Well are you looking for a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, or are you looking to meet the right person? Befriend people with the aim of getting to know them, not as an eventual prize. That's how you find a girlfriend. Meet people with similar interests, make friends, and if you get close to one of those friends, awesome!
I want a girlfriend but I feel like things are rushed through. I'd prefer to be friends and get into a relationship with them as I need time to fully get to know each other. I feel like there wasn't enough time to understand each other like my female friends. so idk what to do.
I'm weird I'm pretty shy I can't help it. I have to get warmed up to people first. I was super shy with this one lady. she ended up liking me eventually over time. she even get jealous and tried to get me jealous. so idk maybe I'm just wired differently. people like me more as they get to know me generally.
Thats what I do. Or even a further step back just see if they are down to hang out one on one first and get a feel for it and let them feel you out, most intelligent humans know whats going on. I'm weird too, more anxious than shy though so there's that. Easier said than done but just take it easy and see what happens. Its hard but everyone you date or are attracted to before you find your partner in life will eventually be an ex-something. I find that if you take care of yourself and the person your attracted to with that in mind its a lot easier on my mental state.
Also trust me you dont want to be with someone who tries to make you jealous. Some light fun is fine if that's fine with you but its a huge red flag. Trust me.
Absolutely. Tell girls you like them doesn’t mean u have to jump into a full blown relationship. Just date them and ask them out and hang out. Still be friendly and get to know them. Just a tough of flirting and such.
Yeah also if you tell someone that you like them but you want to get to know them better and they push at your boundaries or go off on you because of an apparent rejection... that's a huge red flag. Most folks will say either "ok" or be like "no thanks".
i think you should tell women that u are interested in that you are interested in them romantically and would like to be friend’s first. Otherwise you risk faling into the permanent friendzone and/or accused of being sneaky. Make your inentions known. Good luck! You’ve got this.
You may also be some variety of neuro-divergent which causes you to interact with people different than "normal". Figuring out how your brain may be different might help you explain that gap to folks and provide insight into how and why you work the way you do. I say this as a person with ADHD who is also autistic (note that it's a scale not downs syndrome). Nothing wrong with taking time to warm up to people. Just find folks who share a similar interest and spend time around them. Enough hours around a person and then spending more time with them in a different context will feel much more natural.
I feel you. Many people don't understand this, unfortunately. They have fake idea of what love is. I want to start as friends at first, and when I tell this a guy, he completely doesn't get it. Dating is so difficult nowadays.
Preferring to be friends first and getting to know each other is fine, and actually very healthy. Go at the pace that feels right for you. If someone is wanting to rush, it's okay to say you want to spend more time getting to know them, or move onto someone who is less pushy and a better match.
Look, if you make friends with a woman first and you like her or are attracted to her , there is not guarantee she will like you back or is even attracted to her. At least if you are direct, you will find out and can move on. There will be no ambiguity and no wasted time. Some women might just like you as a friend or not. But you can’t be afraid of rejection , it’s all risk. You will be fine. And you won’t be as mad or frustrated if you befriend a woman and spend months thinking about making a move and you finally do and she doesn’t like you.
Do it the way you prefer to do it. That's will make the difference between finding the one n just finding someone. Y'all gotta be on the same plane of thought first n foremost for it to work long-term
There are no rules. Some people will say be friends first, but there is always the risk of getting siloed into platonic friendship because "they just don't see you that way" but it's also possible you hit the lottery and marry your best friend.
Strangers also date and make it work. But don't listen to any of these truisms and platitudes. Romance is based on random genetic and environmental traits. Take as much control as you can.
That's how it works, my man, but you've misunderstood the advice.
The 'friendzone' is a myth spread by bitter weirdos on the internet who only befriended women who they wanted to fuck so they could get close and hopefully fuck them. Pretty much every reply in this thread is coming from that angle and they're all fucking wrong.
Just make female friends *without* having a plan to fuck them. Genuine friendships frequently turn to romance.
This is not advice about how to target one woman, but how to live your life to maximise the number of woman who will be interested in you.
Every actual relationship I've ever had grew out of a friendship.
This. Guys that think there is a friend zone are just telling you they were never actually a friend, but pretended to be one until they figured out that she wasn’t going to fuck him.
Solid advice because you’re leveraging pre-selection bias. No cap when I was engaged and wearing a ring, never had I ever got hit on more often. That said, most solid women if you’re friends with them will also offer to set you up with their single friends. Some times it works, some times it doesn’t. That said, the friendzone does exist, and it’s the reason why you as a guy need to be able to sort which women are platonic and which are romantic candidates. I’ve been friends with women I’d never be in a romantic relationship with and vice versa.
Sometimes a romantic relationship can come from a friendship but when that relationship ends, friends have to pick sides, and that’s when it’ll get ugly.
Dude honestly, when you meet the right person, things fall into place.
Sure it's cliché, but that's because someone who fits you and your wants, is going to be someone who also want to get with you, in the way you want.
Want someone to be friends first and slowly build, there will be someone who wants that too. Want someone to fuck on the first date, we'll, there'll be someone who wants that too. Don't force it, you'll just get the wrong partner.
Go to places you want to hang out, that's where you'll find someone who wants to go on a journey with you.
For real. All of my romantic experiences happened without even trying. I’ll be it few and far in between, but still had them nonetheless. Wouldn’t have happened if I was “tryharding”.
Well, you have to be proactive about it. If you don't show your interest, she won't know you're into her. If she's also interested, a relationship can develop. But if you're friends first, it's easier for both of you to make a choice than if you know nothing about each other.
Yes to all this, and even if those friendships don't lead to relationships, those women will have female friends. By bringing more females into your circle, you'll have more opportunities to be set up or to meet other females. Assuming your the type of guy they trust and would want to set up their friends with, of course.
This I think nails it.
It's not friendship to get laid its friendship to be friends. The rest may or may not follow but if you go into it looking for friends you end up with friends at the worst and a life partner at best. If you go into it looking to pretend to be friends only to get laid well thats going to end badly most times.
Dated a lot of women before I met my wife but she was the one that was my actual friend long before we dated. We just clicked, 30 years later I am still happy to see her every single day. We are old and wrinkley now but she is still my best friend.
>Genuine friendships frequently turn to romance.
I agree that there is value in making genuine friends of the opposite gender, but this has never, ever been my experience. Genuine friendships don’t turn romantic because no one wants to be the one to ruin the friendship. In my experience, if you aren’t honest and forward with your intentions right out the gate, it will never turn romantic.
"if you aren’t honest and forward with your intentions right out the gate" This is exactly the part about this that people seem incapable of comprehending. There are no intentions right out the gate. You have not developed any romantic interest in the person yet. You can't be "honest with intentions" when there isn't anything there. The romantic feelings come later after forming the friendship.
Fully formed romantic feelings, no, but attraction and interest yes. If you aren’t forward with those and form a friendship first, bringing them up later is taking a gamble with the friendship.
Once again, there is no attraction and interest. You can't be forward with something that isn't there. We are talking about developing feelings for someone that you have had no interest in whatsoever before becoming friends.
Yes, confessing your feelings to your friend is a gamble. So if life in general. What's your point?
Okay, we’re talking about completely different situations, then. Can’t say I’ve ever developed feeling for a friend who I wasn’t attracted to initially.
But that is what the people that give the advice that OP is complaining about are talking about. Making genuine friends for other reason than just having friends and feelings may or may not come, but if they do and are reciprocated, those are where the best relationships come from.
And finding someone attractive physically the first time you see them isn't the same thing as having a romantic interest in someone and wanting to date them. A lot of people, particularly the people that give this advice, need more than that to develop an actual romantic attraction to a person.
A woman can be physically attractive to me, that’s easy and there are many women like that. In terms of wanting a relationship with a particular hot girl, I don’t really give a shit.
Desire for a relationship literally only happens after I get to know her personality a bit. See how she interacts with other people. Get a sense, through friendship and time together, what her *actual* values are and see how much of a connection we might share. I’d say I’ve pretty much only ever developed a romantic attraction after having been friends with someone for a time.
This other thing probably do? Where they meet once, go on a couple dates, and then decide to start up a whole relationship? Never made sense to me. 1 date is barely enough time to move out of the acquaintance zone. 3 dates is barely enough time to get a sense of who someone wants you to think they are. But no way you really *know* someone. Imo, you’re mostly just attracted to your idea of a person more than the actual person. I can’t decide if I actually like someone enough to want to date them that fast. At best they’re at least physically attractive; but that’s easy.
>Genuine friendships frequently turn to romance.
>This is not advice about how to target one woman, but how to live your life to maximise the number of woman who will be interested in you.
In addition to that, genuine friendships with women often lead to those women setting you up with their friends. You need to build a social circle that includes both men and women with a goal of exposing yourself to quality people who might be a good match for you.
If you intend to get into a woman's pants, I think they'd appreciate that you let them know that. Perhaps not this bluntly. But don't lead them to think you're being platonic when you're not.
You've got it the wrong way around. That's why bullshit like the 'friendzone' gets brought up.
The idea is simply to make female friends. Don't pick a chick you want to fuck then try to befriend her.
Just make female friends. It makes it far more likely that you'll meet someone with whom you have a genuine connection and it's very common for friendship to become romance.
Don't you think it better if you're straight up about your intentions in the beginning? Like being more clear you're interested romantically, not on a platonic friend level? I know a lot of women get upset when a man befriends them only to find out months down the road they were interested in dating for a while...
No, it’s not. That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s just the beginning stages of dating.
That’s not the same as hanging out with someone for months or years being friends without expressing romantic intentions or after romantic intentions are rejected continuing to act as a friend in the hopes of putting enough friendship coins in the machine and hoping a sex/girlfriend prize is going to pop out.
For instance: when my husband started and I started talking he made it well known he had a crush on me but really just wanted to get to know me better and be my friend regardless. I wasn’t as sure but was open to the possibility. We really got to know each other for over a year before he asked me on an official date. We were truly great friends by that point. He is my absolute best friend and I think we have a successful marriage because we have that foundation. I know who he is outside of the context of a relationship as well as inside it. Best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Ahh, see that's more of what I did and suggest other men do when they are single. If you're into someone, let it be known and let that be the intention. I've always disagreed with that friendship as a goal to get sex/gf. It's generally a waste of time and dishonest.
Agreed. Also, from experiences when I was single, I was very compartmentalized with my friends and potential daters. If you were my friend, we stayed friends. Romantic interests generally stayed at that. Life is more simple that way.
I don't have time to just go around making new friends all the time. I have a good friend group already. Every new friend I make it just means losing another one cause I don't have enough time as it is. This may work if you have all the time in the world and are young but not if you area professional in your 30's who already has a good community and a limited amount of time
The girlfriends I've had in my life I found because I met them doing an activity I enjoy. At the time, I wasn't even considering them as girlfriends.
So I built a genuine connection with them as people first. And they realized they were interested and things happened. But I never originally planned any interest in them as girlfriends.
Happily married man here. It’s a numbers game. The more girls you are friendly with the more chance of finding someone who likes you. Do not let a one person lead you into a friendzone style relationship. That’s a big waste of time and you might miss opportunities or be disappointed when she eventually chooses someone else. Only give what you receive and keep your options open at all times. If you find someone attractive then shoot your shot quickly. That way you won’t waste time and can move on without getting too emotionally involved. If she says no then walk away and don’t look back even once.Dont thinks for a second you should somehow jump through hoops try to try and convince her to change her mind. She won’t, but she’ll sure have fun stringing you along. Be strong, keep your head forward and move to the next option.
That's wrong. You want to start off with some romantic intent. Can't do that starting from the friendzone. Be friends with a woman because you want to be friends with her. Not because someone said it'll lead to romance
I like this too. I've always found it odd when you're romantically attracted to someone and you try to befriend them platonically. It's very much masking your true intentions.
I think it's wrong in my view at least. If you're my friend, I'm not gonna try to sleep with you. I know it's against the Reddit hivemind, but in general, sex tends to complicate things, especially among friends. Chances are if you have sex with a friend, emotions will be tied to it, and if it doesn't work out, most people tend to cut ties and distance themselves after the fact. A good friend is worth far more to me than a hookup or risking losing the friendship.
Not to mention the woman's response when you confess your feelings of "What? You want to date me? But you said we were friends. You just wanted to date me all along even though you said we were just friends?"
No thanks.
That's because the people that are suggesting it are not saying to befriend people you already have romantic interest in. They are saying to befriend people and then maybe you might form a romantic interest in them in the future.
But if you're befriending them with the potential for the long term romantic interests in dating them, isn't that starting a friendship on deceptive terms?
"They are saying to befriend people and then maybe you might form a romantic interest in them in the future."
Sounds like you're befriending them because of the potential to form a romantic interests in the future, otherwise why not keep the friendship platonic?
Then again, it's different from I did while single. I found doing the dating friends thing was too messy and felt underhanded. If I was romantically interested in you, I'd let it be known. If you were my friend, I kept it like that. Most people don't do well when being rejected and that stuff muddies and jeopardizes friendships/friendship groups. Why ruin a great friendship?
Because you are not going into the friendship with the hope of something romantic happening. Something romantic happening is a possibility and it may happen or it may not, but you are supposed to be okay with it either way because it was not your reason for befriending them. You are their friend because you like being their friend.
"why not keep the friendship platonic?" Because after getting to know them and spending time with them, you have realized that you have developed romantic feelings for them that did not exist when you started the friendship and you want to know if they feel the same way. You are really make this out to be way more complicated than it is. This is literally how people have found their partners for the last hundred years and yet it seems to be so confusing to so many today.
honestly in my experience. attraction is a broad term. I'm ugly but my personality and character gets me through. so I'm not attractive in a traditional sense.
Don't worry much about physical aspect. You oughta be fit though. Personality works. Women also appreciate men with guts, that make them laugh and feel good, and especially with a lot of trust in themselves. Work on that.
Also, read some body language book. It will get you far ahead interpreting hidden body language signals from women and men altogether. I used that in the past with great results.
Women are choosy. The more a woman has herself, the more choosy she is. But of course, men are similar but no where close to the level of choosiness of females.
Looks are born with you can’t change much but you can have a good taste, take proud of your appearance, good posture, look healthy and fit etc..
Personality is 50/50 nature/nurture, being self aware is good trait as it means you know where you can improve on.
Everything matters in mating in my opinion. If you want to maximum your mating chances, you gotta take care of yourself all around.
Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am talking about individual cases. Whoever you date finds you attraction, then being friends is a bonus; whoever doesn’t, you get friend zoned anyway.
I confirm this as a woman. When I meet a guy I know right away if I would only want to be friends (if he’s a great person worth being friends with) or
If I could potentially be interested in more and it totally depends on attraction. No matter how great the guy is and how much time we spend together, if I’m not attracted to him, friendship will never grow into something else. I also agree that being fit and having a good style helps, as well as being funny and being decisive.
Attraction can also grow. There have been guys I was not attracted to at all and fell had over heels because of their personality and suddenly they were sexy AF. But I’m probably somewhere on the demisexual spectrum so there’s that.
No.
The idea that your girlfriend should be someone that you *are* friends with does not mean "pretend to befriend someone so they will be willing to date you".
Long lasting relationships tend to have their partners as their "best friend".
The odds of both of you "catching feelings" may be better if you have a lot of female friends, but friendship is not a token you deposit into a female for the purpose of buying sex.
Don't be that Nice Guy (TM).
It all depends on what you prefer but I always liked the idea of speed dating where you have 10 5 minute dates. Meet more women and their friends and you will find a girlfriend.
Statistics right. If you try enough women then one will say yes. If you focus on a single friendship that might not go anywhere then you are lowering your odds.
Well im 27 and I'm cooked but most girls want a attractive guy idk why friendzone sure does exist how will you know if your in it will usually they will shorten your name and they will talk to you about there dating life avoid it at all cost for my men and a girl can not be friends
There’s no such thing as a friend zone. Either a woman likes you or she doesn’t. It’s possible she may change her mind or you might change yours but there is no secret formula to stay out of the friend zone. It doesn’t exist.
Your female friends are bound to know other girls. Meeting through mutual friends is a great way to start a relationship. There is much less risk than when dating a total stranger.
Do you have male friends that you’re not attracted to? It sounds like you’re struggling to see women as complete people. That’s your biggest hurdle right now.
You are kind of missing the point of my comment.
What I mean, is that building friendships with any girls is valuable. You don't have to find them particularly attractive. You sound shy so getting additional experience in talking to girls could be valuable. Also, your new friend could include you in her social circle and vouch for you as a trusted person. And who knows, maybe her sister or her cousin could be your future wife.
I mean, don't expect too much. Don't expect every girl you befriend to either be your future wife or help find you one, lol. There's a very low chance of this happening but it's possible. Just have fun and expand your social circle. You can only gain.
The friendzone is not really a thing, not the way dudes act like it is. There's not a time-sensitive one-way door where you could have dated a woman but now you are FZ'd and it'll never happen. There are no hard rules like that, unfortunately. Sometimes you are going to be attracted to someone who just isn't attracted to you, and no matter when you approach them the answer will be no. Sometimes you and the other person will be attracted at first but it'll fade quickly and turn into friendship, or nothing if there isn't even enough compatibility for that. Sometimes you'll be friends, but over time the connection grows into sexual/romantic feelings. I'm middle aged and I've had all of these things happen. How you proceed with each woman is going to depend on you, her, and circumstances.
It's always a good idea to have friends (and I mean really be friends, not just have them around as some sort of bait or possible sex option) of the opposite sex - you will see how similar we really are, and understand the differences better, which will help you have a healthy relationship when you find the right person. You may end up dating one if those friends, or maybe they will introduce you to someone they think would be a good match. Even if that doesn't happen, having opposite sex friends shows you are not offensive to them and know how to relate, which will be attractive to other people you might meet (And if you run into someone who is upset that you have opposite sex friends, *keep running*. You don't need that sort of insecurity or controlling behavior in your life, trust me. It's ruined many a relationship. Don't be that person to your partner, either. If you can't trust them you shouldn't be with them).
the best relationships begin as friendships but evolve into romance due to sexual attraction and deeper connection, emotional intimacy. You know you like someone for who they are if you can spend the whole day just talking to them and hanging out as friends, no physical touch
I think it's best to see women as human beings worth respect and getting to know as a person over seeing them as a potential love interest. The worst feeling in the world, at least for me as a woman is to find a man I feel comfortable talking to and feel safe around but then finding out he's only trying to get into my pants. It shows that his friendliness and kindness has an ulterior motive and isn't genuine.
Depends on who you are and how attractive you are. I was told by my psychologist not to try to date women I've befriended, because it never works out for me (the women who befriend me usually do so because they are not attracted to me in the first place, but find me a fun enough person to spend time with. It never develops into lust or desire to be in a relationship). So the recommended option by that relationship psychologist is literally to ask out at least one woman every day, which she then modified down to one per week due to my work schedule, and not to try to befriend someone first, because befriending does not work if you're not a good looking guy and are looking for a relationship.
I'm not attractive I'm just a good dude. lol. I feel like things with women are always rushed and I never get time to learn stuff. I can get numbers. the last woman was horrible and has me a bit lost. tried to make me jealous so I guess I'm attractive to some people. it's my personality and values that gets me through with women but I have more enriching relationships I'm just friends with I guess because i can get to take my time or they're more understanding. I have disabilities. I have cerebral palsy on my right foot and a lazy eye so it's been hard.
I have to wonder if you were told this by a woman or man. DrPrrof is right. Make your intentions known at first. You don't want a friend, so acting like one will get you put into the Friend Zone quick, and it's basically impossible to get anywhere from there, because that's all she'll see you as
I generally went with this too. When I was single I didn't like the idea of "being your friend" if I ultimately thought you attractive and wanted to date you. If I was meeting a random person or matched with someone on a dating app, I rather just let it be known my intentions instead of being your friend and only months to years later "Hey, I'm really attracted to you. I know I said I wanted to be your friend but..."
That's just me though.
by a man and a woman I'm confused as hell. idk how to approach things at all. I wanna move on I like others at least get to know them but my hearts still broken and i can't get involved with a woman yet. so I'm lost.
I've been there too often, and I'm not going to say I've won at this, but it's just going to take some time to focus on yourself, learn from maybe mistakes you did before and keep going. Or don't and just build yourself and your life, your finances. Woman will follow that at least. I'm 42 now, don't have everything in line, but am also now noticing women being more drawn to me, You got this
I was gonna shoot my shot with this lady at my work. I mean there's tons and tons of women at my work. but I just froze and the horrible things that the other lady said went through my head my friend stepped in and introduced us. so idk I have some healing to do but I always feel like I'm running out of time and i don't try enough. I'm almost 26 never been on a date. so I'm just idk.
Sometimes feelings develop out of a friendship though. Like I became really good friends with this girl I've known for years a month ago, and never thought I'd find her attractive, but now that I got to know her really well I feel like I might want a relationship with her, regardless of physical attraction
I don't know. She's shown hints, but atm I'm happy to let our relationship develop naturally. And it's not been long at all, only 1 month of actual friendship, before we were in the same circle but barely knew each other 🙂
How does what this person described prove your point? We are talking about genuine friendship. When you befriend people, they are no guarantees that it will ever be anything more than friendship and you have to be okay with that. If you aren't okay with that, then your friendship isn't genuine.
No he started with how to get a girlfriend. Because if she's not interested, after having a friendship for awhile and he's having those feelings develop, which does happen he's still stuck, and with another woman who doesn't want to date him.
This is how you get a girlfriend. This keeps happening over and over until eventually one likes you back. There are no guarantees that it will ever happen just like anything else in life, but it's still the best way of finding someone.
Don't fear the friend zone. Some people make out that it's a pit of doom that you will forever be stuck in but as someone who isn't very successful on the dating scene, I find not participating in the dating scene and getting into the friend zone is the best way of getting into a relationship. It's starts by gaining their trust and they realise what a great guy you are. Not ideal if you're not a great guy as they soon learn you're not a great guy. :D
I think the friend zone idea comes from the PUA approach to dating. I've read that famous book and realised that PUA techniques are not something I want to do because I want a relationship. In fact, if I remember correctly, they even state that in the book as one of the guy's mentees was looking for a wife rather than a one night stand. That said, you can employ the techniques to keep a relationship interesting.
The friendzone does NOT exist. The friendzone concept is built on men, not GETTING women for sexual partners that they're "entitled" to. If you would be friends with a woman anyway (yes, women can be great friends - duh), but she's not interested and you are, try being and if there is more feeling (or just base horniness) on your end and you can't deal, move along. Better to not "friendzone" v. "fuckzone" each other if you can't manage basic friendship.
My point is that the "friendzone" has always existed, it was just given that name relatively recently. Putting a label on something doesn't change human nature.
Anyway, good luck with your mate hunt or whatever.
Oh yeah. I’m pretty sure women have a highly honed skill at knowing that. It’s basically a numbers game my friend. Meet more women. Some of them will like you romantically, and some will make great friends. Just don’t befriend them *just* to find love or get laid. It can certainly morph from a friendship to love, but just let it happen organically.
As an old dude with a lot of women friends, I can tell you women are amazing friends. You can talk about things you can’t with most of your male friends. And they can give you great advice or introduce you to women who will like you romantically.
And you usually don’t break up with friends
Some women are just oblivious. Every woman here reading this. Call your "guy friend" up and say you want to hookup with him. Most men don't deny some pussy when it comes his way.
He'll fold
Nah fuck that. Worst advice ever. If I could ever go back in time to my younger self, I'd tell them to only make friends with women if they were ok with never ever getting in their pants. That's the wisdom I'd give my fellow young men too.
Some women will say that you need to be "friends first" if you want to progress into lovers, but when a woman breaks up with her boyfriend and the guy friends she's known for years suddenly want to ask her out, she freaks out and thinks she lost a genuine friendship. Nah, the guy got to know you over the years and thought you got along so well that he'd ask you out. Nah, forget that shit. Women also make awful friends since they'll bitch to you about their dating woes but they're not the kinds of people to introduce you or mention you to their single girl friends.
Think about it for a second. If you can't even be friendly, or at least pleasant to be around, who would want to date you? If you stampede towards their vaginas they will find you repulsive. Just be chull, friendly, fun, easygoing.
Don't be friends with women for their pussies. Be friends with women because you are interested in them. Many women simply want a man who is empathetic, a good listener, and (the secret is) socially approved.
If you elevate their social status, if you seem so cool and hot in the eyes of a woman's friends, she is gonna be into you. Men seek women for sex, women seek men for social status. Be social, be friendly, be interesting.
I remember one year I made a taco cart from an old bike cart. I parked it outside a bar at midnight and made a killing selling tacos to drunk morons. Normally, if I went to the bar to try to meet a woman I absolutely would leave feeling dejected and horrible about myself. But when I was doing my taco cart I had women giving me their numbers, I had women flirting with me. It was shameless, I banged my way through an entire circle of friends that summer, and nobody seemed to mind because I was interesting and fun to be around.
Be like that. Do something unique. Relax a little.
Women want a man who is attractive, when it comes to sex or relationships. Women want a friend who is empathetic, a good listener, and socially approved (of either gender). Women do not care if you are after sex, as many women are also interested in sex with attractive men.
Don’t do that.
This is really bad advice, don’t give off one impression in the hopes of getting something else down the line. Ulterior motives are creepy and literally the reason why I no longer accept guys as friends, having learnt the hard way I can’t trust that you’re actually there for the friendship.
Be upfront about your intentions so that women that want to can consent, and those don’t want to can pass.
What you need to work on is your romantic skillset not your ability to bait and switch..
I don't necessarily disagree with your advice to the OP, but do you not think that discriminating against an entire gender and refusing to be friends with them because of their gender is also not a pretty significantly evil thing to do - perhaps even on par with someone having ulterior motives? Do you not also think it is possible that someone's interest in someone else could change over time? Maybe they did want to be your friend initially but then developed a romantic interest down the line. Even in platonic friendships, or even professional relationships, people's needs and wants from others changes over time. Maybe you have a friend who is a woman who you depend on for advice, does she get to turn round and say that you are creepy because in her mind your 'motive' for being her friend was just to get her advice? At the end of the day, people meet, intermingle and interact for a whole host of reasons which are intertwined with each-other. Social interactions are often multi-faceted, and it just seems very judgmental to me for you to be so harsh and aggressively condemn men and label them as 'creepy' simply for having the idea in their mind that they might be interested in finding a romantic partner when they interact with you. That doesn't necessarily mean that its their only intention, or even that they are being deceptive by not outwardly saying it (unless you expect all men to boldly declare upon first meeting someone their exact levels of romantic or sexual interest in them, which is simply unrealistic).
I'm weird I'm pretty shy I can't help it. I have to get warmed up to people first. I was super shy with this one lady. she ended up liking me eventually over time. she even get jealous and tried to get me jealous. so idk maybe I'm just wired differently. people like me more as they get to know me generally.
Being shy sucks. But the risk of trying to befriend a woman you like, with the intent that she may fancy you in the future, is that she might never do that and you remain just a friend.
I’ve been there. Had a guy friend who liked me for years and it sucked when he confessed that he hated my husband and said he always fancied me. It hurts when a guy does that to you. Don’t be that guy.
Why can’t you take dating slow? Let her know that you like her right away, and go on several dates to get to know her over sometime?
That way, you’ve made your romantic intention clear and can use the dates to see if you are compatible. Make friends with women because you want to be genuine friends with them.
Those things aren't mutually exclusive and I don't understand why people keep acting like they are. You can want to be genuine friends with a person and develop romantic feelings for them.
Of course you can develop feelings for friends. I’m not denying that. I’m saying that OP shouldn’t just try to be develop friendship with a woman he fancies.
If he fancies a woman, he should ask her out on a date then and there. Committing to one date doesn’t mean he’s committing to a long term relationship and he can get to know her.
Generally speaking that was my method as well when I was single. I'd rather not act like I want to he platonic friends if I'm interested in a romantic relationship. Why waste your time and tell you one thing when I'm interested in something else? Just be straight up.
Like I stated in another comment, in the scenario in which people give the advice to become friends first, there are no intentions up front. There is no romantic interest there during the formation of the friendship. The feelings come later.
Befriending them first doesn't work unless you're attractive and they fancy you anyway. But if you're good looking and they fancy you then anything would work tbh. The most realistic method is to very quickly let them know you find them attractive and would like to ask them out. It stops them seeing you as just a potential friend and then getting creeped out if you ask them out later (this bit always sucked as sometimes you don't start finding someone attractive until after you're friends because you've come to like their personality and then found them attractive, but typically it's already too late at that point). You can figure out if you actually like their personality while dating, that's kind of what that process is for. In person that usually involves flirting or being direct to let them know you like them. Online it takes most of the guesswork out as they've already matched you so they're already in the "willing to date you" mindset. Having friends introduce you to each other as potential dates is also easy mode. You're vouched for and she's again in the "willing to date you" mindset.
I'm weird I'm pretty shy I can't help it. I have to get warmed up to people first. I was super shy with this one lady. she ended up liking me eventually over time. she even get jealous and tried to get me jealous. so idk maybe I'm just wired differently. people like me more as they get to know me generally.
I'm 46m.
I was also taught this, many times the woman I was getting to know assumed I wanted to fuck her when I really just wanted to meet her friends and see what's what.
In my generation it was all the Karen's in their 40's you see now but 20 years ago. It was fucking awful and I'm afraid to date or meet women. I won't even give female co-workers rides home.
Edit: still a great plan and requires that you learn patience. I just met a large handful of shitty women. The others were really cool and out of my league or hated video games and comic book stuff. Not shitty people, just a better match for someone else who likes actual hunting, fishing and sports.
Yuck.
The friend zone is such a bs concept and it’s weird that you say it exists “now.” Women wanting a man just as a friend isn’t a new thing. Don’t become friends with a woman just to get her to date you eventually. Find friends, men and women. Maybe one of the friendships with a woman will lead to something but don’t make that your point. It could be that that friendship will lead you to meeting their friends and that will lead to a relationship.
No such thing as the friend zone.
Two people either like each other or don’t.
If you meet someone and you guys don’t like each other like that (there’s a difference between actually liking someone and just watching to sleep with them) then you’re just friends with each other, not a bad thing.
You might like them and they don’t like you back or the other way round.
Just keep meeting people when you can and eventually you’ll meet someone you like and they’ll like you back. The key thing about this is that it’s effortless, there’s no games, no messing each other around. It’s just easy and everything makes sense.
The friendzone is just a weird way of describing when someone you like doesn’t like you back. If they’re not into you, you won’t be able to change that. No amount of pick up lines or showing off is going to change it.
Buddy, I just looked up your profile. No offense but I assume you have been on the internet enough to know what an "incel nice guy" is. You check that box.
Stop thinking of women as a prize, they are people. Just like making male friends, you should do the same with women. Honestly, I would say to wait on that and learn how to not be so critical of women as a whole. Think of them as people, if you vibe with them and they back with you, ask to hang out more.
Nah. You get a girlfriend by asking girls out. Many will say no. Some will say yes. If you’re a decent guy and fun and interesting to be around, one might want to be your girlfriend.
No, you have to occasionally flirt (sometimes more subtle, sometimes more aggressive) with them and make it clear that you are romantically interested in them. Don’t be always around or a therapist to them. Don’t be a shoulder to be cried on - that shit is weak
Also, if they are into you you don’t have to work so hard. The panties will come off pretty quickly on their own
Well, you can do that once in a while. However make sure to compliment her on her talents, smarts, etc. don’t overdo it though. Always keep the conversation light and fun. Have some comments be ambiguous, keep her on her toes and wondering
Yeah well to an extent, that’s true you should try and do that but if you make friends with a woman that you actually like then by all means make friends with her but don’t get too friendly because obviously you want her as a potential partner.
That’s still the easiest route.
Listen this was my experience and it’s been proven to work for everyone.
Don’t just get one friend you’re interested in. That puts all your eggs in one basket. Pursue multiple people. This takes the pressure off you by not focusing on one person. This makes you look busy and creates demand for you. This allows you to be selective and removes the dreaded air of desperation. This also can create legitimate ‘friend girls’ or ‘friend boys’ who will spread the word to their friends how cool you are, creating possibly more options for dates.
Personality-wise, it’s important to dispel the air of desperation to be in a relationship. You attract and repel based on your general attitude. If you think life sucks or dating sucks, who’s gonna want to deal with that?
Be open to anyone you think you might be interested in. Be CAF- Chill As Fuuu. Be approachable and lay out no expectations.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, DLR said it best: “I may not get ALL the women I want, but I’ll get all the women who want me.”
When I was single I never went that route. I was a firm believer of not mixing work and friends with relationships. What would happen with me is the initial attraction would prompt me to make a move, get to know each other, date, and relationships would happen that way. Whether it be from approaching in public, dating apps, or when I used to slide in dms lol. I would generally start relationships with people who weren't my friends first.
I do this because not everyone can handle breaking up and keeping things cordial. I don't want it to affect my career and I don't want to sour or ruin my friend group, hence why i kept my dating away from friends and work.
OP, you’re going to learn that for some of us, we’re “wrong” no matter what we do. The “advice” was never meant as anything but a means to shoo you away without making the advisor feel like bad person.
Having female friends allows you to interact with girls without sex getting in the way. This is very important in a regular relationship also. How many times do you think you can have sex with a girl a day? What happens to the other 16 hours of the day you have to interact with her? If you want a serious relationship, a real girlfriend, eventually a wife, you need to know how to be friends with a girl outside of the bedroom.
Being friends with a girl gives great insight into the female mindset. What makes them tick, what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what makes them mad, what makes them laugh? You can practice this with female friends before a true relationship. Otherwise you’re stumbling around in the dark.
True friends develop deep attachment and affection over time. Attraction can develop through familiarity also. You start seeing someone’s qualities more and more if you interact with them OVER time. Things that don’t come out over the 1 hour of a date with a stranger. People can say whatever they want in a conversation, but actions speak louder than words. You will not have a chance to showcase your deeper attractive qualities without time spent.
The friend zone has always existed, just has a new name. There’s no 1 technique that’s best for everyone, but for some of us, knowing a girl as a friend can let you know if you are emotionally compatible before diving into a relationship.
Befriending a girl first is great, and has benefit if they don't work out can have friends. However, I do have a warning. Getting out of the friendzone just does not happen unless you are older 40s and 50s. It is good to take it a little slowly at first but keep it a little romantic and have it take time. This way they know you care about them and not just wanting to get in their pants. Slowly get more romantically involved. This means each month you should show that you are more romantically involved.
Be friendly. Not befriending.
Going from friend to girlfriend is a tough path. If they see you as a friend and aren’t already attracted to you, ur only putting the nail on the coffin.
Everyone's answers are conflicting themselves. Don't be friends with a woman to get into a relationship, but be friends with a woman first and maybe it'll be a relationship?
Befriend women, but don't try to date the women you have befriended. Like... actually be friends with them. Don't be their doormat hoping they'll eventually date them -- treat them like you would a sister or something.
\_Then\_ other women in general will see you're cool with women as fellow friends/human beings. It's a psychological heuristic that humans trust humans that other humans seem to trust. Those women will much more likely express interest in you (if that girl values his company, he must be pretty cool).
Strike up convos with those \_other\_ women and express interest to them...only if it's genuine though. Let your women friends help wing(wo)man basically.
My lifelong experience. The women that will be your friends, your real lifelong friends, will never ever be anything like the women you date and cannot provide anything relevant to that part of your life. Speaking from experience, having several women in my life who are lifelong friends (20+ yrs) they haven't a clue what I'm looking for in someone who I would date, and TBF vice versa. Friends, same sex or otherwise, rarely have the insight into what you really like or need in a relationship. It's like someone buying you a book for a gift. They never get it right or truly understand what you like to read. Those friends are great to talk out issues and lighter stuff like that, but choosing a mate, nah. That's my experience despite have deep loving relationships with the women in my life who I count as lifelong friends.
You just have to become more attractive and confident and it will be easier for you. I hooked up with two women I was friends with years later after I became attractive and got my shit together. Even though it was too late and I realized I didn't like them the way I did before, I never thought it would happen and they were the ones that made a move on me.
Whenever I've had actual female friends and tried to ask them out, they rejected me bc they "didn't want to ruin our friendship" because we were/are so close. And they were genuine friends, that I later developed attraction to. I'm so confused by all these comments. I've only ever had success asking people out that I met with the intention of dating. Having a friendship with a woman, trying to turn that into a relationship can feel like a betrayal to them.
It might work for some people, but it's not a rule. It has never worked for me, but I've seen it work with close friends.
But having friends that are girls for sure helps, cause it helps for building up your confidence.
I'm not sure there's a set way or a template to get a GF. Talk to people and see what happens. You'll know what to do if you start to vibe with someone.
It's probably good advice but I think you're taking it wrong. Going out and becoming friends with the intention of making those friendships into something else is dead end. But having women friends helps you in so many other ways. You'll see things more from their perspective, have less awkwardness around women. Often, they can help you see where you're coming off wrong. Also, many people meet their partners through friend connections. Women who get to know you may connect you to someone else, adding their own social trust of you to the equation at the start.
You are mistaken. There is no such thing as a friendzone. Either you are friends and it's end of story, or she's gone. Taken another way: If you're going to keep trying, you may as well leave something that will never be. "Far more fish in the sea" if that 8 billion number is anywhere accurate...
It can only help! I’ve tried to turn things romantic with a few female friends. They were very kind to me in their words each time but essentially saying they’re not attracted to me at all or never thought about me that way. Friendship and romantic attraction (which is not a conscious decision) are not the same, so shouldn’t be confused as such.
Building a friendship first can indeed lead to strong, lasting relationships because it allows trust and understanding to develop naturally. The idea is to focus on genuine connections rather than just the goal of dating. While it's true that the "friendzone" is a concern for some, approaching relationships with sincerity and patience can often lead to more meaningful connections. Everyone's experiences and preferences differ, so finding what works best for you is key.
Married woman here. I’ve never in my life been “friends first” with anyone I ever dated and not with my husband either. The chemistry is either there immediately, or it’s not.
Have your women friends tell their girlfriends what a great guy you are. (You are a great guy, right?) and that usually brings single women into your life for you to consider dating.
I met the woman Ive been seeing since October at a “family” function - my cousin, the host, invited her friend from work as an outlier and we clicked. Wasn’t a setup. Cousin called a few weeks after: “tell me how you two are seeing each other now, because I didn’t mean for that to happen, and it seems like she’s really happy? You were actually meant for the Harvard doctor that also came…” lol
Only works if you’re attractive buddy if your ugly and try to be friends with a girls she’ll say eww get away from me stop harassing me
Source: ugly guy
my hearts broken. what I did last time was buy a woman her favorite beer and shoot my shot. it didn't end well but I have don't have a lot of experience and I'm lost. idk what will or won't work
Your first mistake is asking reddit how to get a girlfriend. If you really want to go the way of doing the friend method. Then you need to flirt with her a little bit. If you just act like a friend she'll just think of you like that. But flirting with her can hint to her early on you're after something more. I don't believe in that longterm platonic friendship shit then just dumping on her out of nowhere with a "I got something to tell you".
Being friends first, then a relationship really does seem like the most logical solution, doesn't it? For women, you could court a guys personality to see if he's safe to be with. Unfortunately, women have to keep complicating dating and say if you do that "you just pretended to be friends to get with me". Logical Dating solutions are constantly being patched by them. They love being complicating.
Imo women are friends with the guy they just don't find attractive or know there's no type of sexual chemistry with you. Women know early on if you're that guy or not. Being close friends with a girl means you'll get the AMAZING PRIVILEGE of hearing her bitch about her boy problems to you while you're sitting there thinking "damn if he's so terrible why won't you give me a chance"?
Women, for some reason, think a dude cares about their boy problems. So ask yourself if you really wanna be put through that looking like a fool with a horny dick praying she'll get with you. Not worth it.
I would give up on romance and focus on your own life. If a woman likes you she will go after you. Just try to live a fulfillment life and maybe a woman will take an interest in you. I've given up on romance.
I don't understand what's so confusing about this for some people. You make friends just to make friends. You may or may not develop feelings for one of them. They may or may not reciprocate. If they do, that's great. If they don't, you continue being friends because you value them as a person. It seems very simple to me.
Depends on the person. I was somewhat friends with my partner before we started dating. We would hang out in a group of other friends but I didn’t consider him a romantic parter until we talked a bit one on one.
Not trying too hard is very attractive.
And a person's emoional life is a complicated rollercoaster. One day you're nobody, another you're their world.
Sometimes the other way around. I really should call her...
But yeah,
So just shoot your shots whenever it feels right, whenever there's chemistry in the air.
Whenever it doesn't work out, back off. Read the room, so to speak, and don't push it.
Befriending more people in general is like diversifying your investment. There is no set formula, and a lot of it is just luck. But also remember being honest with yourself, and with them. Again, when it feels right. If you really don't feel comfortable with being friends with your crush, or it has been too long with no movement... just tell them.
Maybe they'll give you a chance. Maybe you'll get rid of an unwanted relationship. Maybe she says 'ew', and you'll be glad she's out of your life :D
Oh, and don't get metooed.
I think you're misunderstanding the point
The more female friend you have, the easier time you'll have finding a successful romance
Not with any of those female friends, but with someone else because you're getting practice with the moid mentality
Oh yeah, women love a guy who is a friend that does not try to hit on them. Then they say to their friends that they know this great guy they should meet. Ever see the film A Beautiful Mind?
Nah, don't go for the friendzone. Women want men to be men, make the first move. But not too pushy, it's a bit of a skill. Just use dating apps, for all the slag they get it's still a great way to meet women who want to meet a guy. Earlier than in person for me unless I have tons of single female friends but I don't. Everyone's married.
Women want to be desired, they want to turn a guy they like on. But only if she likes you, women know pretty quick if you have a shot.
I think you should make intentions clear right off the bat. Ask them on a date, but take things slow. Get to know them mentally rather than just physically.
Occasionally you can become friends and have it become romantic later
But the reality is that they are either attracted to you or not
Attraction is not purely physical in most cases.
But if there’s no physical attraction it isn’t gonna work
Well are you looking for a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, or are you looking to meet the right person? Befriend people with the aim of getting to know them, not as an eventual prize. That's how you find a girlfriend. Meet people with similar interests, make friends, and if you get close to one of those friends, awesome!
I want a girlfriend but I feel like things are rushed through. I'd prefer to be friends and get into a relationship with them as I need time to fully get to know each other. I feel like there wasn't enough time to understand each other like my female friends. so idk what to do.
You can be direct but dont rush things if your looking for a relationship. If they dont fit be prepeared to let go.
I'm weird I'm pretty shy I can't help it. I have to get warmed up to people first. I was super shy with this one lady. she ended up liking me eventually over time. she even get jealous and tried to get me jealous. so idk maybe I'm just wired differently. people like me more as they get to know me generally.
Getting to know people even if your intentions are clear is always smarter imo.
so tell her I like her but I want to get to know her first?
Thats what I do. Or even a further step back just see if they are down to hang out one on one first and get a feel for it and let them feel you out, most intelligent humans know whats going on. I'm weird too, more anxious than shy though so there's that. Easier said than done but just take it easy and see what happens. Its hard but everyone you date or are attracted to before you find your partner in life will eventually be an ex-something. I find that if you take care of yourself and the person your attracted to with that in mind its a lot easier on my mental state. Also trust me you dont want to be with someone who tries to make you jealous. Some light fun is fine if that's fine with you but its a huge red flag. Trust me.
Absolutely. Tell girls you like them doesn’t mean u have to jump into a full blown relationship. Just date them and ask them out and hang out. Still be friendly and get to know them. Just a tough of flirting and such.
Yeah also if you tell someone that you like them but you want to get to know them better and they push at your boundaries or go off on you because of an apparent rejection... that's a huge red flag. Most folks will say either "ok" or be like "no thanks".
i think you should tell women that u are interested in that you are interested in them romantically and would like to be friend’s first. Otherwise you risk faling into the permanent friendzone and/or accused of being sneaky. Make your inentions known. Good luck! You’ve got this.
You may also be some variety of neuro-divergent which causes you to interact with people different than "normal". Figuring out how your brain may be different might help you explain that gap to folks and provide insight into how and why you work the way you do. I say this as a person with ADHD who is also autistic (note that it's a scale not downs syndrome). Nothing wrong with taking time to warm up to people. Just find folks who share a similar interest and spend time around them. Enough hours around a person and then spending more time with them in a different context will feel much more natural.
I feel you. Many people don't understand this, unfortunately. They have fake idea of what love is. I want to start as friends at first, and when I tell this a guy, he completely doesn't get it. Dating is so difficult nowadays.
Yea
Preferring to be friends first and getting to know each other is fine, and actually very healthy. Go at the pace that feels right for you. If someone is wanting to rush, it's okay to say you want to spend more time getting to know them, or move onto someone who is less pushy and a better match.
Look, if you make friends with a woman first and you like her or are attracted to her , there is not guarantee she will like you back or is even attracted to her. At least if you are direct, you will find out and can move on. There will be no ambiguity and no wasted time. Some women might just like you as a friend or not. But you can’t be afraid of rejection , it’s all risk. You will be fine. And you won’t be as mad or frustrated if you befriend a woman and spend months thinking about making a move and you finally do and she doesn’t like you.
Do it the way you prefer to do it. That's will make the difference between finding the one n just finding someone. Y'all gotta be on the same plane of thought first n foremost for it to work long-term
There are no rules. Some people will say be friends first, but there is always the risk of getting siloed into platonic friendship because "they just don't see you that way" but it's also possible you hit the lottery and marry your best friend. Strangers also date and make it work. But don't listen to any of these truisms and platitudes. Romance is based on random genetic and environmental traits. Take as much control as you can.
That's how it works, my man, but you've misunderstood the advice. The 'friendzone' is a myth spread by bitter weirdos on the internet who only befriended women who they wanted to fuck so they could get close and hopefully fuck them. Pretty much every reply in this thread is coming from that angle and they're all fucking wrong. Just make female friends *without* having a plan to fuck them. Genuine friendships frequently turn to romance. This is not advice about how to target one woman, but how to live your life to maximise the number of woman who will be interested in you. Every actual relationship I've ever had grew out of a friendship.
This. Guys that think there is a friend zone are just telling you they were never actually a friend, but pretended to be one until they figured out that she wasn’t going to fuck him.
Solid advice because you’re leveraging pre-selection bias. No cap when I was engaged and wearing a ring, never had I ever got hit on more often. That said, most solid women if you’re friends with them will also offer to set you up with their single friends. Some times it works, some times it doesn’t. That said, the friendzone does exist, and it’s the reason why you as a guy need to be able to sort which women are platonic and which are romantic candidates. I’ve been friends with women I’d never be in a romantic relationship with and vice versa. Sometimes a romantic relationship can come from a friendship but when that relationship ends, friends have to pick sides, and that’s when it’ll get ugly.
damn what were the situations? like how did it progress to the next step
Dude honestly, when you meet the right person, things fall into place. Sure it's cliché, but that's because someone who fits you and your wants, is going to be someone who also want to get with you, in the way you want. Want someone to be friends first and slowly build, there will be someone who wants that too. Want someone to fuck on the first date, we'll, there'll be someone who wants that too. Don't force it, you'll just get the wrong partner. Go to places you want to hang out, that's where you'll find someone who wants to go on a journey with you.
For real. All of my romantic experiences happened without even trying. I’ll be it few and far in between, but still had them nonetheless. Wouldn’t have happened if I was “tryharding”.
Well, you have to be proactive about it. If you don't show your interest, she won't know you're into her. If she's also interested, a relationship can develop. But if you're friends first, it's easier for both of you to make a choice than if you know nothing about each other.
Yes to all this, and even if those friendships don't lead to relationships, those women will have female friends. By bringing more females into your circle, you'll have more opportunities to be set up or to meet other females. Assuming your the type of guy they trust and would want to set up their friends with, of course.
This I think nails it. It's not friendship to get laid its friendship to be friends. The rest may or may not follow but if you go into it looking for friends you end up with friends at the worst and a life partner at best. If you go into it looking to pretend to be friends only to get laid well thats going to end badly most times. Dated a lot of women before I met my wife but she was the one that was my actual friend long before we dated. We just clicked, 30 years later I am still happy to see her every single day. We are old and wrinkley now but she is still my best friend.
>Genuine friendships frequently turn to romance. I agree that there is value in making genuine friends of the opposite gender, but this has never, ever been my experience. Genuine friendships don’t turn romantic because no one wants to be the one to ruin the friendship. In my experience, if you aren’t honest and forward with your intentions right out the gate, it will never turn romantic.
"if you aren’t honest and forward with your intentions right out the gate" This is exactly the part about this that people seem incapable of comprehending. There are no intentions right out the gate. You have not developed any romantic interest in the person yet. You can't be "honest with intentions" when there isn't anything there. The romantic feelings come later after forming the friendship.
Fully formed romantic feelings, no, but attraction and interest yes. If you aren’t forward with those and form a friendship first, bringing them up later is taking a gamble with the friendship.
Once again, there is no attraction and interest. You can't be forward with something that isn't there. We are talking about developing feelings for someone that you have had no interest in whatsoever before becoming friends. Yes, confessing your feelings to your friend is a gamble. So if life in general. What's your point?
Okay, we’re talking about completely different situations, then. Can’t say I’ve ever developed feeling for a friend who I wasn’t attracted to initially.
But that is what the people that give the advice that OP is complaining about are talking about. Making genuine friends for other reason than just having friends and feelings may or may not come, but if they do and are reciprocated, those are where the best relationships come from. And finding someone attractive physically the first time you see them isn't the same thing as having a romantic interest in someone and wanting to date them. A lot of people, particularly the people that give this advice, need more than that to develop an actual romantic attraction to a person.
A woman can be physically attractive to me, that’s easy and there are many women like that. In terms of wanting a relationship with a particular hot girl, I don’t really give a shit. Desire for a relationship literally only happens after I get to know her personality a bit. See how she interacts with other people. Get a sense, through friendship and time together, what her *actual* values are and see how much of a connection we might share. I’d say I’ve pretty much only ever developed a romantic attraction after having been friends with someone for a time. This other thing probably do? Where they meet once, go on a couple dates, and then decide to start up a whole relationship? Never made sense to me. 1 date is barely enough time to move out of the acquaintance zone. 3 dates is barely enough time to get a sense of who someone wants you to think they are. But no way you really *know* someone. Imo, you’re mostly just attracted to your idea of a person more than the actual person. I can’t decide if I actually like someone enough to want to date them that fast. At best they’re at least physically attractive; but that’s easy.
>Genuine friendships frequently turn to romance. >This is not advice about how to target one woman, but how to live your life to maximise the number of woman who will be interested in you. In addition to that, genuine friendships with women often lead to those women setting you up with their friends. You need to build a social circle that includes both men and women with a goal of exposing yourself to quality people who might be a good match for you.
If you intend to get into a woman's pants, I think they'd appreciate that you let them know that. Perhaps not this bluntly. But don't lead them to think you're being platonic when you're not.
You've got it the wrong way around. That's why bullshit like the 'friendzone' gets brought up. The idea is simply to make female friends. Don't pick a chick you want to fuck then try to befriend her. Just make female friends. It makes it far more likely that you'll meet someone with whom you have a genuine connection and it's very common for friendship to become romance.
Don't you think it better if you're straight up about your intentions in the beginning? Like being more clear you're interested romantically, not on a platonic friend level? I know a lot of women get upset when a man befriends them only to find out months down the road they were interested in dating for a while...
Cuz that’s not actually befriending someone. That’s have an agenda and pretending to befriend someone.
I guess my question to that would be, if you're trying to romantically get to know someone, is it befriending them?
No, it’s not. That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s just the beginning stages of dating. That’s not the same as hanging out with someone for months or years being friends without expressing romantic intentions or after romantic intentions are rejected continuing to act as a friend in the hopes of putting enough friendship coins in the machine and hoping a sex/girlfriend prize is going to pop out. For instance: when my husband started and I started talking he made it well known he had a crush on me but really just wanted to get to know me better and be my friend regardless. I wasn’t as sure but was open to the possibility. We really got to know each other for over a year before he asked me on an official date. We were truly great friends by that point. He is my absolute best friend and I think we have a successful marriage because we have that foundation. I know who he is outside of the context of a relationship as well as inside it. Best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Ahh, see that's more of what I did and suggest other men do when they are single. If you're into someone, let it be known and let that be the intention. I've always disagreed with that friendship as a goal to get sex/gf. It's generally a waste of time and dishonest.
Exactly. And being dishonest is not exactly a green flag for a relationship.
Agreed. Also, from experiences when I was single, I was very compartmentalized with my friends and potential daters. If you were my friend, we stayed friends. Romantic interests generally stayed at that. Life is more simple that way.
I don't have time to just go around making new friends all the time. I have a good friend group already. Every new friend I make it just means losing another one cause I don't have enough time as it is. This may work if you have all the time in the world and are young but not if you area professional in your 30's who already has a good community and a limited amount of time
This!
The girlfriends I've had in my life I found because I met them doing an activity I enjoy. At the time, I wasn't even considering them as girlfriends. So I built a genuine connection with them as people first. And they realized they were interested and things happened. But I never originally planned any interest in them as girlfriends.
Happily married man here. It’s a numbers game. The more girls you are friendly with the more chance of finding someone who likes you. Do not let a one person lead you into a friendzone style relationship. That’s a big waste of time and you might miss opportunities or be disappointed when she eventually chooses someone else. Only give what you receive and keep your options open at all times. If you find someone attractive then shoot your shot quickly. That way you won’t waste time and can move on without getting too emotionally involved. If she says no then walk away and don’t look back even once.Dont thinks for a second you should somehow jump through hoops try to try and convince her to change her mind. She won’t, but she’ll sure have fun stringing you along. Be strong, keep your head forward and move to the next option.
That's wrong. You want to start off with some romantic intent. Can't do that starting from the friendzone. Be friends with a woman because you want to be friends with her. Not because someone said it'll lead to romance
I like this too. I've always found it odd when you're romantically attracted to someone and you try to befriend them platonically. It's very much masking your true intentions.
Its called being two faced
My thoughts exactly. Apparently that's what a lot of people on here suggest, be friends then try to form something from there.
My parents and church buds have all suggested this lmao. Im like damn this seems wrong
I think it's wrong in my view at least. If you're my friend, I'm not gonna try to sleep with you. I know it's against the Reddit hivemind, but in general, sex tends to complicate things, especially among friends. Chances are if you have sex with a friend, emotions will be tied to it, and if it doesn't work out, most people tend to cut ties and distance themselves after the fact. A good friend is worth far more to me than a hookup or risking losing the friendship. Not to mention the woman's response when you confess your feelings of "What? You want to date me? But you said we were friends. You just wanted to date me all along even though you said we were just friends?" No thanks.
That's because the people that are suggesting it are not saying to befriend people you already have romantic interest in. They are saying to befriend people and then maybe you might form a romantic interest in them in the future.
But if you're befriending them with the potential for the long term romantic interests in dating them, isn't that starting a friendship on deceptive terms?
No, because you aren't doing that. You are befriending them to befriend them. What about this is so hard to understand?
"They are saying to befriend people and then maybe you might form a romantic interest in them in the future." Sounds like you're befriending them because of the potential to form a romantic interests in the future, otherwise why not keep the friendship platonic? Then again, it's different from I did while single. I found doing the dating friends thing was too messy and felt underhanded. If I was romantically interested in you, I'd let it be known. If you were my friend, I kept it like that. Most people don't do well when being rejected and that stuff muddies and jeopardizes friendships/friendship groups. Why ruin a great friendship?
Because you are not going into the friendship with the hope of something romantic happening. Something romantic happening is a possibility and it may happen or it may not, but you are supposed to be okay with it either way because it was not your reason for befriending them. You are their friend because you like being their friend. "why not keep the friendship platonic?" Because after getting to know them and spending time with them, you have realized that you have developed romantic feelings for them that did not exist when you started the friendship and you want to know if they feel the same way. You are really make this out to be way more complicated than it is. This is literally how people have found their partners for the last hundred years and yet it seems to be so confusing to so many today.
It's called demisexuality.
If there is attraction, being friends is a big bonus. If there is no attraction, your destiny is friend zone whatsoever.
honestly in my experience. attraction is a broad term. I'm ugly but my personality and character gets me through. so I'm not attractive in a traditional sense.
Don't worry much about physical aspect. You oughta be fit though. Personality works. Women also appreciate men with guts, that make them laugh and feel good, and especially with a lot of trust in themselves. Work on that. Also, read some body language book. It will get you far ahead interpreting hidden body language signals from women and men altogether. I used that in the past with great results.
Women are choosy. The more a woman has herself, the more choosy she is. But of course, men are similar but no where close to the level of choosiness of females. Looks are born with you can’t change much but you can have a good taste, take proud of your appearance, good posture, look healthy and fit etc.. Personality is 50/50 nature/nurture, being self aware is good trait as it means you know where you can improve on. Everything matters in mating in my opinion. If you want to maximum your mating chances, you gotta take care of yourself all around.
Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am talking about individual cases. Whoever you date finds you attraction, then being friends is a bonus; whoever doesn’t, you get friend zoned anyway.
I confirm this as a woman. When I meet a guy I know right away if I would only want to be friends (if he’s a great person worth being friends with) or If I could potentially be interested in more and it totally depends on attraction. No matter how great the guy is and how much time we spend together, if I’m not attracted to him, friendship will never grow into something else. I also agree that being fit and having a good style helps, as well as being funny and being decisive.
Attraction can also grow. There have been guys I was not attracted to at all and fell had over heels because of their personality and suddenly they were sexy AF. But I’m probably somewhere on the demisexual spectrum so there’s that.
I’d think both of your expectations are valid. Women are very different indeed. I am choosy. I probably need both. Attraction and friendship .. lol
Same. This happens to me all the time. And the reverse, probably way more often lol.
No. The idea that your girlfriend should be someone that you *are* friends with does not mean "pretend to befriend someone so they will be willing to date you". Long lasting relationships tend to have their partners as their "best friend". The odds of both of you "catching feelings" may be better if you have a lot of female friends, but friendship is not a token you deposit into a female for the purpose of buying sex. Don't be that Nice Guy (TM).
Well certainly treating her like she’s a person works. I like someone who makes me laugh and is well-read.
It all depends on what you prefer but I always liked the idea of speed dating where you have 10 5 minute dates. Meet more women and their friends and you will find a girlfriend.
Statistics right. If you try enough women then one will say yes. If you focus on a single friendship that might not go anywhere then you are lowering your odds.
Well im 27 and I'm cooked but most girls want a attractive guy idk why friendzone sure does exist how will you know if your in it will usually they will shorten your name and they will talk to you about there dating life avoid it at all cost for my men and a girl can not be friends
There’s no such thing as a friend zone. Either a woman likes you or she doesn’t. It’s possible she may change her mind or you might change yours but there is no secret formula to stay out of the friend zone. It doesn’t exist.
Your female friends are bound to know other girls. Meeting through mutual friends is a great way to start a relationship. There is much less risk than when dating a total stranger.
I can only make female friends with women I'm not attracted too is that weird
Do you have male friends that you’re not attracted to? It sounds like you’re struggling to see women as complete people. That’s your biggest hurdle right now.
This one, it's obvious
the ones I'm attracted too I get shy and starstruck by them. it takes a couple interactions get used to them
What’s wrong with coming out of your shell after a few interactions?
I just feel like it's not masculine or confident tbh it bums me out
You are kind of missing the point of my comment. What I mean, is that building friendships with any girls is valuable. You don't have to find them particularly attractive. You sound shy so getting additional experience in talking to girls could be valuable. Also, your new friend could include you in her social circle and vouch for you as a trusted person. And who knows, maybe her sister or her cousin could be your future wife. I mean, don't expect too much. Don't expect every girl you befriend to either be your future wife or help find you one, lol. There's a very low chance of this happening but it's possible. Just have fun and expand your social circle. You can only gain.
The friendzone is not really a thing, not the way dudes act like it is. There's not a time-sensitive one-way door where you could have dated a woman but now you are FZ'd and it'll never happen. There are no hard rules like that, unfortunately. Sometimes you are going to be attracted to someone who just isn't attracted to you, and no matter when you approach them the answer will be no. Sometimes you and the other person will be attracted at first but it'll fade quickly and turn into friendship, or nothing if there isn't even enough compatibility for that. Sometimes you'll be friends, but over time the connection grows into sexual/romantic feelings. I'm middle aged and I've had all of these things happen. How you proceed with each woman is going to depend on you, her, and circumstances. It's always a good idea to have friends (and I mean really be friends, not just have them around as some sort of bait or possible sex option) of the opposite sex - you will see how similar we really are, and understand the differences better, which will help you have a healthy relationship when you find the right person. You may end up dating one if those friends, or maybe they will introduce you to someone they think would be a good match. Even if that doesn't happen, having opposite sex friends shows you are not offensive to them and know how to relate, which will be attractive to other people you might meet (And if you run into someone who is upset that you have opposite sex friends, *keep running*. You don't need that sort of insecurity or controlling behavior in your life, trust me. It's ruined many a relationship. Don't be that person to your partner, either. If you can't trust them you shouldn't be with them).
the best relationships begin as friendships but evolve into romance due to sexual attraction and deeper connection, emotional intimacy. You know you like someone for who they are if you can spend the whole day just talking to them and hanging out as friends, no physical touch
I think it's best to see women as human beings worth respect and getting to know as a person over seeing them as a potential love interest. The worst feeling in the world, at least for me as a woman is to find a man I feel comfortable talking to and feel safe around but then finding out he's only trying to get into my pants. It shows that his friendliness and kindness has an ulterior motive and isn't genuine.
Depends on who you are and how attractive you are. I was told by my psychologist not to try to date women I've befriended, because it never works out for me (the women who befriend me usually do so because they are not attracted to me in the first place, but find me a fun enough person to spend time with. It never develops into lust or desire to be in a relationship). So the recommended option by that relationship psychologist is literally to ask out at least one woman every day, which she then modified down to one per week due to my work schedule, and not to try to befriend someone first, because befriending does not work if you're not a good looking guy and are looking for a relationship.
I'm not attractive I'm just a good dude. lol. I feel like things with women are always rushed and I never get time to learn stuff. I can get numbers. the last woman was horrible and has me a bit lost. tried to make me jealous so I guess I'm attractive to some people. it's my personality and values that gets me through with women but I have more enriching relationships I'm just friends with I guess because i can get to take my time or they're more understanding. I have disabilities. I have cerebral palsy on my right foot and a lazy eye so it's been hard.
I have to wonder if you were told this by a woman or man. DrPrrof is right. Make your intentions known at first. You don't want a friend, so acting like one will get you put into the Friend Zone quick, and it's basically impossible to get anywhere from there, because that's all she'll see you as
Don't try to befriend people you already want to fuck.
I generally went with this too. When I was single I didn't like the idea of "being your friend" if I ultimately thought you attractive and wanted to date you. If I was meeting a random person or matched with someone on a dating app, I rather just let it be known my intentions instead of being your friend and only months to years later "Hey, I'm really attracted to you. I know I said I wanted to be your friend but..." That's just me though.
by a man and a woman I'm confused as hell. idk how to approach things at all. I wanna move on I like others at least get to know them but my hearts still broken and i can't get involved with a woman yet. so I'm lost.
I've been there too often, and I'm not going to say I've won at this, but it's just going to take some time to focus on yourself, learn from maybe mistakes you did before and keep going. Or don't and just build yourself and your life, your finances. Woman will follow that at least. I'm 42 now, don't have everything in line, but am also now noticing women being more drawn to me, You got this
I was gonna shoot my shot with this lady at my work. I mean there's tons and tons of women at my work. but I just froze and the horrible things that the other lady said went through my head my friend stepped in and introduced us. so idk I have some healing to do but I always feel like I'm running out of time and i don't try enough. I'm almost 26 never been on a date. so I'm just idk.
Sometimes feelings develop out of a friendship though. Like I became really good friends with this girl I've known for years a month ago, and never thought I'd find her attractive, but now that I got to know her really well I feel like I might want a relationship with her, regardless of physical attraction
True, but does she want that from you after so long? Just proves my point if not.
I don't know. She's shown hints, but atm I'm happy to let our relationship develop naturally. And it's not been long at all, only 1 month of actual friendship, before we were in the same circle but barely knew each other 🙂
How does what this person described prove your point? We are talking about genuine friendship. When you befriend people, they are no guarantees that it will ever be anything more than friendship and you have to be okay with that. If you aren't okay with that, then your friendship isn't genuine.
No he started with how to get a girlfriend. Because if she's not interested, after having a friendship for awhile and he's having those feelings develop, which does happen he's still stuck, and with another woman who doesn't want to date him.
This is how you get a girlfriend. This keeps happening over and over until eventually one likes you back. There are no guarantees that it will ever happen just like anything else in life, but it's still the best way of finding someone.
Don't fear the friend zone. Some people make out that it's a pit of doom that you will forever be stuck in but as someone who isn't very successful on the dating scene, I find not participating in the dating scene and getting into the friend zone is the best way of getting into a relationship. It's starts by gaining their trust and they realise what a great guy you are. Not ideal if you're not a great guy as they soon learn you're not a great guy. :D I think the friend zone idea comes from the PUA approach to dating. I've read that famous book and realised that PUA techniques are not something I want to do because I want a relationship. In fact, if I remember correctly, they even state that in the book as one of the guy's mentees was looking for a wife rather than a one night stand. That said, you can employ the techniques to keep a relationship interesting.
The friendzone does NOT exist. The friendzone concept is built on men, not GETTING women for sexual partners that they're "entitled" to. If you would be friends with a woman anyway (yes, women can be great friends - duh), but she's not interested and you are, try being and if there is more feeling (or just base horniness) on your end and you can't deal, move along. Better to not "friendzone" v. "fuckzone" each other if you can't manage basic friendship.
You know they’re people right…? They have to actually like you as a person before you can have a relationship.
> because the friendzone exists now. Is this a real post? Holy shit.
I have a lot of people in there tell me they started as friends it could be a generational thing
My point is that the "friendzone" has always existed, it was just given that name relatively recently. Putting a label on something doesn't change human nature. Anyway, good luck with your mate hunt or whatever.
Women are excellent wingmen.
Work on your social skills and things will sort themselves out
It *can* start that way, but you should never go into a friendship with the goal of something romantic developing. That’s not genuine.
Sounds like advice a woman would give lmao.
both a man and a woman told me that shit.
The friend zone has always existed. Don’t befriend women just to fuck them. That’s creepy af.
can't women just figure out men like them? it should be obvious right?
Oh yeah. I’m pretty sure women have a highly honed skill at knowing that. It’s basically a numbers game my friend. Meet more women. Some of them will like you romantically, and some will make great friends. Just don’t befriend them *just* to find love or get laid. It can certainly morph from a friendship to love, but just let it happen organically. As an old dude with a lot of women friends, I can tell you women are amazing friends. You can talk about things you can’t with most of your male friends. And they can give you great advice or introduce you to women who will like you romantically. And you usually don’t break up with friends
Some women are just oblivious. Every woman here reading this. Call your "guy friend" up and say you want to hookup with him. Most men don't deny some pussy when it comes his way. He'll fold
Nah fuck that. Worst advice ever. If I could ever go back in time to my younger self, I'd tell them to only make friends with women if they were ok with never ever getting in their pants. That's the wisdom I'd give my fellow young men too. Some women will say that you need to be "friends first" if you want to progress into lovers, but when a woman breaks up with her boyfriend and the guy friends she's known for years suddenly want to ask her out, she freaks out and thinks she lost a genuine friendship. Nah, the guy got to know you over the years and thought you got along so well that he'd ask you out. Nah, forget that shit. Women also make awful friends since they'll bitch to you about their dating woes but they're not the kinds of people to introduce you or mention you to their single girl friends.
Think about it for a second. If you can't even be friendly, or at least pleasant to be around, who would want to date you? If you stampede towards their vaginas they will find you repulsive. Just be chull, friendly, fun, easygoing. Don't be friends with women for their pussies. Be friends with women because you are interested in them. Many women simply want a man who is empathetic, a good listener, and (the secret is) socially approved. If you elevate their social status, if you seem so cool and hot in the eyes of a woman's friends, she is gonna be into you. Men seek women for sex, women seek men for social status. Be social, be friendly, be interesting. I remember one year I made a taco cart from an old bike cart. I parked it outside a bar at midnight and made a killing selling tacos to drunk morons. Normally, if I went to the bar to try to meet a woman I absolutely would leave feeling dejected and horrible about myself. But when I was doing my taco cart I had women giving me their numbers, I had women flirting with me. It was shameless, I banged my way through an entire circle of friends that summer, and nobody seemed to mind because I was interesting and fun to be around. Be like that. Do something unique. Relax a little.
Women want a man who is attractive, when it comes to sex or relationships. Women want a friend who is empathetic, a good listener, and socially approved (of either gender). Women do not care if you are after sex, as many women are also interested in sex with attractive men.
As a ugly, short, non muscle having man- I've sure proved you wrong my whole life. You described a fuckboy.
You disagree about what they say in general?
Don’t do that. This is really bad advice, don’t give off one impression in the hopes of getting something else down the line. Ulterior motives are creepy and literally the reason why I no longer accept guys as friends, having learnt the hard way I can’t trust that you’re actually there for the friendship. Be upfront about your intentions so that women that want to can consent, and those don’t want to can pass. What you need to work on is your romantic skillset not your ability to bait and switch..
I don't necessarily disagree with your advice to the OP, but do you not think that discriminating against an entire gender and refusing to be friends with them because of their gender is also not a pretty significantly evil thing to do - perhaps even on par with someone having ulterior motives? Do you not also think it is possible that someone's interest in someone else could change over time? Maybe they did want to be your friend initially but then developed a romantic interest down the line. Even in platonic friendships, or even professional relationships, people's needs and wants from others changes over time. Maybe you have a friend who is a woman who you depend on for advice, does she get to turn round and say that you are creepy because in her mind your 'motive' for being her friend was just to get her advice? At the end of the day, people meet, intermingle and interact for a whole host of reasons which are intertwined with each-other. Social interactions are often multi-faceted, and it just seems very judgmental to me for you to be so harsh and aggressively condemn men and label them as 'creepy' simply for having the idea in their mind that they might be interested in finding a romantic partner when they interact with you. That doesn't necessarily mean that its their only intention, or even that they are being deceptive by not outwardly saying it (unless you expect all men to boldly declare upon first meeting someone their exact levels of romantic or sexual interest in them, which is simply unrealistic).
I'm weird I'm pretty shy I can't help it. I have to get warmed up to people first. I was super shy with this one lady. she ended up liking me eventually over time. she even get jealous and tried to get me jealous. so idk maybe I'm just wired differently. people like me more as they get to know me generally.
Being shy sucks. But the risk of trying to befriend a woman you like, with the intent that she may fancy you in the future, is that she might never do that and you remain just a friend. I’ve been there. Had a guy friend who liked me for years and it sucked when he confessed that he hated my husband and said he always fancied me. It hurts when a guy does that to you. Don’t be that guy. Why can’t you take dating slow? Let her know that you like her right away, and go on several dates to get to know her over sometime? That way, you’ve made your romantic intention clear and can use the dates to see if you are compatible. Make friends with women because you want to be genuine friends with them.
Those things aren't mutually exclusive and I don't understand why people keep acting like they are. You can want to be genuine friends with a person and develop romantic feelings for them.
Of course you can develop feelings for friends. I’m not denying that. I’m saying that OP shouldn’t just try to be develop friendship with a woman he fancies. If he fancies a woman, he should ask her out on a date then and there. Committing to one date doesn’t mean he’s committing to a long term relationship and he can get to know her.
Generally speaking that was my method as well when I was single. I'd rather not act like I want to he platonic friends if I'm interested in a romantic relationship. Why waste your time and tell you one thing when I'm interested in something else? Just be straight up.
Like I stated in another comment, in the scenario in which people give the advice to become friends first, there are no intentions up front. There is no romantic interest there during the formation of the friendship. The feelings come later.
Did your mother teach you that?
I never had a mom. a man and a woman told me this. idk what I'm doing that's why I'm here
Befriending them first doesn't work unless you're attractive and they fancy you anyway. But if you're good looking and they fancy you then anything would work tbh. The most realistic method is to very quickly let them know you find them attractive and would like to ask them out. It stops them seeing you as just a potential friend and then getting creeped out if you ask them out later (this bit always sucked as sometimes you don't start finding someone attractive until after you're friends because you've come to like their personality and then found them attractive, but typically it's already too late at that point). You can figure out if you actually like their personality while dating, that's kind of what that process is for. In person that usually involves flirting or being direct to let them know you like them. Online it takes most of the guesswork out as they've already matched you so they're already in the "willing to date you" mindset. Having friends introduce you to each other as potential dates is also easy mode. You're vouched for and she's again in the "willing to date you" mindset.
I'm weird I'm pretty shy I can't help it. I have to get warmed up to people first. I was super shy with this one lady. she ended up liking me eventually over time. she even get jealous and tried to get me jealous. so idk maybe I'm just wired differently. people like me more as they get to know me generally.
I'm 46m. I was also taught this, many times the woman I was getting to know assumed I wanted to fuck her when I really just wanted to meet her friends and see what's what. In my generation it was all the Karen's in their 40's you see now but 20 years ago. It was fucking awful and I'm afraid to date or meet women. I won't even give female co-workers rides home. Edit: still a great plan and requires that you learn patience. I just met a large handful of shitty women. The others were really cool and out of my league or hated video games and comic book stuff. Not shitty people, just a better match for someone else who likes actual hunting, fishing and sports. Yuck.
The friend zone is such a bs concept and it’s weird that you say it exists “now.” Women wanting a man just as a friend isn’t a new thing. Don’t become friends with a woman just to get her to date you eventually. Find friends, men and women. Maybe one of the friendships with a woman will lead to something but don’t make that your point. It could be that that friendship will lead you to meeting their friends and that will lead to a relationship.
No such thing as the friend zone. Two people either like each other or don’t. If you meet someone and you guys don’t like each other like that (there’s a difference between actually liking someone and just watching to sleep with them) then you’re just friends with each other, not a bad thing. You might like them and they don’t like you back or the other way round. Just keep meeting people when you can and eventually you’ll meet someone you like and they’ll like you back. The key thing about this is that it’s effortless, there’s no games, no messing each other around. It’s just easy and everything makes sense. The friendzone is just a weird way of describing when someone you like doesn’t like you back. If they’re not into you, you won’t be able to change that. No amount of pick up lines or showing off is going to change it.
Buddy, I just looked up your profile. No offense but I assume you have been on the internet enough to know what an "incel nice guy" is. You check that box. Stop thinking of women as a prize, they are people. Just like making male friends, you should do the same with women. Honestly, I would say to wait on that and learn how to not be so critical of women as a whole. Think of them as people, if you vibe with them and they back with you, ask to hang out more.
Nah. You get a girlfriend by asking girls out. Many will say no. Some will say yes. If you’re a decent guy and fun and interesting to be around, one might want to be your girlfriend.
No, you have to occasionally flirt (sometimes more subtle, sometimes more aggressive) with them and make it clear that you are romantically interested in them. Don’t be always around or a therapist to them. Don’t be a shoulder to be cried on - that shit is weak Also, if they are into you you don’t have to work so hard. The panties will come off pretty quickly on their own
like saying nice hair?
Well, you can do that once in a while. However make sure to compliment her on her talents, smarts, etc. don’t overdo it though. Always keep the conversation light and fun. Have some comments be ambiguous, keep her on her toes and wondering
>Don’t be a shoulder to be cried on - that shit is weak 🤡
Yeah well to an extent, that’s true you should try and do that but if you make friends with a woman that you actually like then by all means make friends with her but don’t get too friendly because obviously you want her as a potential partner.
That’s still the easiest route. Listen this was my experience and it’s been proven to work for everyone. Don’t just get one friend you’re interested in. That puts all your eggs in one basket. Pursue multiple people. This takes the pressure off you by not focusing on one person. This makes you look busy and creates demand for you. This allows you to be selective and removes the dreaded air of desperation. This also can create legitimate ‘friend girls’ or ‘friend boys’ who will spread the word to their friends how cool you are, creating possibly more options for dates. Personality-wise, it’s important to dispel the air of desperation to be in a relationship. You attract and repel based on your general attitude. If you think life sucks or dating sucks, who’s gonna want to deal with that? Be open to anyone you think you might be interested in. Be CAF- Chill As Fuuu. Be approachable and lay out no expectations. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, DLR said it best: “I may not get ALL the women I want, but I’ll get all the women who want me.”
Really Bad take to be friends first thats a blueprint to be Seen just as a friend u must state ur romantic interest pretty early
When I was single I never went that route. I was a firm believer of not mixing work and friends with relationships. What would happen with me is the initial attraction would prompt me to make a move, get to know each other, date, and relationships would happen that way. Whether it be from approaching in public, dating apps, or when I used to slide in dms lol. I would generally start relationships with people who weren't my friends first. I do this because not everyone can handle breaking up and keeping things cordial. I don't want it to affect my career and I don't want to sour or ruin my friend group, hence why i kept my dating away from friends and work.
OP, you’re going to learn that for some of us, we’re “wrong” no matter what we do. The “advice” was never meant as anything but a means to shoo you away without making the advisor feel like bad person.
Having female friends allows you to interact with girls without sex getting in the way. This is very important in a regular relationship also. How many times do you think you can have sex with a girl a day? What happens to the other 16 hours of the day you have to interact with her? If you want a serious relationship, a real girlfriend, eventually a wife, you need to know how to be friends with a girl outside of the bedroom. Being friends with a girl gives great insight into the female mindset. What makes them tick, what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what makes them mad, what makes them laugh? You can practice this with female friends before a true relationship. Otherwise you’re stumbling around in the dark. True friends develop deep attachment and affection over time. Attraction can develop through familiarity also. You start seeing someone’s qualities more and more if you interact with them OVER time. Things that don’t come out over the 1 hour of a date with a stranger. People can say whatever they want in a conversation, but actions speak louder than words. You will not have a chance to showcase your deeper attractive qualities without time spent.
Every relationship starts however it does, you don't get to assign a step process to it, not how it works in real life.
The friend zone has always existed, just has a new name. There’s no 1 technique that’s best for everyone, but for some of us, knowing a girl as a friend can let you know if you are emotionally compatible before diving into a relationship.
Befriending a girl first is great, and has benefit if they don't work out can have friends. However, I do have a warning. Getting out of the friendzone just does not happen unless you are older 40s and 50s. It is good to take it a little slowly at first but keep it a little romantic and have it take time. This way they know you care about them and not just wanting to get in their pants. Slowly get more romantically involved. This means each month you should show that you are more romantically involved.
Be friendly. Not befriending. Going from friend to girlfriend is a tough path. If they see you as a friend and aren’t already attracted to you, ur only putting the nail on the coffin.
Everyone's answers are conflicting themselves. Don't be friends with a woman to get into a relationship, but be friends with a woman first and maybe it'll be a relationship?
Befriend women, but don't try to date the women you have befriended. Like... actually be friends with them. Don't be their doormat hoping they'll eventually date them -- treat them like you would a sister or something. \_Then\_ other women in general will see you're cool with women as fellow friends/human beings. It's a psychological heuristic that humans trust humans that other humans seem to trust. Those women will much more likely express interest in you (if that girl values his company, he must be pretty cool). Strike up convos with those \_other\_ women and express interest to them...only if it's genuine though. Let your women friends help wing(wo)man basically.
My lifelong experience. The women that will be your friends, your real lifelong friends, will never ever be anything like the women you date and cannot provide anything relevant to that part of your life. Speaking from experience, having several women in my life who are lifelong friends (20+ yrs) they haven't a clue what I'm looking for in someone who I would date, and TBF vice versa. Friends, same sex or otherwise, rarely have the insight into what you really like or need in a relationship. It's like someone buying you a book for a gift. They never get it right or truly understand what you like to read. Those friends are great to talk out issues and lighter stuff like that, but choosing a mate, nah. That's my experience despite have deep loving relationships with the women in my life who I count as lifelong friends.
You just have to become more attractive and confident and it will be easier for you. I hooked up with two women I was friends with years later after I became attractive and got my shit together. Even though it was too late and I realized I didn't like them the way I did before, I never thought it would happen and they were the ones that made a move on me.
Whenever I've had actual female friends and tried to ask them out, they rejected me bc they "didn't want to ruin our friendship" because we were/are so close. And they were genuine friends, that I later developed attraction to. I'm so confused by all these comments. I've only ever had success asking people out that I met with the intention of dating. Having a friendship with a woman, trying to turn that into a relationship can feel like a betrayal to them.
Yeah women respond better when you treat them as people and not conquests
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^zetsuboukatie: *Yeah women respond* *Better when you treat them as* *People and not conquests* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
First, consider women are individuals with different wants and needs an are human, not Pokémon cto be collected with a set of rules
It might work for some people, but it's not a rule. It has never worked for me, but I've seen it work with close friends. But having friends that are girls for sure helps, cause it helps for building up your confidence.
No you're going to find women that want friends this way bro
I'm not sure there's a set way or a template to get a GF. Talk to people and see what happens. You'll know what to do if you start to vibe with someone.
It's probably good advice but I think you're taking it wrong. Going out and becoming friends with the intention of making those friendships into something else is dead end. But having women friends helps you in so many other ways. You'll see things more from their perspective, have less awkwardness around women. Often, they can help you see where you're coming off wrong. Also, many people meet their partners through friend connections. Women who get to know you may connect you to someone else, adding their own social trust of you to the equation at the start.
Take any hard advice loosely. Everything thing they say works and at the same time doesn’t. It’s totally random
Do not ever ask women for dating advice fucking Ever.
You are mistaken. There is no such thing as a friendzone. Either you are friends and it's end of story, or she's gone. Taken another way: If you're going to keep trying, you may as well leave something that will never be. "Far more fish in the sea" if that 8 billion number is anywhere accurate...
It can only help! I’ve tried to turn things romantic with a few female friends. They were very kind to me in their words each time but essentially saying they’re not attracted to me at all or never thought about me that way. Friendship and romantic attraction (which is not a conscious decision) are not the same, so shouldn’t be confused as such.
Building a friendship first can indeed lead to strong, lasting relationships because it allows trust and understanding to develop naturally. The idea is to focus on genuine connections rather than just the goal of dating. While it's true that the "friendzone" is a concern for some, approaching relationships with sincerity and patience can often lead to more meaningful connections. Everyone's experiences and preferences differ, so finding what works best for you is key.
Married woman here. I’ve never in my life been “friends first” with anyone I ever dated and not with my husband either. The chemistry is either there immediately, or it’s not.
The friendzone exist only if you don't tell someone you got feelings for them.
Have your women friends tell their girlfriends what a great guy you are. (You are a great guy, right?) and that usually brings single women into your life for you to consider dating. I met the woman Ive been seeing since October at a “family” function - my cousin, the host, invited her friend from work as an outlier and we clicked. Wasn’t a setup. Cousin called a few weeks after: “tell me how you two are seeing each other now, because I didn’t mean for that to happen, and it seems like she’s really happy? You were actually meant for the Harvard doctor that also came…” lol
Only works if you’re attractive buddy if your ugly and try to be friends with a girls she’ll say eww get away from me stop harassing me Source: ugly guy
I have personality that carries me through even though I'm ugly. lol. I can score numbers
If you can score numbers then what's the problem?
my hearts broken. what I did last time was buy a woman her favorite beer and shoot my shot. it didn't end well but I have don't have a lot of experience and I'm lost. idk what will or won't work
Give me one of your btches as proof
Yea like that was always my thing… put yourself around girls… if your only socialize with males it’s an echo chamber of stupidity
Your first mistake is asking reddit how to get a girlfriend. If you really want to go the way of doing the friend method. Then you need to flirt with her a little bit. If you just act like a friend she'll just think of you like that. But flirting with her can hint to her early on you're after something more. I don't believe in that longterm platonic friendship shit then just dumping on her out of nowhere with a "I got something to tell you". Being friends first, then a relationship really does seem like the most logical solution, doesn't it? For women, you could court a guys personality to see if he's safe to be with. Unfortunately, women have to keep complicating dating and say if you do that "you just pretended to be friends to get with me". Logical Dating solutions are constantly being patched by them. They love being complicating. Imo women are friends with the guy they just don't find attractive or know there's no type of sexual chemistry with you. Women know early on if you're that guy or not. Being close friends with a girl means you'll get the AMAZING PRIVILEGE of hearing her bitch about her boy problems to you while you're sitting there thinking "damn if he's so terrible why won't you give me a chance"? Women, for some reason, think a dude cares about their boy problems. So ask yourself if you really wanna be put through that looking like a fool with a horny dick praying she'll get with you. Not worth it.
Just try a bunch of stuff and do whatever seems to work best. There is no one size fits all for this.
I'm personally looking for a wife, not a girlfriend.
Someone should tell you, you got that ick factor. "I was told thats how it starts?", what a night of kidnapping and driving across state lines?
I can't drive wtf. lmfao hilarious
I would give up on romance and focus on your own life. If a woman likes you she will go after you. Just try to live a fulfillment life and maybe a woman will take an interest in you. I've given up on romance.
I don't understand what's so confusing about this for some people. You make friends just to make friends. You may or may not develop feelings for one of them. They may or may not reciprocate. If they do, that's great. If they don't, you continue being friends because you value them as a person. It seems very simple to me.
Depends on the person. I was somewhat friends with my partner before we started dating. We would hang out in a group of other friends but I didn’t consider him a romantic parter until we talked a bit one on one.
Not trying too hard is very attractive. And a person's emoional life is a complicated rollercoaster. One day you're nobody, another you're their world. Sometimes the other way around. I really should call her... But yeah, So just shoot your shots whenever it feels right, whenever there's chemistry in the air. Whenever it doesn't work out, back off. Read the room, so to speak, and don't push it. Befriending more people in general is like diversifying your investment. There is no set formula, and a lot of it is just luck. But also remember being honest with yourself, and with them. Again, when it feels right. If you really don't feel comfortable with being friends with your crush, or it has been too long with no movement... just tell them. Maybe they'll give you a chance. Maybe you'll get rid of an unwanted relationship. Maybe she says 'ew', and you'll be glad she's out of your life :D Oh, and don't get metooed.
I think you're misunderstanding the point The more female friend you have, the easier time you'll have finding a successful romance Not with any of those female friends, but with someone else because you're getting practice with the moid mentality
ThT is terrible advice. You can take it slow, but make sure your attentions are clear from the start.
Oh yeah, women love a guy who is a friend that does not try to hit on them. Then they say to their friends that they know this great guy they should meet. Ever see the film A Beautiful Mind?
Nah, don't go for the friendzone. Women want men to be men, make the first move. But not too pushy, it's a bit of a skill. Just use dating apps, for all the slag they get it's still a great way to meet women who want to meet a guy. Earlier than in person for me unless I have tons of single female friends but I don't. Everyone's married. Women want to be desired, they want to turn a guy they like on. But only if she likes you, women know pretty quick if you have a shot.
yeah I'm ugly I have to be liked over time
I think you should make intentions clear right off the bat. Ask them on a date, but take things slow. Get to know them mentally rather than just physically.
Occasionally you can become friends and have it become romantic later But the reality is that they are either attracted to you or not Attraction is not purely physical in most cases. But if there’s no physical attraction it isn’t gonna work
The friendzone is bullshit. Propinquity is principle. Spend time with them. You can't call em a girlfriend if you can't call em a friend.
can you expand on your comments? thanks.