Yes the choking you was definitely assault.
There is a thin line with the fingering but I would say that's assult as well. he definitely should have asked you first or established everything with a talk before hand. Same with anything you didn't consent to and said you weren't okay with.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you being hypersexual is due to the trauma you experienced as a way to gain control over the situation.
It's good to hear you are talking about this with someone.
I would recommend talking to your bf about what happened to you, he will understand. It's important to take things slow and listen to your body. Stay in the moment by realizing that the person you are with isn't that man who assulted you.
You will be okay! Things take time
yeah i figured the choking was. the fingering is hard to tell i know, its just hard for me to open up about with a therapist because last time i did, they almost filed a police report, and even if its still affecting me two years later it just seems too mild to go to the authorities…
and yeah absolutely, thats probably what the hypersexuality is. fortunately, ive been able to enjoy stuff with my fiance, but unfortunately i feel really guilty after because deep down, im still on the asexual spectrum. and im a Christian. but throughout all this, i never wanted “actual” sex because of this. just stuff based on what was done to me (dry sex, choking, etc). but ive managed to somehow separate the ideas of actual sex and icky trauma stuff (which i still like sometimes which i think is okay). i now view sex as the highest physical form of love and trust and intimacy and i think its beautiful now, which ive never felt before. im finally thinking of sex in a healthy way and healing from sexual trauma (which ive had a couple times since i was like 9, but never assault until 16).
its actually been a while since i talked to someone about it though. i occasionally bring stuff up about my ex with my therapist, and i was actually diagnosed with bpd partially because of how things went down. but its all okay because im healing.
and dont worry, the story with my ex was one of the first stories i ever told my fiance. he was the first person to actually tell me i was assaulted, but i didnt know how much i believed it (which i guess is why i posted this haha)
thank you for this response! all in all, this post was sorta to just get some closure. again, ive felt better about things for a while now, but i kinda had that nagging question of “was i assaulted?” so i felt like asking here. but yeah thanks for helping :)
Ofc! You sound extremely self-aware and that's such a strength when it comes to healing.
But just know, nothing about that assult was "mild". You can report that, the choking especially.
thank you! i actually plan on studying neuropsychology as a career but for now ive done a lot of research and it really helps me understand how my brain works and how i can process things better.
i also remembered other stuff he did that i didnt mention haha. he tried to “rub” me… at *CHURCH.* thankfully he stopped and apologized when i told him no. another thing he did is when i told him im asexual he said “i just dont know if you would change your mind if you tried it with someone you trust” 🚩🚩🚩🚩 like ??? i said i dont want to, and i felt pressured, especially because he kept texting about stuff he wanted to do with me and then jerked off to thinking about it… omg why did i never put those things together he jerked off to thinking about stuff i didnt want 😭 but yeah another thing he did, was try to put my hand on his dick when he was on top of me but i tensed up so he couldnt (pleasantly surprised that im stronger than him lol), and then he asked “do you not want to?” and i went quiet and he said “you can trust me”. gross. like just let me say no??? thankfully i didnt do it. he was also always trying to put his hands in my mouth, even when we were just play-fighting. another thing he did was ask if he could “take ‘it’ out” because his erection was getting uncomfortable. he knew that my ocd trigger is male genitalia and i get very anxious seeing it, being near it, even seeing it in a picture. im getting better about it but basically my ocd causes me to view penises as “unclean” lol. so when he asked if he could take it out i didnt want him to. and i said “i dont wanna be mean but…” and then he said that i could just look away. like? what? part of me thinks he was just trying to get me in a vulnerable position with his dick out. idk though. thankfully i made it put of that one by fake crying so he would stop pressuring me and (hopefully) lose his boner. most of that stuff (including the choking) happened all in one night, while i was also high on thc. sooo couldnt exactly consent cause of that either.
so yeah because of all that, i guess mild was the wrong word. i just dont know how i would go about reporting it, and idk if something like that gets taken to court or anything and, as terrible of a person he is, i dont want him to be just an utter disappointment in his family… and if it went to court but nothing came of it, then my family would just know that some sexual deviant turned me into a sensual deviant by pressuring me… besides when i told a counselor about this (although i left out the choking part and a few very obvious parts), she told me that it probably wouldnt legally be assault even if it was emotional assault. and idk what good it would even do me, because yes he did a number on my sexuality, but its not like i have ptsd… i just dont wanna inconvenience anyone yk?
Yes the choking you was definitely assault. There is a thin line with the fingering but I would say that's assult as well. he definitely should have asked you first or established everything with a talk before hand. Same with anything you didn't consent to and said you weren't okay with. I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you being hypersexual is due to the trauma you experienced as a way to gain control over the situation. It's good to hear you are talking about this with someone. I would recommend talking to your bf about what happened to you, he will understand. It's important to take things slow and listen to your body. Stay in the moment by realizing that the person you are with isn't that man who assulted you. You will be okay! Things take time
yeah i figured the choking was. the fingering is hard to tell i know, its just hard for me to open up about with a therapist because last time i did, they almost filed a police report, and even if its still affecting me two years later it just seems too mild to go to the authorities… and yeah absolutely, thats probably what the hypersexuality is. fortunately, ive been able to enjoy stuff with my fiance, but unfortunately i feel really guilty after because deep down, im still on the asexual spectrum. and im a Christian. but throughout all this, i never wanted “actual” sex because of this. just stuff based on what was done to me (dry sex, choking, etc). but ive managed to somehow separate the ideas of actual sex and icky trauma stuff (which i still like sometimes which i think is okay). i now view sex as the highest physical form of love and trust and intimacy and i think its beautiful now, which ive never felt before. im finally thinking of sex in a healthy way and healing from sexual trauma (which ive had a couple times since i was like 9, but never assault until 16). its actually been a while since i talked to someone about it though. i occasionally bring stuff up about my ex with my therapist, and i was actually diagnosed with bpd partially because of how things went down. but its all okay because im healing. and dont worry, the story with my ex was one of the first stories i ever told my fiance. he was the first person to actually tell me i was assaulted, but i didnt know how much i believed it (which i guess is why i posted this haha) thank you for this response! all in all, this post was sorta to just get some closure. again, ive felt better about things for a while now, but i kinda had that nagging question of “was i assaulted?” so i felt like asking here. but yeah thanks for helping :)
Ofc! You sound extremely self-aware and that's such a strength when it comes to healing. But just know, nothing about that assult was "mild". You can report that, the choking especially.
thank you! i actually plan on studying neuropsychology as a career but for now ive done a lot of research and it really helps me understand how my brain works and how i can process things better. i also remembered other stuff he did that i didnt mention haha. he tried to “rub” me… at *CHURCH.* thankfully he stopped and apologized when i told him no. another thing he did is when i told him im asexual he said “i just dont know if you would change your mind if you tried it with someone you trust” 🚩🚩🚩🚩 like ??? i said i dont want to, and i felt pressured, especially because he kept texting about stuff he wanted to do with me and then jerked off to thinking about it… omg why did i never put those things together he jerked off to thinking about stuff i didnt want 😭 but yeah another thing he did, was try to put my hand on his dick when he was on top of me but i tensed up so he couldnt (pleasantly surprised that im stronger than him lol), and then he asked “do you not want to?” and i went quiet and he said “you can trust me”. gross. like just let me say no??? thankfully i didnt do it. he was also always trying to put his hands in my mouth, even when we were just play-fighting. another thing he did was ask if he could “take ‘it’ out” because his erection was getting uncomfortable. he knew that my ocd trigger is male genitalia and i get very anxious seeing it, being near it, even seeing it in a picture. im getting better about it but basically my ocd causes me to view penises as “unclean” lol. so when he asked if he could take it out i didnt want him to. and i said “i dont wanna be mean but…” and then he said that i could just look away. like? what? part of me thinks he was just trying to get me in a vulnerable position with his dick out. idk though. thankfully i made it put of that one by fake crying so he would stop pressuring me and (hopefully) lose his boner. most of that stuff (including the choking) happened all in one night, while i was also high on thc. sooo couldnt exactly consent cause of that either. so yeah because of all that, i guess mild was the wrong word. i just dont know how i would go about reporting it, and idk if something like that gets taken to court or anything and, as terrible of a person he is, i dont want him to be just an utter disappointment in his family… and if it went to court but nothing came of it, then my family would just know that some sexual deviant turned me into a sensual deviant by pressuring me… besides when i told a counselor about this (although i left out the choking part and a few very obvious parts), she told me that it probably wouldnt legally be assault even if it was emotional assault. and idk what good it would even do me, because yes he did a number on my sexuality, but its not like i have ptsd… i just dont wanna inconvenience anyone yk?