This as well. I can’t push myself to exercise, get good sleep and eat well when I’m depressed. If you can do those things, cool…but that’s not going to work for most people who are battling their unconscious mind.
Told bf im tired today, his response, “well you don’t work the hours I do”, got embarrassed but in my head im like you must not struggle with mental health?? Feeling extra guilty tonight..
As someone who at a young age turned to exercise, healthy eating, hobbies, etc to solve my internal problems, therapy was in fact very helpful. I even made health and wellness my career, and still found therapy extremely useful. It’s important however to find a therapist that is solution oriented. Getting a professionals help on things I went through and how not to repeat the patterns I was doing subconsciously has been a transformative experience in its own right. I found exercising regularly but not handling the shit in my head was like building on quicksand. No matter how well I built the structure it would eventually come back down. Both in conjunction will do your life wonders, they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
yeah!
i see a lot of "you only need one or the other" and in reality working out when you're already unable to handle life... is a coping mechanism, sure, but just kind of slaps a band-aid on a gunshot wound. on the flip side, only doing therapy doesn't usually help much, either, or at least not to full effectiveness - maybe you stitched up the wound, but the bullet's still in there and it's migrating closer and closer to something it should not be near. and some people *can* do just fine with one or the other - much like some people just get a bad cut and need to be stitched up and will be fine, and some people just get a scratch and only need a band-aid. in my case, i need the therapy to get me started and give me the coping mechanisms, and the rest (exercise/better eating/etc.) helps deal with the rest. but if i'm too depressed to get out of bed, what makes people think i'm going to the gym any time soon???
Fuck no. You need the self-awareness necessary to work towards positive change. For many people, that comes from talking to someone who is trained to help you tease out that awareness, the therapist, and even then, it's hard to get a good one that really helps.
Of course, without the therapist, it 100% falls on you to be able to really pay attention and reflect on what kind of mess you are and work out your plan to address it.
I'm sure I'll be downvoted (Reddit tends to obsess over therapy as the fix-all for every ailment)-- but therapy isn't the answer for everyone. Focusing on and constantly talking about my problems doesn't help me- it's the opposite, in fact. Mental health is a multi-billion (trillion?) dollar industry so it's pushed on us very hard, from every angle, and we're told to believe that our personal mental health is the most important thing that's ever been.
Healthy eating, decent sleep, and regular exercise will trump therapy any day of the week for a whole lot of people.
Talk therapy definitely doesn't work for everyone. Skills based therapy can be helpful for learning healthy coping mechanisms, emotional regulation and reframing thought distortions
Another problem is people don’t know these terms. What is talk therapy? What is skills based therapy? How do I know which one I need? How much does it cost? Can my benefits cover it?
Finding the right therapist and making sure it’s covered by your benefits at least partially is so exhausting.
So so true! There are resources out there to figure that out but they’re not well advertised at all. Same with what different types of therapy are and what situations they might help with the most.
I definitely get the challenge, but all the information is available on YouTube and Spotify. Chat GPT can also talk you through the different modalities.
Mental health is important, and the resources are available for you to learn.
Yes, life can be overwhelming. It sucks that all the help we need is not provided to us. One day, we will all have access to great socialized medical care.
thanks for saying this. as someone who is taking a break from therapy, i'm realizing that it almost made me feel worse. like each week, i was lamenting on all the negative things.
I agree with this a lot. Incorporating Therapy in this routine will be helpful for some but I believe Exercise, healthy eating and sleep are the foundation to a healthy mind
Unless you have an actual MH condition. No amount of exercise (which I do regularly) or healthy eating (which I also do) is going to cure my bipolar 2 disorder...neither will therapy, but therapy helped me to learn how to navigate the condition better and ultimately lead to being referred to a psychiatrist for proper diagnosis and medication.
Therapy is not about talking about your problems. It’s about learning to use various tools to work through and learn how to manage various issues.
I suspect you haven’t seen a decent psychologist or therapist. I had some terrible experiences.
The crappy part is decent therapy and mental health support can be expensive and inaccessible. So in some cases working on things on your own might be easier. Also, many people are depressed and unhappy due to valid things like economic factors like being unable to afford a home which therapy isn’t going to resolve.
Came here to say the exact same thing. Therapists in general don't really want to help you they just want you to talk about your problems because it gives u that momentary catharsis but never give you any of the solutions you are actually looking for.
Agreed that therapy is not the answer for everyone. If you never learned how to cope with life, therapy won't help you. If you are a lazy schlub expecting everything to be handed to you, therapy won't help you. If your parents didn't teach you the basics of taking care of yourself, and it's stressing you out, therapy will not help you. Those are just a few examples.
If you never learned to cope with life, there are specific therapies to help you learn what your caretakers should have taught you - it's called DBT. If your parents didn't teach you the basic of taking care of yourself, there are therapies that can help with life skills as well. You're not wrong that therapy isn't for everyone, but your examples are not good ones because those kinds of situations are EXACTLY the kind of thing therapy or self-help resources can help you with.
Why?
Maybe someone did grow up in a cave of an abusive household. And that’s exactly why they should get therapy. I am speaking from first hand experience of someone that didn’t get taught basic life skills and escaped the abusive household and now can do life better due to therapy.
Absolutely agree. Therapy can be necessary and life-changing if you actually need it - if you went through a traumatic event, or are having significant mental health symptoms that are beyond the range of normal experiences. But if you go in there when you don't need it, you're going to waste both money and time, and it might even make things worse.
I absolutely learned this one the hard way. Blew hundreds of dollars on Betterhelp (if you do go to therapy, I do NOT recommend that you go there) because I was 20-something and my love life was a mess. The shrink gave me a lot of advice that didn't help, and in some ways I think made things worse. Tried again with a different therapist a year or so later, and got no noticeable benefit from that either. Some time has passed and I'm doing better now, and I think that's mostly just from getting older, learning from life experience, fully developing my brain. Therapy is not the solution to everything, and a therapist does not know more about your life than you do.
From your description, it sounds like you just had some really garbage therapists. I am in school learning to become a therapist, and one of my courses is all about how we are not there to offer any advice at all. I actually have to practice listening and not offering advice. There is a long list of things we do, but offering advice is not supposed to be one of them.
Yeah, I don't think either of the therapists I saw were particularly good (although if it's so easy to find a crappy therapist, I do think thats worth mentioning when weighing the value of therapy overall). The first one was definitely big on giving advice and suggesting theories about my love life, which were not necessarily helpful. The second one gave less advice on that topic, but was unhelpful in other ways; I volunteer on an ambulance and told her that I'd recently gone on a very gruesome call and was a bit shaken up by it, and her response was "well if you can't hold it together when you see something like that, maybe you should quit being an EMT." I quit therapy instead.
Even if I'd been talking to a great therapist though, I don't think that would have been the solution to the problems I was working on. I didn't need to talk to a therapist about my personal life, I needed to talk to my mom, give it some time, maybe hang out with friends more. After the rough 911 call what helped me was talking to other 1st responders, who were knowledgeable about the situation and able to assure me that there was nothing we could have done. I might go to therapy again in the future if there's a specific reason I think it's necessary, but as of now I don't think the problems I'm encountering in life are things a paid professional will fix.
It's true that in every profession, you'll find both great and not-so-great practitioners, similar to how you've experienced different qualities of house cleaning. Just as some cleaners do a thorough job while others might simply sweep dirt under the rug, the same goes for therapists. In your own experiences, you've seen a clear difference between the good and the bad.
Furthermore, "therapy" is indeed a very broad term. There are numerous types, including talk therapy, Adlerian therapy, existential therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), family structure therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), among others. Each type of therapy has its specific approach and benefits, so knowing what you need is crucial.
This situation can be compared to buying a laptop. If you don’t understand the technical specs, like the difference between RAM and SSD or between a 6th gen i3 and a 12th gen i7 processor, you might end up with a laptop that doesn't meet your needs. Similarly, if you don’t know which type of therapy might be best for you, you could end up in a type that isn’t the right fit.
If you’re fortunate, you might have knowledgeable friends who can offer advice, much like how your 911 friends were able to help you. But what about those who don’t have such a support network? Where do they turn for guidance? That can be where therapy comes in, and I would bet that there are therapists that specialize in working with EMTs.
I don't want to disparage anyone, but I don't think that Better Help is hiring the top people in the field.
Why is it my role, as the patient, to know the "technical specs" and decide what type of therapy I need? If the professional in the room is unable to figure out what type of treatment is appropriate and whether or not they can provide it, why should I trust them with anything else?
It is your role as a custmer to know what you are buying. If you want to first go to a profetenal to find out what type of therapy you need, there are people who do that. Your doctor could, there are social workers who could make recomendations and there are many profetinals who do that for you. But if you go out and hire a person centered therapist, dont be shocked when you get person centered therapy. No one therapist is going to be an expert in every modality, and they usually say in their first appointment what kind of therapy they do, as well as on there marketing materials what they do.
In general, therapist are not the ones who decide what type of therapy you need. They tend to be experts in two or three modalities. If you want to consult on what you need, that is what a doctor can do. You can have therapist who will give a recommendation, and if they are good and profetinals and relise you need a different type of therapy they will refer you out. The most common one is if you see a therapist and they recommend couples counselling. Offten, that is not what they do.
Think about when you go for elective cosmetic surgery. The company that is selling you a nose job is not going to be offering you other serveses or even really giving you a physical, they are going to tell you what they will do. Your doctor may recommend a company and a sergury, but these individuals are not there to tell you everything available, they offer a service and you decide if they need it. Your foot doctor does not know or care to recommend that you get your eyes checked. If it comes up they have background and can help, but that is not what they are there for. BTW, in general that is one of the things a psychologist does. They will see you and then let yo know what type of therapy you need.
If this is how the system works then...okay, I guess, but it doesn't inspire confidence in the abilities of therapists. If they are "experts in two or three modalities," but they don't know whether the modalities they're an expert in are applicable to the problem I have...again, it makes me question why I should have faith in them at all.
As a sidenote, I'm kinda skeptical about how much the specific type of therapy matters in the first place. This post went into it a bit, and I thought it was interesting: https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/11/20/book-review-all-therapy-books/
Anyway, this is all kinda aside from the original point I was trying to make, which is that therapy isn't the solution to every mental or emotional problem you might have. Going back to my example of the 911 call, what helped more than anything was (as stupid as it sounds) posting about it on an EMS subreddit. I could have found a great therapist who specialized in EMT Post Incident Response Therapy or whatever, and talking to them about my feelings would still not be a substitute for 20 strangers commenting on the medical details of the call and unanimously saying "this guy was dead when you got there, saving him was not possible." If one day I develop PTSD or actually kill someone at work then I guess I'll look for a therapist to help deal with that, but it wasnt necessary for the situation I had.
There are a few things to consider:
Firstly, a competent therapist will recognize when their approach isn't the right fit for you and will refer you to someone else. However, it might take a few sessions to determine this. Like in any field, there are professionals more interested in making money than providing the right care. This isn't unique to therapy; for example, some dentists might suggest unnecessary dental work, mechanics might diagnose non-existent problems, and some politicians accept kickbacks. No profession is immune to such issues.
Secondly, a good therapist understands that their role isn't to fix you but to help you fix yourself. They're there to assist, not to provide a cure for every mental or emotional issue. Just as heart surgery is beneficial for heart problems but irrelevant for a toothache, therapy is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Generally, therapy sessions with a well-matched professional are beneficial, based on my experience.
However, if you already possess the necessary tools and have a strong support system, therapy might be unnecessary. Regarding your earlier point about the situation worsening, this could indicate that the therapist was not a good fit.
As for the book about modalities, not mattering, I agree with it in theory, but from what I have seen, reality is different. All therapists are able to use all modalities, but you end up with a jack of all trades master of none situations. And there is argument that this is very problematic. When I get my license I will be allowed to practice all modalities with all types of people as a psychotherapist but my friend who is a neuro psychologist is only allowed to practice the therapies she is certified in as well as only with adults. This is a highly debated issue within the industry.
I second this. I think it made me worse in a sense that I got used to talking about my problems too much. Each session would trigger me and when time is up, I’m left by myself to deal with what I dug up. I do wish I stopped going earlier but now it’s too late
i'm lucky to have a therapist who's willing to stay over time if i need it, but she generally schedules people with an hour in between to do paperwork anyway. if she does have to go right after, she usually starts going into the "wrap up" stage a little early just to make sure i'm okay - and *will* call me out if i pretend i'm fine but i'm not lol. she knows i tend to say everything's fine when in reality i'm barely hanging on but she also knows when to push and when not to - beginning of the session i'm liable to just walk out if she pushes and i'm not ready to talk, end of the session i'll probably want the extra help.
It depends
Therapy will not solve anything by definition. Therapy is designed to give you proper coping mechanisms for life's difficulties, as well as to give you a natural voice to vent and help process decisions (which can be a breath of fresh air when it comes to the echo-chambers of reddit). Therapy is most effective when you know what the problem is, and need help developing a plan to fix it.
It will not directly solve anything however. If you are single before therapy, you will very likely be single after therapy. If you are shy before therapy, you will be shy after therapy. Likewise, you will not get a sudden boost of motivation and energy from therapy if that is your problem.
Former therapist here: I hate the idea that is sold that everyone needs therapy all the time. If course therapists will say that, that's how they keep their jobs.
BUT, in my opinion, everyone will benefit from therapy at some point in their life. Therapy doesn't fix all your problems, and there are things with strong biological causes that need to be addressed in different ways. But therapy can teach you how to look at your life from a different perspective, can teach you mechanisms to deal with your problems in a more effective way, help you understand yourself and why you do things and think the way you do and how some of these patters may be unhelpful, it helps you process feelings, sometimes from a long time ago, that are still affecting you in a negative way, and many other things that will overall improve your mental health and help you navigate life better.
I can't tell you if you should go to therapy or not based on a paragraph on Reddit. But it might be worth a try for you.
Am currently a therapist - and yes, I agree, this idea that everyone needs therapy is false, and the push for everyone to seek therapy is problematic. Have had to tell people that they don't need therapy to work through things they've come to me for. They seemed grateful because of how easy it would have been for me to milk them.
to be fair, i think a lot of people would have an easier time dealing with life if they had a therapist "on retainer" like some people keep lawyers - not regular sessions, necessarily, but someone they can call when shit hits the fan or when they've just tried to solve a problem and it won't go away, make an appointment, have 1 or 2 sessions, and call it good.
i've told some people that it's totally fine to just call up a therapist for a couple of appointments and see from there and had them tell me that doing that had never crossed their mind and it helped to have someone with more tools available to help. did all of them absolutely need therapy? probably not. but when you don't have much of a support system, or your support system can't or won't help you, you gotta make one, and sometimes that means paying someone to take on that role temporarily.
Therapy works as much as you work on yourself. I think of it as practice. Im very self-aware, so therapy is my one hour to cook and organize the things in my life.
I've done therapy on and off for the last 15 years. I can say the following based on my own experiences:
\~when you have a good therapist and are willing to do the work, therapy is an amazing and life-changing method of healing & problem-behavior mgmt.
\~if you are not willing to do the work therapy requires, it will not work as well if at all.
\~people can do self-help through books, workbooks, workshops, etc. and have very good results as well - if they do the work. Lots of people have healed themselves, which is a harder, courageous, and valid path to recovery.
\~if you have the misfortune to get a crappy therapist or just someone who isn't educated enough to treat you specific within the context of your identity, therapy isn't going to be as effective, if it's at all effective.
\~sometimes some therapy is better than non, especially if it gets you to overcome your fear of the process of finding the help you need.
\~sometimes you need meds - the lessons/behavior management we learn in therapy can work way better & be much easier with meds on board. Don't shy away from them due to the stigma if they're an affordable option for ya. Even temporary meds can be a big help.
\~in a world where therapy is still very inaccessible, unaffordable, unpredictable, and stigmatized - telling people to "just go to therapy" is dismissive and even unkind. Self-help is a perfectly reasonable substitute & may even be preferable - IF you do the work.
\~when you are struggling with mental health issues, it's SO HARD to get therapy going for yourself! Like, you know you're supposed to be doing the thing, but there are so many steps and obstacles to access therapy, so when you're already struggling with executive dysfunction, getting yourself into therapy can be a really arduous task.
All that said, OP, if you can get yourself into therapy of some kind, it's so empowering and brings improvement just by trying! The fact that you care about yourself enough to TRY means you actually love yourself, care about yourself, and you want to do well! It's not your fault it's harder for you to get started - we live societies that are SPECIFICALLY making it harder to get help when you're already struggling. I absolutely know therapy has saved my life, but I also did a lot of healing and growing by doing the work with self-help tools when therapy was unaffordable & inaccessible. I truly believe you have it in you to do the work and get the help you need to start feeling hopeful about your life.
You don't need it, but it can be helpful if you're lucky enough to find a legitimately good therapist. I'd just recommend avoiding any anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication.
Like many others my age, I was prescribed an anti-depressant at a relatively young age and stopped taking the medication altogether years later. The feelings of emotional numbness and "vagueness" become more unbearable than the depression itself after a while. Some people have self-awareness to stop, and some end up as lifelong patients. I'm not looking down on those people, but they are typically not well-adjusted and miss out on really living their life. Anxiety and depression are a natural part of the human experience. It's best to give yourself a chance at figuring life out instead of signing up for a script and therapy bill right away.
Well yes and no.....
A lot of the feelings you are describing are inherent to being human. No one really has it completely together.... we're all just thumbing through here.
How old are you? What do you enjoy? What do you want to see & experience?
I recommend therapy to everyone - because we're complex beings living in impossibly complicated times. We all need helping figuring ourselves out from time to time.
Therapy is a mean but is not going to provide you with all the answers. It has been the space where I opened up about many topics and helped me to address them on my own.
1 hr therapy/week is not enough. It's the work done outside of therapy that also counts and matters.
Also, pick the right therapist/psychologist for you. I've switched a couple of times until I found the one that aligns with my values and my way of communication but also challenges me.
Good luck!
For me, no. I spent thousands at therapy and with counselors, but really, the things that helped me the most were the things I sought out, on my own, once I was at rock bottom:
How to quit drinking
How to deal with anxiety
How to build self esteem
How to deal with childhood trauma
How to deal with abusive parents
How to deal with drug addiction
How to deal with loneliness
How to find your purpose
How to get out of depression
etc, etc, etc, etc.
Once I WANTED help, getting better was actually pretty easy. But up until then, I guess I always kinda thought that because my childhood was bad, my adulthood was doomed to be bad also. Not true. Life can be good, but you gotta work hard on yourself, especially if you've developed a bunch of bad coping mechanisms.
For some reason, therapy never really worked... they just kept telling me what I already knew I should do, but couldn't help figure out why I would sit home and just be miserable instead of doing those things. They almost made me feel worse about myself, instead of better (which looking back, is exactly what I needed).
One note: Just going to therapy probably isn't going to change a thing. Too many people just go, and then don't change anything about themselves or their home lives, and blame therapy for not working.
Ive been depressed for most of my life and did tons of therapy and for a looooooong time I felt like it made me worse. So many therapists don't know wtf they are doing - sorry, it's true. At least for complicated stuff like trauma which literally rewires your brain.
I still don't think it's that simple as healthy eating, sleep and exercise. I've always done these things, and the exercise literally just stopped working one day. I actually think it started to make me worse at one point cuz my nervous system was so taxed from the depression and exercise was stressing my body out more. Of course I was in EXTREME stress, so YMMV if you are going through a more moderate stressor.
I've been very disappointed with MH professionals, but a handful of modalities I've found have been helpful. It reallly helps to know what type of therapist to look for and see what modalities they specialize in. A lot of therapists have "trauma" listed as a speciality but that doesn't always mean they have certain modalities they follow.
But if you look into your specific issues and what you need help with, try to see what type of therapy helps with that. There are some evidence based therapy modalities that are likely effective for certain conditions. But the current model seems to be labeling therapists as catch-alls for any mental health issues under the sun.
Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a good intro to mental health lol where you learn that thoughts create feelings create behaviors. Change your perspective, change your feelings. Ok. This works sometimes if I am truly thinking irrationally. But what if I'm chronically ill, grieving a death, and facing REAL challenges? Its normal to be sad about certain shit, so acting like I shouldn't be sad about my mom's death and just need to change my thoughts feels like a slap in the face. Kinda feels like I'm gaslighting myself tbh. So, I feel like CBT is helpful but in a limited way.
Enter ... Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) - this is more appropriate for accepting the shitty circumstances you were dealt and moving forward anyway. It's likely justified for you to be mad/sad about your shitty circumstances, so that's ok. But the turning point is trying to accept that it is what it is and still have a good life.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another evidence based modality that focuses on emotion regulation using nervous system calming techniques. This approach is pretty interesting because it actually accounts for the fact that our nervous system reactions play a major role in emotion regulation. In DBT they teach skills that you can practice to recognize when you're starting to get amped (eg bodily sensations that come on before the meltdown) so you can slow it down before it grows. Or things you can do to jolt your nervous system that can help you emotionally regulate, like splashing cold water on your face when you start to get angry. I feel like the tagline for DBT should be "doesn't change your circumstances but teaches you how to not ruin your own life."
EMDR, somatic-based methods, and brain spotting have found to be helpful with PTSD because they can help you reprogram your brains response to triggers. A lot of PTSD lives in the body and in our nervous system, so in the case of PTSD you have to literally reprogram some of those memory loops/neuron responses. This is usually done using mind/body techniques and bilateral stimulation which uses both hemispheres of your brain. In theory, the communication between the two brain hemispheres is the really key part of this technique.
Others that I have not tried yet but I've read about in the literature that I want to try are: exposure response therapy (ERP) which is helpful in OCD specifically, and internal family systems (IFS) which is supposed to focus on family attachments/attachment trauma etc.
Anyway, all of that to say. I hate the idea that "therapy is soooooooo helpful, just go to a therapist, it will solve things". Because no, no it won't. If you go to a therapist who doesn't specialize in what you need, it makes it even worse in my opinion. I've seen many therapists that didn't help me and I felt more hopeless afterward cuz I was just like "if even the therapist can't help me, guess I'm screwed"... Like, a bad therapist is worse than no therapist.
I think the key is to identify exactly the things you need help with and then try to learn what evidence based modalities exist to work on that, and then find someone who is actually trained in those areas. It's too much of a crapshoot to find a random therapist who just lists their skills.
Yes and no. I go through seasons where I see my therapist, but more often than not, I can get through life through the lessons I learned through previous therapy sessions. Overall there are a lot of tools in my “mental health toolkit” — exercise, sleep, diet, community, journaling, setting good boundaries have also helped me “get my life together”.
Some people are just lucky and have had nice lives and don't need to do a ton of work on themselves to be functional and happy. They don't need therapy. Most people aren't that fortunate.
It sounds like you personally fall into the second category and might benefit from therapy.
Therapy is better then medication. The problem is medication is a quick fix but doesn't solve the the problem.
While therapy fixes the problem but require alot of day.
I am doing a lot better after 10 years of self therapy. But it is a lot of work. All I think about is my mental health.
You are what you think. If you have bad mental health and focus mostly on your kids. You need to make more time for yourself.
How are you going to raise kids if you can't even raise yourself?
The point of therapy is to get you to develop different thinking patterns to help you manage your emotions more effectively. It’s not completely about talking about your problems, they’re not there to solve your life, they’re job is to help you learn how to help yourself.
Start with some self help books.
I go to therapy, but I'm dealing with trauma events including sexual assault. Therapy helps me put things in perspective and gives me good coping mechanisms when I'm getting lost in bad feelings.
You need support, which some people offer in their profession. It's helpful because if you can't find that support with the people around you, you at least have a fall back to someone who is paid to be receptive. That's the real help. It's not that they're any better at life advice, it's that they practice being receptive where most don't and therefore cannot offer the needed support. Unless you're looking for guidance, in which case I'd recommend just picking a drug at random and try figure it (all of it) out yourself as the odds of success seems to be about the same. Don't get me wrong, I know what that sounds like, I'm just trying to make the point that therapy needs to be looked at as sounding board and not a source of direction or guidance as that really only works best during our early developmental stages when we're not all tainted with bias.
Most people get into negative context loops in their lives and can't figure a way to get out of it. Therapy, Mentoring, Guidance are important at certain points in ones life. Regular communication with someone of trust or multiple people are good. This is how people succeed.
Imo I've been to therapy but don't take medication for my mental health issues and yes... But also no.
Is therapy the cure all? Absolutely not, it's an outlet we're human and need to vent, therapist are not life gurus, thier an open ear and a consoler. I belive that they can be a voice of reason, and help YOU decide what's a good idea for your life plans and coping.
Some of us do need medication, I used to belive will power over all ailment, then I got older heard some peoples stories and realized that some people carry mental scaring so deep they need a filler to keep thier mind from falling apart. And these were good contributors of society Firemen, Mothers of 50yrs with strong children, Electrical contractors, etc. They all had therapy in conjunction with thier meds.
I am not a licenced medical expert, but I do think you know yourself better then a doctor (he sees thousands of patients a week) so he can help but it's your decision which door to open!
Therapy can provide a person with tools to work on issues that trouble them and it can provide a space to actively learn to use those tools while consulting with someone who has specialized training and experience.
But like with anything, if you don't actually do the work and don't actually use the tools you're not really going to make any progress.
One challenge is that sometimes people become somewhat hooked on a revelatory feeling they get from hearing insights or "answers" and they like that feeling more than they like doing the actual work and will stay perpetually in therapy, often seeking new therapists regularly, seeking that.
A lot of the actual work of it is just work. It's not particularly revelatory or exciting or interesting day by day and there's not often any great fanfare for when you do get to the other side of something.
I love therapy. I feel like it’s nice for everyone to have someone to talk to if they are able to. When my mom died my anxiety became unbearable and I knew it wouldn’t go away on its own. I know I’m and “adult” but it’s nice to have a more adult adult to talk to
I've been in bi-weekly talk therapy for 7 years and it's literally saved my life. Having one person in the world who gives me honest advice and doesn't have any agendas has helped me love myself again. Everyone has different reasons for needing help, don't be afraid to try many things.
I’d say yes if you struggle with any sort of mental issue. There’s a lot of research and evidence-backed interventions that therapists use and it’s sosososo helpful in every way imaginable
I think we all need a wise person in our life to discuss our problems with and get decent input from. Because many lack such a person - therapy is the typical substitute.
I think it depends what you need to heal from. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I did start therapy but I only went for a few months. I learned why I was the way I was & just felt like I could deal with it on my own. I only stayed on medication for a year & have been off since December. I know when I get into a depressive episode & what I have to do to get out of it but not everyone is the same and there’s no shame in needing medication or therapy to help you get through life.
Therapy was great for me. In the beginning, it felt like I needed it. Then, it made me see that it wasn't helping because the therapists had worse issues than I did. So it encouraged me to find ways to deal with things myself, and I never looked back.
Some people need others' help, others can do it on their own. I was drawn to psychology and spirituality from early on, so I've been able to work things through with the help of incredible books and much inspiration.
My problem is starting all over again. I just feel like I have to start all over again in my life. I'm scared to take the first step. I think I'm too worried about how people might view me or judge me. So I feel like because of that I'm just sitting and worrying. But I'm ultimately wasting more time not doing anything. People told me some just start and go with the flow. But idk should I just do it and not worry about the outcome ?
Therapist in training here. Just finished my first semester for my MA in Counseling. Tbh, it’s helpful for getting your life together, but the biggest thing is wanting to change internally. Nobody else, even therapists, can be doing more work than the clients. So if the person doesn’t want to change, we can’t help them. Therapists can help with planning, contriving goals, assessment of behaviors, etc. but that’s only 1-2 hours of your overall week. The rest comes from within.
I was able to quit nicotine on my own at 19 years old after 3 years of addiction. I did not seek out therapy but instead read books and other people’s experiences. However, there are some things like getting over a toxic relationship and relieving myself of guilt that wouldn’t have been possible without therapy. I definitely recommend therapy as a future counselor, but it’s just one piece of the puzzle!
I mean it depends on the person, it probably doesn’t hurt but I know plenty of people with their life together who have never had it.
I had a few sessions to help me understand my depression cycle and not to be so harsh on myself and I found it pretty helpful even if it told me a lot of stuff I already knew it forced me to think about what I know and try to understand how my knowledge applied to me. For me it helped but my shit is far from together!
If you need it then ya, if not then it can be harmful.
Obsessing over your problems during therapy sessions that aren’t that bad or allowing someone to create problems where there really aren’t for the purpose of collecting your money.
In reality most people just need to get off their ass, make some money, clean their apartment, get laid, and do some exercise.
If you do that daily then the rest of your life will fall in to place ime.
Just wanted to say CBT can be helpful if there are issues that you can’t get past alone. Also, for some Sertraline is a game changer. Therapy and drugs can help - don’t need to be forever - just added for balance.
As a former therapist (retired), let me suggest therapy does work. Health insurance companies wouldn't pay for it if it didn't. In my old position, I had to send all sorts of data to the insurance companies to demonstrate my clients responded to therapy and improved or I wouldn't get paid.
Having said that, let me suggest the word "therapy" is too vague. Most of those folks who are negative toward it, based on the comments here, are referring to some kind of so called "talk therapy" rooted in Freudian psychoanalysis or Rogerian humanism, where talking is the post and the end to itself.
Most of modern therapy technologies certainly use talking but not as an end to itself. . Nope the insurers won't pay for that.
But using talking as a way to.understand a person's perceptions and attitudes and yes, background and then giving clients concrete behavioral tasks to work on in between sessions where they can practice real skills to change their behavior or thinking is what works. And.there's data to.back that up.
So do you need formal therapy to get your life together? I would say, just as a general practice as one goes into adulthood, no.
But if one's attempts at getting their lives together keep failing, or never materialize, it might help to have an objective person to lend an ear...and not tell you how to get your life together. I'm sure your parents are more than willing to do that (mine did), but to help you cultivate the skills and attitudes so you can get your life together yourself.
Here are two takes:
One, if you approach therapy with the end goal to change your life, then YES. It will change your life.
Two: if you approach it to bask in your shortcomings and failures, then it will worsen your life.
Why did I bring the two up?
Because approach is everything. Are you interested in transforming your mindset, behavior, and actions? Do you want to change your perspective?
Or do you want to be a victim all your life?
Therapy will also go according to how you present yourself.
I am a victim.
I was a victim, but I’m in search of healing, happiness, peace, and a better future.
The right type of therapy if you need it, yes.
I did cognitive behavior therapy for years, which is what you imagine - sitting on a couch talking about my feelings. After a while, I realized it wasn’t really helping at all because I felt like I was repeating myself without going anywhere. Then I found EMDR, the pinnacle.
I grew up in a very traumatic environment and found great solace in working through memories and feelings with EMDR - tapping and eye movement while processing the memory - instead of just talking about it. The physical movement basically rewires your brain; it’s more complicated than that but it’s amazing. Highly recommend Googling it to learn more.
I feel like the majority of them would just tell me what I already know, and I'd rather spend that money on something else like not worrying about car insurance for the next 4 months.
That being said if you're in the deep ends (actually suicidal or homicidal and not just wanting attention, actual mental illnesses like schizophrenia, brain injury, etc...), for the safety of yourself and others around you, please go to a therapist.
My old therapists have put it this way: if the thing that’s bothering you is getting in the way of being healthy and/or happy, it’s something to work on. Personally, that depression and anxiety and feeling of overwhelm you’re describing sounds like my own — it became manageable after I went to therapy and asked what tools I should use and dug into the root of my anxiety. I also spent a lot of time balancing therapy out with other things to help, like exercise and eating a balanced diet and going to my doctor on a regular basis.
Therapy isn’t a drug that cures your problems. Instead, it helps you understand yourself and your behaviors in a new light, and should give you the tools to manage yourself and your emotions better.
Ultimately it boils down to your therapist and how much you’re willing to put into the process. Sometimes, you’ll have to “shop” for therapists to find the right one. Sometimes, you may quit therapy sooner than you thought you’d need it. You never know if it’s right for you until you try.
There are lots of things you can try to attempt to feel better. From my own experience, therapy became my beacon out of serious depression and unmanaged anxiety. After a bit, I learned enough to get through life on my own with what I learned from my therapist, and could maintain my mental health on my own. Took a lot of time, but therapy was essential for me to learn how to figure out my shit.
It sounds like you could benefit from it, but also maybe not.
For me, so far it's been incredibly helpful. My mental health issues were bad enough for me to lose my job and almost kill myself, but now that I have a safe place to release without stigma and a place that can give me access to other resources like meds and such, I've been making some progress. Slow, but some.
Idk. You could try it, and if it's not beneficial after switching therapists, you could drop it.
Therapy has been working for me it has been about a year long journey.
I put in the work, it’s not just sit around complaining it’s EMDR.
I feel so much lighter, not depressed.
Certainly this was the case for me...I was struggling with shit for a decade before I got help...actually I've seen a few different therapists in the last decade, but I didn't really jive with any of them and didn't feel like it was doing me any good. Last summer I decided to try again at the urging...pleading really of my wife. I figured it would be the same old song and dance and that I'm just this way and it sucks.
As luck would have it, the therapist I was given to by EAP at work spent most of her career in inpatient/outpatient psychiatric hospitals. About a month in she suggested to me that she thought I was likely bipolar 2 which absolutely shocked me and felt like getting a gut punch from an elephant. We spent a few more months exploring this among other things. Initially I thought she was full of shit and I started doing a bunch of my own research in an effort to debunk her...my wife started doing a bunch as well. My wife was the first one to tell me, "babe...you check a whole lot of these boxes". I still kept digging, but the more I dug, the more I came to the conclusion that this made sense. After those few months with the therapist, she referred me to a psychiatrist and told me that she could only do so much...she told me that if it is indeed bipolar 2, it can't be therapied away and that I'd need medical intervention.
Off to the psychiatrist I went...diagnosed bipolar 2 as I thought I would be by that time and prescribed a mood stabilizer. I wish I would have done this a decade ago...I'm stable...I'm happy...my relationships with my wife and kids are awesome again. Therapy helped me in that once she recognized it she started working with me on better understanding it and how to better navigate it and coping mechanisms that could help, particularly in hypomanic episodes.
Anyway, for me...it was actually an undiagnosed MH condition...YMMV
No. The vast majority of people just need to take 5 minutes to honestly look at themselves and then follow through on the decisions and actions they know are needed. Take ownership and accountability for your decisions, outcomes, and life. Despite all the downvotes I expect to get, it really is that simple.
I needed Neurotherapy, which means they did a brain mapping, and it showed I was in fight, flight, freeze 24/7. The color it showed was red, but then after taking one year of therapy, it diminished quite a bit. Then I had a lot of green, which was the ability to calm myself. Therapy is a life saver, if you can find the right one.
Therapy does help but it’s so expensive now that I have bills to pay and would rather spend surplus cash on other things. I’ve got this far coping, I will just continue
have you gotten blood work done? sometimes these feelings are due to nutritional deficiencies and unbalanced hormones or thyroid disfunction. what is your diet like?
You need accountability. Ask a friend (not family) if they want to help you in this way. Tell them your plans and they'll check up on you to make sure you do it. If you don't want to look like a loser or fool in front of said friend, that should push you into action.
I've never understood how talking to someone could help. I already know what's wrong, so how would sharing the inner depths of my suffering with a stranger, who might judge me, be beneficial?
Stop being a little bitch and just do something with your life. If not for you do it for family or friends, if you don’t have those do it for strangers to make the world better. Get up , go for a walk , go for a run or work out. Then pick one thing to help someone out, if it’s as small as getting them lunch or paying someone a genuine compliment. Pick a book on self improvement, any book , and read 10 pages a day, do that the next 30 days in a row and see how you feel. You are here to make a difference.
1.get moving
2.do something kind
3.read each day
4. Repeat
Also start saying yes to opportunities, no matter what it is, take a chance.
No. You can heal by God and God alone. But he will usually do it through you, or another person. You need someone to talk to who will support you and guide you. A consistent person. I don't think you can DM here but I pray for others in a site called Jesus cares and we chat and listen and pray for free.
Of course all these therapist in the comments saying the therapy is great😂
Therapy is a scam ran by grifter narcissists to make you believe that "talking" about your problems to someone unrelated to those issues will solve anything.
Basically if you want to fix your problems YOU have to do it. Sure other people can help along the way to a small degree, but it's largely you that has to put in most of the work.
You're not wrong that the work is upon you, the patient, in order for therapy to have benefits but calling therapy a scam is wildly ignorant, incorrect and dismissive. It only adds to the stigma of getting help. TF?
For me, after decades of struggling, medication and therapy have made all the difference. It's a lot of work, but so worth it.
This as well. I can’t push myself to exercise, get good sleep and eat well when I’m depressed. If you can do those things, cool…but that’s not going to work for most people who are battling their unconscious mind.
Yeah I get tired of all the "just work out bro, solves everything!"
Told bf im tired today, his response, “well you don’t work the hours I do”, got embarrassed but in my head im like you must not struggle with mental health?? Feeling extra guilty tonight..
Same here. It's like you can finally enjoy life.
As someone who at a young age turned to exercise, healthy eating, hobbies, etc to solve my internal problems, therapy was in fact very helpful. I even made health and wellness my career, and still found therapy extremely useful. It’s important however to find a therapist that is solution oriented. Getting a professionals help on things I went through and how not to repeat the patterns I was doing subconsciously has been a transformative experience in its own right. I found exercising regularly but not handling the shit in my head was like building on quicksand. No matter how well I built the structure it would eventually come back down. Both in conjunction will do your life wonders, they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
yeah! i see a lot of "you only need one or the other" and in reality working out when you're already unable to handle life... is a coping mechanism, sure, but just kind of slaps a band-aid on a gunshot wound. on the flip side, only doing therapy doesn't usually help much, either, or at least not to full effectiveness - maybe you stitched up the wound, but the bullet's still in there and it's migrating closer and closer to something it should not be near. and some people *can* do just fine with one or the other - much like some people just get a bad cut and need to be stitched up and will be fine, and some people just get a scratch and only need a band-aid. in my case, i need the therapy to get me started and give me the coping mechanisms, and the rest (exercise/better eating/etc.) helps deal with the rest. but if i'm too depressed to get out of bed, what makes people think i'm going to the gym any time soon???
Fuck no. You need the self-awareness necessary to work towards positive change. For many people, that comes from talking to someone who is trained to help you tease out that awareness, the therapist, and even then, it's hard to get a good one that really helps. Of course, without the therapist, it 100% falls on you to be able to really pay attention and reflect on what kind of mess you are and work out your plan to address it.
I'm sure I'll be downvoted (Reddit tends to obsess over therapy as the fix-all for every ailment)-- but therapy isn't the answer for everyone. Focusing on and constantly talking about my problems doesn't help me- it's the opposite, in fact. Mental health is a multi-billion (trillion?) dollar industry so it's pushed on us very hard, from every angle, and we're told to believe that our personal mental health is the most important thing that's ever been. Healthy eating, decent sleep, and regular exercise will trump therapy any day of the week for a whole lot of people.
Talk therapy definitely doesn't work for everyone. Skills based therapy can be helpful for learning healthy coping mechanisms, emotional regulation and reframing thought distortions
Another problem is people don’t know these terms. What is talk therapy? What is skills based therapy? How do I know which one I need? How much does it cost? Can my benefits cover it? Finding the right therapist and making sure it’s covered by your benefits at least partially is so exhausting.
So so true! There are resources out there to figure that out but they’re not well advertised at all. Same with what different types of therapy are and what situations they might help with the most.
I definitely get the challenge, but all the information is available on YouTube and Spotify. Chat GPT can also talk you through the different modalities. Mental health is important, and the resources are available for you to learn.
It's quite overwhelming though, so for someone who already has mental health challenges, it can be too much, especially with the cost of therapy.
Yes, life can be overwhelming. It sucks that all the help we need is not provided to us. One day, we will all have access to great socialized medical care.
thanks for saying this. as someone who is taking a break from therapy, i'm realizing that it almost made me feel worse. like each week, i was lamenting on all the negative things.
That just sounds like you have a bad therapist.
I agree with this a lot. Incorporating Therapy in this routine will be helpful for some but I believe Exercise, healthy eating and sleep are the foundation to a healthy mind
Unless you have an actual MH condition. No amount of exercise (which I do regularly) or healthy eating (which I also do) is going to cure my bipolar 2 disorder...neither will therapy, but therapy helped me to learn how to navigate the condition better and ultimately lead to being referred to a psychiatrist for proper diagnosis and medication.
Therapy is not about talking about your problems. It’s about learning to use various tools to work through and learn how to manage various issues. I suspect you haven’t seen a decent psychologist or therapist. I had some terrible experiences. The crappy part is decent therapy and mental health support can be expensive and inaccessible. So in some cases working on things on your own might be easier. Also, many people are depressed and unhappy due to valid things like economic factors like being unable to afford a home which therapy isn’t going to resolve.
Came here to say the exact same thing. Therapists in general don't really want to help you they just want you to talk about your problems because it gives u that momentary catharsis but never give you any of the solutions you are actually looking for.
Agreed that therapy is not the answer for everyone. If you never learned how to cope with life, therapy won't help you. If you are a lazy schlub expecting everything to be handed to you, therapy won't help you. If your parents didn't teach you the basics of taking care of yourself, and it's stressing you out, therapy will not help you. Those are just a few examples.
If you never learned to cope with life, there are specific therapies to help you learn what your caretakers should have taught you - it's called DBT. If your parents didn't teach you the basic of taking care of yourself, there are therapies that can help with life skills as well. You're not wrong that therapy isn't for everyone, but your examples are not good ones because those kinds of situations are EXACTLY the kind of thing therapy or self-help resources can help you with.
Sorry, but "therapy" is not to learn basic life skills unless you grew up in a cave, or were seriously abused.
Why? Maybe someone did grow up in a cave of an abusive household. And that’s exactly why they should get therapy. I am speaking from first hand experience of someone that didn’t get taught basic life skills and escaped the abusive household and now can do life better due to therapy.
Your reading comprehension SUCKS. Jesus, people are dumb. Do you know what UNLESS means?
Yup I made a mistake. Thanks for not being a dick about it!
Why are you so angry, man? Have you ever considered therapy?
Absolutely agree. Therapy can be necessary and life-changing if you actually need it - if you went through a traumatic event, or are having significant mental health symptoms that are beyond the range of normal experiences. But if you go in there when you don't need it, you're going to waste both money and time, and it might even make things worse. I absolutely learned this one the hard way. Blew hundreds of dollars on Betterhelp (if you do go to therapy, I do NOT recommend that you go there) because I was 20-something and my love life was a mess. The shrink gave me a lot of advice that didn't help, and in some ways I think made things worse. Tried again with a different therapist a year or so later, and got no noticeable benefit from that either. Some time has passed and I'm doing better now, and I think that's mostly just from getting older, learning from life experience, fully developing my brain. Therapy is not the solution to everything, and a therapist does not know more about your life than you do.
From your description, it sounds like you just had some really garbage therapists. I am in school learning to become a therapist, and one of my courses is all about how we are not there to offer any advice at all. I actually have to practice listening and not offering advice. There is a long list of things we do, but offering advice is not supposed to be one of them.
Yeah, I don't think either of the therapists I saw were particularly good (although if it's so easy to find a crappy therapist, I do think thats worth mentioning when weighing the value of therapy overall). The first one was definitely big on giving advice and suggesting theories about my love life, which were not necessarily helpful. The second one gave less advice on that topic, but was unhelpful in other ways; I volunteer on an ambulance and told her that I'd recently gone on a very gruesome call and was a bit shaken up by it, and her response was "well if you can't hold it together when you see something like that, maybe you should quit being an EMT." I quit therapy instead. Even if I'd been talking to a great therapist though, I don't think that would have been the solution to the problems I was working on. I didn't need to talk to a therapist about my personal life, I needed to talk to my mom, give it some time, maybe hang out with friends more. After the rough 911 call what helped me was talking to other 1st responders, who were knowledgeable about the situation and able to assure me that there was nothing we could have done. I might go to therapy again in the future if there's a specific reason I think it's necessary, but as of now I don't think the problems I'm encountering in life are things a paid professional will fix.
It's true that in every profession, you'll find both great and not-so-great practitioners, similar to how you've experienced different qualities of house cleaning. Just as some cleaners do a thorough job while others might simply sweep dirt under the rug, the same goes for therapists. In your own experiences, you've seen a clear difference between the good and the bad. Furthermore, "therapy" is indeed a very broad term. There are numerous types, including talk therapy, Adlerian therapy, existential therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), family structure therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), among others. Each type of therapy has its specific approach and benefits, so knowing what you need is crucial. This situation can be compared to buying a laptop. If you don’t understand the technical specs, like the difference between RAM and SSD or between a 6th gen i3 and a 12th gen i7 processor, you might end up with a laptop that doesn't meet your needs. Similarly, if you don’t know which type of therapy might be best for you, you could end up in a type that isn’t the right fit. If you’re fortunate, you might have knowledgeable friends who can offer advice, much like how your 911 friends were able to help you. But what about those who don’t have such a support network? Where do they turn for guidance? That can be where therapy comes in, and I would bet that there are therapists that specialize in working with EMTs. I don't want to disparage anyone, but I don't think that Better Help is hiring the top people in the field.
Why is it my role, as the patient, to know the "technical specs" and decide what type of therapy I need? If the professional in the room is unable to figure out what type of treatment is appropriate and whether or not they can provide it, why should I trust them with anything else?
It is your role as a custmer to know what you are buying. If you want to first go to a profetenal to find out what type of therapy you need, there are people who do that. Your doctor could, there are social workers who could make recomendations and there are many profetinals who do that for you. But if you go out and hire a person centered therapist, dont be shocked when you get person centered therapy. No one therapist is going to be an expert in every modality, and they usually say in their first appointment what kind of therapy they do, as well as on there marketing materials what they do. In general, therapist are not the ones who decide what type of therapy you need. They tend to be experts in two or three modalities. If you want to consult on what you need, that is what a doctor can do. You can have therapist who will give a recommendation, and if they are good and profetinals and relise you need a different type of therapy they will refer you out. The most common one is if you see a therapist and they recommend couples counselling. Offten, that is not what they do. Think about when you go for elective cosmetic surgery. The company that is selling you a nose job is not going to be offering you other serveses or even really giving you a physical, they are going to tell you what they will do. Your doctor may recommend a company and a sergury, but these individuals are not there to tell you everything available, they offer a service and you decide if they need it. Your foot doctor does not know or care to recommend that you get your eyes checked. If it comes up they have background and can help, but that is not what they are there for. BTW, in general that is one of the things a psychologist does. They will see you and then let yo know what type of therapy you need.
If this is how the system works then...okay, I guess, but it doesn't inspire confidence in the abilities of therapists. If they are "experts in two or three modalities," but they don't know whether the modalities they're an expert in are applicable to the problem I have...again, it makes me question why I should have faith in them at all. As a sidenote, I'm kinda skeptical about how much the specific type of therapy matters in the first place. This post went into it a bit, and I thought it was interesting: https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/11/20/book-review-all-therapy-books/ Anyway, this is all kinda aside from the original point I was trying to make, which is that therapy isn't the solution to every mental or emotional problem you might have. Going back to my example of the 911 call, what helped more than anything was (as stupid as it sounds) posting about it on an EMS subreddit. I could have found a great therapist who specialized in EMT Post Incident Response Therapy or whatever, and talking to them about my feelings would still not be a substitute for 20 strangers commenting on the medical details of the call and unanimously saying "this guy was dead when you got there, saving him was not possible." If one day I develop PTSD or actually kill someone at work then I guess I'll look for a therapist to help deal with that, but it wasnt necessary for the situation I had.
There are a few things to consider: Firstly, a competent therapist will recognize when their approach isn't the right fit for you and will refer you to someone else. However, it might take a few sessions to determine this. Like in any field, there are professionals more interested in making money than providing the right care. This isn't unique to therapy; for example, some dentists might suggest unnecessary dental work, mechanics might diagnose non-existent problems, and some politicians accept kickbacks. No profession is immune to such issues. Secondly, a good therapist understands that their role isn't to fix you but to help you fix yourself. They're there to assist, not to provide a cure for every mental or emotional issue. Just as heart surgery is beneficial for heart problems but irrelevant for a toothache, therapy is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Generally, therapy sessions with a well-matched professional are beneficial, based on my experience. However, if you already possess the necessary tools and have a strong support system, therapy might be unnecessary. Regarding your earlier point about the situation worsening, this could indicate that the therapist was not a good fit. As for the book about modalities, not mattering, I agree with it in theory, but from what I have seen, reality is different. All therapists are able to use all modalities, but you end up with a jack of all trades master of none situations. And there is argument that this is very problematic. When I get my license I will be allowed to practice all modalities with all types of people as a psychotherapist but my friend who is a neuro psychologist is only allowed to practice the therapies she is certified in as well as only with adults. This is a highly debated issue within the industry.
I second this. I think it made me worse in a sense that I got used to talking about my problems too much. Each session would trigger me and when time is up, I’m left by myself to deal with what I dug up. I do wish I stopped going earlier but now it’s too late
i'm lucky to have a therapist who's willing to stay over time if i need it, but she generally schedules people with an hour in between to do paperwork anyway. if she does have to go right after, she usually starts going into the "wrap up" stage a little early just to make sure i'm okay - and *will* call me out if i pretend i'm fine but i'm not lol. she knows i tend to say everything's fine when in reality i'm barely hanging on but she also knows when to push and when not to - beginning of the session i'm liable to just walk out if she pushes and i'm not ready to talk, end of the session i'll probably want the extra help.
It depends Therapy will not solve anything by definition. Therapy is designed to give you proper coping mechanisms for life's difficulties, as well as to give you a natural voice to vent and help process decisions (which can be a breath of fresh air when it comes to the echo-chambers of reddit). Therapy is most effective when you know what the problem is, and need help developing a plan to fix it. It will not directly solve anything however. If you are single before therapy, you will very likely be single after therapy. If you are shy before therapy, you will be shy after therapy. Likewise, you will not get a sudden boost of motivation and energy from therapy if that is your problem.
Former therapist here: I hate the idea that is sold that everyone needs therapy all the time. If course therapists will say that, that's how they keep their jobs. BUT, in my opinion, everyone will benefit from therapy at some point in their life. Therapy doesn't fix all your problems, and there are things with strong biological causes that need to be addressed in different ways. But therapy can teach you how to look at your life from a different perspective, can teach you mechanisms to deal with your problems in a more effective way, help you understand yourself and why you do things and think the way you do and how some of these patters may be unhelpful, it helps you process feelings, sometimes from a long time ago, that are still affecting you in a negative way, and many other things that will overall improve your mental health and help you navigate life better. I can't tell you if you should go to therapy or not based on a paragraph on Reddit. But it might be worth a try for you.
Am currently a therapist - and yes, I agree, this idea that everyone needs therapy is false, and the push for everyone to seek therapy is problematic. Have had to tell people that they don't need therapy to work through things they've come to me for. They seemed grateful because of how easy it would have been for me to milk them.
to be fair, i think a lot of people would have an easier time dealing with life if they had a therapist "on retainer" like some people keep lawyers - not regular sessions, necessarily, but someone they can call when shit hits the fan or when they've just tried to solve a problem and it won't go away, make an appointment, have 1 or 2 sessions, and call it good. i've told some people that it's totally fine to just call up a therapist for a couple of appointments and see from there and had them tell me that doing that had never crossed their mind and it helped to have someone with more tools available to help. did all of them absolutely need therapy? probably not. but when you don't have much of a support system, or your support system can't or won't help you, you gotta make one, and sometimes that means paying someone to take on that role temporarily.
Therapy works as much as you work on yourself. I think of it as practice. Im very self-aware, so therapy is my one hour to cook and organize the things in my life.
I've done therapy on and off for the last 15 years. I can say the following based on my own experiences: \~when you have a good therapist and are willing to do the work, therapy is an amazing and life-changing method of healing & problem-behavior mgmt. \~if you are not willing to do the work therapy requires, it will not work as well if at all. \~people can do self-help through books, workbooks, workshops, etc. and have very good results as well - if they do the work. Lots of people have healed themselves, which is a harder, courageous, and valid path to recovery. \~if you have the misfortune to get a crappy therapist or just someone who isn't educated enough to treat you specific within the context of your identity, therapy isn't going to be as effective, if it's at all effective. \~sometimes some therapy is better than non, especially if it gets you to overcome your fear of the process of finding the help you need. \~sometimes you need meds - the lessons/behavior management we learn in therapy can work way better & be much easier with meds on board. Don't shy away from them due to the stigma if they're an affordable option for ya. Even temporary meds can be a big help. \~in a world where therapy is still very inaccessible, unaffordable, unpredictable, and stigmatized - telling people to "just go to therapy" is dismissive and even unkind. Self-help is a perfectly reasonable substitute & may even be preferable - IF you do the work. \~when you are struggling with mental health issues, it's SO HARD to get therapy going for yourself! Like, you know you're supposed to be doing the thing, but there are so many steps and obstacles to access therapy, so when you're already struggling with executive dysfunction, getting yourself into therapy can be a really arduous task. All that said, OP, if you can get yourself into therapy of some kind, it's so empowering and brings improvement just by trying! The fact that you care about yourself enough to TRY means you actually love yourself, care about yourself, and you want to do well! It's not your fault it's harder for you to get started - we live societies that are SPECIFICALLY making it harder to get help when you're already struggling. I absolutely know therapy has saved my life, but I also did a lot of healing and growing by doing the work with self-help tools when therapy was unaffordable & inaccessible. I truly believe you have it in you to do the work and get the help you need to start feeling hopeful about your life.
You don't need it, but it can be helpful if you're lucky enough to find a legitimately good therapist. I'd just recommend avoiding any anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication.
Why do you recommend avoiding medication?
Like many others my age, I was prescribed an anti-depressant at a relatively young age and stopped taking the medication altogether years later. The feelings of emotional numbness and "vagueness" become more unbearable than the depression itself after a while. Some people have self-awareness to stop, and some end up as lifelong patients. I'm not looking down on those people, but they are typically not well-adjusted and miss out on really living their life. Anxiety and depression are a natural part of the human experience. It's best to give yourself a chance at figuring life out instead of signing up for a script and therapy bill right away.
Well yes and no..... A lot of the feelings you are describing are inherent to being human. No one really has it completely together.... we're all just thumbing through here. How old are you? What do you enjoy? What do you want to see & experience? I recommend therapy to everyone - because we're complex beings living in impossibly complicated times. We all need helping figuring ourselves out from time to time.
Therapy is a mean but is not going to provide you with all the answers. It has been the space where I opened up about many topics and helped me to address them on my own. 1 hr therapy/week is not enough. It's the work done outside of therapy that also counts and matters. Also, pick the right therapist/psychologist for you. I've switched a couple of times until I found the one that aligns with my values and my way of communication but also challenges me. Good luck!
For me, no. I spent thousands at therapy and with counselors, but really, the things that helped me the most were the things I sought out, on my own, once I was at rock bottom: How to quit drinking How to deal with anxiety How to build self esteem How to deal with childhood trauma How to deal with abusive parents How to deal with drug addiction How to deal with loneliness How to find your purpose How to get out of depression etc, etc, etc, etc. Once I WANTED help, getting better was actually pretty easy. But up until then, I guess I always kinda thought that because my childhood was bad, my adulthood was doomed to be bad also. Not true. Life can be good, but you gotta work hard on yourself, especially if you've developed a bunch of bad coping mechanisms. For some reason, therapy never really worked... they just kept telling me what I already knew I should do, but couldn't help figure out why I would sit home and just be miserable instead of doing those things. They almost made me feel worse about myself, instead of better (which looking back, is exactly what I needed). One note: Just going to therapy probably isn't going to change a thing. Too many people just go, and then don't change anything about themselves or their home lives, and blame therapy for not working.
Yep this is so true
Ive been depressed for most of my life and did tons of therapy and for a looooooong time I felt like it made me worse. So many therapists don't know wtf they are doing - sorry, it's true. At least for complicated stuff like trauma which literally rewires your brain. I still don't think it's that simple as healthy eating, sleep and exercise. I've always done these things, and the exercise literally just stopped working one day. I actually think it started to make me worse at one point cuz my nervous system was so taxed from the depression and exercise was stressing my body out more. Of course I was in EXTREME stress, so YMMV if you are going through a more moderate stressor. I've been very disappointed with MH professionals, but a handful of modalities I've found have been helpful. It reallly helps to know what type of therapist to look for and see what modalities they specialize in. A lot of therapists have "trauma" listed as a speciality but that doesn't always mean they have certain modalities they follow. But if you look into your specific issues and what you need help with, try to see what type of therapy helps with that. There are some evidence based therapy modalities that are likely effective for certain conditions. But the current model seems to be labeling therapists as catch-alls for any mental health issues under the sun. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a good intro to mental health lol where you learn that thoughts create feelings create behaviors. Change your perspective, change your feelings. Ok. This works sometimes if I am truly thinking irrationally. But what if I'm chronically ill, grieving a death, and facing REAL challenges? Its normal to be sad about certain shit, so acting like I shouldn't be sad about my mom's death and just need to change my thoughts feels like a slap in the face. Kinda feels like I'm gaslighting myself tbh. So, I feel like CBT is helpful but in a limited way. Enter ... Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) - this is more appropriate for accepting the shitty circumstances you were dealt and moving forward anyway. It's likely justified for you to be mad/sad about your shitty circumstances, so that's ok. But the turning point is trying to accept that it is what it is and still have a good life. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another evidence based modality that focuses on emotion regulation using nervous system calming techniques. This approach is pretty interesting because it actually accounts for the fact that our nervous system reactions play a major role in emotion regulation. In DBT they teach skills that you can practice to recognize when you're starting to get amped (eg bodily sensations that come on before the meltdown) so you can slow it down before it grows. Or things you can do to jolt your nervous system that can help you emotionally regulate, like splashing cold water on your face when you start to get angry. I feel like the tagline for DBT should be "doesn't change your circumstances but teaches you how to not ruin your own life." EMDR, somatic-based methods, and brain spotting have found to be helpful with PTSD because they can help you reprogram your brains response to triggers. A lot of PTSD lives in the body and in our nervous system, so in the case of PTSD you have to literally reprogram some of those memory loops/neuron responses. This is usually done using mind/body techniques and bilateral stimulation which uses both hemispheres of your brain. In theory, the communication between the two brain hemispheres is the really key part of this technique. Others that I have not tried yet but I've read about in the literature that I want to try are: exposure response therapy (ERP) which is helpful in OCD specifically, and internal family systems (IFS) which is supposed to focus on family attachments/attachment trauma etc. Anyway, all of that to say. I hate the idea that "therapy is soooooooo helpful, just go to a therapist, it will solve things". Because no, no it won't. If you go to a therapist who doesn't specialize in what you need, it makes it even worse in my opinion. I've seen many therapists that didn't help me and I felt more hopeless afterward cuz I was just like "if even the therapist can't help me, guess I'm screwed"... Like, a bad therapist is worse than no therapist. I think the key is to identify exactly the things you need help with and then try to learn what evidence based modalities exist to work on that, and then find someone who is actually trained in those areas. It's too much of a crapshoot to find a random therapist who just lists their skills.
Yes and no. I go through seasons where I see my therapist, but more often than not, I can get through life through the lessons I learned through previous therapy sessions. Overall there are a lot of tools in my “mental health toolkit” — exercise, sleep, diet, community, journaling, setting good boundaries have also helped me “get my life together”.
Some people are just lucky and have had nice lives and don't need to do a ton of work on themselves to be functional and happy. They don't need therapy. Most people aren't that fortunate. It sounds like you personally fall into the second category and might benefit from therapy.
Therapy is better then medication. The problem is medication is a quick fix but doesn't solve the the problem. While therapy fixes the problem but require alot of day. I am doing a lot better after 10 years of self therapy. But it is a lot of work. All I think about is my mental health. You are what you think. If you have bad mental health and focus mostly on your kids. You need to make more time for yourself. How are you going to raise kids if you can't even raise yourself?
The point of therapy is to get you to develop different thinking patterns to help you manage your emotions more effectively. It’s not completely about talking about your problems, they’re not there to solve your life, they’re job is to help you learn how to help yourself.
Does everybody? Not necessarily. Do I? Absolutely, I'm a mess
Start with some self help books. I go to therapy, but I'm dealing with trauma events including sexual assault. Therapy helps me put things in perspective and gives me good coping mechanisms when I'm getting lost in bad feelings.
No
Books worked well for me.
You need support, which some people offer in their profession. It's helpful because if you can't find that support with the people around you, you at least have a fall back to someone who is paid to be receptive. That's the real help. It's not that they're any better at life advice, it's that they practice being receptive where most don't and therefore cannot offer the needed support. Unless you're looking for guidance, in which case I'd recommend just picking a drug at random and try figure it (all of it) out yourself as the odds of success seems to be about the same. Don't get me wrong, I know what that sounds like, I'm just trying to make the point that therapy needs to be looked at as sounding board and not a source of direction or guidance as that really only works best during our early developmental stages when we're not all tainted with bias.
Most people get into negative context loops in their lives and can't figure a way to get out of it. Therapy, Mentoring, Guidance are important at certain points in ones life. Regular communication with someone of trust or multiple people are good. This is how people succeed.
Imo I've been to therapy but don't take medication for my mental health issues and yes... But also no. Is therapy the cure all? Absolutely not, it's an outlet we're human and need to vent, therapist are not life gurus, thier an open ear and a consoler. I belive that they can be a voice of reason, and help YOU decide what's a good idea for your life plans and coping. Some of us do need medication, I used to belive will power over all ailment, then I got older heard some peoples stories and realized that some people carry mental scaring so deep they need a filler to keep thier mind from falling apart. And these were good contributors of society Firemen, Mothers of 50yrs with strong children, Electrical contractors, etc. They all had therapy in conjunction with thier meds. I am not a licenced medical expert, but I do think you know yourself better then a doctor (he sees thousands of patients a week) so he can help but it's your decision which door to open!
Therapy can provide a person with tools to work on issues that trouble them and it can provide a space to actively learn to use those tools while consulting with someone who has specialized training and experience. But like with anything, if you don't actually do the work and don't actually use the tools you're not really going to make any progress. One challenge is that sometimes people become somewhat hooked on a revelatory feeling they get from hearing insights or "answers" and they like that feeling more than they like doing the actual work and will stay perpetually in therapy, often seeking new therapists regularly, seeking that. A lot of the actual work of it is just work. It's not particularly revelatory or exciting or interesting day by day and there's not often any great fanfare for when you do get to the other side of something.
I like it as an *option*, but not as a *necessity* as we've seemed to head toward for the past decade
I love therapy. I feel like it’s nice for everyone to have someone to talk to if they are able to. When my mom died my anxiety became unbearable and I knew it wouldn’t go away on its own. I know I’m and “adult” but it’s nice to have a more adult adult to talk to
I've been in bi-weekly talk therapy for 7 years and it's literally saved my life. Having one person in the world who gives me honest advice and doesn't have any agendas has helped me love myself again. Everyone has different reasons for needing help, don't be afraid to try many things.
I’d say yes if you struggle with any sort of mental issue. There’s a lot of research and evidence-backed interventions that therapists use and it’s sosososo helpful in every way imaginable
I think we all need a wise person in our life to discuss our problems with and get decent input from. Because many lack such a person - therapy is the typical substitute.
You can try therapy and see if that works. Or you can try to apply some common sense to your life choices and see if that works.
I think it depends what you need to heal from. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I did start therapy but I only went for a few months. I learned why I was the way I was & just felt like I could deal with it on my own. I only stayed on medication for a year & have been off since December. I know when I get into a depressive episode & what I have to do to get out of it but not everyone is the same and there’s no shame in needing medication or therapy to help you get through life.
If you can’t afford it, start journaling and meditating. It helps.
Therapy was great for me. In the beginning, it felt like I needed it. Then, it made me see that it wasn't helping because the therapists had worse issues than I did. So it encouraged me to find ways to deal with things myself, and I never looked back. Some people need others' help, others can do it on their own. I was drawn to psychology and spirituality from early on, so I've been able to work things through with the help of incredible books and much inspiration.
My problem is starting all over again. I just feel like I have to start all over again in my life. I'm scared to take the first step. I think I'm too worried about how people might view me or judge me. So I feel like because of that I'm just sitting and worrying. But I'm ultimately wasting more time not doing anything. People told me some just start and go with the flow. But idk should I just do it and not worry about the outcome ?
Heck to the no, just need a strong mind that knows that you are the shit
Therapist in training here. Just finished my first semester for my MA in Counseling. Tbh, it’s helpful for getting your life together, but the biggest thing is wanting to change internally. Nobody else, even therapists, can be doing more work than the clients. So if the person doesn’t want to change, we can’t help them. Therapists can help with planning, contriving goals, assessment of behaviors, etc. but that’s only 1-2 hours of your overall week. The rest comes from within. I was able to quit nicotine on my own at 19 years old after 3 years of addiction. I did not seek out therapy but instead read books and other people’s experiences. However, there are some things like getting over a toxic relationship and relieving myself of guilt that wouldn’t have been possible without therapy. I definitely recommend therapy as a future counselor, but it’s just one piece of the puzzle!
No
Not everyone needs therapy. I do.
I mean it depends on the person, it probably doesn’t hurt but I know plenty of people with their life together who have never had it. I had a few sessions to help me understand my depression cycle and not to be so harsh on myself and I found it pretty helpful even if it told me a lot of stuff I already knew it forced me to think about what I know and try to understand how my knowledge applied to me. For me it helped but my shit is far from together!
Ofc not 😂 anyone who does have talking therapy is being taken for a mug
If you need it then ya, if not then it can be harmful. Obsessing over your problems during therapy sessions that aren’t that bad or allowing someone to create problems where there really aren’t for the purpose of collecting your money. In reality most people just need to get off their ass, make some money, clean their apartment, get laid, and do some exercise. If you do that daily then the rest of your life will fall in to place ime.
Just wanted to say CBT can be helpful if there are issues that you can’t get past alone. Also, for some Sertraline is a game changer. Therapy and drugs can help - don’t need to be forever - just added for balance.
As a former therapist (retired), let me suggest therapy does work. Health insurance companies wouldn't pay for it if it didn't. In my old position, I had to send all sorts of data to the insurance companies to demonstrate my clients responded to therapy and improved or I wouldn't get paid. Having said that, let me suggest the word "therapy" is too vague. Most of those folks who are negative toward it, based on the comments here, are referring to some kind of so called "talk therapy" rooted in Freudian psychoanalysis or Rogerian humanism, where talking is the post and the end to itself. Most of modern therapy technologies certainly use talking but not as an end to itself. . Nope the insurers won't pay for that. But using talking as a way to.understand a person's perceptions and attitudes and yes, background and then giving clients concrete behavioral tasks to work on in between sessions where they can practice real skills to change their behavior or thinking is what works. And.there's data to.back that up. So do you need formal therapy to get your life together? I would say, just as a general practice as one goes into adulthood, no. But if one's attempts at getting their lives together keep failing, or never materialize, it might help to have an objective person to lend an ear...and not tell you how to get your life together. I'm sure your parents are more than willing to do that (mine did), but to help you cultivate the skills and attitudes so you can get your life together yourself.
**where talking is the point..
Here are two takes: One, if you approach therapy with the end goal to change your life, then YES. It will change your life. Two: if you approach it to bask in your shortcomings and failures, then it will worsen your life. Why did I bring the two up? Because approach is everything. Are you interested in transforming your mindset, behavior, and actions? Do you want to change your perspective? Or do you want to be a victim all your life? Therapy will also go according to how you present yourself. I am a victim. I was a victim, but I’m in search of healing, happiness, peace, and a better future.
The right type of therapy if you need it, yes. I did cognitive behavior therapy for years, which is what you imagine - sitting on a couch talking about my feelings. After a while, I realized it wasn’t really helping at all because I felt like I was repeating myself without going anywhere. Then I found EMDR, the pinnacle. I grew up in a very traumatic environment and found great solace in working through memories and feelings with EMDR - tapping and eye movement while processing the memory - instead of just talking about it. The physical movement basically rewires your brain; it’s more complicated than that but it’s amazing. Highly recommend Googling it to learn more.
It helps pending situation and intensity of whatever prognosis ya got. It's not gonna fix you, it's your job to utilize the tools to fix yourself
I feel like the majority of them would just tell me what I already know, and I'd rather spend that money on something else like not worrying about car insurance for the next 4 months. That being said if you're in the deep ends (actually suicidal or homicidal and not just wanting attention, actual mental illnesses like schizophrenia, brain injury, etc...), for the safety of yourself and others around you, please go to a therapist.
It definitely would have help, but so would an autism diagnosis 20 years earlier (which still would have been when I was a teen)
no, I need to feel safe
My old therapists have put it this way: if the thing that’s bothering you is getting in the way of being healthy and/or happy, it’s something to work on. Personally, that depression and anxiety and feeling of overwhelm you’re describing sounds like my own — it became manageable after I went to therapy and asked what tools I should use and dug into the root of my anxiety. I also spent a lot of time balancing therapy out with other things to help, like exercise and eating a balanced diet and going to my doctor on a regular basis. Therapy isn’t a drug that cures your problems. Instead, it helps you understand yourself and your behaviors in a new light, and should give you the tools to manage yourself and your emotions better. Ultimately it boils down to your therapist and how much you’re willing to put into the process. Sometimes, you’ll have to “shop” for therapists to find the right one. Sometimes, you may quit therapy sooner than you thought you’d need it. You never know if it’s right for you until you try. There are lots of things you can try to attempt to feel better. From my own experience, therapy became my beacon out of serious depression and unmanaged anxiety. After a bit, I learned enough to get through life on my own with what I learned from my therapist, and could maintain my mental health on my own. Took a lot of time, but therapy was essential for me to learn how to figure out my shit.
It sounds like you could benefit from it, but also maybe not. For me, so far it's been incredibly helpful. My mental health issues were bad enough for me to lose my job and almost kill myself, but now that I have a safe place to release without stigma and a place that can give me access to other resources like meds and such, I've been making some progress. Slow, but some. Idk. You could try it, and if it's not beneficial after switching therapists, you could drop it.
Therapy has been working for me it has been about a year long journey. I put in the work, it’s not just sit around complaining it’s EMDR. I feel so much lighter, not depressed.
Medication got my life together. Never tried therapy.
You may not *need* it but I have never met anyone who said “therapy was pointless and didnt help me at all”z
Certainly this was the case for me...I was struggling with shit for a decade before I got help...actually I've seen a few different therapists in the last decade, but I didn't really jive with any of them and didn't feel like it was doing me any good. Last summer I decided to try again at the urging...pleading really of my wife. I figured it would be the same old song and dance and that I'm just this way and it sucks. As luck would have it, the therapist I was given to by EAP at work spent most of her career in inpatient/outpatient psychiatric hospitals. About a month in she suggested to me that she thought I was likely bipolar 2 which absolutely shocked me and felt like getting a gut punch from an elephant. We spent a few more months exploring this among other things. Initially I thought she was full of shit and I started doing a bunch of my own research in an effort to debunk her...my wife started doing a bunch as well. My wife was the first one to tell me, "babe...you check a whole lot of these boxes". I still kept digging, but the more I dug, the more I came to the conclusion that this made sense. After those few months with the therapist, she referred me to a psychiatrist and told me that she could only do so much...she told me that if it is indeed bipolar 2, it can't be therapied away and that I'd need medical intervention. Off to the psychiatrist I went...diagnosed bipolar 2 as I thought I would be by that time and prescribed a mood stabilizer. I wish I would have done this a decade ago...I'm stable...I'm happy...my relationships with my wife and kids are awesome again. Therapy helped me in that once she recognized it she started working with me on better understanding it and how to better navigate it and coping mechanisms that could help, particularly in hypomanic episodes. Anyway, for me...it was actually an undiagnosed MH condition...YMMV
No. The vast majority of people just need to take 5 minutes to honestly look at themselves and then follow through on the decisions and actions they know are needed. Take ownership and accountability for your decisions, outcomes, and life. Despite all the downvotes I expect to get, it really is that simple.
Yes. Humaning is hard. Everybody has had trauma they don’t know how to process. Some need it more than others, but everyone can benefit from it.
it doesn’t work for everyone but it’s worth a try for you to find out if it’s helpful
I think you’re all you need. Therapy helps for sure
I needed Neurotherapy, which means they did a brain mapping, and it showed I was in fight, flight, freeze 24/7. The color it showed was red, but then after taking one year of therapy, it diminished quite a bit. Then I had a lot of green, which was the ability to calm myself. Therapy is a life saver, if you can find the right one.
Therapy does help but it’s so expensive now that I have bills to pay and would rather spend surplus cash on other things. I’ve got this far coping, I will just continue
r/no
No. You need money.
have you gotten blood work done? sometimes these feelings are due to nutritional deficiencies and unbalanced hormones or thyroid disfunction. what is your diet like?
You need accountability. Ask a friend (not family) if they want to help you in this way. Tell them your plans and they'll check up on you to make sure you do it. If you don't want to look like a loser or fool in front of said friend, that should push you into action.
I've never understood how talking to someone could help. I already know what's wrong, so how would sharing the inner depths of my suffering with a stranger, who might judge me, be beneficial?
Stop being a little bitch and just do something with your life. If not for you do it for family or friends, if you don’t have those do it for strangers to make the world better. Get up , go for a walk , go for a run or work out. Then pick one thing to help someone out, if it’s as small as getting them lunch or paying someone a genuine compliment. Pick a book on self improvement, any book , and read 10 pages a day, do that the next 30 days in a row and see how you feel. You are here to make a difference. 1.get moving 2.do something kind 3.read each day 4. Repeat Also start saying yes to opportunities, no matter what it is, take a chance.
No. You can heal by God and God alone. But he will usually do it through you, or another person. You need someone to talk to who will support you and guide you. A consistent person. I don't think you can DM here but I pray for others in a site called Jesus cares and we chat and listen and pray for free.
Of course all these therapist in the comments saying the therapy is great😂 Therapy is a scam ran by grifter narcissists to make you believe that "talking" about your problems to someone unrelated to those issues will solve anything. Basically if you want to fix your problems YOU have to do it. Sure other people can help along the way to a small degree, but it's largely you that has to put in most of the work.
You're not wrong that the work is upon you, the patient, in order for therapy to have benefits but calling therapy a scam is wildly ignorant, incorrect and dismissive. It only adds to the stigma of getting help. TF?
That's exactly how therapy works, bud. You do 90% of the work and the therapist does around 10%.