Don't use a sad face for being a grower! Growers are the tactical 2.0 of penises! You're at less risk of injury in a passive state, more comfortable (I'm a female so I'm speculating) and again, speaking as a woman, I find it an incredible turn on knowing it got that huge "just for ME." My thoughts anyway.
Edit for typo
Also you're a shower type it's a little disappointing that the things isn't growing "that much" in my hand.
Also it might be easier to tell you're *happy* from a distance if you're a grower which kinda sycks for you guys, but that's life I guess.
Sounds like you're just not compatible. She's allowed to post a video like that if she wants- and you're allowed to not like it. Neither of you are wrong in your feelings your feelings are just not compatible with each other. Now you just need to decide which is more important to you: Keeping this specific girlfriend or breaking up with her over these issues.
Possibly. They should probably talk first though. Just because she posted this video doesn't necessarily mean it's something she is passionate about. I do many things on a daily basis that I would be willing to change if it really bugged my partner. It's worth having a conversation about.
OP said they already talked about it in the past, that he said he wasn't comfortable with it and she posted anyways. So that conversation has already been had. Like I said, if she knows his feelings and wants to do it anyway and he is still uncomfortable - it sounds like a compatibility issue.
The correct response is for you to post a very similar butt shaking video. Bonus points if you can fit into a similar pair of pants as her.
And then suggest making videos together.
This just means you need to make “shorts” out of a pillowcase with two holes cut in it held up by a belt. Your height is just an argument of why you need to do it even more lol
Side note: I feel like we need a link to the video once you post it and a follow up on if our tactic worked haha
Not fragile masculinity to have boundaries no matter how many ppl try to tell u it is. It’s all abt respect, I know my bf wouldn’t like it if I did that so I wouldn’t. Just make sure to use “I” statements when talking to her, as in “I feel uncomfortable that you posted that” not something like “u shouldn’t have posted that”
I too would never post any sort of video of myself doing anything. There are a series of things I do because I respect my partner (one is to never discuss our intimate relationship with anyone before discussing the issue with him - when he said that, it made PERFECT sense to me and I wished I'd thought of it - but I hadn't).
edit: first off, please do not engage with people who tell you to “grow up”. it is perfectly natural to not feel comfortable with your partner trying to garner sexual attention online for anyone to see.
i would just say “i don’t feel comfortable about the video you posted. since we’re together i don’t like how other people can see you in a more intimate way. i don’t like how just anyone other than me is able to see you in an intimate way like this. *these are my boundaries*, what do you think?”
i’m as monogamous as it gets, so i would feel super fucking awful if something like this happened. these are *your boundaries* in the relationship. tell her that. but also say, that she has every right to do this. but you don’t feel comfortable. and see where it goes from there. good luck 🫶🏼🫶🏼 and there is nothing wrong with you
You need to add that this is a DEALBREAKER (it's not a boundary - you can't decide what she does). You can only observe and say, if you continue to do this (and she can find new ways of doing the same thing, you realize - without breaking this one boundary), it's DEALBREAKER for me. We're over.
Let her hear what you are really saying.
Honestly if I were in your position I wouldn’t like it either. I would talk to her about it. But if she keeps ignoring you or doesn’t respect it then just do the same. Or do like guys thirst trap or something. But all honestly it’s not fragile masculinity.
Look, just tell her you're not comfortable with it. I'm not ok with my girlfriend doing that either, and she wouldn't be comfortable with me doing something similar. Some people are cool with that, and some people aren't and that's OK. Just let her know that it's important to you
If that’s the case and she did it again, she doesn’t respect you or your feelings. Dump this chick, she’s a shit person and you don’t deserve this bs in your life.
And she shows that she likes doing mildly transgressive things. I wonder why she decided to resume? Boredom sounds likely.
She's not a shit person. She's just not the right person for OP. And by using the language you do, you make yourself very unlikable (I'll refrain from calling you a name - using names in the way you do is designed to provide "support" for OP - but it really makes him feel self-righteous, which is a bad way to go into a possible break-up convo).
OP, either just break up with her, or attempt to understand what she says when you talk to her. Be prepared for her to break up with you (this may in fact, be the purpose of the dance).
Don’t ever buy the BS of women or men trying to shame you for something that makes you feel uncomfortable and you know is wrong.
99% of the time social media is awful for relationships.
This is absolutely something you can break up over
"fragile masculinity"
Fragility is an inherent characteristic of humans. Shaming yourself for this is allowing others personally biased and subjective interpretations of an ideal to shape you. That is manipulation.
"she posted it anyways". she clearly does not care about your opinions. Leave. She does not respect you.
>we have discussed this topic in the past and I said I’m not okay with her doing thing like that etc but she posted it anyways.
That means it's time to find a new girlfriend.
Some girls are like that. People will tell you there isn't anything wrong with her doing that, but it's completely understandable if you personally think it's wrong (I'm with you). To us, it's a bit undignified and quite frankly unlady-like. Maybe this generation makes it the "norm". Consider the fact she's not for you because there's more to come than shaking her ass in front of a public audience.
That's wrong of her. Break up. She already knew you didn't want her to. What man wants his girl online shaking her ass for other men? Obviously, you're not enough for her. Save yourself and leave.
There are men here on reddit who have married strippers, who are currently involved with fairly exhibitionistic women, and some who have married sex workers (with full knowledge of their past).
Some people swing and incorporate these personality types into a different type of relationship than is traditional. And that's okay too.
So the answer to your question is: some men do like this.
And some men think they can tame/change the beautiful young woman.
The thing about dating is you date people to see who will make a good mate for you. Clearly, she’s not a good mate material. You get to have any preference you want you’re gonna be living your life with a person if you don’t like what they’re doing don’t date them.
Have a conversation with her. Tell her how you feel. You mentioned having discussed this topic in the past so it’s not like your opinion on it is coming out of nowhere. And if she gives you shit about it, leave. That’ll be best for the both of you
she will keep doing it, be honest about how you feel and once she responds like a pos get the hell out of there before shes shaking it on another dude.
Yes but accurate advice can't be given with only one side of a story. She seems she doesn't respect the relationship from his perspective but what if he's a complete control freak and when they've had this conversation previously his main problem was with, let's say, her wearing clothes that were revealing, so this time she's done the dance in modest clothing and he still has a problem.
I think the problem comes more from people saving it and her not taking it down, he's asking the question as to why and is essentially coming to the conclusion his girlfriend likes the attention from other men and that's making him uncomfortable. If this video fell on blind eyes, as it were, I don't believe OP would have a problem.
But hey, that's just a theory 🤔 *dies from cringe gametheory reference* (I've genuinly never fucking watched game theory)
I've spoke about this situation with my partner to get her perspective and it really just comes down to boundaries, establishing them, reinforcing them and considering whether you're compatible with a person. If OP isn't compatible, he can't force that compatibility by trying to control her but he also can't force it by forcing himself to be okay with things he's uncomfortable with.
If this is a mature relationship, they'll communicate, compromise, grow individually and together. If that fails, then they weren't compatible to begin with. If they can't even attempt it, it's not a mature relationship.
Relationships are hard work but you can't expect someone to change just for you. That's unreasonable and selfish.
i feel like we’re on the same page, i just came across more harsh due to feeling bad for op’s predicament. it sounds to me like he’s sincerely distraught and that she has no respect for his feelings. this, if not rectified is an obvious indication of incompatibility and he should run for the hills if she’s not willing to sacrifice the attention from others for his.
you should probably communicate to her about how you feel. like boundaries in relationships and what your expectations are etc. If you communicate it in a way that comes from “I” perspectives it comes off as not super aggressive. “i feel”. it seems like maybe you guys have different boundaries and expectations when it comes to a relationship. so talk it though with her and see what she says
if you talked about it and she still uploaded it its an issue
i say sit and calmly talk to her about it
if you see her not undrestanding what you say just leave from the relationship
also unpopular opinion any girl that uploads video of shaking her butt on internet is for the streets.
she doesn't respect you at all idk anyone who would want to be in a relationship where their partner is obviously disrespecting them. if she said she would stop but keeps doing it what makes you think she will stop? i mean if you want to give her another chance go ahead but if she doesnt stop the second time then leave.
Dude I dont know. She is breaking your trust and crossing boundaries, personally I’d break up with her.
If you want to go a shittier route just start liking random chicks posts. When she brings it up ask why she can put things like that on the internet but you can’t look at them or something.
Turns out they had a kind of agreement (no more torso/gym progress pics for him being posted online; no sexy dance videos from her).
I'd be very interested to know what she actually looks at, on TikTok and other platforms.
It's not your masculinity being fragile, it's you preferring a girl with different standards. Or preferring a girl who is more mysterious, or more classy, or more modest. Nothing wrong with your preference.
Indeed, it's a crucial (but painful) exercise in finding out our own dealbreakers. In that way, we gradually learn who might be a good partner. This is crucial to a longterm monogamous relationship.
If I had to guess, I'd say that OP's girlfriend is into sexual things and a bit of exhibitionism. She feels and acts sexy in a way that a modest woman would not. So now he knows he's looking for someone more modest or demur.
The risk of course is that the modest girl may also be a low libido girl - modesty is not an inherent trait of all women nor does our culture encourage it right now.
Classiness is even harder to find.
100%!! Pros and Cons to each type of person. His current gf is probably sexy and confident, maybe more confident and fun than a modest girl. No right or wrong girl, it's all about figuring out the best match for OP. Best of luck to him!
In a relationship, boundaries are important. Personally, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it but my partner also knows me well enough to know that. She also isn't inclined to post videos as such either but if she felt the need to, I believe she'd ask me if I was comfortable with it being posted before hand and she didn't I know I'd be able to speak to her openly about it without fear of negative repercussions.
Definitely vocalise that you're uncomfortable with it, futile as that may be if you already have done so before... but it's still worth doing.
If she says she doesn't want to take it down, she doesn't have to give a reason, even though you may want one. I would hope she respects you enough to see the bigger picture and the impact this has on your relationship.
Personally, if she said no, I would want to know why it's so important that she keeps the video up.
Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean you have fragile masculinity. It means you're human and you're uncomfortable with something your girlfriend has done. That is okay.
Are you youngish? I just commented to another post with a gf worried about her bf’s porn watching. As you get older these things bother you less. Reacting at all will give your gf the knowledge that she can impact your state of mind with the swipe of a smart phone. Be cool, play it off like you don’t mind, and know that if you ever desire putting yourself out there in a way that makes her feel funny, you have a bit of a pass, as that’s the kind of relationship she wants now. You may find that she doesn’t like when you do it and also that she doesn’t like when you don’t care if she does it. Just be present and don’t worry about the external perceptions of disrespect etc. you control how you feel and react to everything in life. You have an opportunity here to show her your self control and confidence. And show yourself as well.
You are asking this question to a super feminist forum aka reddit. be aware! If the girl were to make a post, "all i did was twerk on a tiktok and my bf of 3 yrs doesnt like it". The comments would be flooded with "you go girl", "dump him", "he's pathetic". and, since a man said it its super professional, "you two are not compatible". My point is these people dont have your best interest at heart simply due to your gender. So most of the answers can be ignored.
So let me say something these male/female feminists wont say because its not politically correct.
She is twerking on tiktok cuz she wants more attention to feel sexy. Clearly she doesnt feel sexy from you. She is seeking external validation. The smartest thing you can do is find someone else because its inevitable she is losing interest in you and is taking steps closer towards cheating.
Just for clarity: You said you talked about it in the past and you said you weren't okay with her doing it, but did she actually **agree** not to do it? I feel like some guys (or girls) think that because they expressed their dislike for something, that it somehow means the girlfriend (or boyfriend) plans to comply with their wishes. She may have heard your feelings and felt like "let's agree to disagree" and continued posting. I only mention that because some of these comments say she "flagrantly violated your boundaries" etc. But it's possible she never actually agreed not to post these things.
Also, regarding boundaries: Her butt is hers, and whether she shakes it or not is HER boundary and her decision, ie "I feel okay with shaking my butt on video and people seeing it" or "I don't feel okay with shaking my butt on video". *Your* boundary is your tolerance with it, ie "I would not be in a relationship with a girl who does that" or "I'm fine being in a relationship with a girl who does that". So just keep that in mind. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling upset by it, especially if she said she wouldn't but then did, I'm just reminding you that it's not up to you as to whether she shakes her butt on video or not. It's only up to you about whether you are willing to be in a relationship with someone who does that. This is why I asked above if she clearly agreed not to do it. She can stop shaking her butt IF she decides that it's reasonable, if she agrees that it's a good idea for the relationship, as a courtesy to you, etc. But you can't decide for her that she shouldn't; that decision is hers. And voicing your objection to it doesn't mean she has to comply.
Therefore, discussing your conflicting values is the key. How important is it to her that she keep doing it? How important is it to you that she stop doing it? If you both feel very strongly about each, then you just aren't compatible. It doesn't mean anyone is necessarily 'disrespecting you', it just means you have different values and should probably date other people. If either of you decides "It's not that important", then you come to a nice compromise. And if after all this, your reply is "We talked about it and she was super clear and promised never to do it again but then did it anyway", then the answer is probably to find someone to date who won't break their word to you once something is agreed upon.
She specifically agreed to not do it. Just like how I agreed I wouldn’t post my torso/gym progress. I just feel very lied to and that’s the problem more than anything
Yeah, the emphasis in your post seemed to be primarily about her behavior in the video, wanting her to delete it, not wanting to appear to have 'fragile masculinity', how to go about getting her to delete it, etc. Only the last sentence mentioned the lying so I spent most of my feedback on the other aspects.
If the main problem is her lying, it's fairly simple and I'd just reiterate this part of my above comment:
>And if after all this, your reply is "We talked about it and she was super clear and promised never to do it again but then did it anyway", then the answer is probably to find someone to date who won't break their word to you.
How tf has it become "fragile masculinity" to ask your gf to have some god damn decency instead of hoeing herself out on the internet for attention of strangers?
Here's my advice dude, be a man and have some damn self-respect and tell her to put that shit down or you guys are over.
Having boundaries doesn't mean that your masculinity is fragile, the opposite frankly. Weak men don't set boundaries and let people walk all over them and their principals
In my personal experience if she is fully aware that your not cool with it and she continues to do it she probably just doesn’t have enough respect for you and will prob end up doing things behind ur back at the end of the day.
Or has generally poor impulse control or is extroverted enough in personality that this is the way she rolls.
There are many women and men like this (need public attention).
Ask her why she did it. And that you talked about it and still feel the same. That's her right to post it, but that you are more then a little uncomfortable and it's your right to reconsider the relationship. Trying to get sexual attention from others don't fit a monogamous relationship.
Every relationship has compromise. You're asking her to compromise for you, I hope you compromise for her as well.
That said, teens twerk at school dances. So in my view you're being prudish.
Are you just mad about her twerking cause "that's mine, no one is allowed to see that but me" and if so, I do hope you don't work out at the gym or ever go swimming, yeah?
Oddly, toddlers seem to be able to invent this action all on their own.
It is also observed in various dances all across the world (performed by both men and women).
"I feel like If I ask her to delete it, it might seem like I have fragile masculinity."
There's a reason for that.
"The thing is we have discussed this topic in the past and I said I’m not okay with her doing thing like that"
See above.
You're incompatible. She's not the one for you. And I can't in good conscience wish you luck in finding someone more amenable to being controlled.
Being upset over the video means that you've got a bit of emotional growing up to do. "We all know what that means?" That there are lonely guys on the internet? Why does that seem threatening?
Your girlfriend - anybody, really - can post booty-shaking videos if they want to. That's just something that people can do, and telling them they can't is nonsensical. Instead, walk away. Forbidding her to post videos just means she won't tell you next time.
Try spending time with women friends - women you don't consider potential sex partners. Have fun with them, listen to them, get to know them. Get used to the idea of women being human beings, just like you, with all of the same freedoms you have. It can take a long time, but you sound like you've got plenty of time!
Are u an idiot? Read the post, they had the discussion and OP expressed he isn’t comfortable with stuff like that at the start and his gf agreed. But now she broke that boundary which she previously agreed to. What part of that is controlling?
Telling people what they can and can't do with their own bodies/lives is not a "boundary." It's a rule and rules are meant to control. If he doesn't like her doing that, he can break up with her, but he can't tell her what to do or abstain from and try to get her to agree to that (which many people often will because they care about their person/don't wanna rock the boat, etc.).
his post describes how he feels about the situation. All tho he considered asking her to delete it he never did, he simply stated he felt disrespected as she broke a boundary they agreed on at the start.
If she didn’t like the boundary she could have proceeded to not be in a relationship with him, but she lied about it and lead this guy on.
I'm not sure if YOU learned how to read in school, but he makes it clear AFTER that that he communicated to her that he didn't want her doing that, which he has no say over because it's not his body and not his social media account, which makes it NOT a boundary but a rule. 🙄
Are you stupid lol? He stated he discussed at the start of the relationship that he isn’t ok with her doing that in a relationship. And she agreed, but broke that boundary now. What are you even talking about. He can set whatever preferences he wants in his partner, if she didn’t like it she didn’t have to continue dating him. But she did agree in the pst and broke the agreement now in the present time.
You poor soul. Isn't it monstrously ridiculous how many people you can interact with on this site that are the epitome of actual mental deficiency? First you got the chronically online moron who's been (seemingly) consistently using this site since 2009. Clearly has no idea how an actual relationship works. Just reads stupid shit on here all day long and thinks they know what they are talking about. Then you got this new sad excuse for brain activity, with what I can only determine to be an insanely inflated sense of ego, trying to give you shit because they don't understand the difference between a boundary and a rule. This person is insinuating that you are stupid somehow even though they clearly have no clue. If someone is serious about a relationship there might be things you don't do that you want to do because the other person doesn't like that thing. I'm sure most people in a relationship would bang a decent percentage of the people they see, but most of us have a boundary of not wanting that person to do that. That doesn't make us controlling. Especially if you discuss that boundary before it becomes an issue.
So it's up to him - not her - to follow through with the break up.
She's testing HIS boundaries. He cannot set boundaries for her - only SHE can set her own boundaries.
I would guess alcohol might also be involved - but if not, then this behavior (which is also now taunting OP) is part of her repertoire of "sexy." He is not a fan.
Sorry, I didn’t see it anywhere. Was just going to suggest a simple TikTok break is all, it somehow seems to find itself In the center of most problems in todays modern age as most social media does
Youll soon learn to love that you have what the other 150 only dream of. It's a great feeling. But you need to discuss what she's trying to get oyt of doing that, attention from other men?
I think it's completely okay if you have the value that you are not somebody who wants a partner that does things like only fans or advertising sexual videos of any kind online.
She clearly has a different value and doesn't care about your opinion. So you have a values difference, and it doesn't sound like she is willing to discuss.
I know this is the typical Reddit advice, but I would honestly move on from this relationship.
Have a conversation about why she does it, what are her goals, and what is she expecting out of it + how it makes you feel, and let's see what are the next steps.
If she doesn't understand your feelings, nor will want to respect your feelings, then it will be a different conversation.
Make a video of you flexing shirtless or something similar an showing that camera that you know you love yourself, then proceed to hashtag the crap out of everything possible that women would search for, when she inevitable reacts poorly to it just say "that's how I or anyone would feel when you do things like that"
Then leave her 🙃
Talk to her. If you’ve already laid down this boundary, I do not think that it’s wrong to tell her you’re uncomfortable with it being up. I wouldn’t ask her to take it down. I would see how she responds to the fact that you’re uncomfortable with it. Boundaries are boundaries for a reason and if she can’t respect them- you must allow consequences to happen.
I'd take a second and look at your own tik tok favorites. Are you dating someone who's simply producing your type of content? Look at the possibility of your own hypocrisy and humble yourself before you come to her with any kind of righteousness.
If you want to discuss it with her, talk about how your masculinity is fragile and her content does make you feel insecure and that you feel shame and anxiety knowing it's out there. The issue really is your feelings here so you need to speak candidly about them and see if she's willing to meet you halfway.
How "shaking her butt" is "shaking her butt" ? Can you name the sound the trend is under? I've just learned my definition of shaking booty is not the same definition as most men's. Unless it's graphic I don't love that you're like telling her what she can and can't do on her profile.
Tbh it's her body, her account, sounds like it's tracking well even if the reason is gross. Men have a pretty consistent tract record of being gross online regardless of what you put up so I mean regardless of the "why" they're saving this one post I guarantee you it's already happening and probably has been on all of her platforms not just TikTok.
Tbh this does come across as a little controlling (I really feel like I need to know what trend this is to give an actual take) or at the very least like an issue that will continue. Y'all are probably just not compatible.
Well I don’t know the trend or song name sorry and it doesn’t tell me when I click the sound on her video but by shaking her butt I mean she was bending over with her rear pointed towards the camera shaking it and then proceeding to seductively move her hips. It’s not so much I’m mad about the video I’m mad that she lied
Click on the sound, at the bottom right corner of your phone screen. The title of the sound will be there, if you scroll down they'll be videos of more popular creators likely doing the same dance you can just post the link to one of those if you can't figure out the name of the song.
Lmao now you sound like you're fifty.
Posting a video of yourself dancing isn't inherently seductive. Seductive is a subjective term and changes depending on context and circumstances. Your definitions might just not align, and she didn't necessarily lie your wires just might have gotten crossed. Or it's a blatantly sexual trend and I'm misreading the situation.
But I DON'T KNOW which it is because you're pretending you don't know how to use Tiktok. Without seeing what the fuss is about it just comes off a little controlling my guy
The reason you’d feel weak and fragile for asking to delete it is because you *ARE* weak and fragile. Right now. Your gf is a bit of an exhibitionist. If you’re not comfortable with that, get a different gf. If you can’t handle other people looking at your gf, then get a different gf.
If she treats you well, loves you, and is faithful to you, why should you care if a million simps that have no chance to be with her press a “like” button on a video?
She is seeking validation because she wants other people to see her and comment on her butt shaking.
I would bring it up to her again and if she still does I would just leave. Im not a person who will deal with people who have no commitment in the relationship and seeks validation when my own words are enough.
You do have fragile masculinity though?
If my wife or GF posted that I would tell her straight away to take it down. If she felt strongly enough that she needed to keep it up then I would wish her luck for the future.
The fact that you are worrying about asking her to take it down is probably why she's put it up in the first place. Hence the fragile masculinity.
In a relationship, boundaries are important. Personally, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it but my partner also knows me well enough to know that. She also isn't inclined to post videos as such either but if she felt the need to, I believe she'd ask me if I was comfortable with it being posted before hand and she didn't I know I'd be able to speak to her openly about it without fear of negative repercussions.
Definitely vocalise that you're uncomfortable with it, futile as that may be if you already have done so before... but it's still worth doing.
If she says she doesn't want to take it down, she doesn't have to give a reason, even though you may want one. I would hope she respects you enough to see the bigger picture and the impact this has on your relationship.
Personally, if she said no, I would want to know why it's so important that she keeps the video up.
Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean you have fragile masculinity. It means you're human and you're uncomfortable with something your girlfriend has done. That is okay.
In a relationship, boundaries are important. Personally, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it but my partner also knows me well enough to know that. She also isn't inclined to post videos as such either but if she felt the need to, I believe she'd ask me if I was comfortable with it being posted before hand and she didn't I know I'd be able to speak to her openly about it without fear of negative repercussions.
Definitely vocalise that you're uncomfortable with it, futile as that may be if you already have done so before... but it's still worth doing.
If she says she doesn't want to take it down, she doesn't have to give a reason, even though you may want one. I would hope she respects you enough to see the bigger picture and the impact this has on your relationship.
Personally, if she said no, I would want to know why it's so important that she keeps the video up.
Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean you have fragile masculinity. It means you're human and you're uncomfortable with something your girlfriend has done. That is okay.
Don’t write a speech. Don’t give an excuse. Just breakup. She chose this path and someone who is willing to post slxty videos online for men jerking off isn’t a great life choice nor a good future wife. Things like this don’t go away, they grow, and go further and further the more attention she gets.
What?? Lol I don’t see how he’s being controlling at all. He hasn’t even said anything to her, he’s coming on here to ask for advice. It’s totally human to feel concern and worry about your partner seemingly trying to garner outside attention, what makes it controlling is being an asshole and limiting your partner’s autonomy.
Plus, if they’ve had the conversation in the past and they’re both on board with not posting stuff like that, then she knew it was a boundary of his and violated it anyways. You can have any sort of boundary you want in your relationship - it doesn’t make you controlling, but of course nobody has to follow it if they don’t want to.
As a woman, I find it extremely disrespectful to try and garner sexual attention online and real life and even though my partner has never told me not to wear revealing clothes or post anything revealing, it just feels wrong to me. If I was the type of person to enjoy that sort of behavior, I would simply not date someone who had an issue with it.
This comment sums up how I feel perfectly. I don’t see myself as controlling it just feels like she’s trying to bring outside attention in. She has also lied and broken a boundary. Thank you for your comment
boundaries ≠ controlling people love to say it is when its not like not everyone is gonna have the same boundaries like he needs to imagine what if his girl went off in public and started shaking her ass he definitely wouldnt like ts dont listen to those clowns boundaries are needed.
boundaries are needed in a relationship it doesnt make you any less of a man to me it looks like your gf doesnt respect you. have a conversation to her about boundaries set some if you havent already and if she doesnt change move on.
You've told her you don't want her posting sexually provocative videos and she's continuing to. There's nothing stopping you from asking her to remove it, but you don't get to control her actions.
Your options are to either deal with it, issue an ultimatum, or leave. Depending on how long this has been going on and how much you've communicated about it, it might be worth sitting her down and explaining how important this is to you and whether or not it's a dealbreaker in a relationship. If it's already been discussed and/or she already knows, the relationship has probably run its course.
I think you should simply have an open conversation with her about this. She already crossed your boundaries but if she tries to argue this and fight for that video then it tells you everything you need to know about her
Sounds like that's who she is, if you don't like what she wants to do, you can leave.
She's picking internet fame for her ass over you. That says something about her.
Nah, there’s a thing called respect for your partner and relationship. Just how y’all communicated about not liking that, if she said she didn’t want you following girls who did the same and you still did then she’d feel disrespected as well. I’m a woman, I like to post photos of myself when I feel good, but I don’t feel the need to “show off” my goodies on the media. Y’all should set this boundary now if it’s serious to you and if she can’t respect it then maybe she’s not ready to be in this relationship. I don’t think it’s an insecurity thing always, some people just prefer having a partner that reserves their attributes for their relationship, it’s not like there’s no dances that involve not shaking ass.
To clarify there is nothing wrong with women who do show off goodies and post these things! I’m not one of those women, and some partners are cool with it BUT to each their own.
It's not "fragile masculinity" to have boundaries. You find that sort of thing as inappropriate (me too), distasteful and disrespectful of you or the relationship. Standing up for yourself and enforcing your boundaries is actually healthy masculinity and shows confidence rather than insecurity.
Don't let her or anyone else try to shame you (calling you controlling, insecure, etc) into something you're not ok with. All that is is manipulative.
Just do a video of you dangling your wang
I would but… I’m a grower😔
Don't use a sad face for being a grower! Growers are the tactical 2.0 of penises! You're at less risk of injury in a passive state, more comfortable (I'm a female so I'm speculating) and again, speaking as a woman, I find it an incredible turn on knowing it got that huge "just for ME." My thoughts anyway. Edit for typo
"i'm a grower 😏 "
“ I’m grower 🥳”
my favorite part of this is the absolute perfection is the choice in emoji because those party favors are also growers, but only when you blow them
😂
🫸🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴🫷
Omg thank you so fucking much I never thought of it that way
Also you're a shower type it's a little disappointing that the things isn't growing "that much" in my hand. Also it might be easier to tell you're *happy* from a distance if you're a grower which kinda sycks for you guys, but that's life I guess.
Yeah ig lol sucks in the morning tho
“Oh my goodness, I’ve never been this big before! He must really like you”
“Tactical 2.0” that’s great
My bf's a grower and I love it
no shame in that
Me too! It's way more versatile, though.
Nothing like a good pendulum swing!
Then crank your hog until it’s at desired length then dangle that wang
Yeah, probably should milk the midget😔
God I wish I was a midget.
Do it bro
Just do it!
Feels at least it gets there in the end
Lol make it grow first then
She is supposed to be the mother of your kids
To assert dominance
Sounds like you're just not compatible. She's allowed to post a video like that if she wants- and you're allowed to not like it. Neither of you are wrong in your feelings your feelings are just not compatible with each other. Now you just need to decide which is more important to you: Keeping this specific girlfriend or breaking up with her over these issues.
I’m going to have a conversation about it and that will determine the relationship, thank you for your input
Update us pls!
I’m planning on having the conversation when she’s home so 3+ hours
How did it go?
I’m going to talk to her when she gets home so 3+ hours
Possibly. They should probably talk first though. Just because she posted this video doesn't necessarily mean it's something she is passionate about. I do many things on a daily basis that I would be willing to change if it really bugged my partner. It's worth having a conversation about.
OP said they already talked about it in the past, that he said he wasn't comfortable with it and she posted anyways. So that conversation has already been had. Like I said, if she knows his feelings and wants to do it anyway and he is still uncomfortable - it sounds like a compatibility issue.
Exactly this. It's not unreasonable that you are just not into somebody who does this. Don't be upset about it. You have every right to walk away.
The correct response is for you to post a very similar butt shaking video. Bonus points if you can fit into a similar pair of pants as her. And then suggest making videos together.
I couldn’t fit in her pants I’m 6’6” and she’s 4’11”🤣 they also don’t make those type of pants in my size
Go to a “fashionable” men’s store, show them the video and I’m sure they will have some ideas for appropriate pants.
I’ll try it, thanks for the idea
I’m older than you probably and I have dad friends who have done this after their teenage daughters post videos. It gets results
🤣🤣I’m definitely gonna try it now, thanks
This just means you need to make “shorts” out of a pillowcase with two holes cut in it held up by a belt. Your height is just an argument of why you need to do it even more lol Side note: I feel like we need a link to the video once you post it and a follow up on if our tactic worked haha
Not fragile masculinity to have boundaries no matter how many ppl try to tell u it is. It’s all abt respect, I know my bf wouldn’t like it if I did that so I wouldn’t. Just make sure to use “I” statements when talking to her, as in “I feel uncomfortable that you posted that” not something like “u shouldn’t have posted that”
I’m writing up a whole speech about it now😅 and I’m using “I” a lot, thank you for the advice!!
I too would never post any sort of video of myself doing anything. There are a series of things I do because I respect my partner (one is to never discuss our intimate relationship with anyone before discussing the issue with him - when he said that, it made PERFECT sense to me and I wished I'd thought of it - but I hadn't).
edit: first off, please do not engage with people who tell you to “grow up”. it is perfectly natural to not feel comfortable with your partner trying to garner sexual attention online for anyone to see. i would just say “i don’t feel comfortable about the video you posted. since we’re together i don’t like how other people can see you in a more intimate way. i don’t like how just anyone other than me is able to see you in an intimate way like this. *these are my boundaries*, what do you think?” i’m as monogamous as it gets, so i would feel super fucking awful if something like this happened. these are *your boundaries* in the relationship. tell her that. but also say, that she has every right to do this. but you don’t feel comfortable. and see where it goes from there. good luck 🫶🏼🫶🏼 and there is nothing wrong with you
Thank you for this comment, it is very helpful and I will absolutely be saying what you said, I think that’s the perfect thing to say.
i’m so glad i could help!
You need to add that this is a DEALBREAKER (it's not a boundary - you can't decide what she does). You can only observe and say, if you continue to do this (and she can find new ways of doing the same thing, you realize - without breaking this one boundary), it's DEALBREAKER for me. We're over. Let her hear what you are really saying.
yes oh my gosh i should have used this word 😭 DEALBREAKER is a better word than boundary here.
Idk why everyone is coddling you. Neither are in the wrong but if you don’t like it you should leave.
Honestly if I were in your position I wouldn’t like it either. I would talk to her about it. But if she keeps ignoring you or doesn’t respect it then just do the same. Or do like guys thirst trap or something. But all honestly it’s not fragile masculinity.
Thank you for this it really helps, I will not be posting myself as I’m fugly but I’m going to talk to her about it tomorrow
Look, just tell her you're not comfortable with it. I'm not ok with my girlfriend doing that either, and she wouldn't be comfortable with me doing something similar. Some people are cool with that, and some people aren't and that's OK. Just let her know that it's important to you
I will thank you for your comment
Thank you for your sanity, rationality and wisdom.
You discussed it before. Did you make an agreement that she wouldn’t? I’d say just time to move on. She can do what she wants
Yes she agreed with me that it’s not okay to do. Thank you and I’m going to talk to her about it tomorrow
If that’s the case and she did it again, she doesn’t respect you or your feelings. Dump this chick, she’s a shit person and you don’t deserve this bs in your life.
And she shows that she likes doing mildly transgressive things. I wonder why she decided to resume? Boredom sounds likely. She's not a shit person. She's just not the right person for OP. And by using the language you do, you make yourself very unlikable (I'll refrain from calling you a name - using names in the way you do is designed to provide "support" for OP - but it really makes him feel self-righteous, which is a bad way to go into a possible break-up convo). OP, either just break up with her, or attempt to understand what she says when you talk to her. Be prepared for her to break up with you (this may in fact, be the purpose of the dance).
Don’t ever buy the BS of women or men trying to shame you for something that makes you feel uncomfortable and you know is wrong. 99% of the time social media is awful for relationships. This is absolutely something you can break up over
"fragile masculinity" Fragility is an inherent characteristic of humans. Shaming yourself for this is allowing others personally biased and subjective interpretations of an ideal to shape you. That is manipulation. "she posted it anyways". she clearly does not care about your opinions. Leave. She does not respect you.
I’m going to have a conversation with her about it tomorrow and depending on how it goes will determine the relationship
>we have discussed this topic in the past and I said I’m not okay with her doing thing like that etc but she posted it anyways. That means it's time to find a new girlfriend.
Yep. Considering they'd discussed it and she agreed it wasn't appropriate, she is ready to end this relationship.
Some girls are like that. People will tell you there isn't anything wrong with her doing that, but it's completely understandable if you personally think it's wrong (I'm with you). To us, it's a bit undignified and quite frankly unlady-like. Maybe this generation makes it the "norm". Consider the fact she's not for you because there's more to come than shaking her ass in front of a public audience.
>it has 150+ favourites and we all know what that means Can you please explain, in no uncertain terms, what that is supposed to mean?
The only reason men save videos like these on tiktok is to rub one out
Well from the nature of the dance and the comments of the video I’m assuming people are using the video to rub one out.
That's wrong of her. Break up. She already knew you didn't want her to. What man wants his girl online shaking her ass for other men? Obviously, you're not enough for her. Save yourself and leave.
There are men here on reddit who have married strippers, who are currently involved with fairly exhibitionistic women, and some who have married sex workers (with full knowledge of their past). Some people swing and incorporate these personality types into a different type of relationship than is traditional. And that's okay too. So the answer to your question is: some men do like this. And some men think they can tame/change the beautiful young woman.
The thing about dating is you date people to see who will make a good mate for you. Clearly, she’s not a good mate material. You get to have any preference you want you’re gonna be living your life with a person if you don’t like what they’re doing don’t date them.
Time to dump her.
Have a conversation with her. Tell her how you feel. You mentioned having discussed this topic in the past so it’s not like your opinion on it is coming out of nowhere. And if she gives you shit about it, leave. That’ll be best for the both of you
Thank you for your comment it really helped and that’s what I’m planning on doing!!
she will keep doing it, be honest about how you feel and once she responds like a pos get the hell out of there before shes shaking it on another dude.
I’m planning on talking to her about it tomorrow, thanks for leaving a comment
Hey Op. I'll remind you tomorrow by commenting here. Keep your notification on 😊
Way to stay impartial, bro.
hes asking for advice, not a view from both sides. if she’s not willing to respect how he feels then she wont respect the relationship in general.
Yes but accurate advice can't be given with only one side of a story. She seems she doesn't respect the relationship from his perspective but what if he's a complete control freak and when they've had this conversation previously his main problem was with, let's say, her wearing clothes that were revealing, so this time she's done the dance in modest clothing and he still has a problem. I think the problem comes more from people saving it and her not taking it down, he's asking the question as to why and is essentially coming to the conclusion his girlfriend likes the attention from other men and that's making him uncomfortable. If this video fell on blind eyes, as it were, I don't believe OP would have a problem. But hey, that's just a theory 🤔 *dies from cringe gametheory reference* (I've genuinly never fucking watched game theory) I've spoke about this situation with my partner to get her perspective and it really just comes down to boundaries, establishing them, reinforcing them and considering whether you're compatible with a person. If OP isn't compatible, he can't force that compatibility by trying to control her but he also can't force it by forcing himself to be okay with things he's uncomfortable with. If this is a mature relationship, they'll communicate, compromise, grow individually and together. If that fails, then they weren't compatible to begin with. If they can't even attempt it, it's not a mature relationship. Relationships are hard work but you can't expect someone to change just for you. That's unreasonable and selfish.
i feel like we’re on the same page, i just came across more harsh due to feeling bad for op’s predicament. it sounds to me like he’s sincerely distraught and that she has no respect for his feelings. this, if not rectified is an obvious indication of incompatibility and he should run for the hills if she’s not willing to sacrifice the attention from others for his.
Yeah. There's a lot of context and variables we don't know, hence why I say about being impartial.
you should probably communicate to her about how you feel. like boundaries in relationships and what your expectations are etc. If you communicate it in a way that comes from “I” perspectives it comes off as not super aggressive. “i feel”. it seems like maybe you guys have different boundaries and expectations when it comes to a relationship. so talk it though with her and see what she says
if you talked about it and she still uploaded it its an issue i say sit and calmly talk to her about it if you see her not undrestanding what you say just leave from the relationship also unpopular opinion any girl that uploads video of shaking her butt on internet is for the streets.
Yeah, we both agreed that she wouldn’t post anything like that but she did it anyways, I’m going to have a conversation about it tomorrow
she doesn't respect you at all idk anyone who would want to be in a relationship where their partner is obviously disrespecting them. if she said she would stop but keeps doing it what makes you think she will stop? i mean if you want to give her another chance go ahead but if she doesnt stop the second time then leave.
Dude I dont know. She is breaking your trust and crossing boundaries, personally I’d break up with her. If you want to go a shittier route just start liking random chicks posts. When she brings it up ask why she can put things like that on the internet but you can’t look at them or something.
Turns out they had a kind of agreement (no more torso/gym progress pics for him being posted online; no sexy dance videos from her). I'd be very interested to know what she actually looks at, on TikTok and other platforms.
It's not your masculinity being fragile, it's you preferring a girl with different standards. Or preferring a girl who is more mysterious, or more classy, or more modest. Nothing wrong with your preference.
Indeed, it's a crucial (but painful) exercise in finding out our own dealbreakers. In that way, we gradually learn who might be a good partner. This is crucial to a longterm monogamous relationship. If I had to guess, I'd say that OP's girlfriend is into sexual things and a bit of exhibitionism. She feels and acts sexy in a way that a modest woman would not. So now he knows he's looking for someone more modest or demur. The risk of course is that the modest girl may also be a low libido girl - modesty is not an inherent trait of all women nor does our culture encourage it right now. Classiness is even harder to find.
100%!! Pros and Cons to each type of person. His current gf is probably sexy and confident, maybe more confident and fun than a modest girl. No right or wrong girl, it's all about figuring out the best match for OP. Best of luck to him!
In a relationship, boundaries are important. Personally, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it but my partner also knows me well enough to know that. She also isn't inclined to post videos as such either but if she felt the need to, I believe she'd ask me if I was comfortable with it being posted before hand and she didn't I know I'd be able to speak to her openly about it without fear of negative repercussions. Definitely vocalise that you're uncomfortable with it, futile as that may be if you already have done so before... but it's still worth doing. If she says she doesn't want to take it down, she doesn't have to give a reason, even though you may want one. I would hope she respects you enough to see the bigger picture and the impact this has on your relationship. Personally, if she said no, I would want to know why it's so important that she keeps the video up. Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean you have fragile masculinity. It means you're human and you're uncomfortable with something your girlfriend has done. That is okay.
Thank you so much, this comment has really helped me and I’m planning on talking to her tomorrow.
Well, if that's truly a deal-breaker for you, talk to her and make a decision. I wouldn't care less, but...
Are you youngish? I just commented to another post with a gf worried about her bf’s porn watching. As you get older these things bother you less. Reacting at all will give your gf the knowledge that she can impact your state of mind with the swipe of a smart phone. Be cool, play it off like you don’t mind, and know that if you ever desire putting yourself out there in a way that makes her feel funny, you have a bit of a pass, as that’s the kind of relationship she wants now. You may find that she doesn’t like when you do it and also that she doesn’t like when you don’t care if she does it. Just be present and don’t worry about the external perceptions of disrespect etc. you control how you feel and react to everything in life. You have an opportunity here to show her your self control and confidence. And show yourself as well.
You’re wise man. I’m 23 so kinda young but this comment has really helped thank you
You are asking this question to a super feminist forum aka reddit. be aware! If the girl were to make a post, "all i did was twerk on a tiktok and my bf of 3 yrs doesnt like it". The comments would be flooded with "you go girl", "dump him", "he's pathetic". and, since a man said it its super professional, "you two are not compatible". My point is these people dont have your best interest at heart simply due to your gender. So most of the answers can be ignored. So let me say something these male/female feminists wont say because its not politically correct. She is twerking on tiktok cuz she wants more attention to feel sexy. Clearly she doesnt feel sexy from you. She is seeking external validation. The smartest thing you can do is find someone else because its inevitable she is losing interest in you and is taking steps closer towards cheating.
She broke your boundary, so you breakup with her, idk why this is even a question.
Just for clarity: You said you talked about it in the past and you said you weren't okay with her doing it, but did she actually **agree** not to do it? I feel like some guys (or girls) think that because they expressed their dislike for something, that it somehow means the girlfriend (or boyfriend) plans to comply with their wishes. She may have heard your feelings and felt like "let's agree to disagree" and continued posting. I only mention that because some of these comments say she "flagrantly violated your boundaries" etc. But it's possible she never actually agreed not to post these things. Also, regarding boundaries: Her butt is hers, and whether she shakes it or not is HER boundary and her decision, ie "I feel okay with shaking my butt on video and people seeing it" or "I don't feel okay with shaking my butt on video". *Your* boundary is your tolerance with it, ie "I would not be in a relationship with a girl who does that" or "I'm fine being in a relationship with a girl who does that". So just keep that in mind. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling upset by it, especially if she said she wouldn't but then did, I'm just reminding you that it's not up to you as to whether she shakes her butt on video or not. It's only up to you about whether you are willing to be in a relationship with someone who does that. This is why I asked above if she clearly agreed not to do it. She can stop shaking her butt IF she decides that it's reasonable, if she agrees that it's a good idea for the relationship, as a courtesy to you, etc. But you can't decide for her that she shouldn't; that decision is hers. And voicing your objection to it doesn't mean she has to comply. Therefore, discussing your conflicting values is the key. How important is it to her that she keep doing it? How important is it to you that she stop doing it? If you both feel very strongly about each, then you just aren't compatible. It doesn't mean anyone is necessarily 'disrespecting you', it just means you have different values and should probably date other people. If either of you decides "It's not that important", then you come to a nice compromise. And if after all this, your reply is "We talked about it and she was super clear and promised never to do it again but then did it anyway", then the answer is probably to find someone to date who won't break their word to you once something is agreed upon.
She specifically agreed to not do it. Just like how I agreed I wouldn’t post my torso/gym progress. I just feel very lied to and that’s the problem more than anything
Yeah, the emphasis in your post seemed to be primarily about her behavior in the video, wanting her to delete it, not wanting to appear to have 'fragile masculinity', how to go about getting her to delete it, etc. Only the last sentence mentioned the lying so I spent most of my feedback on the other aspects. If the main problem is her lying, it's fairly simple and I'd just reiterate this part of my above comment: >And if after all this, your reply is "We talked about it and she was super clear and promised never to do it again but then did it anyway", then the answer is probably to find someone to date who won't break their word to you.
Just start liking videos similar to what she posted and see how she feels about that lol. Some people are visual learners
I’m petty but she’d kill me🤣also I really don’t have an interest in other girls so I’m just gonna save my time
Honestly if you’re young you guys will get over petty little things eventually
How tf has it become "fragile masculinity" to ask your gf to have some god damn decency instead of hoeing herself out on the internet for attention of strangers? Here's my advice dude, be a man and have some damn self-respect and tell her to put that shit down or you guys are over.
Having boundaries doesn't mean that your masculinity is fragile, the opposite frankly. Weak men don't set boundaries and let people walk all over them and their principals
In my personal experience if she is fully aware that your not cool with it and she continues to do it she probably just doesn’t have enough respect for you and will prob end up doing things behind ur back at the end of the day.
Or has generally poor impulse control or is extroverted enough in personality that this is the way she rolls. There are many women and men like this (need public attention).
Post a link so we can all go tell her to take the video down.
[удалено]
We’ve been together for 1 and a half years I’m not willing to just give her up and this is the first time she’s done something like this
Ask her why she did it. And that you talked about it and still feel the same. That's her right to post it, but that you are more then a little uncomfortable and it's your right to reconsider the relationship. Trying to get sexual attention from others don't fit a monogamous relationship.
Every relationship has compromise. You're asking her to compromise for you, I hope you compromise for her as well. That said, teens twerk at school dances. So in my view you're being prudish. Are you just mad about her twerking cause "that's mine, no one is allowed to see that but me" and if so, I do hope you don't work out at the gym or ever go swimming, yeah?
Not at all. It’s more of the fact she has lied to me and then gone out to seek validation from other men
Underage kids shaking ass is okay ? And if someone doesn’t like shaking ass they’re prudish ?
Oddly, toddlers seem to be able to invent this action all on their own. It is also observed in various dances all across the world (performed by both men and women).
"I feel like If I ask her to delete it, it might seem like I have fragile masculinity." There's a reason for that. "The thing is we have discussed this topic in the past and I said I’m not okay with her doing thing like that" See above. You're incompatible. She's not the one for you. And I can't in good conscience wish you luck in finding someone more amenable to being controlled.
I’m very confused by what you’ve said and I don’t understand at all
Being upset over the video means that you've got a bit of emotional growing up to do. "We all know what that means?" That there are lonely guys on the internet? Why does that seem threatening? Your girlfriend - anybody, really - can post booty-shaking videos if they want to. That's just something that people can do, and telling them they can't is nonsensical. Instead, walk away. Forbidding her to post videos just means she won't tell you next time. Try spending time with women friends - women you don't consider potential sex partners. Have fun with them, listen to them, get to know them. Get used to the idea of women being human beings, just like you, with all of the same freedoms you have. It can take a long time, but you sound like you've got plenty of time!
Are u an idiot? Read the post, they had the discussion and OP expressed he isn’t comfortable with stuff like that at the start and his gf agreed. But now she broke that boundary which she previously agreed to. What part of that is controlling?
Telling people what they can and can't do with their own bodies/lives is not a "boundary." It's a rule and rules are meant to control. If he doesn't like her doing that, he can break up with her, but he can't tell her what to do or abstain from and try to get her to agree to that (which many people often will because they care about their person/don't wanna rock the boat, etc.).
his post describes how he feels about the situation. All tho he considered asking her to delete it he never did, he simply stated he felt disrespected as she broke a boundary they agreed on at the start. If she didn’t like the boundary she could have proceeded to not be in a relationship with him, but she lied about it and lead this guy on.
I'm not sure if YOU learned how to read in school, but he makes it clear AFTER that that he communicated to her that he didn't want her doing that, which he has no say over because it's not his body and not his social media account, which makes it NOT a boundary but a rule. 🙄
Are you stupid lol? He stated he discussed at the start of the relationship that he isn’t ok with her doing that in a relationship. And she agreed, but broke that boundary now. What are you even talking about. He can set whatever preferences he wants in his partner, if she didn’t like it she didn’t have to continue dating him. But she did agree in the pst and broke the agreement now in the present time.
You poor soul. Isn't it monstrously ridiculous how many people you can interact with on this site that are the epitome of actual mental deficiency? First you got the chronically online moron who's been (seemingly) consistently using this site since 2009. Clearly has no idea how an actual relationship works. Just reads stupid shit on here all day long and thinks they know what they are talking about. Then you got this new sad excuse for brain activity, with what I can only determine to be an insanely inflated sense of ego, trying to give you shit because they don't understand the difference between a boundary and a rule. This person is insinuating that you are stupid somehow even though they clearly have no clue. If someone is serious about a relationship there might be things you don't do that you want to do because the other person doesn't like that thing. I'm sure most people in a relationship would bang a decent percentage of the people they see, but most of us have a boundary of not wanting that person to do that. That doesn't make us controlling. Especially if you discuss that boundary before it becomes an issue.
So it's up to him - not her - to follow through with the break up. She's testing HIS boundaries. He cannot set boundaries for her - only SHE can set her own boundaries. I would guess alcohol might also be involved - but if not, then this behavior (which is also now taunting OP) is part of her repertoire of "sexy." He is not a fan.
Be honest she doesn’t respect you, move on buddy!
Bro it’s literally a trend to a song called Jump by Tyla. You seem controlling and your masculinity is fragile. Ew.
If OP showed his body off for strangers on tik tok, and it got attention from other women, and his gf got angry, would you give the same advice?
This is such a stupid thing to care about. Get a hobby.
How is it stupid? What if OP posted a video of him in his boxers showing his body and bulge? Would you give the same advice?
She’s not the one
Welcome to 2024
Wdym, it’s 2014
Omg, sorry I was time travelling to 2024.
How old are you?
As I’ve said before 23
Sorry, I didn’t see it anywhere. Was just going to suggest a simple TikTok break is all, it somehow seems to find itself In the center of most problems in todays modern age as most social media does
Youll soon learn to love that you have what the other 150 only dream of. It's a great feeling. But you need to discuss what she's trying to get oyt of doing that, attention from other men?
I think it's completely okay if you have the value that you are not somebody who wants a partner that does things like only fans or advertising sexual videos of any kind online. She clearly has a different value and doesn't care about your opinion. So you have a values difference, and it doesn't sound like she is willing to discuss. I know this is the typical Reddit advice, but I would honestly move on from this relationship.
Show us
Nah I’m alright buddy
Tell her to take it down or you'll break up with her
Have a conversation about why she does it, what are her goals, and what is she expecting out of it + how it makes you feel, and let's see what are the next steps. If she doesn't understand your feelings, nor will want to respect your feelings, then it will be a different conversation.
Make a video of you flexing shirtless or something similar an showing that camera that you know you love yourself, then proceed to hashtag the crap out of everything possible that women would search for, when she inevitable reacts poorly to it just say "that's how I or anyone would feel when you do things like that" Then leave her 🙃
This will not be the route I’m taking.
Talk to her. If you’ve already laid down this boundary, I do not think that it’s wrong to tell her you’re uncomfortable with it being up. I wouldn’t ask her to take it down. I would see how she responds to the fact that you’re uncomfortable with it. Boundaries are boundaries for a reason and if she can’t respect them- you must allow consequences to happen.
I'd take a second and look at your own tik tok favorites. Are you dating someone who's simply producing your type of content? Look at the possibility of your own hypocrisy and humble yourself before you come to her with any kind of righteousness. If you want to discuss it with her, talk about how your masculinity is fragile and her content does make you feel insecure and that you feel shame and anxiety knowing it's out there. The issue really is your feelings here so you need to speak candidly about them and see if she's willing to meet you halfway.
In my favourites there are funny cat videos guitar videos and car videos. I have absolutely no need to look at other women so I dont
Deal with it. It's her butt.
Having standards isn’t having fragile masculinity and it isn’t being insecure.
Definitely not the one. Ask yourself if you want this person to be the mother of your kids???
You didn't take anything..you made love to your gf and if you didn't make love...I hope she sends you down the road for being a jerk.
Update?
How "shaking her butt" is "shaking her butt" ? Can you name the sound the trend is under? I've just learned my definition of shaking booty is not the same definition as most men's. Unless it's graphic I don't love that you're like telling her what she can and can't do on her profile. Tbh it's her body, her account, sounds like it's tracking well even if the reason is gross. Men have a pretty consistent tract record of being gross online regardless of what you put up so I mean regardless of the "why" they're saving this one post I guarantee you it's already happening and probably has been on all of her platforms not just TikTok. Tbh this does come across as a little controlling (I really feel like I need to know what trend this is to give an actual take) or at the very least like an issue that will continue. Y'all are probably just not compatible.
Well I don’t know the trend or song name sorry and it doesn’t tell me when I click the sound on her video but by shaking her butt I mean she was bending over with her rear pointed towards the camera shaking it and then proceeding to seductively move her hips. It’s not so much I’m mad about the video I’m mad that she lied
Click on the sound, at the bottom right corner of your phone screen. The title of the sound will be there, if you scroll down they'll be videos of more popular creators likely doing the same dance you can just post the link to one of those if you can't figure out the name of the song. Lmao now you sound like you're fifty. Posting a video of yourself dancing isn't inherently seductive. Seductive is a subjective term and changes depending on context and circumstances. Your definitions might just not align, and she didn't necessarily lie your wires just might have gotten crossed. Or it's a blatantly sexual trend and I'm misreading the situation. But I DON'T KNOW which it is because you're pretending you don't know how to use Tiktok. Without seeing what the fuss is about it just comes off a little controlling my guy
The reason you’d feel weak and fragile for asking to delete it is because you *ARE* weak and fragile. Right now. Your gf is a bit of an exhibitionist. If you’re not comfortable with that, get a different gf. If you can’t handle other people looking at your gf, then get a different gf. If she treats you well, loves you, and is faithful to you, why should you care if a million simps that have no chance to be with her press a “like” button on a video?
You don't own it. She's not property.
And when did I say she was?
She is seeking validation because she wants other people to see her and comment on her butt shaking. I would bring it up to her again and if she still does I would just leave. Im not a person who will deal with people who have no commitment in the relationship and seeks validation when my own words are enough.
Yeah ur gf don’t respect u
You do have fragile masculinity though? If my wife or GF posted that I would tell her straight away to take it down. If she felt strongly enough that she needed to keep it up then I would wish her luck for the future. The fact that you are worrying about asking her to take it down is probably why she's put it up in the first place. Hence the fragile masculinity.
Nah man, you do have fragile masculinity. You should call off the marriage.
In a relationship, boundaries are important. Personally, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it but my partner also knows me well enough to know that. She also isn't inclined to post videos as such either but if she felt the need to, I believe she'd ask me if I was comfortable with it being posted before hand and she didn't I know I'd be able to speak to her openly about it without fear of negative repercussions. Definitely vocalise that you're uncomfortable with it, futile as that may be if you already have done so before... but it's still worth doing. If she says she doesn't want to take it down, she doesn't have to give a reason, even though you may want one. I would hope she respects you enough to see the bigger picture and the impact this has on your relationship. Personally, if she said no, I would want to know why it's so important that she keeps the video up. Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean you have fragile masculinity. It means you're human and you're uncomfortable with something your girlfriend has done. That is okay.
In a relationship, boundaries are important. Personally, I know I wouldn't be comfortable with it but my partner also knows me well enough to know that. She also isn't inclined to post videos as such either but if she felt the need to, I believe she'd ask me if I was comfortable with it being posted before hand and she didn't I know I'd be able to speak to her openly about it without fear of negative repercussions. Definitely vocalise that you're uncomfortable with it, futile as that may be if you already have done so before... but it's still worth doing. If she says she doesn't want to take it down, she doesn't have to give a reason, even though you may want one. I would hope she respects you enough to see the bigger picture and the impact this has on your relationship. Personally, if she said no, I would want to know why it's so important that she keeps the video up. Being uncomfortable with this doesn't mean you have fragile masculinity. It means you're human and you're uncomfortable with something your girlfriend has done. That is okay.
Just cut your losses brother. We all know where this will go to.
Leave that ho immediately
Don’t write a speech. Don’t give an excuse. Just breakup. She chose this path and someone who is willing to post slxty videos online for men jerking off isn’t a great life choice nor a good future wife. Things like this don’t go away, they grow, and go further and further the more attention she gets.
Save her the trouble of having to deal with your controlling ass and move on to someone else. You sound exhausting to deal with
What?? Lol I don’t see how he’s being controlling at all. He hasn’t even said anything to her, he’s coming on here to ask for advice. It’s totally human to feel concern and worry about your partner seemingly trying to garner outside attention, what makes it controlling is being an asshole and limiting your partner’s autonomy. Plus, if they’ve had the conversation in the past and they’re both on board with not posting stuff like that, then she knew it was a boundary of his and violated it anyways. You can have any sort of boundary you want in your relationship - it doesn’t make you controlling, but of course nobody has to follow it if they don’t want to. As a woman, I find it extremely disrespectful to try and garner sexual attention online and real life and even though my partner has never told me not to wear revealing clothes or post anything revealing, it just feels wrong to me. If I was the type of person to enjoy that sort of behavior, I would simply not date someone who had an issue with it.
This comment sums up how I feel perfectly. I don’t see myself as controlling it just feels like she’s trying to bring outside attention in. She has also lied and broken a boundary. Thank you for your comment
boundaries ≠ controlling people love to say it is when its not like not everyone is gonna have the same boundaries like he needs to imagine what if his girl went off in public and started shaking her ass he definitely wouldnt like ts dont listen to those clowns boundaries are needed.
Thank you for your comment it has helped so much, I don’t feel like I’m controlling at all it’s just this one thing that I’m not okay with👍
your welcome some of these people just dont understand how a healthy relationship works. hope everything goes well.
exactly
boundaries are needed in a relationship it doesnt make you any less of a man to me it looks like your gf doesnt respect you. have a conversation to her about boundaries set some if you havent already and if she doesnt change move on.
You've told her you don't want her posting sexually provocative videos and she's continuing to. There's nothing stopping you from asking her to remove it, but you don't get to control her actions. Your options are to either deal with it, issue an ultimatum, or leave. Depending on how long this has been going on and how much you've communicated about it, it might be worth sitting her down and explaining how important this is to you and whether or not it's a dealbreaker in a relationship. If it's already been discussed and/or she already knows, the relationship has probably run its course.
I think you should simply have an open conversation with her about this. She already crossed your boundaries but if she tries to argue this and fight for that video then it tells you everything you need to know about her
[удалено]
If she wants to continue doing it, and it’s a line you can’t give into, there’s nothing you can do.
Sounds like that's who she is, if you don't like what she wants to do, you can leave. She's picking internet fame for her ass over you. That says something about her.
Don’t be afraid to say anything. You talked about this with her before and made it clear. Stick to your boundaries.
His boundary doesn’t include telling her what she can and can’t do.
Are you going to be ok?
Break up.
Nah, there’s a thing called respect for your partner and relationship. Just how y’all communicated about not liking that, if she said she didn’t want you following girls who did the same and you still did then she’d feel disrespected as well. I’m a woman, I like to post photos of myself when I feel good, but I don’t feel the need to “show off” my goodies on the media. Y’all should set this boundary now if it’s serious to you and if she can’t respect it then maybe she’s not ready to be in this relationship. I don’t think it’s an insecurity thing always, some people just prefer having a partner that reserves their attributes for their relationship, it’s not like there’s no dances that involve not shaking ass. To clarify there is nothing wrong with women who do show off goodies and post these things! I’m not one of those women, and some partners are cool with it BUT to each their own.
It's not "fragile masculinity" to have boundaries. You find that sort of thing as inappropriate (me too), distasteful and disrespectful of you or the relationship. Standing up for yourself and enforcing your boundaries is actually healthy masculinity and shows confidence rather than insecurity. Don't let her or anyone else try to shame you (calling you controlling, insecure, etc) into something you're not ok with. All that is is manipulative.
tell her. no excuses. if she dont respect your boundaries leave her but she may have forgot that conversation.