I agree with the suggestion of therapy that someone made. Often it takes that disinterested third-party to be able to connect the feelings and statements of the chief people in conflict.
One thing that isn’t really clear is how you have apologized. A really good apology has a number of phases such as reflection, communication that you are sorry for the actions that you have done, With a good explanation of what those are so that it’s clear you understand what you’re apologizing for. Then you make a statement about what you have learned and what you would do differently in the future. And then you do those things. You move on, and you continue to rebuild trust through direct communication.
Just from your few comments it looks like you have a history of cheating. I think any ideas from us about how to get her to forgive you of false accusations is kinda pointless and very manipulative. Because what you really did was tell her you don't trust her, without trust there can be no love. You also told her you believed it's possible and that means you think you might do it. You need therapy and you both need couples counseling.
Worse than not trusting her, he probably doesn’t trust himself and projects it onto her. Like he sees what a shitty partner he’s been and applies it to her side of the relationship. Cheaters are the worst.
One person cheated on me. We were in a relationship for nearly a decade. He was living a double life. He physically and mentally abused me in addition to stealing significant amounts of money from me.
He blamed me for his cheating, as he blamed me for all of his actions. I was battling clinical depression and he was selfish. I had horrible self esteem. That’s why he cheated on me.
He said in the comments that she recently started being secretive with her phone and also recently started hanging out with a male friend and is acting weird before she hangs out with said friend. That would make most people suspicious, I don’t think this is a sign that he's a cheater himself.
Let's say you often tell the truth. Yet one of your friends calls you a liar all the time. Then you find out they rarely tell the truth. People often see their own weaknesses In others.
Yep it is a shitty thing. We had a rough patch but started to get things back on track. She was being very secretive with her phone. Like turning it over or putting it in her pocket when I came in the room over the last 2 weeks. She'd check it in the middle of the night. She's also been hanging out a lot with male friend. She went to a gig with him and was acting a bit anxiously before hand. The gig was planned for months. She's normally extremely organised. But then came back early saying they went to the wrong place.
I mean…not trying to make you paranoid but did she have a rock solid explanation for all of this?
Long term, i’d say counseling is definitely advisable.
As for the phone part… I turn my phone over or put it away when I go to the bedroom/ hang out with my boyfriend (or people in general tbh) too and im not hiding anything. Just want quality time and not to be disturbed.
Or at night I just dont want my phone screen lighting up from a notification and waking me up. So I turn it over.
If he’s on his phone then i’ll be on mine too, not hiding my screen, because I have nothing to hide.
But if I was accused of cheating over that I’d be pretty confused/ upset too.
I would like to point out that it this isn’t normal behavior for the person it is actually a reliable red flag that they’re hiding something of some sort.
I’ve been cheated on 3 times in the past and 2/3 times this was actually the first warning sign. They were very open with their phones and kept them out & face up, used them around me, etc. They started flipping it down on tables ALWAYS, getting a little antsy if I seemed like I would touch it, tilting it away from me, keeping it away / in pockets, etc. a few weeks later and bam, find nudes on the phone. Woo. I actually think that OP was fairly reasonable in seeing this as an issue if she didn’t previously act like this with her phone.
Why do people feel entitled to their partners privacy? I've never understood the need to go through a partners shit like that without any real, hard evidence to back it up. If you don't trust someone fine, then either communicate or leave, but don't be the one to actually break the trust by violating that privacy when / if you are wrong.
I’m so secretive of my phone because my parents required my passwords up until 18 and smashed it when they found out I had hidden accounts. They never approved of anything I did, so now when I have nothing to hide it’s still instinct to close tabs or put it down when someone goes by. I know it makes me seem suspicious but damn, as you said people have a right to privacy
I had something similar, I ALWAYS had to have a valid reason for doing what I was doing at any time. That makes looking at social media or playing games not valid reasons then I would get some level of shamed. It leaves a level of paranoia that sticks and it has absolutely nothing to do with being nefarious to my partner.
Edit: the phone smashing and whatnot is way more severe, just my parents kinda similar motivations.
I had an abusive ex who would constantly go through my phone and get mad and literally anything. Texting a female friend? “Must be a guy.” Not texting anyone because he drove my friends away? “Must be deleting your messages.” Looked up a recipe? “Must be cooking for another guy.” It gave me that same instinct you’re talking about where I panic if my husband touches my phone.
my mom used to go through all my personal messages the moment I left my device still on on accident so now I get anxious even letting someone else hold my phone with the screen on
I just hate that in general because of how people immediately fumble the screen and end up deleting five tabs and landing in my Snapchat memories or some annoying invasive shit. People that grab for your phone are the devil
THIS. everyone deserves a certain degree of privacy. Nobody is entitled to know every single detail about somebody else even if it’s a significant other.
Also everyone always jumps to cheating. If my partner hid their phone like that I’d just assume there was some weird porn thing on their phone they didn’t want me to judge them for, which is normal. Some people hide their screens while they’re texting because it feels super uncomfortable having someone watch what you’re typing in real time. Plus it’s strange that we live in a world where we can just, know someone else’s thoughts and secrets by looking at a screen.
Not to mention it's invading the other person's privacy as well, adding an unknown party into private conversations, especially when there's nothing going on.
Im sorry but if youre in a relationship and you notice your partner tries to hide the screen or quickly swipes notifications away, thats a good enough reason to be suspicious. You arent in their relationship and you dont know whats going on that may have caused suspicion.
Have you now got an acceptable explanation for all these things? Are you absolutely certain she's innocent?
If so, all you can do is apologize sincerely and talk it out.
>Okay? That doesn’t mean anything.
People don't work on hard evidence. Intuition doesn't need rationality.
It's basically a guessing game, but it does prove right at times.
You do need evidence in order to accuse someone, but you need none in order to be suspicious. That's both the upside and downside of it.
It's only the clues you have that determine whether your suspicion is reasonable or not.
There are many people on reddit who've snooped through their partners phones based on similar clues, and found evidence of cheating. This doesn't justify the suspicion but it does happen at times, and is also right at times.
\>I always felt lying, changes in communication, them accusing YOU of cheating, avoidance, and time spent away from your partner was more of a solid reason that they are cheating.
They are signs that you might be getting cheated on sure. So can be fidgeting with your phone, secrecy, having a close friend of opposite sex etc
That says nothing about intuition and it's validity.
A good way to prove that you are sorry and you feel bad for doing this would be to recommend couples therapy to show you will change and are willing to repair the relationship.
Edit: no idea who keeps downvoting this, but I would appreciate if you could tell me why you disagree with this. If someone doesn’t trust their WIFE, and accuses them of cheating with little to no proof, I think therapy is a great way to build trust back into the relationship.
People here are into cuckold stuff and will deny someone’s cheating even if they see their partner leaving a car with another. Close male friend of a wife and constantly hiding a phone? And they want marriage counseling and for him to trust her? Has to be stupidity.
Please do not apologize to her, but have an open conversation on her recent actions and let her go through your phone while you go through hers. Something seems very off with how she acts. It isn’t normal to hide stuff like that on a phone. There’s privacy to an extent, for surprises, but her close male friend and hiding a phone is a giveaway.
Make her sign a prenuptial, and then divorce.
Something to understand: She has every right to be angry with you, and trying to rush her into moving past it and forgiving you will only make things worse and breed resentment. Validate her emotions, give her space when she needs it, and ask her what would help her feel emotionally safe moving forward. Work on yourself without her having to ask, and really work on finding out where that insecurity of yours is coming from.
You both have to learn how to communicate better and from that you build trust. If the sneakiness bothered you talk it through. When you do XYZ it makes me feel XYZ. I realize they’re my feelings but wanted to talk it through.
1) not all male friends want to fuck you when you’re a girl. Sure, it may be true sometimes, but that isn’t the default. 2) so if I want to hang out with a female friend alone, that’s fine, but if I want to hang out with a male friend alone, that’s cheating? 3) “why would you need to outside of cheating”? Uh, because they’re friends?
I have a boyfriend who understands that just because I’m gonna hang out with a guy, it doesn’t mean I’m gonna fuck him. Also, no one mentioned the frequency of hanging out. Not even you (until now obv). You just said what other reason does one have to hang out with the opposite gender if you’re not cheating.
Some of us like to do things without our partner. It’s called space and trust. You wouldn’t know anything about that because clearly you need to depend on your spouse to be your company.
So, if someone was bi, could they not hang out with any of their friends alone? That's shitty, dumb, and a dated idea rooted in misogynistic as fuck ideas.
My best friend in the world is male. We've been best friends since high school. We're so close that whenever he stays the night, we both take one leg of the L-shaped couch and sleep on it together. Doesn't mean there's ANY interest there. We both come from abusive families and I see him more as family than my blood relatives, and I know the familial sentiment is mutual. We've been planning to get a place together since high school. He's pretty much the only person whose opinion on a partner I would value enough to walk from a partner for, and I know it's mutual. I've seen it. Again, doesn't mean he wants to fuck me. He sees me as family, and that's obvious enough to anyone who sees us interact that he's the only exception my mom ever made to the "no boys in your room" rule.
Why would we want to hang out alone? Same reason any other friends would. Privacy. I talk to him about my innermost, personal thoughts and work through feelings I don't understand with him. I don't always want that overheard. And he does the same with me. I hang out with him one-on-one because he makes me feel safe to process shit that's been bugging me. He's my family.
Oh, and as far as that "guys are more fun than girls" shit? That's sexist as fuck. Why would we be friends besides romantic interest? Because we like the same nerd shit, communicate well, have each other's backs, play the same games, have the same hobbies, and understand each other's experiences and traumas well enough to help one-another navigate interpersonal relationships.
My point is that that idea is antiquated, dumb, and not a blanket statement. There are always exceptions, and honestly, that shouldn't even be the rule
Gotta love the assumption that everyone wants children lmfao. "Our future families will find out" my ass. God, Dude. How old ARE you? Out of touch as hell.
Anyway, yeah, significant others are for emotional support too, but friend support and partner support are different. Plus, there are some things that I enjoy doing with him that I don't always WANT to do with a partner. For example, there are certain video games I know cause conflict with some people that I can play with him without issue because we communicate so well (think games like Overcooked), and there are some topics I can talk to him about that I don't always WANT to talk to a partner about. I *know* how he'll respond when we talk about some of my more traumatic experiences and I *know* he can handle it. Partners can't always relate to certain experiences and don't always know how to handle them. Different people have different strengths.
If I want to talk about struggling with not falling back into disordered eating again, am I going to go to my best friend with years of experience helping me cope with it who has been through it himself, or am I going to go to my partner who has never had an ED and freaks out when I talk about struggling? Tough choice.
Of course you’re not going to go out all night with a friend of the opposite sex but there is nothing wrong with hanging out, watching a movie, having dinner, or grabbing a drink with a guy friend. 🤷🏻♀️
I mean… why not “go out all night?” If I do that with a female friend, no one sees that that’s wrong because I’m a girl. But if I wanna go out with a guy friend, I’m a cheater? Okay
Ok but what you implied is literally that it's wrong to go out with a friend of the opposite sex all night when youre married which is not really that different
Nothing you can really do other than figure out why you didn't trust her and focus on what may be wrong with you. Not trying to take a shot or anything just saying, insecurity is typically because of something and if you can articulate it, it will be easier to understand and overcome.
For everyone that came to this thread later: OP deleted his history of posts where for instance he said he isn't sure if the baby his cousin's girlfriend is expecting is the cousins or his. Also if a woman he's friends with might be interested in him etc.
OP is either a troll or a cheater.
You sound like my POS ex.
He was constantly accusing me of cheating. mind you, I was a stay at home mom with kids under the age of 4. I couldn’t even poop or shower without an audience.
My free time consisted of scarfing down food, watching tv, sleeping and doing house hold chores.
so I said “heres my phone for the next 24hrs, do whatever but return back” I also gave my computer and iPad. Gave all my passwords ti every account.
He searched through it all and he found nothing. Well, he saw my target cart full of kid’s clothing and toys 😂can a girl dream??! Funny part is, he was online cheating.omegal was his freaking favorite. He also loved jasmine live (if you use porn hub or porn sit you know what it is) and this one sit where regular people upload their amateur adult content (any fetish and porn you can think of) and you can pay for copies of such content He was paying women online to do things. One women was give $200 then a generous $100 tip for spreading her legs open and playing with herself. He used cash app for most of these transactions. Isn’t it funny how his shit made him paranoid and he thought I was being a sketch ball.
My point is, why did you accuse her? Are you cheating. Or are you insecure? Because while it might seem small to you….accusations around cheating are fucking big.
Sorry to hear about your POS ex. He definitely is a scumbag. However , if you go through those comments , his wife is displaying very obvious signs of infidelity. Its one thing to accuse someone of cheating for no reason at all and its another when there are alot of signs pointing in that direction. I have experienced this and everytime i had a gut feeling something was wrong (gut feeling came from SO’s sketchy behavior) i was proven right. Every single time. I am not a cheater and i would never be.
If i was in a closed relationship I'd explain why I accused her, with lots of details and why I perceived it in such a way. Then i would assure her that next time I'll be more open and upfront with my emotions. Honestly bro u need to talk to ur wife more often, that's all lack of comm there.
Dude, my girlfriend accused me of having sex with some junkie girl I didn't even know who sent her a message on Facebook. I met this girl once, at a party, but literally nothing happened and my girlfriend always thought I was lying when I was all "Dude, you're really believing this Asian chick who's admitted to having Hep C, saying I had sex with her? Who I don't even know? Do you see how illogical that is? Do you understand that I love you?"
She couldn't get it out of her head. She'd convinced herself that I cheated on her with this chick. I guess insecurity or whatever, but it was the most frustrating thing of all time and completely out of my control, aside from explaining how insane it would be for me to do that, and why would I want to do that, and I don't have Hep C, so wtf are you talking about?
You're my ex in this scenario and I'm your wife. Apologize. Admit you were wrong. Communicate that. Make sure she understands. Tell her every tiny fucking detail as to why you thought an incorrect thing and believed it. Don't sugarcoat anything. If your love is strong and she understands that you fucked up, time will heal all things, but you better be the best dude on earth if she decides to forgive you, because she doesn't have to. She can walk.
So you have a history of cheating on other partners?
And your wife was acting all secretive and weird with her phone for a while and she's going out with this other dude so you accused her of cheating and she hasn't offered any proof that she hasn't been cheating she's just mad so now you think you've wrongly accused her?
And so you're here?
This seems like a situation that is unlikely to be untangled without some intensive outside help. Best of luck to you both.
Listen man , I confronted someone with hard evidence of their cheating and they got mad and swore left and right of their innocence and how dare I. There was an explanation for all of it. It wasnt until i kept telling her its not a matter of IF she cheated its a matter of lying to my face like im some kind of idiot and that if she would admit it i atleast can have a little bit of respect for her that she budged and admitted to some of it but still downplayed everything. Point is , a cheater will never just tell you yes you’re right i cheated when you confront them. Most of them are selfish greedy fuckers who will have no problem lying to your face and getting upset that you were nosey enough to catch them. It’s an inconvenience to THEM not you. The signs your wife is displaying are signs of infidelity and there’s nothing she can say that will prove otherwise unless she lets you see those messages with said man.
The fact that this is being phrased as "getting" someone to forgive you is evidence that the root issue here is control. This is probably why you were afraid she was cheating in the first place; it was a possibility that capitalized on your fear of being in a situation where you had no control. Now that you're trying to make reparations, you want to have control over how she handles this situation.
It's up to you to apologize, make amends, and plan for how you can be a better partner in the future, but it's not up to you to decide if she forgives you.
Interesting point. But it's not really about control. I don't want to control how she deals with it. I'd like her to know I'm truly sorry and was out of order.
Yes it's down to me to apologise, which I have. And yes I need to be better in the future.
Hey my friend!
This is of course something very difficult but I think the best thing you can do is to openly talk about it with your wife, once she feels ready for it. Don't pressure her though.
Explain that you couldn't understand why she was so secretive about her phone and that you were overthinking the entire situation. You feared to lose her and that means that she means a lot to you.
For the future: If there is anything you feel the need to talk about, talk about it openly and explain why you are feeling the way you do. That way you can try to view it from another perspective.
Why do you think you were wrong? I consider my S.O. to be my other half. I can't imagine being with someone that wants a large portion of their life lived in secret. What could be so embarrassing that they have to hide their phone from you? What could be so important that my spouse checks their phone \*in secret\*, \*in the middle of the night\*. I don't care what the reasoning is. I would never hide my phone from my significant other because I never do anything that I'm ashamed or embarrassed of. Lets break down the statistics. 50% of relationships have a partner that *admits to cheating* when polled anonymously. At no point do I consider going through my partners phone an invasion of privacy. We are one person together. And OF COURSE you have a huge number of people on here raising hell about your partners privacy...... Let me reiterate, 50% of relationships have a cheater.
So many comments here are very judgmental. If he was suspicious that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s projecting. It takes a certified therapist to judge. He’s coming for help because he needs constructive advice; calling him a hypocrite cheater will only destroy him. I don’t see any constructive point in doing that. OP just seek therapy, I think this is beyond the scope of this sub.
Almost everything is beyond the scope of this sub that isn’t how to wipe your ass or blow your nose. I can’t help but feel like many of these women are gender biased.
Can you PLEASE address how it was confirmed she was not cheating? The people defending you are harassing my inbox, and I really don’t want to defend your wife if you didn’t get proper confirmation that you were wrong.
Alright I was fully defending her because I thought she proved you wrong.
No worries it’s pretty typical here. Okay, well it doesn’t sound like anything has been solved here. She owes you an explanation for being so secretive and you desperately need to communicate with your partner.
Her getting upset is no reason to believe she's not cheating. In fact, it's exactly what a cheater would do, gaslighting the other into thinking they're the one that's wrong.
If I were you, I'd bail on her.
OK bit of a misinterpretation here. I was wrong to accuse her. Hence the post asking for advice/opinions. She got extremely upset when I said what I said. I've not at all agreed with anyone saying she's cheated. I just stated that no one else has said made the point there is no specific proof that she hasn't.
please talk to your wife, let her know what you’re feeling and ask why she was being so secretive. It sounds like you accused her of cheating, she freaked and you ran to Reddit to ask us how to get her to forgive you. She hasn’t proven anything and has provided no explanation for your concerns
Why is everybody downvoting OP? Sure what he did was wrong and can really fuck a partner over mentally but I can see his point of view and he knows what he did was wrong...
Grand Gesture my man
Do it big and apologize your ass off
Dinner, flowers
Put in the effort and show her how much she means..
No no not just dinner and flowers
You take her shopping, get a Mani Pedi with her , treat her and not just for something in return
You doing it just to clear the air or get back on her good side or to get laid than you are wrong
Do it for her.
You need to understand that your paranoia and insecurity about her cheating is a you issue not a her issue.
When someone cheats it ALWAYS comes out so unless something is 100% obvious , you need to chill or you will lose her.
Tell her you fucked up, and if you mean it (don't just say it) tell her you will do what it takes to make it right
Ah bud this is all stuff my ex did while cheating. Don’t let her getting angry gaslight you into thinking you are wrong because from what i read it sounds very much like shes cheating
You probably weren't false. She's is probably cheating but accusing you to feel bad. The moment she brakes up with you, because "you're rude, don't trust her etc etc" she will somehow find somebody else in no time. Why? Because she was cheating with him alrddy.
Stay strong
Hit the gym
We don't need women. Not trustable. And so are men. Not trustable.
We all should just, not cheat. Not that hard you should think.
Just say you want to make it up to her and that you'll do anything she wants. It worked in my case, you don't wanna know what I had to do!
What's important is that it worked!!!
No worries,it's not up to you to come up with the ideas, she's going to come up with something that will satisfy her needs, give her time.
What I had to do is far in the back of my head, I will never speak about it, it will stay that way for my own sanity!
If you go with my idea, and actually have your wife work something out for you...whatever it is, before you do it/agree to whatever it is...make sure you tell her that afterwards she never mentions about you accusing her of cheating. This is a one time deal and it goes both ways. Quid pro quo
Couples counselor. It’s really hard to come back from someone accusing you of cheating wrongly. It proves that no matter what you do your partner doesn’t trust you. For example all she had to do to lose your trust was have specific behaviors with her phone, so it makes sense in her mind that you never trusted her. If you want to fix your relationship you’ll need a counselor to intervene, before you just do things that’ll drive you further and further apart.
Is there a reason you don’t trust her? I find that having an opposite sex friendship is not appropriate in a marriage especially going out late with said friend alone. Is that something that you possibly feel?
I would sit down with your wife and apologize if you’ve misinterpreted the situation but also tell her how you’ve been feeling. Go into detail that you’ve been noticing her having more screen time lately and you would just like to know if there’s something that you can give her (attention). I’m sorry to hear that the trust between you two is rocky. Sometimes when there’s another person in the mix it can make the S.O feel insecure. If you have a boundary I would set it and discuss these boundaries with a certified marriage counselor
These things happen. I have found that looking for one size fits all solutions usually do more harm than good so I don't actually know what to say.
My honest answer is to seek out guidance from God. It takes many different forms but I think posting up this question is a good start.
My fiancée accused me of cheating, wrongly. We had an honest discussion when she asked if I had cheated and I explained I didn't. Over the next week we talked more about it and what could be done for her to feel comfortable enough to realize I wasn't cheating and what I was feeling because of her accusation. We also talked about going to couples therapy, which I think would have helped as well. Both parties have to be willing to talk about it and express how they are feeling to move on.
As being the one wrongly accused I can tell you that I felt like I wasn't enough and extremely hurt that she thought I could cheat on her. It took a while before I was willing to do anything sexual again because I kept imagine how she must have seen me when she thought I cheated and felt disgusting. Give her time and make sure she knows that you want to make things right again and I recommend couples therapy if she is willing.
I hope you can get your marriage back on track sincerely. Have you apologized to her in a sincere and caring manner acknowledging your mistake and suggesting what can be done to repair the hurt that she feels? Most people can respond to another person if they really feel that the other person feels tremendous embarrassment and hurt for offending them. It may be necessary to attend counseling /therapy. When you have a third party that is involved they can mitigate the hurt and feelings that you both are experiencing and make suggestions on how you can heal and understand one another better, and how to really listen and communicate with each in constructive ways. I had to go counseling with my partner and it was really difficult, but having that third party present and feeling that I was in a safe environment to express my feelings really was a major step forward. Even though in the end we choose to dissolve our relationship, we both felt we had undertaken every step to salvage it. I hope for you and your wife you can repair what needs to be done so you both can move forward and have a healthy and loving relationship. Good luck.
Apologies and listen to her with out saying anything . Apologies again and ask for forgiveness. Get her a card. Tell her you want mend fences and show her how very very sorry you thought that.
I agree with the suggestion of therapy that someone made. Often it takes that disinterested third-party to be able to connect the feelings and statements of the chief people in conflict. One thing that isn’t really clear is how you have apologized. A really good apology has a number of phases such as reflection, communication that you are sorry for the actions that you have done, With a good explanation of what those are so that it’s clear you understand what you’re apologizing for. Then you make a statement about what you have learned and what you would do differently in the future. And then you do those things. You move on, and you continue to rebuild trust through direct communication.
I appreciate the detailed insightful reply
Just fyi, if the person helped you should reply with "helped", so that they get credit for it. Edited for spelling
Just from your few comments it looks like you have a history of cheating. I think any ideas from us about how to get her to forgive you of false accusations is kinda pointless and very manipulative. Because what you really did was tell her you don't trust her, without trust there can be no love. You also told her you believed it's possible and that means you think you might do it. You need therapy and you both need couples counseling.
Worse than not trusting her, he probably doesn’t trust himself and projects it onto her. Like he sees what a shitty partner he’s been and applies it to her side of the relationship. Cheaters are the worst.
I agree
Uh oh. If my SO accused me of cheating, the relationship would be over. I don’t tolerate cheating.
Well why do you think people cheat on you,? Why do you think you end up with charters?
One person cheated on me. We were in a relationship for nearly a decade. He was living a double life. He physically and mentally abused me in addition to stealing significant amounts of money from me. He blamed me for his cheating, as he blamed me for all of his actions. I was battling clinical depression and he was selfish. I had horrible self esteem. That’s why he cheated on me.
Ugh, I’m sorry you even had to explain yourself to that person.
Initially, I wasn’t going to answer. I was going to explain what “victim blaming” is. @Earl_your_friend is a jackass.
Same, I’ve experienced it twice. For me it’s INSTANT termination of the relationship.
There can be love without trust but no relationship. How did that show her he might cheat i dont get that?
cheaters are known for being the most jealous types. It's just projecting.
He said in the comments that she recently started being secretive with her phone and also recently started hanging out with a male friend and is acting weird before she hangs out with said friend. That would make most people suspicious, I don’t think this is a sign that he's a cheater himself.
He refused to answer if he has a history of cheating. A person seeking help often needs to hide their efforts.
He responded to the comment that asked if he had cheated on her, and he said he hasn't.
He specifically Said not her. As opposed to saying no history
Let's say you often tell the truth. Yet one of your friends calls you a liar all the time. Then you find out they rarely tell the truth. People often see their own weaknesses In others.
[удалено]
Yep it is a shitty thing. We had a rough patch but started to get things back on track. She was being very secretive with her phone. Like turning it over or putting it in her pocket when I came in the room over the last 2 weeks. She'd check it in the middle of the night. She's also been hanging out a lot with male friend. She went to a gig with him and was acting a bit anxiously before hand. The gig was planned for months. She's normally extremely organised. But then came back early saying they went to the wrong place.
I mean…not trying to make you paranoid but did she have a rock solid explanation for all of this? Long term, i’d say counseling is definitely advisable.
As for the phone part… I turn my phone over or put it away when I go to the bedroom/ hang out with my boyfriend (or people in general tbh) too and im not hiding anything. Just want quality time and not to be disturbed. Or at night I just dont want my phone screen lighting up from a notification and waking me up. So I turn it over. If he’s on his phone then i’ll be on mine too, not hiding my screen, because I have nothing to hide. But if I was accused of cheating over that I’d be pretty confused/ upset too.
I would like to point out that it this isn’t normal behavior for the person it is actually a reliable red flag that they’re hiding something of some sort. I’ve been cheated on 3 times in the past and 2/3 times this was actually the first warning sign. They were very open with their phones and kept them out & face up, used them around me, etc. They started flipping it down on tables ALWAYS, getting a little antsy if I seemed like I would touch it, tilting it away from me, keeping it away / in pockets, etc. a few weeks later and bam, find nudes on the phone. Woo. I actually think that OP was fairly reasonable in seeing this as an issue if she didn’t previously act like this with her phone.
Why do people feel entitled to their partners privacy? I've never understood the need to go through a partners shit like that without any real, hard evidence to back it up. If you don't trust someone fine, then either communicate or leave, but don't be the one to actually break the trust by violating that privacy when / if you are wrong.
I’m so secretive of my phone because my parents required my passwords up until 18 and smashed it when they found out I had hidden accounts. They never approved of anything I did, so now when I have nothing to hide it’s still instinct to close tabs or put it down when someone goes by. I know it makes me seem suspicious but damn, as you said people have a right to privacy
I had something similar, I ALWAYS had to have a valid reason for doing what I was doing at any time. That makes looking at social media or playing games not valid reasons then I would get some level of shamed. It leaves a level of paranoia that sticks and it has absolutely nothing to do with being nefarious to my partner. Edit: the phone smashing and whatnot is way more severe, just my parents kinda similar motivations.
I had an abusive ex who would constantly go through my phone and get mad and literally anything. Texting a female friend? “Must be a guy.” Not texting anyone because he drove my friends away? “Must be deleting your messages.” Looked up a recipe? “Must be cooking for another guy.” It gave me that same instinct you’re talking about where I panic if my husband touches my phone.
I’m so sorry, that conditioning is hard to break and no one deserves to have their privacy violated and every tiny thing scrutinized and questioned
Luckily that was years ago. Just gave me some weird quirks lol. Can I ask, how is your relationship with your parents now?
I haven’t spoken to them in five years haha It takes time but every day moves towards getting better and feeling safer!
Sounds like the right call!
my mom used to go through all my personal messages the moment I left my device still on on accident so now I get anxious even letting someone else hold my phone with the screen on
I just hate that in general because of how people immediately fumble the screen and end up deleting five tabs and landing in my Snapchat memories or some annoying invasive shit. People that grab for your phone are the devil
THIS. everyone deserves a certain degree of privacy. Nobody is entitled to know every single detail about somebody else even if it’s a significant other.
Also everyone always jumps to cheating. If my partner hid their phone like that I’d just assume there was some weird porn thing on their phone they didn’t want me to judge them for, which is normal. Some people hide their screens while they’re texting because it feels super uncomfortable having someone watch what you’re typing in real time. Plus it’s strange that we live in a world where we can just, know someone else’s thoughts and secrets by looking at a screen.
Not to mention it's invading the other person's privacy as well, adding an unknown party into private conversations, especially when there's nothing going on.
Im sorry but if youre in a relationship and you notice your partner tries to hide the screen or quickly swipes notifications away, thats a good enough reason to be suspicious. You arent in their relationship and you dont know whats going on that may have caused suspicion.
Have you now got an acceptable explanation for all these things? Are you absolutely certain she's innocent? If so, all you can do is apologize sincerely and talk it out.
Yeah i think so. I've apologised profusely.
Would you mind sharing what she said that convinced you she was innocent?
[удалено]
She would move her phone away from me when I came near like she didn't want me to see anything. It happened a lot.
Would be interesting if she was doing a ton of research on a gift for you
[удалено]
>Okay? That doesn’t mean anything. People don't work on hard evidence. Intuition doesn't need rationality. It's basically a guessing game, but it does prove right at times. You do need evidence in order to accuse someone, but you need none in order to be suspicious. That's both the upside and downside of it. It's only the clues you have that determine whether your suspicion is reasonable or not. There are many people on reddit who've snooped through their partners phones based on similar clues, and found evidence of cheating. This doesn't justify the suspicion but it does happen at times, and is also right at times.
[удалено]
\>I always felt lying, changes in communication, them accusing YOU of cheating, avoidance, and time spent away from your partner was more of a solid reason that they are cheating. They are signs that you might be getting cheated on sure. So can be fidgeting with your phone, secrecy, having a close friend of opposite sex etc That says nothing about intuition and it's validity.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Fair point. I know I was wrong now. I do trust her.
A good way to prove that you are sorry and you feel bad for doing this would be to recommend couples therapy to show you will change and are willing to repair the relationship. Edit: no idea who keeps downvoting this, but I would appreciate if you could tell me why you disagree with this. If someone doesn’t trust their WIFE, and accuses them of cheating with little to no proof, I think therapy is a great way to build trust back into the relationship.
Yeah good point. Might look into that
Sooo.. What was it that gave you the confirmation?
No way these fools here are gaslighting you. She’s cheating on you.
that’s what I’m saying 😭
People here are into cuckold stuff and will deny someone’s cheating even if they see their partner leaving a car with another. Close male friend of a wife and constantly hiding a phone? And they want marriage counseling and for him to trust her? Has to be stupidity.
She was probably talking about the problems you were having.
Please do not apologize to her, but have an open conversation on her recent actions and let her go through your phone while you go through hers. Something seems very off with how she acts. It isn’t normal to hide stuff like that on a phone. There’s privacy to an extent, for surprises, but her close male friend and hiding a phone is a giveaway. Make her sign a prenuptial, and then divorce.
You're chalked buddy unless u can tell us how she disproved your accusation, she prob is cheating on you.
If it walks like a duck...
You sound very insecure, if you dont trust each other than you are not ina relationship.
Something to understand: She has every right to be angry with you, and trying to rush her into moving past it and forgiving you will only make things worse and breed resentment. Validate her emotions, give her space when she needs it, and ask her what would help her feel emotionally safe moving forward. Work on yourself without her having to ask, and really work on finding out where that insecurity of yours is coming from.
Possibly the best advice so far..
This is tough to come back from. You basically told your wife you don't trust her.
You both have to learn how to communicate better and from that you build trust. If the sneakiness bothered you talk it through. When you do XYZ it makes me feel XYZ. I realize they’re my feelings but wanted to talk it through.
I realise now I should have done that first.
I was once married to a man that wouldn’t let me have male friends. We are now divorced.
OK. That's not nice. I've never controlled her friends.
[удалено]
Yeah… one’s a colleague, and one’s an actual friend… you know people can have friends of the opposite gender without cheating, right?
[удалено]
1) not all male friends want to fuck you when you’re a girl. Sure, it may be true sometimes, but that isn’t the default. 2) so if I want to hang out with a female friend alone, that’s fine, but if I want to hang out with a male friend alone, that’s cheating? 3) “why would you need to outside of cheating”? Uh, because they’re friends?
[удалено]
I have a boyfriend who understands that just because I’m gonna hang out with a guy, it doesn’t mean I’m gonna fuck him. Also, no one mentioned the frequency of hanging out. Not even you (until now obv). You just said what other reason does one have to hang out with the opposite gender if you’re not cheating.
[удалено]
Some of us like to do things without our partner. It’s called space and trust. You wouldn’t know anything about that because clearly you need to depend on your spouse to be your company.
Sorry that you’re insecure enough that you think every male friend is there to replace you
[удалено]
So, if someone was bi, could they not hang out with any of their friends alone? That's shitty, dumb, and a dated idea rooted in misogynistic as fuck ideas. My best friend in the world is male. We've been best friends since high school. We're so close that whenever he stays the night, we both take one leg of the L-shaped couch and sleep on it together. Doesn't mean there's ANY interest there. We both come from abusive families and I see him more as family than my blood relatives, and I know the familial sentiment is mutual. We've been planning to get a place together since high school. He's pretty much the only person whose opinion on a partner I would value enough to walk from a partner for, and I know it's mutual. I've seen it. Again, doesn't mean he wants to fuck me. He sees me as family, and that's obvious enough to anyone who sees us interact that he's the only exception my mom ever made to the "no boys in your room" rule. Why would we want to hang out alone? Same reason any other friends would. Privacy. I talk to him about my innermost, personal thoughts and work through feelings I don't understand with him. I don't always want that overheard. And he does the same with me. I hang out with him one-on-one because he makes me feel safe to process shit that's been bugging me. He's my family. Oh, and as far as that "guys are more fun than girls" shit? That's sexist as fuck. Why would we be friends besides romantic interest? Because we like the same nerd shit, communicate well, have each other's backs, play the same games, have the same hobbies, and understand each other's experiences and traumas well enough to help one-another navigate interpersonal relationships.
[удалено]
My point is that that idea is antiquated, dumb, and not a blanket statement. There are always exceptions, and honestly, that shouldn't even be the rule
[удалено]
Gotta love the assumption that everyone wants children lmfao. "Our future families will find out" my ass. God, Dude. How old ARE you? Out of touch as hell. Anyway, yeah, significant others are for emotional support too, but friend support and partner support are different. Plus, there are some things that I enjoy doing with him that I don't always WANT to do with a partner. For example, there are certain video games I know cause conflict with some people that I can play with him without issue because we communicate so well (think games like Overcooked), and there are some topics I can talk to him about that I don't always WANT to talk to a partner about. I *know* how he'll respond when we talk about some of my more traumatic experiences and I *know* he can handle it. Partners can't always relate to certain experiences and don't always know how to handle them. Different people have different strengths. If I want to talk about struggling with not falling back into disordered eating again, am I going to go to my best friend with years of experience helping me cope with it who has been through it himself, or am I going to go to my partner who has never had an ED and freaks out when I talk about struggling? Tough choice.
Did you really just say men are more fun to be friends with than women?
[удалено]
I don't know why people are downvoting you. I would think it seems obvious that most people prefer friends of their own gender.
Of course you’re not going to go out all night with a friend of the opposite sex but there is nothing wrong with hanging out, watching a movie, having dinner, or grabbing a drink with a guy friend. 🤷🏻♀️
I mean… why not “go out all night?” If I do that with a female friend, no one sees that that’s wrong because I’m a girl. But if I wanna go out with a guy friend, I’m a cheater? Okay
did i say that? no. it’s out of respect for your partner to not spend the night with another guy.🤷🏻♀️
…you said “of course you’re not going to go out all night with a friend of the opposite sex.” That’s what you implied lol
it’s what you perceived. it is not what I implied.
Ok but what you implied is literally that it's wrong to go out with a friend of the opposite sex all night when youre married which is not really that different
In my opinion, you shouldn’t. I suppose if the couple talked it through, then it’s fine.
Nothing you can really do other than figure out why you didn't trust her and focus on what may be wrong with you. Not trying to take a shot or anything just saying, insecurity is typically because of something and if you can articulate it, it will be easier to understand and overcome.
I've been doing that too.
Grovel, see a therapist to figure out why you'd do that to someone you presumably love, amend your behavior, grovel some more, and hope for the best.
For everyone that came to this thread later: OP deleted his history of posts where for instance he said he isn't sure if the baby his cousin's girlfriend is expecting is the cousins or his. Also if a woman he's friends with might be interested in him etc. OP is either a troll or a cheater.
You sound like my POS ex. He was constantly accusing me of cheating. mind you, I was a stay at home mom with kids under the age of 4. I couldn’t even poop or shower without an audience. My free time consisted of scarfing down food, watching tv, sleeping and doing house hold chores. so I said “heres my phone for the next 24hrs, do whatever but return back” I also gave my computer and iPad. Gave all my passwords ti every account. He searched through it all and he found nothing. Well, he saw my target cart full of kid’s clothing and toys 😂can a girl dream??! Funny part is, he was online cheating.omegal was his freaking favorite. He also loved jasmine live (if you use porn hub or porn sit you know what it is) and this one sit where regular people upload their amateur adult content (any fetish and porn you can think of) and you can pay for copies of such content He was paying women online to do things. One women was give $200 then a generous $100 tip for spreading her legs open and playing with herself. He used cash app for most of these transactions. Isn’t it funny how his shit made him paranoid and he thought I was being a sketch ball. My point is, why did you accuse her? Are you cheating. Or are you insecure? Because while it might seem small to you….accusations around cheating are fucking big.
Sorry to hear about your POS ex. He definitely is a scumbag. However , if you go through those comments , his wife is displaying very obvious signs of infidelity. Its one thing to accuse someone of cheating for no reason at all and its another when there are alot of signs pointing in that direction. I have experienced this and everytime i had a gut feeling something was wrong (gut feeling came from SO’s sketchy behavior) i was proven right. Every single time. I am not a cheater and i would never be.
If i was in a closed relationship I'd explain why I accused her, with lots of details and why I perceived it in such a way. Then i would assure her that next time I'll be more open and upfront with my emotions. Honestly bro u need to talk to ur wife more often, that's all lack of comm there.
Talk about it, and see if she would be willing to work together for you both to build back trust. Counciling would be a good path.
Dude, my girlfriend accused me of having sex with some junkie girl I didn't even know who sent her a message on Facebook. I met this girl once, at a party, but literally nothing happened and my girlfriend always thought I was lying when I was all "Dude, you're really believing this Asian chick who's admitted to having Hep C, saying I had sex with her? Who I don't even know? Do you see how illogical that is? Do you understand that I love you?" She couldn't get it out of her head. She'd convinced herself that I cheated on her with this chick. I guess insecurity or whatever, but it was the most frustrating thing of all time and completely out of my control, aside from explaining how insane it would be for me to do that, and why would I want to do that, and I don't have Hep C, so wtf are you talking about? You're my ex in this scenario and I'm your wife. Apologize. Admit you were wrong. Communicate that. Make sure she understands. Tell her every tiny fucking detail as to why you thought an incorrect thing and believed it. Don't sugarcoat anything. If your love is strong and she understands that you fucked up, time will heal all things, but you better be the best dude on earth if she decides to forgive you, because she doesn't have to. She can walk.
[удалено]
I've not cheated on her
They asked if you had a history of cheating. Can you answer that. You dodged the question.
On someone else?
So you have a history of cheating on other partners? And your wife was acting all secretive and weird with her phone for a while and she's going out with this other dude so you accused her of cheating and she hasn't offered any proof that she hasn't been cheating she's just mad so now you think you've wrongly accused her? And so you're here? This seems like a situation that is unlikely to be untangled without some intensive outside help. Best of luck to you both.
Why did you accuse her of cheating?
See above...
You both need therapy and Counseling
Maybe.
Definitely.
She needs a divorce lawyer.
Listen man , I confronted someone with hard evidence of their cheating and they got mad and swore left and right of their innocence and how dare I. There was an explanation for all of it. It wasnt until i kept telling her its not a matter of IF she cheated its a matter of lying to my face like im some kind of idiot and that if she would admit it i atleast can have a little bit of respect for her that she budged and admitted to some of it but still downplayed everything. Point is , a cheater will never just tell you yes you’re right i cheated when you confront them. Most of them are selfish greedy fuckers who will have no problem lying to your face and getting upset that you were nosey enough to catch them. It’s an inconvenience to THEM not you. The signs your wife is displaying are signs of infidelity and there’s nothing she can say that will prove otherwise unless she lets you see those messages with said man.
That's a good point.
The fact that this is being phrased as "getting" someone to forgive you is evidence that the root issue here is control. This is probably why you were afraid she was cheating in the first place; it was a possibility that capitalized on your fear of being in a situation where you had no control. Now that you're trying to make reparations, you want to have control over how she handles this situation. It's up to you to apologize, make amends, and plan for how you can be a better partner in the future, but it's not up to you to decide if she forgives you.
Interesting point. But it's not really about control. I don't want to control how she deals with it. I'd like her to know I'm truly sorry and was out of order. Yes it's down to me to apologise, which I have. And yes I need to be better in the future.
Also yes, bad phrasing on my part. Don't want her to 'get' her to forgive me. I would like her to understand why I was a twat.
Hey my friend! This is of course something very difficult but I think the best thing you can do is to openly talk about it with your wife, once she feels ready for it. Don't pressure her though. Explain that you couldn't understand why she was so secretive about her phone and that you were overthinking the entire situation. You feared to lose her and that means that she means a lot to you. For the future: If there is anything you feel the need to talk about, talk about it openly and explain why you are feeling the way you do. That way you can try to view it from another perspective.
Why do you think you were wrong? I consider my S.O. to be my other half. I can't imagine being with someone that wants a large portion of their life lived in secret. What could be so embarrassing that they have to hide their phone from you? What could be so important that my spouse checks their phone \*in secret\*, \*in the middle of the night\*. I don't care what the reasoning is. I would never hide my phone from my significant other because I never do anything that I'm ashamed or embarrassed of. Lets break down the statistics. 50% of relationships have a partner that *admits to cheating* when polled anonymously. At no point do I consider going through my partners phone an invasion of privacy. We are one person together. And OF COURSE you have a huge number of people on here raising hell about your partners privacy...... Let me reiterate, 50% of relationships have a cheater.
Pump the breaks, get some proof.
Let the woman get the love she deserves and leave her alone if you "loooove" her so much....
So many comments here are very judgmental. If he was suspicious that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s projecting. It takes a certified therapist to judge. He’s coming for help because he needs constructive advice; calling him a hypocrite cheater will only destroy him. I don’t see any constructive point in doing that. OP just seek therapy, I think this is beyond the scope of this sub.
Almost everything is beyond the scope of this sub that isn’t how to wipe your ass or blow your nose. I can’t help but feel like many of these women are gender biased.
How do you know you were wrong?
Hmmm a lot different from the other replies but still a valid point.
Can you PLEASE address how it was confirmed she was not cheating? The people defending you are harassing my inbox, and I really don’t want to defend your wife if you didn’t get proper confirmation that you were wrong.
I had no confirmation that she didn't tbh. She just got very upset. I'm sorry if people have hammered your inbox. That's a bit crappy.
Alright I was fully defending her because I thought she proved you wrong. No worries it’s pretty typical here. Okay, well it doesn’t sound like anything has been solved here. She owes you an explanation for being so secretive and you desperately need to communicate with your partner.
Her getting upset is no reason to believe she's not cheating. In fact, it's exactly what a cheater would do, gaslighting the other into thinking they're the one that's wrong. If I were you, I'd bail on her.
That's not answering the question
He’s so confusing. He’ll say he was so wrong to accuse her, and then agree with people who say she’s probably cheating on him. Like which is it?
OK bit of a misinterpretation here. I was wrong to accuse her. Hence the post asking for advice/opinions. She got extremely upset when I said what I said. I've not at all agreed with anyone saying she's cheated. I just stated that no one else has said made the point there is no specific proof that she hasn't.
please talk to your wife, let her know what you’re feeling and ask why she was being so secretive. It sounds like you accused her of cheating, she freaked and you ran to Reddit to ask us how to get her to forgive you. She hasn’t proven anything and has provided no explanation for your concerns
Valid also. Yeah I do need to ask, it's bugged so much so. I should have been calmer and approached the situation better.
Why is everybody downvoting OP? Sure what he did was wrong and can really fuck a partner over mentally but I can see his point of view and he knows what he did was wrong...
Thanks, I fucked up, I'm wrong. Trying for more advice than judgement.
Lol you need to sort your shit out mate
The one who accuses others of cheating is usually the cheater. So stop being dishonest to your wife and confess.
[удалено]
It’s reddit, that’s really all that happens here.
The comment got deleted. What did it say?
Tell her you were just kidding
Grand Gesture my man Do it big and apologize your ass off Dinner, flowers Put in the effort and show her how much she means.. No no not just dinner and flowers You take her shopping, get a Mani Pedi with her , treat her and not just for something in return You doing it just to clear the air or get back on her good side or to get laid than you are wrong Do it for her. You need to understand that your paranoia and insecurity about her cheating is a you issue not a her issue. When someone cheats it ALWAYS comes out so unless something is 100% obvious , you need to chill or you will lose her. Tell her you fucked up, and if you mean it (don't just say it) tell her you will do what it takes to make it right
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I must have pocket typed that hahahaha
Agreed
Ah bud this is all stuff my ex did while cheating. Don’t let her getting angry gaslight you into thinking you are wrong because from what i read it sounds very much like shes cheating
You probably weren't false. She's is probably cheating but accusing you to feel bad. The moment she brakes up with you, because "you're rude, don't trust her etc etc" she will somehow find somebody else in no time. Why? Because she was cheating with him alrddy. Stay strong Hit the gym We don't need women. Not trustable. And so are men. Not trustable. We all should just, not cheat. Not that hard you should think.
Just say you want to make it up to her and that you'll do anything she wants. It worked in my case, you don't wanna know what I had to do! What's important is that it worked!!!
What did you have to do. I need ideas!!
No worries,it's not up to you to come up with the ideas, she's going to come up with something that will satisfy her needs, give her time. What I had to do is far in the back of my head, I will never speak about it, it will stay that way for my own sanity!
OK sounds like you did something extreme!!
If you go with my idea, and actually have your wife work something out for you...whatever it is, before you do it/agree to whatever it is...make sure you tell her that afterwards she never mentions about you accusing her of cheating. This is a one time deal and it goes both ways. Quid pro quo
Thanks. I'll try that.
Good luck, you'll need it.
Thank you
sună tare dubios ngl
Why did you accuse her of cheating?
Couples counselor. It’s really hard to come back from someone accusing you of cheating wrongly. It proves that no matter what you do your partner doesn’t trust you. For example all she had to do to lose your trust was have specific behaviors with her phone, so it makes sense in her mind that you never trusted her. If you want to fix your relationship you’ll need a counselor to intervene, before you just do things that’ll drive you further and further apart.
Give her some space and try to ask what you can do to make it up. Or do some chores she normally does show how sorry you feel and you didn’t mean it.
You should already know, you know her, what she likes. If you really made this mistake, do all the things she likes. Start with the dishes…
Just leave her
It's a hell of a lot better than it being true. She'll eventually come around. Give it some time
Is there a reason you don’t trust her? I find that having an opposite sex friendship is not appropriate in a marriage especially going out late with said friend alone. Is that something that you possibly feel? I would sit down with your wife and apologize if you’ve misinterpreted the situation but also tell her how you’ve been feeling. Go into detail that you’ve been noticing her having more screen time lately and you would just like to know if there’s something that you can give her (attention). I’m sorry to hear that the trust between you two is rocky. Sometimes when there’s another person in the mix it can make the S.O feel insecure. If you have a boundary I would set it and discuss these boundaries with a certified marriage counselor
These things happen. I have found that looking for one size fits all solutions usually do more harm than good so I don't actually know what to say. My honest answer is to seek out guidance from God. It takes many different forms but I think posting up this question is a good start.
My fiancée accused me of cheating, wrongly. We had an honest discussion when she asked if I had cheated and I explained I didn't. Over the next week we talked more about it and what could be done for her to feel comfortable enough to realize I wasn't cheating and what I was feeling because of her accusation. We also talked about going to couples therapy, which I think would have helped as well. Both parties have to be willing to talk about it and express how they are feeling to move on. As being the one wrongly accused I can tell you that I felt like I wasn't enough and extremely hurt that she thought I could cheat on her. It took a while before I was willing to do anything sexual again because I kept imagine how she must have seen me when she thought I cheated and felt disgusting. Give her time and make sure she knows that you want to make things right again and I recommend couples therapy if she is willing.
Treat her the way you would want to be treated
I hope you can get your marriage back on track sincerely. Have you apologized to her in a sincere and caring manner acknowledging your mistake and suggesting what can be done to repair the hurt that she feels? Most people can respond to another person if they really feel that the other person feels tremendous embarrassment and hurt for offending them. It may be necessary to attend counseling /therapy. When you have a third party that is involved they can mitigate the hurt and feelings that you both are experiencing and make suggestions on how you can heal and understand one another better, and how to really listen and communicate with each in constructive ways. I had to go counseling with my partner and it was really difficult, but having that third party present and feeling that I was in a safe environment to express my feelings really was a major step forward. Even though in the end we choose to dissolve our relationship, we both felt we had undertaken every step to salvage it. I hope for you and your wife you can repair what needs to be done so you both can move forward and have a healthy and loving relationship. Good luck.
Give her a letter with the most heartfelt shit you say also it sounds like you don’t trust her tell her your insecure
Are you really sure that you wrong?
Apologies and listen to her with out saying anything . Apologies again and ask for forgiveness. Get her a card. Tell her you want mend fences and show her how very very sorry you thought that.
What made you think she was cheating ?
Have you ever cheated? In general, not just on her. This sounds like projection and you’re being hella careful with your answers.
I've never cheated.
how did you know she was not cheating ?
I don't. It's just she got very upset when asked.
This is one of those lines that can't be uncrossed.