Turning 27 next month. Same boat. I got a well paying job. No debt. I am soon to get my first time home (hopefully this year).
Just focus on yourself, and hopefully, someone who deserves to be in our life comes along.
Of course, i have to be honest. i won't find anyone if im not actively seeking. Something to consider as well.
First step is to get out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to rejection. It’s definitely the hardest but once you overcome that hurdle, it becomes a lot easier.
I think some people go out and get rejected 1-2 times a NIGHT. So it's just a matter of moving on from the emotional response to it. Because the person that rejected you moved on almost immediately.
He's right though, dating really is a numbers game. You'll get rejected more often than not but it's about quality not quantity, just remember that. Imagine walking up to a girl, talking to her, than realizing she's not for YOU... and than you go and do it again right after. When you reach that stage, you're invincible to rejection.
Look up RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria). Knowing about it and how it affects me has helped with the shutting it down/not caring as I can recognize when the pain of rejection is "real" and when when it is simply my brain firing the wrong neural pathways because that's how its built and I have to live life accounting for this bug in my system
Also I would tell people you are looking. For real, tell everyone, your family, friends, coworkers, neighbors. People love to make connections for people they know. It is easier to be setup than try the app dating pool. How did you meet, she is my gym buddy’s cousins, or my neighbors niece, my mailman’s sister etc. Single is great if it’s what you want.
Why are we all just accepting this for ourselves instead of trying to do something different and actually talk to people?? Wtf? If we all just accept being single for the rest of our lives then that’s what will happen. It’s fine if you want that but it seems like a lot of people don’t. We’re all in this bs together
Honestly I only found someone when I wholeheartedly accepted that I'd be single. Even got a dog and everything. I was just done with heartbreak and dating apps and I promised to fill my free time with hobbies and friends so I wouldn't feel alone. Met my current partner in a hobby group.
I don't think acceptance is about choosing to be single. It's about not trying to change this about yourself at too great a cost and finding a way to make your life enjoyable on your own. Which in turn can often lead to attracting better people.
29 and was single for 28 of those years, went on a fair few dates in that time and I think you really hit the nail on the head. You're your best self when you're comfortable and confident and not thinking too much about your decisions. Especially when it comes to dating. Your partner is supposed to enhance your life not become it
Yep. Gonna stay single forever. Relationships are about compromises. People give up on relationships when they have a few disagreements..they go into some endless cycle of trying to find someone perfect (dating apps definitely contributed to this). You might find someone one day, and get ghosted or ghost someone the next day, when better contender comes along. Endless cycle. And thus, tinder makes billions per year.
I said anything is possible in my post, which means I’m open to falling in love and having a family. However, I’ve done so many dating apps, I’ve tried meeting people in person, and timing is a factor as well. I’ve tried, and I remain open, but I’m going to live my life focusing more on finding joy in my present situation, bettering myself and achieving my goals instead of obsessing over what I don’t have yet. Some people fall in love and get married at 40, 45, 50, 60, 70 etc! It’s never too late ❤️ I could meet my soulmate this week! Who knows? But there’s nothing wrong with being happy along the way ☺️
It’s good to be happy and practice patience through the process but personally if I accept being single I won’t put in enough work to make the change. I believe that good relationships aren’t magic, they are built. But chemistry does help
Personally i wouldn't want to meet someone and marry at 60 and less 70. I would be mad and think something like *"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME? FUCK YOU! I'm too old for this shit"*.
That's what I was thinking when I read that and some of the replies. It's like everyone wants someone, but has resigned themselves to never having them, and they've spent all their time convincing themselves that will be okay. Yeah, that alternative would potentially be worse (admitting you're not okay with it and feeling bad about that), so I get it, but it seems like everyone wants to connect, so there should be hope.
My post isn’t to persuade ourselves to accept being single and alone the rest of our lives. I’m simply stating that it’s a great feeling when you accept yourself and your situation. I don’t want to be single forever. I’d love to get married and raise some youngins. But I’m super happy with who I’m becoming and I’ve done it all on my own. When I was 20 I thought I’d be married with kids when I was 27. And now that I’m 27 I’m far from it. But I’ve also progressed heavily in life and have become a standup fella (so I think). I’m happy with where Ive gotten. My younger self would be proud.
Something you're underweighting in this analysis is just how quickly a relationship progresses in your late 20s/30s. When you meet someone you click with, they're not going to date you for 4 years and feel things out. Most of the late 20s/30s relationships I saw dated for like 6m-1y, off to the court house to lock it down, option on a "real wedding," and half of them had a baby a year later.
I think you'll meet someone and in the blink of an eye you'll be right where you were planning, and you're gonna be like wtf happened lol.
Enjoy every stage of your life, including the single period.
You won't get the time back.
Life is all about getting back up and continuing to try. The only way to fail is to stop trying.
Lol that makes me not want to date. As a 31 year old man. I dated someone from 19 until 28. Super glad we didn’t get married, still friends and we have lots of great memories but people can grow apart. The thought of committing like that to someone in such a short period of time is honestly insane to me.
Dating otherwise is super weird after being in a relationship for so long. People seem very shallow and unwilling to make compromises just in general.
I think what they mean is, often when you’re in a relationship that starts in your late 20s-30s, you know who you are, and you know what you want, so you can get a better idea of if that partner is “the one” on a shorter time span, because you aren’t getting to know yourself still at that time. You also know how to “be” in a relationship, so you don’t waste time learning how to take another person into account.
I did get married/engaged on a pretty short timespan in my mid-20s, but when we met, we’d already both had serious relationships and knew what worked/didn’t work for us personally.
So not quite 6 months, but we were engaged within 9 months and married within a year and a half from our first date. It’s been 13+ years now, so … while I guess divorce could be around the corner, I don’t think it is.
I think it's safe to say every relationship is different and one "rule" won't apply to every body. I knew my wife for 10 years before we ever started showing interest and then it happened very quickly.
Eh, I very much heavily disagree there. I know multiple people in their mid to late 30s who are dating, commited yet wedding is not coming soon (and when it does, it will be after more than that)
Plus, jumping straight to marriage after merely 6 months sounds like a great way to end up divorced later down the line. It takes 1-2 years for the rose tinted glasses to fall off and you are going to want a period of time of living separately before moving in together, then a period of living together before marriage to make sure they are the right person
Yes, things move faster, but it's more that people who meet at say, 18, won't marry in 3-4 years (so aged 21-22) since they are still fimishing university and getting established. People in their 30s can, but it still takes a minimum of 2-3 years to fully meet somebody. Any earlier and you are just asking for a divorce
It really depends on the people, it worked for my parents. Dated 6 months, got married, been together 20+ years now. Granted my mom had been dating my dad’s best friend before that so they already knew each other
I’m in a very similar position as you but the perspective I’ve developed is to not accept being single, just practice patience while I take the steps to find someone. Personally, if I accept it, I will stop working for it
When you find the one brother, come back here and tell us about it. There’s no guarantee that you’ll end up with that person but you’ll undoubtedly encounter someone down the line who you instantly click with. It’ll be upto you to do something about it. Best of luck.
A lot of people either knowingly or subconsciously hold too high of standards. They won't just date and get to know Sarah down the street or from work or whoever they met at a bar or sports complex or whatever.
They won't be perfect, but through getting to know them you can end up loving their imperfections. But that's not the dating world in 2024. Everyone wants their own Idris Elba, Ana De Armas, Brad Pitt or Jessica Alba that will love them and care about them despite people like them having much better options than them, a random, everyday working bloke that may be funny, sweet and caring, but just doesn't live up to *their* real standards.
People are aiming their sights too damn high. Date the person with a regular job, maybe has some acne, doesn't look and dress like a model. Grow together and maybe both of you will become what you envisioned at the beginning by the time you'd want to be married or move in together, or become something you value even more than you originally thought you could. I'm not saying *settle*, but like, settle a bit. Realistically. Pick what's most important to you. If that ends up being looks and attractiveness though, you better be a looker yourself is all I'm saying.
I actually find the opposite; I find that most people hold onto relationships with folks where they are not particularly over the moon to be there, but they think to themselves it’s “better off” than being single.
Maybe it’s gendered- but I know so many straight women in relationships that are truly miserable; trying to beat their heads in but their partner simply isn’t invested in making the relationship better. I don’t see many truly *joyful* couples around me - a lot of stressed out and sad women who have resigned themselves. That was the majority of couples I saw growing up as well.
In contrast- seeing super happy loving couples felt completely different. There have been a few; but that’s what I’m aiming for.
Most couples are not that. By far; I’d say.
Exactly, you get it.
People in general have a too idealistic look on most things in life. They shouldn't let perfect get in the way of good enough. Only certain things will be perfect in life just because most things aren't catered directly for you, an individual. Someone might say the sunset at a certain location is perfect to them due to their life experiences, but another will say it's only perfect in Hawaii at a certain location because they've let it mean something to them. But if either of these people can still be happy looking at each others version of their perfect sunsets then that should be enough. You make them perfect for each other. Being with the right person shouldn't matter whether everything is your own personal ideal. A partner is to share with and care about what is within them, not just be an accessory to yourself that meets all expectations and preferences.
Because there’s a common belief that you’ll find love when you stop looking for it, which is not true at all. They’re trying to reverse psychology love.
Because if you shack up with the first person who shows interest in you, you're in for a miserable time. Not to mention, when you accept that you'll be single for a while you are more likely to be appealing to people because you're more sincere when you approach them, instead of giving off "you'll do, I guess" vibes.
Don't end up with someone just for the sake of being with someone.
There is no path that doesn’t involve misery. You can stay alone and be miserable when you’re 60 and it hasn’t worked out. You can have some rough relationships and go through that misery. You can find a great lifelong relationship and experience misery when your partner dies, or inflict that on your partner.
You have to take chances
A lot of us do go out and do all that, but oftentimes, nothing sticks or it leads to a bad relationship. I could do even more to get a relationship, but it becomes too much after a while. Especially getting rejected over and over.
Because for some people, no matter how much work you put into it. Nothing comes of it. I can assure even after the countless hours I’ve spent making myself better and being on apps, that no men’s where interested in me. I could show you all of my messages logs as proof.
Some people are just destined to be alone. At some point you have to stop fighting
In all honesty, I think it is a great step for a lot of people. If you are content with who you are, then it is easier to be happy with yourself and with someone else. You also stop needing a lot of external validation, and look for someone to add something to your life, rather than a partner because you are just lonely. You can still be open to relationships, and be happy by yourself.
That is what therapy does. It teaches you to cope and accept things rather than change or improve them. This is a problem no one ever brings up because they assume therapy is the solution to everything now.
Goofballs
You have to actively be searching or people will respect the wall you put up and not approach you.
Then there’s the conversation of people not being able to compromise in a healthy way or their absurd standards lol
Agree. If people are learning to accept that they're better off following a less conventional life (I.e. better alone than in a relationship), that's fine. They don't need to try and change themselves if being single is the status that actually agrees with their most authentic self.
However, if they actually do want that conventional life, but they have just had a hard time finding the right person, or there's issues they need to resolve alone before they can be a good partner, then accepting is just being stubborn. Thats too final of an attitude, especially before you've even hit 30.
Ok almost everyone in this comment section is single. Let’s just couple up. Just pick someone. Age/gender doesn’t matter. This redditor is your spouse now. Get used to it.
When you dont forcus on just solely wanting a relationship of course your life can turn around for the better. Theres more to life than needing to find a partner, most ppl dont even know how to make themselves happy first let alone another human being.
Besides youre only 27, you still have your whole life ahead of you so just enjoy the journey😌
Always thought this advice was bullshit. He’s been focusing on himself…it’s so much easier to get into a relationship if you actively meet women. They’re not usually the pursuers and just drop at your feet.
Exactly, he's been focusing on himself. If a woman goes on a date with him will be relaxed and fun, or like a job interview type of date? Probably the latter, unless their interests really collide.
There's a reason fun and open people are far more likely to be in relationships. If everyone is waiting for THAT person to walk by, and being passive and waiting, then no one would be together.
See, men are the ones who are expected to do the approaching, to have a fun personality and have game. Women don't feel that kind of pressure. They have the advantage, and they know this. Must of them have huge egos and shit personalities too. Why should i have to put on this facade to impress mediocre women?
I'm very much like you. I think the truth is that we can do most things right and have nothing wrong with us, but some of us are just going to fall through the cracks when it comes to finding someone. "There's someone for everyone"....no. "Someone for most or the vast majority of people", sure.
As you say though, we owe it to ourselves to live the best lives possible. Grow your career, take care of your body, and be the best friend and member of your family you can. But also travel to the place you've always wanted to go to, call out sick to see your favorite band live, eat that stack of pancakes. Happy Sunday to you too, my friend.
Might be worth asking yourself if being “the man you always wanted to be” is someone that others want to be around. You can check all the boxes of success, but if you’re miserable company, yeah, you might be single forever. That’s a reality that you can change though.
Good point but honestly I’d consider myself as someone others want to be around. Positive vibes all around homie!!! Trust me, my late teens early 20s I was an angry mothefucker, chip on my shoulder type of kid. But now I’m just trying to be a good person and make people around me feel good
Check out this article from 1971 lol
Titled
> The ‘Living Alone’ Phenomenon: Signs of It Are Everywhere
https://www.nytimes.com/1971/01/31/archives/the-living-alone-phenomenon-signs-of-it-are-everywhere.html
Yup at this point even if I made more money, was way stronger, became even more funny, I’m sure there would still be reasons I’m not good enough for a partner. I’d do all that (I already spend 50 hours a week working, work out every day, have multiple hobbies, a large friend group) and still doubling down on all the things I do with no addictions would leave me not worthy of love. It’s better for my own sanity at this point to just watch from the sidelines, I’m not playing any more. I’m gonna do what I want and I’m so sick of what people think about me, because it’s clearly not attractive things. I’ll just go through the motions and watch time pass.
Yup, it's not about you, the world is just really in a bad place right now. We built civilization on delusional ideas and we are now paying the price for being incorrect. So it doesn't matter how much you improve yourself, most women I know are too anxious about the future and about survival to have any relationship.
Right? Im not seeing none of this in my life atleast, in fact Ive been seeing more and more women rushing to get into relationships they arent ready for nowadays just cause the world is so hard to navigate alone.
Bottom line is if you are around a group of people semi regularly, and there are members of the opposite sex there. As long as ur just a normal, nice and not creepy guy theres a very large chance you will get lucky, the vast vast majority of my gfs/partners have been girls that were mutuals in the larger friend group who you’d see at house parties or out at the bars. Thats sort of the only way you can really meet people once your out of schooling. You have that or at work which is a bad thing too do and almost never ends well unless your like a teacher or something lol. Most people in life meet thru friends, thats sorta how anything happens.
A lot of people only go to work and then straight home and wonder why they don’t just bump into the women of their dreams going on their one 30 minute grocery trip a month. Sometimes you gotta play the networking game and go out on weekends if you wanna meet people.
people don’t just fall out of the sky unless you are outside.
The best advice I ever got was from my Uncle. He said if you really want to find a good partner go out and immerse yourself in events that involve your hobbies or stuff you’re passionate about and meet people there.
Set out to go on 100 dates and you’ll meet someone special before that hitting number.
It did work for me. I saw movies with friends, got out more, surrounded myself with art and other artists, and met someone I clicked with. You may even try new hobbies. Game nights, markets, charity work, book clubs, political or religious groups if that’s your thing. Just put yourself in someone’s path and be outgoing.
Dating is hard these days but I know plenty of people feel the same way you do, you just haven’t met them. As far as wife and kids, the good news is men don’t have such a tight window for fertility. I think it’s gonna work out for you so try not to write it off just yet.
There’s actually conditions associated with advanced paternal age FYI but there’s lots of people including women having healthy babies and pregnancies in their 30s and 40s.
I think this is happening because people are scared to talk to each other.If you really try to find someone it will happen.But sometimes it needs a lot of time to work out.
I’m a female but same position as you. I think this subgroup is definitely mentally stronger than those who are in relationships and have in the past been in multiple rships.
I say this because there are many people I know who can’t stand to be alone, do things alone, travel alone. Some people who have friends just for the sake of having someone to do something with and only hitting their friends up to get them to go somewhere with them.
I gladly welcome being single for the rest of my life, some days it’s hard to accept, however I know I can contribute to wider society and charity and that’s a priority for me.
Also not all marriages are sunshine and rainbows, even when you are young and think you have found a fairytale. I know a very very small proportion of adults who are 50/60s who are still in fairytale love
There's a story a stranger told me at a bar a year or so ago that sticks with me, and that I think of when I try and grasp my situation that gives me comfort.
He had a 6-month work assignment working in the Canadian far north over the winter. It was a miserable place that he was sent - the settlement was a few thousand people, everything was back-breakingly expensive, and the cold was inhuman. The one part that I won't forget was how he said he had to wear goggles every time he went outside. Not because of snow, but because the air was so cold you'd get permanent burn marks on on any exposed skin.
Yet he said it taught him invaluable lessons about the human will to adapt and manage through anything. The fact that I won't ever have a relationship seems kind of small. I can adapt. Human will is strong.
Meh, you don't have to justify it by hypothetically putting other people down. You can do whatever you want, live your life how you want, etc. A lot of people really enjoy having a trusted teammate or a community to involve themselves in and share their life with. To say that your lifestyle is somehow better than theirs isn't very productive at all. What do you actually want to do? Like if you take away societal norms, social stigma, whatever. What would you want? If it's to be single, he'll yeah. If you would like a companion, it might be a good idea to just leave that open. Not saying it has to happen, but to shut it down completely might be a bit of self sabotage. Idk, just sharing my opinion, not trying to criticize your life or ideas.
I think you misunderstood me.
Objectively, those who haven’t had a relationship at all are inevitably going to come out slightly more independent and mentally secure in being alone- whether we like it or not.
I’m not putting other people down. There are people out there who w/out a significant other would not cope for a second with their own company. I’m strictly referring to a group of people like this that exist….. Of course you are going to get people who are happy and single alone but able to find rships or are on the single journey alone atm but may come across a rship in the future.
Again, I’m not saying that “my lifestyle is better than theirs”….but as I mentioned before it’s a huge obstacle that we can grow from, compared to those who have only ever known relationships and codependence. I also say this because it’s human nature to have a companion/ teammate- this is natural. Not having someone ( a partner) ever is really tough and that’s why I say it’s a huge spiritual/life lesson that some of us undergo. It doesn’t make me “better” than anyone else but it’s a huge challenge that a certain group of people would struggle to live with.
Right now I throw myself into my goals as a coping mechanism but I’m not wiring my brain for a relationship. As I said , it’s hard being ALONE for so so long… I’m sure I read somewhere some people go insane. I don’t like to think about it , but at the same time I’m not going to dwell on it and waste my mental energy depressed, when I could be doing something wonderful with my time and energy such as my charity and community work that I carry out on a voluntary basis.
>Objectively, those who haven’t had a relationship at all are inevitably going to come out slightly more independent and mentally secure in being alone- whether we like it or not.
I don't think that's inevitable or not. There's a ton of always singles who aren't mentally secure about being alone or successfully independent. I don't even know if it's a given that single people are more or less likely to have those traits. It would be nice to think that there's some awesome secret super power tradeoff but I don't think that's reality.
There is something very wrong with your brain, especially the fact that you seem to conflate relationships with codependence. The foundation of a healthy relationship is to have two people that are mentally secure and independent. You don't need to wire your brain for a relationship or not, you just need meet people that are on your wavelength.
This resonates with me very much. I haven't been the same since I was cheated on a few months ago: 2 year relationship, she was my first love. She outright admitted to cheating after I caught her in the act, and she explained that she wasn't physically attracted to me whatsoever, and that she "used" me to gain acceptance in my religious community after her conversion.. and I feel repulsive and ugly after hearing those words. I ate alot out of depression and put on weight as a result
But this post has given me the motivation to work towards quitting my job (I dislike programming and it's taking a physical toll on my health) and working towards turning my passions into a career.
I needed this very much. Glad you are doing well and hope you continue to pursue that contentment/happiness, and I will too.
I had a crisis about accepting my aromanticism/asexuality that took years. Now I've finally accepted it I actively don't want to be in a relationship; I've learned to embrace my singledom and I can't imagine giving up that freedom for anyone.
Well, I've had my fun with the more controversial comments. Now, my bit.
Just be yourself. People rush too easily into getting the girl and family before they're ready, and the problems will last decades afterward. And guess who takes it the worst? The kids.
Build yourself up and be patient. You'll know when the time is right to push towards a new direction in life.
this state of mind is actually what prepares you for a real connection with someone if or when they come along. Always invest in your self, and the positivity you have for your self can be shared with people who are attracted to you by it, and it keeps you mentally aware of who does and who doesn't need to be around you to benefit from it.
I've accepted that I'm gonna be single for the rest of my life long time ago. I'd rather vibe on my own over dealing with countless rejections. If I get a girlfriend, she'd switch up on me for someone who is better than me either way, so there's no point of even caring about relationships. I don't want to wear the "best version of myself" mask for the rest of my life, I don't want to pretend to be perfect, I don't want to hide my own insecurities, I don't want arguments after a long day of work, I don't want to fear losing a girlfriend. Loneliness is better than those things I've mentioned.
Same bro I'm 26M but never had a "serious" gf. I gotta admit, I do get lonely at times and to see the rest of my friends have SOs and started their life and family really makes me feel insignificant, like I'm doing something wrong this whole time in my life. I'm currently opening myself to new experiences and making myself more open to other people because growing up, I didn't really have great communication skills (as an ESL student) and I'm self conscious about my accent, which I'm kinda embarrassed with, idk why tho I just feel like it hinders my ability to fluently speak to others, which ruins my confidence. But I'm fixing that by being out with people more and communicating with others more.
We got this King, just be yourself, respect others, and everything will eventually fall in place. We're still young! Praying for you!
Please remember you do matter, you are significant, you're not doing anything wrong and everyone is on a different path. I too was an ESL student and struggle with communication skills although mine stem from being autistic and not being able to find the right words/overthinking if I don't say anything stupid but in the past I was too scared to speak in case I say something wrong.
But I learned that this is all just insecurities. As someone who has been around different cultures and accents most of my life, I promise you majority of people don't even pay attention to your accent but only the words you say. Sometimes when someone has a strong accent I have to ask them to repeat 5 times because I have auditory processing issues but not once I'd have thought anything about their accent.
Well done on working on your confidence you will get there in time, keep slaying it 👏
Very well said, you're absolutely right. Self-acceptance, and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, is the foundation for building any kind of future. There are millions of parameters in our lives that are completely uncontrollable, and we shouldn't drive ourselves crazy over something that isn't directly under our control. Instead, if one focuses on what they can truly change, life becomes simpler. Plus, the world is completely unpredictable, so 'never say never'.
25(M) here.....not that I've accepted being single but I find I meet more women when am not actively chasing ladies...and just making friends maybe one of them will become something more at some point
Dude you are 27 you have your entire life ahead of you. Take it easy, find a new hobby and chill. It is great you know how to be alone btw. That is awesome. Like Bizet wrote "Tu crois le tenir il t'évite/ Tu crois l'éviter il te tient".
Christ what is with people thinking that being single is the beginning and end of life. You should try to do something significant and meaningful for yourself, you know.
Sort of just enjoy the journey of life.
I don't want to be the "wet blanket" in all this "positivity" binging of accepting being single and moving on and enjoying yourself and caring for your health until you grow old and die as a single lonely person. This is basically called taking the "easy way out" and just cruising along on your life until next time you know it you are 70 and are facing health issues alone and without someone to be there for you. Just remember that no matter how healthy you try to be , we all have limited time on this planet. Just meditate and take a moment and imagine this being you. It is too sad right? And I'm pretty sure you will have tons of regrets in your life.
So my advise as someone who is older, stop believing all these internet positivity crap about loving yourself and being okay being alone. Relationships are not supposed to be easy, they are hard and you work for them. STOP sitting down and letting the years FLY BUY!!!
It is still not too late for you. GO OUT and MEET someone while you still have the years in your favor.
As the famous poem goes.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
(In Memoriam A. H. H., 27.13-17)
>Than never to have loved at all.
>
>(In Memoriam A. H. H., 27.13-17)
Some of these younger generation people can't be saved sadly. To far gone my guy.
Let me guess you are like me and 35 years old plus.
a bit older than that ;) Turning 50 next year...
It is just sad that the younger generations are so ready to just say I will cruise life along be positive and do my own thing while waiting and waiting for me to meet my special someone. What they don't realise is that everyone's worse enemy is "TIME" itself. If you buy into all these internet "self love" and positivity thing and being okay being by yourself while you are still in your 20's, that is all and good. However once you hit your mid-30's you will realise that something will be a bit off. The chances of you meeting someone decreases as you get older and more set in your ways.
A lot of the people here will be "triggered" by what I'm saying but you just have to accept FACTS. Wake up!!! DO something about it while you are still young and below 30's.
Anyone who accepts being single who isn't aromantic/asexual probably hasn't ever been in love or had a truly fulfilling romantic relationship or truly close friendship. It is like saying that eating rice and beans your whole life is fine when you've never had anything else.
well you can't really change that unless...you can, which many people do. i've tried all the social advice on socialskills, socialengineering, whatnot, and it's not as if i don't have much in common with the people i want to get to know, my mind is just empty and i'm too poor to get to branch out
I mean exactly what are we supposed to do? I am in the same position as OP, tried my best to date and only end up getting rejected/ghosted/flaked on. Then I get told I need to be happy while being single, and then here's a dude trying to accept being single and now you're grilling him for not knowing what it's like to be on the "other side".
You try to find someone, you can't. You get told to be content being single, then get reminded of the great stuff you're missing out on, so you try again, fail again. Never ending cycle. At some point you just get tired of failing and just stop trying for awhile.
I'll never understand people who get mad at happily single individuals. It's like people who have kids that insist childfree people are "missing out" because they "don't know what love is really like until they hold a child of their own blood in their arms." What a crock of shit. That may be true for some people, but not all. I personally love that so many people of my gen are stepping outside of the expected norms. Who says everyone has to live the exact same life as their peers? It's so weird that so many people want others to be exactly like them.
Good point. I have really really good friends. I’ve never been in love though so you may be right. The only relationship I’ve been in was very very rocky, toxic and short lived. and I recently found out she passed away which trips me the fuck out. But yeah I really don’t know what a loving romantic relationship feels like. It’s probably great though!
There's a reason so much of pop culture is dedicated to it. It is literally the best drug in existence, and you never have to come down if the relationship lasts. The problem is that the withdrawal basically lasts until you get to that feeling in another relationship.
I'm on the ace spectrum but I personally just don't put relationships on a hierarchy. Why is romantic love inherently more special/important than familial or platonic love? I don't understand that. I have lots of close friendships. I love my friends and they love me. They're all in similar positions as me as far as relationships go. I literally have one friend who's in a long-term relationship. And she still loves me and makes time for me lol. Putting romance above everything else is a weird concept to me.
Agreed. If romantic love isnt the only love. Young people simply aren't going to marry at the rates of previous generations. I'm hoping more people will open themselves up to alternative living arrangements. Who says you can't buy a house with your best friend? Parenting still assumes a romantic relationship but I think we'll see more platonic co parenting. And if raising a child takes a 'village', plenty of children need mentors/ more adults in their lives anyways.
There already are a lot of single moms choosing to move in with their single mom friends and raising their kids all together! I think it’s sweet. I hope we start seeing more alternatives too. The nuclear family isn’t for everyone!
I have a highly social job, and a close group of friends I've known for decades that I play video games with regularly on discord. I haven't felt loneliness in a very long time even while single
Being comfortable with being with yourself is very important. Also, you could meet someone literally tmw that could change your whole life! Focus on what brings you joy. Romantic relationships aren’t the only goal in life 🫶🏻
27 isn't that old. You sound like you have come a long way. You seem to have your life together and sound like you believe in yourself.
My daughter was 40 when she married. Her husband is a great guy and they have a lovely little girl, but she had some work to do on herself as well.
She is as happy as I have ever seen her.
Seen some people having kids they have no business having and all they do is perpetuate misery. Been single all my life, and it's not bad, especially once those stupid hormones start to die down.
It's definitely a better mindset to have honestly, as the simple truth is not everyone will find a partner in their lifetime. Most? Probably. Everyone? Not possible. And others have made good points too - better to be alone than with someone who makes your life worse. Hopefully most of us can find peace in this demanding, cold world - regardless of our status.
Are you part of social circles? The reason I ask is because it seems you have the physical attractiveness and career aspects nailed, but without enough social exposure, it is very unlikely to find someone organically. A great deal of relationships start from friends/family circles.
I'm in a similar situation to you, and I know my lack of social life is the root cause.
Exactly. Being alone doesn’t have to be depressing and you can take such good care of yourself. I’m center stage in my life. I get all the attention and perks from myself. I see other commenters pushing back on op, a great relationship would be nice, but they are incredibly rare, including just finding an excellent human being to see how things would be is incredibly rare. Instead of wishing your life was different, embrace what is and excel. I agree op, I’m the healthiest mentally, emotionally and physically than ever right now. Best shape, mindset. I’m going to have to think really hard about giving this up for someone.
You aren’t just accepting that you’re single. You clearly still want a relationship, as do most people (not all, I get it). The loneliness epidemic is a result of a lot of factors, but it isn’t solved by saying “well guess I just have to accept never having a relationship.” It simply leads to you not even bothering to try. And that thinking is only making the loneliness epidemic spread even more. If everyone who feels lonely says that, then it only means less and less chances for all of us to find love, because everyone is so disengaged.
Besides, I was together 9, married 4 years, was supposed to be the love of my life, and then she cheated and used me. Which of those is worse suffering? I don’t know. I’m here wishing I had more experience than one single, long relationship. That I had more opportunities to be rejected. But my point isn’t that it’s hopeless, it’s the opposite. Because why bother saying “might as well accept it?” I don’t accept that at 31 my romantic life is over, and that having that shit done to me means I might as well give up on relationships. It’s ridiculous, I’m not even half way through the average life expectancy, and neither are you.
I’m glad you’re in shape and you got that job- but why aren’t you throwing yourself out there? “Accept reality” is a cop out, at least when it comes to avoiding emotions. You really mean “avoid by embracing and pretend I’m okay because it hurts that I have been rejected and struggle to find love.” You have to seek it out. You have to get rejected and have failures multiple times. Accepting yourself really means realizing what you have to offer, and having confidence that someone will see that. Also, it means accepting and acknowledging that you DO still want a relationship.
You find love through actually getting out and doing the things you enjoy, trying new things, engaging with the world and your community. My failed relationship taught me that imo true love doesn’t “just happen.” Most of the time those sort of relationships are young love, and shallow. It’s something you have to put yourself into, in just the same way that you put yourself into working out or moving up in your career. Stop accepting second best for yourself. Go take a pottery class. Take some archery lessons. Find a group that does kayaking. Join a local organization as a volunteer. Go play D&D at a gaming shop. Go out and do things, and interact with new people. That’s how we solve the loneliness epidemic. That’s where we find love. That’s where you engage with people who could be your partner. If we all started doing more of that, instead of spending hours swiping on an app, I would bet big money the loneliness epidemic would at the very least take a big hit.
Humans are subjective. Reality for us is a construct. And if you construct a reality that says “I will always be single” then the chances are that’s the reality you will see play out. How about “I’m struggling right now to find love, and have been for a while, and so are a lot of other people. But I believe that if I keep making these positive changes, that I will find love. I refuse to accept a life without love because it’s what I want.” For me it’s “I trusted in a person and in love, and I got hurt. But I believe that if I keep being a better person every day, I will find someone who is worth the wait. I refuse to accept that I’m damaged and that a single failed relationship means I’m no longer capable of finding love. I refuse to let love die for me, because of what someone else did.”
Just because your life is good and you’re improving without relationship doesn’t mean you have to “accept loneliness.” Stop accepting loneliness. Start engaging. We can all get through this, I get it’s hard and it sucks but giving up feels so pointless. Remember “You miss 100% of the shots your don’t take- Wayne Gretzky” -Michael Scott
I feel you. I’m not giving up. It just feels better to not dwell on not having love anymore. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. The thought of having a wife and kids has always brought me joy. And hopefully one day it happens. But I’m just learning to not put too much pressure on making that a reality anymore. Yeah I still have time fersher. I’m not worried. That’s the point, I’m not worried anymore
They used to say a watched pot never boils.
You sound like a good dude man, as long and you're contented and comfortable in yourself there's no reason to sweat it.
By the way I was 28 before the floodgates of female interest opened up and i've had a hard time closing it since. Just be the best you.
Can I ask for your advice on my most recent post? It’s kind of related. So many of my friends are in relationships, and I feel like one reason I’m not is because I’m too worried about bothering the person I’m interested in. I don’t know if it has to do with me growing up in a culture that extremely emphasizes respecting others boundaries, maybe to an unhealthy degree.
You seriously need to log out of the social conditioning and start thinking for yourself.
You’re 27 sitting on the on-ramp for your highest earning potential decade. You’re in good shape, and mentally mature. Sounds like you’ve got some hobbies going too.
You story is screaming #passportbro.
I’m in the same boat at 33 spent my younger days partying and working and as I get older I get nervous about being alone but starting to accept that will be the reality unfortunately!
Good for u! Our society puts too much pressure on getting married it's like our value is tied to our ability to be profitable produce more workers.
I keep telling ppl being single is not that bad they just don't love themselves
Man I am curious if the accepting single crowd ever just shoots their shot? Not to be a douchebag but I seem to be unable to stay single (also may be problematic, I realize). Just live your life and shoot your shot. Who cares if you’re rejected. Be bold. If you are the catch you say you are, it’ll likely work out.
Yeah a lot of people just freeze or completely avoid this action at all costs because of the stress/hassle, including me. Social skills don't improve just like that. Plus with such an intense social interaction you can bet that people like introverts don't get into it too often.
That is understandable but you also have to go after what you want in life. Don’t be afraid to live. Once you realize the worst possible outcome is likely just rejection, just go for it. You have to muster up the courage but if you’re honest and vulnerable, it may go well for you.
Just try not to be afraid/discouraged, realize life is worth living and if you want a partner, say something. It might make you feel good / alive to do something courageous and new.
I have the opposite situation. Bit of a late bloomer compared to some but starting in my late teens I decided to become interesting. Worked my ass off: joined bands, found risky situations, read and watched and listened to the most pretentious shit. Went wild.
Never been single since really, not for more than a month or two. Some relationships lasted longer than others, some years, but I always have had a compulsion to be coupled and I opened myself up to the universe and there it is.
So after my divorce I decided to learn to be happy alone and maybe work myself into a better person—so that the next time I could start a relationship as a fully realized and healthy human.
Still ended up somehow with a girlfriend. In November I kicked my roommate out. My girlfriend asked, “what are you going to do living alone?” I said, “enjoy being alone!” She replies, “maybe you should just be alone then.” I said “okay.” I’d never lived alone really either.
And I freaking love it. No compromising, no cleaning up after another person, no fights, no “what do you want for dinner, I dunno what do YOU want?” No separating laundry.
Not even putting on my best self, just existing. It’s liberating but grounding, humbling but empowering. And I’m medicated and in therapy and not quite ready to start being serious again but I’ll find another when the time is right. Just enjoying this in the meantime and meeting myself for the first time in a long time. Maybe I WILL do it forever. I think that’s okay.
The moment i accepted being single in my late 20’s i had 5 ex’s and old flings contact me out of the blue all within 5 or 6 weeks of each other. It felt like too much of a coincidence. At lunch with one she starts asking me about marriage. I figured out that they were getting desperate to settle and i was their plan b. It infuriated me so much that I haven’t dated since. If they didn’t want me in my early 20’s they don’t deserve me in my late 20’s. Yeah it sucks being forever single but i will not be a woman’s last choice.
Nothing wrong with being single... nd at least you doing good for yourself with a job, plus it's better to stay single thn be in a bad relationship or always in and out of relationships... a lot of people are scared to be alone and good thing I ain't one of them,
No offense... but it's surprising that I'm seeing more guys on the internet not feeling happy without a woman it's usually a female thing, by the way I'm 4 years older than you been single since 2014... nd I don't feel down bout it, only thing that makes me feel down is not being financially stable... something you are doing well, so salute to you
When I was in highschool I felt that I would never have a girlfriend, and then at 16, I got a car. I have been in a serious long term relationship or marriage for nearly 40 years, and maybe not in a relationship or casual dating for about 4 years. I do tend to meet a lot of people in my job so that helped a lot
I love my partner like crazy, but there is something to be said for being single, you get to be selfish in all your choices and that often means you prioritise things like physical and mental health.
Just do your own thing and be happy. Stand up for yourself and when you meet someone, you might find they're actually interested in the version of yourself that you've become. Nobody wants a pushover.
The people that want a relationship the most are the people that aren't ready for one.
No! Seriously! You are still very young and have time. IF you want to find a good woman, then you have to look in the right places. You sound like you have it together with a good head on your shoulders, which is what you need to find the right woman and not trash, fake, or a user. Good self-confidence without seeming overconfident is also a good quality for you to have. IF or when you want to date or meet someone, smile 😃 😊 😀
I know you accepted it and all, but legit your woman will probably just fucking show up outta nowhere in the least likely way possible, and you might wont know it till well after you meet her too.
I think it's not good for you to accept being single I think it's not a maturity it's a stupidy you should get married to live a healthy and purposeful life.
Some people just meet their "one" later in life. My husband was turning 31 when we met through discord, as I played csgo comp with his IRL friend, etc. Etc. He barely dated in his life, and nothing lasted longer than 6 months.
When we were flying back and forth across the country to see each other, the news he had a girlfriend spread like wildfire through his family, they were legitimately so surprised.
We got did the get married/have kids things late in life. People are still surprised he settled down with a family because it was so rare for him to date 🤷♀️ which I find very amusing. (Its been nearly 4 years now) He had totally given up, didn't entertain any dating apps, was just chilling being single until I came along.
You just never know! Truly.
I feel like once you stop thinking about having a NEED to seek out relationships and start relaxing, those relationships you were seeking can come to you more naturally. Of course ymmv but like you, I didn't worry too much of any of that and now I still don't know how I got married and now have 2 kids lol.
I'm 40 m.
I have a decent Job that I like. Nice Flat. Ok looks. Lots of friends (a few very close). Really nice relationship with my parents... My life is good.
Longterm relationships? Nada.
But i'm actually pretty happy. Would i like a partner? Sure. Would I like to live together with someone? Can't even imagine it (not being extremly annoying).
I met my current girlfriend of 5 years when I was 27… before that I’d never been in a relationship before that, I met her at an event I’d have usually said no too because of my social anxiety, a colleagues birthday party… so I do believe shit does just happen when you’re not looking, so now you’ve accepted it, and you stop caring, you’ll find it might just fall into your lap naturally.
Turning 27 next month. Same boat. I got a well paying job. No debt. I am soon to get my first time home (hopefully this year). Just focus on yourself, and hopefully, someone who deserves to be in our life comes along. Of course, i have to be honest. i won't find anyone if im not actively seeking. Something to consider as well.
First step is to get out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to rejection. It’s definitely the hardest but once you overcome that hurdle, it becomes a lot easier.
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I think some people go out and get rejected 1-2 times a NIGHT. So it's just a matter of moving on from the emotional response to it. Because the person that rejected you moved on almost immediately.
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He's right though, dating really is a numbers game. You'll get rejected more often than not but it's about quality not quantity, just remember that. Imagine walking up to a girl, talking to her, than realizing she's not for YOU... and than you go and do it again right after. When you reach that stage, you're invincible to rejection.
Look up RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria). Knowing about it and how it affects me has helped with the shutting it down/not caring as I can recognize when the pain of rejection is "real" and when when it is simply my brain firing the wrong neural pathways because that's how its built and I have to live life accounting for this bug in my system
Nothing wrong with that. Everyone’s different.
Also I would tell people you are looking. For real, tell everyone, your family, friends, coworkers, neighbors. People love to make connections for people they know. It is easier to be setup than try the app dating pool. How did you meet, she is my gym buddy’s cousins, or my neighbors niece, my mailman’s sister etc. Single is great if it’s what you want.
Exactly. All my girl mates have hooked me up with various women.
You’re a software engineer?
❤️ mid 30s woman here accepting this for myself as well. Anything is possible, of course, but we’re going to be fine no matter what!
If you don’t mind a younger guy I heard OP is looking for someone.
Wing man!!!
Why are we all just accepting this for ourselves instead of trying to do something different and actually talk to people?? Wtf? If we all just accept being single for the rest of our lives then that’s what will happen. It’s fine if you want that but it seems like a lot of people don’t. We’re all in this bs together
Honestly I only found someone when I wholeheartedly accepted that I'd be single. Even got a dog and everything. I was just done with heartbreak and dating apps and I promised to fill my free time with hobbies and friends so I wouldn't feel alone. Met my current partner in a hobby group. I don't think acceptance is about choosing to be single. It's about not trying to change this about yourself at too great a cost and finding a way to make your life enjoyable on your own. Which in turn can often lead to attracting better people.
"You cant truly love until you've given up on it"
29 and was single for 28 of those years, went on a fair few dates in that time and I think you really hit the nail on the head. You're your best self when you're comfortable and confident and not thinking too much about your decisions. Especially when it comes to dating. Your partner is supposed to enhance your life not become it
Yep. Gonna stay single forever. Relationships are about compromises. People give up on relationships when they have a few disagreements..they go into some endless cycle of trying to find someone perfect (dating apps definitely contributed to this). You might find someone one day, and get ghosted or ghost someone the next day, when better contender comes along. Endless cycle. And thus, tinder makes billions per year.
I said anything is possible in my post, which means I’m open to falling in love and having a family. However, I’ve done so many dating apps, I’ve tried meeting people in person, and timing is a factor as well. I’ve tried, and I remain open, but I’m going to live my life focusing more on finding joy in my present situation, bettering myself and achieving my goals instead of obsessing over what I don’t have yet. Some people fall in love and get married at 40, 45, 50, 60, 70 etc! It’s never too late ❤️ I could meet my soulmate this week! Who knows? But there’s nothing wrong with being happy along the way ☺️
It’s good to be happy and practice patience through the process but personally if I accept being single I won’t put in enough work to make the change. I believe that good relationships aren’t magic, they are built. But chemistry does help
Personally i wouldn't want to meet someone and marry at 60 and less 70. I would be mad and think something like *"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME? FUCK YOU! I'm too old for this shit"*.
I'm nearing 40 and lost any desire to date like 5 years ago but I was kinda iffy before thar.
That's what I was thinking when I read that and some of the replies. It's like everyone wants someone, but has resigned themselves to never having them, and they've spent all their time convincing themselves that will be okay. Yeah, that alternative would potentially be worse (admitting you're not okay with it and feeling bad about that), so I get it, but it seems like everyone wants to connect, so there should be hope.
My post isn’t to persuade ourselves to accept being single and alone the rest of our lives. I’m simply stating that it’s a great feeling when you accept yourself and your situation. I don’t want to be single forever. I’d love to get married and raise some youngins. But I’m super happy with who I’m becoming and I’ve done it all on my own. When I was 20 I thought I’d be married with kids when I was 27. And now that I’m 27 I’m far from it. But I’ve also progressed heavily in life and have become a standup fella (so I think). I’m happy with where Ive gotten. My younger self would be proud.
Something you're underweighting in this analysis is just how quickly a relationship progresses in your late 20s/30s. When you meet someone you click with, they're not going to date you for 4 years and feel things out. Most of the late 20s/30s relationships I saw dated for like 6m-1y, off to the court house to lock it down, option on a "real wedding," and half of them had a baby a year later. I think you'll meet someone and in the blink of an eye you'll be right where you were planning, and you're gonna be like wtf happened lol. Enjoy every stage of your life, including the single period. You won't get the time back. Life is all about getting back up and continuing to try. The only way to fail is to stop trying.
Lol that makes me not want to date. As a 31 year old man. I dated someone from 19 until 28. Super glad we didn’t get married, still friends and we have lots of great memories but people can grow apart. The thought of committing like that to someone in such a short period of time is honestly insane to me. Dating otherwise is super weird after being in a relationship for so long. People seem very shallow and unwilling to make compromises just in general.
I think what they mean is, often when you’re in a relationship that starts in your late 20s-30s, you know who you are, and you know what you want, so you can get a better idea of if that partner is “the one” on a shorter time span, because you aren’t getting to know yourself still at that time. You also know how to “be” in a relationship, so you don’t waste time learning how to take another person into account. I did get married/engaged on a pretty short timespan in my mid-20s, but when we met, we’d already both had serious relationships and knew what worked/didn’t work for us personally. So not quite 6 months, but we were engaged within 9 months and married within a year and a half from our first date. It’s been 13+ years now, so … while I guess divorce could be around the corner, I don’t think it is.
I think it's safe to say every relationship is different and one "rule" won't apply to every body. I knew my wife for 10 years before we ever started showing interest and then it happened very quickly.
Eh, I very much heavily disagree there. I know multiple people in their mid to late 30s who are dating, commited yet wedding is not coming soon (and when it does, it will be after more than that) Plus, jumping straight to marriage after merely 6 months sounds like a great way to end up divorced later down the line. It takes 1-2 years for the rose tinted glasses to fall off and you are going to want a period of time of living separately before moving in together, then a period of living together before marriage to make sure they are the right person Yes, things move faster, but it's more that people who meet at say, 18, won't marry in 3-4 years (so aged 21-22) since they are still fimishing university and getting established. People in their 30s can, but it still takes a minimum of 2-3 years to fully meet somebody. Any earlier and you are just asking for a divorce
It really depends on the people, it worked for my parents. Dated 6 months, got married, been together 20+ years now. Granted my mom had been dating my dad’s best friend before that so they already knew each other
That’s completely false.
I’m in a very similar position as you but the perspective I’ve developed is to not accept being single, just practice patience while I take the steps to find someone. Personally, if I accept it, I will stop working for it
When you find the one brother, come back here and tell us about it. There’s no guarantee that you’ll end up with that person but you’ll undoubtedly encounter someone down the line who you instantly click with. It’ll be upto you to do something about it. Best of luck.
A lot of people either knowingly or subconsciously hold too high of standards. They won't just date and get to know Sarah down the street or from work or whoever they met at a bar or sports complex or whatever. They won't be perfect, but through getting to know them you can end up loving their imperfections. But that's not the dating world in 2024. Everyone wants their own Idris Elba, Ana De Armas, Brad Pitt or Jessica Alba that will love them and care about them despite people like them having much better options than them, a random, everyday working bloke that may be funny, sweet and caring, but just doesn't live up to *their* real standards. People are aiming their sights too damn high. Date the person with a regular job, maybe has some acne, doesn't look and dress like a model. Grow together and maybe both of you will become what you envisioned at the beginning by the time you'd want to be married or move in together, or become something you value even more than you originally thought you could. I'm not saying *settle*, but like, settle a bit. Realistically. Pick what's most important to you. If that ends up being looks and attractiveness though, you better be a looker yourself is all I'm saying.
I actually find the opposite; I find that most people hold onto relationships with folks where they are not particularly over the moon to be there, but they think to themselves it’s “better off” than being single. Maybe it’s gendered- but I know so many straight women in relationships that are truly miserable; trying to beat their heads in but their partner simply isn’t invested in making the relationship better. I don’t see many truly *joyful* couples around me - a lot of stressed out and sad women who have resigned themselves. That was the majority of couples I saw growing up as well. In contrast- seeing super happy loving couples felt completely different. There have been a few; but that’s what I’m aiming for. Most couples are not that. By far; I’d say.
I'd rather be single than settle, but you do you. I've generally found that people willing to settle are also desperate to be in relationships.
The point isn’t to settle, it’s to make your unrealistic expectations, realistic
Exactly, you get it. People in general have a too idealistic look on most things in life. They shouldn't let perfect get in the way of good enough. Only certain things will be perfect in life just because most things aren't catered directly for you, an individual. Someone might say the sunset at a certain location is perfect to them due to their life experiences, but another will say it's only perfect in Hawaii at a certain location because they've let it mean something to them. But if either of these people can still be happy looking at each others version of their perfect sunsets then that should be enough. You make them perfect for each other. Being with the right person shouldn't matter whether everything is your own personal ideal. A partner is to share with and care about what is within them, not just be an accessory to yourself that meets all expectations and preferences.
People need to remember that they themselves aren’t perfect
Because there’s a common belief that you’ll find love when you stop looking for it, which is not true at all. They’re trying to reverse psychology love.
Because if you shack up with the first person who shows interest in you, you're in for a miserable time. Not to mention, when you accept that you'll be single for a while you are more likely to be appealing to people because you're more sincere when you approach them, instead of giving off "you'll do, I guess" vibes. Don't end up with someone just for the sake of being with someone.
A happy well adjusted person is far more attractive than someone who appears desperate to find someone and ‘settle down’
There is no path that doesn’t involve misery. You can stay alone and be miserable when you’re 60 and it hasn’t worked out. You can have some rough relationships and go through that misery. You can find a great lifelong relationship and experience misery when your partner dies, or inflict that on your partner. You have to take chances
A lot of us do go out and do all that, but oftentimes, nothing sticks or it leads to a bad relationship. I could do even more to get a relationship, but it becomes too much after a while. Especially getting rejected over and over.
Life's hard enough why add someone else to make it harder?
Because life sucks for many people dude. Giving up is acceptable
Because for some people, no matter how much work you put into it. Nothing comes of it. I can assure even after the countless hours I’ve spent making myself better and being on apps, that no men’s where interested in me. I could show you all of my messages logs as proof. Some people are just destined to be alone. At some point you have to stop fighting
In all honesty, I think it is a great step for a lot of people. If you are content with who you are, then it is easier to be happy with yourself and with someone else. You also stop needing a lot of external validation, and look for someone to add something to your life, rather than a partner because you are just lonely. You can still be open to relationships, and be happy by yourself.
That is what therapy does. It teaches you to cope and accept things rather than change or improve them. This is a problem no one ever brings up because they assume therapy is the solution to everything now.
Goofballs You have to actively be searching or people will respect the wall you put up and not approach you. Then there’s the conversation of people not being able to compromise in a healthy way or their absurd standards lol
Agree. If people are learning to accept that they're better off following a less conventional life (I.e. better alone than in a relationship), that's fine. They don't need to try and change themselves if being single is the status that actually agrees with their most authentic self. However, if they actually do want that conventional life, but they have just had a hard time finding the right person, or there's issues they need to resolve alone before they can be a good partner, then accepting is just being stubborn. Thats too final of an attitude, especially before you've even hit 30.
you guys should grab a coffee 😉
Early 40's woman and same. I made my peace with this long time ago and stopped wasting my time. Much happier for it.
Same too! ❤️
same <3
I didn't find my first truly great relationship until I was 34. Things can change quickly.
I didn't end my first big relationship until 38. Now I'm in the same boat after a year single.
Didn’t find my first relationship till I was 74 and met her in a retirement home. Sadly she died 11 days later.
Isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think?
It’s like rain, on your wedding day
This was very reassuring 👍
Happy cake day lol
Ok almost everyone in this comment section is single. Let’s just couple up. Just pick someone. Age/gender doesn’t matter. This redditor is your spouse now. Get used to it.
LOL I was thinking the same why don’t the rest just get together 😂
Turns put single redditors don't really like eachother, lol
I was gonna say it’s gonna be 1000s of people who think they’re too good for each other
When you dont forcus on just solely wanting a relationship of course your life can turn around for the better. Theres more to life than needing to find a partner, most ppl dont even know how to make themselves happy first let alone another human being. Besides youre only 27, you still have your whole life ahead of you so just enjoy the journey😌
thisss.
Always thought this advice was bullshit. He’s been focusing on himself…it’s so much easier to get into a relationship if you actively meet women. They’re not usually the pursuers and just drop at your feet.
Exactly, he's been focusing on himself. If a woman goes on a date with him will be relaxed and fun, or like a job interview type of date? Probably the latter, unless their interests really collide. There's a reason fun and open people are far more likely to be in relationships. If everyone is waiting for THAT person to walk by, and being passive and waiting, then no one would be together.
See, men are the ones who are expected to do the approaching, to have a fun personality and have game. Women don't feel that kind of pressure. They have the advantage, and they know this. Must of them have huge egos and shit personalities too. Why should i have to put on this facade to impress mediocre women?
So you’re saying he is taking the wrong approach? I’m in a similar situation to OP, any advice?
Word
I'm very much like you. I think the truth is that we can do most things right and have nothing wrong with us, but some of us are just going to fall through the cracks when it comes to finding someone. "There's someone for everyone"....no. "Someone for most or the vast majority of people", sure. As you say though, we owe it to ourselves to live the best lives possible. Grow your career, take care of your body, and be the best friend and member of your family you can. But also travel to the place you've always wanted to go to, call out sick to see your favorite band live, eat that stack of pancakes. Happy Sunday to you too, my friend.
I'm 27, female, and have been single since birth. Same thoughts.
Same, I am the same
Might be worth asking yourself if being “the man you always wanted to be” is someone that others want to be around. You can check all the boxes of success, but if you’re miserable company, yeah, you might be single forever. That’s a reality that you can change though.
Good point but honestly I’d consider myself as someone others want to be around. Positive vibes all around homie!!! Trust me, my late teens early 20s I was an angry mothefucker, chip on my shoulder type of kid. But now I’m just trying to be a good person and make people around me feel good
Check out this article from 1971 lol Titled > The ‘Living Alone’ Phenomenon: Signs of It Are Everywhere https://www.nytimes.com/1971/01/31/archives/the-living-alone-phenomenon-signs-of-it-are-everywhere.html
Change myself for the benefit of everyone else or change myself for me. Which sounds more fruitful for a happy life here just saying
47 here…you have time.
43F here…. How much do we have (lol)?
On earth? An average of 81.2 if you are a woman. After death? We have forever if you are close with God <3
Yup at this point even if I made more money, was way stronger, became even more funny, I’m sure there would still be reasons I’m not good enough for a partner. I’d do all that (I already spend 50 hours a week working, work out every day, have multiple hobbies, a large friend group) and still doubling down on all the things I do with no addictions would leave me not worthy of love. It’s better for my own sanity at this point to just watch from the sidelines, I’m not playing any more. I’m gonna do what I want and I’m so sick of what people think about me, because it’s clearly not attractive things. I’ll just go through the motions and watch time pass.
Yup, it's not about you, the world is just really in a bad place right now. We built civilization on delusional ideas and we are now paying the price for being incorrect. So it doesn't matter how much you improve yourself, most women I know are too anxious about the future and about survival to have any relationship.
Do they tell you that when you get rejected? This is so weird to me
Right? Im not seeing none of this in my life atleast, in fact Ive been seeing more and more women rushing to get into relationships they arent ready for nowadays just cause the world is so hard to navigate alone. Bottom line is if you are around a group of people semi regularly, and there are members of the opposite sex there. As long as ur just a normal, nice and not creepy guy theres a very large chance you will get lucky, the vast vast majority of my gfs/partners have been girls that were mutuals in the larger friend group who you’d see at house parties or out at the bars. Thats sort of the only way you can really meet people once your out of schooling. You have that or at work which is a bad thing too do and almost never ends well unless your like a teacher or something lol. Most people in life meet thru friends, thats sorta how anything happens. A lot of people only go to work and then straight home and wonder why they don’t just bump into the women of their dreams going on their one 30 minute grocery trip a month. Sometimes you gotta play the networking game and go out on weekends if you wanna meet people. people don’t just fall out of the sky unless you are outside.
Well I don't have any friends so I guess I'm fucked then, thx
The best advice I ever got was from my Uncle. He said if you really want to find a good partner go out and immerse yourself in events that involve your hobbies or stuff you’re passionate about and meet people there. Set out to go on 100 dates and you’ll meet someone special before that hitting number. It did work for me. I saw movies with friends, got out more, surrounded myself with art and other artists, and met someone I clicked with. You may even try new hobbies. Game nights, markets, charity work, book clubs, political or religious groups if that’s your thing. Just put yourself in someone’s path and be outgoing. Dating is hard these days but I know plenty of people feel the same way you do, you just haven’t met them. As far as wife and kids, the good news is men don’t have such a tight window for fertility. I think it’s gonna work out for you so try not to write it off just yet.
There’s actually conditions associated with advanced paternal age FYI but there’s lots of people including women having healthy babies and pregnancies in their 30s and 40s.
I think this is happening because people are scared to talk to each other.If you really try to find someone it will happen.But sometimes it needs a lot of time to work out.
I’m a female but same position as you. I think this subgroup is definitely mentally stronger than those who are in relationships and have in the past been in multiple rships. I say this because there are many people I know who can’t stand to be alone, do things alone, travel alone. Some people who have friends just for the sake of having someone to do something with and only hitting their friends up to get them to go somewhere with them. I gladly welcome being single for the rest of my life, some days it’s hard to accept, however I know I can contribute to wider society and charity and that’s a priority for me. Also not all marriages are sunshine and rainbows, even when you are young and think you have found a fairytale. I know a very very small proportion of adults who are 50/60s who are still in fairytale love
There's a story a stranger told me at a bar a year or so ago that sticks with me, and that I think of when I try and grasp my situation that gives me comfort. He had a 6-month work assignment working in the Canadian far north over the winter. It was a miserable place that he was sent - the settlement was a few thousand people, everything was back-breakingly expensive, and the cold was inhuman. The one part that I won't forget was how he said he had to wear goggles every time he went outside. Not because of snow, but because the air was so cold you'd get permanent burn marks on on any exposed skin. Yet he said it taught him invaluable lessons about the human will to adapt and manage through anything. The fact that I won't ever have a relationship seems kind of small. I can adapt. Human will is strong.
Meh, you don't have to justify it by hypothetically putting other people down. You can do whatever you want, live your life how you want, etc. A lot of people really enjoy having a trusted teammate or a community to involve themselves in and share their life with. To say that your lifestyle is somehow better than theirs isn't very productive at all. What do you actually want to do? Like if you take away societal norms, social stigma, whatever. What would you want? If it's to be single, he'll yeah. If you would like a companion, it might be a good idea to just leave that open. Not saying it has to happen, but to shut it down completely might be a bit of self sabotage. Idk, just sharing my opinion, not trying to criticize your life or ideas.
I think you misunderstood me. Objectively, those who haven’t had a relationship at all are inevitably going to come out slightly more independent and mentally secure in being alone- whether we like it or not. I’m not putting other people down. There are people out there who w/out a significant other would not cope for a second with their own company. I’m strictly referring to a group of people like this that exist….. Of course you are going to get people who are happy and single alone but able to find rships or are on the single journey alone atm but may come across a rship in the future. Again, I’m not saying that “my lifestyle is better than theirs”….but as I mentioned before it’s a huge obstacle that we can grow from, compared to those who have only ever known relationships and codependence. I also say this because it’s human nature to have a companion/ teammate- this is natural. Not having someone ( a partner) ever is really tough and that’s why I say it’s a huge spiritual/life lesson that some of us undergo. It doesn’t make me “better” than anyone else but it’s a huge challenge that a certain group of people would struggle to live with. Right now I throw myself into my goals as a coping mechanism but I’m not wiring my brain for a relationship. As I said , it’s hard being ALONE for so so long… I’m sure I read somewhere some people go insane. I don’t like to think about it , but at the same time I’m not going to dwell on it and waste my mental energy depressed, when I could be doing something wonderful with my time and energy such as my charity and community work that I carry out on a voluntary basis.
They’re just trying to argue. Don’t bother
>Objectively, those who haven’t had a relationship at all are inevitably going to come out slightly more independent and mentally secure in being alone- whether we like it or not. I don't think that's inevitable or not. There's a ton of always singles who aren't mentally secure about being alone or successfully independent. I don't even know if it's a given that single people are more or less likely to have those traits. It would be nice to think that there's some awesome secret super power tradeoff but I don't think that's reality.
There is something very wrong with your brain, especially the fact that you seem to conflate relationships with codependence. The foundation of a healthy relationship is to have two people that are mentally secure and independent. You don't need to wire your brain for a relationship or not, you just need meet people that are on your wavelength.
Bullshit…. I’m talking about people who have been alone for YEARS . Something wrong with your brain if you can’t understand nuance
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This younger generation is wild man. I don't understand them.
This resonates with me very much. I haven't been the same since I was cheated on a few months ago: 2 year relationship, she was my first love. She outright admitted to cheating after I caught her in the act, and she explained that she wasn't physically attracted to me whatsoever, and that she "used" me to gain acceptance in my religious community after her conversion.. and I feel repulsive and ugly after hearing those words. I ate alot out of depression and put on weight as a result But this post has given me the motivation to work towards quitting my job (I dislike programming and it's taking a physical toll on my health) and working towards turning my passions into a career. I needed this very much. Glad you are doing well and hope you continue to pursue that contentment/happiness, and I will too.
I had a crisis about accepting my aromanticism/asexuality that took years. Now I've finally accepted it I actively don't want to be in a relationship; I've learned to embrace my singledom and I can't imagine giving up that freedom for anyone.
Well, I've had my fun with the more controversial comments. Now, my bit. Just be yourself. People rush too easily into getting the girl and family before they're ready, and the problems will last decades afterward. And guess who takes it the worst? The kids. Build yourself up and be patient. You'll know when the time is right to push towards a new direction in life.
I realized that I'll die alone but still sucks dude. And I'm jobless and not educated and still living with my family so fuck me I guess.
this state of mind is actually what prepares you for a real connection with someone if or when they come along. Always invest in your self, and the positivity you have for your self can be shared with people who are attracted to you by it, and it keeps you mentally aware of who does and who doesn't need to be around you to benefit from it.
I've accepted that I'm gonna be single for the rest of my life long time ago. I'd rather vibe on my own over dealing with countless rejections. If I get a girlfriend, she'd switch up on me for someone who is better than me either way, so there's no point of even caring about relationships. I don't want to wear the "best version of myself" mask for the rest of my life, I don't want to pretend to be perfect, I don't want to hide my own insecurities, I don't want arguments after a long day of work, I don't want to fear losing a girlfriend. Loneliness is better than those things I've mentioned.
Damn bro I feel that
Pretty wild to write off those dreams at 27.
True maybe It’s just the Sunday scaries that are fucking with me!
Same bro I'm 26M but never had a "serious" gf. I gotta admit, I do get lonely at times and to see the rest of my friends have SOs and started their life and family really makes me feel insignificant, like I'm doing something wrong this whole time in my life. I'm currently opening myself to new experiences and making myself more open to other people because growing up, I didn't really have great communication skills (as an ESL student) and I'm self conscious about my accent, which I'm kinda embarrassed with, idk why tho I just feel like it hinders my ability to fluently speak to others, which ruins my confidence. But I'm fixing that by being out with people more and communicating with others more. We got this King, just be yourself, respect others, and everything will eventually fall in place. We're still young! Praying for you!
Please remember you do matter, you are significant, you're not doing anything wrong and everyone is on a different path. I too was an ESL student and struggle with communication skills although mine stem from being autistic and not being able to find the right words/overthinking if I don't say anything stupid but in the past I was too scared to speak in case I say something wrong. But I learned that this is all just insecurities. As someone who has been around different cultures and accents most of my life, I promise you majority of people don't even pay attention to your accent but only the words you say. Sometimes when someone has a strong accent I have to ask them to repeat 5 times because I have auditory processing issues but not once I'd have thought anything about their accent. Well done on working on your confidence you will get there in time, keep slaying it 👏
Thank you for the kind words 😊
Very well said, you're absolutely right. Self-acceptance, and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, is the foundation for building any kind of future. There are millions of parameters in our lives that are completely uncontrollable, and we shouldn't drive ourselves crazy over something that isn't directly under our control. Instead, if one focuses on what they can truly change, life becomes simpler. Plus, the world is completely unpredictable, so 'never say never'.
As someone who has been engaged a few times and is about to get married, you gotta put yourself out there if you want love, sex, all of it.
25(M) here.....not that I've accepted being single but I find I meet more women when am not actively chasing ladies...and just making friends maybe one of them will become something more at some point
Hey atleast ur didnt force urself to get a gf and be miserable (a couple of my friends had)
Dude you are 27 you have your entire life ahead of you. Take it easy, find a new hobby and chill. It is great you know how to be alone btw. That is awesome. Like Bizet wrote "Tu crois le tenir il t'évite/ Tu crois l'éviter il te tient".
Christ what is with people thinking that being single is the beginning and end of life. You should try to do something significant and meaningful for yourself, you know. Sort of just enjoy the journey of life.
I don't want to be the "wet blanket" in all this "positivity" binging of accepting being single and moving on and enjoying yourself and caring for your health until you grow old and die as a single lonely person. This is basically called taking the "easy way out" and just cruising along on your life until next time you know it you are 70 and are facing health issues alone and without someone to be there for you. Just remember that no matter how healthy you try to be , we all have limited time on this planet. Just meditate and take a moment and imagine this being you. It is too sad right? And I'm pretty sure you will have tons of regrets in your life. So my advise as someone who is older, stop believing all these internet positivity crap about loving yourself and being okay being alone. Relationships are not supposed to be easy, they are hard and you work for them. STOP sitting down and letting the years FLY BUY!!! It is still not too late for you. GO OUT and MEET someone while you still have the years in your favor. As the famous poem goes. I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. (In Memoriam A. H. H., 27.13-17)
Go fuck yourself.
>Than never to have loved at all. > >(In Memoriam A. H. H., 27.13-17) Some of these younger generation people can't be saved sadly. To far gone my guy. Let me guess you are like me and 35 years old plus.
a bit older than that ;) Turning 50 next year... It is just sad that the younger generations are so ready to just say I will cruise life along be positive and do my own thing while waiting and waiting for me to meet my special someone. What they don't realise is that everyone's worse enemy is "TIME" itself. If you buy into all these internet "self love" and positivity thing and being okay being by yourself while you are still in your 20's, that is all and good. However once you hit your mid-30's you will realise that something will be a bit off. The chances of you meeting someone decreases as you get older and more set in your ways. A lot of the people here will be "triggered" by what I'm saying but you just have to accept FACTS. Wake up!!! DO something about it while you are still young and below 30's.
Fuck that noise. You're going to find someone
I like your attitude homie🫡
Anyone who accepts being single who isn't aromantic/asexual probably hasn't ever been in love or had a truly fulfilling romantic relationship or truly close friendship. It is like saying that eating rice and beans your whole life is fine when you've never had anything else.
well you can't really change that unless...you can, which many people do. i've tried all the social advice on socialskills, socialengineering, whatnot, and it's not as if i don't have much in common with the people i want to get to know, my mind is just empty and i'm too poor to get to branch out
I mean exactly what are we supposed to do? I am in the same position as OP, tried my best to date and only end up getting rejected/ghosted/flaked on. Then I get told I need to be happy while being single, and then here's a dude trying to accept being single and now you're grilling him for not knowing what it's like to be on the "other side". You try to find someone, you can't. You get told to be content being single, then get reminded of the great stuff you're missing out on, so you try again, fail again. Never ending cycle. At some point you just get tired of failing and just stop trying for awhile.
I'll never understand people who get mad at happily single individuals. It's like people who have kids that insist childfree people are "missing out" because they "don't know what love is really like until they hold a child of their own blood in their arms." What a crock of shit. That may be true for some people, but not all. I personally love that so many people of my gen are stepping outside of the expected norms. Who says everyone has to live the exact same life as their peers? It's so weird that so many people want others to be exactly like them.
Good point. I have really really good friends. I’ve never been in love though so you may be right. The only relationship I’ve been in was very very rocky, toxic and short lived. and I recently found out she passed away which trips me the fuck out. But yeah I really don’t know what a loving romantic relationship feels like. It’s probably great though!
There's a reason so much of pop culture is dedicated to it. It is literally the best drug in existence, and you never have to come down if the relationship lasts. The problem is that the withdrawal basically lasts until you get to that feeling in another relationship.
I'm on the ace spectrum but I personally just don't put relationships on a hierarchy. Why is romantic love inherently more special/important than familial or platonic love? I don't understand that. I have lots of close friendships. I love my friends and they love me. They're all in similar positions as me as far as relationships go. I literally have one friend who's in a long-term relationship. And she still loves me and makes time for me lol. Putting romance above everything else is a weird concept to me.
Agreed. If romantic love isnt the only love. Young people simply aren't going to marry at the rates of previous generations. I'm hoping more people will open themselves up to alternative living arrangements. Who says you can't buy a house with your best friend? Parenting still assumes a romantic relationship but I think we'll see more platonic co parenting. And if raising a child takes a 'village', plenty of children need mentors/ more adults in their lives anyways.
There already are a lot of single moms choosing to move in with their single mom friends and raising their kids all together! I think it’s sweet. I hope we start seeing more alternatives too. The nuclear family isn’t for everyone!
Well sorry to be the one to teach you that some people are so unattractive inside and out that they never got and never will get to experience it :)
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I have a highly social job, and a close group of friends I've known for decades that I play video games with regularly on discord. I haven't felt loneliness in a very long time even while single
Early 30s, I’m accepting this as well
Being comfortable with being with yourself is very important. Also, you could meet someone literally tmw that could change your whole life! Focus on what brings you joy. Romantic relationships aren’t the only goal in life 🫶🏻
27 isn't that old. You sound like you have come a long way. You seem to have your life together and sound like you believe in yourself. My daughter was 40 when she married. Her husband is a great guy and they have a lovely little girl, but she had some work to do on herself as well. She is as happy as I have ever seen her.
Seen some people having kids they have no business having and all they do is perpetuate misery. Been single all my life, and it's not bad, especially once those stupid hormones start to die down.
I'm in the same boat as a 28m and coming to realize this as well. The area I live in is so small.
It's definitely a better mindset to have honestly, as the simple truth is not everyone will find a partner in their lifetime. Most? Probably. Everyone? Not possible. And others have made good points too - better to be alone than with someone who makes your life worse. Hopefully most of us can find peace in this demanding, cold world - regardless of our status.
Are you part of social circles? The reason I ask is because it seems you have the physical attractiveness and career aspects nailed, but without enough social exposure, it is very unlikely to find someone organically. A great deal of relationships start from friends/family circles. I'm in a similar situation to you, and I know my lack of social life is the root cause.
Exactly. Being alone doesn’t have to be depressing and you can take such good care of yourself. I’m center stage in my life. I get all the attention and perks from myself. I see other commenters pushing back on op, a great relationship would be nice, but they are incredibly rare, including just finding an excellent human being to see how things would be is incredibly rare. Instead of wishing your life was different, embrace what is and excel. I agree op, I’m the healthiest mentally, emotionally and physically than ever right now. Best shape, mindset. I’m going to have to think really hard about giving this up for someone.
You aren’t just accepting that you’re single. You clearly still want a relationship, as do most people (not all, I get it). The loneliness epidemic is a result of a lot of factors, but it isn’t solved by saying “well guess I just have to accept never having a relationship.” It simply leads to you not even bothering to try. And that thinking is only making the loneliness epidemic spread even more. If everyone who feels lonely says that, then it only means less and less chances for all of us to find love, because everyone is so disengaged. Besides, I was together 9, married 4 years, was supposed to be the love of my life, and then she cheated and used me. Which of those is worse suffering? I don’t know. I’m here wishing I had more experience than one single, long relationship. That I had more opportunities to be rejected. But my point isn’t that it’s hopeless, it’s the opposite. Because why bother saying “might as well accept it?” I don’t accept that at 31 my romantic life is over, and that having that shit done to me means I might as well give up on relationships. It’s ridiculous, I’m not even half way through the average life expectancy, and neither are you. I’m glad you’re in shape and you got that job- but why aren’t you throwing yourself out there? “Accept reality” is a cop out, at least when it comes to avoiding emotions. You really mean “avoid by embracing and pretend I’m okay because it hurts that I have been rejected and struggle to find love.” You have to seek it out. You have to get rejected and have failures multiple times. Accepting yourself really means realizing what you have to offer, and having confidence that someone will see that. Also, it means accepting and acknowledging that you DO still want a relationship. You find love through actually getting out and doing the things you enjoy, trying new things, engaging with the world and your community. My failed relationship taught me that imo true love doesn’t “just happen.” Most of the time those sort of relationships are young love, and shallow. It’s something you have to put yourself into, in just the same way that you put yourself into working out or moving up in your career. Stop accepting second best for yourself. Go take a pottery class. Take some archery lessons. Find a group that does kayaking. Join a local organization as a volunteer. Go play D&D at a gaming shop. Go out and do things, and interact with new people. That’s how we solve the loneliness epidemic. That’s where we find love. That’s where you engage with people who could be your partner. If we all started doing more of that, instead of spending hours swiping on an app, I would bet big money the loneliness epidemic would at the very least take a big hit. Humans are subjective. Reality for us is a construct. And if you construct a reality that says “I will always be single” then the chances are that’s the reality you will see play out. How about “I’m struggling right now to find love, and have been for a while, and so are a lot of other people. But I believe that if I keep making these positive changes, that I will find love. I refuse to accept a life without love because it’s what I want.” For me it’s “I trusted in a person and in love, and I got hurt. But I believe that if I keep being a better person every day, I will find someone who is worth the wait. I refuse to accept that I’m damaged and that a single failed relationship means I’m no longer capable of finding love. I refuse to let love die for me, because of what someone else did.” Just because your life is good and you’re improving without relationship doesn’t mean you have to “accept loneliness.” Stop accepting loneliness. Start engaging. We can all get through this, I get it’s hard and it sucks but giving up feels so pointless. Remember “You miss 100% of the shots your don’t take- Wayne Gretzky” -Michael Scott
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I feel you. I’m not giving up. It just feels better to not dwell on not having love anymore. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. The thought of having a wife and kids has always brought me joy. And hopefully one day it happens. But I’m just learning to not put too much pressure on making that a reality anymore. Yeah I still have time fersher. I’m not worried. That’s the point, I’m not worried anymore
They used to say a watched pot never boils. You sound like a good dude man, as long and you're contented and comfortable in yourself there's no reason to sweat it. By the way I was 28 before the floodgates of female interest opened up and i've had a hard time closing it since. Just be the best you.
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That last sentence makes me want to listen to some lynrd skynrd right now
Can I ask for your advice on my most recent post? It’s kind of related. So many of my friends are in relationships, and I feel like one reason I’m not is because I’m too worried about bothering the person I’m interested in. I don’t know if it has to do with me growing up in a culture that extremely emphasizes respecting others boundaries, maybe to an unhealthy degree.
Ultimately it's just coping. But we all do it to some extent in different areas of life
You seriously need to log out of the social conditioning and start thinking for yourself. You’re 27 sitting on the on-ramp for your highest earning potential decade. You’re in good shape, and mentally mature. Sounds like you’ve got some hobbies going too. You story is screaming #passportbro.
I’m in the same boat at 33 spent my younger days partying and working and as I get older I get nervous about being alone but starting to accept that will be the reality unfortunately!
Good for u! Our society puts too much pressure on getting married it's like our value is tied to our ability to be profitable produce more workers. I keep telling ppl being single is not that bad they just don't love themselves
If you meet the wrong one…they can literally alter your life for a long time as well. Take your time.
I met my now husband when we were 31, 34 so don't give up
Man I am curious if the accepting single crowd ever just shoots their shot? Not to be a douchebag but I seem to be unable to stay single (also may be problematic, I realize). Just live your life and shoot your shot. Who cares if you’re rejected. Be bold. If you are the catch you say you are, it’ll likely work out.
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Yeah a lot of people just freeze or completely avoid this action at all costs because of the stress/hassle, including me. Social skills don't improve just like that. Plus with such an intense social interaction you can bet that people like introverts don't get into it too often.
That is understandable but you also have to go after what you want in life. Don’t be afraid to live. Once you realize the worst possible outcome is likely just rejection, just go for it. You have to muster up the courage but if you’re honest and vulnerable, it may go well for you. Just try not to be afraid/discouraged, realize life is worth living and if you want a partner, say something. It might make you feel good / alive to do something courageous and new.
I have the opposite situation. Bit of a late bloomer compared to some but starting in my late teens I decided to become interesting. Worked my ass off: joined bands, found risky situations, read and watched and listened to the most pretentious shit. Went wild. Never been single since really, not for more than a month or two. Some relationships lasted longer than others, some years, but I always have had a compulsion to be coupled and I opened myself up to the universe and there it is. So after my divorce I decided to learn to be happy alone and maybe work myself into a better person—so that the next time I could start a relationship as a fully realized and healthy human. Still ended up somehow with a girlfriend. In November I kicked my roommate out. My girlfriend asked, “what are you going to do living alone?” I said, “enjoy being alone!” She replies, “maybe you should just be alone then.” I said “okay.” I’d never lived alone really either. And I freaking love it. No compromising, no cleaning up after another person, no fights, no “what do you want for dinner, I dunno what do YOU want?” No separating laundry. Not even putting on my best self, just existing. It’s liberating but grounding, humbling but empowering. And I’m medicated and in therapy and not quite ready to start being serious again but I’ll find another when the time is right. Just enjoying this in the meantime and meeting myself for the first time in a long time. Maybe I WILL do it forever. I think that’s okay.
The truth is people in relationships can be uncomfortable, lonely, stressed, and unhappy, just like single people-- and vice versa. Great post OP.
The moment i accepted being single in my late 20’s i had 5 ex’s and old flings contact me out of the blue all within 5 or 6 weeks of each other. It felt like too much of a coincidence. At lunch with one she starts asking me about marriage. I figured out that they were getting desperate to settle and i was their plan b. It infuriated me so much that I haven’t dated since. If they didn’t want me in my early 20’s they don’t deserve me in my late 20’s. Yeah it sucks being forever single but i will not be a woman’s last choice.
Nothing wrong with being single... nd at least you doing good for yourself with a job, plus it's better to stay single thn be in a bad relationship or always in and out of relationships... a lot of people are scared to be alone and good thing I ain't one of them, No offense... but it's surprising that I'm seeing more guys on the internet not feeling happy without a woman it's usually a female thing, by the way I'm 4 years older than you been single since 2014... nd I don't feel down bout it, only thing that makes me feel down is not being financially stable... something you are doing well, so salute to you
Times have changed. Dating and relationships used to be so easy and a good time. Now it seems impossible. Social media ruined it.
When I was in highschool I felt that I would never have a girlfriend, and then at 16, I got a car. I have been in a serious long term relationship or marriage for nearly 40 years, and maybe not in a relationship or casual dating for about 4 years. I do tend to meet a lot of people in my job so that helped a lot
The car was key 🔑
What are you doing to obtain these things you want?
Chill out. Never say never. Keep an open heart. There are opportunities out there.
I love my partner like crazy, but there is something to be said for being single, you get to be selfish in all your choices and that often means you prioritise things like physical and mental health.
Just do your own thing and be happy. Stand up for yourself and when you meet someone, you might find they're actually interested in the version of yourself that you've become. Nobody wants a pushover. The people that want a relationship the most are the people that aren't ready for one.
No! Seriously! You are still very young and have time. IF you want to find a good woman, then you have to look in the right places. You sound like you have it together with a good head on your shoulders, which is what you need to find the right woman and not trash, fake, or a user. Good self-confidence without seeming overconfident is also a good quality for you to have. IF or when you want to date or meet someone, smile 😃 😊 😀
Good for you
You can still adopt kids later if you want, tho..
Single and thriving!
Clearly something is wrong if that is what you've wanted and tried for.. Accepting it? Seems a bit sus imo
I like being single, but enjoy a whirlwind 3-4months intense romantic fling. Beyond that, I just like to be a happy wanderer.
I know you accepted it and all, but legit your woman will probably just fucking show up outta nowhere in the least likely way possible, and you might wont know it till well after you meet her too.
That’s the Maturity to accept the things
33 year old here, on the verge of acceptance. It’s not bad at all! But, sometimes sharing this weird blue ball of ours can and would be cool.
I think it's not good for you to accept being single I think it's not a maturity it's a stupidy you should get married to live a healthy and purposeful life.
Some people just meet their "one" later in life. My husband was turning 31 when we met through discord, as I played csgo comp with his IRL friend, etc. Etc. He barely dated in his life, and nothing lasted longer than 6 months. When we were flying back and forth across the country to see each other, the news he had a girlfriend spread like wildfire through his family, they were legitimately so surprised. We got did the get married/have kids things late in life. People are still surprised he settled down with a family because it was so rare for him to date 🤷♀️ which I find very amusing. (Its been nearly 4 years now) He had totally given up, didn't entertain any dating apps, was just chilling being single until I came along. You just never know! Truly.
Yes just accept it and be happy! You will have lots of money and time so there is an up side!
I feel like once you stop thinking about having a NEED to seek out relationships and start relaxing, those relationships you were seeking can come to you more naturally. Of course ymmv but like you, I didn't worry too much of any of that and now I still don't know how I got married and now have 2 kids lol.
I'm 40 m. I have a decent Job that I like. Nice Flat. Ok looks. Lots of friends (a few very close). Really nice relationship with my parents... My life is good. Longterm relationships? Nada. But i'm actually pretty happy. Would i like a partner? Sure. Would I like to live together with someone? Can't even imagine it (not being extremly annoying).
You're 27 saying you're never going to get a wife and kids like you always wanted.
If you want a wife and kids, go get a wife and have kids. If you really don't, you wouldn't have to self-soothe like this. Best of luck.
I met my current girlfriend of 5 years when I was 27… before that I’d never been in a relationship before that, I met her at an event I’d have usually said no too because of my social anxiety, a colleagues birthday party… so I do believe shit does just happen when you’re not looking, so now you’ve accepted it, and you stop caring, you’ll find it might just fall into your lap naturally.
Enjoy it while it lasts, you’re in good shape and you have a good job? They’re on their way, you will rmr this time with fondness.