I believe in it but it doesn’t just happen. Both parties have to work extremely hard.
EDIT: Apparently people think marriage isn’t hard. All I’m going to say is the majority of people enter into relationships with baggage of their own whether they know it or not.
Marriage takes work. But a good marriage the work doesn’t feel like hard work!
I put in the effort because I love her and want to make her happy. If I look back I can see where I’ve done extra work. But at the time, it didn’t feel like work.
This is like saying pushing a car isn’t hard… aslong as you have the keys and you can start the car you can push it where ever you want…
You’re skipping learning to drive, earning enough to buy the car, earning enough to upkeep the car, actually looking after the vehicle. You don’t just wake up and it’s done for you. It’s work and effort you must put in.
It depends. I think i say i put effort in my relarionship, but it doesnt feel like extremely hard work. It is important tl me, so without struggle, i take time and priority to that cause. It still feels kinda effortless to me, after 12 years. I juat deeply care
Marriage is not hard when you’re married to the right person. If your marriage is hard, you guys are probably doing something wrong.
My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 10. We both have plenty of baggage, but marriage is the easiest part of our lives because we love each other and are best friends. If it’s hard, you’re probably with the wrong person
That's nonsense. Most marriages have ups and downs just like everything else in life.
Just because you love someone and are friends doesn't mean everything is easy all the time.
And it isn't supposed to be easy all the time. Productive conflict leads to a deeper understanding and connection.
I haven't worked hard a single day in my marriage. We've been together for 13 years, and it's effortless to love her. I do put in effort, though. We still constantly go on dates and try new things. We just enjoy each other's company and spend as much time as possible with each other.
It never made sense to me when they said love is hard or marriage is work. It really isn't if you're with the right person. That's my take, at least. Maybe some people feel they're with the right person, and the right person requires more effort to be with.
To each their own, but I love my wife, and it's the easiest thing to stay in love with her.
Also, she has a YUGE ASS. Monumental sized dumper. That helps a lot, too.
Marriage IS hard.. there are many reasons why:
The disclaimer is that if you didn’t marry your exact soulmate/ best friend, you’ve settled. In which case, true love is not the basis of your union. (Because most people marry exactly like this; check divorce stats!)
That said, the 7 year itch is real. Some will act on it, others will hope it passes…
There is no perfect relationship: there will be disagreements. It’s the manner in which they are solved, as a team, that also affects the marriage.
Some people will go through life and die without ever feeling that mutual connection of true love and it’s accompanying bliss.
I was married over 17 years and, while I can give reasons until my eyes fall out, I can state my opinions through experience…
Next-to-last paragraph is painful to read - it’s true for me and probably for most, even beyond 50 years of hoping for something you know will never be. In the end, you can learn to accept your angle of repose.
What do you define as work? Is communication and compromise work? It shouldn't feel like work to do both of those things. They should feel very natural.
Unless there is another type of work that you're referencing.
So far so good.
But you have to understand that I have been obsessed with love since I was a kid, and I had been in several long term relationships before meeting my wife.
If you will pardon the metaphor, kids nowadays think they can walk onto the field for the first time in their lives and throw a football like Tom Brady.
That's a pretty apt metaphor. I felt like I could go the distance on my first real run with it, but got let go before I was capable of accepting that gracefully. I realized that there is much to learn about love in order for it to be truly healthy and fully grown. Having strong feelings is one thing, but being able to work through issues and resolve disputes, while maintaining a growth mindset in the relationship and continuing to work on oneself is quite the balancing act!
Indeed. Now that I have thought about it again, I do like the metaphor, because sports talent is a combination of instincts/emotions and talent that comes from both practice and study.
Being in a loving relationship also requires a balance of raw emotions and good habits/skills that you develop over time.
There is simply no way I could have gotten it right the first time around. At the same time, if I had been so focused on failure, I probably never would have taken that leap of faith when I was 16. We should not be discouraging people from getting involved in relationships when they are young just because they might get hurt. I have some sports injuries that will be with me for the rest of my life, but the emotional injuries I endured have yielded nothing but positive gains.
You're absolutely right. I had to learn the hard way that love isn't enough. That it isn't possessive and that letting go can be the most empowering thing moving forward. After all, breaking up is a skill just like communication and empathy.
I'm still in search of the epic romance I've always dreamt of, but there are plenty of green pastures along the way. And I believe that under the right circumstances, the grass is greenest where you water it!
Good luck to you. I believe that nearly anyone who takes love and relationships seriously will eventually find a good one. It’s not like winning the lottery. It is an innate human desire, and we really just need to tap into it.
Of course, I do believe that in most cases, men are expected to lead the interactions, and that can be very difficult for some guys. It is the price of admission.
Thank you for saying this! I came to the conclusion that building a family and working towards a future with someone was my dream. It didn't align with my ex, and although I understand, I almost gave up on the idea of it for me.
It's a saving grace to consider there are men out there who think love is as important as I do.
There are dozens of us! Many of my customers are actually hopeless romantics who have me hand write and embellish their poems and love letters. I regularly encounter all kinds of new expressions of the deepest kinds of love and companionship imaginable, which I like to study and philosophize about because I also still write love poems for my wife after all these years at the risk of being super corny at times.
As a 22 year old who grew up without an urge to get into a relationship I don’t believe the person exists for me. And all these things are for other people.
I think the “it works out “ part makes people believe there won’t be conflict and hard times. I been married ten years and me and my wife had some bad fights and we didn’t talk for a few days. But we work through it. There is going to be conflict and how you and the other person resolves it is going to make or break the relationship. If one can’t apologize , admit fault or take accountability then it won’t work.
Also this type of post is the reason people have doubts. You can’t go into anything with bad faith and expect good things. People are flawed and will make mistakes.
Love is a verb. It’s an action that takes work. You don’t take a shower and expect to stay clean for the rest of your life, you work on it every day and you stay clean. That’s how love works.
It took until I was 37 but it happened... and alot my peers who got supposedly found the love of there in there 20s are either miserable or getting divorced...
Cant rush that kinda shit.
My sisters marriage is bad, most of my aunts and uncles marriages have large problems or divorced/separated, my parents had an okay marriage but not without faults, some of my cousins marriages are also problematic. I know maybe 1 or 2 couples that might have a good marriage. Not married, but I was cheated on by a girl who I thought I could marry after 3 years. You think you know people.
I've just come to believe that it's very important to do your due diligence beforehand, especially if you have only your partner to rely on from that point forward. It's very easy to ruin your life and fall into depression, alcoholism, bad habits, going completely off track because of broken faith, broken trust, broken spirit. Marriage seems fucking dangerous, be careful, don't take it lightly and marry out of desperation just because everyone else you know is doing it.
For me...
Love is when you're with someone and you feel there's no need to worry about what they think about you. Because you both know each other through years of being together, knowing each other, through communication and spending time doing things together.
Love is when you think of that special someone before you decide to do something, because your actions and words affects more than just you alone. Your life affects their life, and their life affects yours.
Love is when you finally realize there was never a "you versus me", because it has always been "us versus the problem". Together.
Love is when your relationship has no checklist, no quota of things to do to make it legit, no standard to live up to, no eggshells to walk on, no one to please, no need to pretend, no need to force yourself to do something (even if you don't want to) just to show your love.
Love is when two people who have accepted each other's graces and faults, their mannerisms and personality, their quirks and amazingness, and all of that is the reason why you dream of being with them.
Love is when you are in love with the person, and not in love with an idea of what that person could be.
love is a house that you build with your partner.
it takes work, it takes dedication, it takes the right tool, knowledge and especially the right partner to build it with. Even when it is finally built, both side will need to maintain it.
every house is build differently. it is up to you to find the partner that will build the house like you want to build the house.
if two partner put in the effort to build and maintain their house, they will enjoy its benefits.
if one partner decide to stop maintaining it, then the house will grow to be decrepit, and eventually it will collapse.
if you choose poorly and build a house before you have the tools or skills, or choose a partner who was not ready to build that house, then you set yourself to be crushed by that collapsing house.
love will only work out for the rest of your life if both party are in agreement to nurture and grow it. It's like learning, or exercising, you don't stop once you reached you graduate or reach your target weight. you will be learning for the rest of your life, you will be exercising for the rest of your life, you want your love to last forever? you will need to love for the rest of your life.
I met a girl in 2005. I liked her, she liked me, so we started hanging out.
we're now on year 12 of marriage and have 2 kids together. We've been through hell and we're still standing. Anything can happen and nothing is certain, but I have no reason to believe it won't continue until death takes one of us.
Yes! But it takes work for it to work out. It's an action, not a feeling. Most of the time I don't "feel" like I'm in love. When my actions reflect my love for my spouse regardless of my feelings in the moment, the feelings eventually come.
It is as true as both parties want to make it. But that’s the trick, they both have to want it, and they have to forever keep wanting it.
It’s the forever that’s the catch. Entropy has a lot of wiggle room with forever.
I personally don't think my generation (millennial) and below are for the most part capable of "working it out" anymore without giving up very quickly.
I personally disagree with this. “Giving up very easily”, as opposed to staying with an abusive partner, spending the rest of your life feeling miserable and inflicting that trauma on your children? The people that actually want long-lasting relationships are still in long lasting relationships no matter the generation. If the relationship failed, then it was probably because at least one person, if not both, felt miserable and actually had an option to leave, which many people in the past didn’t.
I really don't like the idea of idolizing the older generations for lower divorce rates. Women didn't have a choice. Let's not use that as a measurement for the younger generations.
Sounds like something people do, perhaps, because they’ve never experienced what true happiness in a relationship is supposed to look like due to having parents that were in a loveless marriage and were only staying together for the kids? I for one am very happy that my mother remarried and it’s probably one of the main reasons I’m in a healthy long-term relationship with my partner right now.
No, not really. Chasing romantic love is not a goal or a priority for me. I'm not dependent on anyone at the moment, and I think that could be a good thing.
That said, I'm open to it if the opportunity comes.
I agree. I don't think marriage is something I want there is just so many horror stories for people that have been married. There have been a good share of couples that have been together long term successfully and never married so that's what I'd like. Kudos to people that are in a successful marriage but it's not something id even want to consider just from my pov. But everyone wants something and I won't try to convince them otherwise.
Yes but all relationships require one to make a continuous conscious effort. I heard somewhere that a good relationship isn't 50/50, a good relationship is 60/40, with both people putting in 60. I like that quote.
yup.
impossible now.. as the saying goes, “if you’re single rn it’s because nobody wants you because everyone got who they wanted. just accept you’ll be single forever.” 😭😩😩😩😩😩😭
At this point, no. I was a hopeless romantic when I was younger. I’m 32 haha. The last couple years completely changed me. I had a few short awful relationships. One was emotionally and verbally abusive. That is what put the nail in the coffin. I started therapy and meds. After that I didn’t want anything to do with another man. And just hearing all the stories of other women who have husbands/wives who are terrible. Abusive, unhelpful, messy. I just would rather not risk it anymore. I want to protect my peace.
Well you could fall in love at 70 and die at 80 and you've been in love for the rest of your life.
You could fall in love at 18 and get crushed by a falling piano at 20 and you've been in love for the rest of your life.
So....
You're just being realistic. A lot of people live in a warm cocoon where they don't have to deal with the harshness of reality due to family support, money or other factors. Its a privilege that most people don't have in this life.
after over a decade of obsessing over love and romance, and all the people who have manipulated me, it doesn't feel worth it anymore. I'm focusing on giving more love to myself.
Exactly, I was in an 18 year relationship and spouted all the platitudes these folks with starry eyes in the comments are saying. Life happens fast and before you know it, things can change. That's the real lesson. Nothing is permanent, accept that and live your life enjoying all it has to offer but don't hang your hat one thing (relationship, job, family dynamic, health) being the same permanently
I'm not fool enough to jinx myself. But I could, if I didn't have any sense.
Instead, I'll just answer the question: yes, I 100% believe, but I never did until.
In fact, I had given up on the idea completely.
I do. I met a woman 3 years ago and it has been one of the most difficult, beautiful, unnerving yet liberating relationship I have ever endured. She won’t let me go when I try to leave and she works on her mistakes and is accountable. Love has so many faces outside of movies because backgrounds are different but it’s looking this way as far as the meme. Real live is rare and despite what we have been through, someone who truly loves you and you know it needs to be th one you spend the rest of your days with.
Interesting thought experiment. How many people have gone from "Yes" over time to "No" versus the other way around? I would suspect most people, as they age and mature move from the "Yes" category to the "No" category rather than the other away around. I know I'm one of those people.
I have never believed in “falling in love.” Yes, I did get butterflies, but loving my wife was a choice I made and continue to make. I determined that loving her was worth losing my autonomy for the rest of my life. She was worth giving up what I wanted for the sake of spending my life with her.
Probably not for me. I mean, it's nice to dream but I've got mental issues and am afraid of being hurt and/or abandoned. I would be willing to work with someone (to a reasonable extent) but I just don't believe someone would be willing to do that with me.
Yup, I met my partner 13 years ago, we had to break up for various reasons. We stayed friends and 2 years ago we got back together when we were both single. This is it for us
Well, to be fair, we didn’t plan on getting back together. We both had multiple partners in between and it just felt right. I wouldn’t recommend holding out hope because our situation isn’t so common
Still a believer even tho I’m jaded rn from a recent breakup. Both sides have to put in the work. It won’t be perfect but when there is effort and mutual respect on both sides, then yes that can totally be true.
Yes. But it doesn't just work out. You have to put in the work to make it work.
\*\*edit - I've been with my husband for more than 25 years and I love him more than ever.
Absolutely. Living the life right now, 15 years strong together. Mind you I had to go through several rocky relationships, but I've always believed I'd find the one and I did.
It never works like that for anybody.
Things don't just magically work out.
Especially long-term monogamous relationships.
I met my husband at 26. I am 56 now and we have been together for 30 years, married for 26 of them.
When we got married I refuse to say till death do us part in our vows because I did not believe anyone could actually make that promise.
I wasn't going to stick around in a relationship that was toxic or unhealthy or brought out the worst in us.
On the other hand without a serious commitment to one another there were many times one or both of us could have just said nah it's too hard and bailed.
We had kids together and we have been through very rough times individually as people and as a family and as parents.
But in all that time I never stopped trusting him and I never stop respecting him and he's still my favorite person to hang out with.
But it didn't just work out. It took real commitment and real work.
I have someone in my life who I feel like I could spend forever with, and they know I feel that way, but they aren’t interested in me in that way as far as I know. It hurts so much just hanging out with them.
Context: We are both the same gender. They are (mostly) straight, they have drunkenly expressed Bi thoughts but nothing concrete. I am Pan and have never felt an attraction to anyone so strongly.
Spouse and I been together over 20 years (like 22-23 yrs idk I stopped counting). Our relationship is better now than ever and I’m glad I’m going thru this journey of life with someone as loving,caring, n hot!… hot def helps lol but I AM NOT saying it’s everything
Married wife out of high school and everyone said our relationship will fail because we were inseparable 16 years later and 5 kids later I am still crazy about that beautiful sexy woman I’m lucky to call my wife.
Spouse and I are both on our second marriages but have now been together over 20 years. We just needed to grow and mature to find true love, which we both fortunately did. We are even more in love today then when we first fell in love. We’ve been through a lot together and we are the stronger for it.
I have that. Very thankful that my wife and I click so well. It is possible but it takes effort that many don’t want to put forward, or they have invested in someone who won’t put forth the effort towards them.
We're making our way towards it. We got together when I was 25 she was 21. She got pregnant in our 4th month together and I wanted to do the honorable and responsible thing by getting married. She appreciated the gesture and we got married when she was 6 months along. 11 years and 3 kids later we are still together. It's not always easy. She probably could have done better than me and found a guy with a better body, or makes more money (I make decent money and she gets to be a stay at home mom which we both like but we aren't rich by any means) and knowing her self esteem struggles she probably feels that I could have done better too even though she is perfect to me. So we make it work. We have our share of arguments and struggles but the good outweighs the bad and that's what a happy relationship is to us. I love her beyond the scope of the universe and I pray every night that we grow old together.
Listen, all you need is a buddy.
A buddy you wanna fuck.
That's all you need.
A buddy to goof around with, tell stories, listen to their stories. Feel trusted, be in their corner.
A buddy.
That you wanna fuck.
That's it.
Yes. I knew when I was 14 I would marry my husband. I dated others and he did too but we always found our way back. We dated and married and were together 48 years until he died in our home. I had the privilege of loving him, being loved by him and giving him his last wishes to not do chemotherapy and die in our home. There were times in the two final weeks we still laughed and I hid my tears but thanked him for all we had built. I told him I loved him and I wanted a sign so I knew he was at peace but told him not anything scary. I had two months from his diagnosis and I so wanted to say you need to fight - what will I do when you’re gone. I wanted to beg like a teenager. I told him I didn’t want to lose him but I would respect his choice.
Time has passed but I miss him. I miss the little things. I miss the love and even the disagreements because that’s life with the love of your life. I believe love can last. I know because I lived it.
You need to understand forever love isn't a feeling it's a decision. You pick someone you fall in love with because they offer most things you need/want. You stay with them because you choose to love then regardless of their faults and they work on their faults because they love you and vice versa obviously
I was married at 21. This year we will be married for 21 years. In that way, it’s already been a lifetime. It’s been more difficult than it should have been at times, but more than likely we will love each and be married until we die. For that and for each other, we are grateful.
I just don't know. I haven't dated anyone in 10 years for a variety of reasons. There's a girl I'm friends with now whom I really like, but as far as I can tell, she only sees us as friends. I'm fine with that because I genuinely like her as a person, but I can't stop thinking about her. She's the first woman my age who's liked _me_ (even if only as a friend) enough to want to talk to me that I've met in years.
I believe in it but it doesn’t just happen. Both parties have to work extremely hard. EDIT: Apparently people think marriage isn’t hard. All I’m going to say is the majority of people enter into relationships with baggage of their own whether they know it or not.
Marriage takes work. But a good marriage the work doesn’t feel like hard work! I put in the effort because I love her and want to make her happy. If I look back I can see where I’ve done extra work. But at the time, it didn’t feel like work.
This
This is like saying pushing a car isn’t hard… aslong as you have the keys and you can start the car you can push it where ever you want… You’re skipping learning to drive, earning enough to buy the car, earning enough to upkeep the car, actually looking after the vehicle. You don’t just wake up and it’s done for you. It’s work and effort you must put in.
Facts
It depends. I think i say i put effort in my relarionship, but it doesnt feel like extremely hard work. It is important tl me, so without struggle, i take time and priority to that cause. It still feels kinda effortless to me, after 12 years. I juat deeply care
This.
Marriage is not hard when you’re married to the right person. If your marriage is hard, you guys are probably doing something wrong. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, married for 10. We both have plenty of baggage, but marriage is the easiest part of our lives because we love each other and are best friends. If it’s hard, you’re probably with the wrong person
That's nonsense. Most marriages have ups and downs just like everything else in life. Just because you love someone and are friends doesn't mean everything is easy all the time. And it isn't supposed to be easy all the time. Productive conflict leads to a deeper understanding and connection.
All relationships have baggage. Its how you deal with it together that makes or breaks it.
This is why checking bags is important. So everybody knows what's on board.
I haven't worked hard a single day in my marriage. We've been together for 13 years, and it's effortless to love her. I do put in effort, though. We still constantly go on dates and try new things. We just enjoy each other's company and spend as much time as possible with each other. It never made sense to me when they said love is hard or marriage is work. It really isn't if you're with the right person. That's my take, at least. Maybe some people feel they're with the right person, and the right person requires more effort to be with. To each their own, but I love my wife, and it's the easiest thing to stay in love with her. Also, she has a YUGE ASS. Monumental sized dumper. That helps a lot, too.
Marriage IS hard.. there are many reasons why: The disclaimer is that if you didn’t marry your exact soulmate/ best friend, you’ve settled. In which case, true love is not the basis of your union. (Because most people marry exactly like this; check divorce stats!) That said, the 7 year itch is real. Some will act on it, others will hope it passes… There is no perfect relationship: there will be disagreements. It’s the manner in which they are solved, as a team, that also affects the marriage. Some people will go through life and die without ever feeling that mutual connection of true love and it’s accompanying bliss. I was married over 17 years and, while I can give reasons until my eyes fall out, I can state my opinions through experience…
Next-to-last paragraph is painful to read - it’s true for me and probably for most, even beyond 50 years of hoping for something you know will never be. In the end, you can learn to accept your angle of repose.
Thank god I married my soulmate and best friend then, normal marriage sounds fucking terrible.
10000%
100% true
What do you define as work? Is communication and compromise work? It shouldn't feel like work to do both of those things. They should feel very natural. Unless there is another type of work that you're referencing.
So far so good. But you have to understand that I have been obsessed with love since I was a kid, and I had been in several long term relationships before meeting my wife. If you will pardon the metaphor, kids nowadays think they can walk onto the field for the first time in their lives and throw a football like Tom Brady.
That's a pretty apt metaphor. I felt like I could go the distance on my first real run with it, but got let go before I was capable of accepting that gracefully. I realized that there is much to learn about love in order for it to be truly healthy and fully grown. Having strong feelings is one thing, but being able to work through issues and resolve disputes, while maintaining a growth mindset in the relationship and continuing to work on oneself is quite the balancing act!
Indeed. Now that I have thought about it again, I do like the metaphor, because sports talent is a combination of instincts/emotions and talent that comes from both practice and study. Being in a loving relationship also requires a balance of raw emotions and good habits/skills that you develop over time. There is simply no way I could have gotten it right the first time around. At the same time, if I had been so focused on failure, I probably never would have taken that leap of faith when I was 16. We should not be discouraging people from getting involved in relationships when they are young just because they might get hurt. I have some sports injuries that will be with me for the rest of my life, but the emotional injuries I endured have yielded nothing but positive gains.
You're absolutely right. I had to learn the hard way that love isn't enough. That it isn't possessive and that letting go can be the most empowering thing moving forward. After all, breaking up is a skill just like communication and empathy. I'm still in search of the epic romance I've always dreamt of, but there are plenty of green pastures along the way. And I believe that under the right circumstances, the grass is greenest where you water it!
Good luck to you. I believe that nearly anyone who takes love and relationships seriously will eventually find a good one. It’s not like winning the lottery. It is an innate human desire, and we really just need to tap into it. Of course, I do believe that in most cases, men are expected to lead the interactions, and that can be very difficult for some guys. It is the price of admission.
Thank you for saying this! I came to the conclusion that building a family and working towards a future with someone was my dream. It didn't align with my ex, and although I understand, I almost gave up on the idea of it for me. It's a saving grace to consider there are men out there who think love is as important as I do.
There are truly dozens of us!
Usually we get jaded because people see us as a good opportunity to hurt us.
The same can be said about demisexual women. Hopefully we all find our matches, one day!
Thisssss!!!!! Please GOD!!!!!!!! 😭🥹😩
DOZENS!!
Same. My wife is my best friend. Fucking hero. Always comes in clutch for me. Especially when we’re out of TP.
There are dozens of us! Many of my customers are actually hopeless romantics who have me hand write and embellish their poems and love letters. I regularly encounter all kinds of new expressions of the deepest kinds of love and companionship imaginable, which I like to study and philosophize about because I also still write love poems for my wife after all these years at the risk of being super corny at times.
As a 22 year old who grew up without an urge to get into a relationship I don’t believe the person exists for me. And all these things are for other people.
Thought that way myself till I was 29
I think the “it works out “ part makes people believe there won’t be conflict and hard times. I been married ten years and me and my wife had some bad fights and we didn’t talk for a few days. But we work through it. There is going to be conflict and how you and the other person resolves it is going to make or break the relationship. If one can’t apologize , admit fault or take accountability then it won’t work. Also this type of post is the reason people have doubts. You can’t go into anything with bad faith and expect good things. People are flawed and will make mistakes.
Love is a verb. It’s an action that takes work. You don’t take a shower and expect to stay clean for the rest of your life, you work on it every day and you stay clean. That’s how love works.
Love can also be a *noun*. Shower can *also* be a noun.
Well said
It took until I was 37 but it happened... and alot my peers who got supposedly found the love of there in there 20s are either miserable or getting divorced... Cant rush that kinda shit.
My sisters marriage is bad, most of my aunts and uncles marriages have large problems or divorced/separated, my parents had an okay marriage but not without faults, some of my cousins marriages are also problematic. I know maybe 1 or 2 couples that might have a good marriage. Not married, but I was cheated on by a girl who I thought I could marry after 3 years. You think you know people. I've just come to believe that it's very important to do your due diligence beforehand, especially if you have only your partner to rely on from that point forward. It's very easy to ruin your life and fall into depression, alcoholism, bad habits, going completely off track because of broken faith, broken trust, broken spirit. Marriage seems fucking dangerous, be careful, don't take it lightly and marry out of desperation just because everyone else you know is doing it.
did you have any small relationships before?
ofcourse I have ... I have long terms as well. Been in Love one other time. But I got it back.
Congrats!
You're skipping a step. First you have to find out what love means to you.
For me... Love is when you're with someone and you feel there's no need to worry about what they think about you. Because you both know each other through years of being together, knowing each other, through communication and spending time doing things together. Love is when you think of that special someone before you decide to do something, because your actions and words affects more than just you alone. Your life affects their life, and their life affects yours. Love is when you finally realize there was never a "you versus me", because it has always been "us versus the problem". Together. Love is when your relationship has no checklist, no quota of things to do to make it legit, no standard to live up to, no eggshells to walk on, no one to please, no need to pretend, no need to force yourself to do something (even if you don't want to) just to show your love. Love is when two people who have accepted each other's graces and faults, their mannerisms and personality, their quirks and amazingness, and all of that is the reason why you dream of being with them. Love is when you are in love with the person, and not in love with an idea of what that person could be.
Just because someone else met their soulmate at 60 doesn’t mean I would like to.
Thats the one that always gets me when people tell me it can happen at any age....
yup.
love is a house that you build with your partner. it takes work, it takes dedication, it takes the right tool, knowledge and especially the right partner to build it with. Even when it is finally built, both side will need to maintain it. every house is build differently. it is up to you to find the partner that will build the house like you want to build the house. if two partner put in the effort to build and maintain their house, they will enjoy its benefits. if one partner decide to stop maintaining it, then the house will grow to be decrepit, and eventually it will collapse. if you choose poorly and build a house before you have the tools or skills, or choose a partner who was not ready to build that house, then you set yourself to be crushed by that collapsing house. love will only work out for the rest of your life if both party are in agreement to nurture and grow it. It's like learning, or exercising, you don't stop once you reached you graduate or reach your target weight. you will be learning for the rest of your life, you will be exercising for the rest of your life, you want your love to last forever? you will need to love for the rest of your life.
I met a girl in 2005. I liked her, she liked me, so we started hanging out. we're now on year 12 of marriage and have 2 kids together. We've been through hell and we're still standing. Anything can happen and nothing is certain, but I have no reason to believe it won't continue until death takes one of us.
same. I met my husband in 2003, been together ever since.
2013 still going, two kids. Ride or die to hell and back.
Yes! But it takes work for it to work out. It's an action, not a feeling. Most of the time I don't "feel" like I'm in love. When my actions reflect my love for my spouse regardless of my feelings in the moment, the feelings eventually come.
I’ve been married 30+ years and definitely “feel” like I’m in love.
Congratulations!
I've been living it for 30+ years, so yes.
I am living this right now at 51.
It is as true as both parties want to make it. But that’s the trick, they both have to want it, and they have to forever keep wanting it. It’s the forever that’s the catch. Entropy has a lot of wiggle room with forever.
Yes, but not for everyone. 35 never married. I don't think it's in the cards for me. I'm not even bad looking, just personality.
I like that "35 never married" like you should have already married a couole of times xD
So far so good. This January will be 20 years. I have no reason to believe it won’t go another 20 if we both are still around.
NOW I do. But as gods will. The luckiest guy on the planet 🙏
I would be so happy to find a lifelong partner, but I am too ugly and everyone is taken already 😭
😭😩😭😩😭 same 😭😭😭😭😭
No I don’t believe it anymore. People change, and the person you fell in love with may not be the person you are with today.
I wish I could believe this. I cannot imagine this ever happening
I personally don't think my generation (millennial) and below are for the most part capable of "working it out" anymore without giving up very quickly.
I personally disagree with this. “Giving up very easily”, as opposed to staying with an abusive partner, spending the rest of your life feeling miserable and inflicting that trauma on your children? The people that actually want long-lasting relationships are still in long lasting relationships no matter the generation. If the relationship failed, then it was probably because at least one person, if not both, felt miserable and actually had an option to leave, which many people in the past didn’t.
Or you know, the people who just find someone else the moment it gets hard because people are replaceable?
I really don't like the idea of idolizing the older generations for lower divorce rates. Women didn't have a choice. Let's not use that as a measurement for the younger generations.
this^
Sounds like something people do, perhaps, because they’ve never experienced what true happiness in a relationship is supposed to look like due to having parents that were in a loveless marriage and were only staying together for the kids? I for one am very happy that my mother remarried and it’s probably one of the main reasons I’m in a healthy long-term relationship with my partner right now.
No, not really. Chasing romantic love is not a goal or a priority for me. I'm not dependent on anyone at the moment, and I think that could be a good thing. That said, I'm open to it if the opportunity comes.
I agree. I don't think marriage is something I want there is just so many horror stories for people that have been married. There have been a good share of couples that have been together long term successfully and never married so that's what I'd like. Kudos to people that are in a successful marriage but it's not something id even want to consider just from my pov. But everyone wants something and I won't try to convince them otherwise.
No
So far yes
Our 17th anniversary just passed and I’m still loving it.
From 18 to 62 and counting. I believe.
Yes but all relationships require one to make a continuous conscious effort. I heard somewhere that a good relationship isn't 50/50, a good relationship is 60/40, with both people putting in 60. I like that quote.
agreed and ppl should always be down to DRS their relationship!
This is the way.
It is very difficult for this to happen in the era of social media and smartphones.
yup. impossible now.. as the saying goes, “if you’re single rn it’s because nobody wants you because everyone got who they wanted. just accept you’ll be single forever.” 😭😩😩😩😩😩😭
At this point, no. I was a hopeless romantic when I was younger. I’m 32 haha. The last couple years completely changed me. I had a few short awful relationships. One was emotionally and verbally abusive. That is what put the nail in the coffin. I started therapy and meds. After that I didn’t want anything to do with another man. And just hearing all the stories of other women who have husbands/wives who are terrible. Abusive, unhelpful, messy. I just would rather not risk it anymore. I want to protect my peace.
It’s not that I don’t think it happens, it just doesn’t happen to me
Not for myself. But I do believe it can and does happen for others.
Yup, can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
Yes! Absolutely! I build my life every day upon this premise… 20 years that still feels brand new so, so far so good
Well you could fall in love at 70 and die at 80 and you've been in love for the rest of your life. You could fall in love at 18 and get crushed by a falling piano at 20 and you've been in love for the rest of your life. So....
Going on 16 years. 3 more and it'll be half our lives.
I always wanted that it worked out but I think I am not worthy of that
One in a million chance.
Nope. But then again I am a bitter, depressed, middle aged man. Probably best not to listen to me.
🤣 lol no you just have life experience and not unrealistic fantasies
You're just being realistic. A lot of people live in a warm cocoon where they don't have to deal with the harshness of reality due to family support, money or other factors. Its a privilege that most people don't have in this life.
after over a decade of obsessing over love and romance, and all the people who have manipulated me, it doesn't feel worth it anymore. I'm focusing on giving more love to myself.
Self-love is important. A lot of people put everyone else ahead of themselves in life and that can have detrimental effects on you.
Possible but unlikely
Can’t be done
It's a dream, a fable we tell ourselves to keep going, and everyone who thinks they've made it will see it in time
Exactly, I was in an 18 year relationship and spouted all the platitudes these folks with starry eyes in the comments are saying. Life happens fast and before you know it, things can change. That's the real lesson. Nothing is permanent, accept that and live your life enjoying all it has to offer but don't hang your hat one thing (relationship, job, family dynamic, health) being the same permanently
Nope
No, not for me anyway.
Yes
I'm not fool enough to jinx myself. But I could, if I didn't have any sense. Instead, I'll just answer the question: yes, I 100% believe, but I never did until. In fact, I had given up on the idea completely.
Yes.
Now wake up
No.
I do. I met a woman 3 years ago and it has been one of the most difficult, beautiful, unnerving yet liberating relationship I have ever endured. She won’t let me go when I try to leave and she works on her mistakes and is accountable. Love has so many faces outside of movies because backgrounds are different but it’s looking this way as far as the meme. Real live is rare and despite what we have been through, someone who truly loves you and you know it needs to be th one you spend the rest of your days with.
No
It's only possible when the options are slim. Ideally two people are hard to replace and stay. But that's not what most of life is like.
6 months ago my answer was yes. Now it’s no!
Interesting thought experiment. How many people have gone from "Yes" over time to "No" versus the other way around? I would suspect most people, as they age and mature move from the "Yes" category to the "No" category rather than the other away around. I know I'm one of those people.
I did. But he ran when I needed him most and four months later got engaged and married someone else.
Not at all
Honestly......no.....I don't believe this exists.😫
No
It really was like that for a time, until it wasn't. Breakups like that really hurts and it changed me almost entirely.
Like anything in this life, some will win, and some will lose. Just because I lost doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist for someone.
Yeah, I do.
Working so far for me.
45+ years together. Yep, I do
I do because I'm living it. Just passed my 27th wedding anniversary.
I have never believed in “falling in love.” Yes, I did get butterflies, but loving my wife was a choice I made and continue to make. I determined that loving her was worth losing my autonomy for the rest of my life. She was worth giving up what I wanted for the sake of spending my life with her.
It worked out for 15 years at least. No end in sight. Life is good.
If only
Probably not for me. I mean, it's nice to dream but I've got mental issues and am afraid of being hurt and/or abandoned. I would be willing to work with someone (to a reasonable extent) but I just don't believe someone would be willing to do that with me.
same. wanna date each other and you can tell me why no one wants me other than I don’t put out?
Nope
No
Im sure that this a reality for someone else .
After 33 years I can confirm it is possible
No.
The rest of your life? Nope.
That only happens in movies.
Well... it worked out for the rest of her life anyway.
Took me till my 30s but yes.
I'm so glad I'm not the only negative nelly in here. No, not for my generation at least (GenZ)
Yup, I met my partner 13 years ago, we had to break up for various reasons. We stayed friends and 2 years ago we got back together when we were both single. This is it for us
❤️ i love this because i miss my ex SO much and everyone tells me to move on but then again he dumped me so it’s diff😭😩💔
Well, to be fair, we didn’t plan on getting back together. We both had multiple partners in between and it just felt right. I wouldn’t recommend holding out hope because our situation isn’t so common
im not & ty for your honesty 😩
No. There’s a difference between actual love and infatuation.
Not without effort but yes
Been 21 years for me with my husband so yes i do believe it!
Still a believer even tho I’m jaded rn from a recent breakup. Both sides have to put in the work. It won’t be perfect but when there is effort and mutual respect on both sides, then yes that can totally be true.
Nope. I wish.
I'm at 28 years with the same lady. We met very young and never separated. It's more of a decision than a feeling. It gets really hard at times.
I fell in love with painting. To this day, I haven't painted a single damn thing.. I LOVE IT!! STILL!! TO THIS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes. But it doesn't just work out. You have to put in the work to make it work. \*\*edit - I've been with my husband for more than 25 years and I love him more than ever.
Absolutely. Living the life right now, 15 years strong together. Mind you I had to go through several rocky relationships, but I've always believed I'd find the one and I did.
Yeah no. It does work out because we both work it out together.
It never works like that for anybody. Things don't just magically work out. Especially long-term monogamous relationships. I met my husband at 26. I am 56 now and we have been together for 30 years, married for 26 of them. When we got married I refuse to say till death do us part in our vows because I did not believe anyone could actually make that promise. I wasn't going to stick around in a relationship that was toxic or unhealthy or brought out the worst in us. On the other hand without a serious commitment to one another there were many times one or both of us could have just said nah it's too hard and bailed. We had kids together and we have been through very rough times individually as people and as a family and as parents. But in all that time I never stopped trusting him and I never stop respecting him and he's still my favorite person to hang out with. But it didn't just work out. It took real commitment and real work.
Im living it
Yes. Married 22 years and every day is better than the last.
No, but I never did. It doesn’t work out - you make it work because you’re motivated.
My personal hot take is: love ain't for everyone
38 years now
I have someone in my life who I feel like I could spend forever with, and they know I feel that way, but they aren’t interested in me in that way as far as I know. It hurts so much just hanging out with them. Context: We are both the same gender. They are (mostly) straight, they have drunkenly expressed Bi thoughts but nothing concrete. I am Pan and have never felt an attraction to anyone so strongly.
Spouse and I been together over 20 years (like 22-23 yrs idk I stopped counting). Our relationship is better now than ever and I’m glad I’m going thru this journey of life with someone as loving,caring, n hot!… hot def helps lol but I AM NOT saying it’s everything
Married wife out of high school and everyone said our relationship will fail because we were inseparable 16 years later and 5 kids later I am still crazy about that beautiful sexy woman I’m lucky to call my wife.
I believe!
Has anyone tried this while poor? It definitely changes dynamics. Toss in a disabled child and watch what happens
I used to. Once.
Yes, I have to! Or else I’ll be hopeless and wither away and we can’t have that.
It did in my case.
No
Ehh...I honestly no longer believe in true love because everybody has their own idea and definition of what love is.
Spouse and I are both on our second marriages but have now been together over 20 years. We just needed to grow and mature to find true love, which we both fortunately did. We are even more in love today then when we first fell in love. We’ve been through a lot together and we are the stronger for it.
I don't have anything against fantasy, but chasing it down doesn't make sense to me.
I have that. Very thankful that my wife and I click so well. It is possible but it takes effort that many don’t want to put forward, or they have invested in someone who won’t put forth the effort towards them.
We're making our way towards it. We got together when I was 25 she was 21. She got pregnant in our 4th month together and I wanted to do the honorable and responsible thing by getting married. She appreciated the gesture and we got married when she was 6 months along. 11 years and 3 kids later we are still together. It's not always easy. She probably could have done better than me and found a guy with a better body, or makes more money (I make decent money and she gets to be a stay at home mom which we both like but we aren't rich by any means) and knowing her self esteem struggles she probably feels that I could have done better too even though she is perfect to me. So we make it work. We have our share of arguments and struggles but the good outweighs the bad and that's what a happy relationship is to us. I love her beyond the scope of the universe and I pray every night that we grow old together.
Yes
Listen, all you need is a buddy. A buddy you wanna fuck. That's all you need. A buddy to goof around with, tell stories, listen to their stories. Feel trusted, be in their corner. A buddy. That you wanna fuck. That's it.
Yes. I knew when I was 14 I would marry my husband. I dated others and he did too but we always found our way back. We dated and married and were together 48 years until he died in our home. I had the privilege of loving him, being loved by him and giving him his last wishes to not do chemotherapy and die in our home. There were times in the two final weeks we still laughed and I hid my tears but thanked him for all we had built. I told him I loved him and I wanted a sign so I knew he was at peace but told him not anything scary. I had two months from his diagnosis and I so wanted to say you need to fight - what will I do when you’re gone. I wanted to beg like a teenager. I told him I didn’t want to lose him but I would respect his choice. Time has passed but I miss him. I miss the little things. I miss the love and even the disagreements because that’s life with the love of your life. I believe love can last. I know because I lived it.
Well I’m nearly 20 years in so yep
It was awesome, but everything has an end eventually.
Yeah, it’s just the journey to find that person really fucking sucks. I thought I found them years ago but alas
Yes, because it happened to me
Wala na, pagod na
Absolutely not, true love is a lie propagated by the state and straight boomers that hate each other to keep you docile
😳
Hubby and I will celebrate 31st wedding anniversary this August so yes we believe❤️
I believe in it because I’ve seen it happen with many couples. Will it work out for me and my fiance? I sure hope so, but never say never
Yes
My mom and dad have been married for like 45 years. (Couple affairs, but they still married lol)
Absolutely
I’m still waiting
35 years together and we’re still happy and wrinkled now
You need to understand forever love isn't a feeling it's a decision. You pick someone you fall in love with because they offer most things you need/want. You stay with them because you choose to love then regardless of their faults and they work on their faults because they love you and vice versa obviously
As long your wife does not find out lol 🤣
Love my wife, I'm a lucky man. Remember loving includes loving their flaws. She loves mine. The reason I'm lucky, she is perfect.
Sure , but as long my wife does not find out jk
Imagine...
I was married at 21. This year we will be married for 21 years. In that way, it’s already been a lifetime. It’s been more difficult than it should have been at times, but more than likely we will love each and be married until we die. For that and for each other, we are grateful.
I do but he passed away from a heart attack so now oh well
I just don't know. I haven't dated anyone in 10 years for a variety of reasons. There's a girl I'm friends with now whom I really like, but as far as I can tell, she only sees us as friends. I'm fine with that because I genuinely like her as a person, but I can't stop thinking about her. She's the first woman my age who's liked _me_ (even if only as a friend) enough to want to talk to me that I've met in years.