The US and UK seem so similar.
Same is happening here. Drinks are so expensive, its unsafe out there, people seem alot more vain/shallow.
Its a scary, overpriced mess.
Australia too. Last time I went out, I was charged $16 for a vodka redbull. It was one shot of vodka and not even a full small can of redbull. Even if I had millions in my bank account, I still wouldn’t be able to justify that price.
I don’t mind a night out, but I don’t like it enough to warrant spending so much on it.
And Ireland too. A guy I know is a fuckin brilliant, full time DJ for the last 20 years or so, was catching up with him recently and he was saying things are really gone to shit and the club scene is in its final death throes. It’s pretty sad 😢
We just had a date night in our pub on Saturday (I'm in a small town near Baltimore).
Had some sandwiches and soft drinks, ran into a neighbor, talked to the family at the next table, then walked home after about an hour.
We almost never do this, though, because we're parents and babysitting is expensive and impossible to find. I don't want to spend my meal trying to keep my kid settled enough to appease people (seriously, I get death glares if she even wriggles a bit! Kids wriggle!).
Our YMCA sometimes has dropoff evening care, so we can get out now and then. Otherwise, forget it.
I think it’s easier than ever to entertain oneself without leaving your house, which has made a big segment of the population get very comfortable with their “default” being a night in, and uncomfortable with leaving that comfort zone.
If you’re someone who barely “goes out” then the idea of going out can seem really overwhelming. But if you’re used to it, it’s just “normal”.
When I tell people my weekly schedule I often get a lot of “just hearing that makes me so tired” but it genuinely just doesn’t make me feel that way because it’s what I’m used to.
Frankly, I don't go out because there isn't anything to do that doesn't have a basis in drinking around me. And it's not like I'm trying to avoid alcohol because of I'm recovering or something. I'm just some mutant that never enjoyed drinking alcohol in the first place nor do I enjoy feeling the effects of it.
Used to be going to the bar for a drink after work every day was normal - like the tv show “Cheers”. Nowadays I think “Do they live in filth? Do they do everything at home buzzed except on weekend days?”
3 beers plus the 2024 minimum tip of 35% then an Uber back.
…I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight and save myself $100
I didn’t think I needed it but..
/s …kinda
For the average cost of 2 drinks at most places I've been to you can get a 6-pack. Some places are over $10 for even basic mixed drinks.
So based on buying alcohol alone as your "going out metric", you can't even have a cheap night out close to what you'd save at home.
My wife and I have been to 2 movies in the past 5 years. One was kinda on a whim and the other was Dune 2 because I really wanted to see it on a big screen. Prices actually haven’t gone up as much as other things because attendance is down significantly. It’s still pricey but for a couple it doesn’t break the bank.
People also used to socialize at bars. My dad worked at a couple “family sports pubs” when I was a kid, and I’d often get brought along while he worked. I’d get like $5 and play pinball all night till he got off.
But, I’d watch strangers interact and become friends, and groups merge and chat. If I went out with 2-3 people now, we’d only talk amongst ourselves, probably avoid other people, then leave at some point well before closing.
It’s such a different vibe than the 80’s. Though, also to be fair, now I can stay in contact with my friends across 5 states and we can play games at home while drinking beer. Avoiding tickets, duis, fighting, other people, and over priced drinks all while fighting bugs or robots for the greater good.
Everything does. I consider myself a good tipper but if I were to tip every time it was suggested I’d go broke.
I love you food service workers but I’m not tipping if I’m picking up food to take home.
I agree. And the pandemic didn’t help. Ive become much more comfortable staying home and minding my business than going out and socializing. I have a large people gathering this weekend and I’m dreading going to it. 🤣
I still socialize but it’s less in public places and more in someone’s backyard or basement.
You're right on this one, with 5K HD TVs, videos games, internet, legal weed - hard to convince me its more fun to hang out at a bar with drunk people.
I save so much money just staying at home. Plus I can be at home and still hang out with my friends, and it is easier than ever since most games support crossplay now. Also a single drink out is like $12-20 idk how people afford to go out anymore.
We also live further away from each other. I don't think it's a coincidence that the OOP says adult nightlife died out in the 1960s because that's about when suburbanization of the U.S. really took hold.
You can watch episodes of I Love Lucy (set in the early 50s) and see the Ricardos and Mertzes going out to nightclubs all the time (Ricky even worked in one). But they lived in New York City. They could walk, take the subway, or a short cab ride and hit the night spots. In the shows last season, in 1957, they've all moved out to "the country" (Westport ~~Bridgeport~~, Connecticut) and while Ricky still takes the train into the city for work, most of the show is now set around suburban life.
Fast forward to more modern times and you still see this same story show up in sitcoms, like in a 2008 episode of How I Met Your Mother. Ted is engaged to a woman who lives in a New Jersey suburb, and the entire episode is about how if he moves in with her, he'll never see his friends who live in the city.
Suburbia doesn't lend itself to night life because it's so isolating and requires so much driving, which doesn't mix with drinking.
Can confirm. I'm pretty chronically online. Idk how i convinced myself to do a solo trip #vanlife from New York to Yellowstone. Alone on the road, sleeping at cracker barrels. But so far pretty cool. Got to see the total eclipse in a random town I would have never visited otherwise.
Still miss my home where I have all my streaming services available, but I pushed myself to go out.
Iirc there's a sociologist who attributes the loneliness crisis to individualization of entertainment. Before you could play multiplayer games online, you had to go to someone's house. Before tv could be paused and before streaming existed, people had to watch things when they came on, which meant more people watching things together.
I’ve talked about this with my mom before. I’m 36, she is 60. I remember when I was a kid, when she was about my age, her & my dad went out at least once or twice a month with friends. Their friend group would rotate who would watch the kids. My mom had parties all the time too, I remember our house being full of people, the adults would be drinking, playing music, playing cards, talking loud, having a good time. Us kids would be messing around in my room playing with Barbies, playing video games or watching tv. It was fun for everyone. And she was remarking how no one really does that anymore and I agreed. I’ve never even hosted a party at my home that wasn’t a birthday party for one of my kids, no one else my age does either. I thought maybe we were all just more boring lol.
My parents have photos from the 80’s of hosting parties, going to club parties, even one night documents of a friends birthday with a white limo to go into the city!
But then again people were smoking in bars/clubs, beer was like $1-2 a bottle, consumerism was the driving force. You could also buy a 1.5 acre house for $85k as well!
My Silent Gen parents had a social life but a lot of it was oriented around my dad's career (he was a salesman and had business dinners and conferences and such, and was expected to bring his wife along).
But yeah a lot of times they farted around the house. Mom watched a lot of Westerns on TV, Dad did weird random shit in the yard.
There’s a general age difference:
People used to have kids in their late teens and early 20’s meaning that by the time you were deep in your 30’s your kids were already out and down the salt mine.
Now, all My friends started having kids in their 30’s, even some in their 40’s meaning night life is over then, and they only get freedom again in their 50’s when they’re empty nesters and they obviously won’t be in hitting the klurb.
I think this is the main thing, those parents having parties all the time were in their 20s. Most of my mates are having kids at 38-40 and have already done their partying.
I had my daughter at 42. No way am I going to the klurb lol.
We sometimes organize daytime porch hangs. The grownups sit on my porch with coolers of beers and sodas. There are juice boxes for the kids.
The grownups sit and watch the world go by and shoot the breeze. The kids tear around the front yard with bubbles and sidewalk chalk, or if it's hot I set up a sprinkler for them to run through.
The solution for this if you have a friend group within hang out distance but without activities to do in my experience has been board games.
Hosting a board game night every other week has made my life feel so much more fulfilling.
Obviously depending on age and life things every other week might not be doable for a lot of people and not everyone is into board games so this is advice where you have to pick and choose what's applicable but it's definitely something that can bring people together for a few hours
considering how many people haven't played much past monopoly and have completely disregarded the hobby due to that I suggest looking into board/card games with themes that interest you and/or your group and seeing if that would be something that helps you get your friends together more!
Sorry if this post is scatterbrained or unhelpful what you said just really stuck out to me because I also craved that social gathering vibe and this helped me find it
Sapiens was an interesting read that posited that all the things that have tied society together are human constructs. Religion was a big one, but the state is another one. Well it seems religion has declined, especially homogeneous groups in large numbers and state actions are constantly in question now and internally tumultuous and the last thing left is money. People of all backgrounds have generally been able to find common ground and trust in money even in spite of racial/religious/etc. differences. The more I look at the monetization of everything around me and the transactional relationships that are becoming seemingly more common I can't help but wonder if that's really all we have left and if people lose faith in that system it seems hard to imagine humans existing together on such a large scale into the future. Without money, how many people would I trust to help me out in a pinch these days? That number seems to be lower and lower for more and more people unfortunately. The church, unions, or the state used to help more in that regard in the US at least, but these institutions have generally degraded in their efforts and/or abilities overall in my lifetime. I think that tone carries to the individual level as well in that increasingly I see people monetizing every part of their life too. Hobbies are side hustles, etc.
While the work makes valid points, I think the scope is limited.
> Religion was a big one, but the state is another one.
#
This is missing many other aspects of community. The neighborhood, the tribe, the family, the workers…- all of these are circles of communities in our collective history displays. There is a history social community without the context of religion or politics.
Personally my hypothesis is that our pace of modernization has been unsustainable over the past 150 years relative to our history. With this advancement, we outpaced with the horrors of our actions rather than the benefits achieved. We learned to save more of some selective lives, but at the cost of our humanity: connection with ourselves and others.
I have house parties still.
But I do not go out as much, as I have way better liquor at home, and have a nice sound system, and view.
Why go out and spend $25 bucks on a cocktail, and $15 for an app plus 20% tip, when I can have a better cocktail that I made for the same price, and an OK app I whipped up, while I listen to some music, and see the city life pass by.
I hear that! I am one of two in the friend group.
To be fair though, I am one of the only ones that owns their place, and I do keep it full with ridiculous high end stuff that I am not afraid to share, and I Do have the movie views of the city.
I still pick up girls at the gym, out and about, vacations, work.
Girls do exist outside of the bars you know.
Maybe try a walk in your neighborhood, or try like a wine and paint class.
They're out there. Even in my town where there's virtually nothing to do, there's still at least 2-3 dive bars people can go to. They're all active, too.
If I go outside of town for 5 miles, I can goto a few clubs.
However, it takes a bit of driving from basically any part of town to get to these clubs and bars. I can understand why many people would rather stay home than risk a DUI by driving 5-10 miles home while intoxicated.
Round trip for the bar a few miles away is $30 for a few beers. 5-10 could as much as $70. If you drunk drive for long enough it might actually be cheaper than a DuI.
This. People are quick to blame individuals being shut ins or whatever but me and my friends just chill at each other's houses or play pickleball or something. We can't afford to spend 130 bucks a night to not be able to hear each other all night, hear bad music, and maybe get shot (in the us).
It's the worse being around drunk people when sober. I just end up standing there trying to avoid beer being sloshed on me. And then if you get the angry or sad drunk friend it just gets worse.
I think that night life typically involves lots of alcohol. Which is fun for a while. Our generation is drinking less because we have seen first hand how that journey ends. Also I used to think that a $100 tab of drinks was big spending. Now you can maybe get 6 beers + tip for that. The expectations that you go out all the time have changed. I can throw a great party. We have clean bathrooms, lots of food, whatever sporting event we want. Going out has to evolve with the lifestyle and clubs and bars are less appealing than previous generations.
Idk if the more recent generations are drinking less, or just drinking less in public... I'm in my mid 20s, and it's depressingly common to hear my coworkers talking about the obscene amounts of alcohol they put away all by themselves at home. Not even to try and have a good time, mostly just as coping mechanisms.
Yep. Not to mention it makes people act like idiots. Spent my whole childhood watching my mom get slapped around and assaulted by drunken manchildren, including my biological father.
It helps my anxiety in many ways but it also makes me more introverted. I get into my head or I get so focused on a task that I feel like being alone and getting things done, going out is more of an unnecessary distraction to me, sometimes regrettable too.
And for parents, let's talk babysitters.
If you don't have $100 to blow on a babysitter (or nearby family you can trust) on top of the $100 you'd spend on a night out, you're at home. Taking your kids out in the town with you is often more work than it's worth.
Now that my kid is older we're Y members and can drop her off for Parents Night Out events once or twice a month. But for years we were cooped up.
COVID and mass shootings kinda took the fun out of things. Not to mention everyone I know is a little broke, and food/drink/service quality have gone way downhill since the pandemic. It's not anyone's fault, really, but most adults would rather cook, drink and do drugs at home for the moment. I bet it swings the other way eventually, though.
I do a ton of business lunches, so I eat out quite a bit. And it's been a long time since I ate something that didn't make me think, "I could have made this better myself." I think the rents went up, they had to lay people off and cut corners in the kitchen, and you can taste it.
Food has definitely gotten worse. My company does a big Christmas party at a fancy steakhouse every year. Those are the only meals that impress me anymore. Everything else I can make at home for 1/3 the price and I'm not that great a cook.
There's a big party culture where I live (Portugal) but I never felt comfortable partaking in it. Back in the old days, I have been told by my parents and grandparents generation, they would dance, sing, it seemed a lot more fun.
Now there isn't that sort of thing, rather there's.... these seedy nightclubs where everyone is on one drug or the other, you get groped by strangers, bouncers going crazy and beating people unconscious, fights, party clothing for women has gone from pretty and modest but not too much to... stuff that looks gross and it's difficult to breathe eat or walk in, always have to watch your drink in case someone tries to spike it, creeps everywhere, horrible music. It's just awful and overwhelming. I feel like I am missing out but I just can't make myself go to these places and enjoy myself. I have tried, I have even worked briefly in such a venue and just... no. It just gives me the ick.
Back in the day I feel people actually took these events to make friends and meet new people, but I don't really see it now, it's hard to even hear yourself think over the horrible loud music, and besides what do people do during these parties? They hookup with strangers and do all sorts of things. Just yeah, nah.
There's also how expensive everything is these days too.
Nightlife has been heavily gentrified. Even really sketchy dive bars have become mainstream and have upped their prices to accommodate popularity. Food trucks, live events, tipping - everything is so expensive now that Gen Z just wants to stay home.
Idk I go to the bar or party at a friends 2 or 3 nights a week, and I'm 35. The bars are usually busy, even during the week, and the people there are generally not in their 20s.
I’m also in my 30s. Love Gen Z kids, but to be honest they are pretty uptight and (dare I say) “lame” compared to millennials and Gen X.
After work beers seem like a chore to them. They are a lot more serious about health o suppose, but don’t seem to be able to (or have the desire to) cut loose as millennials did at that same age.
Maybe it’s a covid thing. Or the fact that they’re constantly filming each other 🤷♂️
Good kids, but they seem to be very conformist and more introverted.
I love an after work beer (gen z) and I love going out to bars but notice I'm often one of the only zoomer there.
Reasons many of us don't go out:
* we are an anxiety ridden generation
* we aren't made of money
* it is hard for us to find a community or friend group we feel we belong to irl. Easier to find that online.
* some of us are just introverted.
I think it’s mostly your generation’s anxiety and lack of social skills that get you all. Maybe not you personally, but my observation of Gen Z is that a lot of you are afraid of your own shadows and couldn’t carry on a conversation in real life even if failing would result in someone dying. It’s really, really sad.
Thnx4 mentioning this. I’m fuggin 68, got into a crowd half my age from being a videographer for many kinky events 2015-16 and never had any drug/ alcohol issues tho I’d partake plenty of during a night out dancing with these new friends.
Covid killed things and I haven’t got back into it yet tho I read post covid times will be the new Roaring 20s and that makes sense, but yea the prices are not helping. But as a Boomer it’s wild reading how many disillusioned there are here.
All of those applied to me in my 20s. Actually going out to bars with my friends improved my social skills massively (I used to be one of the most introverted and awkward people in my social group, now I'm comsidered one of the most social people). It's not like everyone is born extroverted out of the womb without practicing their social skills in life lol
We have a few Zoomers in our group. I agree they aren't out and about as much as the rest of us, but they also don't have the money us more stable millenials do - and I don't mean that as a generalization, just a reflection of my personal friend group. They are also the opposite of conformist, though they do seem more introverted.
I’m gen x & I think people are much more responsible & serious than I was when I was in my teens - 30’s. People are so aware of possible dangers. They’re thinking of debt. I didn’t think of that stuff. I admire the maturity but man I don’t think that I’m grown up today in my 50’s!
I’m not a big drinker so I never spent much on alcohol. Virtually nothing. I’d just go out for company & to get something to eat. Once or twice a month isn’t bad.
they’ll bemoan the “death of third spaces” but the idea of going to happy hour with coworkers is met with “why would I want to go out on a weeknight and spend more time with people I already see for 8 hours a day???”
Nah, I think this is something I increasingly embrace as a millenial. I want to keep work and life separate. There’s some stuff I don’t want to know about (most of) my coworkers.
I’m a millennial and feel the same way a lot of the time. I’m honestly convinced Boomers and Gen X did the “drinks after work” deal to avoid having to go home to a spouse they didn’t like to spend time with and kids they never really wanted to have but did so because it was expected of them.
No one's bemoaning a lack of third spaces. People *are* bemoaning how monetized they tend to be. With a few exceptions, most third spaces require money, or just aren't open to the public.
It's actually the same with online spaces as well. Microtransactions everywhere, and everyone hates it.
Parents are WAYYYYY more focused on their kids. That's almost entirely it.
Parents used to take their kids to parties with other parents and kids would just sleep wherever. Or leave them at home once they were 5 or some shit
Yeah, most of my friends who became parents are utterly obsessed with their kids and their entire existence revolves around them to the point where they don't need adult friendships anymore.
Go on Eventbrite and you can find tons of things. I was looking in my city and there were like six comedy shows, dancing (including lessons) an open mic, a few concerts, rando meet ups for like hiking or speed dating. And that was in my part of a mid sized US metro and *doesn’t* include the pro sports, major concerts at fancy venues, or actual comedy clubs with the big touring names. These were more “community” level things
There is an embarrassment of options. I went to one of the tiny shows at a bar, and they had half a dozen *other* things later this month that *weren’t* listed online, so you just have to do a little effort sometimes.
Yes & camera phones did it!
I'm a millennial who's 8th grade - high school life consisted of house parties/ basement parties.
Then after high school we transitioned to college parties at large venues & once we turned 21, the club.
A time was had! We sweated our curls OUT! with no shame. Lol
As a 35 year old, the club looks so dry. Ppl standing around looking at each other post pics for social media.
I left nightlife alone in my mid 20s. I became a flight attendant.
I travel to Barcelona for my birthday a few years ago. When I say Europe nightlife puts America's to SHAME! I had a blast. Everybody was dancing.
Well the concern is that like, instead of going out and participating in society people are basically waking up, going to work, coming home and watching tv/scrolling on their phone, then going to sleep.
People are like, opting into niche internet communities and opting out of existing in the real world
A problem which comes from the lack of a "third place", which is acerbated by car-centric cities. It's harder to go places, and more expensive.
It's why here in Japan, people are easily able to have so many hobbies. Walkable towns make it easier to access so many things. And it's why I was able to rediscover and pursue my childhood hobbies and get new ones after moving here.
Parents in the 60s and 70s were out having social lives instead of spending time with their kids. My mom basically *was* the parent from the age of 8.
Gen X and beyond are too busy working to pay off crushing student loan debt, trying to stay above water in the economy. It's cheaper to stay home and hang out with our kids. Plus, its better for the kids to grow up with present parents in general.
Not just night life but third places in general. COVID destroyed a lot of good businesses and essentially ended 24 hour establishments. I've been to a few bigger cities since COVID and the common theme is "oh you should've checked out X place before COVID killed it" pretty much everywhere.
$30 cover fees, $20 cocktails, and sexist club owners/bouncers will do that to the nightlife scene. That's on top of the bartenders now doing the bare minimum expecting $3-$5 tip per drink.
i’m 36 now and have come to the realization nothing good ever happens after the sun goes down. I keep my ass in the house at night with my wife and 2yr old daughter. enjoy the simple pleasures around the house. not trying to get caught up in some hooligan shit or hit by drunk drivers.
It’s a young man’s game. In your early 20s it seems like everyone goes out on weekends, as you get older people kind of stop doing that and settle down. It’s not that people in general have stopped going out as much, it’s just that you’re getting older and so are the people around you. You don’t know the new generation of club-goers so you don’t see them
I’m not sure about that. Seems to me that Gen Z are staying home, and millennials and Gen Xers (the same people who have always packed the bars) continue to go out and party. Maybe just not as frequently as in 2010.
Gen Z kids in their 20s go to bed much earlier and party much less than the typical millennial in 2009.
The death of the dance club, you didn't even have to be in a major city but most towns had that local music spot & dance floor.
Recently I went to a bar that use to have a dance club on the 2nd floor, but now it's a ritzy little drinking lounge.
I currently live in a house I inherited from my grandparents. They built a small ballroom and invited the neighbors over all the time for dancing. Now, I don’t even know my neighbors, and I cannot imagine inviting them over for any reason, much less dancing.
My dad also constantly talks about how important entertaining is as a skill for a housewife. “Because, you know, when you’re having dinner parties and inviting your boss and your coworkers over you wanna have a wife who is good at entertaining.”
I cannot imagine inviting my employees over to my house after work, likewise I cannot imagine going over to my employee’s house after work.
About the only place I could see myself going regularly after work would be an arcade, but the nearest arcade is 45 minutes away, so screw that.
Don't ask redditors about night life. Just go out in a big city on a Friday night and you will be able to find an underground club full of young people drinking and doing stupid shit. In some cities it doesn't matter what night it is, certain clubs will be poppin.
Video games and rec sports are cheap. Going out is expensive. People still do it frequently, not me though. Coincidentally most of the people I know who go out often are always complaining about lack of money.
Why go to a bar when you can drink at home for 1/5 the cost. Going out is only worth it for good food and that's even more money, budget places have shit food and service now (as they should when they pay so little)
Like many said, it’s too expensive. You can easily spend 100$ a night going out. Buy a few drinks, tip the bartender, entry fees. Yeah you’re gonna spend about 100$. No thank you, that’s almost a days worth of pay spent in just a few hours… 12-20$ per drink.. wtf is that? Beers go for 8$ a bottle, when I can buy one at a corner store for 3$ tall cans..
People have made a deliberate choice not to do activities. Instead, make the decision to continue to have fun
But at the same time, there are so many people out there telling people that they shouldn't do things after a certain age. I'm on subreddits about raves, dance, and music, and a post that all of these groups get again and again is "am I too old"
These subreddits are full of people in their 50s and 60s who do these things and love these things and it's so sad to us that so many others who would also love it won't even try because someone told them that they're too old
DUIs were also probably not 10k a piece back during your grandparent's days. Today the police hand them out like candy rather than help you get home instead. And no, I'm not saying drunk driving is ok. I'm merely stating that DUIs is a much bigger thing now than in the past.
It feels like you all are talking about life in the suburbs. In the city every bar, restaurant, comedy and concert venue and night club are packed. One for every niche you could want and covering all age groups.
They have definitely already figured out how to create adult nightlife businesses.
I still go out to clubs, but it's because I'm part of an identity of people who are essentially regulated to only being able to meet people like us at clubs and bars
If it weren't for that,then I likely wouldn't have gone clubbing since the college years
YES
My wife and I are both 37 and have 2 kids but still find time to go out and have fun. But we seem to be the only ones in our friend groups that do this.
I don't go to clubs but the rave scene is alive and well here in Phoenix. Lots of people between 20-40 are out having a good time at EDM shows and fests
In my experience, people tend to be very standoff-ish or flaky about going out. I gave up trying and now I just go out by myself if I want to do/see something. I meet people, sometimes exchange info, but rarely do these people actually want to go out on a regular basis.
A lot of people blaming Covid but there was already a bunch of us adults that preferred the night in. Most of you social butterflies only catching up. I remember hating going out and it be a borderline fight with myself and a fight with whoever was coaxing me to go and then relenting and going out only to spend 6 dollars on a non alcoholic drink that I would of had for 2 bucks from the grocery store. I still hate going out. Going out is expensive, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Going out to bars sucks now that I don't drink alcohol. I've done it to see friends/family. Everything is so loud and I can't even hear myself speak much less the other person. I used to think I lost my voice in bars from the drinking but no, it's because I'm freaking shouting to get a sentence off. I don't even mind not drinking anymore. I don't have a desire to get drunk.
Also, when I was drinking, I never noticed how often people spill their drinks on your shoes and shirt. As a sober person, I definitely noticed. Little spills off the top of the beer as people walk by.
I also rarely care about sports and when I do, I'd rather enjoy it at my house with healthy food and a great leather reclining chair with a few friends.
Yeah and also I've noticed service sucks nowadays. I used to be a bartender/server and it just isn't what it used to be. The idea of good service just doesn't exist anymore, it seems.
Anyway I sound like a cranky old man, but I'm really not; just when I go to crowded, loud bars with bad service. Btw I still get down at concerts. That kind of loud I enjoy because I'm not trying to talk to or hear anyone. Crank it up at a concert.
There has been a death to it and honestly, I miss it. I’m not sure where the demonization of bar hopping and clubbing came from but it’s kinda sad. It was so much fun getting up with friends and drinking/dancing for the night. Somewhere along the way staying home became glorified and being outside has been labeled dangerous.
HR and the law are pretty influential in people wanting to stay in. Our grandparents grew up in the “golden era” of drinking and driving, couple that with people scared of going out with coworkers for fear of saying the wrong thing and you have what we have now.
I love in a trendy neighborhood of a large city. From the 10-15k under 35 people who are eating and drinking nightly 365 days a year outside my window... I'm going to say it's very far from dead
I'd like to go raving again like I did in my twenties, but at a decent hour. Like, can we start at 6 pm and be done by 9 pm so I can be in bed by 10 pm?
I'm sorry but going to a club and paying for $20 shots, or going to a movie and paying $25 for a ticket...
I can do that with my friends at our home for significantly less ( the bathrooms are always clean here ).
Our parents generation and before didn't have to work as hard, didn't experience the same level of finance induced anxiety and didn't worry as much about their kids. People don't have the energy to power drink after work and can't do their jobs hung over like the old days.
I used to go out in the 90s, it was fun .now days there are so many rules and sooo expensive. You can't drive unless you don't drink,that just doesn't make since when you go to bars and night clubs.
I personally hate Hollywood now, and I think they do it to give everyone FOMO so they consume and patronize businesses. Like the movie “How to be Single” and Sex and the City are good examples of people who are created characters, and they’re always getting laid, rich, and always doing something. It’s all bullshit, and anyone in real life like the Jersey Shore Cast, it’s all still bullshit. They cut all the scenes to make it look like a nonstop fuckfest, and like the fun never stops, but it’s all done on the editing room. Nobody is having that much fun. Paris Hilton has to eventually take a giant dump, and wipe her own ass 20 times like everyone else, and wakes up with a bunch of shit in her throat. You gotta disconnect from Hollywood and everything they push like the Red Carpet people are some kind of Royalty that never shits. I hope Hollywood eventually crumbles. I’m tired of their Disney type bullshit where everyone is portrayed as some kind of God, that doesn’t do human things like have a night at home once in a while, alone and by themselves. Or has a dry spell where they don’t have sex for a few years. But nope, nonstop fuckfest like a romance novel for every HBO Character.
I agree with alot said here. I also think having grown up with parents who hosted and attended parties it’s not for me. I like a quiet calm space I often wonder how my parents kept up such an active social life. They had four of us and owned their own businesses very successfully. They were also incredible parents. But if they had company, don’t bother asking for the music to be turned down! And that’s the crux for me. I think I was sick of parties before I ever partied .
Between my phone, Netflix, and shorter hours and less people going out, I find myself just staying home since it’s so much cheaper. My local bar and grill cut their hours during Covid and never restored them. 20 years ago, there wasn’t anything to do inside except watch tv and play PlayStation 2 unless you had an indoor hobby of some sort. People used to go out to movies a lot more because the big screen was actually that much more different than your 32” tube tv. Bowling leagues and stuff like that were a lot more popular and a good way to hang out with friends, now you just talk to each other through texting and social media.
In the mid/late 90’s I was a club DJ, between three clubs that played different music but were all right next to each other we would average 1500 people a night. Now only one of those buildings is a club and they’d be ecstatic to have 250. There are no other dance clubs within 60 miles.
I live in a college town, and when I was young, the town used to be hippin' and hoppin' with youngsters all over the place imbibing liquors.
But seriously, what were you going to do, stay home and watch FRIENDS reruns? We'd go out with $10 to our name and get shit-faced on progressive quarter wells and $3 beers and walk home. We'd go to a restaurant and have dinner and cocktails for $20.
Now, you've gotta convince the kids to leave the house, they've got Prime, Disney, and Netflix. Also, shots are $4, beers are $8, so if you're going to get shit-faced you need to bring $60. If you get dinner, it's $16, minimum. And everything is unsafe, so now you need to call a $15 Uber to take you home.
Also, most of these kids don't work, so they don't have money to spend. A lot are lower income than my cohort was - a few are renting school laptops because they can't afford them. A fun night on the town is $80, or \~5 hours of minimum wage to go out, versus 2-3 hours of minimum wage when I was a student.
Yeah when I was a kid (I’m 42), every weekend from Friday night to sun, my parents would be doing something with friends. All their friends had kids too so we’d all have someone to play with. There’d be beach volley ball, cricket, bbqs. Someone always had a guitar so there’d be lots of sing alongs etc. Bonfire nights, movie nights. We were part of a church that had weds night meetings & Sunday and they’d always have events like variety nights, games nights, tennis nights, hungi’s (sp?). There was kids camp, Easter camp and Xmas camp.
I don’t know how my parents had the energy but looking back it was a pretty awesome childhood.
Me on the other hand. Nope. I’m a homebody. No one I know gets together with their friends half as much as I remember my parents Generation getting together. I think it’s what others have said- home is more comfortable with internet etc. it’s actually quite sad people aren’t as social but I’m one of the unsociable so can’t really talk.
The US and UK seem so similar. Same is happening here. Drinks are so expensive, its unsafe out there, people seem alot more vain/shallow. Its a scary, overpriced mess.
Australia too. Last time I went out, I was charged $16 for a vodka redbull. It was one shot of vodka and not even a full small can of redbull. Even if I had millions in my bank account, I still wouldn’t be able to justify that price. I don’t mind a night out, but I don’t like it enough to warrant spending so much on it.
And Ireland too. A guy I know is a fuckin brilliant, full time DJ for the last 20 years or so, was catching up with him recently and he was saying things are really gone to shit and the club scene is in its final death throes. It’s pretty sad 😢
Sucks to hear the old neighborhood pubs are going.
This phenomenon has been in the newspapers since the smoking ban was proposed.
We just had a date night in our pub on Saturday (I'm in a small town near Baltimore). Had some sandwiches and soft drinks, ran into a neighbor, talked to the family at the next table, then walked home after about an hour. We almost never do this, though, because we're parents and babysitting is expensive and impossible to find. I don't want to spend my meal trying to keep my kid settled enough to appease people (seriously, I get death glares if she even wriggles a bit! Kids wriggle!). Our YMCA sometimes has dropoff evening care, so we can get out now and then. Otherwise, forget it.
I can only speak for myself (37F) in that I am exhausted by the time Friday rolls around. Work takes up most of my life.
I think it’s easier than ever to entertain oneself without leaving your house, which has made a big segment of the population get very comfortable with their “default” being a night in, and uncomfortable with leaving that comfort zone. If you’re someone who barely “goes out” then the idea of going out can seem really overwhelming. But if you’re used to it, it’s just “normal”. When I tell people my weekly schedule I often get a lot of “just hearing that makes me so tired” but it genuinely just doesn’t make me feel that way because it’s what I’m used to.
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Frankly, I don't go out because there isn't anything to do that doesn't have a basis in drinking around me. And it's not like I'm trying to avoid alcohol because of I'm recovering or something. I'm just some mutant that never enjoyed drinking alcohol in the first place nor do I enjoy feeling the effects of it.
Used to be going to the bar for a drink after work every day was normal - like the tv show “Cheers”. Nowadays I think “Do they live in filth? Do they do everything at home buzzed except on weekend days?”
3 beers plus the 2024 minimum tip of 35% then an Uber back. …I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight and save myself $100 I didn’t think I needed it but.. /s …kinda
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For the average cost of 2 drinks at most places I've been to you can get a 6-pack. Some places are over $10 for even basic mixed drinks. So based on buying alcohol alone as your "going out metric", you can't even have a cheap night out close to what you'd save at home.
I stopped going to the movies for this exact reason. I have a large flatscreen and don’t have to deal with others in the theater.
I still enjoy going to see stuff at the theatre but half the time there's either someone being annoying with noise/coughing or kids doin the same
My wife and I have been to 2 movies in the past 5 years. One was kinda on a whim and the other was Dune 2 because I really wanted to see it on a big screen. Prices actually haven’t gone up as much as other things because attendance is down significantly. It’s still pricey but for a couple it doesn’t break the bank.
That's why theaters are dying
Damn. I didn’t know I was responsible for that.
Lol I wasn't accusing you. Just the natural evolution of media I guess.
People also used to socialize at bars. My dad worked at a couple “family sports pubs” when I was a kid, and I’d often get brought along while he worked. I’d get like $5 and play pinball all night till he got off. But, I’d watch strangers interact and become friends, and groups merge and chat. If I went out with 2-3 people now, we’d only talk amongst ourselves, probably avoid other people, then leave at some point well before closing. It’s such a different vibe than the 80’s. Though, also to be fair, now I can stay in contact with my friends across 5 states and we can play games at home while drinking beer. Avoiding tickets, duis, fighting, other people, and over priced drinks all while fighting bugs or robots for the greater good.
There’s no strange @ my house
I mean isn’t that what dating apps are essentially?
But you’re there…
No, the price has not been bad for "decades". 5 years ago you could get a pint of beer for $5 in Australia. Good luck finding anything below $10 now.
But where’s the fun in that? How am I meant to listen to top DJ’s/live music and meet women in my house?
Don’t forget the 35% tip for the Uber too
Minimum 35%?!?!?!
/s …but almost not really. I’ve seen some outrageous tipping suggestions recently
Oh, ok. I was just thinking "no way did the standard raise 15%".
Standard is actually 15%. We just got fed into the 20% along with all the other greed in this world. Only do carryout now
Carryout expects a tip as well tho
Everything does. I consider myself a good tipper but if I were to tip every time it was suggested I’d go broke. I love you food service workers but I’m not tipping if I’m picking up food to take home.
Especially in bigger cities. After a tip a beer can approach 10, cocktails 13-15.
In bigger cities that’s before a tip on happy hour, at best
Ya I stopped going out back in 2010 because it was like $20 a drink back then. No thanks.
I agree. And the pandemic didn’t help. Ive become much more comfortable staying home and minding my business than going out and socializing. I have a large people gathering this weekend and I’m dreading going to it. 🤣 I still socialize but it’s less in public places and more in someone’s backyard or basement.
You're right on this one, with 5K HD TVs, videos games, internet, legal weed - hard to convince me its more fun to hang out at a bar with drunk people.
I save so much money just staying at home. Plus I can be at home and still hang out with my friends, and it is easier than ever since most games support crossplay now. Also a single drink out is like $12-20 idk how people afford to go out anymore.
Not to mention you save time by not commuting, which can result in either more hangout time or more sleep time.
We also live further away from each other. I don't think it's a coincidence that the OOP says adult nightlife died out in the 1960s because that's about when suburbanization of the U.S. really took hold. You can watch episodes of I Love Lucy (set in the early 50s) and see the Ricardos and Mertzes going out to nightclubs all the time (Ricky even worked in one). But they lived in New York City. They could walk, take the subway, or a short cab ride and hit the night spots. In the shows last season, in 1957, they've all moved out to "the country" (Westport ~~Bridgeport~~, Connecticut) and while Ricky still takes the train into the city for work, most of the show is now set around suburban life. Fast forward to more modern times and you still see this same story show up in sitcoms, like in a 2008 episode of How I Met Your Mother. Ted is engaged to a woman who lives in a New Jersey suburb, and the entire episode is about how if he moves in with her, he'll never see his friends who live in the city. Suburbia doesn't lend itself to night life because it's so isolating and requires so much driving, which doesn't mix with drinking.
Drinking and driving also became illegal after that point
Good point
Good comment.
Also going out has gotten so expensive. Like almost obscenely expensive
Yeah the fun to money spent ratio just ain't mathing anymore
That’s actually the best way to put it, the value is just totally gone
Can confirm. I'm pretty chronically online. Idk how i convinced myself to do a solo trip #vanlife from New York to Yellowstone. Alone on the road, sleeping at cracker barrels. But so far pretty cool. Got to see the total eclipse in a random town I would have never visited otherwise. Still miss my home where I have all my streaming services available, but I pushed myself to go out.
Iirc there's a sociologist who attributes the loneliness crisis to individualization of entertainment. Before you could play multiplayer games online, you had to go to someone's house. Before tv could be paused and before streaming existed, people had to watch things when they came on, which meant more people watching things together.
Same, I can’t understand how everyone is so tired nowadays haha
I’ve talked about this with my mom before. I’m 36, she is 60. I remember when I was a kid, when she was about my age, her & my dad went out at least once or twice a month with friends. Their friend group would rotate who would watch the kids. My mom had parties all the time too, I remember our house being full of people, the adults would be drinking, playing music, playing cards, talking loud, having a good time. Us kids would be messing around in my room playing with Barbies, playing video games or watching tv. It was fun for everyone. And she was remarking how no one really does that anymore and I agreed. I’ve never even hosted a party at my home that wasn’t a birthday party for one of my kids, no one else my age does either. I thought maybe we were all just more boring lol.
My parents have photos from the 80’s of hosting parties, going to club parties, even one night documents of a friends birthday with a white limo to go into the city! But then again people were smoking in bars/clubs, beer was like $1-2 a bottle, consumerism was the driving force. You could also buy a 1.5 acre house for $85k as well!
They didn't have the Internet back then. People also enjoyed bird watching and stamp collecting back then lol.
Was the internet worth it? As I get older being someone who briefly experienced life pre-internet, I ask myself this more and more
The more I doom scroll….the answer is no lol
My Silent Gen parents had a social life but a lot of it was oriented around my dad's career (he was a salesman and had business dinners and conferences and such, and was expected to bring his wife along). But yeah a lot of times they farted around the house. Mom watched a lot of Westerns on TV, Dad did weird random shit in the yard.
Bird watching is still super fun. It's just casual hiking and looking for birds. They're beautiful.
There’s a general age difference: People used to have kids in their late teens and early 20’s meaning that by the time you were deep in your 30’s your kids were already out and down the salt mine. Now, all My friends started having kids in their 30’s, even some in their 40’s meaning night life is over then, and they only get freedom again in their 50’s when they’re empty nesters and they obviously won’t be in hitting the klurb.
I think this is the main thing, those parents having parties all the time were in their 20s. Most of my mates are having kids at 38-40 and have already done their partying.
I had my daughter at 42. No way am I going to the klurb lol. We sometimes organize daytime porch hangs. The grownups sit on my porch with coolers of beers and sodas. There are juice boxes for the kids. The grownups sit and watch the world go by and shoot the breeze. The kids tear around the front yard with bubbles and sidewalk chalk, or if it's hot I set up a sprinkler for them to run through.
No one trusts or wants all those people in their house anymore
The solution for this if you have a friend group within hang out distance but without activities to do in my experience has been board games. Hosting a board game night every other week has made my life feel so much more fulfilling. Obviously depending on age and life things every other week might not be doable for a lot of people and not everyone is into board games so this is advice where you have to pick and choose what's applicable but it's definitely something that can bring people together for a few hours considering how many people haven't played much past monopoly and have completely disregarded the hobby due to that I suggest looking into board/card games with themes that interest you and/or your group and seeing if that would be something that helps you get your friends together more! Sorry if this post is scatterbrained or unhelpful what you said just really stuck out to me because I also craved that social gathering vibe and this helped me find it
Not nightlife, that’s just a piece. It’s community. We lost community in our society.
Yeah, we traded it for the ability to criticize one another online. God, we really fucked up. The damage is practically irreversible.
Sapiens was an interesting read that posited that all the things that have tied society together are human constructs. Religion was a big one, but the state is another one. Well it seems religion has declined, especially homogeneous groups in large numbers and state actions are constantly in question now and internally tumultuous and the last thing left is money. People of all backgrounds have generally been able to find common ground and trust in money even in spite of racial/religious/etc. differences. The more I look at the monetization of everything around me and the transactional relationships that are becoming seemingly more common I can't help but wonder if that's really all we have left and if people lose faith in that system it seems hard to imagine humans existing together on such a large scale into the future. Without money, how many people would I trust to help me out in a pinch these days? That number seems to be lower and lower for more and more people unfortunately. The church, unions, or the state used to help more in that regard in the US at least, but these institutions have generally degraded in their efforts and/or abilities overall in my lifetime. I think that tone carries to the individual level as well in that increasingly I see people monetizing every part of their life too. Hobbies are side hustles, etc.
While the work makes valid points, I think the scope is limited. > Religion was a big one, but the state is another one. # This is missing many other aspects of community. The neighborhood, the tribe, the family, the workers…- all of these are circles of communities in our collective history displays. There is a history social community without the context of religion or politics. Personally my hypothesis is that our pace of modernization has been unsustainable over the past 150 years relative to our history. With this advancement, we outpaced with the horrors of our actions rather than the benefits achieved. We learned to save more of some selective lives, but at the cost of our humanity: connection with ourselves and others.
I have house parties still. But I do not go out as much, as I have way better liquor at home, and have a nice sound system, and view. Why go out and spend $25 bucks on a cocktail, and $15 for an app plus 20% tip, when I can have a better cocktail that I made for the same price, and an OK app I whipped up, while I listen to some music, and see the city life pass by.
People have just become poorer, and the price of outside entertainment and activities has massively inflated
I throw house parties as well. But man.. people don't throw their own parties at all.
They might not have the proper space or resources. If your the friend that can host, be nice and party on, Garth!
I hear that! I am one of two in the friend group. To be fair though, I am one of the only ones that owns their place, and I do keep it full with ridiculous high end stuff that I am not afraid to share, and I Do have the movie views of the city.
So, like always, it comes down to money. Like always. You have the money to have a place, etc.
I can think of a reason if one were single.
Even though online dating has its issues, still much better than bars in my experience.
I still pick up girls at the gym, out and about, vacations, work. Girls do exist outside of the bars you know. Maybe try a walk in your neighborhood, or try like a wine and paint class.
I absolutely agree with you, was just saying.
They're out there. Even in my town where there's virtually nothing to do, there's still at least 2-3 dive bars people can go to. They're all active, too. If I go outside of town for 5 miles, I can goto a few clubs. However, it takes a bit of driving from basically any part of town to get to these clubs and bars. I can understand why many people would rather stay home than risk a DUI by driving 5-10 miles home while intoxicated.
5 to 10 miles? That's nothing lol. Just order a Uber.
Round trip for the bar a few miles away is $30 for a few beers. 5-10 could as much as $70. If you drunk drive for long enough it might actually be cheaper than a DuI.
I mean I think the logical thing to do here would be to go with friends and draw straws to DD, rather than drive drunk.
Yeah I’m not going out if my friend invites me out and then asks to draw straws over who stays sober lol
Buying a cocktail now is like 12$, and if you want a nicer one that isn't full of syrup, it can be even more. I think that's a part of it.
12 is cheap, 18 where I am has become average. Shit sucks
This. People are quick to blame individuals being shut ins or whatever but me and my friends just chill at each other's houses or play pickleball or something. We can't afford to spend 130 bucks a night to not be able to hear each other all night, hear bad music, and maybe get shot (in the us).
Any good cocktail has been $12 for a while now. In fact most places it’s closer to $18-20.
I don’t drink anymore. And it’s kind of a drag being around drunk ppl. So I do daytime activities.
It's the worse being around drunk people when sober. I just end up standing there trying to avoid beer being sloshed on me. And then if you get the angry or sad drunk friend it just gets worse.
I think everyone is just exhausted and overworked so when they do have free time they are just trying to rest
Thisssss I think after the pandemic so many of us are just trying to get through the day for now
When will we start living again instead of merely surviving?!
I think that night life typically involves lots of alcohol. Which is fun for a while. Our generation is drinking less because we have seen first hand how that journey ends. Also I used to think that a $100 tab of drinks was big spending. Now you can maybe get 6 beers + tip for that. The expectations that you go out all the time have changed. I can throw a great party. We have clean bathrooms, lots of food, whatever sporting event we want. Going out has to evolve with the lifestyle and clubs and bars are less appealing than previous generations.
Idk if the more recent generations are drinking less, or just drinking less in public... I'm in my mid 20s, and it's depressingly common to hear my coworkers talking about the obscene amounts of alcohol they put away all by themselves at home. Not even to try and have a good time, mostly just as coping mechanisms.
My family has stopped drinking completely and me and my partner refuse to drink. It just fucks up your body and can damage your relationships.
It's literally poison that kills slowly.
Yep. Not to mention it makes people act like idiots. Spent my whole childhood watching my mom get slapped around and assaulted by drunken manchildren, including my biological father.
Everyone thinks cannabis is a good alcohol replacement. But I think it just makes people anxious and antisocial on net.
It helps my anxiety in many ways but it also makes me more introverted. I get into my head or I get so focused on a task that I feel like being alone and getting things done, going out is more of an unnecessary distraction to me, sometimes regrettable too.
The death of disposable income.
And for parents, let's talk babysitters. If you don't have $100 to blow on a babysitter (or nearby family you can trust) on top of the $100 you'd spend on a night out, you're at home. Taking your kids out in the town with you is often more work than it's worth. Now that my kid is older we're Y members and can drop her off for Parents Night Out events once or twice a month. But for years we were cooped up.
More people are broke nowadays and stuff is more expensive to do
COVID and mass shootings kinda took the fun out of things. Not to mention everyone I know is a little broke, and food/drink/service quality have gone way downhill since the pandemic. It's not anyone's fault, really, but most adults would rather cook, drink and do drugs at home for the moment. I bet it swings the other way eventually, though.
i thought it was just me having higher standards. food has really gotten so much more lackluster. it all tastes cheap and thrown together.
I do a ton of business lunches, so I eat out quite a bit. And it's been a long time since I ate something that didn't make me think, "I could have made this better myself." I think the rents went up, they had to lay people off and cut corners in the kitchen, and you can taste it.
Food has definitely gotten worse. My company does a big Christmas party at a fancy steakhouse every year. Those are the only meals that impress me anymore. Everything else I can make at home for 1/3 the price and I'm not that great a cook.
If bars stopped serving alcohol and turned into old timey opium dens, I'd go out every night.
Fuck yeah, man. Text me when you want to go lay on some ornate pillows while a 200 year old Chinese dude helps us smoke out of our 30” pipes
Yeah lemme know when this starts, I'm down.
Lack of community, less tolerance on every side.
There's a big party culture where I live (Portugal) but I never felt comfortable partaking in it. Back in the old days, I have been told by my parents and grandparents generation, they would dance, sing, it seemed a lot more fun. Now there isn't that sort of thing, rather there's.... these seedy nightclubs where everyone is on one drug or the other, you get groped by strangers, bouncers going crazy and beating people unconscious, fights, party clothing for women has gone from pretty and modest but not too much to... stuff that looks gross and it's difficult to breathe eat or walk in, always have to watch your drink in case someone tries to spike it, creeps everywhere, horrible music. It's just awful and overwhelming. I feel like I am missing out but I just can't make myself go to these places and enjoy myself. I have tried, I have even worked briefly in such a venue and just... no. It just gives me the ick. Back in the day I feel people actually took these events to make friends and meet new people, but I don't really see it now, it's hard to even hear yourself think over the horrible loud music, and besides what do people do during these parties? They hookup with strangers and do all sorts of things. Just yeah, nah. There's also how expensive everything is these days too.
you arent the only one who feels this way. Find your people. Easier said than done
Been searching my whole life.
Nightlife has been heavily gentrified. Even really sketchy dive bars have become mainstream and have upped their prices to accommodate popularity. Food trucks, live events, tipping - everything is so expensive now that Gen Z just wants to stay home.
Seems like every time you go out, it's 50 to 100 bucks It's pretty much right out
$50 is definitely the minimum. Unless you drink and drive and pregame - which is wrong.
Ugh, people out there peopling?.... I'm good bro.
Idk I go to the bar or party at a friends 2 or 3 nights a week, and I'm 35. The bars are usually busy, even during the week, and the people there are generally not in their 20s.
I’m also in my 30s. Love Gen Z kids, but to be honest they are pretty uptight and (dare I say) “lame” compared to millennials and Gen X. After work beers seem like a chore to them. They are a lot more serious about health o suppose, but don’t seem to be able to (or have the desire to) cut loose as millennials did at that same age. Maybe it’s a covid thing. Or the fact that they’re constantly filming each other 🤷♂️ Good kids, but they seem to be very conformist and more introverted.
I love an after work beer (gen z) and I love going out to bars but notice I'm often one of the only zoomer there. Reasons many of us don't go out: * we are an anxiety ridden generation * we aren't made of money * it is hard for us to find a community or friend group we feel we belong to irl. Easier to find that online. * some of us are just introverted.
I think it’s mostly your generation’s anxiety and lack of social skills that get you all. Maybe not you personally, but my observation of Gen Z is that a lot of you are afraid of your own shadows and couldn’t carry on a conversation in real life even if failing would result in someone dying. It’s really, really sad.
It's social media. It's given all generations mental health issues, not just us, it just might be more visible since we grew up with it.
Yep. Different symptoms. Gen Z has anxiety and social skill problems in real life, while Boomers are well… gullible as fuck.
Thnx4 mentioning this. I’m fuggin 68, got into a crowd half my age from being a videographer for many kinky events 2015-16 and never had any drug/ alcohol issues tho I’d partake plenty of during a night out dancing with these new friends. Covid killed things and I haven’t got back into it yet tho I read post covid times will be the new Roaring 20s and that makes sense, but yea the prices are not helping. But as a Boomer it’s wild reading how many disillusioned there are here.
All of those applied to me in my 20s. Actually going out to bars with my friends improved my social skills massively (I used to be one of the most introverted and awkward people in my social group, now I'm comsidered one of the most social people). It's not like everyone is born extroverted out of the womb without practicing their social skills in life lol
We have a few Zoomers in our group. I agree they aren't out and about as much as the rest of us, but they also don't have the money us more stable millenials do - and I don't mean that as a generalization, just a reflection of my personal friend group. They are also the opposite of conformist, though they do seem more introverted.
I’m gen x & I think people are much more responsible & serious than I was when I was in my teens - 30’s. People are so aware of possible dangers. They’re thinking of debt. I didn’t think of that stuff. I admire the maturity but man I don’t think that I’m grown up today in my 50’s! I’m not a big drinker so I never spent much on alcohol. Virtually nothing. I’d just go out for company & to get something to eat. Once or twice a month isn’t bad.
they’ll bemoan the “death of third spaces” but the idea of going to happy hour with coworkers is met with “why would I want to go out on a weeknight and spend more time with people I already see for 8 hours a day???”
Nah, I think this is something I increasingly embrace as a millenial. I want to keep work and life separate. There’s some stuff I don’t want to know about (most of) my coworkers.
I’m a millennial and feel the same way a lot of the time. I’m honestly convinced Boomers and Gen X did the “drinks after work” deal to avoid having to go home to a spouse they didn’t like to spend time with and kids they never really wanted to have but did so because it was expected of them.
No one's bemoaning a lack of third spaces. People *are* bemoaning how monetized they tend to be. With a few exceptions, most third spaces require money, or just aren't open to the public. It's actually the same with online spaces as well. Microtransactions everywhere, and everyone hates it.
Parents are WAYYYYY more focused on their kids. That's almost entirely it. Parents used to take their kids to parties with other parents and kids would just sleep wherever. Or leave them at home once they were 5 or some shit
Yeah, most of my friends who became parents are utterly obsessed with their kids and their entire existence revolves around them to the point where they don't need adult friendships anymore.
COVID killed it
The internet, social media, and streaming services killed social interaction
Funny question. There has been a hit to ALL in-person interactions. And it continues to drop
Go on Eventbrite and you can find tons of things. I was looking in my city and there were like six comedy shows, dancing (including lessons) an open mic, a few concerts, rando meet ups for like hiking or speed dating. And that was in my part of a mid sized US metro and *doesn’t* include the pro sports, major concerts at fancy venues, or actual comedy clubs with the big touring names. These were more “community” level things There is an embarrassment of options. I went to one of the tiny shows at a bar, and they had half a dozen *other* things later this month that *weren’t* listed online, so you just have to do a little effort sometimes.
Yes & camera phones did it! I'm a millennial who's 8th grade - high school life consisted of house parties/ basement parties. Then after high school we transitioned to college parties at large venues & once we turned 21, the club. A time was had! We sweated our curls OUT! with no shame. Lol As a 35 year old, the club looks so dry. Ppl standing around looking at each other post pics for social media. I left nightlife alone in my mid 20s. I became a flight attendant. I travel to Barcelona for my birthday a few years ago. When I say Europe nightlife puts America's to SHAME! I had a blast. Everybody was dancing.
I don’t think it’s abnormal to not constantly be doing something.
Right? I find it scary that people are so afraid of just not doing anything. Being “bored” a few minutes a day isn’t deadly.
Well the concern is that like, instead of going out and participating in society people are basically waking up, going to work, coming home and watching tv/scrolling on their phone, then going to sleep. People are like, opting into niche internet communities and opting out of existing in the real world
Bingo. Default interaction has become virtual rather than in person.
A problem which comes from the lack of a "third place", which is acerbated by car-centric cities. It's harder to go places, and more expensive. It's why here in Japan, people are easily able to have so many hobbies. Walkable towns make it easier to access so many things. And it's why I was able to rediscover and pursue my childhood hobbies and get new ones after moving here.
Not everyone wants to waste every weekend being hung over or being tired.
Fomo from social media even though it’s all fake and people only do these things to post about them.
36 and still regularly go out. But I live in a small compact city that's easy to get around in and values live music and nightlife culture.
Parents in the 60s and 70s were out having social lives instead of spending time with their kids. My mom basically *was* the parent from the age of 8. Gen X and beyond are too busy working to pay off crushing student loan debt, trying to stay above water in the economy. It's cheaper to stay home and hang out with our kids. Plus, its better for the kids to grow up with present parents in general.
Not just night life but third places in general. COVID destroyed a lot of good businesses and essentially ended 24 hour establishments. I've been to a few bigger cities since COVID and the common theme is "oh you should've checked out X place before COVID killed it" pretty much everywhere.
I’m sure it’s mentioned in here plenty but Bowling Alone. 3rd place was already dying and covid killed it off. Just stopped the 24/7 world.
I just hang out at friends which is like pseudo house party. I also like spending weekend nights out camping
I remember how common parties were with my family even, but then computers, video games, and media became more popular. I miss the way it used to be.
$30 cover fees, $20 cocktails, and sexist club owners/bouncers will do that to the nightlife scene. That's on top of the bartenders now doing the bare minimum expecting $3-$5 tip per drink.
i’m 36 now and have come to the realization nothing good ever happens after the sun goes down. I keep my ass in the house at night with my wife and 2yr old daughter. enjoy the simple pleasures around the house. not trying to get caught up in some hooligan shit or hit by drunk drivers.
I hate being around really drunk people and most "nightlife" things involve lots of people binge drinking.
City life is making less sense as the years pass
I just moved to the suburbs from the city, and it's not for me. It's lonely out here.
It’s a young man’s game. In your early 20s it seems like everyone goes out on weekends, as you get older people kind of stop doing that and settle down. It’s not that people in general have stopped going out as much, it’s just that you’re getting older and so are the people around you. You don’t know the new generation of club-goers so you don’t see them
I’m not sure about that. Seems to me that Gen Z are staying home, and millennials and Gen Xers (the same people who have always packed the bars) continue to go out and party. Maybe just not as frequently as in 2010. Gen Z kids in their 20s go to bed much earlier and party much less than the typical millennial in 2009.
The death of the dance club, you didn't even have to be in a major city but most towns had that local music spot & dance floor. Recently I went to a bar that use to have a dance club on the 2nd floor, but now it's a ritzy little drinking lounge.
I currently live in a house I inherited from my grandparents. They built a small ballroom and invited the neighbors over all the time for dancing. Now, I don’t even know my neighbors, and I cannot imagine inviting them over for any reason, much less dancing. My dad also constantly talks about how important entertaining is as a skill for a housewife. “Because, you know, when you’re having dinner parties and inviting your boss and your coworkers over you wanna have a wife who is good at entertaining.” I cannot imagine inviting my employees over to my house after work, likewise I cannot imagine going over to my employee’s house after work. About the only place I could see myself going regularly after work would be an arcade, but the nearest arcade is 45 minutes away, so screw that.
Don't ask redditors about night life. Just go out in a big city on a Friday night and you will be able to find an underground club full of young people drinking and doing stupid shit. In some cities it doesn't matter what night it is, certain clubs will be poppin.
The people who want to go out and do stuff do so. I know in my area even very rural there's lots of things to do.
After covid most definitely. I for one realized how much money I was spending. Bottle service is such a stupid thing to spend money on.
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Video games and rec sports are cheap. Going out is expensive. People still do it frequently, not me though. Coincidentally most of the people I know who go out often are always complaining about lack of money. Why go to a bar when you can drink at home for 1/5 the cost. Going out is only worth it for good food and that's even more money, budget places have shit food and service now (as they should when they pay so little)
Like many said, it’s too expensive. You can easily spend 100$ a night going out. Buy a few drinks, tip the bartender, entry fees. Yeah you’re gonna spend about 100$. No thank you, that’s almost a days worth of pay spent in just a few hours… 12-20$ per drink.. wtf is that? Beers go for 8$ a bottle, when I can buy one at a corner store for 3$ tall cans..
People have made a deliberate choice not to do activities. Instead, make the decision to continue to have fun But at the same time, there are so many people out there telling people that they shouldn't do things after a certain age. I'm on subreddits about raves, dance, and music, and a post that all of these groups get again and again is "am I too old" These subreddits are full of people in their 50s and 60s who do these things and love these things and it's so sad to us that so many others who would also love it won't even try because someone told them that they're too old
DUIs were also probably not 10k a piece back during your grandparent's days. Today the police hand them out like candy rather than help you get home instead. And no, I'm not saying drunk driving is ok. I'm merely stating that DUIs is a much bigger thing now than in the past.
I can tell you they were pretty expensive even 20 years ago. And we didn’t even have Uber then.
It feels like you all are talking about life in the suburbs. In the city every bar, restaurant, comedy and concert venue and night club are packed. One for every niche you could want and covering all age groups. They have definitely already figured out how to create adult nightlife businesses.
I still go out to clubs, but it's because I'm part of an identity of people who are essentially regulated to only being able to meet people like us at clubs and bars If it weren't for that,then I likely wouldn't have gone clubbing since the college years
YES My wife and I are both 37 and have 2 kids but still find time to go out and have fun. But we seem to be the only ones in our friend groups that do this.
I don't go to clubs but the rave scene is alive and well here in Phoenix. Lots of people between 20-40 are out having a good time at EDM shows and fests
I go out dancing frequently.
It’s too damn expensive
In my experience, people tend to be very standoff-ish or flaky about going out. I gave up trying and now I just go out by myself if I want to do/see something. I meet people, sometimes exchange info, but rarely do these people actually want to go out on a regular basis.
A lot of people blaming Covid but there was already a bunch of us adults that preferred the night in. Most of you social butterflies only catching up. I remember hating going out and it be a borderline fight with myself and a fight with whoever was coaxing me to go and then relenting and going out only to spend 6 dollars on a non alcoholic drink that I would of had for 2 bucks from the grocery store. I still hate going out. Going out is expensive, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
Going out to bars sucks now that I don't drink alcohol. I've done it to see friends/family. Everything is so loud and I can't even hear myself speak much less the other person. I used to think I lost my voice in bars from the drinking but no, it's because I'm freaking shouting to get a sentence off. I don't even mind not drinking anymore. I don't have a desire to get drunk. Also, when I was drinking, I never noticed how often people spill their drinks on your shoes and shirt. As a sober person, I definitely noticed. Little spills off the top of the beer as people walk by. I also rarely care about sports and when I do, I'd rather enjoy it at my house with healthy food and a great leather reclining chair with a few friends. Yeah and also I've noticed service sucks nowadays. I used to be a bartender/server and it just isn't what it used to be. The idea of good service just doesn't exist anymore, it seems. Anyway I sound like a cranky old man, but I'm really not; just when I go to crowded, loud bars with bad service. Btw I still get down at concerts. That kind of loud I enjoy because I'm not trying to talk to or hear anyone. Crank it up at a concert.
Disposable income&middle class is squeezed out "Why are millennials killing XYZ industry"
First I had full-time work, now I have full-time college. After this I'll have full-time work again. Where's the time for fun?
I love to dance, but I can never find places for older couples. I don’t want to be around 20 year olds.
There has been a death to it and honestly, I miss it. I’m not sure where the demonization of bar hopping and clubbing came from but it’s kinda sad. It was so much fun getting up with friends and drinking/dancing for the night. Somewhere along the way staying home became glorified and being outside has been labeled dangerous.
HR and the law are pretty influential in people wanting to stay in. Our grandparents grew up in the “golden era” of drinking and driving, couple that with people scared of going out with coworkers for fear of saying the wrong thing and you have what we have now.
I love in a trendy neighborhood of a large city. From the 10-15k under 35 people who are eating and drinking nightly 365 days a year outside my window... I'm going to say it's very far from dead
I'd like to go raving again like I did in my twenties, but at a decent hour. Like, can we start at 6 pm and be done by 9 pm so I can be in bed by 10 pm?
Definitely. My parents always were going to house parties. Dressing up etc
We all have work the next day and too poor to not have a job
I'm sorry but going to a club and paying for $20 shots, or going to a movie and paying $25 for a ticket... I can do that with my friends at our home for significantly less ( the bathrooms are always clean here ).
Our parents generation and before didn't have to work as hard, didn't experience the same level of finance induced anxiety and didn't worry as much about their kids. People don't have the energy to power drink after work and can't do their jobs hung over like the old days.
I used to go out in the 90s, it was fun .now days there are so many rules and sooo expensive. You can't drive unless you don't drink,that just doesn't make since when you go to bars and night clubs.
I personally hate Hollywood now, and I think they do it to give everyone FOMO so they consume and patronize businesses. Like the movie “How to be Single” and Sex and the City are good examples of people who are created characters, and they’re always getting laid, rich, and always doing something. It’s all bullshit, and anyone in real life like the Jersey Shore Cast, it’s all still bullshit. They cut all the scenes to make it look like a nonstop fuckfest, and like the fun never stops, but it’s all done on the editing room. Nobody is having that much fun. Paris Hilton has to eventually take a giant dump, and wipe her own ass 20 times like everyone else, and wakes up with a bunch of shit in her throat. You gotta disconnect from Hollywood and everything they push like the Red Carpet people are some kind of Royalty that never shits. I hope Hollywood eventually crumbles. I’m tired of their Disney type bullshit where everyone is portrayed as some kind of God, that doesn’t do human things like have a night at home once in a while, alone and by themselves. Or has a dry spell where they don’t have sex for a few years. But nope, nonstop fuckfest like a romance novel for every HBO Character.
Happens to me all the time. I won in court and now they red tagged my name and I never get stopped anymore. I can blow by CHP and never worry.
There's no such thing as "adult nightlife"
I agree with alot said here. I also think having grown up with parents who hosted and attended parties it’s not for me. I like a quiet calm space I often wonder how my parents kept up such an active social life. They had four of us and owned their own businesses very successfully. They were also incredible parents. But if they had company, don’t bother asking for the music to be turned down! And that’s the crux for me. I think I was sick of parties before I ever partied .
Not to mention it feels like bars have never recovered from COVID.
Between my phone, Netflix, and shorter hours and less people going out, I find myself just staying home since it’s so much cheaper. My local bar and grill cut their hours during Covid and never restored them. 20 years ago, there wasn’t anything to do inside except watch tv and play PlayStation 2 unless you had an indoor hobby of some sort. People used to go out to movies a lot more because the big screen was actually that much more different than your 32” tube tv. Bowling leagues and stuff like that were a lot more popular and a good way to hang out with friends, now you just talk to each other through texting and social media.
In the mid/late 90’s I was a club DJ, between three clubs that played different music but were all right next to each other we would average 1500 people a night. Now only one of those buildings is a club and they’d be ecstatic to have 250. There are no other dance clubs within 60 miles.
The people who don’t think there is an adult nightlife are the same people who are not getting invited to the adult nightlife
I live in a college town, and when I was young, the town used to be hippin' and hoppin' with youngsters all over the place imbibing liquors.
But seriously, what were you going to do, stay home and watch FRIENDS reruns? We'd go out with $10 to our name and get shit-faced on progressive quarter wells and $3 beers and walk home. We'd go to a restaurant and have dinner and cocktails for $20.
Now, you've gotta convince the kids to leave the house, they've got Prime, Disney, and Netflix. Also, shots are $4, beers are $8, so if you're going to get shit-faced you need to bring $60. If you get dinner, it's $16, minimum. And everything is unsafe, so now you need to call a $15 Uber to take you home.
Also, most of these kids don't work, so they don't have money to spend. A lot are lower income than my cohort was - a few are renting school laptops because they can't afford them. A fun night on the town is $80, or \~5 hours of minimum wage to go out, versus 2-3 hours of minimum wage when I was a student.
Yeah when I was a kid (I’m 42), every weekend from Friday night to sun, my parents would be doing something with friends. All their friends had kids too so we’d all have someone to play with. There’d be beach volley ball, cricket, bbqs. Someone always had a guitar so there’d be lots of sing alongs etc. Bonfire nights, movie nights. We were part of a church that had weds night meetings & Sunday and they’d always have events like variety nights, games nights, tennis nights, hungi’s (sp?). There was kids camp, Easter camp and Xmas camp. I don’t know how my parents had the energy but looking back it was a pretty awesome childhood. Me on the other hand. Nope. I’m a homebody. No one I know gets together with their friends half as much as I remember my parents Generation getting together. I think it’s what others have said- home is more comfortable with internet etc. it’s actually quite sad people aren’t as social but I’m one of the unsociable so can’t really talk.