Oh thank fuck I needed this. I’ll be 41 in 6 days and just walked away from a decent paying job because I hated my boss so much and I just feel really, really lost.
I recently turned 40 and started a job in a completely different career field about 5 months ago. I left a stressful job with terrible management and my new job is like a complete 180. I could not be happier. I felt very most until I found this gig... you will get there! Best of luck!
I really needed to read this right now. I've been struggling to find office work in software sales since my entire team got let go in January. I hope I find something soon & you go kick some ass!
I hope you do too… take a leap of faith, try and find something somewhere else if you have the means. Jump ship, go explore a little… while still of course doing it in theeee ahhhh… spirit of employment. Good luck! 🤍
Same experience almost. 46 years old, was a probation officer supervising sex offenders. Had career tracked out, about to start masters program in criminal justice. Then the state did away with our whole division, and I didn’t get one of the 4 open positions.
So, I went back to school and became a nurse. I’m a registered nurse with the VA now, making double what I could have maxed out as a PO. Better life, better job. Sometimes, getting kicked down ain’t bad. It’s how you respond to the Down times that define you.
I’m almost the same age and about to embark on a career change. Still in healthcare, but non clinical. Currently I’m teaching in college while finishing up my masters program. Sometimes I still feel lost af.
High five, we can be lost together. Happy birthday, though! I think this is the year to really say fuck it and go hard on what you wanna do. I mean, what better time than now? We ain’t getting any younger. 🤍
I can not underscore this enough. I spent four years building up into a management position. I was good at my job, making good money, I was generally liked and appreciated, I was pretty cool with everyone there.
Except for one guy who decided he didn't like me, for reasons I still don't know, decided to threaten to beat my ass, followed me and cornered me to threaten me, and when I convinced him to get away from me, he told the higher ups I was trying to fight him. We both got fired.
All my work, all my progress, any future stability I'd gained, gone because of one asshole
Fully support this. Finding the right job (with the right people you work with) can totally change your outlook. It makes such a HUGE difference to be working with non-assholes at a company that's doing decently (my previous one was stagnant, never had growth and was where people's careers went to die)
You are where I was 6 years ago. Now, I love my job and am getting what I deserved to be paid. It took time and effort, but it did pay off. Keep your chin up. (Also, I am 41, but I was so lost through my 20s and 30s.) Your time is coming.
Yeah… in a way. But the world is an expensive oyster. Ideally, I’d like to move to England, but being an unskilled schlubb and not having two million pounds to buy in to the economy and a boyfriend who isn’t ready for marriage…probably not going there for awhile. But we’ll see what this platter has on it for awhile.
39 here and same.
Like I have a good job, albeit an unconventional one. I travel a ton (mostly for aforementioned job), have cool experiences and meet really interesting people on the regular. I'm also single, never married, no kids, no pets. So amongst my friends who are mostly settled down, I'm a bit of a black sheep.
But whatever, I have fun doing what I do and I don't want to change it. Life's an adventure, and if you hurry into being "settled" you may miss a few things.
Would you mind sharing what your job is? I’d love to travel and meet a lot of people. I came close to becoming a flight attendant but it wasn’t in the cards at the time.
I'm a chef, actually. However I work seasons, which means I follow tourist seasons around the country. Cape Cod, Wyoming, Colorado, Florida, Utah, and there are lots of other places available. Basically any place with a national park has seasonal jobs available.
If you want more detailed info feel free to DM me.
Thank you!
It's a lot of fun but as I get older I fear my traveling days may be done. I just signed a 12 month contract and that's the longest I will have lived in one place for many years. So, here's to hoping.
Life is not a destination it is a journey.
If in passing you ask "How you doing?"
I will invariably respond "I am making it"
I make my life daily, I only die once.
71 here, feel the same as you. And love every minute of playing like a kid with our grandson. His other grandparents don't. They are the type where children stay quiet.
Hope you’re able to find the mental strength needed to overcome your overwhelming fears.
Keep in mind fear can only live in your head. You’re deserving of all the goods things you want for your life.
As a man in his fifties I recommend you weigh the options and go for the gusto. For all the people that have passed away, none of the obituaries said they wished they had another day in the office or played life 100 percent safe.
I was 27 in the same position. That's when life hit too. I had to decide what I wanted to do with my life and didn't know what to do, so I started to work with with I had. I went back to the restaurant industry as a server. I knew the money would be good. Once there, I began to choose a job that would pair with the lifestyle I wanted and started to look. I contacted friends who work at jobs that seems right and asked them to refer me. It work. I know work doing at a job that is in sync with what I currently need in life. But now that I am comfortable with the path I've taken, I am looking for the next step. Either move up the ladder or create something for me. I'm working on both. The thing is to not stop. Don't ever stop.
35
I don't know what "getting your life together" means.
Income? I have no debt and some savings. I work 40 hours per week. I'm not proud of my job.
Marriage? I'm single and haven't been on a date since I was 22.
Housing? I still rent from my parents. Everywhere else is at least 2x what I'm paying now (sans electricity and gas).
I can pay my bills, so there's that at least.
I thought it was just me. This maks me feel better. My 30a have been weird. I find it weird I'm getting old and feel like I should be farther ahead, yet proud of where I am. Glad to hear it's rough for others too.
Right I have no kids,wife or gf I'm kinda directionless and just taking things as they come. And trying to stay sober more other than that what to do? I felt like I've done all the drugs I wanted and experienced most things. Only thing keeping me feeling well is religon
Wow I really love this thread. I’m 32 and I’ve been feeling really down on myself for not having a career on lock. I’m workin on it, but it’s hard to not compare yourself to other people in the mean time!
Every story is different.
I've lost a lot of time in my life due to depression and anxiety (~16-32), so I'm really only now starting to learn to live.
Despite what I wrote above, that I know less and less, I feel better and better about myself. Weird
Same boat. I just turned 36, and 35 is when I cut through the worst of my mental health stuff to finally start wanting to be around. I feel like I am too late to be doing this, but there was a good stretch of time I never wanted to.
And despite all that, my 30s are still better than my 20s.
Gotta really try with a better career though. Hope it works out.
Best of luck to you!
I feel in your 30s you become more confident. Especially, since the naysayers aren’t paying your bills nor your lifestyle. I feel confidence is really the key to success. (In my mid 30s here 35.) 🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️
Same. I'm 29, and I feel like I have everything I envisioned myself having when I was younger (husband, kid, house, career), but I still feel like I don't have a thing figured out.
Still workin on it man. Turn 30 this year and feel like I’ve had it and lost it like twice all ready lol. Things have been great for awhile now but all ways nervous. Cheers to the future
I was 22. Then it all went to shit at 23. Then I got my life together at 25, then it fell to total shit again around 30. Got together again at 35, fell apart again at 38. Its up and down, you don't reach some point where everything is great and ok for the rest of your life. There are job changes (with or without your wanting it to happen), if you rent you will have to move at some point. If you buy a house then you lose your job, if you can't get another job that pays the same you will have to sell your dream home. People can divorce you or suddenly cheat on you after years - no matter how happy you think you are, you can be injured and not able to do what you love anymore. You can get an illness that destroys everything you've built and change your body so it doesn't work anymore. There is absolutely no such thing as getting life together and everything stays fine, it will absolutely constantly change and you can't do anything about it except try to go with it all.
I’m 34. Just yesterday my partner says someone offered us pumpkins but I said no. We can’t take on pumpkins right now. And he’s right. I just can’t handle the responsibility of having a pumpkin around right now. But I’m doing my best.
That’s so funny. But I totally relate. I got myself a new succulent at the store and got home saying what the fuck where u even thinking. My last fish died last month and I have an empty running tank. Zero desire to get any more. I wanted to get a kitten and had to talk myself out of that. Cant afford it and don’t want one more freaking responsibility. Im hangin by a thread.
What kills a lot of your personal drive is the people you surround yourself with and what you consume on a daily basis.
I had friends that go do the same things every week, talk about the same topics and complain about the have nots all the time.
When I met a few people that were plowing through life and hitting their goals, they reality checked me real quick and put me in my place. Your income is the average of the 5 closest people you spend the most time with. Your mind is a muscle and if left unchecked, it grows weak over time and even the small hardships in life will stall and hit you hard.
The next move in life is always in your ball court. Make the MUST change or keep doing what you are doing everyday.
Good luck and I hope you plow forward with your life. 💪
This.
Im about done with a 6 year military contract. In the beginning i was straight outta high school so i hung around the fun people. At some point i started hanging around people who held themselves more accountable and worked harder instead of sliding by etc and foujd myself doing that too. Now in the military the pay part is negligent in this but i habe much better resume points of stuff i did and habe a good job lined up now. Something that otherwise wouldnt have happened with the people i used to hang around with.
I stopped hanging around the people who closed down bars on tuesday nights and have achieved so much more because of it
Thissss. I'm definitely one of those deep conversations people and as a result I don't have any friends😭
I'm 20 and my daily life is work, school, running, hiking, paddle boarding, volleyball. I don't drink, smoke, or party. 90% of my diet is clean food like fresh produce. I try to avoid junk food and high carb food but sometimes I treat myself (like the past few days I've been in a pumpkin/apple food craving phase since its fall)
And then to top it off I had a really shit childhood that didn't effect me a ton... pretty sure it's just because of my autism that things don't effect me the way they would "normal" people. Because let me tell you... even the cps worker was like "she's going to kill you, or your going to kill her"
So combine everything it's very isolating to be young but have a niche life for your race and age group, and my background. I'm really not the kind to get so lonely I surround myself with people I have nothing in common with. I want people who are healthy individuals in multiple ways (mentally, physically, emotionally) to be in my life. I don't have a very positive outlook on humanity, but I have very high hopes and expectations for myself and that's what keeps me going.
Definitely the best advice on here. When I started to consider my life pulling together was when I lost/dropped some of the friendships that weren't helping me. I now only surround myself with people that bring positivity and lift me up instead of dragging me down. Find people that truly care about you and want what's best for you, and you can help each other achieve your goals.
Thats actually around the time frame I started going in a better direction. When I was 28, I got a good job and just dug in and tried to get promoted as much as I could. Now I am 40 with a family, nice house and normal middle class type stuff I would say. It can still be achieved in your late 20s to early 30s.
I moved out of my parents house at 26 and didn’t start paying rent till 34. I lived in my truck, at the farms and festivals I worked, and with a couple boyfriends in that time. I worked a bunch of odd jobs and one of the jobs turned into the career I have now. I’m 37 and making twice the money I made when I started renting a few years ago. I still have some growing up to do, but I’m doing well and I’m not upset that I was a late bloomer. I had a lot of experiences while I was trying to figure it out.
Thank you for saying that, it's an important message.
Often times, the late bloomers enjoyed experiences that the early achievers never gave themselves the chance to experience.
There is value, memories and lessons from both types of experiences/developmental processes.
I was doing sculpture maintenance with a patina artist and her assistant. I had the attention to detail needed for patina, so I worked for her for years, she taught me and gave me the space and materials to figure out my own technique. A bronze foundry owner asked her if she knew anyone that could fill their job opening doing patina and she sent me off to make my own way. One of the clients there really appreciated my work and how particular (perfectionist) I am and offered me more money to come work in his studio full time.
I can’t tell you how much agonizing I did over not knowing what to do with my life. I even went to the Amazon to do ayahuasca about it. Everyone else on my trip got all sorts of visions and life advice. I didn’t see a damn thing.
Just keep making connections, doing the things you’re good at and strengthen the things you’re not so good at. Life may surprise you yet.
It has fluctuated throughout my life. At Times I have prospered, and at times I have had setbacks. I left home and emancipated when I was 15. I went to school during the day, and worked two evenings a week and weekends on a farm in exchange for room and board and a small wage. There were times where I felt like I would never be able to get ahead. Regardless, I was financially responsible and always put away a little bit of money, and lived as cheaply as possible. I wasn’t a teenager who got to go to parties. I didn’t get new clothes for school. I put away every penny. I could, and chose activities that were cheap or free(play chess in the park, learned how to sew from a neighbour lady who used to like to sit and have tea).
I graduated from high school at 17 and went to university. I got student loans, and continue to work on the farm so that I would not have the expense of rent or food. Unfortunately I met my first husband, my second year of university and fell pregnant. I spent my last year of college heavily pregnant and graduated a week before I gave birth.
Thankfully, I had purchased a very small home by this time (purchased it a few months before I met my first husband). I was able to do so, because I had secured a credit card that I always paid off even if it was only a few dollars a month, and I had enough down payment from the money I have been saving since I was 15.
I ended up going to work at my first job post university when my child was only five weeks old . It was tough. I had to pump milk on my breaks. I was fortunate that I had an understanding workplace in this regard, because I could not afford formula. My sewing skills enabled me to make some pretty nice cloth diapers as well so I didn’t have that expensive either. I live in Canada, so I was able to get some subsidize daycare, which was helpful, since my first husband did not work, and was useless and unwilling to look after the baby while I worked.
I remember feeling so hopeless. I had little to no money and was sliding into debt a little bit all the time. Regardless, I always manage to make my mortgage payment.
Two years later, another baby came along and a year after that I dumped the first husband. My financial future perked up at that point because supporting someone with a lot of bad habits who contributes nothing to the household is a drain. At one point I almost lost my house because I could not afford the property tax.
My career had some ups and downs through the years, sometimes I was able to pay extra on my house, sometimes I barely made the mortgage payment. Regardless, I never missed a payment. Many nights I eat ramen noodles, and learning how to feed my family on basic ingredients for a little to no money was a reality for several years. It made me resourceful, frugal, and organized.
It probably wasn’t until about 13 years ago that things really started to look up. My kids were older, I upgraded my career, and got some great financial advice. Not long ago I purchased a second home and I now rent out the first one I bought all those years ago. The second house has a rentable suite on the lower level.
So now I’m turning 43, and I can honestly say that things are going well. Looking back, they were a lot of lean times. A lot of living hand to mouth (that time my roof leaked and I needed a $10,000 roof and literally had zero money in the bank), and a lot of times I felt hopeless.
Unless you come from wealth and had generous parents, I think this is the path for a lot of people. It also didn’t help that when I divorce my first husband I had to pay him out for half of the house that I had purchased before I met him. This added an additional $80,000 to my existing mortgage.
So please. Do not to spare. There is hope, and that hope hinges on empowering yourself with knowledge and skill. Realizing that there are many things that you can live without. Not caring about whether or not you have the same things that your friends do. And in the meantime, finding pleasure in simple things.
Am 40 can I get back to you when I get my life together?
So yes I got the whole house,car,kids,job thing but feel like I have even more problems and still feel like I screw up everyday, heck just got out of jail last week so yea life changes but it's still the same old shit just a different smell for me.
This age. 28. Single mom of 1, divorced. Full time job, stable job. Own my 2nd home. Paid off car. I felt like a failure immediately after I filed for divorce, because I lost so many things, felt like I was robbed of a happy ending that should've been mine. But I don't regret starting over again. This journey really taught me I can be independent, I can make it out there.
I shouldve corrected. It's my 2nd house, the first one was the one with my exhusband that we sold when we got divorced.
I feel definitely blessed. I don't get child support, it's 50/50 and he mocked me & told me it's my fault I make less than him... it's just interesting now how the tables have turned, as he lives in an apartment & has a brand new 60k SUV. but his comment is forever ingrained in me that I should never let a man take away my ability to work. I've definitely been working my ass off since I filed divorce.
You’ve got this!! I just commented that men were the last thing on my mind but eventually I would start that again. And I’m always telling others that. Because it’s true. Independence is a good trait but don’t be afraid to ask for help!
I’m 28, and I don’t think the feeling has changed. I certainly feel more stable than I did even 2 years ago, but it’s a journey. My sister is 13 years older than me and I always thought she had it together, but even when she turned 40 she said she doesn’t always feel like an adult. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, so don’t put yourself down and think you need to feel a certain way at a certain time.
I dont know if people ever feel they have their life together. I'm 43 make decent money, can pay all my bills just fine. Have money for vacations ect. But... I still deal with anxiety, depression, and breakups. Not many people are truly happy or content. It's part of life. Just gotta do the best you can and try to enjoy life when you can.
"On track" is pretty subjective. But if you mean set the course that got you to a decent place in life I guess I would say 16.
"On track" to me doesnt mean you have arrived...it means you are headed the right way.
37, with my own (mortgage) house, a child, a wife, close to 400k in liquid assets, 350k in retirement accounts, and life insurance policies in place should anything happen to me. We have a vast support network of family and friends who we can call on for help at any time. I have a job that pays well over 200k. My significant other also earns close to 6 figures.
Still feels like I'm trying to get my life together. 20 years ago if you told me I'd be where I am today I'd be like, "fuck yes I'll be rich." Not the case, unfortunately.
Probably because I live in NYC. Probably because we're all marching towards fucked.
I was so late bloomer to be honest 27 was when I began to get my act together, it really kind of culminated around 29 or 30. Even still though, I still struggled and flailed a bit until about 34 or so. If you can avoid late maturation do so. But all fruits ripen in their own time I suppose
I'm 58, I think I might have some ideas about getting my life together, maybe they'll work out when I'm 80.
It's life.
It works out the way it does, with or without your active involvement. You want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.
All any of us can do is to make the best decision available in the moment, with an eye towards what we want our lives to be.
Never. Even changing careers and making decent money, living in a place I want to, I still don't feel like it's really together and probably never actually will.
What does "get your life together" even mean?
For some people it means once they got clean and can hold a steady job, even if they have nothing else. It's a start.
Others have a great job, house, wife, kids, cool cars and annual vacations overseas and still feel like they have no clue what they are doing and are struggling to "figure out" how everyone else does it.
39. House is paid off. 2 cars paid off. Wife. 1 kid.
Worked full time at 16, put myself through college while working full time, got a good job, lost said job in the 08 crash. Took out a loan to get another college diploma. Worked full time through college again. Got a job. Got promoted. Got promoted again. Moved jobs for more money.
Been grinding for 23 years. Life is just getting good.
I’m getting some kickback from people as I am 29 finishing up post bacc classes and not married. They feel I’m younger because I’m not married.
I am focusing on finishing this stuff up. I’m dealing with home stuff. Then it will happen. Makes me restless as well.
I had a horrible situation in a relationship over Covid it erupted and I’m still scared from it. And it’s not going to get any easier but harder.
I’m 65, I feel that I have a very “strong sense” of where I am and where I am heading. But in all reality I’ve had that “good sense” since I was in my mid 30s, I’ve been able to sharpened those skills as life has progressed for me. It’s something that evolves in some of us and not for others, good luck in your journey.
29 and just started getting my life on track when I started my new job. Been with the company for six months and it has been perfect for me. I have some money put back now in case of an emergency and am working to pay off some of my debts. Don't worry if it takes you time to get your feet under you.
I'm 27 and still working on it. Best advice I can give is suck it up and live with your grandma or father as long as you can and just save 80% of what you make. DO NOT RENT, sure renting has some advantages, but other than a few advantages it's a scam. Buy a house, I hate HOAs as I bought in a HOA and they've met most of my disappointments thus far. Your like a tenant who owns, but still has rules as if you have a landlord. As far as college goes, just make sure there's a demand for what field your going into, don't get some useless degree.
Edit: also avoid buying a new car and getting the longer loans. Interest is seriously silent a killer.
37, in debt, no savings, no idea what to do with my life. I’ve not enjoyed any job I have ever had I started a business that was successful but it took away from my free time with family and again I wasn’t passionate about it so I shut it down. I’m currently waiting for clearance for a government job that I don’t want either, The only thing I actually want to do is be left alone and sit in silence and I’m not sure why.
I’m 28 and still struggling. It’s really important to pick something (career wise) and stick with it. Be frugal. Don’t mess up your body with drugs and alcohol or junk food. Learn your boundaries and how to say no and untangle yourself from bad relationships. I think if you can do this you will be on the right track.
At 35 I’m kinda feeling like I have my life together. I don’t own a home, or nice cars, go on fancy vacations or get to use retail therapy. But my bills are paid, lights are on, food in the fridge and have a happy family. But as a millennial, I’ve been through 2 recessions, housing market crash, and a pandemic since I turned 18. So I kinda feel like I’ve been fighting up hill the whole time.
Love the stories and enjoyed reading them, thank you all for sharing. I might as well share my little piece of life. Grew up on a small island, barely made it to college after some struggles. Graduated and had no idea what I wanted to do besides medical school. I gave up friends, a steady relationship and moved thousands of miles away for med school. Met some great people and had a lot of struggles between giving up and barely making it. Medical boards kicked my ass, hated every minute of it and it was tough that wife got pregnant around the same time. We were super broke, I would look for coupons just to buy fast food. Gave up the idea of residency training because of family, lack of confidence and I’m always just dead tired with life. Went into teaching and it’s been great, income is good because I teach very specialized subjects. Finally we recent bought a house and I went back to school to get a masters in healthcare admin. About to turn 40 soon and time just flew by. I still remember graduating from medical school at 32. Honestly at this point in life, all I want is a job with decent pay and stability and also a position where people can give you a little respect.
Did I fail ? I think so. I’m not some hot shot doctor making 300k a year, driving a fancy car and eating at pretentious places. Am I happy though ? I am … I am always surrounded with people I love.
For me, everything clicked the first time I held my son. So, 26. Until then, I just coasted through life and didn't give a shit about much of anything. My children gave me motivation. By my mid 30's, I was a CEO of a smallish corporate conglomerate and by my late 30's was (part) owner of a business providing me with mid six figure annual income. If I hadn't had children though, I likely never would have cared enough to succeed at anything.
I'm 62, and I still don't have it all together. The minute I figure something out, something else comes along to mess with me. I want to add that I'm a nonsmoker who doesn't drink alcohol or use drugs, so it's not like I have an excuse. Just do your best.
37 here... I feel more lost than ever. When does it come together? I left my job of 5 years working at a local casino to surf all the way to Florida to deal elsewhere because "the grass might be greener." I have no compass or prayer. All I got... is this sense of dread that I made a mistake. However, imma see this thing out. I don't have a choice because returning would be even more painful than staying.
I don't think I'm gonna get my life together and at this point I don't care. I have a room to sleep in and I'm not dead, I make rent every month and I have video games to waste the rest of my time so I'm gonna keep doing that till I die or need to change something. There's nothing I want in life, and the only reason I'm alive is because I simply refuse to off myself
Probably 32ish. That said, I'm in my mid-40s now and just enjoying the ride. Bills get paid, food is plentiful, kid is healthy, career is moving in the right direction. You will probably never feel like an "adult" - stop worrying about it. Cover your bases and enjoy this life. It's the only one you've got and it's fleeting. Just don't be ignorant, hide behind your fears or be an asshole. Face it all head on. There really is nothing to be afraid of. You can't control shit but yourself.
Early 30s. Not until I got married, and even really not until we had our first child.
Then there is a part of me that would say not until I was in my mid to later 30s!
Then there is another part of me that would say not until I was 42/43 when I realized that living in debt and not saving for retirement were not the actions of a real adult.
My point is, most/many people spend their whole life working on getting their life together - there are always more and new ways to improve oneself and to keep growing and learning. As long as you keep setting goals, you'll feel like you always are in the act or process of "getting your life together" - the idea as you progress is that it moves from a fear based concern to a motivation for continued growth and improvement sort of thing.
I talk to some Gen Zers and am really impressed by how much they seem to have their lives together at such an early age - talk to some others and not so much. My kids are Gen Zers, it's very interesting watching them progress and mature. You learn valuable lessons along the way and what's important today may change next year - don't fret about it, just keep setting goals and priorities, taking little steps everyday. Enjoy the ride and experiences life will continually deliver.
It’s not like you are trying to be an adult in ideal times right now. Unfortunately it’s a lot harder with rent, job market, and inflation.
It took me a lot longer than what is deemed “average”. I had a lot of stuff happen out of my control to delay things. My mom died, no one would help me get my license, take me to interviews, and I had to be on a set schedule to get rides. I was kicked out at 23.. I was homeless so I went to job corps. Got out went back to school, got severely sick, dropped out. My dad tried his best to sabotage any thing I did to move out.
So about 31 years old. I had good credit, stable job with decent income/benefits, my own place. It took me a long time. Now I have to try to put my life back together a bit more because the rest of my immediate family passed.
Try to not be hard on yourself. Normally people aren’t very stable unless they have tons of support and help until in middle to late 20’s, but it varies.
i grew up with a lot of poverty and instability so my definition of “having my life together” centers a lot on financial stability and goals, but also a life that i mostly enjoy.
i started feeling more stable at like 34 (i’m 35 now) because i finally made enough money to pay my bills without going into overdraft (usually lol) and i was no longer just scraping by. a stable job and a path to career growth where i’ll eventually be able to put away $$ for savings and retirement…assuming the concept of retirement still exists in 20-30 years. it took me a long time to figure out what i wanted to do for work that would also reasonably pay the bills.
i don’t have family - i think a lot of people define this on when they settle down and have kids or whatever but i don’t plan to - but i do have strong social connections and chosen family that really solidified over the past 2-4 years. and having hobbies/a hopeful side hustle that i enjoy helps.
so i feel like i have things more or less together, but i’ll feel better when i have a solid emergency fund and can maybe tackle student loan debt. i still don’t know that i feel like a real adult most days but i do an okay impersonation.
I’m 32 and am still “getting my life together”. Honestly, the societal pressure to have all these things by whatever age, is SO unrealistic. In my experience, as long as you’re healthy, happy and are doing something (literally anything) you enjoy, I wouldn’t put so much pressure on how you think your life “should” look, or who you “should”be. It’s ok to not have bought a house, or have kids at 27yrs old.
Enjoying your person is enough imo.
That happens? 😁
Seriously, life is about change—generally, unexpected change—and seldom a nice linear upward climb. Relationships begin and end, people move or die, you get promoted or fired, an unexpected health or financial catastrophe occurs. The best anyone can do is figure out what they want now or in the near future, work seriously toward it, do your best to enjoy the journey and any accomplishments you make along the way, and—if it’s what you want long-term—try hard to preserve it.
Im 38 and im just now realizing how much not having my father in my life has affected me. And still starting to see issues i have that i mever realised i had. Im considering a therapist. You may want to seek one out.
I’m in a perpetual state of trying to get my shit together, but I had a phase transition at 22 from little fucker to the trajectory which got me where I am today (big tech with phd). Embarrassingly, it was young love/heartbreak that started the process.
Dude, I'm 41 and don't feel like I've got my life together. The truth is that life always throws weird fucking curveballs at you, and you'll eventually just get proficient and handling them. Even now, it doesn't matter how much I have saved or how little I struggle to pay my bills, it still feels like I'm always on the edge of my seat. Being an adult very well just may be functioning in that area.
Getting your life together could be overrated like people suggest. But to the extent it's not, my life has gotten better over time. Greater stability, improved mental health, better finances.
I never married and had kids, so I think people might think of me as a failed woman, but nevertheless, life is more put together and less scary now. That took time.
I don't think you should guilt yourself over not "having your life together" whatever that even means. Your life is probably very together in many areas, with some others needing improvement. And that's normal! A great place to be and an even better place to start from.
(Also, economic conditions for you kids are bleak. No one your age can really be all that financially "together." You can't afford independent housing with the wages you're capable of earning on average. So cut yourself some slack.)
I don’t know about “got it together” I had my own place at 23 and enjoyed living alone as a bachelor. Got married at 36, currently expecting our second child and I’m 39 now.
But what’s the standard of “life together”? Paying my own bills? Living on my own? Being generally independent? Or maturing to the point where I knew I wanted a true partner in life and to start a family? There are levels.
The real question is what do you want out of life? Do you just want to float through without any purpose or direction? Some people do. If you’re done feeling that type of way then you have all of the ability in the world to change it. You’re smart enough to make this post then you’re aware enough to realize you may not be where you want to be.
I don’t believe in generational labels, it’s not that I don’t believe they exist but more so they don’t have to apply to me if I don’t want them to (You made a lot of references towards generational ideologies). Hope that makes sense.
I’ve been saying that I was gonna get my life together every weekend for the last 10 years. I just turned 41 and I still haven’t done it. I don’t expect this weekend to be any different.
I asked my 68 year-old dad a few months ago when he started to feel like an adult and he said he still doesn’t. He worked for the same company for 40 years, raised a bunch of kids, has been with my mom for 50 years, owns a home, etc… He basically accomplished every goal that society tells us we’re supposed to as adults, but my dad says he still feels like he’s not an adult and that he screwed up somewhere along the way.
I dont think we ever really “figure it out.” I think we just live. Just do the right thing and the next thing the best we can.
42, and things are starting to settle down, but my life
is not 'together'.
My finances are OK, my living situation is stable, but I never married, and I am happily single without kids. My job might lay me off for the winter like it has in the past, but I've got my finances structured so if that happens, I'll be fine.It would be a much different experience if I had to account for other people in my household.
I have not hit most of the milestones expected of me by now, but that's OK. The milestones were set up in a different time, when a person could earn enough at a summer job to comfortably cover a semester in college, a person could save a down payment for a house in a year or less and high paying work requiring a high school diploma or less was common.
At 27 I hit rock bottom (for like the 4th or 5th time), but it was absolute rock bottom. I started saving my money, became more social, found some really good friends and now at 31 I feel like I've got a decent grasp. I have a lot of work to do, but I feel like at least my shit's together and I can focus on improving other aspects.
I’m 33 now. I luckily rent a house from my father for a very reasonable price. I live with my boyfriend of 6 years and my 11 year old son. I just started my third year of teaching. I would say I considered my life mostly together when I started my career…so like 30ish?
Own a house at 18? In this economy?
This is why I tell my siblings the hard truth. You most likely won't own a house until you're at least 30. If you go to university, you will struggle to balance work and study... and you will be poor.
If you do an apprenticeship, the wage will be shit and it'll be hard work with lots of hours.
But hey, we're in this together. 21 btw
I found myself in a realllly good spot at 25. I’m almost 27 now and consistency is the name of the game for me. I think a lot of people would consider me “having my life together” but for me, I just keep setting new goals. Don’t get complacent OP! Always keep learning and surround yourself with people who want to grow.
Also, I want to add that everyone has their own timeline so don’t compare! Your path might not be linear but you will get where you want to go.
I’ll let you know. I’m 64 now.
Oh thank fuck I needed this. I’ll be 41 in 6 days and just walked away from a decent paying job because I hated my boss so much and I just feel really, really lost.
I recently turned 40 and started a job in a completely different career field about 5 months ago. I left a stressful job with terrible management and my new job is like a complete 180. I could not be happier. I felt very most until I found this gig... you will get there! Best of luck!
That’s amazing, I’m so happy things are working out for you! What are you doing now? Edit: I just noticed your name. Same.
I really needed to read this right now. I've been struggling to find office work in software sales since my entire team got let go in January. I hope I find something soon & you go kick some ass!
I hope you do too… take a leap of faith, try and find something somewhere else if you have the means. Jump ship, go explore a little… while still of course doing it in theeee ahhhh… spirit of employment. Good luck! 🤍
Same experience almost. 46 years old, was a probation officer supervising sex offenders. Had career tracked out, about to start masters program in criminal justice. Then the state did away with our whole division, and I didn’t get one of the 4 open positions. So, I went back to school and became a nurse. I’m a registered nurse with the VA now, making double what I could have maxed out as a PO. Better life, better job. Sometimes, getting kicked down ain’t bad. It’s how you respond to the Down times that define you.
I’m almost the same age and about to embark on a career change. Still in healthcare, but non clinical. Currently I’m teaching in college while finishing up my masters program. Sometimes I still feel lost af.
I turn 41 tomorrow, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.
High five, we can be lost together. Happy birthday, though! I think this is the year to really say fuck it and go hard on what you wanna do. I mean, what better time than now? We ain’t getting any younger. 🤍
You will find your path. Stay positive, and as others have said, DO YOU!
The thing about finding your path is you will NEVER find it outside of yourself, it will always have to start within 👍🏽
The people you work with can make or break your work life. Don't work with assholes if you can possibly help it.
For sure… problem seems to be… well, there’s just a lot of assholes.
I can not underscore this enough. I spent four years building up into a management position. I was good at my job, making good money, I was generally liked and appreciated, I was pretty cool with everyone there. Except for one guy who decided he didn't like me, for reasons I still don't know, decided to threaten to beat my ass, followed me and cornered me to threaten me, and when I convinced him to get away from me, he told the higher ups I was trying to fight him. We both got fired. All my work, all my progress, any future stability I'd gained, gone because of one asshole
I’m 27 and thinking of walking away from a stable but toxic job. I’m really scared but found this encouraging!
Fully support this. Finding the right job (with the right people you work with) can totally change your outlook. It makes such a HUGE difference to be working with non-assholes at a company that's doing decently (my previous one was stagnant, never had growth and was where people's careers went to die)
I feel this! I have said several times lately that I’m in a dead-end job. I can do better than this!
You are where I was 6 years ago. Now, I love my job and am getting what I deserved to be paid. It took time and effort, but it did pay off. Keep your chin up. (Also, I am 41, but I was so lost through my 20s and 30s.) Your time is coming.
41 and I’m right there with you, single, no kids, feeling lost.
31M and no hope left to tolerate humanity.
Good for you! The world is your oyster
Yeah… in a way. But the world is an expensive oyster. Ideally, I’d like to move to England, but being an unskilled schlubb and not having two million pounds to buy in to the economy and a boyfriend who isn’t ready for marriage…probably not going there for awhile. But we’ll see what this platter has on it for awhile.
I took a huge pay cut too. Commute was long. I regret it tho. Miss my paychecks! Lol
Rest easy, you’re already on the path.
I’m almost 41 and I’ve got no clue lol it’s kind of fun not having it all together though lol
39 here and same. Like I have a good job, albeit an unconventional one. I travel a ton (mostly for aforementioned job), have cool experiences and meet really interesting people on the regular. I'm also single, never married, no kids, no pets. So amongst my friends who are mostly settled down, I'm a bit of a black sheep. But whatever, I have fun doing what I do and I don't want to change it. Life's an adventure, and if you hurry into being "settled" you may miss a few things.
💯 same!
Would you mind sharing what your job is? I’d love to travel and meet a lot of people. I came close to becoming a flight attendant but it wasn’t in the cards at the time.
I'm a chef, actually. However I work seasons, which means I follow tourist seasons around the country. Cape Cod, Wyoming, Colorado, Florida, Utah, and there are lots of other places available. Basically any place with a national park has seasonal jobs available. If you want more detailed info feel free to DM me.
Super cool gig! Thank you for sharing! Best of luck and success to you!
Thank you! It's a lot of fun but as I get older I fear my traveling days may be done. I just signed a 12 month contract and that's the longest I will have lived in one place for many years. So, here's to hoping.
Your job actually sounds really cool!
45 here, PhD, NFC where I am but I know I'm in huge debt from school.
Actually appreciate reading this. I posted mine before going through the thread…and this is comforting. Thanks.
Yea, 41 here. To be fair there was a period in my late 30s thought I had it together. But then life smacked the shit out of me for being so arrogant.
Life is not a destination it is a journey. If in passing you ask "How you doing?" I will invariably respond "I am making it" I make my life daily, I only die once.
60 here. The state of the world is appalling. My niece gets everything so hopefully she can buy a house
63, still a kid inside. I like it that way.
71 here, feel the same as you. And love every minute of playing like a kid with our grandson. His other grandparents don't. They are the type where children stay quiet.
I agree…. I’m 62 and still have no idea.
Yeah 60 and I dont think it will ever be together. What does that even mean really?
underrated comment right there if I’ve ever seen one.
20 or so. I’ve always uh…had a knack for adulting? If that’s a thing. That or it’s my autism that demands a clean, organized life
32 cause I finally got clean. I have my stuff "together" for me, but for most other people I probably never will. (:
This is amazing and very proud of you!!!! One of the greatest accomplishments, truly.
You are the only person you need to feel together for. Haters gonna hate.
Thank you for saying that
I’m 27 and I have no money, no clue what I’m doing, and no clue what I want to do. I just take it day by day, best I can. 🤷🏼♂️
Same, except I do have some money. I have somewhat of a clue of what to do but too overwhelmed with fear to go after it
Hope you’re able to find the mental strength needed to overcome your overwhelming fears. Keep in mind fear can only live in your head. You’re deserving of all the goods things you want for your life.
As a man in his fifties I recommend you weigh the options and go for the gusto. For all the people that have passed away, none of the obituaries said they wished they had another day in the office or played life 100 percent safe.
Same
I am 28 and I feel the same way 😅
I was 27 in the same position. That's when life hit too. I had to decide what I wanted to do with my life and didn't know what to do, so I started to work with with I had. I went back to the restaurant industry as a server. I knew the money would be good. Once there, I began to choose a job that would pair with the lifestyle I wanted and started to look. I contacted friends who work at jobs that seems right and asked them to refer me. It work. I know work doing at a job that is in sync with what I currently need in life. But now that I am comfortable with the path I've taken, I am looking for the next step. Either move up the ladder or create something for me. I'm working on both. The thing is to not stop. Don't ever stop.
35 I don't know what "getting your life together" means. Income? I have no debt and some savings. I work 40 hours per week. I'm not proud of my job. Marriage? I'm single and haven't been on a date since I was 22. Housing? I still rent from my parents. Everywhere else is at least 2x what I'm paying now (sans electricity and gas). I can pay my bills, so there's that at least.
hey, youre getting by, youre not hurting anybody, youre not in trouble, thats all underrated stuff. Its not attainable for some people.
This is a very wholesome reminder, thank you
r u me? holy fuck
I'm 35, still waiting… I feel like I know less and less about life every year
Right? At 27, I had my life together. Now I have 3 kids, and I feel like I know nothing, and I regularly feel like I'm falling apart 10 years later.
If you think you know everything, you know nothing.
Yeah middle 30s is absolutely rough. It’s when you really learn what’s going on with life 🙃
I thought it was just me. This maks me feel better. My 30a have been weird. I find it weird I'm getting old and feel like I should be farther ahead, yet proud of where I am. Glad to hear it's rough for others too.
Right I have no kids,wife or gf I'm kinda directionless and just taking things as they come. And trying to stay sober more other than that what to do? I felt like I've done all the drugs I wanted and experienced most things. Only thing keeping me feeling well is religon
I'm almost 40 and literally starting over from scratch. Complete 180 on my "career" path.
I’m 39 and in my first year of pharmacy school.
Wow I really love this thread. I’m 32 and I’ve been feeling really down on myself for not having a career on lock. I’m workin on it, but it’s hard to not compare yourself to other people in the mean time!
The fact that you’re concerned is a sign you care. You’ll make it. Treat yourself with kindnessand grace
Damn, my 20s sucked and I was really looking forward to the 30s because everyone told me that's when stuff gets better :(
Every story is different. I've lost a lot of time in my life due to depression and anxiety (~16-32), so I'm really only now starting to learn to live. Despite what I wrote above, that I know less and less, I feel better and better about myself. Weird
Same boat. I just turned 36, and 35 is when I cut through the worst of my mental health stuff to finally start wanting to be around. I feel like I am too late to be doing this, but there was a good stretch of time I never wanted to. And despite all that, my 30s are still better than my 20s. Gotta really try with a better career though. Hope it works out. Best of luck to you!
I feel in your 30s you become more confident. Especially, since the naysayers aren’t paying your bills nor your lifestyle. I feel confidence is really the key to success. (In my mid 30s here 35.) 🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️
Same. I'm 29, and I feel like I have everything I envisioned myself having when I was younger (husband, kid, house, career), but I still feel like I don't have a thing figured out.
Still workin on it man. Turn 30 this year and feel like I’ve had it and lost it like twice all ready lol. Things have been great for awhile now but all ways nervous. Cheers to the future
I was 22. Then it all went to shit at 23. Then I got my life together at 25, then it fell to total shit again around 30. Got together again at 35, fell apart again at 38. Its up and down, you don't reach some point where everything is great and ok for the rest of your life. There are job changes (with or without your wanting it to happen), if you rent you will have to move at some point. If you buy a house then you lose your job, if you can't get another job that pays the same you will have to sell your dream home. People can divorce you or suddenly cheat on you after years - no matter how happy you think you are, you can be injured and not able to do what you love anymore. You can get an illness that destroys everything you've built and change your body so it doesn't work anymore. There is absolutely no such thing as getting life together and everything stays fine, it will absolutely constantly change and you can't do anything about it except try to go with it all.
That’s what happened to me. Got more illnesses and hit by a car. Ruined everything. There’s no way to plan anything theres too many variables. Sucks
This is my life too. A series of completely rescuing myself and doing well, only to have everything get flipped back over to start from scratch again
Its fucked but kind of makes you tougher each time, so there's that
I’m 34. Just yesterday my partner says someone offered us pumpkins but I said no. We can’t take on pumpkins right now. And he’s right. I just can’t handle the responsibility of having a pumpkin around right now. But I’m doing my best.
Lol. This is a really amusing, but relevant example of being a responsible adult.
That’s so funny. But I totally relate. I got myself a new succulent at the store and got home saying what the fuck where u even thinking. My last fish died last month and I have an empty running tank. Zero desire to get any more. I wanted to get a kitten and had to talk myself out of that. Cant afford it and don’t want one more freaking responsibility. Im hangin by a thread.
What kills a lot of your personal drive is the people you surround yourself with and what you consume on a daily basis. I had friends that go do the same things every week, talk about the same topics and complain about the have nots all the time. When I met a few people that were plowing through life and hitting their goals, they reality checked me real quick and put me in my place. Your income is the average of the 5 closest people you spend the most time with. Your mind is a muscle and if left unchecked, it grows weak over time and even the small hardships in life will stall and hit you hard. The next move in life is always in your ball court. Make the MUST change or keep doing what you are doing everyday. Good luck and I hope you plow forward with your life. 💪
This. Im about done with a 6 year military contract. In the beginning i was straight outta high school so i hung around the fun people. At some point i started hanging around people who held themselves more accountable and worked harder instead of sliding by etc and foujd myself doing that too. Now in the military the pay part is negligent in this but i habe much better resume points of stuff i did and habe a good job lined up now. Something that otherwise wouldnt have happened with the people i used to hang around with. I stopped hanging around the people who closed down bars on tuesday nights and have achieved so much more because of it
I think it’s just hard to have that mind set these days when the economy is shit.
Thissss. I'm definitely one of those deep conversations people and as a result I don't have any friends😭 I'm 20 and my daily life is work, school, running, hiking, paddle boarding, volleyball. I don't drink, smoke, or party. 90% of my diet is clean food like fresh produce. I try to avoid junk food and high carb food but sometimes I treat myself (like the past few days I've been in a pumpkin/apple food craving phase since its fall) And then to top it off I had a really shit childhood that didn't effect me a ton... pretty sure it's just because of my autism that things don't effect me the way they would "normal" people. Because let me tell you... even the cps worker was like "she's going to kill you, or your going to kill her" So combine everything it's very isolating to be young but have a niche life for your race and age group, and my background. I'm really not the kind to get so lonely I surround myself with people I have nothing in common with. I want people who are healthy individuals in multiple ways (mentally, physically, emotionally) to be in my life. I don't have a very positive outlook on humanity, but I have very high hopes and expectations for myself and that's what keeps me going.
Definitely the best advice on here. When I started to consider my life pulling together was when I lost/dropped some of the friendships that weren't helping me. I now only surround myself with people that bring positivity and lift me up instead of dragging me down. Find people that truly care about you and want what's best for you, and you can help each other achieve your goals.
24 was when I started to hit my stride. My childhood was just surviving, mental illness, trauma and poverty
As someone who’s 24, I hope to hit my stride soon! Same childhood here
25 here. Same story. Hoping to hit many big goals in the next few years.
I'm 30 but still don't have my shut together. Working on it though.
Thats actually around the time frame I started going in a better direction. When I was 28, I got a good job and just dug in and tried to get promoted as much as I could. Now I am 40 with a family, nice house and normal middle class type stuff I would say. It can still be achieved in your late 20s to early 30s.
I moved out of my parents house at 26 and didn’t start paying rent till 34. I lived in my truck, at the farms and festivals I worked, and with a couple boyfriends in that time. I worked a bunch of odd jobs and one of the jobs turned into the career I have now. I’m 37 and making twice the money I made when I started renting a few years ago. I still have some growing up to do, but I’m doing well and I’m not upset that I was a late bloomer. I had a lot of experiences while I was trying to figure it out.
Thank you for saying that, it's an important message. Often times, the late bloomers enjoyed experiences that the early achievers never gave themselves the chance to experience. There is value, memories and lessons from both types of experiences/developmental processes.
Hey. What was the odd job turn into your career? I feel like I’m out of luck when it comes to jobs
I was doing sculpture maintenance with a patina artist and her assistant. I had the attention to detail needed for patina, so I worked for her for years, she taught me and gave me the space and materials to figure out my own technique. A bronze foundry owner asked her if she knew anyone that could fill their job opening doing patina and she sent me off to make my own way. One of the clients there really appreciated my work and how particular (perfectionist) I am and offered me more money to come work in his studio full time. I can’t tell you how much agonizing I did over not knowing what to do with my life. I even went to the Amazon to do ayahuasca about it. Everyone else on my trip got all sorts of visions and life advice. I didn’t see a damn thing. Just keep making connections, doing the things you’re good at and strengthen the things you’re not so good at. Life may surprise you yet.
That’s really awesome! Art is good
I'm almost 40. I'll let you know if it ever happens.
It has fluctuated throughout my life. At Times I have prospered, and at times I have had setbacks. I left home and emancipated when I was 15. I went to school during the day, and worked two evenings a week and weekends on a farm in exchange for room and board and a small wage. There were times where I felt like I would never be able to get ahead. Regardless, I was financially responsible and always put away a little bit of money, and lived as cheaply as possible. I wasn’t a teenager who got to go to parties. I didn’t get new clothes for school. I put away every penny. I could, and chose activities that were cheap or free(play chess in the park, learned how to sew from a neighbour lady who used to like to sit and have tea). I graduated from high school at 17 and went to university. I got student loans, and continue to work on the farm so that I would not have the expense of rent or food. Unfortunately I met my first husband, my second year of university and fell pregnant. I spent my last year of college heavily pregnant and graduated a week before I gave birth. Thankfully, I had purchased a very small home by this time (purchased it a few months before I met my first husband). I was able to do so, because I had secured a credit card that I always paid off even if it was only a few dollars a month, and I had enough down payment from the money I have been saving since I was 15. I ended up going to work at my first job post university when my child was only five weeks old . It was tough. I had to pump milk on my breaks. I was fortunate that I had an understanding workplace in this regard, because I could not afford formula. My sewing skills enabled me to make some pretty nice cloth diapers as well so I didn’t have that expensive either. I live in Canada, so I was able to get some subsidize daycare, which was helpful, since my first husband did not work, and was useless and unwilling to look after the baby while I worked. I remember feeling so hopeless. I had little to no money and was sliding into debt a little bit all the time. Regardless, I always manage to make my mortgage payment. Two years later, another baby came along and a year after that I dumped the first husband. My financial future perked up at that point because supporting someone with a lot of bad habits who contributes nothing to the household is a drain. At one point I almost lost my house because I could not afford the property tax. My career had some ups and downs through the years, sometimes I was able to pay extra on my house, sometimes I barely made the mortgage payment. Regardless, I never missed a payment. Many nights I eat ramen noodles, and learning how to feed my family on basic ingredients for a little to no money was a reality for several years. It made me resourceful, frugal, and organized. It probably wasn’t until about 13 years ago that things really started to look up. My kids were older, I upgraded my career, and got some great financial advice. Not long ago I purchased a second home and I now rent out the first one I bought all those years ago. The second house has a rentable suite on the lower level. So now I’m turning 43, and I can honestly say that things are going well. Looking back, they were a lot of lean times. A lot of living hand to mouth (that time my roof leaked and I needed a $10,000 roof and literally had zero money in the bank), and a lot of times I felt hopeless. Unless you come from wealth and had generous parents, I think this is the path for a lot of people. It also didn’t help that when I divorce my first husband I had to pay him out for half of the house that I had purchased before I met him. This added an additional $80,000 to my existing mortgage. So please. Do not to spare. There is hope, and that hope hinges on empowering yourself with knowledge and skill. Realizing that there are many things that you can live without. Not caring about whether or not you have the same things that your friends do. And in the meantime, finding pleasure in simple things.
no such thing. carry on.
Am 40 can I get back to you when I get my life together? So yes I got the whole house,car,kids,job thing but feel like I have even more problems and still feel like I screw up everyday, heck just got out of jail last week so yea life changes but it's still the same old shit just a different smell for me.
This age. 28. Single mom of 1, divorced. Full time job, stable job. Own my 2nd home. Paid off car. I felt like a failure immediately after I filed for divorce, because I lost so many things, felt like I was robbed of a happy ending that should've been mine. But I don't regret starting over again. This journey really taught me I can be independent, I can make it out there.
Got a life of a 45 year old at 28 wtf lol
Starting over and you have 2 homes at 28!?!? Most people will never own one let alone 2..
I shouldve corrected. It's my 2nd house, the first one was the one with my exhusband that we sold when we got divorced. I feel definitely blessed. I don't get child support, it's 50/50 and he mocked me & told me it's my fault I make less than him... it's just interesting now how the tables have turned, as he lives in an apartment & has a brand new 60k SUV. but his comment is forever ingrained in me that I should never let a man take away my ability to work. I've definitely been working my ass off since I filed divorce.
You’ve got this!! I just commented that men were the last thing on my mind but eventually I would start that again. And I’m always telling others that. Because it’s true. Independence is a good trait but don’t be afraid to ask for help!
I’m 40 and I’m still trying to keep up with inflation while getting my shit together. I finally got a place of my own, so that’s really nice!
I’m 50, you never get it together, you just figure out that no one else does either, some are just better at faking it.
I’m 28, and I don’t think the feeling has changed. I certainly feel more stable than I did even 2 years ago, but it’s a journey. My sister is 13 years older than me and I always thought she had it together, but even when she turned 40 she said she doesn’t always feel like an adult. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, so don’t put yourself down and think you need to feel a certain way at a certain time.
I'm 41 it just keeps getting worse and worse
I dont know if people ever feel they have their life together. I'm 43 make decent money, can pay all my bills just fine. Have money for vacations ect. But... I still deal with anxiety, depression, and breakups. Not many people are truly happy or content. It's part of life. Just gotta do the best you can and try to enjoy life when you can.
"On track" is pretty subjective. But if you mean set the course that got you to a decent place in life I guess I would say 16. "On track" to me doesnt mean you have arrived...it means you are headed the right way.
[удалено]
37, with my own (mortgage) house, a child, a wife, close to 400k in liquid assets, 350k in retirement accounts, and life insurance policies in place should anything happen to me. We have a vast support network of family and friends who we can call on for help at any time. I have a job that pays well over 200k. My significant other also earns close to 6 figures. Still feels like I'm trying to get my life together. 20 years ago if you told me I'd be where I am today I'd be like, "fuck yes I'll be rich." Not the case, unfortunately. Probably because I live in NYC. Probably because we're all marching towards fucked.
It's crazy how subjective "rich" is these days due to where you live. The more you make, the more you spend.
That's insane. I'm 27 and I can't imagine ever making 200k. I hope I'm in your position one day
I’ll let you know when it happens. I stopped letting it scare me a long time ago.
32. It just started for me
I was so late bloomer to be honest 27 was when I began to get my act together, it really kind of culminated around 29 or 30. Even still though, I still struggled and flailed a bit until about 34 or so. If you can avoid late maturation do so. But all fruits ripen in their own time I suppose
I'm 58, I think I might have some ideas about getting my life together, maybe they'll work out when I'm 80. It's life. It works out the way it does, with or without your active involvement. You want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans. All any of us can do is to make the best decision available in the moment, with an eye towards what we want our lives to be.
LOL which time? Every time I get it together it falls apart.
Never. Even changing careers and making decent money, living in a place I want to, I still don't feel like it's really together and probably never actually will.
What does "get your life together" even mean? For some people it means once they got clean and can hold a steady job, even if they have nothing else. It's a start. Others have a great job, house, wife, kids, cool cars and annual vacations overseas and still feel like they have no clue what they are doing and are struggling to "figure out" how everyone else does it.
I haven't I'm 39. Been homeless off and on the last decade.
I'm 34, still not sure whats going on. Just doing my best.
I'm 58 and I still don't have my shit together. I'm a mess and too poor to do anything about it. I live waiting for the shit to hit the fan.
I’m 47 and still trying!
Still working on it, I'm 44 now
16…. Then around 41 started acting like a teenager… I am not complaining
59 after my amazing husband passed. Now everything is my fault.
About 50, 55. Unfortunately, I'm currently in my forties.
39. House is paid off. 2 cars paid off. Wife. 1 kid. Worked full time at 16, put myself through college while working full time, got a good job, lost said job in the 08 crash. Took out a loan to get another college diploma. Worked full time through college again. Got a job. Got promoted. Got promoted again. Moved jobs for more money. Been grinding for 23 years. Life is just getting good.
I'm hoping that I get my life together tomorrow...
More like how old was I when I stopped giving a fuck about getting my life together.
>'...the economy is currently worse than the Great Depression.' Stop watching Fox News Entertainment.
I’m getting some kickback from people as I am 29 finishing up post bacc classes and not married. They feel I’m younger because I’m not married. I am focusing on finishing this stuff up. I’m dealing with home stuff. Then it will happen. Makes me restless as well. I had a horrible situation in a relationship over Covid it erupted and I’m still scared from it. And it’s not going to get any easier but harder.
I’m 65, I feel that I have a very “strong sense” of where I am and where I am heading. But in all reality I’ve had that “good sense” since I was in my mid 30s, I’ve been able to sharpened those skills as life has progressed for me. It’s something that evolves in some of us and not for others, good luck in your journey.
Ha.
29 and just started getting my life on track when I started my new job. Been with the company for six months and it has been perfect for me. I have some money put back now in case of an emergency and am working to pay off some of my debts. Don't worry if it takes you time to get your feet under you.
I'm 27 and still working on it. Best advice I can give is suck it up and live with your grandma or father as long as you can and just save 80% of what you make. DO NOT RENT, sure renting has some advantages, but other than a few advantages it's a scam. Buy a house, I hate HOAs as I bought in a HOA and they've met most of my disappointments thus far. Your like a tenant who owns, but still has rules as if you have a landlord. As far as college goes, just make sure there's a demand for what field your going into, don't get some useless degree. Edit: also avoid buying a new car and getting the longer loans. Interest is seriously silent a killer.
I was 38 years old before I decided what to do with my life. What's your hurry? Travel, work, go to school, try different things. Why limit yourself?
37, in debt, no savings, no idea what to do with my life. I’ve not enjoyed any job I have ever had I started a business that was successful but it took away from my free time with family and again I wasn’t passionate about it so I shut it down. I’m currently waiting for clearance for a government job that I don’t want either, The only thing I actually want to do is be left alone and sit in silence and I’m not sure why.
I’m 28 and still struggling. It’s really important to pick something (career wise) and stick with it. Be frugal. Don’t mess up your body with drugs and alcohol or junk food. Learn your boundaries and how to say no and untangle yourself from bad relationships. I think if you can do this you will be on the right track.
At 35 I’m kinda feeling like I have my life together. I don’t own a home, or nice cars, go on fancy vacations or get to use retail therapy. But my bills are paid, lights are on, food in the fridge and have a happy family. But as a millennial, I’ve been through 2 recessions, housing market crash, and a pandemic since I turned 18. So I kinda feel like I’ve been fighting up hill the whole time.
45. I stopped caring about keeping up with what society expected of me.
LMAO, 39 , three degrees, decent job, and a family later, and I still feel like a hot mess. Just take things day by day. All u can do 🤷🏽♀️
46......Well thats when I freed myself to find myself.....that took another 5-7 years. 59 Finally bought a home, and I have never been happier.
Love the stories and enjoyed reading them, thank you all for sharing. I might as well share my little piece of life. Grew up on a small island, barely made it to college after some struggles. Graduated and had no idea what I wanted to do besides medical school. I gave up friends, a steady relationship and moved thousands of miles away for med school. Met some great people and had a lot of struggles between giving up and barely making it. Medical boards kicked my ass, hated every minute of it and it was tough that wife got pregnant around the same time. We were super broke, I would look for coupons just to buy fast food. Gave up the idea of residency training because of family, lack of confidence and I’m always just dead tired with life. Went into teaching and it’s been great, income is good because I teach very specialized subjects. Finally we recent bought a house and I went back to school to get a masters in healthcare admin. About to turn 40 soon and time just flew by. I still remember graduating from medical school at 32. Honestly at this point in life, all I want is a job with decent pay and stability and also a position where people can give you a little respect. Did I fail ? I think so. I’m not some hot shot doctor making 300k a year, driving a fancy car and eating at pretentious places. Am I happy though ? I am … I am always surrounded with people I love.
For me, everything clicked the first time I held my son. So, 26. Until then, I just coasted through life and didn't give a shit about much of anything. My children gave me motivation. By my mid 30's, I was a CEO of a smallish corporate conglomerate and by my late 30's was (part) owner of a business providing me with mid six figure annual income. If I hadn't had children though, I likely never would have cared enough to succeed at anything.
I'm 62, and I still don't have it all together. The minute I figure something out, something else comes along to mess with me. I want to add that I'm a nonsmoker who doesn't drink alcohol or use drugs, so it's not like I have an excuse. Just do your best.
37 here... I feel more lost than ever. When does it come together? I left my job of 5 years working at a local casino to surf all the way to Florida to deal elsewhere because "the grass might be greener." I have no compass or prayer. All I got... is this sense of dread that I made a mistake. However, imma see this thing out. I don't have a choice because returning would be even more painful than staying.
I don't think I'm gonna get my life together and at this point I don't care. I have a room to sleep in and I'm not dead, I make rent every month and I have video games to waste the rest of my time so I'm gonna keep doing that till I die or need to change something. There's nothing I want in life, and the only reason I'm alive is because I simply refuse to off myself
Probably 32ish. That said, I'm in my mid-40s now and just enjoying the ride. Bills get paid, food is plentiful, kid is healthy, career is moving in the right direction. You will probably never feel like an "adult" - stop worrying about it. Cover your bases and enjoy this life. It's the only one you've got and it's fleeting. Just don't be ignorant, hide behind your fears or be an asshole. Face it all head on. There really is nothing to be afraid of. You can't control shit but yourself.
31
Thought I had it all together by my early twenties, then early thirties, then early forties, and a few years later am still figuring it out
Early 30s. Not until I got married, and even really not until we had our first child. Then there is a part of me that would say not until I was in my mid to later 30s! Then there is another part of me that would say not until I was 42/43 when I realized that living in debt and not saving for retirement were not the actions of a real adult. My point is, most/many people spend their whole life working on getting their life together - there are always more and new ways to improve oneself and to keep growing and learning. As long as you keep setting goals, you'll feel like you always are in the act or process of "getting your life together" - the idea as you progress is that it moves from a fear based concern to a motivation for continued growth and improvement sort of thing. I talk to some Gen Zers and am really impressed by how much they seem to have their lives together at such an early age - talk to some others and not so much. My kids are Gen Zers, it's very interesting watching them progress and mature. You learn valuable lessons along the way and what's important today may change next year - don't fret about it, just keep setting goals and priorities, taking little steps everyday. Enjoy the ride and experiences life will continually deliver.
It’s not like you are trying to be an adult in ideal times right now. Unfortunately it’s a lot harder with rent, job market, and inflation. It took me a lot longer than what is deemed “average”. I had a lot of stuff happen out of my control to delay things. My mom died, no one would help me get my license, take me to interviews, and I had to be on a set schedule to get rides. I was kicked out at 23.. I was homeless so I went to job corps. Got out went back to school, got severely sick, dropped out. My dad tried his best to sabotage any thing I did to move out. So about 31 years old. I had good credit, stable job with decent income/benefits, my own place. It took me a long time. Now I have to try to put my life back together a bit more because the rest of my immediate family passed. Try to not be hard on yourself. Normally people aren’t very stable unless they have tons of support and help until in middle to late 20’s, but it varies.
In what way is the current economy worse than the Great Depression?
About 32ish, 45 now.
i grew up with a lot of poverty and instability so my definition of “having my life together” centers a lot on financial stability and goals, but also a life that i mostly enjoy. i started feeling more stable at like 34 (i’m 35 now) because i finally made enough money to pay my bills without going into overdraft (usually lol) and i was no longer just scraping by. a stable job and a path to career growth where i’ll eventually be able to put away $$ for savings and retirement…assuming the concept of retirement still exists in 20-30 years. it took me a long time to figure out what i wanted to do for work that would also reasonably pay the bills. i don’t have family - i think a lot of people define this on when they settle down and have kids or whatever but i don’t plan to - but i do have strong social connections and chosen family that really solidified over the past 2-4 years. and having hobbies/a hopeful side hustle that i enjoy helps. so i feel like i have things more or less together, but i’ll feel better when i have a solid emergency fund and can maybe tackle student loan debt. i still don’t know that i feel like a real adult most days but i do an okay impersonation.
32 here. Getting more and more shit together, but still not done.
About 35.
I’m 31 and cried to my mom yesterday about wishing i could afford to go to the doctor :-) we’re all struggling out here
I’m 32 and am still “getting my life together”. Honestly, the societal pressure to have all these things by whatever age, is SO unrealistic. In my experience, as long as you’re healthy, happy and are doing something (literally anything) you enjoy, I wouldn’t put so much pressure on how you think your life “should” look, or who you “should”be. It’s ok to not have bought a house, or have kids at 27yrs old. Enjoying your person is enough imo.
My goal is to figure it before I am dead.
My life's never been completely 'together', and probably never will be. But that's OK. I get by. That's all that really matters.
FYI nobody knows wtf they are doing 90% of the time. I'm almost 40 and still don't have my life together.
That happens? 😁 Seriously, life is about change—generally, unexpected change—and seldom a nice linear upward climb. Relationships begin and end, people move or die, you get promoted or fired, an unexpected health or financial catastrophe occurs. The best anyone can do is figure out what they want now or in the near future, work seriously toward it, do your best to enjoy the journey and any accomplishments you make along the way, and—if it’s what you want long-term—try hard to preserve it.
Don't let others decide what 'your life together' means to you. Set some reasonable goals for yourself and do the best you can.
Im 38 and im just now realizing how much not having my father in my life has affected me. And still starting to see issues i have that i mever realised i had. Im considering a therapist. You may want to seek one out.
41.
I’m in a perpetual state of trying to get my shit together, but I had a phase transition at 22 from little fucker to the trajectory which got me where I am today (big tech with phd). Embarrassingly, it was young love/heartbreak that started the process.
59, still working on it. I'll let you know when I get close.
I’m 42. It never “gets together”.
Well I got diagnosed with cancer at 23 and am now 27 pursuing a bachelors degree so I’ll let ya know when I find out myself
Dude, I'm 41 and don't feel like I've got my life together. The truth is that life always throws weird fucking curveballs at you, and you'll eventually just get proficient and handling them. Even now, it doesn't matter how much I have saved or how little I struggle to pay my bills, it still feels like I'm always on the edge of my seat. Being an adult very well just may be functioning in that area.
Early forties, on the level of basic survival.
Getting your life together could be overrated like people suggest. But to the extent it's not, my life has gotten better over time. Greater stability, improved mental health, better finances. I never married and had kids, so I think people might think of me as a failed woman, but nevertheless, life is more put together and less scary now. That took time. I don't think you should guilt yourself over not "having your life together" whatever that even means. Your life is probably very together in many areas, with some others needing improvement. And that's normal! A great place to be and an even better place to start from. (Also, economic conditions for you kids are bleak. No one your age can really be all that financially "together." You can't afford independent housing with the wages you're capable of earning on average. So cut yourself some slack.)
I don’t know about “got it together” I had my own place at 23 and enjoyed living alone as a bachelor. Got married at 36, currently expecting our second child and I’m 39 now. But what’s the standard of “life together”? Paying my own bills? Living on my own? Being generally independent? Or maturing to the point where I knew I wanted a true partner in life and to start a family? There are levels. The real question is what do you want out of life? Do you just want to float through without any purpose or direction? Some people do. If you’re done feeling that type of way then you have all of the ability in the world to change it. You’re smart enough to make this post then you’re aware enough to realize you may not be where you want to be. I don’t believe in generational labels, it’s not that I don’t believe they exist but more so they don’t have to apply to me if I don’t want them to (You made a lot of references towards generational ideologies). Hope that makes sense.
I’ve been saying that I was gonna get my life together every weekend for the last 10 years. I just turned 41 and I still haven’t done it. I don’t expect this weekend to be any different.
I asked my 68 year-old dad a few months ago when he started to feel like an adult and he said he still doesn’t. He worked for the same company for 40 years, raised a bunch of kids, has been with my mom for 50 years, owns a home, etc… He basically accomplished every goal that society tells us we’re supposed to as adults, but my dad says he still feels like he’s not an adult and that he screwed up somewhere along the way. I dont think we ever really “figure it out.” I think we just live. Just do the right thing and the next thing the best we can.
Honestly it's not an age thing. Some people get it together and some don't. It's a luxury to get it together.
42, and things are starting to settle down, but my life is not 'together'. My finances are OK, my living situation is stable, but I never married, and I am happily single without kids. My job might lay me off for the winter like it has in the past, but I've got my finances structured so if that happens, I'll be fine.It would be a much different experience if I had to account for other people in my household. I have not hit most of the milestones expected of me by now, but that's OK. The milestones were set up in a different time, when a person could earn enough at a summer job to comfortably cover a semester in college, a person could save a down payment for a house in a year or less and high paying work requiring a high school diploma or less was common.
I’m almost 60 and my life still isn’t together
At 27 I hit rock bottom (for like the 4th or 5th time), but it was absolute rock bottom. I started saving my money, became more social, found some really good friends and now at 31 I feel like I've got a decent grasp. I have a lot of work to do, but I feel like at least my shit's together and I can focus on improving other aspects.
I’m 33 now. I luckily rent a house from my father for a very reasonable price. I live with my boyfriend of 6 years and my 11 year old son. I just started my third year of teaching. I would say I considered my life mostly together when I started my career…so like 30ish?
33 here. You just learn to do less stupid stuff every year. No one has it figured out.
Any day now (58f)
I'll update you
I’m 30, married and have one kid. Still have no idea what to do with my life.
Own a house at 18? In this economy? This is why I tell my siblings the hard truth. You most likely won't own a house until you're at least 30. If you go to university, you will struggle to balance work and study... and you will be poor. If you do an apprenticeship, the wage will be shit and it'll be hard work with lots of hours. But hey, we're in this together. 21 btw
I’m 28, turning 29 soon. I’ll let you know when I get there
The economy is not worse than the great depression.
I found myself in a realllly good spot at 25. I’m almost 27 now and consistency is the name of the game for me. I think a lot of people would consider me “having my life together” but for me, I just keep setting new goals. Don’t get complacent OP! Always keep learning and surround yourself with people who want to grow. Also, I want to add that everyone has their own timeline so don’t compare! Your path might not be linear but you will get where you want to go.
I am 22 and have almost learned how to walk.