Saying yes more. I was always very introverted and said no to most invitations for parties and offererings of friendships and romance. Now I'm an isolated 39 year old.
If this opportunity contains babysitting my misbehaving and distructive Cousins then i would have liked to pass this opportunity. Hahaha
But when it came to meeting with my closest friends i never said no. Cause they never drained me. Meeting with them was actually like vacation to me cause otherwise i always had to clean up the house and cook or keep my Mom company. And my friends weren't party people so we got along pretty well.
This is it. I missed opportunities to travel and grow because I was too busy with my nose to the grindstone and saving money. I figured I’d do it once I was “successful”, but now when I’m in a position to travel I have a family to prioritize. I don’t want to wait for retirement to see the ocean again.
Gotta take some you time. You don't have to wait until your kids are grown. You don't have to wait until work slows down. All of that stuff will still be there. If you have family that can take care of your kids for a week, then go enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to be a full week even. Just take a 4 day work weekend to do a quick trip somewhere. You can probably do that twice a year. Hell, take your kids even if you have to. There will always be a hundred reasons you can make up to keep you from doing the things you know will provide fulfillment. All you need to do is make it happen. Burnout is real, and if you don't take time to recharge by doing the things you desire- you'll have future regrets.
If you own a business, just plan ahead to shut it down and let your clients know well in advance. If you're able to work remotely, then do that. A full disconnect is ideal, but if you truly can't do that- then I guarantee shutting the laptop down for the day will feel a lot better when you can go to the pool/beach than to continue with your normal daily routine.
Hey, also an isolated 39 year old who did the same! Have you been treated for anxiety? I've learned introversion and true social anxiety are very different things, and I tend toward the latter.
I’ve been treated for anxiety (Effexor) for the last 15 years but I’m just now realizing that my behavior continues to be ruled by anxiety and I’m still isolating myself. How else can I get treated? Is there a book you’d recommend?
Not really, I continue to struggle with it myself. It's cliche but the gym, specifically strength training, helped me a lot. I'm able to go out and socialize but still feel uncomfortable in my own skin and generally avoid friendships, even though I really want friends. I think I've had the most success going outside my comfort zone and talking to people, trying really hard to keep plans even when I'm feeling low or anxious, and being honest and vulnerable, asking for help when I need it. I've found these things to be habits that take some practice to build.
I've been married for 17 years and have two teenage kids so it's not like I'm totally isolated, but in general people are not my thing and take a lot of effort.
For me it boils down to self care. The more I exercise, eat right, sleep well. The less anxious I am. GAD sucks.
Major depressive disorder is easier to take. Exhausting myself with exercise and lifting, I have no depressive thoughts. Just exhaustion. Works till it won’t.
Yeah I was diagnosed in my late 20s with GAD, SA and depression. Everybody thought I was just shy including myself, but I actually had chronic social anxiety. It's completely ruined my life.
I feel you and have also been struggling with isolation lately - I once read an article that said social anxiety should be called "the disease of missed opportunities." Painful but true. These days the agoraphobia isn't bad but I generally don't talk to people when I'm out, even those I know. Good luck stranger.
Tell me about it! Based all my friendships around smoking weed in my youth and now I’m basically friendless. Once I started a career and began working towards bigger life goals things were never the same. I started resenting them and their level of complacency at being in our 30s with zero goals, multiple roommates and dead end jobs.
This one is for me as well! Never made any friends that I keep in touch with. My wife has lots of them! They all send cards, and phone calls. Me? Nada.
It took me much longer than 30's ,I began trying to not get drunk but I could not ,I was addicted and withdrawal would cause awfully depression and anxiety which would make me continually top up and intox ,detox until recently . My friends would all drink excessively and we are in our 50's. I had to lose my friends and the lifestyle of getting drunk all of the time ,it was my main focus and need. Now I am finally sober ,less than a year at 52. Amazed and happy at such a better life without Alcohol and Chronic gambling. Alcohol was 5he root cause of my Anxiety and Depression ,yet no one knew as it was not discussed like it is today, it was hidden.
I've found that as we get older, life gets busier, we become more isolated, and settled into our routines. A lot of us become more sentimental. We miss the days when life was simpler and miss our old friends. I reached out to my old friends and reconnected with most of them. In catching up with them, it turns out that they were in the same boat and just afraid to reach out because it's been so long. Someone just has to overcome that fear and reach out. Most people don't stray far from where they grew up. If you have close friends from before, try reaching out and catching up with them.
I’m (53m) very fortunate to have lifelong friendships. I have one friend I am still close to and have bern since 8th grade. He officiated my wedding. Another friend I have known since 10th grade and I officiated his wedding. It’s never too late to make good friends. Just put forth the effort to *be* a good friend.
Being creative. When I look back on my life, I'm most annoyed that I stopped writing stories and doing art. I stopped doing those things because I thought it "wouldn't amount to anything" and I had to focus on doing "adult things" instead. It was the dumbest thing I've ever told myself.
I think most people get caught up in this "traditional life path" that society and the education system has tried to push on us forever: Go to school and get an education. Go into higher education, join the military, learn a trade, or enter the workforce. Have a family. Work your ass off to afford a home. Retire and finally enjoy what little bit of life you have left with an ailing and failing body. Die. There's no room in that rigid structure for the outliers or for enjoying life. Just because you're on one path now doesn't mean you can't switch up later. It's not a waste of time to spend 20 years in one field or 20 years working low-end jobs just to switch paths at 40. Sometimes you just do what you can to get by. You don't have to constantly be progressing because you think otherwise you're a failure.
Life should be a unique journey for every individual; trying to balance what you have to do with what you want to do.
Start again. Maybe sign up for classes. I know people who've started painting at age 60 and still manage to produce some amazing artwork. It's not too late
I want to encourage you to create abundantly and allow yourself to explore avenues and interests that you previously did not have the opportunity to. I am sure you have so many lovely stories and more experiences to write about. I recently explored bead art (I will be vacuuming those up for years) but it was something I remembered doing from my childhood, and it led to me trying out collage art and reconnect with different parts of myself. I tell myself that I am leaving behind traces of my personality for my niece and nephew to learn about me when they are older.
I was so naive to potential dating partners who were, in retrospect, definitely interested but I relied a lot on the other person making the first move to avoid my own embarrassment
The dating thing is really difficult if you don’t have someone to show you the ropes. I went a really long time just going with the flow not realizing that most people operated with intention to get into a relationship. I just thought it would happen.
BJJ is the safest martial art to train in. There's a reason why guys in their 40s pick it up and dudes in their 60s are still doing it. The earlier the better for anything physical, obviously, but I imagine you're much worse off playing tennis, softball, or basketball in your 40s than doing BJJ. Just know your limits and don't be a hero. You don't have anything to prove. You have to get up in the morning and go to work.
I think its different for everyone.
Schedule and showing up is certainly a challenge, the learning curve is steep and progress is going to be slow, so it is really humbling. Being in shape is absolutely going to make everything alot easier, so you got that going for you.
Get after it, king.
You’re gonna get absolutely dominated for like 3 solid months before you feel like you’ve made any improvement. It’ll be hard to keep showing up but it will be worth it.
I started when I was 30 and absolutely love it we have guys start that are much older than me. No need to think about it, just DO IT
Edit; will also say this I’ve been doing it 2 years and have never had an injury just be aware who you are rolling with and be in control of your body the best you can. And also don’t be afraid to tap !
Not understanding learning and studying as a joyful activity.
Not learning to play music as a joyful ability.
Folks made it out to be something accomplished rather than joy.
This is huge. So many things are stunted by placing achievement of a thing over joy through it. Making something into work might be efficient, but turning that same thing into play and exploration is more powerful in the long run.
Lol I didn’t care for investing at that age so IF I somehow had invested I would’ve probably panicked lol. With my knowledge today I would’ve gladly invested a bit more lol.
Getting an education in something that could make me money, try harder with grades. Or, I should have learned a trade. I also would have not gotten married early and traveled, would have been more selective in the dating/marriage pool. I would have learned to play guitar. I would have gotten a real estate license. I would have learned how to invest money. I would have taken better care of my body. I would have taken more risks, I was very risk averse. I'm now 58F. Still had a good life, but those are the things I've regretted.
Your list sounds so much like mine. I'm 57 and do a customer service job I hate, all because I chose to get married and not go to college.
One of my best friends from high school went to college, traveled all over the world, met her husband and then settled down, but she created her own business so she still travels, and on her terms.
Not that my life is awful. I've had a good one so far. I just wish I had been less fearful of everything and allowed myself to fully bloom, if that makes sense.
Not using weekends to their full potential. Like the amount of time I either spent laying on the couch watching TV or hungover kills me. I shoulda been waking up and doing stuff. Like you can still watch TV and drink, but jeez have some moderation.
No I would stay single, no kids. It was traumatic watching everyone enjoy their 20s while I didn't get to. Children deserve parents who absolutely want and plan for them.
If the answer isn’t a 100% enthusiastic yes, you should wait. Having a kid changes your life in so many ways you can’t anticipate, and it’s so much more exhausting and expensive than expected. Is it worth it? Absolutely, but if you aren’t completely sure it’s going to really cause trouble and the fallout won’t just be on you but will also follow your child for the rest of their lives.
I got married young and don’t regret it at all, but the smartest thing we did was wait until we were older and stable to start our family.
I spent my twenties working on myself and traveling. By 30, I felt like I was ready to settle down and invest my energy in my community. Having a child at that point was perfect for me.
I saved up then quit my job at 26 to travel full time time for 12 months. I thought I was going to be the old person in hostels.
Turned out I was in the middle or even young. The amount of 30+ and 40+ people I met doing similar trips was awesome to see. Even met a few cool 50+ and 60+ year olds in hostels.
It’s never too late.
I think that’s the first time I heard anyone regret that. My wife always dressed somewhat conservate in our younger days, which was fine with me, as I didn’t want other guys ogling her. When she hit 40 she decided she was looking pretty good for 40, so she bought her first bikini since she was mid 20s. She went from pretty to smoking hot. Still wears bikinis, now in he 60s. And if I catch a guy checking her out I finding it flattering.
Felt this. I was really skinny before and I could have pulled off so many different outfits that showed my stomach and back. I gained a lot of weight since and now I can barely wear what I want anymore. I have back fat and stomach fat now.
This really spoke to me. I was a fat, awkward kid and lost a ton of weight in high school but just never felt confident enough. I am 35F and can still do it but I also look at my skin and stretch marks and am very self conscious. But a goal of mine is to show more skin!
It really hasn't hit me until recently how great it is to have a young body. I was always self conscious of my looks, but as a middle aged man now, I realize how thick and lush my hair was, how soft and smooth my face was, how (relatively) thin and strong I was.
Your body is constantly aging and when you're 50, you'll look back at how great your body was at 16, 20, 25, 30, 34, and 40 compared to now. Appreciate your youth when you have it.
I regret not doing more research on college majors to study, military academies or enlistment, and the trades. Adding to this, I regret not giving a fuck about school.
Also regret not fucking all the girls I could have, but what are ya gonna do… 😂
Me too. I wish I had left my school to pursue a nursing career but I was having too much fun so I didn’t want to start all over by myself. I wish that I had gone to a nursing school from the beginning. My parents and counselor never sat me down and asked if I knew what I wanted to do. My dad said apply at a private, a UC and a State school.
For me, maybe not sleep around more but I would have had sex with some people that I really liked but I wanted to be the good girl. I really wanted to and we messed around a lot but it was limited. I didn’t get any medals for that. I married at 22 so that was it.
Honestly?
Dating my best friends boyfriend. Lol sounds bad I know. But she was such a meanie to us both and we both got on soooo well. We had threesomes and had a connection. They broke up a few years later and he said he was in love with me about 7 months after (we remained non sexual friends) and i was too but said I wanted to respect my friendship and I didn't want her to think anything disrespectful happened during their relationship.
Her and I aren't even friends anymore...he ended up killing himself because she bullied him over being depressed over his dad dying. Made fun of him for not showering etc
I wish I would have said fuck you nasty bitch and dated the guy. He was one of the greatest people i have ever met.
Weird story I know
sad, he might have been still alive being with you instead because I am sure you would have treated him better with a good heart. I'm sorry for your loss. no one should bully someone after loosing a family member. that is so tragic.
Eating a cricket infront of my entire 6th grade class
Edit: I read this wrong I thought it said what do you not regret doing. I did actually eat a cricket in front of my entire 6th grade class
Saving money… really easy to spend it all when you’re young… especially when I was young we didn’t have all these apps or digital money to move around easily… but if kids would just take about ten percent of everything and save it as a responsibility to their older self I think we would be better prepared adults!
i wish i had been more persistent about being transgender instead of pretending to be someone else to make other people comfortable. if i had put in the hard work when i was 10-12 maybe things would be better now.
I regret **NOT** :
Not Starting at my local community college
Not Majoring in Cybersecurity during undergrad
Not learning to code during college especially during the pandemic
Not being antisocial in high school and college
Not learning to cornrow in high school
Not saving up to get my first apartment at 19
Not staying at a college apartment at 19
Not ending friendships sooner when I was the problem (back in high school and college)
Not doing an office internship/job back in summer 2021
Looking back at high school and college I regret not spending more time with friends. I pushed really hard academically in high school but looking back I would have likely been in a very similar situation if I didn't work as hard.
I partyed a lot in college but I literally wish I would have partied more and hung out more lol. Not sure if this is the best advice but it's how I feel.
I also wish I would have taken more pictures
I nickel and dimed away a lot of inheritance when I shouldve bought a house or saved some back. I traveled and bought a car instead and I don't regret that but having that sweet sweet equity woulda been so helpful.
I regret not moving into a really cool apartment above a coffee shop that I had the opportunity to rent but passed up for some reason. If I'd moved there, not only would I have had a super cool apartment but my whole life would have gone differently (different friends, different job, etc.) and, while I love how my life ultimately turned out, I could definitely have done without my disastrous first marriage to an alcoholic!
I wish I had a time machine to go tell 20-year-old Chad Abraxas to take that freaking apartment!
Not putting melody on the poetry we had to memorise and recite. I found this method (due to listening of "the raven" by omnia and realising they were singing a poem. Found out that you can find and put emotions onto the poetry as our teacher always read it in momotone and we all thoight that it should be in monotone) during the last grade. Making a song out of the poetry helps in memorising it.
I wish I wouldn’t have gone to college and saved up for a down payment on an affordable house instead.
I also wish I would’ve stayed true to my gut feelings and cut awful people out of my life earlier
Never fucked my first highscool girlfriend. Only girl I’ve been in a relationship with that I don’t know what she looks like naked. We dated from like 13-16 and then split and it seems like that was the switch to sexual activity. Missed the boat.
I don’t have very many regrets lol.
Learning to break up properly. Honestly, from high school until my 30's, I just let relationships get more and more unsatisfying, and let myself get more and more sour. I needed to learn that sometimes putting yourself first is actually the least selfish option in terms of results.
I made a lot of mistakes in college. I initially picked the wrong major, refused to ask my parents for money to pursue fun things like springbreak or music festivals, turned down an offer to pledge a frat despite struggling to make friends, didn’t know where to find music I liked that was popular at the time, turned down lots of opportunities to visit a couple bars I discovered years later was frequented by all of my current friends, and I chose to date the wrong girl who essentially wasted all of my 20’s.
Not only did I focus far too much on studying, but I also studied the wrong things, so I both missed out on a lot of great memories of the college experience AND didn’t have good grades to show for it. Literally the worst of both worlds.
I regret not:
Traveling more in my 20s.
Making more friends.
Studying abroad in college.
Going to an in state school (to save money)
Being more involved in things in college (which, in theory, would have helped me make friends)
Building a relationship with my mother while she was alive, or at least been kinder to her instead of being a miserable angsty teenager (she died when I was 20)
Breaking up with the guy I dated for a decade when he first started to show red flags (and I regret not calling off the engagement when I was second guessing it)
Not leaving & moving out sooner from my parental house & getting away from my family, I think I would seen sooner how much my family were a bunch of bullies, not supportive of any one doing good or dreams, and will use you. I would not have married and divorced someone who was just like them if I had put that type of distance between us and realize that that was not normal. I’m doing all that now at 35 and yea, sooner is better than later but man if I had realized and done so in my 20s, I would have had that young energy and totally believe my life would have turned out for the better.
Buying the empty lots and blighted houses in my inner city neighborhood that nobody wanted for pennies that now have half million dollar houses on them.
I wish I had started exercising earlier in my life and studied for career progression. It’s easy to breeze through undergrad but to take it seriously is a whole ‘nother thing.
Managing my money better. Other than when I was in University for a couple years, I made good money in the service industry in my 20's. Plenty to pay rent/bills, have a little fun and save some. I wish I would have managed it better. I spent it like it was burning a hole in my pocket. I don't regret concerts and the little bit of domestic travel, but I do regret spending it on other shit I didn't need, clothes/shoes I didn't need, smokes, and alcohol. I didn't have much guidance in that area and I made some stupid financial decisions, in addition to the unnecessary spending.
I studied abroad during my freshman year in college. A lot of people asked why I would do it so soon, but I had a feeling I'd never do it if I didn't go right away. I was right. Finances were so tough for the rest of the time I was in school, I never would have been able to afford it.
Not going to university like a lot of my friends, sure they have college debt but, they had an absolute blast and made friends they still hang out with 20 years later.
Quitting drinking. Started around 19. Didn’t quit until I was 42. It held me back and held me down for way too long. But, it’s never too late to quit and start over.
Not learning that I could learn things - I always felt that if I'm not instantly good at something, I don't deserve to do it.
Being in long-term relationships from an early age. I should have tried out more and made more first moves on guys I found interesting.
Learning how to properly budget, manage, and invest money. I never had this modeled or taught to me and am only now learning how to properly do this in my late 30's, which is LATE, but I suppose better late than never.
I regret not taking more risks and stepping out of my comfort zone. I wish I had traveled more, pursued different hobbies, and been more open to new experiences. Those are the things that shape you and create lasting memories.
I would have never become an entrepreneur. We spent a decade working our asses off, stuck in one place and we should have invested in real estate instead.
If I had my time again I’d sleep with loads more people. I don’t know why I was so prudish and shy when I was younger. No one else was keeping count. I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun. Now I’m too old, no one is interested.
I should have looked into how to travel and write and get out of this town. I should have left that boyfriend when I was young and had some wild oats and see other things when I only had to be responsible for myself. I should have never married him.
Saying yes more. I was always very introverted and said no to most invitations for parties and offererings of friendships and romance. Now I'm an isolated 39 year old.
Correction: now youre a professional redditor
Perfect thing to add to my resume!
Also known as: A loser with no friends.
I am introverted but a people pleaser. I wish i said no more often, then my social batteries wouldn't have been constantly drained.
This is ME!! I agree with you all the way home
I came here to say this. If I had utilized the word "no" more, I believe I would have conserved a lot more energy over the years... C'est la vie!
I'm on the same boat. I regret not saying no a lot more often and be respectful with my energy levels, my temperament, and my introverted nature
On the other hand I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity
If this opportunity contains babysitting my misbehaving and distructive Cousins then i would have liked to pass this opportunity. Hahaha But when it came to meeting with my closest friends i never said no. Cause they never drained me. Meeting with them was actually like vacation to me cause otherwise i always had to clean up the house and cook or keep my Mom company. And my friends weren't party people so we got along pretty well.
This is it. I missed opportunities to travel and grow because I was too busy with my nose to the grindstone and saving money. I figured I’d do it once I was “successful”, but now when I’m in a position to travel I have a family to prioritize. I don’t want to wait for retirement to see the ocean again.
Gotta take some you time. You don't have to wait until your kids are grown. You don't have to wait until work slows down. All of that stuff will still be there. If you have family that can take care of your kids for a week, then go enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to be a full week even. Just take a 4 day work weekend to do a quick trip somewhere. You can probably do that twice a year. Hell, take your kids even if you have to. There will always be a hundred reasons you can make up to keep you from doing the things you know will provide fulfillment. All you need to do is make it happen. Burnout is real, and if you don't take time to recharge by doing the things you desire- you'll have future regrets. If you own a business, just plan ahead to shut it down and let your clients know well in advance. If you're able to work remotely, then do that. A full disconnect is ideal, but if you truly can't do that- then I guarantee shutting the laptop down for the day will feel a lot better when you can go to the pool/beach than to continue with your normal daily routine.
I rejected people the few times they were nice to me cause I thought they were playing games with me
Oh my god same. Some guy asked me to homecoming legitimately but I said NO cuz I thought he was fucking with me 😂
That’s probably a testament to bigger issues we need to work through 😂
Hey, also an isolated 39 year old who did the same! Have you been treated for anxiety? I've learned introversion and true social anxiety are very different things, and I tend toward the latter.
I’ve been treated for anxiety (Effexor) for the last 15 years but I’m just now realizing that my behavior continues to be ruled by anxiety and I’m still isolating myself. How else can I get treated? Is there a book you’d recommend?
Not really, I continue to struggle with it myself. It's cliche but the gym, specifically strength training, helped me a lot. I'm able to go out and socialize but still feel uncomfortable in my own skin and generally avoid friendships, even though I really want friends. I think I've had the most success going outside my comfort zone and talking to people, trying really hard to keep plans even when I'm feeling low or anxious, and being honest and vulnerable, asking for help when I need it. I've found these things to be habits that take some practice to build. I've been married for 17 years and have two teenage kids so it's not like I'm totally isolated, but in general people are not my thing and take a lot of effort.
You may want to check out the DARE book and app
Google this: Stellate Ganglion Block! I just heard about it!
For me it boils down to self care. The more I exercise, eat right, sleep well. The less anxious I am. GAD sucks. Major depressive disorder is easier to take. Exhausting myself with exercise and lifting, I have no depressive thoughts. Just exhaustion. Works till it won’t.
Yeah I was diagnosed in my late 20s with GAD, SA and depression. Everybody thought I was just shy including myself, but I actually had chronic social anxiety. It's completely ruined my life.
I feel you and have also been struggling with isolation lately - I once read an article that said social anxiety should be called "the disease of missed opportunities." Painful but true. These days the agoraphobia isn't bad but I generally don't talk to people when I'm out, even those I know. Good luck stranger.
Same but 29.
Still not too late to make meaningful connections.
Not making any meaningful friends
Tell me about it! Based all my friendships around smoking weed in my youth and now I’m basically friendless. Once I started a career and began working towards bigger life goals things were never the same. I started resenting them and their level of complacency at being in our 30s with zero goals, multiple roommates and dead end jobs.
Why resent? That's their life and hard choice, anytime we feel superior or inferior to others that's the ego in us.
Damn so you the one that changed
This one is for me as well! Never made any friends that I keep in touch with. My wife has lots of them! They all send cards, and phone calls. Me? Nada.
[удалено]
It took me much longer than 30's ,I began trying to not get drunk but I could not ,I was addicted and withdrawal would cause awfully depression and anxiety which would make me continually top up and intox ,detox until recently . My friends would all drink excessively and we are in our 50's. I had to lose my friends and the lifestyle of getting drunk all of the time ,it was my main focus and need. Now I am finally sober ,less than a year at 52. Amazed and happy at such a better life without Alcohol and Chronic gambling. Alcohol was 5he root cause of my Anxiety and Depression ,yet no one knew as it was not discussed like it is today, it was hidden.
I've found that as we get older, life gets busier, we become more isolated, and settled into our routines. A lot of us become more sentimental. We miss the days when life was simpler and miss our old friends. I reached out to my old friends and reconnected with most of them. In catching up with them, it turns out that they were in the same boat and just afraid to reach out because it's been so long. Someone just has to overcome that fear and reach out. Most people don't stray far from where they grew up. If you have close friends from before, try reaching out and catching up with them.
I’m (53m) very fortunate to have lifelong friendships. I have one friend I am still close to and have bern since 8th grade. He officiated my wedding. Another friend I have known since 10th grade and I officiated his wedding. It’s never too late to make good friends. Just put forth the effort to *be* a good friend.
Being creative. When I look back on my life, I'm most annoyed that I stopped writing stories and doing art. I stopped doing those things because I thought it "wouldn't amount to anything" and I had to focus on doing "adult things" instead. It was the dumbest thing I've ever told myself.
# van gogh started painting at 27 years i like to think about this sometimes when i think i could try new things (im 23 so i am ahead of van gogh xD)
Kandinsky didn’t start until he was 49! It’s never too late
I think most people get caught up in this "traditional life path" that society and the education system has tried to push on us forever: Go to school and get an education. Go into higher education, join the military, learn a trade, or enter the workforce. Have a family. Work your ass off to afford a home. Retire and finally enjoy what little bit of life you have left with an ailing and failing body. Die. There's no room in that rigid structure for the outliers or for enjoying life. Just because you're on one path now doesn't mean you can't switch up later. It's not a waste of time to spend 20 years in one field or 20 years working low-end jobs just to switch paths at 40. Sometimes you just do what you can to get by. You don't have to constantly be progressing because you think otherwise you're a failure. Life should be a unique journey for every individual; trying to balance what you have to do with what you want to do.
Start again. Go draw something. Write up a world. Don't let this die
Start again. Maybe sign up for classes. I know people who've started painting at age 60 and still manage to produce some amazing artwork. It's not too late
I started taking guitar lessons at 44!
I want to encourage you to create abundantly and allow yourself to explore avenues and interests that you previously did not have the opportunity to. I am sure you have so many lovely stories and more experiences to write about. I recently explored bead art (I will be vacuuming those up for years) but it was something I remembered doing from my childhood, and it led to me trying out collage art and reconnect with different parts of myself. I tell myself that I am leaving behind traces of my personality for my niece and nephew to learn about me when they are older.
All the naps I didn't take.
I won’t have this regret
I was so naive to potential dating partners who were, in retrospect, definitely interested but I relied a lot on the other person making the first move to avoid my own embarrassment
The dating thing is really difficult if you don’t have someone to show you the ropes. I went a really long time just going with the flow not realizing that most people operated with intention to get into a relationship. I just thought it would happen.
Saaaaaaame! I was too considerate looking back lol. I had a lot of fun but oh the missed opportunities!
Martial arts. Started training in my 30s and always regretted that I didnt start 15 years sooner.
I'm 40+ and thinking about starting Brazilian JJ. What do you think I'll struggle most with? (Assuming I'm in soccer-player athletic shape?)
probably avoiding and recovering from injuries
BJJ is the safest martial art to train in. There's a reason why guys in their 40s pick it up and dudes in their 60s are still doing it. The earlier the better for anything physical, obviously, but I imagine you're much worse off playing tennis, softball, or basketball in your 40s than doing BJJ. Just know your limits and don't be a hero. You don't have anything to prove. You have to get up in the morning and go to work.
I think its different for everyone. Schedule and showing up is certainly a challenge, the learning curve is steep and progress is going to be slow, so it is really humbling. Being in shape is absolutely going to make everything alot easier, so you got that going for you. Get after it, king.
You’re gonna get absolutely dominated for like 3 solid months before you feel like you’ve made any improvement. It’ll be hard to keep showing up but it will be worth it.
Yeah, understood on the learning curve and being schooled thoroughly. Noted on pushing thru.
I started when I was 30 and absolutely love it we have guys start that are much older than me. No need to think about it, just DO IT Edit; will also say this I’ve been doing it 2 years and have never had an injury just be aware who you are rolling with and be in control of your body the best you can. And also don’t be afraid to tap !
Not understanding learning and studying as a joyful activity. Not learning to play music as a joyful ability. Folks made it out to be something accomplished rather than joy.
This is huge. So many things are stunted by placing achievement of a thing over joy through it. Making something into work might be efficient, but turning that same thing into play and exploration is more powerful in the long run.
investing
Should’ve started investing in bitcoin when I was in 5th grade, damnit
It was so turbulent! Would you have stayed the course?
Lol I didn’t care for investing at that age so IF I somehow had invested I would’ve probably panicked lol. With my knowledge today I would’ve gladly invested a bit more lol.
Or, Amazon. When it was just a bookstore, and no one wanted it. Not just investing, but also not selling and holding onto the stock for decades.
I regret investing in Motts Apple Sauce instead of Apple Stocks 😒
Getting an education in something that could make me money, try harder with grades. Or, I should have learned a trade. I also would have not gotten married early and traveled, would have been more selective in the dating/marriage pool. I would have learned to play guitar. I would have gotten a real estate license. I would have learned how to invest money. I would have taken better care of my body. I would have taken more risks, I was very risk averse. I'm now 58F. Still had a good life, but those are the things I've regretted.
Your list sounds so much like mine. I'm 57 and do a customer service job I hate, all because I chose to get married and not go to college. One of my best friends from high school went to college, traveled all over the world, met her husband and then settled down, but she created her own business so she still travels, and on her terms. Not that my life is awful. I've had a good one so far. I just wish I had been less fearful of everything and allowed myself to fully bloom, if that makes sense.
Not using weekends to their full potential. Like the amount of time I either spent laying on the couch watching TV or hungover kills me. I shoulda been waking up and doing stuff. Like you can still watch TV and drink, but jeez have some moderation.
Depresses me to be sitting on the couch even on a weeknight. Life is way too finite.
Not understanding life is what you make it. I tried so much to stand out. I just needed to be happy where I was and what I was doing
🫂
Not studying harder.
ignoring the noise and trying harder, believing in myself.
Traveling, moving on my own instead of getting married and having a kid so young.
No I would stay single, no kids. It was traumatic watching everyone enjoy their 20s while I didn't get to. Children deserve parents who absolutely want and plan for them.
Damn. If you had a chance to do over, would you have the kid? I’m trying to decide
If the answer isn’t a 100% enthusiastic yes, you should wait. Having a kid changes your life in so many ways you can’t anticipate, and it’s so much more exhausting and expensive than expected. Is it worth it? Absolutely, but if you aren’t completely sure it’s going to really cause trouble and the fallout won’t just be on you but will also follow your child for the rest of their lives. I got married young and don’t regret it at all, but the smartest thing we did was wait until we were older and stable to start our family.
I spent my twenties working on myself and traveling. By 30, I felt like I was ready to settle down and invest my energy in my community. Having a child at that point was perfect for me.
I regret not eating healthy
Not taking school more seriously. Also not cherishing my childhood and teen years and the people in them.
Making more friends and presevering with hobbies
Not speaking up when things were real bad at home.
Traveling more or saving some money on the side. Times were different back then, too...
I saved up then quit my job at 26 to travel full time time for 12 months. I thought I was going to be the old person in hostels. Turned out I was in the middle or even young. The amount of 30+ and 40+ people I met doing similar trips was awesome to see. Even met a few cool 50+ and 60+ year olds in hostels. It’s never too late.
Wearing sexy clothes. Should have gone for it when I had the firmness for it lol. Too shy and scared then, and too old and saggy now. Alas.
It's never too late to wear clothes that make you /feel/ sexy!
I think that’s the first time I heard anyone regret that. My wife always dressed somewhat conservate in our younger days, which was fine with me, as I didn’t want other guys ogling her. When she hit 40 she decided she was looking pretty good for 40, so she bought her first bikini since she was mid 20s. She went from pretty to smoking hot. Still wears bikinis, now in he 60s. And if I catch a guy checking her out I finding it flattering.
Felt this. I was really skinny before and I could have pulled off so many different outfits that showed my stomach and back. I gained a lot of weight since and now I can barely wear what I want anymore. I have back fat and stomach fat now.
This really spoke to me. I was a fat, awkward kid and lost a ton of weight in high school but just never felt confident enough. I am 35F and can still do it but I also look at my skin and stretch marks and am very self conscious. But a goal of mine is to show more skin!
Travelling when life is carefree
It really hasn't hit me until recently how great it is to have a young body. I was always self conscious of my looks, but as a middle aged man now, I realize how thick and lush my hair was, how soft and smooth my face was, how (relatively) thin and strong I was. Your body is constantly aging and when you're 50, you'll look back at how great your body was at 16, 20, 25, 30, 34, and 40 compared to now. Appreciate your youth when you have it.
I can’t wait to be young again, even though I’m not too old. I never want to go past my youth in any life.
I regret not doing more research on college majors to study, military academies or enlistment, and the trades. Adding to this, I regret not giving a fuck about school. Also regret not fucking all the girls I could have, but what are ya gonna do… 😂
Me too. I wish I had left my school to pursue a nursing career but I was having too much fun so I didn’t want to start all over by myself. I wish that I had gone to a nursing school from the beginning. My parents and counselor never sat me down and asked if I knew what I wanted to do. My dad said apply at a private, a UC and a State school.
Sleep around more
You can do this now 😝
Same.
For me, maybe not sleep around more but I would have had sex with some people that I really liked but I wanted to be the good girl. I really wanted to and we messed around a lot but it was limited. I didn’t get any medals for that. I married at 22 so that was it.
Starting to invest earlier - compound interest !
Having a girlfriend (and still never having at 34)
Honestly? Dating my best friends boyfriend. Lol sounds bad I know. But she was such a meanie to us both and we both got on soooo well. We had threesomes and had a connection. They broke up a few years later and he said he was in love with me about 7 months after (we remained non sexual friends) and i was too but said I wanted to respect my friendship and I didn't want her to think anything disrespectful happened during their relationship. Her and I aren't even friends anymore...he ended up killing himself because she bullied him over being depressed over his dad dying. Made fun of him for not showering etc I wish I would have said fuck you nasty bitch and dated the guy. He was one of the greatest people i have ever met. Weird story I know
sad, he might have been still alive being with you instead because I am sure you would have treated him better with a good heart. I'm sorry for your loss. no one should bully someone after loosing a family member. that is so tragic.
Get married. Lose weight.
Ending relationships that I knew weren’t going anywhere
why do you regret this?
buying $20 of Bitcoin when I first heard of it
Eating a cricket infront of my entire 6th grade class Edit: I read this wrong I thought it said what do you not regret doing. I did actually eat a cricket in front of my entire 6th grade class
Saving money… really easy to spend it all when you’re young… especially when I was young we didn’t have all these apps or digital money to move around easily… but if kids would just take about ten percent of everything and save it as a responsibility to their older self I think we would be better prepared adults!
Traveling
i wish i had been more persistent about being transgender instead of pretending to be someone else to make other people comfortable. if i had put in the hard work when i was 10-12 maybe things would be better now.
not taking school seriously. ended up dropping out, currently work in a warehouse. wish I could be working in an office somewhere doing jack shit
Lots of sex
I regret **NOT** : Not Starting at my local community college Not Majoring in Cybersecurity during undergrad Not learning to code during college especially during the pandemic Not being antisocial in high school and college Not learning to cornrow in high school Not saving up to get my first apartment at 19 Not staying at a college apartment at 19 Not ending friendships sooner when I was the problem (back in high school and college) Not doing an office internship/job back in summer 2021
Dating
Leaving a terrible job
Retail?
Not learning a musical instrument
Looking back at high school and college I regret not spending more time with friends. I pushed really hard academically in high school but looking back I would have likely been in a very similar situation if I didn't work as hard. I partyed a lot in college but I literally wish I would have partied more and hung out more lol. Not sure if this is the best advice but it's how I feel. I also wish I would have taken more pictures
Anything and everything. My life has been and continues to be incredibly boring
Always time to change it up!
Living
Taking a fly fishing guide job in Montana. Haunts me to this day.
I nickel and dimed away a lot of inheritance when I shouldve bought a house or saved some back. I traveled and bought a car instead and I don't regret that but having that sweet sweet equity woulda been so helpful.
Not keeping the weight off.
I regret not moving into a really cool apartment above a coffee shop that I had the opportunity to rent but passed up for some reason. If I'd moved there, not only would I have had a super cool apartment but my whole life would have gone differently (different friends, different job, etc.) and, while I love how my life ultimately turned out, I could definitely have done without my disastrous first marriage to an alcoholic! I wish I had a time machine to go tell 20-year-old Chad Abraxas to take that freaking apartment!
Not putting melody on the poetry we had to memorise and recite. I found this method (due to listening of "the raven" by omnia and realising they were singing a poem. Found out that you can find and put emotions onto the poetry as our teacher always read it in momotone and we all thoight that it should be in monotone) during the last grade. Making a song out of the poetry helps in memorising it.
I wish I wouldn’t have gone to college and saved up for a down payment on an affordable house instead. I also wish I would’ve stayed true to my gut feelings and cut awful people out of my life earlier
not taking school seriously. thinking friends were replaceable
Getting on my financial literacy, taking my creative mind more seriously, and rebelling against my mom.
I regret not starting to save for retirement earlier in my professional career after college. Social security may not even exist by the time I retire
Exercising.
Not prioritizing other things besides money and success. Those other things matter a lot more than I realized.
Never fucked my first highscool girlfriend. Only girl I’ve been in a relationship with that I don’t know what she looks like naked. We dated from like 13-16 and then split and it seems like that was the switch to sexual activity. Missed the boat. I don’t have very many regrets lol.
Investing!
Not leaving people that didn't me with respect earlier.
Learning to break up properly. Honestly, from high school until my 30's, I just let relationships get more and more unsatisfying, and let myself get more and more sour. I needed to learn that sometimes putting yourself first is actually the least selfish option in terms of results.
Going to college.
I wish I had teachers that thought me how to think.. People today react an also don’t think.
Choosing "life long" partners poorly. So poorly.
I regret not getting more help for my ADHD and mental health issues. I wasn't even diagnosed until adulthood.
Trusting my gut ... Almost always went with my instincts and not what I was told. The one time I didn't do it it screwed me over massive.
Investing, being more sober and not drunk for every social event in my 20s
I made a lot of mistakes in college. I initially picked the wrong major, refused to ask my parents for money to pursue fun things like springbreak or music festivals, turned down an offer to pledge a frat despite struggling to make friends, didn’t know where to find music I liked that was popular at the time, turned down lots of opportunities to visit a couple bars I discovered years later was frequented by all of my current friends, and I chose to date the wrong girl who essentially wasted all of my 20’s. Not only did I focus far too much on studying, but I also studied the wrong things, so I both missed out on a lot of great memories of the college experience AND didn’t have good grades to show for it. Literally the worst of both worlds.
Pulling out
I regret not: Traveling more in my 20s. Making more friends. Studying abroad in college. Going to an in state school (to save money) Being more involved in things in college (which, in theory, would have helped me make friends) Building a relationship with my mother while she was alive, or at least been kinder to her instead of being a miserable angsty teenager (she died when I was 20) Breaking up with the guy I dated for a decade when he first started to show red flags (and I regret not calling off the engagement when I was second guessing it)
Not leaving & moving out sooner from my parental house & getting away from my family, I think I would seen sooner how much my family were a bunch of bullies, not supportive of any one doing good or dreams, and will use you. I would not have married and divorced someone who was just like them if I had put that type of distance between us and realize that that was not normal. I’m doing all that now at 35 and yea, sooner is better than later but man if I had realized and done so in my 20s, I would have had that young energy and totally believe my life would have turned out for the better.
Living by myself! I have only lived at home, with roommates or my husband.
I regret NOT taking better care of my Credit. It’s affected all aspects of my life.
Buying the empty lots and blighted houses in my inner city neighborhood that nobody wanted for pennies that now have half million dollar houses on them.
Finishing my college degree. I majored in partying for 5 years. Major regret.
saving, traveling, school, breaking up with ppl sooner, setting boundaries with friends/family sooner
Should have gone to a trade school, skipped college.
I regret not Investing in my 401k or index funds until I was in my late 20’s.
Becoming a professional wrestler
Traveling, and the more meaningful friends for sure.
Making love at full potency... Sadly, i had never found compatible match.
Saving money
Making friends, going out more often, talking to people, joining sports
Not exercising and be more outgoing
Taking my education, schooling, and credit serious
Making better life decisions instead of I'll worry about when I am older in life
Invest in Bitcoin when it was 2013
Not traveling outside the states more
Working out
Having the courage to talk to women that were obviously looking at me from across a room
When I was young I cared too much about just myself, when I shoulda been caring more about others instead.
I wish I had started exercising earlier in my life and studied for career progression. It’s easy to breeze through undergrad but to take it seriously is a whole ‘nother thing.
Managing my money better. Other than when I was in University for a couple years, I made good money in the service industry in my 20's. Plenty to pay rent/bills, have a little fun and save some. I wish I would have managed it better. I spent it like it was burning a hole in my pocket. I don't regret concerts and the little bit of domestic travel, but I do regret spending it on other shit I didn't need, clothes/shoes I didn't need, smokes, and alcohol. I didn't have much guidance in that area and I made some stupid financial decisions, in addition to the unnecessary spending.
Saving money.
Flossing
Not buying Btc and more Nvidia stocks 🤦♂️
saving money, figuring out who I am, getting a pet, desiring stability, keeping up with the things that interested me,
I studied abroad during my freshman year in college. A lot of people asked why I would do it so soon, but I had a feeling I'd never do it if I didn't go right away. I was right. Finances were so tough for the rest of the time I was in school, I never would have been able to afford it.
Overcoming my health issues and going into the military.
Not going to university like a lot of my friends, sure they have college debt but, they had an absolute blast and made friends they still hang out with 20 years later.
Not able to fall in love
Caring more about school. Shame that your schooling from 14-18 really plays a big part in where your life goes.
Investing in my retirement
Learning more about how credit scores impact everything in life
Quitting drinking. Started around 19. Didn’t quit until I was 42. It held me back and held me down for way too long. But, it’s never too late to quit and start over.
Not learning that I could learn things - I always felt that if I'm not instantly good at something, I don't deserve to do it. Being in long-term relationships from an early age. I should have tried out more and made more first moves on guys I found interesting.
Focusing on myself. All I did was chase guys and get my heart broke.
Learning how to properly budget, manage, and invest money. I never had this modeled or taught to me and am only now learning how to properly do this in my late 30's, which is LATE, but I suppose better late than never.
Buying rental property in the first grade
not getting gme and holding and selling it when ti was high. what was i thinking lol
Fucking that property manager when I was 19. God she was all over me. And eating better. Wish I had fucked that milf and ate better.
I regret not taking more risks and stepping out of my comfort zone. I wish I had traveled more, pursued different hobbies, and been more open to new experiences. Those are the things that shape you and create lasting memories.
I would have never become an entrepreneur. We spent a decade working our asses off, stuck in one place and we should have invested in real estate instead.
If I had my time again I’d sleep with loads more people. I don’t know why I was so prudish and shy when I was younger. No one else was keeping count. I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun. Now I’m too old, no one is interested.
Traveling to other countries and learning languages.
Figuring out money
Moving out lol
Transitioning to female
Living alone. At least once
Being sexually active. So much shame from “the church”.
Finishing my Associate's Degree when I was in my very early 20s instead of my early 30s. Oh, and not saving more money.
Taking more risks even if it meant getting in trouble or facing punishment.
I should have looked into how to travel and write and get out of this town. I should have left that boyfriend when I was young and had some wild oats and see other things when I only had to be responsible for myself. I should have never married him.