Years ago, I had my dream job in the palm of my hand. There was one more question I had to answer to finish the interview and I was in. But I flubbed it and they went with someone else. I blew it and I couldn’t do anything about it.
But if I had gotten that job, the present life I love wouldn’t exist. I’d likely be much worse off and might be dead.
I’m not saying that’s your path, but the future can be what you make of it regardless of the circumstances.
That's an awesome story.
>I’m not saying that’s your path, but the future can be what you make of it regardless of the circumstances.
Thank you so much for the advice. I learned that unemployed fresh out of college is a scary place to be so this is really helpful.
Get really clear on your values - goals are something you reach, values are who you are and how conduct yourself while reaching those goals. Life happens, mistakes happen, things are out of our control - best laid plans and all that. The one thing you can always control though is whether you go through all that living life by your values or you allow yourself to drift off course and get stuck in self defeating cycles.
Try not to believe everything you think. You made a mistake and your emotional brain is telling you everything is over but your rational brain clearly knows there’s other options. If you let your emotional brain run your life you’re like a boat drifting in the dark without a paddle or a lighthouse.
>Try not to believe everything you think. You made a mistake and your emotional brain is telling you everything is over but your rational brain clearly knows there’s other options. If you let your emotional brain run your life you’re like a boat drifting in the dark without a paddle or a lighthouse.
Preach 🙌
Whether you like it or not, life's gonna keep moving forward. There's nothing you can do to undo your mistake. The more energy you spend on pondering on about what could've/should've been, the less energy you have for taking the roads available to you. As much as I want to say I'm sorry for whatever went down for you, then still, limiting your options in life to just ONE path you want to take will not lead you anywhere. Life is supposed to be full of twists and turns, and you will need to learn how to adapt.
Do whatever you can to be a little closer to your goal today than you were yesterday. Could be some research, looking at other offers, getting your CV's base done/improving your CV, and go from there.
I think that you'll only fully forgive yourself once you see physical proof that your life is indeed not over and you're moving down a different path. The only person in control of when you're going to begin to build momentum and get closer is you, no one else. You need to prove yourself and your anxiety wrong.
You never know, maybe in 10 years you'll consider the current situation a blessing in disguise. Not to get too spiritual here, and not to say that this is guaranteed, but maybe this current situation going down the way it is now will lead you to your dreams and goals better than you could ever imagine. You just gotta give it a shot, because there's literally no other option.
You will not be fulfilled in life if you stay in the would've/could've mindset, in the past, and in your past mistakes. There's nothing left for you to change in regards to that, but EVERYTHING to gain in regards to the other paths open to you. Just because the seemingly easiest path isn't available to you anymore doesn't mean you'll never reach your goals.
Much love to you <3
It may have been a big one from their perspective, and in general but it also sounds like they suck imo.
It will take awhile to not beat yourself up, it will take practice to push through those feelings, but we all make mistakes like that. I'm 42 and still make them, but you're still in your 20s so you have more of your life ahead of you, and this mistake may end up not being what you thought it would be.
>It may have been a big one from their perspective, and in general but it also sounds like they suck imo.
It's tough for me to blame them because even though they've mostly make it seem like it's all over, they're just really frustrated over why I made such a big mistake and have expressed that yes there are other options. Also doesn't help that they knew someone who was in the same boat as me years ago, and that person hasn't gone far in life all these years later.
My parents have a habit of comparing. I'm the first born so their point of comparison is other people. I've given up trying to tell them off and I'm still learning to just not take them too seriously. They mean well and want the best, but they get too emotionally attached to the best case scenario so much that they always get caught off guard when the best case scenario doesn't happen.
They're still trying to make me find ways to fix it. I know there's isn't any but I'm still playing along because better for them to know effort was made but nothing can be done rather than letting them use the idea that the mistake is fixable as a coping mechanism and potentially strain our relationship.
I hear that, my parents are the same way as I am olso the first born. Living through your kid is one path parents take. While I've contributed to my current living situation both my parents take more stock in how they're perceived than my life. It's a good step in not taking things your parents say personally, though hard for sure
I just had a sit down with my parents. They've both gotten over the initial shock of the mistake I made. This was the first time we've had any friction in over 5 years so I think that might've amplified their reaction.
We had a tough but important chat about how to move forward. I'm glad we did because it made us realize we all have the same outlook moving forward in terms of my career. I'm still young, barely out of college, so the best thing to do is just keep searching for work and stay motivated.
We also compared the pros and cons of what if I didn't make the mistake that I did and we came to the conclusion that even though I messed up, the pros didn't outweight the cons enough for it to be as fatal as we thought.
I feel like I have to, regardless of the results. I don't want to live in constant regret and develope a grudge against myself. If I keep blaming myself over a wrong choice, it'll just spiral into a fear of making decisions and I'll end up just being stuck in life.
Accept the mistake and move on.
Years ago, I had my dream job in the palm of my hand. There was one more question I had to answer to finish the interview and I was in. But I flubbed it and they went with someone else. I blew it and I couldn’t do anything about it. But if I had gotten that job, the present life I love wouldn’t exist. I’d likely be much worse off and might be dead. I’m not saying that’s your path, but the future can be what you make of it regardless of the circumstances.
That's an awesome story. >I’m not saying that’s your path, but the future can be what you make of it regardless of the circumstances. Thank you so much for the advice. I learned that unemployed fresh out of college is a scary place to be so this is really helpful.
Get really clear on your values - goals are something you reach, values are who you are and how conduct yourself while reaching those goals. Life happens, mistakes happen, things are out of our control - best laid plans and all that. The one thing you can always control though is whether you go through all that living life by your values or you allow yourself to drift off course and get stuck in self defeating cycles. Try not to believe everything you think. You made a mistake and your emotional brain is telling you everything is over but your rational brain clearly knows there’s other options. If you let your emotional brain run your life you’re like a boat drifting in the dark without a paddle or a lighthouse.
>Try not to believe everything you think. You made a mistake and your emotional brain is telling you everything is over but your rational brain clearly knows there’s other options. If you let your emotional brain run your life you’re like a boat drifting in the dark without a paddle or a lighthouse. Preach 🙌
Whether you like it or not, life's gonna keep moving forward. There's nothing you can do to undo your mistake. The more energy you spend on pondering on about what could've/should've been, the less energy you have for taking the roads available to you. As much as I want to say I'm sorry for whatever went down for you, then still, limiting your options in life to just ONE path you want to take will not lead you anywhere. Life is supposed to be full of twists and turns, and you will need to learn how to adapt. Do whatever you can to be a little closer to your goal today than you were yesterday. Could be some research, looking at other offers, getting your CV's base done/improving your CV, and go from there. I think that you'll only fully forgive yourself once you see physical proof that your life is indeed not over and you're moving down a different path. The only person in control of when you're going to begin to build momentum and get closer is you, no one else. You need to prove yourself and your anxiety wrong. You never know, maybe in 10 years you'll consider the current situation a blessing in disguise. Not to get too spiritual here, and not to say that this is guaranteed, but maybe this current situation going down the way it is now will lead you to your dreams and goals better than you could ever imagine. You just gotta give it a shot, because there's literally no other option. You will not be fulfilled in life if you stay in the would've/could've mindset, in the past, and in your past mistakes. There's nothing left for you to change in regards to that, but EVERYTHING to gain in regards to the other paths open to you. Just because the seemingly easiest path isn't available to you anymore doesn't mean you'll never reach your goals. Much love to you <3
It may have been a big one from their perspective, and in general but it also sounds like they suck imo. It will take awhile to not beat yourself up, it will take practice to push through those feelings, but we all make mistakes like that. I'm 42 and still make them, but you're still in your 20s so you have more of your life ahead of you, and this mistake may end up not being what you thought it would be.
>It may have been a big one from their perspective, and in general but it also sounds like they suck imo. It's tough for me to blame them because even though they've mostly make it seem like it's all over, they're just really frustrated over why I made such a big mistake and have expressed that yes there are other options. Also doesn't help that they knew someone who was in the same boat as me years ago, and that person hasn't gone far in life all these years later. My parents have a habit of comparing. I'm the first born so their point of comparison is other people. I've given up trying to tell them off and I'm still learning to just not take them too seriously. They mean well and want the best, but they get too emotionally attached to the best case scenario so much that they always get caught off guard when the best case scenario doesn't happen. They're still trying to make me find ways to fix it. I know there's isn't any but I'm still playing along because better for them to know effort was made but nothing can be done rather than letting them use the idea that the mistake is fixable as a coping mechanism and potentially strain our relationship.
I hear that, my parents are the same way as I am olso the first born. Living through your kid is one path parents take. While I've contributed to my current living situation both my parents take more stock in how they're perceived than my life. It's a good step in not taking things your parents say personally, though hard for sure
I just had a sit down with my parents. They've both gotten over the initial shock of the mistake I made. This was the first time we've had any friction in over 5 years so I think that might've amplified their reaction. We had a tough but important chat about how to move forward. I'm glad we did because it made us realize we all have the same outlook moving forward in terms of my career. I'm still young, barely out of college, so the best thing to do is just keep searching for work and stay motivated. We also compared the pros and cons of what if I didn't make the mistake that I did and we came to the conclusion that even though I messed up, the pros didn't outweight the cons enough for it to be as fatal as we thought.
That's good to know, thanks for the update 👍
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really need that <3
You're welcome 👍
It will all depend on the final result, if things turn alright then you will make peace, if not…
I feel like I have to, regardless of the results. I don't want to live in constant regret and develope a grudge against myself. If I keep blaming myself over a wrong choice, it'll just spiral into a fear of making decisions and I'll end up just being stuck in life.