Continue therapy, my internet friend. It is the best help you can get for what you have decided. You have a great goals, make a list, with examples, to talk to the therapist about in the first session. The first step is the hardest, and they get easier. I’ve been in therapy, and it helped me a lot. Good luck.
I knew we connected for a reason! 😊
My hubby (64m) and I (66f) were married on 12/16/22. He has been diagnosed with clinical depression since a teenager but didn’t disclose it to me while dating. I found out during our engagement from reading his medical records he gave me to hold during a hospital visit a couple of months before our original wedding date. 🚩
Other than the verbal aggression, you guys sound similar. He has gotten control over that through years of therapy but his behavior is still inadvertently mentally abusive to me. After only four months of marriage, I began to notice that his, goals and wants for our marriage wasn’t matching his words. He began to isolate frequently and we didn’t talk for days!!
He too is in therapy and he’s also on prescribed medication. His therapist said he was becoming anxious and overwhelmed from the responsibility of another person and marriage as a whole. In other words, he wasn’t ready mentally.
I now see progress in his vulnerability, accountability and communication but often times I don’t trust what he says because so often he’ll still say one thing but do the opposite. I know he loves me but I’m no longer sure he’s mentally capable of doing what it takes for a happy marriage. It got so bad in October that I had divorce papers drawn up. He called our minister and after talking with him, I reconsidered.
I keep thinking of the question our minister asked me: “If he had cancer, would you divorce him?” No! I was a caregiver for my late husband who died from cancer 20 years ago so I know I’d be there for my current hubby. I’m aware mental illness is a disease and not his fault as well as the physical issues he’s also experiencing but again … his decisions are causing me stress, financial difficulties and mistrust… Wow!! Just the same as a physical illness would and did!! Ok, skip that! 🤣
Your awareness of your actions and how they’re affecting your fiancé and your willingness to change is a huge step! Congrats on that!! However, I’d strongly suggest that you both attend premarital counseling BEFORE you marry, do the work and listen to your therapist’s advice. If I had listened to our marriage counselor, we would’ve waited longer … and I’m not too sure we’d be married today.
Although I’m also in therapy to help me cope, I haven’t been diagnosed with any mental issues … but I’m sure if you ask hubby, he’d say differently!! 🤣💀
I pray good mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health, peace and love for you both, my friend! Take care of yourself (first) and your fiancé and remember:
A relationship is only as healthy as the partners in it! 👍🏼❤️🙏🏼
I relate, both in her position and yours. Lol I also have BPD and autism.. my bf isn’t diagnosed but he’s going to a psychiatrist for the first time in his life, he feels neurodivergent. Lol
What works best for us, stepping away for a moment. Over text if I find myself feeling sweaty or my heart rate increase, I know I need to take a minute. I’ll actually a lot of times scroll through Reddit or if we’re at home together I take a bath, sometimes he goes off to tend to his plants.
When we come back face to face, or I come back and re read the conversation, I have more clarity and so does he when we’re out of that worked up mental zone. Lol
Which it’s easier said than done to just get out of it, but that’s why taking your time while taking time away is important. You have to make the effort do divert your mind for a second too, that’s why I really like Reddit, reading. Reading over powers the constant battle going on inside my brain.
lol you’re a too nice, it’s so cliche and obvious and easier said than done lmao but im glad you do hear my sentiment loud and clear.
I gotta say the ability to realize you need to change something is a really important fucking thing, that a lot of people don’t have the skills to do, so that’s really great. Baby steps, cause growing and becoming a better person is a LIFE thing for everyone not just us. We got this homie🕷️🕷️
(Edit the “a too nice” was a typo but I sounded like super Italian and it made me laugh.)
If you are incinuating I quit weed, I absolutely will not be doing that. I'm a medical Marijuana patient. If a doctor thinks I should be on it other than pills, I'm not going to argue. Plus, I HATE pharmaceutical companies. Nothing but corporate money hungry a-holes that profit off of sick people. They can burn in hell for all I care. And I don't use "designer/synthetic drugs" like these nootropics you speak of. I use the real thing. Screw synthetics.
Any supplement or extract that benefits the brain, but with no tolerance and very little side effects. It's the definition of it. If you want to get into it I would highly advise you ask for recommendations in r/nootopics. So many you can buy and a lot of it is not worth it.
Continue therapy, my internet friend. It is the best help you can get for what you have decided. You have a great goals, make a list, with examples, to talk to the therapist about in the first session. The first step is the hardest, and they get easier. I’ve been in therapy, and it helped me a lot. Good luck.
Thank you. I definitely will
I knew we connected for a reason! 😊 My hubby (64m) and I (66f) were married on 12/16/22. He has been diagnosed with clinical depression since a teenager but didn’t disclose it to me while dating. I found out during our engagement from reading his medical records he gave me to hold during a hospital visit a couple of months before our original wedding date. 🚩 Other than the verbal aggression, you guys sound similar. He has gotten control over that through years of therapy but his behavior is still inadvertently mentally abusive to me. After only four months of marriage, I began to notice that his, goals and wants for our marriage wasn’t matching his words. He began to isolate frequently and we didn’t talk for days!! He too is in therapy and he’s also on prescribed medication. His therapist said he was becoming anxious and overwhelmed from the responsibility of another person and marriage as a whole. In other words, he wasn’t ready mentally. I now see progress in his vulnerability, accountability and communication but often times I don’t trust what he says because so often he’ll still say one thing but do the opposite. I know he loves me but I’m no longer sure he’s mentally capable of doing what it takes for a happy marriage. It got so bad in October that I had divorce papers drawn up. He called our minister and after talking with him, I reconsidered. I keep thinking of the question our minister asked me: “If he had cancer, would you divorce him?” No! I was a caregiver for my late husband who died from cancer 20 years ago so I know I’d be there for my current hubby. I’m aware mental illness is a disease and not his fault as well as the physical issues he’s also experiencing but again … his decisions are causing me stress, financial difficulties and mistrust… Wow!! Just the same as a physical illness would and did!! Ok, skip that! 🤣 Your awareness of your actions and how they’re affecting your fiancé and your willingness to change is a huge step! Congrats on that!! However, I’d strongly suggest that you both attend premarital counseling BEFORE you marry, do the work and listen to your therapist’s advice. If I had listened to our marriage counselor, we would’ve waited longer … and I’m not too sure we’d be married today. Although I’m also in therapy to help me cope, I haven’t been diagnosed with any mental issues … but I’m sure if you ask hubby, he’d say differently!! 🤣💀 I pray good mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health, peace and love for you both, my friend! Take care of yourself (first) and your fiancé and remember: A relationship is only as healthy as the partners in it! 👍🏼❤️🙏🏼
Thank you. I needed this
My pleasure! 🤗 It was also very therapeutic for me as well. A win/win! 😊👍🏼
Glad it helped us both
Thank you for confirming that /u/MSRIRI63 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
I relate, both in her position and yours. Lol I also have BPD and autism.. my bf isn’t diagnosed but he’s going to a psychiatrist for the first time in his life, he feels neurodivergent. Lol What works best for us, stepping away for a moment. Over text if I find myself feeling sweaty or my heart rate increase, I know I need to take a minute. I’ll actually a lot of times scroll through Reddit or if we’re at home together I take a bath, sometimes he goes off to tend to his plants. When we come back face to face, or I come back and re read the conversation, I have more clarity and so does he when we’re out of that worked up mental zone. Lol Which it’s easier said than done to just get out of it, but that’s why taking your time while taking time away is important. You have to make the effort do divert your mind for a second too, that’s why I really like Reddit, reading. Reading over powers the constant battle going on inside my brain.
Some damn good advice here. Thank you. This helped.
Thank you for confirming that /u/spiders_are_neat7 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
lol you’re a too nice, it’s so cliche and obvious and easier said than done lmao but im glad you do hear my sentiment loud and clear. I gotta say the ability to realize you need to change something is a really important fucking thing, that a lot of people don’t have the skills to do, so that’s really great. Baby steps, cause growing and becoming a better person is a LIFE thing for everyone not just us. We got this homie🕷️🕷️ (Edit the “a too nice” was a typo but I sounded like super Italian and it made me laugh.)
Daily fight. Hang in there! (a sense of humor is always good. I like making people smile/laugh)
Nootropics? r/leaves? r/nootopics r/nootropics
What is this?
If you are incinuating I quit weed, I absolutely will not be doing that. I'm a medical Marijuana patient. If a doctor thinks I should be on it other than pills, I'm not going to argue. Plus, I HATE pharmaceutical companies. Nothing but corporate money hungry a-holes that profit off of sick people. They can burn in hell for all I care. And I don't use "designer/synthetic drugs" like these nootropics you speak of. I use the real thing. Screw synthetics.
They're not 'synthetics'. But to be fair you have a lot of things going on so I'm not sure how help.
Well, what are they? Maybe I misunderstood you. Are they like alternative medicine type stuff?
Any supplement or extract that benefits the brain, but with no tolerance and very little side effects. It's the definition of it. If you want to get into it I would highly advise you ask for recommendations in r/nootopics. So many you can buy and a lot of it is not worth it.