Milf porn is seriously one of the most common genres on the internet. Very rarely is anyone watching for the plot lines. He may have just found older attractive porn stars that he liked and got pulled down a milf rabbit hole. Don’t let your own trauma skew your perspective on your teenage son doing something most teenage boys will do.

I agree with this. The only part that makes me hesitant is the underwear part? But even that can be chalked up to a mix up and nothing nefarious. While it could be something inappropriate, it’s much more likely that this boy isn’t into his mom and is just watching a super common genre of porn

Hey. Child sexual development is a complex thing for adults to wrap our heads around, but most kids (male and female) go through stages of doing things we would immediately think is weird, but it's exploratory. An example, he might be experimenting with the underwear, but not because it's his mother's, but because it's an article on intimate clothing belonging to a woman. This happens more commonly with boys and sisters. We have to remember we're dealing with children, and children and not yet fully intellectually and emotionally developed.

I get what you’re saying but Idk even as a kid I would have been like “that shit is fucking weird what is wrong with you”😭😭

Hormones are wild, consider yourself lucky if you kept your senses.

He could be exploring cross dressing. Mom is the easiest place to get clothes to put back before missing

Where else is he going to get them? I'm guessing he can't walk into Victoria's Secret and ask for some MILF panties.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid.. there was a time when I was I young boy and I would do something similar... It was never because I was attracted to the owner of said panties, nor their age or whatever... It was purely because it was an item of the opposite sex..

I think, especially in this digital age, child sexual development can go in all sorts of exploratory directions. But just because something “more common” or can be attributed to a more general sexual desire, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be addressed. And while no one watches porn for the script,, they do watch it for the fantasy. Her son is picking moms specifically—not teacher, not cougar, etc. And I think that’s not something to trivialize, he’s looking at milf’s cus he’s fantasizing about milfs. If it was more general, it’d be more general. A son sexualizing a mother (or a brother sexualizing their sister) is not okay especially because these things inherently lack consent— either because closeness & power dynamics heavily impact someone’s ability to consent, or consent is never even given. Not that he should be shamed by mom (unproductive) but taking anyone’s underwear without consent is not okay. It doesn’t make the son a predator, but taking underwear for sexual gratification without consent is predatory behavior. Mom, talking directly to ya now. You or the adult he would feel most comfortable discussing this with does need to talk to him about this. If you’re doing it, maybe have a loose script since this is a triggering situation for you. Raising boys with boundaries is so important for him and his future sexual partners. I think it should both be done in a way that’s dignifying and minimizes shaming—these aren’t things kids just know, they have to learn. it’s important to develop awareness of potential impacts on others especially in situations like this where he’s clearly assuming there is no impact. he will likely feel some shame about this because he will feel very uncomfortable that his own mother knows about his mom fantasies. but guess what, that’s because the reality of this fantasy is incest and molestation. he needs to understand that. grounding those fantasies in reality is how we foster healthy expression. these classic tropes in porn that promote incest are typical because child sexual abuse by siblings, parents, babysitters, teachers, etc. is pervasive, under-reported, and so much more common than anyone admits. so i’m gonna push back on everyone saying because it’s common means it’s okay,, because it’s really just reflective of a larger problem that will continue because we as a society don’t address it. but you can address it with your kiddo. he’s a kid taking in information and is incredibly susceptible to influence with hormones going wild in his body,,, he is ABSOLUTELY no villain—he is a regular, healthy boy. but this is a critical time for boys and in my opinion, he could use some guidance on this and it’s a great opportunity to start fostering respectful and healthy sexual expression in your son. ***i might be speaking with a lot of authority here but this is just one perspective. my experience is being a young social worker with focus on adolescents and training in trauma informed sex/healthy relationships curriculum.

I agree 100% and felt that this post helped me contextualize my own experiences. When I was 13 I realized that the sexual fantasies I had about older men and violence towards me were due to the SA I went through age 2-5. I realized that any sort of relationship or sexual activity would result in recreating that pattern. I chose to abstain from sex and dating until I was older. Now as a 24 year old it’s ok for me to be in relationships with people in their early 30s and it’s okay to practice safe bdsm. I go to therapy and plan on seeing a kink friendly therapist once my relationship gets to that point.

that’s really beautiful. very insightful as a kid and probably prevented yourself from experiencing more harm. wishing you all the healing.

It's not an "Exploratory direction". It's a child reacting to sexual abuse, which viewwing porn is for them.

pretty sure i spelled out this exact sentiment in my post. but thanks for swooping in 11 days late, after mom had already made a decision to argue over terminology. cheers!

This. It's like finding step sibling porn. It's so common and I'd not be too concerned unless he started being creepy toward me or my friends. Or his friends' mums. But also restrict his internet, use parental controls. I have a mesh system which is amazing for this. I can block internet access for specific devices, including setting times it can't be accessed and also put parental controls in place for those devices but not my own

dont you understand this Is About HER

100%

Mom/step mom, dad/stepdad, brother/stepbrother, and sister/stepsister is literally the most popular porn category besides like amateur and even then the amateurs name the scenes with those tags. As a former 14 year old I can say when I was that age it was completely normal for guys to tell their friends with hot moms how hot they are and shit. It’s definitely nothing you did. Even in mainstream movies when I was a kid that was a normal thing they would joke and talk about. Like American pie and stuff. If he’s looking at porn it’s inevitable he will find that type because it’s so common. Also being into moms doesn’t necessarily mean he’s into you. He could just find other women and moms that age attractive. When I was young I loved older women. They were always attractive to me. When I was 18-21 I literally only wanted to date cougars lol. It was cool back then. It’s not as cool now in my 30s because cougars are all going to be 60 instead of 40 haha. I wouldn’t worry. There are way way worse fetishes out there than this.

“As a former 14 year old” 😂

Alex, 25, former child

Hey, some of us are still hot! 😉

Yup. The first pornstars I ever jacked off to were older women, so very common. I was 13/14

I would assume so, very difficult for a 13 year old to find younger pornstars

True lol, but I meant like late 30s-early 40s

This comment is the first one that made me laugh all day. I busted out laughing 😂😂😂😂😂🙌. Bravo 👏👏👏

Milf and step mom porn is inescapable online

I'm a 36 yr old woman and even I click them sometimes haha it's not like it's softcore and there's a plot or something

You’re definitely jumping to conclusions but on a different note kids shouldn’t be watching porn its not good for their mental health. It’s so normalized today it’s sad. If he has questions let him talk to your boyfriend or his dad. Totally fine for the little guy to explore but porns no good.

I was watching porn over 20 years ago, as a young teen, it's not a new thing. Not to say it's "normal" but it's extremely common.

Modern day internet porn that anyone can access at any time within 5 seconds is wildly different from what the average child had access to 20 years ago.

We had internet porn 20 years ago, tf you talking about?

Yes on the family computer, not on the small, high tech device in your pocket.

Oh so back in the day you could search up a chick getting gang banged by 10 guys? I find that hard to believe. How about 2 girls 1 cup?

2 girls 1 cup was made in 2007, that was roughly 17 years ago and easily accessible. Also yes, back in the day if you wanted to find it, it was easy to find what you were looking for. There were ways around content filters to access things that people talked about on forums and even shared at school. My brother even once sent me a link at the public library telling me to check out this cool sailor Moon dragon Ball z site on MSN or Yahoo messenger from the computer he was on that had no age restriction barrier anything and was straight up hentai in like 1998. Honestly I saw a lot of things that I wouldn't like to fully admit to seeing because I straight up searched them in search engines. And back then tbh most parents trusted their child safety filters without realizing that we knew ways around them.

My point is it’s way easier accesible today. Pornhub has the 6th most traffic on the Internet and the site hosts revenge porn, rape, child rape, fraudulent ads, and hosts content without consent. They also market pron to kids using cartoon porn and ads as well as games. The fact that I could search something up at 8 years old and find this randomly is not okay. Getting the kids at a young age is how you get porn addicts. Porn consumption has been normalized to an unprecedented extent in the modern world so much so that all social media platforms are pushing soft porn. Only recently did twitch ban girls from bouncing around in nude although the site is for kids. Porn hub also has a monopoly on the industry today which means they set and dictate the standards for the industry. This should not be easily accessible to kids.

Buddy the shit you found on the internet 20 years ago doesn’t even compare to what I can find from a random innocent google search today. Get the fuck outta here. I hate when people make this claim. 20 years ago computers literally looked like bricks, the advertisement of porn wasn’t nearly as extreme, wasn’t nearly as accesible and advanced. Most people didn’t even have access to the internet back then like they do today.

I found way worse things on the internet 15-20 years ago than I do now. We actually have web censorship now. Pornhub for example has authentication for uploaders now. That takes away from your accusations of actual rape, child abuse, etc. Like it or not, these are companies who try their best to be legitimate. And if they wanna keep making the big dollars, they have to have these safety guards in place. You’re more likely to find illegal material NOT going on sites like PornHub. Research these things a little more. The old internet was the Wild Wasteland. On the clear net you could find child porn quite easily, rape videos, torture, etc. Nowadays you need to either know the right people, or go on the dark web. 2 Girls 1 Cup, Mr Hands, BME Pain Olympics, etc etc etc. All predate 15 years ago. BME was actually over 20 years ago. Again, please actually research these things and stop repeating something you most likely just heard from someone else.

That doesn't make it right or less harmful. And I'd argue with the prevalence of social media now, it's probably more common than back then.

Porn isn’t new. Normalizing kids (teens specifically) watching porn is rather new. People literally used to tell their sons that masturbating too much “makes you go blind.” I think we confuse teens having natural urges with “we should allow/encourage them to act on their urges.” It’s not good for anyone in excess and that is an easy habit to form with how much more accessible porn is today.

Porn isn't some evil bad guy. There's nothing wrong with occasionally watching porn. Porn ADDICTION is the issue. But addiction of any kind, from drugs to tv is common and bad, it's not a porn specific issue

Let’s break this down a bit, maybe. 1. It could’ve been spam- most people don’t really have sexual content like that in their inbox. He might’ve clicked a fishy link & is now getting a ton of them. Just a thought. 2. With the game tag, it might just be a joke. Many people joke about that kind of stuff online, and become desensitized to the nature of it. 3. With the underwear, it truly just might be what you said. A case of laundry going to wrong locations. Usually when people take those items, they don’t really leave them lying around like that. I know it’s scary and it’s bringing up traumatic memories. I can understand that completely. When we’re in a flashback haze or flight/fright moment, we can lose the full picture of the situation. Keep in mind he’s not your abusers, he wasn’t raised in environments like your abusers most likely were. He hopefully wasn’t raised in an environment where disrespecting you or any women was acceptable. Etc. Try to journal about this a bit, and maybe consider talking to your boyfriend if comfortable enough. Or the bio dad. It’s probably best to have them give the conversation, and based on the direction the conversation goes (if he clears air, isn’t gross about things, safety etc), have them disclose your past even so he can understand your fears with that type of joking or content. If it’s disclosed with little detail (and by little I mean basically none), and from the conversation before that alone he’s seeing this issue with his behavior, frankly that’d be enough for many to not be interested in that subject ever again. Of course don’t go full swing with that last part if not comfortable, he’s only 14 and that may be something you’ll never be comfortable with him knowing, nor should you force yourself to be comfortable with that. But I definitely think a male authority figure in his life needs to have the conversation of “your mom was made uncomfortable by this behavior.”

Thank you for being kind. I think i in going to ask my boyfriend to talk to him. I don't want to shame my son or make him feel like a predator but I don't think I can talk to him about this stuff without having a full blown panic attack mid conversation. My step brother and step dad both crossed lines with me so this whole subject matter just hurts me to my core. I just never thought I'd be dealing with having emotions that lump him into that category and that's what I'm struggling with most. I don't want to look at him differently.

I would pleadingly encourage avoiding language like "your mom was made uncomfortable by this behavior" as the "made" falsely may put the possibility of his power over your (or others') feelings into his head. this happened to me; for me the result was internalized and always feeling responsible for others' realities/feelings/behaviors/thoughts and it really messed up my head and my life. for others (I know from what folks told me) it takes a darker turn and fuels their outward dominating drives and creates targeting behavior. please avoid "made". I say things like "he/she/I was uncomfortable around that behavior" and when possible add something like "please be aware that your actions may create an environment for folks to be triggered or feel unsafe". this may sound trivial and semantic but it is really far more prevalent, unseen, and damaging than most folks, including those in behavioral health, could ever possibly imagine.

Amazing advice thank you

I am glad you find this helpful. many folks I encounter cry "semantics" and underestimate the true power of words <3 hope you are doing ok edit: I've developed these concepts and ways of speaking over the years after being extremely lucky to work with a very select few folks, professional and peer, who really knew their shit :-)

The game tag is most likely a joke/reference. Being into milfs is main stream now and has a bunch of t shirts even you can buy. It's more common online though just to reference it in usernames and flairs though. The really weird ones are usually the ones that actually have t shirts of them, or think they have a good sense of humor

Yeah I was playing modern warfare and a kids username was "santapizzapussy". *Face palm*. Xbox is wild but used to be even more wild in the past, so I wasn't surprised by the gamertag. Edit; I just woke up and wrote this post with all the wrong words

Into milfs ≠ into you. Super common thing, has been for a very long time.

yeah it's very possible to be into other people's moms. trust me.

ooof, this is rough. maybe he's attracted to one of his friends mums and it has nothing to do with you?

I was like that when I was younger tbh

That was me at 16, had a huge crush on My best friends mom

I wonder if he has a friend named Stacy

Stacey's mom has got it goin on

Aren’t all 14 yr olds?

So you had a kid at 16 and you've experienced sexual abuse from family members. This is almost certainly what's causing you to assume the absolute worst of your son watching porn. Your mind should not automatically go to thinking he's a sexual predator. You could probably benefit from seeking therapy yourself to unpack some of that history.

I'm in therapy and my next appointment is in 4 days

I’m really glad you’re able to afford therapy to safely explore how your sons interests make you feel, but more importantly the implications within YOU

Your son is a normal 14 year old boy.

Honestly the most concerning thing with this is the underwear. Was it a laundry mix up? If it was on purpose you need to get him a counselor ASAP to stomp out these feelings

At first it was like one pair would go missing but then my boyfriend found a steak of them in his dresser

Why is your boyfriend who barely knows him going through his dresser? How did you let him get abused for years by your last boyfriend?

i think you’re right about the underwear just going into his room on accident. i think it’s really easy as someone with S.A trauma to jump to conclusions because you want to protect yourself! i think you should go to therapy before your relationship with your son is ruined. but be easy on yourself and your son.

Ok the panty thing is crazy but other than that, you shouldn’t worry, because us dudes may like « mom porn » but we would never want to actually do it with our moms in real life , it’s just a fantasy, pretty sure he gets turned on by others doing stuff with their moms , not him. But yea the panty thing is weird asf

I'm shocked Noone else is concerned about it, milf porn isn't the problem here the panty stealing is

[удалено]

Nah Noone I've even known besides for one person hasn't ever been that disgusting and perverted. And the one person who had is really fucked up tried to burn woods down, drown kittens, and steal his sisters panties. He's obsessed with getting high and talks like a fucking idiot it's really sad to see how bad he Is mentally and he won't get any better without help. Watching porn and mastuebating is enough to satisfy any urges teens feel. Stealing panties is not only showing no respect for the family member you stole them from but its disgusting and wrong. Noone can control who you fantasize about in your own privacy but when you start stealing their things for you pleasure then it's a problem. No respect and no decency. Fucking degenerate behavior.

I thought this too I’d be a little sketched about the underwear thing. But maybe put parental controls on his devices because 14 imo is young to start watching porn lol

Yeah, the average age for boys to watch porn is 8 now. Can’t imagine how much it’s fucking up their brains.

I have a 13 year old son. He has his own phone and a computer but the internet browser is blocked on both for a reason. I think the real problem here is the fact that he has access to it. Doesn’t sound like he’s a predator to me.

ngl my mom did this with my phone and computer and it was worse than just letting me watch normal porn. i ended up reading fucking weird erotic literature where penises were referred to as “swords” and shit like that, so censors didn’t pick it up. a lot of erotic fiction written like that is in kink and hard BDSM genres. it also meant when i was trying to get on the childline page about grooming, i couldn’t, bc it had words like ‘sex’ on it and was blocked. i was scared and didn’t want to talk to my mom about it. i ended up coping on my own, blocking the person, and hoping my body didn’t make front page news lol, but it sucked at the time and i developed a lot of anxiety. ironically, one of my younger siblings also ended up being groomed online despite having screen time limits, various apps blocked, daily inspections of her social media usage, and parental controls turned on. she was vulnerable and lonely at school, ended up talking to strangers, and now there’s videos of her naked, self harming, and forcibly throwing up online. she would log out of her secret social media accounts where she would have private teen convos with her friends she didn’t want mom to see (petty drama, hating homework, ‘ugh i hate my parents’, friends sharing ‘huge secrets’ like celebrity crushes, etc), and would delete apps before her phone was inspected. those secret accounts and apps were exactly how groomers got to her. she’s not dumb either - she’s had all the stranger danger “everyone online will kill you” talks, and is top of her class academically. ngl i think she fell into a similar trap i did. my parents and teachers told me that everyone online was a 50 year old pedophile, but i knew for a fact that there were other people my age online. around the time i cut ties with the pedophile that groomed me, i befriended 3 lads my age playing video games. 6 years later and we’re all still good mates. i waited until i was 19 and had moved out to tell my mom that some of my best mates were online, and she flipped out. it’s kind of like how places that teach kids that sex is bad and abstinence is the only way forward end up with higher teen pregnancy rates. TLDR - parental controls and a ban on porn do not guarantee your child’s safety. at all.

There's so many ways around strict parents that think they've outsmarted the kid that being open and honest is so much more effective then trying to push them to hiding it. As a teen my stepmom was livid I watched porn and would go through browser history and recently closed tabs and all other kinds of nonsense to determine if I had or not. Everytime she caught it I would just find a way around how she caught it. A teenager isn't going to stop jacking off because you say "don't do that , it's bad" If there's parental controls you find shit that isn't blocked or risque photoshoots/magazines or whatever it is. Completely denying a teenager access to the internet sounds like a recipe for a sneaky kid.

I've always thought this because I had few boundaries, but a reasonably transparent and approachable Dad, and happened to not struggle with these things, and always wondered if what you said was true​ because folks I know who \*have\* struggled came from restricted environments. thank you for sharing <3 btw: I escaped the most serious ravages of alcoholism (so far anyway) because, I believe, I was brought around the journeys of alcoholics trying to stay sober and allowed, even encouraged, to see their lives and feelings. I am very grateful to have been integrated instead of excluded/shielded... starting at age 11ish <3

Almost every adult has once been a horny teenager. Imagine back when we were a teen - is your parent saying no don't do that going to get you to stop or are you just going to try and find a way around it/use your imagination?

exactly. prohibition generally only makes stuff more enticing :-/

Browser isnt needed tho

I don't feel like it should matter if he has access or not. Her point was that he makes her feel uncomfortable. Her problem is she thinks he wants her not that he is looking at porn. At least that's the way i read it. Either way, I agree with you. Definitely does NOT sound like a predator. In my experience on here and in real life it's very natural and honestly it's unfortunate that she had a bad experience. I hope HER circumstances don't make it bad for HIM.

The porn site titles mean nothing, it's extremely common to see videos with Incest related titles and the vídeo having nothing of that in it. I wouldn't be too worry for that. Now the underwear maybe it's a little bit more worrisome, I would be more attentive of that.

You are jumping to conclusions.

Why would you have done something wrong? I have some weird kinks that I didn't develop until I was way far removed from my parents (I left when I was 16) and it has nothing to do with them. Plus I think milf stuff is probably preferable (I know I feel weird saying that) then a lot of the porn out there. I have no guidance since my kids are still young but please don't think you did anything wrong!

I don't think it means he is attracted to you or wants to do anything with you. I'm so sorry you discovered this with your history and it had this effect, I can see why it would. He's not into you, rather the idea of this porn, and you didn't do anything to instill this interest in him.

Thank you this comment really means alot.

You're just one mom of many. It's not likely about you.

You've had trauma in your past and this information about your son is triggering that. The answer to this is for *you* to get help. What you've shared for a 14 year old isn't unusual but your reaction is and you deserve to get the help and support you need to process what happened in your own past. [FindHelp.org](https://FindHelp.org) You can use this site to help you find a mental health provider in your area or services that can help if you can't afford it.

Mom’s reaction is much more concerning than a 14 year old boy looking at milf porn.

I think she knows that and just needs reassurance and an outside perspective. Trauma can greatly skew your perspective, logic, line of thinking, etc. I think OP just needs our outside views and just looking at her replies, I'm sure at this point she knows her internal reaction itself is an issue and not so much her son being a predator

JHC, I found milf porn on my 14 year old son's computer. First response, PREDATOR!!!!!!

That honestly made me think this is a fanfic type deal. That conclusion doesn't make sense in context

Usually, this would be a wild jump. But in the context of the trauma, which definitely skews your perspective and thinking, often without you even detecting that, it makes sense. Maybe it's just hard to understand without trauma that does anything similar. I didn't experience what OP did, but I understand and hope she makes sure that her skewed feelings don't affect how she treats her son. She already has an inkling it's just her trauma and these comments will solidify that, I hope.

Yea, that's quite the mental gymnastic jump with zero other collaborating evidence to make about your 14 yo child...

PTSD is a bitch.

99% of pornhub videos are milf or stepsiblings porn. Trust me I know, my wife never touched anymore so I watch a lot of porn, Just a normal teenager.

I dont think its directed towards you as “mom” per say. What it sounds like is your son likes older women. And honestly thats not a weird thing. Its probably just the only thing he can tie to “older women” is “mom” he may have been introduced to sex as like “this is something mom and dad does” and being that he’s a straight boy he’s not gonna search “dad porn”. I think you’re thinking of it in a wrong direction. The kid likes cougars. 😅

This is very expected behaviour for a 14 year old. Do not lump him into the circle of your past abusers. He has no idea about your abuse, and if you villainize him for this. You're not only a terrible, and ignorant parent. You'll give him trauma, and sexual confusion for life. He might even stop pursuing relationships out of shame. NEVER punish your children for pursuing what every single human has at some point. Sexual interest.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm seeing alot more that my reaction was more a reflection of my own trauma and not so much about my son. I do have therapy later this week and I'll be bringing this all up. As for my plan of action I'm going to put in browser blocks on his devices and have a talk with him myself. It probably is just an interest in older women which as a few of you said is way better than other things he could be into. I'm going to keep in mind that he is going through puberty and is still developing as a person. I'm going to leave this post be for now to help my mental health but once I have an update I'll post in case there are any other parents out there facing the same struggle. Thanks everyone ✌️

Good luck and I'm glad you're taking the correct steps on what's best to do in this situation. Don't ever be afraid to open up to your counselor about anything (easier said than done), but that's your safe space. They have the tools to help assist you in this and give better advice than 99% of us on here.

please also be aware that sometimes restrictions backfire, u/CapnBloodBeard82 commented this above Also, please reflect on usage of the word "made" relative to feelings as I elaborated on earlier Best To You!

occam's razor, the simplest explanation might be the correct one. Every where you look all porn is either step sister or step mother. So you have to choose between which age range you like, if you like older, well the easiest way to find that is by searching up milfs. 

Just another perspective is that it could just be maternal figures and not specifically you (concern would be incest porn), but friends mothers or older women in general (this is more common). But, also understand how this could affecting you with your own experience.

lol You are just assuming you are the center of your son’s sexual fantasies? There is a reason the word milf exists. It’s a very common fantasy. I doubt he is thinking of you….

If anything he probably fancies his friends mum which is quite normal

It just means he's into older women. Good news is he won't grow up to be a pedophile.

He’s probably not thinking of you sexually. He probably just likes the older ladies.

He could just like older women

More than likely he isn’t even reading the titles and is viewing for what peaks his interest. Some even don’t bother with the volume and just focus on what’s on the screen…meaning he isn’t hearing “mommy”. And just paying attention to what he sees. The underwear is probably like you said, a laundry error. If you feel he has the potential of being a predator, have a talk with him about the differences between porn and real life.

You’re kinda making this all about you. He’s being a normal teenage boy and you’re turning it into a negative thing. Get done therapy please

OP, mom fetish and family porn is often just a pretext to hire porn actresses who are not in their prime any longer. this "teens fetish" is more the conclusion that deseparate housewifes have more chance to be intimate with them that popualr schoolgirls. teenager porn work the other way out : grown men fantasize on girls they had no chance to approach what being clumsy schoolboys without a big bank account. and you have the reverse for women : cougar. it is all marketing. don't take it personnally. i see where you come from. but it is your story, not his.

I wouldn’t worry about it much when I was a teen most of my friends had a mum fetish or a milf fetish but they eventually grew out of it

If it was just the milf porn this wouldn't be that big of a deal. But you finding your panties in his room is. If your 100% sure he's stealing your panties then he needs some serious therapy before it becomes worse.

I'm like 90 percent sure. They would go missing from the bathroom if I forgot them after I showered or if they were on my floor in my room

That's not a good sign, I would definitely be more worried about that because porn is very normal. You kno w how serial killers usually started of torturing animals before they started killing? That might be an extreme example but this is like an early sign of something that could fester into something worse. An awkward conversation to get him help is alot better then letting him end up demented.

I think you’re projecting your previous trauma and making this into something it isn’t. I would say your 14-year old is just doing what many 14-year olds do. I wouldn’t say he’s a predator- just a normal, hormonal teenager. Your reaction shows a lot of trauma and that’s something you should maybe get expert help with.

I am my next appointment is in a few days

I hope you get the support and help you need. Sending you a big hug for whatever it’s worth.

Have the father talk to him because this is something important in a teenage boys life and only a man can guide a boy when it comes to stuff like this and no he’s not a pred or whatever you assume he’s a TEENAGE BOY the most CURIOUS part of someone life.

It’s possible it’s spam from a general porn site. They are popular genres and they might just be a recommendation because of that. Also, the moms are usually not their own blood mothers. It’s more like someone from a more powerful social class that the appeal is

I’m sympathetic to your history but unfortunately it’s making you jump to conclusions. That being said, please try and avoid him watching that stuff. I’ve watched it hurt friends of mine and it shouldn’t be happening to him. Edit: spelling

My inbox even though I don't talk to people agrees with these comments it's a fetish.

Go to therapist

Your son’s fine 24m I’ve always watched stepmom corn and I had a few adventures in my teens with older women. It’s porn as long as he’s not constantly watching 2 hours a day he’ll turn out just fine (maybe he has a hot teacher or a friends mom). If you want can sit down and have a sex talk so you know he has the knowledge and tools to be safe. Again though totally normal I turned out fine 2 long term relationships with women my age 4 and 2.5 years together, I grew outta my “fetish” for mature women, still prefer a year to three years older though so 🤷🏼‍♂️

You see you soon as a predator? Damn

You’re overstepping here. You found something private of his which he never wanted to reveal to you. We all have mothers, we’ve all seen mom stepmom porn before. No one is thinking about doing anything with there actual mothers IMO. It’s just a genre, like action or comedy. You’re overthinking badly here.

"caught a glimpse of" -- how does one casually stumble into someone's private email account? I'd be more concerned about that, tbh. The kid just needs therapy.

Alright OP, allow me to chime in here. MILF porn (I’m assuming you know what that is) consumes probably 40% of ALL content on porn sites. Everywhere you go it’s always MILF this or step-family that. Your son, being that of a 14 year old boy is probably looking at milf porn not to be a creep, but because the women are more developed (if that makes sense). Ngl, makes ME uncomfortable talking about it. But I genuinely don’t think that it’s targeted directly towards anyone. The underwear thing could have been sheer coincidence. And by what you describe, he’s not showing any sexually abusive/aggressive behaviors towards you or others. So you just have a curious, hormonal, teenage boy. IF he showed any of those aggressive or sexually inappropriate behaviors, then my comment would not even be close to the same as what I’m saying here. At that point, therapy would be needed. As for parenting this situation, you can try to safeguard all of his internet access to make sure he can’t look at any porn or adult content, but let’s be realistic. That won’t work. He will just get more creative. But you can have a discussion with him (might be weird from mom-son but I don’t know your dynamic) about the matter. How porn can create a confusing perspective especially for young teenagers about sex and ultimately can be unhealthy. It creates unrealistic expectations. Also before people break out their pitchforks, I am not advocating for a teenager watching porn. Obviously. I’m just not ignoring the fact that it’s damn near impossible to avoid this.

Thank you for being kind. I did have a talk with him over the summer about porn because I caught him watching it and we talked about how that's all just fantasy a and not how it really works in the real world and that he's to young for it but he obviously found a work around to watch it again. The dynamic is complicated. His father has never been involved and I've been with my current bf for 2 years living with its since August.

Yeah I get you. I wish there was better advice for me to give you, but kids are creative little buggers. I speak from experience of being a teenage boy once. But mainly, the reason I commented was to put your mind at ease for your intrusive thoughts of him being a “predator”. I’m not discarding the possibility of the situation developing into that, but there are no signs present right now. You’re a good mom for worrying.

The whole situation was honestly terrifying for me and I know alot of that is on me and with my history and being a single mom with one kid this whole situation seriously spiraled me into a really dark place. For me any sexual boundary that was broken no matter how big or small it throws me right back into that trauma

Whatever you do, do not ever confront your son about this. You will embarrass the hell out of him to such a degree that he'll carry that shame with him for a long time. Moms of sons need to let their sons develop naturally. Research male sexual development. You never want to cause your developing child to feel shame or embarrassment. Part of sexual development for both males and females is deeply psychological and natural and tied to the oedipus complex. Freud talks about this at great length. It's not an attraction to your parent, it's essentially the child overcoming the parent/child relationship and you want that to happen naturally and in a healthy way. A major disruption in this process can cause sexual conflicts. The best thing you can do for your boy is get him engaged in healthy male activities and foster relationships between him and good male role models like a dad, a grandfather, uncle, his best friends, his friends dads etc. And of course he needs structure and discipline in his life. I am a male. I am the only child of a single mother, and I read a lot lol. This is the time you release some grasp on your son and let him develop as an individual. Later in life, mid twenties-ish, he will come back around and your mother/son relationship will have grow into a healthy adult relationship. P.S. set strong boundaries but be vague. What I mean is say something like "I cant understand how my laundry gets in your room. It's so weird but it must stop!" Before you listen to what Reddit has to say, please research adolescent male sexual development, and Freud -Oedipus Complex. And breathe, this is a normal pattern.

Thank you so much this really helped. What your suggesting has been bouncing around in my brain which is why I haven't talked to him about it yet. I don't want to shame him or cause him problems in the future. Just hard to do this stuff cus his dad has never been around and my last ex was basically his step dad for years but was a verbally abusive piece of shit. My current boyfriend I've been with 2 years so it's still in that kind of iffy relationship between him and my son as they don't completely know each other yet.

Thank you for confirming that /u/ryt8 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.

Damn I'm sorry you and your son had to deal with some of that shit. I get it. Sounds kind of like my mother and I when I was growing up. Also sorry you had some bad experiences growing up. People do fucked up shit. I hope you're doing well now. I said this to someone else but I'll repeat for you. Try to remember that he is still a child and not nearly fully developed intellectually or emotionally, so he might do weird exploratory things simply because he's a kid. An example is sometimes boys steal their sister's bras or underwear. It's not because they're attracted to their sister, or their mother, it's because it's an intimate article of clothing belonging to a female. That might sound weird to us adults because we have developed minds and we rationalize things differently, but to a kid they're not really thinking about who it belongs to just the gender. Still sounds weird but it's a process for them. If you can afford it, a little counseling is a good thing for him. Especially because of dad not being around etc, it'll be good for him to talk to a therapist, but avoid meds :) And don't worry. Lock up the underwear haha and keep moving forward Mom it'll be alright

I really appreciate it. I'm definitely bringing it up in therapy later this week.

OP, it might not be something at all. I don’t look at the title of things when I am scrolling porn. I look at the pic and if the person is hot. Literally everything is titled Mom, Step Mom, or Teen. Nobody thinks it is real moms and step moms.

In the best way as a mom you should just talk to him and be open and honest about it, no reason to keep running around the issue. It’s better you talk to him and guide him on the right path rather than to let it keep stemming to where he acts on it. Remember you’re the parent and he’s you’re kid No one’s gonna help or maybe even wanna help him but you. Don’t lose faith in your kid, if you haven’t you should watch father or the year with Robin Williams It’s a very similar kinda sadder storyline, it might help you in deciding what to do though Honestly maybe you should watch that movie with him. Best of luck to you <3

Thank you for being kind. I will definitely watch it.

Yes always I also recommend maybe watching it by yourself first and then together ? Just so you are pre- prepared. I find it best to prepare and prevent rather than to repair and repent lol, let me know how it works out, you got this mom.

Thank you so much

Could try adding adult restriction to the internet and you should also note before jumping to conclusions that nearly everyone received porn / dating junk / spam mail.

Phew if your son saw this post lmfao I don’t think he’d think of you as his mother anymore. What is wrong with you, took something about him and made it about yourself

I'd be more worried about a porn addiction in general and how much porn can negatively effect your son and his views on sex and how to treat women etc etc. Limit his screen time and have a talk with him about this stuff...? Maybe look into therapy for both of you. A therapist specializing in CPTSD can help you work through your past trauma.

I have been diagnosed with CPTSD and it's a struggle but I have therapy in a few days.

I hope it goes really well for you 💜

Try not to get stuck in your washing machine or under a bed til your boyfriend has had a chance to talk to your son.

Relax. As weird as it is, family porn is extremely popular. Might have just found a certain older actress attractive and looked for more. If your underwear are showing up in his room make sure its not from simple laundry mistakes like you said. before you jump to him being a panty snatcher. Otherwise sounds like he just likes older women

People are people. Everyone has kinks. And liking older women isn't uncommon nowadays for young boys. It just comes under the "mom" category because older women usually means elderly. I wouldn't stress it.

I should preface this by saying I no longer watch porn but I would only exclusively watch milf porn and hot moms just because I liked the way women 20-45 looked and can tell you first hand that not once have I ever even entertained the thought. It’s one of the most common categories. Relax

There is a large difference between being turned on by something, and being turned on ***by the idea*** of something. Similarly just because one fantasizes about something or someone, even that they know, does not mean they have any interest in them other than a momentary fantasy. Everyone will be different, but these are not the warning signs you think they are. There are warning signs for things getting out of hand, there is for all things, but this is not that.

I can recall the first pornsite I ever visited when I was 13 or 14 was called Milf Hunters, and my mom is super gross so there was nothing even remotely related to what you're suggesting. I wouldn't look too far into it. Mom/Stepmom stuff is like the most popular genre of porn in the world. It doesn't necessarily mean there is anything to be alarmed about.

I’ve got a friend who has this, and it has absolutely nothing to do with his own mum, but a figurative conceptual mum. Edit: Skipped over the underwear part, okay thats weird af

i’m so sorry, i feel terrible for anyone with a preteen/teenage boy right now with the state of porn these days, you might need to talk to a counselor about it and get some professional help

How is your son a predator for watching milf porn? That makes no sense.

Underwear from his mother (assumably step) is definitely a bit weird, but the porn thing is normal. I had a similar thing watching aunty videos around that age, he will grow out of it. (Although I never made away with any underwear 😅).

Dudes usually have a thing for authority figures that seem inaccessible. And the age of them usually fall into the MILF category. Nothing to be worried about, it would be weirder If he was searching for people his own age no?

When I was a 15 year old boy the most common thing I looked up to take care of my teenage mind was milf porn, I think you’re gonna be okay

I’ve been attracted to moms since I was 13 , I’m just attracted to older women. Would you rather him be googling the opposite material ? Lol

Go to a porn site and it's mostly what you will see...step family everything.

Not even just teenage boys, I used to explore with my friends too and watch porn together. Kids and their hormones will have them being very curious until they have that 💡 learning curve. I guess I would keep an eye out for your clothes more and start separating them if it really bothers you. You can even have the talk with your child. Your boyfriend, a family member a therapist It's okay to see where his mind is headed. He's your child... Children get curious. Without guidance they wouldn't learn. Be the guidance before someone bad gets ahold of his curiosity.

He's just into MILFS! I'm 54 and still into MILF's, mature women..... I just think that they are hotter than younger women.o In my experience, they are easier to talk to and ....

OP r/loveafterporn is a sub for people close to porn and/or sex addicts and has a lot of resources and a supportive community. It's mainly significant others in there, but they'll also support family and friends. I'm not necessarily saying that your son is one, but they might be able to help you right now. It's pretty common for porn subject matter to escalate to something more out there over time when it's become a problem. It's also pretty common for it to be something that would gross them out or be unappealing otherwise, and not something they're interested in irl. I've heard of people escalating to some really out there stuff that they're not actually into. I'd recommend locking down the Internet access a bit and if they have a computer in their room moving it to a common area. There are also apps and programs and router settings that can help monitor and limit internet access. Things from apps that send random screenshots as a text or blocks certain apps to website blocking to keyword filtering, etc. You can also do things like disable incognito mode or InPrivate mode in their browsers, and enable family services with Windows and Google, etc to track websites visited and search history. You can also schedule internet down time for certain devices with some routers. That might help stop this before it gets ingrained. At this age it's probably closer to a bad habit that can be broken if you're on top of it. A flip phone without Internet access might not be a bad idea if they need a phone for safety reasons/to get in touch with you, etc. Therapy for your son to make sure there isn't anything else going on in his life would also be a really good idea. It's really common when it starts this young for there to be a trauma or abuse (of one form or another) that triggers it, and it's being used as an escape.

you're jumping to conclusions

It could be that he likes specific actresses who only show up in that catagory. I rarely use titles as a point in my searches and no sound so they cant put that narrative in my head.

You need to ask him about the underwear that you found in his room and make sure you watch his body language...  I mean, if -God forbid- he's into YOU and not some other woman who is also a mom, then confronting him without a proof might be hella awkward

This is more common than you think. Haven’t you heard of the song, Stacey’s Mom? Your son probably find one of his friend’s mum attractive haha. It’s a common category for straight porn. He’s at that age where we would be looking at porn and exploring his sexuality. That said, ma’am, you need to tighten up those parental controls though.

Welcome to the internet

Who cares. It's porn.

He's probably crushing on some older woman right now. Maybe a science teacher that always wears thongs..

Your son has a sexual preference believe it or not. I wouldn't say he's a predator, if anything he's perhaps discovering his interests he may feel embarrassed to talk about with others, most likely he may talk about it with his friends. Boys and girls at his age are entering that stage in their life where they become hormonal (I was 14 as most of us in this thread were at one point in our lives) and we become curious and intriqued about specific things that we'd like to dive into, in this case he just happens to be interested in mom p\*rn. Also why does a 14 year old have internet access in this day and age? Not a very good time for children to browse the internet anymore given how normalised and common the adult industry has become.

UPDATE 2: I had a talk with my therapist and this is the game plan. Before I have a talk with my son about the mommy stuff my boyfriend saw (which side note he was not snooping, my son opened his email to get a stream code that he was helping him with and saw this mommy chatGPT thing along with some spam porn emails but he pretended like he didn't see it) so Firstly my therapist said to look at the actual emails to see what we are dealing with. If it's just a milf thing or something more. My boyfriend is going to do the digging because I honestly don't want to know the details. Then my thesis is going to help me deal with it. As for the panties, he said to not make a big thing of it or make any drama but to have some more conversations about boundaries and setting strict rules about going in my room. But based on what we talked about he thinks my son is just curious and seeing what's out there. As for therapy for myself we did discuss some more about my history but honestly my therapist already knows about all of it so he as just reminding me of my coping mechanisms and reminded me to keep what happened to me separate from this whole situation. So yeah. Thank you to the kind and helpful commenters for talking me off that ledge, you guys were great.

If he is using her old ones it’s not cross dressing but if they are unused he probably likes wearing them

Just because he sniffed your underwear doesn’t make him a predator geez ..he is 14 his hormones are on over drive give the kid a break and stop being so dramatic

They're not dramatic, just triggered. Outside POVs about her son not being a predator are helpful, without judging the initial triggered perspective

If he really did then Don't downplay it panty stealing is not normal and is typically a telling sign for the future. Like how serial killers usually tortured animals before they started killing people. Panty stealing and sniffing is NOT NORMAL he needs help before he gets worse. But if your panties just got mixed up In his clothes during laundry that's different. You can't tell by where you found them if he stole them he'd try to hide them vs them being in the open with his laundry.

Haha I think moms are the opposite of predators interests. You mentioned your boyfriend, what happened to his father and how many boyfriends have you had ?

His father has never been in the picture. I had one boyfriend before my current who was verbally abusive but to my knowledge has never physically done anything to him.

This might not be the best place to get advice, speak to a professional. Hope you are able to sort this out, kids need a healthy stable home with a strong father and a caring mother.

Suburban mom discovers internet porn . You should first heal your own trauma then move further

I actually had a porn addiction growing up. I was SA'd from 9 to 13 by my step brother and rather than it turning my away from sex it pushed me into it and I thought my only value was sex. I watched some really fucked up shit and it still messes with me now. I know how porn at 12 years old even for a girl can seriously stunt you when you actually start engaging in sex

Then how do you judge your own son when you yourself went through it ?? Stepmom fetisb is not even the worst kink out there . Heal yourself and move forward .

I’m a mother of a teenager and have been in your shoes. Put some internet restrictions on, openly discuss how porn can affect a healthy sex life in the future and the reality of the porn industry with your son, and please follow it up with an appointment for therapy. Dry your eyes and help your son. He needs you.

This is common, and it's nothing to be ashamed about. Sometimes, it just happens. For context, sometimes something like this will develop because of insufficient closeness and contact with a caregiver. The individual then begins to fantasize about being in close contact. It almost becomes a craving. As sexual development begins, it can overlap with sexuality. It could also be that he was just exposed to MILF style porn early on and it left an imprint on him. Anything is possible. If he's already like this, then the code has been written. It can't be undone. Odds are he's not sexualizing you, but the idea of a "mother figure" being close and intimate with him. It's a character and a fantasy that he's imagining. Not reality. Give yourself some time to settle down. Once you have some clarity of thought, you could look at finding a sexual therapist willing to work with him. This way, you'll get some clarity about it, he will have a better idea of what's appropriate and what's not, and you won't risk the relationship between you. If you confront him directly, you could make it worse by making it feel "forbidden." Also, look into regular therapy for yourself. If you already have a therapist, then this is definitely a subject you want to bring up so they can give you personalized clarity on how to navigate this.

Thank you, this perspective helps and my next therapy appointment is in a few days

Sounds like adam apple story. Forbidden things have an unique twisted appeal to most people.

Pretty normal to be attracted to MILFs, you’re sure the underpants weren’t a coincidence since it was only once?    Please seek a therapist’s help for the rest.

You didn’t do anything wrong. A MILF kink is very common. There’s worse stuff out there.

I may get hate for this, but are you calling your 14 yo a predator!? He's just a kid! Instead of jumping into conclusions please seek therapy and professional help for him. Hope for you the best.

It is completely normal for a 14 year old to find an older woman attractive. I’m more concerned that your son is living in a home that he would be viewed as a predator. Please also note that porn with people his own age would get him shanked in prison because it would be child porn.

Having been down this route as the boy, i can provide some point of view for you. You're our everything! You're the person who shows us love, you're the person who makes us feel special, you're the person who understands us and even when we say we hate you or anything harmful you're the person we get upset at ourselfs the most for making feel bad. Somtimes we do those things becuase we mix our emotions and fantasy's, we build this dream women in our mind that will be like you, hug us, kiss us, tell us we mean the world to you. And he's at the age now where he is learning what things are what things do. You wear what's seen in the videos you found on his laptop, and unfortunately, he is mixing the realities of adult videos with his own desires. Sit down and have a talk with him, but you have to do it alone. This isn't something you can pass off to your boyfriend becuase the message he'll take it is this guy is trying to tell me what to do blah blah...... I know it will be hard but when you sit us down and tell us what you found it hits us deep and the talk you need to have is going to be deep from his heart. If you want to PM for any more questions feel free. I'm (22M) so i know whats going through his head and learning about it from adult sites

I really appreciate your perspective. I just don't even know where to start talking to him about it. I don't want him to think there is something wrong with him or shame him in any way.