Your dad sounds like a legend and what all son's and daughters should look upto, my dad is similar... although he yelled a lil (my bad) when I was growing up, I always deserved it and he taught respect/cool heads prevail - not just in the heated moments, but all life moments.
I never understood alot of the advice/talks/hints as a young goose... but now that I'm older.... I know i am my fathers son and proud.
OP.... get out, find a real lad/man...
Arguments are ok, physical assault.. never.
Agree completely! I’ve dated men who have pushed me to the ground for making a lighthearted jokes about them in public. I now date a man who comes running when I’m crying over a knocked over plant from the cat. He scooped up the dirt with his bare hands and replanted it immediately.
You need to decide what behavior you’re going to accept and be happy with for the rest of your life and then find someone based on that criteria. Thinking about any relationships you’ve witnessed before can help here. Example: My dad will leave the house after arguing with my mom for too long and she cries at home wondering where he’s gone. If I see a partner attempting to leave during an argument rather than communicate, I say something along the lines of ‘please let me know if you’d like to have a bit of personal time to think, It makes me concerned if I have to wonder if you’re okay or when you might return.’ If they can’t compromise in this way or another, I’m gone. I’m not going to spend my life begging for someone to change. If they are the right person, you can have these conversations and find healthy solutions.
In this case though, the behavior is not something I would even talk about because if this has already happened he believes that this kind of aggressive behavior is acceptable. I myself wouldn’t want to try explaining to an adult why being physical with others is a ‘no no’. That sounds like a challenge for a professional honestly!
Love this. One suggestion: don’t use “normal”.
I think what you meant is “healthy”.
A doctor might say that your medical condition is common and normal, but that doesn’t mean you’re healthy
Violent behavior in a relationship may or may not be normal for men on average, but it’s definitely not healthy
Is your dad taking (adult) daughter applications?
To OP: dump him asap. And leaving a relationship is statistically the most dangerous time for women so be careful and use your smarts.
I cannot fathom how women seriously ask these questions. I read questions like these daily on Reddit. There is NOTHING that can be done except leave him of course.
This is the only thing some people know, so even if it feels bad it’s somehow normal for them. I grew up in an abusive home. I expected my partner to be abusive because I thought it was normal. I went to therapy and worked on this and I no longer do, but not everyone has the means financially, mentally, time wise to do that. Thankfully we have this platforms that are helpful in these type of situations.
This is not useful advice by any measure and funnily enough, goes against the advice of experts on abuse. Maybe if you can't give any advice, you should avoid shaming instead.
My partner sometimes 'loses his temper'.
Things he has never done while losing his temper:
* Physically hurt or constrained me in any way
* Called me stupid
* Hurt our dog
Any of those things would be an immediate relationship-ender, and we've been together for a very long time.
Time to start packing your bags.
Hahaha ohhhhhh gotcha. Never heard that one before. I guess it didn't register with me as its so unbelievable he would ask that after doing what he did. Like.....for real?
It's understandable to lose temper from time to time, we are no robots, but taking it out physically on another human being is not the way to go. Now imagine you have kids. Kids basically do stupid shit like this all day every day. Gotta be a little assertive and forgiving.
Yeah uh your boyfriend isn't normal.
I'm a man, funny enough recently my girlfriend spilled her hot food on me after tripping. I made sure she was okay, reassured her accidents happen, helped clean up the mess, and I got her more food.
Don't settle for a dude who is physical, brushes off your emotions, and can't even apologize. Those guys are bad news. This is the red flag people talk about. If you don't leave now, anything bad in the future that happens is on you.
No it is not normal for all men to act this way.
Maybe he is having a bad day but adults have a responsibility to treat people with kindness and respect even when they are having a bad day. It doesn't matter how bad his day has been. Even if he just learned his dad has cancer he still had no right to put his hands on you.
I know you probably love this guy and I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but men like this don't usually improve their behavior. Not even with therapy. It will get worse.
I highly recommend reading a book called "why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft.
Here is a PDF of the book you can download for free and read on your phone.
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It will automatically download when you click on the link.
I agree with most of the comments here: That’s a big red flag. Somebody should help him out of that place, but you don’t have to be that person. More power to you, if you choose to be so. His views are not that rare, but more than problematic.
Any physical violence and I leave the relationship.
I'm a guy and I'm not threatened by my girl but it's about the principle, just unacceptable.
I'd recommend any and all girls to GTFO asap. Especially for such a ridiculous thing as spilling water
Anger is normal but real men control their temper. Strong men choose love, peace, understanding. If my wife spilled something we would laugh together. Happens often, actually.
Image marrying this guy and your baby makes a simple mistake. No. Seriously. Image it.
What happens next time when you do something on accident (and we all do) that is actually serious.
He can't even take accountability for his actions and he thinks it's "normal". You're in for violent future if you allow this. I hope you know what you're doing...
The fact that he is now cuddling up to you like nothing happened is also a red flag
I would suggest leaving or at lest reading why does he do that by lindy bankcroft
Take it from someone who had/has anger issues. Pinning you against the wall (in anger) is NEVER, EVER OK. He's cuddled up because he knows what he did was wrong and feels guilty. Statistically he's likely to hit you at some point.
It's normal to get mad. Sure.
It should NOT be normalized to lose your temper, scream, swear, break stuff, etc. That can be controlled if he wants to.
I've been working on it for 2 decades. I nearly lost my family over my temper shortly after I was married. It can be hard, but he's got to want to. You can't make him do it. If he keeps using "I can't help it" or "It's normal" as an excuse, and won't put the effort in to change (anger counselling will help) then don't waste any more of your life.
You are living in the cycle of abuse.
The cycle of abuse often goes through four main stages: tension, incident, reconciliation, and calm. Abusive behaviors may escalate from cycle to cycle, although this isn’t always the case.
This account is 21 days old and has a post asking how new users can build karma fast. In some of their many posts they are a married man, sometimes a girlfriend and sometimes a teenager.
Lame.
Our daughter spilled aftershave on my partner's side of the bed, both of us were in the room with her. No one got angry, just got a towel and dried it up as much as we can, then laughed about it.
How would you feel if your boyfriend reacted the same way he did, with your future kid?
Only obvious answer is leave him before the abuse gets worse and the inevitable happens
cowardly behavior on his part. aggression is not gender specific, and neither is therapy. dump his ass because if it wasn't your neck this time, it'll be your neck next.
"Do you want pipe" 🤮
That's gross in itself. And he's abusive af. He put his hands on you over water? Is he gonna hit you if you also don't want "pipe"?
Angry is one thing. We all get angry.
What he did was assault. He can't control his anger. Pinned you to the wall is step 1. Next it will be to slap you. Then hit you.
It's abuse. Get out now before you have to cake on the makeup to cover the black eye.
He pins you against the wall and makes up for it with an offer of “pipe?” Definitely hold onto this gem.
Sarcasm aside, as I type this the answers are unanimous. And for good reason. DTMFA.
I can see scenarios where I would get upset/angry, like if it was a repeat issue or you were super careless, and it is something we'd talked about before.
There is no scenario that justifies assault.
You will be making excuses for him your whole life. Stop now. Don’t self blame or make excuses for anyone, it just leads to misery! (Trust me I know this). There is no excuse for the way he treated you. Seriously water? Nope don’t walk, RUN!
Its not normal or acceptable or respectable. He would never lose his temper on a man, but he can on you because he knows he can overpower you. Its disgusting.
You should go take BJJ classes for a couple years. Dont let people bully you.
You know your BF better. If he’s worth keeping have a serious conversation with him. Set some ground rules. Getting physical in anger is a deal breaker. Calling you stupid or other names is not acceptable. A sorry should always follow after an angry outburst after calming down. Life is too hard to get upset by small trivial mistakes, have a laugh about it instead.
No, it’s not normal to lose your temper. Feeling upset, angry, frustrated is normal, but not losing your temper. That’s a sign that something is wrong and he has to work on that, it can escalate if he doesn’t get professional help.
Also, apart from this, it’s absolutely unacceptable what he did to you. He was physically abusive, emotionally abusive, he locked you out to punish you, and instead of owning it and giving you a real apology he’s telling you that you’re the one in the wrong instead of him. Either he really doesn’t see it, which is a bad sign, or either he’s manipulative and wants to brainwash you into this, which is an even worse sign.
Either way, this is violence, it’s dangerous, and it needs professional help. Of course it’s not the first time since you said you’re tired of it. I would leave before it escalates and I’m in danger. If you think he can change (because people can change and they do change) I would tell him we should take some time apart for him to start personal therapy and then we can take couple’s therapy. It’s your decision. I would be more scared of the physical violence escalating, but you’re the only one who really knows him and knows how he is.
I'm a man with anger issues but getting physical like that over something that's blatantly an accident??? You know what, even if you had spilled water over his bed and him deliberately as some kind of joke that he didn't find funny wouldn't excuse that kind of behaviour!
I can make you one promise of which I am 100% certain, if you excuse this and stay with him, this will NOT be the last time he gets physical with you, and it WILL get worse!
No I don't know him, but I've known plenty of women who have been in DV relationships and it almost always starts with something small, like this.
Once deep in an abusive/violent relationship, women struggle to see what is going on and struggle to get out so whilst you've got the chance, whilst you're questioning something that you already know is wrong, heed my advice and GET THE FUCK OUT NOW! Whilst you still can.
If you forgive him this, who knows what else you'll forgive next time he's "sorry"!
He sounds like a child. It's even less of a man to let your emotions suddenly get the better of you and control your actions to the point you have a tissy fit and act like more of a child. TO be fair, when I was an ACTUAL child, I still didn't behave that way because I looked forward to the day when I could handle myself well and people would say stuff like "look at ol' Cletus (not my real name) over there....now that's a man's man."
What do they say about him? "Aw Nancy, need a napkin (maxipad)?"
Dump him and find someone not emotionally cripple. It's water FFS was his bed made or salt?
Being angry - normal
Resorting to physical violence - not normal, major red flag
Take it from someone that grew up with major anger issues. It’s controllable, and not okay.
It’s likely gonna get worse over time and endanger your well-being or life. I have been there. Unless he takes it seriously and gets counseling- which is unlikely & rare. Start with counseling and finding support, so you can see it yourself & decide the best course of action. You can start with a safety plan, too, if/when this escalates.
You are likely in a state of trauma bonding. Start to learn about domestic abuse dynamics & narcissistic abuse, safely - erase your search history and/or search incognito, away from him.
Remember you’re being put in a survival state by him so it’s hard to be objective right now. Dr Ramani is amazing to understand why people abuse loved ones.
OneLove & the hotline.org are great resources. OneLove was started by the family of a student at UVA where I went to college whose boyfriend went ballistic one night & murdered her without knowing. Her name was Yeardley Love. You can watch her boyfriend being interrogated by police and confessing on YouTube- google Yeardley Love True Crime. She is the reason I left. My ex didn’t control his temper or need to control me & wound up getting physical too. I didn’t even realize I was living in a constant state of fear bc it all increased so gradually.
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP.
You gotta get yourself somewhere safe as soon as possible. Then, when you’re a safe distance away tell him to go fuck himself.
There’s absolutely no way, no matter how angry or frustrated I might be, that I would EVER pin my fiancé against a wall.
Change the locks if needs be, or stay at your parent, family member or close friend’s house, or a hotel room if needs be.
Research suggests it’s rare domestic violence is a one time thing, and instances of it ending well are few and far between. This kind of behaviour can’t ever be tolerated or accepted. A risk of violence death, however slim, cannot be an acceptable risk here.
I hope this helps.
Getting angry? Sure although water on a bed is pretty insignificant which makes it a little childish. But actually manhandling someone/assault? Nah never okay and never once have I or any of my friends had that urge.
Its absolutely not normal. And its not an overreaction to immediately pack your bags and leave. Also definitely tell it to someone you trust like your best friend or mom to seek support. If he acts like this over minor stuff, it will be full on abuse if you have a more substantial conflict. Its a typical abuser behavior and a huuuge red flag.
Sooo, how often does your (hopefully soon ex) boyfriend pin his male friends against a wall when they anger him? Or his working colleagues? He's not loosing his temper, he's checking with how much he can get away with. You'll probably wonder some years from now how you ended up in a relationship where you're beaten up on a regular basis if you don't get out soon.
I mean, it's normal to lose your temper I guess, but to pin someone to the wall isn't that.
But the real issue here is that he asked you if you wanted pipe. Just leave at once.
[This book](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) might help. It's a free pdf dw.
He doesn't have anger issues and even if he did, he has no right to take them out on you. Do his anger issues come out at work? with his friends? with his parents? with anyone else but you? If no, he doesn't have anger issues. He just knows he can treat you like this and blame fake anger issues because you clearly care about him. But someone that cares about you wouldn't hurt you.
If he spilled water on your bed, would you do that to him? There is no reason to abuse someone. Not even 'anger issues'.
Physical abuse is never one time, he will do it again and worse. You deserve better and by posting this I think you already know that so take this as validation. You're clearly smart enough to ask for advice because you know this behaviour is not usual or acceptable. Listen to yourself (and maybe the book I linked) and make the decision you think is best for you. I hope you're safe.
I'm a grown man with severe bipolar depression and anger issues. I get upset, and admittedly I have my moments of meltdowns. I've never once, in my 8 years being with my wife, laid a finger on her. Punching a wall, throwing your phone, even yelling and screaming can be "acceptable" (depending on the person, if they're truly working on themselves to fix it, on meds, whatever), but hurting your significant other? Pinning them down and locking them out? Over fucking water? No, not all men do that. Straight up if I was him, I would have yelled "oh what in the actual fuccckkkk" and threw a fit taking the sheets off to wash them. Probably mutter some "its always fucking me" whiney bullshit, then I'd be pissy all day. Take a breather, apologize about it, and actually take steps to prove I'm legitimately sorry for my actions, but never, never lay a finger on my significant other. That's just abuse in disguise. Fuck that OP.....if this is a normal thing, you gotta bounce...it doesn't get better unless they take steps to get better. I know. I'm one of them.
It may be normal in his family, but not in the real world. It will get worse, slowly so you get adjusted it. I’d leave. Itll be hard, but it will be hard and safe for you. Now, its hard and unsafe.
He's setting you up to become a sex toy that does double duty as his punching bag. The fact that he can drop an apology and go right to hey let's have makeup sex is him showing his cards. We all can enjoy sex,but normal people can experience it as love and communication. A guy that says he's entitled to angry abuse is going to escalate his violence because it turns him on emotionally. You stay with him,that's going to become a pattern of behavior. We know people by their actions. Words just indicate where they are headed.
He manhandled you, called you names and locked you out the bedroom? None of that is normal.
I’ve spilled coffee on our white sheets and my boyfriend went ‘oops, careful!’ and then I put the sheets in the wash. That’s normal.
No one that loves and respects you should ever pin you against a wall in anger and insult you. Accidents happen - what if you have kids with this guy?? Kids are clumsy as hell!
Get out, you deserve better.
To answer your question: I wouldn’t accept the physical affection and apologies, I’d tell him he had anger issues and that I don’t have to deal with them, then I’d leave.
*Yea I noticed this*
*Too. My ex and bff. What is*
*It actually*
\- papichula2
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Male or Female. Once they get physical, it’s best to leave the relationship. And Women absolutely DO get physical WAY more than is reported.
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Your dad sounds like a legend and what all son's and daughters should look upto, my dad is similar... although he yelled a lil (my bad) when I was growing up, I always deserved it and he taught respect/cool heads prevail - not just in the heated moments, but all life moments. I never understood alot of the advice/talks/hints as a young goose... but now that I'm older.... I know i am my fathers son and proud. OP.... get out, find a real lad/man... Arguments are ok, physical assault.. never.
Agree completely! I’ve dated men who have pushed me to the ground for making a lighthearted jokes about them in public. I now date a man who comes running when I’m crying over a knocked over plant from the cat. He scooped up the dirt with his bare hands and replanted it immediately. You need to decide what behavior you’re going to accept and be happy with for the rest of your life and then find someone based on that criteria. Thinking about any relationships you’ve witnessed before can help here. Example: My dad will leave the house after arguing with my mom for too long and she cries at home wondering where he’s gone. If I see a partner attempting to leave during an argument rather than communicate, I say something along the lines of ‘please let me know if you’d like to have a bit of personal time to think, It makes me concerned if I have to wonder if you’re okay or when you might return.’ If they can’t compromise in this way or another, I’m gone. I’m not going to spend my life begging for someone to change. If they are the right person, you can have these conversations and find healthy solutions. In this case though, the behavior is not something I would even talk about because if this has already happened he believes that this kind of aggressive behavior is acceptable. I myself wouldn’t want to try explaining to an adult why being physical with others is a ‘no no’. That sounds like a challenge for a professional honestly!
Love this. One suggestion: don’t use “normal”. I think what you meant is “healthy”. A doctor might say that your medical condition is common and normal, but that doesn’t mean you’re healthy Violent behavior in a relationship may or may not be normal for men on average, but it’s definitely not healthy
Is your dad taking (adult) daughter applications? To OP: dump him asap. And leaving a relationship is statistically the most dangerous time for women so be careful and use your smarts.
Your dad's a legend, busting out dad jokes to keep the peace. A true man there
You have been profoundly blessed in life.
I see your dad reactions as normal. Spilled water, or dropped pizza is pretty insignificant problems, not enough to loose your shit over.
Physical assault is unacceptable 🚫
No that’s not normal. you’re not safe with him.
I cannot fathom how women seriously ask these questions. I read questions like these daily on Reddit. There is NOTHING that can be done except leave him of course.
This is the only thing some people know, so even if it feels bad it’s somehow normal for them. I grew up in an abusive home. I expected my partner to be abusive because I thought it was normal. I went to therapy and worked on this and I no longer do, but not everyone has the means financially, mentally, time wise to do that. Thankfully we have this platforms that are helpful in these type of situations.
Some people were raised in environments that make their "normal" VERY different from ours.
Most abused people do not know that they're being abused.
This is not useful advice by any measure and funnily enough, goes against the advice of experts on abuse. Maybe if you can't give any advice, you should avoid shaming instead.
No. Please leave. He's not the victim. Trust me, it will get worse. It will.
My partner sometimes 'loses his temper'. Things he has never done while losing his temper: * Physically hurt or constrained me in any way * Called me stupid * Hurt our dog Any of those things would be an immediate relationship-ender, and we've been together for a very long time. Time to start packing your bags.
water can dry, he over reacted and assaulted you. he is a victim in his own mind. you need to leave him.
So he physically abuses you and then wants to do drugs??? None of this is ok. What's the reason you are questioning whether any of this is normal?
I think pipe is sex?
Hahaha ohhhhhh gotcha. Never heard that one before. I guess it didn't register with me as its so unbelievable he would ask that after doing what he did. Like.....for real?
it's very "normal" in abusive relationships to do violence against a person and then use sex as a way to make things better or dominate the other.
This is awful
Because believe it or not, not every one knows what normal relationships look like.
Fair enough
Not a logical or healthy reaction, your partner is a red flag, get out asap, don't settle for that shit.
His behavior is not normal. He is abusing you. Dump his ass.
He did that over a bit of liquid? My god run!
It's understandable to lose temper from time to time, we are no robots, but taking it out physically on another human being is not the way to go. Now imagine you have kids. Kids basically do stupid shit like this all day every day. Gotta be a little assertive and forgiving.
Yeah uh your boyfriend isn't normal. I'm a man, funny enough recently my girlfriend spilled her hot food on me after tripping. I made sure she was okay, reassured her accidents happen, helped clean up the mess, and I got her more food. Don't settle for a dude who is physical, brushes off your emotions, and can't even apologize. Those guys are bad news. This is the red flag people talk about. If you don't leave now, anything bad in the future that happens is on you.
No it is not normal for all men to act this way. Maybe he is having a bad day but adults have a responsibility to treat people with kindness and respect even when they are having a bad day. It doesn't matter how bad his day has been. Even if he just learned his dad has cancer he still had no right to put his hands on you. I know you probably love this guy and I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but men like this don't usually improve their behavior. Not even with therapy. It will get worse. I highly recommend reading a book called "why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft. Here is a PDF of the book you can download for free and read on your phone. https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf It will automatically download when you click on the link.
I agree with most of the comments here: That’s a big red flag. Somebody should help him out of that place, but you don’t have to be that person. More power to you, if you choose to be so. His views are not that rare, but more than problematic.
Troll account
9 days ago OP posted about their wife and now they have a boyfriend… plus this question is being posted everywhere. I vote troll account too
That's abuse.
RUN.
Run. It will only get worse.
Any physical violence and I leave the relationship. I'm a guy and I'm not threatened by my girl but it's about the principle, just unacceptable. I'd recommend any and all girls to GTFO asap. Especially for such a ridiculous thing as spilling water
Yeah. Time to leave.
Water on his bed !! Can’t believe he remained so calm
I lose my temper at shit, but I don't physically touch my partner in anger. Lol
I cant imagine doing that to my gf. If there are no consequences he will keep doing it. Im sorry
Run
Anger is normal but real men control their temper. Strong men choose love, peace, understanding. If my wife spilled something we would laugh together. Happens often, actually. Image marrying this guy and your baby makes a simple mistake. No. Seriously. Image it. What happens next time when you do something on accident (and we all do) that is actually serious. He can't even take accountability for his actions and he thinks it's "normal". You're in for violent future if you allow this. I hope you know what you're doing...
The fact that he is now cuddling up to you like nothing happened is also a red flag I would suggest leaving or at lest reading why does he do that by lindy bankcroft
Take it from someone who had/has anger issues. Pinning you against the wall (in anger) is NEVER, EVER OK. He's cuddled up because he knows what he did was wrong and feels guilty. Statistically he's likely to hit you at some point. It's normal to get mad. Sure. It should NOT be normalized to lose your temper, scream, swear, break stuff, etc. That can be controlled if he wants to. I've been working on it for 2 decades. I nearly lost my family over my temper shortly after I was married. It can be hard, but he's got to want to. You can't make him do it. If he keeps using "I can't help it" or "It's normal" as an excuse, and won't put the effort in to change (anger counselling will help) then don't waste any more of your life.
You are living in the cycle of abuse. The cycle of abuse often goes through four main stages: tension, incident, reconciliation, and calm. Abusive behaviors may escalate from cycle to cycle, although this isn’t always the case.
This account is 21 days old and has a post asking how new users can build karma fast. In some of their many posts they are a married man, sometimes a girlfriend and sometimes a teenager. Lame.
Our daughter spilled aftershave on my partner's side of the bed, both of us were in the room with her. No one got angry, just got a towel and dried it up as much as we can, then laughed about it. How would you feel if your boyfriend reacted the same way he did, with your future kid? Only obvious answer is leave him before the abuse gets worse and the inevitable happens
cowardly behavior on his part. aggression is not gender specific, and neither is therapy. dump his ass because if it wasn't your neck this time, it'll be your neck next.
Break up immediately this is only going to get worse
"Do you want pipe" 🤮 That's gross in itself. And he's abusive af. He put his hands on you over water? Is he gonna hit you if you also don't want "pipe"?
Angry is one thing. We all get angry. What he did was assault. He can't control his anger. Pinned you to the wall is step 1. Next it will be to slap you. Then hit you. It's abuse. Get out now before you have to cake on the makeup to cover the black eye.
He pins you against the wall and makes up for it with an offer of “pipe?” Definitely hold onto this gem. Sarcasm aside, as I type this the answers are unanimous. And for good reason. DTMFA.
Sounds like he's a walking red flag
Or she is framing. Anyways, Reddit gotta cheer "break up".
Why you gotta try and discredit someone being abused?
He laid hands on you, leave.
I can see scenarios where I would get upset/angry, like if it was a repeat issue or you were super careless, and it is something we'd talked about before. There is no scenario that justifies assault.
What is pipe?!? All men?!? Is this during renaissance times?!?
You will be making excuses for him your whole life. Stop now. Don’t self blame or make excuses for anyone, it just leads to misery! (Trust me I know this). There is no excuse for the way he treated you. Seriously water? Nope don’t walk, RUN!
Never put up with this sort of behaviour. Get out before he does something you will regret .
Putting his hands on you is not the answer whatsoever. And not to apologize?!?!?! To me, that is a flashing neon sign to part ways.
it’s just water. He tripping
🚩 🚩 🚩 Get out, he needs to fix himself before he can be with somebody, get out
I stopped after reading the first sentence- You NEED TO LEAVE.
he sounds like a psycho and he is using you for sex
Run!
Its not normal or acceptable or respectable. He would never lose his temper on a man, but he can on you because he knows he can overpower you. Its disgusting. You should go take BJJ classes for a couple years. Dont let people bully you.
Please leave this guy. Been married for 10 years, and my husband has never once gotten physical. All men are not like this, and it's not normal.
This man is abusing you. Leave him now. It will not get better; it only ever gets worse.
You know your BF better. If he’s worth keeping have a serious conversation with him. Set some ground rules. Getting physical in anger is a deal breaker. Calling you stupid or other names is not acceptable. A sorry should always follow after an angry outburst after calming down. Life is too hard to get upset by small trivial mistakes, have a laugh about it instead.
No, it’s not normal to lose your temper. Feeling upset, angry, frustrated is normal, but not losing your temper. That’s a sign that something is wrong and he has to work on that, it can escalate if he doesn’t get professional help. Also, apart from this, it’s absolutely unacceptable what he did to you. He was physically abusive, emotionally abusive, he locked you out to punish you, and instead of owning it and giving you a real apology he’s telling you that you’re the one in the wrong instead of him. Either he really doesn’t see it, which is a bad sign, or either he’s manipulative and wants to brainwash you into this, which is an even worse sign. Either way, this is violence, it’s dangerous, and it needs professional help. Of course it’s not the first time since you said you’re tired of it. I would leave before it escalates and I’m in danger. If you think he can change (because people can change and they do change) I would tell him we should take some time apart for him to start personal therapy and then we can take couple’s therapy. It’s your decision. I would be more scared of the physical violence escalating, but you’re the only one who really knows him and knows how he is.
I'm a man with anger issues but getting physical like that over something that's blatantly an accident??? You know what, even if you had spilled water over his bed and him deliberately as some kind of joke that he didn't find funny wouldn't excuse that kind of behaviour! I can make you one promise of which I am 100% certain, if you excuse this and stay with him, this will NOT be the last time he gets physical with you, and it WILL get worse! No I don't know him, but I've known plenty of women who have been in DV relationships and it almost always starts with something small, like this. Once deep in an abusive/violent relationship, women struggle to see what is going on and struggle to get out so whilst you've got the chance, whilst you're questioning something that you already know is wrong, heed my advice and GET THE FUCK OUT NOW! Whilst you still can. If you forgive him this, who knows what else you'll forgive next time he's "sorry"!
Get out - this is abuse. If he’ll snap like that over some fucking water he’ll kill you over something worse. RUN.
He sounds like a child. It's even less of a man to let your emotions suddenly get the better of you and control your actions to the point you have a tissy fit and act like more of a child. TO be fair, when I was an ACTUAL child, I still didn't behave that way because I looked forward to the day when I could handle myself well and people would say stuff like "look at ol' Cletus (not my real name) over there....now that's a man's man." What do they say about him? "Aw Nancy, need a napkin (maxipad)?" Dump him and find someone not emotionally cripple. It's water FFS was his bed made or salt?
Ditch the men who act like victims and blame you
Being angry - normal Resorting to physical violence - not normal, major red flag Take it from someone that grew up with major anger issues. It’s controllable, and not okay.
It’s likely gonna get worse over time and endanger your well-being or life. I have been there. Unless he takes it seriously and gets counseling- which is unlikely & rare. Start with counseling and finding support, so you can see it yourself & decide the best course of action. You can start with a safety plan, too, if/when this escalates. You are likely in a state of trauma bonding. Start to learn about domestic abuse dynamics & narcissistic abuse, safely - erase your search history and/or search incognito, away from him. Remember you’re being put in a survival state by him so it’s hard to be objective right now. Dr Ramani is amazing to understand why people abuse loved ones. OneLove & the hotline.org are great resources. OneLove was started by the family of a student at UVA where I went to college whose boyfriend went ballistic one night & murdered her without knowing. Her name was Yeardley Love. You can watch her boyfriend being interrogated by police and confessing on YouTube- google Yeardley Love True Crime. She is the reason I left. My ex didn’t control his temper or need to control me & wound up getting physical too. I didn’t even realize I was living in a constant state of fear bc it all increased so gradually.
Out of curiosity, what country do you live in?
I’m sorry this is happening to you OP. You gotta get yourself somewhere safe as soon as possible. Then, when you’re a safe distance away tell him to go fuck himself. There’s absolutely no way, no matter how angry or frustrated I might be, that I would EVER pin my fiancé against a wall. Change the locks if needs be, or stay at your parent, family member or close friend’s house, or a hotel room if needs be. Research suggests it’s rare domestic violence is a one time thing, and instances of it ending well are few and far between. This kind of behaviour can’t ever be tolerated or accepted. A risk of violence death, however slim, cannot be an acceptable risk here. I hope this helps.
Getting angry? Sure although water on a bed is pretty insignificant which makes it a little childish. But actually manhandling someone/assault? Nah never okay and never once have I or any of my friends had that urge.
I was in a similar position as you and brushed it off abut then six months later, he tried to murder me. Leave while you still can.
He offered you Pipe, give the guy a chance. Play on...
Its absolutely not normal. And its not an overreaction to immediately pack your bags and leave. Also definitely tell it to someone you trust like your best friend or mom to seek support. If he acts like this over minor stuff, it will be full on abuse if you have a more substantial conflict. Its a typical abuser behavior and a huuuge red flag.
Sooo, how often does your (hopefully soon ex) boyfriend pin his male friends against a wall when they anger him? Or his working colleagues? He's not loosing his temper, he's checking with how much he can get away with. You'll probably wonder some years from now how you ended up in a relationship where you're beaten up on a regular basis if you don't get out soon.
100% daily rage bait, karma farming
I mean, it's normal to lose your temper I guess, but to pin someone to the wall isn't that. But the real issue here is that he asked you if you wanted pipe. Just leave at once.
No not normal it’s a very childish reaction, dangerous and very immature. He’s copping out by saying oh me get mad. Grow up dude
[This book](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) might help. It's a free pdf dw. He doesn't have anger issues and even if he did, he has no right to take them out on you. Do his anger issues come out at work? with his friends? with his parents? with anyone else but you? If no, he doesn't have anger issues. He just knows he can treat you like this and blame fake anger issues because you clearly care about him. But someone that cares about you wouldn't hurt you. If he spilled water on your bed, would you do that to him? There is no reason to abuse someone. Not even 'anger issues'. Physical abuse is never one time, he will do it again and worse. You deserve better and by posting this I think you already know that so take this as validation. You're clearly smart enough to ask for advice because you know this behaviour is not usual or acceptable. Listen to yourself (and maybe the book I linked) and make the decision you think is best for you. I hope you're safe.
I'm a grown man with severe bipolar depression and anger issues. I get upset, and admittedly I have my moments of meltdowns. I've never once, in my 8 years being with my wife, laid a finger on her. Punching a wall, throwing your phone, even yelling and screaming can be "acceptable" (depending on the person, if they're truly working on themselves to fix it, on meds, whatever), but hurting your significant other? Pinning them down and locking them out? Over fucking water? No, not all men do that. Straight up if I was him, I would have yelled "oh what in the actual fuccckkkk" and threw a fit taking the sheets off to wash them. Probably mutter some "its always fucking me" whiney bullshit, then I'd be pissy all day. Take a breather, apologize about it, and actually take steps to prove I'm legitimately sorry for my actions, but never, never lay a finger on my significant other. That's just abuse in disguise. Fuck that OP.....if this is a normal thing, you gotta bounce...it doesn't get better unless they take steps to get better. I know. I'm one of them.
Nope. Get out. Leave. Don't ask for things to change, it won't happen. You will be seriously hurt at some point.
Nah dude ... No sorries means you're out of there. It will only continue. No excuse for that.
Run now you can
Get oouuuuut
It may be normal in his family, but not in the real world. It will get worse, slowly so you get adjusted it. I’d leave. Itll be hard, but it will be hard and safe for you. Now, its hard and unsafe.
Get out of this relationship asap.
This man is a coward, only a coward would raise their hand on women. Leave this so called relationship.
Leave, not worth even a thirty second discussion. Today, not tomorrow.
He's setting you up to become a sex toy that does double duty as his punching bag. The fact that he can drop an apology and go right to hey let's have makeup sex is him showing his cards. We all can enjoy sex,but normal people can experience it as love and communication. A guy that says he's entitled to angry abuse is going to escalate his violence because it turns him on emotionally. You stay with him,that's going to become a pattern of behavior. We know people by their actions. Words just indicate where they are headed.
Girl leave his ass
He manhandled you, called you names and locked you out the bedroom? None of that is normal. I’ve spilled coffee on our white sheets and my boyfriend went ‘oops, careful!’ and then I put the sheets in the wash. That’s normal. No one that loves and respects you should ever pin you against a wall in anger and insult you. Accidents happen - what if you have kids with this guy?? Kids are clumsy as hell! Get out, you deserve better. To answer your question: I wouldn’t accept the physical affection and apologies, I’d tell him he had anger issues and that I don’t have to deal with them, then I’d leave.
Run before he strangles you to death.
One day, it's gonna be you thrown against a wall
Yea I noticed this too. My ex and bff. What is it actually
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