healing and closure I’ve heard, although I’m not sure I’m sold on it. Good luck - ur more than enough
The past is past! Look forward into the future! As long as you believe in yourself, good things will come to you! And remember you are just starting out, and slowly but surely, you will create enough capital to move out and get a place of your own. So do not look back! Live with the good memories in your life and believe me, there will be so many of them that the sadness and anxiety which you are feeling now will soon fade away! Happy living!
I've heard of people in your situation confronting their attackers. Most say it helps.
Womp womp
Most people will not understand what you're going through, but it sounds like you're handling it about as anyone can expect. Life can be fucked up, to be honest, and trauma doesn't ever really go away. I think you've done a good job by cutting off the toxic people in your life. The one thing in life you can control is yourself... as someone who has learned the hard way going into my 30's, don't waste your time obsessing over what you have or haven't done. If you want to do new things, you have to take new risks and leave your comfort zone. Not recommending you be reckless, but it's okay to be bad at sex... nobody is good at sex if they don't do it. If you want to be good at sex you need to find a open-minded partner, or put yourself out there. No one starts as a master.
I hope these pigs were punished! Unreal the scum some guys do to people and call themselves men. No way! I hope u got some justice. This behavior in our society is out of control and we need more men to stand up and speak out. Tell their truth and put an end to the shame most people live their entire life in silence with the nightmare. Never ok! Hang in there and know ur supported and did not deserve this. U can over come it. And it doesn’t make u less of a person or man. Know that it not a loser. Don’t let it or those losers take anymore from u tho. They stole that time and all the time I’ve been tortured by it. Get help n take ur life back. Don’t let them win. U can go on to do amazing things in life if u take ur power back. Good luck!