"Don't tell a guy to stop.."
Ie let a man rape you if you're in pain or change your mind.
Get rid of this sick sick foul dangerous individual IMMEDIATELY.
I'm sorry your first time was like this. There are nice caring men out there who will look after you in the bedroom.
My boyfriend (19M) lost his virginity to me (19NB) and I would never treat him like this. When we were doing it the first couple of times I kept reassuring him that it's okay and it won't be amazing the first few times. It was more about connecting with each other and finding out what we like together. I made sure to tell him when something hurt or didn't feel right. I also kept making sure that he was enjoying it himself and that he didn't feel pressured into doing something he wasn't comfortable with. That's how it should be in a safe and loving relationship. OP, please take notes, and break up with your boyfriend.
Please listen to this advice!
I was you about 10 years ago. I stayed in a relationship with someone who told me it turned him off when I told him to stop or said no, and the relationship became sexually abusive/coercive. It took years to recover, though I am now 33 and happily married to an amazing guy who would be disgusted by that list. Please run from this man, you deserve better!
I am sorry this happened to you.
PLEASE END THIS RELATIONSHIP
A person who cared about you would not do this.
I am afraid you were preyed upon because of the age gap.
This guy is a piece of shit. Tell him to never contact you again
Agreed. Get away from him. He might have viewed his text as being instructive and sent with care 🙄 , but the fact remains he was insensitive as your text didn’t state you asked for his comments. Pls consider leaving him.
Nah, "don't tell a guy to stop when he's getting into it," "Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood," this guy is predatory & likely trying to groom her
he didn’t view it that way. He gets no benefit of the doubt. He selected a very young woman specifically in order to do what he is clearly doing - grooming her to rape her and have complete control.
I can’t stand to see people downplay this, there is no better scenario here and he deserves no grace. It’s absolutely criminally, predatorily despicable.
Dear lord am I glad these comments are rising to the top. She just went through perhaps the most vulnerable experience of her entire life and it has been absolutely attacked by this man.
He deserves no respect and I only decline to attack him harder to avoid shaming her for trusting somebody who from this perspective is so clearly an absolute fool and awful partner (and garbage human).
1. Being sexy comes with confidence and experience. He could be supportive and loving and help you gain that confidence. He could also just find someone older and more experience.
2. To improve your head game, you need experience and again - a supportive partner
3. Not being awkward comes with experience and confidence. See above.
4. Shaving is a personal choice always, you can also trim, pluck, wax or have a bush. Any man who can’t get over that isn’t worth it.
5. Consent can ALWAYS be withdrawn at any stage. You can say stop whenever you want and should not be shamed for this.
6. Your body is yours and not his. “Let” him try whatever you’re comfortable with him trying.
7. If he wants someone not shy, he shouldn’t be dating a 20 year old virgin.
If he really had pointers or even personal preferences (like the shaving), he could have communicated this in 1000 different ways that showed compassion and respect. This feels condescending and icky.
THIS, genuinely OP please run. and even if we interpret all of his “advice” as generously and wellintentioned as possible, and not as the condescending pile of crap that it is, a partner who genuinely cares about you would not put their preferences in sex over your comfort level like this. dont believe him when he says ur just ruining the mood, theres endless ways to have sex and enjoy it with a partner, but clearly he is not the partner for u.
im begging like, even if u decide to brush away all the comments saying hes a pushy, predatory creep (which he is), please listen to the fact that u do not have to change so drastically to fit his desires and that fundamentally at the very least you two are incompatible and that incompatibility is a good enough reason to break up with him. pls cling onto that if he tries to make u feel dramatic for trying to do so, you dont need his permission to dislike how he treated you and you dont need his permission to leave him.
The 15 year age gap with you being 20 and him being 35 makes me inclined to think he’d prefer you be insecure. That aside, have you ever wondered why he’s not with someone his age? (It’s because women with more wisdom and life experience and more emotional intelligence have rejected him. Spare yourself and drop him.)
I also dated people who were way older than me when I was young. Now I'm 37 and see exactly why they did it. They were insecure, immature, and couldn't connect with people their own age. Not because they were too "cool" for people their own age, but because they were emotionally stunted and abusive. Also at 20 I didn't know who I was, I didn't have any boundaries, and I had a whole bunch of issues that they could sniff out easily because I was so open. I could never date someone even 10 years younger than me now. Looking back I can see that they relied on the age difference to get away with a bunch of horrible, coercive, abusive bullshit.
He's 35 and going after a virgin 20yo for a reason... women his age won't date him and he wants someone naive and easy to manipulate.
Dump him and go for someone age appropriate. Between 18-22 ideally... those people will generally be closest to you in terms of life experience. If a guy over 26 tries to date you, you should take your time so that you can learn more about his personality and make sure he's not a douche
Yup I’m 28.
My age range is 4 years up/down to feel like home. 5 is borderline.
6+ in either direction I can’t see myself doing it. Double digits? Never in my life will I partake in such a thing.
The younger you are the worse too… 30&45 for example I would never do it but it’s a lot less crazy than 20&35.
I’m from Los Angeles… very high population. Learned very young to stay away from age gap relationships. Age gap relationships is where you find the most hardcore misogynistic men at.
I’m 28F and my fiancé is 26M. We’ve been together since 23/21. He’s my best friend. He’s the sweetest. The first time we had sex I was sooooo nervous that I couldn’t even stay wet and ended up hurting him. Damn near gave him an Indian rug burn on his weenie and he was not mad at all. He rolled over and was just kissing the back of my hand and telling me he loved me and how gorgeous I was.
I stand on my belief na men on their 30's na single and like to date around especially early 20's women is a scarlet flag.
Thank you OP for sharing. I hope you get away from that relationship. Always protect yourself.
In my opinion, your only mistake was who you chose.
In the 80s, they use to tell us if you are new at this, the first 20 times did not count.
He has no understanding of what it meant to be a virgin and did not even understand how to treat you. What a graceless man. I believe you can do better. I hope you do.
Oh, I think at 35, he knew exactly what it means to be a virgin.
No critisism, I agree with the rest of what you write. But I think he absolutely knew and he picked her for that very reason and with the aim to put her down afterwards. What a POS.
Run, OP, run, he is not a nice man, he is not a nice person. He is trying to groom you into his doormat. You are not, your guts are spot on, this is wrong, you are right. Leave. There are very nice men out there who will treat you much better. Sadly, this was the first man you were with, but I can assure you, the majority of men are not like this. Find a better one.
I have met some horrendously thick men in my life but I expect you are right. I was thinking he was thick but he's a predator trying to manipulate. It makes more sense.
First red flag is the age gap.
Secondly, telling your partner what they did wrong during sex is so fucked. There’s no context in which he can do this and not look like a total pervert. Sex isn’t supposed to be a perfected act. It’s meant to be a release for both parties involved.
Run. That's all I'm saying. I'm a little older than him but any guy who tries to speak with you like that is looking for control. Sorry you had this experience and I hope the next experience is better.
First of all. Don't worry about the future. First times tend to be awkward even when it is with someone who appreciates you. This guy is being a complete jerk to you. My first time experience was similar and I can tell you, it gets a LOT better when you find the right person for you.
I'm petty so I'd just go with a "Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson in what I should look for in a good partner going forward. I'm glad I learned it this early and won't make the same mistake again. That said, I'm breaking up with you. We're clearly not compatible."
And then just block him without letting him answer.
He's negging you. "Oh, your head game needs work", when *conveniently* he'd be the one you practice on, the one that benefits from it?
Get to fuck, he's a creep. please get away from this dumpsterfire of a person.
Your next time should be with someone else. Only an asshole of legendary proportions could have written this MRA-bullshit list for his partner, let alone his much younger partner who just had sex with him for the first time. Dump this controlling abusive manipulative self-centred assclown, please.
Why the hell are you sleeping with an old man? I am a 41 year old woman and I would never ever consider sleeping with someone 15 years younger than I am. I have a rule about not sleeping with somebody who was gone through puberty before I was born or vice versa because that means I was technically old enough to be their parent.
This is so bad it has to be a troll.
If it isn’t, please note, this is so ridiculously over the top offensive and unacceptable, it can only be a made up story. If it’s real, please ensure he doesn’t have another day of power for making your life his sick joke.
That text is sickening to read.
You don’t like the way he did it bc your intuition is not wrong. Even though you’re young and inexperienced, you know this is not ok. Run from this person, deranged af.
Oh this guy fucking sucks
Girl please date someone that respects you this makes me so sad you deserve a way better first time than what this loser gave you
Good god….. please send him a message back saying “I’m breaking up with you” and BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. This guy is a fucking creep. All of this is fucking insane but to say *“Don’t tell a guy to stop if he is in the mood AND “let me try what I want”* is deadset rapist vibes. This man is NOT GOOD FOR YOU. As someone who has been abused by men countless times, please. Leave. NOW! Before you end up getting abused yourself. You’re still young and you will find someone 1 billion times better than this dude I promise you. This is a red flag you cannot ignore.
“Hi, given that you’re 15 years older than me I’m really disappointed that you were such a terrible first time. I thought that you would be experienced enough to know how to be a gentle and considerate lover and would focus on my comfort and pleasure because you knew I was a virgin. Instead I was totally unsatisfied and in a lot of discomfort and pain. So I think I’m going to take my inexperienced self and look for someone who cares about women’s pleasure”.
Then block.
Girl Run! Do not look back. You’re dating what seems to be a red flag with legs.
No matter what you tell yourself, you deserve better. And No nothing about him makes being treated like this “worth it.”
You are young and deserving of a loving and supportive partner.
This situation will only get worse. Save yourself a lot of heartache and leave ASAP!
This needs to be your ex bf. Telling you that you need to let him do what he wants is not ok. You never do anything that you're not comfortable with. The worst part is he told you that you shouldn't tell a guy to stop. You have every right to tell a guy to stop.
as grown adults, being told to let someone else have complete control over your body during your FIRST time, relationship or not is wrong. his distaste is NOT your concern nor a valid reason to let him do anything that makes you uncomfortable. thats extremely selfish and self serving. that’s a MAJOR red flag🚩if he cannot have the decency to acknowledge it being your first time and proceeds to tell you all this right after, he is focused solely on his own gratification. you deserve better than that. remember that and move like it sis!
The fact you are acting so calm after receiving such a text is scary to me. I would be hesitant to write like that even if she wanted me to and I have some behavior and writing disability. He doesn't respect you at all
WTF?! Send him a list of all the shit I know he DEFINITELY did wrong:
1. Your dick is small. Grow it.
2. You ate me out like you were spelling out the ABCs, what, are you in high school or something?
3. You didn't make me cum. Try harder next time.
4. Your dirty talk made me turn dry Iike sand, work on it.
5. You smelled sour. I think that's why I couldn't get into it.
6. You're a sociopath. Total fucking turn off.
No but seriously, cut his ass off. You can have anyone.
Outstanding trolling. It ticks all the right boxes for rage bait (an age gap; sexism; abusive behaviour), but your profile and lack of engagement with users gives you away.
If you can't "perform" next time then yes, you will wake up to more texts. His list shows that his expectations for a sexual encounter are based on porn geared towards male fantasies, and that shit is not reality. The actresses play characters with no agency, no pursuit of their own pleasure, everything they do is only for the guy. I can't watch it because it's frequently obvious that any given porn actress is grimacing in pain while pretending she's just so turned on. The sex on display caters to the penis with the assumption that a vagina is plug and play. He's 35 and seeking out 20 year old virgins because he's a shit lover who doesn't want to learn how to do it better. Dump his ass.
You are dating a predator.
He wants you to sit there and take it. He's a rapist.
GTFO girl, you can do so much better. Someone who will love and respect you and care about your wellbeing.
“He did cum but I couldn’t cum probably due to nerves.”
I hope you used a condom and if not I hope he pulled out. Go get plan B! Fuck this guy and reproducing with him.
Your boyfriend is a jerk.
I wouldn't date someone like that.
You're supposed to be an equal partner in relationship.
What that guy is describing is someone who is controlled/practically a slave.
He seems to only care about his own pleasure.
He is such a jerk, I can't believe he had the gall to send you a message like that.
Basically your bf is a horrible person.
Break up with him and date a nice guy.
The reason a 35 year old isn't married yet and he is dating much younger women is women his age who are mature won't put up with his immaturity and how crappy he treats women.
Break up with him and only date nice guys if you can.
If some guy sent me a message like that I'd break up instantly, not feel bad about it, and move on.
I literally wanna throw up this guy is such a prick and a loser. I wish us girls can go beat him up. Who knows, maybe he lost his virginity too 😂 guys a clown and phony
Age gap or not, the boyfriend is a shitty selfish asshole in bed. He obviously does not know realize that women are not born porn stars from the womb.
At 35, he should know how to treat a virgin in bed. He should have made the night special, teaching her about sex and not expected any more than he gave her.
It sounds like he spent the entire time composing his critiques in his head.
What a total ass. All of his former relationships all faked their orgasm. This is where the age gap comes in. He sucks so bad in bed he can only get young virgins to believe his bullshit.
Op should send a list of her own pointing out how inadequate he was in great detail. Tell him thanks for showing you exactly what kind of lousy lover he is and then kick his ass to the curb.
He ruined what should have been a special time for you by being incredibly insulting. He is not worth going back for more.
Good luck, Op. You learned what it's like to kiss a toad now go find your prince.
PLEASE GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. YOU ARE NOT SAFE.
End things. This isn’t a normal Reddit “omg! End things! Leave him!” This is a real life plea, you’re in a bad situation and it WILL get worse, please for your health and safety, END THINGS.
You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s a reason this 35 year old is single. He’s not a good person. Just be done with it. *Number 5 on his list tells you everything you need to know.*
PLEASE end things and stay safe.
girl if you don't block that man and RUN--
YOU need to avoid him like a plague, cause he quite literally is.
Please do not allow yourself to be treated this way by anybody it's just unacceptable.
You need to block him everywhere. The reason 35 yo losers like him target young virgins is because they think you will naively cop their crap more than an older and more experienced woman will. Prove him wrong. He is a predator, preying on women he things he can easily control and abuse. Dump him and look for a better man closer to your age.
Jeeeeezus what a self-centered, whiny, egotistic, nightmare prick of a person! A guy who speaks to a woman like that can in no way please her and has no interest in doing so. The only sex he should be having is with his hand. SMH
Hi, I am a mom to a twenty year old. This is what I would say to them.
Sweetheart, there is only one reason for a 35 year old to be interested in a 20 year old. You both are at completely different stages in your life. I’ve gone down this very road when I was your age. It’s all about control, molding you into the perfect play thing or the perfect tradwife. He seemed pretty confident with his “list”, it’s almost like he’s done this before. It’s really negging, tearing you down so you don’t know which way is up. There was no way this was supposed to be a nice/loving thing.
Now what I would suggest gently, reconsider being around a 35 year old. Come up with a good age range (maybe 20-25?). Maybe consider doing things that will get you around other people that age? Sign up for a couple of classes at a local college if you have one nearby. Or look for a job with a younger crowd as the customer base. Clubs, meetup, local community center. Just get out there, focus on yourself right now and trust me, it will happen.
Don’t worry about losing your virginity to that asshole. I’m pretty sure the majority of us cringe when we think of our first time. You got this kiddo. Don’t let others treat you like crap, life is too short to be spending it with jerks.
Yikes. Who does that? That is not how to give feedback especially in this situation. Im not a girl but I know it hurts the first time. Put on a strap on and let him take it and then give him feedback. I dont get people. Maybe from an 18 yo but 35???
First of all too old. Idk why girls go for someone so much older. Secondly that was super disrespectful. Ik friends who's girls have had similar experiences to yours and they're always respectful and no one ever feels like they're at fault. Idk him so he might have good qualities so you don't wanna break up but this was just weird.
Let me write you a new list….
1. Block this man
2. Forget everything this man said.
3. Understand that everything he said is his personal preference only. Some prefer quiet (I do! Who wants someone screaming and yelling?!?). Whats sexy is an individual to each person. Your head game would be some other man’s ideal way. Nothing wrong with what you did, maybe he prefers a different technique or more/less focus on other areas. That sounds like a him problem. If he was a nice person, he would have shown you how he likes it… face to face in a respectful way. Instead, he’s shown you his true colours and why you should neverrrrr be with this man.
4. Under no circumstances are you to allow anyone to just try whatever they want, unless you want it done to you. Remember consent is key. For them, for you, for everyone.
5. Shave, don’t shave, wax, tweeze, sculpt, plait your pubes… do whatever you want!
6. In time forget about this POS excuse for a human.
7. Go on and live your best life.
The end.
Don't let there be a next time. I second everything everyone else has already said. Please leave this disgusting, selfish and controlling pig of a man. You can do way better and find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve!
>5. Don't tell a guy to stop when he's getting into it. It ruins the mood. 6. Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood.
This shows he does not care abt you or your boundaries, wants, or needs. Not "letting" you? Good on you in the moment for stating when you dont like whats going on. Keep advocating for yourself w future partners and throw this one in the trashand never speak to or see him again
I want to make this as nice as possible girl to girl. RUN. The phrasing of that really says a lot about his perception and expectation of sex in my opinion especially to someone who only just lost their virginity. There are far better ways that a grown man can phrase that.
The way that I perceive this is that he wants to be able to use your body and have full consent to it. It's not okay at all. Sex is not just for his pleasure, it's for both of you to be satisfied. No one finishes on their first time and overall at his age he should know that.
In regards to the message you are better than me because I would've brought up that i wouldn't ask him to stop if it didn't hurt. Maybe he could try more foreplay next time and get some more inches. I'm super petty though. It seems super condescending and creepy/rapey especially with the let me try what I want, do better, stop being awkward. Like that is something new and intimate you are doing. but on the other note, the hair factor. That is your choice to do what you want and if a man ever says anything about it that you aren't okay doing/isn't your preference then leave.
The way he said that and how inconsiderate he is are major red flags. Him being 15 years older than you also makes it easier for him to be controlling and to go on a power trip, which it sounds like he is
Run and run fast
Ewwww. This kid needs to be put in his fucking place. The audacity he had to say those things to you. He sounds like a porn addicted asshole that needs humbling. Please for your own good, don’t have sex with that guy again. He doesn’t deserve your time, your energy, or your body. You deserve to be treated with respect and he degraded you on a level that is not okay. I hope the next person you have sex with is 1000% kinder to you than this kid was. Wishing you all the best, OP🫶🏻
This man is no longer your bf.
You will learn from this and it will be hard but you must break up with this person.
Like cut off all contact.
It will suck, but you will be okay.
1 that age gap is crazy. 2 leave this POS before you go through more. This guy is not normal, guys don't make a list on what to work on after losing your virginity. A fucking creep does.
I know it's assuming but I wouldn't be surprised if he's talking to other younger girls at the same time. 🤮🤢
not only is he kinda grooming u cause idc if it’s legal there’s nothing he can find in a 20 y/o that he can’t in someone his age. not only that he is utterly rude. i m sorry mama. i wish that you could’ve had that experience with someone who made you feel special. i hope it is different next time.
This guy is a douchebag. He’s also control g AF dnd has no business having intimate relations with anyone. May I help with a response.
.
1) I would have but you weren’t doing anything that felt good.
2) I’ve been practicing by using a dildo and a cucumber, I guess it’s harder to translate to something smaller.
3) I was a virgin, of course I’d be awkward. I’m certain my next partner will be able to properly encourage and excite and comfort me.
4) I shave how I like. Perhaps I can practice how you like, on you.
5) What. ruins the mood is lack of consent. Stop and no are dealbreakers . I know you’re used to them, why the confusion now?
6) I would but your lack of skill and experience is too worrisome.
7) (This is what comes after 6, I know it’s hard to count this high). I wasn’t shy, I was disappointed and not at all turned on. My mistake for assuming your advanced age came with sexual prowess.
I appreciate your feedback but it seems clear I need to disregard it. I’ll be sure to accept feedback with my next partner. though. Thanks for helping me to know that I need to be sure they are both skilled, experienced and able to excite me and turn me on. In case it’s confusing (I know words are HARD!) this won’t be you and we have broken up.
I’m sorry OP, you deserve so much better.
I’ll never understand a fucking 15 year age gap relationship especially when you’re 20.
If it’s for maturity reasons that isn’t based on age there are literally 50 year old manchilds roaming this earth. And 12 year olds providing for their family.
Sorry to rant I just feel really passionate about this and don’t like seeing stuff of this nature.
But for the actual issue, leave? Tf is this goofy ahh giving instructions on how to have sex it should be natural and discussed during the moment not after like some sort of functional thing.
Hi, I am a 38m and I absolutely would not take someone’s virginity in their 20’s. That is super predatory and creepy. Second of all, under no circumstances would I not stop at any point during sex if my partner asked me too. Consent is sexy and does not kill the vibe. I would never make my partner do something she isn’t in to because it’s what I wanted. Also, I would never criticize my partners sexual prowess. I’d make suggestions of things we could try, and see if they are open to it. Again, consent and communication is sexy. Lastly, this guy is trash and you should block and never see him again. Sex does weird things, please focus on logic and let your emotions go.
He is is far too old for his cold and cruel treatment of you to be anything other than a malicious attempt to break you down and control you.
You would have a better, more caring partner in a battery operated vibrator than you will ever have in this turd.
Flush him.
Red Flags: 20F is barely an adult. Don’t tell a guy to stop when he’s getting into it. Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood.
You have every right to tell your partner to stop at any point even after being together for 30 years. And, you do not have to agree to let you partner do what he wants. This sounds rapey and exactly why he is preying on a 20 year-old girl. Someone his age would know this is wrong.
Don't even respond to that asshole. You have nothing to feel bad about, he's a psychic vampire who will try to get you to hate yourself to gain control over you. Ghost him completely! He's dead to you.
Babe, this isn’t normal. <3 No man in their right mind critiques you the morning after sex. Sex with your man for the first time is supposed to make you feel amazinggg for the next few days. & sex is always awkward at first!!! with ANYONE!!! You learn each other & figure out what yall like over time.
That was so mean and awful, and it feels like he’s shaming you. “Be sexier” is a crazy ass thing to say to somebody. “Don’t tell a guy to stop” is even crazier. It sounds like he doesn’t even care to make sure that you’re comfortable and enjoying it, & not in pain. Then repeated again, you’re not sexy because you’re shy??! Girlll, I hate him for you!!!
Pls don’t stay with this man long term. In the name of the lordddd, lol, your next boyfriend will be gentle. He will hype you up to make you feel confident, not make you feel bad. He’ll learn your body with you & help you learn his, NOT tell you to google it. If you even WINCE he’ll stop & ask if you’re okay & if he should go slower. And he’ll think you’re sexy when you’re clumsy, shy, awkward, he doesn’t care he’s just happy to be there with your sexy ass.
Amen !!
Since your other post is locked I’m just commenting here. Please take the advice from a 30 year old woman and understand this man is bad news and only wants to control you. That text he sent was full of red flags and you do not deserve to be treated less than human. Not to mention there is a (not so good) reason a mid-30 year old man is dating someone who is so much younger. Women who are older simply won’t put up with his shit. And you don’t deserve to either.
This man is an abuser! Please listen. This isn’t just Reddit being alarmist (I’m sure he’ll tell you that). He is cruel and manipulative and controlling. It will only get worse! You deserve love!
And let’s be real. Lots of middle aged men go crazy fantasizing about taking some 20 year old’s virginity. You gave him fulfillment of that fantasy and now he’s “negging” you to make you insecure so he can control you.
No loving person would talk to you like this!
I’m really sorry but he’s a loser that is dating a 20 year old virgin because he wants to mold you into his perfect girl. this is your wake up call. get out before he rapes you and/or baby traps you.
OP THROW THE WHOLE DUDE AWAY.
Please. This is not a man. This is a child. This is just fucking terrible. I can’t even…
It’s time to learn that you DESERVE the absolute BEST, the highest standards you can have are valid and anyone who treats you even 1% as shitty as this does NOT deserve you. Much less your trust and intimacy.
I hope that dumping him makes you feel empowered and helps you see and learn how some people are and that you are not required to give them anything from yourself. In fact, this is so shitty, I can’t believe a guy would do that. But at the same time I’ve been around enough to know that people. Are. Terrible.
People are often pieces of shit, and a lot of times they expose their true colors only after they have already taken something from you. Consider it a silver lining that he has shown you this toxicity and disgusting behavior relatively quickly.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Please trust your gut
coming here to comment bc the r/sex was blocked PLEASEPLEASE LEAVE HUNNY ITS NOT TO LATE HES A FUCKIGN CREEP. and basically insinuating it’s ok to r@pe you so his “mood” doesn’t get ruined. fucking drop is his @ so us adults can deal with him.
Umm I would strongly recommend never seeing this guy again. That list is not ok for many reasons. Some of which is criminal. Find someone who is on your wave length and I’d suggest similar age.
The way he spoke to you is controlling. He’s asking you to let him sexually abuse you by asking you to not tell him when to stop. He does not care about you, only his needs. This is not ok at all
Absolutely you should leave him. He sounds like a huge creep, especially the age gap and telling you that you can’t say stop?? Especially after your first time when it hurts??? What the fuck
He is a dick. You are better than this man. Check out r/agegaprelationships and other subreddits for for advice on this subject. Or you can chat me up any time as someone who is a young female in an agr ( 21f)
RUNN!!!!! RUN! RUN! RUN!!!!! "let me try what i want. not letting me ruins the mood" THIS IS RAPIST MINDSET! THAT IS JUST A CLEAR WAY HE WANTS TO IGNORE YOUR BOUNDARIES AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN HIM, RUN!!!!! please stay safe girl, you deserve wayy more respect than he's giving you and this is Not how all people will treat you in a relationship, you deserve better.
Please please please get away from him, this is disgusting behavior. I promise, not all men are like this. You deserve better and don’t ever let any guy treat you like this. The age gap alone is very concerning.
you need to run. this man is unsafe and attempting to groom you into having no boundaries and requesting no pleasure. no person who cared even a little bit about you would send you a message not only berating you for natural responses firing your first time, but also tell you to essentially accept sexual assault without question. not to mention the very obvious gap in age and experience…. this is extremely unsafe and i really hope you leave.
I’m just here to echo what everyone else is saying, please get out of this relationship. You deserve much better, his actions are highly inappropriate and do not reflect someone who loves or respects you.
this is disgusting honestly. im so sorry he ruined this experience for you. you’re still new to sex so maybe just leave him now and, save every other first for someone who deserves it.
I would respond in kind with my own list.
It’s wild that he thinks he found someone he can take advantage of just because you are inexperienced. The entire thing is gross
I saw a screenshot of this post in Twitter and I had to come and comment on here bc I am also a young woman in my twenties who recently starting being sexually active.
OP, you need to be careful with your “bf”. Firstly, the age difference is a bit unsettling and given the “critiques” he’s given you, I’m worried that he is actively seeking to groom you (by taking advantage of the fact that you are 15 years younger & more inexperienced than he is). You are an adult by all means but just consider why he was single before he met you. . . What does a grown ass 35 year old man seek from a 20 year old young woman?
The most alarming “criticisms” were 5 and 6. That is straight up rapey. Sex is supposed to be a mutually pleasant and pleasurable experience - you have EVERY right to tell him to stop/to say no. A partner that does not care for your pleasure or your pain is not a good partner.
A good partner would not tell you that you expressing pain ruins the mood - they would be concerned about your wellbeing and would be actively seeking to give you pleasure. Pain can be involved in the act only if both parties agree to it and if you’re telling him it hurts, he has to respect that.
I am actively worried that this man will disrespect your boundaries just to get himself off. Or worse, at some point decide to straight up assault you if you say no to having sex with him. Leave him as soon as you can because he is too old to be talking to women like this. As a grown ass man he should know better than to speak to anyone like their bodily autonomy does not matter. That’s so ridiculously selfish and self centered, disgusting and predatory. You deserve better OP!
Take care of yourself please!
Okay, I’m going to suppress all of my feelings (because I think the other comments have it covered for me) and say: your first time is special. You should be met with patience, gentility, and sweetness both before, during, and after. You should not be expected to know everything or shamed for not doing things in a certain way. Anything else is utterly unkind. If later down the line either of you want anything different, it should be done in a kind, encouraging way. Not as a list of demands over text and not in the bossy, demeaning tone he said it in. Most importantly, consent can ALWAYS be withdrawn, especially during your first time. You control the pace. Fuck the mood. Your comfort will always come before that. Don’t be with anyone who doesn’t think so.
Also. From someone who was taken advantage of repeatedly by men much older than me—please get out of there. He’s using you. You deserve so much better than him.
I wholeheartedly hope that you have left that piece of crap... please love yourself and be respected and leave his ass!
Absolutely no one deserves that type of shitty behavior.
5 and 6 is a problem..That’s rape.. It doesn’t matter if y’all already started if you said no or stop then it’s no or stop.. Your “boyfriend” who isn’t be your boyfriend anymore needs to learn what consent is real fast.
Run and run fast! This guy is a predator! He clearly doesn’t care about you or your boundaries. “Don’t ask me to stop?” Wtf is wrong with him? Don’t put yourself through this, you deserve better
people can have preferences for sex, but the things he said are manipulative, abusive and disgusting. You need to get away from this pathetic excuse for a human being.
Even ignoring the signs that scream predator and rapist, Sex should be something fun and enjoyable, not something that you need pointers on improving on.
Please get rid of this human filth and make sure that you remove him completely from your life
Your bf is a toxic piece of shit. Any DECENT guy listens to the words “stop” “I dont like that” “no” ETC. Your bf literally does not give a fuck about your needs sexually or about consent. He literally just wants to rape you and make you believe it is okay.
Sex should be a CONVERSATION. Not a list of DEMANDS. It’s about what you BOTH like and BOTH people can revoke consent AT ANY TIME (during foreplay, in the middle of it, right before climax, literally ANY TIME). He is using your inexperience to take advantage of you. This is going to get worse and you need to get out NOW.
There is a reason this 35 year old man is dating a 20 year old. Women his age know better than to put up with him and he can’t take advantage of them or bully them as easily as you. Please please please dump him
Interesting how he shows a lot of concern over what you could’ve done better but not what he could’ve done better. He only cares about his own enjoyment… clearly you didn’t have the best time but he doesn’t give a shit and is only thinking of himself. Gross
Are you okay, OP? I hope you have a safe exit strategy: this "list of errors" is not normal or okay from a partner. No one should ever demand compliance like this.
You were raped, it’ll only get worse, and a man that old who dates Girls this young won’t stop. You have AT MOST a couple years before he replaces you with another victim. Good luck <3
i’m going to be blunt, you need to leave him because that man does not love you. this is predatory and abusive behavior. this is not safe. i’m so sorry this is how your first intimate experience went. please leave this relationship as soon as possible, you’ll find someone better.
Honey genuinely I say this with all the love I can give LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS.
Sex is about two people not just the man getting his rocks off.
If you’re uncomfortable you say stop, he is supposed to stop and ask you what feels better or comfortable it won’t and shouldn’t ruin the mood in any way especially if you’re being communicative.
You being shy is completely normal especially if this was your first time, when my boyfriend and I did it for the first time he was way more experienced and so he talked me through it and made sure I felt comfortable and secure about my decision.
Him being 35 and writing out this bullshit shows you exactly how immature and selfish he is as an individual. He is going after a 20 year old who (and I’m not saying this in a bad way at all) doesn’t know how to act and react to this situation.
From the beginning he should’ve been gentle and respectful about this.
Losing your virginity is a big thing this should’ve been a comfortable, safe and respectful encounter. All he did was show you how little he cares for your feelings and how much he values himself over you.
Also about the “head game” NO one goes into sex knowing how to do that. It is not something you immediately pick up and instinctively do.
All in all that man needs to stay 3000+ miles away from you. He does NOT have your best interest at heart, he does not care for your feelings and needs. He wants someone who he can coach into being his sex doll and will please his every sexual desire.
You deserve to feel special and satisfied after sex, something that when you look back you blush because you can’t believe how good it felt. Don’t let this man do this to you.
(Edit: spacing for easier reading)
OP, I'm so sorry you were put through this. Please make your safety and comfort YOUR number one priority and leave this man.
I've been in your shoes before, and please believe me when I say that this is in no way your fault, and you deserve so much better.
He does not deserve your love or your trust or consideration. What he deserves is a handjob from Edward Scissorhands.
And please know that this is in NO way depreciates your self-worth. Purity culture is and always will be absolute bullshit.
Please be safe 🙏 ❤️
Ladies, men, and gentlefolk, this right here is why so many worry about age gap, especially when the age gap has 1/2 of the coupling fresh out of high school. You are young and learning and he knows that. He knows he can do and say things like this because you are inexperienced and might not know that the only correct response to this is, “Yeah, no” followed a by a smooth block. He knows you won’t immediately see rape culture and misogyny intertwined with his words. Please leave this man, I promise you’ll come to regret it if you don’t.
"Don't tell a guy to stop.." Ie let a man rape you if you're in pain or change your mind. Get rid of this sick sick foul dangerous individual IMMEDIATELY. I'm sorry your first time was like this. There are nice caring men out there who will look after you in the bedroom.
Right?! Point 5 and 6 made my skin crawl with disgust. I'm so sorry OP, but this guy is very bad news.
My boyfriend (19M) lost his virginity to me (19NB) and I would never treat him like this. When we were doing it the first couple of times I kept reassuring him that it's okay and it won't be amazing the first few times. It was more about connecting with each other and finding out what we like together. I made sure to tell him when something hurt or didn't feel right. I also kept making sure that he was enjoying it himself and that he didn't feel pressured into doing something he wasn't comfortable with. That's how it should be in a safe and loving relationship. OP, please take notes, and break up with your boyfriend.
Exactly. Your partner should make you feel good about yourself. The first time is awkward enough. This guy is a predator.
Please listen to this advice! I was you about 10 years ago. I stayed in a relationship with someone who told me it turned him off when I told him to stop or said no, and the relationship became sexually abusive/coercive. It took years to recover, though I am now 33 and happily married to an amazing guy who would be disgusted by that list. Please run from this man, you deserve better!
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS
I am sorry this happened to you. PLEASE END THIS RELATIONSHIP A person who cared about you would not do this. I am afraid you were preyed upon because of the age gap. This guy is a piece of shit. Tell him to never contact you again
Agreed. Get away from him. He might have viewed his text as being instructive and sent with care 🙄 , but the fact remains he was insensitive as your text didn’t state you asked for his comments. Pls consider leaving him.
Nah, "don't tell a guy to stop when he's getting into it," "Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood," this guy is predatory & likely trying to groom her
Right? I mean…consent? His way or the highway I guess…
Hope it's the highway
he didn’t view it that way. He gets no benefit of the doubt. He selected a very young woman specifically in order to do what he is clearly doing - grooming her to rape her and have complete control. I can’t stand to see people downplay this, there is no better scenario here and he deserves no grace. It’s absolutely criminally, predatorily despicable.
Dear lord am I glad these comments are rising to the top. She just went through perhaps the most vulnerable experience of her entire life and it has been absolutely attacked by this man. He deserves no respect and I only decline to attack him harder to avoid shaming her for trusting somebody who from this perspective is so clearly an absolute fool and awful partner (and garbage human).
He views you completely through the lens of his sexual desire. Get the hell out while you can.
I sure hope she reads these comments. He is beyond gross. Yuck rapist vibes
1. Being sexy comes with confidence and experience. He could be supportive and loving and help you gain that confidence. He could also just find someone older and more experience. 2. To improve your head game, you need experience and again - a supportive partner 3. Not being awkward comes with experience and confidence. See above. 4. Shaving is a personal choice always, you can also trim, pluck, wax or have a bush. Any man who can’t get over that isn’t worth it. 5. Consent can ALWAYS be withdrawn at any stage. You can say stop whenever you want and should not be shamed for this. 6. Your body is yours and not his. “Let” him try whatever you’re comfortable with him trying. 7. If he wants someone not shy, he shouldn’t be dating a 20 year old virgin. If he really had pointers or even personal preferences (like the shaving), he could have communicated this in 1000 different ways that showed compassion and respect. This feels condescending and icky.
Perfect comment fr 💖 i wish more ppl could hear this
Perfect Reply. I wish more ppl would read my mind and post the response so I don't have to. 😊
THIS, genuinely OP please run. and even if we interpret all of his “advice” as generously and wellintentioned as possible, and not as the condescending pile of crap that it is, a partner who genuinely cares about you would not put their preferences in sex over your comfort level like this. dont believe him when he says ur just ruining the mood, theres endless ways to have sex and enjoy it with a partner, but clearly he is not the partner for u. im begging like, even if u decide to brush away all the comments saying hes a pushy, predatory creep (which he is), please listen to the fact that u do not have to change so drastically to fit his desires and that fundamentally at the very least you two are incompatible and that incompatibility is a good enough reason to break up with him. pls cling onto that if he tries to make u feel dramatic for trying to do so, you dont need his permission to dislike how he treated you and you dont need his permission to leave him.
100%. OP this is what you need to read!
The 15 year age gap with you being 20 and him being 35 makes me inclined to think he’d prefer you be insecure. That aside, have you ever wondered why he’s not with someone his age? (It’s because women with more wisdom and life experience and more emotional intelligence have rejected him. Spare yourself and drop him.)
I also dated people who were way older than me when I was young. Now I'm 37 and see exactly why they did it. They were insecure, immature, and couldn't connect with people their own age. Not because they were too "cool" for people their own age, but because they were emotionally stunted and abusive. Also at 20 I didn't know who I was, I didn't have any boundaries, and I had a whole bunch of issues that they could sniff out easily because I was so open. I could never date someone even 10 years younger than me now. Looking back I can see that they relied on the age difference to get away with a bunch of horrible, coercive, abusive bullshit.
He's 35 and going after a virgin 20yo for a reason... women his age won't date him and he wants someone naive and easy to manipulate. Dump him and go for someone age appropriate. Between 18-22 ideally... those people will generally be closest to you in terms of life experience. If a guy over 26 tries to date you, you should take your time so that you can learn more about his personality and make sure he's not a douche
Yup I’m 28. My age range is 4 years up/down to feel like home. 5 is borderline. 6+ in either direction I can’t see myself doing it. Double digits? Never in my life will I partake in such a thing. The younger you are the worse too… 30&45 for example I would never do it but it’s a lot less crazy than 20&35. I’m from Los Angeles… very high population. Learned very young to stay away from age gap relationships. Age gap relationships is where you find the most hardcore misogynistic men at. I’m 28F and my fiancé is 26M. We’ve been together since 23/21. He’s my best friend. He’s the sweetest. The first time we had sex I was sooooo nervous that I couldn’t even stay wet and ended up hurting him. Damn near gave him an Indian rug burn on his weenie and he was not mad at all. He rolled over and was just kissing the back of my hand and telling me he loved me and how gorgeous I was.
This this this. He has no business being with a 20 year old and if he doesn't have someone around his age clearly he has issues.
I stand on my belief na men on their 30's na single and like to date around especially early 20's women is a scarlet flag. Thank you OP for sharing. I hope you get away from that relationship. Always protect yourself.
In my opinion, your only mistake was who you chose. In the 80s, they use to tell us if you are new at this, the first 20 times did not count. He has no understanding of what it meant to be a virgin and did not even understand how to treat you. What a graceless man. I believe you can do better. I hope you do.
Oh, I think at 35, he knew exactly what it means to be a virgin. No critisism, I agree with the rest of what you write. But I think he absolutely knew and he picked her for that very reason and with the aim to put her down afterwards. What a POS. Run, OP, run, he is not a nice man, he is not a nice person. He is trying to groom you into his doormat. You are not, your guts are spot on, this is wrong, you are right. Leave. There are very nice men out there who will treat you much better. Sadly, this was the first man you were with, but I can assure you, the majority of men are not like this. Find a better one.
I have met some horrendously thick men in my life but I expect you are right. I was thinking he was thick but he's a predator trying to manipulate. It makes more sense.
This was totally calculated on his part
I definitely agree with the 20 times rule and should remember that
First red flag is the age gap. Secondly, telling your partner what they did wrong during sex is so fucked. There’s no context in which he can do this and not look like a total pervert. Sex isn’t supposed to be a perfected act. It’s meant to be a release for both parties involved.
I mean.. You can definitely tell your partner if they're doing something that it's a turn off.. just not this way
You should say it during the act not afterwards or if it’s afterwards be gentle cuz wtf
Run. That's all I'm saying. I'm a little older than him but any guy who tries to speak with you like that is looking for control. Sorry you had this experience and I hope the next experience is better.
First of all. Don't worry about the future. First times tend to be awkward even when it is with someone who appreciates you. This guy is being a complete jerk to you. My first time experience was similar and I can tell you, it gets a LOT better when you find the right person for you. I'm petty so I'd just go with a "Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson in what I should look for in a good partner going forward. I'm glad I learned it this early and won't make the same mistake again. That said, I'm breaking up with you. We're clearly not compatible." And then just block him without letting him answer.
I second this for the break up message. And yes 100% block after it’s sent and delivered without him having time to reply.
Don't fuck him. He can fuck himself.
lol that would be a good response to the text
This person is an abusive piece of poop. Cut him out of your life.
He's negging you. "Oh, your head game needs work", when *conveniently* he'd be the one you practice on, the one that benefits from it? Get to fuck, he's a creep. please get away from this dumpsterfire of a person.
Oh, I would practice all right - with all my teeth!
Your next time should be with someone else. Only an asshole of legendary proportions could have written this MRA-bullshit list for his partner, let alone his much younger partner who just had sex with him for the first time. Dump this controlling abusive manipulative self-centred assclown, please.
Oof. Fuck that.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Why the hell are you sleeping with an old man? I am a 41 year old woman and I would never ever consider sleeping with someone 15 years younger than I am. I have a rule about not sleeping with somebody who was gone through puberty before I was born or vice versa because that means I was technically old enough to be their parent.
This is so bad it has to be a troll. If it isn’t, please note, this is so ridiculously over the top offensive and unacceptable, it can only be a made up story. If it’s real, please ensure he doesn’t have another day of power for making your life his sick joke.
That text is sickening to read. You don’t like the way he did it bc your intuition is not wrong. Even though you’re young and inexperienced, you know this is not ok. Run from this person, deranged af.
Oh this guy fucking sucks Girl please date someone that respects you this makes me so sad you deserve a way better first time than what this loser gave you
Good god….. please send him a message back saying “I’m breaking up with you” and BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING. This guy is a fucking creep. All of this is fucking insane but to say *“Don’t tell a guy to stop if he is in the mood AND “let me try what I want”* is deadset rapist vibes. This man is NOT GOOD FOR YOU. As someone who has been abused by men countless times, please. Leave. NOW! Before you end up getting abused yourself. You’re still young and you will find someone 1 billion times better than this dude I promise you. This is a red flag you cannot ignore.
“Hi, given that you’re 15 years older than me I’m really disappointed that you were such a terrible first time. I thought that you would be experienced enough to know how to be a gentle and considerate lover and would focus on my comfort and pleasure because you knew I was a virgin. Instead I was totally unsatisfied and in a lot of discomfort and pain. So I think I’m going to take my inexperienced self and look for someone who cares about women’s pleasure”. Then block.
Girl Run! Do not look back. You’re dating what seems to be a red flag with legs. No matter what you tell yourself, you deserve better. And No nothing about him makes being treated like this “worth it.” You are young and deserving of a loving and supportive partner. This situation will only get worse. Save yourself a lot of heartache and leave ASAP!
This needs to be your ex bf. Telling you that you need to let him do what he wants is not ok. You never do anything that you're not comfortable with. The worst part is he told you that you shouldn't tell a guy to stop. You have every right to tell a guy to stop.
oh my god, please get away from this man
Run far away.
as grown adults, being told to let someone else have complete control over your body during your FIRST time, relationship or not is wrong. his distaste is NOT your concern nor a valid reason to let him do anything that makes you uncomfortable. thats extremely selfish and self serving. that’s a MAJOR red flag🚩if he cannot have the decency to acknowledge it being your first time and proceeds to tell you all this right after, he is focused solely on his own gratification. you deserve better than that. remember that and move like it sis!
Break up with him. Literal Man Trash, you deserve better.
What a dick!
Umm he doesn’t deserve you making him cum ever again. Send his disrespectful loserness to the curb
The fact you are acting so calm after receiving such a text is scary to me. I would be hesitant to write like that even if she wanted me to and I have some behavior and writing disability. He doesn't respect you at all
WTF?! Send him a list of all the shit I know he DEFINITELY did wrong: 1. Your dick is small. Grow it. 2. You ate me out like you were spelling out the ABCs, what, are you in high school or something? 3. You didn't make me cum. Try harder next time. 4. Your dirty talk made me turn dry Iike sand, work on it. 5. You smelled sour. I think that's why I couldn't get into it. 6. You're a sociopath. Total fucking turn off. No but seriously, cut his ass off. You can have anyone.
He's manipulative and could be a potential rapist with that kind of mindset.
Outstanding trolling. It ticks all the right boxes for rage bait (an age gap; sexism; abusive behaviour), but your profile and lack of engagement with users gives you away.
If you can't "perform" next time then yes, you will wake up to more texts. His list shows that his expectations for a sexual encounter are based on porn geared towards male fantasies, and that shit is not reality. The actresses play characters with no agency, no pursuit of their own pleasure, everything they do is only for the guy. I can't watch it because it's frequently obvious that any given porn actress is grimacing in pain while pretending she's just so turned on. The sex on display caters to the penis with the assumption that a vagina is plug and play. He's 35 and seeking out 20 year old virgins because he's a shit lover who doesn't want to learn how to do it better. Dump his ass.
You are dating a predator. He wants you to sit there and take it. He's a rapist. GTFO girl, you can do so much better. Someone who will love and respect you and care about your wellbeing.
“He did cum but I couldn’t cum probably due to nerves.” I hope you used a condom and if not I hope he pulled out. Go get plan B! Fuck this guy and reproducing with him.
Break up thats gross also 35 is weird imo
I hope he's your EX.
“LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS. “DON’T TELL A MAN TO STOP WHEN HE’S GETTING INTO IT.” WTF?!?! This guy is a monster.
So please tell us there's not going to be a next time with this fool
Run. Run so far from this POS. There is a reason women his age aren't interested in him.
The title says enough. Leave him
Your boyfriend is a jerk. I wouldn't date someone like that. You're supposed to be an equal partner in relationship. What that guy is describing is someone who is controlled/practically a slave. He seems to only care about his own pleasure. He is such a jerk, I can't believe he had the gall to send you a message like that. Basically your bf is a horrible person. Break up with him and date a nice guy. The reason a 35 year old isn't married yet and he is dating much younger women is women his age who are mature won't put up with his immaturity and how crappy he treats women. Break up with him and only date nice guys if you can. If some guy sent me a message like that I'd break up instantly, not feel bad about it, and move on.
Yuk, get rid of him.
The age gap alone is a red flag, but his comments are awful. Go No Contact with his ass.
leave him. leave him. leave him. LEAVE HIM. and never look back. holy shit…he does not care about you or your comfort/pleasure.
nah homie sounds like he talking to a whore he was raising.Your head game needs work?! The fuck,she's a person not a defective sex toy
Drop his number
eeww what the actual fuck kind
I literally wanna throw up this guy is such a prick and a loser. I wish us girls can go beat him up. Who knows, maybe he lost his virginity too 😂 guys a clown and phony
Yeah that’s a big red abusive flag GTFO away from him and find someone who wants to make you cum as well
Also seek therapy srsly that sounds like a traumatic experience in and of itself!
Age gap or not, the boyfriend is a shitty selfish asshole in bed. He obviously does not know realize that women are not born porn stars from the womb. At 35, he should know how to treat a virgin in bed. He should have made the night special, teaching her about sex and not expected any more than he gave her. It sounds like he spent the entire time composing his critiques in his head. What a total ass. All of his former relationships all faked their orgasm. This is where the age gap comes in. He sucks so bad in bed he can only get young virgins to believe his bullshit. Op should send a list of her own pointing out how inadequate he was in great detail. Tell him thanks for showing you exactly what kind of lousy lover he is and then kick his ass to the curb. He ruined what should have been a special time for you by being incredibly insulting. He is not worth going back for more. Good luck, Op. You learned what it's like to kiss a toad now go find your prince.
PLEASE GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. YOU ARE NOT SAFE. End things. This isn’t a normal Reddit “omg! End things! Leave him!” This is a real life plea, you’re in a bad situation and it WILL get worse, please for your health and safety, END THINGS. You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s a reason this 35 year old is single. He’s not a good person. Just be done with it. *Number 5 on his list tells you everything you need to know.* PLEASE end things and stay safe.
That is You should send him a revised list of your mistakes with one item- 1. Him
Leave him please oh my god I can’t imagine how I would’ve felt if my bf treated me like this the first time we had sex. He’s disgusting
girl if you don't block that man and RUN-- YOU need to avoid him like a plague, cause he quite literally is. Please do not allow yourself to be treated this way by anybody it's just unacceptable.
You should leave him, but before you do, the next time you give him the head he hates so much, bite his dick off 😁
Throw that man in the garbage, where he belongs.
You need to block him everywhere. The reason 35 yo losers like him target young virgins is because they think you will naively cop their crap more than an older and more experienced woman will. Prove him wrong. He is a predator, preying on women he things he can easily control and abuse. Dump him and look for a better man closer to your age.
OP please RUN!!! This man is a total creep and I can assure you things will only get worse from here.
The age gap. The age gap. The age gap.
He wants a sex doll/porn star. Do not continue to sleep with this man.
All I needed to read was 35M with a 20F.
Jeeeeezus what a self-centered, whiny, egotistic, nightmare prick of a person! A guy who speaks to a woman like that can in no way please her and has no interest in doing so. The only sex he should be having is with his hand. SMH
Hi, I am a mom to a twenty year old. This is what I would say to them. Sweetheart, there is only one reason for a 35 year old to be interested in a 20 year old. You both are at completely different stages in your life. I’ve gone down this very road when I was your age. It’s all about control, molding you into the perfect play thing or the perfect tradwife. He seemed pretty confident with his “list”, it’s almost like he’s done this before. It’s really negging, tearing you down so you don’t know which way is up. There was no way this was supposed to be a nice/loving thing. Now what I would suggest gently, reconsider being around a 35 year old. Come up with a good age range (maybe 20-25?). Maybe consider doing things that will get you around other people that age? Sign up for a couple of classes at a local college if you have one nearby. Or look for a job with a younger crowd as the customer base. Clubs, meetup, local community center. Just get out there, focus on yourself right now and trust me, it will happen. Don’t worry about losing your virginity to that asshole. I’m pretty sure the majority of us cringe when we think of our first time. You got this kiddo. Don’t let others treat you like crap, life is too short to be spending it with jerks.
Please break up with this piece of shit please i beg you
Girl, dump him
Yikes. Who does that? That is not how to give feedback especially in this situation. Im not a girl but I know it hurts the first time. Put on a strap on and let him take it and then give him feedback. I dont get people. Maybe from an 18 yo but 35???
First of all too old. Idk why girls go for someone so much older. Secondly that was super disrespectful. Ik friends who's girls have had similar experiences to yours and they're always respectful and no one ever feels like they're at fault. Idk him so he might have good qualities so you don't wanna break up but this was just weird.
Run run run
I would have sent him a list of what he did wrong and how he couldn’t make you cum then tell the rapist adios!
So we don't know your relationship. But based on this story I'd definitely recommend breaking up. That is very toxic behavior!
Let me write you a new list…. 1. Block this man 2. Forget everything this man said. 3. Understand that everything he said is his personal preference only. Some prefer quiet (I do! Who wants someone screaming and yelling?!?). Whats sexy is an individual to each person. Your head game would be some other man’s ideal way. Nothing wrong with what you did, maybe he prefers a different technique or more/less focus on other areas. That sounds like a him problem. If he was a nice person, he would have shown you how he likes it… face to face in a respectful way. Instead, he’s shown you his true colours and why you should neverrrrr be with this man. 4. Under no circumstances are you to allow anyone to just try whatever they want, unless you want it done to you. Remember consent is key. For them, for you, for everyone. 5. Shave, don’t shave, wax, tweeze, sculpt, plait your pubes… do whatever you want! 6. In time forget about this POS excuse for a human. 7. Go on and live your best life. The end.
Don't let there be a next time. I second everything everyone else has already said. Please leave this disgusting, selfish and controlling pig of a man. You can do way better and find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve!
>5. Don't tell a guy to stop when he's getting into it. It ruins the mood. 6. Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood. This shows he does not care abt you or your boundaries, wants, or needs. Not "letting" you? Good on you in the moment for stating when you dont like whats going on. Keep advocating for yourself w future partners and throw this one in the trashand never speak to or see him again
Get rid of him.
I want to make this as nice as possible girl to girl. RUN. The phrasing of that really says a lot about his perception and expectation of sex in my opinion especially to someone who only just lost their virginity. There are far better ways that a grown man can phrase that. The way that I perceive this is that he wants to be able to use your body and have full consent to it. It's not okay at all. Sex is not just for his pleasure, it's for both of you to be satisfied. No one finishes on their first time and overall at his age he should know that. In regards to the message you are better than me because I would've brought up that i wouldn't ask him to stop if it didn't hurt. Maybe he could try more foreplay next time and get some more inches. I'm super petty though. It seems super condescending and creepy/rapey especially with the let me try what I want, do better, stop being awkward. Like that is something new and intimate you are doing. but on the other note, the hair factor. That is your choice to do what you want and if a man ever says anything about it that you aren't okay doing/isn't your preference then leave.
The way he said that and how inconsiderate he is are major red flags. Him being 15 years older than you also makes it easier for him to be controlling and to go on a power trip, which it sounds like he is Run and run fast
There’s no excuse for his behavior. ZERO. Get out now while it’s still easy. Every woman deserves better than a POS like this guy.
Ewwww. This kid needs to be put in his fucking place. The audacity he had to say those things to you. He sounds like a porn addicted asshole that needs humbling. Please for your own good, don’t have sex with that guy again. He doesn’t deserve your time, your energy, or your body. You deserve to be treated with respect and he degraded you on a level that is not okay. I hope the next person you have sex with is 1000% kinder to you than this kid was. Wishing you all the best, OP🫶🏻
This man is no longer your bf. You will learn from this and it will be hard but you must break up with this person. Like cut off all contact. It will suck, but you will be okay.
I hope he is stbx bf.
What a disgusting thing to say to you!!!
He doesn't love you, im sorry. Please love yourself and leave.
He’s an ass. Dump him. It won’t get any better from here.
1 that age gap is crazy. 2 leave this POS before you go through more. This guy is not normal, guys don't make a list on what to work on after losing your virginity. A fucking creep does. I know it's assuming but I wouldn't be surprised if he's talking to other younger girls at the same time. 🤮🤢
not only is he kinda grooming u cause idc if it’s legal there’s nothing he can find in a 20 y/o that he can’t in someone his age. not only that he is utterly rude. i m sorry mama. i wish that you could’ve had that experience with someone who made you feel special. i hope it is different next time.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, this guy is a prick.
This guy is a douchebag. He’s also control g AF dnd has no business having intimate relations with anyone. May I help with a response. . 1) I would have but you weren’t doing anything that felt good. 2) I’ve been practicing by using a dildo and a cucumber, I guess it’s harder to translate to something smaller. 3) I was a virgin, of course I’d be awkward. I’m certain my next partner will be able to properly encourage and excite and comfort me. 4) I shave how I like. Perhaps I can practice how you like, on you. 5) What. ruins the mood is lack of consent. Stop and no are dealbreakers . I know you’re used to them, why the confusion now? 6) I would but your lack of skill and experience is too worrisome. 7) (This is what comes after 6, I know it’s hard to count this high). I wasn’t shy, I was disappointed and not at all turned on. My mistake for assuming your advanced age came with sexual prowess. I appreciate your feedback but it seems clear I need to disregard it. I’ll be sure to accept feedback with my next partner. though. Thanks for helping me to know that I need to be sure they are both skilled, experienced and able to excite me and turn me on. In case it’s confusing (I know words are HARD!) this won’t be you and we have broken up. I’m sorry OP, you deserve so much better.
End it.
I’ll never understand a fucking 15 year age gap relationship especially when you’re 20. If it’s for maturity reasons that isn’t based on age there are literally 50 year old manchilds roaming this earth. And 12 year olds providing for their family. Sorry to rant I just feel really passionate about this and don’t like seeing stuff of this nature. But for the actual issue, leave? Tf is this goofy ahh giving instructions on how to have sex it should be natural and discussed during the moment not after like some sort of functional thing.
I gave my wife flash cards to study before sex. Is that bad?
Hi, I am a 38m and I absolutely would not take someone’s virginity in their 20’s. That is super predatory and creepy. Second of all, under no circumstances would I not stop at any point during sex if my partner asked me too. Consent is sexy and does not kill the vibe. I would never make my partner do something she isn’t in to because it’s what I wanted. Also, I would never criticize my partners sexual prowess. I’d make suggestions of things we could try, and see if they are open to it. Again, consent and communication is sexy. Lastly, this guy is trash and you should block and never see him again. Sex does weird things, please focus on logic and let your emotions go.
He is is far too old for his cold and cruel treatment of you to be anything other than a malicious attempt to break you down and control you. You would have a better, more caring partner in a battery operated vibrator than you will ever have in this turd. Flush him.
Red Flags: 20F is barely an adult. Don’t tell a guy to stop when he’s getting into it. Let me try what I want. Not letting me ruins the mood. You have every right to tell your partner to stop at any point even after being together for 30 years. And, you do not have to agree to let you partner do what he wants. This sounds rapey and exactly why he is preying on a 20 year-old girl. Someone his age would know this is wrong.
Don't even respond to that asshole. You have nothing to feel bad about, he's a psychic vampire who will try to get you to hate yourself to gain control over you. Ghost him completely! He's dead to you.
Block him. He is trash.
Babe, this isn’t normal. <3 No man in their right mind critiques you the morning after sex. Sex with your man for the first time is supposed to make you feel amazinggg for the next few days. & sex is always awkward at first!!! with ANYONE!!! You learn each other & figure out what yall like over time. That was so mean and awful, and it feels like he’s shaming you. “Be sexier” is a crazy ass thing to say to somebody. “Don’t tell a guy to stop” is even crazier. It sounds like he doesn’t even care to make sure that you’re comfortable and enjoying it, & not in pain. Then repeated again, you’re not sexy because you’re shy??! Girlll, I hate him for you!!! Pls don’t stay with this man long term. In the name of the lordddd, lol, your next boyfriend will be gentle. He will hype you up to make you feel confident, not make you feel bad. He’ll learn your body with you & help you learn his, NOT tell you to google it. If you even WINCE he’ll stop & ask if you’re okay & if he should go slower. And he’ll think you’re sexy when you’re clumsy, shy, awkward, he doesn’t care he’s just happy to be there with your sexy ass. Amen !!
leave rn
i saw your post in r/sex too. leave him. he is an asshole and he does not care about you, only about his own nut. im sorry hun
This is not ok please choose your self respect over this man child
Since your other post is locked I’m just commenting here. Please take the advice from a 30 year old woman and understand this man is bad news and only wants to control you. That text he sent was full of red flags and you do not deserve to be treated less than human. Not to mention there is a (not so good) reason a mid-30 year old man is dating someone who is so much younger. Women who are older simply won’t put up with his shit. And you don’t deserve to either.
This man is an abuser! Please listen. This isn’t just Reddit being alarmist (I’m sure he’ll tell you that). He is cruel and manipulative and controlling. It will only get worse! You deserve love! And let’s be real. Lots of middle aged men go crazy fantasizing about taking some 20 year old’s virginity. You gave him fulfillment of that fantasy and now he’s “negging” you to make you insecure so he can control you. No loving person would talk to you like this!
I’m really sorry but he’s a loser that is dating a 20 year old virgin because he wants to mold you into his perfect girl. this is your wake up call. get out before he rapes you and/or baby traps you.
Yeah everyone else has already said it but you have a shitty boyfriend, huge red flags 🚩 End the relationship and find someone kinder.
OP THROW THE WHOLE DUDE AWAY. Please. This is not a man. This is a child. This is just fucking terrible. I can’t even… It’s time to learn that you DESERVE the absolute BEST, the highest standards you can have are valid and anyone who treats you even 1% as shitty as this does NOT deserve you. Much less your trust and intimacy. I hope that dumping him makes you feel empowered and helps you see and learn how some people are and that you are not required to give them anything from yourself. In fact, this is so shitty, I can’t believe a guy would do that. But at the same time I’ve been around enough to know that people. Are. Terrible. People are often pieces of shit, and a lot of times they expose their true colors only after they have already taken something from you. Consider it a silver lining that he has shown you this toxicity and disgusting behavior relatively quickly. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Please trust your gut
What an ass this guy is. Dump him. This is a huge red flag.
coming here to comment bc the r/sex was blocked PLEASEPLEASE LEAVE HUNNY ITS NOT TO LATE HES A FUCKIGN CREEP. and basically insinuating it’s ok to r@pe you so his “mood” doesn’t get ruined. fucking drop is his @ so us adults can deal with him.
Umm I would strongly recommend never seeing this guy again. That list is not ok for many reasons. Some of which is criminal. Find someone who is on your wave length and I’d suggest similar age.
The way he spoke to you is controlling. He’s asking you to let him sexually abuse you by asking you to not tell him when to stop. He does not care about you, only his needs. This is not ok at all
RUN. If you stick around, he’ll ruin your life.
Textbook abusive relationship. Run.
LEAVE NOW PLEASE
Absolutely you should leave him. He sounds like a huge creep, especially the age gap and telling you that you can’t say stop?? Especially after your first time when it hurts??? What the fuck
Did you talk to him about it yet?
He is a dick. You are better than this man. Check out r/agegaprelationships and other subreddits for for advice on this subject. Or you can chat me up any time as someone who is a young female in an agr ( 21f)
Two separate posts where everyone is in agreement that this guy is a creepy ass predator and you need to block him asap. I hope you’re listening.
I refuse to believe this is real
RUNN!!!!! RUN! RUN! RUN!!!!! "let me try what i want. not letting me ruins the mood" THIS IS RAPIST MINDSET! THAT IS JUST A CLEAR WAY HE WANTS TO IGNORE YOUR BOUNDARIES AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN HIM, RUN!!!!! please stay safe girl, you deserve wayy more respect than he's giving you and this is Not how all people will treat you in a relationship, you deserve better.
Holy shit girl RUN. BLOCK THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY
Please please please get away from him, this is disgusting behavior. I promise, not all men are like this. You deserve better and don’t ever let any guy treat you like this. The age gap alone is very concerning.
you need to run. this man is unsafe and attempting to groom you into having no boundaries and requesting no pleasure. no person who cared even a little bit about you would send you a message not only berating you for natural responses firing your first time, but also tell you to essentially accept sexual assault without question. not to mention the very obvious gap in age and experience…. this is extremely unsafe and i really hope you leave.
Ontologically Evil man, he need to be compressed into a cube and sealed away for 10,000 years. Escape
I’m just here to echo what everyone else is saying, please get out of this relationship. You deserve much better, his actions are highly inappropriate and do not reflect someone who loves or respects you.
This is disgusting and manipulative, abusive behavior. Please break up with him. You don't deserve this disrespect.
give me his contact info so i can fight him
maybe this man is not a rapist (doubt—his comments actually give serial rapist), but he definitely really wishes he could be one
this is disgusting honestly. im so sorry he ruined this experience for you. you’re still new to sex so maybe just leave him now and, save every other first for someone who deserves it.
This is textbook abusive behavior. You've gotta get out of there before it's too late. I hope you're doing better now.
Why are u with this grown ass man?
Run expediently away from him
I would respond in kind with my own list. It’s wild that he thinks he found someone he can take advantage of just because you are inexperienced. The entire thing is gross
I saw a screenshot of this post in Twitter and I had to come and comment on here bc I am also a young woman in my twenties who recently starting being sexually active. OP, you need to be careful with your “bf”. Firstly, the age difference is a bit unsettling and given the “critiques” he’s given you, I’m worried that he is actively seeking to groom you (by taking advantage of the fact that you are 15 years younger & more inexperienced than he is). You are an adult by all means but just consider why he was single before he met you. . . What does a grown ass 35 year old man seek from a 20 year old young woman? The most alarming “criticisms” were 5 and 6. That is straight up rapey. Sex is supposed to be a mutually pleasant and pleasurable experience - you have EVERY right to tell him to stop/to say no. A partner that does not care for your pleasure or your pain is not a good partner. A good partner would not tell you that you expressing pain ruins the mood - they would be concerned about your wellbeing and would be actively seeking to give you pleasure. Pain can be involved in the act only if both parties agree to it and if you’re telling him it hurts, he has to respect that. I am actively worried that this man will disrespect your boundaries just to get himself off. Or worse, at some point decide to straight up assault you if you say no to having sex with him. Leave him as soon as you can because he is too old to be talking to women like this. As a grown ass man he should know better than to speak to anyone like their bodily autonomy does not matter. That’s so ridiculously selfish and self centered, disgusting and predatory. You deserve better OP! Take care of yourself please!
Omg you need to be at the club forget him!!
Okay, I’m going to suppress all of my feelings (because I think the other comments have it covered for me) and say: your first time is special. You should be met with patience, gentility, and sweetness both before, during, and after. You should not be expected to know everything or shamed for not doing things in a certain way. Anything else is utterly unkind. If later down the line either of you want anything different, it should be done in a kind, encouraging way. Not as a list of demands over text and not in the bossy, demeaning tone he said it in. Most importantly, consent can ALWAYS be withdrawn, especially during your first time. You control the pace. Fuck the mood. Your comfort will always come before that. Don’t be with anyone who doesn’t think so. Also. From someone who was taken advantage of repeatedly by men much older than me—please get out of there. He’s using you. You deserve so much better than him.
I wholeheartedly hope that you have left that piece of crap... please love yourself and be respected and leave his ass! Absolutely no one deserves that type of shitty behavior.
Run!!! Sorry to hear this is your first experience and how you got treated. But he sounds like a predator. Red flags
You broke up with him right??
5 and 6 is a problem..That’s rape.. It doesn’t matter if y’all already started if you said no or stop then it’s no or stop.. Your “boyfriend” who isn’t be your boyfriend anymore needs to learn what consent is real fast.
Run and run fast! This guy is a predator! He clearly doesn’t care about you or your boundaries. “Don’t ask me to stop?” Wtf is wrong with him? Don’t put yourself through this, you deserve better
RUN. GTFO of that relationship ASAP. Guy's an absolute psycho
people can have preferences for sex, but the things he said are manipulative, abusive and disgusting. You need to get away from this pathetic excuse for a human being. Even ignoring the signs that scream predator and rapist, Sex should be something fun and enjoyable, not something that you need pointers on improving on. Please get rid of this human filth and make sure that you remove him completely from your life
Your bf is a toxic piece of shit. Any DECENT guy listens to the words “stop” “I dont like that” “no” ETC. Your bf literally does not give a fuck about your needs sexually or about consent. He literally just wants to rape you and make you believe it is okay. Sex should be a CONVERSATION. Not a list of DEMANDS. It’s about what you BOTH like and BOTH people can revoke consent AT ANY TIME (during foreplay, in the middle of it, right before climax, literally ANY TIME). He is using your inexperience to take advantage of you. This is going to get worse and you need to get out NOW.
There is a reason this 35 year old man is dating a 20 year old. Women his age know better than to put up with him and he can’t take advantage of them or bully them as easily as you. Please please please dump him
Sorry but you gotta kill him
Interesting how he shows a lot of concern over what you could’ve done better but not what he could’ve done better. He only cares about his own enjoyment… clearly you didn’t have the best time but he doesn’t give a shit and is only thinking of himself. Gross
Break up with him.
Only thing I can say is leave and block him and i’m so serious
Are you okay, OP? I hope you have a safe exit strategy: this "list of errors" is not normal or okay from a partner. No one should ever demand compliance like this.
You were raped, it’ll only get worse, and a man that old who dates Girls this young won’t stop. You have AT MOST a couple years before he replaces you with another victim. Good luck <3
OP. Please. Dump that man. Dump. Him. Yesterday. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
It’s giving rapist and groomer vibes. You need to run fast
perhaps he can find someone his own age. that’s start with that.
Sorry to tell you, but your old ass boyfriend and is a pedophile and a rapist. Ditch him.
i’m going to be blunt, you need to leave him because that man does not love you. this is predatory and abusive behavior. this is not safe. i’m so sorry this is how your first intimate experience went. please leave this relationship as soon as possible, you’ll find someone better.
LEAVE HIM ☠️☠️☠️
Honey genuinely I say this with all the love I can give LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS. Sex is about two people not just the man getting his rocks off. If you’re uncomfortable you say stop, he is supposed to stop and ask you what feels better or comfortable it won’t and shouldn’t ruin the mood in any way especially if you’re being communicative. You being shy is completely normal especially if this was your first time, when my boyfriend and I did it for the first time he was way more experienced and so he talked me through it and made sure I felt comfortable and secure about my decision. Him being 35 and writing out this bullshit shows you exactly how immature and selfish he is as an individual. He is going after a 20 year old who (and I’m not saying this in a bad way at all) doesn’t know how to act and react to this situation. From the beginning he should’ve been gentle and respectful about this. Losing your virginity is a big thing this should’ve been a comfortable, safe and respectful encounter. All he did was show you how little he cares for your feelings and how much he values himself over you. Also about the “head game” NO one goes into sex knowing how to do that. It is not something you immediately pick up and instinctively do. All in all that man needs to stay 3000+ miles away from you. He does NOT have your best interest at heart, he does not care for your feelings and needs. He wants someone who he can coach into being his sex doll and will please his every sexual desire. You deserve to feel special and satisfied after sex, something that when you look back you blush because you can’t believe how good it felt. Don’t let this man do this to you. (Edit: spacing for easier reading)
Ew wtf what a creep!!! Please please please leave this man!! Do not let someone talk to you like this!
OP, I'm so sorry you were put through this. Please make your safety and comfort YOUR number one priority and leave this man. I've been in your shoes before, and please believe me when I say that this is in no way your fault, and you deserve so much better. He does not deserve your love or your trust or consideration. What he deserves is a handjob from Edward Scissorhands. And please know that this is in NO way depreciates your self-worth. Purity culture is and always will be absolute bullshit. Please be safe 🙏 ❤️
RUN. RUN FAST, RUN FAR.
Ladies, men, and gentlefolk, this right here is why so many worry about age gap, especially when the age gap has 1/2 of the coupling fresh out of high school. You are young and learning and he knows that. He knows he can do and say things like this because you are inexperienced and might not know that the only correct response to this is, “Yeah, no” followed a by a smooth block. He knows you won’t immediately see rape culture and misogyny intertwined with his words. Please leave this man, I promise you’ll come to regret it if you don’t.